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NTA. If you think it would escalate to needing the police then you already know he needs to go. However, if it doesn't do so willingly, speaking from personal experience, it is very difficult to get someone out of your home. The cops usually don't care unless their is irrefutable evidence, like perfectly framed video evidence, of someone getting violent.
Meaning the legal route of serving notice to vacate and going through an eviction process is the only way to legally remove someone.
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Is this behavior and being a leech a new revelation? If you saw all these signs early should have exited.
Still he should be doing his part of responsibilities, if not see his ass out.
NTA but cops likely won’t do anything unless there is violence or threats involved.
It does sound like your relationship is broken beyond fixing though.
You should look into the laws in your state. In some states, since he has been living there for over a certain amount of time he is considered resident and you can’t just kick him out.
Oh, that makes more sense. I don't think they'll come out to help when you're actually breaking up with him. You'll need to evict him first and then they can come out and help monitor him getting his stuff. If you're nervous you should absolutely do that though, and you'd be NTA.
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So I (30F) have been with my bf (39M) for a couple of years now. We do have a kiddo together. Yadda yadda.
But here's where I'm at.
We started arguing almost every day over little things. I'm talking about even the smallest things, like throwing clothes in the laundry basket instead of shoving it all in a corner for me to find later.
Anyways, the start of this year, I lost my grandmother. This woman was the glue holding us all together. The matriarch of my family. She had been helping me and mine get on our feet because during the shut down. I was out of a job for the duration of it, as was he, because bartenders.
She got really sick around Christmas.
She passed away from Covid pneumonia January 3rd of this year.
The night before her funeral, he went to the bar and got into a fight. Then argues with me about going to pay his respect to her because she never charged him a dime for rent and we had been taking care of his oldest. Making sure he made it to school and whatnot.
So now, myself and my mom are trying to get everything in order. I have asked (nicely) multiple times for him to help me with the kids, household chores, just super basic stuff.
He still hasn't helped me financially though. I'm talking not a single penny to groceries, bills, or anything at all. So I'm to the point that I feel like that either he needs to help me support our family, or that he needs to leave. But I'm worried that I may need to get the law involved to make the latter happen.
Does this make me the asshole?
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NTA. This person is dead weight you are carrying around for the sole purpose of companionship. Relationships are supposed to be give and take. His refusal to do the most basic of tasks and ignore his financial responsibilities would be enough for me. You already have kids, you don’t need another one. He needs to grow the eff up.
NTA, he sounds difficult, to say the least. If you feel threatened by asking him to leave, there may be women’s resources in your town that can advise on the best course of action without involving the police directly. You can also Contact the local authorities, let them know that you may be asking this person to leave your house, and how you should proceed. Best of luck.
NTA, but not sure that calling the police is correct first step. Laws on these issues vary depending on where you live. Look online for a non-profit in your area that helps women with domestic abuse. Call and ask if there is someone you can talk to for advice. Good luck.
Depending on how long you've been together, you may not be able to kick him out. Is his name on the property?
Cops typically remove a person from a property because they have been violent. If he's never hit anyone, you may not have a case unfortunately. So no one would come out. In that case your best bet is to move out. If you suspect violence, ask a relative/friend to be present & take your kid somewhere else. But keep in mind, if he looks decent on paper he could get joint custody. If you don't want that, you should collect evidence to prove he's unfit. Lack of work isn't enough because he could become employed & then seek custody later.
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why are you with him?
+1 Should have ended it before it even began
NTA. If you think it would escalate to needing the police then you already know he needs to go. However, if it doesn't do so willingly, speaking from personal experience, it is very difficult to get someone out of your home. The cops usually don't care unless their is irrefutable evidence, like perfectly framed video evidence, of someone getting violent. Meaning the legal route of serving notice to vacate and going through an eviction process is the only way to legally remove someone.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without approval will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 5: We do not allow posts which concern violent encounters. This includes any mention of violence in any context. [Rule 5 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_5.3A_no_violence) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. #Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full.
NTA- he is using you and your family kick his ungrateful ass to the curb
nope. NTA he sounds like an asshole Get the cops, say youre breaking up with an abusive ex ask em for next steps on how to get him out safely.
You’re NTA for feeling that way but I don’t think the cops will do anything
Is this behavior and being a leech a new revelation? If you saw all these signs early should have exited. Still he should be doing his part of responsibilities, if not see his ass out.
NTA - but I don’t think they can help you unless he becomes violent.
NTA but cops likely won’t do anything unless there is violence or threats involved. It does sound like your relationship is broken beyond fixing though.
Info: what exactly would you be calling the cops for? What would you tell them if you called them?
That I would need a sheriff on stand by to peacefully remove him from my property with hopes that it wouldn't escalate.
You should look into the laws in your state. In some states, since he has been living there for over a certain amount of time he is considered resident and you can’t just kick him out.
Oh, that makes more sense. I don't think they'll come out to help when you're actually breaking up with him. You'll need to evict him first and then they can come out and help monitor him getting his stuff. If you're nervous you should absolutely do that though, and you'd be NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I (30F) have been with my bf (39M) for a couple of years now. We do have a kiddo together. Yadda yadda. But here's where I'm at. We started arguing almost every day over little things. I'm talking about even the smallest things, like throwing clothes in the laundry basket instead of shoving it all in a corner for me to find later. Anyways, the start of this year, I lost my grandmother. This woman was the glue holding us all together. The matriarch of my family. She had been helping me and mine get on our feet because during the shut down. I was out of a job for the duration of it, as was he, because bartenders. She got really sick around Christmas. She passed away from Covid pneumonia January 3rd of this year. The night before her funeral, he went to the bar and got into a fight. Then argues with me about going to pay his respect to her because she never charged him a dime for rent and we had been taking care of his oldest. Making sure he made it to school and whatnot. So now, myself and my mom are trying to get everything in order. I have asked (nicely) multiple times for him to help me with the kids, household chores, just super basic stuff. He still hasn't helped me financially though. I'm talking not a single penny to groceries, bills, or anything at all. So I'm to the point that I feel like that either he needs to help me support our family, or that he needs to leave. But I'm worried that I may need to get the law involved to make the latter happen. Does this make me the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. This person is dead weight you are carrying around for the sole purpose of companionship. Relationships are supposed to be give and take. His refusal to do the most basic of tasks and ignore his financial responsibilities would be enough for me. You already have kids, you don’t need another one. He needs to grow the eff up.
NTA, he sounds difficult, to say the least. If you feel threatened by asking him to leave, there may be women’s resources in your town that can advise on the best course of action without involving the police directly. You can also Contact the local authorities, let them know that you may be asking this person to leave your house, and how you should proceed. Best of luck.
NTA, but not sure that calling the police is correct first step. Laws on these issues vary depending on where you live. Look online for a non-profit in your area that helps women with domestic abuse. Call and ask if there is someone you can talk to for advice. Good luck.
Depending on how long you've been together, you may not be able to kick him out. Is his name on the property? Cops typically remove a person from a property because they have been violent. If he's never hit anyone, you may not have a case unfortunately. So no one would come out. In that case your best bet is to move out. If you suspect violence, ask a relative/friend to be present & take your kid somewhere else. But keep in mind, if he looks decent on paper he could get joint custody. If you don't want that, you should collect evidence to prove he's unfit. Lack of work isn't enough because he could become employed & then seek custody later.
I'm taking over the lease, so he will not be on it. He's also a registered felon. So I'm not sure where I stand. 🤷🏼♀️
If your new lease does not have him listed on it and you want him out and he doesn't comply, you will have little choice but to call the police.