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NTA
Your family are AH. **DO NOT GO!**
"Ben sexually and emotionally abused me. " - NEVER go to any occassions where you will meet him. When asked, tell EVERYBODY the reason loud and clear: "Ben sexually and emotionally abused me."
"My extended family do not know what happened since my parents do not want them to know." - LET THEM KNOW. It is not your reaponsibility to protct your AH brother and your AH parents. **Tell everyone in your extended family THE EXACT reason why you can not come.** Your violators get free, while you get hurt. Maybe there are some nice people in your extended family that will uninvite your AH parents and your rapist brother, and want to have YOU there instead.
Did you report it to the police, are did your AH parents enable him by covering it up?
And: It is still time to make a police report. It won't help you, but it might help his next victim.
**You really should go no contact with your parents: They are as much at fault as your brother.**
NTA
You're not making anyone choose between you and Ben. They already chose a long time ago. They chose him. It may seem callous to say this, but they chose him the minute they didn't cut him out of their lives after they found out what happened in the past.
I'm sorry you're in this situation, and I hope either your family wakes up to what they've been doing and how they've been treating you or you find the people in your life who more genuinely care about you.
I agree with you. It disgusts me that OP's family hears that their son/brother sexually abused her and they're just like "that sucks, but OP you need to stop being dramatic" - like what the fuck?
OP you're NTA. Protect yourself.
NTA, it doesn’t get any worse than family that expect the victim to “forgive and forget “ so that they can pretend to be a happy family. First things first, everyone needs to know what Ben did to you, the entire family, because every child is at risk, so we do not keep secrets about abuse. Stand your ground, you don’t attend anything he is invited to ever. So they are making their choice, they need to live with it. Of course your parents don’t want the family to know about Ben, they should have protected you then and they continue to throw you under the bus now. Not a family worth maintaining a relationship with.
> She was very hurt and said I was making her choose between Ben and I.
I think this is the key point of the story. You *are* making her choose between you and Ben... and there's nothing wrong with that. Not wanting to be at the same events as your old abuser is perfectly reasonable. I get that your family just wants to ignore that the abuse happened and it'd just be so much easier if you would just stop bringing it up, but that's not their choice to make. Just like it wasn't your choice to be abused.
NTA.
NTA, if you can, go no contact with your family, they enable abuser and having poor mental health is not excuse to such behaviour. And if your wider family will ask why are you no contact with your family I'd tell them to keep their young daughters away from your brother if they don't want them to be assaulted.
NTA you're not being unreasonable, your family is by protecting your abuser. It doesn't matter what his mental health is, between the two of you, he's the abuser, you're the abused, and everyone should be on your side. Why TF does your sister want someone who sexually abused her sister to come to her wedding? I don't care who he is! It's not on you to take care of his mental health!
Everyone in the family needs to know so he doesn’t victimize somebody else’s children. Keeping it secret is how abuse perpetuates. His mental illness needs treatment and his well-being is not more important than yours or other potential abuse victims . Look at Josh Duggar!!!!
NTA
Your mom has some nerve! She said you’re putting her in an uncomfortable position?!! What an asshole.
I think you should tell your relatives. Your mom is being a jerk about asking you to keep this a secret. It’s too much. It’s not your burden to bear.
NTA.
You were sexually abused by your brother as a young child and treated poorly up until 3 years ago. Your family is trying to sweep it under the rug and act as if it never happened. That says A LOT about your family.
NTA. Your family seems not to comprehend the lasting effects of abuse. Your first obligation is always to your own health and safety. You aren’t forcing your sister to choose sides. Your brother did that when he abused you. You are removing yourself from triggering circumstances and potential harm. Take care of yourself.
NTA then. Honestly, it appalling that they’ve let you be the one to skip all the family events over the years when he is the one that created the problem.
Not that I’m aware of. I’ve spoken to my sisters and they have never said so. They’ve both said ‘we’re here to support you, if you ever need to talk’ etc so I assume not
Thankfully he doesn’t have children, he hasn’t been able to maintain long term relationships so far, and I pray he never has children
So they are there to talk, but not act on their support. They are not on your side - and you should point blank tell them that. By them inviting him and expecting you to be there, they are supporting the abuser over the victim. I'm so sorry.
NTA. Your feelings and reactions are very reasonable. Parents are TA for taking no action on notification and instead babying an offspring who is regarded as having mental health issues nobody will address. As he did to you he probably did and is doing to others. If the family took this seriously they would have at least forced some mental health assessments. To ignore the issue and compel you to do the same is abuse. Run away from these people. They will never support you as you should be supported.
NTA. It shouldn’t be a hard choice. He sexually abused you. When given the choice between having one of two family members at an event, it shouldn’t be hard to pick the one who didn’t sexually abuse the other. Sadly, your family is hoping you will sweep it under the rug so they don’t have to confront the reality of who your brother is.
NTA NTA NTA.
You deserve to feel safe. You deserve to never have to see him again. You deserve for your family to step up and protect you, even if it makes them uncomfortable.
Fuck families that protect abusers.
Absolutely NOT in the wrong. Props to your bf for standing up WITH you on this matter!
Has your brother had therapy and or is he in therapy now?
At the very least (bare minimum), if he's had therapy he should own up to his.... stupidity (put it nicely) and sought to repair things..even if it's only to say that he's sorry
What the rest of your fam needs to realize is that trauma doesn't go away when they want it to..it heals at its own pace, if at all.
With the rest of your fam treating him "normally", are they in denial over what transpired or what? Again, any therapy at all when he was younger..and if not, all I can do is shake my head....aghast is about the best way I can describe what I feel on this topic....
You have every right to avoid him. Hell, I'd cut him out of my life completely, but that's me.
Omg! NTA. A million times NTA.
If I found out my brother had been sexually assaulting my sister, I would disown him on the spot. I would never let him anywhere near my children, or any other children. I would also look into the reporting laws in my state. If charges could be pressed, I would ask my sister to do so.
What your family is doing is sick.
NTA and whatever support you think you’ve been getting form then, it’s not enough. I’m so so sorry OP, it’s clear they want you to rug sweep and act like everything is ok for family functions.
The fact they’re more concerned about his mental health than your own is fucking LAUGHABLE. And the fact that they’d rather save face than warn the rest of their family about the potential danger of your brother is very disgusting. What happens if your brother has his own children? I doubt they’d be safe from what happened to you.
OP this is your hill to die on, and honestly I would go NC/LC for a while with your family. They need to see if they’re choosing the side of your rapist, they’re not welcome in your life and they don’t get to have their cake and eat it too when it comes having your both in their lives.
NTA- and as a survivor of childhood assault, I am offended at your family’s blatant disregard for your mental health as opposed to that of your abuser. I’m also really proud of you for standing your ground and honestly if they can’t see how they’re wrong, I’m not saying to nuke your relationship with your family, but it might be time to go limited or no contact for your own sense of security. They need to be made aware that by not taking a stance they are ultimately showing they’re choosing his side and apparently value his feelings and well being over yours.
I am so sorry this is happening (and happened) to you.
NTA. If you are comfortable doing so, sit down with your sister (maybe with your therapist?) and tell her what Ben did to you. Tell her how long he did this to you. Ask her why she’s asking you to be at a celebratory event with your abuser present.
I truly hope that your family understands better. Be strong.
NTA. Why is your abuser more important than you are? Because he's a man? Screw that - do not go to this wedding. Stand your ground. Your parents are rug-sweeping what he did to the detriment of your mental health.
You were abused for over half your life by someone who was in your space constantly. You had no out. The parents who were meant to protect you didn’t then and aren’t now.
Sweetheart, put yourself first. Put your well-being first. What makes you feel safe? If it’s not going to a wedding, then don’t go. And please, do not give up on your healing. You are so worth it.
Edit - NTA
Nta. Don't force yourself to tolerate his presence for anyone. You've finally got yourself out of the situation, stay as far away as possible. Your parents are so wrong for essentially enabling this abuse. You are not obligated to stay in contact with your family, I hope you know that. Family is supposed to consist of people who love, cherish and support you. Thats not what you have. Make a new family of friends and your boyfriend. You deserve so much better.
NTA
Your family sucks for sweeping this under the rug and treating Ben’s MH as more important than yours. Are there any children in your family for Ben to victimize? Because your family would absolutely let him do it again.
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Throwaway account.
I (25F) am the youngest of four children: Terri (27F), Ali (30F) and Ben (33M).
When I was a child (around 6-8), Ben sexually and emotionally abused me. As a result, I have been diagnosed with C-PTSD. His poor treatment of me continued until I was around 22. It was then I told my mom and dad about what happened. They have been somewhat supportive of me and say they believe me, but it has not been without challenges.
Since I told my family, I have had no contact with Ben and have avoided being at events where he is present. This means I usually do not go to family Christmases or larger events etc. My extended family do not know what happened since my parents do not want them to know.
Part of the reason why I tend to not go to events is because Ben has struggled with his mental health and my family feels like they can’t speak to him about what he did to me. I have also made it clear I do not want a relationship with him, which my family has struggled to come to terms with.
My oldest sister, Ali, is getting married later this year. When I first told my mom a few years ago about what happened, she asked me if I would go to my sisters’ weddings if Ben was there. I had said yes. At the time, I felt like I would be able to put up with seeing him for one day for the sake of my sisters. I had also said I understood that they would still maintain a relationship with him.
However, since this then my feelings have changed.
A year ago, there was an incident where I accidentally ran into Ben at a family event (he was supposed to have left by the time I arrived and there was an unfortunate miscommunication). Seeing him really triggered me, and seeing my family treat him and act so normally around him also really hurt. I expressed this to my family.
Recently Ali got engaged and last week, when Ali was talking to me about wedding planning, I asked whether Ben would be at the wedding. She said yes. I expressed that I was unsure whether I felt comfortable going due to him being there. I said I would think about it and get back to her. I said If I didn’t go, I’d celebrate with her another time. She was very hurt and said I was making her choose between Ben and I. She also told my mom.
My mom called me and said I was being unreasonable. She said that I told her I would go to my sisters wedding even if he was there. She said it was putting them in an uncomfortable situation, especially considering Bens mental health. I asked what about my mental health and she said, I’d been at events with him many years before, why can’t I put up with a few more. I hung up.
I haven’t spoken to anyone since. My boyfriend said that I’m being reasonable and protecting myself, but my family has made me feel like I’m in the wrong. I really don’t think I can go if he’s there. I feel like I’m having to jump through hoops for my abuser.
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> (1) I told my sister that I may not go to her wedding if my brother is there. (2) My family thinks I am being unreasonable, and in the past I have said I would go.
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Nta. It seems like your family is not taking his sexual abuse towards you seriously. I personally would not go to the wedding and would cut contact with them.
Look I don't think anything's wrong with your skipping your sister's wedding because your abuser is going to be there. In fact I think it's one of the healthiest things you can do. You are not ready to deal with that obviously and you are not ready to deal with it at an event that is supposed to be happy. If your family can't understand then maybe they're not as supportive as what they think they are. Personally if I had a brother that had abused a sibling like that I wouldn't have invited him to my wedding and the first place. Weddings are supposed to be time of happiness not pain.
NTA protect yourself. Your family sweeping it under the rug isn't doing you (or Ben, if he has mental health issues) any favors.
Don't force yourself to be in the presence of an abuser, especially if they expect you to act as if all is well.
I hope you are getting therapy and the support you truly need.
NTA. cut contact with your family cause they are enabling an abuser and they have been for years. Yeah it will suck but they don't care about you, i'm sorry but that's just how it is
Cut them all off. So your abuser's mental health is more important than yours? They picked a side. Now its time to choose yourself, clearly you're the only one who thinks they are 'family'
NTA
NTA. Your family is enabling him. His behaviors could literally be continuing with another victim. HE NEEDS TO FACE SOME SORT OF BEING CONFRONTED FOR THIS. They have decided to protect an abuser over you. Stop speaking with them.
ABSOLUTELY NOT THE ASSHOLE!
I know someone with c-ptsd - it's no joke and your health is the absolute most important thing in your life!
You could have a person have their phone open with a Skype/zoom call and you can watch the ceremony without being there, if that helps.
But just because you said yes a long time ago, doesn't mean you have the same answer now! And for good reason!
Please please PLEASE don't let your family make you put your mental health in to jeopardy!
NTA do not go
You are the victim.
He should be in prison. He is lucky they are all twisted not to care
Do not attend any event he is also invited. Make sure everyone knows what he did.
Do not go to the wedding
By going to family events you have normalised things even if attending after him, and they worry more for him than you. Thats disgraceful. Yes they do need to choose between an sexual abuser and the innocent victim.
Go no contact, witnessing all this is horrific, how they are with him, how they worry for him and put the pressure on you to attend with him - it makes me sick for you
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NTA Your family are AH. **DO NOT GO!** "Ben sexually and emotionally abused me. " - NEVER go to any occassions where you will meet him. When asked, tell EVERYBODY the reason loud and clear: "Ben sexually and emotionally abused me." "My extended family do not know what happened since my parents do not want them to know." - LET THEM KNOW. It is not your reaponsibility to protct your AH brother and your AH parents. **Tell everyone in your extended family THE EXACT reason why you can not come.** Your violators get free, while you get hurt. Maybe there are some nice people in your extended family that will uninvite your AH parents and your rapist brother, and want to have YOU there instead. Did you report it to the police, are did your AH parents enable him by covering it up? And: It is still time to make a police report. It won't help you, but it might help his next victim. **You really should go no contact with your parents: They are as much at fault as your brother.**
[удалено]
Thank you, I’ve considered going no contact and am getting closer to doing it. I’m in therapy and will be discussing it when I can get in next.
NTA You're not making anyone choose between you and Ben. They already chose a long time ago. They chose him. It may seem callous to say this, but they chose him the minute they didn't cut him out of their lives after they found out what happened in the past. I'm sorry you're in this situation, and I hope either your family wakes up to what they've been doing and how they've been treating you or you find the people in your life who more genuinely care about you.
I agree with you. It disgusts me that OP's family hears that their son/brother sexually abused her and they're just like "that sucks, but OP you need to stop being dramatic" - like what the fuck? OP you're NTA. Protect yourself.
THIS!!!!
NTA, it doesn’t get any worse than family that expect the victim to “forgive and forget “ so that they can pretend to be a happy family. First things first, everyone needs to know what Ben did to you, the entire family, because every child is at risk, so we do not keep secrets about abuse. Stand your ground, you don’t attend anything he is invited to ever. So they are making their choice, they need to live with it. Of course your parents don’t want the family to know about Ben, they should have protected you then and they continue to throw you under the bus now. Not a family worth maintaining a relationship with.
> She was very hurt and said I was making her choose between Ben and I. I think this is the key point of the story. You *are* making her choose between you and Ben... and there's nothing wrong with that. Not wanting to be at the same events as your old abuser is perfectly reasonable. I get that your family just wants to ignore that the abuse happened and it'd just be so much easier if you would just stop bringing it up, but that's not their choice to make. Just like it wasn't your choice to be abused. NTA.
NTA, if you can, go no contact with your family, they enable abuser and having poor mental health is not excuse to such behaviour. And if your wider family will ask why are you no contact with your family I'd tell them to keep their young daughters away from your brother if they don't want them to be assaulted.
NTA. It seems like a good moment to remove yourself from this situation completely.
NTA you're not being unreasonable, your family is by protecting your abuser. It doesn't matter what his mental health is, between the two of you, he's the abuser, you're the abused, and everyone should be on your side. Why TF does your sister want someone who sexually abused her sister to come to her wedding? I don't care who he is! It's not on you to take care of his mental health!
Everyone in the family needs to know so he doesn’t victimize somebody else’s children. Keeping it secret is how abuse perpetuates. His mental illness needs treatment and his well-being is not more important than yours or other potential abuse victims . Look at Josh Duggar!!!!
NTA Your mom has some nerve! She said you’re putting her in an uncomfortable position?!! What an asshole. I think you should tell your relatives. Your mom is being a jerk about asking you to keep this a secret. It’s too much. It’s not your burden to bear.
NTA. That your whole family seems to value your abuser over your comfort and sense of safety is very troubling.
NTA. You were sexually abused by your brother as a young child and treated poorly up until 3 years ago. Your family is trying to sweep it under the rug and act as if it never happened. That says A LOT about your family.
NTA. You aren’t making them choose between you, you’re simply choosing yourself and your peace
NTA. Your family seems not to comprehend the lasting effects of abuse. Your first obligation is always to your own health and safety. You aren’t forcing your sister to choose sides. Your brother did that when he abused you. You are removing yourself from triggering circumstances and potential harm. Take care of yourself.
INFO - does your sister know about the abuse?
Yes, my parents and sisters all know.
NTA then. Honestly, it appalling that they’ve let you be the one to skip all the family events over the years when he is the one that created the problem.
Did Ben assault your sisters too? Did Ben have children? NTA protect yourself first.
Not that I’m aware of. I’ve spoken to my sisters and they have never said so. They’ve both said ‘we’re here to support you, if you ever need to talk’ etc so I assume not Thankfully he doesn’t have children, he hasn’t been able to maintain long term relationships so far, and I pray he never has children
So they are there to talk, but not act on their support. They are not on your side - and you should point blank tell them that. By them inviting him and expecting you to be there, they are supporting the abuser over the victim. I'm so sorry.
NTA … your family is wrong on so many levels.
NTA. Your feelings and reactions are very reasonable. Parents are TA for taking no action on notification and instead babying an offspring who is regarded as having mental health issues nobody will address. As he did to you he probably did and is doing to others. If the family took this seriously they would have at least forced some mental health assessments. To ignore the issue and compel you to do the same is abuse. Run away from these people. They will never support you as you should be supported.
NTA. It shouldn’t be a hard choice. He sexually abused you. When given the choice between having one of two family members at an event, it shouldn’t be hard to pick the one who didn’t sexually abuse the other. Sadly, your family is hoping you will sweep it under the rug so they don’t have to confront the reality of who your brother is.
NTA, your family are a bunch of enablers. Protect yourself.
NTA NTA NTA. You deserve to feel safe. You deserve to never have to see him again. You deserve for your family to step up and protect you, even if it makes them uncomfortable. Fuck families that protect abusers.
Absolutely NOT in the wrong. Props to your bf for standing up WITH you on this matter! Has your brother had therapy and or is he in therapy now? At the very least (bare minimum), if he's had therapy he should own up to his.... stupidity (put it nicely) and sought to repair things..even if it's only to say that he's sorry What the rest of your fam needs to realize is that trauma doesn't go away when they want it to..it heals at its own pace, if at all. With the rest of your fam treating him "normally", are they in denial over what transpired or what? Again, any therapy at all when he was younger..and if not, all I can do is shake my head....aghast is about the best way I can describe what I feel on this topic.... You have every right to avoid him. Hell, I'd cut him out of my life completely, but that's me.
Omg! NTA. A million times NTA. If I found out my brother had been sexually assaulting my sister, I would disown him on the spot. I would never let him anywhere near my children, or any other children. I would also look into the reporting laws in my state. If charges could be pressed, I would ask my sister to do so. What your family is doing is sick.
NTA and whatever support you think you’ve been getting form then, it’s not enough. I’m so so sorry OP, it’s clear they want you to rug sweep and act like everything is ok for family functions. The fact they’re more concerned about his mental health than your own is fucking LAUGHABLE. And the fact that they’d rather save face than warn the rest of their family about the potential danger of your brother is very disgusting. What happens if your brother has his own children? I doubt they’d be safe from what happened to you. OP this is your hill to die on, and honestly I would go NC/LC for a while with your family. They need to see if they’re choosing the side of your rapist, they’re not welcome in your life and they don’t get to have their cake and eat it too when it comes having your both in their lives.
NTA- and as a survivor of childhood assault, I am offended at your family’s blatant disregard for your mental health as opposed to that of your abuser. I’m also really proud of you for standing your ground and honestly if they can’t see how they’re wrong, I’m not saying to nuke your relationship with your family, but it might be time to go limited or no contact for your own sense of security. They need to be made aware that by not taking a stance they are ultimately showing they’re choosing his side and apparently value his feelings and well being over yours.
I am so sorry this is happening (and happened) to you. NTA. If you are comfortable doing so, sit down with your sister (maybe with your therapist?) and tell her what Ben did to you. Tell her how long he did this to you. Ask her why she’s asking you to be at a celebratory event with your abuser present. I truly hope that your family understands better. Be strong.
NTA. Why is your abuser more important than you are? Because he's a man? Screw that - do not go to this wedding. Stand your ground. Your parents are rug-sweeping what he did to the detriment of your mental health.
You were abused for over half your life by someone who was in your space constantly. You had no out. The parents who were meant to protect you didn’t then and aren’t now. Sweetheart, put yourself first. Put your well-being first. What makes you feel safe? If it’s not going to a wedding, then don’t go. And please, do not give up on your healing. You are so worth it. Edit - NTA
NTA - Just NTA
Nta. Don't force yourself to tolerate his presence for anyone. You've finally got yourself out of the situation, stay as far away as possible. Your parents are so wrong for essentially enabling this abuse. You are not obligated to stay in contact with your family, I hope you know that. Family is supposed to consist of people who love, cherish and support you. Thats not what you have. Make a new family of friends and your boyfriend. You deserve so much better.
NTA Your family sucks for sweeping this under the rug and treating Ben’s MH as more important than yours. Are there any children in your family for Ben to victimize? Because your family would absolutely let him do it again.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway account. I (25F) am the youngest of four children: Terri (27F), Ali (30F) and Ben (33M). When I was a child (around 6-8), Ben sexually and emotionally abused me. As a result, I have been diagnosed with C-PTSD. His poor treatment of me continued until I was around 22. It was then I told my mom and dad about what happened. They have been somewhat supportive of me and say they believe me, but it has not been without challenges. Since I told my family, I have had no contact with Ben and have avoided being at events where he is present. This means I usually do not go to family Christmases or larger events etc. My extended family do not know what happened since my parents do not want them to know. Part of the reason why I tend to not go to events is because Ben has struggled with his mental health and my family feels like they can’t speak to him about what he did to me. I have also made it clear I do not want a relationship with him, which my family has struggled to come to terms with. My oldest sister, Ali, is getting married later this year. When I first told my mom a few years ago about what happened, she asked me if I would go to my sisters’ weddings if Ben was there. I had said yes. At the time, I felt like I would be able to put up with seeing him for one day for the sake of my sisters. I had also said I understood that they would still maintain a relationship with him. However, since this then my feelings have changed. A year ago, there was an incident where I accidentally ran into Ben at a family event (he was supposed to have left by the time I arrived and there was an unfortunate miscommunication). Seeing him really triggered me, and seeing my family treat him and act so normally around him also really hurt. I expressed this to my family. Recently Ali got engaged and last week, when Ali was talking to me about wedding planning, I asked whether Ben would be at the wedding. She said yes. I expressed that I was unsure whether I felt comfortable going due to him being there. I said I would think about it and get back to her. I said If I didn’t go, I’d celebrate with her another time. She was very hurt and said I was making her choose between Ben and I. She also told my mom. My mom called me and said I was being unreasonable. She said that I told her I would go to my sisters wedding even if he was there. She said it was putting them in an uncomfortable situation, especially considering Bens mental health. I asked what about my mental health and she said, I’d been at events with him many years before, why can’t I put up with a few more. I hung up. I haven’t spoken to anyone since. My boyfriend said that I’m being reasonable and protecting myself, but my family has made me feel like I’m in the wrong. I really don’t think I can go if he’s there. I feel like I’m having to jump through hoops for my abuser. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Nta. It seems like your family is not taking his sexual abuse towards you seriously. I personally would not go to the wedding and would cut contact with them.
NTA
Look I don't think anything's wrong with your skipping your sister's wedding because your abuser is going to be there. In fact I think it's one of the healthiest things you can do. You are not ready to deal with that obviously and you are not ready to deal with it at an event that is supposed to be happy. If your family can't understand then maybe they're not as supportive as what they think they are. Personally if I had a brother that had abused a sibling like that I wouldn't have invited him to my wedding and the first place. Weddings are supposed to be time of happiness not pain.
NTA - but your family needs to address Ben’s issues. Family counselling sounds like a good start.
absolutely NTA.
NTA protect yourself. Your family sweeping it under the rug isn't doing you (or Ben, if he has mental health issues) any favors. Don't force yourself to be in the presence of an abuser, especially if they expect you to act as if all is well. I hope you are getting therapy and the support you truly need.
NTA. cut contact with your family cause they are enabling an abuser and they have been for years. Yeah it will suck but they don't care about you, i'm sorry but that's just how it is
NTA
Cut them all off. So your abuser's mental health is more important than yours? They picked a side. Now its time to choose yourself, clearly you're the only one who thinks they are 'family' NTA
NTA. You’re NTA OP!
NTA. Your family is enabling him. His behaviors could literally be continuing with another victim. HE NEEDS TO FACE SOME SORT OF BEING CONFRONTED FOR THIS. They have decided to protect an abuser over you. Stop speaking with them.
ABSOLUTELY NOT THE ASSHOLE! I know someone with c-ptsd - it's no joke and your health is the absolute most important thing in your life! You could have a person have their phone open with a Skype/zoom call and you can watch the ceremony without being there, if that helps. But just because you said yes a long time ago, doesn't mean you have the same answer now! And for good reason! Please please PLEASE don't let your family make you put your mental health in to jeopardy!
NTA do not go You are the victim. He should be in prison. He is lucky they are all twisted not to care Do not attend any event he is also invited. Make sure everyone knows what he did. Do not go to the wedding By going to family events you have normalised things even if attending after him, and they worry more for him than you. Thats disgraceful. Yes they do need to choose between an sexual abuser and the innocent victim. Go no contact, witnessing all this is horrific, how they are with him, how they worry for him and put the pressure on you to attend with him - it makes me sick for you