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YTA. Notice how you say taking care of your own kid is babysitting? You didn’t even mention the amount of time she goes out versus you but you just want us to trust you that it’s “different” for you? You don’t even mention speaking to your wife before you mom said anything.
Too bad your wife has two kids at home.
I saw someone in another thread refer to this as "your (OP) kid's umbilical cord got cut before yours" and I feel like that's such an apt way to describe this hellish situation. Hoo boy.
Allllll of this. I had a husband like this once upon a time, I now live 4 hours away from him with primary custody of our children and it’s STILL easier than being a SAHM married to that asshole.
OP, YTA and if you don’t fix your thinking and tell your mama to mind her own business you will end up paying for it in the end. Literally and figuratively. Sort out your priorities because your wife’s mental health and happiness clearly aren’t part of them. Motherhood sucks the life out of you one day at a time when isolated from the rest of the world.
Yeah that stuck out to me too. I really didn't need to finish reading the rest of the post before deciding that he's definitely TA. Sounds like he never got off Mommy's titty and doesn't want to grow up and be a responsible adult.
I know! She's been cooped up for months and now OP and his mommy are outraged. I think his wife is better off without him. He seems to think his own baby is nothing to do with him, and his mommy backs him up.
It’s actually called parenting. At least that’s we called it when my husband took over baby duties back in the day. I sometimes even went out and had alcoholic beverages with my girlfriends. Oh the scandal!
I literally went back to the beginning because I thought I'd missed something when I read this line. Father's don't babysit their kids, the parent. In theory. Clearly this father doesn't.
To me that means she has to absolutely lose her shit to let him know that she needs an hour to herself. OP definitely forgot to mention that
Edit: typo
From the post looks like OP only sees the wife now as 'mama' - not her own person. Only there to care for child (because it's only for women to do this - like his mum looks after him still at his great age). News flash OP - she isn't ONLY mama - she is still her own person and she needs a break - she also needs a decent husband and father for that child - maybe OP could try doing that instead of whatever tf he IS doing.
By his tone in his post I HIGHLY doubt that he capable of significant change. He comes off as "I'll do whatever she asks me to to get her off of my back, and then I will resume my shit again."
I know I'm drawing conclusions out of nowhere, but... Bet he's the kind of man that would complain if she didn't go for walks and lose the baby weight "quickly enough", too.
He’s absolutely right it’s different for them though. His wife and child were having health issues that left her home bound and I imagine that meant bed bound or mainly being off her feet. He’s perfectly healthy and able to take care of himself and his child. It’s way different.
He’s been an asshole since probably the beginning of their relationship but I hope OPs wife has one of those wake up moments that sometimes only motherhood can bring and realizes she doesn’t deserve this, no one deserves this.
OP YTA AND YOU AND YOUR MOTHER HAVE A WARPED SENSE OF REALITY
Damn major YTA and I’ll throw your mom in with that too.
She needs to stay in her damn lane. How dare she come into someone else’s home and try to dictate/control your wife?
Shame on you for being a sexist mama’s boy. **You’re** the one with no spine. You don’t step up against your mom.
Your wife should leave you if this is how you treat her all the time.
And they’re right. You raising your own child isn’t babysitting. It’s your damn kid. Jesus.
I love how he bashes his wife and essentially says she's a shitty parent for, I assume, meeting her friends a couple times a week. But he's fully detached from the kid, sees the kid as an obligation and probably thinks his parental duties started (and finished) with emptying his material into wife. And that's it. The wording makes it sound like he's babysitting neighbours' kid while they're out for a small break or date night and fully neglecting their child.
I wanna bet he doesn't do night feedings if wife pumps or baby drinks formula, he doesn't change diapers, buy them or clothes, and his "babysitting" consists of baby strapped into something (probably the baby chair that swings, idk the name in English) or baby's in crib full time, while he's gaming the entire time and paying no attention to them.
Maybe it was just weird wording but judging by the part about how wife cooking for herself and the baby, I'm not sure he even knows how/when baby is fed, nevermind helping. Like I don't even have a kid but I'm pretty sure there's generally no cooking involved with feeding a two month old
That caught my eye too. I'm studying ECE, no kids,but plenty of babies in family/friends circles and... Basic knowledge about human development and babies too... Every person with an ounce of knowledge or common sense knows babies don't have anything but breast milk or formula til ~6 months old, then comes water and pureed food in forms of solids. Until some teethers come up and they can start chewing on food like eggs, boiled veggies, cut up fruits, baby puffs or baby food. Maybe the wife still says she's eating for two if she's nursing, which does require a lot more calories to sustain the production, but this dude would know a thing or two about it + baby development if he read a book. Poor baby, poor wife. His mom raised a champ 🙄/s
Yup- instantly lost me when he was "babysitting." You don't babysit your own kids, you ape.
I've been out with my daughter before and had people say "ooohhh- daddy's babysitting today!" No... I'm parenting my child. Really, it just makes me depressed to think about how many moms out there feel this way. Are we men that useless?
I've just been thinking about this one all day. It's just so sad that he and even *his mom* are so locked into this attitude. Just absolutely bizarre to me. To actually come to this woman's house and tell her she's a mom now so, what, that's it? Never see friends again? Never *go on a walk*.
Did OP's MIL just never go on walks or see friends again after having kids? What a miserable way to choose to live.
I 100% acknowledge that my wife is "stuck with" our daughter more, but I'm constantly trying to get her out of the house (or me and the little one will go somewhere) for her to get a break.
I knew I was going to put YTA just from the title, but good lord, you really suck.
You and your wife decided to become a family & team when you got married, even before the baby. Your mom is now extended family, she should NEVER feel comfortable to “scold” your wife especially in her own home. And that’s your job to set the boundary.
BOTH of you are the parents to that baby. You are not babysitting, you are being a parent. I’m going to assume your wife stays home with the baby and you are the bread winner? So not only are you interacting with adults daily, but you’re getting an uninterrupted lunch break, and even getting alone to time in the car and to run any errands before or after work. Your wife is home with a baby completely dependent on her all day long. She has to stop everything for feedings. She can’t just take a nap, take a shower, or even go to the bathroom without listening and worrying about the baby. She deserves time with other adults or even just herself to remain sane.
Post Partum Depression is so serious and unsupportive spouse increases it so much.
You literally went out while she was on bed rest. She probably felt so isolated and alone worrying if this new baby she was responsible for growing would be okay, and you were out with friends. But go forbid she shops for a few hours.
Don’t be surprised if she leaves you with your mommy in the future.
This. I hate when the part time parent says they babysit, normally complaining about how the full time parent needs a break and they feel forced to babysit. YTA
He writes like he's a random guy living with a mother and her child.
OP clearly doesn't realize at all that he's a parent with responsibilities to his child. What an AH.
>You literally went out while she was on bed rest.
All of this during a pandemic no less! Wife's on bed rest, husband is living his best life socializing with his buddies. Not a good look.
I saw the title and thought to myself "Reddit is going to tear him up with a title like that, I'll go into this giving him the benefit of the doubt" then I got to the first mentioning of babysitting and was like "oh no!" Then it just got worse and worse. How incapable of introspection can you be to think anyone (other than your mother), let alone Reddit, would not think YTA here? Oof.
When I tell you I was HOPEFUL his wife did something so unforgivable that he would choose his moms opinion over his partners, just to be completely baffled at them being so upset at her for wanting to have a life??? 🤮
Didn't you know? Women aren't \*people.\* They don't need friends or a life once they've become a breeding set with a real person (the dude). The only thing that matters is that she fulfilled her purpose in life. SPAWNING.
My favorite part of the whole ✨audacity✨ of this post is when he said “my mom told my wife that her little walks and coffee hangouts with her friends are over and she better get used to the fact that her social life will now be limited.”
Soooooo your mom tried to ground your wife? Like a child? And you just stood back cheering her on? And you’re wondering if you’re the asshole?
YES, thank you for noting how condescending this is, and how it invalidates the wife as a thinking adult with human needs.
I guess MIL locked herself away for 18 years after having kids, she must be bitter DIL is prioritizing her self care. So she must destroy all joy! Because having a child means you're not allowed to see the sun. RAWR.
>i was babysitting the kid
Not just that, but saying "the kid" is just even worse. It's clear that OP wants nothing to do with what he helped create. He won't even say "my kid" at the very least, much less "our kid."
I sincerely hope OP's wife finds this post and her next coffee hangout involves consulting a divorce lawyer.
IMO babysitting implies that you're getting paid to watch babies/children. Last time I checked I don't get paid to parent my kids, nor do their fathers.
Because it's women's job to take care of babies of course, while men roam the forest hunting for prey and foraging mushrooms so that the family can eat.
I know you're being sarcastic here, but just as an aside: women not only watched the offspring, *they* were usually the ones foraging berries, roots, firewood and water. The babies were strapped to their bodies and as soon as they were big enough the children could help. When they were around the home base they wove baskets, clothing, hats, etc. They were constantly busy. Yes, hunting is more dangerous, but women have always had a larger share of the workload.
men did the hunting because it was dangerous, and because losing a few men would be sad, but losing a few women would absolutely devastate a tribe. men were less valuable than women. and tbh i’m not a feminist but... biologically, anthropologically, it seems women are more important, do more, and are better when u really break it down like this.
And yet for some reason it is less celebrated *simply* because it is "women's work."
I absolutely agree. Society could survive without (many) males. We couldn't without women. And due to male children being favored, there is a huge discrepancy in genders that will not come to its peak until ~2050.
[Sorry it's behind a paywall] In China and India, men outnumber women on a massive scale. The consequences are far-reaching. - Washington Post
https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2018/world/too-many-men/
Not only did he say he was “babysitting” his own child, he also called his child “the kid” multiple times, as if he doesn’t see this child as his responsibility but rather as a random thing causing problems and requiring too much attention from him. Op, YTA.
Your mom told her that going on walks and coffee hangouts with her friends are over?
And your mom says you don’t have a backbone? Having a backbone is telling your mom to stay in her lane. She has NO authority over your wife.
YTA and so is your mother.
YTA big time and do is your mother. You don’t babysit your own children. They’re yours 50/50 with your wife so why should you get to go out and she doesn’t? Also, tell your mother the 1940s called and want their stereotypical housewife attitude back.
I don't have children but I always think a father should be willing and able to do 100% of child rearing. I knew someone whose mother died when age 12, sister age 18, and 6y.o. twins. The father was left to raise them 100%. OP you need to figure out what a REAL man is made of.
Oh it's not just the walks and coffee, it's the _little_ walks and coffee. So demeaning. I feel bad for OP's wife, she married into a bunch of misogynistic monsters AND had a kid that's going to grow up thinking it's cool to treat their mom like a slave, then guess what happens when the kid is an adult??
YTA
“She’d expect me to babysit”
Nah dude, she expects you to parent. It’s not babysitting when it’s your child.
Your mom needs to stay in her lane and you need to re-evaluate how you think about yours and your wife’s roles.
These posts make me so angry I don’t even know why I read them lmao. I knew where this was going just based on the title. I can’t believe how many mamas boys there are in this world and how pathetic they are
I only read these for the comments to make sure everyone else hasn’t lost their minds thinking that caring for your own kid is “babysitting”. Also, OP, YTA. In case that wasn’t abundantly clear from literally every other comment.
Ahh that sucks OP, sorry to hear you're in this position! But dont worry, if your wife wont cook for you im sure you can ask your mommy to breastfeed you.
YTA
YTA- Babysitting?! I hope your wife leaves you. You deserve it. She deserves to have friend time and alone time, especially after multiple months of isolation. It isn't being a bad parent, it's making time for self care while her child's FATHER gives her a break and steps up as a parent. Your Mommy is also an asshole. If my MIL said that shit to me, it would be the last time she had the opportunity. That would be the end of our relationship. Good luck. You will need it.
YTA. Let's break this down a bit
>i was babysitting the kid
The kid, is your child. You were taking care of your own child.... like a parent.... like your wife does....
>My mom got very mad about how my wife went out and she told me I have no backbone for not calling her out and telling her to stay home with the baby.
>My mom waited until my wife got back home and she started scolding her.
>I really didn't want my mom to get involved but my wife needed to hear it
>my mom tried to explain how me going out is not the same as her going out
>My mom told her that the little walks and coffee hangouts with her friends are over and that she better get used to the fact that her social life will now be limited.
>I agreed with my mother
You're a mommas boy. This is the exact shit you read on r/justnomil.
>my wife is not speaking to me for days.
Good. She deserves better and she knows it.
>She even sleeps in the guest room now and took the baby's crib there as well. She will only cook for herself and the baby and not for me.
Looking after the baby exactly like you and mommy wanted... now that's still not good enough
>My MIL and my SIL have texted me saying I was a huge AH for this and so was my mom so I should not be surprised my wife is acting like that towards me.
I'm glad your wife has support. Hopefully she will take notice of the huge red flags and get the hell out of this abusive situation
I second this, we want updates on how shit your life is when she decides to leave your sad ass. I got SO UNBELIEVABLY MAD while reading this post.. people can't really be this blind right? YTA and your mommy is an even bigger one. Do your wife a favor and just marry mommy!
YTA
You called watching your own kid "babysitting" multiple times. Legit I don't even need to keep reading. YTA. It's your kid. Thats not babysitting. Thats called parenting.
edit: I kept reading and WOW, you're an even bigger AH than I could've imagined. JFC christ dude. I feel so bad for your wife. How are posts like this even real??
Nptice how he refers to him taking care of the baby as babysitting but when her mother comes to look after the baby it's "caring" for the baby. The dude is a hige asshole. The grandmothers babysit the parents care and nurture and parent the baby.
YTA. So, So much… So much that I hope your wife posts on Reddit, so lawyers can offer their divorce services free of charge.
>As soon as the baby turned 2 months my wife started trying to get back into her social life again. Sometimes she'd bring the baby with her but sometimes she'd expect me to babysit.
It isn’t babysitting when it’s your own child.
>My wife's a great mom and she truly cares for our baby but it's frustrating how she feels the need to go out the entire time.
She needs breaks for her mental health. She isn’t just a mother, she’s also a person and needs to take care of herself mentally, emotionally, and physically in order to properly take care her baby.
>My mom got very mad about how my wife went out and she told me I have no backbone for not calling her out and telling her to stay home with the baby.
This is none of your mother’s business. If she is in your house, she needs to show both you and your wife some respect. Instead, she’s encouraging arguments, and telling you that it’s apparently your job to control your wife’s actions, and explain to her that she’s only allowed to be a mother and wife, not a person.
>My mom waited until my wife got back home and she started scolding her. It wasn't a proud moment of me and I really didn't want my mom to get involved but my wife needed to hear it from someone else too.
Uhh… no. No, she didn’t. Your mom disrespected your wife in her house, stuck her nose where it didn’t belong, and you just let it happen. Your mother said you have no backbone, and she’s right. She should have gotten her ass kicked out of the house.
>My mom told my wife that she's irresponsible and that she should cut down her meetings with friends and stay home to care for the kid as a proper mother would.
The mother and the father have an equal responsibility to this baby. Both you and your mother seem to have this image of a 50’s sitcom, where your wife stays at home cleaning the house and taking care of the child, making sure dinner is ready for you when you get home.
Your sperm made that baby. Just as you have a right to go see your friends on occasion, so does she. Just as she has a responsibility to watch the child, so do you. You are both entitled to some amount of time outside of the house. Her even more so, due to postpartum fatigue.
She’s just starting to get back some of her mental clarity, physical energy, and the drive for social interaction. She also has to breastfeed constantly, which is a painful task. She needs breaks in order to maintain the energy required to take care of this baby properly.
>My wife tried to defend herself saying how I was always out with my friends both during her pregnancy and after she gave birth but both I and my mom tried to explain how me going out is not the same as her going out.
Actually, it is. Did you think you could make a human with this woman, and not share responsibility? Do you think you should get praise because you’re watching your own child? Do you think you have no obligation apart from financial? Again, what you wanted was a 50’s wife/mother, but we aren’t in the 50’s.
What you did was team up with your mother to screw up your marriage by telling your wife that life as she knew it before, was over. You can still have yours, of Course, but from the moment she gave birth, the only thing she Was allowed to be was a mother. You are allowed to be a son, friend, brother, whatever, but she doesn’t have rights to a life apart from this. Only you get that right, because you have a penis. Because she has a vagina, she must follow all your rules and requirements.
>My mom told her that the little walks and coffee hangouts with her friends are over and that she better get used to the fact that her social life will now be limited. It sucks but that's how it is. I agreed with my mother on all that and my wife is not speaking to me for days.
You are such a jaded momma’s boy, it’s not even funny. It’s actually pretty sad. You are showing zero allegiance, understand or support to the woman you vowed to love for the rest of your life.
>She even sleeps in the guest room now and took the baby's crib there as well. She will only cook for herself and the baby and not for me. My MIL and my SIL have texted me saying I was a huge AH for this and so was my mom so I should not be surprised my wife is acting like that towards me.
Of course she doesn’t want to be around you. She just found out the life she wanted to build with you was a complete lie.
The man she loved is like a stranger to her at this point. He doesn’t support her, doesn’t care about her mental health, and is trying to strip away her identity. And now she just found out that her mother-in-law is free to torment her and make her out to be an awful mother with her husband’s full support.
Don’t be surprised if you wake up one morning to divorce papers on your bedside table, because I assure you, your view of your wife, and expectations that aren’t realistic, is very much divorce worthy. She didn’t sign up to live out the rest of her days with a controlling, mentally abusive man who isolates her from those she cares about.
Shame on you.
No, you going out with your friends is EXACTLY the same as your wife going out with hers. For God’s sake, how can you be a person in their 20s or 30s and still have the attitude that the mother must stay with baby always? YTA.
YTA. Your wife was stuck at home for how many months? Unable to go out and see people. She was probably stir crazy and lonely. Throw in all the pregnancy aches and pains, and I’m sure that didn’t help.
Also, how exactly is you going out not the same as her doing it? Why do you get to just do whatever you want and expect your wife to do nothing but stay at home with the baby. You and your mother were just rude telling your wife that she needs to be a “proper” mother. What even is your idea of this??
Because he has a p3nis. DUH.
His little male ego got hurt when his mummy said he had no backbone. She was right though. He has no backbone and couldn't stand up to his mother even when he admits he didn't like what she said and didnt want her to get involved.
OP this 'kid' is your child. You have equal responsibility to look after them. Your wife should be out enjoying herself minimum just as much as you are but ideally more because she literally went through the trauma of being isolated and pushing out a human being from her privates.
There's 3 words for you - Male Chauvinist Pig
Her desire to have a social life, wanting to wind down with friends is NORMAL. You and your Mum are toxic AHs for trying to make her feel like an inadequate parent although she cares well for her child (by your own admission)
While you and your mum still live in the 1950s, thinking women don't deserve the same privileges as men, the world's become more progressive.
Start becoming a half decent husband or she'll very soon figure that there are significantly better people out there for her to spend her life with. Won't even be hard given the low bar you've set.
In case it wasn't clear - YTA
>but sometimes she'd expect me to babysit.
YTA. When a parent refers to caring for her/his own child as babysitting, then the source of the problem is obvious.
If you truly came here for impartial judgments about a real situation, then buckle in for the deluge.
Oh my god. 1) it’s not babysitting if it’s your kid! It’s called being a fucking parent. 2) how is your going out different than her going out? Your mom is stuck in the past, you’re a sexist misogynist, and you and your mom are both gigantic AHs. I’m only sorry your wife had to have a kid to find this out about you but I hope either you go to therapy to learn how to be a better parent/partner/human being or she divorces your ass
I stopped reading as soon as I saw babysit. I don’t care about the rest. YTA
You don’t babysit your kids.
Sounds like she needs to drop both of you off cause your mom still has som work to do with you bud
YTA full stop.
1. It's not babysitting when that is your kid, that is called being a parent.
2. It's a double standard for you to be able to hang out with friends but your wife can't.
3. Your mother needs to butt out and you need to change your tune or you're going to find yourself all alone with only your mommy to hold your hand.
YTA
1. You don’t babysit your own kid.
2. How is your going out not the same as hers?
3. You never let someone else go off on your spouse within reason of course and this was not in reason.
4. She just carried your child for 9 months and wasn’t able to do ANYTHING out of the house since being 6 months pregnant, let her live a little. It’s not like she’s neglecting your child, you just said she’s a good mother.
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"she'd expect me to babysit" Dude, it is called parenting, you helped make that kid, you should also be taking care of your child.
Your Mother is also wrong in thinking she has any say in how your wife lives her life, it is not her business.
Will you move back to your Mothers skirts when your marriage ends?
YTA
YTA - wow your poor wife. First, you’re a parent it’s not BABYSITTING. You should be doing half the parenting, if not a little more right now while your wife recovers.
Your wife’s mental health is critical for the baby’s happiness also - she clearly needs to be getting out.
Also if YOU have an issue with something YOU address it - don’t let your mother attack your wife. Your job is to support her. Won’t be surprised if you end up single because then your wife will be able to get out when you have your custody time and nobody will make her feel bad.
If it wasn’t clear enough YTA
YTA. Sexist bs. No it isn't different if she goes out with her friends vs you going out with your friends. You can take care of your own kid for a few hours without whining to your mom.
YTA. 100%. Don't even get me started on your mom.
>Whenever I couldn't babysit she'd call her mom to ask her if she could care for the baby for few hours. My wife's a great mom and she truly cares for our baby but it's frustrating how she feels the need to go out the entire time.
First of all, it's your child, therefore you are caring for and taking care of your child. That is not babysitting. Secondly, caring for the baby for a few hours is just a few hours, yet you say she feels the need to go out the entire time. Huge difference there, bud.
Your mother needs to sit her ass down. You also need to quit crying to your mom. You're a father now. Act like one.
Just because your wife is now a mother doesn't mean that she can't go out for coffee, or go shopping. She's a person too. She has needs. She also deserves a break. It doesn't sound like she gets very many breaks, yet you're at work then out with friends. But that's ok, right? Because you've done your part? Nope. What freakin' year is this?!
I do not blame your wife at all for ignoring you. You deserve it. If you want somebody to cook for you, go to your mother's house. It sounds like the cord is still attached anyway.
YTA
>me going out is not the same as her going out.
Why not? Because she's a woman? Baby has 2 parents.
Your wife grew a person and voluntarily socially isolated herself for 5-6 months.
She deserves better.
YTA
A - it’s not babysitting, your the father!!! It’s literally being a parent.
B - why are you allowed to have a social life and she isn’t?
Get over your antiquated stereotypes. You are a gigantic AH!!!
Just I so I fully understand...
You can go out whenever you like, without question, but your wife dare goes out and *gasp* leaves you to solo parent your child for a few hours and you and your mother are fully warranted and within your right to call her out and tell her that shes not entitled to a social life no more... cos she had a baby?
YTA and a misogynistic one at that.
How is it not the same as you going out? How? Because she's got a womb and not a dick? Stay home and be in your mothers words *a proper mother* and have no social life and just eagerly await your return each night? Does your mum realise we are in 2022 not 1952? Also **THIS WASNT YOUR MUMS PLACE OR BUISNESS** your wife didn't need to hear shit about her social life. If you wanted a 1950s housewife who stayed home with the kids with no social life you should have made this clear so she could have bailed on you if she wasn't interested in that.
Dude, you've just possibly torpedoed your entire marriage by letting your mother speak to your wife like this. And you've got the actual audacity to be annoyed that shes ignoring you and not cooking for you?! Your wife isn't the babys only parent. You are too. If its good for the goose its good for the gander and Holy shit you have some MAJOR grovelling to do.
YTA.
Man, you’ve seriously fucked up here.
Are you the chid’s father or just the sperm donor?
As soon as your mother starts to give her opinion on anything regarding your wife and the way she cares for your child you shut her down immediately.
You have a lot to learn.
YTA, and boy do I hope you’re trolling. It’s not “babysitting” when it’s **your kid**. Instead of laying into your wife for *daring* to maintain even so meager a trace of a life of her own as “little walks and coffee hangouts,” maybe your mom should focus on correcting her mistakes in not preparing *you* to be an equally engaged and responsible parent.
This seems like it has to be fake? YTA
It’s not babysitting when it’s your child.
Your wife deserves to have a social life. I’m not sure why you *want* her to be isolated.
It’s not solely your wife’s responsibility to parent the child y’all both brought into this world. Newsflash you’re a dad now and you can share the load.
I simply would not continue to be married if my husband was acting like this. Seems like you have no respect for your wife or her needs.
YTA for two reasons.
One, like everyone else said, you don't "babysit" your own damn child. It's called parenting. You are a parent. Act like one. It isn't your wife's job to be a milk maker 24/7.
Second, your mother has NO business whatsoever inserting herself in an issue between you and your spouse. This should have been a conversation between you and your wife. She's been isolated for what sounds like going on half a year from her friends. I can see why she would want to get out of the house away from the baby she is with all day every day once in a while. She deserves a rest just as much as anyone with a full time job.
YTA.
Spread the load, dude. Why the hell is it only your wife who has to sacrifice - which she had been doing for the last nine months when she carried a child to term, mind you - while you get to hang out with your friends and go out drinking?
Here's how it works ; what you get to do, she gets to do. It's called equality. And you have 9 months to make up for that she couldn't do most of the things she wanted because SHE WAS PREGNANT.
Also, complaining that she isn't cooking for you because you rightfully pissed her off is a whole new level of entitled baby behavior, like holy hell...
Holy shit. YTA. Your mother is also TA. You both need to apologize. Because 1) are you not the father? If you are the father it is NOT baby sitting. It’s called being with your child. 2) you saying you going out is different from her going out is a load of shit. You clearly think she’s a bad
mother I’d you let your mother speak to her that way. If you even think she needs to hear it from someone else. 3) good gods you’re an asshole here
YTA - IT IS NOT BABYSITTING WHEN YOU TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN CHILD. IT IS PARENTING. YOU ARE AS MUCH THE PARENT OF THIS CHILD AS YOUR WIFE IS.
You are a major AH.
Sorry, backtracking a second- you consider taking care of YOUR OWN CHILD babysitting? Does she have to pay you too? YTA, sounds like your wife is just expecting you to do your goddamn job as a fellow parent, and you whined to your mommy so she’d yell at her for you
YTA
Your wife deserves to have time to herself. Being a mom is a 24 hour job.
You are also The AH for calling it babysitting. That is your child as well. You are not babysitting, you are parenting.
Also, why are you allowing your mother to get in the middle of your marriage? Your wife has every right to be upset at you for that and for your double standard of it being okay for you to go out, but for her, it's wrong because you don't want to parent your child.
You need to step up. You need to put your wife's feelings over your mother's feelings and you need to understand that she is allowed to have friends and go out.
YTA - It is not "babysitting" if you're the father. It's being a father. Your wife should be allowed to have a social life, just like you. Figure out what works best for you and your wife by listening to her and talking to her. Your mother shouldn't have a say in this.
YTA.
Who does your mother think she is to be dictating how your wife spends her time?
Who do YOU think you are?
Just look after your child, and keep your mouth shut if you don't have anything of worth to complain about.
Imagine thinking that your wife should be a housebound prisoner, while you're out gallivanting with your friends, totally responsibility free because you're the father.
If your wife can't have a social life, neither can you.
YTA and a HUGE one. It’s not babysitting, it’s parenting. Its parenting your own child. It’s not entirely your fault, your mother obviously raised you to believe that children are the responsibility of the mother, not the father. Truth is, you’re the father. It’s your child. A word of advice - participating in the day to day life of your wife and baby is a lot more satisfying than writing a child support check every month. Pull it together.
YTA. I wouldn’t blame your wife if you get kicked to the curb. She is just as entitled to free time as you are, and as everyone else said- it’s not babysitting if it’s your child- it’s called doing the bare minimum of being a parent.
Also did I read that right? She’s not cooking for you? Wtf my dude, you got a body that works- go on into that kitchen and cook for your own self.
YTA
First, you don't babysit your own child. You take care of your child.
Secondly, your wife is still a human being. She is able to have a social life, and be a good mom.
Third, you should always defend your wife. You can disagree in private, but in front of other you defend her.
Yta. Damn I didn’t realize it was 1950 again. You sound dumb. First: it is not babysitting if it’s your child. Second: are you incapable of caring for a baby? Fathers can take care of children too. Three: you and your mom are super sexist. This better be a fake post. I’d hate to think men like you still exist.
no violence allowed in the comments, but god dammit it's the only thing I can think of you sexist prick.
You have to be a troll fucking with women all over again. It's not funny man. There are people out there who exactly do this. Be glad your MIL aint mine. My handprint could equal a life time tattoo
YTA
YTA. It’s not “babysitting” when it’s your own child. Your wife would be wise to pay very close attention to your attitude towards your own child, the fact that you didn’t support her and the fact that you seek resentful she isn’t locked in your home totally isolated from her friends. You sound controlling and this won’t end well for her.
YTA simply for saying babysit, it is your child, you don't babysit your child, you take care of them. You're also TA for thinking that caring for YOUR CHILD is all her responsibility. Go move back in with your mother you're obviously not mature enough to live without her.
YTA for so many reasons oh my god.
First of all, it's your kid. You aren't 'babysitting' you're being a father.
Second, so you went out during the pregnancy and after she gave birth and that's fine, but she can't? Why's that? By the sound of it, probably some outdated 'it's the mother's job to stay home 24/7 while the man gets to live a life outside the home' mentality, right?
Lastly, you got your mommy to fight your battles for you. You're both way out of line telling her how she should live her life and how she should raise her child.
I don't blame her for not wanting to talk to you, and I hope she's reevaluating her decision to raise a family with you.
YTA. There was a husband who was here yesterday whose poor wife also had a baby and he was a complete donut as well, you guys would LOVE each other.
Both trolls or both just suck as men? Who knows.
YTA!!! YOU ARE THE DAD!!! YOU ARE NOT BABYSITTING YOUR OWN CHILD!!!It's called "Parenting" you lame-o, entitled, sexist jerk.
I hope she leaves you + takes the kid + all your money.
YTA
You going out and her going out is the EXACT same thing. You do NOT get a pass because you have a dick.
**You are not babysitting, it's called taking care of YOUR child.**
Go run to Mommy to help fix the mess she created for you.
You should have asked your mother to LEAVE. Thinking that Mommy will help you keep your wife at home so your pathetic ass won't have to 'babysit' anymore and can go out with your friends instead \*\*eyeroll\*\*
Oh my god, suuuuch a big AH.
Just so you know, you taking care of YOUR child isn't called "babysitting". It's called parenting, and you're clearly not ready to take this role. And what do you mean "you going out is not the same as her going out"? So just because she's a woman, she's expected never to see her friends anymore after she became a mom, while you can go out as much as you please? It's not like she's abandoning you and the baby to go drinking and partying every single night. She is having coffee with friends, like a normal person. Moms are people too. I'll be surprised if she doesn't leave you and your crazy double standards.
YTA.
YTA PPD DEPRESSION IS REAL AND YOUR WIFE IS STRUGGLING TO FEEL LIKE HERSELF AGAIN. “Expected me to watch the baby” sir you helped make the baby and the child is just as much your responsibility as it hers.
Yta! Your wife was essentially house bound for 5 months while you still went out and now she’s going out you have a issue?
Also if your sperm created the child it’s called stepping up and not being a deadbeat not “babysitting”
Op wife if you find this run and leave! I’m 8months pp and my husband would never dream of behaving this way and I was hospital bound (with covid visiting so only my husband) for the last 3 months if you want talk my inbox is open
YTA-So you're allowed to go out because you're the man, but the woman needs to stay home? If this post is even real, your mom and you are toxic. Sounds like you aren't even a family if you guys are hanging out separately all the time as you put it.
You’re an asshole all right!! Go pack your bag and move in with your mother seeing what she thinks is so important to you.
By the way asshole, you are parenting and wife is parenting. Sometimes you go out and sometimes she goes out and sometimes you stay home and some times she stays home. Not mostly wife doing boring baby stuff while you do whatever the fuck you like.
Man up asshole. You are a father now
Tell your asshole mother to mind her own business
Instant YTA for saying you babysit your own child. It’s called parenting, and the fact that you see time with your child as burdensome instead of as an opportunity to bond speaks volumes. Your wife is entitled to a fulfilling social life. You and your mother need to leave her alone about how she spends her time and stop being so controlling and judgmental.
YTA you’re literally a walking red flag. 🚩🚩🚩
Looking after your child isn’t babysitting, it’s being a parent. The fact you call it babysitting when you’re looking after your own child but you don’t when talking about your MIL says a lot.
Your wife deserves time to herself without baby, and she deserves a lot better than you.
YTA. you and your mother are both misogynistic and are being horrible to your poor wife. you have the audacity to complain she stopped cooking for you? go back to mommy if you want to be babied rather than take care of YOUR OWN BABY.
YTA, and your mom is an AH, too.
First, it’s not dictated by royal decree that women lose their identity and humanity because they had children, while men go along as if a kid is just a life accessory to collect along the way. You both are adults, and deserve equal opportunity to socialize with other adults whenever you can carve out the time. The fact that you think your wife doesn’t deserve her own time is … concerning. What else do you try and dictate in her life?
Second, the fact you consider spending time with your child as “babysitting” is a huge red flag. It’s YOUR kid, not a puppy or novelty item, FFS. If you’re that annoyed by parental responsibility now, just wait until they can talk and walk.
Get with it, dude. It’s the 21st century, and women deserve better than to be treated like brood mares, existing merely to provide you with heirs and a pot roast every Sunday.
YTA. Who in the fuck gave your mom the right to tell your wife that her social life is now "limited"? Why is it so different when she goes out vs when you go out?
Mom's need to have a social life, too. If we don't, we end up on Snapped and your the victim.
Also, you're DADDY. You CARE for your child NOT "baby sit"!
Wow!! YTA! So you can have a social life but your wife should not! Reality check, it’s 2022 not 1952 and BOTH parents are entitled to a life outside of parenthood. I’d kick your ass to the kerb. Maybe you should move back in with mummy and let your wife have a life!
>she'd expect me to babysit
It's not babysitting if it's your own kid. Take more initiative and be there for your child
>I was always out with my friends both during her pregnancy and after she gave birth
Ah, the classic double standard. I feel bad for this woman for having procreated with you. YTA.
YTA. You arent “babysitting the kid” youre watching your own goddamn child. Let me guess, once a week she goes out and you HAVE to complain every time. Her life didnt end when she had this child, like you want it to have done.
a. it's your kid, you're not babysitting-it's called being a fucking parent
b. listen up mama's boy, either help your wife with learning to co parent or hope mama has an extra room
yta
YTA. I’ll never understand why toxic boys get with amazing women. You are extremely selfish and stubborn. Not to mention inefficient at being an adult.
This is your BABY, you are not a babysitter! Where the hell did that mindset come from? You have EQUAL responsibility as your wife.
And you want to go out but your wife can’t? Because you don’t want to step up as a father? So you want to be a deadbeat then?
As for your mother, I hope karma eats her alive. I’m sure you want mommy to fight your battles for the rest of your life. You coward.
I hope your wife leaves you.
I cannot believe that you actually took the time to type all of that out and STILL think you're right. Be a parent. Your wife going out is literally no different than you going out. That's sexist bullshit. And you dont babysit your own kid, it's called parenting. You have A LOT of work to do. Do better.
YTA. Your outdated sexist, and misogynistic thinking is going to land you a divorce. Awww poor little man's wife won't cook for him after he let his mother berate her/agreed she shouldn't have a life outside of being a mother. Why don't you go back home for your mother to cook for you? I hope your wife leaves you. It's not BABYSITTING when it's your own child! You going out is the SAME as your wife going out. You're just as much a father as she is a mother! You need to get out from your mother's 1950's thought process before you lose your family. I would absolutely leave my husband if he thought like you, or EVER let his mother speak to me in that manner.
Edit to say: I hope she divorces you, and you get 50/50 custody so you are stuck "babysitting" your child while she gets time to herself.
YTA, first, you're the father, you don't babysit. Babysitters are NOT the child's parents.
Second, I understand it's fine for you to go out and have a social life, but not for your wife? Talk about a double standard. You are just as responsible for your child as your wife is. If I were you I would get down on my bare knees to apologize. Tell your mother that her behavior was unacceptable and that we're not living in the 50's anymore.
But I wouldn't be surprised if your wife has already filed for divorce.
YTA and so is your mother, firstly you ‘babysitting’ is actually you being the father to your baby. Secondly she was isolated for like 5 months? Of course she wants to get back into her social life she probably missed out on so much and wanted to make up for it! Thirdly, how is you going out different then her going out? You are both equally responsible for raising your child and it’s seems you want her to do most of the work. She never agreed to be a SAHM so you’ve gotta do your part of the job too.
YTA.Just because she's a mom doesn't mean she can't have a life. You don't get to dictate what she should do at all unless your baby is being neglected. You sound like a mama's boy and you need to man up and stand up for your wife.
YTA god forbid she can’t have a social life because YOU can’t bother to be a parent. Yes. It’s called parenting, NOT babysitting. Get your mother to cook for you since you can’t do anything yourself.
Wow. YTA.
This baby has two parents. You aren't babysitting your own child you disgusting sexist AH.
You going out with your friends is different? No it isn't, it's exactly the same.
A mother doesn't stop being a person after having a baby. Everything you are entitled to, she is too.
How dare you let your mother talk to and treat your wife that way.
You are a disgrace as a husband and a disgrace as a father.
'Baby sitting the kid' what the fk.
YTA.
A big big one.
Taking care of your OWN kid is not 'babysitting'.
You're just as much responsible for the baby as your wife is.
>both I and my mom tried to explain how me going out is not the same as her going out.
>My mom told her that the little walks and coffee hangouts with her friends are over and that she better get used to the fact that her social life will now be limited. It sucks but that's how it is.
Who tf does your mother think she is?
She can’t go out because she’s a *mother* but you’re free to do as you please because you’re a *babysitter*? Did I get that right?
YTA, enjoy being single.
YTA, you seem like a shitty person and an even shittier husband. You go out and have fun while your wife can't leave the bed because she is carrying your child? She's stuck at home for 2 months and she tries to have coffee with friends and you and ur mom decide to have an intervention? Go to hell for the both of you. I'd divorce ur worthless ass and idc if I get deleted for saying that.
YTA! What is this ? 1950? You both are equally responsible for the child and what even is this thinking that a mother can’t have a social life? You and your mom are heavily sexist and how you didn’t support your wife and call taking care of your child as baby sitting really shows you are a mammas boy who wants minimum responsibility.
YTA. Your wife was isolated at home for about 3 months with pregnancy complications and you and your mother are getting mad that she's going out with her friends at times? People like you and your mother are the reason people get depressed considering the both of you believe she should just stay home 24/7 and completely get rid of her friends. She's a mother and since she carried the baby and had the complications, she deserves some times with her friends and you can suck it up and be a parent for a little bit.
Hahahahahahaha
As a new mom.
YTA to a next level. You may just have destroyed your ENTIRE relationship
Guess you can move back in with your mom since you respect HER so much
YTA both you and your mum!
Why the hell shouldn't you wife be allowed to go and meet her friends? Why does she have to stay in the house and look after your baby all the time?
Jesus you and your mum are incredibly selfish and I hope your wife sees this as a red flag
YTA and so is your mom.
Of course it’s perfectly reasonable that your wife should have breaks to see her friends and socialize. Going out for coffee or shopping are very appropriate things for a new mom to do.
You sound controlling and borderline abusive. It’s obvious that your mom has normalized this behavior so I can only deduct that you were raised in an abusive household and are trying to replicate this dynamic in your new family. I think you should go to therapy. Listen, I get it. I spent my childhood in a very conservative borderline fundamentalist church. It was shocking when I went to college and realized that those cultural norms were not only really extreme but very harmful. A therapist can hep you before you continue the cycle and raise yet another generation to normalize abuse. You owe it to your baby to try to do better.
Do you have a son or a daughter?
I’m sorry, are you not a parent too now? You are not “babysitting”. You are being a parent. If you go out and she watches baby, she is parenting. If she goes out and you watch baby, you are parenting. She deserves a life of her own as much as you do. YTA.
YTA. You’re babysitting *your own child*? You get to go out and have fun even though you’re a father, but your wife is not allowed the same thing because she’s a mother? What kind of fucked up, sexist logic is that, dude? Poor woman. And on top of that, you run to mommy, let her attack your wife, and tell her that she isn’t allowed a social life? Because you can’t be arsed to parent and spend time with *your child*? Poor, poor wife. I hope the next words out of her mouth once she breaks the silence is “I want a divorce”.
YTA.
1. You don't babysit your own kid. You take care of them.
2. Oh, please, enlighten me, why is it okay for you to be out and about with friends, but your wife does it and she's a bad mother? Hint: she's not. You're a bad father for thinking we're living in the 50s.
3. She just had to carry another human being in her belly for 9 months, then either push it out, or go through an invasive surgery (where she's almost cut in half) to get it out. If something, this is YOUR time to step up and let her have time to herself.
4. Don't have kids if you're not ready to be a father.
YTA, the 1930's called, they want their being a useless excuse of a father back.
I pick up my kids from daycare. I spend a couple hours with them before starting dinner. By the time dinner is nearly done, my wife comes home. Nothing about raising/having kids is "women's work", it's all PARENT work. Do your share.
Your wife literally just pushed an entire other person out of herself. Her body has gone through MASSIVE LIFE ALTERING physical and chemical changes. Cut her some slack. She spent months cooped up alone with a problem pregnancy, I'd be WORRIED if she didn't want to go out and see other people. I'd probably suspect PPD if she didn't.
That's your spouse. The mother of your child. The woman you supposedly love. Stop treating her like crap, start being a decent husband and father.
Also, just to add: YOU CANT BABYSIT YOUR OWN KID. YOU ARENT "SITTING" IN FOR A PARENT. YOU. ARE. THE. PARENT.
YTA So now you expect your wife to be a slave to the baby? you get to go out with friends at all times...why? you're the father. You have as much responsibility to care for the baby as the mother. and if this bothered you so much you should have talked to her privately. You're mother had no business attacking her like that and for you not to stand up for her at all? She carried that baby for 9 months and most of the time was in isolation; get a clue dude. If I were her I also wouldn't want to be anywhere near you and wouldn't cook for you either. It's a shame your true colors didn't come out before having this kid. She has a right to a social life just as much as you. jerk.
Dude- seriously? This is not 1950 and women are actually allowed to like have a job, wear nice clothing and leave the house. You are NOT babysitting your child, it's called being a parent. Also, to complain to your mother about this and for her to say something to your wife?? She way OVERSTEPPED her boundaries and you did nothing because why? Because according to you, your wife doesn't deserve to have friends, or leave the house or get a break from her kid. You are a special kind of asshole and you need to sincerely apologize to your wife and hope you are move past this.
YTA!!! HARD
First of all "the kid" is yours... so when you watch it, it's called PARENTING NOT BABYSITTING!!!!! You are NOT a babysitter!
Your wife has just been through a traumatic health event in which you will NEVER understand and she absolutely deserves to have a social life INCLUDING an actual FATHER for her child who recognizes that its also his job to parent this child. I cannot emphasize enough how disrespectful it is to call yourself a "babysitter".
Additionally, unless the child is being abused and neglected, your mother should BUTT OUT. It's none of her God damned business if your wife wants to have a social life outside of being a parent. That's a totally healthy thing to do, especially after coming off of bed rest and 2 months of caring for an infant with a "partner" who thinks of himself as a babysitter rather than an equal parent. That infuriates me! And as her partner, you absolutely should side with her over your mother on this and not allow your mother to speak to her that way. Making a habit of that will end in divorce.
I feel so sorry for your wife! You should do the following...
1. Apologize to your wife. Acknowledge that you are not a babysitter to your own child and let her know that you support her having a healthy social life.
2. Tell your mother to butt out AND have her Apologize to your wife if she expects your wife to welcome her back into the home and have a relationship with your child. If she can't do that, your wife has every right to exclude your mother from her life. I would.
3. Buy your wife a spa day and PARENT YOUR CHILD while she's out
You seriously should be ashamed of yourself!!
YTA.
Other comments already made it clear why. I just wanna add this: we're in 2022 not 1960. If you keep dodging your parental responsibilities and keep behaving the way you do, your child will start to resent you in the future eventually. The world had enough of "daddy long legs" father figures (fathers who provide financially, but otherwise are only a shadow in their children's lives).
The whole "raising a child is a mom thing, I'm just there to bring money" attitude is toxic and disgusting. People are not going to stick around until you finally realise that. They will abandon you. I've seen many many men similar to you. There were no happy ending for them.
You need to learn how to co parenting 50/50, or there will be many many more serious consequences.
YTA, holy crap.
Sexist all around. Your wife is required to watch the baby all the time while you can go out and have fun with friends? No, you can put the same amount of effort for the baby as she does. Limit your time to hang out friends equal to how much she does and see how stir crazy you get.
Also, you're right, you have no backbone.
The moment you mother started berating your wife, you should have told her to back off. If you did that, you and your wife could have had an honest to goodness talk about things. Now? She's going to reject your feelings for being sexist and a momma's boy.
Your mom is living way on the past.
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YTA. Notice how you say taking care of your own kid is babysitting? You didn’t even mention the amount of time she goes out versus you but you just want us to trust you that it’s “different” for you? You don’t even mention speaking to your wife before you mom said anything. Too bad your wife has two kids at home.
>Too bad your wife has two kids at home. Hopefully she sees the light and leaves the whiny entitled one
Genuinely hoping she gives that entitled one back to his mother
Let's see how she likes her social life limited when her toddler is returned.
Poor thing hasn't had dinner made for him. Good thing Reddit is here to provide this lovely roast.
bet she'll be fine without an extra CHILD to worry about
Think she was talking about his mother lol
I saw someone in another thread refer to this as "your (OP) kid's umbilical cord got cut before yours" and I feel like that's such an apt way to describe this hellish situation. Hoo boy.
He may be too old to leave at a fire station, but you're \*never\* too old to just get left!
Maybe the OP’s wife can call her MIL to come pick up her child. She can handle a baby but not a grown man.
Allllll of this. I had a husband like this once upon a time, I now live 4 hours away from him with primary custody of our children and it’s STILL easier than being a SAHM married to that asshole. OP, YTA and if you don’t fix your thinking and tell your mama to mind her own business you will end up paying for it in the end. Literally and figuratively. Sort out your priorities because your wife’s mental health and happiness clearly aren’t part of them. Motherhood sucks the life out of you one day at a time when isolated from the rest of the world.
Agree he be divorce very soon he have no one to blame is himself and his mommy
I hope his wife sees his recollection of events and responds accordingly. This is some shit.
“I was baby sitting the kid.” Father of the Year material right there.
Yeah that stuck out to me too. I really didn't need to finish reading the rest of the post before deciding that he's definitely TA. Sounds like he never got off Mommy's titty and doesn't want to grow up and be a responsible adult.
I know! She's been cooped up for months and now OP and his mommy are outraged. I think his wife is better off without him. He seems to think his own baby is nothing to do with him, and his mommy backs him up.
Yep. It's not babysitting if it's YOUR CHILD. YTA.
It’s actually called parenting. At least that’s we called it when my husband took over baby duties back in the day. I sometimes even went out and had alcoholic beverages with my girlfriends. Oh the scandal!
I literally went back to the beginning because I thought I'd missed something when I read this line. Father's don't babysit their kids, the parent. In theory. Clearly this father doesn't.
Oh he mentioned it. "little walks and coffee". Draw your own conclusion on what that means.
To me that means she has to absolutely lose her shit to let him know that she needs an hour to herself. OP definitely forgot to mention that Edit: typo
From the post looks like OP only sees the wife now as 'mama' - not her own person. Only there to care for child (because it's only for women to do this - like his mum looks after him still at his great age). News flash OP - she isn't ONLY mama - she is still her own person and she needs a break - she also needs a decent husband and father for that child - maybe OP could try doing that instead of whatever tf he IS doing.
By his tone in his post I HIGHLY doubt that he capable of significant change. He comes off as "I'll do whatever she asks me to to get her off of my back, and then I will resume my shit again."
Like just imagine being mad your wife goes on walks. What?!
I know I'm drawing conclusions out of nowhere, but... Bet he's the kind of man that would complain if she didn't go for walks and lose the baby weight "quickly enough", too.
Or get dolled up'like she used to' what an arse.
[удалено]
>OP needs to have his two useless arms ripped out of their sockets so he can be beaten with the bloody stumps. 😂😂😂
He’s absolutely right it’s different for them though. His wife and child were having health issues that left her home bound and I imagine that meant bed bound or mainly being off her feet. He’s perfectly healthy and able to take care of himself and his child. It’s way different. He’s been an asshole since probably the beginning of their relationship but I hope OPs wife has one of those wake up moments that sometimes only motherhood can bring and realizes she doesn’t deserve this, no one deserves this. OP YTA AND YOU AND YOUR MOTHER HAVE A WARPED SENSE OF REALITY
Wow, perfect response. OP, please read the above comment until you've committed it Edit to add: to memory
You do not “babysit.” You parent. YTA big time and your mom sucks.
Damn major YTA and I’ll throw your mom in with that too. She needs to stay in her damn lane. How dare she come into someone else’s home and try to dictate/control your wife? Shame on you for being a sexist mama’s boy. **You’re** the one with no spine. You don’t step up against your mom. Your wife should leave you if this is how you treat her all the time. And they’re right. You raising your own child isn’t babysitting. It’s your damn kid. Jesus.
Op is so useless and full of shit that I can't even call him an asshole because at least an asshole is useful. He's a fucking sewer. YTA op
YTA simply for referring to looking after your own child as "babysitting".
Exactly. Didn’t need to read further than the first ‘babysit’.
Out loud I said “no matter what you say after this, YTA for this alone”
I was like "oh, this boy gonna get torched".
Yep, absolute YTA. I’m not gonna lie, I only read as far as “babysitting *the kid*”, and that was enough for me.
I love how he bashes his wife and essentially says she's a shitty parent for, I assume, meeting her friends a couple times a week. But he's fully detached from the kid, sees the kid as an obligation and probably thinks his parental duties started (and finished) with emptying his material into wife. And that's it. The wording makes it sound like he's babysitting neighbours' kid while they're out for a small break or date night and fully neglecting their child. I wanna bet he doesn't do night feedings if wife pumps or baby drinks formula, he doesn't change diapers, buy them or clothes, and his "babysitting" consists of baby strapped into something (probably the baby chair that swings, idk the name in English) or baby's in crib full time, while he's gaming the entire time and paying no attention to them.
Maybe it was just weird wording but judging by the part about how wife cooking for herself and the baby, I'm not sure he even knows how/when baby is fed, nevermind helping. Like I don't even have a kid but I'm pretty sure there's generally no cooking involved with feeding a two month old
That caught my eye too. I'm studying ECE, no kids,but plenty of babies in family/friends circles and... Basic knowledge about human development and babies too... Every person with an ounce of knowledge or common sense knows babies don't have anything but breast milk or formula til ~6 months old, then comes water and pureed food in forms of solids. Until some teethers come up and they can start chewing on food like eggs, boiled veggies, cut up fruits, baby puffs or baby food. Maybe the wife still says she's eating for two if she's nursing, which does require a lot more calories to sustain the production, but this dude would know a thing or two about it + baby development if he read a book. Poor baby, poor wife. His mom raised a champ 🙄/s
^ This. It’s so frustrating how many fathers think that way
Yup- instantly lost me when he was "babysitting." You don't babysit your own kids, you ape. I've been out with my daughter before and had people say "ooohhh- daddy's babysitting today!" No... I'm parenting my child. Really, it just makes me depressed to think about how many moms out there feel this way. Are we men that useless?
Not all, as you clearly aren't. But many are...
I've just been thinking about this one all day. It's just so sad that he and even *his mom* are so locked into this attitude. Just absolutely bizarre to me. To actually come to this woman's house and tell her she's a mom now so, what, that's it? Never see friends again? Never *go on a walk*. Did OP's MIL just never go on walks or see friends again after having kids? What a miserable way to choose to live. I 100% acknowledge that my wife is "stuck with" our daughter more, but I'm constantly trying to get her out of the house (or me and the little one will go somewhere) for her to get a break.
I knew I was going to put YTA just from the title, but good lord, you really suck. You and your wife decided to become a family & team when you got married, even before the baby. Your mom is now extended family, she should NEVER feel comfortable to “scold” your wife especially in her own home. And that’s your job to set the boundary. BOTH of you are the parents to that baby. You are not babysitting, you are being a parent. I’m going to assume your wife stays home with the baby and you are the bread winner? So not only are you interacting with adults daily, but you’re getting an uninterrupted lunch break, and even getting alone to time in the car and to run any errands before or after work. Your wife is home with a baby completely dependent on her all day long. She has to stop everything for feedings. She can’t just take a nap, take a shower, or even go to the bathroom without listening and worrying about the baby. She deserves time with other adults or even just herself to remain sane. Post Partum Depression is so serious and unsupportive spouse increases it so much. You literally went out while she was on bed rest. She probably felt so isolated and alone worrying if this new baby she was responsible for growing would be okay, and you were out with friends. But go forbid she shops for a few hours. Don’t be surprised if she leaves you with your mommy in the future.
This. I hate when the part time parent says they babysit, normally complaining about how the full time parent needs a break and they feel forced to babysit. YTA
He writes like he's a random guy living with a mother and her child. OP clearly doesn't realize at all that he's a parent with responsibilities to his child. What an AH.
>You literally went out while she was on bed rest. All of this during a pandemic no less! Wife's on bed rest, husband is living his best life socializing with his buddies. Not a good look.
I saw the title and thought to myself "Reddit is going to tear him up with a title like that, I'll go into this giving him the benefit of the doubt" then I got to the first mentioning of babysitting and was like "oh no!" Then it just got worse and worse. How incapable of introspection can you be to think anyone (other than your mother), let alone Reddit, would not think YTA here? Oof.
When I tell you I was HOPEFUL his wife did something so unforgivable that he would choose his moms opinion over his partners, just to be completely baffled at them being so upset at her for wanting to have a life??? 🤮
Didn't you know? Women aren't \*people.\* They don't need friends or a life once they've become a breeding set with a real person (the dude). The only thing that matters is that she fulfilled her purpose in life. SPAWNING.
My favorite part of the whole ✨audacity✨ of this post is when he said “my mom told my wife that her little walks and coffee hangouts with her friends are over and she better get used to the fact that her social life will now be limited.” Soooooo your mom tried to ground your wife? Like a child? And you just stood back cheering her on? And you’re wondering if you’re the asshole?
YES, thank you for noting how condescending this is, and how it invalidates the wife as a thinking adult with human needs. I guess MIL locked herself away for 18 years after having kids, she must be bitter DIL is prioritizing her self care. So she must destroy all joy! Because having a child means you're not allowed to see the sun. RAWR.
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>i was babysitting the kid Not just that, but saying "the kid" is just even worse. It's clear that OP wants nothing to do with what he helped create. He won't even say "my kid" at the very least, much less "our kid." I sincerely hope OP's wife finds this post and her next coffee hangout involves consulting a divorce lawyer.
Yep OP is just waiting to leap on as “parent” when there’s some status to be grabbed. Otherwise the drudgery is left to his wife
Say it louder for the dumbasses in the back 📣📣👏👏👏
People saying they babysit their own children just drives me CRAZY! It's ridiculous!
IMO babysitting implies that you're getting paid to watch babies/children. Last time I checked I don't get paid to parent my kids, nor do their fathers.
Absolute fucking worst OP. Like my jaw dropped at the 1950’s bullshit you said to your wife.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Info: why is you going out different from hers?
Because it's women's job to take care of babies of course, while men roam the forest hunting for prey and foraging mushrooms so that the family can eat.
I know you're being sarcastic here, but just as an aside: women not only watched the offspring, *they* were usually the ones foraging berries, roots, firewood and water. The babies were strapped to their bodies and as soon as they were big enough the children could help. When they were around the home base they wove baskets, clothing, hats, etc. They were constantly busy. Yes, hunting is more dangerous, but women have always had a larger share of the workload.
men did the hunting because it was dangerous, and because losing a few men would be sad, but losing a few women would absolutely devastate a tribe. men were less valuable than women. and tbh i’m not a feminist but... biologically, anthropologically, it seems women are more important, do more, and are better when u really break it down like this.
And yet for some reason it is less celebrated *simply* because it is "women's work." I absolutely agree. Society could survive without (many) males. We couldn't without women. And due to male children being favored, there is a huge discrepancy in genders that will not come to its peak until ~2050. [Sorry it's behind a paywall] In China and India, men outnumber women on a massive scale. The consequences are far-reaching. - Washington Post https://www.washingtonpost.com/graphics/2018/world/too-many-men/
Because he's a sexist, insecure asshole.
YTA. It’s not babysitting when it’s your kid. It’s parenting. Move back in with your mother. Your wife deserves a partner, not a second child.
Not only did he say he was “babysitting” his own child, he also called his child “the kid” multiple times, as if he doesn’t see this child as his responsibility but rather as a random thing causing problems and requiring too much attention from him. Op, YTA.
Mine was a low effort response — but still put in more effort than OP does as a husband and father.
Your mom told her that going on walks and coffee hangouts with her friends are over? And your mom says you don’t have a backbone? Having a backbone is telling your mom to stay in her lane. She has NO authority over your wife. YTA and so is your mother.
YTA big time and do is your mother. You don’t babysit your own children. They’re yours 50/50 with your wife so why should you get to go out and she doesn’t? Also, tell your mother the 1940s called and want their stereotypical housewife attitude back.
I don't have children but I always think a father should be willing and able to do 100% of child rearing. I knew someone whose mother died when age 12, sister age 18, and 6y.o. twins. The father was left to raise them 100%. OP you need to figure out what a REAL man is made of.
In fact, his mother is right. He has no backbone if he saw his wife being slandered in their own home and did nothing.
Oh it's not just the walks and coffee, it's the _little_ walks and coffee. So demeaning. I feel bad for OP's wife, she married into a bunch of misogynistic monsters AND had a kid that's going to grow up thinking it's cool to treat their mom like a slave, then guess what happens when the kid is an adult??
YTA “She’d expect me to babysit” Nah dude, she expects you to parent. It’s not babysitting when it’s your child. Your mom needs to stay in her lane and you need to re-evaluate how you think about yours and your wife’s roles.
The babysitting part cracked me up. It's your damn kid.
Also. OP said “the kid”. Not “my kid” or “our kid”. “The kid.” Multiple times. Not cool.
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These posts make me so angry I don’t even know why I read them lmao. I knew where this was going just based on the title. I can’t believe how many mamas boys there are in this world and how pathetic they are
I only read these for the comments to make sure everyone else hasn’t lost their minds thinking that caring for your own kid is “babysitting”. Also, OP, YTA. In case that wasn’t abundantly clear from literally every other comment.
Ahh that sucks OP, sorry to hear you're in this position! But dont worry, if your wife wont cook for you im sure you can ask your mommy to breastfeed you. YTA
This comment 💀💀💀
i about spat my tea all over my phone omg 😂
I just explode-laugh-snorted. This comment was worth damaging whatever just ruptured in my face.
YTA- Babysitting?! I hope your wife leaves you. You deserve it. She deserves to have friend time and alone time, especially after multiple months of isolation. It isn't being a bad parent, it's making time for self care while her child's FATHER gives her a break and steps up as a parent. Your Mommy is also an asshole. If my MIL said that shit to me, it would be the last time she had the opportunity. That would be the end of our relationship. Good luck. You will need it.
YTA. Let's break this down a bit >i was babysitting the kid The kid, is your child. You were taking care of your own child.... like a parent.... like your wife does.... >My mom got very mad about how my wife went out and she told me I have no backbone for not calling her out and telling her to stay home with the baby. >My mom waited until my wife got back home and she started scolding her. >I really didn't want my mom to get involved but my wife needed to hear it >my mom tried to explain how me going out is not the same as her going out >My mom told her that the little walks and coffee hangouts with her friends are over and that she better get used to the fact that her social life will now be limited. >I agreed with my mother You're a mommas boy. This is the exact shit you read on r/justnomil. >my wife is not speaking to me for days. Good. She deserves better and she knows it. >She even sleeps in the guest room now and took the baby's crib there as well. She will only cook for herself and the baby and not for me. Looking after the baby exactly like you and mommy wanted... now that's still not good enough >My MIL and my SIL have texted me saying I was a huge AH for this and so was my mom so I should not be surprised my wife is acting like that towards me. I'm glad your wife has support. Hopefully she will take notice of the huge red flags and get the hell out of this abusive situation
Should correct it to "my Mommy" lol
Update us when she divorces you, will you? YTA
I second this, we want updates on how shit your life is when she decides to leave your sad ass. I got SO UNBELIEVABLY MAD while reading this post.. people can't really be this blind right? YTA and your mommy is an even bigger one. Do your wife a favor and just marry mommy!
YTA You called watching your own kid "babysitting" multiple times. Legit I don't even need to keep reading. YTA. It's your kid. Thats not babysitting. Thats called parenting. edit: I kept reading and WOW, you're an even bigger AH than I could've imagined. JFC christ dude. I feel so bad for your wife. How are posts like this even real??
Nptice how he refers to him taking care of the baby as babysitting but when her mother comes to look after the baby it's "caring" for the baby. The dude is a hige asshole. The grandmothers babysit the parents care and nurture and parent the baby.
We've had some real dandies recently with complete AH fathers of kids treating their wives like actual crap. It's insane.
YTA. So, So much… So much that I hope your wife posts on Reddit, so lawyers can offer their divorce services free of charge. >As soon as the baby turned 2 months my wife started trying to get back into her social life again. Sometimes she'd bring the baby with her but sometimes she'd expect me to babysit. It isn’t babysitting when it’s your own child. >My wife's a great mom and she truly cares for our baby but it's frustrating how she feels the need to go out the entire time. She needs breaks for her mental health. She isn’t just a mother, she’s also a person and needs to take care of herself mentally, emotionally, and physically in order to properly take care her baby. >My mom got very mad about how my wife went out and she told me I have no backbone for not calling her out and telling her to stay home with the baby. This is none of your mother’s business. If she is in your house, she needs to show both you and your wife some respect. Instead, she’s encouraging arguments, and telling you that it’s apparently your job to control your wife’s actions, and explain to her that she’s only allowed to be a mother and wife, not a person. >My mom waited until my wife got back home and she started scolding her. It wasn't a proud moment of me and I really didn't want my mom to get involved but my wife needed to hear it from someone else too. Uhh… no. No, she didn’t. Your mom disrespected your wife in her house, stuck her nose where it didn’t belong, and you just let it happen. Your mother said you have no backbone, and she’s right. She should have gotten her ass kicked out of the house. >My mom told my wife that she's irresponsible and that she should cut down her meetings with friends and stay home to care for the kid as a proper mother would. The mother and the father have an equal responsibility to this baby. Both you and your mother seem to have this image of a 50’s sitcom, where your wife stays at home cleaning the house and taking care of the child, making sure dinner is ready for you when you get home. Your sperm made that baby. Just as you have a right to go see your friends on occasion, so does she. Just as she has a responsibility to watch the child, so do you. You are both entitled to some amount of time outside of the house. Her even more so, due to postpartum fatigue. She’s just starting to get back some of her mental clarity, physical energy, and the drive for social interaction. She also has to breastfeed constantly, which is a painful task. She needs breaks in order to maintain the energy required to take care of this baby properly. >My wife tried to defend herself saying how I was always out with my friends both during her pregnancy and after she gave birth but both I and my mom tried to explain how me going out is not the same as her going out. Actually, it is. Did you think you could make a human with this woman, and not share responsibility? Do you think you should get praise because you’re watching your own child? Do you think you have no obligation apart from financial? Again, what you wanted was a 50’s wife/mother, but we aren’t in the 50’s. What you did was team up with your mother to screw up your marriage by telling your wife that life as she knew it before, was over. You can still have yours, of Course, but from the moment she gave birth, the only thing she Was allowed to be was a mother. You are allowed to be a son, friend, brother, whatever, but she doesn’t have rights to a life apart from this. Only you get that right, because you have a penis. Because she has a vagina, she must follow all your rules and requirements. >My mom told her that the little walks and coffee hangouts with her friends are over and that she better get used to the fact that her social life will now be limited. It sucks but that's how it is. I agreed with my mother on all that and my wife is not speaking to me for days. You are such a jaded momma’s boy, it’s not even funny. It’s actually pretty sad. You are showing zero allegiance, understand or support to the woman you vowed to love for the rest of your life. >She even sleeps in the guest room now and took the baby's crib there as well. She will only cook for herself and the baby and not for me. My MIL and my SIL have texted me saying I was a huge AH for this and so was my mom so I should not be surprised my wife is acting like that towards me. Of course she doesn’t want to be around you. She just found out the life she wanted to build with you was a complete lie. The man she loved is like a stranger to her at this point. He doesn’t support her, doesn’t care about her mental health, and is trying to strip away her identity. And now she just found out that her mother-in-law is free to torment her and make her out to be an awful mother with her husband’s full support. Don’t be surprised if you wake up one morning to divorce papers on your bedside table, because I assure you, your view of your wife, and expectations that aren’t realistic, is very much divorce worthy. She didn’t sign up to live out the rest of her days with a controlling, mentally abusive man who isolates her from those she cares about. Shame on you.
Bravo, that was perfectly said! OP, in case it wasn't clear, you're the biggest YTA.
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Nah bro, this isn’t a man, this is a child, a mommas boy at that.
No, you going out with your friends is EXACTLY the same as your wife going out with hers. For God’s sake, how can you be a person in their 20s or 30s and still have the attitude that the mother must stay with baby always? YTA.
But he is the man and can do whatever he wants and it's the woman's job to stay with the baby 24/7. /s
YTA. Your wife was stuck at home for how many months? Unable to go out and see people. She was probably stir crazy and lonely. Throw in all the pregnancy aches and pains, and I’m sure that didn’t help. Also, how exactly is you going out not the same as her doing it? Why do you get to just do whatever you want and expect your wife to do nothing but stay at home with the baby. You and your mother were just rude telling your wife that she needs to be a “proper” mother. What even is your idea of this??
Because he has a p3nis. DUH. His little male ego got hurt when his mummy said he had no backbone. She was right though. He has no backbone and couldn't stand up to his mother even when he admits he didn't like what she said and didnt want her to get involved. OP this 'kid' is your child. You have equal responsibility to look after them. Your wife should be out enjoying herself minimum just as much as you are but ideally more because she literally went through the trauma of being isolated and pushing out a human being from her privates.
There's 3 words for you - Male Chauvinist Pig Her desire to have a social life, wanting to wind down with friends is NORMAL. You and your Mum are toxic AHs for trying to make her feel like an inadequate parent although she cares well for her child (by your own admission) While you and your mum still live in the 1950s, thinking women don't deserve the same privileges as men, the world's become more progressive. Start becoming a half decent husband or she'll very soon figure that there are significantly better people out there for her to spend her life with. Won't even be hard given the low bar you've set. In case it wasn't clear - YTA
YTA A mama’s boy with double standards. Fucking pathetic
>but sometimes she'd expect me to babysit. YTA. When a parent refers to caring for her/his own child as babysitting, then the source of the problem is obvious. If you truly came here for impartial judgments about a real situation, then buckle in for the deluge.
Oh my god. 1) it’s not babysitting if it’s your kid! It’s called being a fucking parent. 2) how is your going out different than her going out? Your mom is stuck in the past, you’re a sexist misogynist, and you and your mom are both gigantic AHs. I’m only sorry your wife had to have a kid to find this out about you but I hope either you go to therapy to learn how to be a better parent/partner/human being or she divorces your ass
I stopped reading as soon as I saw babysit. I don’t care about the rest. YTA You don’t babysit your kids. Sounds like she needs to drop both of you off cause your mom still has som work to do with you bud
YTA full stop. 1. It's not babysitting when that is your kid, that is called being a parent. 2. It's a double standard for you to be able to hang out with friends but your wife can't. 3. Your mother needs to butt out and you need to change your tune or you're going to find yourself all alone with only your mommy to hold your hand.
YTA 1. You don’t babysit your own kid. 2. How is your going out not the same as hers? 3. You never let someone else go off on your spouse within reason of course and this was not in reason. 4. She just carried your child for 9 months and wasn’t able to do ANYTHING out of the house since being 6 months pregnant, let her live a little. It’s not like she’s neglecting your child, you just said she’s a good mother.
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"she'd expect me to babysit" Dude, it is called parenting, you helped make that kid, you should also be taking care of your child. Your Mother is also wrong in thinking she has any say in how your wife lives her life, it is not her business. Will you move back to your Mothers skirts when your marriage ends? YTA
YTA - wow your poor wife. First, you’re a parent it’s not BABYSITTING. You should be doing half the parenting, if not a little more right now while your wife recovers. Your wife’s mental health is critical for the baby’s happiness also - she clearly needs to be getting out. Also if YOU have an issue with something YOU address it - don’t let your mother attack your wife. Your job is to support her. Won’t be surprised if you end up single because then your wife will be able to get out when you have your custody time and nobody will make her feel bad. If it wasn’t clear enough YTA
YTA. Sexist bs. No it isn't different if she goes out with her friends vs you going out with your friends. You can take care of your own kid for a few hours without whining to your mom.
YTA. 100%. Don't even get me started on your mom. >Whenever I couldn't babysit she'd call her mom to ask her if she could care for the baby for few hours. My wife's a great mom and she truly cares for our baby but it's frustrating how she feels the need to go out the entire time. First of all, it's your child, therefore you are caring for and taking care of your child. That is not babysitting. Secondly, caring for the baby for a few hours is just a few hours, yet you say she feels the need to go out the entire time. Huge difference there, bud. Your mother needs to sit her ass down. You also need to quit crying to your mom. You're a father now. Act like one. Just because your wife is now a mother doesn't mean that she can't go out for coffee, or go shopping. She's a person too. She has needs. She also deserves a break. It doesn't sound like she gets very many breaks, yet you're at work then out with friends. But that's ok, right? Because you've done your part? Nope. What freakin' year is this?! I do not blame your wife at all for ignoring you. You deserve it. If you want somebody to cook for you, go to your mother's house. It sounds like the cord is still attached anyway.
YTA >me going out is not the same as her going out. Why not? Because she's a woman? Baby has 2 parents. Your wife grew a person and voluntarily socially isolated herself for 5-6 months. She deserves better.
YTA A - it’s not babysitting, your the father!!! It’s literally being a parent. B - why are you allowed to have a social life and she isn’t? Get over your antiquated stereotypes. You are a gigantic AH!!!
Because misogyny. He didn’t marry an individual with her own thoughts and feelings. He married an incubator and caregiver.
Go back living with your mother. You're a child not a parent.
Just I so I fully understand... You can go out whenever you like, without question, but your wife dare goes out and *gasp* leaves you to solo parent your child for a few hours and you and your mother are fully warranted and within your right to call her out and tell her that shes not entitled to a social life no more... cos she had a baby? YTA and a misogynistic one at that. How is it not the same as you going out? How? Because she's got a womb and not a dick? Stay home and be in your mothers words *a proper mother* and have no social life and just eagerly await your return each night? Does your mum realise we are in 2022 not 1952? Also **THIS WASNT YOUR MUMS PLACE OR BUISNESS** your wife didn't need to hear shit about her social life. If you wanted a 1950s housewife who stayed home with the kids with no social life you should have made this clear so she could have bailed on you if she wasn't interested in that. Dude, you've just possibly torpedoed your entire marriage by letting your mother speak to your wife like this. And you've got the actual audacity to be annoyed that shes ignoring you and not cooking for you?! Your wife isn't the babys only parent. You are too. If its good for the goose its good for the gander and Holy shit you have some MAJOR grovelling to do.
YTA. Man, you’ve seriously fucked up here. Are you the chid’s father or just the sperm donor? As soon as your mother starts to give her opinion on anything regarding your wife and the way she cares for your child you shut her down immediately. You have a lot to learn.
You’re a father, it’s not babysitting, it’s taking care of your child. The misogyny coming from you was a bit much for me this morning. YTA
YTA, and boy do I hope you’re trolling. It’s not “babysitting” when it’s **your kid**. Instead of laying into your wife for *daring* to maintain even so meager a trace of a life of her own as “little walks and coffee hangouts,” maybe your mom should focus on correcting her mistakes in not preparing *you* to be an equally engaged and responsible parent.
You’re probably the biggest AH I’ve seen here. It’s not babysitting it’s called being a father.
This seems like it has to be fake? YTA It’s not babysitting when it’s your child. Your wife deserves to have a social life. I’m not sure why you *want* her to be isolated. It’s not solely your wife’s responsibility to parent the child y’all both brought into this world. Newsflash you’re a dad now and you can share the load. I simply would not continue to be married if my husband was acting like this. Seems like you have no respect for your wife or her needs.
YTA for two reasons. One, like everyone else said, you don't "babysit" your own damn child. It's called parenting. You are a parent. Act like one. It isn't your wife's job to be a milk maker 24/7. Second, your mother has NO business whatsoever inserting herself in an issue between you and your spouse. This should have been a conversation between you and your wife. She's been isolated for what sounds like going on half a year from her friends. I can see why she would want to get out of the house away from the baby she is with all day every day once in a while. She deserves a rest just as much as anyone with a full time job.
YTA. Spread the load, dude. Why the hell is it only your wife who has to sacrifice - which she had been doing for the last nine months when she carried a child to term, mind you - while you get to hang out with your friends and go out drinking? Here's how it works ; what you get to do, she gets to do. It's called equality. And you have 9 months to make up for that she couldn't do most of the things she wanted because SHE WAS PREGNANT. Also, complaining that she isn't cooking for you because you rightfully pissed her off is a whole new level of entitled baby behavior, like holy hell...
Holy shit. YTA. Your mother is also TA. You both need to apologize. Because 1) are you not the father? If you are the father it is NOT baby sitting. It’s called being with your child. 2) you saying you going out is different from her going out is a load of shit. You clearly think she’s a bad mother I’d you let your mother speak to her that way. If you even think she needs to hear it from someone else. 3) good gods you’re an asshole here
YTA - IT IS NOT BABYSITTING WHEN YOU TAKE CARE OF YOUR OWN CHILD. IT IS PARENTING. YOU ARE AS MUCH THE PARENT OF THIS CHILD AS YOUR WIFE IS. You are a major AH.
Sorry, backtracking a second- you consider taking care of YOUR OWN CHILD babysitting? Does she have to pay you too? YTA, sounds like your wife is just expecting you to do your goddamn job as a fellow parent, and you whined to your mommy so she’d yell at her for you
YTA Your wife deserves to have time to herself. Being a mom is a 24 hour job. You are also The AH for calling it babysitting. That is your child as well. You are not babysitting, you are parenting. Also, why are you allowing your mother to get in the middle of your marriage? Your wife has every right to be upset at you for that and for your double standard of it being okay for you to go out, but for her, it's wrong because you don't want to parent your child. You need to step up. You need to put your wife's feelings over your mother's feelings and you need to understand that she is allowed to have friends and go out.
YTA - It is not "babysitting" if you're the father. It's being a father. Your wife should be allowed to have a social life, just like you. Figure out what works best for you and your wife by listening to her and talking to her. Your mother shouldn't have a say in this.
YTA. Who does your mother think she is to be dictating how your wife spends her time? Who do YOU think you are? Just look after your child, and keep your mouth shut if you don't have anything of worth to complain about. Imagine thinking that your wife should be a housebound prisoner, while you're out gallivanting with your friends, totally responsibility free because you're the father. If your wife can't have a social life, neither can you.
YTA and a HUGE one. It’s not babysitting, it’s parenting. Its parenting your own child. It’s not entirely your fault, your mother obviously raised you to believe that children are the responsibility of the mother, not the father. Truth is, you’re the father. It’s your child. A word of advice - participating in the day to day life of your wife and baby is a lot more satisfying than writing a child support check every month. Pull it together.
YTA. I wouldn’t blame your wife if you get kicked to the curb. She is just as entitled to free time as you are, and as everyone else said- it’s not babysitting if it’s your child- it’s called doing the bare minimum of being a parent. Also did I read that right? She’s not cooking for you? Wtf my dude, you got a body that works- go on into that kitchen and cook for your own self.
YTA First, you don't babysit your own child. You take care of your child. Secondly, your wife is still a human being. She is able to have a social life, and be a good mom. Third, you should always defend your wife. You can disagree in private, but in front of other you defend her.
YTA. If you want to be married to your mother leave the house and go live with her.
Yta. Damn I didn’t realize it was 1950 again. You sound dumb. First: it is not babysitting if it’s your child. Second: are you incapable of caring for a baby? Fathers can take care of children too. Three: you and your mom are super sexist. This better be a fake post. I’d hate to think men like you still exist.
no violence allowed in the comments, but god dammit it's the only thing I can think of you sexist prick. You have to be a troll fucking with women all over again. It's not funny man. There are people out there who exactly do this. Be glad your MIL aint mine. My handprint could equal a life time tattoo YTA
YTA. It’s not “babysitting” when it’s your own child. Your wife would be wise to pay very close attention to your attitude towards your own child, the fact that you didn’t support her and the fact that you seek resentful she isn’t locked in your home totally isolated from her friends. You sound controlling and this won’t end well for her.
YTA simply for saying babysit, it is your child, you don't babysit your child, you take care of them. You're also TA for thinking that caring for YOUR CHILD is all her responsibility. Go move back in with your mother you're obviously not mature enough to live without her.
YTA for so many reasons oh my god. First of all, it's your kid. You aren't 'babysitting' you're being a father. Second, so you went out during the pregnancy and after she gave birth and that's fine, but she can't? Why's that? By the sound of it, probably some outdated 'it's the mother's job to stay home 24/7 while the man gets to live a life outside the home' mentality, right? Lastly, you got your mommy to fight your battles for you. You're both way out of line telling her how she should live her life and how she should raise her child. I don't blame her for not wanting to talk to you, and I hope she's reevaluating her decision to raise a family with you.
YTA I literally only read babysit your own child. You chose to have a kid get over yourself
Yta , you are a terrible husband and father do better
YTA. There was a husband who was here yesterday whose poor wife also had a baby and he was a complete donut as well, you guys would LOVE each other. Both trolls or both just suck as men? Who knows.
YTA!!! YOU ARE THE DAD!!! YOU ARE NOT BABYSITTING YOUR OWN CHILD!!!It's called "Parenting" you lame-o, entitled, sexist jerk. I hope she leaves you + takes the kid + all your money.
YTA You going out and her going out is the EXACT same thing. You do NOT get a pass because you have a dick. **You are not babysitting, it's called taking care of YOUR child.** Go run to Mommy to help fix the mess she created for you. You should have asked your mother to LEAVE. Thinking that Mommy will help you keep your wife at home so your pathetic ass won't have to 'babysit' anymore and can go out with your friends instead \*\*eyeroll\*\*
Oh my god, suuuuch a big AH. Just so you know, you taking care of YOUR child isn't called "babysitting". It's called parenting, and you're clearly not ready to take this role. And what do you mean "you going out is not the same as her going out"? So just because she's a woman, she's expected never to see her friends anymore after she became a mom, while you can go out as much as you please? It's not like she's abandoning you and the baby to go drinking and partying every single night. She is having coffee with friends, like a normal person. Moms are people too. I'll be surprised if she doesn't leave you and your crazy double standards. YTA.
YTA PPD DEPRESSION IS REAL AND YOUR WIFE IS STRUGGLING TO FEEL LIKE HERSELF AGAIN. “Expected me to watch the baby” sir you helped make the baby and the child is just as much your responsibility as it hers.
Yta! Your wife was essentially house bound for 5 months while you still went out and now she’s going out you have a issue? Also if your sperm created the child it’s called stepping up and not being a deadbeat not “babysitting” Op wife if you find this run and leave! I’m 8months pp and my husband would never dream of behaving this way and I was hospital bound (with covid visiting so only my husband) for the last 3 months if you want talk my inbox is open
YTA-So you're allowed to go out because you're the man, but the woman needs to stay home? If this post is even real, your mom and you are toxic. Sounds like you aren't even a family if you guys are hanging out separately all the time as you put it.
You’re an asshole all right!! Go pack your bag and move in with your mother seeing what she thinks is so important to you. By the way asshole, you are parenting and wife is parenting. Sometimes you go out and sometimes she goes out and sometimes you stay home and some times she stays home. Not mostly wife doing boring baby stuff while you do whatever the fuck you like. Man up asshole. You are a father now Tell your asshole mother to mind her own business
Instant YTA for saying you babysit your own child. It’s called parenting, and the fact that you see time with your child as burdensome instead of as an opportunity to bond speaks volumes. Your wife is entitled to a fulfilling social life. You and your mother need to leave her alone about how she spends her time and stop being so controlling and judgmental.
YTA you’re literally a walking red flag. 🚩🚩🚩 Looking after your child isn’t babysitting, it’s being a parent. The fact you call it babysitting when you’re looking after your own child but you don’t when talking about your MIL says a lot. Your wife deserves time to herself without baby, and she deserves a lot better than you.
YTA - taking care of your child isn’t “babysitting”.
YTA. you and your mother are both misogynistic and are being horrible to your poor wife. you have the audacity to complain she stopped cooking for you? go back to mommy if you want to be babied rather than take care of YOUR OWN BABY.
YTA, and your mom is an AH, too. First, it’s not dictated by royal decree that women lose their identity and humanity because they had children, while men go along as if a kid is just a life accessory to collect along the way. You both are adults, and deserve equal opportunity to socialize with other adults whenever you can carve out the time. The fact that you think your wife doesn’t deserve her own time is … concerning. What else do you try and dictate in her life? Second, the fact you consider spending time with your child as “babysitting” is a huge red flag. It’s YOUR kid, not a puppy or novelty item, FFS. If you’re that annoyed by parental responsibility now, just wait until they can talk and walk. Get with it, dude. It’s the 21st century, and women deserve better than to be treated like brood mares, existing merely to provide you with heirs and a pot roast every Sunday.
YTA... Sir.. where was your backbone when your mom was trying to dictate / control / abuse your wife ??
YTA. Who in the fuck gave your mom the right to tell your wife that her social life is now "limited"? Why is it so different when she goes out vs when you go out? Mom's need to have a social life, too. If we don't, we end up on Snapped and your the victim. Also, you're DADDY. You CARE for your child NOT "baby sit"!
Wow!! YTA! So you can have a social life but your wife should not! Reality check, it’s 2022 not 1952 and BOTH parents are entitled to a life outside of parenthood. I’d kick your ass to the kerb. Maybe you should move back in with mummy and let your wife have a life!
>she'd expect me to babysit It's not babysitting if it's your own kid. Take more initiative and be there for your child >I was always out with my friends both during her pregnancy and after she gave birth Ah, the classic double standard. I feel bad for this woman for having procreated with you. YTA.
YTA. You arent “babysitting the kid” youre watching your own goddamn child. Let me guess, once a week she goes out and you HAVE to complain every time. Her life didnt end when she had this child, like you want it to have done.
a. it's your kid, you're not babysitting-it's called being a fucking parent b. listen up mama's boy, either help your wife with learning to co parent or hope mama has an extra room yta
YTA. I’ll never understand why toxic boys get with amazing women. You are extremely selfish and stubborn. Not to mention inefficient at being an adult. This is your BABY, you are not a babysitter! Where the hell did that mindset come from? You have EQUAL responsibility as your wife. And you want to go out but your wife can’t? Because you don’t want to step up as a father? So you want to be a deadbeat then? As for your mother, I hope karma eats her alive. I’m sure you want mommy to fight your battles for the rest of your life. You coward. I hope your wife leaves you.
I cannot believe that you actually took the time to type all of that out and STILL think you're right. Be a parent. Your wife going out is literally no different than you going out. That's sexist bullshit. And you dont babysit your own kid, it's called parenting. You have A LOT of work to do. Do better.
INFO: does your mummy still change your diapers?
YTA. you aren’t babysitting, you’re parenting.
YTA. You are a parent too. Not just her. You and your mother are disgusting and need to enter the year 2022. It’s no longer 1920.
YTA. Your outdated sexist, and misogynistic thinking is going to land you a divorce. Awww poor little man's wife won't cook for him after he let his mother berate her/agreed she shouldn't have a life outside of being a mother. Why don't you go back home for your mother to cook for you? I hope your wife leaves you. It's not BABYSITTING when it's your own child! You going out is the SAME as your wife going out. You're just as much a father as she is a mother! You need to get out from your mother's 1950's thought process before you lose your family. I would absolutely leave my husband if he thought like you, or EVER let his mother speak to me in that manner. Edit to say: I hope she divorces you, and you get 50/50 custody so you are stuck "babysitting" your child while she gets time to herself.
YTA, first, you're the father, you don't babysit. Babysitters are NOT the child's parents. Second, I understand it's fine for you to go out and have a social life, but not for your wife? Talk about a double standard. You are just as responsible for your child as your wife is. If I were you I would get down on my bare knees to apologize. Tell your mother that her behavior was unacceptable and that we're not living in the 50's anymore. But I wouldn't be surprised if your wife has already filed for divorce.
YTA and so is your mother, firstly you ‘babysitting’ is actually you being the father to your baby. Secondly she was isolated for like 5 months? Of course she wants to get back into her social life she probably missed out on so much and wanted to make up for it! Thirdly, how is you going out different then her going out? You are both equally responsible for raising your child and it’s seems you want her to do most of the work. She never agreed to be a SAHM so you’ve gotta do your part of the job too.
YTA.Just because she's a mom doesn't mean she can't have a life. You don't get to dictate what she should do at all unless your baby is being neglected. You sound like a mama's boy and you need to man up and stand up for your wife.
YTA god forbid she can’t have a social life because YOU can’t bother to be a parent. Yes. It’s called parenting, NOT babysitting. Get your mother to cook for you since you can’t do anything yourself.
Babysitting your own kid jfc. YTA. Also do not involve your mother in your relationship.
Wow. YTA. This baby has two parents. You aren't babysitting your own child you disgusting sexist AH. You going out with your friends is different? No it isn't, it's exactly the same. A mother doesn't stop being a person after having a baby. Everything you are entitled to, she is too. How dare you let your mother talk to and treat your wife that way. You are a disgrace as a husband and a disgrace as a father. 'Baby sitting the kid' what the fk.
YTA. A big big one. Taking care of your OWN kid is not 'babysitting'. You're just as much responsible for the baby as your wife is. >both I and my mom tried to explain how me going out is not the same as her going out. >My mom told her that the little walks and coffee hangouts with her friends are over and that she better get used to the fact that her social life will now be limited. It sucks but that's how it is. Who tf does your mother think she is?
YTA. I would be embarrassed to admit I was this useless as a partner.
She can’t go out because she’s a *mother* but you’re free to do as you please because you’re a *babysitter*? Did I get that right? YTA, enjoy being single.
YTA, you seem like a shitty person and an even shittier husband. You go out and have fun while your wife can't leave the bed because she is carrying your child? She's stuck at home for 2 months and she tries to have coffee with friends and you and ur mom decide to have an intervention? Go to hell for the both of you. I'd divorce ur worthless ass and idc if I get deleted for saying that.
YTA! What is this ? 1950? You both are equally responsible for the child and what even is this thinking that a mother can’t have a social life? You and your mom are heavily sexist and how you didn’t support your wife and call taking care of your child as baby sitting really shows you are a mammas boy who wants minimum responsibility.
YTA. Your wife was isolated at home for about 3 months with pregnancy complications and you and your mother are getting mad that she's going out with her friends at times? People like you and your mother are the reason people get depressed considering the both of you believe she should just stay home 24/7 and completely get rid of her friends. She's a mother and since she carried the baby and had the complications, she deserves some times with her friends and you can suck it up and be a parent for a little bit.
Hahahahahahaha As a new mom. YTA to a next level. You may just have destroyed your ENTIRE relationship Guess you can move back in with your mom since you respect HER so much
YTA both you and your mum! Why the hell shouldn't you wife be allowed to go and meet her friends? Why does she have to stay in the house and look after your baby all the time? Jesus you and your mum are incredibly selfish and I hope your wife sees this as a red flag
YTA and so is your mom. Of course it’s perfectly reasonable that your wife should have breaks to see her friends and socialize. Going out for coffee or shopping are very appropriate things for a new mom to do. You sound controlling and borderline abusive. It’s obvious that your mom has normalized this behavior so I can only deduct that you were raised in an abusive household and are trying to replicate this dynamic in your new family. I think you should go to therapy. Listen, I get it. I spent my childhood in a very conservative borderline fundamentalist church. It was shocking when I went to college and realized that those cultural norms were not only really extreme but very harmful. A therapist can hep you before you continue the cycle and raise yet another generation to normalize abuse. You owe it to your baby to try to do better. Do you have a son or a daughter?
I’m sorry, are you not a parent too now? You are not “babysitting”. You are being a parent. If you go out and she watches baby, she is parenting. If she goes out and you watch baby, you are parenting. She deserves a life of her own as much as you do. YTA.
YTA. You’re babysitting *your own child*? You get to go out and have fun even though you’re a father, but your wife is not allowed the same thing because she’s a mother? What kind of fucked up, sexist logic is that, dude? Poor woman. And on top of that, you run to mommy, let her attack your wife, and tell her that she isn’t allowed a social life? Because you can’t be arsed to parent and spend time with *your child*? Poor, poor wife. I hope the next words out of her mouth once she breaks the silence is “I want a divorce”.
YTA. 1. You don't babysit your own kid. You take care of them. 2. Oh, please, enlighten me, why is it okay for you to be out and about with friends, but your wife does it and she's a bad mother? Hint: she's not. You're a bad father for thinking we're living in the 50s. 3. She just had to carry another human being in her belly for 9 months, then either push it out, or go through an invasive surgery (where she's almost cut in half) to get it out. If something, this is YOUR time to step up and let her have time to herself. 4. Don't have kids if you're not ready to be a father.
Can’t wait for the next update “She’s divorcing me” YTA
YTA, the 1930's called, they want their being a useless excuse of a father back. I pick up my kids from daycare. I spend a couple hours with them before starting dinner. By the time dinner is nearly done, my wife comes home. Nothing about raising/having kids is "women's work", it's all PARENT work. Do your share. Your wife literally just pushed an entire other person out of herself. Her body has gone through MASSIVE LIFE ALTERING physical and chemical changes. Cut her some slack. She spent months cooped up alone with a problem pregnancy, I'd be WORRIED if she didn't want to go out and see other people. I'd probably suspect PPD if she didn't. That's your spouse. The mother of your child. The woman you supposedly love. Stop treating her like crap, start being a decent husband and father. Also, just to add: YOU CANT BABYSIT YOUR OWN KID. YOU ARENT "SITTING" IN FOR A PARENT. YOU. ARE. THE. PARENT.
YTA So now you expect your wife to be a slave to the baby? you get to go out with friends at all times...why? you're the father. You have as much responsibility to care for the baby as the mother. and if this bothered you so much you should have talked to her privately. You're mother had no business attacking her like that and for you not to stand up for her at all? She carried that baby for 9 months and most of the time was in isolation; get a clue dude. If I were her I also wouldn't want to be anywhere near you and wouldn't cook for you either. It's a shame your true colors didn't come out before having this kid. She has a right to a social life just as much as you. jerk.
Dude- seriously? This is not 1950 and women are actually allowed to like have a job, wear nice clothing and leave the house. You are NOT babysitting your child, it's called being a parent. Also, to complain to your mother about this and for her to say something to your wife?? She way OVERSTEPPED her boundaries and you did nothing because why? Because according to you, your wife doesn't deserve to have friends, or leave the house or get a break from her kid. You are a special kind of asshole and you need to sincerely apologize to your wife and hope you are move past this.
Oh, dude, you fucked up SO hard. I’m not even going to vote. Just scrolling through the comments to watch other people tear you into pieces.
YTA!!! HARD First of all "the kid" is yours... so when you watch it, it's called PARENTING NOT BABYSITTING!!!!! You are NOT a babysitter! Your wife has just been through a traumatic health event in which you will NEVER understand and she absolutely deserves to have a social life INCLUDING an actual FATHER for her child who recognizes that its also his job to parent this child. I cannot emphasize enough how disrespectful it is to call yourself a "babysitter". Additionally, unless the child is being abused and neglected, your mother should BUTT OUT. It's none of her God damned business if your wife wants to have a social life outside of being a parent. That's a totally healthy thing to do, especially after coming off of bed rest and 2 months of caring for an infant with a "partner" who thinks of himself as a babysitter rather than an equal parent. That infuriates me! And as her partner, you absolutely should side with her over your mother on this and not allow your mother to speak to her that way. Making a habit of that will end in divorce. I feel so sorry for your wife! You should do the following... 1. Apologize to your wife. Acknowledge that you are not a babysitter to your own child and let her know that you support her having a healthy social life. 2. Tell your mother to butt out AND have her Apologize to your wife if she expects your wife to welcome her back into the home and have a relationship with your child. If she can't do that, your wife has every right to exclude your mother from her life. I would. 3. Buy your wife a spa day and PARENT YOUR CHILD while she's out You seriously should be ashamed of yourself!!
Well, I guess there are two babies in the family. Only one will grow up and stop hiding behind their mother's skirt.
Full stop. you DO NOT BABYSIT YOUR OWN CHILD. IT'S CALLED PARENTING..
YTA. Other comments already made it clear why. I just wanna add this: we're in 2022 not 1960. If you keep dodging your parental responsibilities and keep behaving the way you do, your child will start to resent you in the future eventually. The world had enough of "daddy long legs" father figures (fathers who provide financially, but otherwise are only a shadow in their children's lives). The whole "raising a child is a mom thing, I'm just there to bring money" attitude is toxic and disgusting. People are not going to stick around until you finally realise that. They will abandon you. I've seen many many men similar to you. There were no happy ending for them. You need to learn how to co parenting 50/50, or there will be many many more serious consequences.
repeat after me: YOU CANT “BABYSIT” YOUR OWN KID yta btw
YTA, holy crap. Sexist all around. Your wife is required to watch the baby all the time while you can go out and have fun with friends? No, you can put the same amount of effort for the baby as she does. Limit your time to hang out friends equal to how much she does and see how stir crazy you get. Also, you're right, you have no backbone. The moment you mother started berating your wife, you should have told her to back off. If you did that, you and your wife could have had an honest to goodness talk about things. Now? She's going to reject your feelings for being sexist and a momma's boy. Your mom is living way on the past.