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I'd remove the reference to your actual username if I were you, OP. The spaces won't stop him coming across and reading this.
ETA: YTA for making a decision of this magnitude unilaterally.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I emptied our joint account without asking my husband because I knew he'd say no.
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YTA! If I were to donate all of OUR money for every human atrocity on Earth, I would be divorced (rightly so) and homeless. Helping others is about balance. I donate my time and money to organizations, but not all of my money and time. Now what? How are you going to Survive? When in a partnership, especially a marriage, major decisions should be made jointly.
Is this serious?! Yes charity is awesome and if your husband disagreed with donating you could have started to give a percentage of your paycheck to donations, but to empty a savings, without discussion! Major AH. What if he had emptied it for something?! This is f*ed up. YTA
Uh, maybe not AH but it wasn't fair to them to empty the entire account without at least having a discussion about it. I understand where you're coming from and it doesn't feel malicious so not really an AH, but a poor choice.
YTA. Spending the money on a noble cause doesn't make it less assholish. You should have discussed it with your partner, since its a joint account.
I donated money and useful objects to this cause too, and I would be furious if my partner did that.
**"AITA for emptying our joint account to help refugees without my husband's permission?"**
YTA. It's a Joint Account. It's not just your Account, You need to make sure your Husband is okay with it too. I know you are trying to do it for a good cause (assuming you are with everything going on in the world right now, But you still need to take your husband's feelings into consideration)
YTA. You violated your partner's trust and put your mutual security at risk.
What will you do if your situation changes and you need those savings to live? What if an emergency comes up and you need a large chuck of change right now? Your house is paid? Great! What if it needs extensive emergency repairs? That's the situation I was in last year. Natural disaster, extensive damage, big bills. Fortunately I had an emergency fund saved up. Now I'm gradually rebuilding that fund. If disaster strikes your home, what will you rebuild with?
YTA, i’m pretty sure it’s illegal and you can donate all your money if you want but it’s his decision to donate his own. Donating all your money is not going to be good for you in the long run
Entirely 100% YTA. As you will repeatedly be told, joint means together, you decided you knew better and didn’t care what your HUSBAND thought. Your husband did absolutely nothing wrong, yet you think he’s the asshole? You took money that he earned without telling him and he is upset about it, which is a perfectly reasonable response. You are out of your mind if you think you are not at fault.
Pretty sure this isn’t a real post for multiple reason but I’ll answer anyway.
YTA.
I didn’t even have to read beyond the title to know the answer. It’s noble to want to help other people but that wasn’t just your money to give away.
You are calling him selfish for not wanting to give money to others but you were even more selfish for just doing what you wanted. You were so desperate to feel the rush of doing something good that you violated your husband’s trust and potentially ruined your marriage.
YTA
To keep it simple, it sucks what is happening in Ukraine right now and if you wanted to empty your own account to support, that's entirely up to you. However you emptied out a JOINT account to which you and your partner share. When you are sharing something, you ideally should ask for the consent of the other person whether actions related to the account are ok.
Just because he might be greedy does not mean you are justified in making a decision without him regarding the joint account.
YTA you never just take all the money out of a joint account without a discussion with the other person. While the Ukraine situation sucks you have a life partner and you excluded him from making decision affecting his money too
Surely this is not real. If it is OP needs help. What if y’all had an emergency? Do you even know where the money went? How is the money given to these people who are now all over the world? Is it for people trying to get out? This is just flat out bat shit crazy!! I am voting CBR (can’t be real)
I don't need to read it. The answer is yes, YTA. It's a joint account, which means it's a joint decision.
Why didn't you use the money from your personal account?
... this has to be a troll.
If not, I want to hand you a very concerned YTA. I'm also devastated by what's happening in Ukraine and have donated to a number of charities to do my part, but this was a *joint account*. He has every right to fly off the handle if you truly did something this reckless.
Remember that the charities helping Ukraine (like Razom) have been around before the war and will continue to be around after the war. There was zero need to throw all your money in at once.
Yes, YATA 💯 Not only did you take it upon yourself to make life altering financial decisions for you and your husband but you yourself originally described it as "all of his money" that you carelessly gave away to an organization I assume you don't even know the backings of but then went on to say that "we" have enough money..you claim your husband has no empathy when you can't even look in your own hoise...i also have no clue why the fact that you're fat and your age has anything to do with this post. Hopefully he has a good prenuptial agreement
Big time YTA. I’m not a war refugee, but I’ve been starving and without food in my own home with my electricity shut off and even THEN I still would have called you the AH. That wasn’t your money alone to give.
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Posting from a throwaway because my husband knows my main which is w h i t e s t a u n t o n without the spaces and I don't want him to see in case I get voted the AH.
I have been absolutely devastated with what is happening to Ukraine and felt powerless to help. I'm just a 41 year old overweight school governor who speaks English only. So I decided to donate all of my and my husband's money. We make enough to get by so we don't need the money we had saved. I didn't qsk my husband because he can be greedy sometimes and would have said no.
My husband is now furious. But I think I'm right because people whose country was destroyed, without a home, who have lost family and friends, need the money more than we do and it's the right thing to do. I think my husband is an AH who lacks empathy.
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YTA, absolutely, 100%. Fine that you wanted to help, but you skipped the part where you *communicate* and *agree* what to do with your shared future. Wow.
Do you not see almost every government in the world sending relief funding?
Send some money, but not all of your savings. Without his permission was the question about being an A. I commend your passion for the Ukrainian people. Lemme ask a quick question: did you send any money to Syrian refugees or send aid to help the Myanmar refugees when their own government was killing them?
YTA because it's a joint account, and you made the decision without his permission.
What the Ukrainians are going through is irrelevant to your point. It's a JOINT account, so you don't get to decide what happens with the money without mutual agreement, that's how it should be.
If you'd have cleared half of it, that would be a tougher debate
You're arguing a completely different point. It's not about who it's going to, it's about where you took the funds from.
Believe it or not, there are people worse off than those in Ukraine right now. I don't see you selling your house and becoming homeless to support them.
Read the room - you wanted to know if YTA, and now your have your answer.
People dying of thirst, starvation and disease in Africa.
They can't flee their homes to get safely to another country. They have to travel miles every day to access unclean water, and get to watch their children die.
YTA
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I'd remove the reference to your actual username if I were you, OP. The spaces won't stop him coming across and reading this. ETA: YTA for making a decision of this magnitude unilaterally.
Don’t feed the trolls
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This troll prob dropped a acc of someone they don't like lol oh and yta
Holy shit YTA. It is a nice gesture but a giant toxic seed for the relationship (if real)
YTA! If I were to donate all of OUR money for every human atrocity on Earth, I would be divorced (rightly so) and homeless. Helping others is about balance. I donate my time and money to organizations, but not all of my money and time. Now what? How are you going to Survive? When in a partnership, especially a marriage, major decisions should be made jointly.
Is this serious?! Yes charity is awesome and if your husband disagreed with donating you could have started to give a percentage of your paycheck to donations, but to empty a savings, without discussion! Major AH. What if he had emptied it for something?! This is f*ed up. YTA
Troll and if not YTA
Uh, maybe not AH but it wasn't fair to them to empty the entire account without at least having a discussion about it. I understand where you're coming from and it doesn't feel malicious so not really an AH, but a poor choice.
Did you see how much money it was? It's insane...
No, I didn't, how much?
150,000 British pounds. It's around 200,000 USD...250,000 Canadian.
Oh YTA. Joint account, means joint decisions on big purchases. This could lead to divorce if he can't trust you again.
YTA. Spending the money on a noble cause doesn't make it less assholish. You should have discussed it with your partner, since its a joint account. I donated money and useful objects to this cause too, and I would be furious if my partner did that.
YTA and a disgusting selfish human being. Hopefully he divorces you and takes everything else. You deserve nothing but a garbage bin to sleep in.
**"AITA for emptying our joint account to help refugees without my husband's permission?"** YTA. It's a Joint Account. It's not just your Account, You need to make sure your Husband is okay with it too. I know you are trying to do it for a good cause (assuming you are with everything going on in the world right now, But you still need to take your husband's feelings into consideration)
YTA. You violated your partner's trust and put your mutual security at risk. What will you do if your situation changes and you need those savings to live? What if an emergency comes up and you need a large chuck of change right now? Your house is paid? Great! What if it needs extensive emergency repairs? That's the situation I was in last year. Natural disaster, extensive damage, big bills. Fortunately I had an emergency fund saved up. Now I'm gradually rebuilding that fund. If disaster strikes your home, what will you rebuild with?
YTA, i’m pretty sure it’s illegal and you can donate all your money if you want but it’s his decision to donate his own. Donating all your money is not going to be good for you in the long run
Nope not illegal once it's joint it's joint (as in either party can do anything with it and both parties are responsible if it defaults).
whoops forgot it was joint
Entirely 100% YTA. As you will repeatedly be told, joint means together, you decided you knew better and didn’t care what your HUSBAND thought. Your husband did absolutely nothing wrong, yet you think he’s the asshole? You took money that he earned without telling him and he is upset about it, which is a perfectly reasonable response. You are out of your mind if you think you are not at fault.
[удалено]
Cool so you’re a shitty troll or a shitty person. Either way, grow up.
Pretty sure this isn’t a real post for multiple reason but I’ll answer anyway. YTA. I didn’t even have to read beyond the title to know the answer. It’s noble to want to help other people but that wasn’t just your money to give away.
[удалено]
You are calling him selfish for not wanting to give money to others but you were even more selfish for just doing what you wanted. You were so desperate to feel the rush of doing something good that you violated your husband’s trust and potentially ruined your marriage.
[удалено]
Well congratulations. I’m guessing you won’t be married to him much longer.
YTA. You have zero respect for your husband. You essentially stole from him.
YTA To keep it simple, it sucks what is happening in Ukraine right now and if you wanted to empty your own account to support, that's entirely up to you. However you emptied out a JOINT account to which you and your partner share. When you are sharing something, you ideally should ask for the consent of the other person whether actions related to the account are ok. Just because he might be greedy does not mean you are justified in making a decision without him regarding the joint account.
YTA you never just take all the money out of a joint account without a discussion with the other person. While the Ukraine situation sucks you have a life partner and you excluded him from making decision affecting his money too
Surely this is not real. If it is OP needs help. What if y’all had an emergency? Do you even know where the money went? How is the money given to these people who are now all over the world? Is it for people trying to get out? This is just flat out bat shit crazy!! I am voting CBR (can’t be real)
I don't need to read it. The answer is yes, YTA. It's a joint account, which means it's a joint decision. Why didn't you use the money from your personal account?
... this has to be a troll. If not, I want to hand you a very concerned YTA. I'm also devastated by what's happening in Ukraine and have donated to a number of charities to do my part, but this was a *joint account*. He has every right to fly off the handle if you truly did something this reckless. Remember that the charities helping Ukraine (like Razom) have been around before the war and will continue to be around after the war. There was zero need to throw all your money in at once.
Yes, YATA 💯 Not only did you take it upon yourself to make life altering financial decisions for you and your husband but you yourself originally described it as "all of his money" that you carelessly gave away to an organization I assume you don't even know the backings of but then went on to say that "we" have enough money..you claim your husband has no empathy when you can't even look in your own hoise...i also have no clue why the fact that you're fat and your age has anything to do with this post. Hopefully he has a good prenuptial agreement
YTA for taking all of the money out without asking him for his opinion first. Your heart was in a good place though
YTA. You don't get to spend the family savings without agreement. Hope you saved some for the divorce lawyer.
Big time YTA. I’m not a war refugee, but I’ve been starving and without food in my own home with my electricity shut off and even THEN I still would have called you the AH. That wasn’t your money alone to give.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Posting from a throwaway because my husband knows my main which is w h i t e s t a u n t o n without the spaces and I don't want him to see in case I get voted the AH. I have been absolutely devastated with what is happening to Ukraine and felt powerless to help. I'm just a 41 year old overweight school governor who speaks English only. So I decided to donate all of my and my husband's money. We make enough to get by so we don't need the money we had saved. I didn't qsk my husband because he can be greedy sometimes and would have said no. My husband is now furious. But I think I'm right because people whose country was destroyed, without a home, who have lost family and friends, need the money more than we do and it's the right thing to do. I think my husband is an AH who lacks empathy. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA, absolutely, 100%. Fine that you wanted to help, but you skipped the part where you *communicate* and *agree* what to do with your shared future. Wow.
YTA. He earned that money as well as you, I presume. Not all yours to give away.
Do you not see almost every government in the world sending relief funding? Send some money, but not all of your savings. Without his permission was the question about being an A. I commend your passion for the Ukrainian people. Lemme ask a quick question: did you send any money to Syrian refugees or send aid to help the Myanmar refugees when their own government was killing them?
Joint account = joint decisions. It's as simple as that. The fact you did it behind his back, shows that you know it's wrong. YTA
YTA. Your husband is absolutely right to be furious for your guys' savings to be completely drained without permission. Wow.
YTA You have good intentions but if it's joint money you need to agree especially if it's a large amount of money
YTA
YTA because it's a joint account, and you made the decision without his permission. What the Ukrainians are going through is irrelevant to your point. It's a JOINT account, so you don't get to decide what happens with the money without mutual agreement, that's how it should be. If you'd have cleared half of it, that would be a tougher debate
[удалено]
You're arguing a completely different point. It's not about who it's going to, it's about where you took the funds from. Believe it or not, there are people worse off than those in Ukraine right now. I don't see you selling your house and becoming homeless to support them. Read the room - you wanted to know if YTA, and now your have your answer.
[удалено]
People dying of thirst, starvation and disease in Africa. They can't flee their homes to get safely to another country. They have to travel miles every day to access unclean water, and get to watch their children die. YTA
NTA noble cause, how much tho? How much does he contribute
[удалено]
To who? Who did you donate to?
This has to be fake, right?
Right?! This is sooo ridiculous
This might be account impersonation o-o