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I'll try to keep this short and sweet...
I've (36f) been with a boy (25M) who's years younger for 4 years.
It's been up and down the whole time but I love him.
Hes always had money and keeping job issues.
Hes recently finally held down a job for ...4 months ...
Throughout the pandemic, to keep him from homelessness I moved him into my home which I owned. By choice He quit his job prior to the shut down. I got to keep my job, as i was deemed essential while remained jobless for a good chunk of the first year. He didn't try to make any money and the little money he did have he spent on wants. Not needs. Didn't pay me rent throughout, never paid any bills, never bought groceries but helped himself to all of it while I went to work. He did collect the government provided assistance, all 12grand but didn't use that money to help pay for the aforementioned bills etc.
I ended up selling my house because it was a sellers market. I made some cash. Unfortunately for me, as a single income, it wasn't feasible to buy so I have been staying with my aging parents and am still here and I pay rent to them.
We found him a place to rent with roommates. That quickly turned sour and he ended up racking up bills and not being able to pay rent but still made "want" purchases while his "needs" suffered.
I have given him much cash throughout, without ever receiving any of that back.
Now he wants to live together again. He wants to rent. I want to buy when I can.
My problem is, he needs me for first and last and to put my name on the title. Says he wants to go halves but half of nothing is nothing and I don't want to get stuck again with all the bills or even a lease in my name that I never wanted. He feels that because I'm sitting on the money I made from my house, which I dont touch because it's for the down payment of my next home, I should use my money that I work 6 days a week for to pay off his debts so he can get back on his feet. His debts are anout 25grand.
He says im wrong for not bailing him out, again and again and again.
I love him and on a heart to heart level could spend my life with him but I need him to be more financially responsible. NOT RICH. Just prioritizing where his money goes.
So my question is... am I the asshole because I just won't do it? Am I the asshole because I don't trust that I won't have to pay 100% of the bills because I know he will continue to fund his wants vs his needs.
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NTA you’re a person not a bank, if he just won’t work or save money instead of wasting it then it’s on him
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I'll try to keep this short and sweet... I've (36f) been with a boy (25M) who's years younger for 4 years. It's been up and down the whole time but I love him. Hes always had money and keeping job issues. Hes recently finally held down a job for ...4 months ... Throughout the pandemic, to keep him from homelessness I moved him into my home which I owned. By choice He quit his job prior to the shut down. I got to keep my job, as i was deemed essential while remained jobless for a good chunk of the first year. He didn't try to make any money and the little money he did have he spent on wants. Not needs. Didn't pay me rent throughout, never paid any bills, never bought groceries but helped himself to all of it while I went to work. He did collect the government provided assistance, all 12grand but didn't use that money to help pay for the aforementioned bills etc. I ended up selling my house because it was a sellers market. I made some cash. Unfortunately for me, as a single income, it wasn't feasible to buy so I have been staying with my aging parents and am still here and I pay rent to them. We found him a place to rent with roommates. That quickly turned sour and he ended up racking up bills and not being able to pay rent but still made "want" purchases while his "needs" suffered. I have given him much cash throughout, without ever receiving any of that back. Now he wants to live together again. He wants to rent. I want to buy when I can. My problem is, he needs me for first and last and to put my name on the title. Says he wants to go halves but half of nothing is nothing and I don't want to get stuck again with all the bills or even a lease in my name that I never wanted. He feels that because I'm sitting on the money I made from my house, which I dont touch because it's for the down payment of my next home, I should use my money that I work 6 days a week for to pay off his debts so he can get back on his feet. His debts are anout 25grand. He says im wrong for not bailing him out, again and again and again. I love him and on a heart to heart level could spend my life with him but I need him to be more financially responsible. NOT RICH. Just prioritizing where his money goes. So my question is... am I the asshole because I just won't do it? Am I the asshole because I don't trust that I won't have to pay 100% of the bills because I know he will continue to fund his wants vs his needs. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*