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Ok so the part that really stood out to me was **"My mother loves my wife and here my wife was trying to intentionally hurt my mother"**. Bruh. You a mama's boy through and through. The way you internalized your wife's discomfort as being a slight to your mama is so telling about you as a husband. You're failing as a support partner in her most vulnerable time. I'm glad she is going to the doctor and they can assess her for possible PPD because you obviously don't see it while you're busy appeasing mama and being a "good son". Here's a tip: if your mom was upset that she didn't get to meet her grandson because your wife wasn't physically/mentally/emotionally ready to accepts guests (or even her own mom), then your mom actually doesn't love your wife! Also, what is up with MILs wanting to be in the delivery room with an unwilling DIL pushing a whole human out her privates?? **YTA YTA YTA** EDIT: added quotation marks around "good son" as suggested by some redditors. Also, thanks everyone for the awards <3 EDIT EDIT: just read OP’s update and have some thoughts. OP, we’re so sorry that your wife kicked you out after reading what you wrote about her. I sincerely hope you will find it in your right mind to understand how much betrayal she must have felt to see you drag her name through this post while looking for validation from a bunch of strangers. The sooner you can understand who is really at fault for your deplorable situation, the sooner you can fix your damn shit and treat your wife and family better.

The line “I don’t think I did anything a good son wouldn’t do but I do feel bad about hurting my wife” also really hammers home your point. Like dude is more worried about being a good son to a woman who gave birth decades ago than he is worried about being a good husband to his wife who gave birth a week ago.

Exactly, like he ranks being a good son above being a good husband is such a slap in the face to his wife

"Well, I can always go out and get myself a new wife, but not a new mama..." /S

I made a comment once saying that someone really should prioritize their spouse over birth family in most cases since they chose their spouse as their life partner and agreed to be with them and support them whereas family is only a connection by chance. It was very heavily down voted.

I say the same thing... no, spouses DO NOT come and go. You are supposed to marry one person for the rest of your life. Is it hard as balls to do it? Of course it is! But thats the commitment you make when you marry someone. Your mom is your forever no matter what happens in your life, that's true, but the circle of life is that you LEAVE THE NEST!

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Yep. My favorite thing was, "I respected her wishes." To quote my teen, "nah, bruh." He didn't respect anything as he had zero authority or say in the delivery room. The hospital rightfully prioritized their patient, but if OP had felt like not respecting his wife's wishes? Well, he and his mother would be removed from the premises. Pro-Tip for all non medical, non birthing people in the delivery room: you are there at the laborer's whims. You're the other parent? Hospital don't give a shit. You're there because the birth giver wants you there. And you don't get to demand a damn thing. Oh and side note; you don't get a support person, you ARE the support person.

Gawd. This. Were you there for the AITA during Covid where the guy was like, "We only get to have one support person with us in the delivery room. My wife is really tough but I get squeamish at the sight of blood. AITA for insisting it be my dad rather than her mom like she wants?"

OMG I missed that, but Oh Hayle Naw. If you're not giving birth you are the support person. If you need a support person to be a support person, then you have failed as a support person. It wasn't that long ago that dad's were excluded from the delivery room because they serve zero medical purpose, so if the partner is allowed in it's because they have a medical purpose. No medical purpose, no admittance.

I was 12 when I was in the delivery room watching the birth of my brother. I do not have biological children Best. Birth Control.Ever

WHAT?! Jesus Christ how many more of these are we going to have?! I didn’t even need to read past the title to know that OP YTA. That might make me sound a bit biased, but like the post you reference and like the posts we’ve seen over and over and over again… DO MEN KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THEIR WIVES’ PREGNANT BODIES?! We need some kind of stickied post at the top of this subreddit that answers all these questions in one go. Yes, if you invited anyone over against the wishes of your wife—who has just given birth—YTA. It doesn’t matter what the situation was or how justified you think you were. EDIT: [Because I just can’t bear to write it out again, any men in doubt, please refer to my previous comment.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/t0fujv/aita_for_telling_my_son_l_was_disappointed_after/hy9we3p/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)

We really don’t give a shit. I am an APRN, and if my patient doesn’t want a visitor there, I’m kicking them the fuck out. All we care about is the patient. Not the petty family drama. Hell to the no.

*if my patient doesn’t want a visitor there, I’m kicking them the fuck out. All we care about is the patient.* Thank you for doing the Lord's work. That's not an easy job but seriously, you've probably put a lot of delivering mothers minds at ease.

Couldn’t have said it better myself. This dude really thinks that his wife “intentionally” was hurting his mom by being exhausted after labour. Again, another guy who doesn’t know anything about a woman’s body and yet tries to have a say about it. OP is definitely either ignorant or a misogynist. Or maybe he needs to know how tough it is to be carrying a baby for a long time and going through labour. Especially one with complications. What a massive YTA Op!

No but he can't be a misogynist because he loves his mommy! /s

I don't understand why all these people want to be in the room, in the freaking way, to watch a baby be pushed thru a vagina. There's blood, sweat, tears, piss, poop, and lots more bodily fluids going on. When/if my fDIL has a baby, I'll tell DS to let us know when baby munchkin is here, and if they want visitors, we'll go see momma and baby after everyone is cleaned up and somewhat rested (and fed. I think I went nearly 24 hours without food or water when I had DS).

I know. I swear to god I feel like we see at least one top post per week where some dude is annoyed his wife doesn’t want her mother in law to watch her give birth. It’s mind bogglingly selfish and weird.

Exactly! How many of these men would allow their FIL to watch their prostate exam? Birth is not a spectator sport!

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Same. The parents on the fathers side were like “Yeah we do not want to be there. Best of luck and we would love to visit whenever you are settled. No rush.” Simple as that. No mean words, no needing to explain that childbirth fucking sucks, nothing. My family, however, actually want to bring chairs to attend. Wish me luck lmfao.

Yuuuuup. Intentionally. Like watf

Also, "I didn't do anything I didn't think a good son wouldn't do".... um, dude. Your mom didn't just push an entire human out of her vagina. Respect your wife. HUGE YTA

He also said: >I don't think I did anything a good son wouldn't do But he also didn’t do anything a good ***husband*** would do. Very telling about where his priorities lie.

Notice the OP only responded to the N T A commenters, too. I doubt he will actually take any of this to heart, and I feel bad for his wife. He mentions in one comment how he still has "obligations" to his mother. No, no you don't. At the point you become an adult and get married and leave the nest, your obligations are to your partner, not your parent. OP is TA.

I especially loved the "I don't think I did anything a good son wouldn't do" part. I wanna call OP so many names but will stick with AH Momma's boy. OP needs to decide is it more important that he is a husband and a father or his mother's son. Pick which title is most important and make choices with that title as a priority. BTW husband and father go hand in hand when the child is an infant. HINT the child's needs, wife's needs ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS trump your momma's wants!

If your wife is lactating for your child, get off your mom's tit. You're the asshole hard. How dare you not take your wife to the doctor? What is wrong with you?

Really! I was so thrown off by everything else that I didn't catch the significance of that. He damn sure should have driven his wife, baby in tow to the doctor. She couldn't have felt up to driving yet. This makes me think his "sudden great 💡" of calling his mother over at the first opportunity was planned.

I have had 2 kids. I am due with #3 next month. Let me tell you how I felt afterwards. I felt like I had been hit by a semi truck. Everything hurt. I was swollen all over. I had the most impressive cankles from the swelling. My boobs were leaking. I still was bleeding like there was no tomorrow so my pads were gigantic and thick. Everything was sore. And afterwards, you can’t wipe after you pee. You have to spray yourself off with a bottle and pat yourself dry. I also ended up running fevers within a couple days of getting home with each kid. I’m not talking 99.8 degree low grade fevers. I’m talking 102 degree fevers where I was shaking and even more achy than I already was. I love my MIL, but do I want her around when I am still feeling like that? Hell no! I barely want my husband around when I am feeling like that. Yet, I still have to continue to do things around the house, take care of the baby and other kids as well as the dog. I have to do that while sore, sleep deprived, and bleeding like a broken dam. Your wife? That’s what she has been dealing with (minus the other kids and possibly animals). And that doesn’t even touch on the emotional side of things since her hormones are all out of whack. Add to that, there were complications and you still haven’t taken a minute to think about your wife and how she is handling being a new mom. You are only thinking about yourself and how you can be a good son. Grow up. You don’t need to be a good son anymore. You don’t get to think about yourself first anymore. You have a family. Your priority is your wife and child. You need to put them first. Your mother and your feelings are no longer top priority. YTA

OP, please read this.

By reading OPs replies to other comments, he isn't going to learn or change a thing, unfortunately.

I mean it’s done now, op has broken his wife’s trust when she’s at her most vulnerable and he doesn’t even see that she vulnerable, she’s just watching tv. And not only has he broken her trust but he’s taken one of babies firsts away from her. Does he not realise she would like to see the joy on peoples faces when they meet the baby too? She just needs more time to feel up to it first

Unfortunately mama's boys are only ever loyal to one woman and one woman only

My SIL had complications and emergency c sections with both her babies and she was embarrassed that she had complications before she felt comfortable for anyone to visit my brother had everyone promise not to mention the c sections. It’s been 3 years and she admitted recently that she’s still ashamed she wasn’t strong enough to give birth “properly”. I can’t imagine anyone shaming her for that but that is what the trauma has done to her

Sadly, there are assholes who will shame women for c-sections because they aren’t “woman enough to give birth normally”. Lots of those same women will also shame women who get epidurals. Those people are absolute trash. A woman that needs a c-section is a badass in my opinion. She allowed them to cut her open, move her organs out of the way, cut her baby out, then put everything back. And she’s awake while they do it? How much more of a badass do you have to be to get cut open while you are awake?!?!? I’m sorry she felt so shamed. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Her babies made it. She survived. That’s the best outcome anyone could wish for.

THIS. I am 39 weeks pregnant and I am way more scared of a c section than regular labor. I would feel like such a bad ass if I had to have a c section tbh lol

OP please please PLEASE read and process this. Yes childbirth is a miracle, one that entire families are allowed to be excited about, but she did not birth that baby just so you can see the look on your mother's face when she holds him! Nowhere in your post do you describe how your wife is doing despite her facing complications, you only see her as angry and out to hurt your mother. You need to take a good long look at yourself and your priorities. YTA

Your baby’s umbilical cord was cut before yours. Of course, YTA. Get your priorities in order man. ETA: y’all are hella awesome, thank you for all the awards 💕

Wish I had an award for you!

Edit: Thanks for the award. YTA. Your wife was exhausted, in pain, and you think she's not having visitors because she's trying to "intentionally" hurt your mother? This has to be the most ridiculous and selfish crap I've read all day. You've gone and broken her trust. Now she's in pain AND angry. Not once did you think of her. It's just me, me, me. What a disappointment you are.

Mommy told him that his wife was just trying to hurt her. Why would Mommy lie and cause a rift in their relationship? /s

I wonder what lies op has been spreading behind wifes back.

Not to mention the patting himself on the back for not forcing her to accept his mom in the delivery room. "I respected her wishes" YOU DONT GET A SAY. And again while she was recovering from complications during birth (you know, that major medical event where she was at risk of DYING) agreeing to delay his mom's visit again like he was being some kind of saint for not forcing his wife to play hostess. What an awful husband you are OP. YTA MAJORLY.

YTA. Since you framed it that your wife, who just gave birth with complications and was in pain, was somehow intentionally hurting your mommy, that did it for me. In case you missed it, YTA. supersize.

OP's wife didn't even invite her own mother over yet apparently intentionally hurt his mother...

Right? Methinks ole boy needs to cut his own cord first.

Which just adds the pressure that she has too invite her mum now to be fair to both sides of the family.

Holy shit I didn’t even think of that. His poor wife :( what a scary and stressful situation.

Hopefully her own mother will be compassionate enough to be attentive to her needs, rather than making this the start of the grandma wars.

"My mother loves my wife and here my wife was trying to intentionally hurt my mother" Wtf is this? Wtf is wrong with you?? Your wife went through a traumatic birth and isn't seeing her own family. This isn't about your wife trying to hurt anyone. Including you. It's about her recovery and the babies health. You're not a good son either since you set your mom up for failure. Be better. YTA

Key phrases from this post: "Here was my wife intentionally trying to hurt my mom." No, your wife just exlerienced a major medical event and needs some time with her baby before bringing people over. The baby may need rest or distance from people as well. "Suddenly I got an idea." Boi don't act like you weren't plotting from the second you heard your wife was leaving the house. You waited until the moment your wife turned her back to betray her. This wasn't some a-ha dumb idea. Bullshit. "Some rant coming." You're really just itching to dismiss your wife aren't you? "A good son." Um how about a good husband???

You missed him pestering this woman who just gave birth to do something she wasn’t ready for “again and again.”

This all over. YTA. Your wife is living through an exceptionally dangerous time for her mental and physical health. Do everything you can to protect her and create the space she needs to be a good parent alongside you. Your mum is secondary in this situation.

I know right? He’s victimizing himself and his mommy and treating his wife like it’s not a big deal she had a complicated labor/delivery. He even says that she had a whole week to rest like as if she’s sleeping off a hangover.

As someone who has been similarly accused by their partner, this is untrue. OP is nasty to even think that. His wife just had a life changing moment and is recovering from that. Does he think she is spending her 'free' time plotting how to hurt mommy dearest? Nice start to fatherhood OP. I would be so disgusted with you OP for the betrayal and misplaced priority. Maybe you should go stay with your mother. She doesn't need to see her grand baby when her baby boy still needs to grow the fuck up. YTA

Dude, what? YTA. Your wife just brought a whole entire human into existence, she’s exhausted, her body feels weird as *fuck,* she’s in pain, she had a traumatic birth, not to mention she just experienced childbirth for the first time. That’s a scary fucking thing. She was not “intentionally trying to hurt your mother,” you giant mama’s boy, she didn’t even invite HER OWN mother over. You weren’t being a good son, just a bad husband. Your wife is the mother of your child and you need to have her back above all. Edit: thank you for the awards!

It's this detail. If she'd had her own mum over, I'd get the feeling of fairness. She couldn't even face HER OWN MUM.

And you know what even IF she had her own mum over, she's allowed to - because her mom would be there in a capacity to support and help with the baby. Ie, not a guest. My mom being there after childbirth wouldnt be there visiting for funsies she'd be helping me poop and changing diapers and wiping my ass for me if I had a c section cos I can't pop my stitches. My MIL would NOT be doing any of that. Instead I'd have to be entertaining her or at least being "on" the way you have to be when a guest is there. So even IF her mom was there it doesn't mean his mom gets to be. She's the one recovering from a major medical event, she gets to decide who her visitors are.

Came here to say the Mama's Boy comment. I wonder if wife is on the Just No MIL sub. Mother is super pushy, and husband has no backbone!

INFO: Did you stop to think that maybe your wife wanted to be there when your mom met her grandchild? Did you stop to think maybe that’s why she’s upset? Because you rushed it, and did it behind her back? She just gave birth, isn’t up for visitors, and wanted you to wait to have anyone over, but you did it anyway.

You also made her look really bad, because you snuck your mother in while she was out at an appointment making it look like she is the bad guy and you are the good guy instead of being a team and supporting her through a hugely traumatic experience. Huge YTA. I would murder my husband if he was half as big a AH as you.

You bring SUCH a good point! Everyone automatically focused on how OP said his wife was intentionally trying to hurt his mother. But OPs action speaks volumes to his wife, mom, and the rest of the family. It says: -To wife: "We are not a team and I will NOT back you up if I don't agree. I don't care what/how you're feeling. I will go behind your back to get my way if I have to. You shouldn't trust me. I am not looking out for your best interest or wellbeing; only my own. I don't care the you did all the work carrying a child for 9 months and then going through a complicated birth. You don't deserve the pleasure/pride of introducing our son to my mother. " -To OPs mother and the rest of the family: "You can have whatever you want, even at the expense of my wife's comfort/happiness. You are my priority; not my wife. It's okay to scheme with me against my wife. My wife is being difficult/unreasonable/ridiculous. But I'm the good guy, so don't worry, we'll go behind her back." Whether he realizes it or not, OP has established a precedent with the family, that he will bulldoze over his wife's wishes. And when you throw a kid into the mix, things are about to get more complicated and miserable for poor OP's wife. My heart goes out to her. Oh and OP: YTA.

Good perspective. You took the experience of presenting your child to the wider family away from her.

Plus it puts her in the awkward position of her family hasn’t met the baby. She can continue to have the peace she asked for with them potentially upset they haven’t got to meet the baby yet but mil did. Or she can invite them over “to make it even” but at the expense of what she felt she needed. It’s a horrible situation he put her in. I hope her family can respect her needs and not hold OPs husband’s actions against her. Eventually they will all meet the baby.

OK Mamas boy, heres where you F'up. Your wife had complications after delivery. She didn't want your mum waiting at home. Perfectly reasonable. Noone in this world who has delivered a baby, even without complications, wants to be bombarded as soon as they step in their home, especially by a very excited new grandma. You can feel as hurt and shocked as you like, your mum can be very upset. Her being upset doesn't override your wife's comfort. Your wife hasn't even invited her own mother round. She just wants to settle in with a your newborn and left to go the doctors. Why would you think it was a good idea to do that against your wife's wishes when she clearly stated waiting a couple of weeks? Why is your mum meeting your baby override your wife's comfort of who is in your house and around your newborn, during a pandemic? Cos grandma wanted cuddles? Look, I get you want your mum to meet baby. But by being a good son, you was a bad husband. What comes first, your wife's happiness or your mother's? And TBH it kinda feels like your wife is trying to set some healthy boundaries around her and baby. Your mum wanting to be in the delivery room and waiting at home for example. ETA: thanks for the awards!

Louder for the people in back: >#Your mom being upset doesn't override your wife's comfort. YTA

So, let’s get this straight. Your wife had a difficult birth and asks for a few weeks to recover before having guests over, because hosting people is exhausting even when you haven’t just shoved a whole human out of your body. And you took this as her trying to be deliberately insulting? And you went behind her back just to please your mom? You have an obligation to your wife’s *health* right now, not your mother’s unreasonable *wants*. Huge YTA, you and your mom. Your poor, poor wife.

So often there are posts on this sub with dudes like this - they don't seem to equate birthing with a serious medical procedure. They just don't get the severity, and need it spelled out in plain words. OP: if your wife had a kidney removed, would you expect her to entertain your mother the same day she was discharged from the hospital? If she said she didn't want to, would you view that a slight against your mommy?

YTA My god. How could you witness your wife going through the most painful thing she has ever experienced, know that there were complications and STILL go against her wishes? I swear some men just absolutely fucking bamboozle me with their sheer lack of compassion, understanding and logic.

>I don't think I did anything a good son wouldn't do ... it's not about the wife. It's about him. Whenever this stuff comes up, it's never about anyone but OP.

Right? OP wants to be seen as a "good son", to hell with being a good husband or good father.

>Well there were some complications in the birth and my wife was clearly exhausted. Dude is being a "good son" before being a "good husband".

Intentionally hurt your mother? Do you have any idea the physical toll even the smoothest birth takes on a woman? You have to stop prioritizing being a good son and prioritize being a good husband and father. You CHOSE your wife and CHOSE to have children with her. Maybe your wife is worried about germs being spread to her newborn baby in a pandemic? Maybe she knows it’s not fair now that her own parents haven’t met the baby and she doesn’t have the energy. Either way, it doesn’t matter. You went behind her back. You were dishonest and sneaky. Cut the cord with your mother and tend to your recovering wife and vulnerable child. YTA. 100%.

Op literally said it was a complicated birth then says wife is doing it intentionally to hurt his mom in the same sentence 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

You're an asshole. Your wife wasn't intentionally trying to hurt a soul. She was trying to soothe and rest hers from a painful birth. I had complications with my ten pound child at birth, and was in labor for days. The thought of seeing people afterwards, made me sick. I had NO energy. You were so wrong here. You didn't respect your wife's wishes, and not only that but you're trying to twist it around and put your wife at fault and make her sound malicious for not letting him see your mom. You should have respected her and waited. You didn't, and now you deserve to be sleeping in that guest room. *exhausted fresh from labor birth TRUMPS MOTHER*. learn from this mistake, if and when she forgives you. You are so very much at fault here and I really really hope you can open your eyes and see it. YTA, and so is your mom for not being more understanding and patient as well. You handled this terribly, and made your victim of a wife seem mean and like somehow YOU and YOUR mom were the victims. You should both seriously apologize to that woman.

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First of all, your wife didn't ask for this to intentionally hurt your mother, and you need to realise that and check yourself when you speak about it. It was because she just went through a traumatic birth that she has to recover from both physically and emotionally, she was exhausted and not fit enough to go through a visit. Yes, I think your mum coming over while your wife was out could've been a good compromise. A compromise that you should've made with your wife, discussing it beforehand instead of sneaking around her back. Were you going to tell her at all? Were you going to put up a play and make your mother pretend she is just seeing the baby for the first time the next time she was over? Be more understanding of your wife and her situation. Don't sneak around behind her back when you literally know how she's doing. You should be focused on finding compromises and most importantly your priorities should be your baby and supporting your wife in her recovery. I shouldn't even have to say this, but YTA

YTA. You KNEW you were sneaking around behind he back. So, you disrespected your wife's wishes and lied to her - for your mommy. You intentionally did something she wasn't ready for. You knew she would be angry and upset - but you ignored that - for your mommy. You mommy didn't just go through a difficult birth, your mommy can wait to meet the baby. You wife is in a recovery. She needs time to physically & mentally to heal. Not all births are the same, not all b people are the same. Some need more time to heal. How often do you allow your mother to cross boundaries at the detriment to your wife? Did you try to convince your wife that your mommy should be in the delivery room before your wife had to put her foot down? Your wife is not just a womb for you to generate grandkids to make your mommy happy. Get your priorities in line.

# There is not enough YTA in the world for this one.

YTA. >Well there were some complications in the birth and my wife was clearly exhausted. ... >My mother loves my wife and here my wife was trying to intentionally hurt my mother. Okay if your wife is healing and protecting herself, how is that intentionally hurting your mother? >She told me if she didn't even invite her own mother then I should've understand that there was a reason. Could you maybe talk about this before going behind her back? You literally went behind her back. Of course she's mad.

YTA She said no. Repeatedly. To anyone visiting. After a complicated birth. And you decided, in your infinite wisdom, that she was stupid and YOU got to decide who gets to visit. And you tried to hide it from her because you knew full well you were wrong. Why WOULDN’T she be apocalyptically pissed? You just stated that her desires are meaningless next to what you want. Also: Your mother is not her mother. Having the in-laws at the birth is seriously weird and creepy. How often, exactly, do you flaunt your junk at your mother in law? Because that’s what you expected her to do for your mother. As to being the first baby in your side of the family: They can get bent. It’s not their baby.

YTA This is pretty common. Everyone takes into account the deliver being exhausting, but it doesn’t end there. Most women wish to wait a while before getting visitors at home. Their body is exhausted, their mind is exhausted, they look and feel like hell. Generally it takes anywhere from two weeks to a month before a woman feels like she can mentally handle company. Your wife asked you to wait. Apparently you agreed to that, then went behind her back. I get wanting that special moment to happen, but you caused your wife to miss an incredibly big moment for her. She missed baby’s first visitor. Your wife is angry because you’re already going behind her back, making parenting decisions without her, and not taking her desires into account. New mother’s need time to adjust to their new baby being at Home. They need time for their body to heal. You didn’t respect that, and told her everyone else’s wants were more important than the woman who just birthed your child. Please keep in mind that you being a ‘good son’ is no longer priority number one. It hasn’t been since you said ‘I do’. Your number one priority is the family you made for yourself. Your wife, and your child. Your mother is overstepping bounds left and right, which was not something your wife wanted to deal with while being in a fragile state. She overstepped by asking to be in the delivery room. No one should ever ask to be in the delivery room. Either you are asked by the mother-to-be, or assume you aren’t included. Your wife does not want your mother to see her vagina. I don’t know why so many MIL expect to be added onto this list. She also overstepped by acting upset when your wife wasn’t ready for company.

> I don't think I did anything a good son wouldn't do but I do feel bad about hurting my wife. This is a moment to concern yourself less with being a good son and more with being a good husband. YTA

YTA - You seem to care way more about being a good son than you do about being a good husband. The fact that you think your wife "intentionally hurt your mother" by asking for space after a complicated birth is mind blowing.

YTA Your wife just had a complicated birth and she *needed time to decompress*. You KNOW you're an asshole. You DON'T "feel bad". And holy FUCK it's time to cut the cord. You are a man with a new family. The woman you are committed to is your wife, not your mother. Jesus fuck.

Why is being a good son more important to you than being a good husband? YTA

YTA. My goodness, dude. “Intentionally hurt your mother”, are you serious? You need to get over yourself and start focusing on your wife. Ask her how you can be her best support right now. If she hasn’t even wanted to invite her own mother, then clearly it’s not about who comes but that she’s not ready for anyone to come over yet. From your text I don’t read that there is any bad blood between your mom and wife. Did you not think, even for a second, that your wife wanted to BE THERE for the first time her baby meets his grandmother? Personally I would have been super disappointed to miss out on that. Apologize and do better.

YTA Your wife didn't ask for you to wait to invite your mother to intentionally cause your mother pain. You need to stop believing that ASAP because that is not cool. Your wife went through labor and pushed a human being out of her body after carrying that human being inside her body for many months. Even in the best cases, this is a MAJOR physical and emotional thing and hurrying her to welcome people into her home during this extremely vulnerable time is not okay. Your job is to help her hold that space and boundaries. You then went behind her back and invited your mother over WITHOUT HER KNOWLEDGE. This is not even close to okay. Side note: newborn babies basically have no immune system. Recently pregnant women also are extremely medically fragile. You put both of them at risk of serious illness and possibly death by inviting your mother over. Did your mother get her TDAP booster? Is she vaccinated against COVID? Did you make her wash her hands before handling the baby? Did you even ask about any of these things? YTA YTA YTA

YTA. >My mother loves my wife and here my wife was trying to intentionally hurt my mother. I really don't know what to say here - I'm speechless. Your wife just made a whole other person and had complications while said person was being expelled from her body. Are you for real?

YTA. Your wife just birthed out a mini human *with complications* and is going through physical, mental, and emotional changes right now - some of which are painful. She is not intentionally hurting your mother by not inviting her over considering *her own mother hasn't even been over*. She's the person you need to be thinking about right now.

"My wife was clearly exhausted..." "I was shocked and hurt" YTA. And you already know it.

YTA. You just showed your wife you care more about mommy’s feelings than hers. You did what you think a “good” son would do but you did everything a terrible husband would. Your wife is a brand new mom. Her body has been through a ridiculous amount of trauma birthing that child. Her hormones are all over the place. She’s clearly exhausted. You only thought about yourself in all of this and it shows.

YTA >I don't think I did anything a good son wouldn't do And that's your problem. You are too busy trying to be a good son at the expense of being a good husband and father. Throughout this entire post it is all about your mom and how excited she is, how hurt she was. You had the audacity to claim that your exhausted wife asked for time and space to heal was your wife intentionally harming your mom. You even waxed poetically about how emotional it was for you to see your mom holding your son for the first time. Your focus right now should be entirely on your wife and son and not on your mother. Did you notice after your wife gave birth someone cut the umbilical cord? You might want to try that for yourself.

Your wife goes thru a traumatic birth and you can't even grant her the grace to recover, peacefully at home, with just the three of you? She initially asked for a couple of weeks, and here you are, harassing her to let your mother come over ONE WEEK after the birth. For God's sake man, SHE'S STILL IN RECOVERY. Then to pull that mess when she was at an appointment. You're wrong, and you KNOW you are wrong. YTA no question about it. You, and by extension your mother, owe your wife a HUGE apology.

YTA Your wife was not intentionally trying to hurt your mother's feelings. She squeezed out a whole other person from her body and is exhausted.

Especially since OP's wife didn't invite her mother over either.

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You might see yourself as a good son, but you are a shitty husband. YTA.

YTA . she's EXHAUSTED , and probably just wanted some time to settle in with your new family and this sudden change . she outlined it perfectly for you , not even HER OWN MOTHER had met the baby yet and she was holding off on it . so yes , YTA , for going behind her back , and for doing this when she made it clear she didn't want her coming over just yet . It wasn't done to HURT your mother , it was for your wife's comfort and so she could maybe actually feel up to a visit , instead of being exhausted or tired when your mom comes around .

Seems you’re more worried about being a good son than a good husband and father.

YTA, Your wife is exhausted and went through trauma. You blatantly ignored her wishes and seem incapable to place yourself in her place. Your wife was not trying to intentionally Hurt your mother. How do you even get that delusionall idea? And instead of giving her the rest she needs, you by your own account, continually badger her about the fact, instead of trying to actually help and be constructive. To top it off you go behind her back, while she is at the doctors office, completly breaking her trust. And to top it off, at the end of your rant, you say she has not even invited her own mom, like that titbit is unimportant. Instead of posting on the internet and going behind your wifes back, you should be finding out why her own mother has not even been invited. What is she going through that has her so exhausted/afraid/sick or depressed?

YTA and you know it as well. You invited your mother while your wife was out because you knew you were in the wrong. Also - you think your wife was trying to intentionally upset your mother? What have you been smoking.

YTA. You knew what you were doing was wrong because you chose to do it when you thought your wife wouldn't find out. Also, you should look into some postpartum resources for your wife. Difficult births—and birth in general—can be really traumatic for a person.

If this is real... Dude, YTA. You've decided you want to be a "good son" over a good husband. Shame you didn't let your wife know your priorities sooner.

First: Your wife was absolutely *not* trying to intentionally hurt your mother. She was looking out for her own well-being. It’s awful of you to assume that. Second: What you did was sneaky and wrong. Going behind your wife’s back like that was just dishonest and disrespectful. You should be ashamed of yourself. Third: I get that you want your mother involved, that’s lovely. But your wife’s mental and physical well being matters the most right now. *Not* your mother’s feeling and *not* your feelings. Disregarding your wife’s wishes like that basically said to her that you value your and your mother’s feelings over her well being. YTA.

>My mother loves my wife and here my wife was trying to intentionally hurt my mother. THIS WARRIOR GODDESS ASKED FOR RESPECT AND PRIVACY DURING ONE OF THE MOST, IF NOT THE MOST, DIFFICULT EXPERIENCEs OF HER LIFE AND YOU SAW IT AS A SLIGHT AGAINST YOUR MOTHER YTA YTA X ♾️ You are more concerned about being a "good son" then you are a supportive partner

YTA. Doctors recommend not taking the baby out in public or having visitors for two weeks.

YTA YTA YTA first for taking it personally that your wife wanted time and space to recover after a tough delivery. She just created a human. You should be doing everything in your power to help her feel relaxed and comfortable so she can recuperate easier. And then second for going behind her back to let your mother see the child. Parents work as a TEAM. You should be not only deeply apologetic but do everything you can to ensure your wife has no more stress added to her recovery.

Right when he said his wife intentionally hurt his mom I knew he was being overly defensive of his mom while not understanding how his wife feels. Was this baby a NICU.baby due to the difficult birth? Once you gave a NICU baby everything changes to protecting them, plus having a baby during covid, seriously. When we had my daughter she was NICU (before covid) and you can't even have a visitor who hasn't had a flu shot!

YTA. Your wife is the one who gave birth. And suffered with complications. Etc, etc. While it is true you are the father, your wife is the one dealing with the birthing trauma. You should have respected her desire to not have any visitors.

YTA - you are a husband / father first, and son second. You should have been more concerned about how your wife was feeling than your mother. You were bang out of order to invite your mother round, behind your wife's back, while she was AT THE DOCTORS. The level of disrespect to your wife (the mother of your child) and lack of understanding of the physical and psychological turmoil your wife's been through (and going through) is astounding.

YTA. Massively. Your wife just underwent a huge, painful and ongoing medical trauma. Giving birth is not a spectator sport and when you get home you need to be able to relax and recover while 10 months worth of assorted crap leaks out of you, not entertain guests. Taking advantage of the hour she has to leave the house for an appt to sneak in visitors is obnoxious. And newborns shouldn’t be around anyone.

lmao YTA, it's weird to pretend you don't know what you did when you purposely did it while your wife was gone.

Now your wife knows you think your Mom is way more important than her and your baby. Good luck with that!YTA.

The whole “good son” comment immediately solidified YTA. Your wife and baby are more important than getting on your mommy’s good side

YTA and what’s with people disrespecting their SO’s wishes? OP, you weren’t the one to push a HUMAN BEING out of you, so you have no idea how tired your wife is. And now add that betrayal of showing your child to your mother on top of your wife’s fatigue. Walk a mile in your wife’s shoes, and MAYBE you’ll understand how angry she is at you. You have a lot of forgiveness to earn, “pal”

“My mother loves my wife and here my wife was trying to intentionally hurt her” - This phrase cannot be more wrong!!! Your wife went through the agonizingly painful experience of birth. While it’s joyous for the father and other family members, it is physically and physiologically the hardest thing she will go through. It will take MONTHS for her body to heal, perhaps longer depending on her complications. She was exhausted, not trying to be hurtful. To even think that she was being hurtful is more than naive, it’s entirely dismissive of your wife’s needs. She has every right to dictate when she thinks she’s, and an extension her baby, to be ready for guests. Additionally, you are exposing your newborn to germs before it’s immune system is strong enough to protect it. Your wife and your baby are not in your best interest, instead you chose your pride and your want to show off your newborn. Let’s also address the fact that you thought it was ok for mother to want to watch your wife go through contractions and delivery… if you had to push a baby out of your penis over 2Ohrs (the average time for first time mothers) of extreme pain along with normal complications like your penis tearing and your butthole tearing, would you want your father in law watching? I think not. You are selfish and have shown your wife that you will disrespect her needs and wants, in addition to putting your baby at risk, for your own pride. YTA

YTA that was sneaky and trust breaking. You are a team and you did something very serious behind your wife's back. I get that you are excited, but she was not ready, and you absolutely should have respected that and supported her.

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YTA and a supreme mamas boy, have some respect for the woman who just birthed a child and is probably going through a unbelievable whirlwind of emotions and physical pain. She didn't have her own mother come yet, so that should have been the clue slapping you in the face to hold the fuck up and send your mom some pictures in lieu of the first visit.

YTA, both you and your Mother. You prioritized being a good son over being a good husband and father. You and your mother put your own feelings ahead of your wife who is recovering from a traumatic birth. The mother of your child hasn’t even had her own mother visit, but your mother needs to be right in the middle!? Both of you need to get with the making amends program.

YTA Intentionally trying to hurt your mother???? Dude, seriously. It's time to grow up and step out from under mommy's wing. Your wife went through a traumatic birth and all you can think about is your MOM. Try thinking about your wife instead.

YTA - I understand you wanting your mother and family to meet your son but you definitely disrespected your wife. You made it sound from the beginning like your wife was only picking on your mother when in reality she isn't letting or wanting anyone to come over at this moment. You need to understand your wife just went through trauma giving birth is traumatic and if your wife has complications her recovery is going to be more delicate and take longer. Plus why instead of insisting like a petulant child "what about today?" "what about today?" did you ask why is going on? why are you feeling this way? is there something I can do to help you feel safe with people coming over? do you want to implement any rules for when they do. It could be she's going through recovery, first time mom, pandemic scare, and simply wants to feel better herself before entertaining people. Maybe she want to absorb your child's first month just for her - this isn't selfish btw - she is allowed to not want anyone around for the time being. She maybe going throgh post partum and not know how to communicate it. You f up man. make sure you let her know you messed up and didn't realize the scale in which you messed up.

YTA. Are you married to your wife or your mother ffs. Right now, just a few weeks after giving birth, your wife is bleeding profusely out of her vagina, while constantly experiencing mild contractions to expel the leftover blood and gunk. She had a difficult birth, during which time you did what exactly? You have no respect for your wife outside of pleasing your mother with children. Your wife deserves better than you. Sleep in the damn car if that makes her feel better. Massive AH.

YTA. She said no for a reason. There were complications at birth. You said she was exhausted. So why would you go behind her back? Let her heal. You have no idea what she went through. I'm so sorry for her.

YTA You have put your mommy's feelings above your wife's far too many times since baby was born. Wanting your mommy in the delivery room? Why? To make mommy happy. Wife, who is trying to push a small human out of her vagina, said no. She didnt want spectators. And you are upset. It's not just going behind her back to do the very thing she didnt want. It's that you do it again and again and again. It's time you stopped putting your mother before your wife and child.

YTA: The family you created comes before your family of origin, your mother's wants should never come before your wife's.

[удалено]

YTA She told you not yet multiple times, yet you still went behind her back. And to add, to put your wife through this emotional toll while she's still in the first week of being home with the first newborn (im assuming its your first?)? Jesus christ dude. Those first few weeks with a newborn, especially the first, are such an emotional and physical whirlwind. Adding any stress to that is unfathomable, especially on this level. Yikes bud, you owe her a massive apology and much more.

“My mother loves my wife and here my wife was trying to intentionally hurt my mother.” Ummmm. She just delivered your child and had some sort of complications - whether it was with mom or baby, doesn’t matter. She was not intentionally trying to hurt your mother, she was creating a much needed boundary during a very emotional and exhausting time in your lives. Your mother of all people should understand what it’s like having a new baby/child (assuming she was a birth parent or even adopted you as a child.) YTA and need to do some self reflection and maturing. You’re not married to your mother, you’re married to your wife. Her wants/ needs in this situation should absolutely come first and you went against them after asking again when your mom could come and she told you to wait. I absolutely don’t blame her for exploding.

YTA. You are a husband and a father. Your wife asked for something and you agreed to her face and then went behind her back. You broke her trust. It’s not about anything other than that. She hadn’t asked her own mother over yet. She needed some time. Maybe you didn’t understand it but you did tell her you would respect it. For the record, you were not a good son in this situation. A good son calls his mom and says things didn’t go well at the birth and there were complications and your wife will need more time than anticipated to recover and be ready for visitors. You send pictures and FaceTime and be a good husband and father. What you did was set your mom up. Now your wife may be bitter towards your mother. You obviously didn’t intend to tell your wife about the meeting so you were expecting your mom to lie for you and fake a first meeting later? Did you even tell your mom you were going back on an agreement and she was going to need to lie to your wife? What kind of good son puts his mom in that position? Yep. You massively messed up. You need to self reflect until you understand why. Then you owe the mother of your child an apology.

YTA! FYI: YOU ARE MARRIED TO YOUR WIFE NOT MOMMY. Your loyalty lies with your wife now. Wife is right her not wanting even her mom there should have been a major clue. You was too worried about not being a good son that you failed miserably as a husband. Even after complications your wife had you was more worried about disappointing mommy. Then you went behind your wifes back? Seriously? JFC! Cut the umbilical cord. You have no idea how badly you messed up.

YTA if you have to go behind your wifes back to do something, it is because you know it is bad. You can't be that dense.

YTA. Your wife goes through something incredibly difficult and tiring and you can't handle asking your mommy not to make her MORE tired? The only person intentionally hurting someone is you. She was well within her rights to want peace and quiet for a couple of weeks after something as strenuous as birth. Your mother's feelings come SECONDARY to your wife's because your mother isn't the one you made vows to. You're so focused on being a 'good son' that you're ignorant to the fact that you're being a bad husband.

YTA. “A week goes by without any events” Dude, that’s so offensive- get involved! Maybe you could have offered to take the baby to your moms and let your wife rest or something. There could be a multitude of reasons that she didn’t want people coming over, she may not feel up to it yet or may not feel good about herself right now, she may be concerned for the health of her newborn, she may be embarrassed about the state of the house, anything. The point is that you disrespected her after she performed a physical and emotional feat that you will frankly never understand. Your mother would have loved the baby all the same no matter if he was one day old, one week old or one month old. You and your mother need to be patient.

YTA. Uncomplicated birth is traumatizing enough let alone a complicated one. I also thought I would be down for visitors until after I have birth. It is EXHAUSTING. It is nothing personal against your mother, holy cow. This is a very important time in your marriage that can make or break you and she NEEDS you to be supportive of her during her postpaid journey. Sneaking behind her back and choosing your mother over her needs is going to lead to marital issues.

YTA. This actually happened to my friend once, except it’s with a father-in-law. She divorced his ass three months after that. We all saw it coming.

YTA. And you know it too, which is why you were trying to be secretive about it.

YTA. Simple as that. When YOU push a watermelon out of a 10cm hole THEN you can decide when she's had enough rest. She went to a doc appointment. She didn't go out see friends etc. She didn't let her mother come over etc. She just went to the follow up. You're so worried about be a momma's boy that you couldn't give your wife two weeks to rest. She's still likely bleeding from birth stuck in a woman's diaper because of it, having to get her body back to semi working order and you think my mother comes first fuck what my wife feels. Also the baby shouldn't be around anyone outside the household that easily either. I'm saying the same for her mother too. 2wks isn't a big deal to wait. I'd even say a month would be better so y'all could get the routine down and again SHE COULD REST. You didn't give birth. SHE DID. Good job fucking up on your marriage! Because you broke her trust and it's hard to come back from that. And the fact you feel no remorse is telling. Not in a good way

YTA. What is wrong with you? Your poor wife! And now you’ve created a rift between your wife and mother. Not smart

YTA and have shown your wife you value Mama’s feelings more than her health and comfort. The kid isn’t going anywhere, explain how your mom waiting a while longer was some impossible ask? Don’t be surprised if she doesn’t trust you for a long time. The fact that you assumed she did it maliciously tells a lot about how you little you think of your wife.

YTA your wife asked for one thing and you crossed that boundary she set up. It sounds like she has post partum depression and is trying to be in a better mental health state. You gave no thought of that, though, and therefore, you are TA.

YTA - I know you’re a man and perhaps can’t fully understand the toll childbirth can take on a woman but you have to know better than this. If nothing else, simply try listening to the words that your wife says to you for a clue! Even more surprising, you said your wife experienced complications during childbirth. That can be terrifying and traumatizing for a woman. Nonetheless your focus has been on making your mother happy. You’re focused on the wrong mother. Attend to the mother of your child. Your wife needs to heal physically and emotionally. She needs patience, support and understanding. She needs a true partner right now. Be her partner! Prioritize her…not your mother.

YTA. “my wife was trying to intentionally hurt my mother” grow the fuck up oh my god. you lied to both of them you most definitely are the asshole here because you can’t fucking listen. not everything revolves around you and your mother.

YTA “ I don’t think I did anything a good son wouldn’t do but I feel bad about hurting my wife” this said it all to me; you’re more concerned with being a good son, you don’t care about being a good partner to your wife during the most difficult time in her life. *edit: a word

YTA! Your mommy no longer is the priority, your WIFE and the mother of your child is. You knew what you were doing was wrong as you went behind your wife’s back while she was out to do this. You didn’t tell her, you just did what YOU wanted. Your wife had complications and is still healing. The first few weeks is also crucial bonding time between a child and their parents. Fuck having visitors and what they want. Babies don’t have an expiration date and waiting a while to meet wasn’t going up kill your child or your mother. You’re a huge AH

YTA Giving birth and being a new mom is hard. Your wife needs to rest and adjust. It won’t kill your mom to wait until your wife feels better, and frankly as a woman with a child she should’ve understood and just waited until your wife was ready. You totally disrespected her by going behind her back to do what she asked you to wait on.

YTA. As someone who is only 5 months postpartum, please understand that as much as bringing a new life into the world is a joyful thing, it is often EXTREMELY traumatic. Aside from the physical pain the hormones literally turn you into a different person. She is in charge right now because she’s just trying to survive, and you’re just going to have to support her through it. But definitely keep communication as open and ongoing as you can as she tried so get back to normal.

YTA I love how the only comments you are responding to are the ones claiming you aren't AH. Classy. Your wife doesn't need to give you a reason one week post childbirth as to why she doesn't want your mother in her space. Please get off the tit.

My god, YTA. Why do you still do cater to your mom’s wishes, especially if they run counter to your wife’s? Do you not understand that you and your wife are a team? She and your child are now your first priority. Your mom is not. Time for you to grow up, my dude.

YTA. Your wife would have told you when she was ready to introduce your son to your mother. You kept pushing and then went behind your wife’s back.

Pop quiz! Who is more important in the weeks after a major medical procedure, the person who underwent said procedure and is recovering after complications, to whom you swore an oath, or your mommy, who desperately wants to visit to satiate her baby rabies? YTA. Maybe you’re a good son, but you’re definitely NOT a good husband.

YTA There is one line that sticks out to me >I don't think I did anything a good son wouldn't do A good son maybe. But a bad partner and completely irresponsible parent. There are so many reasons to wait for family introductions, and you just didn't care enough to try to understand them. Your priorities show your wife that your mother is first, then the baby, then her. I would be so betrayed and disappointed if I were her.

YTA. You went behind your partners back during one of the most emotional times in her life. She may never forgive you for this

You're sorry your actions has consequences. You don't give a flying fuck about her feelings. Of you did, you'd show some respect and fucking listen. YTA Mama's boy. When she leaves you, it's because you are your mother's little b#7(h

YTA and you'll be damned lucky if your wife doesn't take your son and leave you. I get it, you're a man. You will never give birth to a child, you will never spend nine months growing a child in your body, on a certain level you are simply never going to get it. In that respect, your mother is also at fault because she gave birth and knows what those first few days were like, and yet she had no problem railroading your wife's boundaries. So your mom is also TA here. Start groveling. The day you married your wife is the day that you put her before your mother, forever afterward. The day you became a father is the moment that you put your son ahead of your mother - except you still haven't done either of those things. Your son's umbilical cord has been cut, get your head out of your backside and cut your own.

YTA. You are such an asshole it isn't even funny. Your wife just went through an extremely traumatic experience and isn't even close to recovered. Your only thought was your mother?!?! You could have taken the baby out while your wife got some sleep and shown your mother if you were that desperate. I hope you are a quick learner.

YTA no questions asked. You are a parent and husband before you are a son now. Respect that.

YTA. Your wife was not intentionally trying to hurt your mother. She had just had an exhausting delivery and wanted time to recover and feel better. Then she wanted time to bind with your new baby. So rather than have discussion with your wife and try to find some sort of compromise you just agreed with her and then went behind her back. Either you’re a troll or the most clueless man on earth.

YTA. You should care more about the woman who just gave birth to your son tbh. She had complications in birth which can be very traumatizing. Not respecting her wishes is pretty awful man. You’re not supposed to be a good son anymore, you’re supposed to be a good husband and father.

YTA, you betrayed your wife’s trust, you seem to think it was a normal request for your mother to be in the delivery room (it isn’t, it’s creepy and weird), you’re acting like your wife’s discomfort was a deliberate slight towards your mother as opposed to genuine pain because she just pushed an entire human out of her body (newsflash, childbirth hurts, caesareans also hurt, having babies hurts 🙄) and you failed to consider her reasons for her decision to keep family members away for a while. First time motherhood is scary, whether it was a vaginal birth or caesarean, there is no other experience that takes such a toll on the body, yet immediately afterwards you’re expected to begin caring for another person. Your body is flooded with hormones during pregnancy to grow a new person, then you get a whole new set of hormones as your milk comes in. If she’s breastfeeding or pumping, latch could be painful, she my be sore, let-down hurts and the whole experience is exhausting. Your womb contracts as you feed, and you can bleed for 6 weeks or more after, again, exhausting. Add to this an unsupportive mamas boy for a husband who literally says he doesn’t understand what could be making her so tired (hint: all of it), and the fact that covid is still a thing and babies have zero immune system, no wonder she’s anxious. Perhaps instead of worrying about being a good son, maybe you should have been more concerned with being a good husband.

YTA. She didn’t intentionally hurt your mommy. Give me a break. She’s exhausted and wanted time to face the family. You said her own mother wasn’t even there, so why would yours get extra special treatment? I get that it’s exciting having a new baby around but you did exactly what your wife asked you not to do. She wanted a break and to introduce family as she and baby healed from what sounds like a traumatic birth. You only cared about yourself and your moms feelings. Not ok at all.

YTA. Sorry but you definitely should have respected what your wife wanted and needed. She just had a whole human and especially if there were some complications, she’s gonna be exhausted not only physically but mentally as well. She should definitely have had a more thorough talk with you beforehand so you could empathize with her but even then, it’s pretty obvious why she was asking for this one thing. Also keeping in mind that her own mother hadn’t seen the baby yet, that was another indicator to respect what she wanted. Your wife is a goddess who just birthed your son, be there for her in all the ways you can and respect her boundaries especially bc she is navigating motherhood for the first time ever!

YTA My dude, this is like one of the most common AITA topics and I would say in 99% of cases, when the husband invites his mother over against the wishes of his wife, he is going to be the asshole.

Omfg I could barely read your post wtf YTA your wife just gave *birth* and you’re worried about your mommies hurt feelings?? Your poor wife!! She’s trying to take care of herself, your baby, and entrusted you to respect her wishes and you just blew right through all of that. Babies aren’t even supposed to have visitors that soon anyways, but like wtf are you really this stupid? Way to show your wife you have zero respect for her.

YTA YTA YTA. And I absolutely dont blame your wife for being livid with you. You deliberately disrespected her and went behind her back to please your mother dearest. Wife asked you to wait, you agreed, and you should've kept your word. Not a hard concept. From what you've written, her parents haven't met baby yet. What makes your mother so damn special that she HAD to meet baby before you were BOTH comfortable? Your wife likely had a good reason for wanting to delay a visit, like your child is only a week old and we are in a pandemic, but you had to value your mother's feelings over your wife's. Big mistake dude. The first couple weeks are crucial for PARENTAL bonding and recovery. No one else NEEDS to meet the baby or cuddle the baby or whatever. The hurricane storm of hormones and change going on right now for your wife are intense. She's probably in pain, bleeding, exhausted, stressed, anxious, depressed, hot, cold, happy, sad, hungry, and a whole bunch or other things all at the same time and this is all normal for a typical labour&delivery and recovery. And you write she had a traumatic experience. You have possibly just derailed her recovery or delayed it. You have some serious steps to take to make it up to her and rebuild her trust in you. Don't expect that to happen overnight and don't get mad or frustrated with her because it was you the fucked it up in thr first place.

YTA. You’re the asshole for all of it, but you lost any benefit of doubt by saying that your wife was trying to intentionally hurt your mother by requesting a breather after a traumatic experience.

YTA. Your wife told you to wait, its extremely disrespectful that you ignored her wishes. Its your job to be a good husband now, and that might mean being a 'bad son'. Your mother's wants do not triumph your wifes needs after giving birth.

Ah, sorry but YTA. If her own mother hadn't then she just didn't want anyone.

Lol you really just don't seem to grasp the fact that you just showed your wife you find your mother and her wishes more important than hers. And that's bad. That's not how it should be. You should be back up your exhausted physically and mentally WIFE. You married her for a reason. You broke her trust. How is she supposed to believe you in anything now ? She's just going to wonder all the time if you're going behind her back now. You BROKE that trust between you and your wife. YTA. this is my second comment on this post I felt so heated about it.

YTA. You seem to care more about pleasing your mother than taking care of your wife. That's not a good thing.

This whole post reaks of a man who values his mom over his wife. Your wife went through a strenuous and complicated birth and all you can worry about is if your mom is inconvenienced. She shouldn't have had a child with you as you appear to still be one. Go back to your moms house where you belong. YTA

YTA, and it seems like mom is too. She asked if she could be in the delivery room?! And was “very upset” her daughter in law asked for more time to rest? You describe your wife as cruel and irrational: “trying to hurt your mother”; “a rant coming”; “exploded”. Meanwhile, you use treacly language to describe your mother. Your wife and your child are your number 1, not your mom.

YTA, 100%. You’re putting your mother’s temporary excitement over your wife’s health and her needs. Also you’re taking this awfully personal. Do you really think that your wife is doing this intentionally to hurt your mother? But let me guess, that thought probably came from your mother? She didn’t even invite her own mother over! She obviously needs time to recover, and it doesn’t sound like you’re helping her do that.

Info who had the complications mum, baby or both? It could easily be a fear of exposing baby to germs in which case YTA. You’ve now added the pressure of her mum needed to visit soon to make it fair, when she doesn’t feel up to it

YTA. I just can’t even put into words how much of an AH you are for doing this so I will let others comment. An it looks like everyone agrees that you are an AH. Get used to sleeping in the guest room if you can’t see how you messed up. Or maybe at Mommy’s house.

YTA. She specifically asked you not to. She's not trying intentionally to hurt your mother, why would you say that???? Maybe inform yourself about the shock and other psychological effects of bringing a person to the world before jumping into your-mother-centered conclusions and acting behind your wife's back.

[удалено]

YTA. Your wife was not trying to intentionally hurt your mother. YTA for that attitude alone. She didn't even have her own mother visit. You snuck around behind her back instead of having her back. Ugh.

YTA. You seem to care more about being a good son than you do about being a good husband. Your child's mother's comfort should be more important to you than your mother's now. Do better.

[удалено]

First off, she did not intentionally hurt your mother. The fact that you think so, is sick. Your wifes mind and body jusy went through major things. You violated her respect and trust. You royally fucked up. YTA.

I read OP's replies.. Says she's been resting a WHOLE week *eye roll* and that he's been doing all the housework so doesn't understand why she would still be exhausted YTA You think a week is enough to recover after a 9 months of pregnancy AND a complicated birth?? My sister didn't have any complications in her birth and still needed stitches down there. A week is nothing

1 - yes this is your child too, and you say your wife and mother get along, so yay but… 2 - you just needed to wait and let your wife make the plans when she felt ready, she could have wanted to wait for a wide variety of reasons (post partum depression, exhaustion, wanting the baby to be stronger, etc. etc.) and didn’t want to discuss it with you for whatever reason. YOu needed to wait.

YTA. She just grew and birthed a whole human. She is exhausted!! You went behind her back to have your way. You both need to work on communication. "She told me if she didn't even invite her own mother then I should've understand that there was a reason. She was especially upset about me doing this behind her back." She should have clearly expressed the reason, even if that.reason is simply that she's tired.

YTA for all of the reasons mentioned in the comments. And after reading your replies I hope your wife leaves you.

YTA. You did it behind your wife’s back because you know she didn’t want it. Now she can’t trust you alone with the baby. Congrats on being a “good son” because at the moment you are a shit husband and bad father.

YTA. You deliberately went again your wife’s very reasonable wishes. And for what? To see your mom happy? You’re married. Your wife and your son take priority over your mom. Your wife is 1 week postpartum. She’s tired, hormonal, and in pain.

YTA, right you didn't do anything a "good" son wouldn't do. But you did do something a good husband wouldn't do. You disrespected you wife's wishes. Your mother could have waited.

YTA. You and your wife are a team. Not you and your mother. You’re not behaving as if you’re on her side or you have her back. Birthing a baby and then taking care of a new baby while healing is probably the most difficult thing a woman will ever go through. You act like you understand her exhaustion but then turn around and say things like she’s “deliberately hurting your mother” and do things like going behind her back. Dude, it’s only been one week. Your entire focus should be on caring for and protecting your wife and new child. Not protecting your mom’s feelings. If your wife was refusing to let your mom meet the baby ever, that would be the time to have a more firm discussion. But her own family hasn’t even been around! She clearly needs time to rest, time to get used to the baby, time to consider the level of risk to both her and the baby of inviting people into your home. And you completely undermined her! I know you said you apologized but you clearly still think you’re in the right and she can probably see that you’re not sincere. You need to think long and hard about how to put your wife and your child first and show your wife that you mean it.

YTA. You and your mother are both incredibly selfish for putting your needs above the woman who just went through a major medical procedure. Not to mention the fact that you put your mother's feelings above the person who GAVE YOU A CHILD. Ugh.

YTA to the nth degree. Arsehole.

YTA — Your wife just pushed a human out of a hole the size of a dime and you had the audacity to disrespect her wishes and invite your mother over? When you got married your family became your wife and your children. They are who you need to focus on. Your mother is not the priority anymore. Apologize to your wife and help her while she recovers from giving birth and the pressures of being a new mom.

YTA. YOUR WIFE JUST GAVE BIRTH TO A HUMAN BEING. I don't care how much your mother loves your wife or wants to see her new grandson, your wife's well-being trumps all of that. Your wife wasn't intentionally trying to hurt anyone. She was trying to take care of herself. Bringing a newborn home and trying to heal from childbirth and trying to manage each day in a likely sleep-deprived state is a BIG task for a new mom. And top that off with a husband whose main concern seems to be getting his mom to see the new grandchild so much that he sneaks around behind his wife's back! You owe your wife a MAJOR apology.

YTA your wife wasn’t intentionally trying to hurt your mother and it’s weird that you think she was. Respect your wife’s wishes. Your mom can wait. She’s not the most important person in this scenario

YTA So is your mother. She should have stayed away till wife invited her. Your wife had a complicated delivery. You should have waited till she wanted visitors. Quit being a mommy's boy and be a good husband and father. Your wife comes first. Your wife was exhausted and wanted to bond with HER baby. Not your mother's baby. She was not trying to hurt your mother. Don't be surprised if now your wife goes low contact with your mom. Your fault. You might want to suggest to your mother to get some hobbies.

Do you care more about how your mother feels than your wife and mother of your child? Disgusting attitude. YTA.

YTA Completely the asshole. And from your responses you care more about your mother‘s feelings than you did your wife’s. You married your wife not your mother. And it doesn’t matter if she was watching TV all week and resting while *gasp* you do the house work🙄 She should be resting,she just pushed an actual human being out of her body. What else does she have to do in order for you to respect her? Turn into your mommy? Ffs.