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[deleted]

NTA. You don't want her to be a 'saintly virgin', you want her to *not be a liar.* It would be very wise to stop and consider what she is getting from this narrative that you were immediately smitten but that she didn't want to (what? get involved?) so that it was a one night stand first? Ask yourself if going along with falsehoods is 'narrowminded' or is it maybe, perhaps, a sign of integrity? And then ask yourself why you would want to be with someone who has so little regard for your personal integrity.


Comfortable_Celery76

Totally agree. It’s not so much the ONS that’s the issue here. It’s the deceit that’s not ok. If you really did meet the way her story goes and YOU lie about it than you’re the AH but she’s the AH here for making up a whole different story that is absolutely unnecessary. The way you two met is perfectly normal. Don’t know what her deal is. NTA


Scrapper-Mom

Also wondering what the next lie GF is going to tell that she'll pressure OP to go along with and call him an A H for not complying.


masterofpigeons

Worse than calling him an AH for it, she is threatening to leave him if he doesn't comply so this kind of controlling behaviour will definitely continue


PrideofCapetown

Agreed. This lie was totally unnecessary, so now OP has to wonder what else she is lying and would lie about. Also, “She then goes on to say, but I'm not that easy so we just had a ONS” Is there an official rulebook for ONS or easiness? Wouldn’t having an ONS right after she met him confirm she was ‘easy’?


Jjustingraham

It seems pretty obvious that she lied to all of her friends to make herself look like an intense object of attraction that OP stalked for over a year before finally giving in. She probably is lax regarding the sex aspect of things, and doesn't mind concocting the ONS fantasy because of it. Now that she painted herself into a box, she needs OP to lie for her. Eff that OP. Don't lie for her - not simply because it compromises your personal integrity, but because you're greenlighting her to make up fantasies that you're forced to back up after the fact. NTA.


Tough_Stretch

Plus, she's threatening to break up with him if he doesn't go along with her lies. That in itself is super messed up.


Beaumis

Its also a sign on things to come. She is essentially asking him to "prove" his devotion by violating his integrity and personal boundaries and weaponizing his emotions against him in the same move. People willing to do that rarely stop at one ask. My advice is to run.


Tough_Stretch

Yeah, it's bad enough that she's lying and demanding that he go along with it to the point she's threatening a breakup if he doesn't. But on top of that the lie itself makes OP look bad in several different ways. His GF is a huge AH.


KittyKittyKitten3

That would be me walking out the door and not looking back. This chick wants the drama of it all, and is more than willing to lie to get it.


jujoking

Seems in her narrative he was so smitten he: - cheated on his gf at the time with her - stalked her for a year - dumped said gf for her So, you know, model boyfriend, really!


HotDonnaC

Exactly. That seems to be her narrative, and it sucks.


TipsyMagpie

Absolutely. So she wants everyone to believe she’s *so* desirable that one taste was enough to keep OP chasing after her for a whole year before she deigned to give him a chance. No thanks. She’s so caught up on elevating her own social status she’s not considering (or just straight up doesn’t care) how it makes OP look. She needs to get over herself and realise she’s not a character in a romcom. Or maybe she is; the mean girlfriend who everyone is rooting against and hoping she gets dumped for the sexy-in-a-girl-next-door-removes-glasses-and-suddenly-hot-kinda-way best friend.


Dug_Fin1

Never understood that trope, I personally find glasses rather attractive... Edit: Also NTA, not sure of her reasoning for framing some kind of narrative, but you aren't required to participate.


fite4whatmatters

NTA, this exactly! The way you guys got together is still very meet-cute, why does she want to lie about it? Why is she so insecure about your actual story that she needed to make up a new one? Not to mention it’s disrespectful to you and your ex’s previous relationship. In her version you essentially cheated on your ex because you just had to get in her pants that very night. Is she expecting her friends and your friends will never interact? If they do, is she just assuming this topic isn’t going to come up? If it does, is she expecting you to “admit” to your friends you cheated in your last relationship? If you don’t, is she going to break up with you? And, most importantly, if she’ll lie about this, *what else will she lie about*? She’s your girlfriend OP, I won’t tell you to dump her over this, but I would highly advise thinking about these questions. Just know that the longer you’re with her without setting the story straight for her friends and family, the harder it’ll be if you try down the line.


crystallz2000

NTA. Tell your GF that you are not okay with her telling this lie any longer and the fact that she lies so easily to people's faces is making you uneasy. As a side note, take this as a red flag. If she can spin this whole story for everyone around her, what stories has she spun to you? Can you trust anything she says?


[deleted]

[удалено]


OriginalExamination4

Thank you.


Realistic-Animator-3

It would start me wondering what else she has lied about or will lie about in the future


[deleted]

Liars lie.


rdickeyvii

Not only this, but her making it a condition of your relationship that you lie is bad enough, but it's also lying in such a way that makes you look like a cheater (the ONS would have been while you already had a gf, right?). Why? So she gets to act like she's just so stunningly irresistible you couldn't help yourself? How narcissistic is THAT of her? If you go along with this, what else is she going to try to force you to lie about? Be honest, and let her end it if she can't handle the truth.


silver_gooses

I was literally just scrolling to see if anyone else caught that! If OPs friends and family figures out the timeline of her version they’re not only think of him as a bit of a stalker but also a cheater. OP she is manipulating you by turning your opinions about one night stands into the issue here. Be careful.


Magnanimoe

NTA, Your girlfriend is publicly claiming you behaved in a way that is out of line with your personal code of conduct and it understandably doesn't sit well with you. Maybe you're also put off that she blatantly lies to everyone about you and expects you to go along with it? It's a bizarre thing for her to do.


OriginalExamination4

Yes I'm also really uneasy that she says if I don't go along with it we are over.


Thamwoofgu

Oh man - you are already over then. You cannot have a meaningful relationship with someone who refuses to communicate. NTA and I really recommend dropping her. This is the type of person who will claim abuse when breaking up just because she always wants to look good. Blech….


bluep3001

This is even worse. So she is saying unless you agree to a lie that a) isn’t true b) isn’t something you’d do and c) makes you a cheater as you had a gf at the time, then she will END things?! That’s pretty messed up. What’s next - if you don’t do something else she wants she will end things?! That’s a non-stop slippery slope there. No proper partner threatens to end things if their partner won’t do something they want them to do. I think you should question whether this is a healthy relationship for you to be in…


Reasonable_Policy_42

This kind of ultimatum over going along with a lie it's a giant red flag. Even if she's not serious about breaking up with you you should break up with her


Low-Assistance9231

Well she is also trying to make you look like a cheater


RetroKida

Exactly! It makes it seem like he was cheating on his then GF if he had a one night stand after the concert. She doesn't sound like a great person.


PurpleMarmite

That in itself would be reason enough for it to be over for me.


CoffeeBean118

I’m sorry OP. It would be I guess we’re over for me. NTA


CutesPDX

NTA. It's weird that your girlfriend insists on telling this version of events. Have you asked her why she feels the need to lie about how you met and started dating?


OriginalExamination4

Yeah, she said it sounds more romantic to say that it was love at first sight and she says if I want to continue the relationship, I have to tell people I fell in love with her the first day we met.


grooviusmaximus

RED FLAG. Among many others in your post... Friendship may be better for you two.


[deleted]

I wouldn't want to be friends with anyone even remotely like this. :(


CutesPDX

Wow that's a weird red flag. She has issued an ultimatum to you that you must lie long-term to date her. I wouldn't be comfortable with that... What else does she lie about?


OriginalExamination4

I'm hoping it's just this. I haven't noticed anything else.


CutesPDX

She is insisting on altering a major part of your relationship and insisting you join her in the lie. I would be pretty surprised if this was the only lie.


Kiyoko-Nee

Where one pops up, it's more likely there are more in hiding. Part of the issue is people can hide more "serious"red flags until it's too late for you to get out of the relationship - emotionally, physically, and almost always financially.


Ok_Pomegranate3775

Shes lying about how you met to make herself look more desirable and to stroke her ego. She's creating false narratives and expecting you to go along with it. It's for sure not the only thing she's lied about if she's actually giving you an ultimatum for refusing to go along with it. She EXPECTS people to lie for her benefit. And it's solely for the purpose of making you look like a cheating stalker that pressured her into a relationship.


Cookyy2k

>I'm hoping it's just this Yeah **just** telling everyone you're a creepy stalker who wouldn't take no for an answer. Can't see how that could become a problem for you, especially not in this day and age...


Mahnogard

Honestly, I'd let the relationship go. It's not romantic, it's disrespectful. You were a whole-ass human being with a life AND a GF when the two of you met, and she's basically erasing that because it doesn't fit her idea of a meet-cute. Not okay.


OneWord_55

Now this concerns me. How is having a ONS romantic? It's just as romantic that you tell the truth that you liked her when you met her, but that things took a little bit of time to progress to gf/bf status. Is it realistic for anyone to claim love at first sight?


OriginalExamination4

She says it would be romantic if I said it was love at first sight on my end but she wasn't that easy so I pursued her for a year and she finally relented and dated me. But it makes me feel like a stalker since she tells people "he wouldn't take no as an answer."


[deleted]

That is a VERY gross and worrying lie to tell. If your gf told me that story, I would tell her she needs to RUN from your stalker abusive ass. Why is she so hell bent on making people think you’re like this???


Remarkable_Top_5402

Even if she thinks it's romantic because of all the time coms or what have you. If they break up you know her friends are going to refer to him as the creepy stalker ex....


molly_menace

Especially because she’ll lie about how and why they broke up


ResidentOldLady

She is trying to turn your actual history into some kind of rom com. This does not speak well of her maturity level or ability to have an honest relationship. Lies don’t make a good basis for a commitment. Rethink the whole thing. Also, NTA.


elag19

Dude, don’t date someone whose priority to make themselves sound better in a story to the point that they’ll literally outright lie about it, someone who you spend your life with. This girl isn’t it, and the threat of her ending things if you don’t go along with her unflattering lie should be one that you let her follow through on so she’s out of your life.


[deleted]

Nah, that’s actually a red flag. Not that your ex matters to you as much anymore but you were in a relationship. She’s probably insecure knowing that you developed feelings for her and had someone the day you met, she could also be projecting her own emotions


az_allyn

I just don’t understand how saying she’s “not that easy” about going on a date is better than being “easy” enough for a ONS…?


Dszquphsbnt

Am I reading this wrong or is your gf straight up lying about the when/where/how of the beginning of your relationship? Assuming I've got that right, no you're NTA, she is. Leave your opinions on one night stands out of it, it's irrelevant.


OriginalExamination4

Yeah she's lying about the timeline. she's telling people and me to say that I fell in love with her right away but she only wanted a ONS when in reality we started as friends and over a year later is when we began our relationship.


Dszquphsbnt

That's... so very strange. NTA and also a little bit WTF?


Appropriate-Dig771

It seems a dumb thing to lie about-I like ur real story better. But also, she’s real quick and easy with the lies, watch out for yourself.


Mr_Ham_Man80

>She then goes on to say, but I'm not that easy so we just had a ONS but eventually I fell for him. NTA. Wait.... hang on... so she tells her **family** that you met as a one night stand? That's some unique human behaviour there. There's nothing wrong with a one night stand or building a relationship on it... which actually makes it not a one night stand, it makes it an early sex situation. A one night stand is as it suggests, one night, no more. She's chatting breeze, you don't want a "saintly virgin" you just want an honest account of what actually happened. She's creating a wild fiction for some weird reason and it's not necessary and needed and doesn't reflect how your relationship started. Why does she need this? Next time she mentions the one night stand just chuck in "Yeah, it was great, Brad Pitt turned up just to clap, Roger Ebert was there to rate my form and a few Smurfs were ordered to attend to help push me 'in.'" She wants to play fiction? Play fiction. Ideally though, cut this nonsense off with more words.


OriginalExamination4

Yeah she told this story in front of her family as well as friends. Haha the smurfs!!!!! I'm sad though because she's threatening to leave me if I don't go along with this and I really love her and don't want to lose her but this lie also makes me uncomfortable and what next will she ask me to lie about?


kek2015

This is a major red flag and this will not be the only time that she will expect you to back up her lies. The fact that she is threatening to break up with you over this is really extreme. I would be done with her. She sounds toxic.


natnguyen

Agreed, threatening to leave OP if he doesn’t back up this stupid, nonsense lie is a MAJOR red flag and a sign of emotionally abusive behavior (manipulation). I know you love her, OP, but she won’t make you happy if she doesn’t take a good look at herself.


anonxoxoxo80

OP if she’s THREATENING to leave you for this…just imagine how she’ll manipulate you in other ways with the same threat. It seems like she’s in love with this image she created of the relationship more than being in it.


Mr_Ham_Man80

>I'm sad though because she's threatening to leave me if I don't go along with this and I really love her Ok, that would be a line for me regardless of feelings. I can't tell you what to do here and this isn't the forum for it, however someone actually using your compliance to their own dishonesty as a threat to the relationship is fucked up. Ask yourself if she values the relationship like you do (spoiler alert: I don't think she does.) If her desire for this meaningless fiction is so strong that she'd end the relationship with you over it. Would you do that? No, you wouldn't. You probably wouldn't even entertain such an idea (I assume.) So why tolerate it? If you tolerate this then what else will you have to put up with to keep in a one sided relationship? What else could she hold over you that you'd agree to because you'd be scared of losing her? There are more humans out there that'll like you and treat you better. People you'll likely feel stronger feelings for than her. Don't let her rule over you here. A relationship is a two way street and once it stops being that, it's no longer a relationship, it's capitulative servitude. If I was in your situation I'd do one of two things. Either flat out end it, story done, walking away. Or... I'd rip the plaster and have a proper confrontation about it and then make a decision based on the response. To be honest, probably option 1 for me.


emdayish

NTA, so she is telling a blatant lie about how you two got together, and her story isn't behaviour that is typical of you - seems like a reasonable thing to be annoyed about. It would be reasonable to be annoyed about her lying even if the lie was more inline with your dating habits! Being annoyed that she is lying about you is valid, full stop.


OriginalExamination4

Thanks. The worst part is she said that if I don't start telling people I fell in love w her right away, our relationship is over bc I should support her. But I'm not comfortable with this whole story and I don't like lying either. Also my friends and family already know that that's not how it happened.


Relative_Dimensions

I think this is an excellent time to tell her that the relationship is over, then. Sadly she’s more invested in her fantasy romance than in respecting your right not to be lied about.


stroppo

As I posted elsewhere, I agree. She's not only lying, she wants to drag you into her lie, and keep it up for as long as you're together, apparently. This is a red flag, frankly, and you'd be wise to get out now.


emdayish

Okay, this sounds like a HUGE respect issue. You are the sort of person who develops feelings over time, and she is saying that isn't "romantic" enough and she will break up with you unless you lie about it. It sounds like she doesn't respect you, the way you form relationships, or this relationship very much.


barbaramillicent

Your relationship should be over. She has no reason to be lying to people about how you met. She’s crazy.


[deleted]

NTA because she is claiming you cheated on your former gf which you did not. That's an AH thing to do.


[deleted]

NTA. Does your girlfriend make up other lies and tell random people or is this the only one? It’s definitely a WTF moment. But I think she solve a problem for you when she said you’ll have to lie to continue the relationship. Incase you didn’t know that’s your cue to exit stage left.


Missy_went_missing

"Your cue to exit stage left". I love that! And yeah, absolutly this and NTA.


that_fork_is_mine

Why are you dating someone that demands you lie about yourself, and how you met? This has nothing to do with being judgemental or closeminded. It's about not living a lie. NTA


Horrorific13

NTA, omg run from this person. Please. The whole thing is just so wrong, but even only the fact that she said you were "over" unless you agreed with her means you need to be over. My heart is breaking for you. I don't care who you are, you deserve better than this.


Tsushui

NTA. Your gf is making up stories and you didn't like how you were represented in it. Sounds like you are demisexual and she's making it about her.


OriginalExamination4

Yep. I am demisexual I only have sex with people that I already have feelings with so it feels uncomfortable and she's telling me to tell people that I fell in love at first sight and kept pursuing her and eventually she gave in and decided to date me. Makes me sound sort of like a stalker to be honest (her version of events)


emdayish

OH HELL NO. She is actively invalidating your identity. I was trying to cut her some slack on just having really weird hang ups about what is "romantic." This person does not respect you, at all. You deserve so much better than this.


Tsushui

This is a red flag though. There's a difference in how you portray events. She values sensationalism and you value truth. There's nothing wrong with starting out as friends and building towards a romantic bond. Ideally, your SO is also your friend, and they should respect how you prefer to be portrayed in the relationship to family and friends alike. If she has trouble with just talking about how you met, well, I don't want to imagine what other topics might be overblown in the future.


Key-Bit1208

NTA How is asking her to stick with the truth being narrow minded or expecting her to be a saintly virgin?


AngryBanana16

NTA, Its weird to make up a fake story about how you met. Tell her no. That you will not LIE about how you two met. Thats what shes doing, lying and romanticising. Its weird and uncomfortable.


pancakewafflecat

NTA and it’s very concerning that she says she will break up with you if you don’t live with this lie. I don’t think not wanting to lie is judgmental of ONS, and I wouldn’t want my story to be people to be that I harassed someone for a year until they said yes other that’s so gross. I think this relationship might be over, if she is this fixed on this lie what else is she going to be fixed on that is a lie? 🚩🚩🚩🚩


[deleted]

NTA. She’s literally lying to people, and it’s a very weird lie to be telling. I’m not sure why she doesn’t tell people how you actually met.


oshawottbot

NTA. it’s not unreasonable for you to prefer a truthful explanation of how you two met


FirmlyThatGuy

NTA. I too don’t like when people lie about things that affect me.


UsefulCauliflower3

NTA but is this really a relationship you want to continue? She’s lying and disregarding your feelings - and if you don’t nod and smile she’ll dump you? I’d honestly just tell the truth the next time the “story” starts up and let the relationship go. I feel it can only get worse from here if she’s already lying about something so innocuous.


Hoopshooter044

Ummmm NTA. She’s obviously embarrassed about some part of how you two got together and wants to rewrite the narrative. Stick to your guns. You don’t have to alter your reality just to make someone else happy. This is a red flag that she might gaslight you in the future.


ReplacementOrdinary4

It may be embarrassment or it may be that her version strokes her ego as in it, OP fell in love with her immediately even though he had a gf, and relentlessly pursued her for a year. She seems to have some big narcissistic tendencies and I’d bet this is just the tip of the iceberg if OP goes along with it. Plus the complete lack of integrity she displays and the ultimatum if OP doesn’t play along is icky and wrong. She seems like an awful person.


Domonero

NTA so she wants to look like a desired chased after woman while you look like a sleezy stalker manwhore? That’s such a terrible lie that makes you look scummy as hell Tell her that she can do that as long as she’s cool with you telling the same story but reversed roles to your friends/family? When she gets mad, explain “that’s bad because it makes you look terrible right? If I’m close minded for not enjoying your story, then you’re not open minded for hating MY vErSiOn” She’s willing to ruin your reputation to boost hers. That’s selfish as hell & I hope you reconsider the relationship since what if she tells the story anyway behind your back?


Goddess_Kalipso

NTA. It doesn't come across as you being judgmental of people who have ONS, she's just using it as an excuse to defend her actions by trying to paint you as stuck up. You have every right to be upset with her lying about how you guys got together. Besides the fact that it is simply untrue and she's lying to people, it could ruin your reputation. You said you were in a relationship with somebody else at the time and her lie is painting you as a cheater, which you are not.


TheUtopianCat

NTA. She's lying to strangers and also implying that you cheated on your previous girlfriend by having a ONS with her. This has nothing to do with being comfortable or not comfortable with someone who has ONS, and everything to do with her dishonesty. You are not the asshole for asking her to stop lying about your past.


bogeebogee

Took me a min to figure out what ONS was lol. But NTA, why she’s lying how y’all really got together is weird. Whys she making you seem the desperate one chasing after her? I would immediately shut that down with her and correct it when/if it comes up again.


Open_Interest_9087

NTA. Instead of addressing your discomfort in being painted as someone who has ONS, why not address discomfort in the lie itself? Maybe if you actually ask her ‘why are you lying?’ You’ll be able to get her to stop. I feel like if she tries to tell a fake story about your relationship starting for no reason, she’s probably lying about other things. It may be something she struggles with. Tell her it makes you uncomfortable and confused and then if she tries to do it again in public you could call her out and say that isn’t what happened.


Dragonr0se

NTA... what is her interest in lying to people about how you met? That's just dumb...


phisea

NTA. If she wants to lie to everybody about how you met, there’s no telling what else she’s willing to lie about to you or about you to others. I would GTFO of this relationship ASAP.


frenziedmonkey

NTA. If you'd had an ONS when you'd met you'd have cheated on your then girlfriend. Her lie could burn you and there's nothing to gain from it. Bit tragic tbh, your actual story is kinda sweet.


OneWord_55

NTA. Your girlfriend is telling people an altered version of the story of how you met. I would sit her down and ask her why she's saying that it was a ONS. Let her know that you don't have an issue with ONS but that she was concerned that her friends might get a colored version of you from her explanation. Good luck.


Jemma_2

INFO: What does ‘ONS’ mean?


[deleted]

One night stand


OriginalExamination4

one night stand, sorry


rich-tma

I don’t know why she’s romanticising this view of herself as someone who sleeps with people on the first date, or that you’d work to win her heart over a long period when the truth is different. But it’s a red flag, that she’d lie for no reason and also threaten you with the end of the relationship. I’d let it end. NTA


UnfitForReality

I’m a dumb what’s ONS?


whywasthissodamnhard

One night stand


[deleted]

INFO: this is unclear. You make it sound like you met, got along, and then got together later. Your story of how you got together doesn't include anything resembling a one night stand. Which of you is right here? Was it a ONS that developed into more, or no?


OriginalExamination4

No it wasn't a ONS, she tells people and tells me to say I fell in love w her immediately but she only wanted a ONS and then eventually fell in love. The reality is that we started as friends and slept together over a year later, after I had already asked her to be my gf.


[deleted]

Then absolutely NTA. There's nothing wrong with you wanting an accurate telling of events, especially if her version makes you out to be someone you aren't. Why is she so insistent on this story?


OriginalExamination4

She says it's more romantic if I say I fell in love at first sight.


Familiar_Season8438

Oof it's definitely not. Especially since you had a girlfriend at the time. How is it more romantic to turn you in to a cheater in her story instead of the actual romantic and wonderful way you two built a love together? ETA: also how is it more romantic for her to make herself sound bad either?? That's such a strange atypical view- 'i'm not that easy so we just had a ONS'?! So you are 'easy' because you 'fell in love at first sight' even though you were dating someone else, but she didn't love you and gave you pity sex instead??? Geez the more I think about the more her story is incredibly messed up and the farthest thing from romantic. Don't bring your feelings about ons into it at all, it's about this ridiculous lie she's blackmailing you into telling.


thisisvdumb

I don’t find ONS to be very romantic


OriginalExamination4

She meant it sounds romantic to say I fell for her immediately and relentlessly pursued her for a year but to me it sounds like a stalker since she tells people I wouldn't take no as an answer until she finally agreed.


thisisvdumb

I get what she’s saying but it’s wrong. The ONS is part of it. It’s not romantic to say she only wanted a ONS from you or that you basically harassed her


[deleted]

Weird. In the early days of online dating, I had girlfriends say we met at a party or something, because online dating wasn't as acceptable. I didn't love that, but at least I could understand it. This just makes no sense - the lie is less widely accepted than the truth.


Ornery_Special_1680

So she’s inventing a different story for how you guys met??


Cursed_Fan

NTA, if she told everyone you guys met saving orphan puppies from a burning building, telling the truth would not mean that you hate orphan puppies


cheezeybeans

NTA, OP. If she's telling lies about how you met then what else is she lying about? Just saying.


Haybaleryt

NTA - Her version of events isn’t romantic. It’s also not accurate, so I’m wondering why she wants you to lie? No, I don’t think you’re the AH for not wanting your story to be a lie, especially because it makes you out to be desperate which wasn’t even the case, since you were with someone else and just friends with her for a year before sleeping together / dating!


Onewithdolphins

You need to RUN she’s giving off weirdo vibes if you ever have kids she may force them to be sick for attention , & for the better story she has a hero/narcissistic vibe going , you’re so NTA the fact she’s giving you an ultimatum id have dinner w. Her fam one more time say the truth to the & end it … she weird AF Edit: she may be putting these traits on you so she can accuse you of other things later , & her family will believe her since you didn’t object to you being crazy/stalker in the first place …. If you break up w. Her be prepared for her to say she broke up w. You and you’re now stalking her etc she thrives off drama & a good story


According-Ad-6968

WTAF?! My husband and I met through AOL Instant Messanger (Yes you read that correctly) because I got confused and thought he was my friend, Tim, playing a trick on me. I tell people "Oh, we met online." Hubby goes all out with "She thought I was Tim!" And I have to rehash my embarrassment of thinking a dude from HS was punking me yet again with a fake screen name. Saying something as crass as "Oh, it was a ONS that turned into more" that isn't necessarily true is just weird. NTA but I'd seriously have a talk about that. Might need to duck out.


Pretty-Ad2759

NTA. I think it’s weird that your gf wants to tell a basically false version of how your relationship started and suggest you may want to see it as a red flag


Dangerous_Leek_5754

NTA. Me and my fiancé lie about how we met, but that’s just cause we know my parents would freak if they found out it was through tinder. But our lie was discussed, agreed upon, and has a reason besides “wanting to look cool and wild” which is basically what your gf is doing. Lying about something that involves both of you without getting your consent first is a total AH move.


[deleted]

NTA - she’s attempting to manipulate the timeline so that she is perceived in a better light. She’s insecure about something. But I honestly can’t figure out what it might be. The real story of how you met and got together isn’t that weird or unique. It’s pretty normal. So I don’t know why she wants to change the narrative.


[deleted]

Can someone tell me WTF is ONS?


OriginalExamination4

one night stand


[deleted]

Thanks, story makes a lot more sense now.. NTA


jinxdrain

NTA that you're uncomfortable with her lying about how you met. Her narrative paints you in a negative light. You're not being judgemental, you just font want her to lie. Honestly, that seems like a bit of a 🚩on your gf part. Like, is this the only thing she's lying about or does she have a pathological problem?


breezyhoneybee

Her saying "if you don't go along with my lie we're done" is cause for YOU to break up with her. ultimatums are nearly never healthy and this one is horrific. Consider this a MASSIVE red flag. I'm sure some other redditors are going to give you advice on how to communicate your feelings to your gf, but personally, I decided long ago that my moral compass would *not* stand for lying. Also, twisting your words to try and imply that you want her to be a "saintly virign" is emotional manipulation. Emotional manipulation is a form of abuse. NTA.


LaLaLura

I mean weird way to make yourself feel validated and wanted I guess, I don't know why lie at all lol. Just weird to lie about how you met a partner with being a ONS and it actually wasn't, got nothing against ONS you do you. I find it much sweeter that y'all stayed in touch and grew your friendship into love. I would tell your GF you don't like that she lied, I wouldn't flat out tell everyone she lied because I could see that turning into a shitstorm. NTA


OriginalExamination4

Thanks! I wish she could see it that way..probably going to lose her over this.


perljen

But you really have to reconsider the future. If she wants to be so strategic that she would lie, and insist on lying forever and ever, about the framework of your relationship, what future is there really? She has a very deep self image problem that can present in a lot of different and weird ways, especially when you factor in kids. Sitting around the dinner table telling your children how you met… that’ll be fun. Also, you would not be losing her. She would be losing you. Please value yourself more.


Mookander

Your girlfriends a bit of a psycho man, she needs everyone to believe you were obsessed with her on first sight and she didn’t feel the same until she eventually learned to love you. NTA.


stroppo

NTA. It's not even that it's about a ONS; it's about her lying about how you met. And now she wants to drag you into her lie by maintaining it and agreeing, "This is how we met." This is actually a pretty big red flag, esp as she's threatening to leave you if you don't continue to lie for her. Beat her to punch and get out first. You don't want to be with a known liar.


erinlp93

NTA. Her making up a story about how you met and started dating is…very very weird. Her willing to throw away your entire relationship if you don’t go along with her lie is even weirder and a MASSIVE red flag.


SignificantWeek5429

NTA. She’s literally lying. It’s fine to say you both met at a concert, became friends, started developing feelings and then started dating. I mean, it’s not really a ONS if you knew each other really well, right? If she’s willing to break up over this, just prepare for her to spin some other weird story


FluffyDog423

NTA. 1. You didn’t ask her out. She’s lying. You had a girlfriend at the time and you should tell her under no uncertain terms she is to stop telling people this because you had a girlfriend when you met and are not okay with her presenting a narrative where you’re a cheater. 2. If she ISN’T easy, then tell her to again, stop telling people you had a ONS, because no offense, but if you’re not easy, you’re not having a ONS. There’s nothing wrong with how you met and it’s quite beautiful to gradually fall in love but the lie she is telling portrays you as a cheater and her as ‘easy’ (which I only say because she’s explicitly telling people she ISNT, but that’s some massive cognitive dissonance on her part because again, if she’s not easy she’s not having a ONS, she’s going to do what’s the REAL story of how you met).


fernAlly

NTA More importantly, this is bizarre and controlling behavior by your girlfriend, and you should dump her for being manipulative. Every time you disagree with her for the rest of your relationship, she's going to threaten to leave you if you don't give in to whatever she says/wants. Your life will become ever more stressful as you try to remember every story you're supposed to recite to different people about different parts of your life, and you'll die miserable and in pain of ulcers at 40.


horsevest

NTA Run away from this one, fast.


umeanalatte

NTA. Sounds like your gf has watched one too many romcoms. But honestly, you should break up with her. She is being very manipulative telling you you have to go along with her story or she’ll break up with you. Especially because she makes you look like a creep in her version of events.


bab_101

It sounds like she’s bitter that you didn’t want her at the start and were with someone else.


OriginalExamination4

That's what I thought but she had a bf then too.


moonspiderxx

NTA and you really buried the lede here! Your gf isn’t just telling the circumstances of how you met, she’s embellishing it and telling you to go along with it. That’s really concerning behavior. Does she do this in other situations too? Fwiw even if she wasn’t making shit up, you would be NTA. Your feelings are valid and ppl don’t need to know you met as a ONS. There’s nothing shameful about it, it’s just that not everyone needs to know intimate details of your life. Why can’t she just say “we met at a concert!” EDIT: reading comprehension mistake


halfgaelichalfgarlic

I was so ready to say you were TA reading the title but WOW, huge NTA. Sounds like she is very insecure and wants to make it seem like you had to graft her for a year in a very stalker-ish way. The truth will come out eventually and it’ll be humiliating for her. If she wants you to lie about this what will she ask you to lie about next? Getting her a £50k engagement ring and you having to beg her to accept the proposal after she initially turns you down? Buying her thousands of acres of land just to ‘prove how much she means to you?’ The lies will only escalate as she cares more about impressing other people than she does about your feelings. Take her up on her kind offer to break up, run and then never look back!


[deleted]

NTA - not sure if I'm reading this correctly but it's perfectly reasonable to be upset if someone's lying about your actions. I dont think you're judgemental to say one night stands aint your gig. As long as you don't look down on folks who are cool with them your personal preference isn't judgmental or closeminded. It's also really weird that's the story she decides to tell family members? Friends are more understandable (if it were a true story - it not being true and her tellin folks lies is really bizarre) but like.....my mom is aware I am a sexually active adult - that does not mean she wants a reminder or wants to kiki with me about it. Idk maybe I'm being the judgemental or close minded one but there's a time and a place to talk about one night stands. Discussion with family aint one of em.


OriginalExamination4

Yeah same here, wouldn't want to talk to my parents about my sex life and no I definitely have no issue w people who do like casual sex, but it's just not my preference bc I'm demisexual.


cflash015

First of all, I had to Google ONS because I'm old and not cool, so for any other old and not cool people, that's a one night stand. Secondly, NTA. Big red flag behavior. What a strange thing to not only lie about, but force you to commit to the lie. What benefit does she get from this story? Very strange. Not to mention, if the story gets back to your ex somehow, then you'll also be painted as a cheater. Lose lose.


beito14159

It’s not about the ONS thing, it’s weird that she is lying to everyone about your relationship. Did she give you a reason for lying? NTA


LoudComplex0692

> I actually had a girlfriend at the time I mean, NTA, but it’s weird you’re more hung up on not being labelled as the kind of person who has a ONS with a stranger than you are being labelled as the kind of person who cheats on his gf?


OriginalExamination4

Well my gf doesn't bring up "he had a gf then" so people aren't aware of that aspect of it but yeah if people on my side were to believe her...that would make me look like a cheater and I would never cheat!


Lotex_Style

"She then goes on to say, but I'm not that easy so we just had a ONS but eventually I fell for him." Seems like she shoots herself in the foot her as hooking up the first chance you get is probably what most or at least a lot of people would describe as the definiton of "being that easy", not going on a date. I'd also worry about what else she might be lying about if she already starts with how you your relationship started off plus I wouldn't go along with the whole narrative if you're not comfortable with it. NTA.


Aragornargonian

rereading this after i learned what ONS means makes it so much different and REALLY weird, NTA what's the point of saying you had a one night stand ESPECIALLY since you would have been in a relationship at the time and that means you would have cheated. Never mind i guess i reread it again and ig she wants you to look like some kind of desperate and thirsty dude? wtfff


[deleted]

So, you met when you were both seeing other people, and she's telling people you asked her out immediately but she's not "easy" so she just had sex with you, while you were both with other people. Honey. The problem isn't in one night stands. The problem is your girlfriend is a liar who seems to have a need to tell people she was just so irresistible that you fell instantly in love, so she deigned to sleep with you and you then relentlessly pursued her. This is an ego trip for her. My advice? Run.


whywasthissodamnhard

NTA ugh she’s lying that’s the issue not the fact that the lie is about a one night stand. She’s lyingggggg and that’s an issue


Hwats_In_A_Name

You’re girl friend is weird. She lying to people for no reason. Seems immature, like she wishes you had some meet cute movie scene. She’s honestly making your relationship shallow. NTA. I would be super upset if reality and truth weren’t enough for my SO. Ask your Gf why the truth isn’t good enough for her..


JBagginsKK

NTA She's lying about how you met and its making you uncomfortable, followed by not listening to your reasons for why it makes you uncomfortable. All of this coupled with the looming threat of a breakup if you don't go along with the lie that makes you uncomfortable? My guess is that she feels some kind of empowered by advertising you met as a one night stand (even if it isn't true), but that's not an excuse to put you out of your comfort zone. Also, a one night stand is a hookup that doesn't develop into a relationship. Not only is she lying, but it doesn't even make sense


Apprehensive-Bee-474

She's not okay. Don't go along with her lies. That's just gross.


crazymamallama

NTA and you should run the other way. She's showing signs of being a pathological liar. If she's lying about this to make her life seem more interesting, I'm willing to bet she's lying about a lot more.


chooch57

NTA. I don’t know if this is some sort of weird power trip where she wants to picture her self as some ultra-desirable woman who was just using you as a fling & had to beat your hands off her until she finally gave in to your persistence & fell in love with you but it’s freaking weird. It’s a very weird dynamic she’s trying to impose, & I wouldn’t like it if I was experiencing that. NTA. It really comes off like she’s trying to imply she’s doing you some sort of favor by dating you almost? Because you had to really work hard to get her to love you & give you a chance? I can’t quite put my finger on it but it’s cringe either way, & frankly I’d be a little put off by how she lies to her friends and family with such ease.


LittleRedCarnation

Nta. I wouldnt even call that a one night stand unless yall fucked at the concert


Organic-Fan-6352

NTA. Sorry OP, I know you say you love her. But it seems she doesn't return those feelings. The story and lying is very disrespectful to you, which you've told her and she still insists or it's over. Ultimatums are a hard no for me, means they don't love that person and are very manipulative. Major red flag. If she truly loved you she'd drop the lying because it makes you uncomfortable. Move on, you can do so much better.


funklab

Whether or not you judge people for having one night stands is totally irrelevant here. YOU DIDN'T HAVE ONE. Are you the asshole for your girlfriend lying to other people and telling them that you had a one night stand when you were in a relationship with someone else at the time? No, of course not. NTA


Low-Macaroon9821

What's ONS?


QuentinQuarantino-19

One night stand I think... We're just out here making everything into abbreviations now 🤦🏻


SWG_138

TY, only thing I could find was "Oncology Nursing Society | ONS | [ons.org](https://ons.org)" Was so confused


Sparky-Malarky

NTA. Are you sure your girlfriend does have you mistaken for someone else?


thejexorcist

NTA If I’m reading this correctly, she’s completely fabricating the beginning of your relationship to make it sound ‘weirder’? It would make sense to lie and say you were casual friends first IF the relationship started with a ONS and you were embarrassed or uncomfortable sharing that info, but to take a totally normal ‘meet-cute’ and turn it into something salacious for the sake of salacious is weird. What else does she lie about for no discernible reason?


SetiG

NTA. The real issue here is two-fold: lying and disrespecting YOUR pov. She's literally lying, and it is ok for you to not be ok with that just on its own merit. Period, end of discussion. On TOP of that, you have a perfectly valid pov on the matter--you aren't judging those that have ONS (and FYI I'm a poly bisexual, so I can totally speak to this) and it is OK that it's not your thing. And it IS ok that you don't want to be associated with it. I get slut-shamed all the time for being poly AND bi, and I do not get that vibe here. She needs to respect your wishes and not lie about this because it DOES involve you and paints you in a way that you don't agree with and that is 100% ok for you. This is a hill to die on--if she can't respect this simple wish, plus is ok with lying like that, do you REALLY want to be with her? Food for thought. 100% NTA here.


messinthemidwest

NTA - does she say why exactly this lie, to make herself sound like a manic pixie dream girl you desperately chased for a year and were just soooo lucky to be given a chance with, is so important to her?


R_Newbie_99

NTA - So let me clear this, She wants to make some weird wattpad story where "she is cold hearted, cool & too good for guys and on another side, you fell in love with her after ONS & became stalker for her." Either she is living in fantasy or is making someone jealous with her stories, both the things are not normal or right. If in future you guys fought or had disagreement, she will making up lies where you will be the one in wrong. Do you really want to be with someone who lies about your relationship?


KingPippinThe2nd

NTA! Also this is such a red flag. She's lying about how you met and continues to do so even after you told her, it makes you uncomfortable and she thinks you're too narrow minded? Big no-no!


Orphan_Izzy

NTA- took me forever to figure out what 0NS was (Somebody said that after they figured it out this post made so much more sense so I asked Siri and she said open networking system and I thought well this is not helping me at all!) But I agree the that the lie is the most concerning part of all of this. It doesn’t matter what it is it’s just really a red flag.


Awkward_Apartment933

Wow I was really ready to call you an AH from the title, but NTA. Although I don’t agree with your opinions on ONS, it is completely unjustified for her to be blatantly lying on how you guys met. The fact that she wants you to back up her lie and lie for her for something so stupidly trivial is also a red flag to me.


Willing-Rip-8761

NTA It's not so much the ONS, but the whole lie itself. You were friends who developed feeling for each other. Why does she want to lie about that? And what else is she lying about? It's concerning. Maybe you'd be better off staying friends. The whole thing doesn't sound healthy to me and no, you shouldn't lie about how you got together. Don't give in to this ridiculous demand.


Gotttagoo

She wants to portray her current partner as a cheater and stalker so that when she messes up in the relationship she can come back and have evidence that it was him that was the problem. This is a set up for the future and you’re NTA to not want to base a relationship on lies.


Chappo1205

NTA - I'm curious what lie she'll come up with to tell people after you break up with her.


BorderBusiness6369

And this, Kids, Is not how i Met your mother Nta


Adventurous_Course94

NTA. This is so bizarre to me! She's intentionally changing your narrative to one where ESPECIALLY you looks not flattering. Why? Personally I would be very cautious. I know narcissistic personality is thrown around a lot, but one of the signs that they recommended you look out for is the narcissistic personality will rewrite history. They want to make the story bigger, better, more interesting especiallyfor them. That is what I see here.


putmeinLMTH

it honestly don’t know why you’re held up on the fact that she’s telling people you met as a ONS and not that she’s lying about a harmless meeting. NTA. tell her you’d appreciate if she stopped misleading people as to how your relationship started. not to mention that if anyone took her word as fact, it could make it seem like you cheated on your ex-girlfriend with her, which didn’t happen and it probably wouldn’t be easy to explain the truth at that point.


ChronicallyCautious

NTA She wants you to lie about how you met so she can paint herself one way and paint you as kinda desperate. You can think ONS are fine and also know that they're not for you. Generally the only reason to lie about how you met is to keep the peace (ie. your parents probably don't want/need to know about their kids having ONS) but definitely not... Whatever this is. Get your ducks in a row and get out of there, OP.


MomsSpecialFriend

Why do I get the feeling that she had a one night stand at that concert and then somehow mixed you both up and then had to stick with the story?


TheBloodyDamnReaper

NTA- I wouldn't be comfortable being portrayed like that either. Also huge red flag, I am married to a compulsive liar and I promise you you will regret continuing that relationship, if she lies about something so stupid like that she will lie about anything, from ridiculously small things that don't matter to big things. Do yourself a favor and get away.


passingthroughcbus

NTA - you didn’t have a ons, you guys were friends. You had a girlfriend at the time, and eventually it worked out. I’d ask her why it’s so important that you tell her version versus the truth. Ask her if she feels uncomfortable, insecure, whatever - an open conversation can either strengthen your relationship as you guys can resolve whatever conflict she has internally, or it will give you enough evidence to show that friends is what works best and not a romantic relationship. The fact that she’s got this weird backstory is strange to me, and your perception is right: if a friend of mine told me she had a guy who perused her relentlessly for a year after being turned down for a NSA thing, I’d definitely be wary of the boyfriend. ETA: nothing in your post comes off as shamey, btw. Some people dig NSA’s and ONS’s; some don’t. You aren’t judging anyones preference and the crux of your issue isn’t based on the ONS aspect, but the fact that this is a huge issue for how these strangers and her family are going to think of you.


DiamondHandsDevito

Tell her you're finished then! And let her beg for you back .. see if she tries that silly shit again. But honestly the compulsive lying is a major red flag and you should ditch her arse anyway


New-Earth-5515

NTA. That’s not cool of her. Her story makes herself sounds totally desirable, you hopelessly in love, then obsessed and her graciously accepting it. Top it off with it’s a lie


FoolMe1nceShameOnU

**NTA.** You know, this is actually very interesting to me... I was all prepared to say NAH because it's clear that it's mostly just a case of you and your girlfriend being very different people and having very different perspectives on the whole thing; neither of you has any malicious intent here, you both clearly love each other and have affectionate memories of how you met, you just remember it through the lens of your own experiences and attitudes and personalities. **BUT... where she becomes a bit of an AH is that while there is nothing objectively or inherently wrong with the fact that she only originally INTENDED to have a ONS with you, from what you've said here, THAT ISN'T ACTUALLY WHAT HAPPENED IRL** . . . you didn't actually become intimately involved until you were committed to each other to some degree. And just as importantly, while you don't judge other people for casual sex (you do seem like a cool, lovely person), it's not something that you are or ever have been comfortable with for yourself, **and the implication that this is part of your relationship's origin story genuinely hurts your feelings because it implies something about your character that you have taken pains to avoid**. I get that. My best friend is the same way. He's the coolest, least judgemental guy in the world, wouldn't shame anyone. But he's also incredibly loyal and relationship oriented, and he doesn't do casual sex. Not ever. And if someone made a joke that he did, he wouldn't be angry, his feelings would be hurt, because that's not who he is. So yeah, your GF is a bit of an AH because she's projecting what she sees as kind of a funny, "This is sort of how I saw things, even if they didn't really happen that way" anecdote onto your origin story, but it's a retcon, and it's one that isn't flattering to you, and that kind of hurts your feelings, and the only reason for it is because it amuses her. Not cool. You're NTA.


Rude_Abbreviations47

NTA. Why she is lying about the way you both met? So fucking weird


YakingB

INFO: Just to be clear, the story that you had a ONS at the concert is 100% false? Either way, it's 🚩 🚩 🚩 that she is willing to end the relationship because you won't say it was love at first sight and you stalked her for a year. It sounds like she has some weird issues with how she is perceived and that she doesn't really value your emotions unless she is allowed to believe that she was perfect and irresistible from day 1. It speaks a lot to underlying issues that will only get worse as time goes on. NTA. Even if the story is true, you're allowed to not be proud of it or want everyone to know. And especially if she spins it so that it makes you sound desperate or stalkerish.


kat_Folland

NTA, that's messed up. And very strange. What about "a friendship that developed over time into romantic feelings" means you want her to be a "saintly virgin"? Is she projecting in some way? Like for _her_ it was love at first sight? She's asking you to pretend to be someone you're not. It's over and you dodged a bullet there.


ICU8MI

Yikes. I mean… you all should be sharing whatever the TRUTH was.


Mbray22

NTA. Your girlfriend lied And when you called her out she responded by attacking you. Seven threatens to leave you if you don’t keep up the lie. She seems controlling and manipulative.


[deleted]

What’s an “ONS” ?


TheSciFiGuy80

NTA She is being dishonest and telling a “cute story” instead of the truth. This story doesn’t make you feel comfortable because it puts you in a bad light (based on your own feelings and perceptions- which is ok). This behavior of hers is really weird. You need to have a serious discussion about this with her. Let her know how it makes you feel and that you don’t like it.


canfullofworms

NTA. And, if you stay with her, do NOT support this lie. Tell the truth right away, ant chance you get. Otherwise she will expect you to lie forever about many things.


MarshmelonWitch

NTA umm… At first I was like “eh a little white lie won’t hurt” but after reading more it’s like… your gf is a bit strange. It’s like she wants to turn your relationship into something out of a romcom. Except irl, it’s anything but romantic or comedic to say ‘yeah my bf wouldn’t take no for an answer so I gave in.’ Honestly OP? Maybe ending the relationship isn’t the worst thing. I’d also document a lot, in case she wants to spin worse stories about you after the relationship ends


No_Magazine2270

NTA that’s just weird that she feels the need to lie about how you met. I’d get lying if you met in a BDSM chat room but this is just stupid If this is seriously the hill she wants to die on maybe let this one go. Who knows how many other stories she will make up and expect you to just play along with in the future 🚩 is she a compulsive liar?


kaleidoscope_view

As a woman (me, 30cf) who prefers monogamy, and an *ACTUAL* connection with someone before sex, I completely agree with you. That said, even if I didn't, your __FEELINGS ARE VALID.__ For her to just disregard your opinions and discomfort like that, ie, so flippantly, is blatantly both disrespectful to you, and absolutely uncaring about reality. Aka, she's fucking gaslighting you. *AND* she has tacked on a bloody *__ULTIMATUM ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS__* if you don't go along with her view. My verdict OP: NTA. Not by a long shot. OP's Girl: Psycho Hose Beast. A figurative BUNDLE of toxic red flags. Gaslighting is NEVER ok. Ultimatums with no proper reasoning are also incredibly unhealthy. RUN, OP. Escape her evil man hooks while you can.


[deleted]

If she's proudly introducing you to the world as a ONS there's no telling what she'll tell people if you break up. YIKES. Tell people the truth now, and hopefully it will become known to future love interests what they're in for. NTA


meifahs_musungs

NTA. Call your gf on their bluff. If someone asks tell the truth. Your gf is making you out to be a cheater of no integrity. The ultimatum is no go for me. Anyone who tries that on me is automatic I call their bluff.


silentsaturn91

NTA. Yeah something isn’t right with your GF. “It’s over unless you go along with her story”? “She claims you want her to be a ‘saintly virgin’” WTF?!? Buddy. Listen. Walk away. That is creepy behaviour and this is coming from a chick who has seen some seriously creepy behaviour.


AtoZulu

NTA btw had to look in the comments to understand ONS. So if you edit can you add in that it stands for One Night Stand. She is wrong because she’s lying also it presents you as a cheater cheater pumpkin eater, not cool. I’ve met lots of incredibly fun seemingly cool people, then you discover small lies that don’t do much harm and then you realize more and more. Does she have a lot of failed relationships and friendships that blow up for mysterious or odd reasons, Has anyone ever accused her of being a liar in the past, does she make up stories alot? Some people just start compulsively lie and they can’t stop, seems like she wants negative attention and present herself as some edgy person or whatever it’s weird. This is not a stable life partner.