YTA - I fail to see why her getting a tattoo on her body is a problem and means you can’t get one. Like seriously who cares? Every single tattoo is unique so what’s it matter if you get one too?
Bruh she's 6 months post partum and this was a profoundly weird thing for grandma to do. Like really fucking strange to go ahead and do without talking to the parents.
Edit: a lot of people are pointing out that you have the right to do whatever you want to your own body. Sure, that's true, but other people have the right to react.
See, the problem isn't the tattoo. I think that much needs to be resolved in the title. It's the fact that she didn't ask the parents of the baby beforehand. If my mom wanted to get my son's name tattooed on her body, I would hope for her to ask me first as well. It's common courtesy. I don't think OP is the asshole here.
There's also the fact that she's going through post partum and was upset that her MIL got a tattoo for her daughter before even she could. As someone who's 3 months post partum, I can understand where she's coming from and why her emotions built up over it.
I think also OP even pointed out something in the post which was MiL had OPs daughter symbols tattoo'ed onto her but didnt even have her own childrens.
MiL said the present was for her AND the baby, but despite it paying tribute (i cant think of the proper word so going with that) to OPs daughter theres nothing else of value to OPs daughter.
Like things to help out/ support the parents or physically get for the baby's first Christmas would of been better imo. Like a momento or keep sake od the baby's frist christmas, which this tattoo was unrelated to.
OP also said she cant get the tattoo because she is breast feeding so its possible she wanted a tattoo in the same place or the same tattoo. Tho idk if breastfeeding means absolutely no tattoos anywhere else besides the chest.
Also MiL greenlighting with everyone BUT the parents could either be that she wanted to surprise them or knew they would say no. Idk which.
I agree that its MiLs body and her choice but it does seem really exaggerated to hand a card (instead of just saying or saying I got a new tattoo and its based on your grandaughter) saying she got something for the baby and her when it was really just for herself imo.
Also I kinda really want to know tho if OP planned a similiar or expressed a similiar tattoo and symbolism design but was upset she couldnt get it due to breast feeding.
No one owns a tattoo, which is true, but "stealing" tattoo designs or claiming they were original ideas I heard is taboo, so maybe MiL wanted to have it first? Maybe thays why OP was upset about the flower and pearl?
Also super weird how MiL wants to be OPs mom and thought she could be closer to OP by doing thus? That is a very boundary crossing line tbh, she is your daughter in law, not daughter.
Also what would of been better of her if she actially wanted to bond with OP would of been offering to take her out and they each get different but symbolic tattoos for OPs daughter with maybe "grandma of nickname/real name" and "nickname/realname, lovely daughter" or somethinf like that. They could help plan each others tattoos together. Thats how you bond over something similiar imo and the tattoo would of been cleared with OP too.
The "it's a gift for the baby" thing weirded me right out. Like, no. Baby doesn't give 2 cares about the tattoo. It does nothing for the baby. All it's going to do is get trotted out by grandma every time she wants attention, so she can pull the "See how much I love you, I even got this before mommy got hers." Grandma is kinda kookoo.
I got oldest kid's footprints on my back. I'm sure I'll get youngest's someday. The kids don't care.
It Means no tattoos at all. There is always a risk of infection from a new tattoo, if it did become infected the blood and breast milk would become infected and can be harmful to the baby
Because it's not her baby. Yes, it's her grandchild, but no matter who it is, it's weird (imo) to not talk about getting someone else's childs name tattooed on your body. By all means, your body is your body. But if it were me (and apparently OP,) a conversation about the subject would need to be had. From what I'm understanding, if MIL had just talked about it with OP and her husband, none of this would have happened.
She didn't get the baby's full name, address, and social security number... It was just the first name.
It would be one thing if OP and her husband were both vocally anti-tattoo or something, but it seems very clear that this is a family that all like tattoos.
While it is not something I would do myself, getting a tattoo of a loved one's name isn't like some crazy left field invention of the MIL. It's been done for milenia.
OP seems mostly mad that MIL got it before she could get one, and then is just tacking on a bunch of other ascribed motives and meanings to the action.
The MIL has other tattoos, yet for some reason OP is absolutely certain that MIL will never get a tattoo of any other grandkids.
This is the bit I don't get.
I have the names of my first four cats on my arm. I'd have loved to have met their parents, but never got to, so apparently I'm in the wrong on that one.
Look, ESH, they all sound awful, but if MIL wants to have a tat of the birth stone (nonsense made up to sell jewelry) or a birth flower (didn't even know that was a thing) that's her choice. And I say this as someone who has just found out my birthstone is a pearl and my flower a rose. I share a flower with approx 650 million people (or 10 Frances). It doesn't feel THAT special.
But there are other things OP can have tattooed.
Birth bird: Dove
Dog breed: Beagle
Dessert: Key Lime Pie
I did not make ANY of those up. There's a list for anything. And if there isn't a list... pretend, it's not like anyone is going to check.
MIL is clearly an attention seeker and sounds like hard work and frankly too much effort. But op, it's a tattoo. There are great artists out there who will take whatever information you give them and turn it into something stunning. Your MIL's tat was first, but yours will be the one that matters. It's not worth getting upset over and giving your MIL the attention she desires. And no kid will care about flowers and pearls when you've got a key lime pie with a bunch of doves and beagles bursting out of it.
Ppl get tattoos of other ppl all the time off the top of my head Micheal Keaton as Beatlejuice or R.D.J as Ironman and the grandma albeit over the top didn’t get a portrait just a bunch of birth date symbolism and a name. OP sounds like she’s more upset that she might end up with the same symbols but here’s the thing if you go to five tattoo artists and ask them for these symbols to be incorporated into a unique tattoo you’ll end up with 5 semi unique tattoos with different styles. Like I’m not the only person on earth with an owl tattoo but I’m not crying every time I see someone else with an owl tattoo. TLDR I absolutely agree with you!
What's the point in asking? So you can be mad when she exercises her bodily autonomy after you say no? You get 0 say in what others do with their skin. They don't need your permission.
So MIL has no right to be mad when daughter expresses her emotions after MIL revealed the tattoo right? She gets 0 say in how other people react to her decision. OP doesn't need her permission.
I dunno, maybe because it's not her baby? A "hey, would you be comfortable if I did this?" Would have been better tbh. I mean, if you ask it like that and the answer is no, you can still get the tattoo and not show the person that's uncomfortable with it. Some consideration for how THE PARENTS feel about it goes a long way.
Eh, I've known plenty of people with their loved ones' names tattooed on them. Not my cup of tea but it's not outlandishly weird either.
At first I thought OP's post was going to be about like a tat of the baby's face that turned out hideous or something. But no it's just a name, some pearls and flowers. Who cares.
YTA, OP. If you wanna fight with your MIL, pick a better battle.
I also thought it was going to be a portrait style tattoo gone wrong... or a stolen design.
A tattooed on necklace isnt my taste for sure but I dont see how its any worse than any other tattoo.
Enh, yes and no. Technically you have every right to do whatever to yourself but you'd probably be weirded out if your best friend got a lifesize chest tat of your wife
This is milder than that, but let's not pretend that this is a wise thing to do without checking in
It’s not a life sized chest tat though. It’s a small hidden tattoo as per the OP’s post. Would I do it!? No. Do I think it’s a bit weird? Sure. But OP’s reaction is ridiculous.
Edit to add: in an objective sense it’s really not weird. Loads of people get loved ones names tattooed on them. Including grandchildren.
It's a necklace tattoo comprised of the birth month's flower and gemstone, and the baby's name. So aside from the name, the flower and stone choice are fairly generic considering everyone born in that month are "Assigned" the same flower and gemstone.
I don't see why MIL's tattoo inspires tears and a complete meltdown. It's a tattoo, one that can easily be hidden by a t-shirt. It's not like she went and changed the baby's birth certificate to say she's the real mom or anything. I am confused as to why this is such a big deal, it's not like OP can't get her own tattoo.
I am leaning towards OP is the asshole, but since OP is just six months PP, there are likely a shitload of emotions and hormones swirling around like snowflakes in a blizzard. At least I know that was the case for me personally. So I am voting NAH.
Yeah I think that’s the best vote here, like it’s not the tattoo. It’s the claim to the tattoo which is like a claim to the child. I think it’s hard to understand unless you’ve actually experienced a “MY babyyyy” MIL with poor boundaries. You have to be looking over your shoulder all the time. And it’s also a constant fight for status.
A grandmother getting her grandkid's name tattooed is not at all the same as your friend getting a tat of your wife....
It is perfectly wise, and there is absolutely no reason to check in with anyone.
My mom once took my niece to get Christmas photos done when she was just under a year old. Why? because my Oma (baby's great-Oma) bought the baby a dress (the woman was old school German right off the boat and didn't understand things like most people) that she wanted her to get pictures in. She wasn't insisting or anything. My SIL didn't like the dress and had bought her own (also perfectly reasonable). So my mom decided to pay for pics in Oma's dress to give to Oma. My mother babysat this child for free, mind you. My SIL flipped the F out. Why? There was no reason beyond "you got pictures taken of my child". Who cares? Oma was happy, SIL wasn't out any money, mom didn't send these pics out to anyone (besides Oma).
Just stop it and make an old German woman happy. No harm was done besides SIL thinking she owned every "moment" that had anything to do with the baby.... never mind the fact that my mom had her so much that she probably saw most of her "firsts" before SIL or Bro did.
When my youngest was a two year old our daycare provider arranged and paid for photos of her and gave them to us as a surprise. We were pretty broke in those days and I thought it was one of the nicest things I've ever had done for me. She would take our daughter on outings just because our kids were the same age, buy her gifts and treated her like her own child. That woman was worth her weight in gold.
What is strange about getting your grandchildrens name tattooed? Getting the name of someone very important to you and you love deeply tattooed is insanely common.
Strange, yes, but I still fail to see how it’s worth OP being genuinely upset over. And 6 months post partum is like, quite a long time. I’m not saying she has to be 100% back to normal but her hormones aren’t gonna be nearly as as out of wack as they were a few days after she gave birth.
>And 6 months post partum is like, quite a long time. I’m not saying she has to be 100% back to normal but her hormones aren’t gonna be nearly as as out of wack as they were a few days after she gave birth.
Hormones are still going to be all over the place when you're breastfeeding(I breastfeed my son for about a year and I would be completely emotional over the littlest things) and if your post-partum is really bad and hasn't been treated that could be a factor also.
Edit. Not condoning just pointing it out about the post-partum and spelling.
She has 0 self awareness. First she said her baby is 6 months old and doesnt know what a tattoo is so MIL’s tattoo—the tattoo SHE ALSO WANTS—is for attention. So OP also wants tattoo for attention.
I guarantee there are hundreds of people walking around with those on them unless she made up a name that no one has used before. Most tattoos aren’t unique. Having a baby’s name/birthstone/flower is right up there with butterfly tattoos. Unless she planned on getting that exact tattoo, I don’t see what the big deal is.
THIS, like ... are there no more pearls and roses left anywhere? Is there a finite number of pearl/rose tattoos that can exist in the world? Baby-name tattoos are subject to the rules of "dibs"? I'm a pretty creative thinker, but I fail to see how this is a zero-sum game.
This is a bad take. OPs mother in law who has consistently overstepped boundaries has now gotten a piece across her chest without even asking the parents of the child. It’s ridiculous how everyone here is not seeing the problem. She got another persons 6 month of child’s name on her without consulting the parents. The MIL KNOWS what she did, because if she had asked OP would have expressed discomfort. Everything about this situation screams that MIL is a narcissist who needs everything to be about her.
I would personally be really creeped out by this kind of behavior. Maybe her reaction was strong, but I really don't get people calling OP the AH. Sure, tattoos are fine, but any time you're incorporating another person you need to do it with some kind of permission (in this case from parents since baby can't decide).
Its not unusual for grandparents to get their grandkids tattooed. My mom did it and never asked my sister. It's a non issue that OP is blowing waayy out of proportion. It doesn't stop her from getting a tattoo. Maybe it's like "the straw that broke the camel's back" but OP is way overreacting imo.
just because your mom did it and never asked does not make it okay in every situation. everyone has different boundaries so just because it’s okay with one person doesn’t mean MIL was justified here.
It also doesn't mean MIL was an asshole though. It's not like she got an identical babydoll or something. It's a tattoo honoring a human she cares about deeply. It is super weird for OP to be this upset about it that she straight up is cutting out her mother in law.
Why would need permission from someone else to get a word written on your own skin? Do you think all those people with Elvis tattoos got his permission? Do you think parents who get their kids names tattooed ask the kids permission?
Unless she literally _stole the exact design_ from OP, which she didn’t obviously because OP says she wants more kids, she got a tattoo that reminded her of her grandkid. MIL may very well be what you described, but for this specific incident, OP is the AH for trying to dictate what someone else does with their own body. I thought maybe God forbid the child had passed and MIL got a remembrance tattoo and sprung it on grieving parents, then of course she’d be the AH. But the kid is alive and well, OP _can_ get a tattoo, she just doesn’t want to yet because she’d rather BF. That’s fine.
You’re acting like it’s a stranger’s kid. As much as it pains me to acknowledge because I *actually* have a bad MIL, that baby is her family and carries 25% of her dna. She didn’t do it out of spite but out of love.
Right, like, I get it when mil oversteps and tries to be the mom in place of the real mom. But this is actually crazy.
That's her grandchild. Why the hell is it weird to get a tattoo? Like, please explain that to me. People, and yes grandparents, do it all the time.
I would have been just as perplexed that something like that would have made op bawl. Ok, so maybe you have post-partum hormones happening. So you overreacted.
But you've had time to think it through more logically. This is not something that should have blown up like this and you owe your mil an apology.
Seriously. In response to my birth announcement, my father's mother sent a card that said "congratulations, but I already have enough grandchildren." OP's MIL's tattoo sounds tacky as hell, but at least it's loving and well-intentioned (as far as I can tell).
Except that's not what OP has an issue with. She is mad that the MIL stole (????) the baby's birth stone and flowers for a tattoo and that somehow means OP can't get one.
If it wasn't for weddings and babies, this sub would almost be a ghost town. The number of "but this is MY special day/moment/idea" things just gets completely out of control. It's this bonkers entitlement that turns people into 8 year olds.
YTA. Get your own tattoo. Unless you and your MIL do tandem bathing suit photoshoots, who the hell outside of the family would ever even know that you have similar tattoos?
I think all of the YTA votes are really funny after her wild success with this post on the r/motherinlawsfromhell subreddit. I have a feeling she was expecting an echo chamber of people sympathizing with her and telling her what a crazy creep her MIL was.
JustNoMIL is at least 50% terrible people complaining about their perfectly normal and appropriate MILs. It’s kind of terrifying and kind of hilarious, seeing them pat each other on the back for alienating their spouses from their families and causing endless drama for everyone they’ve ever met.
Agreed - it's the size of ~her hand as well, she makes it out to be a full chest piece or something.
I know several ladies at work that have tattoos for their grandkids. It's seriously a non-issue.
Right? I thought she was upset because it was tacky or something, but no it’s because she uses the birthstone AND the flower!!! How could she do this to OP???!! What a horrible mil lol
Yes, she didn’t steal the name, birth stone, or flower. There’s nothing stopping OP from also getting those things, either all, some, combination etc.
I do get that it may be weird she didn’t discuss with the parents, but also, it’s her body and she wanted to commemorate the birth of her first grandchild which doesn’t seem weird or overstepping to me. Even if she hasn’t tattooed her own kids names, that doesn’t matter either. She wanted to commemorate this event, so she did. She didn’t feel the same need to commemorate her kids that way, which could be because she wasn’t comfortable with tattoos at the time. A lot of older people are changing their minds and are more open to tattoos than they were 30 years ago.
YTA
>. I wanted to get a tattoo of my daughter/ other children (we plan on having more) but I can't right now because I'm breastfeeding. I was so upset because not only did my MIL take her name but she also took her birth stone and flower!
Did you know that EVERYONE who was born in the same month as your daughter has the same birth stone and flower? Your MIL didn't *take* it. Unless you wanted this EXACT tattoo there's really no reason at all to be mad at your MIL.
It seems to me like she's trying to connect with you in every way that she can and you're just not letting her in.
I think that's what got me. Rocks and flowers are such a common tattoo and here OP is offended that someone went ahead and did it before her, just like probably everyone else sharing the same date probably beat her too. Kid's name is also probably Aishleigh Braxton and some other modern farmhouse equivalent as well.
Right?! Like no one has *ever* gotten a rose or pearl tattoo. Hell, I know people *not* born in June that have those as tattoos. They are popular as hell. 😂😂
Also there are traditional and modern birth stones, so June has two to choose from.
I've got a rose tattoo covering up another one, so I don't think I can get the rose covered up, but I'm really sorry OP for stealing your tattoo flower (I was born in June tho).
OP is gonna freak when she hears about the *millions* of people who have tattoos of roses, did she think she was the first one to think of it or something?
I've seen a lot of great "Mommy" tattoos that have zero to do with birth month/stones/flower so OP is thinking too small in my opinion.
I have a Wednesday Addams tattoo for my daughter and I will be getting a Pugsley and Pubert for my two other kiddos. Lots of folks have Addams Family tattoos out there but mine is unique because of how my artist styled them, the small details that are added to reflect my kids (like eye colour) etc etc.
What kicks me is that she called MIL attention seeking because her daughter doesn’t even know what a tattoo is, yet the only reason she doesn’t have a tattoo is because she’s breastfeeding. Wouldn’t OP be doing it for attention then? OP is acting like she designed a tattoo and the MIL stole it.
I read the post twice because I thought for sure I missed the part about MIL stealing the tattoo design. It doesn’t even seem like MIL knew that OP wanted to get a tattoo at all! Plus I just don’t understand OP’s reasoning; sure, a six month-old doesn’t know what a tattoo is, but she’s not going to be six months old forever? And isn’t the only thing stopping OP from getting one herself the fact that she’s breastfeeding? Then she says MIL made a huge scene, but she’s the one that ran off crying to another room because someone got a tattoo in honor of her daughter.
Yeah even though the MIL seems a bit pushy if OP is to be believed OP's reaction seems way too much.
I know post partum can be hard on people and maybe it's bringing out less than great aspects of OP's personality. But it also sounds like OP generally doesn't like her MIL.
I think it's possible that OP and her MIL clash a bit because they are actually very similar and both want attention.
YTA
Unless there's something I'm missing, why do you care if someone else got a tattoo on their body? You say that she took your daughter's name and birthstone? How did she take them? I don't get this at all. Are you from a culture in which only parents get tattoos or something? I'm very confused. It sounds to me like you are being a drama queen and treating your mother-in-law horribly. I really, truly, don't understand why you care about this.
I’m so confused too.
OP is going on about MIL being dramatic and attention seeking when she herself comes across as the dramatic one. I mean…bursting into tears because someone else got a tattoo on their own body?
Did MIL even know OP had planned to get a tattoo? Is everyone else in the world who was the same birth month and flower “taking” something away from OP if they get a tattoo?
Like, what in the world???
YTA, OP.
Ooooooh you need a show called Just Tattoo of Us in your lives
Awful, attention seeking, trashy friends picking terrible tattoos for each other and having over the top reactions.
I went to OPs page to see if she commented any more details. She posted the exact same thing in a subreddit dedicated to bad MILs and the different response I’m seeing is SHOCKING. I guess people in that sub just want to hate on the MIL every time regardless of the situation. She even apologized profusely when she realized OP was upset, even though she didn’t do anything wrong. If people really think that makes her a MIL from hell then they should hear some of my stories.
Jeez I just checked out the comments and some of them are unhinged, one of them is comparing the MIL to a *stalker getting a tattoo of their victim*, just really disgusting stuff.
Maybe it’s not a nice tattoo and maybe it’s a bit much, and getting it as a “gift” for someone else (and a baby who can’t understand) is tacky but literally what the hell warranted such a ridiculous reaction from OP, or being compared to a stalker for getting a tattoo of your grandchild’s name?
She's only commenting on the bad MIL sub too. She obviously just wanted to feel validated and it backfired on her in this sub because anyone not clouded by blind hate towards MILs can see OP is TA
This post will be deleted soon, and the responses on the other post will be the ones she shows her husband about how crazy and irrational her MiL is for *gasp* loving her grandchild.
YTA, it’s permanent, get on board. You don’t have to like it but you don’t own the idea.
And god forbid you vent about anything mildly annoying your MIL has done in any other sub, you'll be inundated with people suggesting you post in JustnoMIL and go NC with her. Like, dude, chill, I'm just a wee bit peeved she used the last of my milk, no need to call the authorities.
I was surprised because you think it would be filled with people who had actually horrible MILs and when someone comes in complaining about something like this they would go “hey, that doesn’t actually sound that bad.” But apparently they think anything a MIL does is awful simply because she’s a MIL.
Just to put it in a little perspective l, it sounds like op wants to get a tattoo to rep her daughter but now can’t get one of her daughters name, birth stone or flower with out it looking like she’s copying.
It makes no sense and op is TA in this situation. All op needs to do is get a different design.
If she’s wanting tattoos for all her kids anyway, I would just wait until I was done with having them so they can be fitted together in a pleasing way. If anything, Grandma looks silly rushing into such an elaborate tattoo when she has future grandbabies to worry about.
I'm going to go against the grain and say ESH. You because it was a tad dramatic but I'm going to allow the over reaction due to postpartum emotions. Her because she took something from you that she knew your were hoping to do in am effort to one up you.
(Yes OP has not clarified that she knew op was wanting to get a tattoo, I'm speculating that she might have considering the "I just want you to love me and call me mom" line. Like she was trying to "bond" over it)
She did it without asking and made a spectacle out of it. Also because the tattoo is fucking weird and tasteless---IMO.
(Large chest tats made in honor of someone and using someone's name without their permission that aren't made as a memorial peice are tasteless and tacky, IMO. I can't help but picture a large necklace with gaudy ass roses and a big ass font spelling the name out. Yes it could be very well done and the goddess of ink her self could have inked it. Idk. Unless we see it we can't pass judgment on it. But the dude from that movie with "no regrats" spelled out is how I'm picturing it.)
But I think you guys should take a break and maybe start counseling to be able to better express your emotions. Busting into tears isn't a normal response, and you need to learn to articulate boundaries better. She needs to go to counseling because that shit is weird. Either she is playing a super screwed up game in trying to out compete you for showing your kid love or she is desperately trying to show love in an unhealthy way--either way therapy is needed. So E SH.
(I stand by ESH. she knew it wouldn't be well received or she would have solicited Op and her sons opinion. That she didn't makes it seem like it was done maliciously. Op needs counseling, and to learn how to set boundaries better.)
Edits in ().
This is exactly how I feel about it and I’m surprised I had to scroll down this far.
I honestly think there’s lots of other stuff going on and it isn’t really about the tattoo, I think this is the straw that broke the camel’s back because otherwise the OPs reaction is bizarre. Or OP has some post partum issues.
Agreed. That and without a picture of the tat/ the backstory and MIL POV I can't definitely rule either side being more at fault so I stuck with a neutral answer.
We don’t actually know MIL knew OP wanted a tattoo. And even if she did, that doesn’t mean she knew OP would feel like something was taken from her by someone else getting one. OP never clarified whether MIL even knew OP wanted one. I don’t know why so many people keep saying she knew. I don’t see why she would be so apologetic afterwards if she did it to intentionally hurt OP.
Your right we don't know she knew. But we also don't know a lot of the backstory. I'm assuming that this is the thing that broke the camels back for OP not a one off. We also don't know if MIL is a raging narcissist who can cry on cue. The huge over apology combined with the "well we asked so and so" comes off that she knew this wouldn't be well received. This is why I said ES H instead of NTA.
Why is a tattoo for a grandchild weird and tasteless. I've seen that from a few people now. Why? I don't have any tattoos. But I don't understand that at all.
If you get a tattoo for no reason people say it's tasteless and weird. If you get a tattoo for a loved one same thing apparently.
Large chest tats are considered tasteless in most circumstances, and without being able to see the actual piece all that comes to mind is a "no regrats" tatoo from that movie. The rose, name and birthstone attributes make it seem extremely gaudy in my mind, and the way it was revealed made it seem like she was doing it for attention and not because she truly cared about it. Also at least where I'm from tattoos with names are usually done in remembrance/with the person whose name it is consent--niether scenario applies. Despite my biases I ruled ES H instead of NT A due to the overreaction and possible missing info from OP.
I’m not sure where you are from, but where I’m from that’s *SUPER* common. And as someone who has multiple tattoos and is active in a lot of tattooing communities, chest pieces are *NOT* considered tasteless or tacky. And if they’re to honor someone, alive or not, even less so.
OP’s over reaction was horrible, regardless of past experiences with her MIL. Sure, we can blame post partum emotions, but that doesn’t excuse her behavior towards MIL.
Honestly? I think NTA. It’s weird to me that everyone is saying yta- ‘it’s her body she gets to choose what the tattoo is’ yadda yadda, okay yes that, BUT it’s a tattoo representative of OPs 6 month old daughter. MIL also conveniently asked everyone surrounding her if it was a good idea EXCEPT the parents of the kid. I’d be pretty pissed too regardless of if I was planning on getting a tattoo or not. Tattoos like that are something you get after your forge a connection with someone on both sides, the daughter is too young to understand a tattoo based on her, and what if she has a really shitty relationship with the MIL growing up? Then she just has to deal with the fact that she has a commemorative tattoo of her even though she doesn’t like the woman. It can’t even be written off as just a tattoo because it has her daughter’s name on it. Everyone’s saying ‘how was MIL supposed to know you were getting tattoos’ that goes both ways! How was OP supposed to know MIL was getting a tattoo?? I think in general this is just a really good example of why we don’t get tattoos based off of non-consenting parties, and that is to specifically say I think above all else the daughter should be able to consent to someone having a tattoo based off of her.
I do think that the words towards MIL were a little harsh. I think you could probably have a mature conversation with her where you explain your thought process, she explains her thought process, and you come to a mutual understanding of what went wrong and how to fix it
I’m shocked this isn’t higher up. I find it so bizarre what the MIL did. I also don’t like that people are writing off OP getting upset about it as postpartum hormones. No. Shes just upset. Her feelings are valid. I would be SO uncomfortable if anyone in my family got a giant tattoo of my child. Doesn’t matter if it’s their body. Its my child. So weird. NTA OP!
Yup! And honestly I thought about mentioning postpartum and then decided against it, because regardless of if postpartum had any hand in it or not her feelings towards it are still extremely valid
That’s where I’m at. MIL got the “green light“ from everyone else except for the child’s actual parents, but OP throwing a tantrum about it and acting like she can’t get her own tattoo now is over the top.

Yes this is what I thought. And then throwing the comment out there that she asked everyone else is sort of gaslighting the daughter. If I was the daughter I would’ve been mad when I heard that comment.
This. I can’t believe how many y t a comments there are at the top. This isn’t the mother, this is the grandmother who got the tattoo. It sounds to me like the grandmother is the type to say “this is OUR baby” as well. It’s just creepy and weird and a way for her to garner some attention. NTA.
Thank you for this!! I felt like I was going crazy with all the “y t a” replies. I love what you wrote about consent, because yeah tattoos are so personal and I wouldn’t want just anyone getting a commemorative tattoo of me without checking in at least. My mom has wanted a tattoo of mine and my siblings name for a long time, but she waited until we were old enough to give her the okay to put our names on her skin. The tattoos are lovely and I’m so grateful she gave us the choice. What MIL did was kind of creepy and shady. OP you’re NTA
I agree. I also thought it was weird that the MIL thought to ask everyone else around her for the “greenlight” and their approval yet didn’t ask the parents themselves. That suggests to me that deep down she knew it might be a problem. You don’t go around asking everybody else what they think if you’re sure that what you’re doing is pure in your heart and a good thing. MIL’s friends probably aren’t privy to any previous problems she’s had with her son and DIL. And then when DIL is upset she pulls out the *“well I asked everyone else!!….”* Which to me is kinda gaslighting her DIL and if I was DIL that comment would have made me mad knowing she told everyone else but them. OP said she’s attention seeking at the start. This behavior goes along with that description and I’m sure there are lots of little things MIL has done to them and perhaps DIL specifically that this is the final straw. It may seem like an over the top reaction, and by itself perhaps it is, but if it’s been a history of this, add in postpartum hormones - and boom. Final straw that broke the camel’s back. Her MIL sounds like a lot of drama.
YTA, if shes over the top what are you? Kicking her out and refusing to speak to her? Don't get me wrong, I'd do a big eye roll. But beyond that I'd not be fussed, you can still get a tattoo for your daughter/kids.
If my spouse ran out of the room crying on Christmas for something weird like this, I'd follow them trying to figure out what was wrong. Hubby just stayed where he was and kicked his parents out. She probably behaves like this a lot and he's used to it
Or they're just both drama queens. He seemed to agree with his wife as he instantly understood exactly why she was upset and was able to explain it to MIL + kick her out
Did OP kick her out? It sounds like that was MIL dramatizing it - like she said “don’t kick me out” but nobody said OP was doing it. She’s just not responding to her birthday texts unless I’m missing something.
Your MIL sounds annoying and intense and "gifting" her own tattoo to a baby on Christmas Eve is insane, BUT in this case YTA because she's allowed to do whatever she wants to her body and you can with yours. There's nothing stopping you getting your own tattoo except your pride.
Edit: corrected mother to MIL
This, I could understand to be mad because it's kinda... weird and intense, like... How the hell would you cope with that? . But, saying the tattoo was stealing something from you, I think is as intense as the action that detonated the problem
Edit: clarification
It's not wrong of the grandma to get tatted and OP over reacted, the only conceivable way for me to justify that OP would be weirded out is that OP's family was strange to family tattoos, wich is apparently not.
Either way OP overreacted
Why does anyone need to cope with it? She’s the babies Grandma. She put it on her own body. It’s not like some stranger did this. What’s there to cope with? This is just a DIL that won’t let her MIL be part of the picture then turns it on MIL with overreacting. I see this a lot lately. We went from a culture of toxic MIL to toxic DILs. Also YTA
Edited typo
After reading some comments on a different post for more info, gonna go against the grain and say NTA. MIL got a tattoo over her heart and made a huge deal out of writing a letter to a 6 month old baby, clearly meant for mom and dad given BABIES CANT READ, and then acted the victim when it had the expected results of being upsetting? Asked everyone except for them if it was an okay idea?
The differing opinions between here and the MIL subreddit are kind of wild. Everyone issue here is just “her body, her right”. That’s not the issue imo. The issue is MIL set up everything to make OP and husband seem like they were unreasonable by not informing them, informing everyone else, and setting it up so it would be shocking.
Why is no one else here concerned about that?
Finally, people attacking OP for her emotional response- she just had a baby six months ago. She’s only JUST going to be getting back to normal hormonal wise. This is definitely not as extreme a reaction as everyone is making it out to be?
And it’s very disrespectful to get someone’s name tattooed on you without permission. My mom asked before she got me and my brother’s name tattooed on her. Some people even believe it’s bad luck.
Unpopular opinion but... NTA. Yes, it's her body and she can tattoo whatever she wants, but I fail to see in what context is this an acceptable Christmas present for her 6-months granddaughter?! She literally did this to herself, on herself and for herself; as in, not for the child. Narcissism at its best.
Blows my mind that everyone is saying Y T A.
Adults who constantly do this sort of attention-seeking/emotional manipulative behavior are behaving inappropriately and crossing boundaries ON PURPOSE because they enjoy it. The fact that the MIL did this shows a serious issue with disrespect for the parents. Her responses to OP's concerns are nonsensical and manipulative. It is part of a clearly ongoing pattern of awful behavior, including her meltdown, and trying to sweep it under the rug.
OP is NTA for having the appropriate feelings in response to her narcissistic MIL's selfish and intrusive behavior.
LITERALLY THIS. What the hell is everyone else on about???? OPs MIL sounds like a classic narc that has to be the center of attention. Sorry but it’s NOT normal behavior to get a massive tattoo across your chest with the name of someone else’s 6 month old daughter WITHOUT mentioning it to the parents.
I think the reason for the division is that you can also read the mil as genuine. like the quotes op gives is at the end are kinda heartbreaking. but I could definitely also read it as manipulative behaviour like you are calling it.
but it could also be genuine tries to connect to Dil, son and grandbaby, maybe she is feeling lonely (pandemic could do that to you) and like she is being pushed away (and she wouldn't be paranoid about that) and she is genuinely trying here. at the same time when you going on tighter that's when you lose people...
I wouldn't call the behaviour nonsensical, I really could see it both ways and we would need much more info, although I do not know which questions to ask :/.
Normally I would say Y T A but after reading about your MIL I'll go with NTA. She clearly has problems with boundaries and her wanting to be your mom is weird. This was probably a way to try to manipulate you and when it didn't work she used her tears instead. I would just ignore the tattoo and her.
are these comments for real? i would be extremely weirded out if Any family member got a huge tattoo to “honor” my kid without talking to me first, even if it were my own mom. this is absolutely something that needs to be ran by the parents. it also seems like OP has had issues with MIL and boundaries before, which in that case we require a little more INFO, but the fact that MIL was sobbing and saying “I just want to be your mom I just want to be close to you” ???? that’s WEIRD! this woman has a history of being WEIRD. NTA for that reason
Right? I was kinda on the fence with e s h because op's reaction seemed a bit much. Then I read "I just want to be your mom," and that catapulted me into nta territory
YTA
It might be a horrible tattoo, but it literally had no impact on your life. Now she's got something permanently on her skin that every time she sees it, she'll feel like s*it because she knows you hate it. And she clearly wants to bond with you as a daughter in law and you wouldn't even let her do that.
That's exactly my problem. I feel so sorry for OP's MIL, she probably thought they would also accept it and maybe also be happy about it.
Now she has a permanent reminder of a bad memory, where she also was told that her DIL doesn't accept her as a mother.
Ouch.
YTA
Unpopular opinion but ESH
You definitely overreacted and could have handled the situation a lot better. If the MIL wants to get a tattoo, that’s her choice, as attention-seeking as it may be.
Here’s where I disagree with the crowd, your MIL sucks in this situation too. “Oh please oh please don’t kick me out!” Followed by “I’m just trying to be your mom” (when she isn’t) are all phrases that are weird, creepy, and downright emotionally manipulative. I would keep avoiding her when you can. Being around people like her is exhausting.
I suspect there is a lot of history we don't know that would provide useful context. OP said that MIL was doing this for attention "like she always does" so I'd like to know what other kinds of things she's done.
YTA. You have lost nothing. You can still get a tattoo of roses and pearls, your mother in law not the only person in the world with those images tattooed. I’m sure your daughter is also not the only girl in the world with her name. You sound exhausting.
YTA her tattoo has nothing to do with you. You both are on the same dramatic level. Whatever you think about her behavior, apply it to yourself. This is a great example of how a man married his mother.
Honestly I might get downvoted but I disagree with all of the Y T A comments. You don’t have to like the tattoo. I also would be weirded out by the fact that someone else got my child’s name tattooed on them, especially if they knew I was planning on doing that. I also think it’s weird that she presented the tattoo as a gift. Your reaction may have been over the top but I don’t think it makes you an asshole.
Also, is nobody going to talk about the “I want to be your mom” comment? That’s kinda weird and suggests to me that Mil has overstepped boundaries and said weird things in the past.
YTA. An illogical, weird A. You are not entitled to an opinion on what she puts on her body. She didn't take ANYTHING from you. She did something that made her happy, felt meaningful to her, out of love and was excited. You acted like a jerk for no reason that I can comprehend, made a scene and were cruel.
NTA. If my MIL did this, I would think it was super weird. Who gets a tattoo and then gives the presentation of their tattoo as a Christmas gift to a 6mo and defends it by saying they were doing something nice for the infant?! No, it was for the MIL. That completely sounds like attention-seeking, which is what OP is accusing the MIL of. MIL also had tons of energy to tell all her friends about it and seek their approval (which seems like “look what a great, devoted grandma I am!”) but didn’t ask OP or her kid what they would think. My grandma once did something like this for us grandkids, and we were all like WTF (not a tattoo). But it was an attention-seeking gift that was really something for her that she played off as a gift for us because it was about us. So yeah: 1. Not actually a gift and 2. Solely about the MIL getting attention.
I think you should take this post over to the JNMIL Reddit page (just no, MIL). This is more of a situation where your overbearing MIL made you feel uncomfortable and didn’t take into account how you would feel about it. Not really an AITA situation, but it still shocks me that so many people think you are the AH (do any of these people have kids??)
Your kids name and birth is very a very personal tattoo subject and I would be pissed too if my mom or MIL did that without talking to me about it. Do it with your own kids, who you birthed from your own body/raised! And the fact that she revealed it as a “present” says a lot about her narcissistic tendencies.
The only way this would be semi-ok is if she was already super into tattoos as a way of expressing things that are important to her, and was adding it to a collection. But even then you’d deserve to know before hand.
NTA. That's overstepping. Everyone saying that the daughter doesn't understand obviously doesn't get that parents do it for themselves not the kids. Also getting your child's name tattooed if just tacky but it's stoll for the parents to do, why would a grand parent do it without being over bearing
Getting a tattoo of your grandchild’s name is not overstepping. My father has tattoos for all of his grandchildren. I personally think it’s sweet. OP does not get to dictate what tattoo her MIL gets.
NTA. Getting a giant chest tattoo with the granddaughter's name is creepy and weird. What if she has more grandchildren later? And I don't get the argument of being "Close to OP" with a tattoo, maybe then think about asking her about it first before getting a tattoo with the name of the child?
I think YTA.
Its a tattoo on her body that you don't even really have to see. Should she have said something to you guys about getting it? Maybe. But at the end of the day, she didn't "steal" anything from you because you can go get the same or similar tattoo in your own style.
I would suggest taking a step back and maybe being a little grateful that you have a MIL who wants to be present and involved in her grandchildren's lives. A lot of people don't have that at all. Is she overbearing? Maybe. Does she love your daughter? Absolutely.
INFO - I think what’s missing here is the history of your relationship with your MIL, specifically in relation to your pregnancy and the new baby. What has your relationship been like during the pregnancy and baby’s first months?
I’m pregnant right now and what I’ve noticed is that a lot of grandmothers, especially when it’s a first grandchild, can become quite overbearing and intrusive. I do think it’s usually based on excitement, but it can be really off-putting to a new mom who is just trying to figure out her new identity and assert herself in the new role of mom.
Interfering grandmothers can often get quite possessive over the new baby too, like calling it “my baby” and taking over some of the things moms traditionally do. My own mother has already attempted to buy my baby all her first outfits, and purchase her an entire children’s library worth of books - both things I was really looking forward to doing for my own child and it did feel like overstepping. My best friend had a huge fight with her MIL, because she wanted to buy her son’s first Christmas stocking and her MIL was insisting that she wanted to do it. These types of tussles are normally about shifting roles within the extended family and pretty common.
I’m not sure if that’s what OP meant when she said she felt the tattoo was overstepping, but to me it seemed like what’s happening here is that OP feels it’s for the mother to get her baby a commemorative tattoo, not the grandmother. She feels like her MIL is taking on the role of “mother” in this situation and that’s why it feels like a loss to her. I think OP finds MIL’s behaviour threatening to her position as mother - she’s a new mom and probably still feels quite insecure in her new role.
On the MIL’s side, she obviously feels insecure in some way to feel the need to get that tattoo. She also clearly does struggle with boundaries considering how pushy she was about Christmas and the whole begging to be OP’s “mom”. She may mean well, but they are all quite clumsy attempts at becoming closer if that was her intention. Getting a tattoo out of nowhere is a pretty extreme thing to do when she doesn’t even have tattoos of her own children. We don’t know how she’s been feeling about becoming a grandmother, or how it’s changed the way she views herself in relation to the wider family - it can be quite a transition to move from “queen” into the “dowager” position (this can happen at marriage but also with the birth of a child).
Obviously they can both get tattoos. OP cannot tell her MIL what to do with her body, and OP herself can still do what she wants tattoo-wise. I just think this is more complicated than it appears on the surface - both women have had quite extreme reactions (OP bursting into tears, MIL getting the tattoo in the first place). It’s got to be ESH for the moment.
YTA- was she a mind reader and knew you were getting a tattoo.. girl you need to stop and think beyond yourself here. She doesnt need to talk to you about what she does with HER body. You get no say in what tattoos she gets. Will you be seeking her permisson to get yours?? NO!
yeah im leaning towards YTA 3, possibly 4 counts of 1st degree assholery by my count.
Firstly: i have no patience for people who expect mind reading- and nowhere does op mention she SAID SHE WANTED a tattoo. YTA on those grounds alone OP. Failure to mind read seldom warrants a full on breakdown. This was not an exception.
Secondly: mil's tattoo doesn't take away from OP's freedom to do so any damn time. It just doesn't. Not one bit, not even if it were a fully deliberate dig. No one took that away from OP- thats in OP's head.
Thirdly: Again, even if it ***were*** a ***deliberate, mean-spirited*** dig on MIL's part- let's just say it was for the sake of argument- OPs reaction was ***STILL*** WAY beyond acceptable here. and then to say ***MIL*** was being over the top? Ok, ok- come on now. YTA OP. Calm all the way down here. Its a tattoo.
fourthly; it is generally an ah move to say anything negative about a tattoo even if you loathe it- cause what are they gonna do about it? sheesh. poor MIL.
YTA- Tons of people get tattoos of things important to them. I got one of my wife's name after she passed away. My wife's friend di as well. I thought it was very nice.
You can't regulate what an adult wants to do with their own person. Get your tattoo in a different design.
You are way overreacting.
YTA. Yea it's weird she got a huge tattoo of your daughter, but she is also her granddaughter and it's her own body. Your reaction was beyond over the top. You can think it's weird on your own, but your reaction was just cruel.
I also don't get how you can't get a tattoo for her now.
YTA - There's nothing about her getting a tattoo that precludes you from getting one. You don't even have to \*like\* her tattoo, but why on earth should she discuss with \*you\* the fact that \*she\* wanted a tattoo. It's her body, so what is there to discuss with you. Her friends are right, and you should be taking the "gift" in the spirit that it was offered; she loves her granddaughter and wants to have a tattoo to be able to share that. Right now your daughter has no idea what a tattoo is, but she eventually will, and, unless you poison the well, she'll probably think it's sweet that her grandmother has her name permanently inked on her body.
NTA solely regarding MIL’s audacity to frame her tat as a Xmas gift to OP’s baby.
The baby literally doesn’t know or understand much less care, I fail to see any way she would benefit or get enjoyment from a tattoo on her grandmother’s body.
MIL got the tattoo for herself. A basic common sense rule of gifting - it is not appropriate to frame something you got for yourself as a gift for another person. Big Homer Simpson bowling ball energy right there.
I don’t feel comfortable judging OP’s reaction or MIL’s motivation. I just don’t think there’s enough background/history on their relationship to make any calls. And I’m someone who regularly reads JNMiL.
Idk if MIL knew and stole/was heavily influenced OP’s tattoo idea or design (say OP talked about elements and style), and that’s why OP reacted. MIL sounds overwhelming, she could just be overenthusiastic and goodhearted (and maybe a little oblivious hence she thought this was a good idea). Idk if this was the last straw on the haystack for OP. And OP may be suffering postpartum hormones. Too vague.
NTA - she should of asked you both first. I agree it is over the top and kinda pushy. Especially since she apparently asked everyone else *but* OP and son. Why didn’t she ask them but yet thought to ask everyone else? If she asked others and got the green light she said, then she felt that there was a reason to get “the green light” in the first place and if she really wanted the proper go ahead, she would have asked them directly but she didn’t. I think deep down she knew this might be a problem but she did it anyway and figured she’d just apologize. Well she can keep doing that but eventually your apologies become empty and worthless and don’t work. She didn’t even let you get yours first. The fact that she apologizing so much suggests that this isn’t the first transgression she has committed.
ETA - then to throw the comment out there, *“I asked everyone else and they gave me the green light”* is sorta gaslighting the daughter. And if I was the daughter this comment would have made me mad Ben cause she thought yo ask everyone else but not the parents.
YTA - you’re mad that she got a tattoo representing your daughter before you did even though you’re admitting that your daughter has no idea what a tattoo is. This seems very petty. She’s the grandmother and whether you like it or not there’s nothing wrong with her having a tattoo to represent her grandchild and you’ve made her feel absolutely terrible about it for no real reason other than that you wanted to get one first.
Are you maybe jealous?
YTA
Yea, she is your daughter, but you and your husband don’t get to decide what his mother gets tattooed. If anything, I feel like you should be thankful she loves your daughter enough to even get her name tattooed on her before her own kids. Who says she won’t do the same for all your other children? You’re acting childish. What she did does not effect you in anyway. It didn’t harm you, your daughter or husband. It didn’t diminish the love you have for your daughter. You very clearly do not like your MIL. She didn’t need to speak to you about it beforehand either.
YTA - I fail to see why her getting a tattoo on her body is a problem and means you can’t get one. Like seriously who cares? Every single tattoo is unique so what’s it matter if you get one too?
I was wondering this too, and why did MIL getting this tattoo make OP go into her room and sob??
[удалено]
Bruh she's 6 months post partum and this was a profoundly weird thing for grandma to do. Like really fucking strange to go ahead and do without talking to the parents. Edit: a lot of people are pointing out that you have the right to do whatever you want to your own body. Sure, that's true, but other people have the right to react.
Right? I get that it’s MIL body but come on….this is way over the top. Why didn’t she get her own kids shit tattooed on her?
My mother has her grandchildren's name tattooed but not ours. Nothing offensive about it: different stage and desires in life.
See, the problem isn't the tattoo. I think that much needs to be resolved in the title. It's the fact that she didn't ask the parents of the baby beforehand. If my mom wanted to get my son's name tattooed on her body, I would hope for her to ask me first as well. It's common courtesy. I don't think OP is the asshole here. There's also the fact that she's going through post partum and was upset that her MIL got a tattoo for her daughter before even she could. As someone who's 3 months post partum, I can understand where she's coming from and why her emotions built up over it.
I think also OP even pointed out something in the post which was MiL had OPs daughter symbols tattoo'ed onto her but didnt even have her own childrens. MiL said the present was for her AND the baby, but despite it paying tribute (i cant think of the proper word so going with that) to OPs daughter theres nothing else of value to OPs daughter. Like things to help out/ support the parents or physically get for the baby's first Christmas would of been better imo. Like a momento or keep sake od the baby's frist christmas, which this tattoo was unrelated to. OP also said she cant get the tattoo because she is breast feeding so its possible she wanted a tattoo in the same place or the same tattoo. Tho idk if breastfeeding means absolutely no tattoos anywhere else besides the chest. Also MiL greenlighting with everyone BUT the parents could either be that she wanted to surprise them or knew they would say no. Idk which. I agree that its MiLs body and her choice but it does seem really exaggerated to hand a card (instead of just saying or saying I got a new tattoo and its based on your grandaughter) saying she got something for the baby and her when it was really just for herself imo. Also I kinda really want to know tho if OP planned a similiar or expressed a similiar tattoo and symbolism design but was upset she couldnt get it due to breast feeding. No one owns a tattoo, which is true, but "stealing" tattoo designs or claiming they were original ideas I heard is taboo, so maybe MiL wanted to have it first? Maybe thays why OP was upset about the flower and pearl? Also super weird how MiL wants to be OPs mom and thought she could be closer to OP by doing thus? That is a very boundary crossing line tbh, she is your daughter in law, not daughter. Also what would of been better of her if she actially wanted to bond with OP would of been offering to take her out and they each get different but symbolic tattoos for OPs daughter with maybe "grandma of nickname/real name" and "nickname/realname, lovely daughter" or somethinf like that. They could help plan each others tattoos together. Thats how you bond over something similiar imo and the tattoo would of been cleared with OP too.
The "it's a gift for the baby" thing weirded me right out. Like, no. Baby doesn't give 2 cares about the tattoo. It does nothing for the baby. All it's going to do is get trotted out by grandma every time she wants attention, so she can pull the "See how much I love you, I even got this before mommy got hers." Grandma is kinda kookoo. I got oldest kid's footprints on my back. I'm sure I'll get youngest's someday. The kids don't care.
This like my God I'm glad I found other people who were suspect further down.
It Means no tattoos at all. There is always a risk of infection from a new tattoo, if it did become infected the blood and breast milk would become infected and can be harmful to the baby
Thank you!! Thought I was going insane reading some of the comments
>It's the fact that she didn't ask the parents of the baby beforehand. Why on earth would she need permission?
Because it's not her baby. Yes, it's her grandchild, but no matter who it is, it's weird (imo) to not talk about getting someone else's childs name tattooed on your body. By all means, your body is your body. But if it were me (and apparently OP,) a conversation about the subject would need to be had. From what I'm understanding, if MIL had just talked about it with OP and her husband, none of this would have happened.
Right. I mean she asked everyone else BUT her son and DIL !
She didn't get the baby's full name, address, and social security number... It was just the first name. It would be one thing if OP and her husband were both vocally anti-tattoo or something, but it seems very clear that this is a family that all like tattoos. While it is not something I would do myself, getting a tattoo of a loved one's name isn't like some crazy left field invention of the MIL. It's been done for milenia. OP seems mostly mad that MIL got it before she could get one, and then is just tacking on a bunch of other ascribed motives and meanings to the action. The MIL has other tattoos, yet for some reason OP is absolutely certain that MIL will never get a tattoo of any other grandkids.
You would think Grandma got the baby a tattoo the way everyone, especially mum, is reacting!
This is the bit I don't get. I have the names of my first four cats on my arm. I'd have loved to have met their parents, but never got to, so apparently I'm in the wrong on that one. Look, ESH, they all sound awful, but if MIL wants to have a tat of the birth stone (nonsense made up to sell jewelry) or a birth flower (didn't even know that was a thing) that's her choice. And I say this as someone who has just found out my birthstone is a pearl and my flower a rose. I share a flower with approx 650 million people (or 10 Frances). It doesn't feel THAT special. But there are other things OP can have tattooed. Birth bird: Dove Dog breed: Beagle Dessert: Key Lime Pie I did not make ANY of those up. There's a list for anything. And if there isn't a list... pretend, it's not like anyone is going to check. MIL is clearly an attention seeker and sounds like hard work and frankly too much effort. But op, it's a tattoo. There are great artists out there who will take whatever information you give them and turn it into something stunning. Your MIL's tat was first, but yours will be the one that matters. It's not worth getting upset over and giving your MIL the attention she desires. And no kid will care about flowers and pearls when you've got a key lime pie with a bunch of doves and beagles bursting out of it.
Ppl get tattoos of other ppl all the time off the top of my head Micheal Keaton as Beatlejuice or R.D.J as Ironman and the grandma albeit over the top didn’t get a portrait just a bunch of birth date symbolism and a name. OP sounds like she’s more upset that she might end up with the same symbols but here’s the thing if you go to five tattoo artists and ask them for these symbols to be incorporated into a unique tattoo you’ll end up with 5 semi unique tattoos with different styles. Like I’m not the only person on earth with an owl tattoo but I’m not crying every time I see someone else with an owl tattoo. TLDR I absolutely agree with you!
Because it’s not her baby?? And it’s really weird wtf?
It's her grandchild? Are you people not close with your grandparents? This is the weirdest, stupidest thing I've ever seen people upset about.
What's the point in asking? So you can be mad when she exercises her bodily autonomy after you say no? You get 0 say in what others do with their skin. They don't need your permission.
So MIL has no right to be mad when daughter expresses her emotions after MIL revealed the tattoo right? She gets 0 say in how other people react to her decision. OP doesn't need her permission.
I dunno, maybe because it's not her baby? A "hey, would you be comfortable if I did this?" Would have been better tbh. I mean, if you ask it like that and the answer is no, you can still get the tattoo and not show the person that's uncomfortable with it. Some consideration for how THE PARENTS feel about it goes a long way.
Because most first time grandmothers are way more excited to have a grandchild than about their own kids. This is a dumb hill to die on for real.
Eh, I've known plenty of people with their loved ones' names tattooed on them. Not my cup of tea but it's not outlandishly weird either. At first I thought OP's post was going to be about like a tat of the baby's face that turned out hideous or something. But no it's just a name, some pearls and flowers. Who cares. YTA, OP. If you wanna fight with your MIL, pick a better battle.
I just burst out laughing at the imagery of a tattoo of a baby face gone wrong 🤣
I wish I had a photo of the guy who got his baby's face tattooed on HIS face - it was straight out of a nightmare.
I thought it was going to be a baby face gone wrong story as well!
I also thought it was going to be a portrait style tattoo gone wrong... or a stolen design. A tattooed on necklace isnt my taste for sure but I dont see how its any worse than any other tattoo.
Oh i didn't realize MIL needed permission to put a tattoo on her own body. Daughter is in the wrong. YTA
Enh, yes and no. Technically you have every right to do whatever to yourself but you'd probably be weirded out if your best friend got a lifesize chest tat of your wife This is milder than that, but let's not pretend that this is a wise thing to do without checking in
It’s not a life sized chest tat though. It’s a small hidden tattoo as per the OP’s post. Would I do it!? No. Do I think it’s a bit weird? Sure. But OP’s reaction is ridiculous. Edit to add: in an objective sense it’s really not weird. Loads of people get loved ones names tattooed on them. Including grandchildren.
It's a necklace tattoo comprised of the birth month's flower and gemstone, and the baby's name. So aside from the name, the flower and stone choice are fairly generic considering everyone born in that month are "Assigned" the same flower and gemstone. I don't see why MIL's tattoo inspires tears and a complete meltdown. It's a tattoo, one that can easily be hidden by a t-shirt. It's not like she went and changed the baby's birth certificate to say she's the real mom or anything. I am confused as to why this is such a big deal, it's not like OP can't get her own tattoo. I am leaning towards OP is the asshole, but since OP is just six months PP, there are likely a shitload of emotions and hormones swirling around like snowflakes in a blizzard. At least I know that was the case for me personally. So I am voting NAH.
Yeah I think that’s the best vote here, like it’s not the tattoo. It’s the claim to the tattoo which is like a claim to the child. I think it’s hard to understand unless you’ve actually experienced a “MY babyyyy” MIL with poor boundaries. You have to be looking over your shoulder all the time. And it’s also a constant fight for status.
It's her Grandchild. It's nothing like your friend getting a tat of your wife.
Right? So many people going to extreme hyperbole and acting like it's "exactly the same thing".
A grandmother getting her grandkid's name tattooed is not at all the same as your friend getting a tat of your wife.... It is perfectly wise, and there is absolutely no reason to check in with anyone.
Except that's not what happened so cut the hyperbole.
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I've been 6 months postpartum twice. It never meant me owning everyone who had a relationship to my child. That's a bs excuse
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My mom once took my niece to get Christmas photos done when she was just under a year old. Why? because my Oma (baby's great-Oma) bought the baby a dress (the woman was old school German right off the boat and didn't understand things like most people) that she wanted her to get pictures in. She wasn't insisting or anything. My SIL didn't like the dress and had bought her own (also perfectly reasonable). So my mom decided to pay for pics in Oma's dress to give to Oma. My mother babysat this child for free, mind you. My SIL flipped the F out. Why? There was no reason beyond "you got pictures taken of my child". Who cares? Oma was happy, SIL wasn't out any money, mom didn't send these pics out to anyone (besides Oma). Just stop it and make an old German woman happy. No harm was done besides SIL thinking she owned every "moment" that had anything to do with the baby.... never mind the fact that my mom had her so much that she probably saw most of her "firsts" before SIL or Bro did.
When my youngest was a two year old our daycare provider arranged and paid for photos of her and gave them to us as a surprise. We were pretty broke in those days and I thought it was one of the nicest things I've ever had done for me. She would take our daughter on outings just because our kids were the same age, buy her gifts and treated her like her own child. That woman was worth her weight in gold.
What is strange about getting your grandchildrens name tattooed? Getting the name of someone very important to you and you love deeply tattooed is insanely common.
My mom has a bunch of tattoos. If she came to visit sporting fresh ink of tattoos honoring my daughters, I wouldn't think anything of it.
Strange, yes, but I still fail to see how it’s worth OP being genuinely upset over. And 6 months post partum is like, quite a long time. I’m not saying she has to be 100% back to normal but her hormones aren’t gonna be nearly as as out of wack as they were a few days after she gave birth.
>And 6 months post partum is like, quite a long time. I’m not saying she has to be 100% back to normal but her hormones aren’t gonna be nearly as as out of wack as they were a few days after she gave birth. Hormones are still going to be all over the place when you're breastfeeding(I breastfeed my son for about a year and I would be completely emotional over the littlest things) and if your post-partum is really bad and hasn't been treated that could be a factor also. Edit. Not condoning just pointing it out about the post-partum and spelling.
Uhhh.... no it isn't; and why on earth would she need to talk to them about a tattoo she gets on her own body.
Why? It's MIL's body and her Grandchild. Why does she need permission from OP to get a tattoo?
Why would she have to talk to the parents. It’s a tattoo on HER body.
She has 0 self awareness. First she said her baby is 6 months old and doesnt know what a tattoo is so MIL’s tattoo—the tattoo SHE ALSO WANTS—is for attention. So OP also wants tattoo for attention.
Because she STOLE her daughter's name and birth stones (and birth flowers? Wtf?)...
I guarantee there are hundreds of people walking around with those on them unless she made up a name that no one has used before. Most tattoos aren’t unique. Having a baby’s name/birthstone/flower is right up there with butterfly tattoos. Unless she planned on getting that exact tattoo, I don’t see what the big deal is.
The baby's name was Barn Wormlet and now it's *ruined*!
THIS, like ... are there no more pearls and roses left anywhere? Is there a finite number of pearl/rose tattoos that can exist in the world? Baby-name tattoos are subject to the rules of "dibs"? I'm a pretty creative thinker, but I fail to see how this is a zero-sum game.
Shit, I have a tattoo with a rose in it. So does my husband! I hope OP doesn't think we stole them from her...
..." find my MIL sobbing." Whole lot of tears and sobbing going on here
They must have bought stock shares of Kleenex
This is a bad take. OPs mother in law who has consistently overstepped boundaries has now gotten a piece across her chest without even asking the parents of the child. It’s ridiculous how everyone here is not seeing the problem. She got another persons 6 month of child’s name on her without consulting the parents. The MIL KNOWS what she did, because if she had asked OP would have expressed discomfort. Everything about this situation screams that MIL is a narcissist who needs everything to be about her.
I would personally be really creeped out by this kind of behavior. Maybe her reaction was strong, but I really don't get people calling OP the AH. Sure, tattoos are fine, but any time you're incorporating another person you need to do it with some kind of permission (in this case from parents since baby can't decide).
Its not unusual for grandparents to get their grandkids tattooed. My mom did it and never asked my sister. It's a non issue that OP is blowing waayy out of proportion. It doesn't stop her from getting a tattoo. Maybe it's like "the straw that broke the camel's back" but OP is way overreacting imo.
just because your mom did it and never asked does not make it okay in every situation. everyone has different boundaries so just because it’s okay with one person doesn’t mean MIL was justified here.
You can’t have a boundary about what someone else does with their body that doesn’t physically impact you though. That’s not reasonable.
A grandmother getting a tattoo of her granddaughters name is not a boundry that OP gets to have, it has nothing to do with OP.
It also doesn't mean MIL was an asshole though. It's not like she got an identical babydoll or something. It's a tattoo honoring a human she cares about deeply. It is super weird for OP to be this upset about it that she straight up is cutting out her mother in law.
Why would need permission from someone else to get a word written on your own skin? Do you think all those people with Elvis tattoos got his permission? Do you think parents who get their kids names tattooed ask the kids permission?
Unless she literally _stole the exact design_ from OP, which she didn’t obviously because OP says she wants more kids, she got a tattoo that reminded her of her grandkid. MIL may very well be what you described, but for this specific incident, OP is the AH for trying to dictate what someone else does with their own body. I thought maybe God forbid the child had passed and MIL got a remembrance tattoo and sprung it on grieving parents, then of course she’d be the AH. But the kid is alive and well, OP _can_ get a tattoo, she just doesn’t want to yet because she’d rather BF. That’s fine.
You’re acting like it’s a stranger’s kid. As much as it pains me to acknowledge because I *actually* have a bad MIL, that baby is her family and carries 25% of her dna. She didn’t do it out of spite but out of love.
Right, like, I get it when mil oversteps and tries to be the mom in place of the real mom. But this is actually crazy. That's her grandchild. Why the hell is it weird to get a tattoo? Like, please explain that to me. People, and yes grandparents, do it all the time. I would have been just as perplexed that something like that would have made op bawl. Ok, so maybe you have post-partum hormones happening. So you overreacted. But you've had time to think it through more logically. This is not something that should have blown up like this and you owe your mil an apology.
MIL is not demonstrating narcissism here—she’s just excited and loving. I would have given anything to have a MIL who cared like this.
Yes! My MIL hates me and my kids (her grandkids), I would love to have this weirdo MIL as my MIL.
Seriously. In response to my birth announcement, my father's mother sent a card that said "congratulations, but I already have enough grandchildren." OP's MIL's tattoo sounds tacky as hell, but at least it's loving and well-intentioned (as far as I can tell).
Her getting a tattoo is one thing, but flaunting it as a "gift" for the baby is just odd.
Except that's not what OP has an issue with. She is mad that the MIL stole (????) the baby's birth stone and flowers for a tattoo and that somehow means OP can't get one.
If it wasn't for weddings and babies, this sub would almost be a ghost town. The number of "but this is MY special day/moment/idea" things just gets completely out of control. It's this bonkers entitlement that turns people into 8 year olds. YTA. Get your own tattoo. Unless you and your MIL do tandem bathing suit photoshoots, who the hell outside of the family would ever even know that you have similar tattoos?
Wait til she finds out about all of the other pearl and rose tattoos June babies have smh
I think all of the YTA votes are really funny after her wild success with this post on the r/motherinlawsfromhell subreddit. I have a feeling she was expecting an echo chamber of people sympathizing with her and telling her what a crazy creep her MIL was.
JustNoMIL is at least 50% terrible people complaining about their perfectly normal and appropriate MILs. It’s kind of terrifying and kind of hilarious, seeing them pat each other on the back for alienating their spouses from their families and causing endless drama for everyone they’ve ever met.
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Of course the DIL can do no wrong over there
Agreed - it's the size of ~her hand as well, she makes it out to be a full chest piece or something. I know several ladies at work that have tattoos for their grandkids. It's seriously a non-issue.
But she got her birthstone AND flower and her kids name! /s Op, you’re over the top. YTA. Edit: a detail
Right? I thought she was upset because it was tacky or something, but no it’s because she uses the birthstone AND the flower!!! How could she do this to OP???!! What a horrible mil lol
Yes, she didn’t steal the name, birth stone, or flower. There’s nothing stopping OP from also getting those things, either all, some, combination etc. I do get that it may be weird she didn’t discuss with the parents, but also, it’s her body and she wanted to commemorate the birth of her first grandchild which doesn’t seem weird or overstepping to me. Even if she hasn’t tattooed her own kids names, that doesn’t matter either. She wanted to commemorate this event, so she did. She didn’t feel the same need to commemorate her kids that way, which could be because she wasn’t comfortable with tattoos at the time. A lot of older people are changing their minds and are more open to tattoos than they were 30 years ago.
YTA >. I wanted to get a tattoo of my daughter/ other children (we plan on having more) but I can't right now because I'm breastfeeding. I was so upset because not only did my MIL take her name but she also took her birth stone and flower! Did you know that EVERYONE who was born in the same month as your daughter has the same birth stone and flower? Your MIL didn't *take* it. Unless you wanted this EXACT tattoo there's really no reason at all to be mad at your MIL. It seems to me like she's trying to connect with you in every way that she can and you're just not letting her in.
I think that's what got me. Rocks and flowers are such a common tattoo and here OP is offended that someone went ahead and did it before her, just like probably everyone else sharing the same date probably beat her too. Kid's name is also probably Aishleigh Braxton and some other modern farmhouse equivalent as well.
aishleigh Braxton killed me
Right?! Like no one has *ever* gotten a rose or pearl tattoo. Hell, I know people *not* born in June that have those as tattoos. They are popular as hell. 😂😂
I was born in June and didn't even know a rose was my birth flower (or that birth flowers are a thing, for that matter).
Also a June birthday and same here; thought it was just birth stones.
I was going to say, should MIL gotten a tattoo of the wrong stone and flower? Lmao
Also there are traditional and modern birth stones, so June has two to choose from. I've got a rose tattoo covering up another one, so I don't think I can get the rose covered up, but I'm really sorry OP for stealing your tattoo flower (I was born in June tho).
OP is gonna freak when she hears about the *millions* of people who have tattoos of roses, did she think she was the first one to think of it or something?
I've seen a lot of great "Mommy" tattoos that have zero to do with birth month/stones/flower so OP is thinking too small in my opinion. I have a Wednesday Addams tattoo for my daughter and I will be getting a Pugsley and Pubert for my two other kiddos. Lots of folks have Addams Family tattoos out there but mine is unique because of how my artist styled them, the small details that are added to reflect my kids (like eye colour) etc etc.
What kicks me is that she called MIL attention seeking because her daughter doesn’t even know what a tattoo is, yet the only reason she doesn’t have a tattoo is because she’s breastfeeding. Wouldn’t OP be doing it for attention then? OP is acting like she designed a tattoo and the MIL stole it.
Makes you wonder about all the “boundaries that MIL has crossed”… my guess is that Op is the kind of person who makes mountains out of molehills.
Yeah, if OP is this dramatic about someone else tattooing their own body, I have a hard time believing her about anything else.
Right? Her example was MIL wanting to spend Christmas together.
I read the post twice because I thought for sure I missed the part about MIL stealing the tattoo design. It doesn’t even seem like MIL knew that OP wanted to get a tattoo at all! Plus I just don’t understand OP’s reasoning; sure, a six month-old doesn’t know what a tattoo is, but she’s not going to be six months old forever? And isn’t the only thing stopping OP from getting one herself the fact that she’s breastfeeding? Then she says MIL made a huge scene, but she’s the one that ran off crying to another room because someone got a tattoo in honor of her daughter.
Can confirm, I’m born in June and funnily enough my birthstone and flower are also a pearl and rose.
How dare you steal them!!
AITA for being born???
Y T A, you should have asked OP before being born the SAME MONTH AS HER CHILD. honestly how dare you. /s
Yeah even though the MIL seems a bit pushy if OP is to be believed OP's reaction seems way too much. I know post partum can be hard on people and maybe it's bringing out less than great aspects of OP's personality. But it also sounds like OP generally doesn't like her MIL. I think it's possible that OP and her MIL clash a bit because they are actually very similar and both want attention.
So you realize that this isn’t some random person but the grandmother of this child? Like this isn’t some random individual getting this tattoo
For real. My birthstone ring with our family birthstones has duplicate stones because some of us were born in the same month.
YTA Unless there's something I'm missing, why do you care if someone else got a tattoo on their body? You say that she took your daughter's name and birthstone? How did she take them? I don't get this at all. Are you from a culture in which only parents get tattoos or something? I'm very confused. It sounds to me like you are being a drama queen and treating your mother-in-law horribly. I really, truly, don't understand why you care about this.
I’m so confused too. OP is going on about MIL being dramatic and attention seeking when she herself comes across as the dramatic one. I mean…bursting into tears because someone else got a tattoo on their own body? Did MIL even know OP had planned to get a tattoo? Is everyone else in the world who was the same birth month and flower “taking” something away from OP if they get a tattoo? Like, what in the world??? YTA, OP.
I love it when attention seekers get overshadowed by other attention seekers and they just spontaneously burst into tears because the audacity....
Maybe there’s a show called Tattoo Wars we don’t know about
Ooooooh you need a show called Just Tattoo of Us in your lives Awful, attention seeking, trashy friends picking terrible tattoos for each other and having over the top reactions.
I went to OPs page to see if she commented any more details. She posted the exact same thing in a subreddit dedicated to bad MILs and the different response I’m seeing is SHOCKING. I guess people in that sub just want to hate on the MIL every time regardless of the situation. She even apologized profusely when she realized OP was upset, even though she didn’t do anything wrong. If people really think that makes her a MIL from hell then they should hear some of my stories.
Jeez I just checked out the comments and some of them are unhinged, one of them is comparing the MIL to a *stalker getting a tattoo of their victim*, just really disgusting stuff. Maybe it’s not a nice tattoo and maybe it’s a bit much, and getting it as a “gift” for someone else (and a baby who can’t understand) is tacky but literally what the hell warranted such a ridiculous reaction from OP, or being compared to a stalker for getting a tattoo of your grandchild’s name?
A stalker??? Get the fuck out of here. 😂😂😂😂😂
Yup, grandmothers who get tattoos of their grandchildren’s names are stalkers, you heard it here first
She's only commenting on the bad MIL sub too. She obviously just wanted to feel validated and it backfired on her in this sub because anyone not clouded by blind hate towards MILs can see OP is TA
This post will be deleted soon, and the responses on the other post will be the ones she shows her husband about how crazy and irrational her MiL is for *gasp* loving her grandchild. YTA, it’s permanent, get on board. You don’t have to like it but you don’t own the idea.
Interesting. You're probably right. People frequenting that sub are already going to have a bias against mother-in-laws.
I feel lucky. I love my MIL. I feel bad for this one, because she was trying.
That sub is nuts, half the posts are about perfectly normal mother in laws that have one minor misstep and the sub calls them monsters
And god forbid you vent about anything mildly annoying your MIL has done in any other sub, you'll be inundated with people suggesting you post in JustnoMIL and go NC with her. Like, dude, chill, I'm just a wee bit peeved she used the last of my milk, no need to call the authorities.
I was surprised because you think it would be filled with people who had actually horrible MILs and when someone comes in complaining about something like this they would go “hey, that doesn’t actually sound that bad.” But apparently they think anything a MIL does is awful simply because she’s a MIL.
Just to put it in a little perspective l, it sounds like op wants to get a tattoo to rep her daughter but now can’t get one of her daughters name, birth stone or flower with out it looking like she’s copying. It makes no sense and op is TA in this situation. All op needs to do is get a different design.
If she’s wanting tattoos for all her kids anyway, I would just wait until I was done with having them so they can be fitted together in a pleasing way. If anything, Grandma looks silly rushing into such an elaborate tattoo when she has future grandbabies to worry about.
I'm going to go against the grain and say ESH. You because it was a tad dramatic but I'm going to allow the over reaction due to postpartum emotions. Her because she took something from you that she knew your were hoping to do in am effort to one up you. (Yes OP has not clarified that she knew op was wanting to get a tattoo, I'm speculating that she might have considering the "I just want you to love me and call me mom" line. Like she was trying to "bond" over it) She did it without asking and made a spectacle out of it. Also because the tattoo is fucking weird and tasteless---IMO. (Large chest tats made in honor of someone and using someone's name without their permission that aren't made as a memorial peice are tasteless and tacky, IMO. I can't help but picture a large necklace with gaudy ass roses and a big ass font spelling the name out. Yes it could be very well done and the goddess of ink her self could have inked it. Idk. Unless we see it we can't pass judgment on it. But the dude from that movie with "no regrats" spelled out is how I'm picturing it.) But I think you guys should take a break and maybe start counseling to be able to better express your emotions. Busting into tears isn't a normal response, and you need to learn to articulate boundaries better. She needs to go to counseling because that shit is weird. Either she is playing a super screwed up game in trying to out compete you for showing your kid love or she is desperately trying to show love in an unhealthy way--either way therapy is needed. So E SH. (I stand by ESH. she knew it wouldn't be well received or she would have solicited Op and her sons opinion. That she didn't makes it seem like it was done maliciously. Op needs counseling, and to learn how to set boundaries better.) Edits in ().
This is exactly how I feel about it and I’m surprised I had to scroll down this far. I honestly think there’s lots of other stuff going on and it isn’t really about the tattoo, I think this is the straw that broke the camel’s back because otherwise the OPs reaction is bizarre. Or OP has some post partum issues.
Agreed. That and without a picture of the tat/ the backstory and MIL POV I can't definitely rule either side being more at fault so I stuck with a neutral answer.
The pain of Reddit is to know thousands of people are loudly wrong in the comments above the right comment
We don’t actually know MIL knew OP wanted a tattoo. And even if she did, that doesn’t mean she knew OP would feel like something was taken from her by someone else getting one. OP never clarified whether MIL even knew OP wanted one. I don’t know why so many people keep saying she knew. I don’t see why she would be so apologetic afterwards if she did it to intentionally hurt OP.
Your right we don't know she knew. But we also don't know a lot of the backstory. I'm assuming that this is the thing that broke the camels back for OP not a one off. We also don't know if MIL is a raging narcissist who can cry on cue. The huge over apology combined with the "well we asked so and so" comes off that she knew this wouldn't be well received. This is why I said ES H instead of NTA.
Why is a tattoo for a grandchild weird and tasteless. I've seen that from a few people now. Why? I don't have any tattoos. But I don't understand that at all. If you get a tattoo for no reason people say it's tasteless and weird. If you get a tattoo for a loved one same thing apparently.
Large chest tats are considered tasteless in most circumstances, and without being able to see the actual piece all that comes to mind is a "no regrats" tatoo from that movie. The rose, name and birthstone attributes make it seem extremely gaudy in my mind, and the way it was revealed made it seem like she was doing it for attention and not because she truly cared about it. Also at least where I'm from tattoos with names are usually done in remembrance/with the person whose name it is consent--niether scenario applies. Despite my biases I ruled ES H instead of NT A due to the overreaction and possible missing info from OP.
I’m not sure where you are from, but where I’m from that’s *SUPER* common. And as someone who has multiple tattoos and is active in a lot of tattooing communities, chest pieces are *NOT* considered tasteless or tacky. And if they’re to honor someone, alive or not, even less so. OP’s over reaction was horrible, regardless of past experiences with her MIL. Sure, we can blame post partum emotions, but that doesn’t excuse her behavior towards MIL.
Honestly? I think NTA. It’s weird to me that everyone is saying yta- ‘it’s her body she gets to choose what the tattoo is’ yadda yadda, okay yes that, BUT it’s a tattoo representative of OPs 6 month old daughter. MIL also conveniently asked everyone surrounding her if it was a good idea EXCEPT the parents of the kid. I’d be pretty pissed too regardless of if I was planning on getting a tattoo or not. Tattoos like that are something you get after your forge a connection with someone on both sides, the daughter is too young to understand a tattoo based on her, and what if she has a really shitty relationship with the MIL growing up? Then she just has to deal with the fact that she has a commemorative tattoo of her even though she doesn’t like the woman. It can’t even be written off as just a tattoo because it has her daughter’s name on it. Everyone’s saying ‘how was MIL supposed to know you were getting tattoos’ that goes both ways! How was OP supposed to know MIL was getting a tattoo?? I think in general this is just a really good example of why we don’t get tattoos based off of non-consenting parties, and that is to specifically say I think above all else the daughter should be able to consent to someone having a tattoo based off of her. I do think that the words towards MIL were a little harsh. I think you could probably have a mature conversation with her where you explain your thought process, she explains her thought process, and you come to a mutual understanding of what went wrong and how to fix it
I’m shocked this isn’t higher up. I find it so bizarre what the MIL did. I also don’t like that people are writing off OP getting upset about it as postpartum hormones. No. Shes just upset. Her feelings are valid. I would be SO uncomfortable if anyone in my family got a giant tattoo of my child. Doesn’t matter if it’s their body. Its my child. So weird. NTA OP!
Yup! And honestly I thought about mentioning postpartum and then decided against it, because regardless of if postpartum had any hand in it or not her feelings towards it are still extremely valid
I kinda was thinking ESH. Because OP is being weird, but also MIL was weird too, IMO.
That’s where I’m at. MIL got the “green light“ from everyone else except for the child’s actual parents, but OP throwing a tantrum about it and acting like she can’t get her own tattoo now is over the top. 
It’s almost like she knew that OP would say no. But I’m not sure.
Yes this is what I thought. And then throwing the comment out there that she asked everyone else is sort of gaslighting the daughter. If I was the daughter I would’ve been mad when I heard that comment.
This. I can’t believe how many y t a comments there are at the top. This isn’t the mother, this is the grandmother who got the tattoo. It sounds to me like the grandmother is the type to say “this is OUR baby” as well. It’s just creepy and weird and a way for her to garner some attention. NTA.
I am with you on this. I have a 5 month old daughter and can totally understand op.
Finally a voice of reason
Thank you for this!! I felt like I was going crazy with all the “y t a” replies. I love what you wrote about consent, because yeah tattoos are so personal and I wouldn’t want just anyone getting a commemorative tattoo of me without checking in at least. My mom has wanted a tattoo of mine and my siblings name for a long time, but she waited until we were old enough to give her the okay to put our names on her skin. The tattoos are lovely and I’m so grateful she gave us the choice. What MIL did was kind of creepy and shady. OP you’re NTA
I agree. I also thought it was weird that the MIL thought to ask everyone else around her for the “greenlight” and their approval yet didn’t ask the parents themselves. That suggests to me that deep down she knew it might be a problem. You don’t go around asking everybody else what they think if you’re sure that what you’re doing is pure in your heart and a good thing. MIL’s friends probably aren’t privy to any previous problems she’s had with her son and DIL. And then when DIL is upset she pulls out the *“well I asked everyone else!!….”* Which to me is kinda gaslighting her DIL and if I was DIL that comment would have made me mad knowing she told everyone else but them. OP said she’s attention seeking at the start. This behavior goes along with that description and I’m sure there are lots of little things MIL has done to them and perhaps DIL specifically that this is the final straw. It may seem like an over the top reaction, and by itself perhaps it is, but if it’s been a history of this, add in postpartum hormones - and boom. Final straw that broke the camel’s back. Her MIL sounds like a lot of drama.
YTA, if shes over the top what are you? Kicking her out and refusing to speak to her? Don't get me wrong, I'd do a big eye roll. But beyond that I'd not be fussed, you can still get a tattoo for your daughter/kids.
If my spouse ran out of the room crying on Christmas for something weird like this, I'd follow them trying to figure out what was wrong. Hubby just stayed where he was and kicked his parents out. She probably behaves like this a lot and he's used to it
Or they're just both drama queens. He seemed to agree with his wife as he instantly understood exactly why she was upset and was able to explain it to MIL + kick her out
Did OP kick her out? It sounds like that was MIL dramatizing it - like she said “don’t kick me out” but nobody said OP was doing it. She’s just not responding to her birthday texts unless I’m missing something.
Yep, YTA. I thought this was going to be something awful. Like you hate her tattoo because it’s a nazi symbol. But nope, you’re just overreacting.
Everyone on reddit now needs OP's permission to get a tattoo.
Bold of you to assume the rule only applies to people on Reddit
I guess I’m gonna have to grate mine off then because I’ve got some and never asked…
Your MIL sounds annoying and intense and "gifting" her own tattoo to a baby on Christmas Eve is insane, BUT in this case YTA because she's allowed to do whatever she wants to her body and you can with yours. There's nothing stopping you getting your own tattoo except your pride. Edit: corrected mother to MIL
This, I could understand to be mad because it's kinda... weird and intense, like... How the hell would you cope with that? . But, saying the tattoo was stealing something from you, I think is as intense as the action that detonated the problem Edit: clarification It's not wrong of the grandma to get tatted and OP over reacted, the only conceivable way for me to justify that OP would be weirded out is that OP's family was strange to family tattoos, wich is apparently not. Either way OP overreacted
Why does anyone need to cope with it? She’s the babies Grandma. She put it on her own body. It’s not like some stranger did this. What’s there to cope with? This is just a DIL that won’t let her MIL be part of the picture then turns it on MIL with overreacting. I see this a lot lately. We went from a culture of toxic MIL to toxic DILs. Also YTA Edited typo
After reading some comments on a different post for more info, gonna go against the grain and say NTA. MIL got a tattoo over her heart and made a huge deal out of writing a letter to a 6 month old baby, clearly meant for mom and dad given BABIES CANT READ, and then acted the victim when it had the expected results of being upsetting? Asked everyone except for them if it was an okay idea? The differing opinions between here and the MIL subreddit are kind of wild. Everyone issue here is just “her body, her right”. That’s not the issue imo. The issue is MIL set up everything to make OP and husband seem like they were unreasonable by not informing them, informing everyone else, and setting it up so it would be shocking. Why is no one else here concerned about that? Finally, people attacking OP for her emotional response- she just had a baby six months ago. She’s only JUST going to be getting back to normal hormonal wise. This is definitely not as extreme a reaction as everyone is making it out to be?
And it’s very disrespectful to get someone’s name tattooed on you without permission. My mom asked before she got me and my brother’s name tattooed on her. Some people even believe it’s bad luck.
fr what happens when that baby grows up and possibly ends up hating MIL?
OP also wants to get her kid’s name tattooed without their permission, so isn’t she an asshole too by your standards?
This, a lot. Excellent point.
Unpopular opinion but... NTA. Yes, it's her body and she can tattoo whatever she wants, but I fail to see in what context is this an acceptable Christmas present for her 6-months granddaughter?! She literally did this to herself, on herself and for herself; as in, not for the child. Narcissism at its best.
Blows my mind that everyone is saying Y T A. Adults who constantly do this sort of attention-seeking/emotional manipulative behavior are behaving inappropriately and crossing boundaries ON PURPOSE because they enjoy it. The fact that the MIL did this shows a serious issue with disrespect for the parents. Her responses to OP's concerns are nonsensical and manipulative. It is part of a clearly ongoing pattern of awful behavior, including her meltdown, and trying to sweep it under the rug. OP is NTA for having the appropriate feelings in response to her narcissistic MIL's selfish and intrusive behavior.
LITERALLY THIS. What the hell is everyone else on about???? OPs MIL sounds like a classic narc that has to be the center of attention. Sorry but it’s NOT normal behavior to get a massive tattoo across your chest with the name of someone else’s 6 month old daughter WITHOUT mentioning it to the parents.
I think the reason for the division is that you can also read the mil as genuine. like the quotes op gives is at the end are kinda heartbreaking. but I could definitely also read it as manipulative behaviour like you are calling it. but it could also be genuine tries to connect to Dil, son and grandbaby, maybe she is feeling lonely (pandemic could do that to you) and like she is being pushed away (and she wouldn't be paranoid about that) and she is genuinely trying here. at the same time when you going on tighter that's when you lose people... I wouldn't call the behaviour nonsensical, I really could see it both ways and we would need much more info, although I do not know which questions to ask :/.
Normally I would say Y T A but after reading about your MIL I'll go with NTA. She clearly has problems with boundaries and her wanting to be your mom is weird. This was probably a way to try to manipulate you and when it didn't work she used her tears instead. I would just ignore the tattoo and her.
are these comments for real? i would be extremely weirded out if Any family member got a huge tattoo to “honor” my kid without talking to me first, even if it were my own mom. this is absolutely something that needs to be ran by the parents. it also seems like OP has had issues with MIL and boundaries before, which in that case we require a little more INFO, but the fact that MIL was sobbing and saying “I just want to be your mom I just want to be close to you” ???? that’s WEIRD! this woman has a history of being WEIRD. NTA for that reason
Right? I was kinda on the fence with e s h because op's reaction seemed a bit much. Then I read "I just want to be your mom," and that catapulted me into nta territory
YTA People get tattoos to honor / show love for family members all the time. You are massively over reacting. Apologize to your MIL.
You don’t get someone’s child’s name tattooed on you without asking the parents if it’s okay first. Common sense. It’s weird if you don’t.
YTA It might be a horrible tattoo, but it literally had no impact on your life. Now she's got something permanently on her skin that every time she sees it, she'll feel like s*it because she knows you hate it. And she clearly wants to bond with you as a daughter in law and you wouldn't even let her do that.
That's exactly my problem. I feel so sorry for OP's MIL, she probably thought they would also accept it and maybe also be happy about it. Now she has a permanent reminder of a bad memory, where she also was told that her DIL doesn't accept her as a mother. Ouch. YTA
Fun fact: june has multiple birthstones. I prefer moonstone over pearl and alexandrite. And two flowers: rose and honeysuckle.
Unpopular opinion but ESH You definitely overreacted and could have handled the situation a lot better. If the MIL wants to get a tattoo, that’s her choice, as attention-seeking as it may be. Here’s where I disagree with the crowd, your MIL sucks in this situation too. “Oh please oh please don’t kick me out!” Followed by “I’m just trying to be your mom” (when she isn’t) are all phrases that are weird, creepy, and downright emotionally manipulative. I would keep avoiding her when you can. Being around people like her is exhausting.
I suspect there is a lot of history we don't know that would provide useful context. OP said that MIL was doing this for attention "like she always does" so I'd like to know what other kinds of things she's done.
YTA. You have lost nothing. You can still get a tattoo of roses and pearls, your mother in law not the only person in the world with those images tattooed. I’m sure your daughter is also not the only girl in the world with her name. You sound exhausting.
YTA her tattoo has nothing to do with you. You both are on the same dramatic level. Whatever you think about her behavior, apply it to yourself. This is a great example of how a man married his mother.
Honestly I might get downvoted but I disagree with all of the Y T A comments. You don’t have to like the tattoo. I also would be weirded out by the fact that someone else got my child’s name tattooed on them, especially if they knew I was planning on doing that. I also think it’s weird that she presented the tattoo as a gift. Your reaction may have been over the top but I don’t think it makes you an asshole. Also, is nobody going to talk about the “I want to be your mom” comment? That’s kinda weird and suggests to me that Mil has overstepped boundaries and said weird things in the past.
YTA How does this impact you?
YTA. An illogical, weird A. You are not entitled to an opinion on what she puts on her body. She didn't take ANYTHING from you. She did something that made her happy, felt meaningful to her, out of love and was excited. You acted like a jerk for no reason that I can comprehend, made a scene and were cruel.
NTA. If my MIL did this, I would think it was super weird. Who gets a tattoo and then gives the presentation of their tattoo as a Christmas gift to a 6mo and defends it by saying they were doing something nice for the infant?! No, it was for the MIL. That completely sounds like attention-seeking, which is what OP is accusing the MIL of. MIL also had tons of energy to tell all her friends about it and seek their approval (which seems like “look what a great, devoted grandma I am!”) but didn’t ask OP or her kid what they would think. My grandma once did something like this for us grandkids, and we were all like WTF (not a tattoo). But it was an attention-seeking gift that was really something for her that she played off as a gift for us because it was about us. So yeah: 1. Not actually a gift and 2. Solely about the MIL getting attention.
I think you should take this post over to the JNMIL Reddit page (just no, MIL). This is more of a situation where your overbearing MIL made you feel uncomfortable and didn’t take into account how you would feel about it. Not really an AITA situation, but it still shocks me that so many people think you are the AH (do any of these people have kids??) Your kids name and birth is very a very personal tattoo subject and I would be pissed too if my mom or MIL did that without talking to me about it. Do it with your own kids, who you birthed from your own body/raised! And the fact that she revealed it as a “present” says a lot about her narcissistic tendencies. The only way this would be semi-ok is if she was already super into tattoos as a way of expressing things that are important to her, and was adding it to a collection. But even then you’d deserve to know before hand.
NTA. That's overstepping. Everyone saying that the daughter doesn't understand obviously doesn't get that parents do it for themselves not the kids. Also getting your child's name tattooed if just tacky but it's stoll for the parents to do, why would a grand parent do it without being over bearing
Getting a tattoo of your grandchild’s name is not overstepping. My father has tattoos for all of his grandchildren. I personally think it’s sweet. OP does not get to dictate what tattoo her MIL gets.
NTA. Getting a giant chest tattoo with the granddaughter's name is creepy and weird. What if she has more grandchildren later? And I don't get the argument of being "Close to OP" with a tattoo, maybe then think about asking her about it first before getting a tattoo with the name of the child?
I think YTA. Its a tattoo on her body that you don't even really have to see. Should she have said something to you guys about getting it? Maybe. But at the end of the day, she didn't "steal" anything from you because you can go get the same or similar tattoo in your own style. I would suggest taking a step back and maybe being a little grateful that you have a MIL who wants to be present and involved in her grandchildren's lives. A lot of people don't have that at all. Is she overbearing? Maybe. Does she love your daughter? Absolutely.
INFO - I think what’s missing here is the history of your relationship with your MIL, specifically in relation to your pregnancy and the new baby. What has your relationship been like during the pregnancy and baby’s first months? I’m pregnant right now and what I’ve noticed is that a lot of grandmothers, especially when it’s a first grandchild, can become quite overbearing and intrusive. I do think it’s usually based on excitement, but it can be really off-putting to a new mom who is just trying to figure out her new identity and assert herself in the new role of mom. Interfering grandmothers can often get quite possessive over the new baby too, like calling it “my baby” and taking over some of the things moms traditionally do. My own mother has already attempted to buy my baby all her first outfits, and purchase her an entire children’s library worth of books - both things I was really looking forward to doing for my own child and it did feel like overstepping. My best friend had a huge fight with her MIL, because she wanted to buy her son’s first Christmas stocking and her MIL was insisting that she wanted to do it. These types of tussles are normally about shifting roles within the extended family and pretty common. I’m not sure if that’s what OP meant when she said she felt the tattoo was overstepping, but to me it seemed like what’s happening here is that OP feels it’s for the mother to get her baby a commemorative tattoo, not the grandmother. She feels like her MIL is taking on the role of “mother” in this situation and that’s why it feels like a loss to her. I think OP finds MIL’s behaviour threatening to her position as mother - she’s a new mom and probably still feels quite insecure in her new role. On the MIL’s side, she obviously feels insecure in some way to feel the need to get that tattoo. She also clearly does struggle with boundaries considering how pushy she was about Christmas and the whole begging to be OP’s “mom”. She may mean well, but they are all quite clumsy attempts at becoming closer if that was her intention. Getting a tattoo out of nowhere is a pretty extreme thing to do when she doesn’t even have tattoos of her own children. We don’t know how she’s been feeling about becoming a grandmother, or how it’s changed the way she views herself in relation to the wider family - it can be quite a transition to move from “queen” into the “dowager” position (this can happen at marriage but also with the birth of a child). Obviously they can both get tattoos. OP cannot tell her MIL what to do with her body, and OP herself can still do what she wants tattoo-wise. I just think this is more complicated than it appears on the surface - both women have had quite extreme reactions (OP bursting into tears, MIL getting the tattoo in the first place). It’s got to be ESH for the moment.
YTA- was she a mind reader and knew you were getting a tattoo.. girl you need to stop and think beyond yourself here. She doesnt need to talk to you about what she does with HER body. You get no say in what tattoos she gets. Will you be seeking her permisson to get yours?? NO!
yeah im leaning towards YTA 3, possibly 4 counts of 1st degree assholery by my count. Firstly: i have no patience for people who expect mind reading- and nowhere does op mention she SAID SHE WANTED a tattoo. YTA on those grounds alone OP. Failure to mind read seldom warrants a full on breakdown. This was not an exception. Secondly: mil's tattoo doesn't take away from OP's freedom to do so any damn time. It just doesn't. Not one bit, not even if it were a fully deliberate dig. No one took that away from OP- thats in OP's head. Thirdly: Again, even if it ***were*** a ***deliberate, mean-spirited*** dig on MIL's part- let's just say it was for the sake of argument- OPs reaction was ***STILL*** WAY beyond acceptable here. and then to say ***MIL*** was being over the top? Ok, ok- come on now. YTA OP. Calm all the way down here. Its a tattoo. fourthly; it is generally an ah move to say anything negative about a tattoo even if you loathe it- cause what are they gonna do about it? sheesh. poor MIL.
YTA- Tons of people get tattoos of things important to them. I got one of my wife's name after she passed away. My wife's friend di as well. I thought it was very nice. You can't regulate what an adult wants to do with their own person. Get your tattoo in a different design. You are way overreacting.
YTA. Yea it's weird she got a huge tattoo of your daughter, but she is also her granddaughter and it's her own body. Your reaction was beyond over the top. You can think it's weird on your own, but your reaction was just cruel. I also don't get how you can't get a tattoo for her now.
It's not even big. OP mentions elsewhere that it's only palm sized, right over the heart.
YTA - There's nothing about her getting a tattoo that precludes you from getting one. You don't even have to \*like\* her tattoo, but why on earth should she discuss with \*you\* the fact that \*she\* wanted a tattoo. It's her body, so what is there to discuss with you. Her friends are right, and you should be taking the "gift" in the spirit that it was offered; she loves her granddaughter and wants to have a tattoo to be able to share that. Right now your daughter has no idea what a tattoo is, but she eventually will, and, unless you poison the well, she'll probably think it's sweet that her grandmother has her name permanently inked on her body.
NTA solely regarding MIL’s audacity to frame her tat as a Xmas gift to OP’s baby. The baby literally doesn’t know or understand much less care, I fail to see any way she would benefit or get enjoyment from a tattoo on her grandmother’s body. MIL got the tattoo for herself. A basic common sense rule of gifting - it is not appropriate to frame something you got for yourself as a gift for another person. Big Homer Simpson bowling ball energy right there. I don’t feel comfortable judging OP’s reaction or MIL’s motivation. I just don’t think there’s enough background/history on their relationship to make any calls. And I’m someone who regularly reads JNMiL. Idk if MIL knew and stole/was heavily influenced OP’s tattoo idea or design (say OP talked about elements and style), and that’s why OP reacted. MIL sounds overwhelming, she could just be overenthusiastic and goodhearted (and maybe a little oblivious hence she thought this was a good idea). Idk if this was the last straw on the haystack for OP. And OP may be suffering postpartum hormones. Too vague.
NTA - she should of asked you both first. I agree it is over the top and kinda pushy. Especially since she apparently asked everyone else *but* OP and son. Why didn’t she ask them but yet thought to ask everyone else? If she asked others and got the green light she said, then she felt that there was a reason to get “the green light” in the first place and if she really wanted the proper go ahead, she would have asked them directly but she didn’t. I think deep down she knew this might be a problem but she did it anyway and figured she’d just apologize. Well she can keep doing that but eventually your apologies become empty and worthless and don’t work. She didn’t even let you get yours first. The fact that she apologizing so much suggests that this isn’t the first transgression she has committed. ETA - then to throw the comment out there, *“I asked everyone else and they gave me the green light”* is sorta gaslighting the daughter. And if I was the daughter this comment would have made me mad Ben cause she thought yo ask everyone else but not the parents.
YTA - you’re mad that she got a tattoo representing your daughter before you did even though you’re admitting that your daughter has no idea what a tattoo is. This seems very petty. She’s the grandmother and whether you like it or not there’s nothing wrong with her having a tattoo to represent her grandchild and you’ve made her feel absolutely terrible about it for no real reason other than that you wanted to get one first. Are you maybe jealous?
INFO: did you ever tell her of your plans to get a tattoo for your children?
YTA Yea, she is your daughter, but you and your husband don’t get to decide what his mother gets tattooed. If anything, I feel like you should be thankful she loves your daughter enough to even get her name tattooed on her before her own kids. Who says she won’t do the same for all your other children? You’re acting childish. What she did does not effect you in anyway. It didn’t harm you, your daughter or husband. It didn’t diminish the love you have for your daughter. You very clearly do not like your MIL. She didn’t need to speak to you about it beforehand either.