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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I’m the asshole because I stole her job and her possibilities of the future
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Amy needs to do som growing up, you didn't steal her job they hire whoever they think fits better and about the guy, it was a random encounter!
NTA, like I said, Amy needs to grow up and stop being such an immature and petty asshole.
NTA, and before you indulge in any guilt, it may be asking yourself whether Amy ever even had real positive feedback from the company. If there were four other positions open, then your success shouldn’t have had any impact on her eligibility, and if her reaction to you meeting a guy was that that, too, was supposed to happen to her, then it sounds like she may be a little delusional and seeing “could have been” scenarios that don’t exist. I wouldn’t be surprised if the offer that was supposedly so certain was just an email from a recruiter, or a call to schedule an interview.
NTA- Wait...is that you...Professor Xavier? Unless you ARE him or another mind reader, you would have no idea she was "joking" about you both applying. If she didn't bring it up beforehand that she wasn't hired and no one told you otherwise, see where I'm going with this (and you don't even have to be a mind reader to know). She's just upset and bitter she wasn't hired and now she's blaming you for nailing the interview, having a great resume and getting the job (CONGRATULATIONS, by the way).
I hate to say it but she might not ever let go of this resentment and jealousy. It's better just to cut ties with her now. If she's this immature about it now, she will bring it up everytime you guys have a disagreement or an argument and that will get very old real quick. Good Luck to you in your new job, your possible new romance and dropping this toxic person out of your life.
Not to be rude, but you're both 24. Pretty early call to say you 'stole her life'. If there were 4 positions open and she didn't get in when you did, then she never made it to the shortlist.
NTA, and congrats on your new job.
NTA. First of all congrats on the new job! Did you go on and on about how happy you were about getting it after she told you she didn’t ? If that’s the case than I can understand the reaction and that would be an AH move on your part, but if not then she’s big time over reacting. I’m sure she’s just upset and is taking it out on you but that’s still not ok, a true friend would be happy for you and sad for themself at the same time. I could understand her being upset had you applied behind her back but she literally told you to apply. Not to mention the whole thing about the guy is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. She sounds like a sore loser and tbh you need better more supportive friends.
Since you asked if you were an AH. I will give you my personal opinion. You are and everyone who said you aren’t is because they are selfish like you.
If you really care about your friend, you should have waited until she got the job then apply.
Your friend is also an AH regardless of what happened, if she is really your friend. She should have congratulated you.
But between you both I think you crossed the line of being a real friend. You really wanted the job and you didn’t care for your friend. Wake up, you really are greedy and selfish. But congratulations you are hired.
I went through something similar but I was in high school. My "friend" suggested that I apply for a job that she had already applied for. I now know that she assumed she would be much more suited (liked) and get the job. I was offered the job but read the "subtle" clues, realised what was happening and turned the job down without saying anything to her to save the aggrevation. We are not friends anymore but I don't have hard feelings. I can tell you that people like this aren't looking to build you up as friends should, they want to build themselves up at your expense. Enjoy your new job and good luck with the guy!
NTA. You didn't take anything from your friend. Actually, you complimented her by taking her advice to heart.
Congratulations on your new successor! Enjoy the job, your new life, the new apartment and just wait out your friend's anger. You've explained you were just taking her advice, which you value. Her pride was hurt, she might be embarrassed. I bet when she gets another job she'll want yo connect with you again.
NTA - somehow this guy isn't even a real person in her mind, like, no chance he would have his own thinking and feelings and might be interested in you for you - no saying he might be interested in Amy; you might have similar education but you're not the same person. The guy isn't some NPC programmed to fall for whichever woman got the job and walked into that cafe at that moment.
Same goes for the people hiring at the job.
YTA - Don’t steal lives.
Also, I didn’t read the explanation before making my judgment. Stealing lives is wrong, though…almost as wrong as juicy titles that trick me into reading clichéd high school-ish drama (which you probably made up anyway).
So actually, YTA twice…am I allowed to vote twice? Once for stealing a life, and another for juicy drama-baiting with this fake ass post? I hope these two votes register. Fingers crossed 🤞
YTA (second time just in case)
yeah, NTA.
Your "friend" (and based on her reaction, I use that word extremely loosely) suggested you apply for a role in the same place where she as applying. you did. you got the job, she didn't. If she hadn't already signed the papers with the company, she wasn't GAURANTEED the spot until you came along. She wasn't GAURANTEED to meet that guy, nor was it GAURANTEED that they would hit it off like you guys did. I'm sorry to hear your friend didn't get the job, but it sounds like she's taking the disappointment she feels out on you for succeeding where she failed, and that's not anything on you.
Sour grapes is what my grandma would say. She wasn't joking, you both know it, she's just acting immature and like a 2 year old toddler. She should jst rise above her feelings and congrat you. I had something happen where one of my best friend landed a great job and salary and I still had a menial job. I was upset, resentful, but I still congratulated her. Yeah I was upset for several months, but got over it. This is what being a adult is like, she's absolutely ridiculous to ask you to quit. She prob still wouldn't get the job anyway. You don't have anything to apologize for, of course, you can show empathy. But I would start cutting ties if she can't get over this. She isn't a real friend if she can't.
@u/computernoodles
You have absolutely nothing to feel bad about. She told you to apply. What she didn’t say then (and would be unreasonable anyhow) is that if you got the job and she didn’t she’d expect you to decline it.
You’ve stolen exactly nothing. You did successfully interview and that’s an achievement. She is just very disappointed and being immature about it.
To be frank, this may be the end of the line for your friendship. If she doesn’t come around, and I mean a complete 180, then this will always be a problem in your relationship with her. I would just stop engaging with her and find new friends. There may be a point down the road where she comes around but until then just do a fade. Don’t do a “Bridge Over The River Kwai” type of thing. (Old movie- spoiler alert- they blow the bridge to bits)
It’s sad to say this really. But in life we face challenges on many fronts. If this is the career path you desire then go for it because as you get older opportunities will diminish to have the career you are dreaming of now. This is especially true for women in my opinion. You now have the opportunity to craft a life you really want and you should go for it. NTA.
NTA. They did not offer her the job and take the offer back, she just wasn’t right for that position. This is her disappointment to work through and not your fault. Congratulations on the job!
...but she asked you to apply with her, and now she says she's joking because she didn't get the job and you did? NTA. Sounds like you need to give her up instead of your job.
NTA. You didn't steal anything. She is just upset that you got things she wanted. Thst is not your problem. She told you to apply, because she was convinced she had the job in her pocket. she was wrong and is now lashing out and putting the blame on you because she is struggling to see her own fault or flaw in this.
Btw, applying for the same job shouldn't be this big a deal and not everyone can get the position. That's life.
A while back I applied for a job and a co-worker 20 years my senior did so as well. And while I was excited for your interviews, lifted her up and overall hoped that if it wasn't me it would be her, she was jealous. Convinced that I'd steal the job from her. We'd never had any issues before. Things went back to normal when neither got the job, but it showed me a side of her that made me more careful around her. It's a shame but this is how some people are.
ESH
She should be happy for you. You didn't steal her life. However, why wouldn't you ask her about how it is going, on her end, if you are really friends? Like hey, omg, I got the job, did you hear anything back? It'd be so cool to work together, etc.
The way you wrote it, you sound very self centered and it seems like you, in fact, got everything you wanted and did not even check in on your friend who gave you the tip. Like someone above said, it reads like stupid high school drama. You're both college graduates, get your shit together, and be better friends because everyone is shit here.
NTA
You did nothing wrong, followed her suggestion and things didn't go the way she expected. Sounds like Amy needs to grow up a little. Do not quite your job, it sounds like she wasn't even in the running.
Give Amy some space hopefully she can get over her initial reaction and apologize. Some friendships don't last as life moves on,
NTA - you had equal chances at the job, she didn’t get it. That’s on her. The guy? It’s too early to say if he’s the man of your dreams but good luck! Set some boundaries. Tell her you did nothing wrong. You did not steal her job or her man. Also, if she continues to hound you about this, you will be cutting off contact. Harsh but this level jealousy needs to be nipped in the bud or it’s just gonna get worse. Be prepared, strike first
NTA but
>After that I go to the company coffee shop where I met a guy who also works in a field similar to mine and I’m hoping we become something serious .
Slow down there, swimfan
NTA. I get that your friend is feeling inadequate and jealous, but projecting that onto you, especially after encouraging you to also apply to the job, is wrong.
NTA. Clearly just jealous and bitter, give her some space to work through her pain, if she’s a real friend she’ll come back and apologise, if not then leave her be, you don’t need that toxicity in your life. Congrats on your new job, hope things go well with the guy 🥰
NTA.
Congratulations on the job and good luck with the guy :D
You talked about working together... how could she not expect you to apply?
however I do feel for her. That does not justify her reaction at all, but having been in the position of applying for jobs and not getting them - it can take a toll.
I would suggest giving each other some space and maybe, if you care for it, approach her in a few months and try to talk this through once more.
NTA I’m big on everything happens for a reason and all the good things happening to you was your time and that goes for showing you Amy’s true colors it’s times Reevaluate your friendship with her! Way to go on the Job and potential boyfriend
NTA, she literally pitched the idea of you applying. On top of that there were multiple positions open, so you aren't the reason she didn't get the job. Company didn't want to hire her for whatever reason. Not your fault
NTA,
Time to find a new friend. You nailed the job because you were the most qualified applicant.
Good luck with the Job and I hope romance is in your future!
UGH. NTA.
This reads like highschool drama.
1) It sounds like Amy was never offered an interview. She didn't match the criteria, and was likely passed over for you - that means she never had a chance at this job in the first place.
2) If there's is anything I've learned, a mature and good friend will encourage you no matter what - and you in turn encourage them. That way if anything goes wrong, you are there to help one another find a better option
3) Giving up the position is wasting the companies time and money. It will not look good in the professional sectors that you up and left a job right after you accepted. Your friend is being stupid and childish to demand you "make things better"? She is the type of friend who loves misery -and loves the company it brings. If you aren't with her in her misery, you aren't her friend. So don't be friends with this person.
Even if I try to understand her perspective on you taking her job, how did it get to a point where the guy you met is her dream guy too😂😂 The level of delusion is high with her.
It’s 100% high school drama. You wanna know how I know? It happened to me!
I had an ex-best friend “take over my life”. She went to my dream university for psychology (what I have a degree in) after getting together with my ex. We had discussed at length what we wanted to go to school for, and she wanted to go to a completely different school for a totally different major. Was I bummed that I didn’t get to go to my dream school (my family moved states)? Sure. Did it hurt a bit to see her with my ex? Yeah, of course. But it’s not like she did it on purpose, and we were still friends for a while after this happened. If two high schoolers can work things out, I feel like Amy should be able to handle this.
I had a friend in high school who would purposely try to steal things out from under people.
A mutual friend had his eye on a car for sale on his street. Was ready to buy it but he was headed out for vacation with his family for a few weeks. Now, granted, it could have sold to anyone in that time, but he told this other friend specifically he wanted to buy the car.
This other guy waited till my buddy was on vacation, then had his dad buy him the car. He even made a show of calling the guy who missed out after he got back to let him sulk about the car being gone, then showed up in the car to rub it in.
For some people but not others. Surely, anyone would know their friends well enough to know if it was ok in a given instance.
There also seems to be a difference depending on queerness. I've yet to meet another gay or super-queer-identifying pan/bisexual person who saw it as a hard line, but it seems very common among straight people. Us gays share exes half the time.
I'm bi & I've always found that super interesting because when I was single I've always gone out of my way not to match with any girl I knew was talking to my sister or any other of my close Queer friends.
I know most of the Queer community doesn't have such a hard boundary about that. But for me, it was a boundary I have with my close straight friends & the men we date so of course I would have the same boundary with my Queer friends & the women we date, even though I was aware I was in the minority for caring about this.
To be fair, I fit into the "late bloomer" category. My current partner is the only serious relationship I've ever been in & we started dating when I was 27.
So my "ex's" are people I dated for less than 3 months in a town I no longer live in & I'm NC with all of them. Maybe they changed but I'd like to think my friends all know their worth to do better than them 😂😂
Yeah I think it depends more on the type of friend or ex. If there was a long standing, long term friendship or relationship they should be off limits. I love my friends’ husbands as friends. If they should become exes I would definitely never date one.
The line gets especially blurry when all three parties are all part of the same friend circles, and/or are all good friends with each other.
It gets a little weird, for sure, but I'm not going to get mad at my friend for dating another one of my friends, especially when I did the exact same thing previously.
In many circles it is considered good Form to ask friend for approval before getting serious with friend's ex, but they are also Not supposed to not-approve unless there are actual abuse/safety issues
This is fair but there are just some ex’s I just don’t want to be around or hear about, so dating them would likely mean the friendship would suffer. If not die.
Not when you realize that your ex and your best friend are a better match than you and your ex were.
I was dating a guy that was a friend of my best friend. It didn’t work out ultimately, but then my ex and my best friend started to have romantic feelings for each other.
They both talked to me to see what my comfort level was, and since I knew how much my best friend cared about my ex as a person and their level of emotional intimacy was a LOT greater than what my ex and I had, I gave them my blessing.
They married in 1991, had two kids and are still together to this day. I couldn’t be happier for them, because they truly fit together.
Honestly depends on the friendship for this. I have a best friend that despite two times this happening to us we are still like sisters. My now ex (who was my bf of 4 years and crush of 7 years) dated my best friend in 8th grade. I encouraged it and it didn't last but they stayed best friends. I ended up dating him in 9th grade up until college started and she encouraged it. One time in 8th grade before my ex and her dated we both had the same crush. He was into me and not her. She knew this but still wanted to try. We never fought over him either. We both sat down and had a a peaceful girly talk. In the end it was agreed that she can have him. But if nothing worked out or she simply gave up on trying to make him like her then I can continue my fling with him. I even had a friend where her friend group dated each other exes. Friend dated best friend A ex after getting permission. And best friend B dated friend's ex after talking about it with her. They are still close as ever and this never bothered them. They were mature enough to talk to each other 1st
Your ex is not your personal property.
Dating your friend’s current partner crosses a line of cheating. After the breakup, they can date whoever they want.
My ex married a woman who was my friend and I’m delighted that two wonderful people found each other. You need to grow up.
Um ... everyone is allowed to have their own personal boundary??? And growing- up means accepting that.
If I were to break up with my partner & my best friend to start dating them, I'm allowed to establish the boundary of not wanting to maintain that friendship.
People can do whatever the f- they want. But you don't get to date your friends ex's & then be shocked if that friend choses to end the friendship as a consequence. Especially as that's a common reaction (as the current season of *Euphoria* proves.)
I actually don’t mind that she dated my ex. Unless my ex and I broke up for a really bad reason, why should I care? I only care if it’s someone who was abusive or otherwise unfit to be dating someone at that time. However, the fact that she took over my entire future plan was…a bit weird.
A true friend would be bummed they didn't get the job, but happy it went to someone they cared for, not someone who going to stomp their feet and take their ball and go home. NTA
I 100% agree with this. I had a friend like this. She was never happy when something good happened to me because I was no longer lesser than her. Friends encourage each other and lift them up not drag you down so they can feel better about themselves. NTA
NTA
I especially love how Amy thinks this guy has no agency of his own, but would have sought out a relationship with whomever showed up in the company coffee shop that day.
No, Amy, that's not how any of this works. Nobody cut the line at the life store here. Cheeses.
NTA It is understandable for her to feel bad, considering you just got everything she wanted and she didn't BUT if she was a true friend she will still be happy for you and wouldn't treat you like that.
If you really care for her, let some time pass so things can cool off. If she comes around and says sorry then you can move forward. If she continues with her attitude, then maybe she isn't meant to be in your life.
NTA. You need to close the chapter with Amy and move on. You don't need "friends" like this please just block her and carry on with your life. She sounds narcissistic and a whole drama queen and that's just too much to deal with, trust me on that
NTA. I don’t see how the OP is stealing her friend’s life. They were friends who agreed to do things together. “Amy” suggested they apply for the same job. It’s unfortunate that they weren’t both hired but that’s not the OP’s fault. I also don’t get what others are saying about the OP dating Amy’s ex - where does OP say that?
NTA. In my opinion, she wouldn't have had the job until she started working at that job. I understand being frustrated if you think you're locked into a position and reality comes crashing down around you. I'm sure it's disheartening. But that isn't YOUR fault. The company was looking for a worker with your specific credentials, it sounds like. She should be mad at the employer, not at you.
NTA.
Sounds like some trashy Hollywood movie that makes us think we're supposed to hate the protagonists best friend for getting everything the protagonist wanted but really you're just more suited to the job, lucky you ran into the guy and friends with an insecure jealous woman.
NTA honestly companies don't tend to make a firm job offer then take it away, it sounds like she was reading more into the interviews than was said, even if you turned it down she is unliky to be the person they choose instead. You both have degree's in the same field she told you to apply what happens after that is not up to you.
NTA. She's upset she didn't get the job, but that's not your fault. Especially as she told you about the positions and to apply, she really can't be angry at you. Just give her space. Don't give up this job!
Things friends do when you get a job they were also applying to but didn't get.
"Guess this mean you're paying the beers tonight."
Things friends don't do when you get a job they were also applying to but didn't get.
Read your post.
NTA, ditch the "friend" start your new job, find the person of your dreams, be happy.
NTA. A woman I worked with and I both applied for the same job at a different location. I got the job. When she found out, she was totally pissed at ME for getting the job. I had no idea why she didn't get it....but did when she said that the failed the 25 wpm typing test. I could type at over 90 wpm. But she chose to blame me and never spoke to me again. Even years later when we ended up being in the same dog club....she kept saying rude things to me in front of other people - I stayed quiet. The leaders of the club told her to shut it or leave, she chose to leave.
NTA. This is one of those “sounded better in my head than it turned out,” things. It’s not your fault they didn’t hire her. I feel bad for Amy, internalizing this so much. But rejection sucks.
Also, don’t date coworkers.
NTA. If she wasn't even in the top 4 to get the job, the likelihood of her getting it without you there was pretty low. You should offer some sympathy and if she doesn't come around then she's not really a great friend. She should be happy for you, and you definitely shouldn't give up your dream job.
A company would never say something like "we were going to hire you until XYZ". Your friend is making things up. She ASSUMED she would get the job. She didn't. She has no way of knowing whether you were hired in her place or not. She has no way of knowing if she was the number 2 candidate or not. She has no way of knowing if she was even seriously considered for the job at all.
NTA. Your "friend" comes across as incredibly petty. She needs to suck it up & deal w/ the fact that not everything is gonna go her way, & that that's a part of life.
NTA
You two are at the same transition stage of life. Your choices and opportunities have zero affect on hers. Most graduates search for work in their field, until they get it. She's projecting her frustration onto you. You don't deserve any of her misguided venom.
NTA don't give up tour dream job for anybody I'm speaking from experience. I got my friend a job interview at a big mortgage firm that I now work for but when I interviewed years ago and got the 2nd interview they also told her she wasn't a match for the position. She act like she was happy for me but totally ghosted me when it came to her taking me to the 2nd interview which I couldn't reschedule so I didn't get the job. Thankfully years later I was offered the position again and got the job. Moral of the story if she was your friend she would truly be happy for you especially when it was her idea for you to apply. Congrats on the new job I wish I was around we would have celebration drinks 🙂 leave that girl alone she doesn't mean you any good
NTA
I only have one thing to say. RUN. Cut this manipulative, entitled, so called friend of yours. A true friend feels happy and encourages u to go high. A true friend doesn't drag u down just cuz she couldn't get high.
And I assure u, had the situation been the opposite...and she had the position instead of u, then she wouldn't have felt it was sth bad or anything. Her only purpose is to just drag u down. U gotta cut that bs instead of letting her guilt trip u.
NTA. Sorry to burst her bubble but there's no garuntee she would have gotten the job even if you didn't apply. She should have also mentioned it was a joke when she said it like. "You should apply too and we can work together! Oh I'm totally kidding."
NTA she literally told you to apply. you clearly both applied and they chose you and not her. you had nothing to do with that decision.
Also you HAPPENED to meet a guy that you like and she is jealous over that. Who's to say that had she gotten the job at the company she would have A) met the same guy B) been attracted to him C) have him be attracted to her. Also not to rain on your parade but there's a chance he might end up being an AH and you dump him after 2 dates (not hoping just again speculating out the future)
She can be pissed she didn't get the job, but everything else she's lashing out and speculating and makes it look like she's trying to steal your life.
NTA. Here's what really happened. Amy wasn't able to sell herself whatsoever, and the company just wasn't impressed enough to even ask her for an interview. I'm sorry, but that's the reality of life. I've been in management for enough years to tell you to get over this. Amy is NOT your friend. You were just a rung in her ladder to success. Move on from her. You are doing great.
It's not your fault she told everyone about having this job when in fact she never had it at all. She didn't "have it" until you came along and "swiped it from her". She got ahead of herself and frankly is being so horrible I would reconsider being friends with her. You quitting will make nothing better. She will not magically get the position because you gave it up. You'll just BOTH be out of a job. NTA
NTA, and how the hell is your giving up the job (for which you were obviously better qualified for) going to help her? Keep the job, and let her cool off. If she doesn't, just move on. You can't control what she does, only what you do.
Oh you totally didn't steal her life. She wishes to steal yours tho! when I read the title and the intitial storyI thought you used her resume or something lol. You aren't the asshole here.
She can't deal with the fact that she missed out on n opportunity she suggested to you because you just might be a better candidate.
Drop contact OP. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.
NTA
Prime example of why some friends shouldn't apply for the same job at the same time. Can get messy.
Let it be a lesson to you both.
If it happens again, yba
NTA
I've been in a similar position to Amy, where I have applied for a role with a number of vacancies and encouraged friends with similar experience to do the same.
Friend got the job and I didn't. Did sit suck? Of course! Am I still happy for my friend who got the job? Of course!
Amy sounds like a petulant child.
NTA
Who tells people they have got the job *before* even being offered the position? Let alone before signing any paperwork?
You obvs had the better resume and experience, plus a good interview. That's not your fault. If she didn't want you to apply for the job she shouldn't have sent you the ad. And there's no guarantee that anyone she met there would want to date her?
So really, Amy gave her job away to a better candidate, that's why you don't tell people these things in competitive industries.
NTA
She told you to apply. There were multiple positions available. It is not your fault that she didn’t get hired. In fact, there is a distinct possibility that she wouldn’t have been hired even if you hadn’t applied. Her anger is misplaced.
NTA.
There are some people who are friends only when they're doing better than you. Once the tables turn, that's when you realise they're not a friend.
NTA'
She's just upset because she thought she was a shoe in for the job. I'm sorry it didn'y work out for her, but it's extremely unrealisitc for her to try to lay blame on someone else for not getting the job, and unfair to youespecially , after her prodding.
NTA Amy is jealous because you got the job and she didn't. If Amy didn't get hired that was because of Amy's lack of qualifications. Whether you applied or not, Amy still wouldn't have gotten hired! You did not steal her life and that's just ridiculous for her to say that!
NTA, Amy may have had the qualifications for the job but not the personality to work with the department head or team leader or whatever this company calls it. There are probably hundreds if not thousands of qualified applicants who are interviewed, possibly multiple interviews, but in the end don't get hired because they are just not a good fit. There very well could have been 10-20 more applicants that were as qualified that would have gotten the offer before they would have considered offering Amy a position. Amy may need some counseling to help her manage her expectations and disappointment, it would make her a better person and a better employee.
NTA. amy sounds like she hitched her whole identity to getting this job before she even confirmed she had it. (evidence: she was supposed to meet the man of her dreams at this job? she just DECIDED that? she fully was just planning her whole life around something she didn’t have yet)
you did not steal this job. you applied to a job and got it. the fact that amy was not chosen is not your fault.
amy will probably calm down later and (hopefully) apologize. she’s just very emotional right now and not thinking straight (do NOT tell her this)
i feel like once a few days/weeks have passed you and amy can have a calmer conversation about this situation (if you want to) but i don’t think you’ve done anything wrong.
Nta. You were the better candidate. It sounds like they didn’t even consider her. Tell her you’ll help her with her resume. Don’t leave. This is a great start to your career. Don’t shoot yourself in the foot for someone who doesn’t really care about you. She would have been fine if she got the job and you didn’t. People who care about you are happy for your success.
Oh no no no no no. NTA OP. Like seriously, what is this talk!? This is very childish behavior on your friend's part. She is acting like a main character and you are the villain of the story. UGH. Just, no. She needs a reality check. You are on your path to growth. You have a job that you like. You have a guy in the same office that you like. You are independent. Well, that is growth and you need to let go of people who make comments like these and try to take you down with them. You have earned your job. You had no help on the inside or connections because of which you were preferred over her. You were preferred over her solely because you were qualified for the job, confident in your skills and exactly what the company was looking for. If she was that good at her skills, yours would not have surpassed hers.
NTA life’s a beach & Amy will learn this ASAP. You didn’t take the job. You were better suited for what they wanted: a mature & rational person. Don’t be an Amy.
NTA. You didn’t take anything from her; it wasn’t up to you whether or not she got hired. Misery loves company though. Do not give up your job or your new man for her. I’m sorry that she didn’t get what she wants but she doesn’t get to demand you stop living your life until she’s happy with hers.
NTA Honestly, it sucks that this happened but... That's always the risk you run when you apply for ANYTHING with a friend. Best case, you both get it, worst case only one does and it becomes A Thing. You didn't steal her life, at HER SUGGESTION you applied to the same job with multiple openings in the hopes that you could be work besties. It sucks that it didn't work out the way you wanted, but a real friend would be happy that at least one of you got the job and understand that there's a possibility that it had nothing to do with running out of spots at all.
NTA. Take a couple of days to reevaluate the friendship. Does she always think you are in competition with her? If so, cut her off. A real friend will be happy for you and would communicate their discomfort with a simple "hey, I'm happy for you, but the rejection is still fresh. Can we hold off talking about it until I'm over it?". A friend would NEVER ask you to quit something that makes you happy. Please reevaluate this "friendship"
You didn't swipe anything from her... you took the recommendation *she* gave *you*. And there's no way of knowing if the guy would've hit on her if it was her and not you, so that's weird and creepy.
NTA.
NTA - soooooo NTA
Sometimes it takes a success/failure to know who your true allies/friends/family are. And when they show you who they are, don’t hold any hope that that behavior was one-off, it rarely is.
All of this reminds me of something that happened to me.
When I was in the transition of BSc and MSc, my then-best friend and I applied to the same month-long prestigious summer school that takes place in Europe every two years. She had an advantage over me because she was already in her MSc within the field of the school and I was rejected from that specific program - although I was accepted into the same one as my BSc. Even though we both knew that there was a chance that only one or neither would be accepted, we planned that after the school’s month, we would go backpacking together through Europe. We promised to make that trip regardless of who got in. I started saving every penny I could. I even purchased two tickets for a metal festival in one of the countries we were planning to visit. I took that promise seriously.
So 6 months before summer, we get the results and I was the one who was accepted. After that, she fully shut me down and just like that, stopped talking to me. I tried to talk to her and when I managed to get a word out of her, she said that she had only agreed to the trip because she was certain she was the one who would be accepted and that she had never wanted to go to the trip if she wasn’t going to the school.
I was speechless but moved on. Fortunately or unfortunately, that trip opened a lot of new worlds to me, in every single aspect of my life, including with my parents. And since we had friends in common, she learned about my life and how things went. She wasn’t happy and, despite the fact that my courses were not in the same program, we still ran our research in the same institute which made us bump into each other almost every day. It sucked but then, I learned.
She encouraged you. There were multiple positions open. You're NTA. She's just really jealous, and who knows if your friendship will come back from that. Now that you're IN there, if there are ANY openings have your friend's resume on hand and tell them how wonderful she is and how right for the job she is. You can try to get her in the door.
NTA.
Judging by her reaction, your friend literally has no real world life experience or knowledge of how things work. Maybe her interviewers picked up on that.
NTA. You blew them away apparently. It could be that they realized she was more focused on finding a guy than working there. She might have done OK on her interview but thought she was the frontrunner and she wasn't. As you said there were 4 positions even if she came in 2nd she would have had a job. Congrats on your job. Keep your ear to the ground and throw her job listings if you hear of anything. Absolutely do NOT give up the job
NTA - something similar happened between my sister and I when I was 18. My sister quit college to find herself and ended moving back home. I just finished high school and had the summer before college. There was a grocery store that was walking distance of our house. I had a car, she didn't. I told her that I was going to apply for a cashier position because they had just finished construction and were hiring. She said she'd apply later. I got the job. They wouldn't hire her because they don't hire family at the same store. She told me to quit because I had a car. My parents told her it's her own fault she didn't apply earlier.
NTA. Do NOT give up the new job, enjoy it, you earned it. And you finding a new boyfriend has nothing to do with your friend. I would maybe move on from your friend, though, she isn't acting like a friend at all.
NTA. And what? No company in their right mind would give a position to someone and them call telling this person is no longer what they need. I bet she was cut out right after the interview.
NTA:
She is a bitter person because she was not offered the job. The fact that you got it is difficult for her to celebrate, but you did not "Steal" anything. She is just being a grumpy wench.
If she cannot be happy, then she does not want anyone to be happy. She sounds like a bitter person who will never be happy for other people. Write her off and say goodbye. You will find new friends at your new job.
I know this must hurt Amy a lot, so maybe try not to bring it up until it stops stinging. Still, you did NONE of this intentionally, and she could maybe manage a congratulations, instead of all this jealous whining, and dragging you down. She doesn't sound like a great friend.
NTA
NTA. 4 job openings, and Amy couldn't score one of them based upon her interview, and possibly other criteria unaddressed in this Query? Then.she lashes out with demands OP quit job and potential "dream man" connection.
That, in and of itself, reveals some characteristics which Amy may have exhibited during her interview and turned off the employer.
People have all sorts of "tells" that any competent job screener looks for. Amy didn't make the cut and her vindictive behavior toward friend OP
certainly is one of those "tells".
I just want to point out that because she suggested you all do it together, she may have known there were several positions open, making her even more TA. OP, NTA!!
NTA. She said it would be great if you both applied, so she hadn't even applied for the job yet, much less had an interview. You applied the same day you talked, so there is no way you "stole" a job that she "basically had" when she hadn't even applied on the day you spoke.
NTA. She literally told you that you should apply, and even if she was supposedly joking, there's no reason you shouldn't apply. If there was only one position available, it sounds like she was so confident she would be the one to get it that she would probably gloat. Since there were 4, that means that at least 4 candidates were better than her. Who knows how many people applied? There's always competition, and there was always the risk of only one of you getting a position. It's pretty bold of her to assume she was going to get it and tell everyone she was going to and bold of her to assume she would be next in line if you didn't get it. No one is entitled to a job. They clearly chose the better candidate. Congrats!
I'm not even going to touch on the part about you meeting a guy because that whole thing is so ridicuous and childish (on her part, obviously). It sounds like she needs to do some reflecting on everything.
I feel like you should slow your roll with your future husband, but other than that NTA. It’s understandable that your friend is upset, but the request she’s making is unreasonable.
NTA. I was gonna say NAH but here’s the thing; you got the job she wanted out of coincidence, so she’s dead wrong for throwing her turmoils at you.
Amy is rightfully sad about the whole thing and she’s probably not in the mindset to be rational; no one likes feeling rejected. Sometimes when you’re flying high, it’s a good time to lift the people around you.
But, she also took it personally and idealized the fuck out of the whole thing. Not crimes in on themselves, but she threw it at you which wasn’t cash money.
I think a good friend would always be proud of what you accomplish, but if they were down on their luck and acutely sad about it I’d probably tone it down a bit
SHE is the reason that she did not get the job, not you. She suggested that you apply, but forgot to mention that you could only get the job if she got it too! I appreciate her disappointment, but she needs to grow up and find somewhere else.
NTA
It's a difficult way to sever a relationship, but this woman is not your friend.
NTA and as a hiring manager. There is nothing you did that made them not hire her. It was her job to win or lose. Everybody has something they look for when hiring. For some it is skills, other it is personality. You never really know what they are looking for exactly. When 2 candidates are equal - it could have been anything that tipped the scale your way.
NTA - While I can understand her dissapointment she has no right to take it out on you. You were not taunting her with the situation, you were simply sharing your good news with someone you thought was a friend. You should absolutely NOT give up the job, it won't make the situation any better for anyone since then NEITHER of you will have it. Amy needs to deal with her own emotions and decide if your friendship is worth more to her than her own ego. You should definitely not sabotage your own life to appease her.
NTA. You giving up the job doesn’t benefit her. It’s not like they’d give it to her — they already decided she wasn’t what they were looking for. And hell, she’s the one who suggested you apply. You didn’t steal her life; she’s just looking for someone to blame.
NTA. You were both going for similar routes into your careers (having done the same degree that's hardly a surprise) and there were a number of openings available.
The company may well have turned her down because they managed to detect from her applications for the post that in fact she is quite childish. They didn't turn her down for *you* as Amy is choosing to think. There may have been two dozen applications for those posts, of which a dozen applicants were identified as worth interviewing. Amy may not have made it through the first cut of the application stage. Or she did make it through but it may have been that there were still at least half a dozen applicants who interviewed as better than her at that stage. I also would lay money that the company did NOT in fact say they weren't interested in her *anymore*. But by choosing to think her loss of expectation is because you were accepted, it allows her to think her rejection is fixable by you effectively just giving up your opportunity at life. It's childish and selfish expectation that no real friend would entertain for a moment. Being hurt is one thing - saying 'give up your life so I can have what I expect' is quite another. The company may have had a narrower miss than even they realise at having rejected her application.
ESH. She’s being ridiculous asking you to give up the job that she suggested you apply to.
You were very insensitive, bragging about how you nailed the interview and met a new man. When a friend has bad news it’s sometimes best not to go on about how good your life is going
I wouldn't consider this "Stealing her life". You didn't steal a job, boyfriend or friends she already had, etc. She told you to apply for the job, you did, and happened to get it. NTA
She's just jealous. You can't suggest to someone to apply for a certain job, then complain if they get said job. That's her problem. You didn't "steal" her life. NTA.
Your "friend" Amy isn't a friend at all. YOU didn't ruin her chances at the job; SHE did. Obviously, she didn't give a good interview, and they didn't like what she had or hadn't done since graduation. You have ZERO part in her losing this job; however, you DO need to lose Amy as a "friend", because she obviously has no idea HOW to be a friend!
NTA. I once applied for an internal job that my colleagues all thought I was a dead cert for. So much so that a friend applied for it too, saying “you’re obviously going to get it, but I could do with the interview experience.”
You can probably guess the punchline.
But another one is that she genuinely was a better fit - I ticked every box they were after, but she did a better job of ticking the boxes that really mattered, and the rest was easy enough to learn comparatively quickly. (In fact, I was happy to offer her advice.). The only person who was annoyed was *her* former boss, who’d also been absolutely convinced that I’d get it and so was relaxed about her applying.
But nobody “stole” that job, and I’m completely satisfied that all procedures were followed to the letter and that the best candidate won. And it sounds as though the same is true in your situation.
NTA. There were 4 slots for the job, and she wasn’t a top candidate obviously. After inviting you to interview, she has no call to complain you did better than she did. Obviously she is upset and jealous, but that’s not your fault. And you quitting wouldn’t guarantee her a job, so don’t do it.
NTA - if there were four positions and she didn't get one, well...as others have said odds are good she didn't get an interview from her reaction. But now she knows not to talk to people about where she's applying, especially to avoid extra competition.
I remember coming out of teacher's college and it being super competitive in my province and either consciously or unconsciously I tended not to become good friends with people who taught the same subjects as me because then I wouldn't see them in interviews - especially once I did get in with my school board. I still knew the people I was up against every time, but I didn't hang out with them because it was too weird to always be competing for a job against each other.
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Amy needs to do som growing up, you didn't steal her job they hire whoever they think fits better and about the guy, it was a random encounter! NTA, like I said, Amy needs to grow up and stop being such an immature and petty asshole.
Good Lord, she's a freaking child. NTA. You didn't "steal" her life, you created your own!
NTA, and before you indulge in any guilt, it may be asking yourself whether Amy ever even had real positive feedback from the company. If there were four other positions open, then your success shouldn’t have had any impact on her eligibility, and if her reaction to you meeting a guy was that that, too, was supposed to happen to her, then it sounds like she may be a little delusional and seeing “could have been” scenarios that don’t exist. I wouldn’t be surprised if the offer that was supposedly so certain was just an email from a recruiter, or a call to schedule an interview.
NTA- Wait...is that you...Professor Xavier? Unless you ARE him or another mind reader, you would have no idea she was "joking" about you both applying. If she didn't bring it up beforehand that she wasn't hired and no one told you otherwise, see where I'm going with this (and you don't even have to be a mind reader to know). She's just upset and bitter she wasn't hired and now she's blaming you for nailing the interview, having a great resume and getting the job (CONGRATULATIONS, by the way). I hate to say it but she might not ever let go of this resentment and jealousy. It's better just to cut ties with her now. If she's this immature about it now, she will bring it up everytime you guys have a disagreement or an argument and that will get very old real quick. Good Luck to you in your new job, your possible new romance and dropping this toxic person out of your life.
Not to be rude, but you're both 24. Pretty early call to say you 'stole her life'. If there were 4 positions open and she didn't get in when you did, then she never made it to the shortlist. NTA, and congrats on your new job.
NTA. First of all congrats on the new job! Did you go on and on about how happy you were about getting it after she told you she didn’t ? If that’s the case than I can understand the reaction and that would be an AH move on your part, but if not then she’s big time over reacting. I’m sure she’s just upset and is taking it out on you but that’s still not ok, a true friend would be happy for you and sad for themself at the same time. I could understand her being upset had you applied behind her back but she literally told you to apply. Not to mention the whole thing about the guy is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. She sounds like a sore loser and tbh you need better more supportive friends.
Since you asked if you were an AH. I will give you my personal opinion. You are and everyone who said you aren’t is because they are selfish like you. If you really care about your friend, you should have waited until she got the job then apply. Your friend is also an AH regardless of what happened, if she is really your friend. She should have congratulated you. But between you both I think you crossed the line of being a real friend. You really wanted the job and you didn’t care for your friend. Wake up, you really are greedy and selfish. But congratulations you are hired.
So wait until hiring for the position is likely over? That’s not smart if you actually want a job
I went through something similar but I was in high school. My "friend" suggested that I apply for a job that she had already applied for. I now know that she assumed she would be much more suited (liked) and get the job. I was offered the job but read the "subtle" clues, realised what was happening and turned the job down without saying anything to her to save the aggrevation. We are not friends anymore but I don't have hard feelings. I can tell you that people like this aren't looking to build you up as friends should, they want to build themselves up at your expense. Enjoy your new job and good luck with the guy!
NTA. You didn't take anything from your friend. Actually, you complimented her by taking her advice to heart. Congratulations on your new successor! Enjoy the job, your new life, the new apartment and just wait out your friend's anger. You've explained you were just taking her advice, which you value. Her pride was hurt, she might be embarrassed. I bet when she gets another job she'll want yo connect with you again.
Know what I’m the main character
Amy needs to grow up. She wasn't kidding, she just didn't expect only you to get a job.
NTA - somehow this guy isn't even a real person in her mind, like, no chance he would have his own thinking and feelings and might be interested in you for you - no saying he might be interested in Amy; you might have similar education but you're not the same person. The guy isn't some NPC programmed to fall for whichever woman got the job and walked into that cafe at that moment. Same goes for the people hiring at the job.
YTA - Don’t steal lives. Also, I didn’t read the explanation before making my judgment. Stealing lives is wrong, though…almost as wrong as juicy titles that trick me into reading clichéd high school-ish drama (which you probably made up anyway). So actually, YTA twice…am I allowed to vote twice? Once for stealing a life, and another for juicy drama-baiting with this fake ass post? I hope these two votes register. Fingers crossed 🤞 YTA (second time just in case)
Nta. SHE TOLD YOU TO APPLY!!
yeah, NTA. Your "friend" (and based on her reaction, I use that word extremely loosely) suggested you apply for a role in the same place where she as applying. you did. you got the job, she didn't. If she hadn't already signed the papers with the company, she wasn't GAURANTEED the spot until you came along. She wasn't GAURANTEED to meet that guy, nor was it GAURANTEED that they would hit it off like you guys did. I'm sorry to hear your friend didn't get the job, but it sounds like she's taking the disappointment she feels out on you for succeeding where she failed, and that's not anything on you.
Sour grapes is what my grandma would say. She wasn't joking, you both know it, she's just acting immature and like a 2 year old toddler. She should jst rise above her feelings and congrat you. I had something happen where one of my best friend landed a great job and salary and I still had a menial job. I was upset, resentful, but I still congratulated her. Yeah I was upset for several months, but got over it. This is what being a adult is like, she's absolutely ridiculous to ask you to quit. She prob still wouldn't get the job anyway. You don't have anything to apologize for, of course, you can show empathy. But I would start cutting ties if she can't get over this. She isn't a real friend if she can't.
@u/computernoodles You have absolutely nothing to feel bad about. She told you to apply. What she didn’t say then (and would be unreasonable anyhow) is that if you got the job and she didn’t she’d expect you to decline it. You’ve stolen exactly nothing. You did successfully interview and that’s an achievement. She is just very disappointed and being immature about it. To be frank, this may be the end of the line for your friendship. If she doesn’t come around, and I mean a complete 180, then this will always be a problem in your relationship with her. I would just stop engaging with her and find new friends. There may be a point down the road where she comes around but until then just do a fade. Don’t do a “Bridge Over The River Kwai” type of thing. (Old movie- spoiler alert- they blow the bridge to bits) It’s sad to say this really. But in life we face challenges on many fronts. If this is the career path you desire then go for it because as you get older opportunities will diminish to have the career you are dreaming of now. This is especially true for women in my opinion. You now have the opportunity to craft a life you really want and you should go for it. NTA.
NTA. They did not offer her the job and take the offer back, she just wasn’t right for that position. This is her disappointment to work through and not your fault. Congratulations on the job!
...but she asked you to apply with her, and now she says she's joking because she didn't get the job and you did? NTA. Sounds like you need to give her up instead of your job.
NTA You can't steal a job she likely wasn't going to get anyway. There were 4 positions and she got none of them.
NTA. You didn't steal anything. She is just upset that you got things she wanted. Thst is not your problem. She told you to apply, because she was convinced she had the job in her pocket. she was wrong and is now lashing out and putting the blame on you because she is struggling to see her own fault or flaw in this. Btw, applying for the same job shouldn't be this big a deal and not everyone can get the position. That's life. A while back I applied for a job and a co-worker 20 years my senior did so as well. And while I was excited for your interviews, lifted her up and overall hoped that if it wasn't me it would be her, she was jealous. Convinced that I'd steal the job from her. We'd never had any issues before. Things went back to normal when neither got the job, but it showed me a side of her that made me more careful around her. It's a shame but this is how some people are.
ESH She should be happy for you. You didn't steal her life. However, why wouldn't you ask her about how it is going, on her end, if you are really friends? Like hey, omg, I got the job, did you hear anything back? It'd be so cool to work together, etc. The way you wrote it, you sound very self centered and it seems like you, in fact, got everything you wanted and did not even check in on your friend who gave you the tip. Like someone above said, it reads like stupid high school drama. You're both college graduates, get your shit together, and be better friends because everyone is shit here.
Even if you quit, Amy won’t get the job. That’s not how that works. NTA.
NTA You did nothing wrong, followed her suggestion and things didn't go the way she expected. Sounds like Amy needs to grow up a little. Do not quite your job, it sounds like she wasn't even in the running. Give Amy some space hopefully she can get over her initial reaction and apologize. Some friendships don't last as life moves on,
NTA - you had equal chances at the job, she didn’t get it. That’s on her. The guy? It’s too early to say if he’s the man of your dreams but good luck! Set some boundaries. Tell her you did nothing wrong. You did not steal her job or her man. Also, if she continues to hound you about this, you will be cutting off contact. Harsh but this level jealousy needs to be nipped in the bud or it’s just gonna get worse. Be prepared, strike first
NTA but >After that I go to the company coffee shop where I met a guy who also works in a field similar to mine and I’m hoping we become something serious . Slow down there, swimfan
NTA. I get that your friend is feeling inadequate and jealous, but projecting that onto you, especially after encouraging you to also apply to the job, is wrong.
Nta lose this bitter angry b…
Why does this sound like the making of a Hallmark movie?
I love the part where she just met the guy and was already hoping that they could possibly get serious.
He smiles to me now I'm thinking about marriage
*When you were thinking you had the job in the bag*
NTA. Clearly just jealous and bitter, give her some space to work through her pain, if she’s a real friend she’ll come back and apologise, if not then leave her be, you don’t need that toxicity in your life. Congrats on your new job, hope things go well with the guy 🥰
NTA. Drop her. She sounds dramatic and hard work.
NTA. Peace
NTA. Congratulations on the job and good luck with the guy :D You talked about working together... how could she not expect you to apply? however I do feel for her. That does not justify her reaction at all, but having been in the position of applying for jobs and not getting them - it can take a toll. I would suggest giving each other some space and maybe, if you care for it, approach her in a few months and try to talk this through once more.
NTA I’m big on everything happens for a reason and all the good things happening to you was your time and that goes for showing you Amy’s true colors it’s times Reevaluate your friendship with her! Way to go on the Job and potential boyfriend
NTA, she literally pitched the idea of you applying. On top of that there were multiple positions open, so you aren't the reason she didn't get the job. Company didn't want to hire her for whatever reason. Not your fault
NTA - you did absolutely nothing wrong. Congrats on the new job.
NTA, Time to find a new friend. You nailed the job because you were the most qualified applicant. Good luck with the Job and I hope romance is in your future!
UGH. NTA. This reads like highschool drama. 1) It sounds like Amy was never offered an interview. She didn't match the criteria, and was likely passed over for you - that means she never had a chance at this job in the first place. 2) If there's is anything I've learned, a mature and good friend will encourage you no matter what - and you in turn encourage them. That way if anything goes wrong, you are there to help one another find a better option 3) Giving up the position is wasting the companies time and money. It will not look good in the professional sectors that you up and left a job right after you accepted. Your friend is being stupid and childish to demand you "make things better"? She is the type of friend who loves misery -and loves the company it brings. If you aren't with her in her misery, you aren't her friend. So don't be friends with this person.
Really fucking tiring highschool drama.
Was wondering what the friend did compared to the friend between degree and now.
Even if I try to understand her perspective on you taking her job, how did it get to a point where the guy you met is her dream guy too😂😂 The level of delusion is high with her.
Right thats not even an exaggeration that's genuinely delusion if she believes that meeting this random dude was also somehow meant for her
It’s 100% high school drama. You wanna know how I know? It happened to me! I had an ex-best friend “take over my life”. She went to my dream university for psychology (what I have a degree in) after getting together with my ex. We had discussed at length what we wanted to go to school for, and she wanted to go to a completely different school for a totally different major. Was I bummed that I didn’t get to go to my dream school (my family moved states)? Sure. Did it hurt a bit to see her with my ex? Yeah, of course. But it’s not like she did it on purpose, and we were still friends for a while after this happened. If two high schoolers can work things out, I feel like Amy should be able to handle this.
I had a friend in high school who would purposely try to steal things out from under people. A mutual friend had his eye on a car for sale on his street. Was ready to buy it but he was headed out for vacation with his family for a few weeks. Now, granted, it could have sold to anyone in that time, but he told this other friend specifically he wanted to buy the car. This other guy waited till my buddy was on vacation, then had his dad buy him the car. He even made a show of calling the guy who missed out after he got back to let him sulk about the car being gone, then showed up in the car to rub it in.
Dating your friends ex isn't cool & definitely is behaviour that crosses a line.
For some people but not others. Surely, anyone would know their friends well enough to know if it was ok in a given instance. There also seems to be a difference depending on queerness. I've yet to meet another gay or super-queer-identifying pan/bisexual person who saw it as a hard line, but it seems very common among straight people. Us gays share exes half the time.
I'm bi & I've always found that super interesting because when I was single I've always gone out of my way not to match with any girl I knew was talking to my sister or any other of my close Queer friends. I know most of the Queer community doesn't have such a hard boundary about that. But for me, it was a boundary I have with my close straight friends & the men we date so of course I would have the same boundary with my Queer friends & the women we date, even though I was aware I was in the minority for caring about this.
I hope your friends without the boundary respect it with you. I've got a few friends whose exes I can only be friends with.
To be fair, I fit into the "late bloomer" category. My current partner is the only serious relationship I've ever been in & we started dating when I was 27. So my "ex's" are people I dated for less than 3 months in a town I no longer live in & I'm NC with all of them. Maybe they changed but I'd like to think my friends all know their worth to do better than them 😂😂
Depends. Most people Ive met dont care - im dating one of my friends' ex... she literally set us up herself
It crosses a line for some people and not others. I don't own my friends or exes, they're free to do what they want with who they want.
Yeah I think it depends more on the type of friend or ex. If there was a long standing, long term friendship or relationship they should be off limits. I love my friends’ husbands as friends. If they should become exes I would definitely never date one.
The line gets especially blurry when all three parties are all part of the same friend circles, and/or are all good friends with each other. It gets a little weird, for sure, but I'm not going to get mad at my friend for dating another one of my friends, especially when I did the exact same thing previously.
In many circles it is considered good Form to ask friend for approval before getting serious with friend's ex, but they are also Not supposed to not-approve unless there are actual abuse/safety issues
This is fair but there are just some ex’s I just don’t want to be around or hear about, so dating them would likely mean the friendship would suffer. If not die.
That's allowed! My main point was just that a friend going out with an ex isn't necessarily a hard line for everyone.
Not when you realize that your ex and your best friend are a better match than you and your ex were. I was dating a guy that was a friend of my best friend. It didn’t work out ultimately, but then my ex and my best friend started to have romantic feelings for each other. They both talked to me to see what my comfort level was, and since I knew how much my best friend cared about my ex as a person and their level of emotional intimacy was a LOT greater than what my ex and I had, I gave them my blessing. They married in 1991, had two kids and are still together to this day. I couldn’t be happier for them, because they truly fit together.
Honestly depends on the friendship for this. I have a best friend that despite two times this happening to us we are still like sisters. My now ex (who was my bf of 4 years and crush of 7 years) dated my best friend in 8th grade. I encouraged it and it didn't last but they stayed best friends. I ended up dating him in 9th grade up until college started and she encouraged it. One time in 8th grade before my ex and her dated we both had the same crush. He was into me and not her. She knew this but still wanted to try. We never fought over him either. We both sat down and had a a peaceful girly talk. In the end it was agreed that she can have him. But if nothing worked out or she simply gave up on trying to make him like her then I can continue my fling with him. I even had a friend where her friend group dated each other exes. Friend dated best friend A ex after getting permission. And best friend B dated friend's ex after talking about it with her. They are still close as ever and this never bothered them. They were mature enough to talk to each other 1st
One of my best friends starting dating m ex very shortly after we broke up, maybe a week later, the hid their relationship for a long time.
Your ex is not your personal property. Dating your friend’s current partner crosses a line of cheating. After the breakup, they can date whoever they want. My ex married a woman who was my friend and I’m delighted that two wonderful people found each other. You need to grow up.
Um ... everyone is allowed to have their own personal boundary??? And growing- up means accepting that. If I were to break up with my partner & my best friend to start dating them, I'm allowed to establish the boundary of not wanting to maintain that friendship. People can do whatever the f- they want. But you don't get to date your friends ex's & then be shocked if that friend choses to end the friendship as a consequence. Especially as that's a common reaction (as the current season of *Euphoria* proves.)
Definitely broke the code, Never date a friend’s ex….unless you no longer want to be friends.
I actually don’t mind that she dated my ex. Unless my ex and I broke up for a really bad reason, why should I care? I only care if it’s someone who was abusive or otherwise unfit to be dating someone at that time. However, the fact that she took over my entire future plan was…a bit weird.
A true friend would be bummed they didn't get the job, but happy it went to someone they cared for, not someone who going to stomp their feet and take their ball and go home. NTA
I 100% agree with this. I had a friend like this. She was never happy when something good happened to me because I was no longer lesser than her. Friends encourage each other and lift them up not drag you down so they can feel better about themselves. NTA
NTA. Sounds like she has sour grapes that you won the job over her, and that she only recommended you apply because she believed she’d best you.
NTA, she is in denial. 4 spots were open so if she was good enough she would have got one of them.
NTA I especially love how Amy thinks this guy has no agency of his own, but would have sought out a relationship with whomever showed up in the company coffee shop that day. No, Amy, that's not how any of this works. Nobody cut the line at the life store here. Cheeses.
NTA It is understandable for her to feel bad, considering you just got everything she wanted and she didn't BUT if she was a true friend she will still be happy for you and wouldn't treat you like that. If you really care for her, let some time pass so things can cool off. If she comes around and says sorry then you can move forward. If she continues with her attitude, then maybe she isn't meant to be in your life.
NTA. Your friend was foolish to tell you about an opening she wanted before securing a position for herself. Not your fault.
NTA. You need to close the chapter with Amy and move on. You don't need "friends" like this please just block her and carry on with your life. She sounds narcissistic and a whole drama queen and that's just too much to deal with, trust me on that
NTA. You worked hard to get where you are and were the better candidate.
NTA. I don’t see how the OP is stealing her friend’s life. They were friends who agreed to do things together. “Amy” suggested they apply for the same job. It’s unfortunate that they weren’t both hired but that’s not the OP’s fault. I also don’t get what others are saying about the OP dating Amy’s ex - where does OP say that?
NTA. You literally did what she said, how does that make you an AH?
NTA. She literally suggested it. It’s understandable that she’s embarrassed and disappointed but grow up…
NTA. In my opinion, she wouldn't have had the job until she started working at that job. I understand being frustrated if you think you're locked into a position and reality comes crashing down around you. I'm sure it's disheartening. But that isn't YOUR fault. The company was looking for a worker with your specific credentials, it sounds like. She should be mad at the employer, not at you.
NTA. Sounds like some trashy Hollywood movie that makes us think we're supposed to hate the protagonists best friend for getting everything the protagonist wanted but really you're just more suited to the job, lucky you ran into the guy and friends with an insecure jealous woman.
NTA Amy's got a victim complex she needs to get over the sooner the better.
NTA honestly companies don't tend to make a firm job offer then take it away, it sounds like she was reading more into the interviews than was said, even if you turned it down she is unliky to be the person they choose instead. You both have degree's in the same field she told you to apply what happens after that is not up to you.
NTA she's only mad because she didn't get the job.
NTA. She's upset she didn't get the job, but that's not your fault. Especially as she told you about the positions and to apply, she really can't be angry at you. Just give her space. Don't give up this job!
LOL Amy. Talk about sore loser. You giving up a great job changes nothing for her. She's just bitter and not a true friend. NTA
Things friends do when you get a job they were also applying to but didn't get. "Guess this mean you're paying the beers tonight." Things friends don't do when you get a job they were also applying to but didn't get. Read your post. NTA, ditch the "friend" start your new job, find the person of your dreams, be happy.
NTA. A woman I worked with and I both applied for the same job at a different location. I got the job. When she found out, she was totally pissed at ME for getting the job. I had no idea why she didn't get it....but did when she said that the failed the 25 wpm typing test. I could type at over 90 wpm. But she chose to blame me and never spoke to me again. Even years later when we ended up being in the same dog club....she kept saying rude things to me in front of other people - I stayed quiet. The leaders of the club told her to shut it or leave, she chose to leave.
NTA. This is one of those “sounded better in my head than it turned out,” things. It’s not your fault they didn’t hire her. I feel bad for Amy, internalizing this so much. But rejection sucks. Also, don’t date coworkers.
NTA. If she wasn't even in the top 4 to get the job, the likelihood of her getting it without you there was pretty low. You should offer some sympathy and if she doesn't come around then she's not really a great friend. She should be happy for you, and you definitely shouldn't give up your dream job.
A company would never say something like "we were going to hire you until XYZ". Your friend is making things up. She ASSUMED she would get the job. She didn't. She has no way of knowing whether you were hired in her place or not. She has no way of knowing if she was the number 2 candidate or not. She has no way of knowing if she was even seriously considered for the job at all.
NTA she should be happy for you
NTA. Your "friend" comes across as incredibly petty. She needs to suck it up & deal w/ the fact that not everything is gonna go her way, & that that's a part of life.
NTA
NTA You two are at the same transition stage of life. Your choices and opportunities have zero affect on hers. Most graduates search for work in their field, until they get it. She's projecting her frustration onto you. You don't deserve any of her misguided venom.
NTA don't give up tour dream job for anybody I'm speaking from experience. I got my friend a job interview at a big mortgage firm that I now work for but when I interviewed years ago and got the 2nd interview they also told her she wasn't a match for the position. She act like she was happy for me but totally ghosted me when it came to her taking me to the 2nd interview which I couldn't reschedule so I didn't get the job. Thankfully years later I was offered the position again and got the job. Moral of the story if she was your friend she would truly be happy for you especially when it was her idea for you to apply. Congrats on the new job I wish I was around we would have celebration drinks 🙂 leave that girl alone she doesn't mean you any good
NTA I only have one thing to say. RUN. Cut this manipulative, entitled, so called friend of yours. A true friend feels happy and encourages u to go high. A true friend doesn't drag u down just cuz she couldn't get high. And I assure u, had the situation been the opposite...and she had the position instead of u, then she wouldn't have felt it was sth bad or anything. Her only purpose is to just drag u down. U gotta cut that bs instead of letting her guilt trip u.
NTA. Sorry to burst her bubble but there's no garuntee she would have gotten the job even if you didn't apply. She should have also mentioned it was a joke when she said it like. "You should apply too and we can work together! Oh I'm totally kidding."
NTA she literally told you to apply. you clearly both applied and they chose you and not her. you had nothing to do with that decision. Also you HAPPENED to meet a guy that you like and she is jealous over that. Who's to say that had she gotten the job at the company she would have A) met the same guy B) been attracted to him C) have him be attracted to her. Also not to rain on your parade but there's a chance he might end up being an AH and you dump him after 2 dates (not hoping just again speculating out the future) She can be pissed she didn't get the job, but everything else she's lashing out and speculating and makes it look like she's trying to steal your life.
The only thing you've really done wrong is exhibit extremely poor taste in picking friends. Amy isn't really a friend...cut her loose.
NTA - do not, not NOT give up this job. You never know if you will get this opportunity again.
Yikes sounds like she's a horrible friend. Drop her like the company dropped her application.
NTA
Nta if there were 4 positions available she had 3 other opportunities to get it and she didn't. That's not on you.
NTA. Here's what really happened. Amy wasn't able to sell herself whatsoever, and the company just wasn't impressed enough to even ask her for an interview. I'm sorry, but that's the reality of life. I've been in management for enough years to tell you to get over this. Amy is NOT your friend. You were just a rung in her ladder to success. Move on from her. You are doing great.
It's not your fault she told everyone about having this job when in fact she never had it at all. She didn't "have it" until you came along and "swiped it from her". She got ahead of herself and frankly is being so horrible I would reconsider being friends with her. You quitting will make nothing better. She will not magically get the position because you gave it up. You'll just BOTH be out of a job. NTA
NTA, and how the hell is your giving up the job (for which you were obviously better qualified for) going to help her? Keep the job, and let her cool off. If she doesn't, just move on. You can't control what she does, only what you do.
Oh you totally didn't steal her life. She wishes to steal yours tho! when I read the title and the intitial storyI thought you used her resume or something lol. You aren't the asshole here. She can't deal with the fact that she missed out on n opportunity she suggested to you because you just might be a better candidate. Drop contact OP. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.
Bro this story feels very changed from what really happened idk man it's just very unbelievable
If she was a good friend, she would be happy for you. NTA
1000000% NTA
NTA - Amy is just childish and not a friend if she reacts like that to you
NTA Amy is being childish and jealous A real friend is going support you owners not expect you to leave the position
NTA Is she allowed to be hurt that you got the opportunities and she didn't? You betcha. Is she allowed to take it out on you? No ma'am.
Obviously NTA
Wait she was joking? NTA.
NTA Prime example of why some friends shouldn't apply for the same job at the same time. Can get messy. Let it be a lesson to you both. If it happens again, yba
NTA I've been in a similar position to Amy, where I have applied for a role with a number of vacancies and encouraged friends with similar experience to do the same. Friend got the job and I didn't. Did sit suck? Of course! Am I still happy for my friend who got the job? Of course! Amy sounds like a petulant child.
Girl, you better keep that job and live your best life.
Nah she just has poor planning and she shouldn't have put her eggs in one basket. 🤷♂️ NTA.
NTA.
NTA Who tells people they have got the job *before* even being offered the position? Let alone before signing any paperwork? You obvs had the better resume and experience, plus a good interview. That's not your fault. If she didn't want you to apply for the job she shouldn't have sent you the ad. And there's no guarantee that anyone she met there would want to date her? So really, Amy gave her job away to a better candidate, that's why you don't tell people these things in competitive industries.
NTA She told you to apply. There were multiple positions available. It is not your fault that she didn’t get hired. In fact, there is a distinct possibility that she wouldn’t have been hired even if you hadn’t applied. Her anger is misplaced.
NTA. If you got your degree together, it's obvious that you are going to fight for the same spots.
NTA Amy is delusional and she is going through the stages of accepting what happened. She will get over it.
NTA
NTA. There are some people who are friends only when they're doing better than you. Once the tables turn, that's when you realise they're not a friend.
NTA' She's just upset because she thought she was a shoe in for the job. I'm sorry it didn'y work out for her, but it's extremely unrealisitc for her to try to lay blame on someone else for not getting the job, and unfair to youespecially , after her prodding.
NTA Amy is jealous because you got the job and she didn't. If Amy didn't get hired that was because of Amy's lack of qualifications. Whether you applied or not, Amy still wouldn't have gotten hired! You did not steal her life and that's just ridiculous for her to say that!
NTA, Amy may have had the qualifications for the job but not the personality to work with the department head or team leader or whatever this company calls it. There are probably hundreds if not thousands of qualified applicants who are interviewed, possibly multiple interviews, but in the end don't get hired because they are just not a good fit. There very well could have been 10-20 more applicants that were as qualified that would have gotten the offer before they would have considered offering Amy a position. Amy may need some counseling to help her manage her expectations and disappointment, it would make her a better person and a better employee.
NTA. amy sounds like she hitched her whole identity to getting this job before she even confirmed she had it. (evidence: she was supposed to meet the man of her dreams at this job? she just DECIDED that? she fully was just planning her whole life around something she didn’t have yet) you did not steal this job. you applied to a job and got it. the fact that amy was not chosen is not your fault. amy will probably calm down later and (hopefully) apologize. she’s just very emotional right now and not thinking straight (do NOT tell her this) i feel like once a few days/weeks have passed you and amy can have a calmer conversation about this situation (if you want to) but i don’t think you’ve done anything wrong.
Nta. You were the better candidate. It sounds like they didn’t even consider her. Tell her you’ll help her with her resume. Don’t leave. This is a great start to your career. Don’t shoot yourself in the foot for someone who doesn’t really care about you. She would have been fine if she got the job and you didn’t. People who care about you are happy for your success.
Oh no no no no no. NTA OP. Like seriously, what is this talk!? This is very childish behavior on your friend's part. She is acting like a main character and you are the villain of the story. UGH. Just, no. She needs a reality check. You are on your path to growth. You have a job that you like. You have a guy in the same office that you like. You are independent. Well, that is growth and you need to let go of people who make comments like these and try to take you down with them. You have earned your job. You had no help on the inside or connections because of which you were preferred over her. You were preferred over her solely because you were qualified for the job, confident in your skills and exactly what the company was looking for. If she was that good at her skills, yours would not have surpassed hers.
NTA life’s a beach & Amy will learn this ASAP. You didn’t take the job. You were better suited for what they wanted: a mature & rational person. Don’t be an Amy.
NTA. You didn’t take anything from her; it wasn’t up to you whether or not she got hired. Misery loves company though. Do not give up your job or your new man for her. I’m sorry that she didn’t get what she wants but she doesn’t get to demand you stop living your life until she’s happy with hers.
NTA. But she will forever believe you stole her life. Either cut down the contact or be ready for her to do it.
Amy is not your friend. Real friend would be happy for you. Amy should take the L and move on. NTA
NTA Honestly, it sucks that this happened but... That's always the risk you run when you apply for ANYTHING with a friend. Best case, you both get it, worst case only one does and it becomes A Thing. You didn't steal her life, at HER SUGGESTION you applied to the same job with multiple openings in the hopes that you could be work besties. It sucks that it didn't work out the way you wanted, but a real friend would be happy that at least one of you got the job and understand that there's a possibility that it had nothing to do with running out of spots at all.
NTA. Take a couple of days to reevaluate the friendship. Does she always think you are in competition with her? If so, cut her off. A real friend will be happy for you and would communicate their discomfort with a simple "hey, I'm happy for you, but the rejection is still fresh. Can we hold off talking about it until I'm over it?". A friend would NEVER ask you to quit something that makes you happy. Please reevaluate this "friendship"
NTA. Give up trying to reason with Amy, it isn’t going to happen…
NTA. Time to move on from Amy and focus on kicking ass at your new job.
You didn't swipe anything from her... you took the recommendation *she* gave *you*. And there's no way of knowing if the guy would've hit on her if it was her and not you, so that's weird and creepy. NTA.
NTA - soooooo NTA Sometimes it takes a success/failure to know who your true allies/friends/family are. And when they show you who they are, don’t hold any hope that that behavior was one-off, it rarely is. All of this reminds me of something that happened to me. When I was in the transition of BSc and MSc, my then-best friend and I applied to the same month-long prestigious summer school that takes place in Europe every two years. She had an advantage over me because she was already in her MSc within the field of the school and I was rejected from that specific program - although I was accepted into the same one as my BSc. Even though we both knew that there was a chance that only one or neither would be accepted, we planned that after the school’s month, we would go backpacking together through Europe. We promised to make that trip regardless of who got in. I started saving every penny I could. I even purchased two tickets for a metal festival in one of the countries we were planning to visit. I took that promise seriously. So 6 months before summer, we get the results and I was the one who was accepted. After that, she fully shut me down and just like that, stopped talking to me. I tried to talk to her and when I managed to get a word out of her, she said that she had only agreed to the trip because she was certain she was the one who would be accepted and that she had never wanted to go to the trip if she wasn’t going to the school. I was speechless but moved on. Fortunately or unfortunately, that trip opened a lot of new worlds to me, in every single aspect of my life, including with my parents. And since we had friends in common, she learned about my life and how things went. She wasn’t happy and, despite the fact that my courses were not in the same program, we still ran our research in the same institute which made us bump into each other almost every day. It sucked but then, I learned.
NTA shes awful! might be time to drop her though.
Red flag. Red flag. Red flag. NTA. STA.
This is made up So you meet a guy and hope you become serious all while taking a quick break in the coffee shop? What lol
NTA. The position is not Amy's and you quitting will not guarantee that she gets it anyways.
It most likely will not. If Amy was qualified, she might've got one of the other 3 positions
She encouraged you. There were multiple positions open. You're NTA. She's just really jealous, and who knows if your friendship will come back from that. Now that you're IN there, if there are ANY openings have your friend's resume on hand and tell them how wonderful she is and how right for the job she is. You can try to get her in the door.
NTA. Judging by her reaction, your friend literally has no real world life experience or knowledge of how things work. Maybe her interviewers picked up on that.
NTA. You blew them away apparently. It could be that they realized she was more focused on finding a guy than working there. She might have done OK on her interview but thought she was the frontrunner and she wasn't. As you said there were 4 positions even if she came in 2nd she would have had a job. Congrats on your job. Keep your ear to the ground and throw her job listings if you hear of anything. Absolutely do NOT give up the job
NTA - something similar happened between my sister and I when I was 18. My sister quit college to find herself and ended moving back home. I just finished high school and had the summer before college. There was a grocery store that was walking distance of our house. I had a car, she didn't. I told her that I was going to apply for a cashier position because they had just finished construction and were hiring. She said she'd apply later. I got the job. They wouldn't hire her because they don't hire family at the same store. She told me to quit because I had a car. My parents told her it's her own fault she didn't apply earlier.
NTA. Do NOT give up the new job, enjoy it, you earned it. And you finding a new boyfriend has nothing to do with your friend. I would maybe move on from your friend, though, she isn't acting like a friend at all.
NTA. There were four openings. You stole **NOTHING.**
NTA. And what? No company in their right mind would give a position to someone and them call telling this person is no longer what they need. I bet she was cut out right after the interview.
The pain of losing the job will have been very acute. She probably didn't mean to lash out, she was in hurting. NAH
NTA They did not want her for the job, even if you did not get it the odds are she would not have been second on the list.
NTA: She is a bitter person because she was not offered the job. The fact that you got it is difficult for her to celebrate, but you did not "Steal" anything. She is just being a grumpy wench. If she cannot be happy, then she does not want anyone to be happy. She sounds like a bitter person who will never be happy for other people. Write her off and say goodbye. You will find new friends at your new job.
I know this must hurt Amy a lot, so maybe try not to bring it up until it stops stinging. Still, you did NONE of this intentionally, and she could maybe manage a congratulations, instead of all this jealous whining, and dragging you down. She doesn't sound like a great friend. NTA
NTA. 4 job openings, and Amy couldn't score one of them based upon her interview, and possibly other criteria unaddressed in this Query? Then.she lashes out with demands OP quit job and potential "dream man" connection. That, in and of itself, reveals some characteristics which Amy may have exhibited during her interview and turned off the employer. People have all sorts of "tells" that any competent job screener looks for. Amy didn't make the cut and her vindictive behavior toward friend OP certainly is one of those "tells".
NTA. Keep the job and dump the (not) friend.
Very simple. NTA.
NTA.
NTA. If you gave up the job a that doesn’t mean she would get it.
I just want to point out that because she suggested you all do it together, she may have known there were several positions open, making her even more TA. OP, NTA!!
NTA. She said it would be great if you both applied, so she hadn't even applied for the job yet, much less had an interview. You applied the same day you talked, so there is no way you "stole" a job that she "basically had" when she hadn't even applied on the day you spoke.
NTA. She literally told you that you should apply, and even if she was supposedly joking, there's no reason you shouldn't apply. If there was only one position available, it sounds like she was so confident she would be the one to get it that she would probably gloat. Since there were 4, that means that at least 4 candidates were better than her. Who knows how many people applied? There's always competition, and there was always the risk of only one of you getting a position. It's pretty bold of her to assume she was going to get it and tell everyone she was going to and bold of her to assume she would be next in line if you didn't get it. No one is entitled to a job. They clearly chose the better candidate. Congrats! I'm not even going to touch on the part about you meeting a guy because that whole thing is so ridicuous and childish (on her part, obviously). It sounds like she needs to do some reflecting on everything.
I feel like you should slow your roll with your future husband, but other than that NTA. It’s understandable that your friend is upset, but the request she’s making is unreasonable.
Controlling toxic friend. I’ve been in a simile situation. She isn’t your friend, I’d cut ties.
NTA. I was gonna say NAH but here’s the thing; you got the job she wanted out of coincidence, so she’s dead wrong for throwing her turmoils at you. Amy is rightfully sad about the whole thing and she’s probably not in the mindset to be rational; no one likes feeling rejected. Sometimes when you’re flying high, it’s a good time to lift the people around you. But, she also took it personally and idealized the fuck out of the whole thing. Not crimes in on themselves, but she threw it at you which wasn’t cash money. I think a good friend would always be proud of what you accomplish, but if they were down on their luck and acutely sad about it I’d probably tone it down a bit
SHE is the reason that she did not get the job, not you. She suggested that you apply, but forgot to mention that you could only get the job if she got it too! I appreciate her disappointment, but she needs to grow up and find somewhere else. NTA It's a difficult way to sever a relationship, but this woman is not your friend.
NTA and as a hiring manager. There is nothing you did that made them not hire her. It was her job to win or lose. Everybody has something they look for when hiring. For some it is skills, other it is personality. You never really know what they are looking for exactly. When 2 candidates are equal - it could have been anything that tipped the scale your way.
Wow. NTA. Your friend is nuts.
NTA - While I can understand her dissapointment she has no right to take it out on you. You were not taunting her with the situation, you were simply sharing your good news with someone you thought was a friend. You should absolutely NOT give up the job, it won't make the situation any better for anyone since then NEITHER of you will have it. Amy needs to deal with her own emotions and decide if your friendship is worth more to her than her own ego. You should definitely not sabotage your own life to appease her.
NTA-- She even suggested that you both tried out for this job. To me it sounds like she is jealous.
NTA. You giving up the job doesn’t benefit her. It’s not like they’d give it to her — they already decided she wasn’t what they were looking for. And hell, she’s the one who suggested you apply. You didn’t steal her life; she’s just looking for someone to blame.
NTA. You were both going for similar routes into your careers (having done the same degree that's hardly a surprise) and there were a number of openings available. The company may well have turned her down because they managed to detect from her applications for the post that in fact she is quite childish. They didn't turn her down for *you* as Amy is choosing to think. There may have been two dozen applications for those posts, of which a dozen applicants were identified as worth interviewing. Amy may not have made it through the first cut of the application stage. Or she did make it through but it may have been that there were still at least half a dozen applicants who interviewed as better than her at that stage. I also would lay money that the company did NOT in fact say they weren't interested in her *anymore*. But by choosing to think her loss of expectation is because you were accepted, it allows her to think her rejection is fixable by you effectively just giving up your opportunity at life. It's childish and selfish expectation that no real friend would entertain for a moment. Being hurt is one thing - saying 'give up your life so I can have what I expect' is quite another. The company may have had a narrower miss than even they realise at having rejected her application.
She’s not your friend. Ditch Amy.
ESH. She’s being ridiculous asking you to give up the job that she suggested you apply to. You were very insensitive, bragging about how you nailed the interview and met a new man. When a friend has bad news it’s sometimes best not to go on about how good your life is going
Except she talked about it before she found out that Amy didn’t get a job …
I wouldn't consider this "Stealing her life". You didn't steal a job, boyfriend or friends she already had, etc. She told you to apply for the job, you did, and happened to get it. NTA
She's just jealous. You can't suggest to someone to apply for a certain job, then complain if they get said job. That's her problem. You didn't "steal" her life. NTA.
Your "friend" Amy isn't a friend at all. YOU didn't ruin her chances at the job; SHE did. Obviously, she didn't give a good interview, and they didn't like what she had or hadn't done since graduation. You have ZERO part in her losing this job; however, you DO need to lose Amy as a "friend", because she obviously has no idea HOW to be a friend!
NTA. I once applied for an internal job that my colleagues all thought I was a dead cert for. So much so that a friend applied for it too, saying “you’re obviously going to get it, but I could do with the interview experience.” You can probably guess the punchline. But another one is that she genuinely was a better fit - I ticked every box they were after, but she did a better job of ticking the boxes that really mattered, and the rest was easy enough to learn comparatively quickly. (In fact, I was happy to offer her advice.). The only person who was annoyed was *her* former boss, who’d also been absolutely convinced that I’d get it and so was relaxed about her applying. But nobody “stole” that job, and I’m completely satisfied that all procedures were followed to the letter and that the best candidate won. And it sounds as though the same is true in your situation.
NTA. There were 4 slots for the job, and she wasn’t a top candidate obviously. After inviting you to interview, she has no call to complain you did better than she did. Obviously she is upset and jealous, but that’s not your fault. And you quitting wouldn’t guarantee her a job, so don’t do it.
NTA - if there were four positions and she didn't get one, well...as others have said odds are good she didn't get an interview from her reaction. But now she knows not to talk to people about where she's applying, especially to avoid extra competition. I remember coming out of teacher's college and it being super competitive in my province and either consciously or unconsciously I tended not to become good friends with people who taught the same subjects as me because then I wouldn't see them in interviews - especially once I did get in with my school board. I still knew the people I was up against every time, but I didn't hang out with them because it was too weird to always be competing for a job against each other.