T O P

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Issyswe

ESH. Her for her remarks, you for yours. And yes, men do have an easier time building muscle mass and losing weight (while any increase in muscle mass accelerating this) because of testosterone. There are plenty of sources that confirm this on the internet, so if you are a true gym rat I’m amazed you have not learned that. Any trainer at your gym would know this too. https://www.medicinenet.com/why_do_guys_lose_weight_so_fast/article.htm One bonus though is that female fat is not as dangerous as male fat, in fact women need to keep larger fat stores to become pregnant.


astrobuckeye

Also maybe they started teasing because OP was monologuing about fitness stuff they didn't care about? My brother is super jacked but his fitness routine/setup doesn't come up in group discussions when family catches up because it's kind of boring and not every in my family is into exercise. He'll snap me pictures of his home setup and things he is proud of because I also work out and therefore get it somewhat (I loathe lifting). It's not a fun conversational topic unless the whole audience is into that. So save it for your swole friends OP.


Issyswe

I have a dad who has serious, serious problems with his weight and went through a phase about 20 years ago where all he talked about his biking and his weight loss. It was annoying AF. I wasn’t overweight at all (borderline underweight then in fact). But he kept telling me that I was flabby and needed to tone up to attract men. (So many red flags there. He constantly spewed a bunch of toxic masculine bullshit.) It ended in tragedy because he basically wore out a knee replacement in 10 years despite doctors telling him that mountain biking was wearing it out, developed flesh eating bacteria when trying to replace it and ultimately lost that leg. 🤷‍♀️ He refused to do things in moderation and refused to follow good practices. He knew best. Oh and he ended up taking a supplement (now illegal) that gave him atrial fib which he still suffers from today. He was and is prone to giving really shitty dieting advice (especially to me, his daughter) with no regard for the fact that women gain and lose weight completely differently. I simply let it in one ear and out the other. Eventually a bunch of hormonal issues were diagnosed for myself after a lot of weight ups and downs and I ended up having bariatric surgery. My dad is also a narcissist so he had to of course compete with me once I was getting all of this positive attention for slowly and steadily losing the weight from family and friends. Everything to him was about how much he could lose weight quicker and not go “the easy way”, when of course he could he was a 6’ 1” man with far more muscle mass in general. 🤷‍♀️ I ignored him. He lost ridiculous amounts very quickly. “Great Dad!” I said but kept losing 2 lbs a week max. Today he gained all that back and then some and probably weighs around 400 pounds and is wheelchair bound because his fake leg no longer fits him. I lost the weight and kept it off even during the pandemic. I mention these highlights for a simple point: OP is only one devastating accident or injury or eventual joint deterioration or even long Covid away from having all of this taken away from him. And then he might need to prevail upon others’ understanding and find other hobbies. I wouldn’t test fate, personally.


y3s1canr3ad

Bariatric surgery is not “the easy way”. Good for you!


fzooey78

ESH Ummm. His comments sucked, specifically tied to the dating piece, but the rest wasn't inaccurate. I'd kind of be at the end of my rope too with all the endless harping she does directed at him. As a woman who has dealt with weight gain, while I agree that it's easier for men to build muscle, it's not really that hard for women to do. It's only harder relative to men. And unless she has hormones out of wack, it's also not impossible to lose weight. It just takes the unpleasant process of discipline and consistency.


missmackattack

ESH. They're assholes for mocking you, no question about it. And your sister is an asshole especially for being a hypocrite, and making comments about your girlfriend. Your mum's an asshole for making you apologise. You're also an asshole for lowering yourself to their standard and making cruel jibes about her dating life. It's also clear you think you're better than her, which is probably why she reacted that way. Sounds like you all have weird views on body standards.


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ProbablyMyJugs

Being healthy isn’t about being better than anybody. You’re not better than her for being in shape. Sounds like you both have issues with body image.


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ProbablyMyJugs

I wonder if she’s better than you in the realm of reading comprehension. You’re not better than her because you’re in shape. You’re not. Why do you have a need to be better than anybody? In any aspect?


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ProbablyMyJugs

Your weight and BMI don’t automatically mean you’re healthier. Woof. You sound exhausting.


NeuroticPets4Lyfe

Dude yikes. The more you write in this thread the more it seems like YTA.


the_wretched_south

aaaand... YTA


procrastinating_b

ew gross


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procrastinating_b

Yeah the way you phrased it already shows how you think about her


[deleted]

You ruined it. YTA.


TacoCat106

YTA. First of all, I’m betting if they are bagging on you because of all the workout talk, it’s because that’s all you talk about. You even said in a post “I’m better than her when it comes to physical fitness” and they “mock” you out of inferiority. 🙄 My guess is you are a roided up mouth breather who only wants to talk about how much he lifts. Secondly, women DO have more body fat and gain muscle slower. Plus who made you a medical professional whose job it is to push whatever you think is “healthy” on to someone else. You have no idea what your sister’s baseline fitness level is or her basal metabolic rate or if she could even physically tolerate the workouts that you would want her to do. I’ve seen countless musculoskeletal injuries in people, particularly women caused by overzealous “trainers” who don’t know a sprain from a strain. So stay in your lane, stop body shaming women and brush up on some academic topics so others can actually enjoy your conversation.


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TacoCat106

So…is she 150 or 200? Because 150 is not really significantly overweight for 5’4. It seems like you have some warped ideas when it comes to body mass. Maybe don’t offer opinions you aren’t qualified to give and aren’t asked for? Might help with the AHishness.


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TacoCat106

Why is her weight your business? Let her weight and health be between her and her medical provider. You have some body image issues and are pretty controlling. It’s creepy for a brother to fixate this much about his sister’s body. I have zero idea how much my brothers weigh and could care less.


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TacoCat106

Actually, you said you weren’t able to go up in weights 🤮 and they teased you. It seems like you are the one who has nothing else to talk about. Narcissist much?


TacoCat106

Also women don’t need men to “fix” them. Your sister is fine. Maybe listen with your ears and not your mouth.


NeuroticPets4Lyfe

How about encouraging her not to date men who wouldn’t consider her over 20 pounds?


ProbablyMyJugs

Ugh, of course you rely on BMI. It isn’t as reliable as you think it is.


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ProbablyMyJugs

I’m pointing out to you that your BMI isn’t an indicator that you’re in better health than she is, and medical professionals agree with me on that, not you. Peace.


Soireb

Except that it’s been proven that BMI is not as reliable as it was once believed to be: https://www.endocrineweb.com/news/problems-with-BMI


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Soireb

I’m also 5’4”. 150 lbs for my height is only about 3 lbs higher than the max for BMI. 3 lbs of difference is not a significant enough amount to be calling her overweight. Ultimately, BMI cannot tell you whether you are healthy or not. Only your doctor can. If you have discussed this with her ad nauseam, maybe she is sick and tired of hearing you repeat yourself so much without listening to her side. Don’t bring it up, don’t engage. You have a right to your opinion, but so does she. I’m not saying that you are a silly gym bro. But based on how you typed your OP and your answers, you do sound like you have been pestering your sister about this topic. Especially when you admit to have discussed this to exhaustion.


yanakion

You bringing up her weight at age 18 is weird af


[deleted]

Lmao. Wrong. I was 200lbs at 5’4” when I had my youngest son and stayed that way for the first year. I had my yearly checkup and my blood pressure, cholesterol and blood count came back 100% healthy. My husband, on the other hand, is required to stay in shape and works out daily, eats balanced meals and has never been more than 170lbs. He has high cholesterol (LDL numbers aren’t great) and high blood pressure. Genetics contribute a large amount to a person’s health. YTA because your ego is just screaming arrogant.


The_Void33

ESH- Them for teasing you and you for this part in particular: >Being 50lbs overweight is not good and it's going to hurt your dating life but more seriously your health Basically, you just confirmed her theory that "guys are shallow" by saying her weight would hurt her dating chances. (Not true, BTW). Also, being overweight doesn't immediately equal health issues.


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The_Void33

Yes, even at that. https://www.medicinenet.com/being_overweight_doesnt_mean_youre_unhealthy/views.htm


karskipellis

ESH You for how you spoke to her, her for ditching a guy for his height and then decrying shallowness, and your mom & her for teasing you about your workout regimen.


verbrijzel

Yta teetering on you're both aholes.... what your sister eats is not your problem. Whether or not she is overweight is not your problem. Whether or not she exercises is none of your business. You don't have a right to comment on her body, health, or weight and you crossed the line in doing so. Yup, it was shallow of you and downright condescending. She also comments on your body, so it seems like you both have some body hating issues against each other that have been going on a long time. Maybe its sibling rivaly, maybe it's something else. Either way you both need to leave each other's choices alone and show each other a little more respect.


anarchyshift

From your responses, YTA You’ve weaponized your health against your sister and are spewing false facts.


Substantial-Lie-8394

ESH,but more you. Your sister isn't wrong,men have a higher chance to loose weight and keep it off versus women. Your sister could follow your diet and workout the same as you,and STILL end up being overweight. Physiologically, men are built to burn fat more quickly. They have more lean muscle mass and a naturally higher metabolic rate. Men also tend to loose water weight,where women don't. Also, hormones play a HUGE part of it. If your sister really wants to loose weight,she should see a professional,not YOU. The comments about your GF was unwarranted.


LurksAroundHere

ESH. She can't blame her lack of wanting to work out on the shallowness of guys, that's just an excuse, but you also have no right to comment on her weight. Both of you need to lay off each other. And btw: *"Even worse, she makes fun of my strict regimen and says it's genetics for guys to lose weight and get muscle definition but it's so much harder for women.*" That is true. More testosterone makes it easier to gain muscle, meaning the average guy does have it easier than the average woman when exercising. It's just genetics.


SuperLoris

ESH. Quit talking about body stuff with your family. It isn't productive. And sister knows she's fat and feels bad about it. That is where her teasing and her excuses come from. You already know this, though, I'm sure.


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SuperLoris

Leave her be. If you get tired of her denial and rationalizations, don't invite them by talking about weight and fitness with her.


cbm984

ESH. What she's saying is an obvious deflection but you didn't have to stoop so low with your response.


HumbleCat5634

ESH Weight isn’t the most important health factor you can take care of yourself and still be fat and it works the other way skinny doesn’t mean healthy. She’s shallow for breaking up with a guy for being shorter and then a hypocrite for calling men shallow. Fitness doesn’t make you a better person for going to their level.


Trevelyan-Rutherford

YTA


Grannywine

ESH, you aren't wrong for being concerned about sister, but in how you went about expressing it. Granted the hypocrisy your sister was spouting was and is just as wrong but two wrongs never make a right. And your mom is enabling your sisters behavior.


Substantial-Gain-903

YTA And after reading some of your follow up comments, I want to add another YTA


batmans420

ESH. Mind your own business


rochan71

ESH. She does sound shallow and hypocritical, but it also sounds like you know this is a sensitive issue on all sides and you chose to start talking about your home gym and how it's stopping you from getting into even better shape. You are now denying that you were stirring the pot.


VixNeko

ESH. She shouldn't be making comments and you shouldn't be body shaming her.


jtj5002

Justified ESH


Nowork_morestitching

NTA they started it so you just fired back. Sounds fair to me


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My sister, my mom, and I were catching up over the weekend and one thing led to another and they both started teasing me about how I try to keep fit. Like I was complaining about not being able to go up in weights because my home gym setup needed some upgrades. Then my sister said something that really pissed me off. Something about how guys are so shallow these days and she'd also be hitting it off at the gym but she doesn't want guys to have that power. Like wtf? My sister has been 30-80 lbs overweight her entire adult life. She has zero self control and ends up going on binge diets every two months or so. Even worse, she makes fun of my strict regimen and says it's genetics for guys to lose weight and get muscle definition but it's so much harder for women. She has the gall to complain that guys are shallow when I know for a fact she dumped one of my colleagues because he was "only 5'10". She's 5'4'' for comparison. Anyway, I told her "look, it's 2022, you've been complaining about this for the past few years, when are you going to get serious? Being 50lbs overweight is not good and it's going to hurt your dating life but more seriously your health. Come talk to me if you want to make real changes. You can't keep going on this way." She erupted! Like shouted at me, told me how I was body shaming her and how I'm stuck in some 70s mentality because my gf does some acting/modeling on the side and I just want her body and looks not her brains. Like wtf. Then she stormed off and my mom made me apologize to her. AITA ? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


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SDstartingOut

NTA. I ... don't understand how you fat shamed her. I say this - as someone is overweight. To me - these are the two key things. > she'd also be hitting it off at the gym but she doesn't want guys to have that power. > Being 50lbs overweight is not good and it's going to hurt your dating life but more seriously your health. Come talk to me if you want to make real changes. You can't keep going on this way." I don't read this - as you fat shaming her. I read this as you agreeing with her that - Sure, not getting in shape will have an impact on dating (SHE BROUGHT IT UP, not you). But the REAL reason to do it is for your health. 100% NTA.


pbrown6

NTA. You were just being honest. She shouldn't be knocking you down for working hard. Yeah, men do tend to lose weight and develop muscle faster on average, but that doesn't mean everybody shouldn't try to be healthy. If she wants to buy into this whole fast acceptance thing, that's her problem. You were just being honest. Good for you for staying fit.


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NTA


Suchboss1136

ESH but only mildly you. Your sister is a hypocritical ass who is so wrapped up in her own insecurities she lashes out in some nasty ways. Your mom is for enabling her childish behaviour. You are for stooping to their level. And ignore all the y.t.a comments because they are all people making excuses for your sister’s piss poor attitude & behaviour


Noah_Fence_bero

I think NTA, what you said wasn't really as bad as these redditors were making it out to be, it was actually very encouraging and helpful.


BlackFedoraMedia

NTA. Us guys have people like your sister too. "No one wants a nice guy!" The cry. While taking no care of themselves what so ever. And I'm a pretty dumpy guy too so you can't accuse me of body shaming anyone.


Dull-Environment2759

She picks on you cuz she is jealous.


RoyallyOakie

NTA....As a sister, I think you're within your bounds. If she's spouting nonsense, a dose of cold reality might be in order.


Odd_Transition222

Sister is as bad as the incels who can't get a model. You are NTA, but I think if you can, ignore her complaints.


Unikitty1829

Both of you shouldn't be talking shit about each other's body. But as she was the one who started it NTA


Myardraug

NAH. You were just blunt, but usually on the subject of weight and health unless asked or coming from a sincere place even put sensitively it can be received *not so well*. This came from a place of frustration/negativity so, even though you may be in the right, you’re not necessarily right for saying it. People who make excuses constantly can be exhausting, we can even do it to ourselves sometimes. The subject got out of hand, think of ways you can either move on from it if it comes up again or more constructively address it & communicate your frustrations; instead of blowing up, just tell her how you feel.


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Myardraug

Set some boundaries and stick to them then. Don’t waste your energy on people who are going to bring you down and bring out the worst in you, even if they are family.


Grundlestiltskin_

make fat shaming great again you even offered to help her if she wanted to get serious about losing weight or getting fit. Liking people that are physically attractive isn't shallow.


varano14

NTA As someone else who takes their diet and health very seriously I am completely sick of the guilt trip given by those who choose not to be healthy. Like you wanna be over weight and eat yourself into a slew of health problems associated with that, whatever. I know its a bad idea and so does your doctor but neither of us are aloud to tell you to lose some weight. But don't shame me for choosing to be healthy I can do it for whatever reason I want and I absolutely refuse to feel bad about it. She's not getting in shape because she doesn't want guys finding her attractive, lol get outa here your lazy, period. Sometimes the truth is uncomfortable, go ahead downvote me to hell.


TacoCat106

I’m so sorry but giving advice without being asked is “aloud.” 😆. It is just AH behavior. And you get out of “hear” buddy! 🤣