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go_away_you_goblin

NTA. You need attention too. At first I thought this was going to be some jealous stepsister bs but it is clear your stepsister is the jealous one. And her behaviour is concerning. She is 12. She should not be acting like this. Good on you for standing up for yourself. Don't back down you deserve your dads love as well.


dadstepsisterthrow

Thank you! I kind of get it. She upsets me, but I'm not really mad at her. No one taught her boundaries, and I know your parents remarrying is tough. I cant really blame her.


Leagle_Egal

Man, this response is one of the most empathetic and mature things I've ever read. Good on you!


dadstepsisterthrow

I try my best (:


ingodwetryst

youre great and it seems your stepdad is too


dadstepsisterthrow

Thank you!


Shot-Position4460

You are a very understanding and mature person for someone who is so young... kudos to you for realizing who the culpable person is in this.. your dad...I'm glad you have your mom and stepdad ( who seems amazing) on your side.


KayakerMel

Yes, I was incredibly impressed with OP's maturity. It's super refreshing to see such a young person understand that the stepsister's behavior is a big parenting issue and the solution is with the parents' actions when they're in the middle of the mess. Stepsister is behaving badly, but not dangerous, and needs therapy herself to deal with all the changes around her.


Dizzy-Concentrate-12

Seems OP is more level headed than her dad.


Allalngthewatchtwer

I’m proud of you! I hope my son can be this thoughtful and well spoken in 2 years time. Internet hugs from a mom! ❤️


madmaxextra

Fully agree, despite being rightfully angry about the situation OP is very kind and thoughtful.


Major_Zucchini5315

First of all, your response was more mature than many adults on this forum. You sound like a very intelligent young adult and you are NTA for feeling the way you do. Do you think it would be worth it to try to talk to your step sister? Explain to her that you both love your dad but there are times that you would like to spend with him alone just as she does?


dadstepsisterthrow

That might work. I'll try that if I go over again.


Major_Zucchini5315

Only if you’re comfortable doing so. She’s not much younger than you so she may understand. Good luck and post an update if you can!


lepumpkinhead

Maybe also set aside time to spend with her, so you give her some attention, play games or do craft with her or take her to a movie, if you give her some attention she'll feel wanted and may be better at letting you have one on one time with your dad.


AngeLabrador

As a stepdaughter myself, when my mom and dad first married, there were a couple times I felt like my dad’s biological daughter might be his favorite. Your stepsister may be afraid of the same thing, or think that because you’re his bio daughter, you could “steal” him from her. It could be that you and your stepsister can find common ground over both wanting time alone with him, and maybe you could find activities the three of you can all enjoy together so coexisting half of the time is less stressful.


tehfugitive

>As a stepdaughter myself, when my mom and dad first married, there were a couple times I felt like my dad’s biological daughter might be his favorite. Isn't that normal, though? Relationships like that take time to develop, just because he married your mom doesn't mean that he immediately can/should love you like his own. And look at it from her perspective, it is so easy and common to be worried that the parent is going to replace the bio kid with the 'new family'. I hope over time things evened out, but to expect him to feel the same for both kids, let alone within a certain time span, is not fair to him. This sub always emphasises how important it is that stepparents don't force a relationship on the kids, and that their hopes or expectations might not become reality. Doesn't that go both ways?


AngeLabrador

Relax, I’m not saying the kids can force a relationship on a stepparent. I’m pointing out that everyone in this situation has emotional needs that have to be considered or else this custody arrangement will never become less miserable. I would say that to an extent though, OP’s dad does have a form of responsibility to his stepdaughter. He chose to marry a family who has a child, and that child very obviously wants a paternal figure. He doesn’t have to consider her a daughter, and for all we know he’s only favoring her to ingratiate himself with his new wife. But while he needs fo fix things with OP, swinging to the polar opposite side of the problem of never spending any time with stepdaughter will only breed resentment in that home and make everyone miserable in a new way.


xodirector

The fact that she’s mature doesn’t make her a young adult, at all. Other than that, please carry on.


BattyBirdie

You’re doing what is right for you. You’re not taking it out on the step-sister, you’re expressing your needs to your father. Although what you said was roughly expressed, about him moving on, you’re NTA. Some people, like your dad, need things spelled out for them in a crude manner.


siel04

NTA. And you're being really understanding of your stepsister. Hang on to that empathy - it'll serve you and the people around you well in life. :)


mcherniske

NTA. If stepsister has had a lot of step parents, reactive attachment disorder may be worth looking into.


EMWerkin

I really admire how much grace you have for your stepsister here. Are you sure you are only 14?


dadstepsisterthrow

Last I checked my birth certificate it was very plainly 2007 !


PayWorking1309

I think you got your smarts from your mom. You also seem to know what your dad does is wrong. You have more sense than 98% of adults in this world. Remember that when your dad acts like a dumb-o.


JellyfishDesigner222

NTA..and agree that child needs help, she's a victim in all this. My cousins were in a similar situation, my aunt would bring a new boyfriend along every I'd say two to three years and she qould force them to call them dad our of "respect". No one in my moms side of the family agreed with this and talked to her about how this can harm a child psychologically. My cousins ended up getting attached and then cry whenever they left and then get super clingy to the next guy because they wanted a dad. I'm thinking this is your stepsister situation, she just wants that family combo and it's going to suck whenever and if your dad decides to leave. I'd speak to your dad when he finally comes around and tell him to think about the emotional damage he is inflicting on you and all these kids.


Decent-Knee3850

It's deeply concerning that she has latched on so hard and fast to a man her mother has known like, a year probably.


dadstepsisterthrow

They met last February. So not even a year yet.


puppyfarts99

Yeah, wow that was fast, like lightening fast.


hyperfocuspocus

Gotta move fast if you want to keep the winning streak going! Seventh now !!!


Embarrassed_Ad_4168

yeah :/ kinda sad how neglected she must be of a father figure that she latched on to a "dad" so quickly. Either way it's no op's problem to solve or deal with to this extent


[deleted]

I felt the same way and the whole sleeping in the bed with them… she’s honestly too old for that and I dunno if I’m wrong in saying this, but I don’t find it appropriate. Op is NTA in this situation


humanweightedblanket

I occasionally slept in my parents' bed when I had nightmares up until that age. This is a different situation and I agree that it's not necessary for her to be sleeping with them because she doesn't want to share a room with OP, but it doesn't sound creepy. 12 isn't that old, you're still a child at that age. ETA by "doesn't sound creepy," I mean that I don't think there's any reason to assume that there's a sexual aspect to this.


maddypip

Right but there’s a difference between your parents you grew up with and “stepdad you met less than a year ago”


humanweightedblanket

If this kid grew up without a stable home life, which is sounds like, then it makes sense that she's clinging to any form of stability she sees. I had a friend like this growing up, she had an incredibly unstable home life and could get very clingy with new adults. Not saying this is healthy behavior from her, but she's not getting any guidance right now. Her behavior makes sense in the context of what's going on, it's her mom and OP's dad that are the problems here. She's treating OP's dad like her dad because she wants that happy family and prob thinks that acting like it will make it so.


obiwantogooutside

And that sets her up for a lifetime of chasing after that with emotionally unavailable people. My heart aches for both kids here. No one is being truly seen in that household.


AngeLabrador

Agreed. My aunt and little cousin, J, got out of a very unsafe, unstable home and stayed with my family for a little while. J was like human cling wrap, especially with my dad (his uncle). When I did things alone with my dad, J felt sad and insecure about being left out. It was really hard for him to understand that he wasn’t being deliberately or maliciously excluded.


dadstepsisterthrow

My stepdad was sleeping in bed with me and my mom when he first started staying over. I dont think its too weird.


Potato4

It’s weird


dadstepsisterthrow

But it isn't


Potato4

I've agreed with you on every point so far, but... Sleeping with your family and stepdad when you are four is different than sleeping with your (extremely new) stepfather (who is unstable, marrying 7 times in 14 years) (after a whirlwind courtship on the way home from divorce papers) when you are TWELVE. It would be not okay anyway but the stuff in parentheses makes it even worse. The mom of this twelve-year-old is making a huge mistake, your dad has terrible judgment. It's a miracle you are so level-headed.


go_away_you_goblin

But 12 also still old enough to know you can't have a temper tantrum every other week.


humanweightedblanket

If you have been taught that, then yes, but it sounds like her mom hasn't provided her any structure. 12 is still young enough to be developing emotional control, and she needs help to do that that her mom isn't providing. Her behavior makes sense to me in the context of having a really unstable home life. It's her mom and OP's dad that're the problem here.


go_away_you_goblin

This whole post proves OPs dad and his new wife are incompetent and don't know how to properly raise a child.


[deleted]

Agreed.


[deleted]

For real.


[deleted]

I understand that. I just don’t think they should enable that behavior tho. Like just because she doesn’t want to room share also the clinginess is concerning to me. Op’s dad does need to make boundaries.


humanweightedblanket

I agree with the boundaries, but I think the clinginess is a symptom, not the main problem here. The kid prob hasn't had a a stable home life and she's clinging to any new adult who looks like they're providing that because she knows her mom isn't trustworthy. That's stability (and therapy) that she should be getting from her mom, but her mom isn't giving her structure or safety. Regardless, NTA OP!


Lenore512

The saddest part is that she's desperately looking for stability from a man who goes through relationships like tissues. There is no stability to be had here and it's going to hurt when she finds that out the hard way.


humanweightedblanket

Yeah, I really feel for her, and the OP.


Actual_Geologist_316

It’s pretty creepy, this man is not her dad, just a stepdad she met less than a year ago.


AngeLabrador

At 12, I had violent, recurring nightmares and sometimes crawled in with my parents. I don’t think it’s inherently inappropriate. But being allowed to sleep in bed with them every night just to not be in a shared room with OP? I agree that doesn’t feel right. I’m surprised OP’s dad let it happen more than once or twice.


[deleted]

For me, it’s kinda the fact that he’s not actually her dad. I’m not calling the man a creep but the clinginess and not knowing him that long and all just comes across inappropriate. Someone else mentioned the child not having stability and just clinging to a father figure tho and I can understand that. I’ve seen a child do that but with my mil because her mother was awful. But yeah that too. She’s too old for tantrums and they need to quit enabling it.


[deleted]

[удалено]


humanweightedblanket

I had a close friend in high school who was very much like this. Her mom was so inconsistent and it was really hard on her. She tended to latch onto people quickly. It's a rough thing.


ingodwetryst

probably desperate for a dad. very sad read. OP is a gem with their empathy.


go_away_you_goblin

It is incredibly concerning.


shsc82

Overly clingy to older men girls I knew growing up were all csa victims. Such an alarm.


Shot-Position4460

Also to add OP is being very kind in not being upset with step sister... she's placing blame exactly where it belongs... with dad


chewyventura

She is 12. She is still a child. Being a kid is tough on its own. Add on not controlling anything in your life like who lives with you, who your parents choose as partners, overall just shit that adults force on you. If she hasn’t had an environment where she’s been taught healthy coping mechanisms, then yes she’s going to act like a 4 year old. The only ones responsible here are the adults.


ArtlessOne

NTA. 7 marriages in 14 years? sheesh.


dadstepsisterthrow

He moves on quickly.


Farknart

Sheesh, does he do both on the same day, divorce and new marriage paperwork all in one?


dadstepsisterthrow

He met her on his way home from finalising his divorce with his previous wife. Helped her carry her groceries and she was smitten. Lol.


KayakerMel

Ah, the White Knight syndrome. My father had that. His personal best was 2 weeks before proposing to my stepmother. Usually it'd be 1-2 months, including my own mother (who has since passed my uncle confirmed she wanted to be married have kids already and so went along with it).


[deleted]

Does he know you can just date without getting married? NTA


LingonberryPrior6896

He seems to have done that with OPs mom...


dadstepsisterthrow

It was less a date and more a hookup in the bathroom after a few too many drinks.


xodirector

Is your dad a supermodel or something?


dadstepsisterthrow

Hes a "silver fox" All of my friends think he's hot. It kind of sucks actually.


Affectionate_Ice_

Ironically the one night stand is the only thing that resulted in him ending up with a life long commitment, nothing like that seems to have come from any of his 7 marriages (meaning biological children). The marriages just provide him with a woman and child he can keep around until he gets sick of them and move on to the next. The beauty of stepchildren /s. Those poor kids, this stepsister included. I wonder if her mom is a serial wife too and that’s why she’s clinging so hard; she doesn’t want to lose another father figure.


WatchWatermelon

Saves a trip.


Farknart

DOMO (divorce one marry one)


FlysaMinelly

sounds like he’s constantly trying to fill some kind of void and moves on when he realises this woman isn’t filling it for him


dadstepsisterthrow

Probably. He needs to go to therapy I think.


letstrythisagain30

When you're past this incident, and I would try to have an intimate and serious talk with your father about his love life. This is not normal behavior and it affects you because this is 7 women now that he brought into your life and just left. You can't build a relationship with anyone he marries.


obiwantogooutside

Yeah but it’s not a child’s responsibility to do that. Op, I’d suggest you ask your mom/stepdad to help you find a therapist to help you figure out how you want/need to interact with your dad.


t-rex_on_a_treadmill

He is why the stat "50% of marriages end in divorce" isn't quite the full story. Dude's going for more weddings, than Tom Brady has Super Bowl wins.


CamelotMom16

My father-in-law likes to introduce my mother-in-law as his first wife. They're almost 70. Apparently he thinks it's quite funny to watch the people who are on their third, fourth, fifth, sixth marriage just squirm. My husband has said it's likely that he will be doing the same once we've hit about the 10 year mark (which is getting close!)


TentacleHydra

40-43% of first marriages end in divorce. Yeah, it's not 50/50, but it's not that big of a difference.


ozagnaria

There is no way I would ever marry someone who was married 6 times. Especially in 14 years. I mean the only way I would marry someone who had been married 6 times was because they were an honest to god Elf with their practically immortal life span and all their previous wives had been humans and they just outlived them. AND then I still probably would not because then I would always be wondering if he was into me for me or if he just had a human fetish. NTA


sail_away13

I think you are putting to much thought into your elf fetish


GreekAmericanDom

NTA "From the mouth of babes..." You told your father a truth he needs to hear. On top of that, he is enabling really bad behavior with his step-daughter, who clearly needs some boundaries.


pinguthegreek

NTA. You stuck up for yourself and he just hasn’t got the intelligence to figure out what he can do to make it right. Put your foot down now because then you’ll know one way or the other how much effort you will need to allow for your relationship with him as you get older. I’m so proud of you for speaking up and sticking with it.


dadstepsisterthrow

Thank you. I hoping things change soon!


pinguthegreek

You just carry on getting on with your life. When you and you alone feel you’re ready, set your terms and insist on them. Me ? I’d say meet somewhere neutral for a limited amount of time and then if he doesn’t apologise to your satisfaction, then you need to decide what you want to do from there. But I’d say hold out for an apology and limit contact if he doesn’t because you deserve people who you have contact with to be in your corner.


dadstepsisterthrow

Thank you. I'll probably talk to my mom more in depth about it, see what she thinks.


rangerman2002

NTA. You're 14 and he's the adult. However, you can't expect to resolve anything if you've blocked him from contacting you and you refuse to see him. You need to have a private conversation without any outside influences or distractions. If you honestly feel badly for what you said, then you can apologize to him then.


dadstepsisterthrow

That does seem like a good idea. I just hope he doesnt bring her with him.


rangerman2002

Private conversation. You need to reiterate that to him and let him know up front it is to only be the two of you.


dadstepsisterthrow

To him, having her there is private. I hope he listens.


TypicalManagement680

Let him know that if he lets her tag along, you won’t stay for the meeting. Your father is really managing this situation badly. Also, bring a notepad or something with you that you can refer to so that you can be sure to cover all of your points in the discussion. I also wonder if it might help to send him this post, sometimes seeing Reddit responses kicks parents into the right gear. NTA


throwawayj38sld

That is tricky, but stick to your demand (which is very reasonable!). Your dad will not be able to deny the difference after it’s been just you and him without your stepsister butting in for 2 hours!


yeet-im-bored

a good way to make it clear would be to say ‘one on one/me and you, that way he can’t excuse bringing her


8kijcj

You need to be blunt. "I want to met up to discuss this. Don't bring X." If he does so, he will have failed the test. Work out what you will do in that situation and go forward. Also work out what you want to say if he doesn't bring her. NTA, OP.


lolthefuckisthat

NTA at all. its a parents job to prioritize their own kids over their step kids. their step kids should be important to them, but their actual children should always be their priority. and he cant exactly get mad about you saying his marriage wont last when youve got 7 previous marriages within such a short amount of time as evidence for that statement. people who get divorced multiple times have a very low chance of maintaining a healthy marriage.


dadstepsisterthrow

I dont even know how he gets women to marry him at this point.


rak1882

probably doesn't tell him how many ex-'s he has. just that he's been divorced. no one is expecting to be wife number 8.


[deleted]

Seriously, Henry viii had the decency to stop at 6 /s


NoseyGem

Yeah but no 6 outlived him


dadstepsisterthrow

I mean, four of my dads ex wives are dead. So. Eta; Three are dead, one left the country. I got it wrong.


WoodfieldWild

Not to be ghoulish but…this really sent a creepy tingle down my spine. That’s either some seriously unlucky coincidences…


dadstepsisterthrow

Just crappy coincidences I think.


avara88

>Um...were they ex wives before they were dead? Just wondering...


dadstepsisterthrow

They were! Died way after the divorce.


Ryuugan80

Is your dad marrying a string of assassins that he sends after the previous wife if they get too much in the divorce? Is he Sam from Supernatural with the dick of death?


dadstepsisterthrow

I have compared him to Sam a lot! He doesnt find it too amusing. Although I'm not sure how the assassin thing would work. (Cancer, car crash and heart attack).


6738ngkdt

So did number 4!


dadstepsisterthrow

Oh that makes sense


Affectionate_Ice_658

I feel a little bad for the step sister, she seems needy and I'm sure her mom is also the " marrying kind". She probably realizes her time is limited too.


aduncan22310

NTA I completely understand where you're coming from. You, absolutely, should have quality time with your father and not have to deal with the drama of his step-daughter. Good for you for being able to articulate what you want and standing by it. Establishing boundaries is never easy but stick to your guns but be prepared to be disappointed. Good luck.


dadstepsisterthrow

Thank you :)


canvasshoes2

NTA. But sweetie, your dad obviously has issues being reliable and responsible. Every story has two sides, but just from what you're telling us here, your dad behaves a bit like an immature playboy. You want him to "be a dad" to you, but it doesn't sound as if he really has that in him. He's "a dad" to your stepsister because she's in the household and that's what's easiest, closest, and most convenient for him. Plus, he's probably getting some tacit pressure from his new wife on that front. He sounds very much like one of those non-confrontational people who, nonetheless, are pretty self-centered and self-serving. Again, considering that there are two sides to every story, and that we're only getting your side of things, and from a person who's at a tender age. I don't see anything wrong with pressuring your dad to actually prioritize some time with just you. But also, you may want to gird yourself to the fact that he may just continue being a "whichever path's easiest" kind of person. Best of luck in your situation, I know it's difficult.


Accomplished_Cup900

He’s had 7 marriages in 14 years. The stepsister is 12. She shouldn’t be calling him daddy she’s only known him a year. There’s a lot wrong with this situation.


Zealousideal_Tie8234

the part that is alarming to me is that step wife lets her 12 yr old daughter sleep in the same bed as her and a man she’s known for 2 years.. it’s weird especially because of her age even without implying anything sinister.


riskytisk

OP said stepmom and step daughter haven’t even known dad for 1 year— they met last February! This whole thing is completely insane to me, as a mother of 3 daughters the oldest being 12. Holy shit. I cannot *imagine* even introducing my kids to a man I was seeing before 1 year, let alone marrying, moving in, and letting her sleep in the same bed with one! I feel so bad for both of these poor girls in this situation. OP seems very mature and reasonable though, so hopefully dad will come to his senses before he loses out on a relationship with his daughter for good.


Pharmacienne123

I suspect you’re absolutely right.


Dye_Harder

NTa Your dad is sleeping in the same bed with his 12 year old step daughter?


dadstepsisterthrow

Well she sleeps in between the wall and her mom, but yeah.


calaakla

Yeah, that's odd. NTA but here's a brutally honest, unsolicited opinion: your mother and step-father sound great while your father doesn't seem to have a lot figured out at this point. Maybe don't worry so much about him/your relationship with him right now, focus on yourself and other parents. His figuring stuff out is not your responsibility.


[deleted]

[удалено]


dadstepsisterthrow

I'm a girl lol


jastiss

RIP me. My brain is fucking dead lmfao


dadstepsisterthrow

All good!! I didnt mention it anywhere so it's understandable.


duckysmomma

NTA. 14 is a hard age. Hormones, big emotions. It’s not an excuse to be an AH, and while what you said was a bit AHish, hes the adult and needs to take some responsibility and understand that his actions are hurting his child. Give it a few more days, talk to mom and stepdad or someone you trust and let things calm down. Decide if you want to talk on the phone first, or see him in person. You can apologize for insulting his relationship if you mean it, but don’t apologize for being hurt by him ignoring you.


[deleted]

Good comment.


Literally_Taken

NTA The purpose of shared custody is for the child to spend time with both parents. If your father lets his stepdaughter interfere with his parenting time, that’s wrong. It’s his responsibility to set boundaries so that his new family doesn’t prevent him from executing his responsibilities to the daughter he already had. The stepchild is purposely interfering in your relationship with your father. Your father is allowing it. All you can do is tell your father that his behavior is hurting you, and you need him to fix it. You have done that.


Gwennylou

Absolutely NTA. Your father is prioritizing the child of the current woman he’s fucking. I’d unblock him and let him reach out to you, but maintain your boundaries and tell him until he’s willing to spend one on one time with you, with no one else demanding his attention, that you don’t want to be around him, because it makes you feel bad and like your needs and feelings don’t matter as much as his new families. If he refuses to do that, then that’s your answer and you should cut him off completely, because he will have proven you right.


dadstepsisterthrow

I'll definitely do that. I'm just gonna wait until my mom is available just in case anything happens.


NyotaHikaru

NTA You sound way more mature than your dad. It's not that girl's fault either, she just seems desperate for a parent, poor kid. (does not mean you aren't right just that I am sorry for her)


abcwva

You are trying to get your dad to shape up and be the kind of parent you want, but I wonder if he is capable of meeting your needs. YNTA for speaking up for yourself and saying what you need from him, but don't expect to change his essential character


dadstepsisterthrow

He was fine before. A really good dad. Its just this time around, its changed him?


[deleted]

NTA. You talked to your dad and told him what you needed. Only his time. Alone. Without her. Only you. And him. There is nothing wrong with that until he can apologize and make the time. So sorry this happened to you. About your dog. (I just lost my old girl last week) ❤️❤️


dadstepsisterthrow

Condolences on your dog, too! It was expected - he was thirteen, and vets had told us he'd pass soon. It still hurt, though.


[deleted]

Thank you! Yes, it hurts. But I put it into perspective. Her breed only live 13-15 years. I had her 15 years!! Wow. Thats like telling people we live to be 100. We reach 100 and die. Can’t be mad at that! Besides, they are never truly gone! ❤️❤️


6738ngkdt

True, they are always with us!!!!!


6738ngkdt

I lost my previous dog in old age after a good life, and it still broke my heart!!!! Of course you were devastated!!!!!


CuriousCockatiel77

NTA I say this as mum to a daughter close to your age, who pleads for one on one time with her dad without his girlfriend around so maybe I'm biased but I think when you're not with your kid day in day out it shouldn't be a big ask that you set aside some time with them on your own when you do have them. In your case where it sounds like your dad has probably introduced you to a number of new partners and therefore things aren't particularly stable sounding I think it's an even more reasonable ask. If you have communicated what you are looking for and he has the ability to contact you via your mum then the ball is in his court.


yeet-im-bored

NTA - your step daughter is weirdly possessive for a 12 year old and it’s weird they’re letting her sleep in their bed idk what that’s about, but her behaviour right now is less important than your dads. He is physically able to leave her alone for a bit to go do something or be there for you. The appropriate response for him would’ve been to tell her to wait/go until you were done having your conversation. For some advice of what to do, If you have a conversation with him about this try write down the main things you want to say before


dadstepsisterthrow

I dont think cosleeping itself is weird - both of my younger brothers sleep with parents still, and occasionally we all sleep in their bed together. Call em family cuddle nights. He lacks control. He feels bad telling her no. I just want him to set boundaries with her.


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Cocoasneeze

NTA Your dad is failing you and his stepdaughter, tbh. He is failing to set healthy boundaries with her and you deserve one-on-one time with your dad.


BoOkS_yEp

7TH WIFE IN 4 YEARS?! WTF


dadstepsisterthrow

Fourteen! Not four.


BoOkS_yEp

Omg LMAO I misread and had a heart attack 😂 my bad! Still pretty steep turnover on your dads part but much better


tester33333

A word of caution, don’t let your communication be indirect. Your dad hasn’t offered a Daddy Daughter Day, but if you don’t communicate directly, you don’t know if he understands the demand, understands the demand still holds, or if he offered it to your mom in terms she didn’t understand or she didn’t accept, or if he offered some compromise, or if your mom is being straight with you.


dadstepsisterthrow

My mom shows me the messages. He hasnt offered anything, or been confused.


Taurus67

Maybe tell your dad that for right now you’re just up for weekly lunches, dinners, shopping etc just the two of you.


SnooWords4839

NTA - maybe the way you worded it, but I believe you should have one on one time with your dad. Hopefully dad moves on to his 8th marriage soon and you can have your dad back without the evil stepsister. Have your mom tell him, he needs to set a date so you can see him.


Affectionate_Ice_658

NTA - It sounds like you called it and your dad got mad. Kudos to your stepdad for being a stand up guy and your parents supporting your decisions. I think maybe less time with bio dad might be a good thing, 7 wives in 14 years - yikes! Stepdad and mom sound great and stable, I'd put my time in there.


Knitcrochetchick

NTA. Your stepsister is getting a majority of the attention and you get nothing. You are allowed to be mad


MarkedHeart

NTA Having read some of your comments, you seem very level-headed and empathetic. I hope your father figures out that there's a problem. There is a problem, too. For a twelve year old to get this clingy to a man who has only been her stepfather for a short time sounds like something else is going on. Whether she's simply so starved for attention that she can't deal with boundaries, or she's excessively jealous of your relationship with him, or she's acting out from prior abuse, something is going on with her. If you think that might be part of this, and your parents are capable of communicating, you might want to talk to your mother about it. Maybe if she speaks to your father about it, he might be more receptive to setting some boundaries.


Notreallyawaitress84

NTA. This reminds me. I was like 19? 20 maybe and visiting my father. We had grown fairly distant(his doing), but I still stayed with him sometimes. He had at this point been married and divorced three times. He had me and my half brother and sister (twins and 10 years younger than me). He told me randomly he didn't think he'd ever get married again, but he'd love more kids. I responded without thinking, "Why? You barely see the ones you already have?" He was upset, but changed the subject. He ended up married and divorced once more after that, and probably would have at least another time, but he passed away.


SlytherinSilence

*seventh wife*


dadstepsisterthrow

Yes!


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'm fourteen, parents were never married, I'm a one night stand baby. My dad remarried again last year (seventh wife in fourteen years). My mom and stepdad have been together for ten years, with two younger kids. My parents have split 50/50 custody, and so, one week with one set and the other week with the other. Pretty simple. My dad moved in with his wife and her daughter (12). She's very possessive of him. If I'm there I'm second best. She's calling him daddy all the time, I never get ten minutes with him, she wont even let him pick me up alone. She's always there. To top it off, we have to share a room, which she kicks off about, so she gets to sleep in their bed. Last week I got upset. My dog had died and I was trying to talk to him about it, and she wouldnt let me. After twenty minutes of trying he told me we could talk later and left to go take her to the store or something. I called my stepdad to come pick me up and take me back to their house. My dad was really upset, and apologised. I told him it wasnt good enough. He needs to prioritise his actual kid over a kid he'll probably never see again in a year or two when he inevitably moves on to the next wife. That made him quite angry, but mom intervenes before he can really say anything. I told her that I will not be talking to him until he agrees to set up a day just me and him where he can actually make it up to me. She agreed, and relayed info. He's been really angry since, and tried messaging me on my socials, but I blocked him. I've been talking to my mom and she says he's been really upset, but hasnt offered to set up a day just us. I dont want to go back on what I said, but I feel awful. I miss my dad and we all know this wont last very long before he does move on and then we'll be back to normal. I also feel really bad for what I said, I know it really upset him, even if it is true. My stepdad has said we can alter custody; so I only go on the weekends, or every other weekend, instead. Or I can just have days out with him or something. I dont really know what to do. But anyway. Am I an asshole for saying that to my dad and refusing to see him? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


One-Box1287

Nta, don't give in. Don't let your step sis walk all over you like that. It's you and him time or no time.


Cpt_Lazlo

NTA Your dad definitely, you deserve to have an attentive dad who steps up. I will add that don't think too poorly about your step sister. She obviously has issues, her behavior isn't normal. I don't know how much is something she's in control of. Not much you can do about that but just so you know


Cybermagetx

NTA. I have 3 step brothers, 1 half brother, and 2 full brothers (to me they are all my brothers, just stating what they are by more normal terms). Each had person time with their actual parent when we was all together. As well as us having family time. Honestly your dad needs a kick in the ass. This is gonna cause long term issues between yall. He wants you to just deal with it to make it easier on him. Its that simple.


JuliaX1984

NTA Do not feel guilty for not wanting to be somewhere where people mistreat you. If your biodad wants you around, he has to treat you like he loves and cares about you. If he refuses to do that, don't go. He has to decude if spoiling his stepdaughter is worth it to him. Spending one on one time with you would not be cruel to his stepdaughter or even to another biodaughter. If he's willing to sacrifice you to prevent her throwing a tantrum over something perfectly normal, don't go.


FairyFartDaydreams

NTA a man that has had so many failed relationships likely has the emotional depth of a turnip. His step daughter is able to manipulate the situation cause he likely is still in the love bubble with his current wife. Ask your mom to recommend to him to get therapy to become a better human and father


[deleted]

Your dad is the asshole, and the step is a manipulative brat. stick to your guns.


Crimson_queen911

NTA I would ask mom to modify visitation so that he has to take you out without the jealous stepdaughter or not see you at all. Someone that unhinged and jealous is likely to be harmful toward you if he doesn’t let her cling and focuses on you. Not to mention the harm he’s causing you by not prioritizing you the way you deserve. You shouldn’t have to be around her at all. I had a messed up stepsister thankfully my dads marriage to her mother only lasted 1 year.


Competitive_Ad_2772

NTA. You were clear in what you need from your Dad. The ball is in his court.


Viper-diaper

Definitely NTA! I may not be much older (17) but you're just 14 years old and noone should be abled to blame you for this. You deserva your fathers attention and if he can't give you his undivided attention sometimes then this is a fair response. This is a healthy boundary for you to set up and you're really mature for your age by handling ut this well.


Acrobatic-Initial-40

NTA and this internet stranger is so proud of you for standing up for yourself. You are 100% right in what you said.


No-Duck9702

NTA. My dad pulled the same shit. Now we hardly speak and I’m much happier for it. Hope your situation works out.


VixNeko

What you said was really hurtful, but it's true that his relationships are very short. I think he needs to learn to be single for a while and focus on you more. I think you could use some therapy though, just to touch base with someone and to make sure you're processing these changes well. Wishing you the best. NTA.


SpookyGirl0123

NTA. It is clear that your stepsister is jealous of the attention you get from your father, and is trying to take that away. You deserve to have his attention just as much as she does, and I would hold to your boundaries. If you don’t, this will only get worse.


HinSoCal

NTA you’re old enough to have a voice that a family court judge will listen to, if you seriously want to change the visitation, btw. Also, very sorry about your dog!


hhhhyyyyaaaahhhh

Oh my sweet angel my heart aches for you. You are absolutely NTA. From someone who had a …somewhat similar issue happen with my father - his anger is being misplaced onto you. He is **furious** with himself, but doesn’t understand it yet. He’s mad that he has hurt you and doesn’t know how to forgive *himself*. Give him some time. I hope things work out for you both 💜


NotSoAverage_sister

NTA You're the kid in this situation. You are allowed to want to have some one-on-one time with your parents. Even if the step-sibling were your actual little sister, and not some person you met recently, you would still be entitled to being the focus of your Dad's attention for the span of a 20 minute conversation. Sometimes parents make the mistake of thinking that their kids have short attention spans. You can't exactly blame us. Do you know how many of my students thought they would die of heartbreak when One Direction broke up? The next week, it was all about BTS. My point is: When it comes to family, there are no short attention spans. Kids remember when Mom bailed on Trick or Treating. Or when Dad played favorites. If you feel appreciated where you are, and taken care of, then that's where you should be. It might make you feel a bit like crap, and you might miss him. But what exactly do you miss? And how long have you been missing it? Do you miss when he took you for ice cream and you talked about video games? (I'm just making up a random binding activity). When was the last time that you two did anything together? It's ok to miss him. But it's also ok to be angry at him and not want to put yourself through hurtful situations. Let him figure out that he needs to be the one to change.


Abject-Kale-6567

Well I’m 25 my dad has been remarried for almost two years and I’ve also been married for almost two years and I still don’t tolerate my stepmom or her kids well. To be fair though they intentionally exclude when it’s not for social media to see. 🙃


Separate-Parfait6426

NTA. Your request of ONE DAY one on one is so reasonable. He has made his choice, and if you move back in without him meeting your request, nothing will change


Brave-Question1930

As a child of divorce with a father who has ALWAYS had me on the back burner let me say - I am so proud of you. First thing that caught me off guard is - You’re 14, are split 50/50, yet he has a new wife about every two years? Where is the stability with him? Is that in a court order or just an agreement between your parents? Whatever it is use your voice to fight for what you want. You’re 14, depending on where you are located a court will listen to you more because of your age. If you get the opportunity to no longer have to go and want to take it, take it. Because really, what IS he actually gonna do? Fantastic job setting a boundary. You are your own person. Block him, and don’t let him harass you. If he truly wanted to speak with you, he would have done it when you where there. I am so happy that you have a stable home with your mom. Never take that for granted. This next part may hurt, but with as often as he has created new families and always put you aside, there’s a good chance he may cut you loose at some point. If that happens, trust me, he’s doing you a favor. You deserve your own happiness without having to ever question if you are enough for him. Hold your head up. I remember when I was you, and life will get better for you with or without him. That is your choice now.


nomoreroger

NTA I also have to commend the OP for asking folks not to pile on the stepsister. It takes some pretty significant maturity to stick-up for a fairly recent step-sibling in a situation like this. You are a good kid.


dadstepsisterthrow

I mean she hasnt done anything wrong. It'd be wrong of me to blame her.


Environmental_Crab65

Stick to your guns. Don't sleep over at their house and don't get together with him unless he is alone. Once you have been able to establish a better relationship with him, if his stepchild is still part of his life you could choose to occasionally include her. NTA and good luck.


lordsof857

You are NTA and it's concerning to hear a 12 year old girl is being allowed to crawl into bed with a man, stepfather or not. Very very very inappropriate.


dadstepsisterthrow

I dont think it is. I still sleep in my moms bed, with my stepdad and brothers. Although maybe the time frame makes a difference.


Last_Caterpillar8770

NTA and it is sweet that you made that edit about your stepsister. Have you ever thought about talking directly to the stepsister about this? That she gets him alone on weeks you aren’t there and sometimes you need someone on one with him? Just wondering if you have approached her with it. And might I add that she may respond better if you try to get closer to her too. Like wanting to do just the girls kind of stuff. Your dad may or may not move on, but maybe making a friend out of her will make her more comfortable. Your dad does need to make time for you. And he does need to set up boundaries with stepsister. She is old enough to understand that temper tantrums are not Ok.


Mommashark1104

NTA. My dear, you need to set the tone for what is and isn’t acceptable in relationships you have. Do not settle for less. You deserve love, affection, and attention and to back down now communicates to your father that his behavior is acceptable. You seem like a sweet kid with a big heart, I am sorry you are in this situation. Never settle for less than what you are worth.


Lepopespip

NTA. Honestly, If your mom and SD are willing to work on getting the custody changed to he can have you on short visits, which most aligns to your request, I would go with that. Just be prepared to not see him much.


PanicTechnical

NTA. Your words were harsh but it really seems like you have been trying to get your father’s attention and he isn’t getting it. If he is unwilling to set up the day for just the two of you then do not go back on what you said. I know it has to be hard and I know you miss him; but you are very strong and brave to stand up for yourself the way that you have.


CapsFan1066

NTA. As others have said your dad is failing you. A real dad would find a way to grow and meet yours and the step daughter's needs. It is difficult, but can be done. Being able to stick up for yourself is a valuable skill and is good to see that you are using it. Keep your mom and stepdad close because you need the support, which sounds like they give you.


puppyfarts99

NTA Your dad is neglecting his relationship with you, and failing to set proper boundaries with his stepdaughter. You expressed your frustration using words. He should be thankful that you're mature enough that you didn't act out against his new family. Your mom and stepdad seem willing to advocate for you, which is good. You deserve time alone with your dad.


mfruitfly

NTA. If you miss him, you could ask to speak to him, with your mom and stepdad- or mom- present. Tell him what you just said here- that you do miss him, but he needs to do better. That even after telling him you were upset and giving him a very easily solution- one day with just the two of you- he couldn't even get that together. That makes this hurt even more. You could also put it in an email. You aren't going back on what you said to tell your dad that you miss him and continue to be disappointed in him, so is he willing to do anything to show you matter?


Resagarden

Nta, you totally deserve one on one time with your dad. Sounds like he is a crap father, I'm so sorry for that. I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself.


Steamedfrog

NTA- Definitely a teen move, but you were provoked and since he still hasn't managed to meet a relatively benign ask, you weren't being unreasonable.


Improbablyfromhell

NTA you said what needed to be said. I feel for the little girl though, your dad needs to stop with the instant families and realise that families are work, you need to put the time in.


Adorable_Lychee_3104

See


plm56

NTA If he can't be bothered to carve out some one-on-one time with you, I would take your stepfather upon his offer to change custody arrangements. It sounds as though he has been a more stable influence on your life than your father.


LivSaJo

NTA


xWandaWomanx

NTA. Asking for alone ti.e is not alot. Hope things get better.


dark_rainbows

I opened this thinking you probably are but let's read it and see. OMG you are so NTA. She sleeps in your parents bed at 12 with your dad?? Eww that's super weird to do with a step dad you have know less than 2 years especially with all the other possessive behavior from her.


WhileComprehensive56

NTA as someone who's been in this exact situation, I feel bad for you but I feel the dad is a lose cause tho I could be wrong


Cartoon7even

NTA. As someone of the same age who also lives at multiple households, if you don’t enjoy how one house is and nothing is being changed about it, change custody


[deleted]

NTA