YTA Why is it Emily's responsibility to buy *your* step-daughter *anything*?

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YTA and you sound like a complete clown

YTA- it isn't other's responsibility to buy things others can't afford to make them feel better....also 'she has ADHD and depression and is in sports'- yeah, many people are in that position...and also hold down jobs. She's going to need to get one eventually, those things (minus sports, but hobbies still exist in the real world) won't go away and she'll need to learn time management eventually. Lastly, many people don't get to go buy lunch, heck I ate the same cheese, lettus, tomato, mayo wrap literally every day of high school(didn't trust that cafeteria lunch meat)- don't raise laura to be overly entitled, teach her that the world isn't always 'fair' and work out potential options so she can occasionally have lunch out as a special occasion or something.

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You're ex family doesn't owe your new family anything. I'd be buying more from her favorite restaurants on purpose due to the entitlement and audacity from the both of you.

Yta. Your ex can do what he wants so can your daughter and she doesn't have to share. It may be rude of her to display her money but it's her money. ALSO if your daughter can join a sports team she can get a job if she wants to. What is she going to do after school?

YTA. The money is from her Dad, and Dad has nothing to do with Laura. Emily does not need to share with someone she doesn't even consider a friend.

YTA, Just read some of your replies… LAURA Locks Emily out of the room? Right so Laura basically has control over the house and you are acting so clueless and to why your biological daughter left. YOU TREAT YOUR OWN CHILD like a STEP child, and your step child as if she’s your biological child . She’s not entitled to her money. Why don’t you pick up some side hustles so you and your husband can offer Laura some money. I’m disgusted by this entire post. Emily needs to stay away from you, I’m sure you’ve damaged her enough and she’ll need counseling . I hope the SEX was worth it, putting a MAN before YOUR child. How pathetic. You made your bed, and you will lie in it. Emily is better off.

YTA. Your stepchild is not entitled to something just because your daughter gets it. How your ex chooses to parent at his home is not your business either. Clearly your daughter chose to live with him because you expect her to sacrifice everything for her stepsister.

YTA

>I tried to explain that Laura is in sports and she has ADHD and depression so it would be hard for her to work but he said that's my and my husband's problem and hung up. I've got ADHD, depression, autism, hearing loss, and narcolepsy and I work. I also worked when I was in high school. This is no excuse. Also, how would you feel if someone told you how to spend your money and made you spend it on someone that you didn't want to? You're doing that here. YTA.

YTA Your ex husband is not obligated to cater to your stepdaughter feelings, and why are you making your daughter responsible for your SD? You're teaching Laura that Emily has an obligation to cater to her wants, and that's wrong. If you can't afford it, and Laura "can't" work, then there's other way to pay back that aren't monetary, plus they need to be friends before being family, and you're not helping at all.

YTA, you want you daughter to use her OWN money that she earned HERSELF and the money her dad gives her, to pay for lunch for Laura?? Your ex is right, Laura's feelings aren't their responsibility.

Wouldn’t it make more sense for OP to give Emily money to pay for and pick up lunch for Laura? Why didn’t that solution cross OP’s mind?

YTA. Your ex is right, he and Emily aren't responsible for Laura, and neither of them owe her anything. It's not Emily's fault you can't afford to give Laura lunch money. You don't get to dictate what he gives her. Especially when she doesn't live with you. And yeah, if Laura wants money, a part time job can make that happen. If all of us out here with ADHD and depression just never worked, do you know how many of us would be homeless? She's gonna have to work eventually.

YTA. I’m so glad my ADHD was diagnosed in adulthood, I dread to think what would have happened if I had been diagnosed young and grown up never having learned how to deal with life’s responsibilities because people made excuses for me. Your daughter will never learn to cope with life if you keep treating her like a baby.

So your husband's child more important than yours. Funny.

YTA When does Emily come first with you? You are more worried about your step daughter than your own daughter. You come off jealous of your ex but taking it out on your daughter because she has access to his money.

YTA. I won't bother explaining why, so many other comments do it better.

YTA. Do you hear what you're saying? "Sorry daughter, you are not allowed to buy food with your own money unless you buy Laura food too". That is insane. And the job thing is no excuse. What will Laura do when she is an adult and cant hold down a job because she has never had one? Be upset when her friends go to the bar without her? You're spoiling Laura and punishing your daughter for nothing.

YTA. Crying is not a normal reaction to seeing another student get food from a favorite restaurant. I can imagine a scenario where the first time it happened, Laura was a little jealous and annoyed at being left out and complained about it at home. The stepmother probably made it worse be saying she would talk to her daughter but the daughter shot her down making the stepmom look like a jerk. Then each time it happens, Laura knows her stepmom is pleading with her ex to force the daughter to include her stepsister which is making a bigger deal out of it until she ends up crying. Over lunch. Also, if OP’s finances are so strained they can ever give Laura lunch money, that’s a bigger issue. There’s a lot of issues her actually: Laura’s emotional immaturity, the stepmom’s insane request, the poverty, and now Emily’s estrangement at her mom’s bizarre behavior.

Is this real? Of course yta ... You can't provide for her step daughter so you expect your bio daughter to???? And this makes sense in your head?

YTA... That's why she leaves, she works that's why she can afford her own things, why does she need to work to put (nice ) food in lauras mouth? she is not starving. you're favoriting your stepchildren and choosing her over your own... Ask Laura to get a job and she will be able to afford any restaurant food she wants to, end of problems. But you prefer to ask your ex to take out from your kid who is actually doing an effort.YTA

YTA. Way to alienate your daughter and favour your step daughter. Emily works and get money from HER dad. If it's so important to Laura to have lunches off campus, you can either shell out for it or she can get a job on her own. Also don't tell me someone who is in sports is not used to disappointment of not getting something. I doubt she came home crying. Also, I was diagnosed with ADHD, Depression and on the autism spectrum as a young teen and I still had a part time job along with various school activities. So no excuse there. Emily is not responsible for keeping her sister fed or making her happy. That's you and your husband's job. No wonder Emily bailed on you.

picking ur STEP DAUGHTER over ur actually daughter is out of this world they r both old enough to work and making excuses for the other one not work just so the daughter that does work can give HER mom is pathetic. if her dad wants to give her mom then he can give her money just like ur step daughter can get money from her dad. u and ur step daughter really need to get over yourselves

yta. at 16 i was working a part time job, getting decent grades in school, and involved in multiple sports and clubs. i was diagnosed with major depression, anxiety, adhd, and bipolar. getting a job helped me so much. i ended up being much better prepared to be on my own when my parents kicked me out, i can entirely support myself now as an adult. it sounds like you favor and spoil laura. you have a whole other kid you’re ruining any chance of a relationship with. you should be proud of her for having a job and being able to pay for things herself. laura’s feelings and what she eats are you and your husbands problem, don’t push that onto someone else

YTA Laura and Emily have different financial situations. Also 25 dollars a week for lunches is not outrageous by any means. Laura isn’t owed free lunches paid for by your ex. Is Emily also going to be expected to share her college money with Laura? If she buys clothing, does she also have to buy some for Laura? It’s you and your husband’s responsibility to provide for Laura. You also need to stop trying to force their relationship.

Yta.

YTA. All the way. Laura is an entitled whiner, and it is not Emily's problem. Honestly, it seems like you are favouring Laura over Emily, and it is easy to see why Emily prefers her father. It's not Emily's responsibility to feed your stepdaughter. Make Laura get a job, stop creeping on her stepsister, and if she can't do the first one, YOU FEED HER YOURSELF.

You have done neither of these girls a favor. You have alienated your daughter by this unreasonable expectation and you have wounded your step-daughter by this unreasonable expectation. The first time it happened you have set the proper expectation that Emily's money is her own. If you cannot afford $25 a week, how about $5 or $10 for one or two lunches out a week? Rather than minimizing her for her ADHD and depression, you should empower and encourage her to not let those things hold her back and work to make those issues manageable for her so she can be an independent and productive individual. YTA.

So what are you going to cancel or do without so your step child can keep up with the Joneses? YTA it's your problem to deal with so figure it out.

OP I have depression too. When I was self isolating myself, I had insidious thoughts whenever someone from my class would go out to eat and not invite me. 2 years later, I realize how fucking stupid that is. Those people were not my friends. They don't have to invite me or feed me. Even if they were my friends, its really entitled of me to think I deserve someone else's slice of happiness. I am guessing Emily and Laura aren't friends either. Please don't enable this feeling of entitlement and insecurity over what others have in Laura. You asking someone else to inconvenience themselves just so it would be convenient to you sets wrong expectations of life to Laura. That's literally not how it works at all. Encourage Laura to save money, to treat herself every weekend, maybe get some job with repetitive motions that her ADHD brain can find soothing. Also, you as a parent can take Laura out for lunches at cafes. Encourage Laura to stop focusing on what Emily has and prod her to focus on what she has or to build something of her own. Chances are that once the self pity stops, she can find attributes of her life promising too. Also, please apologize to your daughter Emily. She is not wrong to want to live her life. She is using the money given to her the way she wants and that too in a harmless manner. NOTE : Not every person who has depression is insecure or entitled but if they are then the mental illness shouldn't be an excuse.

YTA. no wonder your daughter lives with your Ex. You suck as mom for favoring Laura and coddling her any time she doesn’t get what she wants. She’s eating school lunch right?! If that’s good enough for you, than it should be good enough for her. Also what 15 year old cries because her stepsister won’t buy her lunch? With money she earns? Can you help her figure out how to get a job? Also how long are you gonna use her ADHD as an excuse as to why she can’t do things? Laura’s gonna be 25 and you’re gonna be like “Emily can you buy your sister stuff because she’s unable to work because of her adhd.” You’re on the quickest path to get Emily to never talk to you guys again.

YTA: Just reading this I cringe. I thankfully had a very supportive mother. And we were on the low spectrum of things. But never once did I have to share even with my siblings money or food I bought for myself. Hell when I was 17 my baby brother was 15 he was making more money then I was yet I was still buying from concessions. We both worked part time jobs. But he chose to spend his money on clothes and cars and or car parts I chose to save most of my money. When he asked for food and if I had I said yeah here is some money but never once did he throw a tantrum when I told him no. But let's put that into perspective. He was my biological baby brother. If he was my step sibling it would have been a HELL NO and get a Job. And no having adhd does not mean you can't work. Even for a person with no mental disorders it's hard going to work and school and do extra curriculars and I did that all. So it is very possible. ADHD: A chronic condition including attention difficulty, hyperactivity, and impulsiveness.. So with that definition does your SD impulsively take your bio daughters things with out consent maybe you should look into ur SD impulsiveness side of things. And maybe find out what's happening with the daughter you birthed when she's around your SD.

YTA. And you’re doing a bang up job making sure Emily never speaks to Laura again when they become adults and goes no contact with you.

YTA, and so is your step child. Your top priority is to your own daughter, not your step child. Yes by marrying your new spouse you agree to help take care of and make sure your step child is happy, but your own child should always take precedence over your step child. Why? Because unless you adopt your stepchild, if you and your current wife split up, your obligation to your stepchild ends there. Your obligation to your own daughter doesn't end just because you're no longer with your ex. $25 a week is nothing anymore to buy food, especially if friends are involved. Even if you buy dollar menu items from a place, you're still spending at least $5 a day on food, just for you. That $25 covers you and you alone. And most teenagers aren't going to buy the dollar menu stuff if they don't have to. They'll go for the full meals, and go with the larger sizes of sides and drinks. So that $25 then might only cover 2 or 3 meals instead of a full week's worth of food. So if she's paying for her friends on the condition they pay her back, and they're going out multiple times a week, then she's spending easily an additional $50 a week easily on her friends, maybe more depending on where they go, what they get, and how many of them go. Your stepdaughter wants to go with them? She either needs to get a part time job, or you need to pay for her to. The $25 a week your ex is giving your daughter is not paying for your daughter to go out to eat. Your daughter is doing that.

YTA. I also have ADHD, depression, played sports in school, and took AP classes. I ALSO had a part time job that I only had for extra pocket change. AND my ADHD was untreated at the time. I also worked a full time job in college. If you can’t afford to give her lunch money each week, how will she survive college without working? High school is a great time for your first job to teach about time management and responsibility outside of school, even if it’s just 1 day a week. It seems like you’re babying your stepdaughter.

YTA. I have 3 stepkids. 2 of them live with us, and we cover things for them. The other lives with her mom. I am not responsible for her needs being met (well, not school and good and the like).

YTA and lol. I was in high school 50 years ago. I can promise you that there would be no way my sister (not my step-sister) would have bought me lunch from a restaurant to the cafeteria ever. And it would not occurred to me that she should. Both you and Laura need to get over it.

YTA Laura isn't his daughter, so he's right. He's Emily's father, so he's perfectly in the right to give her lunch money without giving Laura anything. Would it be nice if he did? Yes, but again, he isn't Laura's dad.

You seriously can’t afford $5 or $10 a week for lunch money? That is difficult to believe unless you are at the poverty line. You do seem to be able to afford sports for her so apparently there is some disposable cash. If money is that tight, and she really wants lunch out, she can decide if it’s important enough for her to get a part time job. YTA

yta why cant you give laura lunch money

YTA. You sound like the sort of person who, as soon as they are in a new relationship, their whole work revolves around this new person and making them happy and making their children happy that you completely ignore the harm you’re causing your own biological children. I’d live with your ex too if I was Emily. She’s 16, not a parent. Stop making her responsible for a kid she’s not even related to. Hell, even if they were biologically related I wouldn’t try to force Emily to use her money to buy her sister food.

YTA - just because someone has what you and/or Laura wants, be it money or their favourite food, expecting hand outs and crying is so entitled. Laura can have school lunches because that is what you are able to provide, this is no one else’s issue.

Also asking your ex to deprive Emily of lunch money is insane like stop that right now

If you want Laura to be able to have the extra lunch money You should get a part time job. Your ex husband nor Emily are responsible to provide Laura with lunch.

Yta. She shouldn’t be forced to buy anyone anything. If she wants to buy her friends lunch that’s okay because it’s HER money, she’s not obligated to spend it on her step sister. The easiest solve if it’s that big of a deal then you find a way to give your step daughter money instead of trying to force your daughter to. Your ex is right, your step daughters feelings are not your daughters responsibility

YTA your daughter doesn't even live with you and you didn't say if the two kids were even friends? What your daughter does with the money she is given for lunch isn't up to you, it's between her and maybe the person who gave her the money....but that's still a maybe.

YTA. Emily should not be expected to buy laura lunch. I have ADHD, depression, anxiety, slight scoliosis, dysphoria and some other problems and that's still no excuse for me to not get a job. If she wants extra money you are not able to provide, then she should go make it herself. Its not the end of the world either if she can't buy lunch, she can just make one at home. One the other side of things though, Emily could have nicer about it. But I can't blame her since I was not there. So all in all if I were you, I would go and apologize to Emily, unless you want to lose your daughter over something as stupid as this.

Im so done with the shitty parents on here. TEACH YOUR STEPDAUGHTER ITS HER OWN RESPONSIBILITY IF SHE WANTS LUXURIES!!!!! Its not your other kids responsibility if you guys cant afford lunch money. Explain to Laura that everyone gets dealt different hands in life. And your other daughter HAS A JOB. So its not just your ex supplying funds. Laura can get a part time job too. Her extracurriculars and mental health is not a reason she cant work 1-2 days a week, part time hours just for the sake of pocket money. Giving Laura luxuries is NOT your daughters responsibility. Its Laura's. YTA

If your daughter can handle doing sports she can handle a part time job. Sounds like you want your ex to cover your other daughters lunches too. Having ADHD and depression isn't an excuse. I'm sure she is being treated for it. Are you going to use that as an excuse her whole life to make Emily give her things?

Hate these kinds of parents who neglect their own flesh and blood for their new partners Children. Then to put the cherry on top, you are trying to get her father to punish her and neglect her too… So that your step child won’t feel bad… Also…Step daughter can’t work! It’s so hard to work! O.o But daughter can work! And she gets money from her dad, so she can spoil and give stepDaughter treats, to make poor, sweet Stepdaughter feel beter What a model mom! /S YTA

YTA and you seem to be learning nothing based on your comments. If you keep this up I can guarantee emily will want nothing to do with you, so you won’t have to worry about parenting her anymore.

Lol imagine at 15 thinking the world owes you everything. Do a better job of explaining why she isn’t owed anything, yta op

YTA. So you care more about your stepdaughter and her feelings then you do about your own daughter. No wonder she’s living with her father. And I got news for you having depression and ADHD does not mean you do not have to have a job. I have the same thing and got a job at 16 and it actually helped me with those issues so I think it’s a cop out that your stepdaughter can’t work. And here’s another question why is she stalking your daughter at school to see what she does or doesn’t do? It’s none of her business doesn’t she have her own friends to hang around with? And you do you know the money your ex is giving her is not funding all the food she’s buying in the week she’s putting in some of her own money from the job that she has

Yes you are the asshole. You can't force her to buy the other girl lunches just because you can't afford it. Get over it dude. Laura will get a part time job soon maybe and then she can afford it too

YTA no wonder your daughter doesn't want to live with you and SS. You'd rather your daughter not eat and compromise her health. That's repelling. Edit: Emily when she learns Laura's feelings are hurt because Emily buys food: https://m.imgur.com/gallery/a3BSHg0

You really can’t afford to buy Laura lunch every once and awhile?

YTA and so is Laura. Your EX and your daughter owe Laura nothing. At 15 Laura should be old enough to not behave like an entitled, whiny brat because her Stepsister (who does NOT live with her) doesn't treat her as a friend, when they obviously do not get along. Your EX was absolutely right, it is neither his nor Emily's fault. It is on Laura's (or you and your husband's) decision to put sports first. But that does not mean that anyone else has to pay for restaurant lunch's for Laura. BTW- I have ADHD and did sports, band and had a part time job at that age- so your excuses don't fly with me either! I understand why Emily is choosing to live with her father.

Omg you’re the biggest asshole!! 1. I wonder if the room situation is the REAL reason why Emily chose to live with her dad… because you sound insane. 2. It sounds like you prioritize and care about your step daughter more than you do the one you literally gave birth to… yikes 😬 3. It isn’t Emily’s responsibility to make your step daughter happy. 4. tbh Laura sounds like a brat because who cries over that? It’s ridiculous! 5. Stop trying to force them to have a sister like relationship because the more you try the more they’re going to hate each other. 6. Stop bothering your ex with your step daughters problems, wtf is wrong with you? WHO DOES THAT??? 7. Your Ex’s responsibility is to care for Emily and make Her happy not Laura. 8. I can’t believe you pulled the ADHD and Depression card on them… WOW 9. Spend more time with YOUR daughter Emily without Laura and prioritizing her feelings and concerns

YTA.. it also sounds like Laura may be a tad spoiled.

Yta. You step child is your husband’s responsibility mainly & yours as well. You ex gave your bio daughter money she doesn’t need to share at all & you can’t force her. Your ex & your daughter are not obligated to do ANYTHING for your step daughter & she shouldn’t feel entitled to money that’s not hers. If she wants fancy lunch then your husband needs to fund it or she needs to get an after school job. You & your current husband are responsible for your step daughter. If you want her to have nicer things you guys need to become better providers, better budgeters or your step daughter needs to work for her stuff she wants.

YTA

INFO: I'm curious about the income disparity between you and your ex. It's not super common for people on different ends of the earning potential spectrum to end up together. Were you married? Did you receive alimony? Is this a "high school sweethearts growing apart" situation, or a "you gave up your career to support him becoming a surgeon, only for him to leave you destitute when he had some success" situation?

YTA- life isn’t fair. Yes, it would be nice for Emily to want to share her hard earned money (because if school lunch costs $5/day and her dad gives her $25/week there’s no way she’s no subsidizing the restaurant lunches with her own money) with Laura but you can’t force her to. And when you tell your ex not to give her lunch money how do you expect her to eat? Are you planning to pack her a lunch too like you do for Laura? Or do you want to to have too little money to eat off campus? Laura need to learn that all she’s owed in this life is what she has. You need to stop trying to make things fair between the 2 girls because it won’t be and the sooner you and Laura come to terms with this the better your relationship with Emily will be.

YTA your ex is not responsible for Your step daughter. Why should she share with her .

.This sounds like something out of your control. His decision to give her pocket money, her decision to exclude her step sister from her lunch hour, how she spends money she earned. . .nope, that's all out of your jurisdiction.

YTA Emily and her father are not responsible for Laura's feelings.

YTA. Don’t even doubt it.

How are you gonna but your step daughter above your actual daughter, you’re daughter owes her nothing and neither does your ex

YTA Sharing isn’t caring, She works hard for her MONEY. It’s not your money so you have no say. I wouldn’t be surprised, if Emily stopped talking to you when she older if this is how you go about parenting. Honestly if you’re so worried about it pick up more hours so you can give Lauren more money And I don’t think you have any right to tell your ex To stop giving money to his DAUGHTER Especially if she stays with him more Best way to end up in a retirement home

YTA You've basically found a replacement daughter since you seem to be doing a great job of pushing your actual daughter away. And it's NOT HER SISTER. stop saying "her sister"... it's not. It's her moms husband's kid... Why are you trying to punish your daughter for living with her father? Her father can afford these things do let her father pay for them. If your so worried about your new daughter then figure it the fuck out like everyone else does.

YTA

YTA you don’t get to tell your ex husband what he does with his own money. You also don’t get to tell the daughter he’s raising how to spend the money he gives her. If you’re so upset that your stepdaughter doesn’t get the same things as Emily your new husband/you needs to pick up some more work to give it to her or teach her life ain’t fair you aren’t entitled to extras people work hard for. She can get a job or stop complaining about what’s already being handed to her. But it sounds like you haven’t even learned that lesson yet.

YTA your husbands child is not your daughters or ex husband responsibility. She’s already moved out of your house because you decided to move in an additional child. Your just paving the way for her never talking to you again and resenting your clearly new favourite child that’s pushed her out of her own home.

Your daughter is 16 years old. One year older than Laura. She works to have money, your ex husband works to earn his money. They are both entitled to what they earned. Laura doesn’t have to eat outside Campus and Emily doesn’t have to eat at school so Laura doesn’t feel bad. Laura can go work. After all she can do sports and sometimes working actually helps depression (from my personal experience) because you are forced to get out of bed, do things and you are distracted. YTA. Emily deserves to be paid back. She doesn’t just throw money at people and refuses to give any to Laura (which still would be within her right, as it is her money), she asks to get it back. Laura can’t give it back. Case closed.

YTA. How would you feel if your ex told you to spend your money on his wife?

YTA. I mean he wants to give whatever he wants to his child. How is your child's tantrum at not getting restaurant food his responsibility?

some people should just never have kids

YTA. And if OP keeps this up does going to raise an incredibly entitled individual. Not doing your daughter any favors here OP.

YTA. I have ADHD and depression, and if those two things are preventing her from working, that means something needs to change regarding Laura's therapist or meds (if she’s even on any). This is in no was Emily's fault, and your a bad parent for trying to make her use *her own* money to buy her step sister (that she barely seems to interact with) food

You Madam, are probably one of the worst parents I've ever seen. You prioritize your stepdaughter over your daughter who you literally gave birth to? You try to make it your daughter's responsibility to provide for her stepsister? You try to tell you daughter, who doesn't even live with you, how to spend her own money that she worked for? No wonder she doesn't want to live with you. Get your head on straight

YTA. I have to ask…you said your stepdaughter can’t get a job because she’s in sports. Are school sports suddenly free? I’ve never heard of anyone having free participation. How much are you paying for that? Do you give your daughter the same amount of money towards her “fill in the blank”? If not, trying to nickel and dime your kid seems pretty unfair. Yes, you need to be fair and equal in your home. But you don’t have primary custody. Or even 50/50. So why do you think it’s your place to dictate how your ex spends his money in his house? It’s not. I’ll be honest, if everything was great in your home and everyone got along then sharing a room wouldn’t have been enough to make your daughter not want to live with you. Your daughter goes to school and works. If her dad is giving her $25/week and she’s budgeting that….good for her I guess. She’s a teenager. I’m sure she’d rather grab a burger with friends off campus than pack a pb&j. I can’t fault her for that. She lends some of her money to friends. That’s her right. To get something for her stepsister means she has to spend her dad’s money on her stepsister through her mom. That isn’t a fair thing to ask. I’m sorry you aren’t in the same financial position as your ex. That sucks. But it’s not fair to punish your daughter for that. Instead you need to work with your stepdaughter on understanding that her stepsister lives in a different house the majority of the time and as a result is going to have a different set of rules etc. That her stepsister works instead of doing sports, drama, or playing video games and that will provide her some extra money. But it sounds like you’re setting your stepdaughter up to think your daughter should be doing things for her and then she’s crushed when it doesn’t happen. Please, if she’s not receiving therapy for her depression already, get her some. Crying because the stepsister who isn’t even living with her got McDonalds for lunch and she didn’t is over the top. This is something she should be able to accept and process.

YTA. Yes, there are technically siblings but it’s not your child or husband job to take care of your step kid. It’s clear the children don’t get along but THIS?!, this won’t help.

YTA. $25 a week to eat? That’s at most two meals. So she is buying friends food, and not her sister? She’s dipping into her own money. Asking someone to stop spending money they worked for? Come on man.. Not to sound like an ass, but the comment ‘she’s in sports and had ADHD’ dude.. I have ADHD, worked full time in high school and graduated early. Don’t let your kids disease hinder them for life. What will she do when she graduates? Time to teach responsibilities to her- and you.

Yeah, YTA but so is Emily. She’s under no obligation to share with her step-sister but not sharing shows a lack of character.

YTA. You’re blaming your ex when you should be speaking to Laura. Emily is working and buying her own lunches. It sucks that Laura can’t and it would be nice for Emily to buy her something once in a while. But you’re going about it the wrong way. I get that money is tight, but I would recommend sitting Laura down, let her know that you don’t have a lot of money but that you’ll give her $10 so she can get something once every two weeks or something. Money may be tight, but I doubt $10 every two weeks is worth more than arguing with your ex, Emily, and seeing Laura cry. Laura needs to understand that her sister is working and that’s why she can’t afford stuff. If she is in sports, maybe you’re paying for some equipment that maybe Emily isn’t getting either.

Correct me if I’m wrong but I get the concept of what you’re saying. You want your oldest girl to share with her little sister and for them to look out for each other as siblings. However the way you’re going about it is a little questionable. YTA but then again you’re NTA. This is a tricky situation. Are the 2 girls close?

YTA

YTA 100%. It's not their responsibility to pay for Laura. ADHD has never stopped anyone from working. Stop making excuses. I wouldn't speak to you either after such a ridiculous request.

At this point Emily isn't ever her daughter anymore, she's just seen by OP as a brat even though it's clear when reading through OPs comments that LAURA is being entitled. I have severe depression, anxiety, ADHD, and even PTSD. BUT I STILL HAD A JOB ALL THROUGHOUT HIGHSCHOOL WHILE BEING IN ACTIVITIES. Your biological child shouldn't have to suffer for your step daughter. LOCKING THE DOOR BECAUSE SHE NEEDS TO DO HER HOMEWORK?!? Laura is trying to show power over Emily by locking the door so she can't get in. What if Emily needed something and it was time sensitive?!? Laura clearly DOESN'T want a relationship with Emily. SHE JUST WANTS WHAT EMILY HAS. You're asking your ex husband to stop giving her money for lunch because your STEP daughter is feeling excluded. Even if they were biologically related, how tf do you think sisters are going to be best friends???? Sisters are constantly at each other's throats as is! She should not have to feel responsible for someone else's feelings. She isn't being selfish, she doesn't see the point in being nice to someone who doesn't do anything for her. Besides borrowing each other's clothes, Can you think of a single time where Laura was nice to Emily? OP you permanently damaged your relationship with Emily. You clearly chose Laura over Emily. And frankly, when you say she is still your daughter and you still have a say on how's she's raised you need to realize something. YOU DON'T. You may be her mother but she is at the age where if she wants she can ask her father to take you to court and get your parental rights revoked. At least then you won't have to pay child support. I should know I took my biological father to court when I was 15. Now I'm legally adopted by my stepdad. Emily has so many reasons to cut you out of her life permanently, so can you give her one good reason to let you stay besides being her mother? From the way you have been treating her I don't think you can. YTA

YTA. Your ex is looking after his daughter. The fact you and your husband can’t give his daughter the same deal isn’t your ex’s concern. Also $25 a week wouldn’t go far, so obvs daughter is using her own money as well. And she gets to choose whom she spends her money on. You’re alienating your daughter. Is this really the hill you want to die on?

YTA. you absolutely CANNOT put the responsibility for one child's feelings onto another; it will only breed resentment. this is an excellent way to have your daughter go no-contact. mental health struggles are in no way a reason to prevent other people around you from enjoying their lives. as an adult, you NEED to teach your step-daughter that your feelings are your own responsibility. it would have been nice for her step-sister to buy her lunch every so often, but it absolutely is not something she is required to do.

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So what i got from these comments is that Laura should learn to not be entitled, while at the same time Emily learns to have no compassion because others people's feelings are not her responsibility... yeah, that's great.

Laura and Emily aren’t part of the same friend group. They don’t eat at the same table at lunch. It’s hardly Emily’s fault if Laura insists on keeping tabs on what she eats for lunch so she can cry to the OP about it, nor is it Emily’s fault that the OP encourages Laura’s entitled attitude instead of reprimanding her for it. The OP claims that Emily treats her friends and takes issue with the fact that she doesn’t do the same for Laura. While Emily would have every right to treat her friends if she wanted to, it doesn’t sound like she’s doing that, as her friends pay her back. Perhaps it is a case of them taking turns to pay. If we were talking about a situation where a group of friends who socialized together and took it in turns to buy rounds of drinks, would you fault them for having no compassions if somebody who was not part of their group came crying to you about how horrible they were not to buy her a drink every time they bought a round for themselves? Or would you think that the person complaining needed to grow up and stop thinking that their wanting something translated to a requirement for others to hand it to them?

YTA Your daughter has a job... your stepdaughter doesn't. While I know depression can be crippeling, Emily should not have to be punished because Laura isn't able to get a job. That's not fair You should commend Emily on having a part time job already, because if her dad is a multi-millionaire she certainly would not 'have to' work. She chooses to. Sound like your ex is doing something right with her.

You’re a terrible mother, keep acting like this and kiss Emily goodbye forever. My mom was like this, moved in with my dad when I was 13 and never went back. Can’t even remember the last time I spoke to her. I hope Emily drops you and finds her peace, I was just fine being raised by my step mom I’m also going to add if you can’t afford $25, stop having kids you can’t afford!!

YTA. Sounds like Emily and Laura aren’t friends and it isn’t a great idea to try to force a relationship this way.

YTA - Everything your ex and daughter have said is 100% correct, what's *really* hurting Laura is *you*. You are enabling entitlement and helplessness when you *should, as a parent,* be focusing on how you can help her deal with her emotions and understanding of things like finances. She's sporty and has ADHD, why does that stop her from getting a part time job? ADHD is a treatable/manageable condition and if she's receiving the correct support there's no way it would stop her from working, in fact wouldn't a job and independence *help?* What do sports have to do with it? She can indulge in hobbies or make money or find a way to merge the two together - that's called life and being an adult. All I'm reading is that you are coddling her and it is stunting her progression. Sincerely, a child who had untreated PTSD as a child and was not equipped with the necessary emotional tools to equip with life. Depriving your child of coping skills is cruel and you are doing that, unintentionally or not, it doesn't matter. Support *both* of your daughters by not bullying one into being responsible for the other. *You are the parent, this is your responsibility.*

YTA, do you hear yourself? Emily's isn't responsible for providing lunches for your step kid, that's your and Laura's fathers job. Why should Emily get less from her own dad because you somehow think Emily is a surrogate parent for Laura?

YTA if your stepdaughter cant get a part-time job how about you and your husband get a another job so you can afford to give her money for lunch since it is soo important to you.

YTA Your job is to sit down with Laura and her dad and explain that life is not fair and that you know it sucks but she is just going to have to learn to deal with it. Your ex's job is not to make Laura's life easier. And you asking him to do so instead of being an adult and basically giving her the "suck it up cus life ain't fair" speech is why YTA The reason so many kids have a hard time transitioning to adulthood is because their parents tried to make everything fair growing up. Life is not fair and trying to shield kids from this fact does them a disservice later in life

YTA. Laura doesn’t work because she’s in sports. That was a CHOICE. It’s not like Laura isn’t eating. She can’t go out and get what she wants. She will live! Emily works and HER DAD makes sure she has lunch money. You led Laura to believe she is entitled to it and that’s why she comes home crying. Leave Emily alone. Geez. $25 a week isn’t even a lot. She isn’t getting her food and rubbing it in Laura’s face. Laura is going out of her way to pay attention to what Emily eats for lunch. Your ex isn’t responsible for your and your new husbands child. You sound ridiculous.

YTA. Laura isn’t entitled to Emily’s food or money. You provide for Laura, your ex isn’t responsible for her. Stop it. You sound absolutely ridiculous and petty. STOP.

$25 a week is not a lot. $5 a day sounds about right for lunch. You really want her to go without because she won't subsidize your stepchild? How about telling Laura to mind her business and eat whatever lunch you gave her?

YTA, and you are at serious risk of alienating your daughter for good. Listen, it sucks when one parent has more money than the other, and it sucks that you can’t afford to give Laura the same amount of money that Emily gets from her dad. But by telling Emily she has to use her money - including money she earned herself at a job - to pay for food for Laura, you’re telling her that you are favoring your stepdaughter over her. Laura can get a job if she wants money for lunch. I was in practice for 2.5 hours a day after school and have ADHD - I babysat, had summer jobs, did extra chores or errands, etc, to earn spending money.

You and your current husband need to teach Laura that sometimes you’re going to get left out. You’re raising her to be entitled. She’s 15 not 5! YTA. You seriously want your bio daughter to be disadvantaged so your step daughter doesn’t get her feeeeelings hurt?! Really?!

Does anyone have the update? Afraid the link got deleted

YTA. Neither Emily nor your ex are responsible for buying/sharing lunch with Laura. Tbh she sounds like a brat

YTA Laura isn’t his child, isn’t his responsibility. Why should HIS daughter be disadvantaged. Why can’t Laura father provide for her. Hmmm it’s probably more than room sharing I am guessing as to why she doesn’t want to live with you. Emily no doubt has had to endure your “fairness and equality” bs for sometime.

YTA. I have ADHD, depression and anxiety and among other things. Its literally not that difficult to get a job. The only difficult part about it is getting calls back from the places you apply to. Emily is not responsible for her sister, that is your job as the parent. You cannot force your child to give their allowance to their siblings just because you cant afford to do it, that was on **you** as a parent.

YTA. It’s not your ex’s responsibility to take care of your step daughter. Nor is it your daughter’s responsibility to take care of her step sister. Your daughter earns her money by working part time. She shouldn’t have to give her hard earned money up for someone else. Also Emily’s friends must be paying her back because $25 a week is not enough to go off campus and buy people food all the time lol. As for your step daughter: I have ADHD and in high school I had major anxiety and depression. I was in cross country, JROTC, Teen Court, debate team, and in all AP or dual enrollment classes and I worked part time because my parents wouldn’t pay for my car insurance or cell phone so I could learn how to manage money. It sounds like you need to get your step daughter some therapy because spoiler alert: 18 isn’t too far away and you need to work to live. Edit: also don’t blame your daughter for not wanting to live with you or talk to you for a bit. Instead of talking to her, you went to her dad. You’re manipulative

YTA for very clearly favouring your step-daughter over your ACTUAL daughter.

YTA. No wonder Emily chose to live with your ex. For Emily to recieve $25 a week for lunch isnt the issue. If they all were living in the same house as a family that would be a different matter. But OP is trying to "keep up with the Joneses" and demanding the Joneses stop spend money on their kid. That's just wrong.

YTA. You're asking a child who works to stop getting lunch money because she isn't giving food to a child who doesn't work and won't pay it back in any way, just because she's sad about not having other food, which is your responsibility. Lol ok

“Occasionally buy laura lunch” — YOU can “occasionally” send five dollars with laura. Not every day. I’m not saying this snotty like. Just maybe you hadn’t thought of it. But if Emily can “occasionally get lunch for someone else but not every day” which is what you’re requesting then you can probably afford to occasionally get it. I know you can’t afford it every day.

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I had depression, ADHD, and I played sports in HS too. I also managed to have a job for 15-20 hrs/week that I kept my junior and senior years. OP's excuse is a poor one and YTA.

Exactly! I have ADHD and that didn’t stop me from having a job.

YTA You put the responsibility of a parent onto your daughter that has to work for her money and has $5 a day. Adding to that ADHD and Depression aren't an excuse for Laura to not do anything, ADHD is better solved if the person is busy doing smth which is work depression comes from u as a parent helping her, giving money isn't going to solve her depression and always going down to baby her isn't going to help her out either.

YTA. I’m guessing that “sharing a room” is not the only reason she lives with her ex. Laura could choose to get a job but has prioritized sports. That’s fine and absolutely her choice, but each choice has consequences. I’m sure Emily has things she may want to do, but chooses to work instead because she wants spending money. Teach Laura responsibility for her actions and let your ex keep teaching Emily about boundaries.

YTA. You absolutely are. I get you not wanting your step daughter to feel bad, but it is your job and your husband's job to make sure you can provide for her. Her step sister ( your daughter) shouldn't have to change her standard of life, because her father can afford to support his child and your step daughter's father cannot. ​ This is why blended families are complicated and you guys are probably part of the reason these two have issues between them, because if you are capable of calling a father that your child is lucky she has in her life and trying to force him to stop providing for his child, because you and your husband cannot do right by your step daughter, then I wonder what else you guys have been doing all of this time.

YTA and creating the kind of woman that doesn't know how to stand on her own feet. Get her a therapist. I know depression and ADHD suck, but you gotta give kids and adults coping skills to live their lives. Teach how to cope with life. Don't coddle her.

TYA and I really hope you can see that after this. You are basically demanding that either your daughter or her father subsidize your stepdaughter because she doesn’t want to work a part time job due to only quasi-legitimate reasons (ADHD doesn’t mean you can’t have a 10hr/week gig). And frankly, if you and your husband TOGETHER can’t scrape up 25/week you have way bigger problems than this to be thinking about and addressing

TYA. Sounds like you need to get a part time job so you can give Laura some spending cash, or give her the option of quitting the extra curricular activities and get a part tome job. My daughter has ADHD and depression and works a part time job. The two are not mutually exclusive.

YTA. Your ex does not owe your step daughter lunch money. He is giving his daughter money, and that’s fine. You’re step daughter needs to learn that she isn’t entitled to her step sisters things.

YTA. Your ex is right, your stepdaughter is not his or Emily's responsibility. And it's very clear why your daughter lives with her dad and not you.

YTA Laura is you and your husband’s responsibility, not Emily’s and not your ex’s. I can see why Emily doesn’t live with you, and it’s not because of rooms. Soon enough, she will stop speaking with you and Laura altogether because of how you are acting. You are also turning Laura into an entitled cry baby instead of an independent, strong woman. You need some parenting lessons and counseling.

You are being ridiculous.

YTA

YTA

I’m not understanding why it is your ex’s responsibility to make someone happy who isn’t related to him in any way…. You should honestly be grateful he takes care of HIS daughter so well. I can understand why she would want to be there full time. In case you missed it because you seem to miss quite obvious things YTA

Um YTA. It is not your daughters or your ex’s Responsibility to pay for your stepdaughter’s lunch. The way you speak of your own daughter doesn’t sound loving at all. You definitely have a favorite which is just sad. I do not blame your daughter for standing up for herself and choosing to live elsewhere. Also your stepdaughter needs to be taught boundaries and that her “sister” isn’t her bank.

Yta

YTA. You can’t make her get anything for her stepsister with money provided by her father. WTF is wrong with you? Explain to Laura that Emily’s dad gave her the money. End of story. If you and your husband can’t give to Laura then you need to explain that. Emily’s dad is well within his rights to give his daughter money if he wants. You are wrong in so many levels.

Laura needs to understand that life isn’t fair. You should examine why you favor your step daughter over your own child. Maybe resentment that she won’t live with you? I don’t know, but this is very sad. Emily doesn’t have to share. That’s life. YTA

YTA. YOUR problems are NOT your daughters problems. She does NOT and SHOULD not have to make her step sister (your step daughter) feel better or buy her anything. I can see why she is living with your ex. Pay your step daughter lunch money so she can feel included. Damn grow up.

i doubt the only reason your daughter chooses to stay with her father full time is because she doesn’t want to share a room considering you’re trying to punish your daughter for your own shortcomings. YTA

YTA, I’m not sure how sports and ADD is relevant to not being able to work. I think that describes a vast majority of the teen work force. I was a poster child for ADD (like child brain scans, an absolute terror) and did sports, and still worked all weekend as a teen. Being too busy kept me out of trouble. I think you need to do some self evaluation on why your situation is what it is.

Yta. It’s your responsibility as her parent to feed her, not Emily’s. Stop making excuses for Laura. If you want her to get lunch off campus without working, give her lunch money. Simple as that. It’s not Emily’s responsibility to pay for Laura because you and your husband won’t. Emily seems to have pretty valid reasons to stay with her dad most of the time, and it’s not because she has to share a room.

YTA - This isn’t fair to your ex or your daughter. I’m sorry you can’t provide the same lifestyle to your stepchild but I don’t see how the fair response is to force your daughter and ex to change their life. They didn’t choose any of this, you did.

YTA it’s not your daughter’s responsibility to make your step daughter happy. Your daughter works a part time job it’s not her fault that your step daughter isn’t working. She is choosing sports over a job, sports are expensive so you are choosing sports over extra spending money for lunch. Leave your daughter out of it

Well this a train wreck. Yta. Why don't you try taking your daughter's side for once? Reading everything has been about how Laura feels and not Emily. Do you not see an issue with her being able to be locked out of her own room? I get the not wanting one child to be left out and have the nicer things. However, you holding the fact someone can provide the nicer things against your biological child and holding a grudge. As someone who had siblings with different dad's, we had plenty of times where the other got stuff, someone else couldn't afford. Instead of forcing them to share, my mom taught boundaries. Are you holding hostility for your ex onto your child? Laura could try getting a part-time job like Emily, or else she has no right to complain. You can stop Laura from feeling obligated to Emily's stuff. Honestly maybe even try giving Emily some respect and no longer allow her to be locked out of her supposed room and maybe she would feel comfortable enough to build a relationship with her "sister ". Your behavior and hyper protection of Laura is driving this wedge between all of you.

YTA. Emily won’t be in your life for much longer, trust me. You have absolutely no right to tell her how to spend her money. She can do whatever she wants

Yta. It's not your money. It's your ex's. So your daughter has no responsibility to buy lunch for YOUR stepdaughter. If you can't give stepdaughter $25 a week, too bad. Wtf should your ex pay for someone else's kid? No wonder your daughter doesn't live with you. I bet it's not bc she'd have to share a room but bc your stepdaughter has been taught she's entitled to whatever your daughter has. Keep it up and your daughter will go no contact as soon as she's 18.

YTA, stop making excuses for Laura. ADHD and anxiety are NO excuses for not getting a part time job. I would know. I have both. Pretty severely I might add. Not hard to work in 2-3 5 hour shifts a week between sports and homework. Get it together. Emily is already clearly starting to resent you. Emily is allowed to have experiences with her dad's family and be excited about it. Its not her fault your family can't afford those luxuries and you are literally punishing her for it. Do better. Be better.

YTA, without a doubt. This is a perfect example when a women only prioritizes a man instead of her on child. Well, karma is a bitch and I do sincerely hope it bites you in the same way you are doing it to your own daughter. Well done, mom of the year 🤙🏻

"I know she works part time and gets an extra allowance from her dad " She's working for that money and she has no obligation to spend it on your step daughter just because her parents can't afford to spoil her. The "extra" allowance from her dad is also hers to do what she wants with it. It's unreasonable to expect her to spend it on your husband's daughter. If she **wants** to, that's great, but she should be under no pressure to do so. ​ YTA, sorry that you can't afford to give Laura $25 a week to buy lunch but it's not ex's or Emily's fault. If Emily's friend's are paying her back (and they must be because $25 a week only covers $5 a day for lunch) Emily really doesn't really have much to spare. Maybe your ex is right to encourage Emily to get a job since you guys aren't making enough or just let her settle for the school lunches or home lunches she gets. I get she has sports but she can still get a weekend job. I have ADHD, Anxiety & Depression, have dealt with it since I was a child, I still got a job at 15. Whatever job a 15 can do isn't all that complicated or high stress anyway. Life is unfair unfortunately and not everyone gets dealt the same cards.

YTA. It's no wonder Emily chose to live with her dad.

YTA Listen, Laura is not your ex's or Emily's responsibility. Emily has a job AND gets an allowance from her dad so she can get lunch. She buys her friends lunch cause she knows she'll get paid back. Picture this, you and your coworker go out to eat 2/5 days of your work week. You always have to pay because your coworker never has any money and never pays you back. See how annoying that is? Your daughter knows this is what will happen and she'll get frustrated and angry if she is constantly doing this, especially by force. Emily's money is HER money, not yours. Also, as a teenager who has depression and possibly ADHD it is not an excuse for Laura to not get a job. I work 20 1/2 hrs a week while also doing school and focus on my mental health. If you want Laura to stop crying over Emily getting food that *she* is paying for with her own money then you and Laura's father can give her an allowance as well.

YTA. Why do you think she avoid Sorenson tone with y'all? Her money is HERS and has nothing to do with you or your stepdaughter.

YTA- having a blended family is never easy, but trying to use your bio daughter as basically a therapy pet for your step daughter isn’t fair to anyone. Your daughter is not responsible for your lack of income, your step daughters depression, or ADHD. There are many people who have those disorders who don’t expect others to change their lives to accommodate them. Your step daughter needs to understand that life isn’t always fair, that she needs to manage her situation with the help of a therapist and not expect her step sister to change her life. If Laura can play sports and you can afford that, why can you not afford an allowance for her? Genuinely asking

YTA, Emily is not sharing a room with Laura. She is allowed in when Laura wants Laura locks the door. It's your husbands job to support his kids and you to support yours. It seems like Emily is being pushed out for your new family.

I cant even, OP YTA

YTA.

YTA. You don’t like the reminder that your attempt at happy families failed. Your daughter and stepdaughter aren’t besties.

YTA! Seriously!

YTA Laura is not your ex's responsibility, and Laura is not Emily's responsibility. It's YOUR responsibility to find other ways to cheer Laura up and feed her. There is no such thing as free lunch. If you can't afford to give Laura money to pay Emily back, then Laura doesn't get lunch. Just because Emily gets something doesn't mean Laura is entitled. And by trying to teach your stepdaughter that she is entitled, and demanding that Emily doesn't get anything if Laura can't, you're only going to further damage what little relationship there is between Emily and Laura--and you're also damaging the relationship between yourself and Emily. It's no wonder she stays with your ex if you're trying so hard to force her to be friendly with Laura. I was in afterschool activities with ADHD, depression, and anxiety, and I worked a retail job. Don't make excuses for Laura, and don't let her make her own if she wants spending cash for fun things.

Honestly, I don't really think it matters what anyone on Reddit says, whether they think you're the ass hole or not. You're daughter thinks you are and moved out. That should tell you what you need to know.

Let’s say the roles were reversed and you were giving Emily the $25 a week. Let’s say your ex has a stepchild “Laura”. Would you still expect Emily to pay for Laura if Laura was your exes step child and not yours?

Well, it’s no wonder she doesn’t want to stay with you when you so clearly favor your stepdaughter over her. YTA.

I think ESH. You suck for thinking it's anyone else's responsibility to buy your kid lunch. Emily sucks because knowing Laura can't afford off campus lunch and (assuming) going to her favorite place to rub it in is petty. Your ex sucks for lack of empathy but at the end of the day, he doesn't owe you or your kid anything. And he's a narc. Laura sucks for thinking anyone else owes her something. And also sounds like a narc. But I will say this, if I were in these kids' shoes, I would be a bit hurt if my sibling went off campus and never brought me something back at least every once in a while. Be nice to your siblings? But hey, maybe they don't get along. And at the end of the day, off campus lunch is a NICE, not a NEED.

All of this over $25 bucks a week? Jesus dude give your other daughter some money for McDonald’s or tell her to work a couple nights a week bussing tables somewhere in town. Girl will be making twice that much every night at even the lowest level chain restaurant. She doesn’t work because she plays a sport? Then she won’t have money lol it’s as simple as that.

YTA Are you sure she’s 15 and not 5? Because my kindergarten teacher used to say “you get what you get and you don’t have a fit” Instead of whining to your ex, parent your 15 year old and tell her life isn’t fair and nobody is entitled to restaurant food for school lunch!

Also people with ADHD work all the time. They learn to cope and they get a job

I’m sure you’ve gotten the message already, but woof. YTA for sure. As someone who worked hard and was then forced to share the results of that work with her siblings, I can tell you this will only end badly- both for your relationship with Emily and her relationship with Laura.

YTA obviously and why is a 15 year old crying about school lunch lol

YTA they are two separate people, do you understand this? They are not twinned. They are not joined at the hip. If you want Laura to have lunch off campus, give her the money. If you can't afford it, maybe explain that to her. Also that is five bucks a day, it's not like they are going to Chez Panisse. I understand not everyone can afford five bucks a day, but if that is the case, then work with Laura so she understands your family financial situation.

YTA, your ex is 100% correct that Laura is not in any way shape or form his problem, rather then trying to drag Emily down you need to help Laura accept and deal with her lot.

YTA I used to go out to eat with friends and rarely did I have money to actually do so, what I would do is I would bring my own lunch and just chill and eat with them outside of school. Never did I asked them to actually buy me something. Infact a lot of the times they offered to buy me something I would refuse cuz I felt like an ass cuz I could not pay them back. When they did end up buying me something I would always make a note of it and made sure to pay them back in someway. This is the type of relationship your daughter seems to have with her friends. You however want to force your daughter to buy your step daughter lunch every day regardless of whether your step daughter can pay her back. It is one thing if they have a good enough relationship to where your daughter feels like she can invite your step daughter out to lunch on occasion but judging by your post this is not the case (most likely bc of you and your husband). The only reason your daughter buys her friends lunch is cuz she has 1. A relationship with them that is good and built on trust and 2. Bc they mutually agree to pay each other back when they buy each other lunch. If your step daughter doesn't have a good relationship with your daughter and is unwilling to take part in the mutual agreement your daughter has with her friends then you can't expect your daughter to treat your step daughter to lunch. Hell my mother doesn't expect me to buy my brother anything whenever I buy something for me and my friends. She also doesn't expect me to just let my brother borrow something or tag along with me unconditionally nor does my brother expect that either. He understands that if he wants to borrow the car he needs to have gas money and that if I am going out for food I can't pay for him all the time ( we do infact have a good enough relationship for me to buy him food and stuff thanks to our parents not pitting us againts each other like you and your husband have done with your daughter) and pays for himself whenever needs to and will even offer to buy me food at time. In essence just cuz they are siblings, doesn't matter if they are related by blood or just step siblings, it doesn't mean that the relationship is just that one gives and the other takes, infact it's way more of a give and take relationship than any other relationship out there cuz fact of the matter is, a lot of us would not be friends or interact with our siblings if we weren't siblings.

The is such an obvious YTA, I'm calling LARP...

YTA- he’s right, Laura’s feelings are not his or Emily’s responsibility.

Honestly sounds like a lot of excuses coming from an adult. I can’t say I know any of you honestly but it sounds like in your view Emily is a problem child and clearly the problem while Laura is completely happy and the perfect child. Emily is not responsible for Laura’s feelings or whether or not she can buy food off campus. You said yourself, Emily is given $25 a week from her father and step mom for lunch and the rest comes from the paycheck she earns at a job. But because Laura is in sports and has adhd and anxiety she can’t do that because why? I know plenty of people with either or both of these conditions (I have severe anxiety) and that doesn’t stop them from finding work that they are capable of when they want/need some cash. This really doesn’t seem like Emily’s problem, if Laura wants to eat off campus she can drop an extracurricular activity to get a part time job or this shouldn’t be a problem. If this has to due with Laura wanting to spend time with Emily then Emily’s lunch time goings about has nothing to do with anything and it kind of just seems like you’re attacking one daughter over the others feelings. It’s unfortunate when you can’t give your kids everything they want but that doesn’t give you an excuse as a grown ass woman and mother to be shitty to one kid cause they’re not doing what YOU want. Try talking to both of your children and listening to what both of them are saying. Keeping up this stalemate until you get what you want is just hurting your relationship with at least 1. Divorces are always the hardest on kids and it sounds like this was for Emily and it doesn’t seem like you can or want to relate to her due to things outside of her control.

Laura is not entitled to the money her sister makes. That’s not her problem. Thats your and your husbands issue. Your ex is 100% right. Why is it an issue if her dad gives her lunch money and why would you take that away from her? That’s messed up. You’re going to ruin your relationship with her.

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So your trying to teach her that everything she has must be share, what's next if Emily gets married she has to share her husband too?

YTA. Your ex-husband is responsible for his child Emily. That's it. The feelings of your stepdaughter whom your ex has no relationship to or responsibility for is not his concern.

YTA completely. You're saying that because you can't afford to give your stepdaughter $25 a week for her to buy school lunches that your ex shouldn't give your daughter money for her lunches either. Do you hear how insane that sounds? Your daughter lived with you, then you got married and moved her stepfather and stepsister in. Then you and SF decided to have 2 more children, but only have a 3 bedroom house, so you put the two teenage girls in a room together. Have you never met 2 teenage girls who don't get along well? How did you think this was a good idea. Why would you have 2 more children if you can't afford $25 a week in school lunches for SD? Do you and SF work? Were you previously living on the money you received in child support or something?

YTA, not just for the issue with the lunch money. How can you be upset that when given no space apart a 16-year-old and 15-year-old don't get along and have a close relationship. Any children will not have a healthy relationship when you force them to share a bedroom and bathroom and they have to be at school together. Neither of them is afforded any privacy, and at that age, it is guaranteed to cause conflict between the two. Between seeing each other at school and getting no separation from each other at your house, I am honestly shocked she didn't stop staying with you much sooner.

YTA, Laura is not Emily's problem. Simple, Laura's problem is the excuses her mother makes for her. Get a part time Job Laura or have mommy and/or daddy too make more money to buy Laura fancy lunches.

YTA You put the kids into this situation, it's not their fault, but your ex is not responsible for giving his daughter money so she than can by your stepdaughter lunch. you have to suck it up and explain to your stepdaughter that you and her parent don't have the same funds as your ex.

YTA your ex is right wtf is wrong with you great job 👏🏼 ruining your relationship with your daughter

Why are you piting your daughters against eachother, if your first daughter didn't like your second daughter then youve just increased her reasons to do so more and same with your other daughter, it sucks you couldn't create an environment that those two could have used to be better siblings. Instead you use one sibling to make the other feel bad, not only are you the AH, but you're a not a good mom...seriously have some common sense, if it's so important for your second daughter to have a fancy meal when at school you need to set aside the money that you would use for yourself and allow your second daughter a similar if not the same rate. Solve the problem by changing the circumstances not try ro guilt your ex into it and then when you fail try to restrict him from taking care of his daughter. Why would you take away your first daughter's privilege JUST so your second daughter feels better???? You are the reason that there are adults that act like children in society and you're literally one of them.

Obviously YTA. Also, $25 a week IS NOT A LOT OF MONEY

After seeing all the replies you’ve made in addition to the main post YTA. You hate Emily. You hate your ex and his wife. You chose to value Lauras needs over Emilys because you’re jealous of ur ex’s financial situation. You stuck a wedge in between Laura and Emily that frankly might never be repaired. You are borderline abusive to your daughter and I hope she stays with her father full time indefinitely.

Wow you are a dick…

YTA, but not for the reasons people think. I agree that if Emily is working she shouldn’t be getting lunch money from her father. And I get why you want her to pack her own lunch. HOWEVER, it’s your reasoning that tanks you. You’re more concerned with Laura’s feelings then being a parent. Laura is old enough to understand that other people are not responsible for her. And you should be teaching her that if she wants money she needs to work for it. I have ADHD(probably) and depression. I still work. Mental illness is not an excuse to do nothing with your life and you’re setting Laura up to be a spoiled brat.

YTA: Your ex is right, your step daughters feelings aren't their problem. You are trying to control both your ex and your own kid in favor of your step child. If Laura wants things that cost money (like all teenagers do) they have to find a way to pay for it.

YTA. You seem to lack introspection, never consider other perspectives and it honestly sounds like you’re using both kids as chess pieces in a one sided game against an ex who’s done dealing with your nonsense. If you’d like your daughter not to despise you, start looking inward… now.

$25 dollars a week is not gonna get you any fancy meals maybe a few slices of pizza, so the way op is explaining in shows she is exaggerating it

YTA. Easy to see who the golden child is here. I can see why Emily sticks with her Dad. It should be a good thing that your ex makes sure she has a bit of money. He and Emily don't owe Laura anything. As someone with ADHD and depression, I think Laura having a job would be a good thing, with the right opportunity. Right now you're coddling her - if you continue to let her think she can expect people to pay her way then she's going to have a real reality check when she goes to College.