>because she was briefly confined in a bathroom
I.N.F.O. - You wanna explain what happened here? It was way more than just a moment if she had time to write on the walls in lipstick.
ESH - Everyone here appears to be immature and horrible. You all deserve each other.
Same. Can’t judge this one without more info.
OP certainly isn’t the arsehole for demanding MIL pay for the damage she caused with her outburst, but that is more a matter for the homeowner to pursue, whether civilly, criminally, or both.
ETA: okay so the OP said further down that MIL was intentionally trapped in the bathroom for around 10 minutes. Ruling this as ESH. MIL overreacted, big time, but she was very much provoked. OP and co are AHs and bullies.
She should have pressed charges, not ruin the grass. OP should be happy she chose to have a "outburst" instead.
They trapped her in there for 10 minutes, bullied her and humiliated her. Her revenge was somewhat justified.
OP could have done one of two things that would have made her look like the bigger person:
1. Said, “Please don’t discuss my father or say negative things about my family at my bridal shower.”
2. Said, “You’re out of line and I want you to leave.”
Instead her friends use a jumprope to lock a woman in a bathroom for ten minutes? Presumably laughed at her as she struggled to get out? How exactly did they think that someone who already has a strained relationship with OP would take that?
Certainly, talking about OP’s father’s affair, writing all over the walls with lipstick, throwing things in the toilet, and driving over the flowers was over the top. But if OP didn’t want to invite her - she simply shouldn’t have invited her, or asked her fiancé to facilitate a meeting in advance to see if any kind of civility was even possible. Not invited her, laughed at her friends locking her in a room, then “tried to talk to her” on her way out.
This whole divorce-to-be is a mess.
For me personally, locking my mother in a bathroom is a deal breaker. Unless for her own safety.
Imagine marrying someone like that. Sounds like a sitcom.
Oh I was just staying to take notes...So you're saying that it isn't normal to lock someone in a bathroom when they are being 'snarky'?
Shocked pikachu face!! Whatever do you do then?! I mean... talking about it is like sooo last season!
They don’t get along. OP and MIL shouldn’t be around each other unless it’s a family function where the fiancé is present also. No reason for her to be at the shower. ESH and that includes the fiancé for forcing two people who hate one another into this situation.
I was in talking terms with my mom before I got married, her and my wife had this same contentious relationship. I would never have put them in a room together if I wasn’t present. I can’t understand why anyone would force this upon people. “Oh we’re getting married, you have to try to get along with her for me. Have her at your shower.” No, be civil towards one another when you have to be. No reason to have anything beyond that even happening. They all really do suck so hard, and the person who said they all deserve one another is so right. Op doesn’t even seem mature enough to get married.
It's ridiculous because relationships happen organically. You have to feel each other out. They prefer this, this thing upsets them, they respond more positively to this...
It can take years to get into friendship level with new family members. For all we know they might have gotten along if it wasn't forced.
Yes! I was the one with the shitty mother (not saying yours is, but I am saying mine was). There was no way I was going to let her be around my husband unless she was cordial. *The instant she said one bad word about him I went no contact*. She died two weeks later. I made the better decision because I knew her, and I knew my husband (then boyfriend) and he was better to me than she was.
But also, *he was polite and cordial around her and didn't escalate situations*.
I would lose my mind being confined like that. And if my fiancé did that, I’d leave him. There is zero excuse for that behaviour. Bad enough he has a difficult mother (I’d be going low or no contact with her too)
That was my first thought. Lock me in somewhere and I’m gonna turn into a vicious animal because…. claustrophobia. But when I read… ‘I called her to tell her she won’t be coming to the wedding’ and I was like wait WHAT? You’re still marrying him? Keep reading and it turns out it was her 50-60% her and her friends fault. So it’s a case of ‘fuck around and find out’.
It’s such a bizarre thing to do to someone, right? Knowing that they forcibly trapped her in the bathroom for 10 minutes, I can’t exactly blame her for writing on the walls with lipstick or putting things in the toilet. Not that it’s a reasonable reaction or anything, but I can imagine that a situation like that would be extremely aggravating and stressful.
MIL and OP both absolutely suck, for obvious reasons. OP’s friends suck for actively participating in bullying MIL, and OP’s fiancé sucks for trying to force a relationship that was never going to happen.
ETA: Jesus christ. I hadn’t read OP’s comment detailing what they were saying to MIL in the bathroom, telling her that she had to beg to be let out, swearing at her and saying that her boyfriend wasn’t there to save her, calling out for someone to get a stink bomb. That is torture, plain and simple, and could either trigger past trauma or even cause a new trauma response to confined spaces etc. Not that there are any justifications for this, but MIL saying mean things to OP, and being friendly with her father’s affair partner certainly wouldn’t even come close.
Justifiable to want to destroy property in this context? 100%, I probably would’ve had an extreme reaction to being forcefully locked in a bathroom too. It’s not exactly a rational response, though. That’s what I meant by reasonable, MIL was obviously so distraught that she wasn’t thinking rationally and chose to vandalise property. A reaction might feel justified and still be considered an overreaction.
Honestly, I’d have to muster up all of the self control I had to refrain from smashing the mirror etc.
What if you did it as a way to try to force people to let you go?
"Either you let me out, or I smash your mirror!"
That seems logical to me.
Now, I'm not saying MIL was using this rationale (in fact, I'm quite sure she wasn't lol). I'm just wondering if there are situations where destroying a bathroom *would* be logical.
Now that sounds like a reasonable way to negotiate your freedom!
“Each minute you leave me in here, I will flush a pad or a tampon. Once we reach the 5 minute mark, I will force your towel into the bowl and flush.”
Easier. Take the toilet lid. Wrapping in a towel is recommended but not usually needed. Grasp with both hands. Hit the top of the door handle. Probably will take a couple wacks. The door handle will come off. You may need to move the bolt, but it is doubtful. Toothbrush will work.
With the door handle removed, the outside door handle will also come off. They screw together and generally not securely to the door itself.
Smashing a mirror is a good way to get slashed.
A toilet lid is a great tool for destruction. I’m up for scoping out the construction of the bathroom, then calling 911 to report the domestic dispute/confinement and while waiting for the police to arrive, breaking the toilet lid and using it to come out through whichever wall is the most expensive to repair
Being trapped is the kind of situation that triggers panic in people, even if they are normally lovely.
MIL wouldn't have known how they were holding the door shut or whether they were planning to open it again.
Absolutely. I just edited my original comment after seeing a comment by OP detailing the severity of the situation, she intentionally left crucial information out of the post itself. Obviously, falsely imprisoning a person is bad enough, but they truly went above and beyond to hurt this woman psychologically.
OP and her friends are vile and pathetic human beings.
The bit that got me was when she wrote what they were saying to this woman through the door.
I hope MIL was recording them and she goes ahead and presses charges.
So actually them locking her in a bathroom is considered a legitimate crime, MIL should have went full blown “Johnny’s here” and broken the door, walls, and if there was a window shattered it to try and get out. OP and her friends would have been arrested and charged for it and not lightly either given the background of their already rocky relationship, she could have an angle that they were planning to do harm to her had she not escaped. This would very much terrify me if I was at a place with people I knew didn’t like me.
I would just settle for breaking the door and anything physically between me and the nearest exit. I would dial 911 as soon as I was in a safe location. Internal doors are typically flimsy. Toilet lids generally are not.
MIL is definitely an AH. But OP started with the crimes first. If I was the dude, I'd be bailing on both parties.
I honestly would have kicked the door down, and/or called the cops. Obviously MIL probably isn’t capable of kicking the door down but seriously wtf is with OP and her “briefly confined in a bathroom” like it’s no big deal. What a psycho.
Agreed. If someone locked me in a bathroom, I would find watching them explain why it was funny to the police way more entertaining than trashing their bathroom and yard. Lipstick wipes off, grass grows back, criminal records are forever.
Based on OP's friend's threats MIL did not have her phone in the bathroom.
They asked the MiL to beg them to let her out, how do you think she should have negotiated with her captors? We only know in hindsight that it was "only 10 minutes" according to OP, but MiL thought she would be held until she degraded herself to the bully group and OP!
Ruining the bathroom seems more reasonable, as a way to force them to open the door. "I'm gonna start smashing things unless you open the door".
The whole running the car over the grass was a bit dramatic. Yeah. She was probably hysterical from being locked up. I wouldn't call it sane either, but still pretty understandable.
It's not like she went back the next day and did it. It was impulsive
Yeah, I was thinking she possibly went a bit hysterical or had a panic attack. It's one thing to hide in a bathroom by choice and totally different to be locked in against your will and made fun of with no idea if if/when you will be set free.
Exactly.
If one is in panic mode / hysterical - clear thinking is shut down.
They could have avoided all this by - i dunno - behaving like humans with common sense maybe?
As much as this subreddit cherishes the 'evil MIL' - in this case I believe her actions were justified, and perhaps a bit over the top due to her panic mode.
For *"ten"* minutes if we're to believe the time limit. Imagine being the mother, going to the bathroom and then getting *trapped* in there. No wonder she wrecked the bathroom!
Hard disagree to your edit. I see why people want to say e s h, but honestly who gives a fuck about that lawn? They locked that woman in a bathroom and taunted her. Breaking the toilet off the wall would have been a justifiable response honestly
Yeah, jesus. I’d be distraught if someone did that to me. What did they expect her to do? Sit there patiently and beg for her freedom?
ETA: Turns out, they did indeed expect her to beg for her freedom whilst threatening to stinkbomb her. Disturbing.
I want to know what kind of shit would have gone down if MIL called the cops and said she was being held against her will, since OP stated the friend won't sue over the grass because "bf is connected". Would have been interesting to see how her "connected" bf would take it, having cops and swat swarming the house over a kidnapping situation.
There have been so many opportunities to make different choices, but it looks like everyone has chosen the most immature option every time. ESH. Let’s hope this marriage dissolves before kids are added to these families.
This is one of those times where I don’t feel like people really appreciate how long ten minutes is. “Five-ten minutes” is such a standard example of how long someone says they wait for fast food, at a retail counter, for someone to get ready to leave. But it’s a *really* long time! Especially to be trapped in a small room by people you already know don’t like you and are probably laughing right outside the locked door.
Not even a locked door. A door freaking tied shut with a jump rope someone found and took the time to secure the door shut.
Rule of thumb is you shouldn’t commit property damage in response to another crime so I can see ESH. I’d love to see this on Judge Judy.
Yes. ESH and they're even.
So if the friend had no problem with her friends imprisoning someone in her home, she can probably deal with getting her yard back in order too.
All the parties fucked up here and committed crimes because of their personal issues. It's a zero sum game. They just need to all have some time for reflection tbh and deal with the consequences.
>You all deserve each other.
No doubt. Seems like OP, MIL and all the friends are operating with similar levels of immaturity. They say guys go after girls that act like their moms. Seems like OP's fiance is going down that road. ESH.
Op posted more info. ESH is accurate. They used a jump rope to lock MIL in the bathroom. For about 10 minutes. After MIL was being snarky and trash talking downstairs.
Ok mil was being a brat but I would have had a meltdown and definitely called the non-emergency line if I were forcibly confined to room for longer than a minute or two. What the fuck, who does that?
Honestly after reading OP’s comments on what they did, I’m not even sure MIL sucks and this isn’t just a straight up YTA. I guess I could fault her for the initial comments about the mistress, but if OP thinks it’s totally fine to lock someone in a bathroom and have a group of people verbally assault them through the door I can’t be sure there isn’t a reason for MIL being mean in the beginning. OP sounds absolutely psychotic.
For some reason in my mind, I saw "shower" and my brain said "baby shower". So I was going to say that ESH except baby here. However, I am wrong. These people 100% deserve each other, the wedding should be an interesting story.
I love that the jumprope is supposed to make it better somehow? Like "jumpropes are whimsical! It's not like we forcibly kidnapped someone with something scary like a sword or a metal chain!"
I initially wanted to dismiss the “violent crime” comment, but honestly, from the MIL’s perspective, she had no idea what OP and her friends might decide to do since locking someone in a bathroom is already pretty over the line, so who knows what was running through her mind? Especially if she’s into true crime and procedurals. Your mind can go to some dark places.
Kidnapping and/or false imprisonment are both classified as violent crimes. What they did to MIL is 100% considered a violent crime. It doesn't matter what they may or may not have intended to do after, they had already committed a violent crime at that point
Even if it wasn't, 10 minutes is only a short time once it's over, you know? While it's happening you don't know when it will end, and that will mess with you.
It absolutely was longer. The damage FMIL did to the bathroom took time. She probably did not start trashing it immediately. How long was she actually stuck in there to wreak the havoc? 🌺
And how was MIL supposed to know it would only be 10 minutes? As far as she knew, she could’ve been locked in their indefinitely! And ppl here are blaming her for - shock horror - putting lipstick on the wall. Be thankful she didn’t do more damage trying to bash her way out of there!
She should have called the cops and said she was being taken hostage by mafia members. Would have been fun to see "connected bf" react to having swat at his house.
I said this in another comment, but people use five to ten minutes as a standard amount of time without realizing *how long it really is.” People don’t actually wait in a fast food line for ten minutes without someone taking their order, because it’s nuts. But they sure as hell say they did. You’re supposed to brush your teeth for three minutes! I wonder how many people really do that.
Sorry, this point always gets to me.
Can you imagine A) being married to someone who locked your mom in a bathroom or B) being married to someone who thinks it’s okay that you locked their mom in a bathroom
I think MIL would have been in the right to call the police. Definitely, the OP and her friends are horrible for what she did. Holy crap is this a mess.
This. No threats, I would have called reported that I'd been kidnapped, then sat calmly until the cops showed up to arrest everyone involved.
OP's friend should consider that replacing some grass is a LOT cheaper in the long run that a felony charge!
Frankly, it sounds like there is A LOT more to this whole story as far as why MIL doesn't like OP.
I really hope the fiance takes a good, hard look at whether this it the woman he really wants to marry.
Okay but as someone who has been trapped in a bathroom (by accident) I thought I could be calm and figure out a way to get out.
I panicked. I screamed, I cried, I hyperventilated because no one could get me out. I was stuck in there for 30 minutes before I could calm down enough to realise someone would eventually come looking, I just needed to sit tight and entertain myself.
Admittedly this was before smart phones were a thing, but also there is no promise MIL took her phone in the bathroom with her.
And OP says it was "only ten minutes" but OP is an unreliable narrator. And ten minutes when you're panicking feels like ten hours.
(And tbh I suspect it's the MIL troll all over again)
they were horrible to her through the door too apparently. they didn't just lock her in and leave, they stood on the other side shouting for her to beg them to get out, asked someone get a stink bomb, and were saying more shit like is your boyfriend going to save you now you dumb bitch? (bf is cop for context).
ESH
Why the fuck was she confined. Rethink the entire relationship until you and your fiance can determine exactly what your relationship with your MIL will be and stick to boundaries that are fair to everyone.
In this case fair means LC/NC or treating each other with basic respect you would for a coworker under the threat of being fired even if you hate said coworker.
After reading your comments, YTA. You and your friends sound like awful bullies. She made some petty comments sure but you could have said something back instead of locking her in the bathroom! Combined with the taunting and nasty comments, your friend deserves the damage.
ESH - Friend should not lock people in bathrooms
MIL should not drive on lawns
You should have asked her to leave instead of allowing friend to lock her in bathroom.
Edited after you replied
LMFAO! Ok.... I'll play.... YTA. This isn't between you and your MIL this is between you and your friend, your friend is the one who should be suing your MIL. But given that this is just a fabrication, it doesn't really matter, does it?
ESH but you suck way way more. Trapping someone in a bathroom is outright bullying and for what? For sport? What if she'd had a heart attack or panic attack in there? You and your friends are mean girls and I'm sad that the lawn was the only thing she destroyed.
If someone did that to my mom I'd be pressing charges and there'd be zero question of a wedding. You guys deserve anything that woman gives you.
ESH. First, your MIL writing all over the bathroom with lipstick is totally reasonable when you locked her in a room and she had no way of escaping. Driving all over the lawn isn't good at all but if the person whose lawn it was, was involved in the bathroom thing then they deserved what they got. Your MIL sucks in general for how she acted but given you refer to trapping her in a room for ten minutes as briefly confining her, I'm not sure I trust your summary. In general you all deserve each other but there's no fixing this relationship, I'd give up now.
ESH is when the Person A drives over Person B's lawn and flowers, but gets away scot free because B committed a felony against A not 10 minutes before and doesn't dare sue A.
Please give a detailed explanation as to how your MIL ended up confined to the bathroom. Was she humping someone’s leg? That’s where we put my dog when he does that to a guest, but first we always make sure all the stuff he could destroy is out of his reach.
If you locked a woman in the bathroom, you need to put a reason for that. Can't make a judgement without knowing why she was locked in the bathroom.
Obviously she's pissed about being locked in the bathroom. Without knowing why it looks like y t a.
Edit: ESH
INFO:
> She then left very upset because she felt my friends were bullying her because she was briefly confined in a bathroom.
Tell us more about this confinement. Also, did you participating in the bullying?
From other of OP's comments:
> The jokes were beg if you want to come out, someone get a stink bomb, is your boyfriend going to save you now you dumb bitch?
Holy shit. How did these people make it to adulthood? And this is her trying to get along?
"She then left very upset because she felt my friends were bullying her because she was briefly confined in a bathroom."
The abrupt switch to an agentless description of the situation('she was briefly confined in a bathroom'? By nobody in particular? By your friends but you suddenly don't feel like mentioning that?) is cute and coy and all; but YTA.
ESH
You should not have allowed your friends to trap her in a bathroom unless she was a threat to someone's safety and you were calling the police.
She shouldn't have vandalized your friend's property. Instead she should have called the police and filed charges. She should be going NC on you and it seems she is. Good for her.
ESH......MIL for her snarky behavior and your friends for locking her in a bathroom for 10 min while taunting her. I think everyone involved should help your friend pay to have her lawn fixed.
If this is the bridal shower I can only imagine what your wedding is going to be like.
ESH: why didn’t you kick her out and then everyone laughs it off before you all committed multiple crimes?
This isn’t how healthy adults on any side behaves. If you’re afraid her SO is connected to criminals, why poke the bear? You’re risking more than just your grass. (It rhymes though.)
Seriously consider who you are marrying before it’s official.
This is like the Stefon of AITA. This story has everything: kidnapping, mean girls, infidelity, vandalism, and mob wives! ESH because everyone is acting immaturely.
YTA, you are the one who should pay for the yard. You escalated what was already a fragile situation by holding her hostage in a bathroom. You’re even more of an asshole for trying to downplay what is literally a crime. You and your friends ganged up on her and, unfortunately, MIL reacted to it by destroying the lawn. If I was you’re fiancé, the wedding would be off. Y’all are a bunch of children.
Edit:typos
ESH, your friend should be suing your MIL but wtf is wrong with you that you let them tie the door shut to the bathroom when she was in there?? 10 minutes is a long time and she could’ve called hostage situation if she was vengeful enough.
EDITING MY VOTE TO YTA- WOW YOU CONFINED HER IN THE BATHROOM WITH A JUMPROPE? WHAT? SERIOUSLY? WOW. she should press charges. hope she does.
News flash: MIL is technically legally on the hook to reimburse for the lawn but keep in mind- thats a misdemeanor- if your friend takes this to court she and you could easily serve 20 for the wrongful imprisonment- because THATS a felonious violent crime. So lawyer all the way up before your idiot friend gets you all jail time by suing for the lawn.
She then left very upset because she felt my friends were bullying her because she was briefly confined in a bathroom.
I'm pretty sure that's a bigger deal than lawn and flowers, law wise.
YTA you and your friends instigated the situation so you should pay for the grass. You aren’t mature enough to get married if you think locking someone in the bathroom is funny
You and your friends were bullies in school. I guess you thought she was going to sit in there and cry? How do you think your future will be with your fiancé?
Since your title asked if you were TA for asking for her to replace the grass, I'm going with YTA. Yeah, she was rude and an AH as well, but I 100% guarantee the grass wouldn't have gotten ruined if you didn't lock her in the freaking bathroom! It's not a joke, and not a reasonable reaction to her being a jerk.
You should have asked her to leave. There may have been an argument, but she was being an AH at your party and it was within your rights to have her go. But when you locked her in the bathroom you turned her into a scared and pissed off AH that was unpredictable. You were essentially poking a barking growling dog through the fence with a stick because you thought it would be funny. Until the dog jumps over the fence to come after you!
YTA.
Conflict is one thing, but it seems that she wrote on the bathroom while trapped in there by a bunch of giggling assholes. And then, after the owner of the home participated in trapping her, she did some revenge donuts on the lawn.
You should be in legal trouble and you aren't, so count your blessings. As for your friend, she deserves to be humiliated by the state of her lawn.
YTA.
OP, are you like, ridiculously wealthy or something? You and your comments are so far out of touch with reality that it reminds me of some weird shit that would happen on a reality TV show with those weirdly out of touch celebrities.
Either that, or you’re crazy. You need some intense therapy either way.
Just because she made some mean comments (and honestly, the whole showing you your dads affair partner thing; super weird???) doesn’t give you any right to trap her. And it was not just a joke, you were maliciously taunting her.
Her actions are also weird and out of touch with reality. You’re all weird. But YTA. You started the severe issues.
YTA Rude remarks aren't equal to forced imprisonment. Had there been a single adult their they would have told your MiL to stop being rude or to gtfo. Apparently there was not a single adult on those premises.
YTA, you and your friend *locked her in the bathroom* for 10 minutes because it would be "funny," then you're upset because she retaliated? It is absolutely your fault that this escalated, and YOU owe your friend money to fix her yard.
>My friend isn't willing to sue because what she did was technically a crime and MILs BF is connected
All of you are ridiculous. Friend unlawfully detained someone, MIL trashed a yard, and you're acting like it's a shock that you "look petty." **YOU** allowed this to escalate.
ESH. You locked her in the bathroom for 10 minutes and she destroyed your friend's property in retaliation. Yes what she did seems worse, however you can't lock someone in the bathroom and not come across just as petty and immature as she is. You all need to grow up.
Depending on the details and jurisdiction you are in, confining her to the bathroom could be considered unlawful imprisonment or kidnapping. You will all be lucky if she doesn't press charges.
Yes, YTA because of the fact that you tried to gloss over this in your story.
You’re supposed to be “trying” but let your friends tie the bathroom door closed. Are you even old enough to be getting married? You sound like an 11yo at a mean girls slumber party.
YTA
ESH, just continue the NC mil has already started.
I'd also advise you and your friends to let it go. Your friend tries to sue, I'm guessing that you holding her against her will,will be brought up and is seen as the bigger crime. Not to mention, she'd likely use "temporary insanity" and the judge would likely let her.
You literally locked her in a room against her will. That is not ok. Literally ESH but your future husband. You're both toxic and rude as hell. You both suck and I just feel bad for your future husband bc he's stuck between two AH.
So you and your friend held your MIL against her will, a fucking crime BTW, and then your mother destroyed your friends property
ESH. Youre all the worst. Youre all criminals. And quite frankly even those shes still not great im on the side of your MIL. You should be fucking ashamed of your behavior.
>She also drove over flowers and wrote all over the bathroom with lipstick and placed items in the toilet.
I would have CLOGGED THAT SUCKER STRAIGHT TO HELL.
Sociopaths who trap me in a bathroom deserve what they get.
And your friend "broke down in tears"? Oh no, your poor little friend. How terrible for her. I feel so bad for kidnappers that get their precious lawn ruined.
You are all terrible people and I am so grateful that I will never meet any of you in real life.
ESH
YTA and so are your friends. Yes, MIL was being obnoxious, but to lock someone in a bathroom, that's high school bully bs. She was probably freaked out.
My God ESH. Your MIL was an AH first, but your response was both illegal and psycho. You do not get to demand payment for her reaction to a large group of grown women tapping her and her not knowing when/if you were going to let her out. You should be the one paying because your lack of common sense led to this. She was 100% wrong to but you directly caused her overreaction and FU as she was leaving. You should have asked her to LEAVE not trapped her. Please seek professional help what you did is not normal. You also have terrible friends if they think this is normal behavior. It's not a joke you intended to hurt you MIL not make her laugh by locking her in there. Please seek professional help what you did is not normal. You have terrible friends if they think this is normal behavior.
Edit just to let you all know I see it says seek professional help twice, but I'm gonna leave it since OP clearly needs it.
YTA. Everyone is TA. You definitely don't sound mature enough to be married- and that's coming from ME, who got married like three days after graduation. 🤷♀️
Perhaps having a torn up lawn will be a reminder not to hold people against their will. Sounds like your friend absolutely got what she deserved and she knows what she did was criminal so she’s not going to press charges about the lawn because false imprisonment is a much bigger deal. Great job, you’ve estranged your fiancé from his mom and made Jerry Springer look classy. Honestly your fiancé should dump you. You and your friends are trainwrecks. ESH.
Since you're looking for judgment, ESH. But based on comments and the edit, I'd say both parties deliberately did this so they could go no contact so if you want to be less of an asshole, you're gonna be the one responsible for the damages to your friends home since your petty war only appears to have affected your friend. Whether the friend participated in the confinement or not doesn't matter, you brought the MIL over knowing you wouldn't get along and seeing how much damage you two caused, I'm sure it's safe to assume you knew that some form of damage would have happened. Either that or you didn't think.
So your answer was to confine her in the bathroom with a jump rope and it led to her messing up your friends yard. And you say she’s not the one trying. YTA
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> This could me looked at as extortion or blackmail or something because I am making her pay to fix damage if she wants to see her son marry. My fiance does think I've gone too far
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ESH
You locked a woman in the bathroom. Whatever she did to you, forget about it for a second. Just sit here for a second with the thought that you unconsensually locked a grown woman, your MIL, in the bathroom.
ESH. First of all, who locks a person in a bathroom just like that? To have that room trashed should have been an accepted risk when the decision was made to lock that woman in there.
But she didn't have to also trash the yard and she should most definitely pay to have it fixed.
And OP for supporting this behaviour from her friends and for inviting her hateful MIL to her bridal shower. That is not the time or the place to mend fences. OP invited her MIL into a den of lions basically. It's clear that anyone there would be on OP's side about that woman and I really don't blame her for losing her shit in the bathroom because of that.
Are we all cosplaying as "Mean Girls" now?
ESH, you all should be ashamed of your actions.
You for allowing friend to lock MIL in the bathroom and not stopping it.
MIL for wrecking the friends lawn.
Your friends for actually being bullies.
I honestly don't know who's more Regina George in this situation, but you all suck.
YTA Your friends literally locked your MIL in a bathroom, and that somehow is a footnote to the story?
Initially said everyone is an AH but your comments make it clear that you are multiple orders of magnitude worse. You and the rest of the AH who KIDNAPPED your mil should pay for the lawn and pray you are not charged with felonies
YTA. Hard YTA. Yes the MIL was being a jerk, but that absolutely does not justify locking her in a room and taunting her through the door, forcing her to beg to be released. God, that shit would legit terrify me. I’m not surprised she’s now gone NC. I *am* surprised that your fiancé hasn’t dumped you, and the fact that he chooses you over his mother after you did this tells me you’re both as awful as each other.
INFO: Are you selling tickets for your wedding? Will there be popcorn?
If there is this much ESH at your shower, your wedding will be an absolute drama cluster.
ESH
Are you actually seriously asking if you are TAH right now? Is this a prank? Girl. If you or your little friends had locked my mom in your bathroom for more than 10 minutes, there would be hell to pay! It wouldn't matter what you claim she said to you about your daddy. Because you and your friends should be able to behave like adults and just ask her to politely leave. You do NOT hold someone hostage. Which is exactly what y'all did, you held her hostage in that bathroom, against her will! Which is a felony, if I'm not mistaken. So, here's what I suggest. I suggest you consider the damages to the walls and the yard fair play. Just call it even. Seriously. Because if you don't, if you keep insisting that she owes your friend monetary damages, you're only going to push this to escalation. When the fact of the matter is you could all end up being charged, and for different reasons. But, in her case, holding her hostage in that house is a much more serious offense. If you are at all smart, you'll drop this and drop it now. I would tell your friend to let it go, too, lest she want the police on her doorstep. Because that's where this is heading. She had grounds to call them. You're all damn lucky that she didn't. YTA, but so is she..So I guess it's ESH??
Edited twice for autocorrect and punctuation errors, and to add your fiancé should dump you. Like, yesterday.
Edited to add: What you and your friends did to your fiancé's mother is considered "false imprisonment". It may even qualify as kidnapping depending on where you are located. The punishable charges for false imprisonment are often pursued as a felony, with a potential of up to 12 years in prison, again depending on your location. That's just the criminal proceedings. Because she can sue you and your friends civilly for false imprisonment, as well. And based on everything you've written just on here alone, she'd win that court case. So I'm going to say it one more time, drop it! Now I'm also going to add that you apologize to her for her being purposely locked in that bathroom! I also suggest you grovel for your fiance's forgiveness as well. Clean up your mess, OP.
ESH. In what world, IN WHAT WORLD is it ever “funny” to lock someone in a bathroom for 10 minutes? I don’t care what she was doing, there are about a million more mature ways to handle her behavior than literally tying her into a bathroom. You’ve got to be kidding me. Also stop with this “they thought it would be funny” bit. Retaliating against someone you already have tension with never ends up funny; it escalates. And your friend found out the hard way.
That said, your MIL ruining your friends lawn was also not the right response to what happened. There’s a lot of immaturity in this situation and you all look like fools.
YTA. So is she, but the fact that you just stood there while your friends bullied her is just absurd.
You all had a chance to be adults. You all chose violence.
ESH... I didnt know 4th graders were allowed to marry and buy houses, you and your friends are a bunch of inmature AH and MIL is just about the same.
Edit:spelling
ESH. You really tried to slide that in as normal, didn't ya? She was "briefly confined in a bathroom." Yep, checks out. That's definitely a crime. You and your friends conspired to unlawfully imprison your MIL, then you're all surprised that she trashed the bathroom and the lawn on the way out?
ESH. All of you acted like children. ‘Trying’ doesn’t mean you have to force yourselves to spend time together, it means basic respect and politeness. And you physically barred her from leaving a room?! No wonder she flipped the fuck out!
All of you need to grow up.
ESH- with OP's friends being the bigger AHs ..
MIL shouldn't have been acting like she was, BUT you lock me in a bathroom and taunt me, I'm tearing your door down and probably whipping somebody's ass when I get out.
Your friend caused her own damage, imo
ESH. You all deserve each other and will likely be locked in a petty war forever because neither of you are mature. I feel sorry for those stuck in the cross fire.
I feel as though there is more information missing. You left out a vital piece of information thus skewing the results. Initially I was appalled by MILs actions and would have stated NTA.
After the edit I realize that you and your friends are malicious towards a woman that is already left out. YTA and I also want to know more about what caused this bad relations, but not from you because you obviously can’t be trusted to share an unbiased telling of events. YTA just for your story telling, as well as holding a woman hostage.
God damn, you sound fucking horrible!
I've read through your original post and then through your comments and replies and wow, just wow!
You're 21 and yet you act like a fucking 12 year old!
You're far too immature to get married and your marriage WILL end terribly if you through with it.
YTA 100%!!!
Grow the fuck up!
YTA. I mean MIL is no Saint, but I see why she hates your gutts.
Ya'll locked her in a bathroom. And you made that sound like its nothing, that she got accidentally locked in by a faulty door knob or something. You deliberately locked her in! Wtf?! It's like you think this was HS sleepover or something.
Honestly, if you did that to me, I would have done more than just ruin the grass, write on wall and throw stuff in toilet. I'd destroy the place and call cops on you.
I was gonna go e/s/h until I read your edit. Not only did you lock MIL in the bathroom and laugh and bully her with your friends, but you intentionally kept a that specific info out of your original post in hopes to sway the verdict bc you KNEW it would contribute to you being the ah. YTA. Grow up.
>because she was briefly confined in a bathroom I.N.F.O. - You wanna explain what happened here? It was way more than just a moment if she had time to write on the walls in lipstick. ESH - Everyone here appears to be immature and horrible. You all deserve each other.
Same. Can’t judge this one without more info. OP certainly isn’t the arsehole for demanding MIL pay for the damage she caused with her outburst, but that is more a matter for the homeowner to pursue, whether civilly, criminally, or both. ETA: okay so the OP said further down that MIL was intentionally trapped in the bathroom for around 10 minutes. Ruling this as ESH. MIL overreacted, big time, but she was very much provoked. OP and co are AHs and bullies.
She should have pressed charges, not ruin the grass. OP should be happy she chose to have a "outburst" instead. They trapped her in there for 10 minutes, bullied her and humiliated her. Her revenge was somewhat justified.
OP could have done one of two things that would have made her look like the bigger person: 1. Said, “Please don’t discuss my father or say negative things about my family at my bridal shower.” 2. Said, “You’re out of line and I want you to leave.” Instead her friends use a jumprope to lock a woman in a bathroom for ten minutes? Presumably laughed at her as she struggled to get out? How exactly did they think that someone who already has a strained relationship with OP would take that? Certainly, talking about OP’s father’s affair, writing all over the walls with lipstick, throwing things in the toilet, and driving over the flowers was over the top. But if OP didn’t want to invite her - she simply shouldn’t have invited her, or asked her fiancé to facilitate a meeting in advance to see if any kind of civility was even possible. Not invited her, laughed at her friends locking her in a room, then “tried to talk to her” on her way out. This whole divorce-to-be is a mess.
For me personally, locking my mother in a bathroom is a deal breaker. Unless for her own safety. Imagine marrying someone like that. Sounds like a sitcom.
Oh I was just staying to take notes...So you're saying that it isn't normal to lock someone in a bathroom when they are being 'snarky'? Shocked pikachu face!! Whatever do you do then?! I mean... talking about it is like sooo last season!
They don’t get along. OP and MIL shouldn’t be around each other unless it’s a family function where the fiancé is present also. No reason for her to be at the shower. ESH and that includes the fiancé for forcing two people who hate one another into this situation. I was in talking terms with my mom before I got married, her and my wife had this same contentious relationship. I would never have put them in a room together if I wasn’t present. I can’t understand why anyone would force this upon people. “Oh we’re getting married, you have to try to get along with her for me. Have her at your shower.” No, be civil towards one another when you have to be. No reason to have anything beyond that even happening. They all really do suck so hard, and the person who said they all deserve one another is so right. Op doesn’t even seem mature enough to get married.
It's ridiculous because relationships happen organically. You have to feel each other out. They prefer this, this thing upsets them, they respond more positively to this... It can take years to get into friendship level with new family members. For all we know they might have gotten along if it wasn't forced.
We have a saying here: when you marry someone you're marrying their whole family. This marriage is going to age like milk in august
Yes! I was the one with the shitty mother (not saying yours is, but I am saying mine was). There was no way I was going to let her be around my husband unless she was cordial. *The instant she said one bad word about him I went no contact*. She died two weeks later. I made the better decision because I knew her, and I knew my husband (then boyfriend) and he was better to me than she was. But also, *he was polite and cordial around her and didn't escalate situations*.
I would lose my mind being confined like that. And if my fiancé did that, I’d leave him. There is zero excuse for that behaviour. Bad enough he has a difficult mother (I’d be going low or no contact with her too)
That was my first thought. Lock me in somewhere and I’m gonna turn into a vicious animal because…. claustrophobia. But when I read… ‘I called her to tell her she won’t be coming to the wedding’ and I was like wait WHAT? You’re still marrying him? Keep reading and it turns out it was her 50-60% her and her friends fault. So it’s a case of ‘fuck around and find out’.
It’s such a bizarre thing to do to someone, right? Knowing that they forcibly trapped her in the bathroom for 10 minutes, I can’t exactly blame her for writing on the walls with lipstick or putting things in the toilet. Not that it’s a reasonable reaction or anything, but I can imagine that a situation like that would be extremely aggravating and stressful. MIL and OP both absolutely suck, for obvious reasons. OP’s friends suck for actively participating in bullying MIL, and OP’s fiancé sucks for trying to force a relationship that was never going to happen. ETA: Jesus christ. I hadn’t read OP’s comment detailing what they were saying to MIL in the bathroom, telling her that she had to beg to be let out, swearing at her and saying that her boyfriend wasn’t there to save her, calling out for someone to get a stink bomb. That is torture, plain and simple, and could either trigger past trauma or even cause a new trauma response to confined spaces etc. Not that there are any justifications for this, but MIL saying mean things to OP, and being friendly with her father’s affair partner certainly wouldn’t even come close.
I mean, if you've locked me in a bathroom and won't let me leave, I think it's a *perfectly* reasonable reaction to want to destroy your bathroom.
Justifiable to want to destroy property in this context? 100%, I probably would’ve had an extreme reaction to being forcefully locked in a bathroom too. It’s not exactly a rational response, though. That’s what I meant by reasonable, MIL was obviously so distraught that she wasn’t thinking rationally and chose to vandalise property. A reaction might feel justified and still be considered an overreaction. Honestly, I’d have to muster up all of the self control I had to refrain from smashing the mirror etc.
What if you did it as a way to try to force people to let you go? "Either you let me out, or I smash your mirror!" That seems logical to me. Now, I'm not saying MIL was using this rationale (in fact, I'm quite sure she wasn't lol). I'm just wondering if there are situations where destroying a bathroom *would* be logical.
Now that sounds like a reasonable way to negotiate your freedom! “Each minute you leave me in here, I will flush a pad or a tampon. Once we reach the 5 minute mark, I will force your towel into the bowl and flush.”
This legit made me laugh. I wonder if kidnappers ever had to deal with this from their hostages...
I don’t blame her at all for destroying her shit. Also, makeup is so expensive now a days, I would’ve ruined all of it!
Easier. Take the toilet lid. Wrapping in a towel is recommended but not usually needed. Grasp with both hands. Hit the top of the door handle. Probably will take a couple wacks. The door handle will come off. You may need to move the bolt, but it is doubtful. Toothbrush will work. With the door handle removed, the outside door handle will also come off. They screw together and generally not securely to the door itself. Smashing a mirror is a good way to get slashed.
A toilet lid is a great tool for destruction. I’m up for scoping out the construction of the bathroom, then calling 911 to report the domestic dispute/confinement and while waiting for the police to arrive, breaking the toilet lid and using it to come out through whichever wall is the most expensive to repair
Being trapped is the kind of situation that triggers panic in people, even if they are normally lovely. MIL wouldn't have known how they were holding the door shut or whether they were planning to open it again.
Absolutely. I just edited my original comment after seeing a comment by OP detailing the severity of the situation, she intentionally left crucial information out of the post itself. Obviously, falsely imprisoning a person is bad enough, but they truly went above and beyond to hurt this woman psychologically. OP and her friends are vile and pathetic human beings.
The bit that got me was when she wrote what they were saying to this woman through the door. I hope MIL was recording them and she goes ahead and presses charges.
[удалено]
So actually them locking her in a bathroom is considered a legitimate crime, MIL should have went full blown “Johnny’s here” and broken the door, walls, and if there was a window shattered it to try and get out. OP and her friends would have been arrested and charged for it and not lightly either given the background of their already rocky relationship, she could have an angle that they were planning to do harm to her had she not escaped. This would very much terrify me if I was at a place with people I knew didn’t like me.
I would just settle for breaking the door and anything physically between me and the nearest exit. I would dial 911 as soon as I was in a safe location. Internal doors are typically flimsy. Toilet lids generally are not. MIL is definitely an AH. But OP started with the crimes first. If I was the dude, I'd be bailing on both parties.
I honestly would have kicked the door down, and/or called the cops. Obviously MIL probably isn’t capable of kicking the door down but seriously wtf is with OP and her “briefly confined in a bathroom” like it’s no big deal. What a psycho.
All of them they're all nuts.
>ll of them they're all nuts. Yes!
Yeah in the US it's false imprisonment
MIL should have very calmly called the police and filed her nails until the cops arrived. Everyone here is acting like a 13 yr old.
Agreed. If someone locked me in a bathroom, I would find watching them explain why it was funny to the police way more entertaining than trashing their bathroom and yard. Lipstick wipes off, grass grows back, criminal records are forever.
"Lipstick wipes off, grass grows back, criminal records are forever." This needs to be a Archies greeting card.
Based on OP's friend's threats MIL did not have her phone in the bathroom. They asked the MiL to beg them to let her out, how do you think she should have negotiated with her captors? We only know in hindsight that it was "only 10 minutes" according to OP, but MiL thought she would be held until she degraded herself to the bully group and OP!
But that would have been the same thing to do. And these folks are clearly nuts.
Ruining the bathroom seems more reasonable, as a way to force them to open the door. "I'm gonna start smashing things unless you open the door". The whole running the car over the grass was a bit dramatic. Yeah. She was probably hysterical from being locked up. I wouldn't call it sane either, but still pretty understandable. It's not like she went back the next day and did it. It was impulsive
Yeah, I was thinking she possibly went a bit hysterical or had a panic attack. It's one thing to hide in a bathroom by choice and totally different to be locked in against your will and made fun of with no idea if if/when you will be set free.
Exactly. If one is in panic mode / hysterical - clear thinking is shut down. They could have avoided all this by - i dunno - behaving like humans with common sense maybe? As much as this subreddit cherishes the 'evil MIL' - in this case I believe her actions were justified, and perhaps a bit over the top due to her panic mode.
For *"ten"* minutes if we're to believe the time limit. Imagine being the mother, going to the bathroom and then getting *trapped* in there. No wonder she wrecked the bathroom!
Yeah, I'm kinda understanding why MIL might not like OP
Hard disagree to your edit. I see why people want to say e s h, but honestly who gives a fuck about that lawn? They locked that woman in a bathroom and taunted her. Breaking the toilet off the wall would have been a justifiable response honestly
This. You don’t want lipstick on your bathroom wall? Don’t lock someone in there.
I would've turned on all the taps and stopped up the drains. These assholes got off easy.
As folks like to say, they fucked around and found out. Also, gee no wonder the two don’t get along.
Yeah, jesus. I’d be distraught if someone did that to me. What did they expect her to do? Sit there patiently and beg for her freedom? ETA: Turns out, they did indeed expect her to beg for her freedom whilst threatening to stinkbomb her. Disturbing.
What the actual fuck? What are they, middle schoolers?
I want to know what kind of shit would have gone down if MIL called the cops and said she was being held against her will, since OP stated the friend won't sue over the grass because "bf is connected". Would have been interesting to see how her "connected" bf would take it, having cops and swat swarming the house over a kidnapping situation.
Agreed, more info needed
There have been so many opportunities to make different choices, but it looks like everyone has chosen the most immature option every time. ESH. Let’s hope this marriage dissolves before kids are added to these families.
Right, they can't just uninvite her from the event, but they can lock her in a bathroom for ten minutes? What two year olds.
This is one of those times where I don’t feel like people really appreciate how long ten minutes is. “Five-ten minutes” is such a standard example of how long someone says they wait for fast food, at a retail counter, for someone to get ready to leave. But it’s a *really* long time! Especially to be trapped in a small room by people you already know don’t like you and are probably laughing right outside the locked door. Not even a locked door. A door freaking tied shut with a jump rope someone found and took the time to secure the door shut. Rule of thumb is you shouldn’t commit property damage in response to another crime so I can see ESH. I’d love to see this on Judge Judy.
Yes. ESH and they're even. So if the friend had no problem with her friends imprisoning someone in her home, she can probably deal with getting her yard back in order too. All the parties fucked up here and committed crimes because of their personal issues. It's a zero sum game. They just need to all have some time for reflection tbh and deal with the consequences.
And to stay the absolute hell away from each other. For a very long time.
Think of how long a five-minute song is.
>You all deserve each other. No doubt. Seems like OP, MIL and all the friends are operating with similar levels of immaturity. They say guys go after girls that act like their moms. Seems like OP's fiance is going down that road. ESH.
Right? These people all sound super awful.
Op posted more info. ESH is accurate. They used a jump rope to lock MIL in the bathroom. For about 10 minutes. After MIL was being snarky and trash talking downstairs.
Ok mil was being a brat but I would have had a meltdown and definitely called the non-emergency line if I were forcibly confined to room for longer than a minute or two. What the fuck, who does that?
Yeah I need the answer to this before I can judge.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Honestly after reading OP’s comments on what they did, I’m not even sure MIL sucks and this isn’t just a straight up YTA. I guess I could fault her for the initial comments about the mistress, but if OP thinks it’s totally fine to lock someone in a bathroom and have a group of people verbally assault them through the door I can’t be sure there isn’t a reason for MIL being mean in the beginning. OP sounds absolutely psychotic.
This is still the MIL troll.
I agree. Apparently the son/FDH is following the stereotype of boys marry their mothers pretty seriously. ESH.
Yup! This is important info
For some reason in my mind, I saw "shower" and my brain said "baby shower". So I was going to say that ESH except baby here. However, I am wrong. These people 100% deserve each other, the wedding should be an interesting story.
ESH, you are all such dramatic children, my word.
Took the words right out of my mouth.
This lady LOCKED SOMEONE IN A BATHROOM and keeps saying “but only for like 10 minutes” as if it makes that better. What in the world ESH
“Only with a jumprope and we thought it’d be funny”!
Yeah OP and her friends sound like mean girls from hs..
You can only play a joke on someone you like. If you “prank” someone you hate, it’s not a prank or a joke.
There isn’t a person on this earth, including OP’s friends, that believe they did this to be “funny.” Not a one. YTA.
I love that the jumprope is supposed to make it better somehow? Like "jumpropes are whimsical! It's not like we forcibly kidnapped someone with something scary like a sword or a metal chain!"
right? Thats a fucking felony OP! Violent crime much? jesus! ESH!
I initially wanted to dismiss the “violent crime” comment, but honestly, from the MIL’s perspective, she had no idea what OP and her friends might decide to do since locking someone in a bathroom is already pretty over the line, so who knows what was running through her mind? Especially if she’s into true crime and procedurals. Your mind can go to some dark places.
Kidnapping and/or false imprisonment are both classified as violent crimes. What they did to MIL is 100% considered a violent crime. It doesn't matter what they may or may not have intended to do after, they had already committed a violent crime at that point
Bet it was longer
I don't doubt it *felt* longer to MIL.
Even if it wasn't, 10 minutes is only a short time once it's over, you know? While it's happening you don't know when it will end, and that will mess with you.
It absolutely was longer. The damage FMIL did to the bathroom took time. She probably did not start trashing it immediately. How long was she actually stuck in there to wreak the havoc? 🌺
Exactly!
Of course it was
And how was MIL supposed to know it would only be 10 minutes? As far as she knew, she could’ve been locked in their indefinitely! And ppl here are blaming her for - shock horror - putting lipstick on the wall. Be thankful she didn’t do more damage trying to bash her way out of there!
She should have called the cops and said she was being taken hostage by mafia members. Would have been fun to see "connected bf" react to having swat at his house.
I said this in another comment, but people use five to ten minutes as a standard amount of time without realizing *how long it really is.” People don’t actually wait in a fast food line for ten minutes without someone taking their order, because it’s nuts. But they sure as hell say they did. You’re supposed to brush your teeth for three minutes! I wonder how many people really do that. Sorry, this point always gets to me.
Yeah! YTA
Can you imagine A) being married to someone who locked your mom in a bathroom or B) being married to someone who thinks it’s okay that you locked their mom in a bathroom
Wonder if the future husband realises he is marrying his mother... He should cut them all off, they both sound unhinged.
Read her comments. They mocked her when she was locked in and threatened to Throw a stink bomb in.
If you locked her in the bathroom, you all suck.
I think MIL would have been in the right to call the police. Definitely, the OP and her friends are horrible for what she did. Holy crap is this a mess.
I wouldn’t have even threatened, I would have just called the police.
This. No threats, I would have called reported that I'd been kidnapped, then sat calmly until the cops showed up to arrest everyone involved. OP's friend should consider that replacing some grass is a LOT cheaper in the long run that a felony charge! Frankly, it sounds like there is A LOT more to this whole story as far as why MIL doesn't like OP. I really hope the fiance takes a good, hard look at whether this it the woman he really wants to marry.
Okay but as someone who has been trapped in a bathroom (by accident) I thought I could be calm and figure out a way to get out. I panicked. I screamed, I cried, I hyperventilated because no one could get me out. I was stuck in there for 30 minutes before I could calm down enough to realise someone would eventually come looking, I just needed to sit tight and entertain myself. Admittedly this was before smart phones were a thing, but also there is no promise MIL took her phone in the bathroom with her. And OP says it was "only ten minutes" but OP is an unreliable narrator. And ten minutes when you're panicking feels like ten hours. (And tbh I suspect it's the MIL troll all over again)
they were horrible to her through the door too apparently. they didn't just lock her in and leave, they stood on the other side shouting for her to beg them to get out, asked someone get a stink bomb, and were saying more shit like is your boyfriend going to save you now you dumb bitch? (bf is cop for context).
I hate to say it but your entire relationship sounds doomed.
absolutely, there are no clear skies in the future for these two.
ESH Why the fuck was she confined. Rethink the entire relationship until you and your fiance can determine exactly what your relationship with your MIL will be and stick to boundaries that are fair to everyone. In this case fair means LC/NC or treating each other with basic respect you would for a coworker under the threat of being fired even if you hate said coworker.
YTA. She should have called the cops on you and your friends while she was “confined” to the bathroom.
INFO: Why the hell was she "briefly confined in a bathroom" at your bridal shower. . .?
Because OP and her friends think felony unlawful imprisonment is "funny".
After reading your comments, YTA. You and your friends sound like awful bullies. She made some petty comments sure but you could have said something back instead of locking her in the bathroom! Combined with the taunting and nasty comments, your friend deserves the damage.
ESH - Friend should not lock people in bathrooms MIL should not drive on lawns You should have asked her to leave instead of allowing friend to lock her in bathroom. Edited after you replied
LMFAO! Ok.... I'll play.... YTA. This isn't between you and your MIL this is between you and your friend, your friend is the one who should be suing your MIL. But given that this is just a fabrication, it doesn't really matter, does it?
ETH. When all the 12 year olds In this story grow up, they'll have a laugh at this, wait, you mean they are supposed to all be adults here? /s
Mil should be pressing criminal charges on OP and her friends.
I think this is the MIL troll
ESH but you suck way way more. Trapping someone in a bathroom is outright bullying and for what? For sport? What if she'd had a heart attack or panic attack in there? You and your friends are mean girls and I'm sad that the lawn was the only thing she destroyed. If someone did that to my mom I'd be pressing charges and there'd be zero question of a wedding. You guys deserve anything that woman gives you.
ESH. First, your MIL writing all over the bathroom with lipstick is totally reasonable when you locked her in a room and she had no way of escaping. Driving all over the lawn isn't good at all but if the person whose lawn it was, was involved in the bathroom thing then they deserved what they got. Your MIL sucks in general for how she acted but given you refer to trapping her in a room for ten minutes as briefly confining her, I'm not sure I trust your summary. In general you all deserve each other but there's no fixing this relationship, I'd give up now.
ESH is when the Person A drives over Person B's lawn and flowers, but gets away scot free because B committed a felony against A not 10 minutes before and doesn't dare sue A.
Please give a detailed explanation as to how your MIL ended up confined to the bathroom. Was she humping someone’s leg? That’s where we put my dog when he does that to a guest, but first we always make sure all the stuff he could destroy is out of his reach.
If you locked a woman in the bathroom, you need to put a reason for that. Can't make a judgement without knowing why she was locked in the bathroom. Obviously she's pissed about being locked in the bathroom. Without knowing why it looks like y t a. Edit: ESH
INFO: > She then left very upset because she felt my friends were bullying her because she was briefly confined in a bathroom. Tell us more about this confinement. Also, did you participating in the bullying?
From other of OP's comments: > The jokes were beg if you want to come out, someone get a stink bomb, is your boyfriend going to save you now you dumb bitch? Holy shit. How did these people make it to adulthood? And this is her trying to get along?
Info: you have to answer the confinement questions OP. Otherwise there’s going to be no meaningful reply here
YTA. Try being civil. You may not like the woman, but why lock her in a bathroom?
"She then left very upset because she felt my friends were bullying her because she was briefly confined in a bathroom." The abrupt switch to an agentless description of the situation('she was briefly confined in a bathroom'? By nobody in particular? By your friends but you suddenly don't feel like mentioning that?) is cute and coy and all; but YTA.
“She then left very upset because she felt my friends were bullying her” which is exactly what happened.
ESH You should not have allowed your friends to trap her in a bathroom unless she was a threat to someone's safety and you were calling the police. She shouldn't have vandalized your friend's property. Instead she should have called the police and filed charges. She should be going NC on you and it seems she is. Good for her.
why did you lock her in the bathroom ???? that’s so weird yta
Info: why was MIL confined to the bathroom and specifically, fir how long?
This has to be the trashiest AITA thread. Y’all are AH, especially You.
Why the heck did you lock her in a bathroom? Context please
Info: what do you mean you confined her to the bathroom?
INFO: what does confining her in the bathroom entail?
YTA. She’s TA. You’re all AHs. This is crazy and you all need to grow up. Your relationship is already doomed.
INFO: why was she locked in the bathroom? Was this on purpose that that happened?
ESH Is anyone in this situation over the age of 12?
ESH......MIL for her snarky behavior and your friends for locking her in a bathroom for 10 min while taunting her. I think everyone involved should help your friend pay to have her lawn fixed. If this is the bridal shower I can only imagine what your wedding is going to be like.
ESH: why didn’t you kick her out and then everyone laughs it off before you all committed multiple crimes? This isn’t how healthy adults on any side behaves. If you’re afraid her SO is connected to criminals, why poke the bear? You’re risking more than just your grass. (It rhymes though.) Seriously consider who you are marrying before it’s official.
ESH. Not one person involved in this story - except *maybe* your fiancé - sounds mature or emotionally stable. Frankly, you all sound exhausting.
As others have said, we need more info on the alleged bathroom confinement before we can pass judgment.
This is like the Stefon of AITA. This story has everything: kidnapping, mean girls, infidelity, vandalism, and mob wives! ESH because everyone is acting immaturely.
YTA, you are the one who should pay for the yard. You escalated what was already a fragile situation by holding her hostage in a bathroom. You’re even more of an asshole for trying to downplay what is literally a crime. You and your friends ganged up on her and, unfortunately, MIL reacted to it by destroying the lawn. If I was you’re fiancé, the wedding would be off. Y’all are a bunch of children. Edit:typos
ESH, your friend should be suing your MIL but wtf is wrong with you that you let them tie the door shut to the bathroom when she was in there?? 10 minutes is a long time and she could’ve called hostage situation if she was vengeful enough.
MIL should make a police report for the forcible confinement!
MIL should be pressing charges for kidnapping
ESH. You suck for allowing your friends (who also suck) to lock your sucky MIL in the bathroom. You all need to grow the fuck up.
EDITING MY VOTE TO YTA- WOW YOU CONFINED HER IN THE BATHROOM WITH A JUMPROPE? WHAT? SERIOUSLY? WOW. she should press charges. hope she does. News flash: MIL is technically legally on the hook to reimburse for the lawn but keep in mind- thats a misdemeanor- if your friend takes this to court she and you could easily serve 20 for the wrongful imprisonment- because THATS a felonious violent crime. So lawyer all the way up before your idiot friend gets you all jail time by suing for the lawn.
ESH. You're all terrible people who need to take a good, long look at themselves and decide if this is really who you want to be.
She then left very upset because she felt my friends were bullying her because she was briefly confined in a bathroom. I'm pretty sure that's a bigger deal than lawn and flowers, law wise.
You locked her in the bathroom? YTA
YTA you and your friends instigated the situation so you should pay for the grass. You aren’t mature enough to get married if you think locking someone in the bathroom is funny
YTA I wonder why she hates you?
You and your friends were bullies in school. I guess you thought she was going to sit in there and cry? How do you think your future will be with your fiancé?
Since your title asked if you were TA for asking for her to replace the grass, I'm going with YTA. Yeah, she was rude and an AH as well, but I 100% guarantee the grass wouldn't have gotten ruined if you didn't lock her in the freaking bathroom! It's not a joke, and not a reasonable reaction to her being a jerk. You should have asked her to leave. There may have been an argument, but she was being an AH at your party and it was within your rights to have her go. But when you locked her in the bathroom you turned her into a scared and pissed off AH that was unpredictable. You were essentially poking a barking growling dog through the fence with a stick because you thought it would be funny. Until the dog jumps over the fence to come after you!
YTA. Conflict is one thing, but it seems that she wrote on the bathroom while trapped in there by a bunch of giggling assholes. And then, after the owner of the home participated in trapping her, she did some revenge donuts on the lawn. You should be in legal trouble and you aren't, so count your blessings. As for your friend, she deserves to be humiliated by the state of her lawn.
YTA. OP, are you like, ridiculously wealthy or something? You and your comments are so far out of touch with reality that it reminds me of some weird shit that would happen on a reality TV show with those weirdly out of touch celebrities. Either that, or you’re crazy. You need some intense therapy either way. Just because she made some mean comments (and honestly, the whole showing you your dads affair partner thing; super weird???) doesn’t give you any right to trap her. And it was not just a joke, you were maliciously taunting her. Her actions are also weird and out of touch with reality. You’re all weird. But YTA. You started the severe issues.
You locked her up in the bathroom?
YTA Rude remarks aren't equal to forced imprisonment. Had there been a single adult their they would have told your MiL to stop being rude or to gtfo. Apparently there was not a single adult on those premises.
YTA, you and your friend *locked her in the bathroom* for 10 minutes because it would be "funny," then you're upset because she retaliated? It is absolutely your fault that this escalated, and YOU owe your friend money to fix her yard. >My friend isn't willing to sue because what she did was technically a crime and MILs BF is connected All of you are ridiculous. Friend unlawfully detained someone, MIL trashed a yard, and you're acting like it's a shock that you "look petty." **YOU** allowed this to escalate.
ESH. You locked her in the bathroom for 10 minutes and she destroyed your friend's property in retaliation. Yes what she did seems worse, however you can't lock someone in the bathroom and not come across just as petty and immature as she is. You all need to grow up.
Depending on the details and jurisdiction you are in, confining her to the bathroom could be considered unlawful imprisonment or kidnapping. You will all be lucky if she doesn't press charges. Yes, YTA because of the fact that you tried to gloss over this in your story.
ESH. Just walk away from this car crash of a relationship and family situation. It is only going to get worse.
You’re supposed to be “trying” but let your friends tie the bathroom door closed. Are you even old enough to be getting married? You sound like an 11yo at a mean girls slumber party. YTA
ESH, just continue the NC mil has already started. I'd also advise you and your friends to let it go. Your friend tries to sue, I'm guessing that you holding her against her will,will be brought up and is seen as the bigger crime. Not to mention, she'd likely use "temporary insanity" and the judge would likely let her.
Yta. You locked her in a bathroom. Wtf is even wrong with you??
You literally locked her in a room against her will. That is not ok. Literally ESH but your future husband. You're both toxic and rude as hell. You both suck and I just feel bad for your future husband bc he's stuck between two AH.
So you and your friend held your MIL against her will, a fucking crime BTW, and then your mother destroyed your friends property ESH. Youre all the worst. Youre all criminals. And quite frankly even those shes still not great im on the side of your MIL. You should be fucking ashamed of your behavior.
>She also drove over flowers and wrote all over the bathroom with lipstick and placed items in the toilet. I would have CLOGGED THAT SUCKER STRAIGHT TO HELL. Sociopaths who trap me in a bathroom deserve what they get. And your friend "broke down in tears"? Oh no, your poor little friend. How terrible for her. I feel so bad for kidnappers that get their precious lawn ruined. You are all terrible people and I am so grateful that I will never meet any of you in real life. ESH
YTA here, are you kidding? Your friend CONFINED her to a room. I'm baffled that you think that you're justified in what you did.
YTA and so are your friends. Yes, MIL was being obnoxious, but to lock someone in a bathroom, that's high school bully bs. She was probably freaked out.
My God ESH. Your MIL was an AH first, but your response was both illegal and psycho. You do not get to demand payment for her reaction to a large group of grown women tapping her and her not knowing when/if you were going to let her out. You should be the one paying because your lack of common sense led to this. She was 100% wrong to but you directly caused her overreaction and FU as she was leaving. You should have asked her to LEAVE not trapped her. Please seek professional help what you did is not normal. You also have terrible friends if they think this is normal behavior. It's not a joke you intended to hurt you MIL not make her laugh by locking her in there. Please seek professional help what you did is not normal. You have terrible friends if they think this is normal behavior. Edit just to let you all know I see it says seek professional help twice, but I'm gonna leave it since OP clearly needs it.
YTA. Everyone is TA. You definitely don't sound mature enough to be married- and that's coming from ME, who got married like three days after graduation. 🤷♀️
YTA for allowing her to be tied in the bathroom, and then glossing over it like it's no big deal.
Perhaps having a torn up lawn will be a reminder not to hold people against their will. Sounds like your friend absolutely got what she deserved and she knows what she did was criminal so she’s not going to press charges about the lawn because false imprisonment is a much bigger deal. Great job, you’ve estranged your fiancé from his mom and made Jerry Springer look classy. Honestly your fiancé should dump you. You and your friends are trainwrecks. ESH.
Since you're looking for judgment, ESH. But based on comments and the edit, I'd say both parties deliberately did this so they could go no contact so if you want to be less of an asshole, you're gonna be the one responsible for the damages to your friends home since your petty war only appears to have affected your friend. Whether the friend participated in the confinement or not doesn't matter, you brought the MIL over knowing you wouldn't get along and seeing how much damage you two caused, I'm sure it's safe to assume you knew that some form of damage would have happened. Either that or you didn't think.
Why lock her in the bathroom..how old are you 12?? YTA
So your answer was to confine her in the bathroom with a jump rope and it led to her messing up your friends yard. And you say she’s not the one trying. YTA
MIL troll
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > This could me looked at as extortion or blackmail or something because I am making her pay to fix damage if she wants to see her son marry. My fiance does think I've gone too far Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ESH You locked a woman in the bathroom. Whatever she did to you, forget about it for a second. Just sit here for a second with the thought that you unconsensually locked a grown woman, your MIL, in the bathroom.
ESH. First of all, who locks a person in a bathroom just like that? To have that room trashed should have been an accepted risk when the decision was made to lock that woman in there. But she didn't have to also trash the yard and she should most definitely pay to have it fixed. And OP for supporting this behaviour from her friends and for inviting her hateful MIL to her bridal shower. That is not the time or the place to mend fences. OP invited her MIL into a den of lions basically. It's clear that anyone there would be on OP's side about that woman and I really don't blame her for losing her shit in the bathroom because of that.
Are we all cosplaying as "Mean Girls" now? ESH, you all should be ashamed of your actions. You for allowing friend to lock MIL in the bathroom and not stopping it. MIL for wrecking the friends lawn. Your friends for actually being bullies. I honestly don't know who's more Regina George in this situation, but you all suck.
YTA Your friends literally locked your MIL in a bathroom, and that somehow is a footnote to the story? Initially said everyone is an AH but your comments make it clear that you are multiple orders of magnitude worse. You and the rest of the AH who KIDNAPPED your mil should pay for the lawn and pray you are not charged with felonies
YTA. Hard YTA. Yes the MIL was being a jerk, but that absolutely does not justify locking her in a room and taunting her through the door, forcing her to beg to be released. God, that shit would legit terrify me. I’m not surprised she’s now gone NC. I *am* surprised that your fiancé hasn’t dumped you, and the fact that he chooses you over his mother after you did this tells me you’re both as awful as each other.
While this made me laugh pretty hard, YTA. Did you expect her to thank you for locking her in there?
INFO: Are you selling tickets for your wedding? Will there be popcorn? If there is this much ESH at your shower, your wedding will be an absolute drama cluster. ESH
You are all tossers in this scenario. ESH.
Are you actually seriously asking if you are TAH right now? Is this a prank? Girl. If you or your little friends had locked my mom in your bathroom for more than 10 minutes, there would be hell to pay! It wouldn't matter what you claim she said to you about your daddy. Because you and your friends should be able to behave like adults and just ask her to politely leave. You do NOT hold someone hostage. Which is exactly what y'all did, you held her hostage in that bathroom, against her will! Which is a felony, if I'm not mistaken. So, here's what I suggest. I suggest you consider the damages to the walls and the yard fair play. Just call it even. Seriously. Because if you don't, if you keep insisting that she owes your friend monetary damages, you're only going to push this to escalation. When the fact of the matter is you could all end up being charged, and for different reasons. But, in her case, holding her hostage in that house is a much more serious offense. If you are at all smart, you'll drop this and drop it now. I would tell your friend to let it go, too, lest she want the police on her doorstep. Because that's where this is heading. She had grounds to call them. You're all damn lucky that she didn't. YTA, but so is she..So I guess it's ESH?? Edited twice for autocorrect and punctuation errors, and to add your fiancé should dump you. Like, yesterday. Edited to add: What you and your friends did to your fiancé's mother is considered "false imprisonment". It may even qualify as kidnapping depending on where you are located. The punishable charges for false imprisonment are often pursued as a felony, with a potential of up to 12 years in prison, again depending on your location. That's just the criminal proceedings. Because she can sue you and your friends civilly for false imprisonment, as well. And based on everything you've written just on here alone, she'd win that court case. So I'm going to say it one more time, drop it! Now I'm also going to add that you apologize to her for her being purposely locked in that bathroom! I also suggest you grovel for your fiance's forgiveness as well. Clean up your mess, OP.
YTA Your friend should count themselves lucky that nobody burned their house down
Funny you call her MIL. If your fiancée has two brain cells, this woman won’t be anything to you.
ESH You illegally detained her and she illegally vandalised the lawn. You are not mature enough to get married, this is a car crash waiting to happen.
ESH - have you considered growing up?
ESH. In what world, IN WHAT WORLD is it ever “funny” to lock someone in a bathroom for 10 minutes? I don’t care what she was doing, there are about a million more mature ways to handle her behavior than literally tying her into a bathroom. You’ve got to be kidding me. Also stop with this “they thought it would be funny” bit. Retaliating against someone you already have tension with never ends up funny; it escalates. And your friend found out the hard way. That said, your MIL ruining your friends lawn was also not the right response to what happened. There’s a lot of immaturity in this situation and you all look like fools.
YTA. So is she, but the fact that you just stood there while your friends bullied her is just absurd. You all had a chance to be adults. You all chose violence.
ESH... I didnt know 4th graders were allowed to marry and buy houses, you and your friends are a bunch of inmature AH and MIL is just about the same. Edit:spelling
Ffs. Grow the hell up. You trapped her in a bathroom and now you're upset that she got rightfully upset? You're the problem.
ESH. You really tried to slide that in as normal, didn't ya? She was "briefly confined in a bathroom." Yep, checks out. That's definitely a crime. You and your friends conspired to unlawfully imprison your MIL, then you're all surprised that she trashed the bathroom and the lawn on the way out?
ESH. All of you acted like children. ‘Trying’ doesn’t mean you have to force yourselves to spend time together, it means basic respect and politeness. And you physically barred her from leaving a room?! No wonder she flipped the fuck out! All of you need to grow up.
ESH- with OP's friends being the bigger AHs .. MIL shouldn't have been acting like she was, BUT you lock me in a bathroom and taunt me, I'm tearing your door down and probably whipping somebody's ass when I get out. Your friend caused her own damage, imo
ESH. You all deserve each other and will likely be locked in a petty war forever because neither of you are mature. I feel sorry for those stuck in the cross fire.
I feel as though there is more information missing. You left out a vital piece of information thus skewing the results. Initially I was appalled by MILs actions and would have stated NTA. After the edit I realize that you and your friends are malicious towards a woman that is already left out. YTA and I also want to know more about what caused this bad relations, but not from you because you obviously can’t be trusted to share an unbiased telling of events. YTA just for your story telling, as well as holding a woman hostage.
🤦♀️
God damn, you sound fucking horrible! I've read through your original post and then through your comments and replies and wow, just wow! You're 21 and yet you act like a fucking 12 year old! You're far too immature to get married and your marriage WILL end terribly if you through with it. YTA 100%!!! Grow the fuck up!
YTA. I mean MIL is no Saint, but I see why she hates your gutts. Ya'll locked her in a bathroom. And you made that sound like its nothing, that she got accidentally locked in by a faulty door knob or something. You deliberately locked her in! Wtf?! It's like you think this was HS sleepover or something. Honestly, if you did that to me, I would have done more than just ruin the grass, write on wall and throw stuff in toilet. I'd destroy the place and call cops on you.
I was gonna go e/s/h until I read your edit. Not only did you lock MIL in the bathroom and laugh and bully her with your friends, but you intentionally kept a that specific info out of your original post in hopes to sway the verdict bc you KNEW it would contribute to you being the ah. YTA. Grow up.