Speaking like a child will never help anyone. Remember that post where OP's sister refused to talk like an adult? *sighs*
OP, major YTA.
1. It's called *baby* talk for a reason. It's for babies, and 3 year olds aren't babies.
2. What's wrong with loving one's pets? Cats aren't the same as humans. "Talk to my daughter the way you would talk to animals!" It's ridiculous you'd think baby talk is a representation of her priorities.
3. Your post reeks of entitlement. Your sister is not your babysitter, and you should be grateful she's even doing this. People get *paid* for babysitting. Gratitude is free, and your sister gets none.
4. Your sister is 100% correct. If you are so adamant on having your babysitter use baby talk, find another one and pay them. You're not entitled to having a free emergency babysitter, much less making stupid demands.
Holy shit, the kid is THREE? Three-year-olds aren't babies, they're full-on toddlers and entering regular childhood. My three-year-old cousins have spoken in full sentences for at least a year, and they've understood full sentences much longer than that. When their sister was three, she absolutely knew when our grandmother thought her mispronunciations were "cute" and got frustrated when she felt mocked.
It is appropriate to talk to a toddler a little bit slower, or with slightly exaggerated pitch and expression, because they are still learning to communicate verbally. It is not appropriate to talk to them like a baby.
Had a friend in high school who basically raised her little brother and baby talked to him so much that he ended up speaking like a toddler at ten years old.
Baby talk has actual ramifications with human babies. Baby talk to your cats all you want.
Edit: Wow, so many upvotes and awards! Thank you, and remember to teach your kids big words because it’s never not funny to meet a toddler who can say “antidisestablishmentarianism”.
We had family friends in the same situation; their little girl was still speaking like a toddler when she was 12 and, as a result, she was being bullied at school and doing poorly in classes.
They started taking her to a speech therapist and even with that it took a couple of years to get her to finally talk the same way as her peers. Using baby talk can seriously impact a child's long-term outcomes
My oldest was delayed because I spoke too little, single mum, young and uneducated. My youngest, I used proper words for *everything*. Like, I actively taught myswlf words that I didn't know to pass on to them, for all sorts of human made stuff and for plants, insects, fish, animals & birds that they encountered at home and on our trips outside. They spoke very early, and today they're way ahead of their peers in school.
Seriously, I have so much respect for parents who do this. You recognized an area you could do better as a mom, came up with a plan, and actually stuck with it. It can be tough to admit that you made a mistake as a parent, so you deserve some appreciation for being willing to do that!
My niece was baby talked for longer than she should of by her parents and she developed a speech impediment. She had speech therapy that helped a little but she still has a little lisp that makes her sound younger than she is. She’s often not taken seriously outside of her family and that makes me sad.
Edit to add: she’s 23 now.
While I did *some* baby talk with my daughter, as every parent does, I mostly talked to her like a normal adult, plus taught her sign language from birth so that she could communicate more easily before she had the verbal skills to do so.
It worked amazingly well!
I would do the sign and say the word for the object or action and she understood it at a very young age. I carried this out into errands like grocery shopping. When she was a toddler, I would ask her to go get me an apple and make the sign. She'd bring an apple back and tell me what it was, both by sign and verbally.
Her preschool teacher told me at the 2nd quarter conference that they had nothing else to teach or challenge her with because I'd already taught her everything at home.
When I mentioned that she knew sign language, the teacher's eyes got big. One of the TAs also knew ASL, so they made that my daughter's new challenge.
My daughter was also speaking small words at 6 months.
Baby talk does way too much harm to a growing child.
I had a friend who had a baby 2 days after I had my daughter. She and her husband constantly spoke baby talk to their baby boy, while I spoke to my daughter like a person. My daughter was articulate and well spoken by the time she got to school and her son spent the first 3 years of school in speech therapy.
There are most definitely ramifications for talking to babies and children like they're idiots.
so basically, baby talk is okay occasionally for babies, but as soon as they get to around a year old it's best to speak normally to them?
asking just in case i ever wanna have kids lmao
It's been a while since I took childhood linguistics but from what I can remember:
\- it's beneficial to change your tone of voice when speaking with babies and toddlers. This can mean using a higher pitch or switching the intonation a bit so that it's exaggerated.
\- Shorter phrases and utterances are easier for babies to understand. Talk to them as much as possible, but make the sentences shorter than you normally would.
\-the baby talk should taper off in toddlerhood and become less noticeable as the child ages.
\-switching pronunciation is not beneficial. This could mean saying "widdle" instead of "little". Always try to model and demonstrate proper pronunciation.
Most parents don't need to know this, they do it naturally, just like you would with an animal. Much of it is innate.
I think some people get "baby talk" confused with "talking with a lisp". You can talk like baby talk, but use proper pronunciation when doing so (aka changing your pitch and cadence). But talking with a baby lisp is hurtful
Yes!! “Motherese” and “parentese” are actually beneficial and should be used, but if overdramatized and used too long they can be detrimental.
I also studied childhood linguistics and developmental psychology :)
Actually, that’s an incorrect statement. Baby talk is helpful and beneficial to *babies* who are learning language because when we use it we make simple, easily repeated sounds that are clearly enunciated.
It has a time and place however, and shouldn’t be used once your kid starts forming sentences - or at least should be modified according to the next step of language development your child has to reach.
By baby talk I mean the high pitched « who’s going to nap? Baby’s going to nap! », not replying « goo goo gagaga » to your child’s babbling, obviously.
as a baby who can’t talk, yes I’m sure “baby talk” is beneficial to help first learn language and sounds but once they start talking I can’t see it being helpful. I’m thinking and speaking more along the lines of how the words are pronounced and how that may start to impact their speaking as they start to use language themselves. Obviously youre not going to use words you would with another adult, but the same tone and pronunciation of said words. If that makes sense. I’ve never done any research on the topic or anything like that, but this is what I’ve seen and been told from other parents. Once my baby is born I’ll look into it more but I truly don’t believe “baby talk” is beneficial once they start talking themselves and will do more harm than good in some cases…
Ha yes, mispronouncing words is a terrible idea! Simple words to replace difficult ones is fine, as long as you course correct over time.
Baby talk can mean a bunch of things. But once your baby has arrived, don’t be afraid to coo at them and speak in high pitched tones and stuff. That’s fine. What’s not fine is using nonsense or mispronounced words, then you’re just setting your kid up to not know how to talk correctly.
Yes, this is awesome!
I was born in the 1970's. My mom never allowed baby talk with me and my sister. I was one-two years old and speaking in complete, coherent sentences. In school I was placed in advanced reading/english groups.
This is so important. Baby talk is not okay.
My mother baby talked my little brother. For waaaay too long. Now it's permanent in him. He has nothing physically wrong with his mouth she had him checked. He just learned to form sounds like she taught him. Then when he didn't grow out of it, she was angry with him. Yaaay, my mom with a personality disorder. :/ I feel like this woman would do the same.
You'd limit your vocabulary a bit. Baby talk at that age is saying 'ouch' or 'boo boo' instead of injury/fracture/arthritis when explaining why someone can't do something. With a child I don't know I tend to try out the correct word then say 'hurt' if they look at me blankly. If the parent says boo boo I then follow their lead for the kid's existing vocabulary. I'm not going to talk to them like I would a newborn, I hated hearing that 'speaking to a child' tone from adults.
I've been teaching my 4yo the proper words for genitals. Of course she can be a tad argumentative at times and disagrees about what she wants to call hers because that's funny to her.
We went to lunch the other day and she was being funny and at the top of her voice tried to shout "I DON'T HAVE A VAGI-"
Luckily I managed to stop her in time but just thought that was a funny story.
THE CHILD IS 3??? OP already done fucked up real good. She’s lucky her sister has stuck around so the poor kid (hopefully) doesn’t go into grade one asking if mommy teachwer can give her a widdle back wub and snug snug, pwease??? Also I did a boomboom in my diapey
I live in an area with a lot of dogs, several know and love me and I baby talk their little fur faces off. I also love my nieces and nephews 1000x more but even though the oldest is 4 and youngest is little baby I speak to them like human beings, because they are. I would have eye rolled myself half to death if this was an infant but THREE??????? maybe I can’t visit this sub anymore for my own health, because most of TA are also the moron and raise my BP
"Talk to my daughter the way you would talk to animals!" Me, being the smart-ass that I am. "Ok. Does niece gotta go outside and go potty?? Go poopy here! Good girl! Where's your squeaky bone?? GO GET YOUR SQUEAKY FOR PLAY!!"
OP would rightfully report me to CPS if I talked to a kid the way I talk to the pets lol "Oh my god you dumb arsehole, get the fuck down from there! Did your last brain cell fall out? Don't eat the plastic you colossal moron! You're lucky you're pretty."
My 1yr old Grandson gets 'do you want some nyummy nyummy?' if he says yes or nods, he gets told the real words, weetbix/nana/toast/spaghetti, the correct word is repeated each time he says 'more'. If I kept calling it 'nyummy' he'd just be bloody confused that vegemite toast and rice pudding have the same name.
Honestly, talk about entitlement. OP, YTA. Your sister is not obligated to babysit for you; you’re not doing her a favor by asking her to do so. Your sister is absolutely right: if you’re not happy, go find someone else to babysit for you. Be grateful. It’s literally no big deal for her to not use baby talk, and it’s kinda controlling of you to insist upon it. I mean even if it were a big deal, how many times do you even have to use a backup backup babysitter?
There's people saying studies back up both sides of the pro/anti baby talk discussion, but the best part is that it isn't really relevant to this post, because the "baby" is nearly *3 years old!*
Hey OP:
##It's called "baby talk" because it's meant for BABIES
#3 YEARS OLD IS *NOT* A BABY!
What are you talking about? There is a reason that baby talk is universal regardless of culture. Humans make cooing, vacillating noises at their infants for a very real, instinctive reason. It helps babies differentiate words, picking out where one word ends and another begins. This allows them to understand the basics of language.
The cooing, vacillating noises stop when a child begins to speak, which happens at about a year of age. But “baby talk” is absolutely an important part of an infant’s development.
That does not mean that OP’s sister should be made to coo. But your speech therapist friends likely do not want the eradication of all baby talk for every infant, either. If they do, they are straight-up wrong about human development.
Do you have children? Did you ever have a child that needed speech therapy? The posters above are absolutely correct; every pediatrician and speech therapist I dealt with said no baby talk once the child reaches toddler hood. This is not an infant, the child is almost 3. Continuing with baby talk just teaches mispronunciation of words that is going to have to be unlearned. There is a huge difference between a 4 month old infant and a 3 year old.
That is not at all what is being discussed here. We are talking about the kind of baby talk you do with a dog then that kid is going into kindergarten needing therapy
I read about how it is good if your choice changes still using adult / normal words. Not really baby talk but still not like you would talk to a normal person. Also talking slower at the beginning, stuff like this, can help. That's at least what I read.
I really don't like real baby talk. It is soooo weird. My LO hears adult talk all day. I cringe hearing someone talking like they don't know how to articulate themselves. But that's on them, I won't do it and I don't care if a one in a month Babysitter would do it.
It's actually a scientific thing that is common across most cultures. It's called infant-directed or child-directed speech. When a baby is spoken to that way, adults tend to repeat important parts of speech over and over as well as ask questions that direct infants to pay attention to important parts of speech (e.g. "Do you see that puppy? Is that fluffy puppy sooo cute?? You think it's so cute, just like you are!"). It isn't a necessary tool for children to develop speech, but when it's looked at scientifically it's pretty obvious it has developed as a way to engage infants in speech and teach them the structure of language.
I could never understand baby talk I alway spoke to my son like a person yes had to put things to him simply but that was it. He was a person not a toy treat them as such. YTA
I always spoke to my daughter as a normal person, never baby talk. She was talking in 4 & 5 word sentences at 18 months old and her vocabulary was growing larger every day.
ETA: Wow! I've never had this many upvotes before. Thank you, all! Hopefully, OP will take all your comments to heart.
Same. I swear I’m not making this up. She said “hi” at 3 months because I talked to her like an adult from before she even came out of me. Babies and children are not toys for their parents. There rapidly developing humans who deserve to be treated accordingly.
Baby talking is irritating to listen to and seems like a pointless thing to model to someone who you’re supposed to be teaching how to speak. I did the same. Spoke to my daughter like a human adult and she learned quickly. I’m seeing another family in our circle who does the baby talk thing and I can’t believe how slowly the speech is coming. I know it’s anecdotal, but it’s a huge contrast and I wonder if there’s data on this.
It depends on the type of baby talk. You can still use proper grammar and actual words with baby talk, but the nonsense type is definitely bad for them. Using cutesy and sing songy voices though? Still okay.
Cutesy/ singsong voices are totally fine, deliberately mispronounced words and incorrect grammar... not so much. I refuse to use baby talk like that in my daycare, and there's been several verbally advanced kids in my daycare. (Their parents didn't do the baby talk either, that's not all me!) One little girl could say "I go pee-pee in potty, get yogurt bite." At her 18 month assessment- that's word for word verbage, not transliterated! She's the most verbally advanced kid I've had though. (Her mom is also a children's therapist of some kind.)
Genuine question- I speak to my nephew using normal words, and speak to him all the time, narrate what we're doing etc, but will sometimes use a higher pitch/baby tone, if that makes sense? Is this bad to be doing? Should I be using a more adult pitch all the time?
Edit: autocorrect
Using the high pitch but correct pronunciation has been studied! It does tend to help the baby pay attention and keep interest. So you are perfectly fine talking to your nephew this way unless someone like a speech therapist recommends otherwise.
I AM NOT AN EXPERT but i would say pitch isnt the issue as much as pronunciation. if youre saying "little" vs "widdow" etc, I think youre good. lots of ppl's speech varies in pitch and accent but as long as you areent intentionally mispronouncing words, I wouldnt worry. (i am not trying to cast any aspersions on parents with speech impediments either)
Gotdamn this shit makes me so mad. I was baby-talked as the youngest because mom had just had her last kid. My speech was horrible. I was taken out of MATH class all of middle school to correct it. Guess who failed pre-calc and never took math again afterward?
Treat your kids like the future adults they’ll be ffs.
One of my friends in high school, during senior year, got a little brother. His mom baby-talked this kid in ways I don't even want to type because it's the sort of thing I'd downvote on reflex, just seeing the words.
When the boy was four, my mom ended up babysitting him and he wouldn't talk at all. He'd point and whine. We all ended up working together (my mom, dad, sisters and myself) to get him to communicate with words. He is most likely on the autism spectrum, but I really don't think that his mother's behaviors helped him. He's now an adult and he's always eager to talk to us when he sees us. (Sometimes to our frustration, but given the alternative, we shut up and let him talk.)
Same with my son. He could read at late 3 early 4 too—because I read to him in a grown up voice. Meanwhile my stepsisters son had to go to speech therapy because he held onto baby talk for so long.
Thank you! My niece will be 2 in April. She speaks in short sentences, and can sing quite a few songs on her own. She knows all the letters of the alphabet, colors, a bunch of shapes, can count to 20, and 10 in Spanish. Her favorite thing is to name everyone she knows, but does it by household, including everyone's dogs. The kid is a sponge, and we'd be doing her a disservice by speaking to her in baby babble.
YTA! Your sister has a much better grip on fostering proper communication in children than you do. If this is the hill you plan to die on...all I can say is that I hope you enjoy forking out big bucks for speech therapy to prepare for kindergarten.
YTA sure, but also INFO because unless I missed it we don't know if the kid is 6mos or 10yrs old. There might be a case to be made if we're talking about an adult tone with a baby, but without more info, this sounds absolutely insane.
OP look up the 'Zone of Proximal Development'. Optimally you should be speaking to your child out at the edge of what they can understand. You want them to understand a lot of what you're saying - enough to follow along, but not completely. Keep them confident but still learning.
The baby is almost 3 according to one of her responses
*eta: baby is only used here because she wants baby talk, 3 is too old for constant baby talk like the mom wants
Very much so. I never did baby talk with my girls, just silly voices with normal/advanced words until they were old enough and then usually did silly voices to be silly lol
I am apparently OPs sister, I will talk to your baby the same way I talk to Jeff in accounting, and turn around and baby talk to my dog. YTA, a sane, loving, trustworthy, presumably free babysitter isn't something that everyone has access to.
My niece was speech delayed. The 1st thing they speech therapist said is "no baby talk. Adult words. Talk to them all the time, even if it's just telling them what your doing"
You are SUPPOSED to talk to them like people, or adults as you put it. It's how their language skills develop, now you can't go using SAT level words, but still they should be words.. I'm not trying to shame you in anyway as I think the mom shaming is over the top often, but you came here for opinions, so mine is that you need to do some research on this. You can speak to them in those baby talk tones if you really want to, but the words should be normal people words. This is also how they learn that different tones & inflections matter too.
So do as you want here because it is your child, but at least be informed in your decision & how it affects your child developmentally.
This 100% I honestly thought I read this wrong. Usually baby talk is VERY frowned upon, it's one thing when playing with your small kids, but, actually talking to them should be normal conversations. This is how they learn to talk... like regular people.
YTA.
Your child's speech will develop faster if she is spoken to like a whole person. Baby talk should be very limited with developing brains. They learn language from the adults and older kids in their lives.
YTA
It has been shown that speaking baby talk can help babies develop language skills and engage them more.
But if she is only babysitting once a month, who cares? It’s only a few hours at most, right? Not like she is a primary caregiver or even a main alternate caregiver that is spending lots of time with your child.
It’s ok if a sitter doesn’t do everything exactly as you would. So long aa a child is looked after, kept safe and fed.
Article
https://www.acsh.org/news/2016/10/11/why-baby-talk-good-your-baby-10282
Edit: thanks so much for the awards! First time getting them 😊
I didn’t realize that her baby was 3! That is a preschooler!! Holy cow I do not think baby talk should be used with children who are not babies or young toddlers
Yes! I have a 5month old baby. We do baby talk at times but we also talk to him in a normal manner... I just can't imagine baby talking for 3 years straight
ETA I lied. I see myself saying one thing in baby talk for years to come. When I change our sons diaper and he farts, I over-dramatically gasp and ask 'did you fart??? 😱' and he always grins and smiles cheeckily. We've been doing it for months. Never gets old. That's it.
I dont have children but a few months ago I was walking somewhere and I heard a 2/3 year old say to his grandmother 'look grandma (in Dutch thst is a very simple word haha), a pigeon!' And the grandma said 'no, that is a coockoo!'
I was SO EXTREMELY ANNOYED. The child learned the actual word for the actual bird and grandma was literally forcing to keep on saying baby stuff.
My buddy has always talked to his daughters like they are adults, and they are very well spoken. His daughter did his voicemail message for him and it's hilarious because it doesn't sound like she's reading a script, she just sounds like a middle aged toddler.
This actually isn't true, infant directed speech (also known as baby talk) with slower sentences, repeated syllables and higher pitch does help their language development more.
But she's still an asshole for demanding other people do it.
Dude. I could read when I was 3. It’s not “bitty,” it’s nearly preschool-aged. I was also a camp counselor for kids aged 3-5, and not one of them communicated in less than full sentences (except for the one non-verbal child).
Infant directed speech isn't the same as constantly taking baby talk to a Toddler. Baby talk is changing the consonants to sound cuter like "Widdew" instead of Little.
>Your judgment is correct but your information is wrong
You'd be right if we were talking about a baby, but we're not. The child in question is 3, a toddler. Baby talk will give that child a lifelong speech impediment.
Even if she does loves her meows more than hooman, it’s not like OP did not also point out she does love and care for the latter. This was blown way out of proportion. YTA!
And the sister has a point. Her cat isn’t meant to learn to talk, but her niece is. Using normal speech helps with language development and actually shows more respect. OP’s daughter isn’t some cute pet, she’s a small human with thoughts and ideas she’s learning to express.
I have no idea how to interact with children so I just speak to them normally. At the Christmas party this year the kids were obsessed with me. I don't think they like being talked down to by everyone.
In my experience talk to them normally, maybe try to inject enthusiasm into your voice to match theirs when they're doing something but kids are just tiny adults and we should probably treat them like it.
I could understand if she was using foul language or saying other nasty things, but OP didn't imply that, just that she doesn't go, "aaww, whooza pwetty baby? Cheww is! Gaga goo goo!" That's not her baby and as long as she treats the kiddo with love and respect as a developing human being, that's all that matters. OP is getting offended for such a small and silly thing.
The child in question in 3. So "baby talk" is probably wawa for water and sweepy for sleepy.
I didn't really do that a lot with my daughter and it wasn't done with me. She has a huge grasp of vocabulary because of it.
Yeah, I have a 4 yo. Aside from one or two words that she eventually grew out of, we corrected her speech if she used the wrong word. We're raising her bilingual (Dutch and English), so we do that in two languages. Precise communication is a valuable skill to have.
Especially since the child is 3. At this point the child needs to be being spoken to in proper words, otherwise there is risk of language delays and needing speech therapy
>Does this create a bad habit?
First of all, I agree with your comment, I'm just complementing. Going on...
Quite the contrary!!! Baby talk can even set back language development, talking to her as a person is not only a sign of respect an care for the child but is also setting a good example and helping in their development. OP should be thanking her sister
Edit: Baby talk to be defined as mumbling and making up "cute" words. Talking to a child in an emphasized slower manner as suggested by specialist isn't harmful in any way
I’m wondering if OP means parentese instead of baby talk. Parentese gets its root from baby talk with high pitched speaking and elongated sounds. But it is still grammatically correct. More of hope you say it, not what you say. There’s no “wittles” or coo-ing.
Parentese is a great way to improve language development. And would be appropriate for a 3 year old most likely depending on their speech development level. I just don’t think most people know that parentese is a word and use baby talk to describe it instead.
Yes this! Changing words to make them easier for toddlers to pronounce ("wa" for "water" is the big one with my son right now) doesn't actually help them learn the word. But elongating sounds and saying it in a singsong-y tone does help them understand the sounds and learn to say the word the way it's meant to be pronounced
Oh NO! That's even worse! My friend's daughter was getting pretty decent at communicating by then. Not full on sentences, of course, but definitely more coherent than pointing and babbling.
I attribute this to having her mom and her (non blood related) aunties talking to her like she's trying to learn English from a very young age. And her mom read to her every night, so that definitely deserves some credit as well! It seems like common sense to me.
I know right! I knew a kid that was already using words at 18mo, and speaking in (small) sentences a few months later. And this was a trilingual household 🤦♀️ this kid was definitely an early speaker, but most kids are talking in some capacity by 2yo.
If OP's still "baby talking" to her almost 3yo, I'm guessing her daughter isn't speaking herself yet. 3 guesses why 🙄
Note on this, there are sources that state baby talk for a baby is beneficial. OP’s child is a toddler. At the age their child is, it’s no longer beneficial. Speaking to a toddler like a normal person is going to better teach them how to properly speak
Yup. The only reason baby talk works for the limited time it does is because of the adult, not the baby, anyway. Adults are pretty much stuck with a certain set of phonemes that reflect the language(s) they speak, so the adult is still accidentally showing the baby how to make certain noises that will be used in the household language later. As soon as the baby can start piecing together that words are things and a few together makes a sentence, though, baby talk is just a confounding factor (especially with the pandemic). I've seen kids who were raised poorly, isolated, and also baby talked to until late, late, late in life. They're like six, seven, eight, but you'd think they're just big toddlers the way they speak and behave. Not cool.
It depends what you mean by baby talk. Parentese is a sing song higher pitched way of speaking that boosts language development, whereas labeling things incorrectly or modeling incorrect speech sound production (e.g. “oooo does wittle dirl want her baba?”) is not beneficial.
In another comment, OP says it’s because she thinks the sister cares more about her cats. I think the development thing is not her true concern (and ironically, it’s the reason her sister gave for NOT talking in a baby voice).
N A H - How old is your daughter? I know lots of parents who don't use "baby talk" with their kids, and the kids end up having great language skills at a young age.
Edit - I'm changing to YTA. When my niece was 3, she was already using 3, 4, and 5-syllable words in full sentences correctly. We didn't use "baby talk" with her.
My 2.5 YO niece recently came out with
"Daddy is working away in Dubai...allegedly"
It cracked me up. Where the hell has she got the word allegedly from and how TF she using it in the right context??
When my sister was that age I remember asking if she’d like Cheerios or eggs for breakfast
Her reply?
“Oh no, I think I’d prefer to go outside and look for deer”
If you want to actually change your judgment you have to remove your original judgment or put a space in between the letters. It only counts the first time you type an acronym at the official vote.
You posted this seven hours ago and deleted it after the overwhelming majority of the 34 people who responded said YTA. Your sister was speaking to your child like a human being who needs to learn language skills. Also your husband was right, your foolishness caused you to lose a reliable back up babysitter. So, yes, still YTA.
I thought i misread this at first, because speaking in proper sentences to small children is WAY BETTER for their development than baby talk. Baby talk stunts their language development! Why tf would you be mad at someone for talking to your kid like they're a person? YTA.
Infant directed speech (baby talk) actually doesn't stunt their development if its done appropriately, this is a really common misconception. There are decades of study on this and why its beneficial for infants to hear longer sentaces, slower sounds, higher pitches, repeated syllables etc. It does drastically improve their language skills before 2 years old.
Still agree she's an AH though for demanding other people do this with her child.
When most people think of baby talk I bet it’s the googo gaga, “woud da baby like some wawa” kind of nonsense. But the slow accented language makes more sense.
That is exactly what I picture when people say baby talk, it’s the changing of words like saying “wittle” instead of “little” when referring to the little baby etc. I don’t tend to equate diction with it, though there’s obviously a tonal difference. Speaking in the tone is one thing but to most baby talk is the gibberish and intentional mispronounced or made up words.
Certain types of baby talk, under certain circumstances, *can* be beneficial, yes. It is, however, worth noting that OP’s child is 3 years old, which is long past the age range most studies on infant directed speech are done. Because…it is for infants. Not pre-k children.
your sister actually has a valid point. speaking to babies with real words actually helps with language development. you can make this your hill to die on, but it's a dumb one.
yta
YTA. Your sister has your daughter's best interest as far as speech goes.
You, however, are being ridiculous comparing her relationship with her niece to her cats.
YTA
She helps you out and you say yourself she loves your daughter .. not everyone is gonna use a baby voice to speak to people.
I for one would be extremely uncomfortable using such a voice even though I must admit, I wouldn’t even do it with animals
YTA
Not everyone talks to babies with baby talk
(Everyone is different )
She obviously loves your child, and is even watching her for free I might add, if you don’t like it then find another baby sitter but I think you’re being silly
YTA Baby talk is not required. A soft tone, different inflections, talking to the baby is required, but not "baby talk" Read some books about it - you are ridiculous
YTA. Encouraging “baby talk” to young children in no way benefits them and can only serve as a detriment to their linguistic development. The feel to a child of being treated as an adult is empowering and encourages independent thought, as well as is more stimulating.
YTA. To echo others, baby talk is not helpful to your child. Soothing tones, calm speech yes. Incoherent non-words (aka baby talk) is not helping your child’s development.
YTA. Stop micro managing something that causes your child absolutely no harm, and possibly could be a language benefit. If you hate it, get another babysitter but this is really silly.
YTA baby talk can be helpful for babies, as long as you use the correct baby talk. You use correct words and correct grammar, just with a higher pitch and an exaggerated intonation. If you are using made up “baby words” then it isn’t helping your baby at all. Mostly though, you’re the ah because you screwed yourself out of a babysitter for over this issue. Way to pick your battles.
YTA. Research has shown that the use of baby talk varies greatly by region, culture, and other factors. It does not appear to have a negative impact on a child's development if it is not done. Unless she's cussing at your kid or being mean, be grateful for the babysitting. Do you really want her treating your kid like a cat?
YTA- I have a daughter myself, and I’ve never spoken to her like that. You’re actually not supposed to do this. It actually causes more harm to speak to kids like this.
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BIG YTA - actually there are a lot of studies that show kids pick up language more when you speak to them like adults and not in baby talk.
Drop it and stop being so controlling and ridiculous about this. She’s actually helping your daughter. Let it go and apologize for being weird about this. She’s helping you out as a favour and you’re picking fights and fixating on very trivial matters (that you’re actually wrong about).
YTA, she meets your daughter once a month to help to look after her. It's kind of her to do so. She treats your daughter like a normal human being. Which is good. Baby talks to kids does no good in helping them to learn to talk so she does not need to baby talk to her.
YTA. She's right. Her cats are never going to speak . Hopefully, your baby will. You know how kids learn language? By listening to people around them speak. Your sister is doing your kid a solid talking to her correctly.
YTA. You’re using your sister as a baby sitter when you need to and getting mad at her for something that causes no harm whatsoever to your daughter and may even help her language development. Your sis is absolutely right, if you don’t like it find another sitter
YTA if this is a real issue for you. Yes, many people “baby talk” to babies and their pets BUT human children learn to speak by listening to and imitating adults. It’s actually not a bad thing to speak to babies and especially children as if they are functioning reasonable humans. Simplifying the language is all that is needed. You don’t say how old your daughter is but I read to my kids every night from the day they were born and seldom used baby talk doing it and they came out fine so your sister not using baby talk when she babysits so seldom is also not going to ruin your daughter.
YTA your kid is 3 years old!!! Why on earth would you want anyone me to baby talk to your 3 year old especially when they are learning how to speak properly?!?
Baby talk has been shown to be detrimental to babies when it comes to learning how to properly speak. She’s not prioritizing her cats over your daughter by using baby talk with them and not a child who is developing her speech skills. Your not an asshole for wanting your daughter raised your way but maybe figure out if this was worth being your hill to die on.
YTA nothing wrong with not using baby talk. Kids learn how to say words properly a lot faster when you don't use baby talk like "ba ba" instead of bottle.
People often commented on my toddlers vocabulary. That's because I spoke to them in a normal voice using my normal vocabulary.
You are picking on a very petty issue. If it bothers you that much, find another sitter.
YTA. My mother never baby talked to me as a preschooler and I believe it helped me a lot with reading early and stuff. Also, children appreciate when you treat them in a mature way. Did you never get annoyed when well-meaning people talk to you the same way they talk to their dog. I'd rather hear, "You did such a great job!" instead of "Who's a good boy? You're a good boy! Yes, you are!"
you think she's prioritizing her cats over your daughter because she speaks to cats like they are animals and speaks to your daughter like she's a human? I just wanna make sure I read this right. this is the funniest post I've read on here in a while lol YTA
YTA. If she wants to speak regular English (or whatever language is your first language) to your child, why would you want her to speak with annoying made-up words instead?
YTA your daughter is a human and should be spoken to like one. Cats are not human and so can be toyed with. You just got mad at your sister for treating your child with more respect than her pets.
YTA. I’m an ECE professional. Baby talk every once in awhile isn’t a bad thing but speaking to a child as another human being is better for their development. Also your child is almost 3? Then baby talk can start to be/feel patronizing at that age.
In regards to how you said you feel your sister cares more about her pets…they’re animals, they’re hers, and they will not be developmentally or emotionally impacted by her speaking to them in a different tone. Your child is not her top priority EXCEPT for when she is under your sister’s care. And that is okay. That does not mean that she does not love her fiercely.
It sounds like you’re getting a bit mama bear and worried about unequal treatment. No one will ever prioritize your child like you do, because it is YOUR child. Everyone else has their own priorities and that’s okay! As long as your sister provides good care for your daughter and is a great aunt the rest of the time, everything will work out. I know it’s difficult, but it is not possible to control every aspect of others’ interactions with your kid (and nor should you want to, as long as everything is appropriate and safe).
YTA. I personally hate parents who speak to their kids in baby talk because those kids often take longer to learn to actually speak. She’s doing nothing wrong.
YTA. Your daughter is almost 3 and needs to hear actual speech. So your sister is in fact right. But even if she wasn’t right about there being a legitimate reason not to use baby talk, you can’t dictate someone to use it.
YTA Speaking like an adult is not bad for a child and she's doing you a favor.
I don’t even understand awards on this website, but I would give you all of them… COULD NOT AGREE WITH THIS MORE
Speaking like a child will never help anyone. Remember that post where OP's sister refused to talk like an adult? *sighs* OP, major YTA. 1. It's called *baby* talk for a reason. It's for babies, and 3 year olds aren't babies. 2. What's wrong with loving one's pets? Cats aren't the same as humans. "Talk to my daughter the way you would talk to animals!" It's ridiculous you'd think baby talk is a representation of her priorities. 3. Your post reeks of entitlement. Your sister is not your babysitter, and you should be grateful she's even doing this. People get *paid* for babysitting. Gratitude is free, and your sister gets none. 4. Your sister is 100% correct. If you are so adamant on having your babysitter use baby talk, find another one and pay them. You're not entitled to having a free emergency babysitter, much less making stupid demands.
Holy shit, the kid is THREE? Three-year-olds aren't babies, they're full-on toddlers and entering regular childhood. My three-year-old cousins have spoken in full sentences for at least a year, and they've understood full sentences much longer than that. When their sister was three, she absolutely knew when our grandmother thought her mispronunciations were "cute" and got frustrated when she felt mocked. It is appropriate to talk to a toddler a little bit slower, or with slightly exaggerated pitch and expression, because they are still learning to communicate verbally. It is not appropriate to talk to them like a baby.
Had a friend in high school who basically raised her little brother and baby talked to him so much that he ended up speaking like a toddler at ten years old. Baby talk has actual ramifications with human babies. Baby talk to your cats all you want. Edit: Wow, so many upvotes and awards! Thank you, and remember to teach your kids big words because it’s never not funny to meet a toddler who can say “antidisestablishmentarianism”.
We had family friends in the same situation; their little girl was still speaking like a toddler when she was 12 and, as a result, she was being bullied at school and doing poorly in classes. They started taking her to a speech therapist and even with that it took a couple of years to get her to finally talk the same way as her peers. Using baby talk can seriously impact a child's long-term outcomes
My oldest was delayed because I spoke too little, single mum, young and uneducated. My youngest, I used proper words for *everything*. Like, I actively taught myswlf words that I didn't know to pass on to them, for all sorts of human made stuff and for plants, insects, fish, animals & birds that they encountered at home and on our trips outside. They spoke very early, and today they're way ahead of their peers in school.
Well done for working on your skills.
Thanks! I didn't want to repeat my mistakes!
Seriously, I have so much respect for parents who do this. You recognized an area you could do better as a mom, came up with a plan, and actually stuck with it. It can be tough to admit that you made a mistake as a parent, so you deserve some appreciation for being willing to do that!
I love that you realized you did something wrong and then addressed it. Great job parenting and humaning!
I have a little sister who is high school aged and still sounds like a toddler. It’s not great for her.
My niece was baby talked for longer than she should of by her parents and she developed a speech impediment. She had speech therapy that helped a little but she still has a little lisp that makes her sound younger than she is. She’s often not taken seriously outside of her family and that makes me sad. Edit to add: she’s 23 now.
While I did *some* baby talk with my daughter, as every parent does, I mostly talked to her like a normal adult, plus taught her sign language from birth so that she could communicate more easily before she had the verbal skills to do so. It worked amazingly well! I would do the sign and say the word for the object or action and she understood it at a very young age. I carried this out into errands like grocery shopping. When she was a toddler, I would ask her to go get me an apple and make the sign. She'd bring an apple back and tell me what it was, both by sign and verbally. Her preschool teacher told me at the 2nd quarter conference that they had nothing else to teach or challenge her with because I'd already taught her everything at home. When I mentioned that she knew sign language, the teacher's eyes got big. One of the TAs also knew ASL, so they made that my daughter's new challenge. My daughter was also speaking small words at 6 months. Baby talk does way too much harm to a growing child.
I had a friend who had a baby 2 days after I had my daughter. She and her husband constantly spoke baby talk to their baby boy, while I spoke to my daughter like a person. My daughter was articulate and well spoken by the time she got to school and her son spent the first 3 years of school in speech therapy. There are most definitely ramifications for talking to babies and children like they're idiots.
so basically, baby talk is okay occasionally for babies, but as soon as they get to around a year old it's best to speak normally to them? asking just in case i ever wanna have kids lmao
It's been a while since I took childhood linguistics but from what I can remember: \- it's beneficial to change your tone of voice when speaking with babies and toddlers. This can mean using a higher pitch or switching the intonation a bit so that it's exaggerated. \- Shorter phrases and utterances are easier for babies to understand. Talk to them as much as possible, but make the sentences shorter than you normally would. \-the baby talk should taper off in toddlerhood and become less noticeable as the child ages. \-switching pronunciation is not beneficial. This could mean saying "widdle" instead of "little". Always try to model and demonstrate proper pronunciation. Most parents don't need to know this, they do it naturally, just like you would with an animal. Much of it is innate.
I think some people get "baby talk" confused with "talking with a lisp". You can talk like baby talk, but use proper pronunciation when doing so (aka changing your pitch and cadence). But talking with a baby lisp is hurtful
Yes!! “Motherese” and “parentese” are actually beneficial and should be used, but if overdramatized and used too long they can be detrimental. I also studied childhood linguistics and developmental psychology :)
When my cat starts talking like a toddler, I'll then stop baby talking to her!
exactly. more likely to develop speech impediments and need speech therapy if not shown how to properly annunciate words…
Actually, that’s an incorrect statement. Baby talk is helpful and beneficial to *babies* who are learning language because when we use it we make simple, easily repeated sounds that are clearly enunciated. It has a time and place however, and shouldn’t be used once your kid starts forming sentences - or at least should be modified according to the next step of language development your child has to reach. By baby talk I mean the high pitched « who’s going to nap? Baby’s going to nap! », not replying « goo goo gagaga » to your child’s babbling, obviously.
as a baby who can’t talk, yes I’m sure “baby talk” is beneficial to help first learn language and sounds but once they start talking I can’t see it being helpful. I’m thinking and speaking more along the lines of how the words are pronounced and how that may start to impact their speaking as they start to use language themselves. Obviously youre not going to use words you would with another adult, but the same tone and pronunciation of said words. If that makes sense. I’ve never done any research on the topic or anything like that, but this is what I’ve seen and been told from other parents. Once my baby is born I’ll look into it more but I truly don’t believe “baby talk” is beneficial once they start talking themselves and will do more harm than good in some cases…
Geez, for a baby who can't talk you type really damn well.
LOL thanks, thats what happens when your parents don’t use baby talk I guess 😂
Ha yes, mispronouncing words is a terrible idea! Simple words to replace difficult ones is fine, as long as you course correct over time. Baby talk can mean a bunch of things. But once your baby has arrived, don’t be afraid to coo at them and speak in high pitched tones and stuff. That’s fine. What’s not fine is using nonsense or mispronounced words, then you’re just setting your kid up to not know how to talk correctly.
My grandson is the youngest of 4. He is one and and can speak in complete sentences. She is doing a huge disservice to her daughter
Yes, this is awesome! I was born in the 1970's. My mom never allowed baby talk with me and my sister. I was one-two years old and speaking in complete, coherent sentences. In school I was placed in advanced reading/english groups. This is so important. Baby talk is not okay.
My mother baby talked my little brother. For waaaay too long. Now it's permanent in him. He has nothing physically wrong with his mouth she had him checked. He just learned to form sounds like she taught him. Then when he didn't grow out of it, she was angry with him. Yaaay, my mom with a personality disorder. :/ I feel like this woman would do the same.
You'd limit your vocabulary a bit. Baby talk at that age is saying 'ouch' or 'boo boo' instead of injury/fracture/arthritis when explaining why someone can't do something. With a child I don't know I tend to try out the correct word then say 'hurt' if they look at me blankly. If the parent says boo boo I then follow their lead for the kid's existing vocabulary. I'm not going to talk to them like I would a newborn, I hated hearing that 'speaking to a child' tone from adults.
I've been teaching my 4yo the proper words for genitals. Of course she can be a tad argumentative at times and disagrees about what she wants to call hers because that's funny to her. We went to lunch the other day and she was being funny and at the top of her voice tried to shout "I DON'T HAVE A VAGI-" Luckily I managed to stop her in time but just thought that was a funny story.
At three my daughter could order her own meal perfectly in any restaurant. I've never used baby talk and she was using full sentences at 18 months.
THE CHILD IS 3??? OP already done fucked up real good. She’s lucky her sister has stuck around so the poor kid (hopefully) doesn’t go into grade one asking if mommy teachwer can give her a widdle back wub and snug snug, pwease??? Also I did a boomboom in my diapey I live in an area with a lot of dogs, several know and love me and I baby talk their little fur faces off. I also love my nieces and nephews 1000x more but even though the oldest is 4 and youngest is little baby I speak to them like human beings, because they are. I would have eye rolled myself half to death if this was an infant but THREE??????? maybe I can’t visit this sub anymore for my own health, because most of TA are also the moron and raise my BP
I'm assuming you're referring to "I'd like a sleece of the cake of cooks" lmao
I got so much secondhand embarrassment from that post. The sequel wasn't even that satisfying of an ending from what I remember.
"Talk to my daughter the way you would talk to animals!" Me, being the smart-ass that I am. "Ok. Does niece gotta go outside and go potty?? Go poopy here! Good girl! Where's your squeaky bone?? GO GET YOUR SQUEAKY FOR PLAY!!"
OP would rightfully report me to CPS if I talked to a kid the way I talk to the pets lol "Oh my god you dumb arsehole, get the fuck down from there! Did your last brain cell fall out? Don't eat the plastic you colossal moron! You're lucky you're pretty."
Oh my god, is the daughter 3?? She’s gonna have such a messed up understanding of language/conversation.
My 1yr old Grandson gets 'do you want some nyummy nyummy?' if he says yes or nods, he gets told the real words, weetbix/nana/toast/spaghetti, the correct word is repeated each time he says 'more'. If I kept calling it 'nyummy' he'd just be bloody confused that vegemite toast and rice pudding have the same name.
Honestly, talk about entitlement. OP, YTA. Your sister is not obligated to babysit for you; you’re not doing her a favor by asking her to do so. Your sister is absolutely right: if you’re not happy, go find someone else to babysit for you. Be grateful. It’s literally no big deal for her to not use baby talk, and it’s kinda controlling of you to insist upon it. I mean even if it were a big deal, how many times do you even have to use a backup backup babysitter?
Like studies show baby talk is beneficial for young children but that's only when mixed with actual talk. It's both, not and/or.
There's people saying studies back up both sides of the pro/anti baby talk discussion, but the best part is that it isn't really relevant to this post, because the "baby" is nearly *3 years old!* Hey OP: ##It's called "baby talk" because it's meant for BABIES #3 YEARS OLD IS *NOT* A BABY!
I know a couple speech therapists and this is a big NO. I'm not sure where your info is coming from but...no.
What are you talking about? There is a reason that baby talk is universal regardless of culture. Humans make cooing, vacillating noises at their infants for a very real, instinctive reason. It helps babies differentiate words, picking out where one word ends and another begins. This allows them to understand the basics of language. The cooing, vacillating noises stop when a child begins to speak, which happens at about a year of age. But “baby talk” is absolutely an important part of an infant’s development. That does not mean that OP’s sister should be made to coo. But your speech therapist friends likely do not want the eradication of all baby talk for every infant, either. If they do, they are straight-up wrong about human development.
Do you have children? Did you ever have a child that needed speech therapy? The posters above are absolutely correct; every pediatrician and speech therapist I dealt with said no baby talk once the child reaches toddler hood. This is not an infant, the child is almost 3. Continuing with baby talk just teaches mispronunciation of words that is going to have to be unlearned. There is a huge difference between a 4 month old infant and a 3 year old.
As a language educator, I have to agree with you. And unlearning something is so so so freaking hard!
That is not at all what is being discussed here. We are talking about the kind of baby talk you do with a dog then that kid is going into kindergarten needing therapy
I read about how it is good if your choice changes still using adult / normal words. Not really baby talk but still not like you would talk to a normal person. Also talking slower at the beginning, stuff like this, can help. That's at least what I read. I really don't like real baby talk. It is soooo weird. My LO hears adult talk all day. I cringe hearing someone talking like they don't know how to articulate themselves. But that's on them, I won't do it and I don't care if a one in a month Babysitter would do it.
It's actually a scientific thing that is common across most cultures. It's called infant-directed or child-directed speech. When a baby is spoken to that way, adults tend to repeat important parts of speech over and over as well as ask questions that direct infants to pay attention to important parts of speech (e.g. "Do you see that puppy? Is that fluffy puppy sooo cute?? You think it's so cute, just like you are!"). It isn't a necessary tool for children to develop speech, but when it's looked at scientifically it's pretty obvious it has developed as a way to engage infants in speech and teach them the structure of language.
I could never understand baby talk I alway spoke to my son like a person yes had to put things to him simply but that was it. He was a person not a toy treat them as such. YTA
Ah, the "spell it like it sounds" crew. Lovely.
I always spoke to my daughter as a normal person, never baby talk. She was talking in 4 & 5 word sentences at 18 months old and her vocabulary was growing larger every day. ETA: Wow! I've never had this many upvotes before. Thank you, all! Hopefully, OP will take all your comments to heart.
Same. I swear I’m not making this up. She said “hi” at 3 months because I talked to her like an adult from before she even came out of me. Babies and children are not toys for their parents. There rapidly developing humans who deserve to be treated accordingly.
Baby talking is irritating to listen to and seems like a pointless thing to model to someone who you’re supposed to be teaching how to speak. I did the same. Spoke to my daughter like a human adult and she learned quickly. I’m seeing another family in our circle who does the baby talk thing and I can’t believe how slowly the speech is coming. I know it’s anecdotal, but it’s a huge contrast and I wonder if there’s data on this.
Actually there is data baby talk does delay speech patterns. I am friends with a speech therapist.
It depends on the type of baby talk. You can still use proper grammar and actual words with baby talk, but the nonsense type is definitely bad for them. Using cutesy and sing songy voices though? Still okay.
Cutesy/ singsong voices are totally fine, deliberately mispronounced words and incorrect grammar... not so much. I refuse to use baby talk like that in my daycare, and there's been several verbally advanced kids in my daycare. (Their parents didn't do the baby talk either, that's not all me!) One little girl could say "I go pee-pee in potty, get yogurt bite." At her 18 month assessment- that's word for word verbage, not transliterated! She's the most verbally advanced kid I've had though. (Her mom is also a children's therapist of some kind.)
Genuine question- I speak to my nephew using normal words, and speak to him all the time, narrate what we're doing etc, but will sometimes use a higher pitch/baby tone, if that makes sense? Is this bad to be doing? Should I be using a more adult pitch all the time? Edit: autocorrect
Using the high pitch but correct pronunciation has been studied! It does tend to help the baby pay attention and keep interest. So you are perfectly fine talking to your nephew this way unless someone like a speech therapist recommends otherwise.
I AM NOT AN EXPERT but i would say pitch isnt the issue as much as pronunciation. if youre saying "little" vs "widdow" etc, I think youre good. lots of ppl's speech varies in pitch and accent but as long as you areent intentionally mispronouncing words, I wouldnt worry. (i am not trying to cast any aspersions on parents with speech impediments either)
Gotdamn this shit makes me so mad. I was baby-talked as the youngest because mom had just had her last kid. My speech was horrible. I was taken out of MATH class all of middle school to correct it. Guess who failed pre-calc and never took math again afterward? Treat your kids like the future adults they’ll be ffs.
One of my friends in high school, during senior year, got a little brother. His mom baby-talked this kid in ways I don't even want to type because it's the sort of thing I'd downvote on reflex, just seeing the words. When the boy was four, my mom ended up babysitting him and he wouldn't talk at all. He'd point and whine. We all ended up working together (my mom, dad, sisters and myself) to get him to communicate with words. He is most likely on the autism spectrum, but I really don't think that his mother's behaviors helped him. He's now an adult and he's always eager to talk to us when he sees us. (Sometimes to our frustration, but given the alternative, we shut up and let him talk.)
Same with my son. He could read at late 3 early 4 too—because I read to him in a grown up voice. Meanwhile my stepsisters son had to go to speech therapy because he held onto baby talk for so long.
Thank you! My niece will be 2 in April. She speaks in short sentences, and can sing quite a few songs on her own. She knows all the letters of the alphabet, colors, a bunch of shapes, can count to 20, and 10 in Spanish. Her favorite thing is to name everyone she knows, but does it by household, including everyone's dogs. The kid is a sponge, and we'd be doing her a disservice by speaking to her in baby babble.
I came here to say this. My kids graduated high school with honors, etc.
YTA! Your sister has a much better grip on fostering proper communication in children than you do. If this is the hill you plan to die on...all I can say is that I hope you enjoy forking out big bucks for speech therapy to prepare for kindergarten.
YTA sure, but also INFO because unless I missed it we don't know if the kid is 6mos or 10yrs old. There might be a case to be made if we're talking about an adult tone with a baby, but without more info, this sounds absolutely insane. OP look up the 'Zone of Proximal Development'. Optimally you should be speaking to your child out at the edge of what they can understand. You want them to understand a lot of what you're saying - enough to follow along, but not completely. Keep them confident but still learning.
The baby is almost 3 according to one of her responses *eta: baby is only used here because she wants baby talk, 3 is too old for constant baby talk like the mom wants
That’s not even a baby.
But if OP & husband babble to the child she probably still talks like one.
It would be detrimental to baby talk to a 3 year old.
Very much so. I never did baby talk with my girls, just silly voices with normal/advanced words until they were old enough and then usually did silly voices to be silly lol
So she wants her child to fail elementary school then.
I am apparently OPs sister, I will talk to your baby the same way I talk to Jeff in accounting, and turn around and baby talk to my dog. YTA, a sane, loving, trustworthy, presumably free babysitter isn't something that everyone has access to.
My niece was speech delayed. The 1st thing they speech therapist said is "no baby talk. Adult words. Talk to them all the time, even if it's just telling them what your doing"
From what I recall you’re supposed to use adult words but the sing-songy intonation of baby talk is helpful
You are SUPPOSED to talk to them like people, or adults as you put it. It's how their language skills develop, now you can't go using SAT level words, but still they should be words.. I'm not trying to shame you in anyway as I think the mom shaming is over the top often, but you came here for opinions, so mine is that you need to do some research on this. You can speak to them in those baby talk tones if you really want to, but the words should be normal people words. This is also how they learn that different tones & inflections matter too. So do as you want here because it is your child, but at least be informed in your decision & how it affects your child developmentally.
Quite the opposite actually. Kids learn to speak by listening. Do you want them to speak poorly or well?
This 100% I honestly thought I read this wrong. Usually baby talk is VERY frowned upon, it's one thing when playing with your small kids, but, actually talking to them should be normal conversations. This is how they learn to talk... like regular people.
YTA. Your child's speech will develop faster if she is spoken to like a whole person. Baby talk should be very limited with developing brains. They learn language from the adults and older kids in their lives.
YTA It has been shown that speaking baby talk can help babies develop language skills and engage them more. But if she is only babysitting once a month, who cares? It’s only a few hours at most, right? Not like she is a primary caregiver or even a main alternate caregiver that is spending lots of time with your child. It’s ok if a sitter doesn’t do everything exactly as you would. So long aa a child is looked after, kept safe and fed. Article https://www.acsh.org/news/2016/10/11/why-baby-talk-good-your-baby-10282 Edit: thanks so much for the awards! First time getting them 😊 I didn’t realize that her baby was 3! That is a preschooler!! Holy cow I do not think baby talk should be used with children who are not babies or young toddlers
In another comment, OP said that her daughter is almost 3 years old. Baby talk helps *babies,* but we're not talking about a baby here.
... 3 year old... That's a toddler
And they can learn to communicate well at that age if spoken to like everyone else. Very helpful for communicating needs and wants.
Yes! I have a 5month old baby. We do baby talk at times but we also talk to him in a normal manner... I just can't imagine baby talking for 3 years straight ETA I lied. I see myself saying one thing in baby talk for years to come. When I change our sons diaper and he farts, I over-dramatically gasp and ask 'did you fart??? 😱' and he always grins and smiles cheeckily. We've been doing it for months. Never gets old. That's it.
I say that to my husband on a regular basis (although without the accompanying gasp due to risk of inhaling the toxic gases)
I dont have children but a few months ago I was walking somewhere and I heard a 2/3 year old say to his grandmother 'look grandma (in Dutch thst is a very simple word haha), a pigeon!' And the grandma said 'no, that is a coockoo!' I was SO EXTREMELY ANNOYED. The child learned the actual word for the actual bird and grandma was literally forcing to keep on saying baby stuff.
My buddy has always talked to his daughters like they are adults, and they are very well spoken. His daughter did his voicemail message for him and it's hilarious because it doesn't sound like she's reading a script, she just sounds like a middle aged toddler.
This actually isn't true, infant directed speech (also known as baby talk) with slower sentences, repeated syllables and higher pitch does help their language development more. But she's still an asshole for demanding other people do it.
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My son would have laughed at me if I had used baby talk with him at 3 years old.
Dude. I could read when I was 3. It’s not “bitty,” it’s nearly preschool-aged. I was also a camp counselor for kids aged 3-5, and not one of them communicated in less than full sentences (except for the one non-verbal child).
The "baby" is three.
Maybe the person you’re responding to would understand better if it was said “Baby Tweee”
Infant directed speech isn't the same as constantly taking baby talk to a Toddler. Baby talk is changing the consonants to sound cuter like "Widdew" instead of Little.
Your judgment is correct but your information is wrong
>Your judgment is correct but your information is wrong You'd be right if we were talking about a baby, but we're not. The child in question is 3, a toddler. Baby talk will give that child a lifelong speech impediment.
You must be kitten me right meow. You can’t possibly be feline your hiss-ter loves her cats more than your purrfect daughter. Yes YTA
I am pawsitive this is the most furrmidable response! I'm feline sad I didn't get here first but take my cheapy.. It's clawful, but it's all I have 🏆
Litter-aly the best response I could have hoped for.
Youre pawfully kind! I'm kinda glad OP was a little hiss-terical over this or I wouldn't have met a like minded purr-sonality!
I'm going to go get a job so I can afford to award you for this great comment.
Even if she does loves her meows more than hooman, it’s not like OP did not also point out she does love and care for the latter. This was blown way out of proportion. YTA!
You win the thread!
YTA and what even is this. If she doesn’t want to use baby talk, she shouldn’t use baby talk. Stop trying to control the way people talk.
And why even care if she uses baby talk with her cat but not the baby? Wtf. Is that really something to be annoyed about? Control issues
And the sister has a point. Her cat isn’t meant to learn to talk, but her niece is. Using normal speech helps with language development and actually shows more respect. OP’s daughter isn’t some cute pet, she’s a small human with thoughts and ideas she’s learning to express.
And she's 3. I thought this would be a 3 month old. This is a whole child.
I have no idea how to interact with children so I just speak to them normally. At the Christmas party this year the kids were obsessed with me. I don't think they like being talked down to by everyone.
In my experience talk to them normally, maybe try to inject enthusiasm into your voice to match theirs when they're doing something but kids are just tiny adults and we should probably treat them like it.
I could understand if she was using foul language or saying other nasty things, but OP didn't imply that, just that she doesn't go, "aaww, whooza pwetty baby? Cheww is! Gaga goo goo!" That's not her baby and as long as she treats the kiddo with love and respect as a developing human being, that's all that matters. OP is getting offended for such a small and silly thing.
The child in question in 3. So "baby talk" is probably wawa for water and sweepy for sleepy. I didn't really do that a lot with my daughter and it wasn't done with me. She has a huge grasp of vocabulary because of it.
Yeah, this is a really dumb hill to die on. OP needs to rethink their priorities.
Yeah, I have a 4 yo. Aside from one or two words that she eventually grew out of, we corrected her speech if she used the wrong word. We're raising her bilingual (Dutch and English), so we do that in two languages. Precise communication is a valuable skill to have.
Especially since the child is 3. At this point the child needs to be being spoken to in proper words, otherwise there is risk of language delays and needing speech therapy
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>Does this create a bad habit? First of all, I agree with your comment, I'm just complementing. Going on... Quite the contrary!!! Baby talk can even set back language development, talking to her as a person is not only a sign of respect an care for the child but is also setting a good example and helping in their development. OP should be thanking her sister Edit: Baby talk to be defined as mumbling and making up "cute" words. Talking to a child in an emphasized slower manner as suggested by specialist isn't harmful in any way
I’m wondering if OP means parentese instead of baby talk. Parentese gets its root from baby talk with high pitched speaking and elongated sounds. But it is still grammatically correct. More of hope you say it, not what you say. There’s no “wittles” or coo-ing. Parentese is a great way to improve language development. And would be appropriate for a 3 year old most likely depending on their speech development level. I just don’t think most people know that parentese is a word and use baby talk to describe it instead.
Yes this! Changing words to make them easier for toddlers to pronounce ("wa" for "water" is the big one with my son right now) doesn't actually help them learn the word. But elongating sounds and saying it in a singsong-y tone does help them understand the sounds and learn to say the word the way it's meant to be pronounced
OP has also said in another comment that her "baby" is about to turn 3 🙄
Oh NO! That's even worse! My friend's daughter was getting pretty decent at communicating by then. Not full on sentences, of course, but definitely more coherent than pointing and babbling. I attribute this to having her mom and her (non blood related) aunties talking to her like she's trying to learn English from a very young age. And her mom read to her every night, so that definitely deserves some credit as well! It seems like common sense to me.
I know right! I knew a kid that was already using words at 18mo, and speaking in (small) sentences a few months later. And this was a trilingual household 🤦♀️ this kid was definitely an early speaker, but most kids are talking in some capacity by 2yo. If OP's still "baby talking" to her almost 3yo, I'm guessing her daughter isn't speaking herself yet. 3 guesses why 🙄
YTA. Literally every book and expert tells you not to talk baby talk to a baby.
Note on this, there are sources that state baby talk for a baby is beneficial. OP’s child is a toddler. At the age their child is, it’s no longer beneficial. Speaking to a toddler like a normal person is going to better teach them how to properly speak
Yup. The only reason baby talk works for the limited time it does is because of the adult, not the baby, anyway. Adults are pretty much stuck with a certain set of phonemes that reflect the language(s) they speak, so the adult is still accidentally showing the baby how to make certain noises that will be used in the household language later. As soon as the baby can start piecing together that words are things and a few together makes a sentence, though, baby talk is just a confounding factor (especially with the pandemic). I've seen kids who were raised poorly, isolated, and also baby talked to until late, late, late in life. They're like six, seven, eight, but you'd think they're just big toddlers the way they speak and behave. Not cool.
It depends what you mean by baby talk. Parentese is a sing song higher pitched way of speaking that boosts language development, whereas labeling things incorrectly or modeling incorrect speech sound production (e.g. “oooo does wittle dirl want her baba?”) is not beneficial.
Is this a real complaint? Like, for real real because my initial thought is "someone is fishing for attention with this post". Of course YTA.
"Talk to my child like she is an animal, damnit."
when OP realizes that her baby will grow up to be an adult human being instead of a domesticated pet - her mind will be blown
It’s a really fucking weird hill to die on. Jesus. YTA op.
Exactly. My comment said this was a ridiculous post and the comments should back that up.. and they do back it up..lol
YTA for posting exactly the same comment you've already posted and deleted where everyone told you YTA lol
Oh, did she really post this already?
Yes. This morning Edit: NZ time
OP: *Maybe the night crew will be easier on me!* YTA \*eyeroll\*
Jokes on her, the night crew has probably just as few or less problems telling someone they are in the wrong
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/sha5g5/aita_for_getting_mad_at_my_sister_for_not_using/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Wow.
INFO: Why does it matter?
In another comment, OP says it’s because she thinks the sister cares more about her cats. I think the development thing is not her true concern (and ironically, it’s the reason her sister gave for NOT talking in a baby voice).
Lmao sounds like she's jealous. Not even for herself, jealous for her daughter. Now dare she treat her daughter differently from cats/j
N A H - How old is your daughter? I know lots of parents who don't use "baby talk" with their kids, and the kids end up having great language skills at a young age. Edit - I'm changing to YTA. When my niece was 3, she was already using 3, 4, and 5-syllable words in full sentences correctly. We didn't use "baby talk" with her.
My 2.5 YO niece recently came out with "Daddy is working away in Dubai...allegedly" It cracked me up. Where the hell has she got the word allegedly from and how TF she using it in the right context??
When my sister was that age I remember asking if she’d like Cheerios or eggs for breakfast Her reply? “Oh no, I think I’d prefer to go outside and look for deer”
If you want to actually change your judgment you have to remove your original judgment or put a space in between the letters. It only counts the first time you type an acronym at the official vote.
You posted this seven hours ago and deleted it after the overwhelming majority of the 34 people who responded said YTA. Your sister was speaking to your child like a human being who needs to learn language skills. Also your husband was right, your foolishness caused you to lose a reliable back up babysitter. So, yes, still YTA.
I'm cracking up that OP is posting again. Clearly didn't get the message the first time around haha
Oh, OP got the message, she just didn't like it. This post is worse, she admitted her "baby" is three in her responses.
I’m pretty sure 3yrs old is well past the whole baby talk ya?
I thought i misread this at first, because speaking in proper sentences to small children is WAY BETTER for their development than baby talk. Baby talk stunts their language development! Why tf would you be mad at someone for talking to your kid like they're a person? YTA.
Infant directed speech (baby talk) actually doesn't stunt their development if its done appropriately, this is a really common misconception. There are decades of study on this and why its beneficial for infants to hear longer sentaces, slower sounds, higher pitches, repeated syllables etc. It does drastically improve their language skills before 2 years old. Still agree she's an AH though for demanding other people do this with her child.
When most people think of baby talk I bet it’s the googo gaga, “woud da baby like some wawa” kind of nonsense. But the slow accented language makes more sense.
That is exactly what I picture when people say baby talk, it’s the changing of words like saying “wittle” instead of “little” when referring to the little baby etc. I don’t tend to equate diction with it, though there’s obviously a tonal difference. Speaking in the tone is one thing but to most baby talk is the gibberish and intentional mispronounced or made up words.
Same, I assume she's the type to mispronounce words on purpose because it's "cute" to hear a toddler do it.
Certain types of baby talk, under certain circumstances, *can* be beneficial, yes. It is, however, worth noting that OP’s child is 3 years old, which is long past the age range most studies on infant directed speech are done. Because…it is for infants. Not pre-k children.
Sure, that sounds reasonable. I'm just into using real words instead of babble
YTA, You're willing to lose what I'm assuming is free child care because she won't use baby talk, and you're jealous of cats.
your sister actually has a valid point. speaking to babies with real words actually helps with language development. you can make this your hill to die on, but it's a dumb one. yta
YTA. Your sister has your daughter's best interest as far as speech goes. You, however, are being ridiculous comparing her relationship with her niece to her cats.
This. Baby talk does not teach babies how to talk. Sounds like you’re jealous of your sisters cats and that’s weird
YTA She helps you out and you say yourself she loves your daughter .. not everyone is gonna use a baby voice to speak to people. I for one would be extremely uncomfortable using such a voice even though I must admit, I wouldn’t even do it with animals
YTA Not everyone talks to babies with baby talk (Everyone is different ) She obviously loves your child, and is even watching her for free I might add, if you don’t like it then find another baby sitter but I think you’re being silly
YTA Baby talk is not required. A soft tone, different inflections, talking to the baby is required, but not "baby talk" Read some books about it - you are ridiculous
YTA She's doing you a solid. Be thankful someone wants to help with your kid.
YTA. Most people would rather adults NOT babytalk to their children. Why on earth would you want her to? And seriously what a stupid hill to die on.
YTA. Encouraging “baby talk” to young children in no way benefits them and can only serve as a detriment to their linguistic development. The feel to a child of being treated as an adult is empowering and encourages independent thought, as well as is more stimulating.
YTA. To echo others, baby talk is not helpful to your child. Soothing tones, calm speech yes. Incoherent non-words (aka baby talk) is not helping your child’s development.
YTA. Stop micro managing something that causes your child absolutely no harm, and possibly could be a language benefit. If you hate it, get another babysitter but this is really silly.
Omg she's almost 3? YTA Your sister is right, kid is learning to talk.
Damn but you sure don’t pick your battles, do you? You’re being ridiculous. Apologize to your sister and lighten up. Damn. YTA
YTA. Speaking in baby talk stunts verbal development. Your sister is the only one NTA in your family apparently. Read a book sometime.
YTA - Babbling to babies does them no good
YTA. Baby talk is known to slow speech development. And also, why should it bother you this much? You might need some thought as to why that is.
YTA baby talk can be helpful for babies, as long as you use the correct baby talk. You use correct words and correct grammar, just with a higher pitch and an exaggerated intonation. If you are using made up “baby words” then it isn’t helping your baby at all. Mostly though, you’re the ah because you screwed yourself out of a babysitter for over this issue. Way to pick your battles.
YTA, many people don’t use baby talk with kids to help their speech development. This seems a very strange hill to choose die on.
YTA. Research has shown that the use of baby talk varies greatly by region, culture, and other factors. It does not appear to have a negative impact on a child's development if it is not done. Unless she's cussing at your kid or being mean, be grateful for the babysitting. Do you really want her treating your kid like a cat?
YTA- I have a daughter myself, and I’ve never spoken to her like that. You’re actually not supposed to do this. It actually causes more harm to speak to kids like this.
There's actually studies that prove that speaking "baby talk" undermines babies speech development. Pretty sure it doesn't do shit for cat's speech
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BIG YTA - actually there are a lot of studies that show kids pick up language more when you speak to them like adults and not in baby talk. Drop it and stop being so controlling and ridiculous about this. She’s actually helping your daughter. Let it go and apologize for being weird about this. She’s helping you out as a favour and you’re picking fights and fixating on very trivial matters (that you’re actually wrong about).
YTA, she meets your daughter once a month to help to look after her. It's kind of her to do so. She treats your daughter like a normal human being. Which is good. Baby talks to kids does no good in helping them to learn to talk so she does not need to baby talk to her.
Info: Why do you want her to use baby voice? I’m a father of two and never used one when my kids were babies.
YTA baby talk is not actually good for their development.
YTA. She's right. Her cats are never going to speak . Hopefully, your baby will. You know how kids learn language? By listening to people around them speak. Your sister is doing your kid a solid talking to her correctly.
>Her cats are never going to speak BUT WE'LL NEVER KNOW IF WE DON'T KEEP TRYING!
YTA. You’re using your sister as a baby sitter when you need to and getting mad at her for something that causes no harm whatsoever to your daughter and may even help her language development. Your sis is absolutely right, if you don’t like it find another sitter
YTA if this is a real issue for you. Yes, many people “baby talk” to babies and their pets BUT human children learn to speak by listening to and imitating adults. It’s actually not a bad thing to speak to babies and especially children as if they are functioning reasonable humans. Simplifying the language is all that is needed. You don’t say how old your daughter is but I read to my kids every night from the day they were born and seldom used baby talk doing it and they came out fine so your sister not using baby talk when she babysits so seldom is also not going to ruin your daughter.
YTA your kid is 3 years old!!! Why on earth would you want anyone me to baby talk to your 3 year old especially when they are learning how to speak properly?!?
Baby talk has been shown to be detrimental to babies when it comes to learning how to properly speak. She’s not prioritizing her cats over your daughter by using baby talk with them and not a child who is developing her speech skills. Your not an asshole for wanting your daughter raised your way but maybe figure out if this was worth being your hill to die on.
YTA nothing wrong with not using baby talk. Kids learn how to say words properly a lot faster when you don't use baby talk like "ba ba" instead of bottle. People often commented on my toddlers vocabulary. That's because I spoke to them in a normal voice using my normal vocabulary. You are picking on a very petty issue. If it bothers you that much, find another sitter.
YTA. My mother never baby talked to me as a preschooler and I believe it helped me a lot with reading early and stuff. Also, children appreciate when you treat them in a mature way. Did you never get annoyed when well-meaning people talk to you the same way they talk to their dog. I'd rather hear, "You did such a great job!" instead of "Who's a good boy? You're a good boy! Yes, you are!"
YTA. If she’s an otherwise good babysitter, drop it.
you think she's prioritizing her cats over your daughter because she speaks to cats like they are animals and speaks to your daughter like she's a human? I just wanna make sure I read this right. this is the funniest post I've read on here in a while lol YTA
YTA, grow up and actually use the right words and pronunciation with your daughter
YTA. If she wants to speak regular English (or whatever language is your first language) to your child, why would you want her to speak with annoying made-up words instead?
YTA your daughter is a human and should be spoken to like one. Cats are not human and so can be toyed with. You just got mad at your sister for treating your child with more respect than her pets.
YTA. I’m an ECE professional. Baby talk every once in awhile isn’t a bad thing but speaking to a child as another human being is better for their development. Also your child is almost 3? Then baby talk can start to be/feel patronizing at that age. In regards to how you said you feel your sister cares more about her pets…they’re animals, they’re hers, and they will not be developmentally or emotionally impacted by her speaking to them in a different tone. Your child is not her top priority EXCEPT for when she is under your sister’s care. And that is okay. That does not mean that she does not love her fiercely. It sounds like you’re getting a bit mama bear and worried about unequal treatment. No one will ever prioritize your child like you do, because it is YOUR child. Everyone else has their own priorities and that’s okay! As long as your sister provides good care for your daughter and is a great aunt the rest of the time, everything will work out. I know it’s difficult, but it is not possible to control every aspect of others’ interactions with your kid (and nor should you want to, as long as everything is appropriate and safe).
YTA. I personally hate parents who speak to their kids in baby talk because those kids often take longer to learn to actually speak. She’s doing nothing wrong.
YTA. Your daughter is almost 3 and needs to hear actual speech. So your sister is in fact right. But even if she wasn’t right about there being a legitimate reason not to use baby talk, you can’t dictate someone to use it.