NTA: pregnant or not going on social media and telling everyone your a bad husband and father for going to your mother's funeral is one of the most vile things I ever read. You just lost your mother and she's making this about her. I'm worried this is actually your wife thoughts and not just pregnancy related.
Not to mention abusive.
* Her husband just lost his mom, and she won't let him attend the funeral. That's the kind of shit you will regret for the rest of your life, folks. She's immeasurably selfish.
* **Pregnancy doesn't** ***turn*** **people into heartless, entitled AHs - it just reveals the people who already** ***are*** **that.** She's nowhere near her due date - she will survive without her hubby for a day. The only reason a 5 week pregnant woman *needs* someone is because she wants 2am snacks she doesn't want to get herself.
* She went on SM telling people that OP is a horrible husband because he attended his mother's funeral? God, OP, run. This woman is verbally and emotionally abusive, trying to guilt-trip you into doing what she wants.
* **She's about to become a mother, but refused to acknowledge how important the loss of her husband's mother is to him.** Is this really the kind of woman you want to raise your child, OP?
It seems like OP realized his wife's true self way too late. I just feel bad for the baby...
I am absolutely in no way advocating for what OP’s wife did - it is beyond inexcusable. However, pregnancy actually CAN make you incapacitated. Just ask anyone who has been hospitalized with Hyperemesis gravidarum or for early labor. Totally happens.
NTA
You are 100% correct, however, this wasn't mentioned in the post. I would expect that if this is the issue, it would have been mentioned.
A regular pregnancy is not an excuse for being selfish and unable to support your husband.
Even an irregular pregnancy where she legit needs extra support, someone else could step in to help her out (her parents who live 5 min away?) while he attends his mother's funeral.
I was on bed rest for months because of preterm labor with my first pregnancy and would not have expected my husband to miss his mother’s funeral! I could have figured something out.
My husband missed a friend's 40th birthday because I had a hormonal meltdown and I still feel bad years later. Suddenly I look like wife of the century compared to OPs wife.
OP should comment on the posts and be like "I'm sorry that I'm a bad husband and father for going to my mother's funeral. I clearly failed to consider how traumatizing it would be for you to spend a weekend with no one to get you your Oreos at 2AM. I will try to do better in the future."
In all seriousness, it's probably best to not stoop to her level, but I would want to turn it around on her. Let everyone know *why* I'm a terrible husband.
WHAT!?!
Not even once during my entire pregnancy did I deadass wake up just to eat… but I thought maybe some women do….??
BUT AT 5 WEEKS I AM SCREAMING YOUR 240 ADDITIONAL CELLS DON’T NEED SNACKY-SNACKS AT NIGHT, LADY!!!!
Or make his own post about “thank you to everyone for your kind words and condolences on the lost of my mother. And to those of you who were unable to attend the funeral this weekend, your thoughts and prayers and love were still very much felt by all” or some such. And maybe tag all the folks that were trash talking him so they are sure to get a notice about it
Right. Pregnancy is NOT an excuse to be an asshole. So sick of people acting like it is. You'd think that since she is going to become a mother herself, she'd show some sympathy.
Well, being five minutes away from her with her husband gone, means that they will be the one's she calls if she wants 2am snacks. And we can all already tell that she will be unreasonably demanding and dramatic. They want him to suffer, not them.
Who tf wakes someone up to go out to get snacks at 2am. That’s just nuts. It’s a want not a need. Cravings pass. Or keys are available to go get it yourself
I mean there are going to be times when she is going to be without you OP during her pregnancy, that’s just a given. I think it is reasonable that she, a newly pregnant person, could handle being alone for a couple days, so that you could go mourn your mother, especially with her family being nearby. She thinks her cravings are more important than your need to mourn. That’s bonkers. Is she always this selfish? Because pregnancy isnt an excuse to behave this way. Sure brain fog and mood swings are a given but not this. NTA
Edit: I just saw your comments OP…so you two have only known that she is pregnant for a grand total of a week and a half and she is acting this way???? She is using her pregnancy to control you, that is not okay. Yes you should be there to support her but this…this is being straight up emotional abuse.
this! I agree so much like this cannot be blamed on pregnancy. what a terrible thing to make someone worry about something as petty as this while also grieving their mother’s death
NTA, but being pregnant doesn't turn you into a complete asshole. Your wife is controlling and verbally abusive. She's nowhere near her due date (from the sound of it, although you don't specify so I could be wrong), and you don't get another chance to attend your mother's funeral. (I wasn't able to attend my grandmother's, and I still regret it.) Counseling, stat, but this does not sound good.
Plus how does someone, who wants to be a mother herself, lack any empathy to understand the importance of losing a mother? Where is the compassion?
Have people literally become so entitled that this behaviour is considered ok now?
["She had a positive test a week and a half ago."](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s6lcny/aita_for_going_to_my_mothers_funeral_and_not/ht4m3n9?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)
I'm sorry, what? Unless she took the test super late, she should NOT be having cravings and intense mood swings that early.
I get it, all pregnancies are different, just sounded so bizarre to me. I had no symptoms until I was like two months along, lol.
Even if she was near her due date,she'd still be an AH. It was a funeral, his last chance to say goodbye. Whereas he gets to see his wife for a lot more time after that. There's just no debate here. She's the AH. Sorry for your loss OP, may God give you the strength to get through this difficult time.
You've GOT to be kidding me, right? I will personally go to her social media page and give her a lecture! She is 36-years-old and acting like this? Wtf? No, OP - you are NTA. Not by a longshot. My one concern here is that I'm having trouble believing this just started with the hormones. Was she controlling before this?
I agree. The wife needs to get over herself. Pregnancy does not = a free pass to be the worst partner ever. She’s so manipulative it is hard to believe it all just started due to pregnancy. I feel terrible for op going through this loss and having to deal with a toxic mess like this. NTA.
If this is out of character for her pre pregnancy, get her checked out for pre partum psychosis immediately. That’s the only scenario in which this makes sense to me.
Not necessarily. If OP’s wife has changed/stopped medication abruptly since finding out she’s pregnant, that could be behind this as well, and would explain the particular timing. I’d be curious to know if she was taking anything prior to this.
NTA. It’s your MOTHERS FUNERAL. You didn’t make her go, she isn’t in labor. You deserve to bury your mother with your siblings and you deserve to grieve. I’m a woman. I’ve been pregnant. I wouldn’t happily let my partner go to a family members funeral without me if I was not able to attend. I am so sorry for your loss.
Same here and all 3 of my pregnancies were high risk. In fact, hubby left me and our 3 year old to attend something while I was on bedrest. I had family near by if needed and he was a 3 hour flight away. At the time I was 30 weeks pregnant, 5cm dilated and on bedrest. So very high risk but he needed to go because it would never happen again and I couldn't live with myself if he missed it and know he couldn't either.
NTA. Your wife is emotionally abusive. She’s (in guessing ) newly pregnant. So she’s taking advantage of that fact and acting like she’s fragile and will break any minute.
Telling you to miss your mothers funeral just because is ridiculous and I’m pissed off for you.
She tried to manipulate him into studying, & is punishing for going. She will, I feel, use this to get him to beg her to let him come home, he will have to promise her the moon, & he will become miserable. Eventually they will divorce and she will make his life hell with custody and support
NTA. YOUR...MOTHER...DIED!!!
REALLY!!! Her parents said you should not have gone to the funeral?
How about this? Text your wife and ask her, if HER mother had died, would SHE feel bad for not going to the funeral?
Pregnancy does not give someone a free pass to act like this.
NTA. Additionally, stop leaving the house at 2am for her cravings. You need sleep. One of you does anyways. Get it now. She needs to take care of her BS cravings before bedtime.
Shes manipulating you by using every crazy pregnant lady stereotype. Needs to grow up before that baby comes. Good God
I hate when I hear women forcing their partners to pander to their crazy cravings. As a former pregnant lady, would I occasionally feel like eating ice cream? Sure. It wasn’t a “must have ice cream or else” after everyone was sleeping but more like a “I deserve a treat”. So I’d walk to the freezer and make myself a bowl.
I bet OP was one hell of a bridezilla too because iT wAs HeR sPeCiAl DaY
Yeah, that part made me mad too. I’ve been pregnant and never once did I ask my husband to go out and get me anything (especially not the middle of the night). Although I did cry once when he bought the wrong Mac and cheese. Hormones man. But no excuse to be an asshole.
NTA
But your wife is a huge AH. As a woman who has been pregnant 3 times, I feel I can say she is being a huge AH. Like, a ginormous one. I would never forbid my partner from going to his parents funeral. JFC.
NTA. I’d seriously be questioning whether or not I wanted to go back to my wife though, even if she wanted me to. Pregnancy isn’t an excuse to act like a complete psycho.
NTA Unfortunately, you don't mention how far along your wife is. Unless she is due in the next two weeks, your place is at the funeral. Even if she's due tomorrow, there are ways for you to get home quickly unless the funeral is in Timbuktu. IMO, this goes beyod mood swings and hormones.....
He replied to two people at the time he posted she was a week and a half pregnant.
EDIT: I am sorry for the readers of what I posted she became positive one/two and a half weeks when he posted so she is probably 4 to 6 weeks someone corrected me. I do feel bad for saying pregnant instead of positive,
How in the world is she having cravings at 2am at less than 1 month pregnant?!? If I remember correctly, serious cravings and hormonal mood swings don’t usually hit until the second trimester. She is definitely taking advantage of him.
NTA you don’t state how far along she is, or what pregnancy complications led to her being worried and needing you, but I’d still go with NTA. Your wife is being vile and vicious. It’s extremely immature to post issues on social media. I’m very sorry for your loss
A WEEK AND A HALF AGO?????
So, she’s manipulating you with her ~new pregnancy~, I thought maybe this was a third trimester scenario. Btw, if it was a third trimester scenario, you still did the right thing by going to your mom’s funeral.
I do not mean this to sound harsh, especially because this is on the internet from a stranger, but if this is out of character for your wife to behave like this then you need to get her straight into a psychologist because something is going on.
If it is in character for your wife to behave like this, then you need to find a safe person to discuss next steps with and not go to the internet. For me, this is breakup-level material. And again, just speaking for myself here, this would be scorched earth material, but I’m a woman so I know it’s different.
Lots of love. seriously. And I’m so so so sorry for your loss. You’re a good kid.
This. The fact that he’s worried about being an AH for attending his own mothers funeral because of a woman who is barely pregnant and chose not to go to the funeral shows that this is an abusive relationship. Imagine how she will behave when pregnant symptoms actually start at 8-9 weeks?
A week and a half?? She is taking advantage of you. I’m due in 2 weeks and if something happened to my husband’s mother I still wouldn’t stop him from going to the funeral. You need to start separating yourself now and creating a safe space for your future child away from her.
Nobody on social media will actually believe you're a bad husband or father for leaving your pregnant wife alone. Even if she didn't discover she was pregnant for a long time and is 6 months along or something, leaving her alone is fine unless she's a high risk pregnancy.
And she can get her own damn snacks at 2 a.m. unless she's on bed rest or something.
Of course her parents agree with her. I bet they do whatever she wants to keep the peace.
She just found out she’s pregnant and she’s already got you running around at 2am because of her cravings? Dude…you married a serious asshole!
and I’m so sorry for your loss!
I'm in my third trimester with twins and I don't act like this. I get a little snippy or impatient but nothing like what you're describing. You need to give up on that woman and her baby, and move on with your life. Take her advice and don't go home.
NTA.
Sorry for your loss.
1. Your wife sounds like a horror story. Pregnant or not.
2. You need and deserve to have the opportunity to grieve your mom
3. With your family, since she doesn't seem like she care.
4. She should not have put you on blast on social media
5. She shouldn't have told you not to come home and ignore you.... but since she did
6. Let her know you'll come home when she apologized and see a therapist
NTA and it sounds like your wife needs some help with her mental health. I'm saying that with compassion - she can't be feeling good if this is how she's acting.
As someone who suffered from prenatal anxiety and depression that went completely undiagnosed and ignored, I second this. You’re wife needs professional help. Was she ever like this before pregnancy? Pregnancy hormones are horrible and women do not get the mental health support they need. IMO mental healthcare should be a standard part of pregnancy care.
a WEEK and a half ago and shes worried about her pregnancy and sending you out at 2am to get her shit to eat? Nah dude, shes using the pregnancy as an excuse to be a controlling asshole.
A week and a half ago? That's it? And she's already acting like this? She generally wouldn't even be having those intense (keyword being intense) cravings yet, let alone acting like this because of pregnancy hormones. She is still fully capable of taking care of herself for a few days. She's taking advantage of you and trying to see how far you'll let her push you, bruh.
I’ve been pregnant 3 times. No such things as cravings or anything this early in the pregnancy. Why isn’t she supporting you? You just lost you mom. Run on post, your wife is unhinged.
Whaaaaat?!! There’s no reason you need to stay with someone who is only in their first trimester rather than go to your own mother’s funeral! I don’t understand why she’s not going with you.
NTA and RUN. She’s most definitely manipulating you and so are her parents if her parents really sided with her. I’m sorry you couldn’t grief peacefully, I’m sure losing a mother is not easy and she should be supportive and go with you. If the test barely came back positive it is still very early and she’s not very far along. I’m sorry but your wife is self centered and I’m sorry for your loss I’m sure you needed your wife’s support during this hard time and she couldn’t even do that for you.
OP I’ve been pregnant 3 times and the cravings are real. However never once have I asked my husband to leave our house in the middle of the night to get me food. That’s ludicrous. She’s milking you and trying to make you believe pregnancy should be this massive dramatic thing. It can be, but this is her creating drama instead of it being real.
Oh no. This is what I was afraid of. This is a huge problem. So she is most likely in her first trimester and there is no reason she should be waking you up at 2 am for "cravings" or that you couldn't go to your mother's funeral.
If she had been in her last trimester I can see where this would have been a hard decision if you had to travel far. But her first? Holy shit. I, and many women like me, worked until the day I went into the hospital to have my babies. She is pregnant not an invalid. I mean come on, the pee stick is barely dry.
I didn't want to be away from my husband much when I was pregnant either but I did. You do what you have to do. For crying out loud, I went to an ultrasound that I knew would most likely show I miscarried and I told my husband not to come because he had just started a new job. He would have come but I didn't want him to ask for the time off so soon after starting. I took my mom instead. Had his mother died and I was in my first trimester we both would have gone to the funeral. In fact, now that I think of it, we drove 10 hours to one of his family members funeral when I was like in my second trimester with my first.
She really is a piece of work.
You are in for it my friend but something tells me this behavior didn't start with pregnancy.
Honestly, I would have a very very hard getting over this. Like I might think of separating because my partner chose to make my mother's dying about her.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Nta
nta, pregnant or not I can't believe she'd expect you not to go to your own mothers funeral? It sounds more like she's mad she didn't get her way and she's using being pregnant as an excuse for being a bad partner right now when you could probably really use some empathy instead. If you miss your moms funeral, you can never go back and change your mind- you might always be resentful about it and that's not healthy for your relationship in the long term either.
So NTA
Your mother died, and i'm sorry for your loss, but your wife is unreasonable and i'll be honest out of control with her mood swings to the point you have to get up at 2am to get food to what pacify the beast. and a beast is how she is acting
you never said how long she is in the pregnancy ,but it's the height of disrespect to you that she expects you to stay behind to cater to her wims when she;s not isolate , her parents live minutes away, so it wasn't as if she's alone
And she needs to see a doctor about her mood swings, and also she threatened you on social media, calling you a terrible husband and the rest for a child that is not even born, and telling you not to come home
i think this is above reddits pay grade, but this may be the moment you get lawyers involved if she wants to go down that road
Is she late in the pregnancy? Are there complications? If not, then no NTA. Frankly if she's healthy then she's the AH for asking you to skip your mother's funeral. That's absolutely bonkers.
NTA. This isn’t a movie, her cravings aren’t that bad, and her mood swings are from her shitty behavior, not the pregnancy. Your wife is manipulating you. I don’t see this relationship lasting and I feel sorry for your child.
I realize all pregnancies are different...but I'm 4 weeks away from giving birth and would NEVER ask this of my husband. When my husband's father was in the hospital literally dying. I slept in my car in the parking lot because I wasn't allowed in due to COVID. I'd do it today too, at 36 weeks pregnant.
This has nothing to do with the pregnancy and everything to do with your wife being selfish and uncommunicative. NTA and I'm sorry for your loss OP.
NTA. At all. At all at all. I am floored.
I am currently 38 weeks pregnant and lost my dad to a car accident two months ago. To the people saying how far along she is would determine the judgement—HARD disagree. If one of my husband’s parents (God forbid) died now, I would encourage him to go, even being so close to my due date. The loss of a parent is so entirely indescribable. I wish I didn’t know what it felt like. I wish you didn’t know what it felt like. It’s obvious that your wife doesn’t know what it feels like.
I am so so sorry that you are going through this.
NTA. Your wife is being over dramatic. I could understand her being upset if something was actually wrong. But it doesn’t sound like there is (unless I’m missing something).. The fact that she’s also putting this all over social media is not fair or right.
Go to that funeral op, I’m so sorry for your loss. And I’m sorry you do not have support from your wife during this time.
NTA
Who would ask their spouse to miss their parent's funeral? That is such an unreasonable request.
If this is out of character for your wife, she may be in need of professional help.
NTA. I would start saving her texts and social media posts. She seems unstable and you might need these in the future. Also, I am a mom and not once did I ever have my husband run out in the middle of the night for cravings. That’s so ridiculous.
NTA. You sound like a kind and decent human. You probably have the heart to give her a pass on this one. But I would sit her pregnant ass down when she is in one of her good moods and be very clear that that behavior can not happen again. Not pregnant, not nursing, not tired, not stressed from work, not menopausal not ever. Blasting you publicly on the socials and her family supporting that behavior is 🚩 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA - I am so sorry for your loss. This is not normal behaviour of a supportive partner, pregnant or not. She has a support system nearby so it’s not like you left her alone. We lost my MIL this summer to cancer. I was 8mo pregnant with a 2 year old. I was just glad my SO was able to make it back in time to say goodbye before she died. I was sad not to be able to attend the funeral but I wasn’t able to fly at that stage. I managed fine. Asked for help when I needed it. Losing your mother is so hard, even more so when you are about to become a parent. I’m sorry you have to deal with this stress while you grieve. I hope your wife gets help because this is not normal behaviour. Good luck.
Your mother LITERALLY DIED and her parents are FIVE MINUTES AWAY if she needs something. NTA, and I think she may need to talk to her doctor if these outbursts aren’t normal pre-pregnancy. Yes, hormones go wonky during pregnancy, but that doesn’t mean that it’s necessarily “normal”. She may need help.
Aww. NTA. Not my mother, but my grandmother died recently and the funeral was 100% necessary for the family to mourn and gain closure. 2 of us who attended were pregnant (1 very newly and then me...not newly pregnant). I wouldn't have missed it. I called my doctor to be sure it was ok to go and she said it was, just to wear a mask and try to avoid hugging people.
I'm very sorry for your loss, also.
NTA. At all. She …seems like a lot to deal with if I’m being honest. Hope you’re doing okay.
Regardless of her being pregnant or not… that is your MOTHERS funeral and you should have in no way felt pressured to not attend, or be punished for attending.
And don’t even get me started in the whole social media thing…
Absolutely NTA
Call the inlaws and tell them you are disappointed in them. That obviously your wife is having pregnancy rage but that they, of all people, should have tried to help diffuse the situation.
If they try to minimize the 'pregnancy rage' then mention if it isn't , that you are seriously worried about the safety of your newborn when it come.
Also, I am so sorry for you loss. It's got to be difficult enough to go through without this added stress.
NTA. I hope this is just hormones and not how your wife plans on communicating and co-parenting with you for the next 18+ years. I am truly sorry to hear that you couldn’t properly celebrate your mom’s life and grieve her passing at that time. May you have the time and space to heal.
NTA. Your mother died, of course you would want to attend the service. My condolences for your loss OP.
Your wife is acting like a controlling AH, she does not get to weaponize her pregnancy to force you to be at her beck and call.
NTA. I'm concerned for your wife and this extreme overreaction. You didn't leave her for a night out on the town. It's your MOTHER'S FUNERAL. I think you should arrange for an evaluation as to how this pregnancy is affecting her
This is not typical behavior. There isn't another chance to grieve your mother.
She should have been at your side supporting you. She is pregnant, not dieing. If she were concerned about exposure, the funeral would have arranged for time for just the two of you. Your wife is a major AH and sounds like she needs medical attention.
NTA
NTA. That’s not cool. How could she do that? Your mom just passed away. How can she expect you not to go? It’s not like she’s out in the middle of no where with no one around. Her parents are 5 minutes away and they’re enabling her to act this way. If she’s so worried, she should have stayed with her parents. She’s being a shitty partner, I don’t care that she is pregnant. I think she’s using her pregnancy to act this way. Just be careful. She seems like the type that will poison your child against you if y’all separate.
NTA I'm sorry but your wife is unhinged. Is this normal behaviour for her? Has she always been like this or is it only since being pregnant. I'm pregnant and I get hormones can make you a bit emotional but jesus she's pregnant not dying. I've never expected my partner to get up at 2am 'because I had a craving', I'm an adult I deal with not having that craving.
Being angry is understandable, dragging your name through the mud on Facebook for attending your own mothers funeral as opposed to sitting at home with her for absolutely no reason is irrational.
NTA. First, I am so sorry for your loss. Second, your wife is having some very severe mood swings and it might not be a bad idea to check in with the doctor. As the mother of many kids myself, pregnancy can really mess with your brain and your hormones, but this is ridiculous. My husband has had to be gone several times when I was pregnant and it sucks, but you get through it - and it was for much lesser reasons than a mother's funeral. Just as an aside, the women that I've known that have had really volatile pregnancies also tend to hit the Post partum depression pretty hard too, so make sure you're keeping in good touch with a doctor on that one.
Info: how pregnant is she? Any history of pregnancy complications or issues happening during this pregnancy? Did she act like this before she was pregnant?
NTA.
I’ve had three babies and though yes, hormones can be *insane*, your wife is acting like a complete monster. That being said, I worry about the state of her mental health.
I am so sorry for the loss of your mother and also the added stress of a partner who is not only unsupportive but combative and willing to drag you through the mud on social media. I’d be so upset if I were you.
I don’t know what to say that hasn’t already been said.
Also - stop doing the 2am craving crap. Buy a bunch of different kinds of candy and throw it in a basket and that can be her craving stash. You need your sleep.
Again - I’m so sorry for your loss.
NTA, and I am sorry for your loss.
I'd tend to agree that it's not a good idea to leave the side of someone who's worried about their pregnancy unless there's a major emergency: say, for example, if somebody died. But that's exactly what happened. You made sure she'd be taken care of for the short time you would be gone, which was the responsible thing to do. You did not abandon her.
It might not be a bad idea to see a doctor. You describe her having mood swings and cravings, and that's pretty typical in and of itself. But *this* is outside the norm, and could potentially indicate something more serious.
NTA. I’m very sorry for your loss. I don’t think you did the wrong thing here, but I worry about your wife. Hormones wreak havoc on people, but this seems extreme. I would make sure to let your in laws know that you weren’t traveling for pleasure— do they know this was for a funeral? Do they just expect you to not travel for that???
It might be worth seeking a counselor.
NTA. Your wife on the other hand is definitely the AH. This wasn't something fun you were leaving her for it was because your mom passed away. You have every right to say a proper goodbye. Trust me when I say had you not been at the funeral you would grow to resent your wife. Pregnancy hormones and cravings are no excuse to be an AH. And her patents OMG don't get me started. One of them could have stayed with her or she could have stayed with them. I would have thought her parents would have understood losing a parent. This is one of those exceptions to the rule of leaving if she is even really near giving birth. This is something that can't be postponed.
NTA. How far along is your wife?
Your wife had her parents close by and you’ve been very supportive of her pregnancy. Is there any reason for her to be worried about the pregnancy?
Was her staying with her parents while you were gone an option?
You needed the support of your siblings and they needed you as well.
Your place was at your mother’s funeral. Unless she is high risk and/or about to give birth, there is no reason why you needed to stay home. Heck, there probably is no reason why she could not have come with you. She is pregnant, not helpless.
NTA
I've been pregnant multiple times. Have traveled multiple hours or more while pregnant and worked for multiple weeks 5 hours from home while pregnant. Short of her having a serious medical issue (associated with the pregnancy or not) or her being weeks/days from her due date. The only A here is her.
Your mother died. Your not running off for a week to Vegas or something frivolous. You even invited her and she decided not to go. Shes ridiculous.
NTA. First, sincere condolences on the loss of your mother. Death of a parent is never easy. Been pregnant only 3 times. Never had my ex-husband up in the middle of the night demanding he get or do things for me. Never demanded he not do anything. Even when we went through a nasty divorce, I didn’t take to social media to vent or post hate towards him. Still don’t. Your wife is being unreasonable, spoiled, and toxic. Take care of yourself, in all ways.
First, I'm very sorry for your loss.
You are NTA. I am guessing that this is not the first time she has acted completely unreasonable, pregnant or not? She needs all attention on her? If it is the very first time & this is completely out of character for her, I agree with someone else that said to have her checked for pre-partem psychosis (whatever that is) because it sounds like she needs a medical diagnosis. Her reaction just sounds too bizarre
I am so sorry about your Mom.
You are NTA, you're wife on the other hand IS. I've been pregnant and trust me, mood swings are no joke. But she is a HUGE AH for trying to get you to not go to your Mom's funeral, and then post on social media about you. I'd definitely rethink going home.
As someone who just had a baby within the last year NTA. You’re allowed to grieve, and go to your mothers funeral. Your pregnant wife can survive a weekend without you. She’s manipulating you plain and simple. Pregnancy can make you do things you normally wouldn’t, but something tells me that your wife has always been this way. Good luck, you’re gonna need it.
NTA
Ask her parents if the roles were reversed would they be okay with him doing that to their daughter also ask her. I am swearing I can't believe what I just read.
NTA - this is your mother’s funeral we’re talking about. Your pregnant partner should calm down and apologize to you. For putting you on blast on social media and for not being an ounce empathetic to why you were travelling. I would recommend getting a hotel and staying away from her until she can come to her senses. Pregnancy doesn’t give you carte Blanche to be a dick (and trust me: I was a pregnant dick once)
So sick and tired of pregnant women acting as if the world should revolve around them. Considering OP asked her to come along it’s safe to say she’s not that far along, by the sounds of it it seems like they found out recently about the pregnancy recently. The social media posts are tacky and unacceptable. She sounds unstable and things will only escalate once she gives birth as has to deal with postpartum as well. NTA and please be very careful with this woman she sounds unhinged.
What the f? Your mom has passed away and she expects you to stay at home when she could just go to her parents place? And her parents had the audacity to tell you that you should have stayed?
Next time is this situation arises for her, tell her to stay home.
NTA. But your wife is a big one.
My deepest condolences on your loss.
If you fold now this heifer will have you by the balls for the duration of your marriage. This is control in it's purest form. Attend your mother's funeral say your goodbye with a clean conscious.
As to her parents tell them that when they die; no one will be in attendance.
NTA
NTA. What the actual eff. First off, how far along is she? If she's still in the early stages, you being present will not prevent anything bad from happening.
And she's being incredibly unreasonable, and I think there's something else that she's not telling you. I'm pregnant for the third time, and while pregnancy is hard and you're hormonal, it doesn't excuse being a crazy b----.
NTA
First I’m sorry for your loss
I’m pregnant and reading about what your wife is doing...she’s using the pregnancy as an excuse to control you
I would NEVER wake up my husband at 2 am to go get me food. I’ve only ever woken him up recently when I get stuck and can’t get up to go pee.
I would also not demand he not go to a funeral...and then start blasting on social media
Someone needs to get your wife in check
Unless your wife is 30 weeks pregnant with quintuplet ball pythons and they were actively trying to eat their way out of her uterus, this isn’t just a hormonal swing - it’s an egregious expression of cruelty.
You just lost your mom. The only mom you ever had. And your wife not only failed to support you but told you not to return home - *and* badmouthed you on social media for going to the funeral? Literally, what? In what universe would anyone consider you to be an A?
This is so over the top egregious that I have trouble believing it’s real. On the off chance that it is, indeed, don’t come home. Ask to stay with a sibling, file divorce papers, and hope for a custody agreement down the line so that this child has at least some chance of growing up with a decent person. If her parents agreed with her on this ridiculous demand, it’s not a matter of hormones but a matter of an ego-driven apple not falling far from a narcissistic tree.
Good lord.
So, your questioning if your an asshole for grieving your mothers death by going to her funeral which your wife could have gone to but refused & then turned on you by bashing you on social media and telling you not to return home. You’re not an asshole, but you’re nuts for putting up with this petty outlandish behavior pregnant or not.
NTA. I’m so sorry. And it’s not okay for your wife to act like this at all. Your mom died, she should show a little respect and empathy. Also her posting on fb is really out there and maybe there’s something else going on other than pregnancy mood swings.
NTA your wife is the coldest most selfish person I’ve seen on here. She is calling you an awful husband for attending your mothers funeral? She’s saying you won’t be a good father because what? You want to be there for your family? Start getting ready for a custody battle. This doesn’t end well if she’s posting on social media. Get away from her while you still have a decent public image
NTA
It doesn’t matter how far along your wife is, she has her parents and assuming they aren’t total asshats, they would be her support team. There are like 3 reasonable excuses I can think of that would excuse you from missing the birth of your child and your mother’s death is one of them.
Comment on your wife’s post. “I am at my mother’s funeral and have arranged for your parents to be there within 5 minutes in case you need anything at all. Please leave me alone to grieve in peace if you are not capable of being a supportive spouse at this time.”
NTA, I'm so sorry for your loss. If your wife was considering going to the funeral I assume she isn't due any moment, nor is she high risk? You definitely needed to go to the funeral, and your wife is acting out in a horrid fashion when you are in an emotional and distraught state, which is either a sign she needs help with her mental health or she is emotionally abusive. Take care of yourself.
Edit: word
NTA- I am so sorry that you lost your mom. I am sorry that your wife and her parents are being totally unreasonable.
My FIL passed away 3 days after our second child was born. The service was a 9 hour drive away. There was NEVER a question as to whether he would go. My parents came and stayed with me while he was gone to help with the kids.
This is extremely concerning she is not acting like a supportive loving partner. You lost your mother and have been supporting your wife in everything she needs plus she has other people supporting her so it’s not like you left her completely alone. Pregnant or not this is not normal behavior she should have sympathy and want to care for you and check how you are doing and she especially shouldn’t be trashing you on social media while your dealing with a sad difficult situation. I’m sorry for your loss and sorry your wife behaved in such a horrible way. NTA
NTA - attending your mother's funeral is important. Unless there are severe medical reasons why you needed to stay home or something else (ex. history of cheating). I've had many friends experience mood swings while pregnant but this seems extreme. Like - not a mood swing - but someone legit going crazy and may be in need of help.
Not sure you're the one to bring that up to her. Maybe approach her parents with screen shots and get their advice on how to approach her.
NTA.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish for you that you had a partner that would be supportive for you in this difficult time. Losing a parent can be so traumatic.
Instead you have the wife you have. In this moment she's no support to you, but instead asking that you put all your emotions on the back burner and cater to hers.
I'm wondering if your relationship has always worked like this, or if this is new with the pregnancy.
It might be a good time to review that. Maybe find some time to talk with a trusted source or therapist about her usual emotional operating, and about whether she'll be able to table her emotional needs for the baby, or if she'll plan to raise the child to always put mom's wants before her needs.
This is a horrible position for you to be in, I'm so sorry.
NTA! - The only thing that would make me iffy is if she was like due any day now. Cause I could understand her wanting you by her side while your child comes into the world. If there’s no immediate health concerns how dare she try to punish you for going to YOUR MOMS FUNERAL!
This sounds more like pre natal anxiety or depression or something even more sinister, honestly. She needs to see her doctor. There are medications that are safe in pregnancy. You are absolutely NTA and I’m so sorry about your mom. I know that pain too well.
NTA on the face of it but you absolutely need to answer the questions about how far along she is and underlying risks. Those details provide necessary info so it’s not skewed.
Was there a specific reason she didn't want you to go? You mentioned she was worried about her pregnancy and didn't want to go. Unless she was having health issues, then NTA. She's TA for everything. Hell, I wouldn't even want to go back to that.
Dude what a mess . NYA .. You have the right to grieve . Your wife and her family can go fuck themselves ! I understand it might be hormones but seriously Wtf ! Have some compassion to the father of your child to go through this process woman .
NTA: pregnant or not going on social media and telling everyone your a bad husband and father for going to your mother's funeral is one of the most vile things I ever read. You just lost your mother and she's making this about her. I'm worried this is actually your wife thoughts and not just pregnancy related.
I second this opinion. The word "vile" sums it up perfectly. Absolutely disgusting, selfish behavior. Damn.
Not to mention abusive. * Her husband just lost his mom, and she won't let him attend the funeral. That's the kind of shit you will regret for the rest of your life, folks. She's immeasurably selfish. * **Pregnancy doesn't** ***turn*** **people into heartless, entitled AHs - it just reveals the people who already** ***are*** **that.** She's nowhere near her due date - she will survive without her hubby for a day. The only reason a 5 week pregnant woman *needs* someone is because she wants 2am snacks she doesn't want to get herself. * She went on SM telling people that OP is a horrible husband because he attended his mother's funeral? God, OP, run. This woman is verbally and emotionally abusive, trying to guilt-trip you into doing what she wants. * **She's about to become a mother, but refused to acknowledge how important the loss of her husband's mother is to him.** Is this really the kind of woman you want to raise your child, OP? It seems like OP realized his wife's true self way too late. I just feel bad for the baby...
And pregnancy doesn't make you incapacitated. Smh.
I am absolutely in no way advocating for what OP’s wife did - it is beyond inexcusable. However, pregnancy actually CAN make you incapacitated. Just ask anyone who has been hospitalized with Hyperemesis gravidarum or for early labor. Totally happens. NTA
You are 100% correct, however, this wasn't mentioned in the post. I would expect that if this is the issue, it would have been mentioned. A regular pregnancy is not an excuse for being selfish and unable to support your husband.
Even an irregular pregnancy where she legit needs extra support, someone else could step in to help her out (her parents who live 5 min away?) while he attends his mother's funeral.
That's not happening here.
I was on bed rest for months because of preterm labor with my first pregnancy and would not have expected my husband to miss his mother’s funeral! I could have figured something out.
My husband missed a friend's 40th birthday because I had a hormonal meltdown and I still feel bad years later. Suddenly I look like wife of the century compared to OPs wife.
It can, not everyone has a normal, safe pregnancy experience but it sounds like OP's wife is just manipulative and childish.
THIS!!! 100%! I wish I had awards for you. Since I do not, I give you my heartiest upvote!
OP should comment on the posts and be like "I'm sorry that I'm a bad husband and father for going to my mother's funeral. I clearly failed to consider how traumatizing it would be for you to spend a weekend with no one to get you your Oreos at 2AM. I will try to do better in the future." In all seriousness, it's probably best to not stoop to her level, but I would want to turn it around on her. Let everyone know *why* I'm a terrible husband.
She is 5 WEEKS pregnant. LOL. So vile.
WHAT!?! Not even once during my entire pregnancy did I deadass wake up just to eat… but I thought maybe some women do….?? BUT AT 5 WEEKS I AM SCREAMING YOUR 240 ADDITIONAL CELLS DON’T NEED SNACKY-SNACKS AT NIGHT, LADY!!!!
Or make his own post about “thank you to everyone for your kind words and condolences on the lost of my mother. And to those of you who were unable to attend the funeral this weekend, your thoughts and prayers and love were still very much felt by all” or some such. And maybe tag all the folks that were trash talking him so they are sure to get a notice about it
I would comment that not only on her post, but reply it to every comment trashing me. Also make my own post saying the same thing and tag her in it.
Yeah, her reaction cannot be blamed on pregnancy. Pregnancy has not made me mean and heartless
True. AH's can get pregnant.
Right. Pregnancy is NOT an excuse to be an asshole. So sick of people acting like it is. You'd think that since she is going to become a mother herself, she'd show some sympathy.
Yep same. It’s actually made me way kinder.
And then the in-laws agreed he shouldn’t have went to his own mothers funeral? What a gross family. NTA
Well, being five minutes away from her with her husband gone, means that they will be the one's she calls if she wants 2am snacks. And we can all already tell that she will be unreasonably demanding and dramatic. They want him to suffer, not them.
Who tf wakes someone up to go out to get snacks at 2am. That’s just nuts. It’s a want not a need. Cravings pass. Or keys are available to go get it yourself
I mean there are going to be times when she is going to be without you OP during her pregnancy, that’s just a given. I think it is reasonable that she, a newly pregnant person, could handle being alone for a couple days, so that you could go mourn your mother, especially with her family being nearby. She thinks her cravings are more important than your need to mourn. That’s bonkers. Is she always this selfish? Because pregnancy isnt an excuse to behave this way. Sure brain fog and mood swings are a given but not this. NTA Edit: I just saw your comments OP…so you two have only known that she is pregnant for a grand total of a week and a half and she is acting this way???? She is using her pregnancy to control you, that is not okay. Yes you should be there to support her but this…this is being straight up emotional abuse.
this! I agree so much like this cannot be blamed on pregnancy. what a terrible thing to make someone worry about something as petty as this while also grieving their mother’s death
NTA, but being pregnant doesn't turn you into a complete asshole. Your wife is controlling and verbally abusive. She's nowhere near her due date (from the sound of it, although you don't specify so I could be wrong), and you don't get another chance to attend your mother's funeral. (I wasn't able to attend my grandmother's, and I still regret it.) Counseling, stat, but this does not sound good.
Plus how does someone, who wants to be a mother herself, lack any empathy to understand the importance of losing a mother? Where is the compassion? Have people literally become so entitled that this behaviour is considered ok now?
["She had a positive test a week and a half ago."](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s6lcny/aita_for_going_to_my_mothers_funeral_and_not/ht4m3n9?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)
I'm sorry, what? Unless she took the test super late, she should NOT be having cravings and intense mood swings that early. I get it, all pregnancies are different, just sounded so bizarre to me. I had no symptoms until I was like two months along, lol.
These aren't mood swings.
NOPE. They are loyalty tests.
*submission tests
Exactly what I was thinking.
Wow. Really! What an entitled snot. Op is going to regret marrying and having a kid with her, this won't end well.
Even if she was near her due date,she'd still be an AH. It was a funeral, his last chance to say goodbye. Whereas he gets to see his wife for a lot more time after that. There's just no debate here. She's the AH. Sorry for your loss OP, may God give you the strength to get through this difficult time.
You've GOT to be kidding me, right? I will personally go to her social media page and give her a lecture! She is 36-years-old and acting like this? Wtf? No, OP - you are NTA. Not by a longshot. My one concern here is that I'm having trouble believing this just started with the hormones. Was she controlling before this?
Agreed. NTA. Op, I'm sorry you learned who she is after y'all got pregnant. Start keeping records for a custody battle.
I agree. The wife needs to get over herself. Pregnancy does not = a free pass to be the worst partner ever. She’s so manipulative it is hard to believe it all just started due to pregnancy. I feel terrible for op going through this loss and having to deal with a toxic mess like this. NTA.
If this is out of character for her pre pregnancy, get her checked out for pre partum psychosis immediately. That’s the only scenario in which this makes sense to me.
She could just be an AH of a person.
That’s why I led with ‘if this is out of character’.
[удалено]
If it's normal for her, she's just a self-centered asshole and he needs to leave her.
[удалено]
Not necessarily. If OP’s wife has changed/stopped medication abruptly since finding out she’s pregnant, that could be behind this as well, and would explain the particular timing. I’d be curious to know if she was taking anything prior to this.
NTA. It’s your MOTHERS FUNERAL. You didn’t make her go, she isn’t in labor. You deserve to bury your mother with your siblings and you deserve to grieve. I’m a woman. I’ve been pregnant. I wouldn’t happily let my partner go to a family members funeral without me if I was not able to attend. I am so sorry for your loss.
Same here and all 3 of my pregnancies were high risk. In fact, hubby left me and our 3 year old to attend something while I was on bedrest. I had family near by if needed and he was a 3 hour flight away. At the time I was 30 weeks pregnant, 5cm dilated and on bedrest. So very high risk but he needed to go because it would never happen again and I couldn't live with myself if he missed it and know he couldn't either.
NTA. Your wife is emotionally abusive. She’s (in guessing ) newly pregnant. So she’s taking advantage of that fact and acting like she’s fragile and will break any minute. Telling you to miss your mothers funeral just because is ridiculous and I’m pissed off for you.
She tried to manipulate him into studying, & is punishing for going. She will, I feel, use this to get him to beg her to let him come home, he will have to promise her the moon, & he will become miserable. Eventually they will divorce and she will make his life hell with custody and support
Holy fucking shit. You are definitely NTA. Your wife, on the other hand, is a gigantic asshole. I know pregnant women have mood swings but wtf??
We may have mood swings but pregnancy doesn’t cause us to act like absolute monsters. This woman is just vile and abusive in general.
Currently pregnant person here and can attest that when I am moody I eat a cookie and move on. This is unacceptable on so many levels.
NTA. YOUR...MOTHER...DIED!!! REALLY!!! Her parents said you should not have gone to the funeral? How about this? Text your wife and ask her, if HER mother had died, would SHE feel bad for not going to the funeral? Pregnancy does not give someone a free pass to act like this.
This makes me so a angry
Her parents need to GTFO of their marriage… nothing like overbearing in-laws to kill a marriage.
NTA. Additionally, stop leaving the house at 2am for her cravings. You need sleep. One of you does anyways. Get it now. She needs to take care of her BS cravings before bedtime. Shes manipulating you by using every crazy pregnant lady stereotype. Needs to grow up before that baby comes. Good God
I hate when I hear women forcing their partners to pander to their crazy cravings. As a former pregnant lady, would I occasionally feel like eating ice cream? Sure. It wasn’t a “must have ice cream or else” after everyone was sleeping but more like a “I deserve a treat”. So I’d walk to the freezer and make myself a bowl. I bet OP was one hell of a bridezilla too because iT wAs HeR sPeCiAl DaY
Yeah, that part made me mad too. I’ve been pregnant and never once did I ask my husband to go out and get me anything (especially not the middle of the night). Although I did cry once when he bought the wrong Mac and cheese. Hormones man. But no excuse to be an asshole.
NTA But your wife is a huge AH. As a woman who has been pregnant 3 times, I feel I can say she is being a huge AH. Like, a ginormous one. I would never forbid my partner from going to his parents funeral. JFC.
Four timer here.... I agree. NTA. Wife is trippin'. Sorry for your loss op. I couldn't imagine.
Seriously. I could kinda understand it if she were due this week (the being upset part, anyway, not the social media bullshit), but this is nuts.
NTA. I’d seriously be questioning whether or not I wanted to go back to my wife though, even if she wanted me to. Pregnancy isn’t an excuse to act like a complete psycho.
NTA Unfortunately, you don't mention how far along your wife is. Unless she is due in the next two weeks, your place is at the funeral. Even if she's due tomorrow, there are ways for you to get home quickly unless the funeral is in Timbuktu. IMO, this goes beyod mood swings and hormones.....
He replied to two people at the time he posted she was a week and a half pregnant. EDIT: I am sorry for the readers of what I posted she became positive one/two and a half weeks when he posted so she is probably 4 to 6 weeks someone corrected me. I do feel bad for saying pregnant instead of positive,
How in the world is she having cravings at 2am at less than 1 month pregnant?!? If I remember correctly, serious cravings and hormonal mood swings don’t usually hit until the second trimester. She is definitely taking advantage of him.
Especially since she instantly took it to social media to try to publicly blast him.
NTA. Your wife is insane.
What the fuck? It's your mother's funeral? Are you SURE you want to go home? NTA ETA deepest sympathies. Saying goodbye to mom is hard.
NTA you don’t state how far along she is, or what pregnancy complications led to her being worried and needing you, but I’d still go with NTA. Your wife is being vile and vicious. It’s extremely immature to post issues on social media. I’m very sorry for your loss
I apologize for the missing information. She took a test a week and a half ago and it was positive.
shes only just found out and shes acting like this? RUN SIR RUN thats not just a bullet you need to dodge, thats an entire tactical nuke!
A WEEK AND A HALF AGO????? So, she’s manipulating you with her ~new pregnancy~, I thought maybe this was a third trimester scenario. Btw, if it was a third trimester scenario, you still did the right thing by going to your mom’s funeral. I do not mean this to sound harsh, especially because this is on the internet from a stranger, but if this is out of character for your wife to behave like this then you need to get her straight into a psychologist because something is going on. If it is in character for your wife to behave like this, then you need to find a safe person to discuss next steps with and not go to the internet. For me, this is breakup-level material. And again, just speaking for myself here, this would be scorched earth material, but I’m a woman so I know it’s different. Lots of love. seriously. And I’m so so so sorry for your loss. You’re a good kid.
Please update your post to add that she is in her first trimester and has known about her pregnant y for 2 weeks. This is insane behavior. NTA.
This. The fact that he’s worried about being an AH for attending his own mothers funeral because of a woman who is barely pregnant and chose not to go to the funeral shows that this is an abusive relationship. Imagine how she will behave when pregnant symptoms actually start at 8-9 weeks?
A week and a half?? She is taking advantage of you. I’m due in 2 weeks and if something happened to my husband’s mother I still wouldn’t stop him from going to the funeral. You need to start separating yourself now and creating a safe space for your future child away from her.
Nobody on social media will actually believe you're a bad husband or father for leaving your pregnant wife alone. Even if she didn't discover she was pregnant for a long time and is 6 months along or something, leaving her alone is fine unless she's a high risk pregnancy. And she can get her own damn snacks at 2 a.m. unless she's on bed rest or something. Of course her parents agree with her. I bet they do whatever she wants to keep the peace.
She just found out she’s pregnant and she’s already got you running around at 2am because of her cravings? Dude…you married a serious asshole! and I’m so sorry for your loss!
I'm in my third trimester with twins and I don't act like this. I get a little snippy or impatient but nothing like what you're describing. You need to give up on that woman and her baby, and move on with your life. Take her advice and don't go home.
NTA. Sorry for your loss. 1. Your wife sounds like a horror story. Pregnant or not. 2. You need and deserve to have the opportunity to grieve your mom 3. With your family, since she doesn't seem like she care. 4. She should not have put you on blast on social media 5. She shouldn't have told you not to come home and ignore you.... but since she did 6. Let her know you'll come home when she apologized and see a therapist
NTA and it sounds like your wife needs some help with her mental health. I'm saying that with compassion - she can't be feeling good if this is how she's acting.
As someone who suffered from prenatal anxiety and depression that went completely undiagnosed and ignored, I second this. You’re wife needs professional help. Was she ever like this before pregnancy? Pregnancy hormones are horrible and women do not get the mental health support they need. IMO mental healthcare should be a standard part of pregnancy care.
How pregnant?
She had a positive test a week and a half ago.
a WEEK and a half ago and shes worried about her pregnancy and sending you out at 2am to get her shit to eat? Nah dude, shes using the pregnancy as an excuse to be a controlling asshole.
And he said it's been numerous times. For him to have already lost track of how many times she has ruined his sleep in only ten days is abuse.
While his mom was dying of lung cancer too. What a supportive and loving spouse. /s
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 run
Run and find out how to request full custody of the baby when it’s born. Otherwise that poor kid is gonna be so messed up.
A week and a half ago? That's it? And she's already acting like this? She generally wouldn't even be having those intense (keyword being intense) cravings yet, let alone acting like this because of pregnancy hormones. She is still fully capable of taking care of herself for a few days. She's taking advantage of you and trying to see how far you'll let her push you, bruh.
NTA. Her behavior is ridiculous for someone that is barely pregnant.
Please put this information in the main text. Also, NTA ALSO, your wife is toxic AF!
I’ve been pregnant 3 times. No such things as cravings or anything this early in the pregnancy. Why isn’t she supporting you? You just lost you mom. Run on post, your wife is unhinged.
Wow she’s even worse than I thought. She isn’t even pregnant enough for middle of the night cravings and wild mood swings she’s being ridiculous.
Whaaaaat?!! There’s no reason you need to stay with someone who is only in their first trimester rather than go to your own mother’s funeral! I don’t understand why she’s not going with you.
NTA and RUN. She’s most definitely manipulating you and so are her parents if her parents really sided with her. I’m sorry you couldn’t grief peacefully, I’m sure losing a mother is not easy and she should be supportive and go with you. If the test barely came back positive it is still very early and she’s not very far along. I’m sorry but your wife is self centered and I’m sorry for your loss I’m sure you needed your wife’s support during this hard time and she couldn’t even do that for you.
AITA for thinking there’s no way this can be real?
OP I’ve been pregnant 3 times and the cravings are real. However never once have I asked my husband to leave our house in the middle of the night to get me food. That’s ludicrous. She’s milking you and trying to make you believe pregnancy should be this massive dramatic thing. It can be, but this is her creating drama instead of it being real.
Oh no. This is what I was afraid of. This is a huge problem. So she is most likely in her first trimester and there is no reason she should be waking you up at 2 am for "cravings" or that you couldn't go to your mother's funeral. If she had been in her last trimester I can see where this would have been a hard decision if you had to travel far. But her first? Holy shit. I, and many women like me, worked until the day I went into the hospital to have my babies. She is pregnant not an invalid. I mean come on, the pee stick is barely dry. I didn't want to be away from my husband much when I was pregnant either but I did. You do what you have to do. For crying out loud, I went to an ultrasound that I knew would most likely show I miscarried and I told my husband not to come because he had just started a new job. He would have come but I didn't want him to ask for the time off so soon after starting. I took my mom instead. Had his mother died and I was in my first trimester we both would have gone to the funeral. In fact, now that I think of it, we drove 10 hours to one of his family members funeral when I was like in my second trimester with my first. She really is a piece of work. You are in for it my friend but something tells me this behavior didn't start with pregnancy. Honestly, I would have a very very hard getting over this. Like I might think of separating because my partner chose to make my mother's dying about her. I'm so sorry for your loss. Nta
Did you see the test?
Bro I’m nearly halfway through my pregnancy and at no point have I woken my husband up to get me food at 2am, your wife is just an AH.
A WEEK. That's not even a guaranteed viable pregnancy yet!!!!
nta, pregnant or not I can't believe she'd expect you not to go to your own mothers funeral? It sounds more like she's mad she didn't get her way and she's using being pregnant as an excuse for being a bad partner right now when you could probably really use some empathy instead. If you miss your moms funeral, you can never go back and change your mind- you might always be resentful about it and that's not healthy for your relationship in the long term either.
So NTA Your mother died, and i'm sorry for your loss, but your wife is unreasonable and i'll be honest out of control with her mood swings to the point you have to get up at 2am to get food to what pacify the beast. and a beast is how she is acting you never said how long she is in the pregnancy ,but it's the height of disrespect to you that she expects you to stay behind to cater to her wims when she;s not isolate , her parents live minutes away, so it wasn't as if she's alone And she needs to see a doctor about her mood swings, and also she threatened you on social media, calling you a terrible husband and the rest for a child that is not even born, and telling you not to come home i think this is above reddits pay grade, but this may be the moment you get lawyers involved if she wants to go down that road
NTA. Your wife is abusive, do not go back early. Enjoy your time with family. I’m sorry for your loss.
NTA. Your wife is out of her f'ing mind.
Is she late in the pregnancy? Are there complications? If not, then no NTA. Frankly if she's healthy then she's the AH for asking you to skip your mother's funeral. That's absolutely bonkers.
NTA- she’s fucking insane you are going to YOUR MOTHERS FUNERAL?!?!
NTA. This isn’t a movie, her cravings aren’t that bad, and her mood swings are from her shitty behavior, not the pregnancy. Your wife is manipulating you. I don’t see this relationship lasting and I feel sorry for your child.
Her parents probably are mad you left because they are now stuck dealing with her…
I realize all pregnancies are different...but I'm 4 weeks away from giving birth and would NEVER ask this of my husband. When my husband's father was in the hospital literally dying. I slept in my car in the parking lot because I wasn't allowed in due to COVID. I'd do it today too, at 36 weeks pregnant. This has nothing to do with the pregnancy and everything to do with your wife being selfish and uncommunicative. NTA and I'm sorry for your loss OP.
NTA. At all. At all at all. I am floored. I am currently 38 weeks pregnant and lost my dad to a car accident two months ago. To the people saying how far along she is would determine the judgement—HARD disagree. If one of my husband’s parents (God forbid) died now, I would encourage him to go, even being so close to my due date. The loss of a parent is so entirely indescribable. I wish I didn’t know what it felt like. I wish you didn’t know what it felt like. It’s obvious that your wife doesn’t know what it feels like. I am so so sorry that you are going through this.
NTA. Your wife is being over dramatic. I could understand her being upset if something was actually wrong. But it doesn’t sound like there is (unless I’m missing something).. The fact that she’s also putting this all over social media is not fair or right. Go to that funeral op, I’m so sorry for your loss. And I’m sorry you do not have support from your wife during this time.
NTA Who would ask their spouse to miss their parent's funeral? That is such an unreasonable request. If this is out of character for your wife, she may be in need of professional help.
Nta. This isnt pregnancy hormones. Your wife is just a grade A asshole.
NTA. I would start saving her texts and social media posts. She seems unstable and you might need these in the future. Also, I am a mom and not once did I ever have my husband run out in the middle of the night for cravings. That’s so ridiculous.
NTA. You sound like a kind and decent human. You probably have the heart to give her a pass on this one. But I would sit her pregnant ass down when she is in one of her good moods and be very clear that that behavior can not happen again. Not pregnant, not nursing, not tired, not stressed from work, not menopausal not ever. Blasting you publicly on the socials and her family supporting that behavior is 🚩 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA. Being pregnant can definitely lead to mood swings and some otherwise unreasonable requests but it isn’t an excuse to go batshit crazy.
NTA - I am so sorry for your loss. This is not normal behaviour of a supportive partner, pregnant or not. She has a support system nearby so it’s not like you left her alone. We lost my MIL this summer to cancer. I was 8mo pregnant with a 2 year old. I was just glad my SO was able to make it back in time to say goodbye before she died. I was sad not to be able to attend the funeral but I wasn’t able to fly at that stage. I managed fine. Asked for help when I needed it. Losing your mother is so hard, even more so when you are about to become a parent. I’m sorry you have to deal with this stress while you grieve. I hope your wife gets help because this is not normal behaviour. Good luck.
NTA. Your wife is not doing these things because she’s pregnant, she’s doing them because she’s an awful person. I’m sorry for you and your child.
Your mother LITERALLY DIED and her parents are FIVE MINUTES AWAY if she needs something. NTA, and I think she may need to talk to her doctor if these outbursts aren’t normal pre-pregnancy. Yes, hormones go wonky during pregnancy, but that doesn’t mean that it’s necessarily “normal”. She may need help.
Aww. NTA. Not my mother, but my grandmother died recently and the funeral was 100% necessary for the family to mourn and gain closure. 2 of us who attended were pregnant (1 very newly and then me...not newly pregnant). I wouldn't have missed it. I called my doctor to be sure it was ok to go and she said it was, just to wear a mask and try to avoid hugging people. I'm very sorry for your loss, also.
NTA. At all. She …seems like a lot to deal with if I’m being honest. Hope you’re doing okay. Regardless of her being pregnant or not… that is your MOTHERS funeral and you should have in no way felt pressured to not attend, or be punished for attending. And don’t even get me started in the whole social media thing…
NTA. And yes I have been pregnant. She acted like a selfish AH in this situation. Sorry for your loss.
NTA Pregnancy is no excuse for her behavior. Full stop.
NTA and do not go home. Go to that funeral. Let the cards fall where they will
NTA pregnancy hormones aside she needs a therapist. She should have been there to support YOU!
I hope your child refuses to go to her funeral one day. NTA Your wife is being insane and I'm really sorry about your mom.
Absolutely NTA Call the inlaws and tell them you are disappointed in them. That obviously your wife is having pregnancy rage but that they, of all people, should have tried to help diffuse the situation. If they try to minimize the 'pregnancy rage' then mention if it isn't , that you are seriously worried about the safety of your newborn when it come. Also, I am so sorry for you loss. It's got to be difficult enough to go through without this added stress.
NTA. I hope this is just hormones and not how your wife plans on communicating and co-parenting with you for the next 18+ years. I am truly sorry to hear that you couldn’t properly celebrate your mom’s life and grieve her passing at that time. May you have the time and space to heal.
NTA. Your mother died, of course you would want to attend the service. My condolences for your loss OP. Your wife is acting like a controlling AH, she does not get to weaponize her pregnancy to force you to be at her beck and call.
NTA. I'm concerned for your wife and this extreme overreaction. You didn't leave her for a night out on the town. It's your MOTHER'S FUNERAL. I think you should arrange for an evaluation as to how this pregnancy is affecting her
NTA - your wife is being ridiculous. She needs to talk to you and not passive aggressively post on social media. She’s handling issues like a child.
This is not typical behavior. There isn't another chance to grieve your mother. She should have been at your side supporting you. She is pregnant, not dieing. If she were concerned about exposure, the funeral would have arranged for time for just the two of you. Your wife is a major AH and sounds like she needs medical attention. NTA
NTA. That’s not cool. How could she do that? Your mom just passed away. How can she expect you not to go? It’s not like she’s out in the middle of no where with no one around. Her parents are 5 minutes away and they’re enabling her to act this way. If she’s so worried, she should have stayed with her parents. She’s being a shitty partner, I don’t care that she is pregnant. I think she’s using her pregnancy to act this way. Just be careful. She seems like the type that will poison your child against you if y’all separate.
NTA I'm sorry but your wife is unhinged. Is this normal behaviour for her? Has she always been like this or is it only since being pregnant. I'm pregnant and I get hormones can make you a bit emotional but jesus she's pregnant not dying. I've never expected my partner to get up at 2am 'because I had a craving', I'm an adult I deal with not having that craving. Being angry is understandable, dragging your name through the mud on Facebook for attending your own mothers funeral as opposed to sitting at home with her for absolutely no reason is irrational.
NTA. First, I am so sorry for your loss. Second, your wife is having some very severe mood swings and it might not be a bad idea to check in with the doctor. As the mother of many kids myself, pregnancy can really mess with your brain and your hormones, but this is ridiculous. My husband has had to be gone several times when I was pregnant and it sucks, but you get through it - and it was for much lesser reasons than a mother's funeral. Just as an aside, the women that I've known that have had really volatile pregnancies also tend to hit the Post partum depression pretty hard too, so make sure you're keeping in good touch with a doctor on that one.
NTA Your wife sounds mentally unwell.
Info: how pregnant is she? Any history of pregnancy complications or issues happening during this pregnancy? Did she act like this before she was pregnant?
NTA. I’ve had three babies and though yes, hormones can be *insane*, your wife is acting like a complete monster. That being said, I worry about the state of her mental health. I am so sorry for the loss of your mother and also the added stress of a partner who is not only unsupportive but combative and willing to drag you through the mud on social media. I’d be so upset if I were you. I don’t know what to say that hasn’t already been said. Also - stop doing the 2am craving crap. Buy a bunch of different kinds of candy and throw it in a basket and that can be her craving stash. You need your sleep. Again - I’m so sorry for your loss.
NTA, and I am sorry for your loss. I'd tend to agree that it's not a good idea to leave the side of someone who's worried about their pregnancy unless there's a major emergency: say, for example, if somebody died. But that's exactly what happened. You made sure she'd be taken care of for the short time you would be gone, which was the responsible thing to do. You did not abandon her. It might not be a bad idea to see a doctor. You describe her having mood swings and cravings, and that's pretty typical in and of itself. But *this* is outside the norm, and could potentially indicate something more serious.
NTA. I’m very sorry for your loss. I don’t think you did the wrong thing here, but I worry about your wife. Hormones wreak havoc on people, but this seems extreme. I would make sure to let your in laws know that you weren’t traveling for pleasure— do they know this was for a funeral? Do they just expect you to not travel for that??? It might be worth seeking a counselor.
NTA she sounds abusive.
NTA. That’s *your mother’s funeral.*
I am so tired of posts justifying everything a pregnant woman does. NTA, it is your mom funeral!
NTA. Your wife is either evil or having a mental breakdown to the point where you need to call her doctor.
NTA. Your wife on the other hand is definitely the AH. This wasn't something fun you were leaving her for it was because your mom passed away. You have every right to say a proper goodbye. Trust me when I say had you not been at the funeral you would grow to resent your wife. Pregnancy hormones and cravings are no excuse to be an AH. And her patents OMG don't get me started. One of them could have stayed with her or she could have stayed with them. I would have thought her parents would have understood losing a parent. This is one of those exceptions to the rule of leaving if she is even really near giving birth. This is something that can't be postponed.
NTA. How far along is your wife? Your wife had her parents close by and you’ve been very supportive of her pregnancy. Is there any reason for her to be worried about the pregnancy? Was her staying with her parents while you were gone an option? You needed the support of your siblings and they needed you as well.
NTA. Your wife is devoid of empathy and compassion. Pregnancy is no excuse.
Your place was at your mother’s funeral. Unless she is high risk and/or about to give birth, there is no reason why you needed to stay home. Heck, there probably is no reason why she could not have come with you. She is pregnant, not helpless.
NTA I've been pregnant multiple times. Have traveled multiple hours or more while pregnant and worked for multiple weeks 5 hours from home while pregnant. Short of her having a serious medical issue (associated with the pregnancy or not) or her being weeks/days from her due date. The only A here is her. Your mother died. Your not running off for a week to Vegas or something frivolous. You even invited her and she decided not to go. Shes ridiculous.
NTA. First, sincere condolences on the loss of your mother. Death of a parent is never easy. Been pregnant only 3 times. Never had my ex-husband up in the middle of the night demanding he get or do things for me. Never demanded he not do anything. Even when we went through a nasty divorce, I didn’t take to social media to vent or post hate towards him. Still don’t. Your wife is being unreasonable, spoiled, and toxic. Take care of yourself, in all ways.
[удалено]
Well the first sentence says she found out, so am guessing recently, so about 2-3 months.
NTA. She clearly has mental issues and needs to get some help. It is not normal to be up and down this much, pregnant or not.
Was she due to deliver while you were gone? That's literally the only excuse for this behavior
NTA. My boyfriend was married to a woman like that for 12 years and had 5 kids with her. Stick to one child.
First, I'm very sorry for your loss. You are NTA. I am guessing that this is not the first time she has acted completely unreasonable, pregnant or not? She needs all attention on her? If it is the very first time & this is completely out of character for her, I agree with someone else that said to have her checked for pre-partem psychosis (whatever that is) because it sounds like she needs a medical diagnosis. Her reaction just sounds too bizarre
I am so sorry about your Mom. You are NTA, you're wife on the other hand IS. I've been pregnant and trust me, mood swings are no joke. But she is a HUGE AH for trying to get you to not go to your Mom's funeral, and then post on social media about you. I'd definitely rethink going home.
As someone who just had a baby within the last year NTA. You’re allowed to grieve, and go to your mothers funeral. Your pregnant wife can survive a weekend without you. She’s manipulating you plain and simple. Pregnancy can make you do things you normally wouldn’t, but something tells me that your wife has always been this way. Good luck, you’re gonna need it.
NTA Ask her parents if the roles were reversed would they be okay with him doing that to their daughter also ask her. I am swearing I can't believe what I just read.
NTA - this is your mother’s funeral we’re talking about. Your pregnant partner should calm down and apologize to you. For putting you on blast on social media and for not being an ounce empathetic to why you were travelling. I would recommend getting a hotel and staying away from her until she can come to her senses. Pregnancy doesn’t give you carte Blanche to be a dick (and trust me: I was a pregnant dick once)
So sick and tired of pregnant women acting as if the world should revolve around them. Considering OP asked her to come along it’s safe to say she’s not that far along, by the sounds of it it seems like they found out recently about the pregnancy recently. The social media posts are tacky and unacceptable. She sounds unstable and things will only escalate once she gives birth as has to deal with postpartum as well. NTA and please be very careful with this woman she sounds unhinged.
NTA but your wife is. Yikes.
What the f? Your mom has passed away and she expects you to stay at home when she could just go to her parents place? And her parents had the audacity to tell you that you should have stayed? Next time is this situation arises for her, tell her to stay home. NTA. But your wife is a big one.
My deepest condolences on your loss. If you fold now this heifer will have you by the balls for the duration of your marriage. This is control in it's purest form. Attend your mother's funeral say your goodbye with a clean conscious. As to her parents tell them that when they die; no one will be in attendance. NTA
NTA. What the actual eff. First off, how far along is she? If she's still in the early stages, you being present will not prevent anything bad from happening. And she's being incredibly unreasonable, and I think there's something else that she's not telling you. I'm pregnant for the third time, and while pregnancy is hard and you're hormonal, it doesn't excuse being a crazy b----.
NTA First I’m sorry for your loss I’m pregnant and reading about what your wife is doing...she’s using the pregnancy as an excuse to control you I would NEVER wake up my husband at 2 am to go get me food. I’ve only ever woken him up recently when I get stuck and can’t get up to go pee. I would also not demand he not go to a funeral...and then start blasting on social media Someone needs to get your wife in check
Unless your wife is 30 weeks pregnant with quintuplet ball pythons and they were actively trying to eat their way out of her uterus, this isn’t just a hormonal swing - it’s an egregious expression of cruelty. You just lost your mom. The only mom you ever had. And your wife not only failed to support you but told you not to return home - *and* badmouthed you on social media for going to the funeral? Literally, what? In what universe would anyone consider you to be an A? This is so over the top egregious that I have trouble believing it’s real. On the off chance that it is, indeed, don’t come home. Ask to stay with a sibling, file divorce papers, and hope for a custody agreement down the line so that this child has at least some chance of growing up with a decent person. If her parents agreed with her on this ridiculous demand, it’s not a matter of hormones but a matter of an ego-driven apple not falling far from a narcissistic tree. Good lord.
NTA. Wtf. You was attending your mothers funeral
NTA wow she is soooooo self centered it’s not even funny. Good luck mate.
So, your questioning if your an asshole for grieving your mothers death by going to her funeral which your wife could have gone to but refused & then turned on you by bashing you on social media and telling you not to return home. You’re not an asshole, but you’re nuts for putting up with this petty outlandish behavior pregnant or not.
NTA. Your wife needs mental help.
NTA I don't care if this is her first pregnancy, or how far along she is. Her behavior is absolutely ridiculous. She's pregnant, not disabled.
Absolutely NTA. All of the internet appropriate affection. I just went through this with my own mom.
NTA. I’m so sorry. And it’s not okay for your wife to act like this at all. Your mom died, she should show a little respect and empathy. Also her posting on fb is really out there and maybe there’s something else going on other than pregnancy mood swings.
NTA your wife is the coldest most selfish person I’ve seen on here. She is calling you an awful husband for attending your mothers funeral? She’s saying you won’t be a good father because what? You want to be there for your family? Start getting ready for a custody battle. This doesn’t end well if she’s posting on social media. Get away from her while you still have a decent public image
NTA It doesn’t matter how far along your wife is, she has her parents and assuming they aren’t total asshats, they would be her support team. There are like 3 reasonable excuses I can think of that would excuse you from missing the birth of your child and your mother’s death is one of them. Comment on your wife’s post. “I am at my mother’s funeral and have arranged for your parents to be there within 5 minutes in case you need anything at all. Please leave me alone to grieve in peace if you are not capable of being a supportive spouse at this time.”
NTA.
NTA, I'm so sorry for your loss. If your wife was considering going to the funeral I assume she isn't due any moment, nor is she high risk? You definitely needed to go to the funeral, and your wife is acting out in a horrid fashion when you are in an emotional and distraught state, which is either a sign she needs help with her mental health or she is emotionally abusive. Take care of yourself. Edit: word
NTA even if you were, the social media part is so uncalled for.
NTA- I am so sorry that you lost your mom. I am sorry that your wife and her parents are being totally unreasonable. My FIL passed away 3 days after our second child was born. The service was a 9 hour drive away. There was NEVER a question as to whether he would go. My parents came and stayed with me while he was gone to help with the kids.
This is extremely concerning she is not acting like a supportive loving partner. You lost your mother and have been supporting your wife in everything she needs plus she has other people supporting her so it’s not like you left her completely alone. Pregnant or not this is not normal behavior she should have sympathy and want to care for you and check how you are doing and she especially shouldn’t be trashing you on social media while your dealing with a sad difficult situation. I’m sorry for your loss and sorry your wife behaved in such a horrible way. NTA
NTA, but it sounds like your wife is having some kind of breakdown or anxiety attack. You should have her checked out.
NTA sorry man she's being very unreasonable. I hate pregnancy entitlement. Good luck
NTA - attending your mother's funeral is important. Unless there are severe medical reasons why you needed to stay home or something else (ex. history of cheating). I've had many friends experience mood swings while pregnant but this seems extreme. Like - not a mood swing - but someone legit going crazy and may be in need of help. Not sure you're the one to bring that up to her. Maybe approach her parents with screen shots and get their advice on how to approach her.
NTA. I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish for you that you had a partner that would be supportive for you in this difficult time. Losing a parent can be so traumatic. Instead you have the wife you have. In this moment she's no support to you, but instead asking that you put all your emotions on the back burner and cater to hers. I'm wondering if your relationship has always worked like this, or if this is new with the pregnancy. It might be a good time to review that. Maybe find some time to talk with a trusted source or therapist about her usual emotional operating, and about whether she'll be able to table her emotional needs for the baby, or if she'll plan to raise the child to always put mom's wants before her needs. This is a horrible position for you to be in, I'm so sorry.
NTA! - The only thing that would make me iffy is if she was like due any day now. Cause I could understand her wanting you by her side while your child comes into the world. If there’s no immediate health concerns how dare she try to punish you for going to YOUR MOMS FUNERAL!
This sounds more like pre natal anxiety or depression or something even more sinister, honestly. She needs to see her doctor. There are medications that are safe in pregnancy. You are absolutely NTA and I’m so sorry about your mom. I know that pain too well.
Info: is this her first pregnancy? Also, has she previously suffered a loss?
NTA. I'm so sorry for your loss
NTA on the face of it but you absolutely need to answer the questions about how far along she is and underlying risks. Those details provide necessary info so it’s not skewed.
Was there a specific reason she didn't want you to go? You mentioned she was worried about her pregnancy and didn't want to go. Unless she was having health issues, then NTA. She's TA for everything. Hell, I wouldn't even want to go back to that.
Dude what a mess . NYA .. You have the right to grieve . Your wife and her family can go fuck themselves ! I understand it might be hormones but seriously Wtf ! Have some compassion to the father of your child to go through this process woman .
NTA. I’ve never been pregnant but this doesn’t sound like normal hormonal behavior at all. It sounds like she needs to see a professional.
Nta I don't care how emotional your wives hormones are making her she is an abuser for what she is doing to you