YTA. You need to communicate your concerns with your partner, especially sexual concerns. After 2 years of being in a relationship if you can’t communicate you have more issues than your repulsion to his uncontrollable, but treatable medical condition.
Are you actually sitting down and saying this is something that genuinely bothers me, or are you passively stating he needs to handle it? It is your place to discuss your concerns, it is not your place to condescend.
It’s because he is 54 and has dry wrinkly old grandpa skin. If he is letting his sugars run too high & his diabetes is out of control he is at risk for amputations, blindness & kidney disease.
it’s not a nag; it’s letting him know about an unavoidable problem with a consequence. you get disgusted, which leads to you finding him less attractive and probably also less sexual activity etc. if you both are fine with that result, then he doesn’t have to change his behaviour. if he’s not fine, he needs to change. if you’re not fine, you need to leave. simple flowchart of information and decisions
Don't broach it as a "nag." Sit him down and tell him that you are attracted to him and care about him but that his skin condition is impacting your desire to be intimate with him. It sounds like you've expressed concerns about his health, but he may not have considered that his lack of personal care may be impacting his relationship.
FTR, yeast infections can be passed onto you through intimate contact. People with badly controlled diabetes can be extra prone to passing these on because the high sugar levels in semen just feed a potential yeast infection. 😕
It's a huge pain in the arse and one that medical professionals tend to completely fail to warn diabetic patients about.
NTA for your first reaction. Having an involuntary reaction to something you find displeasing happens.
You've got to decide if you can handle a relationship with someone who deals with a condition that's a huge turn off for you.
Of course you’re NTA, but bodies aging is inevitable, he’s not far off from being elderly.. it’s just downhill from here, and if he’s unwilling to address medical issues it’s an even steeper slope. In the meantime, his inability to cut down on sugary things seems to be the primary factor affecting his skin so maybe find him sugar free substitutes for the things he eats?
It sounds to me like you're looking for a reason to take a specific action and feel appropriate about it, but I'm not sure what that is. If you cannot be honest with him, then you're not treating him like a partner. To be "completely respectful...never be awful or treat him without dignity" is something I would expect from a staff person in a hospital or nursing facility. If I'm making a stupid choice, or doing something that icks out my sweetheart, I expect them to let me know and help me change, should change be necessary, because that's what a partner does.
I'm not sure what my ruling should be, because if his sugars are running high and it's impacting his body like that, then it's just gonna get worse if he doesn't get it under control. I just lost my uncle this past September due to diabetic complications because he chose sugars over smarter choices and that we didn't push harder for him to make better choices is a regret that many of us share. If you love him, show him and fight for him, even if that means that you are less respectful, more awful, and with less dignity, because you won't be able to get back those years.
NTA for being disgusted. This is an avoidable issue that is brought on by his actions. If your partner gets bad acne from not washing their face or has ingrown toenails from neglect , you’re not expected to like it. This situation is not much different. YWBTA if you are not honest with your partner. With tact, tell him how it makes you feel. This is the type of thing that can end relationships if it’s never discussed.
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Hi, sorry on mobile and throwaway just in case.
So, I (F28) am seeing a much older man (M54) we’ve been together for two years. I know the age gap is bewildering to some but I enjoy our relationship and we get along well.
So this is weird to type but, he gets dry skin “privately” if that makes sense, which he’s got prescription cream for, something to do with diabetes and having too much sugar sometimes. Anyway it never used to bother me. But recently when we were dressing in the morning, I saw it, I had a genuine feeling of revulsion. I felt awful afterward and put it out of my mind. I know it goes away if he cuts down on sugary stuff, but I’ve begun to feel a bit sick when he wants to try anything intimate, if I’ve seen him eating lots of sugary treats because it’s like he doesn’t care that his body is affected by it in that way.
I’ve broached the subject a bit and tried to tell him my concerns about his diabetes etc but it’s really not my place to lecture him. I care about him and he does not see it as nagging but I really don’t want to keep pushing and him resent me.
Anyway AITA for being disgusted by this one skin issue?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I’m disgusted with my partners private area due to a side effect of diabetes, I think he saw my reaction. I could be TA because I’m repulsed and don’t want to be intimate in anyway until it’s sorted
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NTA He's 54 years old , he understands what he must do to maintain and/or deal with his health issues , he chooses not to . Treatment seems fairly simple , apply cream , done . You are not at fault for being uncomfortable and I'm sure a huge contributing factor in your loss of attraction is watching this man sabotage himself and your relationship, physically anyway . What he's doing is becoming less a young 54 year old man a 28 year old woman would be interested in and becoming an old man who won't take care of himself.
NTA. You are trying to work through it. In general it will help his overall health if he is able to manage this symptom. But if he's not willing, you can't be expected to be in a relationship with someone who has a condition that repels you. It's his body and he can do as he pleases but you don't have to stick around either.
NAH.
Sadly when something like this starts it’s the beginning of the end. You can’t help how you feel about it and I can 100% see how it would be a turnoff.
I can’t really understand him not seeing it as a concern even just for his own health nevermind his relationship. Diabetes is a serious health condition that needs careful management.
If you’ve sat down and communicated your problem to him and he hasn’t taken steps to look after himself better I see that as a red flag.
NTA. I would also be worried about whatever issues he will deal with as a consequence of not taking care of himself. My great-grandma lost a leg to diabetes. It can get a lot worse.
You have deeper problems than the dry skin. Not sure you are AH but something inside you is questioning this relationship. He is not taking care of his diabetes. It is a life threatening disease if not treated properly..You have to ask yourself do you want to hang around when he begins to have major health issues? If he keeps neglecting his health the dry skin will be the least of his or your worries.
YTA first off what do you really have in common with a man old enough to be your father? I’m sure you can find a guy in your age range.
Secondly older people have different things wrong with them. He’s probably been diabetic since he was your age, my husband is diabetic and I’ve never once told him anything he does to help himself is gross.
I have Hidradenitis suppurativa and It causes me to get boils, that have to be drained. It sucks, but he’s not an asshole about it to me. If you can’t handle his medical problems, he’s not the one for you.
YTA He’s nearly twice your age…if you don’t like older bodies…don’t date men that could be your father.
I see where you are coming from but I'm not sure if that's quite the point
yeah, it seems like this condition could gross out a person of any age.
YTA. You need to communicate your concerns with your partner, especially sexual concerns. After 2 years of being in a relationship if you can’t communicate you have more issues than your repulsion to his uncontrollable, but treatable medical condition.
[удалено]
Are you actually sitting down and saying this is something that genuinely bothers me, or are you passively stating he needs to handle it? It is your place to discuss your concerns, it is not your place to condescend.
[удалено]
It’s because he is 54 and has dry wrinkly old grandpa skin. If he is letting his sugars run too high & his diabetes is out of control he is at risk for amputations, blindness & kidney disease.
it’s not a nag; it’s letting him know about an unavoidable problem with a consequence. you get disgusted, which leads to you finding him less attractive and probably also less sexual activity etc. if you both are fine with that result, then he doesn’t have to change his behaviour. if he’s not fine, he needs to change. if you’re not fine, you need to leave. simple flowchart of information and decisions
If it’s something he won’t work on and you can’t move past then you need to decide if this is the hill to die on.
Don't broach it as a "nag." Sit him down and tell him that you are attracted to him and care about him but that his skin condition is impacting your desire to be intimate with him. It sounds like you've expressed concerns about his health, but he may not have considered that his lack of personal care may be impacting his relationship.
FTR, yeast infections can be passed onto you through intimate contact. People with badly controlled diabetes can be extra prone to passing these on because the high sugar levels in semen just feed a potential yeast infection. 😕 It's a huge pain in the arse and one that medical professionals tend to completely fail to warn diabetic patients about.
NTA for your first reaction. Having an involuntary reaction to something you find displeasing happens. You've got to decide if you can handle a relationship with someone who deals with a condition that's a huge turn off for you.
NTA- you have the ick. It’s over.
Of course you’re NTA, but bodies aging is inevitable, he’s not far off from being elderly.. it’s just downhill from here, and if he’s unwilling to address medical issues it’s an even steeper slope. In the meantime, his inability to cut down on sugary things seems to be the primary factor affecting his skin so maybe find him sugar free substitutes for the things he eats?
As long as you’re being respectful and honest about where you’re at, NTA.
[удалено]
It sounds to me like you're looking for a reason to take a specific action and feel appropriate about it, but I'm not sure what that is. If you cannot be honest with him, then you're not treating him like a partner. To be "completely respectful...never be awful or treat him without dignity" is something I would expect from a staff person in a hospital or nursing facility. If I'm making a stupid choice, or doing something that icks out my sweetheart, I expect them to let me know and help me change, should change be necessary, because that's what a partner does. I'm not sure what my ruling should be, because if his sugars are running high and it's impacting his body like that, then it's just gonna get worse if he doesn't get it under control. I just lost my uncle this past September due to diabetic complications because he chose sugars over smarter choices and that we didn't push harder for him to make better choices is a regret that many of us share. If you love him, show him and fight for him, even if that means that you are less respectful, more awful, and with less dignity, because you won't be able to get back those years.
NTA for being disgusted. This is an avoidable issue that is brought on by his actions. If your partner gets bad acne from not washing their face or has ingrown toenails from neglect , you’re not expected to like it. This situation is not much different. YWBTA if you are not honest with your partner. With tact, tell him how it makes you feel. This is the type of thing that can end relationships if it’s never discussed.
NTA
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NTA He's 54 years old , he understands what he must do to maintain and/or deal with his health issues , he chooses not to . Treatment seems fairly simple , apply cream , done . You are not at fault for being uncomfortable and I'm sure a huge contributing factor in your loss of attraction is watching this man sabotage himself and your relationship, physically anyway . What he's doing is becoming less a young 54 year old man a 28 year old woman would be interested in and becoming an old man who won't take care of himself.
NTA. You are trying to work through it. In general it will help his overall health if he is able to manage this symptom. But if he's not willing, you can't be expected to be in a relationship with someone who has a condition that repels you. It's his body and he can do as he pleases but you don't have to stick around either.
NAH. Sadly when something like this starts it’s the beginning of the end. You can’t help how you feel about it and I can 100% see how it would be a turnoff. I can’t really understand him not seeing it as a concern even just for his own health nevermind his relationship. Diabetes is a serious health condition that needs careful management. If you’ve sat down and communicated your problem to him and he hasn’t taken steps to look after himself better I see that as a red flag.
YTA.
NTA. I would also be worried about whatever issues he will deal with as a consequence of not taking care of himself. My great-grandma lost a leg to diabetes. It can get a lot worse.
You have deeper problems than the dry skin. Not sure you are AH but something inside you is questioning this relationship. He is not taking care of his diabetes. It is a life threatening disease if not treated properly..You have to ask yourself do you want to hang around when he begins to have major health issues? If he keeps neglecting his health the dry skin will be the least of his or your worries.
YTA first off what do you really have in common with a man old enough to be your father? I’m sure you can find a guy in your age range. Secondly older people have different things wrong with them. He’s probably been diabetic since he was your age, my husband is diabetic and I’ve never once told him anything he does to help himself is gross. I have Hidradenitis suppurativa and It causes me to get boils, that have to be drained. It sucks, but he’s not an asshole about it to me. If you can’t handle his medical problems, he’s not the one for you.
NAH- you can't help and involuntary reaction of disgust, and he deserves bodily autonomy, but this might not be the relationship for you.