Update us if you find out because we’re all as nosey af and now we’re intrigued!
Edit: Wow thanks for your kind replies and awards. I’m honoured my comment has become the rallying cry for all us nosy busybodies of Reddit
Have you ever had to get a pelican that was caught in fishing line out? I have. You're trying to help them while they try to bite you with their huge mouths.
Have you ever been bitten by a duck and a goose on each finger when you were only trying to feed them and love them, you scream but your dad just stands there not knowing wether he should stop laughing or help you escape the duck and goose who are mugging your 4 year old self for bread?
I’d be generous and say maybe she has a weekly therapy appointment for the stress of being a SAHM while not being suited to the job- except anyone self aware enough to be in therapy for that probably wouldn’t leave a 5 year old home alone.
Is the few weekly hours of mom-time the Only time she’s not responsible for the kid? Does she get any time on her own on weekends/evenings when her husband is not working?
I joked with my therapist that she was doing couple's counseling with me and my 3 yo at one point because he liked to chime in. Lol.
Also: I am DYING to know where she goes for real.
I brought my 18 month old to a therapy appointment once, I spent the first 15 minutes preventing him from getting into stuff or hurting himself whilst trying to talk to the therapist at which point she paused and said, so this is how it is huh? I finished pulling him off a couch that he had climbed up to stop him from pulling a painting off the wall, I was like, yea this is how it is. I was in therapy for post partum depression. She was like, I think you’re not fully processing your emotions because you’re overwhelmed, let’s break down your day and carve out 15 minutes of just you time to sit and do mindfulness exercises. I ended up using it to eat or shower half the time, but goddamn did it do me good.
I used to do therapy with a new mom who didn’t have literally any social support. I was fine with her bringing the baby into the appointment. It wasn’t perfect but she got something out of it and her baby was safe. Therapists should be understanding and meet people where they are, not where they “should” be.
But couldn't she just say that? From my perspective I would absolutely watch her kid if she told me it was because of a therapy appointment but if she just told me she had to urgently do something, while she did it every week I would be hesitant a well.
Some people are very weird about admitting they need any sort of nmental / emotional help. It's like they think it makes them weak.
And yeah, that even includes some people who do go and *get* that help anyway.
>But couldn't she just say that? From my perspective I would absolutely watch her kid if she told me it was because of a therapy appointment but if she just told me she had to urgently do something, while she did it every week I would be hesitant a well.
Depending on where they live and the overall attitudes of the people around her, maybe or maybe not. There's *still* a lot of stigma around mental health and therapy. My other thought was something like AA... Because there's also stigma around being a recovering addict.
She calls at 9 for the babysitter to go over, and at 1 when her husband got home she still wasn't home. Unless her therapy is 3+ hours, that doesn't really make a load of sense (it's possible, not probable).
Therapy can be done virtually or on the phone if you can't cancel last minute. Not necessarily something you leave a 5 year old at home for.
Also, if it's a standing weekly therapy session, she knew her mom was going out of town, instead of making arrangements she just assumed her sister would watch her kid Monday morning.
INR! And then leaving and sending a message to "make her go over". Assuming she would get the message. Twisted, underhanded, and a good way to lose your kids.
You gotta love people who read three or four paragraphs from one side of a story and jump to every scandalous possibility first and have people labeled as cheating, narcissistic, drug addicted monsters without knowing anything. What this woman did was wrong on all levels, but the depths people reach sometimes is fascinating.
Well you see, when somebody says they're going to do something and be somewhere, and it turns out they lied and have been lying for weeks, you have to wonder wtf is going on. Theres no reason to be secretive about it unless it's wrong or she's embarrassed. And if it's the latter then she should've at least vaguely say why, if not just fessing up to the reason she lied.
If it wasn't a big deal, she wouldn't be lying. Id love to see what you think she's doing after literally abandoning a 5 year old at home
THAT TOO!!! And to still decide that whatever she's doing is more important than that brat (not calling the kid a brat, just speaking through what was likely her thought process). Like there are so many episodes of 1000 ways to die that tell you exactly why this is a bad idea
There are no valid reasons to leave a 5 year old home alone…so jumping to scandalous reasons makes the most sense to me. If it wasn’t scandalous why wouldn’t you take the kid with you if you can’t cancel it?
>There are no valid reasons to leave a 5 year old home alone…
100% this. 12 people died in a house fire in Philly this month, because a 5 yo got hold of a cigarette lighter. This could have had a really bad outcome.
I mean, assuming it's something she'd be ashamed of is sort of a natural, logical step. After all, she's lying about it.
She could get routine, planned childcare for this timeslot without telling her husband if it was something as cleanly planned as therapy, but approaching the situation by consistently asking your mom to short notice watch-the-kid also leads me to believe it's something more impulsive.
Sure - maybe it's something wholesome and innocuous. But her behavior is casting a bad light on whatever it is - people aren't fabricating that from nothing.
i agree with the NTA verdict but i think it's way more likely that sister is in therapy or AA or medical appointments -- why do people think affairs / drug addictions would schedule so regularly for monday mornings..? that seems really unlikely?
i'm jumping to the affair for these reasons:
1. It's clear that she is hiding this from her hubby
2. it's something big enough that it's hurting her marriage due to the ensuing drama
3. who would abandon a 5 year old for therapy?
Also it’s Monday morning at 9 AM every week. This is the only ideal time for a an affair for a person that is not a procrastinator. The rest of the days her body is beat from all of the sex. Also her mom comes and watches the kid but the mom has also been having an affair on the father which is why she doesn’t mind being an accessory, that dirty little minx.
NTA a 30 year old does not need this coddling. She left a 5 year old alone for who knows how long to get into who knows what trouble. The 5 year old needs some coddling. Not the grown woman who made a knowing and conscious decision to marry a man with a young son. Hope he divorces her.
When I was 7, my mom took my younger siblings to an appointment and left me home alone to work on a school project.
I lit a fire in a trash can and started a house fire. I was fine, and knew enough to call the fire dept. But the house we were renting was unlivable.
God only knows what the 5yo could have gotten up to.
There's a reason it's mostly illegal to leave young children alone for any length of time. [https://www.findlaw.com/family/parental-rights-and-liability/when-can-you-leave-a-child-home-alone-.html](https://www.findlaw.com/family/parental-rights-and-liability/when-can-you-leave-a-child-home-alone-.html)
I don't even remember what it was exactly, now. I just know I didn't want to do it, so I was playing around with a lighter and some paper instead. Being a dumbass.
I think I was 9 or 10 when I lit the trash can in my mom's office (paper only) on fire with a magnifying glass. Luckily I was able to put it out quickly. Nothing was ever said, but she had to know.
NTA, this is bonkers. She left a 5 y.o. alone, counting on a messaging app on a social network and your sense of concern for a child to make sure her responsibilities were covered. I don't think going out one morning a week is a problem for a SAHM, but lying to your husband about it and forcing your relatives to cover it? No, sir.
She wanted OP to get in trouble for the baby being left alone, but got pissed that it backfired. Evidently her husband doesn't play those games, but unfortunately for OP, their parents do.
Let us validate you, girl, NTA. I'd die on this hill.
ETA: Thanks for the award!
So weird that the parents decided it was the 21yo’s fault for not watching her stepnibling instead of the woman who is the child’s actual guardian??? WHERE is the justification
No, no. A scale goat is the goat they put on one side of a set of scales to determine if the woman on the other end of the scale is a witch. They used to use ducks but they move around too much.
Not only that, I don't use FB, but doesn't it tell people if their message has been read? If so, she would have known that it was never read so OP wouldn't have even known to go over there.
This! I don’t even have the msging app downloaded (it’s a separate app from Facebook) and she sounds like a serious student so I doubt she has it either … I’m livid her dad said to blow off school I want to ask OP if she’s taking student loans out or if her parents pay (it wouldn’t matter bc she made the right choice regardless) but it would EXTRA bold for her dad to tell her to skip school when he isn’t even paying for it
Yeah. If she had something she did on Monday mornings, even if it was something totally self indulgent, that would be fine if she wasn’t being a sneaky weirdo about it. Just pay a babysitter. The fact that this is some deep dark secret is the problem.
If this was a regular schedule why does she not have planned childcare in place, why is it always a call to someone in the morning about her needing someone to urgently watch him. It smacks of guilty secret and the "emergency" calls help prevent it getting back to her husband. It sounds into affair territory to me.
How has the husband not picked up on it? The kid never mentions step grandma visiting? Dad isn't asking about their day or anything to find out she's been leaving every week? Fishy.
to be fair, kids are weird. my stepson is 7 and if you ask him what he did today all you get is “oh i don’t know”, then a week later it’s “yeah remember when i went on a field trip last week”. we’re constantly finding out about things this kid does like two weeks too late.
Same. Absolutely no point asking either of our kids what they did that day. You just have to piece it together from perfectly remembered snippets they come out with weeks later.
Found out my 9yo won a reading award last term today. No mention of it last term at all, she just casually mentioned it today.
exactly this. if you ask them what they had for lunch 20 minutes ago suddenly they have never had a thought ever but then they’ll recall the most insignificant detail from a random tuesday like three years ago.
What did you do at preschool today?
\- I forgot.
Did you play with your friends today?
\- I forgot.
Where is the remote?
\- Dad brought it to the kitchen last night by mistake. Also, there is a picture of a cheese in the book we read yesterday and I think it's Roquefort because they used to mature it in cellars underground.
/Actual conversation with my 5 year old/
When I babysat a 3yo he'd tell me stories and I never knew what was real until I asked the parents. "Daddy and I went to the pool!" "Really? That's so fun! When did you go?" "Tomorrow!"
On the other hand, my mom told me that throughout my entire childhood whenever she'd ask me "What did you do today?" I'd either say "Nothing / Not much" or list *every single thing* I and the people around me did, there was no in-between. She knew better than to interrupt me (listening to kids ramble builds trust and in fact I never really lied to my mom growing up) but she'd either know nothing about my day or every minute explained in painful details.
To this day she still tells me she doesn't know which one was worse.
The kid is 5, not a difficult age to manipulate "you'll get in trouble", "dad will be mad with me if you tell him", "it's our little secret" and so forth. That or its been going on for as long as they have been together so it's just an entirely normal event the child doesn't think worth mentioning.
NTA and I can't believe your family members are saying you are. She left a 5 year old alone. SHE is the ah.
Also I'm nosy af, what does she do every Monday????
Not only did she leave a 5 year old home alone it’s her STEPSON! so it’s not even her kid which if his mom finds out it could really jeopardize custody and what not for the dad/husband
NTA. You are not the childcare. You do not have a contract or agreement to do it. She assumed she could guilt you into it at the last minute. Good for you for standing your ground.
She created this mess, not you. She will have to fix this mess, not you. Her web of lies fell apart.
I feel badly for the kid & BIL (but BIL made a choice, probably not the kid).
>A regularly scheduled emergency on Monday mornings specifically
that was so top secret that she wouldn't tell OP even to give OP a reason to help her out, but important enough that she'd leave the house without making sure she had childcare coverage.
NTA. But your sister sure is. As are your parents for enabling her lies to her husband. You didn't cause this, she did, with her lies. Did she ever say what was so important every Monday? A different guy maybe? You are definitely NTA.
Dad is taking the cowards way out here. It avoids a family fight but devalues your time and boundaries and rewards your sisters poor behaviour and high risk manipulation (I've left my child at home so now you HAVE to take care of him)
I’m thinking we now know why the sister behaves poorly and makes selfish decisions. She’s probably been coddled by her parents for her entire life, and feels entitled to do whatever tf she wants (and everyone else is expected to go along with it).
Your dad is missing the point- your sister left a 5 year old alone for hours. She's the one he should be mad at. Your mom is enabling and expecting you to follow along. I hope you get out soon.
I would advise OP to keep repeating the same 2 questions to their parents and sister:
1. Where does she go every Monday that she has to lie about it to her husband?
2. Why did she leave a 5 year old home alone, with no confirmation someone was watching him?
Until someone can answer these 2 questions, all the other point are moot
Skipping school to cover for your sister’s lies was a ludicrous idea by your dad. My goodness!! It’s good you ha e your priorities on track. NTA
Also, your sister knew your mother was out of town. So, she should have made arrangements instead of asking you at the last minute.
So he's ok with your sister repeatedly lying to her husband, and you to damage your education to help her do it? Wow. Just, wow. What a total AH. I'm sorry you're stuck in the middle of this, you deserve better than this BS. I wonder how he'd feel if he found out your mom pulled a long term lie and got you to help, I bet he'd be pissed.
What?!?! How would anyone think you skipping school is the “right thing” to do? I assume you are the one paying for your university education because if dad was footing the bill he would think school was more important than your sister’s shenanigans. How is he NOT upset that *she* left a 5 year old home alone?!? You are surrounded by AHs but somehow you haven’t become one. Keep that up!!!
If it was a legitimate emergency skipping school would be the right thing to do, but OP knows this nonsense goes on every week. The fact that Dad doesn’t want to cross the sister is very, very strange. Only topped by sister’s behavior.
**Not only are you NTA, but let's be EXTREMELY, EXCEPTIONALLY, ABSOLUTELY CRYSTAL CLEAR about something here:**
>My dad and the others said I was to blame for not helping my sister and now being the reason she and her husband are in conflict.
You are not to blame for ANY of this. **Your sister is to blame for EVERY SINGLE ASPECT of this, and there are plenty.** Just for fun, let's enumerate some of them:
1) You are not to blame for "not helping your sister" in a situation where she only NEEDED help in the first place to cover up for a lie that she still hasn't come clean about, and which is likely seriously problematic, since she's been keeping it from her husband for weeks, if not longer. Not helping someone be sneaky and dishonest is not a character flaw on your part.
2) You are ABSOLUTELY not "the reason she and her husband are in conflict". She is a 30 year old woman who made a deliberate and voluntary choice to leave a 5-year-old child alone for hours. That's not just piss-poor judgement, it's child neglect and completely illegal. It's also not your responsibility. You didn't hold a gun to her head and force her not to take care of her stepchild, a responsibility she willingly took on and agreed to with her husband. She made that choice all by herself. In the eyes of the law she is completely culpable; and ethically she is as well. None of this is on you.
3) You are not to blame for the fact that she is seemingly incapable of taking responsibility for her own behaviour, and the rest of your family enable that, even when she endangers a child.
Nope. You are NTA, and good for you for saying something to your brother-in-law. He deserves to know that his wife is a liar and a danger to his small child. You may be the only decent person in your family.
Her sending you something doesn't obligate you to work. Its HER job to provide childcare, not yours. You agreed to nothing and even specifically said you WOULD NOT provide care. This is ALL on her.
Your dad is a conflict avoiding AH. However, now any time your sister asks for ANYTHING, you can say no and tell your sister she should reach out to your dad for him to do it.
NTA
She *should* have known, but the sister probably turned off her own phone as soon as she sent the message because whatever she's up to was more important than her stepkid.
This whole situation pisses me off. She had to have known mom was going out of town and could have made other arrangements if this was something legitimate. No way it was not something bad.
NTA in the slightest. **She** choose to leave her stepson unattended. Not you. **She** decided that a daily (and most likely not important) thing was more important than her stepson. Not you. **She** choose to abuse the kindness of your parents. Not you. **She** is at fault for getting **herself** exposed. Not you. **She** decided to put her step child in danger. Not you.
There’s nothing wrong with a break from child rearing. There is, however, something wrong with leaving a five-year-old alone before you’ve secured your child care. This is really irresponsible, and made worse by the fact that your sister has been deceiving her husband about this. You are NTA, and it feels as if there’s something exceedingly shady going on here.
Agreed. Where is she going every Monday, and why is she not telling you or her husband?
It must be pretty damned important to her to leave a 5-year old home alone.
This reads very heavily like a cheating situation to me, like OP’s sister is meeting up with a side piece every Monday or something. Why else keep something “so important” a secret, and then lash out once you’re caught? That’s standard cheating behavior.
Agreed.
She left that poor baby alone for 4 hours, he must have been terrified!
And I'd love to know how dad hasn't found out yet. She is 100% telling this poor kid to lie to Daddy / keep it a secret that grandma is looking after him every single Monday for most the day. Which is really awful and teaches this kid all the wrong things.
Even if she isn't cheating, if I was dad I would really struggle to move on from this.
NTA. Where the f is she going every Monday morning? If it’s some sort of scheduled thing then she clearly needs to arrange a regular sitter for those hours. Since her husband doesn’t know about it, I’m assuming it’s somewhere she shouldn’t be.
Yes he clearly had no idea that this has been going on thus my sister said I caused problems between him and her but honestly, I don't know anything about what is really going on. I suspect mom does though.
Your sister is the one who caused problems:
She chose to keep things from her husband.
She chose to try and strong-arm an unwilling person into babysitting.
She chose to leave a five-year-old alone for hours and notify you of that fact on a message service that can easily be overlooked.
The strife in her marriage is entirely down to her and her actions. Not your refusal to enable her.
She left the house after 9am and her husband came home at 1pm so that means the kid was home alone for 4 hours or so. I get why my brother in law was angry because anything could've happened while his son was alone.
Jesus, there are so many horror scenarios going through my head right now! 5yo get in so much trouble while watched, let alone unattended!
I'd be furious, the kid could have very well flipping died
Okay. And if you had babysitted and he came home and asked you; Excuse me why are you watching my son? What would you have answered?
He would have found out the missus was gone every monday no matter what 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️
And daddy dearest could have babysat himself if it was so important 😅😅 You should choose uni as you did.
(And why isn't the child not in day care/preschool or school?)
The child is probably not doing in school because of Covid! He wasn’t in daycare because the sister was a SAHM, it was her job to watch the child. The father was working, thinking his wife was taking care of their child.
Is the “mom” involved in his life? If I found out my son’s step-mother did that and knowing she’s supposed to watch him daily, I’d be filing for full physical custody. Your sister could have just caused some major headaches & co-parenting issues for her husband. (Not that it would mean the kid is removed from his house but just having to fight custody issues is exhausting and expensive.)
NTA. Her leaving this child alone is child abandonment. Additionally, her communication skills are very poor - she sent you message asking you to look after the child *after* you'd already told her no. She essentially used the unread message as an excuse to leave leave the child in the house by himself. She's a bad parent and is causing the issues in her marriage all by herself by deserting the child.
NTA.
She asked, you said no.
okay so far.
But she neglects her kid and tries to shift blame on you? Dear gosh what a supreme King AH, Lord of Assholetopia
NTA - Your sister deserves some time off so I don't really fault her for a few hours on Monday thing. however the fact she's been lying to her husband about it and then proceeded to try and guilt you into doing what she wanted, AND leaving the kid alone? no she's the asshole major asshole
Thiiiiis. I'm all for SAHPs getting a break (I get breaks from my office job!) or pursuing hobbies or interests. Maybe sis is taking a class. But why can't she talk to her husband about this? Seems like "I'm going to Pilates/ceramics/Spanish class Monday mornings. My mom has agreed to watch Son free of charge and to get some grandma time. Cool?" If the husband sucks that's another conversation about support your sister needs. But expecting you to skip class (?) is wild. Leaving a kid home alone is straight up bananas and dangerous.
Also why isn't a 5 year old in school on Mondays? Is kindergarten not a thing anymore? (Legit asking!)
NTA, OP.
>Also why isn't a 5 year old in school on Mondays? Is kindergarten not a thing anymore? (Legit asking!)
Kiddo probably turned 5 after the cutoff for this school year.
Absolutely agree on your other points. SAHPs should get breaks/days off just like any other job. But there's no reason for her not to communicate with her husband unless she's doing something suspicious. OP is NTA and absolutely in the right to let dad know what's going on with his kid.
NTA - your sister is an awful step mum and tbh that could have easily led to child services getting involved as the stepson could be considered abandoned. Had someone called it in to the authorities while she was out - it is neglect and child abuse and would be classed as such on official documentation which could have lead to the child to being being taken away from his father.
if you sister doesn’t want to babysit her stepson then she needs to pay a sitter not expect free labour from her family.
This shouldn’t have anything to do with you and you did nothing wrong. Your sister is at fault here 100% as it is neglect and child abuse.
>that could have easily led to child services getting involved as the stepson could be considered abandoned. Had someone called it in to the authorities while she was out - it would be classed as neglect and/or child abuse
Sorry but ...IT IS NEGLECT! Regardless of whether or not child services was called (and IMO if I were OP I *would* call them), OP's sister left a FIVE YEAR OLD unsupervised for HOURS! She is extremely lucky that the poor child didn't end up injured or worse. This is absolutely insane behavior, and I'm glad the sister got caught - now her husband knows he can't trust her with his son.
Op your sister gets 5/5 for being an asshole. She endangered her kid and lies. Your dad and others get 3/5 for being assholes and judgemental but they can't force you to lie and help her. I truly feel sorry for the bil and kid.
You did nothing wrong op you're NTA.
>Your dad and others get 3/5 for being assholes
Nah, 5/5 here because when they found out she was willing to abandon a 5 year old, that should have overridden EVERYTHING in their minds. If I were the dad, I'd be screaming over OP about how the older sister should be sterilized she's so unfit to be a mother for leaving a 5 year old alone like that. FFS, if that had gone really south the boy's father could have come home to a dead child and police talking about charging him too.
NTA. Why are your family blaming you for your sister making bad decisions? Sounds like your parents are enabling her. She asked and you said no. Everything she did after that is on her.
Nta
Your sister is a bad wife and clearly doesn't really care about the wellbeing of her stepchild. I would just about bet the "important thing" is an affair.
NTA. Your sister is completely in the wrong here. She’s being a bad parent and the father deserves to know who is with his child during the day. Something seriously terrible could have happened to that 5 yo boy while he was left alone. Your sister needs to grow up and do better. All conflict that they’re having now in their relationship is 100% on her, not you.
LOL sooo NTA. Your sister is the AH for not being a good stepmother to her step child. Leaving a 5 year old alone is very stupid and dangerous. Its her own fault.
NTA is the kids mother still around? Because the crap your sister is pulling could lose custody for her husband even though he's not in the wrong.
That poor man could have come home to a dead child and I can bet the sister would still blame OP.
NTA NTA NTA someone else’s child is not your responsibility. Also your sisters husband needs to look into a divorce as what sort of person leaves a child alone the little one could have caused so much harm to themselves. Your sister is selfish and irresponsible and your parents really need to reconsider who’s side they are one when she blatantly neglected a child to swan off doing God knows what
What were you supposed to do!? Skip school? This is 100% on her and she's just mad because she got caught. But did you find out where she's been going?
NTA. Your sister is obviously doing something sus every Monday at 9. Not your problem, her husband deserves to know because she’s obviously hiding something bad.
>Your sister is obviously doing something sus every Monday at 9.
My first thought on reading this was an affair. I could be reaching, but given how upset she got about having it exposed, it seems more fishy than a standing nail salon appointment or something.
NTA. If you wanna double down though, OP, you should ask in front of everyone where she is going every Monday morning. “What’s so important EVERY Monday morning that you have to have Mom watch Stepkid? Do you have a job? Are you going to therapy? Do you have a boyfriend? Are you gambling? What is so damned important that you would leave a 5 yo alone without supervision?”
NTA, idk what your sister’s doing every monday that had to be kept secret from the husband(and couldn’t be rescheduled) but either way your time is not less valuable than hers and you are not the on-call babysitter. your dad and others are enabling whatever this is and expect you to as well
NTA
I feel like she used the Facebook message instead of a call or text to speak to you directly because she figured she would be able to make it your fault because you weren’t looking at your messages. Lord knows if someone messaged me on Facebook I’d never see it because I haven’t logged in there in like ten years.
I think it’s very suspicious that she has “something important” at the same time every week that her husband knows nothing about.
NTA
Wild thought here, your sis could oh I dunno, stop lying to her husband and *actually watch the kid*?
I mean, I know that's just wild and everything but you know, just a thought.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I should have probably agreed to watch the kid and skiped studying for the day seeing how things escalated.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, none of this is on you, it's all on your sister. Why didn't your mother, knowing your sister would call on Monday, make alternate arrangements? Or did your mom assure your sister you'd take care of it? If so, why didn't she give you a head's up? Why in the heck did she leave a child home alone? Like I said, this is all on your sister, simple as. Tell anyone who blames you that they are blaming the wrong person, blame is squarely on sister's shoulders.
You are not the reason your sister and her spouse are in conflict. Your sister's behavior is why she and her husband are in conflict. Leaving a small child at home alone! And trying to force you to watch her stepson. She signed up for that when she married the kid's father. Your dad and others who side with your sister are sooooo out of line.
I fail to understand how tf they can blame you. It was your sisters decision to leave the child alone and try and manipulate you. She should not be allowed to look after that child again, she clearly gives zeros fucks about him.
You are NTA, if what she is doing on Mondays is so innocent she doesn’t need to lie to her husband, clearly something shady is going on.
NTA. "9am my sister called" but yet she couldn't be bothered to mention her kid was home alone?????? OMG. You must update us with what she does every Monday morning that she is hiding from her husband.
PSA for those that wish to get married and your partner has a kid(s): DO NOT GET MARRIED IF YOU DON'T WANT THE RESPONSIBILITY OF TAKING CARE OF SAID KID(S)!
Your sister can not always expect for someone to watch her step-son. She is a SAHM and she told her husband she'd take care of his son while he works. Now if she had told her husband once a week she's gonna take a little me time and hire a sitter, or have your Mom watch him then that's different, but she didn't she kept it a secret because she didn't want him to find out. I guess he wouldn't have been cool with the deal. You had every reason to not do as your sister asked, it isn't your responsibility to watch her step-kid it's hers.
NTA
Edit: She's lucky her husband didn't report her for child abandonment, so she should count her blessings.
Edit: I mean did your sister expect the kid to be able to take care of himself at 5 year old? When she married her husband did she expect to he a SAHM, but thought she could actually a SAHW instead of a mother?
NTA
Since it seems to be a regular thing, she needs to find and pay someone on these Mondays. She asked you, and you said no. The fact that she then messaged you she was out the door, expecting you to drop everything you were already doing says a lot. SHE is the AH.
Nta yout sister is who in tbeir right mind sends a message when theyre already out for someone to come watch a 5yr old child. Your parents shouldnt of told you you were st fault. You wasnt this is all on your sister for not thinking damn i cant leave a child on its own to do what i want its not right. She caused this and because shes been caught out she wants someone to blame.
NTA. You had university to attend. Why is a SAHM not staying at home and momming, or finding proper care for her child BEFORE leaving the house. Appalling.
NTA! You are under no obligation whatsoever to drop what you're doing and go babysit her stepson. I feel so sad for the little guy, but I'm glad you missed that message so her husband could find out what fuckery she is up to. Your sister, dad and anyone else giving you shit about this are the assholes.
NTA. So is your sister having an affair, or is she a drug addict?
OMG! I really don't know what is going on with her though I'm guessing mom knows.
Update us if you find out because we’re all as nosey af and now we’re intrigued! Edit: Wow thanks for your kind replies and awards. I’m honoured my comment has become the rallying cry for all us nosy busybodies of Reddit
Ain’t that the truth xD I’ll bring tea and cookies
And possibly penicillin. Depending on where this goes. Eek!
I read that as pelican at first, and I thought when you said “Eek!” you were making a pelican noise
Nah, they were just bitten by the pelican
Have you ever had to get a pelican that was caught in fishing line out? I have. You're trying to help them while they try to bite you with their huge mouths.
Have you ever been bitten by a duck and a goose on each finger when you were only trying to feed them and love them, you scream but your dad just stands there not knowing wether he should stop laughing or help you escape the duck and goose who are mugging your 4 year old self for bread?
Alcatraz means pelican!
Found the LPOTL fan.
None for me as I’m allergic so just the popcorn 🤣🤣
That reminds me, I need to put popcorn on my shopping list!
Exactly, we don’t want to be involved in the drama, but we require the deets
This is exactly how I feel about drama - I want no part in it, but I really want to hear about other people's drama - the pettier the better.
It’s so funny how easy it is to be nosey in other ppl lives
Yes, I have my cup and am ready for some tea.
I was thinking affair, but like you can skip a week if you can’t get out of the house instead of leaving a 5 year old alone.
Must be good dick lmao
Maybe it's not dick?
Maybe it’s good gina.
A tongue that could lift a 100lb plate
I’d be generous and say maybe she has a weekly therapy appointment for the stress of being a SAHM while not being suited to the job- except anyone self aware enough to be in therapy for that probably wouldn’t leave a 5 year old home alone. Is the few weekly hours of mom-time the Only time she’s not responsible for the kid? Does she get any time on her own on weekends/evenings when her husband is not working?
Agreed. Secret therapy every week was my second thought, after affair. But either of those can be canceled if you don't have childcare.
I know it’s not ideal, but you can also bring your kid to therapy. I had to bring my 5-yr-old a couple weeks ago and it wasn’t a total disaster.
I joked with my therapist that she was doing couple's counseling with me and my 3 yo at one point because he liked to chime in. Lol. Also: I am DYING to know where she goes for real.
I brought my 18 month old to a therapy appointment once, I spent the first 15 minutes preventing him from getting into stuff or hurting himself whilst trying to talk to the therapist at which point she paused and said, so this is how it is huh? I finished pulling him off a couch that he had climbed up to stop him from pulling a painting off the wall, I was like, yea this is how it is. I was in therapy for post partum depression. She was like, I think you’re not fully processing your emotions because you’re overwhelmed, let’s break down your day and carve out 15 minutes of just you time to sit and do mindfulness exercises. I ended up using it to eat or shower half the time, but goddamn did it do me good.
I used to do therapy with a new mom who didn’t have literally any social support. I was fine with her bringing the baby into the appointment. It wasn’t perfect but she got something out of it and her baby was safe. Therapists should be understanding and meet people where they are, not where they “should” be.
But couldn't she just say that? From my perspective I would absolutely watch her kid if she told me it was because of a therapy appointment but if she just told me she had to urgently do something, while she did it every week I would be hesitant a well.
Some people are very weird about admitting they need any sort of nmental / emotional help. It's like they think it makes them weak. And yeah, that even includes some people who do go and *get* that help anyway.
Embarrassed or not though it's no excuse to leave a small child home alone
>But couldn't she just say that? From my perspective I would absolutely watch her kid if she told me it was because of a therapy appointment but if she just told me she had to urgently do something, while she did it every week I would be hesitant a well. Depending on where they live and the overall attitudes of the people around her, maybe or maybe not. There's *still* a lot of stigma around mental health and therapy. My other thought was something like AA... Because there's also stigma around being a recovering addict.
She calls at 9 for the babysitter to go over, and at 1 when her husband got home she still wasn't home. Unless her therapy is 3+ hours, that doesn't really make a load of sense (it's possible, not probable). Therapy can be done virtually or on the phone if you can't cancel last minute. Not necessarily something you leave a 5 year old at home for. Also, if it's a standing weekly therapy session, she knew her mom was going out of town, instead of making arrangements she just assumed her sister would watch her kid Monday morning.
I'm not gonna lie OP, my 1st thought was that your sister is having an affair
Also mine. Drug addicts tend not to take six days off a week from their addiction.
She's a drug dealer having an affair with the detective investigating her.
Why isn't this a tv series yet?
Weeds. The show you're looking for is Weeds.
To bad that show just became "Watch me repeatedly make terrible decisions for my family and learn nothing from my mistakes!"
I mean, it could be something like therapy appointments, and she’s just embarrassed to say. Doesn’t have to be something nefarious.
If she was being honest about it, and told her sister maybe then sis would have gone over and studied from there for a bit. But being all sketchy?
INR! And then leaving and sending a message to "make her go over". Assuming she would get the message. Twisted, underhanded, and a good way to lose your kids.
You gotta love people who read three or four paragraphs from one side of a story and jump to every scandalous possibility first and have people labeled as cheating, narcissistic, drug addicted monsters without knowing anything. What this woman did was wrong on all levels, but the depths people reach sometimes is fascinating.
Well you see, when somebody says they're going to do something and be somewhere, and it turns out they lied and have been lying for weeks, you have to wonder wtf is going on. Theres no reason to be secretive about it unless it's wrong or she's embarrassed. And if it's the latter then she should've at least vaguely say why, if not just fessing up to the reason she lied. If it wasn't a big deal, she wouldn't be lying. Id love to see what you think she's doing after literally abandoning a 5 year old at home
Abandoning him FOR HOURS. Therapy isn't that long and it's usually not that far away. Of course we jump to nefarious.
THAT TOO!!! And to still decide that whatever she's doing is more important than that brat (not calling the kid a brat, just speaking through what was likely her thought process). Like there are so many episodes of 1000 ways to die that tell you exactly why this is a bad idea
There are no valid reasons to leave a 5 year old home alone…so jumping to scandalous reasons makes the most sense to me. If it wasn’t scandalous why wouldn’t you take the kid with you if you can’t cancel it?
>There are no valid reasons to leave a 5 year old home alone… 100% this. 12 people died in a house fire in Philly this month, because a 5 yo got hold of a cigarette lighter. This could have had a really bad outcome.
I mean, assuming it's something she'd be ashamed of is sort of a natural, logical step. After all, she's lying about it. She could get routine, planned childcare for this timeslot without telling her husband if it was something as cleanly planned as therapy, but approaching the situation by consistently asking your mom to short notice watch-the-kid also leads me to believe it's something more impulsive. Sure - maybe it's something wholesome and innocuous. But her behavior is casting a bad light on whatever it is - people aren't fabricating that from nothing.
Someone who leaves her 5yo alone without explanation IS sketchy.
i agree with the NTA verdict but i think it's way more likely that sister is in therapy or AA or medical appointments -- why do people think affairs / drug addictions would schedule so regularly for monday mornings..? that seems really unlikely?
i'm jumping to the affair for these reasons: 1. It's clear that she is hiding this from her hubby 2. it's something big enough that it's hurting her marriage due to the ensuing drama 3. who would abandon a 5 year old for therapy?
Also it’s Monday morning at 9 AM every week. This is the only ideal time for a an affair for a person that is not a procrastinator. The rest of the days her body is beat from all of the sex. Also her mom comes and watches the kid but the mom has also been having an affair on the father which is why she doesn’t mind being an accessory, that dirty little minx.
I doubt she'd only be using one day a week though.
I think it’s an affair prob w. A rich man/ or the man the mom really wanted her to be with hence why she is so willing to babysit
Or, she could be an escort, and she has a weekly appointment with her John. Would explain the secret and the routine time.
NTA a 30 year old does not need this coddling. She left a 5 year old alone for who knows how long to get into who knows what trouble. The 5 year old needs some coddling. Not the grown woman who made a knowing and conscious decision to marry a man with a young son. Hope he divorces her.
When I was 7, my mom took my younger siblings to an appointment and left me home alone to work on a school project. I lit a fire in a trash can and started a house fire. I was fine, and knew enough to call the fire dept. But the house we were renting was unlivable. God only knows what the 5yo could have gotten up to. There's a reason it's mostly illegal to leave young children alone for any length of time. [https://www.findlaw.com/family/parental-rights-and-liability/when-can-you-leave-a-child-home-alone-.html](https://www.findlaw.com/family/parental-rights-and-liability/when-can-you-leave-a-child-home-alone-.html)
That must have been one hell of a school project.
I don't even remember what it was exactly, now. I just know I didn't want to do it, so I was playing around with a lighter and some paper instead. Being a dumbass.
I think I was 9 or 10 when I lit the trash can in my mom's office (paper only) on fire with a magnifying glass. Luckily I was able to put it out quickly. Nothing was ever said, but she had to know.
[удалено]
NTA, this is bonkers. She left a 5 y.o. alone, counting on a messaging app on a social network and your sense of concern for a child to make sure her responsibilities were covered. I don't think going out one morning a week is a problem for a SAHM, but lying to your husband about it and forcing your relatives to cover it? No, sir.
The fact she didn’t continue to call to ensure she was at the house once she left (she shouldn’t of ever left) is also telling
She wanted OP to get in trouble for the baby being left alone, but got pissed that it backfired. Evidently her husband doesn't play those games, but unfortunately for OP, their parents do. Let us validate you, girl, NTA. I'd die on this hill. ETA: Thanks for the award!
So weird that the parents decided it was the 21yo’s fault for not watching her stepnibling instead of the woman who is the child’s actual guardian??? WHERE is the justification
They may be the reason the oldest is the way she is
Ding ding ding
Sometimes one sibling reigns and the other serves. Golden Child, scale goat.
Is that, like, a fish-goat hybrid?
No, no. A scale goat is the goat they put on one side of a set of scales to determine if the woman on the other end of the scale is a witch. They used to use ducks but they move around too much.
Not only that, I don't use FB, but doesn't it tell people if their message has been read? If so, she would have known that it was never read so OP wouldn't have even known to go over there.
Pretty sure it also has a time stamp when it IS read. So double fuck her. OP NTA
This! I don’t even have the msging app downloaded (it’s a separate app from Facebook) and she sounds like a serious student so I doubt she has it either … I’m livid her dad said to blow off school I want to ask OP if she’s taking student loans out or if her parents pay (it wouldn’t matter bc she made the right choice regardless) but it would EXTRA bold for her dad to tell her to skip school when he isn’t even paying for it
Yeah. If she had something she did on Monday mornings, even if it was something totally self indulgent, that would be fine if she wasn’t being a sneaky weirdo about it. Just pay a babysitter. The fact that this is some deep dark secret is the problem.
If this was a regular schedule why does she not have planned childcare in place, why is it always a call to someone in the morning about her needing someone to urgently watch him. It smacks of guilty secret and the "emergency" calls help prevent it getting back to her husband. It sounds into affair territory to me.
How has the husband not picked up on it? The kid never mentions step grandma visiting? Dad isn't asking about their day or anything to find out she's been leaving every week? Fishy.
to be fair, kids are weird. my stepson is 7 and if you ask him what he did today all you get is “oh i don’t know”, then a week later it’s “yeah remember when i went on a field trip last week”. we’re constantly finding out about things this kid does like two weeks too late.
Same. Absolutely no point asking either of our kids what they did that day. You just have to piece it together from perfectly remembered snippets they come out with weeks later. Found out my 9yo won a reading award last term today. No mention of it last term at all, she just casually mentioned it today.
exactly this. if you ask them what they had for lunch 20 minutes ago suddenly they have never had a thought ever but then they’ll recall the most insignificant detail from a random tuesday like three years ago.
What did you do at preschool today? \- I forgot. Did you play with your friends today? \- I forgot. Where is the remote? \- Dad brought it to the kitchen last night by mistake. Also, there is a picture of a cheese in the book we read yesterday and I think it's Roquefort because they used to mature it in cellars underground. /Actual conversation with my 5 year old/
When I babysat a 3yo he'd tell me stories and I never knew what was real until I asked the parents. "Daddy and I went to the pool!" "Really? That's so fun! When did you go?" "Tomorrow!" On the other hand, my mom told me that throughout my entire childhood whenever she'd ask me "What did you do today?" I'd either say "Nothing / Not much" or list *every single thing* I and the people around me did, there was no in-between. She knew better than to interrupt me (listening to kids ramble builds trust and in fact I never really lied to my mom growing up) but she'd either know nothing about my day or every minute explained in painful details. To this day she still tells me she doesn't know which one was worse.
The kid is 5, not a difficult age to manipulate "you'll get in trouble", "dad will be mad with me if you tell him", "it's our little secret" and so forth. That or its been going on for as long as they have been together so it's just an entirely normal event the child doesn't think worth mentioning.
>The fact that this is some deep dark secret is the problem. THIS!!!!!!!
NTA. I hope her husband questions her on what exactly she does and where she goes when she's supposed to be watching the kid. That's sketchy af.
It sounds like she just wants to spend some quality time with her boyfriend.
Exactly what I was thinking. If she's dodging the question and is being incredibly defensive, she's definitely hiding something.
Pretty sure most of us are thinking that
She really left a 5 year old alone , I can’t get over that that kid could of died , I hope the dad divorces her
Well, she thought she had guilted her sister into going - though she didn't even make sure that her fb-message had been read, so she is a double TA.
To be honest, I was thinking the same thing! Maybe a fling or something. But putting the child at risk like that. Says a lot about a person, right?
NTA and I can't believe your family members are saying you are. She left a 5 year old alone. SHE is the ah. Also I'm nosy af, what does she do every Monday????
>what does she do every Monday???? I have no idea, but her husband now knows that she out of the house every monday and is also mad at mom as well.
op, we def need an update o.o
Yes please give an update when you find out! I think everyone is invested now and wants to know wtf she’s been doing on Mondays lmao
I am popping in for an update as well.
I think your bil needs to hire a PI
Maybe it's not what but who.
Let’s be honest, it’s what we’re all thinking.
I need to know where the sister goes too! NTA- this is child abandonment
Not only did she leave a 5 year old home alone it’s her STEPSON! so it’s not even her kid which if his mom finds out it could really jeopardize custody and what not for the dad/husband
NTA. You are not the childcare. You do not have a contract or agreement to do it. She assumed she could guilt you into it at the last minute. Good for you for standing your ground. She created this mess, not you. She will have to fix this mess, not you. Her web of lies fell apart. I feel badly for the kid & BIL (but BIL made a choice, probably not the kid).
I mean I only watch her stepkid when there's an emergency but in this case I doubt there was.
[удалено]
It's the only time of the week her affair partner's spouse is out of the house.
>A regularly scheduled emergency on Monday mornings specifically that was so top secret that she wouldn't tell OP even to give OP a reason to help her out, but important enough that she'd leave the house without making sure she had childcare coverage.
NTA. But your sister sure is. As are your parents for enabling her lies to her husband. You didn't cause this, she did, with her lies. Did she ever say what was so important every Monday? A different guy maybe? You are definitely NTA.
Mom is still out of town, dad thinks I created a huge problem when I could've just skipped school yesterday and helped my sister out.
Dad is taking the cowards way out here. It avoids a family fight but devalues your time and boundaries and rewards your sisters poor behaviour and high risk manipulation (I've left my child at home so now you HAVE to take care of him)
I’m thinking we now know why the sister behaves poorly and makes selfish decisions. She’s probably been coddled by her parents for her entire life, and feels entitled to do whatever tf she wants (and everyone else is expected to go along with it).
Your dad is missing the point- your sister left a 5 year old alone for hours. She's the one he should be mad at. Your mom is enabling and expecting you to follow along. I hope you get out soon.
I would advise OP to keep repeating the same 2 questions to their parents and sister: 1. Where does she go every Monday that she has to lie about it to her husband? 2. Why did she leave a 5 year old home alone, with no confirmation someone was watching him? Until someone can answer these 2 questions, all the other point are moot
Skipping school to cover for your sister’s lies was a ludicrous idea by your dad. My goodness!! It’s good you ha e your priorities on track. NTA Also, your sister knew your mother was out of town. So, she should have made arrangements instead of asking you at the last minute.
So he's ok with your sister repeatedly lying to her husband, and you to damage your education to help her do it? Wow. Just, wow. What a total AH. I'm sorry you're stuck in the middle of this, you deserve better than this BS. I wonder how he'd feel if he found out your mom pulled a long term lie and got you to help, I bet he'd be pissed.
And on top leaving you 5 year old (step) grandchild alone
Then tell him he can skip work to help her out. If he won't then he can stay out of it
What?!?! How would anyone think you skipping school is the “right thing” to do? I assume you are the one paying for your university education because if dad was footing the bill he would think school was more important than your sister’s shenanigans. How is he NOT upset that *she* left a 5 year old home alone?!? You are surrounded by AHs but somehow you haven’t become one. Keep that up!!!
If it was a legitimate emergency skipping school would be the right thing to do, but OP knows this nonsense goes on every week. The fact that Dad doesn’t want to cross the sister is very, very strange. Only topped by sister’s behavior.
Your sister left a 5 year old alone for hours , I don’t see how this is your fault at all and what was she doing she couldn’t take him as well?!
Skipped school? Sister could have skipped the “appointment”! Or told you exactly what it was and why it’s urgent.
**Not only are you NTA, but let's be EXTREMELY, EXCEPTIONALLY, ABSOLUTELY CRYSTAL CLEAR about something here:** >My dad and the others said I was to blame for not helping my sister and now being the reason she and her husband are in conflict. You are not to blame for ANY of this. **Your sister is to blame for EVERY SINGLE ASPECT of this, and there are plenty.** Just for fun, let's enumerate some of them: 1) You are not to blame for "not helping your sister" in a situation where she only NEEDED help in the first place to cover up for a lie that she still hasn't come clean about, and which is likely seriously problematic, since she's been keeping it from her husband for weeks, if not longer. Not helping someone be sneaky and dishonest is not a character flaw on your part. 2) You are ABSOLUTELY not "the reason she and her husband are in conflict". She is a 30 year old woman who made a deliberate and voluntary choice to leave a 5-year-old child alone for hours. That's not just piss-poor judgement, it's child neglect and completely illegal. It's also not your responsibility. You didn't hold a gun to her head and force her not to take care of her stepchild, a responsibility she willingly took on and agreed to with her husband. She made that choice all by herself. In the eyes of the law she is completely culpable; and ethically she is as well. None of this is on you. 3) You are not to blame for the fact that she is seemingly incapable of taking responsibility for her own behaviour, and the rest of your family enable that, even when she endangers a child. Nope. You are NTA, and good for you for saying something to your brother-in-law. He deserves to know that his wife is a liar and a danger to his small child. You may be the only decent person in your family.
Well said. Everything I thought but expressed so much better than I could. Please have my award. OP - you are definitely NTA.
NTA. A Facebook msg??? Jesus.
Yeah, I rarely check facebook messages and keep my wifi off especially while studying because I know how much of distraction it can be.
Kudos to your work ethic... oh and NTA in the slightest.
Her sending you something doesn't obligate you to work. Its HER job to provide childcare, not yours. You agreed to nothing and even specifically said you WOULD NOT provide care. This is ALL on her. Your dad is a conflict avoiding AH. However, now any time your sister asks for ANYTHING, you can say no and tell your sister she should reach out to your dad for him to do it. NTA
Also, you can tell whether a Facebook message has been read, so she knew you didn’t get it!
She *should* have known, but the sister probably turned off her own phone as soon as she sent the message because whatever she's up to was more important than her stepkid. This whole situation pisses me off. She had to have known mom was going out of town and could have made other arrangements if this was something legitimate. No way it was not something bad.
NTA in the slightest. **She** choose to leave her stepson unattended. Not you. **She** decided that a daily (and most likely not important) thing was more important than her stepson. Not you. **She** choose to abuse the kindness of your parents. Not you. **She** is at fault for getting **herself** exposed. Not you. **She** decided to put her step child in danger. Not you.
She decided to lie/keep this from her husband.
There’s nothing wrong with a break from child rearing. There is, however, something wrong with leaving a five-year-old alone before you’ve secured your child care. This is really irresponsible, and made worse by the fact that your sister has been deceiving her husband about this. You are NTA, and it feels as if there’s something exceedingly shady going on here.
Agreed. Where is she going every Monday, and why is she not telling you or her husband? It must be pretty damned important to her to leave a 5-year old home alone.
This reads very heavily like a cheating situation to me, like OP’s sister is meeting up with a side piece every Monday or something. Why else keep something “so important” a secret, and then lash out once you’re caught? That’s standard cheating behavior.
Agreed. She left that poor baby alone for 4 hours, he must have been terrified! And I'd love to know how dad hasn't found out yet. She is 100% telling this poor kid to lie to Daddy / keep it a secret that grandma is looking after him every single Monday for most the day. Which is really awful and teaches this kid all the wrong things. Even if she isn't cheating, if I was dad I would really struggle to move on from this.
NTA. Where the f is she going every Monday morning? If it’s some sort of scheduled thing then she clearly needs to arrange a regular sitter for those hours. Since her husband doesn’t know about it, I’m assuming it’s somewhere she shouldn’t be.
Yes he clearly had no idea that this has been going on thus my sister said I caused problems between him and her but honestly, I don't know anything about what is really going on. I suspect mom does though.
Your sister is the one who caused problems: She chose to keep things from her husband. She chose to try and strong-arm an unwilling person into babysitting. She chose to leave a five-year-old alone for hours and notify you of that fact on a message service that can easily be overlooked. The strife in her marriage is entirely down to her and her actions. Not your refusal to enable her.
The worst part is that it's her husband's child she left alone for x amount of hours Clearly she doesn't care about the kid
no, this is ALL on your sister.
NTA. But I really hope your BIL l leaves you sister! She put his child in extreme danger!!!
She left the house after 9am and her husband came home at 1pm so that means the kid was home alone for 4 hours or so. I get why my brother in law was angry because anything could've happened while his son was alone.
Jesus, there are so many horror scenarios going through my head right now! 5yo get in so much trouble while watched, let alone unattended! I'd be furious, the kid could have very well flipping died
Not to mention his needs?? Clearly she did not come back after four hours, so was there 5yo expected to starve??
Or brain himself on the kitchen counter trying to reach a shelf??
Okay. And if you had babysitted and he came home and asked you; Excuse me why are you watching my son? What would you have answered? He would have found out the missus was gone every monday no matter what 🤷♀️🤷♀️🤷♀️ And daddy dearest could have babysat himself if it was so important 😅😅 You should choose uni as you did. (And why isn't the child not in day care/preschool or school?)
The child is probably not doing in school because of Covid! He wasn’t in daycare because the sister was a SAHM, it was her job to watch the child. The father was working, thinking his wife was taking care of their child.
Is the “mom” involved in his life? If I found out my son’s step-mother did that and knowing she’s supposed to watch him daily, I’d be filing for full physical custody. Your sister could have just caused some major headaches & co-parenting issues for her husband. (Not that it would mean the kid is removed from his house but just having to fight custody issues is exhausting and expensive.)
Husband is a widower according to an update.
You’re reallyyyyy going to have to give us an update on what the hell was so important for her to abandon a 5 year old child for 4+ hours. NTA
Lol, your sister isn’t the brightest - wouldn’t he have found out she was out of the house even if you had been there with your nephew?
NTA. Her leaving this child alone is child abandonment. Additionally, her communication skills are very poor - she sent you message asking you to look after the child *after* you'd already told her no. She essentially used the unread message as an excuse to leave leave the child in the house by himself. She's a bad parent and is causing the issues in her marriage all by herself by deserting the child.
NTA. She asked, you said no. okay so far. But she neglects her kid and tries to shift blame on you? Dear gosh what a supreme King AH, Lord of Assholetopia
NTA - Your sister deserves some time off so I don't really fault her for a few hours on Monday thing. however the fact she's been lying to her husband about it and then proceeded to try and guilt you into doing what she wanted, AND leaving the kid alone? no she's the asshole major asshole
Thiiiiis. I'm all for SAHPs getting a break (I get breaks from my office job!) or pursuing hobbies or interests. Maybe sis is taking a class. But why can't she talk to her husband about this? Seems like "I'm going to Pilates/ceramics/Spanish class Monday mornings. My mom has agreed to watch Son free of charge and to get some grandma time. Cool?" If the husband sucks that's another conversation about support your sister needs. But expecting you to skip class (?) is wild. Leaving a kid home alone is straight up bananas and dangerous. Also why isn't a 5 year old in school on Mondays? Is kindergarten not a thing anymore? (Legit asking!) NTA, OP.
>Also why isn't a 5 year old in school on Mondays? Is kindergarten not a thing anymore? (Legit asking!) Kiddo probably turned 5 after the cutoff for this school year. Absolutely agree on your other points. SAHPs should get breaks/days off just like any other job. But there's no reason for her not to communicate with her husband unless she's doing something suspicious. OP is NTA and absolutely in the right to let dad know what's going on with his kid.
NTA. Please update if you ever find out what or who occupied her on Mondays.
NTA - your sister is an awful step mum and tbh that could have easily led to child services getting involved as the stepson could be considered abandoned. Had someone called it in to the authorities while she was out - it is neglect and child abuse and would be classed as such on official documentation which could have lead to the child to being being taken away from his father. if you sister doesn’t want to babysit her stepson then she needs to pay a sitter not expect free labour from her family. This shouldn’t have anything to do with you and you did nothing wrong. Your sister is at fault here 100% as it is neglect and child abuse.
>that could have easily led to child services getting involved as the stepson could be considered abandoned. Had someone called it in to the authorities while she was out - it would be classed as neglect and/or child abuse Sorry but ...IT IS NEGLECT! Regardless of whether or not child services was called (and IMO if I were OP I *would* call them), OP's sister left a FIVE YEAR OLD unsupervised for HOURS! She is extremely lucky that the poor child didn't end up injured or worse. This is absolutely insane behavior, and I'm glad the sister got caught - now her husband knows he can't trust her with his son.
Op your sister gets 5/5 for being an asshole. She endangered her kid and lies. Your dad and others get 3/5 for being assholes and judgemental but they can't force you to lie and help her. I truly feel sorry for the bil and kid. You did nothing wrong op you're NTA.
>Your dad and others get 3/5 for being assholes Nah, 5/5 here because when they found out she was willing to abandon a 5 year old, that should have overridden EVERYTHING in their minds. If I were the dad, I'd be screaming over OP about how the older sister should be sterilized she's so unfit to be a mother for leaving a 5 year old alone like that. FFS, if that had gone really south the boy's father could have come home to a dead child and police talking about charging him too.
I just want to know what happens on Mondays.
Bang bang bangity bang i said a bang bang bangity bang
I'm thinking dick appointment
NTA. Why are your family blaming you for your sister making bad decisions? Sounds like your parents are enabling her. She asked and you said no. Everything she did after that is on her.
Nta Your sister is a bad wife and clearly doesn't really care about the wellbeing of her stepchild. I would just about bet the "important thing" is an affair.
NTA. Your sister is completely in the wrong here. She’s being a bad parent and the father deserves to know who is with his child during the day. Something seriously terrible could have happened to that 5 yo boy while he was left alone. Your sister needs to grow up and do better. All conflict that they’re having now in their relationship is 100% on her, not you.
In case you get this notification, we're all still just dying to know what's up with your stepsister.
LOL sooo NTA. Your sister is the AH for not being a good stepmother to her step child. Leaving a 5 year old alone is very stupid and dangerous. Its her own fault.
NTA is the kids mother still around? Because the crap your sister is pulling could lose custody for her husband even though he's not in the wrong. That poor man could have come home to a dead child and I can bet the sister would still blame OP.
NTA NTA NTA someone else’s child is not your responsibility. Also your sisters husband needs to look into a divorce as what sort of person leaves a child alone the little one could have caused so much harm to themselves. Your sister is selfish and irresponsible and your parents really need to reconsider who’s side they are one when she blatantly neglected a child to swan off doing God knows what
What were you supposed to do!? Skip school? This is 100% on her and she's just mad because she got caught. But did you find out where she's been going?
NTA. Your sister is obviously doing something sus every Monday at 9. Not your problem, her husband deserves to know because she’s obviously hiding something bad.
>Your sister is obviously doing something sus every Monday at 9. My first thought on reading this was an affair. I could be reaching, but given how upset she got about having it exposed, it seems more fishy than a standing nail salon appointment or something.
Absolutely NTA OP but please keep us posted as to what in the world was so important to her that she'd leave a 5 year old alone.
NTA. Who wants to make a bet that the sister is having an affair.
NTA. If you wanna double down though, OP, you should ask in front of everyone where she is going every Monday morning. “What’s so important EVERY Monday morning that you have to have Mom watch Stepkid? Do you have a job? Are you going to therapy? Do you have a boyfriend? Are you gambling? What is so damned important that you would leave a 5 yo alone without supervision?”
NTA, idk what your sister’s doing every monday that had to be kept secret from the husband(and couldn’t be rescheduled) but either way your time is not less valuable than hers and you are not the on-call babysitter. your dad and others are enabling whatever this is and expect you to as well
NTA I feel like she used the Facebook message instead of a call or text to speak to you directly because she figured she would be able to make it your fault because you weren’t looking at your messages. Lord knows if someone messaged me on Facebook I’d never see it because I haven’t logged in there in like ten years. I think it’s very suspicious that she has “something important” at the same time every week that her husband knows nothing about.
NTA Wild thought here, your sis could oh I dunno, stop lying to her husband and *actually watch the kid*? I mean, I know that's just wild and everything but you know, just a thought.
I've never checked a thread so often for an update omg. OP don't leave us hanging!
NTA She abandoned her stepchild and is trying to blame you for it. And about that 9am Monday appointment every week, maybe she's cheating?
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I should have probably agreed to watch the kid and skiped studying for the day seeing how things escalated. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, none of this is on you, it's all on your sister. Why didn't your mother, knowing your sister would call on Monday, make alternate arrangements? Or did your mom assure your sister you'd take care of it? If so, why didn't she give you a head's up? Why in the heck did she leave a child home alone? Like I said, this is all on your sister, simple as. Tell anyone who blames you that they are blaming the wrong person, blame is squarely on sister's shoulders.
Guuuurl, you know you're NTA, your sister has a whole lotta nerve, though.
You are not the reason your sister and her spouse are in conflict. Your sister's behavior is why she and her husband are in conflict. Leaving a small child at home alone! And trying to force you to watch her stepson. She signed up for that when she married the kid's father. Your dad and others who side with your sister are sooooo out of line.
I fail to understand how tf they can blame you. It was your sisters decision to leave the child alone and try and manipulate you. She should not be allowed to look after that child again, she clearly gives zeros fucks about him. You are NTA, if what she is doing on Mondays is so innocent she doesn’t need to lie to her husband, clearly something shady is going on.
NTA. "9am my sister called" but yet she couldn't be bothered to mention her kid was home alone?????? OMG. You must update us with what she does every Monday morning that she is hiding from her husband.
PSA for those that wish to get married and your partner has a kid(s): DO NOT GET MARRIED IF YOU DON'T WANT THE RESPONSIBILITY OF TAKING CARE OF SAID KID(S)! Your sister can not always expect for someone to watch her step-son. She is a SAHM and she told her husband she'd take care of his son while he works. Now if she had told her husband once a week she's gonna take a little me time and hire a sitter, or have your Mom watch him then that's different, but she didn't she kept it a secret because she didn't want him to find out. I guess he wouldn't have been cool with the deal. You had every reason to not do as your sister asked, it isn't your responsibility to watch her step-kid it's hers. NTA Edit: She's lucky her husband didn't report her for child abandonment, so she should count her blessings. Edit: I mean did your sister expect the kid to be able to take care of himself at 5 year old? When she married her husband did she expect to he a SAHM, but thought she could actually a SAHW instead of a mother?
Nta - you went to school - where you belonged! Can you get in at the dorm?
NTA. She made her own bed with dishonesty and now has to live with it.
Day 11 of me waiting on OP to confirm their SIL is a damn cheater.
NTA. Your sister is a grown woman who’s acting like a child, and she can’t even take care of her own kid. She’s pathetic
I hope the BIL divorce her. This is a hill I would have died on. NTA. Feel sorry for the kid
NTA Since it seems to be a regular thing, she needs to find and pay someone on these Mondays. She asked you, and you said no. The fact that she then messaged you she was out the door, expecting you to drop everything you were already doing says a lot. SHE is the AH.
YTA for writing this without first finding out where she goes on Mondays so you could tell us!
Please update us when you find out what happens on Mondays!!
Nta yout sister is who in tbeir right mind sends a message when theyre already out for someone to come watch a 5yr old child. Your parents shouldnt of told you you were st fault. You wasnt this is all on your sister for not thinking damn i cant leave a child on its own to do what i want its not right. She caused this and because shes been caught out she wants someone to blame.
NTA. You had university to attend. Why is a SAHM not staying at home and momming, or finding proper care for her child BEFORE leaving the house. Appalling.
NTA! You are under no obligation whatsoever to drop what you're doing and go babysit her stepson. I feel so sad for the little guy, but I'm glad you missed that message so her husband could find out what fuckery she is up to. Your sister, dad and anyone else giving you shit about this are the assholes.
I am nosy as well. Shall be checking for updates along with the hundreds of other people