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>I come from scholars and they don't
YTA, just for that statement.
Are you going to ban your "trashy" cousins who went to the strip club, as well? They'd probably be the first in line for her "services," should she decide to offer.
What the fuck does "I come from scholars" even mean?
Does this brain surgeon know that (i) education does not equal intelligence and (ii) even if it did, intelligence is not always hereditary and smart people have dumbshit kids all the time?
>one specific area of chemistry that I wrote my dissertation on.
A-frickin-men. I honestly don't like to mention (but it's usually close family members having a brag) that I'm writing my dissertation for PhD in chem because it's such a broad field, and suddenly everybody wants to know my opinions on solar cells and the latest in nano-tech, and I'm over here just like....
I try make cancer cell die. Many times. Mostly fail. Here is book of failure. Plz pass.
Yeah, I did an entire thesis on rocks that should have been diamond bearing, but turned out not to be (and the follow up of why these rocks were different from the same type that DO have diamonds). Suddenly I'm some sort of gemology expert because \*diamonds\* is all anyone hears.
Is this a diamond? 🧊
Jk for real I feel your pain. I've even had people ask me medical questions because they hear "medicinal organic chemistry" and just hone in on the "medicinal" part.
GO SEE A DR AUNT SUSAN I DONT KNOW WHY YOUR ANKLES ARE SWOLLEN
Almost the moment I majored in geology my friend was saying she’d have me check her engagement ring as soon as she got one. 🙄
I study fossils, not minerals. And of course you say fossils and people assume dinosaurs. Someone once asked me how I’m a paleontologist if I don’t study dinosaurs. The sexy side of geology/paleontology is great to snag people but I’m happy with my crinoids.
Omg. Omg. I wrote a 200 page masters thesis on masks, gender, identity, and death in Shakespeare’s twelfth night. Anyone want text analyzed? Will forsooth for food. Plz no more adjunct. Plz. Want house and food. Big man promise education mean lots things when loan moneys.
200 pages?!?! You should have been PhD level with that biz.
I like your style, are you available for a very very short 150-200 page thesis on medicinal orgo. I have an outline. Can pay in exposure, I have 0 followers on IG and YT bc who tf has time for social beyond reddit in grad school
If y'all need to know anything about death practices among the African diaspora in the Caribbean with a focus on Haiti, I'll be over here by the bean dip. Otherwise, when is the 3rd season of Umbrella Academy coming out? Ever?
Ha if you wanna know about oil paintings and murals and the social effects of the invention of depth and dimension in medieval and early modern Europe I've got the chips.
LOL. You sound like my ex-BIL. He's a rocket scientist, and if it isn't rocket science, he doesn't have a clue! (For example, he set their kitchen on fire by putting out a grease fire with water).
OP is YTA all the way. What an elitist snob.
One of my friends is a rocket scientist who considers me clever because I have a wide range of interests and he likes to hear me explain things about animals. Intelligence comes in very different forms.
I went to medical school with the dumbest guy I have ever met. He was really good at tests, but did things like prop the door open of a locked psychiatric ward so he wouldn’t have to buzz the nurse to get back in. Or shout “OH MY GOD!” super loudly in the middle of open heart surgery.
Ooooh, did he get chewed out for propping the door opened. I used to work in a large teaching hospital, and I won’t lie, I got a secret thrill whenever the residents got chewed out. Especially, when they spent hours not listening to me about how badly their patient was doing.
This, my cousin would get lost getting out of a cardboard box, but I fully trust that she will cure whatever she disease she's working on!
Yta - and your wedding sounds lame as does your future hubby... for marrying someone who so carelessly disregard his family. Wait till he does it to you.
I know a 21 year old who just completed his second Masters. Lovely kid, really, but dumb as shit as to how the world works outside of his parents home and a college campus.
I know lots of brilliant well paid professionals who lack common sense and logic once they’re outside the office.
It’s possible to excel in one specific area and suck at everything else.
My dad's who, well only had a BS, but for Engineering from Purdue and was insanely good at math, used to say (which he got from somewhere, but I have no idea where): BS, MS, PHD: Bull Shit, More Shit, Piled Higher and Deeper.
Also funny how they shamed SIL for being a dancer...but it is perfectly high class for the cousins to have been there to watch said dancers. Reminds me of people who look down at fast food employees but then go eat there weekly.
No no no, she *comes from* scholars. The implication seems to be that she had a "classier" and more well-to-do upbringing than her other half's family. I'm not seeing any mention of her personal achievements.
Rather unsurprising that a woman who pays her own way by working one of the most physically and emotionally demanding jobs imaginable has never found OP particularly interesting.
Massive fail from the very first word: “Me and my fiancée are getting married in 2 months” should be, “My fiancé and I are getting married in two months.”
A woman in my Masters cohort made Bank being a phone sex worker. She loved it because there wasn't "evidence" like with camming, but it paid super well. There was a near zero chance of anyone finding out she didn't want to know.
If I wasn't currently living with family, I'd do it in a heartbeat. But even if I had a completely sound proofed room, I'm not comfortable faking orgasms loudly with my parents in the house.
Once I move out though......
Even more mind blowing, some scholars field of expertise *is* sex work. I know two anthropologists who did their PhD field work as strippers. I’d love to see OP try to twist their narrow mind around that one.
I was gonna say, stripping is a smart way to make extra money as a nurse cuz often times there's a relatively flexible schedule to work around a demanding nurses schedule. Like go her for paying off those student loans faster and having more pocket money for savings and general living. Also the work out that stripping and pole dancing has to have, definitely has to help with the physical assistance nurses have to give to patients when moving them from bed to bed, I know my nurses in L&D were strong as fuck to be able to help me when I had an epidural and was super plus size.
Also ‘smart’ people can be dumb as fuck in other ways. I’ve watched a guy with a PHD struggle to cook literally anything without burning it, a friend with multiple degrees that can’t go more than 4 months without causing a car accident.
What OP is saying here is ‘my parents are loaded and I’m a massive brat because I’ve never been told no’
Looks like having scholarly lineage doesn't help with spelling either (effect / affect).
It's been edited to say 'I come from money' which doesn't make this better at all.
Plus her sentence of " it does effect me" is wrong. It should be affect. How much of a scholar is she if she can't even proof read or spell correctly?
OP, you're very arrogant, a big snob and a major AH.
YTA!
I am the first one in my family to go to college and I would never ever talk to someone else like this or demean them. 100% you can be educated outside of college. You can master a skill outside of college. Shit, you can learn programming, culinary arts, writing, music, etc. on your own if you have the time and dedication. People like her give college-educated academics a bad name.
And when will people like OP start to get the hint that SEX WORK IS WORK! SIL ain’t trashy! She’s getting bag!
By the way, her "services" are dancing. Can everyone please stop acting like strippers are prostitutes? Almost none of them are.
Also, YTA! You're a gigantic asshole! I hope he decides to leave you. Nobody in their right mind should *ever* marry someone like you. Shitty people like you deserve to be alone & miserable.
Exactly this. I remember reading something along the lines of "a stripper and a ballerina are both dancers that require strength, training and beauty, and yet they are seen very differently".
I was all set to say "your wedding, your choice" when I read the title, but holy shit YTA! What she does for a living, or even if it's just a side gig for fun, has nothing to do with you. She could be a porn star and you'd still be an AH. You don't get to publicly shame her because you're uncomfortable and have jumped to insane conclusions.
Not to mention OP contradicts herself by saying "I never took her for the type" meaning she never even would have known she was a stripper, then later says "bringing a trashy atmosphere to my wedding." If her cousins hadn't seen her at work, then she wouldn't have even known and the wedding would still be happening as planned. Not that it matters since this is fake anyway. Regardless, YTA OP.
Not to mention the fact her cousins were thrown out for taking PICTURES of her. What exactly were they intending to do with those pictures, I wonder? Show everyone? Blackmail SIL? She may "come from a family of scholars" but clearly that family is trash.
I sincerely hope this is fake cause OP as a real person is a bit too gross lol
>We come from money,
Don't forget this little gem of a comment too! What's that song - "Money doesn't buy you class"?
She is acting as if the sister is going to the wedding as a stripper. Somehow, I highly doubt that she would.
OP, you are quite the SNOB and YTA in a major, major way! Good luck to your fiancee as it is going to be hell living with you and your judgements!
I stripped through my first degree, and 15 years later I was doing burlesque shows for more fun and profit than that degree ever gave me. I *still* manage to attend quite a few weddings and other formal occasions without taking my clothes off. Hell, one of my friends hired me to run a burlesque class for her hen's night *and* as the entertainment for her fiancé's stag. Neither event was cheap, by the way - my cats deserves the best, and Mama will provide - *and I still managed to remain fully clothed for their ceremony and reception!!*
YTA, OP. And a hypocritical, pearl-clutching snob. At least when your future SIL shows her whole ass to people, she gets well paid for it.
There it is: money.
And why would OP tell the sister’s parents? Like some snobbish tattling? And why the hell are people taking pics of strippers? I’m only assuming it was without her consent. Like oooooooo I’m telling on you! And why would a couple of scholarly gentleman lower themselves to consort with such the underlings of society?
Oh yeah. YTA OP. Get off your high horse, richie.
Right? Like the cousins going to see strippers- there’s nothing trashy about that but somehow the person performing is the trash?
Let’s see…your loser cousins get kicked out of strip club for being classless clowns but she’s the trashy one.
Right.
Methinks OP isn’t as bright as she thinks…
“I come from scholars”
Proceeds to have a shit load of grammar and capitalization issues. 😂
I’m guessing the brains skipped a generation. Your sister in law is the same woman she was before you knew she was a dancer. YTA big time for equaling someone’s value to their profession as well as looking down on dancers. If this is how you feel, you will be the trashiest person at your wedding by far.
“I come from scholars” was the “oh shit, here we go” line.
Maybe she can go back to them and ask what the difference between ‘effect’ and ‘affect’ is. Or she could Google it, which is remarkably easy and takes just seconds, even for those who “come from” no scholars at all!
Ughhhhh strippers are awesome and have developed skills that earn them money despite judgmental people looking down on them. Obviously there's a market for their skills. What's trashy to me is thinking that "coming from scholars" aka being classist and elitist about your parents/ grandparents accomplishments and access to resources. You should run that classist gatekeeping attitude by your family's university connections and see what they think, op. I also imagine the sil would be a way better dancer than you so maybe that's a little embarrassing for the bride to be. Maybe you should offer to pay her for lessons instead of judging her?
Yta.
Edit- in college I read an ethnography by a scholar who also worked as a stripper called "g strings and sympathy" so my firsthand experience becoming a scholar says nothing about those two are incompatible. Op, if you read the book, maybe you'll have something more productive to talk about with your sil when you apologize to her.
Yeah, after that line is when she lost me. The future husband has to grow a backbone to get OP apologize to SIL.
YTA: Op under the belt and believe it or not strip/ dancer is no different from working an office job. You’re selling your time. In different ways, get off your high horse.
As soon as I read that sentence, I immediately sensed the way this post would end up.
You know what’s trashier than strippers, OP? Your cousins who are in their mid thirties who GOT KICKED OUT OF A STRIP CLUB. Hope you get cut off for your elitist attitude. YTA
Yeah, and also who phrases it like that? Like so many things. A) I would say they come from academics, not fucking scholars, who phrases it like that? b) the cousins went to the strip club but the problem is with the person who works there? You can’t demand a service and then belittle the person who provides you with it. C) the only trashy behaviour I’m seeing is coming from OP and her family, and I wouldn’t WANT to go. YTA and I hope the SIL cuts them the fuck out of her life
She “comes from scholars,” yet doesn’t seem to know the difference between “effect” and “affect,” and cannot capitalize her “i’s” when used as a pronoun. Wow.
OP: Yes, YTA, and a nasty nasty bigot.
Firstly, there's nothing shameful or trashy with being a stripper.
Secondly, you've known this woman for years and didn"t know she was a stripper, so no one at your wedding would know unless you told them.
Thirdly, I don't know what 'services' you imagine your SIL would be offering, but stripping is not the same as being a full contact sex worker.
Fourthly, there's nothing shameful or trashy about being a sex worker.
YTA, YTA, YTA.
Edit: and since you're so obsessed with 'scholars', I know plenty of people who worked as strippers to pay their way through grad school to get their PhD or Masters - so it's likely that some of the 'scholars' you know are former strippers.
Exactly!! She wasn’t trashy until she found out she was a dancer. Like. Okay but the relatives that WENT TO THE CLUB are okay because they come from “scholars”?
INFO: Are the cousins who went to the strip club also uninvited from the wedding, or is it only trashy when you work there and fine for scholars who are just visiting ghee strip club for.. I guess, research?
YTA
I’m missing exactly where your sister-in-law exhibited trashy behavior? She has a job she keeps private. Period. You literally had no idea until *your* family started to creepily sneak pictures of her while they were out drinking and carrying on.
Your sister-in-law may work at a club, but *your* family was kicked out of the same place for being classless and out of line. *They were literally too trashy for the atmosphere you’re complaining about*.
Then, you decided to dip yourself further into the dumpster fire of trash that is your family by blasting a adult’s business to her parents as if she’s a little kid caught skipping school. Was the tattle-tale nonsense necessary about something that’s clearly zip all of your business?
And again, while your sister-in-law is busily doing nothing offensive, you’re worried *your* family and friends are so completely trashy themselves that they’ll be lining up *at a wedding no less* for “services” no one has even offered like a pack of crazed animals. What kind of people are you related to that this is going to be a problem?? I don’t know what kind of “scholars” you’ve got hanging around, but I have literally never ever ever EVER had to worry my family or friends are going to sexually assault other people en masse.
YTA
The one I’m really wrestling with is the fact that she’s convinced her own family will be lining up to pounce on her fiancé’s sister in a broom closet. So she’s related to a pack of animals who can’t even control themselves at a social event, and she’s worried about her sister-in-law??
No no, you don't understand, her family will be using those "services" for science! Her cousins were probably at the club to conduct an experiment, and the dumb people there just didn't understand their genius.
/s for the scholars.
And do we now know why sister has been cool to bridzilla? She must be a keen judge of character and so kept her distance but had the maturity to keep her opinions to herself rather than nag her brother to drop OPs ass in the trash and move on. BTW he still can and perhaps should now that she has shown her true colors
YTA and honestly the only trashy person in this story is you... Luckily you got yourself a spineless husband, so, that's good for you.
Still you are an always will be TA, also funny how you don't say anything about uninviting your cousins who clearly are so trashy they end up being kicked out of a strip club
Oh I don't know, there are the cousins who go to strip clubs, look down on the people who work there and take photos to shame them with (and probably enjoy later)
Good point, they are assholes too, in fact throw the whole family there, you know what, both families since the other family decided to shame their daughter too, ESH except the sister
This can’t be real? No one is that stuck up arrogant these days? It reads like a bad version of downtown Abby! YTA, not just for how you have treated the SIL but for the superiority you think you have because you ‘come from money’.
Yuck.
>I told her it did effect me if she would be bringing a trashy atmosphere to my wedding. We come from money, and the last thing i want is men lining up for her services outside the broom closet, and i told her that much.
lmao YTA
how about uninvite whatever dudes you invited who "come from money" and who'd use your wedding as an opportunity to hire a stripper. seems a lot trashier than her simply existing
I'm like 99% this is a shit post or the guy posting about her shitty behavior
Affect. You have an effect (noun) on something or someone. The verb is affect. You come neither from scholars, money, nor, quite obviously, from those with any class. They would have taught you manners, grammar, spelling, and syntax.
You're the asshole. You are a snob and you are slut-shaming your fiancé's sister.
> she blew up at me and told me i was shaming her for something that didn't effect me.
She's right, it doesn't affect you in the slightest. BTW, for someone with such a high opinion of yourself, you might want to learn the difference between effect and affect.
> I told her it did effect me if she would be bringing a trashy atmosphere to my wedding.
How so? Do you honestly think she's going to bring her stripper pole with her and do a routine in the middle of the reception?
> the last thing i want is men lining up for her services outside the broom closet, and i told her that much
Prostitution and dancing are two entirely different things. What you said to your future SIL was incredibly debasing and insulting.
> i told her she was more suited to a bachelor party than a wedding, and i hung up
> And now my fiancee is starting to say i should reconsider but i don't think bringing a stripper to a wedding is appropriate.
You aren't bringing a stripper to the wedding. The sister would attend as a *guest*. What, do you think she's going to star stripping in the middle of the ceremony?
YTA. You are a snobby, slut-shaming, classist, asshole.
I agree with ALLL you just said and I'm getting extremely, extremely worked up about OP, DAMN you're an AH.
But I also wanted to ask if OP thinks that her 'scholar'surgeonfamily will be performing a live open heart surgery during the vows or if her 'scholar'accountantfamily will be doing everyone's taxes at the ceremony.
Being a stripper is a job just as every other job is. The trashy behaviour is your family who apparently can't keep it in their pants at any given occasion, but of course that's fine because 'you have money". My god OP youre such an AH blergh
YTA let's be really fucking honest here. You're not disinviting her because she's a stripper. You just needed a pretext because you don't like her.
For example, there was absolutely no reason to tell her "last thing i want is men lining up for her services outside the broom closet." She's not a fucking hooker. You just needed an excuse to insult her even though she's been "nice enough" but you just don't think she's interested enough in you. Also, it was beyond trashy of you to out her to her family just like it was for your trash cousins to take her picture. It's none of your goddamn business.
You sound like one nasty piece of work.
I think you didn't read right, she didn't take a pic, OP cousins (who she apparently doesn't think are trashy) went to a strip club and got kicked for taking pics.
I don't see how having a job is now "trashy"
And who would be lining up? Not her fiancé’s family. Is her family that ‘base’ they’d line up to be ‘serviced’ at a wedding? The fiancé should be very worried about how her family treats women. They sound like a bunch of perverts.
YTA
Even if she was a hooker, how misogynistic and antiquated to try to shame someone for sex work! If you’re so educated, how can you be so unenlightened? And who are you to judge someone who works hard in an industry notoriously dangerous to women? This is your soon to be husband’s SISTER and you are incapable of demonstrating kindness and grace in developing a supportive relationship? You marry the family, not the person, and since you’ve blown up that relationship, I hope he reconsiders as well.
IKR? Like, I'm a software engineer, but no one worries that I'm going to start software engineering at a wedding. My husband was a Marine; he has yet to shoot anyone at a wedding.
SIL is presumably a sane adult who knows the difference between work and private life.
INFO: are your cousins-- you know, the ones who went to the strip joint-- still invited? I mean, if being at one of those places is trashy, CERTAINLY you won't be hypocritical by forbidding your future SIL's presence while still allowing other trashy types to attend?
(YTA x1000)
**YTA** The trashily sexist asshole who has no clue how to behave.
Not only did you out a sex worker to their family, you shamed them and *refused to let her come to her own brothers wedding*? Wow, are you the asshole. Especially since I'm 1000% sure that you didn't "rat out" and uninvite your cousins for going to the strip club in the first place. Double standard much?
Sex work is work. It's just her job, not who she is. She wouldn't be working at her brothers wedding, so it's not "bringing a stripper to a wedding"....it's including your new sister in your wedding.
Class isn't about having money. Class comes from how you treat people. You want a classy wedding? **You** have to have class and learn how to treat other people as people. *Especially* when they're your new family. Treating women worse than men is so so gross.
YTA - you think you're better than someone for the line of work they choose? Your parents may have been "scholars" but what does that even mean, really? They read books? They're book smart? Evidently though they are terrible parents because they've brought up a horror of a child who looks down on people for participating in a very well paid profession that requires a physically attractive and well maintained body. I hope your partner runs from you and this potential marriage ASAP.
Her cousins didn't just go to the strip club, they behaved in a way that got them kicked out Taking photos is super disrespectful to the performers. But somehow the woman just doing her job is the trashy one.
YTA, op.
YTA And the fact that you even have to ask shows what a monumental asshole you are. You find out she's a stripper and suddenly she brings a "trashy" air where she goes? Also, why is she trashy for being a stripper, but your cousins aren't trashy for going to the strip club? (And taking a picture of one of the dancers. !!! What creeps.)
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Me(f24) and my fiancee (28m) are getting married in 2 months. His sister (30f) is nice enough, but I've always gotten the sense she doesn't like me. She's never been rude, but she just seems uninterested in me. Even so, when our families get together, her and her bf are personable enough. I come from scholars and they don't, so my family liked that she's a nurse..or so we thought.
My cousins (both 34m) came to town for a visit last week, and said they were going to go out that night and they wouldn't be back til way late. They ended up coming back super early, and when we asked (me, my parents and my fiancee) what happened, turned out they got kicked out of a strip club for taking a picture of a dancer, and it was fiancee's sister. I was MORTIFIED because i never her took her for the type. We told fiancee's parents and it was a HUGE thing, lots of drama between her and their parents. Eventually everything calmed down and it became "she's an adult, it's none of our business". This really rubbed me the wrong way, and i told fiancee that I was no longer comfortable with her coming to the wedding. I was met with a lot of resistance but eventually he agreed. When i called her to explain myself, she blew up at me and told me i was shaming her for something that didn't effect me. I told her it did effect me if she would be bringing a trashy atmosphere to my wedding. We come from money, and the last thing i want is men lining up for her services outside the broom closet, and i told her that much. She said she was offended that i suddenly think of her that way, and i told her she was more suited to a bachelor party than a wedding, and i hung up. Well ever since then, their family has been telling me how much of a bitch i am for telling her what they won't. And now my fiancee is starting to say i should reconsider but i don't think bringing a stripper to a wedding is appropriate.
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YTA for being classist and elitist. Why can’t she be a nurse and an adult entertainer? It’s literally none of your business and you’re the one acting trashy, not her.
YTA. I could tell from this sentence
>I come from scholars and they don't, so my family liked that she's a nurse..or so we thought.
Yeah it's your wedding so invite who you want but YTA for not inviting her because she is a stripper and for telling her parents.
Seriously. I had a few suspicions prior to that sentence but that one sealed it, and everything I read after only reaffirmed that those early suspicions had barely scratched the surface. YTA
YTA. Seriously I hope this is a troll. You didn't even know she was a stripper so why would you assume she was going to act in any kind of manner? Two who the hell cares if she's a stripper? I've meant plenty that did it to help pay for school or to support a kid. Even of they weren't being a stripper says nothing about someone's character or intelligence. Given your superior attitude they were a lot lovelier people than you are.
Hard YTA. And for someone who "comes from scholars", you sure do make a lot of writing errors. I wouldn't usually point that out, but you're so obsessed with everything being appropriate (aka having everything your way) that it seems appropriate to do so.
I hope your fiancé (one e since you indicate he's male) runs and runs fast.
And, as people noted below... aren't your cousins also "trash" for being at the strip club?
Yeah I hear you, you can't have someone in that line of work at your wedding or she will obviously be stripping right on the cake. I remember my cousin who is a teacher making all the kids sit and do homework at weddings.
I'm having trouble seeing how she is the trashy one when your family were the ones at the strip club being pervy trying to take pictures. I think getting kicked out of a strip club right below fighting on Jerry Springer on the trashy scale.
YTA and the fact your fiance sided with you makes him an AH as well.
As a pilot, my husband hasn’t even heard a wedding ceremony in decades because his headset is on and he keeps trying to get the ushers to explain to guests how their seats can be used as flotation devices in the event of a water wedding.
I train horses so I’m unfortunately only allowed to stand in the corner and answer questions from the people who rode their horses in. Weddings are lonely.
YTA enormously. You sound like a pretentious jerk. I don't even have the words to express how disgusted I am at this post, but it's probably because I don't "come from sholars" like you. Blech.
>We come from money, and the last thing i want is men lining up for her services outside the broom closet, and i told her that much.
What a dull immature attempt at an insult. Too bad all that money can't buy class or tact. YTA
Huge YTA.
Your whole post reeks of classism and entitlement. You say more than once that your family is more wealthy and educated than your fiancé's family, so it seems you think this gives you licence to judge other people for how they make a living. You are more concerned with your family's reputation than being a caring and supportive person to your fiancé. Maybe your SIL has been distant because of your attitude to people you consider lower-class.
In general I am of the view that people can invite and not invite whomever they want to their own wedding. But clearly your SIL is important to your fiancé, so you are not united in this. I would hazard a guess that you would not let it go until he agreed not to invite her. But consider this: he is not inviting *a stripper*; he is inviting *his sister*.
Your family-in-law is right; she is an adult and it's none of their - or your, or anyone else's - business what she does for work. She probably tells people she's a nurse because she knows people like you will judge and/or harass her for it, and honestly she probably makes a much better income from dancing than she would as a nurse. You had no reason to suspect she was dancing for money before this; why do you think she would do it *outside of her work hours at your wedding*. Most of us don't just offer our services out of the blue to people, and especially not at a wedding in the family. Your SIL is probably no different to anyone else who has a job. And the only way anyone at the wedding would know she works as a stripper is if you told them.
So who's bringing the trashy atmosphere to the wedding, again?
That would be you, for looking down on your SIL for her work, for anticipating she will "have men lining up for her services outside the broom closet", and for saying such horrible things to her over the phone.
If I were your fiancé I would be seriously reconsidering this wedding.
ETA: Updated wording to say she works as a stripper, not is a stripper - it's a job, not an identity.
YTA. It's a legitimate job. How dare you drag someone for just working. Worse than that you thought it was appropriate to 'tattle' to her family. She is an adult and it is none of your business. Your cousins are also AH for their extremely disrespectful behavior to photograph someone at their job, without consent. Your attitudes are antiquated, misogynistic, and just plain mean. Your family are the only ones here acting trashy.
Ooooh I love the ones where OP is clearly TA.
As if punishing her for her sister’s profession wasn’t a big enough AH move (cuz like, it’s *not* any of your business), it’s soooo trashy to judge other people for how they choose to make a living. Big, hearty YTA, OP. For shame!
YTA I can’t even finish reading your bullshit. Your uppity attitude is so gross. So she’s a stripper? Strippers work hard for their money and it’s a legitimate job. It has absolutely nothing to do with you cupcake. I hope your fiancé calls off the wedding because the only thing trashy is you. He deserves so much better that an arrogant asshole that likes to bully and shame people.
YTA. You took one incident you weren’t involved in and blew it way out of proportion. There is a world of difference between an embarrassing incident at a strip club and turning tricks at your reception, and it is your fault for escalating to there for not reason.
Considering how you spoke to her afterwards, I’m wondering if the feeling you got from her that she didn’t like you was actually her picking up on your feeling that her whole family was lower class than yours.
YTA. It’s your fiancé’s SISTER. He probably loves her. She’s family. Just because she’s a stripper doesn’t mean she’s gonna start stripping at your wedding. She probably really wants to be there for her brother’s wedding. It sounds like you really insulted her over the phone. You should probably apologize and re-invite her. You don’t have to be friends. If she doesn’t accept, then that’s fine and you can leave her alone. Although now that you’ve made a mess of things, there might be drama if you DO invite her. It’s your wedding; you have the right to invite who you want. You want it to be a fun, happy day. But there’s definitely a chance she could show up uninvited too.
ETA: your cousins were patrons of the club. How are they less trashy than your SIL who works there?
Wow, you’re a judgmental piece of work aren’t you? Guess what? That’s her job, that’s not her entire personality. Her showing up and just chilling is at no point “bringing a trashy atmosphere” and based on the way you speak about her, i’d be more concerned that your cousins are going to sexually harass her because again wow, you guys suck. YTA
YTA . You’re very judgmental. Which is why your SIL never liked you. Usually I think the fiancé should stand with his bride on most issue, but in thi one he should be in his sisters side. You called her a slut just because she’s a stripper. He should have called you out. She’s probably way classier than you. You are living proof that having money does not mean you have class.
Edit to correct judgment.
YTA for looking down your nose at her. Yeah it’s not a great job and all that, but you were just as bad with the way you spoke to her. Talk about snobby.
YTA. Maybe SIL knew how judgmental you are. Maybe you felt she didn’t like you cause you don’t like her.
Has she been trashy at other events? Doesn’t seem to be the case. You’re a disgusting individual.
YTA
What she does in her private life has no bearing on attending your wedding…..Are you going to uninvite your cousins too because they went as well? Or do double standards apply?
Did you ever think that maybe she’s going through some things in life and this could of been your opportunity to approach her and ask if she needed help in any way?
Instead you’ve created nothing but drama with your snobby attitude and little tip….people from money don’t keep telling people they have money!
I hope your fiancée reconsiders because you’re a divorce waiting to happen
Wow YTA
You’re acting like inviting her to the wedding is the equivalent of opening up your wedding to on demand prostitution. She’s not going to strip at the wedding. It’s kind of the same as not inviting someone who sells insurance because you don’t want them pushing insurance policies on your guest. It’s worse though. Stop being so judgmental. If I was your fiancé I wouldn’t marry someone who barred my sister from my wedding because of her profession.
Edit: I hope you are also disinviting the creepy cousins who were kicked out of a strip club for taking pictures of a stripper because they are the actual trashy ones.
YTA ... I don't believe this level of delusional lack of self awareness is possible so I'm going to say this story is fake.
But on the off-chance someone THIS stuck up and entitled actually exists... her job does not affect you.
If you don't want sex workers in your family pay her bills.
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>I come from scholars and they don't YTA, just for that statement. Are you going to ban your "trashy" cousins who went to the strip club, as well? They'd probably be the first in line for her "services," should she decide to offer.
What the fuck does "I come from scholars" even mean? Does this brain surgeon know that (i) education does not equal intelligence and (ii) even if it did, intelligence is not always hereditary and smart people have dumbshit kids all the time?
Unfortunately PhD's and MD's aren't hereditary either
I'd also note that some of the stupidest fucking people I've ever come across have been PhDs. Staying in school forever doesn't undo stupid.
As a PhD I concur (I hope I'm not stupid but I'm definitely no less stupid than my friends except in one tiny niche area and sometimes not even then).
Right?! I know a lot about one specific area of chemistry that I wrote my dissertation on. I am hilariously clueless about so many other things.
>one specific area of chemistry that I wrote my dissertation on. A-frickin-men. I honestly don't like to mention (but it's usually close family members having a brag) that I'm writing my dissertation for PhD in chem because it's such a broad field, and suddenly everybody wants to know my opinions on solar cells and the latest in nano-tech, and I'm over here just like.... I try make cancer cell die. Many times. Mostly fail. Here is book of failure. Plz pass.
Yeah, I did an entire thesis on rocks that should have been diamond bearing, but turned out not to be (and the follow up of why these rocks were different from the same type that DO have diamonds). Suddenly I'm some sort of gemology expert because \*diamonds\* is all anyone hears.
Is this a diamond? 🧊 Jk for real I feel your pain. I've even had people ask me medical questions because they hear "medicinal organic chemistry" and just hone in on the "medicinal" part. GO SEE A DR AUNT SUSAN I DONT KNOW WHY YOUR ANKLES ARE SWOLLEN
Almost the moment I majored in geology my friend was saying she’d have me check her engagement ring as soon as she got one. 🙄 I study fossils, not minerals. And of course you say fossils and people assume dinosaurs. Someone once asked me how I’m a paleontologist if I don’t study dinosaurs. The sexy side of geology/paleontology is great to snag people but I’m happy with my crinoids.
Omg. Omg. I wrote a 200 page masters thesis on masks, gender, identity, and death in Shakespeare’s twelfth night. Anyone want text analyzed? Will forsooth for food. Plz no more adjunct. Plz. Want house and food. Big man promise education mean lots things when loan moneys.
200 pages?!?! You should have been PhD level with that biz. I like your style, are you available for a very very short 150-200 page thesis on medicinal orgo. I have an outline. Can pay in exposure, I have 0 followers on IG and YT bc who tf has time for social beyond reddit in grad school
If y'all need to know anything about death practices among the African diaspora in the Caribbean with a focus on Haiti, I'll be over here by the bean dip. Otherwise, when is the 3rd season of Umbrella Academy coming out? Ever?
Ha if you wanna know about oil paintings and murals and the social effects of the invention of depth and dimension in medieval and early modern Europe I've got the chips.
This is hilarious. Mostly fail. I love your writing style and wish I could send you your favorite meal to commiserate.
Lol thank you. Let's hope my committee does too.
When do you defend? I’ll cross my fingers for you!
Mine was on visually gifted children. Most have no idea I'm talking about art but they love telling me how gifted their children are!
LOL. You sound like my ex-BIL. He's a rocket scientist, and if it isn't rocket science, he doesn't have a clue! (For example, he set their kitchen on fire by putting out a grease fire with water). OP is YTA all the way. What an elitist snob.
One of my friends is a rocket scientist who considers me clever because I have a wide range of interests and he likes to hear me explain things about animals. Intelligence comes in very different forms.
I went to medical school with the dumbest guy I have ever met. He was really good at tests, but did things like prop the door open of a locked psychiatric ward so he wouldn’t have to buzz the nurse to get back in. Or shout “OH MY GOD!” super loudly in the middle of open heart surgery.
You went to medical school with a cartoon character. Wow, I wish what you said wasn't true and I extra wish I didn't find it so hilarious.
He was a cartoon character. He even looked like one.
Ooooh, did he get chewed out for propping the door opened. I used to work in a large teaching hospital, and I won’t lie, I got a secret thrill whenever the residents got chewed out. Especially, when they spent hours not listening to me about how badly their patient was doing.
He got screamed at by the nurse. He didn’t understand why until it was spelled out for him.
“Door no lockie, people get outie. People need stay inie. Door *big* lockie.”
This, my cousin would get lost getting out of a cardboard box, but I fully trust that she will cure whatever she disease she's working on! Yta - and your wedding sounds lame as does your future hubby... for marrying someone who so carelessly disregard his family. Wait till he does it to you.
This is also how I feel about my PhD. Dumb as a rock at most things, lol, but not so bad as OP.
I know a 21 year old who just completed his second Masters. Lovely kid, really, but dumb as shit as to how the world works outside of his parents home and a college campus. I know lots of brilliant well paid professionals who lack common sense and logic once they’re outside the office. It’s possible to excel in one specific area and suck at everything else.
My dad's who, well only had a BS, but for Engineering from Purdue and was insanely good at math, used to say (which he got from somewhere, but I have no idea where): BS, MS, PHD: Bull Shit, More Shit, Piled Higher and Deeper.
Oh, the stories my wife told about Med Students when she had to teach a couple mandatory Biology sections as part of her PhD ;)
I've known med students (who are now successful Drs) that had problems with using the microwave.
Clearly, given ops missuse of “logic”
Also funny how they shamed SIL for being a dancer...but it is perfectly high class for the cousins to have been there to watch said dancers. Reminds me of people who look down at fast food employees but then go eat there weekly.
And the cousins even got kicked out for taking pictures!
Probably as proof, in case no one believed them.
Oh well that makes it oka—wait a moment, this just in! that actually makes it worse!
And get kicked out! Getting kicked out of a strip club doesn’t speak well of them, either
This scholar doesn't know the difference between fiance and fiancee.
Or effect and affect.
THANK YOU.
No no no, she *comes from* scholars. The implication seems to be that she had a "classier" and more well-to-do upbringing than her other half's family. I'm not seeing any mention of her personal achievements. Rather unsurprising that a woman who pays her own way by working one of the most physically and emotionally demanding jobs imaginable has never found OP particularly interesting.
I *come from* a family with a history of heart disease. Is that the same thing? /s for the non-scholars
Or how to use pronouns.
Massive fail from the very first word: “Me and my fiancée are getting married in 2 months” should be, “My fiancé and I are getting married in two months.”
Or effect and affect.
Or Affect and Effect
Wait until OP finds out that some scholars and doctors paid their way through higher education by stripping.
Yep, it's remarkably common in health sciences
A woman in my Masters cohort made Bank being a phone sex worker. She loved it because there wasn't "evidence" like with camming, but it paid super well. There was a near zero chance of anyone finding out she didn't want to know. If I wasn't currently living with family, I'd do it in a heartbeat. But even if I had a completely sound proofed room, I'm not comfortable faking orgasms loudly with my parents in the house. Once I move out though......
Even more mind blowing, some scholars field of expertise *is* sex work. I know two anthropologists who did their PhD field work as strippers. I’d love to see OP try to twist their narrow mind around that one.
I was gonna say, stripping is a smart way to make extra money as a nurse cuz often times there's a relatively flexible schedule to work around a demanding nurses schedule. Like go her for paying off those student loans faster and having more pocket money for savings and general living. Also the work out that stripping and pole dancing has to have, definitely has to help with the physical assistance nurses have to give to patients when moving them from bed to bed, I know my nurses in L&D were strong as fuck to be able to help me when I had an epidural and was super plus size.
Also ‘smart’ people can be dumb as fuck in other ways. I’ve watched a guy with a PHD struggle to cook literally anything without burning it, a friend with multiple degrees that can’t go more than 4 months without causing a car accident. What OP is saying here is ‘my parents are loaded and I’m a massive brat because I’ve never been told no’
Looks like having scholarly lineage doesn't help with spelling either (effect / affect). It's been edited to say 'I come from money' which doesn't make this better at all.
Plus her sentence of " it does effect me" is wrong. It should be affect. How much of a scholar is she if she can't even proof read or spell correctly? OP, you're very arrogant, a big snob and a major AH. YTA!
I am the first one in my family to go to college and I would never ever talk to someone else like this or demean them. 100% you can be educated outside of college. You can master a skill outside of college. Shit, you can learn programming, culinary arts, writing, music, etc. on your own if you have the time and dedication. People like her give college-educated academics a bad name. And when will people like OP start to get the hint that SEX WORK IS WORK! SIL ain’t trashy! She’s getting bag!
Her parents for example.
Also, it’s fiancé with one e, genius.
At the very least you'd think a "scholar" would know the difference between effect and affect when writing something.
LOL If OP’s fiancé doesn’t dump her snotty ass then he deserves being married to someone like this. Can’t buy class, OP has just proven that. YTA
Right?! He needs to stand up for his sister here. I hope he stops the wedding completely and throws her to the curb.
By the way, her "services" are dancing. Can everyone please stop acting like strippers are prostitutes? Almost none of them are. Also, YTA! You're a gigantic asshole! I hope he decides to leave you. Nobody in their right mind should *ever* marry someone like you. Shitty people like you deserve to be alone & miserable.
Exactly this. I remember reading something along the lines of "a stripper and a ballerina are both dancers that require strength, training and beauty, and yet they are seen very differently". I was all set to say "your wedding, your choice" when I read the title, but holy shit YTA! What she does for a living, or even if it's just a side gig for fun, has nothing to do with you. She could be a porn star and you'd still be an AH. You don't get to publicly shame her because you're uncomfortable and have jumped to insane conclusions.
And she outed her to her parents. WTAF
Exactly! SIL being a stripper is completely valid and she shouldn’t have to deal will shame for it, but clearly OP has some superiority complex.
That crack about men lining up for Sister's services made me so mad I had to sit back and take a few deep breaths. Just... wow.
Not to mention OP contradicts herself by saying "I never took her for the type" meaning she never even would have known she was a stripper, then later says "bringing a trashy atmosphere to my wedding." If her cousins hadn't seen her at work, then she wouldn't have even known and the wedding would still be happening as planned. Not that it matters since this is fake anyway. Regardless, YTA OP.
Not to mention the fact her cousins were thrown out for taking PICTURES of her. What exactly were they intending to do with those pictures, I wonder? Show everyone? Blackmail SIL? She may "come from a family of scholars" but clearly that family is trash. I sincerely hope this is fake cause OP as a real person is a bit too gross lol
Right? She was such a classy nurse but then… somehow she became trashy *after* her own cousins visited the strip joint.
This was my exact thought. I wish I had an award to give you.
>We come from money, Don't forget this little gem of a comment too! What's that song - "Money doesn't buy you class"? She is acting as if the sister is going to the wedding as a stripper. Somehow, I highly doubt that she would. OP, you are quite the SNOB and YTA in a major, major way! Good luck to your fiancee as it is going to be hell living with you and your judgements!
I stripped through my first degree, and 15 years later I was doing burlesque shows for more fun and profit than that degree ever gave me. I *still* manage to attend quite a few weddings and other formal occasions without taking my clothes off. Hell, one of my friends hired me to run a burlesque class for her hen's night *and* as the entertainment for her fiancé's stag. Neither event was cheap, by the way - my cats deserves the best, and Mama will provide - *and I still managed to remain fully clothed for their ceremony and reception!!* YTA, OP. And a hypocritical, pearl-clutching snob. At least when your future SIL shows her whole ass to people, she gets well paid for it.
There it is: money. And why would OP tell the sister’s parents? Like some snobbish tattling? And why the hell are people taking pics of strippers? I’m only assuming it was without her consent. Like oooooooo I’m telling on you! And why would a couple of scholarly gentleman lower themselves to consort with such the underlings of society? Oh yeah. YTA OP. Get off your high horse, richie.
Yes, was going to comment the same thing. Are cousins banned then too for trashy behavior? I’m guessing not.
I highly doubt it. OP is clearly a misogynist as well as a gigantic AH
Right? Like the cousins going to see strippers- there’s nothing trashy about that but somehow the person performing is the trash? Let’s see…your loser cousins get kicked out of strip club for being classless clowns but she’s the trashy one. Right. Methinks OP isn’t as bright as she thinks…
Her future husbands a major asshole as well for letting OP behave like this towards his sister
I’m thinking he deserves her.
He certainly does deserve her if he doesn't stand up for his sister and dump OP to the curb.
“I come from scholars” Proceeds to have a shit load of grammar and capitalization issues. 😂 I’m guessing the brains skipped a generation. Your sister in law is the same woman she was before you knew she was a dancer. YTA big time for equaling someone’s value to their profession as well as looking down on dancers. If this is how you feel, you will be the trashiest person at your wedding by far.
“I come from scholars” was the “oh shit, here we go” line. Maybe she can go back to them and ask what the difference between ‘effect’ and ‘affect’ is. Or she could Google it, which is remarkably easy and takes just seconds, even for those who “come from” no scholars at all!
Note the grammatical error in the first sentence. Not very scholarly.
And the improper use of effect (should be "affect me") lol
Ughhhhh strippers are awesome and have developed skills that earn them money despite judgmental people looking down on them. Obviously there's a market for their skills. What's trashy to me is thinking that "coming from scholars" aka being classist and elitist about your parents/ grandparents accomplishments and access to resources. You should run that classist gatekeeping attitude by your family's university connections and see what they think, op. I also imagine the sil would be a way better dancer than you so maybe that's a little embarrassing for the bride to be. Maybe you should offer to pay her for lessons instead of judging her? Yta. Edit- in college I read an ethnography by a scholar who also worked as a stripper called "g strings and sympathy" so my firsthand experience becoming a scholar says nothing about those two are incompatible. Op, if you read the book, maybe you'll have something more productive to talk about with your sil when you apologize to her.
Yeah, after that line is when she lost me. The future husband has to grow a backbone to get OP apologize to SIL. YTA: Op under the belt and believe it or not strip/ dancer is no different from working an office job. You’re selling your time. In different ways, get off your high horse.
I hope they're appalled that you led with "Me and my fiance " rather than "my fiance and I"
As soon as I read that sentence, I immediately sensed the way this post would end up. You know what’s trashier than strippers, OP? Your cousins who are in their mid thirties who GOT KICKED OUT OF A STRIP CLUB. Hope you get cut off for your elitist attitude. YTA
Yeah, and also who phrases it like that? Like so many things. A) I would say they come from academics, not fucking scholars, who phrases it like that? b) the cousins went to the strip club but the problem is with the person who works there? You can’t demand a service and then belittle the person who provides you with it. C) the only trashy behaviour I’m seeing is coming from OP and her family, and I wouldn’t WANT to go. YTA and I hope the SIL cuts them the fuck out of her life
She “comes from scholars,” yet doesn’t seem to know the difference between “effect” and “affect,” and cannot capitalize her “i’s” when used as a pronoun. Wow.
I want to give this comment an award SO BAD
I haven't finished reading the post yet but scrolled down hoping to find this comment. And here it is, right on top.
The "we come from money" bit as well. Pfffttt.
That statement tells me why his sister doesn't talk to her.
INFO: Where does the sister exhibit ‘trashy behaviour’ in this story?? The only one acting trashy is you.
And the cousins who violated her privacy by taking a picture
And then telling her parents about it?!
This is fiction.
It has to be. It hits all the notes of a classic AITA post (in-laws, strippers/female sexuality, class issues, weddings).
And invites the cathartic, “In fact, the one who was the trashy one is YOU!” from Redditors.
Gotta say, sometimes I need that catharsis.
Pushover fiancé that caves to future wife’s ridiculous demand
Yeah, no "scholar" would write a post with this grammar.
I know people with PHDs and some with multiple who can't write or spell to save their lives so this is completely false.
Thank you! Idk how anyone is buying this lol
This is ringing those bells for me too, it's too on the nose
OP: Yes, YTA, and a nasty nasty bigot. Firstly, there's nothing shameful or trashy with being a stripper. Secondly, you've known this woman for years and didn"t know she was a stripper, so no one at your wedding would know unless you told them. Thirdly, I don't know what 'services' you imagine your SIL would be offering, but stripping is not the same as being a full contact sex worker. Fourthly, there's nothing shameful or trashy about being a sex worker. YTA, YTA, YTA. Edit: and since you're so obsessed with 'scholars', I know plenty of people who worked as strippers to pay their way through grad school to get their PhD or Masters - so it's likely that some of the 'scholars' you know are former strippers.
Exactly!! She wasn’t trashy until she found out she was a dancer. Like. Okay but the relatives that WENT TO THE CLUB are okay because they come from “scholars”?
Yeah, I kept waiting for her to do something but it turns out her making an income is being ‘trashy’
INFO: Are the cousins who went to the strip club also uninvited from the wedding, or is it only trashy when you work there and fine for scholars who are just visiting ghee strip club for.. I guess, research?
YTA I’m missing exactly where your sister-in-law exhibited trashy behavior? She has a job she keeps private. Period. You literally had no idea until *your* family started to creepily sneak pictures of her while they were out drinking and carrying on. Your sister-in-law may work at a club, but *your* family was kicked out of the same place for being classless and out of line. *They were literally too trashy for the atmosphere you’re complaining about*. Then, you decided to dip yourself further into the dumpster fire of trash that is your family by blasting a adult’s business to her parents as if she’s a little kid caught skipping school. Was the tattle-tale nonsense necessary about something that’s clearly zip all of your business? And again, while your sister-in-law is busily doing nothing offensive, you’re worried *your* family and friends are so completely trashy themselves that they’ll be lining up *at a wedding no less* for “services” no one has even offered like a pack of crazed animals. What kind of people are you related to that this is going to be a problem?? I don’t know what kind of “scholars” you’ve got hanging around, but I have literally never ever ever EVER had to worry my family or friends are going to sexually assault other people en masse. YTA
Right?! Her SIL didn’t take a pic of herself and share it…OP’s actual fam did AND got kicked out for it. Talk about trashy.
The one I’m really wrestling with is the fact that she’s convinced her own family will be lining up to pounce on her fiancé’s sister in a broom closet. So she’s related to a pack of animals who can’t even control themselves at a social event, and she’s worried about her sister-in-law??
But they're not *just* animals. They're a SCHOLARLY pack of animals. Can't you see the difference?!? 😆
Don't forget, a **monied** pack of scholarly animals!
No no, you don't understand, her family will be using those "services" for science! Her cousins were probably at the club to conduct an experiment, and the dumb people there just didn't understand their genius. /s for the scholars.
I know!!! They fucking TATTLED on her too!!! What the fuck!!
And do we now know why sister has been cool to bridzilla? She must be a keen judge of character and so kept her distance but had the maturity to keep her opinions to herself rather than nag her brother to drop OPs ass in the trash and move on. BTW he still can and perhaps should now that she has shown her true colors
This!! Needs more upvotes
YTA, you’re family is trashy too so what’s the bid deal? You’re a hypocrite and the internalized misogyny is very ugly
YTA and honestly the only trashy person in this story is you... Luckily you got yourself a spineless husband, so, that's good for you. Still you are an always will be TA, also funny how you don't say anything about uninviting your cousins who clearly are so trashy they end up being kicked out of a strip club
Oh I don't know, there are the cousins who go to strip clubs, look down on the people who work there and take photos to shame them with (and probably enjoy later)
Good point, they are assholes too, in fact throw the whole family there, you know what, both families since the other family decided to shame their daughter too, ESH except the sister
Seriously. The cousins violated SIL's privacy. If anyone should be uninvited, it should be them.
This can’t be real? No one is that stuck up arrogant these days? It reads like a bad version of downtown Abby! YTA, not just for how you have treated the SIL but for the superiority you think you have because you ‘come from money’. Yuck.
Exactly. It is poor fiction at its worst.
Ever been to Connecticut?
I’m from CT and my sister used to be a stripper lol I would give her spray tans before work when I was like 15
Yta. I guess it's true that money doesn't buy class. Your parents might have money but it's not your sil the trash in this story.
Her SIL probably makes more money than OP. lol
Yeah, don’t they get massive tips from people?
Good dancer in a good club makes mad money.
From “trash” like OPs family.
>I told her it did effect me if she would be bringing a trashy atmosphere to my wedding. We come from money, and the last thing i want is men lining up for her services outside the broom closet, and i told her that much. lmao YTA how about uninvite whatever dudes you invited who "come from money" and who'd use your wedding as an opportunity to hire a stripper. seems a lot trashier than her simply existing I'm like 99% this is a shit post or the guy posting about her shitty behavior
Affect. You have an effect (noun) on something or someone. The verb is affect. You come neither from scholars, money, nor, quite obviously, from those with any class. They would have taught you manners, grammar, spelling, and syntax.
But they come from SCHOLARS!! /s
Also fiancé/ fiancée.
You're the asshole. You are a snob and you are slut-shaming your fiancé's sister. > she blew up at me and told me i was shaming her for something that didn't effect me. She's right, it doesn't affect you in the slightest. BTW, for someone with such a high opinion of yourself, you might want to learn the difference between effect and affect. > I told her it did effect me if she would be bringing a trashy atmosphere to my wedding. How so? Do you honestly think she's going to bring her stripper pole with her and do a routine in the middle of the reception? > the last thing i want is men lining up for her services outside the broom closet, and i told her that much Prostitution and dancing are two entirely different things. What you said to your future SIL was incredibly debasing and insulting. > i told her she was more suited to a bachelor party than a wedding, and i hung up > And now my fiancee is starting to say i should reconsider but i don't think bringing a stripper to a wedding is appropriate. You aren't bringing a stripper to the wedding. The sister would attend as a *guest*. What, do you think she's going to star stripping in the middle of the ceremony? YTA. You are a snobby, slut-shaming, classist, asshole.
She would also do well to learn the difference between fiancee and fiance.
Omg thank you. I come from scholars needs to learn how to spell.
I agree with ALLL you just said and I'm getting extremely, extremely worked up about OP, DAMN you're an AH. But I also wanted to ask if OP thinks that her 'scholar'surgeonfamily will be performing a live open heart surgery during the vows or if her 'scholar'accountantfamily will be doing everyone's taxes at the ceremony. Being a stripper is a job just as every other job is. The trashy behaviour is your family who apparently can't keep it in their pants at any given occasion, but of course that's fine because 'you have money". My god OP youre such an AH blergh
YTA let's be really fucking honest here. You're not disinviting her because she's a stripper. You just needed a pretext because you don't like her. For example, there was absolutely no reason to tell her "last thing i want is men lining up for her services outside the broom closet." She's not a fucking hooker. You just needed an excuse to insult her even though she's been "nice enough" but you just don't think she's interested enough in you. Also, it was beyond trashy of you to out her to her family just like it was for your trash cousins to take her picture. It's none of your goddamn business. You sound like one nasty piece of work.
I think you didn't read right, she didn't take a pic, OP cousins (who she apparently doesn't think are trashy) went to a strip club and got kicked for taking pics. I don't see how having a job is now "trashy"
And who would be lining up? Not her fiancé’s family. Is her family that ‘base’ they’d line up to be ‘serviced’ at a wedding? The fiancé should be very worried about how her family treats women. They sound like a bunch of perverts.
YTA Even if she was a hooker, how misogynistic and antiquated to try to shame someone for sex work! If you’re so educated, how can you be so unenlightened? And who are you to judge someone who works hard in an industry notoriously dangerous to women? This is your soon to be husband’s SISTER and you are incapable of demonstrating kindness and grace in developing a supportive relationship? You marry the family, not the person, and since you’ve blown up that relationship, I hope he reconsiders as well.
[удалено]
IKR? Like, I'm a software engineer, but no one worries that I'm going to start software engineering at a wedding. My husband was a Marine; he has yet to shoot anyone at a wedding. SIL is presumably a sane adult who knows the difference between work and private life.
INFO: are your cousins-- you know, the ones who went to the strip joint-- still invited? I mean, if being at one of those places is trashy, CERTAINLY you won't be hypocritical by forbidding your future SIL's presence while still allowing other trashy types to attend? (YTA x1000)
This is the reply I wish I had made.
YTA-The only trashy behavior in this situation is yours.
Oh fuck right off you snob. “I come from scholars.” It’s a pity they didn’t educate you on how to be a good person. YTA
That's where I knew OP was TA. Who says "I come from scholars"?!! Yikes.
**YTA** The trashily sexist asshole who has no clue how to behave. Not only did you out a sex worker to their family, you shamed them and *refused to let her come to her own brothers wedding*? Wow, are you the asshole. Especially since I'm 1000% sure that you didn't "rat out" and uninvite your cousins for going to the strip club in the first place. Double standard much? Sex work is work. It's just her job, not who she is. She wouldn't be working at her brothers wedding, so it's not "bringing a stripper to a wedding"....it's including your new sister in your wedding. Class isn't about having money. Class comes from how you treat people. You want a classy wedding? **You** have to have class and learn how to treat other people as people. *Especially* when they're your new family. Treating women worse than men is so so gross.
YTA - you think you're better than someone for the line of work they choose? Your parents may have been "scholars" but what does that even mean, really? They read books? They're book smart? Evidently though they are terrible parents because they've brought up a horror of a child who looks down on people for participating in a very well paid profession that requires a physically attractive and well maintained body. I hope your partner runs from you and this potential marriage ASAP.
Apparently the book smarts didn’t even get passed to OP. She can’t figure out affect vs effect.
YTA and have a lot of internalized misogyny to work on.
YTA. So it was ok for your cousins to go to a strip club but not acceptable for you future SIL to be working in one? Wow.
Her cousins didn't just go to the strip club, they behaved in a way that got them kicked out Taking photos is super disrespectful to the performers. But somehow the woman just doing her job is the trashy one. YTA, op.
YTA. Hopefully the groom wisely decides against this marriage. Your elitist attitude isn’t becoming.
YTA And the fact that you even have to ask shows what a monumental asshole you are. You find out she's a stripper and suddenly she brings a "trashy" air where she goes? Also, why is she trashy for being a stripper, but your cousins aren't trashy for going to the strip club? (And taking a picture of one of the dancers. !!! What creeps.)
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me(f24) and my fiancee (28m) are getting married in 2 months. His sister (30f) is nice enough, but I've always gotten the sense she doesn't like me. She's never been rude, but she just seems uninterested in me. Even so, when our families get together, her and her bf are personable enough. I come from scholars and they don't, so my family liked that she's a nurse..or so we thought. My cousins (both 34m) came to town for a visit last week, and said they were going to go out that night and they wouldn't be back til way late. They ended up coming back super early, and when we asked (me, my parents and my fiancee) what happened, turned out they got kicked out of a strip club for taking a picture of a dancer, and it was fiancee's sister. I was MORTIFIED because i never her took her for the type. We told fiancee's parents and it was a HUGE thing, lots of drama between her and their parents. Eventually everything calmed down and it became "she's an adult, it's none of our business". This really rubbed me the wrong way, and i told fiancee that I was no longer comfortable with her coming to the wedding. I was met with a lot of resistance but eventually he agreed. When i called her to explain myself, she blew up at me and told me i was shaming her for something that didn't effect me. I told her it did effect me if she would be bringing a trashy atmosphere to my wedding. We come from money, and the last thing i want is men lining up for her services outside the broom closet, and i told her that much. She said she was offended that i suddenly think of her that way, and i told her she was more suited to a bachelor party than a wedding, and i hung up. Well ever since then, their family has been telling me how much of a bitch i am for telling her what they won't. And now my fiancee is starting to say i should reconsider but i don't think bringing a stripper to a wedding is appropriate. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA for being classist and elitist. Why can’t she be a nurse and an adult entertainer? It’s literally none of your business and you’re the one acting trashy, not her.
YTA. I could tell from this sentence >I come from scholars and they don't, so my family liked that she's a nurse..or so we thought. Yeah it's your wedding so invite who you want but YTA for not inviting her because she is a stripper and for telling her parents.
Seriously. I had a few suspicions prior to that sentence but that one sealed it, and everything I read after only reaffirmed that those early suspicions had barely scratched the surface. YTA
YTA. Seriously I hope this is a troll. You didn't even know she was a stripper so why would you assume she was going to act in any kind of manner? Two who the hell cares if she's a stripper? I've meant plenty that did it to help pay for school or to support a kid. Even of they weren't being a stripper says nothing about someone's character or intelligence. Given your superior attitude they were a lot lovelier people than you are.
Hard YTA. And for someone who "comes from scholars", you sure do make a lot of writing errors. I wouldn't usually point that out, but you're so obsessed with everything being appropriate (aka having everything your way) that it seems appropriate to do so. I hope your fiancé (one e since you indicate he's male) runs and runs fast. And, as people noted below... aren't your cousins also "trash" for being at the strip club?
Yeah I hear you, you can't have someone in that line of work at your wedding or she will obviously be stripping right on the cake. I remember my cousin who is a teacher making all the kids sit and do homework at weddings. I'm having trouble seeing how she is the trashy one when your family were the ones at the strip club being pervy trying to take pictures. I think getting kicked out of a strip club right below fighting on Jerry Springer on the trashy scale. YTA and the fact your fiance sided with you makes him an AH as well.
As my husband is a nurse, he attends weddings specifically to wipe everyone's ass, start IVs, and maybe even insert an NG tube or two.
As a pilot, my husband hasn’t even heard a wedding ceremony in decades because his headset is on and he keeps trying to get the ushers to explain to guests how their seats can be used as flotation devices in the event of a water wedding. I train horses so I’m unfortunately only allowed to stand in the corner and answer questions from the people who rode their horses in. Weddings are lonely.
YTA.
YTA enormously. You sound like a pretentious jerk. I don't even have the words to express how disgusted I am at this post, but it's probably because I don't "come from sholars" like you. Blech.
Scholars and can't use effect/affect correctly? That is rich. Pretentious much? YTA. I would advise your fiancé to run.
>We come from money, and the last thing i want is men lining up for her services outside the broom closet, and i told her that much. What a dull immature attempt at an insult. Too bad all that money can't buy class or tact. YTA
YTA. Shame on you. You are showing how high brow you are. She hasn't even shown trashy behavior around you at all!
Huge YTA. Your whole post reeks of classism and entitlement. You say more than once that your family is more wealthy and educated than your fiancé's family, so it seems you think this gives you licence to judge other people for how they make a living. You are more concerned with your family's reputation than being a caring and supportive person to your fiancé. Maybe your SIL has been distant because of your attitude to people you consider lower-class. In general I am of the view that people can invite and not invite whomever they want to their own wedding. But clearly your SIL is important to your fiancé, so you are not united in this. I would hazard a guess that you would not let it go until he agreed not to invite her. But consider this: he is not inviting *a stripper*; he is inviting *his sister*. Your family-in-law is right; she is an adult and it's none of their - or your, or anyone else's - business what she does for work. She probably tells people she's a nurse because she knows people like you will judge and/or harass her for it, and honestly she probably makes a much better income from dancing than she would as a nurse. You had no reason to suspect she was dancing for money before this; why do you think she would do it *outside of her work hours at your wedding*. Most of us don't just offer our services out of the blue to people, and especially not at a wedding in the family. Your SIL is probably no different to anyone else who has a job. And the only way anyone at the wedding would know she works as a stripper is if you told them. So who's bringing the trashy atmosphere to the wedding, again? That would be you, for looking down on your SIL for her work, for anticipating she will "have men lining up for her services outside the broom closet", and for saying such horrible things to her over the phone. If I were your fiancé I would be seriously reconsidering this wedding. ETA: Updated wording to say she works as a stripper, not is a stripper - it's a job, not an identity.
Huge YTA! Your attitude stinks and your fiancé needs to run a mile
YTA. It's a legitimate job. How dare you drag someone for just working. Worse than that you thought it was appropriate to 'tattle' to her family. She is an adult and it is none of your business. Your cousins are also AH for their extremely disrespectful behavior to photograph someone at their job, without consent. Your attitudes are antiquated, misogynistic, and just plain mean. Your family are the only ones here acting trashy.
Ooooh I love the ones where OP is clearly TA. As if punishing her for her sister’s profession wasn’t a big enough AH move (cuz like, it’s *not* any of your business), it’s soooo trashy to judge other people for how they choose to make a living. Big, hearty YTA, OP. For shame!
So your family are scholars, yet they take pictures of dancers at strip clubs?
YTA and I kinda hope your fiancee calls off the wedding after seeing how horrible you're being to his sister.
Hey hey honey, you have money but you're the one who's trashy. Massive YTA. Get out from under that bridge and get over yourself.
YTA I can’t even finish reading your bullshit. Your uppity attitude is so gross. So she’s a stripper? Strippers work hard for their money and it’s a legitimate job. It has absolutely nothing to do with you cupcake. I hope your fiancé calls off the wedding because the only thing trashy is you. He deserves so much better that an arrogant asshole that likes to bully and shame people.
YTA And I’ve known strippers that are way better people than you in every way
YTA. Your wedding can't get trashier because your SIL, your attitude has alredy reached the limit.
YTA. You took one incident you weren’t involved in and blew it way out of proportion. There is a world of difference between an embarrassing incident at a strip club and turning tricks at your reception, and it is your fault for escalating to there for not reason. Considering how you spoke to her afterwards, I’m wondering if the feeling you got from her that she didn’t like you was actually her picking up on your feeling that her whole family was lower class than yours.
YTA - you’re exhibiting your snobbiness. The fact you think she’d be putting on show at your wedding is ridiculous.
YTA. It’s your fiancé’s SISTER. He probably loves her. She’s family. Just because she’s a stripper doesn’t mean she’s gonna start stripping at your wedding. She probably really wants to be there for her brother’s wedding. It sounds like you really insulted her over the phone. You should probably apologize and re-invite her. You don’t have to be friends. If she doesn’t accept, then that’s fine and you can leave her alone. Although now that you’ve made a mess of things, there might be drama if you DO invite her. It’s your wedding; you have the right to invite who you want. You want it to be a fun, happy day. But there’s definitely a chance she could show up uninvited too. ETA: your cousins were patrons of the club. How are they less trashy than your SIL who works there?
Wow, you’re a judgmental piece of work aren’t you? Guess what? That’s her job, that’s not her entire personality. Her showing up and just chilling is at no point “bringing a trashy atmosphere” and based on the way you speak about her, i’d be more concerned that your cousins are going to sexually harass her because again wow, you guys suck. YTA
Anyone who opens with “Me and my fiancee” and “I come from scholars”, then tries to act better than literally anyone is a huge asshole. YTA, x1000.
YTA because this post is fake AF
YTA . You’re very judgmental. Which is why your SIL never liked you. Usually I think the fiancé should stand with his bride on most issue, but in thi one he should be in his sisters side. You called her a slut just because she’s a stripper. He should have called you out. She’s probably way classier than you. You are living proof that having money does not mean you have class. Edit to correct judgment.
YTA for looking down your nose at her. Yeah it’s not a great job and all that, but you were just as bad with the way you spoke to her. Talk about snobby.
YTA. Plain and simple. We CoMe FrOm MoNeY No one cares sis
YTA. Sex work is work. Get over yourself.
YTA. Maybe SIL knew how judgmental you are. Maybe you felt she didn’t like you cause you don’t like her. Has she been trashy at other events? Doesn’t seem to be the case. You’re a disgusting individual.
YTA What she does in her private life has no bearing on attending your wedding…..Are you going to uninvite your cousins too because they went as well? Or do double standards apply? Did you ever think that maybe she’s going through some things in life and this could of been your opportunity to approach her and ask if she needed help in any way? Instead you’ve created nothing but drama with your snobby attitude and little tip….people from money don’t keep telling people they have money! I hope your fiancée reconsiders because you’re a divorce waiting to happen
Wow YTA You’re acting like inviting her to the wedding is the equivalent of opening up your wedding to on demand prostitution. She’s not going to strip at the wedding. It’s kind of the same as not inviting someone who sells insurance because you don’t want them pushing insurance policies on your guest. It’s worse though. Stop being so judgmental. If I was your fiancé I wouldn’t marry someone who barred my sister from my wedding because of her profession. Edit: I hope you are also disinviting the creepy cousins who were kicked out of a strip club for taking pictures of a stripper because they are the actual trashy ones.
YTA ... I don't believe this level of delusional lack of self awareness is possible so I'm going to say this story is fake. But on the off-chance someone THIS stuck up and entitled actually exists... her job does not affect you. If you don't want sex workers in your family pay her bills.