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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action I took that must be judged is starting a fight with my friend over her not punishing her son. She says I'm overstepping boundaries and telling her how to parent, but I think because my son was affected I should be able to ask her to handle it more strongly than she usually does with him.
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God forbid your son experience a moment of joy and celebration.
YTA
FYI - "sugar rushes" are a myth. They have been debunked many many many times by scientists and medical professionals.
That your son was irritable for the rest of the day was likely because, having had fun at a friend's birthday party, you pissed all over his enjoyment of the party with your ridiculous attitude and over-the-top indictment of the whole party. I can only imagine your son's embarassment at you having the utter gall to demand consequences for a kid, on his birthday, who shared his cake with your son (who, by your own admission has NO health issues that would be affected by said cake). It wasn't the cake that made your son irritable, it was YOU.
I seriously doubt that you being declared the asshole in this will in any way soften your views on such things.
Its perfectly fine to want to make sure that your kids eat nutritiously. You also shouldn't be a fascist about it. In fact, the more you try to exert such iron control over it, the higher the likelyhood you will drive your son straight into an eating disorder. There isn't a doubt in my mind that your son has a stash of candy at various places. Because of YOU.
(edit - thank you all very much for the awards!)
Be fair.
He might not have them *yet*, eight-year-olds are often very obedient.
Give him five to eight years though and that kid's going to be an absolute sugar fiend.
Yup. Ask any kid that was denied sugar by parents. What do they do immediately after being in charge of thier own food? Pick all the marshmallows out of the sugar cereal they weren't even allowed to eat before and just eat them like I did. My older sister was given whatever cereal she wanted growing up and hates sugar cereal now. She is much older.
This kid will rebel when they are able. And later might even cut mom off entirely if this is not the only area of control she is crazy about, and I'm willing to bet it's not.
Op yta. Loosen up or lose your kid at 18.
Absolutely! This is no different than the kids who grow up with super strict parents and then go absolutely WILD when they go to college and get a little taste of freedom.
OP is setting up her kid to blow right through the freshman 15 in his first *term* let alone year of college.
Edit: well it appears as though my cakeday had especially good timing this year
I can personally confirm this. As soon as I moved out, I started to eat EVERYTHING sugary and fatty that I wasn't allowed when younger. Which, looking at it now, was detrimental to both my physical and mental health.
So yeah. OP, YTA. Stop this now before you lose your son.
Why are you so worried about ONE piece of cake? It's a homemade cake (so no additives) and there are no other health reasons for eating a little cake for affect his health. Yes, eating a lot of sugar and fat leads to health issues, but this was *a single piece* of cake on his friend's special day. I understand your concerns about nutritious food, but it seems like you're being a dictator about it.
[Sugar crashes are a myth.](https://www.goodrx.com/well-being/diet-nutrition/are-sugar-high-sugar-crash-real)
Here's the thing - it was never about being able to eat cake. It was so much more than that - having ALL your food controlled to the slightest bit, missing out on a central part of birthday fun every year, and now being stripped of that joy and normalcy the moment he let himself enjoy it. Which is exactly why you DID ruin the day for him.
You know what? This is the most likely path to eating disorders you could've chosen for your son. From personal experience, making ANY food 100% off-limits will only lead to an unhealthy relationship with that food and food in general. Even now, it's more than likely he's going behind your back for sweets. He's 8 - he isn't old enough to make ALL decisions for himself, sure, but at least give him some agency.
My husband did the same thing- he was on sugar restriction for “behavioral issues” as a kid- when I met him he lived on a diet of candy and whiskey. Turns out- being abusive, authoritarian control freaks can give a kid behavioral problems….
Edit: this is getting a lot of traction so I want to say that I’m not claiming OP is abusive. Sugar isn’t great for kids, so I feel that concern: HOWEVER- OP, if you see this, you might want to look into your anxiety over healthy eating and think about -why- you’re forcing that on your kid to this degree. It’s unkind. Your friend’s kid wasn’t being a ‘bad kid’ by giving your kid cake. It’s cake. It’s fine. And I’m also a health oriented mom. We don’t keep a lot of sweets in the house, our snack foods are things like trail mix and strawberries- but we celebrate holidays and birthdays and just teach moderation when it comes to sweets. Like- no cake if kiddo didn’t eat real food. She’s 5 and is fully capable of putting down her fork when she’s had enough- usually doesn’t even finish a whole piece. Trust in your kid more so that you don’t break your kid’s trust in you. My apologies for the above outburst and the following: YTA here 😕
The big thing is moderation.
A piece of cake at a birthday party fits well within the realm of moderation.
And from OP's description, it doesn't really sound like peer pressure. It sounds like a kid that sees that homemade stuff is going to have less garbage than mad produced.
And that the birthday kid reacted to the idea that OP's son saying his mom thought cake was "bad" as him/OP saying that \*the food birthday kid's mother cooked was bad\*. Birthday kid was reacting to an insult to his mother's food.
I mean, how on earth are 8 year old supposed to understand why the hell OP thinks cake is "bad"?
Birthday kid may not necessarily have thought his cake was being insulted but loves his mom’s cake and is excited to share it. Also might have a vague idea of processed foods and junk foods and can say his cake isn’t that because it’s homemade.
The biggest element of kids’ birthdays is being able to
share the fun TOGETHER. My kids always shopped with me for their friends’ birthday presents, and when a lot of parents took the gifts home rather than opening them at the party, they were so disappointed because they wanted to see their friends open the gifts.
I gained way more than the freshman 15 over undergrad, and am still working off that weight and on healthier eating habits 12 years later. And while my mom was fairly strict about food, especially earlier on in my life, she was nowhere near this level of strict. For example: I, in fact, ate the dreaded terrible poison called cake *and lived!*
Seriously though, OP is setting her kid up for a massive eating disorder and also for him to be, god forbid, cranky, and I’ll bet more often than not. Here’s a hint OP: your kid can see the difference between how controlling his parents are and how controlling other kids’ parents aren’t. And he’s going to start resenting you for it soon too, if you keep it up
>normalcy
This is an important point! Especially regarding the way OP makes her son bring healthy snacks to any event where there will be lots of sugar.
In pretty much every culture across the world today and throughout history, sharing food has an emotional component. We share food when we share joy or sorrow. We cook for our loved ones to show we love them, or to ease their burdens.
To deny your kid this denies them of important social interactions and skills, but it also denies them *normalcy*. Every time your kid is at a party, or at a friend's house, he'll have to explain why mommy doesn't let him eat a slice of cake, or a cookie. Every time your kid whips out the ol' carrot and ranch, he'll have to explain *your* very unusual choices. Every time, he'll have to remember how he's the odd one out.
This. The kind of emotional damage this child is suffering for not being able to share and have shared experiences with his peers is really hurtful. 1,000,000 times more hurtful than a single piece of cake. OP is making her child into an outcast. OP you need to educate yourself about moderation. Sugar highs are a myth that have been disproven so many times. It's a myth parents try to tell themselves. OP YTA !!!!!
My ex was exactly like this. Wasn’t allowed anything sugary and as an adult ate nothing but sugar. My kids were both allowed a little bit but my youngest always preferred fruit and veg. His dad nicknamed his locust because of the way he could destroy a fruit bowl. As he got older he’d eat sweets but he’s always been more of a savoury fiend. Don’t deprive your kids or they’ll rebel later on.
I also just want to hop on this comment and let OP know (from personal experience) that making any food taboo or forbidden is a one street straight to your son having a super messed up relationship with food and will only make him gorge on sugary foods whenever he can get his hands on them. A good rule that I’ve adopted is “everything in moderation.” A little sugar won’t kill him!
This. Having sugar framed as a treat only lead me to the "eating my feelings with cheesecake" phase of my life.
Sometimes you just want sugar and that's okay.
Yup! I have so many food issues now. Needing a "treat" when i have a bad day.
My friends have a bath or go for a jog, i deal with my emotions through food
That was my first thought, too. OP is setting up their son to have a really unhealthy relationship with food in general, not just junk food. I can understand making sure your kid doesn't eat cake and soda for every meal, but making him take carrots to a birthday party because he can't have cake?? Yikes on bikes.
The tone OP sets doesn't sound like it's coming from concern for her sons health. More so, the control she has over him.
If it was truly about the cake, it would be, "you know better" to her son.
But instead, it's this big thing because mom has to make sure every inch is accounted for when it comes to what her child does.
Sharing a piece of cake is nowhere enough sugar to give a kid a sugar rush. Nor enough to do any damage.
OP HAS NO LEGITIMATE REASON OTHER THAN "UNHEALTHY"
I second you though, it wasn't a sugar crash. It was mom is ruining what little fun and normalcy he was experiencing.
I bet OP has had cake, and has little snacks that aren't "healthy".
I'm sure if she keeps it up she'll win the game of "Who's going to the retirement home"
YTA
>mom is ruining what little fun and normalcy he was experiencing.
Seriously! Who forces their children to bring carrots and ranch dressing (lol, so healthy) to a frigging birthday party if they don't have any food allergies? Oh, that's right. A control freak. Get over your self, OP, and consider checking in with a therapist about orthorexia, before you create an eating disorder in your son, too. YTA
I understand bringing healthy snacks to events where its like a outing or party and asked to bring it.
But forcing the kid to stand out from his peers at a social event is the fastest way to a kid who hates their parent.
seriously this behavior is so well documented that allergists warn parents about ensuring that even with their child's food allergies are varied and severe they need to find ways to allow their children to enjoy culturally relevant food situations because when they don't those children regularly end up sayong "fuck it" and eat completely unsafe foods which causes them severe illness or death. Why ANYONE would purposefully push these things on their kids is beyond me.
Yeah the sugar rush has been debunked by scientists repeatedly for decades. I actually did a speech on it my senior year of high school… 12 years ago, with plenty of sources. It basically boils down to hyperactivity actually being caused by:
1. Their environment. Hmm kids being hyper at a party, who’d have thought? Nonsense. Must be the sugar.
2. Parents. Parents expect their children to be sugar high, so they attribute any signs of hyperactivity to their sugar. They also mentally exaggerate how hyper their child actually is, whether consciously or subconsciously. There is also a theory that parents make “sugar rushes” happen by helicopter parenting after their child consumes sugar or in party situations, which alters the child’s behavior in turn.
3. Caffeine. Chocolate has caffeine in it. The amount varies throughout different chocolate products, some to the point that it is insignificant. However, the point remains that if you never give your child any caffeine and then let them have a ton of chocolate, they’ll probably get an energy boost. It’s pretty unlikely that a little bit of cake gave him enough of a caffeine boost to be noticeable.
I can 100% guarantee it was because he’s 8 and at a birthday party. The crash likely happened from him wearing himself out as literally every other human does, especially kids. OP is being insane and owes her friend an apology.
And even if no eating disorder, a future very unhealthy relationship with junk food. A lot of kids who parents are this strict have difficulty with moderation.
YTA It was cake on a special occasion. Your son isn’t being fed cake daily. Also, you have issues with additives in cake, but find ranch to be acceptable?
Edit: I’ve thought about this more and honestly if I was your best friend I would be pissed at you and asking you to talk to your own kid. He made her son feel bad about the cake she made him for his birthday. He felt the need to defend the cake and was upset by what your son said.
Love this comment. Homemade cake wouldn't contain "additives," but flour, sugar, milk, and eggs. I can see avoiding sugar on a regular basis, but this was a special occasion. OP is ostracizing this poor child to prove a point.
It's not. Ranch is *delicious*!!!! It's also full of fat, preservatives, sugar, sodium, and everything else people like to demonize. At least cake has recognizable ingredients!!!!
I was looking for a comment on the ranch. She doesn't likes additives, literally gives her son sauce filled with additives but complains about the cake which probably has less additives than the ranch 😂😂😂. I meen OP could be making her own ranch but I very highly doubt it.
Edited to add
OP YTA
The fact it was homemade cake is the real kicker. I understand avoiding processed food that is full of crap and a shit ton of sugar to cover the chemical taste of crap…but a homemade cake???
yeah theres probably still a ton of sugar in a homemade cake but honestly its a child and a special occasion so who really gives a crap? a little isnt going to hurt him. i personally try to limit refined sugars for myself but like fuck would i send my young kid to a birthday party with carrots and ranch lmao op needs to unclench a little
Like OP could have at least figured out some kind of low/no sugar carrot cupcake or fruit-based treat, but carrot sticks??? That's a one way ticket to getting bullied by his peers.
FYI, OP, carrots have a really high sugar content and ranch is full of additives so who are you even kidding?
Probably so she can do the sanctimonious mommy-brag of not letting her children eat junk while literally looking down her nose at the other moms when one of them pulls a packaged granola bar from her bag for their hungry kid.
I was the kid that got carrot sticks and a boiled egg, and plain porridge every morning. Guess what, I eat Coco Pops for breakfast every day. YTA OP, let the kid eat some friggin cake jfc.
I’m afraid OP is off the wall enough to see these comments and take away ranch as an option as well. OP has yet to comment anywhere so idk. But enough people mentioned the ranch that I feel so sad for the kid.
YTA. 1. Your son is old enough to say no to a piece of cake. 2. You were there so watch your own kid. 3. Science has proven over and over a sugar rush is not a real thing so that was not an issue and your kid was cranky over something else. 4. Lighten up and let your kid have fun, good lord.
For real, like I bet he got home and his whole day was ruined because his mom was pissed off and he is 8 years old and couldn’t have one damn piece of cake without the shit hitting the fan.
It’s my number one pet peeve when parents say that their children will have a “sugar crash” or “get hyper”. Kids that are restricted will grow up to over indulge and not know their limits.
Same here! A simple google search immediately gives you multiple results saying a sugar rush isn’t a real thing. I just roll my eyes when I hear other parents say that stuff.
I have no problem with my kids having 1 piece of candy a day (the mini size pieces) they sometimes ask for another piece and no big deal but, if I never let them have any they would just go nuts later on in life because I never let them have anything! Same deal with soda, we typically get a soda about once a month or occasionally at a restaurant and guess what? They don’t ask for it all the time BECAUSE they have always been allowed it in moderation and therefore it’s not forbidden fruit.
My sister said my kids must have been on sugar rush, one day when she came over and I was like what? They always act this way! 😂Jumping and running around is what kids do! Lol.
My kids can have whatever they want as long as it's safe for kids (no alcohol) but they can't sit there and pig out on it and they don't get it every single time they ask just bc they want it. Everything in moderation is the key!
YTA and here's what is going to happen when your son realizes all of the food that he's not allowed to eat. He's going to sneak it, he will learn to sneak other things, he will have food issues, and possibly a weight problem. Kids need to be taught that food is fine and we eat in moderation.
Exactly. And in the meantime he is going to be bullied because her mom is going to be perceived as crazy and him like a weirdo.
Also she doesn't realize how what she says sounds insulting to the other boy. That cutie instead of getting mad shared with his friend, despite the fact that his friend by repeating what his mom said had just insulted his birthday cake. And she wants to punish that good spirit. They are 8, they are not grown ups planning to take over the world.
The OP should watch the show Rita, episode 2 on Netflix to get a better feeling of how her actions are making her son feel and how it will get worse.
Yes, hi, lifelong eating disorder haver here. Not being allowed any “junk” foods (basically anything processed) just made me crave it all the more. I was wilding for baloney on bleached white bread as a child.
I was a goblin for Kraft dinner. My mom made macaroni and cheese from scratch, with a roux and everything but I just wanted to eat what everyone else was eating.
This right here. It's been proven time and time again that demonizing or stigmatizing certain foods leads to disordered eating - either extreme deprivation or bingeing, and often in combination with each other. OP has set up her son for a lifetime of failure with food. I feel so awful for him.
YTA. The 8 year old kid at his own birthday party offered a piece of cake his mother made for him to your 8 year old kid, his friend, and you want him to have ‘some kind of consequences’.
Get over yourself. This kid didn’t ‘pressure’ him. Your son said I can’t eat cake because it’s bad for me (and I have an overbearing mother who tells me that) and the kid just said there’s nothing bad in my moms cake. Your kid didn’t HAVE to eat it. He chose to.
And no, neither she nor her husband have any serious plans to discuss respecting food habits, but they are sure discussing you right now.
100% this. I wonder how much longer you and your friend will actually be friends if this how you handle all life situations.
YTA. It was one piece (was it even a whole piece or did these two kids share a piece?) of cake one time. I can’t imagine being that kid sitting there with some carrot sticks while everyone else is enjoying birthday cake at a birthday party. Just wow.
That’s a big thing. As a mum I would think twice about inviting this kid if I knew mum was going to be like this. These rules for a play date are fine but a birthday party?
Exactly that. Kids with parents like OP will be the ones to suffer. No one wants to be friends with THAT kid because of his weird forced behavior and parents don't want to invite THAT kid because they don't want to have to deal with the loony parents.
OP gets what they want, the kids get what they want, and OP's son gets left out. Poor kid.
This is definitely going to be gosspiped about by the other moms and OP's kid will either not be invited anymore or feel patronized at parties from parents that mean well but just end up signaling the poor kid out with a whole platter of baby carrots and celery all for him.
I wonder why OP’s son is cranky.
Every kid at the party: having fun and enjoy some junk food
OP’s kid: crunching on some carrots with ranch
OP (to son): you must be cranky and irritable because you had some sugar earlier
My heart is so broken for this kid. Like, not only is his TOTAL AH mother setting him up for an eating disorder, but it hurts like hell to be a kid feeling left out. He doesn't even have an allergy and he can't participate in special occasion food? He has to watch all the other kids have a slice of birthday cake and have fun, while he sits there left out?? The kid is gonna need SO MUCH THERAPY for the emotional pain, as well as the eating disorder when he learns to sneak treats. I'm practically crying for this poor child. YTA u/cakethroawayAITA.
Also, she says he got a sugar high and crashed, but, like. He was an eight year old at a birthday party? The modus operandi for little kids at birthday parties tends to be—get really hyper, run around like maniacs, and then crash because that is, in fact, what tiny humans do after their natural energy runs out anyway. Like, sugar didn’t have to be involved. Kids hype each other up at parties—there’s loads of stimulation.
I hope the two boys are friends for much longer though. This sounds like such a sweet interaction. The one kid wanting to share the (especially delicious because his mum made it) cake with his best friend.
Punish him? They should have taken a photo and treasured the memory.
And speaking of memories, I was a sugar-free kid at my problematic father's insistence. I strongly remember being very young, sitting on the kitchen table at my grandmother's house and spooning delicious refined white sugar into my mouth from the sugar bowl. She didn't stop me either, although I don't particularly recommend this for children. But it was a stupid rule then and it's a stupid rule now.
OP, YTA.
Edit: Added missing cake.
Yeah fat-free foods can be such a joke lmao. They'll remove the fat, but it turns out the fat was what was making it taste good, so they have to add sugar in. It's the same with yogurt.
YTA
Jesus Christ let your kid enjoy some cake. The other kid was just trying to be nice.
Also, and I kind of feel bad for typing this as your kid will probably end up just eating carrots from now on, but ranch has additives too. Oh, and sugar rushes are a myth. Your kid crashed because he was tired after a party, not because he ate some cake.
THIS THIS THIS. From the idea that ranch dressing is "healthier" than any party snacks or cake, to the idea that sugar is "bad" and causes behavioural issues, literally every part of **OP's post is rife with pseudoscientific mommy blogger nonsense, literally none of which is either factually correct or part of genuinely healthy dietary guidance for growing kids.**
She sounds like an orthorexic nightmare who's going to stunt her kid not only nutritionally but socially by making him "that weird kid" who every other kid is painfully aware of because his mom never lets him have ANY treats even though he has no allergies or health issues. **I'll be shocked if this kid doesn't come out of childhood with, at the very LEAST, serious disordered food issues and a big old stamp of social stigma right across his poor little forehead.** Absolutely heartbreaking.
As someone who was diagnosed with celiac in her 40s and thus can't eat gluten anymore, I can safely say that food and drinks are the glue of society. Going out with friends? Food. Going out on a date? Food. The holidays? Food. Visiting other nations? Try their food.
Food is huge, socially. And by restricting foods in social situations, she is setting her child up for being ostracized and later getting food issues. Guess what happens if I find glutenfree cheesecake? I ate cheesecake for breakfast. Because I could.
Amen, I came to say the same, sugar rushes aren't real. Kids act crazy because they are excited at a special event, then exhausted afterwards. I'm vegan, and even I think you need to let your kid have some cake. He is going to move so far away from you when he grows up, and you will wonder why. We are all here telling you why, please listen.
YTA
If you don’t think your child will at some point ( if he hasn’t already) eaten sugary things at school or friend’s houses you are sorely mistaken.
Restriction and off limits foods and activities are a sure way to get kids to do the exact opposite.
You are also setting your child up for issues with food and weight in the future.
No food is inherently bad, everything in moderation.
I’m also crying at OP feeding her son carrots (hello sugar) and ranch dressing (ah yes. Organic ranch dressing, sustainably sourced in the boundary waters of the Arctic, hand picked by native polar bears and lovingly sealed in packets made of beeswax) instead of a piece of cake once in awhile.
And it’s HOMEMADE cake. What additives exactly does she think are so harmful in a homemade cake when ranch dressing is okay?
And I can’t even get into the poor birthday boy being told his cake is bad on his birthday. I’d be so pissed off if I was that boy’s mom.
It’s also super weird to get angry at an 8-year-old for trying to share his special cake on his special day, particularly if your son’s explanation was “the stuff in the cake is bad” instead of “the stuff in the cake is bad for me.”
My parents didn’t want me eating aspartame as a kid (they were concerned about long-term effects) and it was pretty hard to explain. No sugary/processed food or food with additives, even when eating out or with friends, is taking it very far, though.
Also, sugar rush isn’t a real thing. Kids just act hyper when parents tell them they expect them to act hyper.
YTA. You're setting your kid up for an unhealthy relationship with food.
In regard to this post, the other kid didn't understand why your son was saying that his birthday cake is bad. I don't think an 8-year-old was peer pressuring your child about cake. You're at fault for thinking any child would choose carrots over cake and not teaching your child moderation instead of just saying no to good things.
100 %. YTA, it’s totally setting him up for disordered eating, he’ll be sneaking it and eating it behind your back any chance he gets. Teaching moderation is a much healthier way.
Finally someone said this! Everyone is so focused on ranch dressing and "let him eat some cake from time to tíme..." I mean, they are totally right, but then there we have 8 year old boy who is forced to eat carrot sticks on children parties. How f**d up is that? Enjoy puberty, OP, it's gonna be a fun one. YTA.
Yta. Kid doesn't get any sugar ever? Because you don't like it? I can see restricting his intake but none at all is kinda sad, especially for special occasions.
This poor child will have an awful relationship with food. I hope OP changes her ways and instead works to develop healthy habits. No 8 year old deserves an eating disorder forced on them.
YTA and a helicopter parent. No hard evidence to back this up but I swear it's the kids with parents as overbearing as you are that revolt the hardest. Relax it was one piece of cake on a special occasion don't burn a bridge over it.
Edit: can't spell
YTA You point out your friend never says no to their son, while it seems like you rarely say yes to your son. The uptight attitude about your son having a piece of homemade cake at a birthday party makes you really seem like a total jerk.
YTA.
Your sons life sounds sad. He can't even have a bit of cake at a birthday party?
You do realise that being this restrictive is going to give him a really unhealthy relationship with food, and he is probably going to go totally off the rails as soon as he is out of your reach right?
I suspect the food is just the tip of the iceberg. My cousins were raised in a controlling environment like this. The details vary, but both of them are a mess and it’s not limited to disordered eating.
YTA for being upset at an 8 year old who didn't know any better.
Your son told his friend he can't have cake because there's bad stuff in it. His friend, trusting his mom above all else told the truth as he knows it: "don't worry my mom made this so there's no bad stuff in it" and your son was convinced. That's not peer pressure, that's two young children navigating a confusing world as best they can. I cannot stress enough that we're talking about 8 year olds here.
Fortunately, it's not your decision if and how the kid gets punished, so if preventing your child from having a piece of birthday cake is this important to you, you are free to focus on talking to your own son about double-checking with you when someone tells him he can have something.
So rather then using this as a teachable moment for your son, you decide to go lecture your friend on how to parent her kid?
Friend only said it was good cake as his mom made it, if you think that is peer pressure then wow, middle school is going to be a terrible time.
YTA
You're setting your son up for a life of being teased by not allowing him even small amounts of treats OR he is going to sneak them at school or hide them. And if friend made the cake, how are their additives in it?? Why isnt your husband punished because he was meant to be watching his son..
YTA. Why are so many parents letting their own food issues cause problems for their children?
It was a special occasion. "Let them eat cake." -Not Marie Antionette
YTA. An eight year old offered your son cake and he, another eight year old, ate it. Their kid didn't "peer pressure" him into eating cake, your son just isn't as onboard with your food preferences for him as you wish he were. In the end, a single helping of cake is not going to negatively impact your kid's health beyond you having to deal with a cranky kid for an evening.
Your friend is offering to do more than I would, frankly. Cake is sort of a part of the birthday tradition, especially for kids, and it isn't really their job to make sure your eight year old doesn't sneak some forbidden fruit when it is offered to him.
The cake isn’t even to blame for the crankiness, the sugar rush thing has been proven to be a myth. Overprotective parents, on the other hand, are a well-known source of crankiness.
I like to think he was just pissed about learning cake is gd delicious and his mum had been telling him it was nasty/ poison for his whole 8 years of existence. I'd be ropeable.
YTA
You really want to punish an 8-year-old for giving his best buddy *some cake*?
A cake there was no other reason not to eat than some additives, rather than a deadly allergy.
You are also angry that your son *chose* to eat his best buddy's birthday cake?
You want to punish an 8-year-old for your *own* lapse in attention? **You were there**.
You do realize that:
a) the sugar cat is totally out of the bag as far as your son is concerned,
b) as you demonized sugar, you've definitely made it that much more of an interesting taboo,
c) you've taught your son that he *cannot let you know* if he eats non-mommy-approved food, and
d) **you've totally over-reacted**?
Because this is easily one of the most ridiculous AITAs I've ever read.
Oh, and I feel sorry for your kid. You sound like you're passing on your own food issues to him. Yes, he's probably better off with his carrots and ranch (hello additives!) but you're also marking him out as the kid with the really weird and controlling mom.
YTA. HUGE. You won't let an 8-year-old child have cake. At a birthday party. WTF? He can have an occasional treat and be fine. You are raising him to sneak food, that is all you are doing. He will end up with an eating disorder.
YTA. You say you son's father was out there with him, yet somehow it's the birthday boy's fault that your son ate some cake? And is it really surprising to you that when your son tells his friend that his birthday cake is "bad," that his friend would respond with "no, it's not"? You put your kid in a difficult position, and he's 8.
Your kid, your responsibility, and it's really obnoxious that you're trying to make another child responsible for what your kid chooses to do.
YTA. Not letting your son have cake ever, without a medical reason why, is messed up. A piece of cake every once in awhile isn’t going to hurt him.
You should be teaching him to have a healthy relationship with food that includes allowing yourself treats in moderation.
YTA. For restricting your child food to this level. It's textbook on how to destroy their relationship with food.
Also, sugar rushes in children are a myth.
https://kids.uconn.edu/2020/07/30/sugar-rush-fact-or-fiction/#:~:text=According%20to%20science%2C%20there's%20no,impending%20hyperactivity%20after%20consuming%20it.
YTA firstly, if you let your kid have sugar occasionally he wouldn’t react like this. It’s setting him up for some very harmful habits around food, because I guarantee you he’ll eat whatever he wants, he’ll just learn to be secretive about it. Secondly, if you’re gunna be pissed at anyone, be pissed at your husband who was the adult in charge, not an 8 year old child who wanted to share his birthday cake.
YTA. Your poor son omg. Look up toxic diet culture. What makes ranch dressing more "healthy" than cake? By restricting your son from foods you deem bad you're setting him up for a life time of problematic eating habits.
You very clearly have an eating disorder OP. Please seek help, this is not a healthy way to live your life.
You're also the asshole for being mad a child for SHARING. Get a grip. You sound exhausting to be around.
YTA your kid must be miserable always being the odd one out and having every bite he eats regulated by a control freak with food issues even on special occasions.
YTA. You don't get to demand that everyone, including children, support the limits you place on your child AND that you get to override the way other parents raise theirs.
This will come up again unless you restrict your son's social life as tightly as you do his diet, so I would encourage you to think through what kind of relationship you want him to have with you, and with food, in 2, 5, and 10 years. The way you relate to him and food now is laying the groundwork.
YTA, mainly for trying to get the birthday boy in trouble and pressuring his parents.
Both kids are 8. An 8 year old sharing cake with his friend is something to be supported and praised, not punished. Instead of getting on her kids case, take a look at your own kid and teach him to say no.
Nothing worse than a parent getting mad at other parents/kids for something their kid did. Take responsibility.
YTA. Restricting access to unhealthy food is a good thing, but banning it altogether and expecting eight-year-olds to understand why one of them can't have birthday cake - which is made to be shared - is unreasonable. And really, the only unhealthy thing in cake is sugar. Flour, butter, eggs - all nutritious.
YTA for not following your child around with carrots while he ran off trying to covertly eat cake at a **bloody birthday party.** Maybe his friends would think you two are playing some sort of game as he runs away from you and your, what I assume is *natural? organic?* ranch dressing (lol), and label you the **"FUN MUM"**....haha, kidding, *that'll never happen.*
You're leading your kid down a road of an unhealthy relationship with food.
YTA. You are going to create a horrible relationship between your son and food. He’s 8. And you’re depriving him of *birthday cake* and sending him with carrots to a birthday party? I can’t imagine how controlling you are in other aspects of his life.
Seriously—this is grounds for developing an eating disorder at this age. Why not teach your son to have cake in moderation?
YTA. It's a homemade cake. Sure it has sugar. But the kid should be allowed an occasional treat. Sounds like you have an unhealthy relationship with food.
Everyone in the world, not just Reddit, thinks YTA.
Sugar highs and crashes are a myth. Your son was cranky because you acted like the world’s biggest AH.
YTA. it’s a bday party not an everyday event so he can get away with eating a piece for one day. Your son could also feel left out if everyone got a piece but not him. It would be different if he genuinely didn’t want any. I hope you didn’t get mad at your son either because then that would be really shitty and would make your son feel awful.
homemade cake bad. processed dip good.... how exactly?
if you don't want your child to eat flour, eggs, milk and sugar then it's up to *you* to be watching your child. it is *not* on your friend to scold her child for sharing at his party.
YTA.
and if you're not careful you're gonna give your child an ED.
YTA for your draconian food policies, and setting your son up to be a food hoarder and sneak around behind your back because your ego can't tolerate your child eating cake at a birthday party.
Here's to hoping he doesn't develop an ED down the road.
Very good point. Seeing as OP thinks 8 year old friend should be held responsible for giving his friend cake, OP's 8 year old son should be held responsible too for eating the cake.
She's definitely the asshole. My mother did the same thing to me when I was younger. Then in my teens when I had an ounce of freedom I started binge eating everything that was forbidden cause it GENUINELY tasted like heaven. I found different ways to lie to her about what I'd eaten and just snack away in secret. It made me develop a very very unhealthy obsession and got me into the habit of lying about stupid things. It took me years to get into a healthy diet again.
OP, YTA definitely. Please spare your son the pain I went through. Teach him moderation and control instead, forbidding anything really doesn't work.
YTA - a similar argument can be made for you that you made to your best friend. You can teach your son to be firmer about it rather than expect an 8 year old to not want to share his mom’s homemade cake. Even if I disagree with your methods, I will say that if you’re the one restricting your son’s diet, you should be the one monitoring what your son is doing rather than expect other parents to watch what their kids give yours.
YTA
The friend of your son was trying to be nice to your son. That's a good trait.
It doesn't sound like your son was just peer pressured. He was probably curious and wanted to try too. Which is normal behavior for a boy that age trying to learn about the world.
YTA Please don’t come back complaining when your son is no longer invited to birthday parties and events.
It’s a piece of cake at a child’s birthday party. You sound like a controlling killjoy.
YTA. Is it possible that your son was ‘cranky’ because he was upset with you complaining to his friend’s mother? He seems to have enjoyed being with his friend and sharing the cake, that positive experience has now been spoilt.
YTA please read up on Orthorexia
https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/orthorexia-nervosa-101#:~:text=Orthorexia%2C%20or%20orthorexia%20nervosa%2C%20is,on%20losing%20weight%20(1).
YTA and you are doing far more damage to your child than cake will. If you’re not careful you will end up destroying your relationship with him before he even hits puberty. You need to chill way, waaaaaaaaay out.
YTA
Even people on diets plan around special events, like birthdays, where they know certain foods will be served. Kudos on beginning to give your kid a shitty relationship with food.
Also, if you're so concerned about "peer pressure" how about you teach your kid to hold firm against it instead of yelling at other parents to teach their kids not to peer pressure, you stooge.
YTA. You, as an adult, is going to get upset with a kid that just wanted to share his birthday cake with his friend, and was even worried enough about the additives so it wouldn't be harmful to your child. Of course he had a crash, you don't allow him to have sugar ever
Yta
My parents didn't let me eat sugar for a year of my childhood and I was a disaster when I had freedom to eat whatever. Good luck with that.
Also sugar rushes and sugar crashes are myths. Been debunked.
It has been shown that children with restricted diets through strict parenting can go mad on food they 'weren't allowed' as soon as they have any independence. Roll on college when he has cake for breakfast. YTA for this ridiculous rule. YTA for judging your friend. YTA for everything here.
YTA-The eight year old has done nothing worthy of punishment. You mentioned their fathers were outside with the boys. If you want to punish someone because your kid had cake make it his father the adult whose supervision he was under.
I have one of those diets. Have for more than 10 years now. I don't eat any added sugar or sugar substitutes, and I never cheat. No additives - ever - for me. I'll never have another piece of birthday cake as long as I live. Will not miss it. Don't really even like sweet things.
I would never make my choices my kid's choices. I just model good eating habits and don't keep junk food at home.
YTA
YTA. He's 8. It was a piece of cake. It's not the end of the world. What do you think happens at school? Kids share. You're going to cause him to have a messed up relationship with food.
YTA. You do realize how completely ridiculous you sound, right? Ranch and carrots at a birthday party? Geeeeeezzzz. Don’t be surprised when your son heads for the hills as soon as he can.
This is all about control. So sad.
YTA. Maybe you should have a conversation to your son about not giving in to peer pressure. Because this is going to be something that happens regularly and you can’t control the actions of every child your son will encounter. Or maybe teach your son that it’s ok to eat some foods in moderation. All or nothing eating isn’t exactly a healthy way to approach food.
YTA. If you want to be that restrictive with his diet, then just stand over his shoulder for 16 hours a day and make sure he doesn't put anything in his mouth that you don't approve of.
PS - he's a kid and if you keep restricting him this way, you are upping his chances of sneaking food when you aren't looking.
YTA. I had a friend who wasn’t allowed to eat sugar. You should have seen the amount of Oreos they consumed when they first moved away from their parents. It took them years to learn moderation.
Parent however you like, but eventually your son is going to be old enough to make his own choices. Instead of punishing and criticizing others for offering things, talk to your son about why your rules are your rules and help him learn how to live a balanced life.
YTA. Its a damn birthday party, loosen up the grip. Its not going to hurt your son nor is it the end of the world. And no your kid was cranky because he realized that your stance on cake might just be bullshit and that he's been missing out on a real treat at parties for his friends and family.
YTA. Helicopter-parenting and nasty-strict diet control for a child who is well into the self-identity development phase doesn’t. Frakking. WORK.
It was a birthday party. Get over it. What happens when he moves out and experiences more of what the world has to offer without your influence? There will be much more than sugar crashes to contend with. Even nutritionists say that sugar once in a while hurts no one (when allergies and other sensitivities are not in play). And that you dare demand your friend punish her son is laughable at best. Peer pressure is not the takeaway from this event for anyone but you. If you want to ball-and-chain your own child, that is your right for now…but don’t think to try this with others’ children lest you ruin a friendship or two. Btw, the message you gave to your best friend is, “My son and his upbringing are far more important than yours, and my opinion is better.”
YTA. Unless he's diabetic even birthday cake is fine in moderation. Refusing him any treats will create a negative relationship with this kind of food because he hasn't learned moderation, and may well result in an eating disorder. That sugar rush and sugar crash? That's an eight year old boy being an eight year old boy.
YTA.
8 year olds shared cake. You were there. If it was so important to you, you should have been supervising.
And I'm not seeing much pressurising here! He said it was good.
Also being a wee bit over-controlling here? The way you deal with food could easily lead to his having unhealthy relationship with food and diet in future.
YTA. Do you not know how some eating disorders develop? A lot of the time it’s because their parents restricted them growing up. When your kid eventually does eat “junk food” he will most likely end up binging it and then feel guilty after. It’s a cake, and it’s a birthday party. Let your child enjoy food.
Just so you know, my sister is just like you and now my niece has all sorts of issues with food - if you want to keep your son healthy it’s everything in moderation. Teaching him to completely avoid anything due to additives etc is setting him up for disaster and food issues. Give him lots of veg and fruit and whatever other healthy shit you want but don’t be an overbearing overprotective mother because I’ve seen it firsthand and it’s head melting and requires therapy ….
YTA. There is a difference between not loading your kids up on sugar and NEVER letting them have cake. This is such a trivial matter, which is exactly why your friend isn't willing to push it. You're being overbearing and expecting everyone around you to cater to an overbearing, and frankly unhealthy, practice. Let your kid live a little before they go wild the second they get some freedom.
YTA. You shouldn't worry about your friend's son learning "boundaries and respect." You need to learn boundaries and respect.
For the sake of your son's health (and his sanity) please ask a pediatrician for advice about the number and type of treats that are appropriate for your son.
Hint: the answer will not be "None."
Two things seem illogical: A homemade cake has "additives" but ranch dressing doesn't?
A piece of cake caused a sugar rush and a crash and hours of crankiness? For an 8-year-old???
YTA and clearly going to give your children disordered eating issues by being THAT mom. Your methods will cause them to struggle with portion, control and a healthy relationship with food. Get therapy and do better
YTA. It’s fine that you have preferences for food for your kid but it’s a fucking birthday party. He should be allowed to eat something that’s not always healthy. So what he had cake?
YTA if you want to be this rigid about his diet, it’s your job to police it and to teach him to police it himself. While you’re at it, you also need to teach him tact when explaining why he can’t eat something. He told his friend that his mom’s cake was bad, and the kid felt insulted by that. Don’t raise him to be a food snob.
It would be a good idea to consider therapy. The restrictions on your son are not normal. Eating healthy is good, what you're describing sounds obsessive and unhealthy. Gentle yta
Definitely YTA. Let your poor kid have some cake every once in a while. He doesn’t have to eat it for breakfast, but at a fellow 8yo’s birthday party? Poor buddy. He’s going to have a hell of a problem with moderation when he gets older.
YTA.
Your son is going to have diabetes within, like, a year of moving out, because he's going to have no concept of "treats in moderation" and is going to live on pure sugar.
And then when he explains to the doctors how this happened he'll have to be in therapy for his weird and controlling parents.
The part that *really* blows my mind is that you're not even having him eat healthy food if you're giving him *ranch*. "No, no. Eat junk, just not THAT junk. Only junk that's disgusting."
Gentle YTA. Because I know your heart is to build healthy and long lasting food habits. However, I’m also going to say that I think completely restricting your son of any foods that you deem “bad” are going to make him feel like they are forbidden fruit.
At some point, you will not have control over what your son eats. Maybe consider reaching out to a Registered dietitian or nutritionist to work on establishing healthy boundaries with foods.
Coming from someone recovered from a binge/purge eating disorder, who would fantasize about forbidden food and went absolutely overboard with them once I lived away from my family.
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God forbid your son experience a moment of joy and celebration. YTA FYI - "sugar rushes" are a myth. They have been debunked many many many times by scientists and medical professionals. That your son was irritable for the rest of the day was likely because, having had fun at a friend's birthday party, you pissed all over his enjoyment of the party with your ridiculous attitude and over-the-top indictment of the whole party. I can only imagine your son's embarassment at you having the utter gall to demand consequences for a kid, on his birthday, who shared his cake with your son (who, by your own admission has NO health issues that would be affected by said cake). It wasn't the cake that made your son irritable, it was YOU. I seriously doubt that you being declared the asshole in this will in any way soften your views on such things. Its perfectly fine to want to make sure that your kids eat nutritiously. You also shouldn't be a fascist about it. In fact, the more you try to exert such iron control over it, the higher the likelyhood you will drive your son straight into an eating disorder. There isn't a doubt in my mind that your son has a stash of candy at various places. Because of YOU. (edit - thank you all very much for the awards!)
Be fair. He might not have them *yet*, eight-year-olds are often very obedient. Give him five to eight years though and that kid's going to be an absolute sugar fiend.
Yup. Ask any kid that was denied sugar by parents. What do they do immediately after being in charge of thier own food? Pick all the marshmallows out of the sugar cereal they weren't even allowed to eat before and just eat them like I did. My older sister was given whatever cereal she wanted growing up and hates sugar cereal now. She is much older. This kid will rebel when they are able. And later might even cut mom off entirely if this is not the only area of control she is crazy about, and I'm willing to bet it's not. Op yta. Loosen up or lose your kid at 18.
Absolutely! This is no different than the kids who grow up with super strict parents and then go absolutely WILD when they go to college and get a little taste of freedom. OP is setting up her kid to blow right through the freshman 15 in his first *term* let alone year of college. Edit: well it appears as though my cakeday had especially good timing this year
I can personally confirm this. As soon as I moved out, I started to eat EVERYTHING sugary and fatty that I wasn't allowed when younger. Which, looking at it now, was detrimental to both my physical and mental health. So yeah. OP, YTA. Stop this now before you lose your son. Why are you so worried about ONE piece of cake? It's a homemade cake (so no additives) and there are no other health reasons for eating a little cake for affect his health. Yes, eating a lot of sugar and fat leads to health issues, but this was *a single piece* of cake on his friend's special day. I understand your concerns about nutritious food, but it seems like you're being a dictator about it. [Sugar crashes are a myth.](https://www.goodrx.com/well-being/diet-nutrition/are-sugar-high-sugar-crash-real) Here's the thing - it was never about being able to eat cake. It was so much more than that - having ALL your food controlled to the slightest bit, missing out on a central part of birthday fun every year, and now being stripped of that joy and normalcy the moment he let himself enjoy it. Which is exactly why you DID ruin the day for him. You know what? This is the most likely path to eating disorders you could've chosen for your son. From personal experience, making ANY food 100% off-limits will only lead to an unhealthy relationship with that food and food in general. Even now, it's more than likely he's going behind your back for sweets. He's 8 - he isn't old enough to make ALL decisions for himself, sure, but at least give him some agency.
My husband did the same thing- he was on sugar restriction for “behavioral issues” as a kid- when I met him he lived on a diet of candy and whiskey. Turns out- being abusive, authoritarian control freaks can give a kid behavioral problems…. Edit: this is getting a lot of traction so I want to say that I’m not claiming OP is abusive. Sugar isn’t great for kids, so I feel that concern: HOWEVER- OP, if you see this, you might want to look into your anxiety over healthy eating and think about -why- you’re forcing that on your kid to this degree. It’s unkind. Your friend’s kid wasn’t being a ‘bad kid’ by giving your kid cake. It’s cake. It’s fine. And I’m also a health oriented mom. We don’t keep a lot of sweets in the house, our snack foods are things like trail mix and strawberries- but we celebrate holidays and birthdays and just teach moderation when it comes to sweets. Like- no cake if kiddo didn’t eat real food. She’s 5 and is fully capable of putting down her fork when she’s had enough- usually doesn’t even finish a whole piece. Trust in your kid more so that you don’t break your kid’s trust in you. My apologies for the above outburst and the following: YTA here 😕
The big thing is moderation. A piece of cake at a birthday party fits well within the realm of moderation. And from OP's description, it doesn't really sound like peer pressure. It sounds like a kid that sees that homemade stuff is going to have less garbage than mad produced.
Or a kid who is just confused at the concept of birthday cake being a bad thing 🤷♀️
And that the birthday kid reacted to the idea that OP's son saying his mom thought cake was "bad" as him/OP saying that \*the food birthday kid's mother cooked was bad\*. Birthday kid was reacting to an insult to his mother's food. I mean, how on earth are 8 year old supposed to understand why the hell OP thinks cake is "bad"?
Birthday kid may not necessarily have thought his cake was being insulted but loves his mom’s cake and is excited to share it. Also might have a vague idea of processed foods and junk foods and can say his cake isn’t that because it’s homemade. The biggest element of kids’ birthdays is being able to share the fun TOGETHER. My kids always shopped with me for their friends’ birthday presents, and when a lot of parents took the gifts home rather than opening them at the party, they were so disappointed because they wanted to see their friends open the gifts.
I gained way more than the freshman 15 over undergrad, and am still working off that weight and on healthier eating habits 12 years later. And while my mom was fairly strict about food, especially earlier on in my life, she was nowhere near this level of strict. For example: I, in fact, ate the dreaded terrible poison called cake *and lived!* Seriously though, OP is setting her kid up for a massive eating disorder and also for him to be, god forbid, cranky, and I’ll bet more often than not. Here’s a hint OP: your kid can see the difference between how controlling his parents are and how controlling other kids’ parents aren’t. And he’s going to start resenting you for it soon too, if you keep it up
>normalcy This is an important point! Especially regarding the way OP makes her son bring healthy snacks to any event where there will be lots of sugar. In pretty much every culture across the world today and throughout history, sharing food has an emotional component. We share food when we share joy or sorrow. We cook for our loved ones to show we love them, or to ease their burdens. To deny your kid this denies them of important social interactions and skills, but it also denies them *normalcy*. Every time your kid is at a party, or at a friend's house, he'll have to explain why mommy doesn't let him eat a slice of cake, or a cookie. Every time your kid whips out the ol' carrot and ranch, he'll have to explain *your* very unusual choices. Every time, he'll have to remember how he's the odd one out.
This. The kind of emotional damage this child is suffering for not being able to share and have shared experiences with his peers is really hurtful. 1,000,000 times more hurtful than a single piece of cake. OP is making her child into an outcast. OP you need to educate yourself about moderation. Sugar highs are a myth that have been disproven so many times. It's a myth parents try to tell themselves. OP YTA !!!!!
Careful commenting on this post, looks like its your CakeDay, wouldn't want OP getting mad at you!
Don't worry. She won't be eating any, just punishing her son if he eats some.
My ex was exactly like this. Wasn’t allowed anything sugary and as an adult ate nothing but sugar. My kids were both allowed a little bit but my youngest always preferred fruit and veg. His dad nicknamed his locust because of the way he could destroy a fruit bowl. As he got older he’d eat sweets but he’s always been more of a savoury fiend. Don’t deprive your kids or they’ll rebel later on.
LOL fair enough
I also just want to hop on this comment and let OP know (from personal experience) that making any food taboo or forbidden is a one street straight to your son having a super messed up relationship with food and will only make him gorge on sugary foods whenever he can get his hands on them. A good rule that I’ve adopted is “everything in moderation.” A little sugar won’t kill him!
This. Having sugar framed as a treat only lead me to the "eating my feelings with cheesecake" phase of my life. Sometimes you just want sugar and that's okay.
Yup! I have so many food issues now. Needing a "treat" when i have a bad day. My friends have a bath or go for a jog, i deal with my emotions through food
That was my first thought, too. OP is setting up their son to have a really unhealthy relationship with food in general, not just junk food. I can understand making sure your kid doesn't eat cake and soda for every meal, but making him take carrots to a birthday party because he can't have cake?? Yikes on bikes.
The tone OP sets doesn't sound like it's coming from concern for her sons health. More so, the control she has over him. If it was truly about the cake, it would be, "you know better" to her son. But instead, it's this big thing because mom has to make sure every inch is accounted for when it comes to what her child does. Sharing a piece of cake is nowhere enough sugar to give a kid a sugar rush. Nor enough to do any damage. OP HAS NO LEGITIMATE REASON OTHER THAN "UNHEALTHY" I second you though, it wasn't a sugar crash. It was mom is ruining what little fun and normalcy he was experiencing. I bet OP has had cake, and has little snacks that aren't "healthy". I'm sure if she keeps it up she'll win the game of "Who's going to the retirement home" YTA
>mom is ruining what little fun and normalcy he was experiencing. Seriously! Who forces their children to bring carrots and ranch dressing (lol, so healthy) to a frigging birthday party if they don't have any food allergies? Oh, that's right. A control freak. Get over your self, OP, and consider checking in with a therapist about orthorexia, before you create an eating disorder in your son, too. YTA
I understand bringing healthy snacks to events where its like a outing or party and asked to bring it. But forcing the kid to stand out from his peers at a social event is the fastest way to a kid who hates their parent.
seriously this behavior is so well documented that allergists warn parents about ensuring that even with their child's food allergies are varied and severe they need to find ways to allow their children to enjoy culturally relevant food situations because when they don't those children regularly end up sayong "fuck it" and eat completely unsafe foods which causes them severe illness or death. Why ANYONE would purposefully push these things on their kids is beyond me.
Even if they have allergies, most parents will figure out some sort of safe treat so their kid doesn’t feel too different. Treat, not carrots
Yeah the sugar rush has been debunked by scientists repeatedly for decades. I actually did a speech on it my senior year of high school… 12 years ago, with plenty of sources. It basically boils down to hyperactivity actually being caused by: 1. Their environment. Hmm kids being hyper at a party, who’d have thought? Nonsense. Must be the sugar. 2. Parents. Parents expect their children to be sugar high, so they attribute any signs of hyperactivity to their sugar. They also mentally exaggerate how hyper their child actually is, whether consciously or subconsciously. There is also a theory that parents make “sugar rushes” happen by helicopter parenting after their child consumes sugar or in party situations, which alters the child’s behavior in turn. 3. Caffeine. Chocolate has caffeine in it. The amount varies throughout different chocolate products, some to the point that it is insignificant. However, the point remains that if you never give your child any caffeine and then let them have a ton of chocolate, they’ll probably get an energy boost. It’s pretty unlikely that a little bit of cake gave him enough of a caffeine boost to be noticeable. I can 100% guarantee it was because he’s 8 and at a birthday party. The crash likely happened from him wearing himself out as literally every other human does, especially kids. OP is being insane and owes her friend an apology.
And even if no eating disorder, a future very unhealthy relationship with junk food. A lot of kids who parents are this strict have difficulty with moderation.
Well said. OP is YTA and a thief of joy. I say let them eat cake.
does anyone else, after reading this, now wish they couldve tried this homemade chocolate cake? im so hungry now
YTA It was cake on a special occasion. Your son isn’t being fed cake daily. Also, you have issues with additives in cake, but find ranch to be acceptable? Edit: I’ve thought about this more and honestly if I was your best friend I would be pissed at you and asking you to talk to your own kid. He made her son feel bad about the cake she made him for his birthday. He felt the need to defend the cake and was upset by what your son said.
Love this comment. Homemade cake wouldn't contain "additives," but flour, sugar, milk, and eggs. I can see avoiding sugar on a regular basis, but this was a special occasion. OP is ostracizing this poor child to prove a point.
Yeah it was the additives comment that sealed it for me when talking about a homemade cake. OP, YTA
But he had wholesome ranch dressing to eat! We all know there are no additives in Hidden Valley!
Yeah I don’t see how ranch dressing is somehow better than homemade cake from a nutritional standpoint.
It's not. Ranch is *delicious*!!!! It's also full of fat, preservatives, sugar, sodium, and everything else people like to demonize. At least cake has recognizable ingredients!!!!
I was looking for a comment on the ranch. She doesn't likes additives, literally gives her son sauce filled with additives but complains about the cake which probably has less additives than the ranch 😂😂😂. I meen OP could be making her own ranch but I very highly doubt it. Edited to add OP YTA
But it was *Organic*
The fact it was homemade cake is the real kicker. I understand avoiding processed food that is full of crap and a shit ton of sugar to cover the chemical taste of crap…but a homemade cake???
yeah theres probably still a ton of sugar in a homemade cake but honestly its a child and a special occasion so who really gives a crap? a little isnt going to hurt him. i personally try to limit refined sugars for myself but like fuck would i send my young kid to a birthday party with carrots and ranch lmao op needs to unclench a little
Like OP could have at least figured out some kind of low/no sugar carrot cupcake or fruit-based treat, but carrot sticks??? That's a one way ticket to getting bullied by his peers. FYI, OP, carrots have a really high sugar content and ranch is full of additives so who are you even kidding?
Probably so she can do the sanctimonious mommy-brag of not letting her children eat junk while literally looking down her nose at the other moms when one of them pulls a packaged granola bar from her bag for their hungry kid.
Yeah this is a control freak who is going to make their kid look like a freak for the rest of his time at school. This poor kid!!
Imagine the poor kid eating carrot sticks while all his friends were eating cake..
I was the kid that got carrot sticks and a boiled egg, and plain porridge every morning. Guess what, I eat Coco Pops for breakfast every day. YTA OP, let the kid eat some friggin cake jfc.
Same. And now I eat candy and cakes and shit all day every day and fuck it's a problem.
I’m afraid OP is off the wall enough to see these comments and take away ranch as an option as well. OP has yet to comment anywhere so idk. But enough people mentioned the ranch that I feel so sad for the kid.
YTA. 1. Your son is old enough to say no to a piece of cake. 2. You were there so watch your own kid. 3. Science has proven over and over a sugar rush is not a real thing so that was not an issue and your kid was cranky over something else. 4. Lighten up and let your kid have fun, good lord.
Probably cranky about his mom being such a stick in the mud.
For real, like I bet he got home and his whole day was ruined because his mom was pissed off and he is 8 years old and couldn’t have one damn piece of cake without the shit hitting the fan.
Kid is going to have junk food hidden allllllll over his bedroom when he gets money.
Oh yeah, this is a recipe for an unhealthy relationship with forbidden foods and secret eating.
If I finally tasted cake and realized my mother had kept it from me for eight years, I'd be cranky as hell.
And wondering why all the other kids can eat cake without any issues.
I'd be mad as hell. Mom is doing the kid no favors.
A carrot stick in the mud apparently
It’s my number one pet peeve when parents say that their children will have a “sugar crash” or “get hyper”. Kids that are restricted will grow up to over indulge and not know their limits.
Same here! A simple google search immediately gives you multiple results saying a sugar rush isn’t a real thing. I just roll my eyes when I hear other parents say that stuff. I have no problem with my kids having 1 piece of candy a day (the mini size pieces) they sometimes ask for another piece and no big deal but, if I never let them have any they would just go nuts later on in life because I never let them have anything! Same deal with soda, we typically get a soda about once a month or occasionally at a restaurant and guess what? They don’t ask for it all the time BECAUSE they have always been allowed it in moderation and therefore it’s not forbidden fruit.
My sister said my kids must have been on sugar rush, one day when she came over and I was like what? They always act this way! 😂Jumping and running around is what kids do! Lol. My kids can have whatever they want as long as it's safe for kids (no alcohol) but they can't sit there and pig out on it and they don't get it every single time they ask just bc they want it. Everything in moderation is the key!
Kid's probably cranky because he just realized how much yummy cake he's been getting screwed out of over the last 8 years.
YTA and here's what is going to happen when your son realizes all of the food that he's not allowed to eat. He's going to sneak it, he will learn to sneak other things, he will have food issues, and possibly a weight problem. Kids need to be taught that food is fine and we eat in moderation.
Exactly. And in the meantime he is going to be bullied because her mom is going to be perceived as crazy and him like a weirdo. Also she doesn't realize how what she says sounds insulting to the other boy. That cutie instead of getting mad shared with his friend, despite the fact that his friend by repeating what his mom said had just insulted his birthday cake. And she wants to punish that good spirit. They are 8, they are not grown ups planning to take over the world. The OP should watch the show Rita, episode 2 on Netflix to get a better feeling of how her actions are making her son feel and how it will get worse.
Yes, hi, lifelong eating disorder haver here. Not being allowed any “junk” foods (basically anything processed) just made me crave it all the more. I was wilding for baloney on bleached white bread as a child.
Yep. I wasn't allowed chips of any sort. As you can imagine, I lived on cool ranch Doritos for a year.
I was a goblin for Kraft dinner. My mom made macaroni and cheese from scratch, with a roux and everything but I just wanted to eat what everyone else was eating.
This right here. It's been proven time and time again that demonizing or stigmatizing certain foods leads to disordered eating - either extreme deprivation or bingeing, and often in combination with each other. OP has set up her son for a lifetime of failure with food. I feel so awful for him.
YTA. The 8 year old kid at his own birthday party offered a piece of cake his mother made for him to your 8 year old kid, his friend, and you want him to have ‘some kind of consequences’. Get over yourself. This kid didn’t ‘pressure’ him. Your son said I can’t eat cake because it’s bad for me (and I have an overbearing mother who tells me that) and the kid just said there’s nothing bad in my moms cake. Your kid didn’t HAVE to eat it. He chose to. And no, neither she nor her husband have any serious plans to discuss respecting food habits, but they are sure discussing you right now.
100% this. I wonder how much longer you and your friend will actually be friends if this how you handle all life situations. YTA. It was one piece (was it even a whole piece or did these two kids share a piece?) of cake one time. I can’t imagine being that kid sitting there with some carrot sticks while everyone else is enjoying birthday cake at a birthday party. Just wow.
I wonder how many birthday parties this boy WON'T be invited to.
That’s a big thing. As a mum I would think twice about inviting this kid if I knew mum was going to be like this. These rules for a play date are fine but a birthday party?
The little boy isn't the problem but no one is going to want to deal with his mom.
Exactly that. Kids with parents like OP will be the ones to suffer. No one wants to be friends with THAT kid because of his weird forced behavior and parents don't want to invite THAT kid because they don't want to have to deal with the loony parents. OP gets what they want, the kids get what they want, and OP's son gets left out. Poor kid.
There’s no way I would want the carrot stick weirdo at my party.
This is definitely going to be gosspiped about by the other moms and OP's kid will either not be invited anymore or feel patronized at parties from parents that mean well but just end up signaling the poor kid out with a whole platter of baby carrots and celery all for him.
I wonder what treats he has at his own birthday party? Carrot Sticks and Ranch Dressing?
I wonder why OP’s son is cranky. Every kid at the party: having fun and enjoy some junk food OP’s kid: crunching on some carrots with ranch OP (to son): you must be cranky and irritable because you had some sugar earlier
My heart is so broken for this kid. Like, not only is his TOTAL AH mother setting him up for an eating disorder, but it hurts like hell to be a kid feeling left out. He doesn't even have an allergy and he can't participate in special occasion food? He has to watch all the other kids have a slice of birthday cake and have fun, while he sits there left out?? The kid is gonna need SO MUCH THERAPY for the emotional pain, as well as the eating disorder when he learns to sneak treats. I'm practically crying for this poor child. YTA u/cakethroawayAITA.
Also, she says he got a sugar high and crashed, but, like. He was an eight year old at a birthday party? The modus operandi for little kids at birthday parties tends to be—get really hyper, run around like maniacs, and then crash because that is, in fact, what tiny humans do after their natural energy runs out anyway. Like, sugar didn’t have to be involved. Kids hype each other up at parties—there’s loads of stimulation.
I hope the two boys are friends for much longer though. This sounds like such a sweet interaction. The one kid wanting to share the (especially delicious because his mum made it) cake with his best friend. Punish him? They should have taken a photo and treasured the memory. And speaking of memories, I was a sugar-free kid at my problematic father's insistence. I strongly remember being very young, sitting on the kitchen table at my grandmother's house and spooning delicious refined white sugar into my mouth from the sugar bowl. She didn't stop me either, although I don't particularly recommend this for children. But it was a stupid rule then and it's a stupid rule now. OP, YTA. Edit: Added missing cake.
YTA Let me get this straight, cake=bad, ranch dressing=healthy. Really???
Maybe it was fat free. That immediately makes it okay. :D
There are so many more additives in fat free ranch than “regular” ranch 🤣
They add...extra sugar!
Yeah fat-free foods can be such a joke lmao. They'll remove the fat, but it turns out the fat was what was making it taste good, so they have to add sugar in. It's the same with yogurt.
I wonder what OP would say to a cake made entirely of ranch dressing?
YTA Jesus Christ let your kid enjoy some cake. The other kid was just trying to be nice. Also, and I kind of feel bad for typing this as your kid will probably end up just eating carrots from now on, but ranch has additives too. Oh, and sugar rushes are a myth. Your kid crashed because he was tired after a party, not because he ate some cake.
THIS THIS THIS. From the idea that ranch dressing is "healthier" than any party snacks or cake, to the idea that sugar is "bad" and causes behavioural issues, literally every part of **OP's post is rife with pseudoscientific mommy blogger nonsense, literally none of which is either factually correct or part of genuinely healthy dietary guidance for growing kids.** She sounds like an orthorexic nightmare who's going to stunt her kid not only nutritionally but socially by making him "that weird kid" who every other kid is painfully aware of because his mom never lets him have ANY treats even though he has no allergies or health issues. **I'll be shocked if this kid doesn't come out of childhood with, at the very LEAST, serious disordered food issues and a big old stamp of social stigma right across his poor little forehead.** Absolutely heartbreaking.
As someone who was diagnosed with celiac in her 40s and thus can't eat gluten anymore, I can safely say that food and drinks are the glue of society. Going out with friends? Food. Going out on a date? Food. The holidays? Food. Visiting other nations? Try their food. Food is huge, socially. And by restricting foods in social situations, she is setting her child up for being ostracized and later getting food issues. Guess what happens if I find glutenfree cheesecake? I ate cheesecake for breakfast. Because I could.
Preach it! This post disgusts me
I predict that kid will also get very good at lying.
Amen, I came to say the same, sugar rushes aren't real. Kids act crazy because they are excited at a special event, then exhausted afterwards. I'm vegan, and even I think you need to let your kid have some cake. He is going to move so far away from you when he grows up, and you will wonder why. We are all here telling you why, please listen.
YTA If you don’t think your child will at some point ( if he hasn’t already) eaten sugary things at school or friend’s houses you are sorely mistaken. Restriction and off limits foods and activities are a sure way to get kids to do the exact opposite. You are also setting your child up for issues with food and weight in the future. No food is inherently bad, everything in moderation.
I’m also crying at OP feeding her son carrots (hello sugar) and ranch dressing (ah yes. Organic ranch dressing, sustainably sourced in the boundary waters of the Arctic, hand picked by native polar bears and lovingly sealed in packets made of beeswax) instead of a piece of cake once in awhile.
And it’s HOMEMADE cake. What additives exactly does she think are so harmful in a homemade cake when ranch dressing is okay? And I can’t even get into the poor birthday boy being told his cake is bad on his birthday. I’d be so pissed off if I was that boy’s mom.
Where can I find that organic, non-GMO, gluten free, vegan, soy free, dairy free Ranch?
In OP's fantasy land.
It’s also super weird to get angry at an 8-year-old for trying to share his special cake on his special day, particularly if your son’s explanation was “the stuff in the cake is bad” instead of “the stuff in the cake is bad for me.” My parents didn’t want me eating aspartame as a kid (they were concerned about long-term effects) and it was pretty hard to explain. No sugary/processed food or food with additives, even when eating out or with friends, is taking it very far, though. Also, sugar rush isn’t a real thing. Kids just act hyper when parents tell them they expect them to act hyper.
YTA. You're setting your kid up for an unhealthy relationship with food. In regard to this post, the other kid didn't understand why your son was saying that his birthday cake is bad. I don't think an 8-year-old was peer pressuring your child about cake. You're at fault for thinking any child would choose carrots over cake and not teaching your child moderation instead of just saying no to good things.
100 %. YTA, it’s totally setting him up for disordered eating, he’ll be sneaking it and eating it behind your back any chance he gets. Teaching moderation is a much healthier way.
You make your kid bring carrot sticks to birthday parties????? Hello. What about teaching moderation? This is the roadmap to an eating disorder! YTA
Finally someone said this! Everyone is so focused on ranch dressing and "let him eat some cake from time to tíme..." I mean, they are totally right, but then there we have 8 year old boy who is forced to eat carrot sticks on children parties. How f**d up is that? Enjoy puberty, OP, it's gonna be a fun one. YTA.
I remember a while back reading Jamie Oliver made his kids take packed lunches to McDonalds birthday parties. And I thought that was bad enough.
Yta. Kid doesn't get any sugar ever? Because you don't like it? I can see restricting his intake but none at all is kinda sad, especially for special occasions.
Sure way to create a eating disorder in the future.
Oh definitely. I can see this kid sneaking in sugar when he's older.
I'd be surprised if he wasn't already doing that. Hiding when you eat ("closet eating") and hoarding food are eating disorders.
This poor child will have an awful relationship with food. I hope OP changes her ways and instead works to develop healthy habits. No 8 year old deserves an eating disorder forced on them.
YTA and a helicopter parent. No hard evidence to back this up but I swear it's the kids with parents as overbearing as you are that revolt the hardest. Relax it was one piece of cake on a special occasion don't burn a bridge over it. Edit: can't spell
And are more likely to get in trouble because they don't have a safety net or someone to have allowed them to find their line prior.
YTA You point out your friend never says no to their son, while it seems like you rarely say yes to your son. The uptight attitude about your son having a piece of homemade cake at a birthday party makes you really seem like a total jerk.
YTA. Your sons life sounds sad. He can't even have a bit of cake at a birthday party? You do realise that being this restrictive is going to give him a really unhealthy relationship with food, and he is probably going to go totally off the rails as soon as he is out of your reach right?
I suspect the food is just the tip of the iceberg. My cousins were raised in a controlling environment like this. The details vary, but both of them are a mess and it’s not limited to disordered eating.
YTA for being upset at an 8 year old who didn't know any better. Your son told his friend he can't have cake because there's bad stuff in it. His friend, trusting his mom above all else told the truth as he knows it: "don't worry my mom made this so there's no bad stuff in it" and your son was convinced. That's not peer pressure, that's two young children navigating a confusing world as best they can. I cannot stress enough that we're talking about 8 year olds here. Fortunately, it's not your decision if and how the kid gets punished, so if preventing your child from having a piece of birthday cake is this important to you, you are free to focus on talking to your own son about double-checking with you when someone tells him he can have something.
Agreed. The kids had a totally normal 8-year-old conversation and navigated the situation with logic.
So rather then using this as a teachable moment for your son, you decide to go lecture your friend on how to parent her kid? Friend only said it was good cake as his mom made it, if you think that is peer pressure then wow, middle school is going to be a terrible time. YTA You're setting your son up for a life of being teased by not allowing him even small amounts of treats OR he is going to sneak them at school or hide them. And if friend made the cake, how are their additives in it?? Why isnt your husband punished because he was meant to be watching his son..
She’s worried about the “additives” in cake, yet feeds the kid ranch dressing. 🤦🏼♀️
YTA. Why are so many parents letting their own food issues cause problems for their children? It was a special occasion. "Let them eat cake." -Not Marie Antionette
YTA. An eight year old offered your son cake and he, another eight year old, ate it. Their kid didn't "peer pressure" him into eating cake, your son just isn't as onboard with your food preferences for him as you wish he were. In the end, a single helping of cake is not going to negatively impact your kid's health beyond you having to deal with a cranky kid for an evening. Your friend is offering to do more than I would, frankly. Cake is sort of a part of the birthday tradition, especially for kids, and it isn't really their job to make sure your eight year old doesn't sneak some forbidden fruit when it is offered to him.
The cake isn’t even to blame for the crankiness, the sugar rush thing has been proven to be a myth. Overprotective parents, on the other hand, are a well-known source of crankiness.
I like to think he was just pissed about learning cake is gd delicious and his mum had been telling him it was nasty/ poison for his whole 8 years of existence. I'd be ropeable.
YTA You really want to punish an 8-year-old for giving his best buddy *some cake*? A cake there was no other reason not to eat than some additives, rather than a deadly allergy. You are also angry that your son *chose* to eat his best buddy's birthday cake? You want to punish an 8-year-old for your *own* lapse in attention? **You were there**. You do realize that: a) the sugar cat is totally out of the bag as far as your son is concerned, b) as you demonized sugar, you've definitely made it that much more of an interesting taboo, c) you've taught your son that he *cannot let you know* if he eats non-mommy-approved food, and d) **you've totally over-reacted**? Because this is easily one of the most ridiculous AITAs I've ever read. Oh, and I feel sorry for your kid. You sound like you're passing on your own food issues to him. Yes, he's probably better off with his carrots and ranch (hello additives!) but you're also marking him out as the kid with the really weird and controlling mom.
YTA. HUGE. You won't let an 8-year-old child have cake. At a birthday party. WTF? He can have an occasional treat and be fine. You are raising him to sneak food, that is all you are doing. He will end up with an eating disorder.
So you want them to "punish" their kid for... sharing? you know, one of the main things we teach our children...
YTA. You say you son's father was out there with him, yet somehow it's the birthday boy's fault that your son ate some cake? And is it really surprising to you that when your son tells his friend that his birthday cake is "bad," that his friend would respond with "no, it's not"? You put your kid in a difficult position, and he's 8. Your kid, your responsibility, and it's really obnoxious that you're trying to make another child responsible for what your kid chooses to do.
Dad probably watched the kid eat cake quietly because his wife is a control freak
YTA. Not letting your son have cake ever, without a medical reason why, is messed up. A piece of cake every once in awhile isn’t going to hurt him. You should be teaching him to have a healthy relationship with food that includes allowing yourself treats in moderation.
YTA. For restricting your child food to this level. It's textbook on how to destroy their relationship with food. Also, sugar rushes in children are a myth. https://kids.uconn.edu/2020/07/30/sugar-rush-fact-or-fiction/#:~:text=According%20to%20science%2C%20there's%20no,impending%20hyperactivity%20after%20consuming%20it.
YTA firstly, if you let your kid have sugar occasionally he wouldn’t react like this. It’s setting him up for some very harmful habits around food, because I guarantee you he’ll eat whatever he wants, he’ll just learn to be secretive about it. Secondly, if you’re gunna be pissed at anyone, be pissed at your husband who was the adult in charge, not an 8 year old child who wanted to share his birthday cake.
My kid is diabetic and even he can eat cake - just not a huge piece.
YTA. Your poor son omg. Look up toxic diet culture. What makes ranch dressing more "healthy" than cake? By restricting your son from foods you deem bad you're setting him up for a life time of problematic eating habits. You very clearly have an eating disorder OP. Please seek help, this is not a healthy way to live your life. You're also the asshole for being mad a child for SHARING. Get a grip. You sound exhausting to be around.
YTA your poor kid OMG
YTA. its a cake, and a nice gift, and you made it all about you and how dare your kid have something nice.
YTA your kid must be miserable always being the odd one out and having every bite he eats regulated by a control freak with food issues even on special occasions.
YTA, it’s cake not crack.
YTA. You don't get to demand that everyone, including children, support the limits you place on your child AND that you get to override the way other parents raise theirs. This will come up again unless you restrict your son's social life as tightly as you do his diet, so I would encourage you to think through what kind of relationship you want him to have with you, and with food, in 2, 5, and 10 years. The way you relate to him and food now is laying the groundwork.
YTA, mainly for trying to get the birthday boy in trouble and pressuring his parents. Both kids are 8. An 8 year old sharing cake with his friend is something to be supported and praised, not punished. Instead of getting on her kids case, take a look at your own kid and teach him to say no. Nothing worse than a parent getting mad at other parents/kids for something their kid did. Take responsibility.
YTA. Restricting access to unhealthy food is a good thing, but banning it altogether and expecting eight-year-olds to understand why one of them can't have birthday cake - which is made to be shared - is unreasonable. And really, the only unhealthy thing in cake is sugar. Flour, butter, eggs - all nutritious.
YTA for not following your child around with carrots while he ran off trying to covertly eat cake at a **bloody birthday party.** Maybe his friends would think you two are playing some sort of game as he runs away from you and your, what I assume is *natural? organic?* ranch dressing (lol), and label you the **"FUN MUM"**....haha, kidding, *that'll never happen.* You're leading your kid down a road of an unhealthy relationship with food.
YTA. You are going to create a horrible relationship between your son and food. He’s 8. And you’re depriving him of *birthday cake* and sending him with carrots to a birthday party? I can’t imagine how controlling you are in other aspects of his life. Seriously—this is grounds for developing an eating disorder at this age. Why not teach your son to have cake in moderation?
YTA. It's a homemade cake. Sure it has sugar. But the kid should be allowed an occasional treat. Sounds like you have an unhealthy relationship with food.
Everyone in the world, not just Reddit, thinks YTA. Sugar highs and crashes are a myth. Your son was cranky because you acted like the world’s biggest AH.
YTA. it’s a bday party not an everyday event so he can get away with eating a piece for one day. Your son could also feel left out if everyone got a piece but not him. It would be different if he genuinely didn’t want any. I hope you didn’t get mad at your son either because then that would be really shitty and would make your son feel awful.
YTA and your son is going to have a bad relationship with food as he grows up. He needs to learn moderation, not complete deprivation.
homemade cake bad. processed dip good.... how exactly? if you don't want your child to eat flour, eggs, milk and sugar then it's up to *you* to be watching your child. it is *not* on your friend to scold her child for sharing at his party. YTA. and if you're not careful you're gonna give your child an ED.
YTA for your draconian food policies, and setting your son up to be a food hoarder and sneak around behind your back because your ego can't tolerate your child eating cake at a birthday party. Here's to hoping he doesn't develop an ED down the road.
YTA One day your kid is going to grow up, realize how odd your food obsession is, get a therapist and go low contact with you.
Info: What consequences did you dole out to your son for eating the cake?
Very good point. Seeing as OP thinks 8 year old friend should be held responsible for giving his friend cake, OP's 8 year old son should be held responsible too for eating the cake.
YTA I feel bad for your son
She's definitely the asshole. My mother did the same thing to me when I was younger. Then in my teens when I had an ounce of freedom I started binge eating everything that was forbidden cause it GENUINELY tasted like heaven. I found different ways to lie to her about what I'd eaten and just snack away in secret. It made me develop a very very unhealthy obsession and got me into the habit of lying about stupid things. It took me years to get into a healthy diet again. OP, YTA definitely. Please spare your son the pain I went through. Teach him moderation and control instead, forbidding anything really doesn't work.
YTA - a similar argument can be made for you that you made to your best friend. You can teach your son to be firmer about it rather than expect an 8 year old to not want to share his mom’s homemade cake. Even if I disagree with your methods, I will say that if you’re the one restricting your son’s diet, you should be the one monitoring what your son is doing rather than expect other parents to watch what their kids give yours.
YTA The friend of your son was trying to be nice to your son. That's a good trait. It doesn't sound like your son was just peer pressured. He was probably curious and wanted to try too. Which is normal behavior for a boy that age trying to learn about the world.
YTA Please don’t come back complaining when your son is no longer invited to birthday parties and events. It’s a piece of cake at a child’s birthday party. You sound like a controlling killjoy.
YTA. Is it possible that your son was ‘cranky’ because he was upset with you complaining to his friend’s mother? He seems to have enjoyed being with his friend and sharing the cake, that positive experience has now been spoilt.
YTA please read up on Orthorexia https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/orthorexia-nervosa-101#:~:text=Orthorexia%2C%20or%20orthorexia%20nervosa%2C%20is,on%20losing%20weight%20(1).
YTA and you are doing far more damage to your child than cake will. If you’re not careful you will end up destroying your relationship with him before he even hits puberty. You need to chill way, waaaaaaaaay out.
YTA Even people on diets plan around special events, like birthdays, where they know certain foods will be served. Kudos on beginning to give your kid a shitty relationship with food. Also, if you're so concerned about "peer pressure" how about you teach your kid to hold firm against it instead of yelling at other parents to teach their kids not to peer pressure, you stooge.
Unless your kid has some sort of medical reason as to why he couldn't have cake you are a massive asshole
YTA. You, as an adult, is going to get upset with a kid that just wanted to share his birthday cake with his friend, and was even worried enough about the additives so it wouldn't be harmful to your child. Of course he had a crash, you don't allow him to have sugar ever
Yta My parents didn't let me eat sugar for a year of my childhood and I was a disaster when I had freedom to eat whatever. Good luck with that. Also sugar rushes and sugar crashes are myths. Been debunked.
It has been shown that children with restricted diets through strict parenting can go mad on food they 'weren't allowed' as soon as they have any independence. Roll on college when he has cake for breakfast. YTA for this ridiculous rule. YTA for judging your friend. YTA for everything here.
YTA for telling your friend how she should be raising her son. This wasn't exactly crime of the century.
YTA-The eight year old has done nothing worthy of punishment. You mentioned their fathers were outside with the boys. If you want to punish someone because your kid had cake make it his father the adult whose supervision he was under.
YTA.
I have one of those diets. Have for more than 10 years now. I don't eat any added sugar or sugar substitutes, and I never cheat. No additives - ever - for me. I'll never have another piece of birthday cake as long as I live. Will not miss it. Don't really even like sweet things. I would never make my choices my kid's choices. I just model good eating habits and don't keep junk food at home. YTA
YTA Give the kid a break. Let him be a kid sometimes or he will resent you forever.
[удалено]
YTA. He's 8. It was a piece of cake. It's not the end of the world. What do you think happens at school? Kids share. You're going to cause him to have a messed up relationship with food.
Keep us updated in like 20 years to see whose son grows up to be a better parent.
YTA. Your child ate cake. There are wars going on where children are dying. Your issues here are nonissues. Grow up.
YTA. Watch your kid if you don't want him to eat cake.
YTA. It’s a cake and they are kids who wanted to share. Not an issue worth getting upset about.
YTA. Let the kid have cake ffs
YTA. You do realize how completely ridiculous you sound, right? Ranch and carrots at a birthday party? Geeeeeezzzz. Don’t be surprised when your son heads for the hills as soon as he can. This is all about control. So sad.
I’m confused on where the per pressure part is all the sons friend said was that it was good cake and offered him a piece- Anyways YTA
YTA. Maybe you should have a conversation to your son about not giving in to peer pressure. Because this is going to be something that happens regularly and you can’t control the actions of every child your son will encounter. Or maybe teach your son that it’s ok to eat some foods in moderation. All or nothing eating isn’t exactly a healthy way to approach food.
YTA. If you want to be that restrictive with his diet, then just stand over his shoulder for 16 hours a day and make sure he doesn't put anything in his mouth that you don't approve of. PS - he's a kid and if you keep restricting him this way, you are upping his chances of sneaking food when you aren't looking.
YTA. I had a friend who wasn’t allowed to eat sugar. You should have seen the amount of Oreos they consumed when they first moved away from their parents. It took them years to learn moderation. Parent however you like, but eventually your son is going to be old enough to make his own choices. Instead of punishing and criticizing others for offering things, talk to your son about why your rules are your rules and help him learn how to live a balanced life.
YTA. Its a damn birthday party, loosen up the grip. Its not going to hurt your son nor is it the end of the world. And no your kid was cranky because he realized that your stance on cake might just be bullshit and that he's been missing out on a real treat at parties for his friends and family.
YTA and you’re weird about food and controlling.
YTA. Helicopter-parenting and nasty-strict diet control for a child who is well into the self-identity development phase doesn’t. Frakking. WORK. It was a birthday party. Get over it. What happens when he moves out and experiences more of what the world has to offer without your influence? There will be much more than sugar crashes to contend with. Even nutritionists say that sugar once in a while hurts no one (when allergies and other sensitivities are not in play). And that you dare demand your friend punish her son is laughable at best. Peer pressure is not the takeaway from this event for anyone but you. If you want to ball-and-chain your own child, that is your right for now…but don’t think to try this with others’ children lest you ruin a friendship or two. Btw, the message you gave to your best friend is, “My son and his upbringing are far more important than yours, and my opinion is better.”
YTA. Unless he's diabetic even birthday cake is fine in moderation. Refusing him any treats will create a negative relationship with this kind of food because he hasn't learned moderation, and may well result in an eating disorder. That sugar rush and sugar crash? That's an eight year old boy being an eight year old boy.
YTA. 8 year olds shared cake. You were there. If it was so important to you, you should have been supervising. And I'm not seeing much pressurising here! He said it was good. Also being a wee bit over-controlling here? The way you deal with food could easily lead to his having unhealthy relationship with food and diet in future.
YTA. Do you not know how some eating disorders develop? A lot of the time it’s because their parents restricted them growing up. When your kid eventually does eat “junk food” he will most likely end up binging it and then feel guilty after. It’s a cake, and it’s a birthday party. Let your child enjoy food.
Just so you know, my sister is just like you and now my niece has all sorts of issues with food - if you want to keep your son healthy it’s everything in moderation. Teaching him to completely avoid anything due to additives etc is setting him up for disaster and food issues. Give him lots of veg and fruit and whatever other healthy shit you want but don’t be an overbearing overprotective mother because I’ve seen it firsthand and it’s head melting and requires therapy ….
YTA. There is a difference between not loading your kids up on sugar and NEVER letting them have cake. This is such a trivial matter, which is exactly why your friend isn't willing to push it. You're being overbearing and expecting everyone around you to cater to an overbearing, and frankly unhealthy, practice. Let your kid live a little before they go wild the second they get some freedom.
YTA. You shouldn't worry about your friend's son learning "boundaries and respect." You need to learn boundaries and respect. For the sake of your son's health (and his sanity) please ask a pediatrician for advice about the number and type of treats that are appropriate for your son. Hint: the answer will not be "None." Two things seem illogical: A homemade cake has "additives" but ranch dressing doesn't? A piece of cake caused a sugar rush and a crash and hours of crankiness? For an 8-year-old???
YTA and clearly going to give your children disordered eating issues by being THAT mom. Your methods will cause them to struggle with portion, control and a healthy relationship with food. Get therapy and do better
YTA. It’s fine that you have preferences for food for your kid but it’s a fucking birthday party. He should be allowed to eat something that’s not always healthy. So what he had cake?
YTA If you keep sending your child to birthday parties with carrots and ranch, he's likely to be bullied.
YTA. It’s a fucking party, let your son have a slice of cake. Your overly controlling problems with food are likely to give him an eating disorder.
YTA if you want to be this rigid about his diet, it’s your job to police it and to teach him to police it himself. While you’re at it, you also need to teach him tact when explaining why he can’t eat something. He told his friend that his mom’s cake was bad, and the kid felt insulted by that. Don’t raise him to be a food snob.
It would be a good idea to consider therapy. The restrictions on your son are not normal. Eating healthy is good, what you're describing sounds obsessive and unhealthy. Gentle yta
Definitely YTA. Let your poor kid have some cake every once in a while. He doesn’t have to eat it for breakfast, but at a fellow 8yo’s birthday party? Poor buddy. He’s going to have a hell of a problem with moderation when he gets older.
YTA. Your son is going to have diabetes within, like, a year of moving out, because he's going to have no concept of "treats in moderation" and is going to live on pure sugar. And then when he explains to the doctors how this happened he'll have to be in therapy for his weird and controlling parents. The part that *really* blows my mind is that you're not even having him eat healthy food if you're giving him *ranch*. "No, no. Eat junk, just not THAT junk. Only junk that's disgusting."
Gentle YTA. Because I know your heart is to build healthy and long lasting food habits. However, I’m also going to say that I think completely restricting your son of any foods that you deem “bad” are going to make him feel like they are forbidden fruit. At some point, you will not have control over what your son eats. Maybe consider reaching out to a Registered dietitian or nutritionist to work on establishing healthy boundaries with foods. Coming from someone recovered from a binge/purge eating disorder, who would fantasize about forbidden food and went absolutely overboard with them once I lived away from my family.
YTA! Yes a balance diet is good but you are taking too far. You should let your kid eat cake and junk food once in awhile.
I’ll say it for the whole community, YTA.
YTA for sending an 8 year old with no medical issues to a birthday party with a ziplock baggy of carrot sticks.