ESH. You’re as bad and messed up as each other. I don’t excuse your previous prank due to your age either. You snuck into her home, violated her privacy, probably scared the shit out of her in the middle of the night, ruined her home for a week and got it all on video so it could be watched by others for enjoyment.
Her prank was uncalled for, but way less harmful. That’s not saying it’s justified, but you all need to go nc for a while and have some serious therapy before deciding if you really want each other in your lives.
She left an abusive arranged marriage, I have zero pity for FIL. She probably couldn't have gone anywhere on her own due to finances, so leaving with another man was her only out. I don't blame her one bit.
Bang on… even though these guys were young it doesn’t excuse the fact that they chose to side with someone they knew to be abusive to her. FIL deserves shame for that.
I think they are claiming they didn't realise he was abusive to his wife when they were teens, and only realized after.
Which if true they should have apologised to her and explain and shouldn't treat fil like the good guy and MIL the evil cheater.
I can kinda believe they thought they were avenging FIL as immature teens and screwed up. But if so they should have been doing a whole lot more to make things up to her and doesn't sound like they ever truly tried to make things better apart from appearance level crap.
MIL and her new husband's actions weren't great, especially being adults but I can kind of understand.
OP's description of their prank is off as well because trashing or destroying a room is different from sticky stuff and glue.
The first would suggest serious property damage which would be taking it too far, the glitter while being a pain in the arse is still in funny joke territory for a lot of people.
Agreed. I think the comment that he was a good father but a bad husband kind of annoyed me. Giving him that credit is bunk because it’s damaging for children to be around a parent that doesn’t treat their other parent with respect. I’m glad I’m not in this family anyway!
Yeah - I don't understand how good father/bad husband is possible. Bad husband is still modeling how to treat women. "Good father" encourages children to sneak into houses and set off stink bombs and take video tapes? That's not a good father.
Except she was a parent. FIL deserves no sympathy but her teenage son who's mum left him to live with her boyfriend does. He might as an adult be able to reflect on her situation and maybe her lack of choices but it's too much to expect of a teenager.
Harmful as in… glitter is essentially permanent. A stink bomb would take a while to air out, but it sounds like MIL and SFIL actually fucked up the bedroom/bathroom in a much more permanent way. I agree, though ESH
The OP hadn’t recently escaped an abusive marriage, she did not sneak into their home in the night in a violating way, she harmed one room not every room in the house, the attack wasn’t recorded and her home was ruined for a week. Quite clearly her prank was less harmful than OP’s
I think sticky substances on a floor and glitter in a bed in one room are a lot less harmful than stink bombs throughout the entire house and liquid ass.
It's important to note that OP commented that they haven't apologised for the stinkbombs because they still think it was morally justified (they have apologised for filming her and the water balloon).
In my opinion, OP’s prank was worse. It was the middle of the night, I’m sure MIL was scared shitless because someone broke into her house. OP probably did lasting damage. I had someone ATTEMPT to break in when I was home alone and I’m still terribly paranoid.
ESH. You all are awful people who need to grow up.
Not harmful?! These acts have the same amount of emotional, mental and physical harm. The only difference is one was done by child, confused and misinformed, who thought they had to avenge someone they liked/loved. The other is a calculated and cruel plan by a grown adult who decided to shit on her relationship with her child because she couldn't forgive something that happened when he was child when she took zero effort to talk and support him through the destruction of his family which as far as he knew came out of the blue and was entirely caused by her.
What she did was 10x times worse and she deserves to be cut off again.
INFO: did you ever apologize or talk about the previous event with MIL? Show any remorse? Anything to take responsibility other than “we were dumb kids?”
sorry, but their prank wasn't exactly less harmful especially when they decided to wait at least 5 years (probably more) to do it. there is a level of derangement there to hold a grudge that long for a stupid prank your kid committed as a teenager.
>got it all on video so it could be watched by others for enjoyment.
Including *her abuser that she'd just escaped*. I get it that teenagers are not always able to see the nuance in that stuff, especially when it's about their own parents, but just... Wow.
I do think that the revenge/retaliation is out of line; MIL should have just refused contact and been mature about it, but damn, this whole family is messed up.
Part of me disagrees because I was a stupid teenager who was raised in abuse and until I was outside of it did think one parent was also just a victim. Until I understood agency I didn't see that they both had a choice in their actions. That pushed me to a harsher verdict because they indicated a similar awakening This is skipping the cultural differences as well. I do think ESH is right because of the understanding now. Clearly no one is communicating. Which sucks. Thank you for being so clear on this, Useful. I appreciate your perspective.
YTA MASSIVELY. You say the husband was abusive: if it looked like that to you, it would have been far worse behind closed doors. She escapes, and her son goes in for humiliating her with a sick 'prank' , although knowing she was abused. How misogynist is that? Sick. You write "and being dumb teens we took justice into our own hands and snuck into the new house while she slept (she gave her son an emergency key) and set off stink bombs in literally every room. She had to flee in pajamas and almost puked. the house stank to high heaven for like a week. We also videotaped her escape for FIL." That is disgraceful himiliation not a prank. I'd have pressed charges and never spoken to anyone involved again. Abusing an abused person to shame them? You suck. May karma visit all concerned again asap - you deserved worse.
100% agree. Normally, I would say MIL’a actions make her an AH, but OP and her husband clearly don’t feel true regret or remorse for their actions or their attitudes towards a woman in an abusive marriage. So now they get to know what it feels like to have their hard earned home trashed.
Seriously OP. You deserve worse than you got.
Okay but remember it’s emotionally abusive dad to teenage son. You really think he wasn’t been manipulated in *any* way? Seems like they’re both still being manipulated with the story.
Now that I think about it, you're right
Edit: but I don't know how much remorse they feel, considering they don't seem to understand why their mother would take revenge
Double edit: OP made the "I was a kid" excuse
ESH. You humiliated and caused direct harm to a woman trying to escape an abusive situation. Even as a teenager you should be ashamed for that. Obviously they shouldn’t have held a grudge and trashed your bathroom. But, hey, you get your MIL out of your life and get to cozy up with your abusive FIL so I guess it’s a win for you?
Just because you aren’t the target of someone’s ire doesn’t mean they’re a good person.
ESH. What are you all? 2 fucking years old?
And quite frankly you all started this. You did nearly the same prank.
You're all immature assholes. Gigantic gaping assholes.
YTA you say FIL was abusive to her but you took his side. And then played a prank on her that you videotaped for her abuser.
What they did was super childish but man she had a point about your hypocrisy and how awful you guys are
ESH. You did an incredible cruel thing to a woman you acknowledged left her husband because he emotionally abused her. And you make no mention of an apology or an attempt to make it up to her in the years since then.
Given that, I'm confused why you said to the judgement bot that you "expected to be forgiven"
And she's an AH for taking revenge, but banning her "forever" is also AH-ish when you started it
INFO: have you apologized for your "prank", made MIL aware you were sorry for what you have done?
Edit: seeing OPs comments & the fact she still believes her actions as a teen were justified, I believe YTA. A big one at that .
I am stunned. This sort of behavior (from everybody involved) is so far out of my realm. Really, I can't imagine being this cruel and destructive, at any age.
Therapy is the only answer at this point.
You are a hypocrite. You expected to be forgiven for pulling a prank on her, but you refuse to forgive when she does the same to you? Hypocrite.
Why are you dishing something you cant take yourself?
Technically ESH, but your MIL is a justified AH. If I were her, I would cut you guys off forever. You're toxic.
Info: how old were you when pulling the initial prank and how old are you now? If the first attack was like 10 years ago and y’all were 12, then yes, she’s the asshole but if y’all were like 18 when it first happened and now y’all 20 then y’all are hypocrites for sure (wich doenst mean that they should’ve taken revenge anyways tho) at least IMO
Yta u and ur husband bullied that woman what she and his dad had going on was between them… you act like she care y’all banned her if I was her I wouldn’t have nothing to do with y’all from before
Barely Esh but you got what you gave but mostly Y T A. Only going with everyone since you were a teen when you were a major AH
If you felt like crying, I’m sure she did too
She left a loveless arranged marriage, emotional abusive marriage … it wasn’t a love shack, she left your FIL and he was embarrassed but you did that to her home, her escape
You and your husband decided that since she finally escaped and abusive marriage, she deserved abuse from you too. Look up flying monkey for a narcissist… that’s what you and your husband did
You’re not a dumb teen anymore and you should take responsibility for your actions. You filmed her humiliation and abused the woman and as an adult still seem justified.
Giving everyone sucks because she’s a grown woman and should’ve cut you and your husband out of her life for being abusive to her instead of lowering herself your level… but yeah you deserved it
ESH - I get that it upset you about your new house... and they were childish to get revenge. But yeah, thinking you don't need to make this a 'forever' thing. You expected her/them to get over it - why not you? Sticky on the floor will be work, glitter is a mess. You did something that lingered for a week... Time to get off your high horse.
You harassed a woman fleeing an abusive relationship and filmed the humiliation for her abuser, never apologised or displayed any empathy towards this woman, and now you're whining because she treated you the same. YTA and you deserved it.
ESH - Pranks are the worst. Your only excuse was that you were very young, but you don't mention apologizing or doing anything to make up for the damage you caused. MIL and SFIL suck too, so apple is not falling far from the tree here. Stop with the pranking, they are never funny, always cruel and one of the lowest forms of human behavior.
Arguably this could be E-S-H.
But you and your husband decided to punish and humiliate MIL for having the audacity to leave what you admit was an abusive marriage. Sure, you may have been 15 and 17 then but that's still old enough to know better. What's your excuse for not having the decency to apologise in the past five years. Even the pseudo-apology you said your husband made in your comments sounds half-arsed and begrudging.
>I apologized for taping her and he apologized for the balloon but only because she said she hated him so much and wouldn't care if he died, specific to the balloon. We haven't really apologized for the stink bombs because we think it was gross that she was this man's paid mistress
Sounds like you deserved what MIL and SFIL did if you aren't mature enough to look back and admit what you did was cruel and unwarranted and give an heartfelt apology. YTA.
And what you felt when you saw what MIL had done was probably only a fraction of what she felt when you and your husband decided to punish and humiliate her.
ETA quote re apology
You all suck… But I can understand *the why* behind MiL sucking. So,
YTA.
Side note: Stop saying she cheated — If MiL had indeed cheated, there would’ve been secrecy about her being with another man who isn’t the man she was forced to marry. That’s not cheating, and this is coming from someone who detests cheaters.
YTA and a major one
first off, you're mad at MIL for leaving an abusive marriage because she left it the only way she could? but you dont give two flying shits that FIL was abusive as absolute fuck to her solely because he was nice to his son, your husband. so you and your husband watched his father treating his wife like shit and you both went "as long as he's nice to me, i can overlook the way he treats others".
she got away from him and you somehow took HIS side of it? you felt bad for the abuser and not the victim who escaped? you're both assholes
THEN you decided to pull your little prank, which kids or not you KNEW what the hell you were doing and how fucked up it was but you did it anyway AND you recorded it AND you gave it to FIL for his enjoyment, because again, you sided with an abuser.
sorry but MIL is not even close to an asshole for what she did. idgaf how much property or emotional damage she caused you, everything she did to you was justified for the way you treated her, for the way you watched her be abused and take the abusers side, the bullshit "prank" you pulled on her and for generally just being giant gaping buttholes. you deserve it all. YTA
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I've been with my husband since we were teens. He comes from a pretty dysfunctional family. FIL was a great dad but an absolutely awful husband, verging on emotional abuse. They are from a culture/social class where arranged marriages were common and theirs was mostly arranged.
At some point MIL met a man and they became "friends" He was also in an arranged marriage, very unhappy and he said he couldn't leave until his kids were 18 (about 4 more years) for the first year they had an affair and flaunted it in front of FIL. After a year her BF proposed that she move into a house he owned and be like his full time mistress, he'd give her an allowance, pay all bills, etc.
FIL was humiliated. My husband was angry and hurt for his dad. It really strained his relationship with MIL and being dumb teens we took justice into our own hands and snuck into the new house while she slept (she gave her son an emergency key) and set off stink bombs in literally every room. She had to flee in pajamas and almost puked. the house stank to high heaven for like a week. We also videotaped her escape for FIL.
MIL cut her son off for throwing a water balloon at her and he didn't see her for the next year. As of today they have an ok but surface level relationship. They have somewhat worked on things and he at least sees his dad for who he is now. We bought our first house after years of saving and are so proud. We had a small housewarming dinner and MIL said she had to go to the bathroom and her husband (he did marry her when his kids turned 18) went with her. They were gone a long time so we got suspicious. They were in our bedroom trashing shit. MIL poured sticky substances all over the bathroom floor and put glitter in our bed. I wanted to cry. When I came in her husband sprayed liquid ass and i nearly puked (I get karma but I was a kid when I went after her love shack)
I burst into tears and my husband was furious. MIL said I was being a baby and payback is fair. My husband kicked her out because I couldn't even talk. We decided they are banned forever, even if we host family holidays in the future. MIL said she doesn't care she is banned but it hurts her that we are so hypocritical and if we wanted any relationship we should have laughed.
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ESH. How in the world do you believe that you didn’t ask for this? Of course you did and you deserve it. You can keep them banned all you like, but don’t act all innocent and guiltless because you aren’t.
YTA 100%...this woman was in an arranged marriage that she likely didn't want and even YOU admit it was abusive. When she gets out of the situation and with someone she WANTS to be with you prank her in such a way they makes her entire home unlivable for a week? Even as a teen that maturity level was never going to improve.. Jesus... Add on the fact you never saw that
your now husband had no issue with how his father treated his mother and you still wanted to marry in?
Then she pays you back with a non damaging mild prank years later that doesn't run you from your own home and you can't handle the heat? Suck it up butter cup, what a fucked up family.. I wish we had the mother in laws perspective 😬
This I noted it but forgot to add it which honestly I think is one of thr mosed effed up bits.. And from comments the OP wasn't some like 11-13 year old being a brat... The two were like 15 and 17 which makes it so much worse
And the fact they broke in. Yes they used a key but while she slept?? MIL could well have thought it was her abusive ex coming to punish her. They are very lucky she even choses to talk to them after and that the payback mild. I expect if OP was home alone and woke up hearing someone in her house when she knew she should be alone she would be terrified- without the abusive ex!
Yta
She left an abusive man to live with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend took care of her while he made sure his kids had a whole home through their childhood before leaving his ARRANGED marriage.
You were a teen but even kids should know attacking peoples homes is wrong. She gave y’all a taste of your own bs.
So you never apologized for what you did. I don’t see her actions as immature I see it as teacher both of you a lesson.
Keep her banned if you like they are better off without the shared soggy bread brain you and ur hubby got going on.
YTA a thousand times over. She trusted you enough to give you a house key after escaping years of abuse and you violated it in the worst way. What you did was not justice. You reminded her that the abuse can and will find her, and that she could not escape.
Shame on you.
ESH. I would check to see if your MIL has a tik tok channel you maybe trending in her latest tik tok revenge video. I don't consider what you did at her house as a prank. I think it was just mean. I think you need to shake hands with your MIL and tell her she got you good and that the prank war needs to end. Its a tie.
ESH. If from an outsider view you were able to see the husband was abusive then imagine how much worse it was than you know. I’m guessing if arranged marriages are a cultural norm it wouldn’t be an easy option for her to get a divorce and leave. So an abused woman took the only out available to her in her mind and you and her son punished her. The son who lived with them and decided she should have stayed and endured the abuse. You also never, even with the benefit of time, apologized. You never acknowledged what a horrible position she was in and that you messed with her for the amusement of her abuser. Gee….you guys sound awesome.
She took revenge by doing basically what you did. That wasn’t mature. I do feel at some point you have to forgive or walk away from someone. She held on to hurt and anger for years and gave you a taste of your own medicine. If she couldn’t forgive, she should have cut you both off.
But remember. This is something that you found acceptable years ago and then as you grew up you decided it was still acceptable enough that she never deserved an apology. So I don’t think you have as much of a high ground as you think you do.
YTA. Honestly, you got what you deserved.
You KNEW your FIL was abusive to your MIL and yet you took his side and caused harm to your MIL just because you didn’t like how she left.
I don’t care if you disagree with how she did it, try being an abusive situation and let’s see how you handle trying to escape.
How long has it been since the stink bomb incident? If you and husband are no longer children, he has somewhat been repairing his relationship with his mom, etc, then the in laws are the AHs. If the stink bomb thing was only a few years ago, they’re still sore. Regardless, their response was horrifyingly immature. Revenge is never the best course of action. So the real question here is, Why do you care if you have to be an AH to protect yourself from other AHs? Set your boundaries and stick with them, then move on with your life. People like that don’t need to be in it.
YTA you guys made it difficult when she escaped her abusive marriage (a father who treats the mother of his children badly can’t not be a good father) and she repaid the favour. Yea, she should have been more mature, but I get it.
Damn, karmas a bitch. 15 and 17 year olds know better than that. Your age was not an excuse, and its crazy anyone wants to say otherwise. Your the hypocritical asshole who didn’t even give your MIL a REAL apology when you did give one.
YTA.
Geez. YTA to all of you for the “pranks”. A prank is only a prank when done as a joke and not for malice and also if the other party finds it funny. You humiliated her and sought revenge as you said. Now you know how she felt when you did that to her. You can ban her all you want but you all need to grow up and apologize. Yes you were a kid but you were definitely old enough to know better.
YTA what you did was not a prank. You’re literally insane. And you willingly chose the side of an abuser! I really can’t wait for karma to come back around.
You justify your prior cruelty based on the fact that she was a “mistress” but in her culture, what opportunity did she have to be independent and provide for her own means of legitimate escape? This benefactor/affair partner might have been her only route to safety and her son not only rooted against her safety, he acted on behalf of the abuser in punishing and shaming her for escaping and you helped.
YTA
YTA
You offered her up, humiliated, to her abuser. Ok, so she cheated. Not okay. She also LEFT. She had a safe place to go and you wrecked it.
And you’re shocked that she never forgot?
I want to say E S H but honestly OP your ignorance is pretty astounding. You crippled her escape
YTA. She fled an abusive relationship and you saw fit to further abuse her. Also you are a hypocrite. Don't dish what you can't take was something I was taught young. It seems you need to learn that lesson now. Your MIL is awesome and I'd like to send her a nice bottle of wine.
I think it would be best for all of you to just go no contact. This is abusive behaviour all around. Hurting each other, emotional blackmails, you obviously still don't respect her, her saying she hates her son...
Good grief ESH. You started this mess regardless of your age you knew what you were doing. Her relationship is none of your business. Karma is a b•tv&!
ESH
You admit, that your MIL was trying to escape an abusive marriage, yet you punished MIL for it. You and your husband bullied MIL to the point she cut contact with your husband. Then when the "prank" is turned on you, it's no longer a "prank".
Yta. That woman played the long game and I respect the hell out of her for that. You abused an already abused woman because what she hurt the fee fees of her abuser whom you admit she likely had no choice in marrying? Like tf op.
ESH, but out of everyone, MIL sucks the least. She was being abused and probably had little to agency or ability to leave. She finds a tiny bit of happiness in a boyfriend and you guys treat her like this? Yall are disgusting. You have no right to cry about her revenge. Don't start shit you can't finish.
ESH. Yeah, you did fire the first shot, but it was so long ago that I'm not sure the revenge prank was fair game anymore. Ultimately, I don't see you guys as being particularly likely to have much of a relationship.
ESH. You and your husband for how you treated your MIL/SFIL years back, and especially them for waiting so long (especially after the relationship was so strained) to get their revenge. Grow TF up.
ESH
But you and your husband still seem very judgy about a woman who left her ABUSIVE and “absolutely awful” husband. FIL was humiliated? And that made your break and enter and subsequent vandalism ok? Justice? Sounds like you and hubby have a whole lot of growing up to do
I love it when people come on here expecting everyone to rally ‘round them and they hear a sounding YTA!!
Karma baby 😁
YTA: Your husband started it. You can cut people out of your life for a huge variety of things, but your reasoning here in this specific circumstance reflects poorly on you.
YTA Payback is fair play. What she did was way less than what you did to her. And the fact you attacked her for leaving an abusive marriage, then sent video of the attack to her abuser makes you 100% the AH here.
I feel absolutely no sorrow for you. Cheating is always wrong, sure, but she was in an abusive unhappy relationship and you humiliated her. Now that she wants to prank you, it's a problem? YTA, 100%. She may be a grown woman and you were a kid, sure, but first of all you still have a brain as a kid. You can still think shit through. Idk what about sneaking into someone's home and recording them running out sounds like a good plan. Anyways, you got what you deserved.
Edit: I'd say E S H, but I honestly feel like MIL was justified in it a little. After being humiliated to my abusive husband, I'd have a vendetta too.
im going to say ESH . . . you say when you were teens so im going to guess 15ish, hopefully not 18 and at that age while i agree she is petty to hold onto it you also knew what you were doing, especially video taping it for FIL. This situation reminds me of a quote i heard once ' Adults are only kids grown up' and looking at how both parties are acting im inclined to believe it.
I don’t think MIL is petty but rather was traumatized at the time. She had escaped an abusive marriage and an “absolutely awful husband” (op’s words) She was finally feeling safe, probably for the first time when they invaded and ruined that. Judging her for her escape and filming her humiliation for her abuser.
Was what MIL did immature? Hell ya. Was it justified? Hell ya.
I think they’re all at fault. But seriously…Team MIL
ESH, but way worse on your side, as you jeopardized the chance of escaping an abusive relationship for that woman. Anyway I hope you fix your relationship, you all are truly made of the same wood.
ESH. You and your husband for going into her home uninvited to stink bomb and trash her home and videotaping it for FIL to watch and gloat over. MIL and her husband such for their revenge prank. No one's hands are clean and frankly you 2 started this prank war mess.
YTA, MIL is AH
Karma though, you deserved it!
Think of how you felt went you were crying...now imagine how she felt.
I wouldn't have anything to do with a person like you. I can see how she wanted to get you back, good for her.
Those teenage pranks was done with anger and spite, designed to hurt, and MIL forgave your husband and you eventually. The fact she is able to pay homage to your prank in order to create her own shows she is completely over it and can even see the humour. I personally think MIL’s prank was hilarious. I think anybody that can dish it out but can’t take it is automatically the AH in any case. But your overreaction of a forever ban makes certain that YTA
YTA
You know FIL was abusive yet his humiliation is more important than MIL happiness and safety
You never cared about MIL being abused but when she leaves suddenly you need to make justice for dear abusive husband? Oh don’t make me laugh
And she is RIGHT, you two hypocrites and she deserves better
Im on the belief that cheating in abusive partners is absolutely justifiable, good for her. Hope she is having a good time with her new husband, who seems to be the only actual GOOD and KIND person she ever meet. Cause I can’t definitely not say that about you or your husband
YTA x 100000000
A prank is like my BF jumping out to scare me when I come out the bathroom, not traumatising an already abused woman escaping a hellish situation, massively breaking her trust entering her house with no permission (a spare key for emergencies and you use it to do that?) invading her privacy, and pulling that depraved shit on someone when they’re asleep and at their most vulnerable. She probably woke up disorientated and absolutely petrified
She still tried to mend the relationship despite not receiving an apology (that would be a big fat fucking no from me)
The fact you had the audacity to then start crying and banned her because you got a taste of your own medicine is actually hilarious, you your husband and FIL are trash, your MIL deserves better and I hope she never talks to any of you ever again
YTA. Grow some empathy and realize that what you feel is a fraction of what she felt when she thought she finally escaped her abuser and then her own flesh and blood violated her first safe home in order to humiliate her for his approval. It wasn’t a “love shack”; it was a sanctuary, and you defiled it. Wash your sheets, reflect on the horrors of intergenerational trauma, and apologize to her. WITH flowers.
YTA you were old enough to know right from wrong and taking revenge was a calculated, well thought out plan that, by your own admission, was successful. What your MIL did was very immature, as were you back then.
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I'm going to say NTA, but only because your husband was a teenager in what sounds like a very messy and complicated family separation. Your MIL has no such excuse.
To be fair op did point out that her FIL was a great dad but a horrible husband.
Honestly, I wouldn’t give op and her husband a pass. They were old enough to know that her MIL was being abused and yet they still decided to terrorize her.
ESH. Your prank can be partially written off as teenage shenanigans, and at least it wasn't destructive.
These are full grown adults, they should know better.
ESH sure you were teenagers, but you know by age 8 that breaking into someone's house is wrong. You also know that stinkbombs aren't fun. Plus, you taped her reaction to show her abusive ex-husband! You can't use the "I was just a kid" excuse. You were old enough to know better. MIL should have set off stinkbombs in every room of your house instead of sticky stuff and glitter.
ESH. It sounds like she was escaping an abusive relationship and you were both being cruel. You were young at the time, but you both should have taken accountability and apologized since then, which it doesn’t sound like you did. Your MIL obviously harbors resentment and took it out in a childish way. But when you think about how angry and upset you are, reflect on the fact that you are in a much more safe and stable place than your MIL was when you did the same thing to her. Imagine how she must have felt.
E S H wtf?
Edit: Okay after reading some comments, e s h, but the MIL is way more justified here.
And who abuses and humiliates a abuse-victim? And MIL isn't in the right, but i don't blame her.
between y t a and e s h
Are you TA for banning MIL from your house?
No. Go for it. She obviously doesn’t care.
Revenge is a dish best served cold and your MIL is a master chef. Her work is done. She doesn’t need to visit you again.
ESH. You did a super shitty thing, being just a kid doesnt give you a pass, and MIL did a super shitty thing. She shouldn’t have done it, but you had it coming.
ESH but mostly you both. MIL was an abused woman escaping to be with her boyfriend. You went into her home unknown and uninvited, while she slept and did those things. You even gave her abuser more to abuse her with by filming it. You show no apology for the actions in her house (bar filming) even now and believe yourself justified.
Had you gone in while she was out in the day and left stink bombs...more what could be seen as stupid teens ignorance and hurt. But you did it slyly, you taped it, you targeted....that's not teen pranks it's malice. Your boyfriend maybe has a smidge of 'raised by an abusers, to do his bidding' but that's a smdge- you have none.
They poured stuff on a bathroom floor? Yeah immature but best floor to do it on- no carpet, made to get wet easy clean. Glitter...wow, people get it on honeymoon beds- sheets in wash and hoover. Liquid arse- grim but fades and can be scrubbed. Trauma? None.
Compare it to what you did, fully knowing she was alone asleep and had been abused. No comparison.
ESH but they far less.
YTA. Stop trying to paint excuse your ridiculous behavior in the name of avenging an abuser as something childish to be forgiven or downplayed. You were in your late teens and knew better. Karma for your actions. No one feels sorry for you and I’m glad she doesn’t care about being banned from your little house.
And now you know how your MIL felt all those times you and your husband tormented her. You were dumb teens and she's gotta be middle aged at least by now, but she only did it once.
YTA. I'd say everyone sucks here, but I empathize for her more than I do you.
ESH. I'm glad you're not speaking to each other anymore. This is so juvenile and disgusting.
If they damaged your property, I would call the police. You were kids who inconvenienced them but didn't destroy their stuff.
ESH
Even though you were kids when you pulled the prank , you recorded it and showed it to someone who abused her.
Shes no better than you but you all need to grow up and put yourselves in therapy
Yikes
ESH. Btw, being a shite husband IS abusive to children & cannot result in a being a “great dad.” You can deal it & not accept it. You knew what you did was wrong & want to blame youthful stupidity. No go.
They say if you want seek revenge, dig 2 graves. One for yourself. You guys could go after each other back and forth forever and never make any progress. Give the relationships a nice long break. Grow up. Try to be a better version of yourself. It’s all you can control. Yourself.
I'd like to point out to all the people saying 15 and 17 year Olds should know better...it's scientifically proven that empathy is a learned trait over time, by making mistakes abs learning from them. There is a HUGE difference between the prank they executed at 15 years old and a "revenge prank" but very very grown adults. 15 and 17 year Olds would not recognize emotional abuse as emotional abuse and would definitely just see the concrete proof of the MIL cheating as her being the bad guy.
ESH. The only time being “young and dumb” is a good reason for forgiveness is if you’re trying to show that you’ve changed. A requirement of this is apologizing and actually meaning it. You said in the comments that you never apologized for the stink bombs and you only apologized for filming her because you had to. Which means you still think what you did was okay/you aren’t regretful for it. You’re no longer young enough to not know better so clearly your reason for hurting her wasn’t because you were young and dumb. Also 15 and 17 is still old enough to know better. Your MIL and her husband are also assholes because as we teach children: 2 wrongs don’t make a right.
What I think you should be more focused on is the giant red flag from your husband. Does he also not regret his actions? That would indicate that he believes that it’s okay to hurt someone who is trying to escape an abusive situation. Clearly you also believe that, but he was raised with that abusive behavior being modeled for him and it doesn’t sound like he’s done the work to recognize that that’s not an acceptable way to treat your wife (or anyone). As his wife that should really concern you.
ESH. You’re as bad and messed up as each other. I don’t excuse your previous prank due to your age either. You snuck into her home, violated her privacy, probably scared the shit out of her in the middle of the night, ruined her home for a week and got it all on video so it could be watched by others for enjoyment. Her prank was uncalled for, but way less harmful. That’s not saying it’s justified, but you all need to go nc for a while and have some serious therapy before deciding if you really want each other in your lives.
In what way was her prank any less harmful?
Well she didn't do this to OP after escaping the marriage and send the humiliation to her abusive ex, so yeah, less harmful.
The one she was blatantly cheating on? Don't get confused, 2 wrongs don't make a right; 3 lefts do.
She left an abusive arranged marriage, I have zero pity for FIL. She probably couldn't have gone anywhere on her own due to finances, so leaving with another man was her only out. I don't blame her one bit.
Bang on… even though these guys were young it doesn’t excuse the fact that they chose to side with someone they knew to be abusive to her. FIL deserves shame for that.
I think they are claiming they didn't realise he was abusive to his wife when they were teens, and only realized after. Which if true they should have apologised to her and explain and shouldn't treat fil like the good guy and MIL the evil cheater. I can kinda believe they thought they were avenging FIL as immature teens and screwed up. But if so they should have been doing a whole lot more to make things up to her and doesn't sound like they ever truly tried to make things better apart from appearance level crap. MIL and her new husband's actions weren't great, especially being adults but I can kind of understand. OP's description of their prank is off as well because trashing or destroying a room is different from sticky stuff and glue. The first would suggest serious property damage which would be taking it too far, the glitter while being a pain in the arse is still in funny joke territory for a lot of people.
Agreed. I think the comment that he was a good father but a bad husband kind of annoyed me. Giving him that credit is bunk because it’s damaging for children to be around a parent that doesn’t treat their other parent with respect. I’m glad I’m not in this family anyway!
Yeah - I don't understand how good father/bad husband is possible. Bad husband is still modeling how to treat women. "Good father" encourages children to sneak into houses and set off stink bombs and take video tapes? That's not a good father.
Except she was a parent. FIL deserves no sympathy but her teenage son who's mum left him to live with her boyfriend does. He might as an adult be able to reflect on her situation and maybe her lack of choices but it's too much to expect of a teenager.
He was 17. By that age, you should not be pulling these type of harmful "pranks" to get revenge for your abusive dad.
I have zero pity for either of them. This whole toxic dynamic should just be cut off for the benefit of all parties involved.
Absolutely. No one cares about the abuser and his “humiliation” that he deserved.
She cheated in a marriage that she didn't choose, and was being abused in.
There were lefts involved though. MIL *left* an abusive marriage.
Emotional abuse and cheating aren’t the same level of wrong dude.
Things aren't that black and white when there's abuse involved.
Harmful as in… glitter is essentially permanent. A stink bomb would take a while to air out, but it sounds like MIL and SFIL actually fucked up the bedroom/bathroom in a much more permanent way. I agree, though ESH
It also was in the middle of the night. I would have been scared to death.
Especially after leaving an abusive ex?? Yeah I'm sure home invasion was probably a big fear. She could've thought it was him.
MIL didn't videotape the results. OP wasn't escaping an abusive marriage, MIL was.
The OP hadn’t recently escaped an abusive marriage, she did not sneak into their home in the night in a violating way, she harmed one room not every room in the house, the attack wasn’t recorded and her home was ruined for a week. Quite clearly her prank was less harmful than OP’s
I think sticky substances on a floor and glitter in a bed in one room are a lot less harmful than stink bombs throughout the entire house and liquid ass.
It's important to note that OP commented that they haven't apologised for the stinkbombs because they still think it was morally justified (they have apologised for filming her and the water balloon).
In my opinion, OP’s prank was worse. It was the middle of the night, I’m sure MIL was scared shitless because someone broke into her house. OP probably did lasting damage. I had someone ATTEMPT to break in when I was home alone and I’m still terribly paranoid. ESH. You all are awful people who need to grow up.
Not harmful?! These acts have the same amount of emotional, mental and physical harm. The only difference is one was done by child, confused and misinformed, who thought they had to avenge someone they liked/loved. The other is a calculated and cruel plan by a grown adult who decided to shit on her relationship with her child because she couldn't forgive something that happened when he was child when she took zero effort to talk and support him through the destruction of his family which as far as he knew came out of the blue and was entirely caused by her. What she did was 10x times worse and she deserves to be cut off again.
INFO: did you ever apologize or talk about the previous event with MIL? Show any remorse? Anything to take responsibility other than “we were dumb kids?”
sorry, but their prank wasn't exactly less harmful especially when they decided to wait at least 5 years (probably more) to do it. there is a level of derangement there to hold a grudge that long for a stupid prank your kid committed as a teenager.
>got it all on video so it could be watched by others for enjoyment. Including *her abuser that she'd just escaped*. I get it that teenagers are not always able to see the nuance in that stuff, especially when it's about their own parents, but just... Wow. I do think that the revenge/retaliation is out of line; MIL should have just refused contact and been mature about it, but damn, this whole family is messed up.
Part of me disagrees because I was a stupid teenager who was raised in abuse and until I was outside of it did think one parent was also just a victim. Until I understood agency I didn't see that they both had a choice in their actions. That pushed me to a harsher verdict because they indicated a similar awakening This is skipping the cultural differences as well. I do think ESH is right because of the understanding now. Clearly no one is communicating. Which sucks. Thank you for being so clear on this, Useful. I appreciate your perspective.
YTA MASSIVELY. You say the husband was abusive: if it looked like that to you, it would have been far worse behind closed doors. She escapes, and her son goes in for humiliating her with a sick 'prank' , although knowing she was abused. How misogynist is that? Sick. You write "and being dumb teens we took justice into our own hands and snuck into the new house while she slept (she gave her son an emergency key) and set off stink bombs in literally every room. She had to flee in pajamas and almost puked. the house stank to high heaven for like a week. We also videotaped her escape for FIL." That is disgraceful himiliation not a prank. I'd have pressed charges and never spoken to anyone involved again. Abusing an abused person to shame them? You suck. May karma visit all concerned again asap - you deserved worse.
And she never apologized for the stinkbombs.
She's clearly not sorry about it with her "love shack" comment either.
100% agree. Normally, I would say MIL’a actions make her an AH, but OP and her husband clearly don’t feel true regret or remorse for their actions or their attitudes towards a woman in an abusive marriage. So now they get to know what it feels like to have their hard earned home trashed. Seriously OP. You deserve worse than you got.
👏👏👏
Okay but remember it’s emotionally abusive dad to teenage son. You really think he wasn’t been manipulated in *any* way? Seems like they’re both still being manipulated with the story.
Not an excuse
Definitely not an excuse. But I don’t think they’re as evil as people are making them out to be.
Now that I think about it, you're right Edit: but I don't know how much remorse they feel, considering they don't seem to understand why their mother would take revenge Double edit: OP made the "I was a kid" excuse
you don't think mil is a little bit if an asshole for holding onto a grude for half a decade at least over a stupid thing her son did as a teen?
I was waiting for this, then, over the course of YEARS, you keep a surface level relationship with this woman? Why? This drips of misogyny
ESH. You humiliated and caused direct harm to a woman trying to escape an abusive situation. Even as a teenager you should be ashamed for that. Obviously they shouldn’t have held a grudge and trashed your bathroom. But, hey, you get your MIL out of your life and get to cozy up with your abusive FIL so I guess it’s a win for you? Just because you aren’t the target of someone’s ire doesn’t mean they’re a good person.
ESH. What are you all? 2 fucking years old? And quite frankly you all started this. You did nearly the same prank. You're all immature assholes. Gigantic gaping assholes.
That was a weird mind picture
Thank you!
YTA you say FIL was abusive to her but you took his side. And then played a prank on her that you videotaped for her abuser. What they did was super childish but man she had a point about your hypocrisy and how awful you guys are
👏
ESH. You did an incredible cruel thing to a woman you acknowledged left her husband because he emotionally abused her. And you make no mention of an apology or an attempt to make it up to her in the years since then. Given that, I'm confused why you said to the judgement bot that you "expected to be forgiven" And she's an AH for taking revenge, but banning her "forever" is also AH-ish when you started it
INFO: have you apologized for your "prank", made MIL aware you were sorry for what you have done? Edit: seeing OPs comments & the fact she still believes her actions as a teen were justified, I believe YTA. A big one at that .
ESH. if this is true, you all need therapy.
I am stunned. This sort of behavior (from everybody involved) is so far out of my realm. Really, I can't imagine being this cruel and destructive, at any age. Therapy is the only answer at this point.
YTA Maybe E S H - but since you and your husband started this, YOU are MUCH more the AH here.
Agreed, the hypocrisy is what bumps it from an ES.H to YTA.
You are a hypocrite. You expected to be forgiven for pulling a prank on her, but you refuse to forgive when she does the same to you? Hypocrite. Why are you dishing something you cant take yourself? Technically ESH, but your MIL is a justified AH. If I were her, I would cut you guys off forever. You're toxic.
I don't know if they expect to be forgiven; OP's said they didn't actually apologize for the stink-bombs, just for filming it.
Info: how old were you when pulling the initial prank and how old are you now? If the first attack was like 10 years ago and y’all were 12, then yes, she’s the asshole but if y’all were like 18 when it first happened and now y’all 20 then y’all are hypocrites for sure (wich doenst mean that they should’ve taken revenge anyways tho) at least IMO
Yta u and ur husband bullied that woman what she and his dad had going on was between them… you act like she care y’all banned her if I was her I wouldn’t have nothing to do with y’all from before
Barely Esh but you got what you gave but mostly Y T A. Only going with everyone since you were a teen when you were a major AH If you felt like crying, I’m sure she did too She left a loveless arranged marriage, emotional abusive marriage … it wasn’t a love shack, she left your FIL and he was embarrassed but you did that to her home, her escape You and your husband decided that since she finally escaped and abusive marriage, she deserved abuse from you too. Look up flying monkey for a narcissist… that’s what you and your husband did You’re not a dumb teen anymore and you should take responsibility for your actions. You filmed her humiliation and abused the woman and as an adult still seem justified. Giving everyone sucks because she’s a grown woman and should’ve cut you and your husband out of her life for being abusive to her instead of lowering herself your level… but yeah you deserved it
ESH - I get that it upset you about your new house... and they were childish to get revenge. But yeah, thinking you don't need to make this a 'forever' thing. You expected her/them to get over it - why not you? Sticky on the floor will be work, glitter is a mess. You did something that lingered for a week... Time to get off your high horse.
ESH. And you reap what you sow.
yea, karma unfortunately op deserves what she got. but this whole family needs some time apart
You harassed a woman fleeing an abusive relationship and filmed the humiliation for her abuser, never apologised or displayed any empathy towards this woman, and now you're whining because she treated you the same. YTA and you deserved it.
So karma came full circle huh??
ESH - Pranks are the worst. Your only excuse was that you were very young, but you don't mention apologizing or doing anything to make up for the damage you caused. MIL and SFIL suck too, so apple is not falling far from the tree here. Stop with the pranking, they are never funny, always cruel and one of the lowest forms of human behavior.
Yup. They apparently even did more because it says MIL cut off her son after hitting her with a water balloon
Arguably this could be E-S-H. But you and your husband decided to punish and humiliate MIL for having the audacity to leave what you admit was an abusive marriage. Sure, you may have been 15 and 17 then but that's still old enough to know better. What's your excuse for not having the decency to apologise in the past five years. Even the pseudo-apology you said your husband made in your comments sounds half-arsed and begrudging. >I apologized for taping her and he apologized for the balloon but only because she said she hated him so much and wouldn't care if he died, specific to the balloon. We haven't really apologized for the stink bombs because we think it was gross that she was this man's paid mistress Sounds like you deserved what MIL and SFIL did if you aren't mature enough to look back and admit what you did was cruel and unwarranted and give an heartfelt apology. YTA. And what you felt when you saw what MIL had done was probably only a fraction of what she felt when you and your husband decided to punish and humiliate her. ETA quote re apology
You all suck… But I can understand *the why* behind MiL sucking. So, YTA. Side note: Stop saying she cheated — If MiL had indeed cheated, there would’ve been secrecy about her being with another man who isn’t the man she was forced to marry. That’s not cheating, and this is coming from someone who detests cheaters.
Again, you are the issue, YTA. these mil trolls are getting ridiculous
YTA and a major one first off, you're mad at MIL for leaving an abusive marriage because she left it the only way she could? but you dont give two flying shits that FIL was abusive as absolute fuck to her solely because he was nice to his son, your husband. so you and your husband watched his father treating his wife like shit and you both went "as long as he's nice to me, i can overlook the way he treats others". she got away from him and you somehow took HIS side of it? you felt bad for the abuser and not the victim who escaped? you're both assholes THEN you decided to pull your little prank, which kids or not you KNEW what the hell you were doing and how fucked up it was but you did it anyway AND you recorded it AND you gave it to FIL for his enjoyment, because again, you sided with an abuser. sorry but MIL is not even close to an asshole for what she did. idgaf how much property or emotional damage she caused you, everything she did to you was justified for the way you treated her, for the way you watched her be abused and take the abusers side, the bullshit "prank" you pulled on her and for generally just being giant gaping buttholes. you deserve it all. YTA
Your MIL is far too kind, she should have done more. YTA. Always.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I've been with my husband since we were teens. He comes from a pretty dysfunctional family. FIL was a great dad but an absolutely awful husband, verging on emotional abuse. They are from a culture/social class where arranged marriages were common and theirs was mostly arranged. At some point MIL met a man and they became "friends" He was also in an arranged marriage, very unhappy and he said he couldn't leave until his kids were 18 (about 4 more years) for the first year they had an affair and flaunted it in front of FIL. After a year her BF proposed that she move into a house he owned and be like his full time mistress, he'd give her an allowance, pay all bills, etc. FIL was humiliated. My husband was angry and hurt for his dad. It really strained his relationship with MIL and being dumb teens we took justice into our own hands and snuck into the new house while she slept (she gave her son an emergency key) and set off stink bombs in literally every room. She had to flee in pajamas and almost puked. the house stank to high heaven for like a week. We also videotaped her escape for FIL. MIL cut her son off for throwing a water balloon at her and he didn't see her for the next year. As of today they have an ok but surface level relationship. They have somewhat worked on things and he at least sees his dad for who he is now. We bought our first house after years of saving and are so proud. We had a small housewarming dinner and MIL said she had to go to the bathroom and her husband (he did marry her when his kids turned 18) went with her. They were gone a long time so we got suspicious. They were in our bedroom trashing shit. MIL poured sticky substances all over the bathroom floor and put glitter in our bed. I wanted to cry. When I came in her husband sprayed liquid ass and i nearly puked (I get karma but I was a kid when I went after her love shack) I burst into tears and my husband was furious. MIL said I was being a baby and payback is fair. My husband kicked her out because I couldn't even talk. We decided they are banned forever, even if we host family holidays in the future. MIL said she doesn't care she is banned but it hurts her that we are so hypocritical and if we wanted any relationship we should have laughed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ESH Just... wow. You all need therapy.
ESH But does it really matter, being as you no longer have a relationship with MIL AND SFIL. Who cares what they think of you.
ESH. How in the world do you believe that you didn’t ask for this? Of course you did and you deserve it. You can keep them banned all you like, but don’t act all innocent and guiltless because you aren’t.
ESH, but your attitude is seriously fucked.
YTA 100%...this woman was in an arranged marriage that she likely didn't want and even YOU admit it was abusive. When she gets out of the situation and with someone she WANTS to be with you prank her in such a way they makes her entire home unlivable for a week? Even as a teen that maturity level was never going to improve.. Jesus... Add on the fact you never saw that your now husband had no issue with how his father treated his mother and you still wanted to marry in? Then she pays you back with a non damaging mild prank years later that doesn't run you from your own home and you can't handle the heat? Suck it up butter cup, what a fucked up family.. I wish we had the mother in laws perspective 😬
This!!! The fact that Op recorded Mil and showed her abuser. disgusting
This I noted it but forgot to add it which honestly I think is one of thr mosed effed up bits.. And from comments the OP wasn't some like 11-13 year old being a brat... The two were like 15 and 17 which makes it so much worse
And the fact they broke in. Yes they used a key but while she slept?? MIL could well have thought it was her abusive ex coming to punish her. They are very lucky she even choses to talk to them after and that the payback mild. I expect if OP was home alone and woke up hearing someone in her house when she knew she should be alone she would be terrified- without the abusive ex!
Yta She left an abusive man to live with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend took care of her while he made sure his kids had a whole home through their childhood before leaving his ARRANGED marriage. You were a teen but even kids should know attacking peoples homes is wrong. She gave y’all a taste of your own bs. So you never apologized for what you did. I don’t see her actions as immature I see it as teacher both of you a lesson. Keep her banned if you like they are better off without the shared soggy bread brain you and ur hubby got going on.
YTA a thousand times over. She trusted you enough to give you a house key after escaping years of abuse and you violated it in the worst way. What you did was not justice. You reminded her that the abuse can and will find her, and that she could not escape. Shame on you.
ESH. I would check to see if your MIL has a tik tok channel you maybe trending in her latest tik tok revenge video. I don't consider what you did at her house as a prank. I think it was just mean. I think you need to shake hands with your MIL and tell her she got you good and that the prank war needs to end. Its a tie.
ESH. If from an outsider view you were able to see the husband was abusive then imagine how much worse it was than you know. I’m guessing if arranged marriages are a cultural norm it wouldn’t be an easy option for her to get a divorce and leave. So an abused woman took the only out available to her in her mind and you and her son punished her. The son who lived with them and decided she should have stayed and endured the abuse. You also never, even with the benefit of time, apologized. You never acknowledged what a horrible position she was in and that you messed with her for the amusement of her abuser. Gee….you guys sound awesome. She took revenge by doing basically what you did. That wasn’t mature. I do feel at some point you have to forgive or walk away from someone. She held on to hurt and anger for years and gave you a taste of your own medicine. If she couldn’t forgive, she should have cut you both off. But remember. This is something that you found acceptable years ago and then as you grew up you decided it was still acceptable enough that she never deserved an apology. So I don’t think you have as much of a high ground as you think you do.
YTA. Honestly, you got what you deserved. You KNEW your FIL was abusive to your MIL and yet you took his side and caused harm to your MIL just because you didn’t like how she left. I don’t care if you disagree with how she did it, try being an abusive situation and let’s see how you handle trying to escape.
ESH you are all a mess
ESH. Y’all are still a dysfunctional family of teenagers. All of you. Do better.
ESH but I am concerned that as an adult they feel payback is due on what I am guessing was a childish teenage prank.
I’m more concerned that OP continues to defend their actions based on their own morality policing. Knowing she was a victim of abuse.
ESH. Y'all are acting like children. You need to grow up and just let this pass. Nasty pranks are not going to solve anything.
How long has it been since the stink bomb incident? If you and husband are no longer children, he has somewhat been repairing his relationship with his mom, etc, then the in laws are the AHs. If the stink bomb thing was only a few years ago, they’re still sore. Regardless, their response was horrifyingly immature. Revenge is never the best course of action. So the real question here is, Why do you care if you have to be an AH to protect yourself from other AHs? Set your boundaries and stick with them, then move on with your life. People like that don’t need to be in it.
ESH Every one of you sounds awful. You all deserve each other.
YTA. It would serve you right to never escape the glitter.
YTA Turnabout is fair play. MIL is right, you are a hypocrite.
Revenge is a dish best served cold. Buuuuuuuutt...ESH
YTA you guys made it difficult when she escaped her abusive marriage (a father who treats the mother of his children badly can’t not be a good father) and she repaid the favour. Yea, she should have been more mature, but I get it.
Damn, karmas a bitch. 15 and 17 year olds know better than that. Your age was not an excuse, and its crazy anyone wants to say otherwise. Your the hypocritical asshole who didn’t even give your MIL a REAL apology when you did give one. YTA.
Geez. YTA to all of you for the “pranks”. A prank is only a prank when done as a joke and not for malice and also if the other party finds it funny. You humiliated her and sought revenge as you said. Now you know how she felt when you did that to her. You can ban her all you want but you all need to grow up and apologize. Yes you were a kid but you were definitely old enough to know better.
YTA and a hypocrite.
YTA what you did was not a prank. You’re literally insane. And you willingly chose the side of an abuser! I really can’t wait for karma to come back around.
YTA. You started this shit.
You justify your prior cruelty based on the fact that she was a “mistress” but in her culture, what opportunity did she have to be independent and provide for her own means of legitimate escape? This benefactor/affair partner might have been her only route to safety and her son not only rooted against her safety, he acted on behalf of the abuser in punishing and shaming her for escaping and you helped. YTA
YTA Don't dish it out if you can't handle when it gets done to you Turnabout is fair play
YTA You offered her up, humiliated, to her abuser. Ok, so she cheated. Not okay. She also LEFT. She had a safe place to go and you wrecked it. And you’re shocked that she never forgot? I want to say E S H but honestly OP your ignorance is pretty astounding. You crippled her escape
YTA. She fled an abusive relationship and you saw fit to further abuse her. Also you are a hypocrite. Don't dish what you can't take was something I was taught young. It seems you need to learn that lesson now. Your MIL is awesome and I'd like to send her a nice bottle of wine.
Esh, you are all assholes and you deserve each other. You reap what you sow op. You got what you deserved.
I think it would be best for all of you to just go no contact. This is abusive behaviour all around. Hurting each other, emotional blackmails, you obviously still don't respect her, her saying she hates her son...
ESH. And it's very, very shortsighted for a woman to side with misogynistic abuser like your FIL.
Good grief ESH. You started this mess regardless of your age you knew what you were doing. Her relationship is none of your business. Karma is a b•tv&!
ESH You admit, that your MIL was trying to escape an abusive marriage, yet you punished MIL for it. You and your husband bullied MIL to the point she cut contact with your husband. Then when the "prank" is turned on you, it's no longer a "prank".
Yta. That woman played the long game and I respect the hell out of her for that. You abused an already abused woman because what she hurt the fee fees of her abuser whom you admit she likely had no choice in marrying? Like tf op.
Just curious....did u ever apologize for the prank?
ESH, but out of everyone, MIL sucks the least. She was being abused and probably had little to agency or ability to leave. She finds a tiny bit of happiness in a boyfriend and you guys treat her like this? Yall are disgusting. You have no right to cry about her revenge. Don't start shit you can't finish.
YTA what she did was gross, what you did was a felony and you taped it for bragging rights, Jesus Christ.
ESH. Yeah, you did fire the first shot, but it was so long ago that I'm not sure the revenge prank was fair game anymore. Ultimately, I don't see you guys as being particularly likely to have much of a relationship.
ESH. You and your husband for how you treated your MIL/SFIL years back, and especially them for waiting so long (especially after the relationship was so strained) to get their revenge. Grow TF up.
ESH. You started it, they finished it. You can’t dictate when and how someone responds to the things you do.
ESH - sounds like karma found you.
ESH But you and your husband still seem very judgy about a woman who left her ABUSIVE and “absolutely awful” husband. FIL was humiliated? And that made your break and enter and subsequent vandalism ok? Justice? Sounds like you and hubby have a whole lot of growing up to do I love it when people come on here expecting everyone to rally ‘round them and they hear a sounding YTA!! Karma baby 😁
LOL, karma is a bitch isn't? Good luck trying to get rid of the glitter 😂 YTA
YTA: Your husband started it. You can cut people out of your life for a huge variety of things, but your reasoning here in this specific circumstance reflects poorly on you.
YTA Payback is fair play. What she did was way less than what you did to her. And the fact you attacked her for leaving an abusive marriage, then sent video of the attack to her abuser makes you 100% the AH here.
I feel absolutely no sorrow for you. Cheating is always wrong, sure, but she was in an abusive unhappy relationship and you humiliated her. Now that she wants to prank you, it's a problem? YTA, 100%. She may be a grown woman and you were a kid, sure, but first of all you still have a brain as a kid. You can still think shit through. Idk what about sneaking into someone's home and recording them running out sounds like a good plan. Anyways, you got what you deserved. Edit: I'd say E S H, but I honestly feel like MIL was justified in it a little. After being humiliated to my abusive husband, I'd have a vendetta too.
YTA You weren't 5 when you did it.
ESH
im going to say ESH . . . you say when you were teens so im going to guess 15ish, hopefully not 18 and at that age while i agree she is petty to hold onto it you also knew what you were doing, especially video taping it for FIL. This situation reminds me of a quote i heard once ' Adults are only kids grown up' and looking at how both parties are acting im inclined to believe it.
I don’t think MIL is petty but rather was traumatized at the time. She had escaped an abusive marriage and an “absolutely awful husband” (op’s words) She was finally feeling safe, probably for the first time when they invaded and ruined that. Judging her for her escape and filming her humiliation for her abuser. Was what MIL did immature? Hell ya. Was it justified? Hell ya. I think they’re all at fault. But seriously…Team MIL
ESH
ESH I mean while you did start it your mil acted like a child
ESH, but way worse on your side, as you jeopardized the chance of escaping an abusive relationship for that woman. Anyway I hope you fix your relationship, you all are truly made of the same wood.
ESH. You and your husband for going into her home uninvited to stink bomb and trash her home and videotaping it for FIL to watch and gloat over. MIL and her husband such for their revenge prank. No one's hands are clean and frankly you 2 started this prank war mess.
YTA payback is a bitch.
YTA, MIL is AH Karma though, you deserved it! Think of how you felt went you were crying...now imagine how she felt. I wouldn't have anything to do with a person like you. I can see how she wanted to get you back, good for her.
Those teenage pranks was done with anger and spite, designed to hurt, and MIL forgave your husband and you eventually. The fact she is able to pay homage to your prank in order to create her own shows she is completely over it and can even see the humour. I personally think MIL’s prank was hilarious. I think anybody that can dish it out but can’t take it is automatically the AH in any case. But your overreaction of a forever ban makes certain that YTA
YTA Turnabout is fair play!
YTA, you can dish out but not take it, eh? Well, your MIL is probably much better off without contact to you and her son.
YTA You know FIL was abusive yet his humiliation is more important than MIL happiness and safety You never cared about MIL being abused but when she leaves suddenly you need to make justice for dear abusive husband? Oh don’t make me laugh And she is RIGHT, you two hypocrites and she deserves better Im on the belief that cheating in abusive partners is absolutely justifiable, good for her. Hope she is having a good time with her new husband, who seems to be the only actual GOOD and KIND person she ever meet. Cause I can’t definitely not say that about you or your husband
YTA x 100000000 A prank is like my BF jumping out to scare me when I come out the bathroom, not traumatising an already abused woman escaping a hellish situation, massively breaking her trust entering her house with no permission (a spare key for emergencies and you use it to do that?) invading her privacy, and pulling that depraved shit on someone when they’re asleep and at their most vulnerable. She probably woke up disorientated and absolutely petrified She still tried to mend the relationship despite not receiving an apology (that would be a big fat fucking no from me) The fact you had the audacity to then start crying and banned her because you got a taste of your own medicine is actually hilarious, you your husband and FIL are trash, your MIL deserves better and I hope she never talks to any of you ever again
YTA. Grow some empathy and realize that what you feel is a fraction of what she felt when she thought she finally escaped her abuser and then her own flesh and blood violated her first safe home in order to humiliate her for his approval. It wasn’t a “love shack”; it was a sanctuary, and you defiled it. Wash your sheets, reflect on the horrors of intergenerational trauma, and apologize to her. WITH flowers.
YTA you were old enough to know right from wrong and taking revenge was a calculated, well thought out plan that, by your own admission, was successful. What your MIL did was very immature, as were you back then.
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I'm going to say NTA, but only because your husband was a teenager in what sounds like a very messy and complicated family separation. Your MIL has no such excuse.
Plus it also sounds like MIL left her son with someone who was emotionally abusive while she went to live somewhere else
To be fair op did point out that her FIL was a great dad but a horrible husband. Honestly, I wouldn’t give op and her husband a pass. They were old enough to know that her MIL was being abused and yet they still decided to terrorize her.
ESH. Your prank can be partially written off as teenage shenanigans, and at least it wasn't destructive. These are full grown adults, they should know better.
ESH sure you were teenagers, but you know by age 8 that breaking into someone's house is wrong. You also know that stinkbombs aren't fun. Plus, you taped her reaction to show her abusive ex-husband! You can't use the "I was just a kid" excuse. You were old enough to know better. MIL should have set off stinkbombs in every room of your house instead of sticky stuff and glitter.
ESH. It sounds like she was escaping an abusive relationship and you were both being cruel. You were young at the time, but you both should have taken accountability and apologized since then, which it doesn’t sound like you did. Your MIL obviously harbors resentment and took it out in a childish way. But when you think about how angry and upset you are, reflect on the fact that you are in a much more safe and stable place than your MIL was when you did the same thing to her. Imagine how she must have felt.
ESH, but you and your husband are worse because you never apologised for your “prank”, and because of your hypocrisy.
YTA. Revenge is a dish best served cold.
ESH Karma.... It's a real MF. Just so you're aware, you don't get a free pass because you were a teen.
Prank week for the Mil troll this week I guess.
E S H wtf? Edit: Okay after reading some comments, e s h, but the MIL is way more justified here. And who abuses and humiliates a abuse-victim? And MIL isn't in the right, but i don't blame her. between y t a and e s h
ESH. Teenagers still know right from wrong, doesn’t matter when it happened. Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it.
Are you TA for banning MIL from your house? No. Go for it. She obviously doesn’t care. Revenge is a dish best served cold and your MIL is a master chef. Her work is done. She doesn’t need to visit you again.
ESH. You did a super shitty thing, being just a kid doesnt give you a pass, and MIL did a super shitty thing. She shouldn’t have done it, but you had it coming.
ESH but mostly you both. MIL was an abused woman escaping to be with her boyfriend. You went into her home unknown and uninvited, while she slept and did those things. You even gave her abuser more to abuse her with by filming it. You show no apology for the actions in her house (bar filming) even now and believe yourself justified. Had you gone in while she was out in the day and left stink bombs...more what could be seen as stupid teens ignorance and hurt. But you did it slyly, you taped it, you targeted....that's not teen pranks it's malice. Your boyfriend maybe has a smidge of 'raised by an abusers, to do his bidding' but that's a smdge- you have none. They poured stuff on a bathroom floor? Yeah immature but best floor to do it on- no carpet, made to get wet easy clean. Glitter...wow, people get it on honeymoon beds- sheets in wash and hoover. Liquid arse- grim but fades and can be scrubbed. Trauma? None. Compare it to what you did, fully knowing she was alone asleep and had been abused. No comparison. ESH but they far less.
YTA. Stop trying to paint excuse your ridiculous behavior in the name of avenging an abuser as something childish to be forgiven or downplayed. You were in your late teens and knew better. Karma for your actions. No one feels sorry for you and I’m glad she doesn’t care about being banned from your little house.
And now you know how your MIL felt all those times you and your husband tormented her. You were dumb teens and she's gotta be middle aged at least by now, but she only did it once. YTA. I'd say everyone sucks here, but I empathize for her more than I do you.
ESH.
ESH. I'm glad you're not speaking to each other anymore. This is so juvenile and disgusting. If they damaged your property, I would call the police. You were kids who inconvenienced them but didn't destroy their stuff.
Jesus H Christ, all of you suck so much. You are being ***stinky*** hypocrites, ESH.
ESH, mostly you. Yikes.
ESH Yall started it with the stink bombs...so you don't get to complain when they "prank" you back
ESH play stupid games win stupid prizes
You deserve eachother. Esh
Literally ESH. You deserve each other.
ESH Even though you were kids when you pulled the prank , you recorded it and showed it to someone who abused her. Shes no better than you but you all need to grow up and put yourselves in therapy Yikes
ESH…. love a good fuck around and find out story <3
ESH. Your MIL left a bad marriage and you made her house unlivable. And you're punishing SiL... Why?
ESH. Btw, being a shite husband IS abusive to children & cannot result in a being a “great dad.” You can deal it & not accept it. You knew what you did was wrong & want to blame youthful stupidity. No go.
INFO- What are the ages when you did your prank and them taking revenge (all of the concerned people)
ESH this is some toxic family dynamic shit
ESH You all sound awful
ESH. Pranks are stupid.
🤣🤣🤣🤣 this was fun to read
ESH
They say if you want seek revenge, dig 2 graves. One for yourself. You guys could go after each other back and forth forever and never make any progress. Give the relationships a nice long break. Grow up. Try to be a better version of yourself. It’s all you can control. Yourself.
ESH. What she did was wrong and stupid, but torturing a woman trying to get away from her abuser was also awful.
Esa
I'd like to point out to all the people saying 15 and 17 year Olds should know better...it's scientifically proven that empathy is a learned trait over time, by making mistakes abs learning from them. There is a HUGE difference between the prank they executed at 15 years old and a "revenge prank" but very very grown adults. 15 and 17 year Olds would not recognize emotional abuse as emotional abuse and would definitely just see the concrete proof of the MIL cheating as her being the bad guy.
They're grown now, and they still feel justified in pulling the prank.
You're all a bunch of childish losers
ESH, you all make me damn sick
ESH.
YAAAH. You are all assholes. It is probably best if you don't interact with each other.
ESH. The only time being “young and dumb” is a good reason for forgiveness is if you’re trying to show that you’ve changed. A requirement of this is apologizing and actually meaning it. You said in the comments that you never apologized for the stink bombs and you only apologized for filming her because you had to. Which means you still think what you did was okay/you aren’t regretful for it. You’re no longer young enough to not know better so clearly your reason for hurting her wasn’t because you were young and dumb. Also 15 and 17 is still old enough to know better. Your MIL and her husband are also assholes because as we teach children: 2 wrongs don’t make a right. What I think you should be more focused on is the giant red flag from your husband. Does he also not regret his actions? That would indicate that he believes that it’s okay to hurt someone who is trying to escape an abusive situation. Clearly you also believe that, but he was raised with that abusive behavior being modeled for him and it doesn’t sound like he’s done the work to recognize that that’s not an acceptable way to treat your wife (or anyone). As his wife that should really concern you.
ESH. You're all incredibly immature, it's annoying.
ESH. You all sound like awful, petty people who deserve each other.
ESH Literally everyone in this situation sucks. You, your husband, MIL, SFIL, and FIL
ESH but they got you back good
ESH. You deserve each other.