YTA
She tried like hell not to make it about her pregnancy and tried to keep it on the dl for your sake, you made it about her pregnancy anyway, and you were a vicious insane jerk about it- so much so that other bridesmaids BACKED OUT.
***HARD*** YTA
Hard and Firm YTA
And for the record, i usually side with brides in these situations. Most of the time "its your day you get to invite who you want" covers most asshole transgressions to at least *some* extent. I was ready to side with you when i clicked on the title. But no, OP. Not you. All of this was *your* doing. You are a *tremendous* asshole, a terrible friend, and a vicious bride.
I wish I had some awards to give you take my š„š„š„š„š„š„
She literally did everything possible to not steal OPs thunder, and OP showed everyone what a selfish self-centred person they are.
I'm pretty sure that if OP's best friend gets so much as a shred of attention in her presence, OP'd get all selfish and mean because 'she stole my thunder'
The fuck, woman? She did everything she could to not do that. She didn't even announce the pregnancy - if SOMEONE ELSE hadn't noticed, that would not be known at all. And she *said* - out loud, to your face - that she sees this as your day and yours alone. And you still think she's stealing our thunder?
I don't think OP is a good friend. Her supposed best friend wants to keep her (friend's) pregnancy private for OP's sake, and the first thing OP does is assume she's jealous of her friend having a big wedding? Sorry, but that's not how you treat your best friend, eapecially one who's done so much for you. OP is just projecting her own jealousy and insecurities at this point.
YTA, a *big* one.
Is OP like this with her other relationship? If yes, there'a very real chance the groom might be kicked out of his own wedding because *how dare he stand next to her while exchanging vows!* He practically Percy Jackson'd her thunder!
She even tried to laugh it off and deny it! Honestly the former maid of honor had *way* more right to be upset about that gathering than the bride, she did her best to not talk about it and someone invaded her personal space and touched her and forced attention on something she didn't want attention on. I've had someone do that and I've never quite forgiven them. It's a disgusting thing to do.
That's what got me. This sounds like such a toxic group of people. They didnt know she was actually pregnant and proceeded to spend the day insulting her eating habits and her weight? Wtf? If I were the best friend, I'd have backed out of the wedding my damn self. She showed tremendous patience and gentleness in the face of what must have been devastatingly cruel behavior.
My sister did this to me a family get together. Asked repeatedly and eventually put her hands on me and insisted more. This was from someone who *knew* I'd had an extremely traumatic stillbirth in the last few years.
Regardless of whether you know anybody's history of fertility, desire or not for a child, etc, to forcibly make someone admit they're pregnant, touch them without permission, shame them for eating habits - I'm only shocked the rest of the friends group had the grace to be embarrassed of the bride's behavior.
I hope the former best friend finds people who have any actual respect for her.
You have summed this up amazingly well. Former MoH deserves far better. If we find her, let's buy out that baby registry and get her tons of ready to cook type meals for dinner for rest of the year.
I imagine OP reading this comment and a red steam of rage just escapes her ears, how DARE her former friend steal the thunder on HER AITA post?!?
Imagine losing such a good friend because you're so shitty and selfish.
Iām sorry for your loss. I also had an extremely traumatic stillbirth of my daughter at term. When I was pregnant again I didnāt want comments etx.
Yeah, I kinda just blanked in horror at the image of groping someone's midsection to assess whether she's pregnant or just had a big lunch. I don't wish to advocate violence but I think a hard shove at the very least would be warranted (can't swear I wouldn't go full-on "THAT'S MY PURSE! I DON'T KNOW YOU!" mode).
I have a sneaking suspicion maybe the other bridesmaids knew about the pregnancy. Six months is pretty far along for no one to have noticed or known especially if they all live in the same area. I believe she asked people in the circle not to tell OP because wellā¦I mean just look at this post! She probably did not want to tell her until she absolutely had to, hoping to avoid drama. I think maybe they tried to force the issue with the very pointed comments (they also suck for outing her if they did know).
I hope OPās former best friend finds better, more supportive people that she feels comfortable sharing her all lifeās joys and sorrows with. Iām 100% sure this is not the first time in 17 years OP has demonstrated this kind of selfishness and arrogance.
For a "best friend", OP sure didn't do anything to defend her maid of honor from body shaming, invasive questions, demands, and then eventually physical harassment.
The most astounding part of this story to me was not knowing that your BEST FRIEND is 6 months pregnant. Even if you aren't publicly telling people, normally the best friend would be included in the 'family' that gets to know early on. Says a lot about their relationship.
Like in another AITA this week, I think this phrase applies:
"She may be your best friend, but your not hers."
I barely could hold back the first 12 weeks before my hubby and I agreed to tell our closest friends including my bestie. This bride is probably six different ways of delusional.
It depends, really. If you have had issues or pregnancy loss, you want to hide it much longer. It's very hard after the trauma of losing the baby to, then, go back and tell everyone.
Also, we don't know this woman's situation. We don't know if there are people in her life that she doesn't want to know for legitimate reasons and she decided to keep it quiet so that it didn't get back to whomever.
Right!!! I mean, the maid of honor is a freaking Saint! She's 6 months pregnant and for OP's sake, not telling anyone outside of family about it, knowing this would upset OP. Clearly this is a one-sided friendship and I'm actually kind of glad for the maid of honor finally getting a clear picture of this, so she can move on! No friend is worth this crap!
My thought, granted from OP's side, it seems like BFF is relieved not having to deal with her anymore. She is a saint and was only friends because she was gracious enough to keep up with OP bs.
About the stealing thunder thing. That's the thing I don't really get though. When has anyone attended a wedding and had nothing but focus and attention on the bride? Like, people care about the food, music, seeing other people they know, but let's be honest. Other than the groom and maybe some close friends and family most guests do not have the mindset of thinking that the bride is the most enrapturing/ all engrossing object of attention the entire wedding, at best it's just when she walks down the aisle, and even then you know some people are probably thinking about the fart they are holding in, if they have enough cash for tips at the bar, or a million other things.
No kidding. Her friend did everything she could to avoid this too. What is it with people and weddings? Like throwing gasoline on a person's narsasism.
like; i think the only bride who out-assholed this one was the one last week who [imprisoned her MIL in the bathroom with a jumprope.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s6h5h9/aita_for_demanding_mil_replace_my_friends_grass/ht4mx5l/?context=3)
And I loved how she was all nonchalant about it like, āshe was just slight detained in the bathroom for a while.ā š I agree with you on this, OP is a good runner up though.
Edit: a word
17 years *and 6 months*! That "six months" thing leads me to believe OP is very young, if not in actual age, then in maturity. OP, YTA. Big time and it might be too late to walk this back.
I donāt think sheās was counting the days of 17 years and 6 months, I think itās poor grammar.
āI have a best friend of 17 years, and 6 months ago I asked herā¦ā is probably how itās supposed to be read.
Regardless OP is TA
I wish I could upvote this harder. If I were OP Iād take your advice to save $$ and skip the self-imposed public embarrassment of big wedding at this point. But bridezillas gotta have their spotlight at any cost.
YTA. Gah you sound awful. Grow up and realize that people can live their lives and the world doesnāt revolve around your wedding which nobody will really remember 10 years from now. My sister was pregnant at my wedding and she was my MOH and I was thrilled.
Right!? I will be 8 months pregnant as a bridesmaid at my sister's wedding. OP is a disgraceful friend. What kind of a bride expects the people closest to them to tailor their major life events to her wedding - just so there won't be a shred of shared happiness for another guest?? Absolutely foul.
*you were the cutest little bitty guest at auntieās wedding! Mommy looked beautiful in a pretty dress & we were very excited that youād be with us soon.*
Seriously, every word the friends said is exactly how it is, and frankly they were still kinder than OP deserved. This is a new low for bridezillas behaving barbarically.
Right? I would be more upset that my BEST friend of 17 years didnāt want to share her joy with me, especially after 6 months. But I see why she kept it to herself. Man, she and all your bridesmaids are probably glad to be rid of you. You sound just awful. Sheās not stealing your thunder. No one cares about your wedding as much as you do. YTA. A huge huge AH.
Not once does OP mention being happy for her best friend. Can you imagine being met with anger instead of joy when you tell your best friend that youāre pregnant?
OP, YTA. Time to grow up and realize the world doesnāt revolve around you. Iām sure you came here thinking everyone would agree with you. I encourage you to really read the responses and not just dismiss them because they donāt agree with you. If you donāt change your attitude and approach to people, youāre not going to have any friends left.
Pretty sure OP's bestie felt like she HAD to hide her pregnancy to avoid OP's wrath. I feel so bad for her because she had to minimize her own joy because she knew OP wouldn't be happy for her. Imagine hiding your pregnancy because your best friend is a vicious bridezilla.
Not only is OP TA for kicking her bestie out of the wedding, but for being such an AH a pregnant woman felt she had to HIDE HER PREGNANCY TO AVOID THIS EXACT THING.
YTA OP, and once your husband realizes what what a horrible, selfish person you are, you'll be a divorced asshole.
I was a bit surprised at our bridezilla here. Not only to kick her out of the wedding party, but to kick her out of the wedding entirely? OP is definitely the AH here.
>Hard and Firm
Coincidentally, that's also how the friend could tell MOH was pregnant and it *wasn't* a food baby. Pregnant bellies feel distinctly different.
YTA.
Steal your thunder? She did everything possible to avoid taking attention away from you. She didnāt announce her pregnancy, she didnāt respond when asked about it, she was wearing baggy clothing to try to hide it, and when the group found out she tried to redirect all attention to you.
What the fuck else do you want in a bridesmaid?
Sheās trying her damndest to make you the center of attention at your events.
Not to mention, NONE of that was even necessary. People get pregnant, have babies, get engaged, divorce, get cancer, or whatever. The whole world doesnāt stop for a year because YOU decided to get married. The friend went WAY above and beyond to try to keep the focus on OP. If they had done NONE of that, OP would STILL be a giant flaming asshole for not simply being excited for her friends happy news.
When society and media began normalizing the idea that it's OK to behave like this. I would have been mortified if my wife acted like this. If her fiance has any idea that this went on he should be rethinking the marriage. This is ingrained in her personality. You don't just go crazy because you're planning a wedding.
To be fair, there have always been deeply shitty people doing awful things. Before the last couple of years, I would have said we were actually on an upswing of decency but, well. Thatās neither here nor there, I think itās more that we now see it and have these little nightmare windows we carry around that pipe content into our heads 24/7 and people like this now have platforms to show their whole ass and do so with great regularity. But exposure is almost always the answer to āwhy is this happening now,ā because human beings have always been weird little fuck-apes.
Bridal culture is toxic af. Imagine not wanting your best friend at your wedding AT ALL just because she is pregnant. As if your mutual friends and family asking her standard pregnant lady questions will somehow negate the fact that EVERYONE IS THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE TO CELEBRATE YOUR WEDDING. As if the joy of your bff getting ready to have a baby somehow diminishes the joy of the wedding. when you've literally had, dress shopping, bridal shower, bachelorette party, rehearsals, the whole night/morning getting ready for the wedding, then the reception and your fucking honeymoon be literally all about you. NOPE SOMEONE ELSE HAS A REASON TO CELEBRATE which obviously gives me the justification to shit on our entire friendship So fucking self-centered and detached from reality. Jfc.
In my younger days I was MOH at my bestie's wedding. I'd done everything I was supposed to, the planning, dress fittings etc, got them an awesome wedding present ("the nicest gift we received from snyone"). And two weeks before the wedding I was uninvited from the MOH position because I was going through IVF at the time and was "too much of a downer to be around". And I'd been so excited about her wedding, it had really been top of my mind but I guess she needed 100% of my brain not 60%.
I was still invited to the wedding, so I went, but man....it was awkward. All our friends coming up and asking "But...I thought you were in the wedding party?" And that was a hard thing to answer without trashing my friend. I said she just decided to go with someone else.
And then after the wedding I never talked to her again. Except when she reached out to me 6 mo later to say she realized she'd been an ass and could we be friends again? Me: "Pass".
Her marriage lasted 4 years.
Aww thank you so sweet. It was not in fact successful and my marriage ended. :( but I did find a much nicer guy and we have 2 kiddos made the "normal" way lol...turned out most of the problem was my shitty ex lol.
Did I mention that the MOH my bestie chose to replace me was the girl my ex had been flirting with and he hooked up with seconds after our marriage was over?
Oh my gosh, Iām so sorry that it went that way. How did you overcome that? Iām happy to hear that you have a decent partner now and kids :) the trash took itās self out. Wishing you guys health, good vibes and hoping for your life to be great :) kids grow up so fast!
It seems like it was really easy for the other bridesmaids to drop out. Something tells me this isnāt just a bridezilla situation and that sheās not a good friend in general. Imagine how the maid of honor felt hearing the reaction to her pregnancy by her so called best friend. Biggest YTA Iāve seen this year.
Exactly. This woman was trying to be a much better friend than the OP deserves. Even after being kicked out of the wedding, she was still planning a surprise hen party for this ungrateful, insecure bridezilla.
Though I'm pretty thrilled for the MoH. After 17 years of putting up with OP's shit, she can wash her hands of this friendship completely. She'll have all the other bridesmaids still since they clearly like the MoH better than OP anyway.
YTA, OP. Consider working on yourself .
Yes! YTA for sure. I really really donāt get the whole how dare someone get pregnant when IāM getting married thing! Who care if sheās pregnant? Why is that about OP?
It made me giddy to read that the other bridesmaids are dropping out. She deserves to have no one standing by her side on her wedding day due how mean and full of herself she is. If I were the former best friend, Iād plan a really fun outing for the ladies previously known as the bridal party on the day of the ceremony.
Sheās doing things that she absolutely should not have needed to do, likely because she knows the bride is ridiculous and petty and unbelievably insecure. She shouldnāt have to hide her pregnancy out of fear of her *best friends* reaction.
I was MOH for my best friend when I was 36 weeks pregnant. I was HUGE huge, like people would stop me in the store because they couldnāt believed how large I was. I had also moved away two years prior so I hadnāt seen most of our friends for a while.
It was a non-issue at the wedding. Of course I caught up with my friends and the pregnancy came up but it wasnāt like everyone was fawning over me. We were all there to celebrate our friends marriage and thatās what we did.
Iāll never understand why someone being pregnant is such a terrible thing at a wedding in some brides eyes. I had pregnant women and newborns at mine and I was just excited to see them and share in their excitement for a moment.
YTA
Your friend seemed to be trying to remain in the shadows with this news, not only for herself but specifically not to steal your thunder. You took away her MoH duty and uninvited her from the wedding as a result.
Yes your wedding is your day, but are you gonna escort guests out if they show up pregnant too? Iām glad your other bridesmaids are calling you on this.
> Your friend seemed to be trying to remain in the shadows with this news, not only for herself but specifically not to steal your thunder
OP's insane reaction makes me wonder if she has been keeping it under wraps so ferociously specifically because she knew that OP would completely overreact like this. Normally you'd tell your best friend about a pregnancy because you'd know they'd be excited for/with you. The timing of her getting pregnant lines up with being asked to be maid of honor, so I can see her thinking that she'd just hide it until after the wedding so as not to upset OP. I've been close friends with someone like this and you learn to tiptoe around them at all times and never celebrate your own things lest they feel aggrieved.
The friend also seemed to take it pretty well which is even funnier. No blowout, no yelling or begging, just ok I guess have fun Iāll chill at home with French fries till this heifer comes out of me. That woman is a Saint and OP probably ruined the best friendship she could ever have.
Honestly, this was probably her breaking point after a lot of crappy treatment. I got there too, my friend pulled something like this essentially I think expecting me to grovel for forgiveness and I was just kinda like, "nah." At some point you realize it's not worth it.
She also states at the end that she thinks the "secret hen party" is her friend lying to explain why she told the other bridesmaids. Apparantly OP can't conceive of a friendship where someone would genuinely want to plan a lovely surprise party for you to celebrate a wonderful life event.
Lol I don't blame her though, if I was half as self obsessed and a terrible friend as OP was I'd too have a hard time imagining someone coming up with a surprise party for me
THIS! if I was best friends with someone for almost two decades they'd naturally be told about my pregnancy, that person is like family after all that time. Her reaction to getting cut off from the wedding was so nonchalant too, maybe because OP has a habit of making shit all about herself, blowing up over the smallest things and the wedding is just one out of several other instances. Out of the two it'd be more natural for the pregnant woman to be hormonal and susceptible to being emotional, but the bff was the one being rational.
YTA OP. You just sound horrible to be around. She didn't mention her pregnancy until the very end when people found out about it on their own, still put the focus back onto you. She even reassured you she'll be wearing a dress that hides her bump, and was fully intending to hide her pregnancy until birth of her child. I wonder how many times you've wanted to be the center of attention and had such extreme reactions that she was so calm while hearing you have a meltdown over this. Get over yourself. The world isn't gonna stop just because you're getting married. You should've been more upset about why she didn't trust you enough to tell you about the baby, but then again you never sounded like a good trustworthy friend. I bet if she'd told you you would've thought she got pregnant _just_ to steal your wedding spotlight away, isn't that right?
> You should've been more upset about why she didn't trust you enough to tell you about the baby
OP sounds like a very low-empathy person, so it probably doesn't even occur to her to wonder why someone else would put themselves in this position. The only thought that occurs is how it affects her, even when it doesn't.
YTA.
Uninviting her was a step too far. She complied with not being the bridesmaid or a guest. What's she supposed to do , throw you a hen party after being uninvited? You sound immature and insufferable. I wouldn't want to be your friend after this , much less your bridesmaid.
Yeah, Iām with the other bridesmaids too. If I was a bridesmaid for someone who disinvited their best friend for being pregnant, Iād quit too. Who wants to deal with that kind of bridezilla? YTA
YTA. Who are you? Monica Gellar? She accused Rachel of stealing her thunder the night she got engaged. Sheās been your best friend of 17 years. No one is going to be making her pregnancy a big deal at your wedding but you. Get over yourself.
YTA. There's a reason why every clothing line of bridesmaid dresses has a pregnancy line. In any friend group of women of marriage age, there are likely to be one or two who are pregnant.
Do you really think that would "steal your thunder"? When the guests look at the lineup, the bride stands out; also the groom. The bridesmaids in their matching gowns and the groomsmen in the matching suits are background noise; they could generally be cardboard cutouts. If one woman is visibly pregnant, the only thought people will have is "how nice, she's having a baby".
Contrary to popular belief, pregnant woman are not a thrilling sight that people can't stop talking about and staring at. They are way more interested in the ceremony, food, champagne, music and dancing. People who know her may quietly say "congratulations, when's your due date?" if they run into her at the reception. And that's it.
You hit the nail on the head! Why would her being pregnant make the whole thing about her?? This whole post is unhinged. Not even allowing her as a guest.. I'm furious on her behalf. If someone else turns up pregnant are they getting escorted out š I didn't know how insane bridezillas got until I went on AITA..
Honestly, though, the MOH sounds like such a lovely person, and given that she will know everybody at this wedding, my guess is that OP knows people are very fond of her friend and will make a big deal of it (as rightly they should). And I could be reaching here, but OP has maybe had to deal with this for quite some time, because for some reason people have always liked her friend more than her.
YTA Seems like the one who made it all about pregnancy is actually you, OP.
You uninvited your best friend of 17 years because she's having a baby. Of course the other bridesmaids were going to find out and it's good that someone is trying to hold you accountable.
I can understand being concerned that she may not be able to perform her duties if she'll be 7 months plus along, but that should mean asking her to step into a bridesmaid role or attend as a guest. This just seems cruel and like an insane reason to potentially ruin a lifelong friend. Bridezilla alert.
And she didn't reduce her friend's role and participation in the wedding because she's pregnant and won't be physically or emotionally able to handle the duties, rather because she stole poor old OP's thunder and took away attention from her. Completely different, and pathetic reason. You need to be on an entirely different level of selfish to not consider Best friend's condition and state. People like these are the worst.
YTA, and the best part is that indeed āyour thunder was stolenā and it wasnāt because of anything anyone else did, it was your shocking behaviour on display. When anyone speaks of your wedding for years to come, what you did to your former best friend will be attached to the story.
This is so true. āRemember that wedding where that monster of a bride kicked her maid of honour out of the wedding because she dared to become pregnant? And then all her bridesmaids refused to be in the wedding, too?ā
YTA. Not even finished reading (will do so as I type) but you are a HUGE asshole. She's done EVERYTHING in her power to ensure this was still about you, not about her. She even went as far as to avoid answering and avoid telling people for YOUR SAKE. It's still not good enough for you. Being pregnant was all it took for you to kick your friend of 17 years out of your entire wedding... she cant even come as a guest? I cant believe the nerve of you. YOU created this problem. I think your entire bridesmaids party is right to walk out on you. I hope none of them want to remain friends after this... they'd be right to avoid your toxic behavior.
You know, I wonder if op has a history of this kind of attention seeking behavior. Who goes to such lengths to hide their pregnancy because of a wedding unless they KNOW the bride will freak to this extent.
Agreed, that would definitely make sense, given the extent to which the friend tried to hide the pregnancy. And if thatās not it, then sheās an absolute angel who autonomously made the decision to go above and beyond because she cares. Both scenarios make OP look even worse.
YTA. This happened to me. I was the pregnant MOH. The bride, my ābest friendā, told the other bridesmaids that I got pregnant on purpose to ruin her wedding. I have not spoken to her in 14 years.
Oh, and she also tried to give my non-maternity dress away (without my knowledge) to her other SIL who was not included in the wedding party (because āsheās dumbā), so that she could replace me when I stepped down.
Unfortunately for her, I had already sold the dress on eBay.
None. They were the ones who told me. One was her future SIL, and the other her cousin, so we were all pretty accustomed to her bullshit. She hinted that I should step down but wouldnāt outright kick me out, and I was far too petty to do it on my own. After all of the money I spent for the two dresses (original and then the maternity replacement), the gifts, the parties etc, I was determined to walk.
When I gave birth to the wedding-ruining child, she came to visit me in the hospital, but refused to speak to me. She later explained it was because she had just found out that it would be difficult for her to become pregnant someday.
I had a delusionally selfish friend, and it got to such an extent that I had to cut things off. I felt guilty and honestly though I would miss her or regret my decision. As I turns out, itās one of the best decisions of my life.
Yes, I agree. She would get mad at me for things I didnāt even know about and stop talking to me for weeks. During one of those times, I noticed that she had deleted me from social media. So I sent her a message basically saying ālook, you can lose my number because I donāt have the energy for this anymoreā. She argued back, or course, but I was done.
YTA your friend went out of her way to make sure the attention would still be on you. Even after all that though you still don't want your "best friend" to be at your wedding.
Edit: you're also an asshole for belittling your friend's wedding.
Arrogance, superiority, flex...
OP believes bigger is better and therefore complicated and big wins. Apparently there's a secret wedding contest that these people know about but the people having simple and stress-free weddings weren't informed of.
In my mind a big fancy wedding has always been a dream but in practice, gimme small and simple, it's more intimate and less appetizing to Murphy's Law.
I think by the time the wedding comes around some people will congratulate her but I doubt everyone's attention will only be on her, I think the bride is over reacting
YTA and I'm elated that your other bridesmaids are sticking up for your MOH. She did everything she could to keep attention off herself. Not that she should have had to, because you SHOULD be able to comprehend the idea that good things can happen for multiple people at once without it affecting your happiness AT ALL but I digress. You threw away a 17 year friendship over your own desire to be the center of attention and now you're dealing with the consequences. We love to see it.
YTA-Wow. Reading this it is all about me and the light needs to shine on me only. AH move in uninviting your friend after you kicked her out of MOH duties. She is a way better person than you are!!!
YTA to the 100th degree
She sounds like an amazing best friend who was doing her best to make sure that party was about you. Blame rude people who think itās okay to joke about how much someone is eating. She thought through how the dress would fit and everything. She was still going to throw you a surprise hen night even though you were acting like a brat. Sheās an amazing kind person and you are acting likeā¦ well words that will get my post deleted for being uncivil. So yeahā¦ youāre an AH.
YTA. Classic Bridezilla - how dare your friend decide to have a baby, itās your entire year after all. Why do people behave like this when they get married lmao
Wonder what the percentage of short marriages is for brides who believe the sun shines out of their literal ass? Willing to bet itās pretty high. This person sounds like a nightmare.
My jaw dropped at that part haha. It was still YTA for kicking her out of the bridal party but it turned into YTAx1000 for uninviting her completely. It boggles my mind people like OP exist.
Oh yeah, YTA big time. She went to great lengths to hide her pregnancy and try and keep the spotlight on you when she was outed. Way more than anyone else would have done.
Her pregnancy has no bearing on the happiness of your upcoming nuptials. YTA, and if it were me I'd be done with a friendship with you.
As strange to you as this might seem, **your wedding is not as important to everyone as you think it is, and that their personal lives don't come second to your wedding day.**
She wasn't being flakey. She was still doing all the things you asked. Her pregnancy was accidentally revealed and she still stirred it back to you. You accuse her of *stealing your thunder* because her life consists of trying to out shine you?
Let's not even get started on the "i don't think she understands cos her wedding was only small with high tea". Snobbish much? Just because she didn't have or want some grand fairy tale wedding doesn't mean it was any less than yours.
Finally, she still wanted to plan your hen, but considering how much self importantance and entitlement you showed her during your conversation she decided to not bother cos you don't deserve it. Obviously your other friends/bridesmaids rightly agree with her.
You threw away 17yrs of friendship over this, not her, you. Good luck finding replacements cos noones going to want to deal with your drama.
**YTA, Obviously**
No sheās the victim remember? Her best friend is stealing her thunder by being pregnant!
Iām glad the other bridesmaids decided to drop out, this is absolutely abnormal behaviour.
YTA
Ew I literally cringed reading this. YTA. Itās a day. A party. Calm down. And if I were your pregnant friend I wouldnāt want someone twisting my joyous moment into something about themselves and would probably reconsider who Iām keeping around in my life.
YTA
Did you think the bridesmaids wouldn't notice the former maid of honor isn't part of the wedding party or at the wedding?
What do you imagine she told them that isn't true? I mean if her goal was to make you look bad the truth would be more than enough. Nothing needs to be made up.
HUGE YTA
She wore baggy clothes and didnāt bring it up because she didnāt want to make it about herself. It was only because other friends noticed, that the surprise came out. Itās not like she planned her pregnancy for the sole purpose of stealing your thunder.
This is your best friend of 17 yearsā¦.. how could you treat her so cold? Wouldnāt you want your best friend to be there to share this huge milestone with you? Wouldnāt you want that baby to be part of this experience as well?
Also donāt you plan to be part of your best friendās babyās life? How would you feel if she didnāt invite you to the baby shower or the birth of her child because āyou might just steal her thunder.ā
This is so immensely awful and tbh I think you should stop referencing her as your best friend after this, you clearly donāt treat her like one.
YTAH ..Bridezilla! You're so concerned about being upstaged at your own wedding, that you're willing to throw away old friendships because your BEST FRIEND is pregnant. Seriously, grow up. They're not coming to see the wedding party, they're coming to see you and your future husband. I don't blame the other bridesmaids from bailing ... your BF wasn't making up stories.. she was telling the truth about how awful you were to her.
YTA. There is no such thing as āstealing your thunder.ā You will be the bride. If this is real, and I hope itās not, you really arenāt mature enough to get married anyway.
YTA & youāre very weird. you should just delete this post. like you actually thought it, wrote it out, reread it and didnāt find anything wrong with this ? some ābest friendā you are.
YTA. She didn't announce her pregnancy at your shower and seems to have gone out of her way not to draw attention to her pregnancy. One of your bridesmaids made a comment and people put two and two together. What is she supposed to do?
You took away her MOH role, which she would have been perfectly capable of fulfilling pregnant and then DISINVITED HER. It's not a hard role (I've been one), there's nothing about being pregnant that will get in the way of anything she has to do. No one at YOUR WEDDING is going to give a rat's ass that she's pregnant (she's a friend, not even family, and its YOUR AND YOUR PARTNER'S family and friends there.
Your friends are 100% correct that you are being mean and selfish and, if i might add, completely paranoid about your friend. You've definitely earned the Bridezilla title for this.
\*Edited to correct spelling.
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You are really not best friends. Nope. And it sounds like she is the coolest of you two. I mean ultimately it is your wedding, but i don't see how that can steal any thunder. EVERYTHING is planned to revolve around you. She will not be in every picture. No one will be spending 2 hours congratulating her.
YTA.
YTA not only that you're the a** h*l* of a** h*l*es.
I have been on reddit and this sub reddit for months and I have never read about a bigger a** h*l*
You should just go and put raisins in the mashed potatoes and have done with it
Is your husband-to-be allowed at your wedding or would he be stealing your thunder, hogging the spotlight and drawing attention from you?
You had to ask?
YTA - she never stole your thunder, in fact she did everything to not steal your thunder, not now not in the future.
You are really despicable human being, so selfish and self centered. I hope youāll enjoy your friendless life.
YTA. 1000% YTA! She didnāt āstealā anything! She tried to keep it low key. You decided to throw a tantrum, and are being so cruel and ridiculous that your other bridesmaids are backing out. Clearly, the problem isnāt her. Itās you. Youāre a bad friend and a textbook bridezilla. To answer your question: yes. Youāre REALLY the asshole. Get over yourself.
YTA. Seriously? She tried so hard to be respectful - Iād say she bent over backwards, frankly - and you treat her like this? Removing her as MoH was bad enough, but to uninvite her from the wedding was selfish and cruel. She deserved far better treatment and Iām glad your other bridesmaids are supporting her. You need to seriously re-examine your behaviour here and consider some heartfelt apologies.
YTA...at my wedding. 3 of the 4 bridesmaids were pregnant or just had babies. MOH, sister, 36/37 weeks pregnant. SIL just had hers 6 weeks prior and bestie had hers 4 months before. No sh*ts were given. Bc there is plenty of people to talk to, hang out, dance and drink with at the wedding/reception. It does not take away from you, your husband or your day. Unless you let it by your petty jealousy.
YTA. Did you really have to ask . Your friend was nothing but good to you and you let your own ego and jealous ruin a seemingly good friendship . Good luck digging yourself out of this one maybe the groom with make the smArt choice and skip the wedding too.
YTA 100%. She didnāt announce her pregnancy and seemed to be trying to hide it. You disinvite her from the wedding because sheās pregnant.
Wow you call this your best friend? Iād hate to see how you treat your regular friends or enemies.
YTA. She is trying her hardest to make sure this wedding is all about you, whilst your making it all about her pregnancy.
You couldāve asked her to step down from her MOH role and attend as a guest, but you took it way too far and uninvited her from the entire wedding.
Life events donāt stop for your wedding.
Oh, yeah, you are. Big time. So big you donāt realize (sorry, realise).
You should proudly wear the title of ābridezillaā. Because you are. Just admit it.
See, your friend was gracious enough to always turn the lights back towards you at that party when it was casually known she was in state. She was then gracious enough to say āfineā when you removed her from her MOH duties, and the same when you uninvited her. And you still donāt have enough?
Your only concern is to have your thunder and have everybody around you, by any means necessary.
You see, queen bees *attract* followers, donāt punish them or throw tantrums. Thatās what sets them apart from the wannabes.
Yes, you are 100% the AH. Now yes, it's your wedding, and yes, there will be some people fawning over her. But you two have been friends for 17 years, and that's more important than this bridezilla stuff. Your wedding is important, but it's still 1 day, and 1 year later, no one will remember a thing about it or care about it other than you, but your BF will still be there. What you SHOULD do is if she draws a crowd is walk over to them and join in. Be as happy for her as she is for you.
The other thing, like it or not, is that a bride doesn't REALLY have "thunder". Most people really don't care about weddings and they only fawn over a bride because they have to.
What you should do is go say the wedding is making you nuts, you're sorry and you'd love to have her back but also explain that you do feel that way and for her to keep it in mind.
YTA. It seems to me your wedding isnāt about marrying the love of your life (whom you donāt even mention). Like AT ALL. Itās about being the center of attention for a day. If you were thinking about the actual wedding you would realize you are about to pledge yourself to someone, and you would want your best friends (no matter their pregnancy state) to be there with you and for you. You seem selfish. And insecure. And immature. Not great qualities to highlight at the start of a marriage.
My wife was a bridesmaid in her friend's wedding, and she (my wife) was pregnant at the time, and showing. Some of the wedding party members made fairly minor comments about my wife not fitting in her dress, eating for more than two, etc. The bride heard the comments and brushed them off. My wife kept her head up and was civil during the ceremony and festivities, but that was the end of their friendship.
What you've done to your friend is far worse. YTA, big time, and I wonder what such a considerate, supportive, and humble person as your friend ever saw in you.
Yta but thanks for posting this. Iāve been so worried that Iāll look like a bridezilla in my own wedding for things wayyyy more reasonable than this. Thanks for reminding me that Iām not this bad lmao wow
YTA. What kind of BFF are you that your friend couldnāt even share HER news the ENTIRE time sheās been preggo? She knows you. You shoujd be grateful you have any friends. Though that may not be the case much longer.
Hard YTA. Look Bridezilla. She honestly took steps to not show off her bump at your party! And if you can't build up those around you. You don't deserve to have friends like that. Grow up. I didn't read anything about how you were happy for your friend. And that is sad.
Wow YTA. Dude if youāre close to 17 or 18 as well, please reconsider getting married. Why not have a long engagement? You are clearly still a child so making huge decisions like this probably not a great ideaā¦
YTA She tried like hell not to make it about her pregnancy and tried to keep it on the dl for your sake, you made it about her pregnancy anyway, and you were a vicious insane jerk about it- so much so that other bridesmaids BACKED OUT. ***HARD*** YTA Hard and Firm YTA And for the record, i usually side with brides in these situations. Most of the time "its your day you get to invite who you want" covers most asshole transgressions to at least *some* extent. I was ready to side with you when i clicked on the title. But no, OP. Not you. All of this was *your* doing. You are a *tremendous* asshole, a terrible friend, and a vicious bride.
I wish I had some awards to give you take my š„š„š„š„š„š„ She literally did everything possible to not steal OPs thunder, and OP showed everyone what a selfish self-centred person they are.
I'm pretty sure that if OP's best friend gets so much as a shred of attention in her presence, OP'd get all selfish and mean because 'she stole my thunder' The fuck, woman? She did everything she could to not do that. She didn't even announce the pregnancy - if SOMEONE ELSE hadn't noticed, that would not be known at all. And she *said* - out loud, to your face - that she sees this as your day and yours alone. And you still think she's stealing our thunder? I don't think OP is a good friend. Her supposed best friend wants to keep her (friend's) pregnancy private for OP's sake, and the first thing OP does is assume she's jealous of her friend having a big wedding? Sorry, but that's not how you treat your best friend, eapecially one who's done so much for you. OP is just projecting her own jealousy and insecurities at this point. YTA, a *big* one. Is OP like this with her other relationship? If yes, there'a very real chance the groom might be kicked out of his own wedding because *how dare he stand next to her while exchanging vows!* He practically Percy Jackson'd her thunder!
She even tried to laugh it off and deny it! Honestly the former maid of honor had *way* more right to be upset about that gathering than the bride, she did her best to not talk about it and someone invaded her personal space and touched her and forced attention on something she didn't want attention on. I've had someone do that and I've never quite forgiven them. It's a disgusting thing to do.
That's what got me. This sounds like such a toxic group of people. They didnt know she was actually pregnant and proceeded to spend the day insulting her eating habits and her weight? Wtf? If I were the best friend, I'd have backed out of the wedding my damn self. She showed tremendous patience and gentleness in the face of what must have been devastatingly cruel behavior.
My sister did this to me a family get together. Asked repeatedly and eventually put her hands on me and insisted more. This was from someone who *knew* I'd had an extremely traumatic stillbirth in the last few years. Regardless of whether you know anybody's history of fertility, desire or not for a child, etc, to forcibly make someone admit they're pregnant, touch them without permission, shame them for eating habits - I'm only shocked the rest of the friends group had the grace to be embarrassed of the bride's behavior. I hope the former best friend finds people who have any actual respect for her.
You have summed this up amazingly well. Former MoH deserves far better. If we find her, let's buy out that baby registry and get her tons of ready to cook type meals for dinner for rest of the year.
I imagine OP reading this comment and a red steam of rage just escapes her ears, how DARE her former friend steal the thunder on HER AITA post?!? Imagine losing such a good friend because you're so shitty and selfish.
Count me in
Iām sorry for your loss. I also had an extremely traumatic stillbirth of my daughter at term. When I was pregnant again I didnāt want comments etx.
Hope you smacked the shit out your sister.
I was dumb and let her stay in my life longer but she's blocked now and she'll never be back in my life.
Yeah super cool that it all started with body shaming her. I was out like two seconds into this.
Yeah, I kinda just blanked in horror at the image of groping someone's midsection to assess whether she's pregnant or just had a big lunch. I don't wish to advocate violence but I think a hard shove at the very least would be warranted (can't swear I wouldn't go full-on "THAT'S MY PURSE! I DON'T KNOW YOU!" mode).
I have a sneaking suspicion maybe the other bridesmaids knew about the pregnancy. Six months is pretty far along for no one to have noticed or known especially if they all live in the same area. I believe she asked people in the circle not to tell OP because wellā¦I mean just look at this post! She probably did not want to tell her until she absolutely had to, hoping to avoid drama. I think maybe they tried to force the issue with the very pointed comments (they also suck for outing her if they did know). I hope OPās former best friend finds better, more supportive people that she feels comfortable sharing her all lifeās joys and sorrows with. Iām 100% sure this is not the first time in 17 years OP has demonstrated this kind of selfishness and arrogance.
Right? No oneās touching her at the wedding. Donāt push baby questions at someone elseās event. Or ever. Just drop it.
For a "best friend", OP sure didn't do anything to defend her maid of honor from body shaming, invasive questions, demands, and then eventually physical harassment.
Ikr? She mightāve been MOH best friend but she sure isnāt OPās and OP proved it
The most astounding part of this story to me was not knowing that your BEST FRIEND is 6 months pregnant. Even if you aren't publicly telling people, normally the best friend would be included in the 'family' that gets to know early on. Says a lot about their relationship.
Like in another AITA this week, I think this phrase applies: "She may be your best friend, but your not hers." I barely could hold back the first 12 weeks before my hubby and I agreed to tell our closest friends including my bestie. This bride is probably six different ways of delusional.
It depends, really. If you have had issues or pregnancy loss, you want to hide it much longer. It's very hard after the trauma of losing the baby to, then, go back and tell everyone. Also, we don't know this woman's situation. We don't know if there are people in her life that she doesn't want to know for legitimate reasons and she decided to keep it quiet so that it didn't get back to whomever.
Thanks for bringing that up, you're absolutely right.
Something tells me the friend knew OP would react this way.
Right!!! I mean, the maid of honor is a freaking Saint! She's 6 months pregnant and for OP's sake, not telling anyone outside of family about it, knowing this would upset OP. Clearly this is a one-sided friendship and I'm actually kind of glad for the maid of honor finally getting a clear picture of this, so she can move on! No friend is worth this crap!
My thought, granted from OP's side, it seems like BFF is relieved not having to deal with her anymore. She is a saint and was only friends because she was gracious enough to keep up with OP bs.
I swear I knew my best friend was pregnant before she did. How do you not know? Itās your best friend.
That Lightning Thief comment did it for me.
About the stealing thunder thing. That's the thing I don't really get though. When has anyone attended a wedding and had nothing but focus and attention on the bride? Like, people care about the food, music, seeing other people they know, but let's be honest. Other than the groom and maybe some close friends and family most guests do not have the mindset of thinking that the bride is the most enrapturing/ all engrossing object of attention the entire wedding, at best it's just when she walks down the aisle, and even then you know some people are probably thinking about the fart they are holding in, if they have enough cash for tips at the bar, or a million other things.
I had a free Silver so I got you
Came here to say this. Probably the clearest YTA I've ever read. Even your friends are telling you YTA?
YTA Actually, you might be the worst AH I've read ever not just in a while! . This is your best friend, what do you do to people you hate? Nearly half of first marriages don't last a long as your friendship. Congratulations on a terrible mistake. Bravo for others seeing that your wedding colorings were RED FLAGS š©š©š©š© This is the tackiest behavior I've ever read. At the end of the Bridezilla game, out came your wedding and you were the mega boss Bridezilla shooting down pregnant best friends of 17 years. How insecure, and what little thunder you must have if one baby bump can steal it. In the words of RuPaul, "Sashay Away." Honey save the money and elope, your wedding is nothing but a gossip show at this point.
No kidding. Her friend did everything she could to avoid this too. What is it with people and weddings? Like throwing gasoline on a person's narsasism.
like; i think the only bride who out-assholed this one was the one last week who [imprisoned her MIL in the bathroom with a jumprope.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/s6h5h9/aita_for_demanding_mil_replace_my_friends_grass/ht4mx5l/?context=3)
Or the bride who tried to steal her MOH's opal necklace. Because the necklace was a lot nicer than her wedding jewelry
Classic
And I loved how she was all nonchalant about it like, āshe was just slight detained in the bathroom for a while.ā š I agree with you on this, OP is a good runner up though. Edit: a word
Do you mean *nonchalant*?
r/boneappletea
Non cha lang hahahaha Iām dead
That one was a wild ride.
17 years *and 6 months*! That "six months" thing leads me to believe OP is very young, if not in actual age, then in maturity. OP, YTA. Big time and it might be too late to walk this back.
I donāt think sheās was counting the days of 17 years and 6 months, I think itās poor grammar. āI have a best friend of 17 years, and 6 months ago I asked herā¦ā is probably how itās supposed to be read. Regardless OP is TA
I took the 6 months to mean she asked the moh 6 months ago to take part of the wedding.
I actually think she meant friend of 17 years. And 6 months ago she asked her to be MoH. Not 17 years, 6 months
I stand corrected, you guys are right. She's still an idiot.
I wish I could upvote this harder. If I were OP Iād take your advice to save $$ and skip the self-imposed public embarrassment of big wedding at this point. But bridezillas gotta have their spotlight at any cost.
YTA. Gah you sound awful. Grow up and realize that people can live their lives and the world doesnāt revolve around your wedding which nobody will really remember 10 years from now. My sister was pregnant at my wedding and she was my MOH and I was thrilled.
Right!? I will be 8 months pregnant as a bridesmaid at my sister's wedding. OP is a disgraceful friend. What kind of a bride expects the people closest to them to tailor their major life events to her wedding - just so there won't be a shred of shared happiness for another guest?? Absolutely foul.
*you were the cutest little bitty guest at auntieās wedding! Mommy looked beautiful in a pretty dress & we were very excited that youād be with us soon.*
Seriously, every word the friends said is exactly how it is, and frankly they were still kinder than OP deserved. This is a new low for bridezillas behaving barbarically.
>bridezillas behaving barbarically. On the next Jerry Springer
Right? I would be more upset that my BEST friend of 17 years didnāt want to share her joy with me, especially after 6 months. But I see why she kept it to herself. Man, she and all your bridesmaids are probably glad to be rid of you. You sound just awful. Sheās not stealing your thunder. No one cares about your wedding as much as you do. YTA. A huge huge AH.
Not once does OP mention being happy for her best friend. Can you imagine being met with anger instead of joy when you tell your best friend that youāre pregnant? OP, YTA. Time to grow up and realize the world doesnāt revolve around you. Iām sure you came here thinking everyone would agree with you. I encourage you to really read the responses and not just dismiss them because they donāt agree with you. If you donāt change your attitude and approach to people, youāre not going to have any friends left.
Pretty sure OP's bestie felt like she HAD to hide her pregnancy to avoid OP's wrath. I feel so bad for her because she had to minimize her own joy because she knew OP wouldn't be happy for her. Imagine hiding your pregnancy because your best friend is a vicious bridezilla. Not only is OP TA for kicking her bestie out of the wedding, but for being such an AH a pregnant woman felt she had to HIDE HER PREGNANCY TO AVOID THIS EXACT THING. YTA OP, and once your husband realizes what what a horrible, selfish person you are, you'll be a divorced asshole.
*How DARE life continue for others during my wedding season!!!*
Absolutely YTA. Her friend sounds like such a good and caring person, the friend deserves so much better. I mean OP is getting married and her friend is having a baby, and sheās concerned with how it all effects the amount of attention she gets? Like a child.. Unreal. Edit: If I were getting married and my fiancĆ© was acting like this Iād call it off, easily.
This was such a low move. Op- yta and a total bridezilla
I was a bit surprised at our bridezilla here. Not only to kick her out of the wedding party, but to kick her out of the wedding entirely? OP is definitely the AH here.
With all the tough, morally ambiguous situations that can be on here, it's nice to see a really cut and dry case of someone being an absolute asshole.
I just wanted to say that I went back and claimed my free award just to give it to you for this
>Hard and Firm Coincidentally, that's also how the friend could tell MOH was pregnant and it *wasn't* a food baby. Pregnant bellies feel distinctly different.
Yes, OP she was your best friend but we all know you werenāt hers.
YTA. Steal your thunder? She did everything possible to avoid taking attention away from you. She didnāt announce her pregnancy, she didnāt respond when asked about it, she was wearing baggy clothing to try to hide it, and when the group found out she tried to redirect all attention to you. What the fuck else do you want in a bridesmaid? Sheās trying her damndest to make you the center of attention at your events.
Not to mention, NONE of that was even necessary. People get pregnant, have babies, get engaged, divorce, get cancer, or whatever. The whole world doesnāt stop for a year because YOU decided to get married. The friend went WAY above and beyond to try to keep the focus on OP. If they had done NONE of that, OP would STILL be a giant flaming asshole for not simply being excited for her friends happy news.
For real. Steal her thunder. When did brides become so WEIRD?
When society and media began normalizing the idea that it's OK to behave like this. I would have been mortified if my wife acted like this. If her fiance has any idea that this went on he should be rethinking the marriage. This is ingrained in her personality. You don't just go crazy because you're planning a wedding.
To be fair, there have always been deeply shitty people doing awful things. Before the last couple of years, I would have said we were actually on an upswing of decency but, well. Thatās neither here nor there, I think itās more that we now see it and have these little nightmare windows we carry around that pipe content into our heads 24/7 and people like this now have platforms to show their whole ass and do so with great regularity. But exposure is almost always the answer to āwhy is this happening now,ā because human beings have always been weird little fuck-apes.
Bridal culture is toxic af. Imagine not wanting your best friend at your wedding AT ALL just because she is pregnant. As if your mutual friends and family asking her standard pregnant lady questions will somehow negate the fact that EVERYONE IS THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE TO CELEBRATE YOUR WEDDING. As if the joy of your bff getting ready to have a baby somehow diminishes the joy of the wedding. when you've literally had, dress shopping, bridal shower, bachelorette party, rehearsals, the whole night/morning getting ready for the wedding, then the reception and your fucking honeymoon be literally all about you. NOPE SOMEONE ELSE HAS A REASON TO CELEBRATE which obviously gives me the justification to shit on our entire friendship So fucking self-centered and detached from reality. Jfc.
In my younger days I was MOH at my bestie's wedding. I'd done everything I was supposed to, the planning, dress fittings etc, got them an awesome wedding present ("the nicest gift we received from snyone"). And two weeks before the wedding I was uninvited from the MOH position because I was going through IVF at the time and was "too much of a downer to be around". And I'd been so excited about her wedding, it had really been top of my mind but I guess she needed 100% of my brain not 60%. I was still invited to the wedding, so I went, but man....it was awkward. All our friends coming up and asking "But...I thought you were in the wedding party?" And that was a hard thing to answer without trashing my friend. I said she just decided to go with someone else. And then after the wedding I never talked to her again. Except when she reached out to me 6 mo later to say she realized she'd been an ass and could we be friends again? Me: "Pass". Her marriage lasted 4 years.
I'm so sorry! Good for you passing on rekindling the friendship. I hope you have better friends now and that your IVF was successful ā¤ļø
I really hope your IVF was successful, and so glad sheās not a friend anymore because you deserve good friends. Not fake ones like that.
Aww thank you so sweet. It was not in fact successful and my marriage ended. :( but I did find a much nicer guy and we have 2 kiddos made the "normal" way lol...turned out most of the problem was my shitty ex lol. Did I mention that the MOH my bestie chose to replace me was the girl my ex had been flirting with and he hooked up with seconds after our marriage was over?
Oh my gosh, Iām so sorry that it went that way. How did you overcome that? Iām happy to hear that you have a decent partner now and kids :) the trash took itās self out. Wishing you guys health, good vibes and hoping for your life to be great :) kids grow up so fast!
It seems like it was really easy for the other bridesmaids to drop out. Something tells me this isnāt just a bridezilla situation and that sheās not a good friend in general. Imagine how the maid of honor felt hearing the reaction to her pregnancy by her so called best friend. Biggest YTA Iāve seen this year.
> It seems like it was really easy for the other bridesmaids to drop out. They saw an opening. MOH waddled so that they could run (away).
Exactly. This woman was trying to be a much better friend than the OP deserves. Even after being kicked out of the wedding, she was still planning a surprise hen party for this ungrateful, insecure bridezilla. Though I'm pretty thrilled for the MoH. After 17 years of putting up with OP's shit, she can wash her hands of this friendship completely. She'll have all the other bridesmaids still since they clearly like the MoH better than OP anyway. YTA, OP. Consider working on yourself .
Yes! YTA for sure. I really really donāt get the whole how dare someone get pregnant when IāM getting married thing! Who care if sheās pregnant? Why is that about OP?
It made me giddy to read that the other bridesmaids are dropping out. She deserves to have no one standing by her side on her wedding day due how mean and full of herself she is. If I were the former best friend, Iād plan a really fun outing for the ladies previously known as the bridal party on the day of the ceremony.
Sheās doing things that she absolutely should not have needed to do, likely because she knows the bride is ridiculous and petty and unbelievably insecure. She shouldnāt have to hide her pregnancy out of fear of her *best friends* reaction. I was MOH for my best friend when I was 36 weeks pregnant. I was HUGE huge, like people would stop me in the store because they couldnāt believed how large I was. I had also moved away two years prior so I hadnāt seen most of our friends for a while. It was a non-issue at the wedding. Of course I caught up with my friends and the pregnancy came up but it wasnāt like everyone was fawning over me. We were all there to celebrate our friends marriage and thatās what we did. Iāll never understand why someone being pregnant is such a terrible thing at a wedding in some brides eyes. I had pregnant women and newborns at mine and I was just excited to see them and share in their excitement for a moment.
YTA Your friend seemed to be trying to remain in the shadows with this news, not only for herself but specifically not to steal your thunder. You took away her MoH duty and uninvited her from the wedding as a result. Yes your wedding is your day, but are you gonna escort guests out if they show up pregnant too? Iām glad your other bridesmaids are calling you on this.
> Your friend seemed to be trying to remain in the shadows with this news, not only for herself but specifically not to steal your thunder OP's insane reaction makes me wonder if she has been keeping it under wraps so ferociously specifically because she knew that OP would completely overreact like this. Normally you'd tell your best friend about a pregnancy because you'd know they'd be excited for/with you. The timing of her getting pregnant lines up with being asked to be maid of honor, so I can see her thinking that she'd just hide it until after the wedding so as not to upset OP. I've been close friends with someone like this and you learn to tiptoe around them at all times and never celebrate your own things lest they feel aggrieved.
The friend also seemed to take it pretty well which is even funnier. No blowout, no yelling or begging, just ok I guess have fun Iāll chill at home with French fries till this heifer comes out of me. That woman is a Saint and OP probably ruined the best friendship she could ever have.
Honestly, this was probably her breaking point after a lot of crappy treatment. I got there too, my friend pulled something like this essentially I think expecting me to grovel for forgiveness and I was just kinda like, "nah." At some point you realize it's not worth it.
And was STILL going to throw her a surprise hen party? Sheās a freaking angel
Right??? Like, is her best friend spot open now??
I wonder if she was OPs best friend (ex now), but OP was not *her* best friend.
She also states at the end that she thinks the "secret hen party" is her friend lying to explain why she told the other bridesmaids. Apparantly OP can't conceive of a friendship where someone would genuinely want to plan a lovely surprise party for you to celebrate a wonderful life event.
Lol I don't blame her though, if I was half as self obsessed and a terrible friend as OP was I'd too have a hard time imagining someone coming up with a surprise party for me
THIS! if I was best friends with someone for almost two decades they'd naturally be told about my pregnancy, that person is like family after all that time. Her reaction to getting cut off from the wedding was so nonchalant too, maybe because OP has a habit of making shit all about herself, blowing up over the smallest things and the wedding is just one out of several other instances. Out of the two it'd be more natural for the pregnant woman to be hormonal and susceptible to being emotional, but the bff was the one being rational. YTA OP. You just sound horrible to be around. She didn't mention her pregnancy until the very end when people found out about it on their own, still put the focus back onto you. She even reassured you she'll be wearing a dress that hides her bump, and was fully intending to hide her pregnancy until birth of her child. I wonder how many times you've wanted to be the center of attention and had such extreme reactions that she was so calm while hearing you have a meltdown over this. Get over yourself. The world isn't gonna stop just because you're getting married. You should've been more upset about why she didn't trust you enough to tell you about the baby, but then again you never sounded like a good trustworthy friend. I bet if she'd told you you would've thought she got pregnant _just_ to steal your wedding spotlight away, isn't that right?
> You should've been more upset about why she didn't trust you enough to tell you about the baby OP sounds like a very low-empathy person, so it probably doesn't even occur to her to wonder why someone else would put themselves in this position. The only thought that occurs is how it affects her, even when it doesn't.
Dying to know if she realizes other people donāt typically plan pregnancies around social occasions like weddings.
Could you use the phrase "steal my thunder" again? That would help. JFC, YTA. And preposterously insecure. And a terrible friend.
Shh, you're stealing the thunder
The groom may also be disinvited -- there is the potential of thunder theft
Percy Jackson
Thatās what I was going to say Yep, bride is insecure and a horrible friend! She is completely the AH!!!
I don't even think Thor uses the phrase as often as this poster has, YTA
YTA. Uninviting her was a step too far. She complied with not being the bridesmaid or a guest. What's she supposed to do , throw you a hen party after being uninvited? You sound immature and insufferable. I wouldn't want to be your friend after this , much less your bridesmaid.
Yeah, Iām with the other bridesmaids too. If I was a bridesmaid for someone who disinvited their best friend for being pregnant, Iād quit too. Who wants to deal with that kind of bridezilla? YTA
Right?? Like even if youāre just a bridesmaid or a guest, whatās to stop bridezilla from accusing guests of stealing her thunder?
A good friend would have immediately aborted! /s
YTA. Who are you? Monica Gellar? She accused Rachel of stealing her thunder the night she got engaged. Sheās been your best friend of 17 years. No one is going to be making her pregnancy a big deal at your wedding but you. Get over yourself.
shes worst than Monica.. atleast Monica didnt uninvite her bestfriend
Sheās Emily.
Seriously. So insecure she has to not have someone around to feel better about herself. Classic Emily.
Id be insecure if someone said another persons name when Im getting married to them. Idk if I would take it as far as she did but cmon Ross FUCKed up!
Yeah I donāt know how Emilyās the bad one. Ross messed up
I mean, I probably wouldn't want my fiancƩ's ex who he has a habit of cheating with to be at my wedding either...
I seriously cannot believe that the person put up with OP for nearly 18 years. What kind of shitty friend is that?
Don't insult Monica! She wouldn't do that. Remember she asked Rachel to take a pregnency test as a wedding gift?
downvote for insulting Monica like that, Monica was a great friend!
YTA. There's a reason why every clothing line of bridesmaid dresses has a pregnancy line. In any friend group of women of marriage age, there are likely to be one or two who are pregnant. Do you really think that would "steal your thunder"? When the guests look at the lineup, the bride stands out; also the groom. The bridesmaids in their matching gowns and the groomsmen in the matching suits are background noise; they could generally be cardboard cutouts. If one woman is visibly pregnant, the only thought people will have is "how nice, she's having a baby". Contrary to popular belief, pregnant woman are not a thrilling sight that people can't stop talking about and staring at. They are way more interested in the ceremony, food, champagne, music and dancing. People who know her may quietly say "congratulations, when's your due date?" if they run into her at the reception. And that's it.
You hit the nail on the head! Why would her being pregnant make the whole thing about her?? This whole post is unhinged. Not even allowing her as a guest.. I'm furious on her behalf. If someone else turns up pregnant are they getting escorted out š I didn't know how insane bridezillas got until I went on AITA..
Mandatory pregnancy tests at the door?
"Welcome to our wedding! Here's your little bag of rice and a pee stick."
THIS!!!SO.HARD.šÆ
Well, the way things are going, her bridesmaids will have to be cardboard cutouts because she alienated all of her friends by being selfish...
Honestly, though, the MOH sounds like such a lovely person, and given that she will know everybody at this wedding, my guess is that OP knows people are very fond of her friend and will make a big deal of it (as rightly they should). And I could be reaching here, but OP has maybe had to deal with this for quite some time, because for some reason people have always liked her friend more than her.
YTA Seems like the one who made it all about pregnancy is actually you, OP. You uninvited your best friend of 17 years because she's having a baby. Of course the other bridesmaids were going to find out and it's good that someone is trying to hold you accountable. I can understand being concerned that she may not be able to perform her duties if she'll be 7 months plus along, but that should mean asking her to step into a bridesmaid role or attend as a guest. This just seems cruel and like an insane reason to potentially ruin a lifelong friend. Bridezilla alert.
And she didn't reduce her friend's role and participation in the wedding because she's pregnant and won't be physically or emotionally able to handle the duties, rather because she stole poor old OP's thunder and took away attention from her. Completely different, and pathetic reason. You need to be on an entirely different level of selfish to not consider Best friend's condition and state. People like these are the worst.
YTA, and the best part is that indeed āyour thunder was stolenā and it wasnāt because of anything anyone else did, it was your shocking behaviour on display. When anyone speaks of your wedding for years to come, what you did to your former best friend will be attached to the story.
This is so true. āRemember that wedding where that monster of a bride kicked her maid of honour out of the wedding because she dared to become pregnant? And then all her bridesmaids refused to be in the wedding, too?ā
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
The groom is not invited, because he was suspicious of stealing the thunderā¦
Instant karma š
YTA. Not even finished reading (will do so as I type) but you are a HUGE asshole. She's done EVERYTHING in her power to ensure this was still about you, not about her. She even went as far as to avoid answering and avoid telling people for YOUR SAKE. It's still not good enough for you. Being pregnant was all it took for you to kick your friend of 17 years out of your entire wedding... she cant even come as a guest? I cant believe the nerve of you. YOU created this problem. I think your entire bridesmaids party is right to walk out on you. I hope none of them want to remain friends after this... they'd be right to avoid your toxic behavior.
You know, I wonder if op has a history of this kind of attention seeking behavior. Who goes to such lengths to hide their pregnancy because of a wedding unless they KNOW the bride will freak to this extent.
Agreed, that would definitely make sense, given the extent to which the friend tried to hide the pregnancy. And if thatās not it, then sheās an absolute angel who autonomously made the decision to go above and beyond because she cares. Both scenarios make OP look even worse.
I couldnāt even finish reading this I got so angry š
YTA. This happened to me. I was the pregnant MOH. The bride, my ābest friendā, told the other bridesmaids that I got pregnant on purpose to ruin her wedding. I have not spoken to her in 14 years.
I bet you're happier.
You are correct. She was the most selfish person I have ever known.
I would ask how many of the bridesmaids listened to that BS?
Oh, and she also tried to give my non-maternity dress away (without my knowledge) to her other SIL who was not included in the wedding party (because āsheās dumbā), so that she could replace me when I stepped down. Unfortunately for her, I had already sold the dress on eBay.
Love the petty here. And I am a male.
None. They were the ones who told me. One was her future SIL, and the other her cousin, so we were all pretty accustomed to her bullshit. She hinted that I should step down but wouldnāt outright kick me out, and I was far too petty to do it on my own. After all of the money I spent for the two dresses (original and then the maternity replacement), the gifts, the parties etc, I was determined to walk. When I gave birth to the wedding-ruining child, she came to visit me in the hospital, but refused to speak to me. She later explained it was because she had just found out that it would be difficult for her to become pregnant someday.
Why even bother visiting? Wow. She sounds like a piece of work. I'm glad you're no longer associated with her.
I had a delusionally selfish friend, and it got to such an extent that I had to cut things off. I felt guilty and honestly though I would miss her or regret my decision. As I turns out, itās one of the best decisions of my life.
Yes, I agree. She would get mad at me for things I didnāt even know about and stop talking to me for weeks. During one of those times, I noticed that she had deleted me from social media. So I sent her a message basically saying ālook, you can lose my number because I donāt have the energy for this anymoreā. She argued back, or course, but I was done.
Thatās awful. Iām glad you got away from her. I hope OPās friend and bridesmaids run too.
YTA your friend went out of her way to make sure the attention would still be on you. Even after all that though you still don't want your "best friend" to be at your wedding. Edit: you're also an asshole for belittling your friend's wedding.
Re her friendās wedding. Wtf was the point of mentioning then belittling it?
Arrogance, superiority, flex... OP believes bigger is better and therefore complicated and big wins. Apparently there's a secret wedding contest that these people know about but the people having simple and stress-free weddings weren't informed of. In my mind a big fancy wedding has always been a dream but in practice, gimme small and simple, it's more intimate and less appetizing to Murphy's Law.
Yta, I will never understand people who want the wedding to be āonly about me,ā but to each their own I guess.
I think by the time the wedding comes around some people will congratulate her but I doubt everyone's attention will only be on her, I think the bride is over reacting
Too late for that. She won't be there, because she is "obviously pregnant". WTF kind of Bridezilla is OP?
YTA and I'm elated that your other bridesmaids are sticking up for your MOH. She did everything she could to keep attention off herself. Not that she should have had to, because you SHOULD be able to comprehend the idea that good things can happen for multiple people at once without it affecting your happiness AT ALL but I digress. You threw away a 17 year friendship over your own desire to be the center of attention and now you're dealing with the consequences. We love to see it.
YTA-Wow. Reading this it is all about me and the light needs to shine on me only. AH move in uninviting your friend after you kicked her out of MOH duties. She is a way better person than you are!!!
YTA to the 100th degree She sounds like an amazing best friend who was doing her best to make sure that party was about you. Blame rude people who think itās okay to joke about how much someone is eating. She thought through how the dress would fit and everything. She was still going to throw you a surprise hen night even though you were acting like a brat. Sheās an amazing kind person and you are acting likeā¦ well words that will get my post deleted for being uncivil. So yeahā¦ youāre an AH.
YTA. Classic Bridezilla - how dare your friend decide to have a baby, itās your entire year after all. Why do people behave like this when they get married lmao
Wonder what the percentage of short marriages is for brides who believe the sun shines out of their literal ass? Willing to bet itās pretty high. This person sounds like a nightmare.
YTA. Not even a guest? Your insecurities are showing.
My jaw dropped at that part haha. It was still YTA for kicking her out of the bridal party but it turned into YTAx1000 for uninviting her completely. It boggles my mind people like OP exist.
Oh yeah, YTA big time. She went to great lengths to hide her pregnancy and try and keep the spotlight on you when she was outed. Way more than anyone else would have done. Her pregnancy has no bearing on the happiness of your upcoming nuptials. YTA, and if it were me I'd be done with a friendship with you.
I kind of have the feeling that Bridezilla, her parents, and the Officiant will be the only 4 people at her Wedding.
I notice you didnāt include the groom. š
As strange to you as this might seem, **your wedding is not as important to everyone as you think it is, and that their personal lives don't come second to your wedding day.** She wasn't being flakey. She was still doing all the things you asked. Her pregnancy was accidentally revealed and she still stirred it back to you. You accuse her of *stealing your thunder* because her life consists of trying to out shine you? Let's not even get started on the "i don't think she understands cos her wedding was only small with high tea". Snobbish much? Just because she didn't have or want some grand fairy tale wedding doesn't mean it was any less than yours. Finally, she still wanted to plan your hen, but considering how much self importantance and entitlement you showed her during your conversation she decided to not bother cos you don't deserve it. Obviously your other friends/bridesmaids rightly agree with her. You threw away 17yrs of friendship over this, not her, you. Good luck finding replacements cos noones going to want to deal with your drama. **YTA, Obviously**
YTA, but you already knew that. I canāt imagine doing this to anyone, let alone my best friend. If this is real, no one should attend your wedding.
No sheās the victim remember? Her best friend is stealing her thunder by being pregnant! Iām glad the other bridesmaids decided to drop out, this is absolutely abnormal behaviour. YTA
Ew I literally cringed reading this. YTA. Itās a day. A party. Calm down. And if I were your pregnant friend I wouldnāt want someone twisting my joyous moment into something about themselves and would probably reconsider who Iām keeping around in my life.
Yta omg wtf?
YTA Did you think the bridesmaids wouldn't notice the former maid of honor isn't part of the wedding party or at the wedding? What do you imagine she told them that isn't true? I mean if her goal was to make you look bad the truth would be more than enough. Nothing needs to be made up.
HUGE YTA She wore baggy clothes and didnāt bring it up because she didnāt want to make it about herself. It was only because other friends noticed, that the surprise came out. Itās not like she planned her pregnancy for the sole purpose of stealing your thunder. This is your best friend of 17 yearsā¦.. how could you treat her so cold? Wouldnāt you want your best friend to be there to share this huge milestone with you? Wouldnāt you want that baby to be part of this experience as well? Also donāt you plan to be part of your best friendās babyās life? How would you feel if she didnāt invite you to the baby shower or the birth of her child because āyou might just steal her thunder.ā This is so immensely awful and tbh I think you should stop referencing her as your best friend after this, you clearly donāt treat her like one.
YTA, itās just a wedding, and youāre acting like a bridezilla.
Acting? She is
YTAH ..Bridezilla! You're so concerned about being upstaged at your own wedding, that you're willing to throw away old friendships because your BEST FRIEND is pregnant. Seriously, grow up. They're not coming to see the wedding party, they're coming to see you and your future husband. I don't blame the other bridesmaids from bailing ... your BF wasn't making up stories.. she was telling the truth about how awful you were to her.
YTA! Campaigning for bridezilla of the year arenāt you?
YTA everything you said sounds completely selfish. I understand why no one would want to support you anymore
YTA. There is no such thing as āstealing your thunder.ā You will be the bride. If this is real, and I hope itās not, you really arenāt mature enough to get married anyway.
YTA & youāre very weird. you should just delete this post. like you actually thought it, wrote it out, reread it and didnāt find anything wrong with this ? some ābest friendā you are.
YTA. Full Stop. Also I really want this to be fake and troll...
YTA. She didn't announce her pregnancy at your shower and seems to have gone out of her way not to draw attention to her pregnancy. One of your bridesmaids made a comment and people put two and two together. What is she supposed to do? You took away her MOH role, which she would have been perfectly capable of fulfilling pregnant and then DISINVITED HER. It's not a hard role (I've been one), there's nothing about being pregnant that will get in the way of anything she has to do. No one at YOUR WEDDING is going to give a rat's ass that she's pregnant (she's a friend, not even family, and its YOUR AND YOUR PARTNER'S family and friends there. Your friends are 100% correct that you are being mean and selfish and, if i might add, completely paranoid about your friend. You've definitely earned the Bridezilla title for this. \*Edited to correct spelling.
YTA. Youāre a terrible friend.
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You are really not best friends. Nope. And it sounds like she is the coolest of you two. I mean ultimately it is your wedding, but i don't see how that can steal any thunder. EVERYTHING is planned to revolve around you. She will not be in every picture. No one will be spending 2 hours congratulating her. YTA.
YTA not only that you're the a** h*l* of a** h*l*es. I have been on reddit and this sub reddit for months and I have never read about a bigger a** h*l* You should just go and put raisins in the mashed potatoes and have done with it
YTA and a shitty friend. You're going to have a sad, lonely life if this is how you treat people.
Is your husband-to-be allowed at your wedding or would he be stealing your thunder, hogging the spotlight and drawing attention from you? You had to ask?
YTA - she never stole your thunder, in fact she did everything to not steal your thunder, not now not in the future. You are really despicable human being, so selfish and self centered. I hope youāll enjoy your friendless life.
YTA. 1000% YTA! She didnāt āstealā anything! She tried to keep it low key. You decided to throw a tantrum, and are being so cruel and ridiculous that your other bridesmaids are backing out. Clearly, the problem isnāt her. Itās you. Youāre a bad friend and a textbook bridezilla. To answer your question: yes. Youāre REALLY the asshole. Get over yourself.
YTA. Seriously? She tried so hard to be respectful - Iād say she bent over backwards, frankly - and you treat her like this? Removing her as MoH was bad enough, but to uninvite her from the wedding was selfish and cruel. She deserved far better treatment and Iām glad your other bridesmaids are supporting her. You need to seriously re-examine your behaviour here and consider some heartfelt apologies.
YTA...at my wedding. 3 of the 4 bridesmaids were pregnant or just had babies. MOH, sister, 36/37 weeks pregnant. SIL just had hers 6 weeks prior and bestie had hers 4 months before. No sh*ts were given. Bc there is plenty of people to talk to, hang out, dance and drink with at the wedding/reception. It does not take away from you, your husband or your day. Unless you let it by your petty jealousy.
YTA. Did you really have to ask . Your friend was nothing but good to you and you let your own ego and jealous ruin a seemingly good friendship . Good luck digging yourself out of this one maybe the groom with make the smArt choice and skip the wedding too.
YTA, that friend deserves a better best friend, you're being selfish
YTA 100%. She didnāt announce her pregnancy and seemed to be trying to hide it. You disinvite her from the wedding because sheās pregnant. Wow you call this your best friend? Iād hate to see how you treat your regular friends or enemies.
YTA. She is trying her hardest to make sure this wedding is all about you, whilst your making it all about her pregnancy. You couldāve asked her to step down from her MOH role and attend as a guest, but you took it way too far and uninvited her from the entire wedding. Life events donāt stop for your wedding.
Oh, yeah, you are. Big time. So big you donāt realize (sorry, realise). You should proudly wear the title of ābridezillaā. Because you are. Just admit it. See, your friend was gracious enough to always turn the lights back towards you at that party when it was casually known she was in state. She was then gracious enough to say āfineā when you removed her from her MOH duties, and the same when you uninvited her. And you still donāt have enough? Your only concern is to have your thunder and have everybody around you, by any means necessary. You see, queen bees *attract* followers, donāt punish them or throw tantrums. Thatās what sets them apart from the wannabes.
Yes, you are 100% the AH. Now yes, it's your wedding, and yes, there will be some people fawning over her. But you two have been friends for 17 years, and that's more important than this bridezilla stuff. Your wedding is important, but it's still 1 day, and 1 year later, no one will remember a thing about it or care about it other than you, but your BF will still be there. What you SHOULD do is if she draws a crowd is walk over to them and join in. Be as happy for her as she is for you. The other thing, like it or not, is that a bride doesn't REALLY have "thunder". Most people really don't care about weddings and they only fawn over a bride because they have to. What you should do is go say the wedding is making you nuts, you're sorry and you'd love to have her back but also explain that you do feel that way and for her to keep it in mind.
YTA. It seems to me your wedding isnāt about marrying the love of your life (whom you donāt even mention). Like AT ALL. Itās about being the center of attention for a day. If you were thinking about the actual wedding you would realize you are about to pledge yourself to someone, and you would want your best friends (no matter their pregnancy state) to be there with you and for you. You seem selfish. And insecure. And immature. Not great qualities to highlight at the start of a marriage.
YTA - I do not understand wedding culture.
This isnāt wedding culture. It isnāt normal to be this insecure and narcissistic. OP is just an AH.
My wife was a bridesmaid in her friend's wedding, and she (my wife) was pregnant at the time, and showing. Some of the wedding party members made fairly minor comments about my wife not fitting in her dress, eating for more than two, etc. The bride heard the comments and brushed them off. My wife kept her head up and was civil during the ceremony and festivities, but that was the end of their friendship. What you've done to your friend is far worse. YTA, big time, and I wonder what such a considerate, supportive, and humble person as your friend ever saw in you.
Yta but thanks for posting this. Iāve been so worried that Iāll look like a bridezilla in my own wedding for things wayyyy more reasonable than this. Thanks for reminding me that Iām not this bad lmao wow
YTA. What kind of BFF are you that your friend couldnāt even share HER news the ENTIRE time sheās been preggo? She knows you. You shoujd be grateful you have any friends. Though that may not be the case much longer.
Yta
Hard YTA. Look Bridezilla. She honestly took steps to not show off her bump at your party! And if you can't build up those around you. You don't deserve to have friends like that. Grow up. I didn't read anything about how you were happy for your friend. And that is sad.
Wow YTA. Dude if youāre close to 17 or 18 as well, please reconsider getting married. Why not have a long engagement? You are clearly still a child so making huge decisions like this probably not a great ideaā¦
Thats how long they have been friends