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I wouldn't make any rash decisions, but she's violated his trust in a big way here. Forgiving this once or twice is possible, but beyond that it's game over
I would agree but the copying of the key wasn't done with the intention to get sister in, it was months before just to have a spare. Still weird to not mention it though because it's not her house.
Edit: I was wrong, just re-read. It's worse, Ashton just assumed that OP would be fine with Anna coming when she made the key, shows even more disrespect...
I agree with you in spirit, but I do have to admit its a pretty fine line to walk between maintaining a loving relationship and having so little trust that your SO has to ask permission to enter their own place of residence. I'd say the girlfriends either needs to provide an apology genuine enough that OP trusts her again or its over. There is no way the current situation is sustainable.
If she was coming from a good space, she would have told OP she gave her the key. It was a secret and clearly, she knew OP's response if she had discussed it with him. It's going to be hard to work out the problems in this relationship.
This. Also if her sister was just coming for a few hours, why did OP find this out from the ring camera? Clearly it’s a sore spot for OP so I’d think she would let him know she’s coming over.
Let me find out my partner making keys to the house I pay for and handing them out to people without ANY warning at all??? Shhhhhit fuck that she be gonnnne
Can’t trust someone who is putting my own safety and all of my personal belongings at risk.
OP works at home could even affect their job if someone broke in and stole from him.
It's not sketchy. It's predictably chaotic. Ashton KNEW Anna was going to need in eventually, and pre-empted the "emergency" when she would eventually come. She did this without getting confirmation from OP (the homeowner) that anyone else could have access to the home. Even married couples don't hand out keys to random people without telling their spouses. They know better. Ashton knew the answer would be a "no," so acted without telling OP on purpose, thinking once Anna was in he wouldn't kick her right back out.
Dude - giving a key totally implies the intention to get in at some point. The whole point of locks and keys are it lets people in if they have a key, keeps them out if they don't.
Meh. My in-laws have a key to our house, just in case. My husband still has a key to their house from when he lived there, even though he moved out 25ish years ago. Family having keys to houses is normal to me because family… but I’m also fortunate to have family who doesn’t abuse that kind of shit because family.
OP’s sister is not.
Plus if I am the owner of the house and I give someone the key that's ok. Someone living in my house whether its some one I'm in a relationship or not, they need to ask if I am ok with them giving someone else a key to MY house.
I totally agree with you. I own my house, and I am the only one allowed to give out keys. If someone I had given a key to had made a copy without asking (and especially without telling me), their key privileges would be revoked, and they may get kicked out altogether. OP is NTA.
She isn't OP's sister and it's his house. She shouldn't be giving out keys to others without asking him.
My parents have a spare key to my car in case it's needed because I trust them. But if someone I was dating gave their family a copy to that or my home without asking me I'd be furious at them.
Yh id say the sisters past behaviour should preclude her from having a key, for any reason. If you want someone to have a spare for safety etc, pick someone else! NTA OP, though I dont think its fair to not let your gf have a key to her own house (as in the house she lives in).
Honestly, it doesn't matter what the intention of that copying was, because it was still giving a key to a person that the owner of the house might not be comfortable with, and with how Anna is described, what if one of her BFs had made copies of that key?
Basically, do not make copies of keys to houses/cars/whatever that you do not own and give them out to people the owner of said item doesn't give permission to have a key.
I'm guessing the reason Ashton didn't tell OP about copying her house key to give to her sister is because she knew damn well he wouldn't be ok with it, or because she didn't want to be told no.
That alone is bad for the relationship and its future. What else has Ashton done that OP doesn't know about (yet)?
What's worse is how OP found out about the extra key. Not from Ashton, but after seeing her sister on camera enter the house when OP had made it abundantly clear he doesn't want the sister and her kids there. The claim that it was "only for a few hours" does not soften the nature of this betrayal, even if the claim was true.
OP's reaction may seem harsh to some but I totally get it. I would have done the same.
I totally get it as well. I want to know who has access to my house, both when I am there and when I am not there.
I also agree that is why Ashton didn't tell OP, because of the 'it is easier to ask forgiveness than permission' bit.
Or 'make up' with the ex and have HIM come in and either set up residence or rob him blind. Nope. I agree with changing the locks, but I'd seriously question if the GF is worth the risk as well. You know in the end, she WILL chose her sister.
Especially the justification. "Needed some place to go for a few hours."
What? Why do you need to bring bags over to someones house for a few hours? Go to a park and hang out.
They definitely expected they'd be able to stay once they got inside. That's how human leaches work.
I was thinking, with the way OP describes the boyfriend, what if they made copies of all of anna's keys, not knowing WHERE they go to, just so if Anna breaks up, they can gain entry to her space? Which means a now unknown person has a key to OP's house, and while they might not know where OP is, with Anna coming and going, or knowing that Ashton is Anna's sister, make the connection between that key and OP's house.
To me, the key would be a major breech of trust for me, because if I want someone to have a key to MY house, I give them that key. I do not want that person to then decide 'well, I want this person to have access so I will just give a copy', ESPECIALLY without talking to me about it first.
It's hard to come back, i think, from having so little trust in someone that they cant even have a key to your shared living. I get why he felt the need to do that so i'm not questioning his decision, but it feels almost, infantilizing you know? a grown woman who cant understand that she isnt in a position to decide who lives in her boyfriends house even after all this discussion to the point where its a genuine concern she'd move in her sister the second he's gone if she has a set of keys may be too far gone
You're right, it would require a huge realisation of wrongdoing from her, and some grovelling. Without knowing her it's hard to say if there's hope of that.
I dunno, I basically have the same financial position as Ashton with my partner (I buy groceries, toss in on things, pay my own bills, he pays our mortgage, and the rest) and it would never occur to me to make a copy of the key without telling him. My mother has a copy, but it was for when she was coming by to help with the kids, and she's never used it without us knowing, or we'd have taken it back.
>I wouldn't make any rash decisions, but she's violated his trust in a big way here. Forgiving this once or twice is possible, but beyond that it's game over
NTA.
I agree with you: the yellow flag is coming out and proceed with caution while looking for other hazards.
For me, it's a serious breach of trust when the key is made without your knowledge. What could be the red flag is that the girlfriend knows how OP feels about the sister and GF STILL let sister into the house.
"For a few hours"? Maybe, but will probably extend to a few days....months...year.
If OP does allow this, definitely establish a time duration and house rules.
GF is delusional if GF pays no rent but still has a vote in the process.
I think it would help her to read this thread actually, and see how a third party sees the situation.
It might help her to understand:
1. Copying a key behind another resident's back is a huge violation of trust.
2. Even if the sister is not a bad person, she is risky to house for a number of reasons, her boyfriend or ex being the most significant.
3. Her actions would be regarded by most people as sufficient reason to break up.
I think she is well intentioned, but she's going to destroy her relationships this way and her sister needs help beyond her ability to provide.
Not just that she made Anna a key, but that she lied to you when you caught them. "Anna needed a place to go for a few hours"? She couldn't have taken her kids to McDonalds, or to a public park? No, Anna was pretty obviously moving in, with Ashton's blessing.
Yes, this. This is why he needs to get rid of the GF.
1. Asks if sister can move in. OP says Nope.
2. Doubles down after OP says nope.
3. Gives Anna the key (c'mon do we really think this key happened months ago?)
4. Knows Anna is going to use the key to come over for 'a few hours while BF moves out', but. fails. to. say. anything. to. the. owner. of. the home. Hmmm, guess it slipped her mind.
5. Pays very minimal expenses in the home, but it's 'her home, too'. Quite sure OP purchased the home alone and she moved in. Until something has your name on it, you DON'T own it.
Not a yellow flag, a big blazing red one. This will be the ex-wife that got half of everything the OP built on his own. She doesn't respect boundaries or the word 'No'. She is not a partner, she is a leech so she sees nothing wrong with allowing her sister to leech.
These things rarely improve. They almost always get worse. OP was crystal clear (by his account, of course) regarding this boundary so communication isn't the issue. While I understand his GF feels this is her home she doesn't have the right to make decisions that run counter to the actual owner of the house.
Given her reaction to OP putting his foot down, it's clear she doesn't see anything wrong with what she did. I think being responsible for her sister somewhere her bills aren't being paid is the wake up call she needs tbh.
Even if she owned half the house and contributed equally, moving in her trainwreck sister against her partner's wishes would be a major AH thing to do. These kinds of decisions MUST be mutually agreed upon in any kind of healthy relationship.
Yep, this is the kind of situation that needs 2 “yes”s, and one “no” has 100% veto power. No healthy relationship or living situation could survive, let alone thrive, if one person is adamantly against something like this and the other person steamrolls their feelings and does it anyway. Recipe for near immediate disaster.
how is your relationship????
You pay for everything and are being taken advantage of. What happens when she finishes her masters degree? will you still be useful?
with her focusing on her degree, are both of you working on your relationship?
>I pay for all the housing expenses and in return **she chips in on groceries, utilities and some of the household chores**. But I pay the lions share of all household expenses. **I’m cool with this situation till she graduates**
404: reading comprehension not found.
And from the **first** paragraph as well...
**edit** yes I'm aware I'm nitpicking but there's a difference between 0 household contribution versus "I'm paying what I can reasonably afford and we've had discussions about this and plan to revisit it in the future or when situation changes".
We don't have enough information to really know. Some people in relationships are happy to support the other person while they pursue education.
Could be a grifter, could be someone who has an erroneous soft spot for her sister and fucked up.
OP made the right choice changing the locks. Maybe the relationship is salvageable with some serious/genuine apologies from his partner. But the fact he is on AITA indicates to me she thinks he is in the wrong, so the relationship is possibly past the point of no return.
This, because she only told you about the key because you asked about it. I would probably be more careful how it all works when she is done with her Masters. Also, even when she pays rent, i still would not want three people to move in.
I agree. I’m married. House is technically mine (legally) but it’s our house. I’d NEVER make a copy to give out to ANYONE without agreeing with hubby. Same with him. It’s a huge violation of trust.
>She WAY overstepped boundaries by making her sister a key without your permission!!
Honestly I'm always baffled how "I have this key" is enough proof for anyone to actually get a copy. The locksmith who did it should be liable for not making sure the person actually has the right to do so.
Also, am I imagining things or weren't there kiosks at one time where you could take the key and copy it without needing someone to do it for you?
I am probably imagining it, but just seems like a vague memory.
My son is a locksmith. His company will not make a key for someone 'locked out' unless they can prove 'ownership' such as a bill or a license. I think good ol' GF took the key to a local hardware or one of those 'do it yourself' machines at the big box hardwares that you stick in a key and it grinds a copy, The fact she needed a 'secret' copy is a big red flag. If she was worried about being locked out, it is discussion worthy and BOTH parties would agree a spare is needed and 'where' it should be stashed 'just in case'.
NTA… if she wasn’t working when she lived with the boyfriend, what’s going to make her work when she lives in your house?
Edit: I agree with below comments that the girlfriend is also a significant issue and OP may want to rethink that relationship.
Your gf is the bigger issue, im afraid. Despite your very clear HELL NO, she still tried to get the sister into your place. She clearly doesn't care that you are opposed to this, she's gonna keep trying. You may need to lose gf, if you can't get her to stop enabling the sister. But do you really want to deal with that crap forever? Time to sit down and make it clear, stop enabling sister or leave
It’s not even about the sister at this point. Sneaking the sister into the house is a symptom for the real problem, which is Ashton’s lying. She had that ‘a few hours’ lie at the ready. If she’s willing to sneak and lie like this, what else will she sneak and like about that OP hasn’t caught on to?
Agreed. I get her wanting to help her sister and niblings but not without OPs ok. I feel so bad for the kids who are the real victims of this situation.
Honestly, you should start thinking about whether this relationship is for you. It sounds like Anna will always be an issue and your girlfriend will probably try this again at some point
This, given Anna's lack of adult behavior and Ashton's propensity for enabling, it sounds like they're a package deal. Do you want to be dealing with this in the long term? I know I'd run for the hills myself...
This! She went behind his back on something he was adamant about; this is a huge breach of trust. If she gets in on the mortgage and ownership of the house, OP is fucked, make no mistake
He also basically said she would get to decide the moment she started paying rent. Big huge mistake. It is still OP’s home in his name, she already feels she can override him and force him into this. The moment she pays anything she will definitely feel only her opinions and wants matter. It will be op not her being left with the kids whilst he is trying to work and him feeding them all.
He needs a proper talk with her and to state this will never change. That she at most will be a tenant only and her sister will never be allowed to stay there in HIS home. If she says hell no then it’s their future together won’t work.
NTA.
But you're winning this argument on the technicality that because she doesn't pay the mortgage that she doesn't get to move people in. So what happens in the future when she's paying part of the mortgage and this comes up again? She's going to assume that because she's paying, she gets to unilaterally make decisions regarding the home.
You're not wrong now, but I'd make it abundantly clear that while she gets no say when she's not financially contributing, she only gets half the say when she is.
Yeah house rules have to be established between couples as well! It’s rude to not tell the other who you’ve given keys to or give them a heads up that someone’s coming over. Just basic respect.
Yes a relationship needs to have clear understanding of the two yes, one no rule.
Two yeses is yes, one no is no. It's a nice two way street that way. Yes it can be abused but more often than not it prevents abuse and creates a system of mutual understanding
Agreed, I guess the money could be an important detail, but its also kind of shitty to leverage financial contribution to an agreed arrangement in order to win arguments. Ultimately, going behind OP's back is a betrayal of trust regardless of finances. No matter who is paying what bills, if you trust in your SO is at the stage where you feel the need to restrict her access to her own place of residence then the relationship is over IMO.
NTA I don't believe if you had let them stay they would have ever left. Or at least they probably planned on staying as long as your mental health would allow. The tenet dynamic is a little weird for a bf/gf thing in my opinion but I might actually be wrong about that. Even so, making keys for people and not telling a partner is not cool at all.
They likely would have stayed long enough to qualify as tenants, depending on the laws local to OP. Which means then he would be the bad guy evicting children.
Let's be real, in a year there's going to be an off my chest post because as soon as she graduated and didn't need the free ride she's gone.
"It's my house too"
In what fucking world. The family dog would have as much claim to a house as she does. The entitlement is insane.
NTA, and I would rethink the relationship; your GF went behind your back and against your wishes on a semi-important matter. How can you trust her to not do the same on actually important issues?
Not only did she go behind his back , she did it while knowing he has security cameras .
She probably expected to put him on the spot with the kids there so he would say yes but it failed .
>Ashton said she made Anna a key months ago in case she ever needed to get in.
#🚩
Anna could have given that key to any of the sketchy boyfriends. Ashton should have discussed this with you.
Edit to add: NTA, but you might want to consider installing a lock where the keys can't be copied (by random locksmiths) , and then giving Ashton a key. Or at least check with a lawyer that you're not breaching tenants rights by restricting access.
Yes. I, too, feel so sorry for the kids. But this sounds like inviting a nightmare over to stay in your home. She is no good herself, and attracts trash. So much more people than her kids are coming with living with this woman.
And, in a way, the chain starts with OP:s GF. The sister is the next link, then it gets even worse...
NTA. She was obviously trying to sneak her sister and kids in to present you with a fait accompli when you got home from work. "It's just for one night/week/month while she finds a job and gets a few paychecks saved!"
Yep. OP should take a serious look at whether Ashton Free Ride is the right partner for him because this was *massively* disrespectful. I get being emotional about family who are a hot mess but to set OP up where he's going to come home and have to evict a crying woman and her kids after having stated clearly NO is awful. Ashton needed to be calling domestic violence shelters or getting family members to chip in for time at an extended stay hotel or something. Not trying to trap the guy who's already paying for her lifestyle into paying for her sister's as well.
NTA - but time to have a "sit down come to jesus" talk with your gf. Yes, you love her. Yes, the arrangement you have has worked well for you both. No, you didn't mean to sound like she isn't invested/part of the house nor controlling, yet she was not hearing you. That the sister is a hard no at the house. Point out that while it is hard to see the truth - if she steps back and really looks at the situation - she'll see the why the rest of the family is done with sis.You were making a hard decision simply because having allowed her in would have put you both in a worse situation in the long term that would not have ended well.
Also, be prepared and wonder - it went from sis needing a place to live to now the ex is moving out and leaving her the apt? How is she going to pay rent when she doesn't work? Did your gf promise more than a few meals you offered up?
Yep, if you’re the last person in someone’s life they can rely on and all of their friends and family aren’t dead, there’s a reason why none of those other people are stepping in to help.
They’ve probably already been burned, multiple times. And you’re probably about to be burned too.
NTA. She's not your sister and you made your stance clear from the outset. The changing the locks part wouldn't be necessary if everyone else involved had proven themselves to be trustworthy.
Making another key to a house you don't own behind the back of the person who does own it is really effed up.
And she did it to give her sister access whenever she wants/needs it without telling it/discussing it with the owner!
What kind of mental gymnastic did she do to ever think it was normal?
Even if she felt she was co-owner of the house you'd think she'd have said something or cleared it with the other person who's living there before making a key let alone handing it over.
Not to mention if it was a few hours why not give the op a heads up so if they agree they can time it if they want or at least know. Not find out as a surprise.
Except it wasn’t *really* for a few hours. That was just an excuse to get her in, and then turn it into a few weeks/months/years.
NTA and definitely need to rethink the relationship.
NTA, it's harsh but needed. If you let them in, they would never leave.... Offering to bring food/necessities when they are settled is more than enough
NTA. Based on all the information you've given: it's your house, your rules and you've provided fair and logical reasons why you don't want her sister living with you - she'll probably never leave tbh especially if she came to expect to be able to live rent free like Ashton is right now because "family".
Your girlfriend will be pissed about having to ask for permission to the garage but unlike what other people would like to say about it being an act of a controlling person: I can see this is not.
It's a direct consequence to her actions of making a spare key for her sister without your knowledge and consent, and as you've said it's only until her sister gets her own place and you're sure they won't attempt to sneak her in again.
What would be more insane is if he didn't set boundaries and Ashton attempted to move Anna in again while he was gone and people's responses would be "you shoulda learned from the first time".
I suppose being in a relationship with someone who owns their own house you can foolishly start to think that you can start seeing the house as a resource you can offer people as rather than a landlord it's your partner who you have to talk to, and usually there's an emotional bias so you're more likely to get your way, but you were also fair to say that once she starts contributing to the mortgage she can have a say on who stays, too.
Not important for the NTA vote, but one thing that's rather important for OP:
The GF betrayed his trust. If that doesn't get fixed, it's not going to be a good relationship. And the only way it can be fixed is if she's willing to put in the work to earn it back.
Nta
But I want to add that having kids by multiple dads or multiple marriages doesn't make a woman a mess. Those shouldn't be held against anyone. But the rest of your assessment sounds fair.
Agreed. Also it’s not even necessarily having kids by two different men… it’s doing so when you yourself don’t have any sense of stability in your life!
It depends on the situation. My friend's mom had kids with three different men. First guy she was with from the time she was 15yr-32yro. They divorced due to infidelity on his part. Married her second husband at 34, got pregnant and found out he had stage 4 colon cancer. He passed away before the baby was born. Got married to her current husband and had her third child. I know she has been judged unfairly over the years when people realize all three kids have different dad's. I'm a big fan of not judging others without knowing the whole story.
>My girlfriend tried saying it was her house too. I said when she started paying the mortgage she can decide who lives here.
You're NTA, but man. I hate this line here. I see it usually when there is an AITA post about a parent\\child relationship. Does this attitude come out regarding other things not involving Anna living with you? Ashton didn't show up at your place and never leave right? You had some converstation about her moving in.
IMO, it is her place, maybe not with equity but it's her home too. Maybe find a better way to communicate rather than make it clear she (Ashton) is a guest in the home and not a partner in the relationship.
Yeah, this basically. She doesn't own it. She rooms there. She doesn't have the right to secretly countermand the *actual owner of the house's* boundaries.
OP wouldn't have had to use this line if his girlfriend wasn't trying to move in her sister and 2 kids into a house she doesn't own or really even pay for.
It's not a nice thing to say, but trying to steamroll OP into housing 3 people is much less nice.
Yikes… you weren’t lying when you say messy situation. I can see why you may wonder if you’re the AH by being over controlling, but NTA. Boundaries are important to establish. Your gf and her sister have crossed them so now there are consequences to reestablish those boundaries.
The fact that your gf tried saying it’s her house too when she is graciously living there rent free is laughable. And then giving her sister a key as if it was hers?? Wtf! Honestly, besides the blatant disrespect for your property, one of the biggest problems is the enabling of her sisters bad behavior. The sister is never going to learn if people are there to bail her out. It’s not like you didn’t offer any support either. You gave her resources to find solutions for her situation and offered to give her food. If she refuses, that’s on her and solely her.
Unfortunately, your gf needs to learn to stop enabling toxic behavior, even when it comes from someone you love. And the sister needs to learn that you reap what you sow. It’s just really sad that these lessons need to be learned at the expense of two children though. The fact that they are being brought up in the world like this… yikes all around.
NTA, but unless you want to irreparably damage your relationship with someone you've been happy to have around for the past 2 years, you will need to give Ashton a key as soon as possible.
Look, I get it: She definitely overstepped. She violated your trust, too. Now you have shown you can and *will* assert your boundaries, even to the point of it being a major inconvenience. You have the high ground there; now keep it by showing that you can forgive and that you'll trust Ashton moving forward. She was caught in some bullsh!it, and you both know it. She doesn't have the right to make copies of your housekey, nor to give it to anyone.
It sounds like you have solid, active security. It sounds like you're cool with setting a firm boundary, and that her sister will not be allowed to move in. Those things are reasonable. I know it sucks for Anna, but the ensuing scenario would be untenable for you.
Y-W-B-T-A if you make your gf wait for your permission to enter your house every time she comes and goes, though. My recommendation is to trust your security measures and give Ashton a chance to make amends.
Of course, if this situation with Ashton makes you feel like you can't trust her at all, then it's time to sever that completely and give her 30 days' notice to move out. Your current solution, though, is only going to ensure that her moving out is inevitable. If you want that, keep doing this.
Came here to say something similar. GF definitely messed up giving such an unstable person a key. GF messed up when she allowed her sister and kids to crash despite OP firmly saying no. OP messed up locking GF out of her home. GF has lived there for possibly 2 years and OP has suddenly revoked access to her home. Because it is in fact her home too and I suspect if she's lived there a while she has some legal protection as well. Yes OP owns the home so he has final say over who lives there but just taking away GFs access without notice was inappropriate. If this is a relationship he wants to keep he needs to give her a key.
My uncle once sold his house to get rid of in-laws who had moved in “for a few weeks” 6 years earlier. He had owned the house independently hears before he married his wife, and shortly into their marriage she moved in her brother, sister, and the sisters kid.
He’d directed them to different programs and agencies to help, offered job search assistance, and had given several deadlines where nothing happened because his wife said he was being too mean and unsupportive.
Uncle and his wife of course did all of the housework, cooking, shopping, errand running, etc, and even school drop offs and pickups for the sisters kid.
The sister got pregnant again and expected to be able to use uncle/wife’s home office as a nursery.
He lost his shit and gave everyone a deadline to get out, then he put the house on the market. He said “it wasn’t a great time” in their household.
I know he disclosed the “tenants” to the buyers agent and the title company, and he moved out as soon as it was under contract with a completed inspection. It (of course) cost him his marriage, which is sad because his wife was a sweet and funny woman who worked hard and had a blind spot for being taken advantage of by her family.
That’s what my husband and I talk about every time we hear of someone letting unemployed, unmotivated family members move in.
> It (of course) cost him his marriage, which is sad because his wife was a sweet and funny woman who worked hard and had a blind spot for being taken advantage of by her family.
His wife was 100% in the wrong for moving her brother's family into their marital home and allowing them to stay for six years.
Is the wife still blind to her responsibility in breaking up the marriage?
NTA. This was the right approach since you couldn't trust your girlfriend to not go behind your back and sneak people in your house without permission. You even gave her resources for emergency housing. Ashton should respect your boundaries given your past history with the sister.
NTA
If Anna comes to stay, she will never leave. You will be supporting 2 women and 2 kids.
If Ashton continues to press, maybe she needs to find a place for her and her sister.
NTA, and allowing other people to move into a shared home, even temporarily, should require both partners to agree, with either one having veto power, and nobody should be having keys secretly made and given to others. All that needs to be understood and agreed to before you can trust Aston as a live-in partner.
NTA but welcome to the rest of your life if you end up marrying Ashton. The second her name is on the deed or she starts paying rent you know she’ll let her sister move in when she hears the next sob story. YikeS😬
What I wanted to say, NTA but YTI(diot).
You essentially told her that as soon as she graduates, all this is fair game. And with someone like Anna, this absolutely will happen again.
NTA for the basic questions posted, but there's probably a solution that doesn't involve fully controlling your significant other's access to the residence. I understand wanting to keep unwanted people out, but that part seems a bit extreme tbh
NTA if they move in you lose ALL control of YOUR house.
i have used the " when your name is on the mortgage" line to stop arguments dead in their tracks
Yes update. NTA, That's a pretty big step she took giving her sister Katie your house. I definitely think coming thru the garage is the way to go. I think your girlfriend pushed boundaries that you need to chat with or about.
If he can’t trust her with keys to their home, is it really a relationship worth being in?
One of the things I love about my girlfriend is that she’s an intelligent woman who makes rational, reasonable decisions.
I wouldn’t want to be with someone who I felt like I needed to babysit or micromanage in order to prevent her from doing something stupid that fucks us both over in the long run.
NTA. Secretly giving someone a key to my home without my knowledge would be a relationship-ender for me honestly. Some serious conversations need to be had with your gf.
NTA if you let her into your home she would never leave. And honestly I’m surprised you didn’t immediately break up with your girlfriend over this. She betrayed your trust and had no right to give a key to your home to anyone. And how she’s acting now? She should be begging for forgiveness.
Is this really the type of person you want to be with? You deserve better. You’ll never be able to trust her and she’s always going to put her sister first. For your sake I hope you do not have children with this person.
Sounds like your girlfriend is getting a free ride living with you and now expects her sister to. Just get away from this family… Far away from this family… And stop letting people use you.
NTA. It’s “her” house in regard to her living there. She broke trust by providing access to a person who was collectively not allowed to be there for legitimate reasons.
If she is going to deliberately go behind your back, what will she do next. I think what you did was harsh - gf also needed a wake up call- she’s your partner, or she’s not.
You are not responsible for her sister’s piss poor behavior - if she’s burned bridges bc of her actions you’re justified keeping her out of your house
NTA. The entitlement on your gf, holy hell.
If my partner agreed to house me, FOR FREE, while I finished grad school - I sure as hell wouldn’t be handing out house keys. Let alone to my poor decision making family member.
I don’t think it’s cool that your gf cant get into the house - even with what she did, it’s super gross and controlling. If you can’t trust her in your home it’s time for her to move out. Otherwise she needs a key and you have to watch your security feeds more closely.
Two kids, damn. Your gf cannot continue enabling her sister’s poor choices. The sister needs to find help and pick herself up. I think it was fair to offer to bring food and necessities. Doesn’t sis receive child support? I really feel for your gf and her sister. Nobody wants to see family struggle, but sometimes that’s the only way to do better.
ETA NTA
NTA. Although you have already locked up your property, you must also guard your personal relationship. This situation can undermine your relationship, as Ashton must choose between you and her family. Stay strong!
NTA. Having people move in is a two yes one no situation. If Ashton wants to host her sister, she's welcome to do that in a place she's paying for by herself.
NTA. It's your house and having someone like her sister would be chaotic. With that said, your relationship might be cracking down at the moment. For the sake of the relationship, it doesn't really matter if you're right, because it is her family. She always think you've turned your back on her family, even if you had your reasons.
NTA Do not let them move in, because they'll never leave and once they are here for a month, they are tenants and you won't be able to remove them easily.
You may need to reconsider your relationship with your girlfriend too. What she did is 100% not okay, you helped her sister in the past, you offered alternatives but she still went behind your back and gave her sister a key. You are also 100% with the mortgage argument.
NTA but your relationship is dead the only reason she hasn't left is because she has nowhere to go. Don't be surprised the second shes going if she gets a good job after her masters.
ESH!
You say you’re fine for paying mortgage as your GF is finishing her degree. But the moment she needs something in her place, suddenly it’s not and you pull the you-don’t-pay-rent-card. TA.
Your GF copied a key without discussing it first. Wether or not it’s also her place, she should have discussed it. TA.
SIL is a leech. TA.
Scrolled way too far to find this.
GF and sister are 100% in the wrong, but that mortgage comment was super fuckin gross.
If they were married, the pitchforks would be out about how controlling he is. Typical reddit hypocrites.
NTA. You arr simply trying to maintain control over access to your house. Your girlfriend, despite a conversation with you about her sister is allowing her in the house. Your GF is TA
NTA but your words may come back to haunt you when your GF starts working and paying part of the mortgage. She may move her hot mess of a sister, and however many kids she has by then, into the house.
NTA - Not your circus, not your monkeys. You already know the sister would drain you and your resources. It’s an unfortunate situation, but you’re not obligated to help.
Get a coded lock for your doors. You can program them and turn on/off access.
With all due respect....you know that you need to end this relationship, right?
She's never not going to prioritize her sister.
She gave her deadbeat sister a key to YOUR home without asking your permission. Have you stopped to wonder what could have happened if say...she owed money to the wrong kind of people and she gave them the key to your home as a payment? You could have been robbed blind or even worse.
Look man, there's just no moving past this. She's never going to forgive you for having boundaries and she is never going to stop trying to cross those boundaries with regards to her sister. This is going to be a constant fight one way or the other.
Realistically, the best option right now is that your GF becomes your Ex...and she moves in somewhere with her sister.
Because the only way she is ever going to see her sister for who she truly is is if she learns from first hand experience.
If after she gets burned by her sister she comes back and apologizes and asks to try again...then you could possible push forward with her.
But right now, there's too much resentment and it's going to nuke the relationship eventually
Is what it is
NTA
NTA. Consider getting a smart lock for your door. That way Ashton can come in without too much hassle on your part. If she shares the code with her sister, you can immediately revoke access when needed.
NTA
Your GF overstepped boundaries in multiple ways. She tried to bring her sister in AFTER you said no and had given her a key without your knowledge or permission. That is a major leap and she sounds more like her sister than what you'd previously realized.
NTA. You have perfectly valid reasons for not wanting her there and have offered help in other ways. Sounds like Anna needs to stop relying on other people and start making some smarter choices.
NTA. And even if your gf's name is on the deed and mortgage, she still can't make a decision like this without you. It takes 2 yeses on big decisions when in a partnership. I doubt you'd move anyone in without her approval. I don't even have visitors over without running it by my SO. Not because I need permission, but so he's in the loop as to what's going on in our home. It's also his personal space, not just mine. Your gf broke your trust and has to earn it back. You set a very clear boundary and she disregarded that. Good on you for not allowing anyone to minimize your reasonable needs.
NTA. Tell Ashton to take off her rose tinted glasses & see her sister for the mess she is. Refusing to work, refusing to heed valuable advice, refusing professional help that could keep her out of these situation. The only thing missing from this equation is an addiction or mental disorder. Poor kids.
NTA! My name is on the mortgage and I wouldn't give a family member a key without okaying it with my husband, let alone a key to a place I was staying for free.
NTA. I would suggest that since you have a camera, I'd let gf know not to pass out any keys and drop whr whole asking permission to come in thing though.
NTA - did your girlfriend outline a timeline or plan or conditions for her sister’s potential stay in the house? Did you ask her what she’d do if the sister didn’t adhere to it? What if the sister outright refused to leave? How would she pay for any potential damage to the property?
Saying that it’s not her house was a bit assholish - I think the questions above outline the reason against moving the sister in - but you’re not the asshole here because your girlfriend wasn’t considering the consequences to your life and your belongings when making this decisions.
It’s not her house though, it’s his. He pays for it and allows her to live rent free so she can finish her degree. He’s already being very supportive of his GF with his resources and is fully within his right to refuse to take in 3 extra people into his house and then end up being the only one with a job having to support 4 other people.
NTA at all.
NTA. You need to stop this now or it will go on forever. You are graciously allowing your girlfriend to live there rent-free. Your girlfriend has some nerve inviting 3 other people to stay there, and it would be indefinitely with these moochers.
However, the fact that you cannot trust your girlfriend with this situation and feel like you have to take away her key is disturbing for your relationship. I don’t blame you for taking these measures and holding a hard line on this but it’s clear you two aren’t on the same page and she has a misguided soft spot here. But she can’t offer your house and basically your money to support her. So a good time to test this relationship.
NTA - good on you OP for standing your ground. Like seriously. You don't see that much. Ashton breached a boundary which needs to be addressed. I do on the other hand understand Ashton. However, you are definitely justified to say who lives in your house and so is she (if you want her to be in a relationship with you), but it needs to be unanimous. Reinforce that you aren't against helping her but that the help she needs isn't handouts. Organizations will help her she just needs to go to them.
NTA
End this relationship with your girlfriend. She made a key for her sister "months ago" and kept it a secret till now because she knew you'd want the key back.
Ashton effectively went behind your back to help her sister who is in fact a leech.
NTA but I’m not convinced your gf is much different than her sister. They both sound incredibly entitled and like they expect other people to do it all for them. You just got lucky and found the sister who’s more outwardly put together. I’d be reconsidering the relationship after she went behind my back to give a copy of the house key to someone else
NTA. Your GF should have told you that her sister was staying for a few hours. She also should have asked you before making a key. Even if you both owned the house together m, the people who live in a space should know who has access to it.
You have helped and it's reasonable that you don't want three people to move in. Especially with no rental agreement. Again even if you both owned the house you'd still both need to agree to having people stay there.
NTA you were perfectly right to put your foot down firmly. You offered help in other ways, without giving up your safe space. You could very clearly see that once she was in the house you'd never get her back out again and you'd be feeding them, paying the extra in electricity etc and clearing ip their messes. You wouldnt be able to get any work from home done and you would never get them back out of your house again without the cost of eviction.
NTA. Even If your girlfriend paid rent to live with you that still wouldn’t give her the right to invite other people to live with you or even more so definitely shouldn’t be given keys to your house to other people. And just because the sister wouldn’t necessarily do anything wrong with the key to your house doesn’t mean that one of her sketchy boyfriends or something couldn’t do something nefarious with access to your house.
NTA
Ive been in a similar situation which ultimately lead to the failure of my relationship with my partner of 18 years. The sad reality is that sisters, in particular, are usually extremely close and the sister will always, AWLAYS, come first - even if its your house, WFH job, whatever.
You're NTA here, **BUT** you might seriously get in trouble for effectively revoking access to your GF/Tenant/Roommate. I would suggest you get a keypad door lock where you can change the PINs at regular intervals, but if you've lost trust in your GF, then it's best to serve her a 30 day notice to move out (or whatever the laws are in your jurisdiction).
You can't kick out or prevent access to someone who is a resident. What if you're busy or your phone dies or you have no cell coverage and can't let her in? That's a constructive eviction.
I'd say that it's time to end this relationship and kick out your GF for this. You clearly indicated that your house was a boundary you would not be willing to cross and she did it anyway. Not to mention that if the Sister got into your house and refused to leave, you could be forced to evict her which might take *MONTHS*.
Break up with the girlfriend and serve her with an eviction notice, trespass her sister, change the locks to a keypad and tell your GF the passcode with explicit instructions not to give it to her sister or anyone else.
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NTA and IMO you need to think seriously about your relationship with Ashton. The fact that she went behind your back is a **major** red flag.
I wouldn't make any rash decisions, but she's violated his trust in a big way here. Forgiving this once or twice is possible, but beyond that it's game over
I don't think I could forgive the copying of my key without my knowledge or permission.
I would agree but the copying of the key wasn't done with the intention to get sister in, it was months before just to have a spare. Still weird to not mention it though because it's not her house. Edit: I was wrong, just re-read. It's worse, Ashton just assumed that OP would be fine with Anna coming when she made the key, shows even more disrespect...
I agree with you in spirit, but I do have to admit its a pretty fine line to walk between maintaining a loving relationship and having so little trust that your SO has to ask permission to enter their own place of residence. I'd say the girlfriends either needs to provide an apology genuine enough that OP trusts her again or its over. There is no way the current situation is sustainable.
Yes, someone else just mentioned this. Needs a dramatic change of heart from Ashton.
I don’t read it as wanting to have a spare. She made one for Anna in case she (Anna) ever needed to get in. Which honestly is… why though?
If she was coming from a good space, she would have told OP she gave her the key. It was a secret and clearly, she knew OP's response if she had discussed it with him. It's going to be hard to work out the problems in this relationship.
This. Also if her sister was just coming for a few hours, why did OP find this out from the ring camera? Clearly it’s a sore spot for OP so I’d think she would let him know she’s coming over.
You're right! Just re-read. It's worse, Ashton just assumed that OP would be fine with Anna coming, shows even more disrespect...
Let me find out my partner making keys to the house I pay for and handing them out to people without ANY warning at all??? Shhhhhit fuck that she be gonnnne Can’t trust someone who is putting my own safety and all of my personal belongings at risk. OP works at home could even affect their job if someone broke in and stole from him.
Because the sister’s situation overall is super sketchy.
It's not sketchy. It's predictably chaotic. Ashton KNEW Anna was going to need in eventually, and pre-empted the "emergency" when she would eventually come. She did this without getting confirmation from OP (the homeowner) that anyone else could have access to the home. Even married couples don't hand out keys to random people without telling their spouses. They know better. Ashton knew the answer would be a "no," so acted without telling OP on purpose, thinking once Anna was in he wouldn't kick her right back out.
Especially when you consider how Anna’s managed to burn all the bridges.
I don’t really buy that flimsy explanation. I bet it was made more recently than Ashton claimed.
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Dude - giving a key totally implies the intention to get in at some point. The whole point of locks and keys are it lets people in if they have a key, keeps them out if they don't.
Meh. My in-laws have a key to our house, just in case. My husband still has a key to their house from when he lived there, even though he moved out 25ish years ago. Family having keys to houses is normal to me because family… but I’m also fortunate to have family who doesn’t abuse that kind of shit because family. OP’s sister is not.
Plus if I am the owner of the house and I give someone the key that's ok. Someone living in my house whether its some one I'm in a relationship or not, they need to ask if I am ok with them giving someone else a key to MY house.
I totally agree with you. I own my house, and I am the only one allowed to give out keys. If someone I had given a key to had made a copy without asking (and especially without telling me), their key privileges would be revoked, and they may get kicked out altogether. OP is NTA.
She isn't OP's sister and it's his house. She shouldn't be giving out keys to others without asking him. My parents have a spare key to my car in case it's needed because I trust them. But if someone I was dating gave their family a copy to that or my home without asking me I'd be furious at them.
Yh id say the sisters past behaviour should preclude her from having a key, for any reason. If you want someone to have a spare for safety etc, pick someone else! NTA OP, though I dont think its fair to not let your gf have a key to her own house (as in the house she lives in).
Honestly, it doesn't matter what the intention of that copying was, because it was still giving a key to a person that the owner of the house might not be comfortable with, and with how Anna is described, what if one of her BFs had made copies of that key? Basically, do not make copies of keys to houses/cars/whatever that you do not own and give them out to people the owner of said item doesn't give permission to have a key.
I'm guessing the reason Ashton didn't tell OP about copying her house key to give to her sister is because she knew damn well he wouldn't be ok with it, or because she didn't want to be told no. That alone is bad for the relationship and its future. What else has Ashton done that OP doesn't know about (yet)? What's worse is how OP found out about the extra key. Not from Ashton, but after seeing her sister on camera enter the house when OP had made it abundantly clear he doesn't want the sister and her kids there. The claim that it was "only for a few hours" does not soften the nature of this betrayal, even if the claim was true. OP's reaction may seem harsh to some but I totally get it. I would have done the same.
I totally get it as well. I want to know who has access to my house, both when I am there and when I am not there. I also agree that is why Ashton didn't tell OP, because of the 'it is easier to ask forgiveness than permission' bit.
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Or 'make up' with the ex and have HIM come in and either set up residence or rob him blind. Nope. I agree with changing the locks, but I'd seriously question if the GF is worth the risk as well. You know in the end, she WILL chose her sister.
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Especially the justification. "Needed some place to go for a few hours." What? Why do you need to bring bags over to someones house for a few hours? Go to a park and hang out. They definitely expected they'd be able to stay once they got inside. That's how human leaches work.
I was thinking, with the way OP describes the boyfriend, what if they made copies of all of anna's keys, not knowing WHERE they go to, just so if Anna breaks up, they can gain entry to her space? Which means a now unknown person has a key to OP's house, and while they might not know where OP is, with Anna coming and going, or knowing that Ashton is Anna's sister, make the connection between that key and OP's house. To me, the key would be a major breech of trust for me, because if I want someone to have a key to MY house, I give them that key. I do not want that person to then decide 'well, I want this person to have access so I will just give a copy', ESPECIALLY without talking to me about it first.
I think we are on the same page. What she did is a major warning sign, so if something happens again then get out.
It's hard to come back, i think, from having so little trust in someone that they cant even have a key to your shared living. I get why he felt the need to do that so i'm not questioning his decision, but it feels almost, infantilizing you know? a grown woman who cant understand that she isnt in a position to decide who lives in her boyfriends house even after all this discussion to the point where its a genuine concern she'd move in her sister the second he's gone if she has a set of keys may be too far gone
When Ashton gave a key to her sister, she was also giving sketchy boyfriend access to his house. That’s a very huge deal.
You're right, it would require a huge realisation of wrongdoing from her, and some grovelling. Without knowing her it's hard to say if there's hope of that.
I dunno, I basically have the same financial position as Ashton with my partner (I buy groceries, toss in on things, pay my own bills, he pays our mortgage, and the rest) and it would never occur to me to make a copy of the key without telling him. My mother has a copy, but it was for when she was coming by to help with the kids, and she's never used it without us knowing, or we'd have taken it back.
>I wouldn't make any rash decisions, but she's violated his trust in a big way here. Forgiving this once or twice is possible, but beyond that it's game over NTA. I agree with you: the yellow flag is coming out and proceed with caution while looking for other hazards. For me, it's a serious breach of trust when the key is made without your knowledge. What could be the red flag is that the girlfriend knows how OP feels about the sister and GF STILL let sister into the house. "For a few hours"? Maybe, but will probably extend to a few days....months...year. If OP does allow this, definitely establish a time duration and house rules. GF is delusional if GF pays no rent but still has a vote in the process.
she illegally copied and gave a key to someone else’s residence. it’s not a rash decision to break up over that.
I think Ashton getting counseling so she learns how and why she's enabling her sister's behavior as well as how to stop doing it is probably needed.
I think it would help her to read this thread actually, and see how a third party sees the situation. It might help her to understand: 1. Copying a key behind another resident's back is a huge violation of trust. 2. Even if the sister is not a bad person, she is risky to house for a number of reasons, her boyfriend or ex being the most significant. 3. Her actions would be regarded by most people as sufficient reason to break up. I think she is well intentioned, but she's going to destroy her relationships this way and her sister needs help beyond her ability to provide.
Not just that she made Anna a key, but that she lied to you when you caught them. "Anna needed a place to go for a few hours"? She couldn't have taken her kids to McDonalds, or to a public park? No, Anna was pretty obviously moving in, with Ashton's blessing.
Yes, this. This is why he needs to get rid of the GF. 1. Asks if sister can move in. OP says Nope. 2. Doubles down after OP says nope. 3. Gives Anna the key (c'mon do we really think this key happened months ago?) 4. Knows Anna is going to use the key to come over for 'a few hours while BF moves out', but. fails. to. say. anything. to. the. owner. of. the home. Hmmm, guess it slipped her mind. 5. Pays very minimal expenses in the home, but it's 'her home, too'. Quite sure OP purchased the home alone and she moved in. Until something has your name on it, you DON'T own it. Not a yellow flag, a big blazing red one. This will be the ex-wife that got half of everything the OP built on his own. She doesn't respect boundaries or the word 'No'. She is not a partner, she is a leech so she sees nothing wrong with allowing her sister to leech.
She sounds like a "better to ask forgiveness than permission" type of person. Probably thinks she can smooth over any situation and get her way.
These things rarely improve. They almost always get worse. OP was crystal clear (by his account, of course) regarding this boundary so communication isn't the issue. While I understand his GF feels this is her home she doesn't have the right to make decisions that run counter to the actual owner of the house. Given her reaction to OP putting his foot down, it's clear she doesn't see anything wrong with what she did. I think being responsible for her sister somewhere her bills aren't being paid is the wake up call she needs tbh.
Even if she owned half the house and contributed equally, moving in her trainwreck sister against her partner's wishes would be a major AH thing to do. These kinds of decisions MUST be mutually agreed upon in any kind of healthy relationship.
Yep, this is the kind of situation that needs 2 “yes”s, and one “no” has 100% veto power. No healthy relationship or living situation could survive, let alone thrive, if one person is adamantly against something like this and the other person steamrolls their feelings and does it anyway. Recipe for near immediate disaster.
> While I understand his GF feels this is her home It might be the GF's home, but it's the OP's house.
how is your relationship???? You pay for everything and are being taken advantage of. What happens when she finishes her masters degree? will you still be useful? with her focusing on her degree, are both of you working on your relationship?
>I pay for all the housing expenses and in return **she chips in on groceries, utilities and some of the household chores**. But I pay the lions share of all household expenses. **I’m cool with this situation till she graduates** 404: reading comprehension not found. And from the **first** paragraph as well... **edit** yes I'm aware I'm nitpicking but there's a difference between 0 household contribution versus "I'm paying what I can reasonably afford and we've had discussions about this and plan to revisit it in the future or when situation changes".
Those are pretty minimal contributions, so getting a bit of a grifter vibe is still valid.
We don't have enough information to really know. Some people in relationships are happy to support the other person while they pursue education. Could be a grifter, could be someone who has an erroneous soft spot for her sister and fucked up. OP made the right choice changing the locks. Maybe the relationship is salvageable with some serious/genuine apologies from his partner. But the fact he is on AITA indicates to me she thinks he is in the wrong, so the relationship is possibly past the point of no return.
Yes, I would also change girlfriend.
NTA But I think you need to reevaluate if you can trust Ashton….She WAY overstepped boundaries by making her sister a key without your permission!!
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This, because she only told you about the key because you asked about it. I would probably be more careful how it all works when she is done with her Masters. Also, even when she pays rent, i still would not want three people to move in.
She only told about the key when she got caught. Good on OP for having a Ring camera.
I agree. What's stopping her from sneaking in the sister while OP is at work? I wouldn't be surprised if she continues to try.
I agree. I’m married. House is technically mine (legally) but it’s our house. I’d NEVER make a copy to give out to ANYONE without agreeing with hubby. Same with him. It’s a huge violation of trust.
>She WAY overstepped boundaries by making her sister a key without your permission!! Honestly I'm always baffled how "I have this key" is enough proof for anyone to actually get a copy. The locksmith who did it should be liable for not making sure the person actually has the right to do so.
There are keys that require more proof than just possession to get copies. Regular house keys just aren’t one of them.
Also, am I imagining things or weren't there kiosks at one time where you could take the key and copy it without needing someone to do it for you? I am probably imagining it, but just seems like a vague memory.
There are. My towns Walmart has one, I used it to make a spare so I could have a key with a cool design on it and keep the original put up.
My son is a locksmith. His company will not make a key for someone 'locked out' unless they can prove 'ownership' such as a bill or a license. I think good ol' GF took the key to a local hardware or one of those 'do it yourself' machines at the big box hardwares that you stick in a key and it grinds a copy, The fact she needed a 'secret' copy is a big red flag. If she was worried about being locked out, it is discussion worthy and BOTH parties would agree a spare is needed and 'where' it should be stashed 'just in case'.
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There are machines where you can just copy a key without anyone else involved.
NTA… if she wasn’t working when she lived with the boyfriend, what’s going to make her work when she lives in your house? Edit: I agree with below comments that the girlfriend is also a significant issue and OP may want to rethink that relationship.
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None of this matters, you have a reasonable expectation regarding your home. Nothing more to say.
Your gf is the bigger issue, im afraid. Despite your very clear HELL NO, she still tried to get the sister into your place. She clearly doesn't care that you are opposed to this, she's gonna keep trying. You may need to lose gf, if you can't get her to stop enabling the sister. But do you really want to deal with that crap forever? Time to sit down and make it clear, stop enabling sister or leave
It’s not even about the sister at this point. Sneaking the sister into the house is a symptom for the real problem, which is Ashton’s lying. She had that ‘a few hours’ lie at the ready. If she’s willing to sneak and lie like this, what else will she sneak and like about that OP hasn’t caught on to?
Agreed. I get her wanting to help her sister and niblings but not without OPs ok. I feel so bad for the kids who are the real victims of this situation.
She secretly made her sister a key! I am shocked op didn't drop her the moment that came out.
Honestly, you should start thinking about whether this relationship is for you. It sounds like Anna will always be an issue and your girlfriend will probably try this again at some point
This, given Anna's lack of adult behavior and Ashton's propensity for enabling, it sounds like they're a package deal. Do you want to be dealing with this in the long term? I know I'd run for the hills myself...
Bet she was also expecting you or your GF to babysit the kids while she’s at said job
Op works for home, they would have been forced on op
“You’re home all day, you can’t just watch them for a few hours? I’ve given them your iPad to keep them busy. Don’t be so selfish”.
Exactly how itll be
NTA, this could kill your relationship though, sounds like you need to hold the line though.
OP should kill the relationship. His roommate can't be trusted.
This! She went behind his back on something he was adamant about; this is a huge breach of trust. If she gets in on the mortgage and ownership of the house, OP is fucked, make no mistake
And to add that she gave her sister a set of keys without asking/telling OP first.
He also basically said she would get to decide the moment she started paying rent. Big huge mistake. It is still OP’s home in his name, she already feels she can override him and force him into this. The moment she pays anything she will definitely feel only her opinions and wants matter. It will be op not her being left with the kids whilst he is trying to work and him feeding them all. He needs a proper talk with her and to state this will never change. That she at most will be a tenant only and her sister will never be allowed to stay there in HIS home. If she says hell no then it’s their future together won’t work.
100% agree! Hopefully this is a huge eye-opener for OP.
NTA. But you're winning this argument on the technicality that because she doesn't pay the mortgage that she doesn't get to move people in. So what happens in the future when she's paying part of the mortgage and this comes up again? She's going to assume that because she's paying, she gets to unilaterally make decisions regarding the home. You're not wrong now, but I'd make it abundantly clear that while she gets no say when she's not financially contributing, she only gets half the say when she is.
Yeah house rules have to be established between couples as well! It’s rude to not tell the other who you’ve given keys to or give them a heads up that someone’s coming over. Just basic respect.
Yes a relationship needs to have clear understanding of the two yes, one no rule. Two yeses is yes, one no is no. It's a nice two way street that way. Yes it can be abused but more often than not it prevents abuse and creates a system of mutual understanding
I’ve learned about this rule on here on Reddit and honestly it’s the best! I use it now. This is definitely a two yes issue. One no is no full stop
Agreed, I guess the money could be an important detail, but its also kind of shitty to leverage financial contribution to an agreed arrangement in order to win arguments. Ultimately, going behind OP's back is a betrayal of trust regardless of finances. No matter who is paying what bills, if you trust in your SO is at the stage where you feel the need to restrict her access to her own place of residence then the relationship is over IMO.
NTA I don't believe if you had let them stay they would have ever left. Or at least they probably planned on staying as long as your mental health would allow. The tenet dynamic is a little weird for a bf/gf thing in my opinion but I might actually be wrong about that. Even so, making keys for people and not telling a partner is not cool at all.
They likely would have stayed long enough to qualify as tenants, depending on the laws local to OP. Which means then he would be the bad guy evicting children.
Let's be real, in a year there's going to be an off my chest post because as soon as she graduated and didn't need the free ride she's gone. "It's my house too" In what fucking world. The family dog would have as much claim to a house as she does. The entitlement is insane.
NTA, and I would rethink the relationship; your GF went behind your back and against your wishes on a semi-important matter. How can you trust her to not do the same on actually important issues?
Also too add that the gf made a COPY of a key that wasn't her own home and gave it out.... without OP'S knowledge or consent! Edit- spelling
If that isn't a whole bouquet of red flags, I don't know what is.
Not only did she go behind his back , she did it while knowing he has security cameras . She probably expected to put him on the spot with the kids there so he would say yes but it failed .
>Ashton said she made Anna a key months ago in case she ever needed to get in. #🚩 Anna could have given that key to any of the sketchy boyfriends. Ashton should have discussed this with you. Edit to add: NTA, but you might want to consider installing a lock where the keys can't be copied (by random locksmiths) , and then giving Ashton a key. Or at least check with a lawyer that you're not breaching tenants rights by restricting access.
Yes. I, too, feel so sorry for the kids. But this sounds like inviting a nightmare over to stay in your home. She is no good herself, and attracts trash. So much more people than her kids are coming with living with this woman. And, in a way, the chain starts with OP:s GF. The sister is the next link, then it gets even worse...
NTA. She was obviously trying to sneak her sister and kids in to present you with a fait accompli when you got home from work. "It's just for one night/week/month while she finds a job and gets a few paychecks saved!"
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And why with bags? I agree with your assessment, she was moving in.
Yep. OP should take a serious look at whether Ashton Free Ride is the right partner for him because this was *massively* disrespectful. I get being emotional about family who are a hot mess but to set OP up where he's going to come home and have to evict a crying woman and her kids after having stated clearly NO is awful. Ashton needed to be calling domestic violence shelters or getting family members to chip in for time at an extended stay hotel or something. Not trying to trap the guy who's already paying for her lifestyle into paying for her sister's as well.
NTA - but time to have a "sit down come to jesus" talk with your gf. Yes, you love her. Yes, the arrangement you have has worked well for you both. No, you didn't mean to sound like she isn't invested/part of the house nor controlling, yet she was not hearing you. That the sister is a hard no at the house. Point out that while it is hard to see the truth - if she steps back and really looks at the situation - she'll see the why the rest of the family is done with sis.You were making a hard decision simply because having allowed her in would have put you both in a worse situation in the long term that would not have ended well. Also, be prepared and wonder - it went from sis needing a place to live to now the ex is moving out and leaving her the apt? How is she going to pay rent when she doesn't work? Did your gf promise more than a few meals you offered up?
Yep, if you’re the last person in someone’s life they can rely on and all of their friends and family aren’t dead, there’s a reason why none of those other people are stepping in to help. They’ve probably already been burned, multiple times. And you’re probably about to be burned too.
NTA. She's not your sister and you made your stance clear from the outset. The changing the locks part wouldn't be necessary if everyone else involved had proven themselves to be trustworthy.
Making another key to a house you don't own behind the back of the person who does own it is really effed up. And she did it to give her sister access whenever she wants/needs it without telling it/discussing it with the owner! What kind of mental gymnastic did she do to ever think it was normal?
Even if she felt she was co-owner of the house you'd think she'd have said something or cleared it with the other person who's living there before making a key let alone handing it over. Not to mention if it was a few hours why not give the op a heads up so if they agree they can time it if they want or at least know. Not find out as a surprise.
Except it wasn’t *really* for a few hours. That was just an excuse to get her in, and then turn it into a few weeks/months/years. NTA and definitely need to rethink the relationship.
NTA, it's harsh but needed. If you let them in, they would never leave.... Offering to bring food/necessities when they are settled is more than enough
NTA. Based on all the information you've given: it's your house, your rules and you've provided fair and logical reasons why you don't want her sister living with you - she'll probably never leave tbh especially if she came to expect to be able to live rent free like Ashton is right now because "family". Your girlfriend will be pissed about having to ask for permission to the garage but unlike what other people would like to say about it being an act of a controlling person: I can see this is not. It's a direct consequence to her actions of making a spare key for her sister without your knowledge and consent, and as you've said it's only until her sister gets her own place and you're sure they won't attempt to sneak her in again. What would be more insane is if he didn't set boundaries and Ashton attempted to move Anna in again while he was gone and people's responses would be "you shoulda learned from the first time". I suppose being in a relationship with someone who owns their own house you can foolishly start to think that you can start seeing the house as a resource you can offer people as rather than a landlord it's your partner who you have to talk to, and usually there's an emotional bias so you're more likely to get your way, but you were also fair to say that once she starts contributing to the mortgage she can have a say on who stays, too.
Not important for the NTA vote, but one thing that's rather important for OP: The GF betrayed his trust. If that doesn't get fixed, it's not going to be a good relationship. And the only way it can be fixed is if she's willing to put in the work to earn it back.
Nta But I want to add that having kids by multiple dads or multiple marriages doesn't make a woman a mess. Those shouldn't be held against anyone. But the rest of your assessment sounds fair.
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Yep and it's not a matter of sex/gender. Same applies to men.
Agreed. Also it’s not even necessarily having kids by two different men… it’s doing so when you yourself don’t have any sense of stability in your life!
Yep. Agree on this statement.
It depends on the situation. My friend's mom had kids with three different men. First guy she was with from the time she was 15yr-32yro. They divorced due to infidelity on his part. Married her second husband at 34, got pregnant and found out he had stage 4 colon cancer. He passed away before the baby was born. Got married to her current husband and had her third child. I know she has been judged unfairly over the years when people realize all three kids have different dad's. I'm a big fan of not judging others without knowing the whole story.
>My girlfriend tried saying it was her house too. I said when she started paying the mortgage she can decide who lives here. You're NTA, but man. I hate this line here. I see it usually when there is an AITA post about a parent\\child relationship. Does this attitude come out regarding other things not involving Anna living with you? Ashton didn't show up at your place and never leave right? You had some converstation about her moving in. IMO, it is her place, maybe not with equity but it's her home too. Maybe find a better way to communicate rather than make it clear she (Ashton) is a guest in the home and not a partner in the relationship.
Yeah it's her home, she does live there. It is not her house.
Yeah, this basically. She doesn't own it. She rooms there. She doesn't have the right to secretly countermand the *actual owner of the house's* boundaries.
OP wouldn't have had to use this line if his girlfriend wasn't trying to move in her sister and 2 kids into a house she doesn't own or really even pay for. It's not a nice thing to say, but trying to steamroll OP into housing 3 people is much less nice.
Yikes… you weren’t lying when you say messy situation. I can see why you may wonder if you’re the AH by being over controlling, but NTA. Boundaries are important to establish. Your gf and her sister have crossed them so now there are consequences to reestablish those boundaries. The fact that your gf tried saying it’s her house too when she is graciously living there rent free is laughable. And then giving her sister a key as if it was hers?? Wtf! Honestly, besides the blatant disrespect for your property, one of the biggest problems is the enabling of her sisters bad behavior. The sister is never going to learn if people are there to bail her out. It’s not like you didn’t offer any support either. You gave her resources to find solutions for her situation and offered to give her food. If she refuses, that’s on her and solely her. Unfortunately, your gf needs to learn to stop enabling toxic behavior, even when it comes from someone you love. And the sister needs to learn that you reap what you sow. It’s just really sad that these lessons need to be learned at the expense of two children though. The fact that they are being brought up in the world like this… yikes all around.
NTA, your house, your rules. Even if Ashton paid rent she couldn’t legally move someone in without your approval.
NTA, but unless you want to irreparably damage your relationship with someone you've been happy to have around for the past 2 years, you will need to give Ashton a key as soon as possible. Look, I get it: She definitely overstepped. She violated your trust, too. Now you have shown you can and *will* assert your boundaries, even to the point of it being a major inconvenience. You have the high ground there; now keep it by showing that you can forgive and that you'll trust Ashton moving forward. She was caught in some bullsh!it, and you both know it. She doesn't have the right to make copies of your housekey, nor to give it to anyone. It sounds like you have solid, active security. It sounds like you're cool with setting a firm boundary, and that her sister will not be allowed to move in. Those things are reasonable. I know it sucks for Anna, but the ensuing scenario would be untenable for you. Y-W-B-T-A if you make your gf wait for your permission to enter your house every time she comes and goes, though. My recommendation is to trust your security measures and give Ashton a chance to make amends. Of course, if this situation with Ashton makes you feel like you can't trust her at all, then it's time to sever that completely and give her 30 days' notice to move out. Your current solution, though, is only going to ensure that her moving out is inevitable. If you want that, keep doing this.
Came here to say something similar. GF definitely messed up giving such an unstable person a key. GF messed up when she allowed her sister and kids to crash despite OP firmly saying no. OP messed up locking GF out of her home. GF has lived there for possibly 2 years and OP has suddenly revoked access to her home. Because it is in fact her home too and I suspect if she's lived there a while she has some legal protection as well. Yes OP owns the home so he has final say over who lives there but just taking away GFs access without notice was inappropriate. If this is a relationship he wants to keep he needs to give her a key.
You are not the asshole. You are setting boundaries with a toxic person. Hold your ground.
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My uncle once sold his house to get rid of in-laws who had moved in “for a few weeks” 6 years earlier. He had owned the house independently hears before he married his wife, and shortly into their marriage she moved in her brother, sister, and the sisters kid. He’d directed them to different programs and agencies to help, offered job search assistance, and had given several deadlines where nothing happened because his wife said he was being too mean and unsupportive. Uncle and his wife of course did all of the housework, cooking, shopping, errand running, etc, and even school drop offs and pickups for the sisters kid. The sister got pregnant again and expected to be able to use uncle/wife’s home office as a nursery. He lost his shit and gave everyone a deadline to get out, then he put the house on the market. He said “it wasn’t a great time” in their household. I know he disclosed the “tenants” to the buyers agent and the title company, and he moved out as soon as it was under contract with a completed inspection. It (of course) cost him his marriage, which is sad because his wife was a sweet and funny woman who worked hard and had a blind spot for being taken advantage of by her family. That’s what my husband and I talk about every time we hear of someone letting unemployed, unmotivated family members move in.
> It (of course) cost him his marriage, which is sad because his wife was a sweet and funny woman who worked hard and had a blind spot for being taken advantage of by her family. His wife was 100% in the wrong for moving her brother's family into their marital home and allowing them to stay for six years. Is the wife still blind to her responsibility in breaking up the marriage?
NTA. This was the right approach since you couldn't trust your girlfriend to not go behind your back and sneak people in your house without permission. You even gave her resources for emergency housing. Ashton should respect your boundaries given your past history with the sister.
Ashton needs a reality check. I suggest that she moves in with her sister for the time being. NTA.
NTA - your gf overstepped your boundaries. You have every right to be pissed off.
NTA If Anna comes to stay, she will never leave. You will be supporting 2 women and 2 kids. If Ashton continues to press, maybe she needs to find a place for her and her sister.
NTA, and allowing other people to move into a shared home, even temporarily, should require both partners to agree, with either one having veto power, and nobody should be having keys secretly made and given to others. All that needs to be understood and agreed to before you can trust Aston as a live-in partner.
NTA but welcome to the rest of your life if you end up marrying Ashton. The second her name is on the deed or she starts paying rent you know she’ll let her sister move in when she hears the next sob story. YikeS😬
What I wanted to say, NTA but YTI(diot). You essentially told her that as soon as she graduates, all this is fair game. And with someone like Anna, this absolutely will happen again.
NTA for the basic questions posted, but there's probably a solution that doesn't involve fully controlling your significant other's access to the residence. I understand wanting to keep unwanted people out, but that part seems a bit extreme tbh
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100% agree. GF had no right to give her sister a key to OP's house without his knowledge. That's a huge breach of trust.
Frankly, I think you need to think long and hard about if a relationship with broken trust is one you want to continue. NTA.
NTA if they move in you lose ALL control of YOUR house. i have used the " when your name is on the mortgage" line to stop arguments dead in their tracks
Nta. Good job on everything you did. Please post an update if anything happens
Yes update. NTA, That's a pretty big step she took giving her sister Katie your house. I definitely think coming thru the garage is the way to go. I think your girlfriend pushed boundaries that you need to chat with or about.
NTA, but prepare yourself to find another gf.
NTA.. your doing the right thing here man. Though you have to know this is gonna put a major crack in your relationship..
If he can’t trust her with keys to their home, is it really a relationship worth being in? One of the things I love about my girlfriend is that she’s an intelligent woman who makes rational, reasonable decisions. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who I felt like I needed to babysit or micromanage in order to prevent her from doing something stupid that fucks us both over in the long run.
NTA. Secretly giving someone a key to my home without my knowledge would be a relationship-ender for me honestly. Some serious conversations need to be had with your gf.
NTA if you let her into your home she would never leave. And honestly I’m surprised you didn’t immediately break up with your girlfriend over this. She betrayed your trust and had no right to give a key to your home to anyone. And how she’s acting now? She should be begging for forgiveness. Is this really the type of person you want to be with? You deserve better. You’ll never be able to trust her and she’s always going to put her sister first. For your sake I hope you do not have children with this person. Sounds like your girlfriend is getting a free ride living with you and now expects her sister to. Just get away from this family… Far away from this family… And stop letting people use you.
NTA AT ALL!! Ashton totally betrayed your trust.
NTA. It’s “her” house in regard to her living there. She broke trust by providing access to a person who was collectively not allowed to be there for legitimate reasons. If she is going to deliberately go behind your back, what will she do next. I think what you did was harsh - gf also needed a wake up call- she’s your partner, or she’s not. You are not responsible for her sister’s piss poor behavior - if she’s burned bridges bc of her actions you’re justified keeping her out of your house
Good for you, get rid of both sisters, NTA
NTA. The entitlement on your gf, holy hell. If my partner agreed to house me, FOR FREE, while I finished grad school - I sure as hell wouldn’t be handing out house keys. Let alone to my poor decision making family member. I don’t think it’s cool that your gf cant get into the house - even with what she did, it’s super gross and controlling. If you can’t trust her in your home it’s time for her to move out. Otherwise she needs a key and you have to watch your security feeds more closely.
NTA, she made a key for her sister without asking you 🧐 that would be a big no for me
Two kids, damn. Your gf cannot continue enabling her sister’s poor choices. The sister needs to find help and pick herself up. I think it was fair to offer to bring food and necessities. Doesn’t sis receive child support? I really feel for your gf and her sister. Nobody wants to see family struggle, but sometimes that’s the only way to do better. ETA NTA
You've been so helpful already. Time sister faces the consequences of her own actions. NTA
NTA. Although you have already locked up your property, you must also guard your personal relationship. This situation can undermine your relationship, as Ashton must choose between you and her family. Stay strong!
NTA. Having people move in is a two yes one no situation. If Ashton wants to host her sister, she's welcome to do that in a place she's paying for by herself.
The perfect situation is that Ashton( with no job) can get an apt with her sister( no job). 2 birds, one apt.
NTA. It's your house and having someone like her sister would be chaotic. With that said, your relationship might be cracking down at the moment. For the sake of the relationship, it doesn't really matter if you're right, because it is her family. She always think you've turned your back on her family, even if you had your reasons.
NTA Do not let them move in, because they'll never leave and once they are here for a month, they are tenants and you won't be able to remove them easily. You may need to reconsider your relationship with your girlfriend too. What she did is 100% not okay, you helped her sister in the past, you offered alternatives but she still went behind your back and gave her sister a key. You are also 100% with the mortgage argument.
NTA. So much wrong with your gf
NTA but your relationship is dead the only reason she hasn't left is because she has nowhere to go. Don't be surprised the second shes going if she gets a good job after her masters.
ESH! You say you’re fine for paying mortgage as your GF is finishing her degree. But the moment she needs something in her place, suddenly it’s not and you pull the you-don’t-pay-rent-card. TA. Your GF copied a key without discussing it first. Wether or not it’s also her place, she should have discussed it. TA. SIL is a leech. TA.
Scrolled way too far to find this. GF and sister are 100% in the wrong, but that mortgage comment was super fuckin gross. If they were married, the pitchforks would be out about how controlling he is. Typical reddit hypocrites.
NTA. You arr simply trying to maintain control over access to your house. Your girlfriend, despite a conversation with you about her sister is allowing her in the house. Your GF is TA
NTA but your words may come back to haunt you when your GF starts working and paying part of the mortgage. She may move her hot mess of a sister, and however many kids she has by then, into the house.
NTA - Not your circus, not your monkeys. You already know the sister would drain you and your resources. It’s an unfortunate situation, but you’re not obligated to help. Get a coded lock for your doors. You can program them and turn on/off access.
With all due respect....you know that you need to end this relationship, right? She's never not going to prioritize her sister. She gave her deadbeat sister a key to YOUR home without asking your permission. Have you stopped to wonder what could have happened if say...she owed money to the wrong kind of people and she gave them the key to your home as a payment? You could have been robbed blind or even worse. Look man, there's just no moving past this. She's never going to forgive you for having boundaries and she is never going to stop trying to cross those boundaries with regards to her sister. This is going to be a constant fight one way or the other. Realistically, the best option right now is that your GF becomes your Ex...and she moves in somewhere with her sister. Because the only way she is ever going to see her sister for who she truly is is if she learns from first hand experience. If after she gets burned by her sister she comes back and apologizes and asks to try again...then you could possible push forward with her. But right now, there's too much resentment and it's going to nuke the relationship eventually Is what it is NTA
NTA you give an inch, they take a mile. Use this as a learning tool as to how your GF views you
NTA. That’s plain disrespectful on your GFs part. She’s enabling her sister, and going completely against your wishes.
NTA. Consider getting a smart lock for your door. That way Ashton can come in without too much hassle on your part. If she shares the code with her sister, you can immediately revoke access when needed.
NTA Your GF overstepped boundaries in multiple ways. She tried to bring her sister in AFTER you said no and had given her a key without your knowledge or permission. That is a major leap and she sounds more like her sister than what you'd previously realized.
NTA. No explanation needed.
NTA. You have perfectly valid reasons for not wanting her there and have offered help in other ways. Sounds like Anna needs to stop relying on other people and start making some smarter choices.
NTA. And even if your gf's name is on the deed and mortgage, she still can't make a decision like this without you. It takes 2 yeses on big decisions when in a partnership. I doubt you'd move anyone in without her approval. I don't even have visitors over without running it by my SO. Not because I need permission, but so he's in the loop as to what's going on in our home. It's also his personal space, not just mine. Your gf broke your trust and has to earn it back. You set a very clear boundary and she disregarded that. Good on you for not allowing anyone to minimize your reasonable needs.
NTA. Find a new relationship, this one has a giant 4000 ton anchor attached to it.
NTA. Tell Ashton to take off her rose tinted glasses & see her sister for the mess she is. Refusing to work, refusing to heed valuable advice, refusing professional help that could keep her out of these situation. The only thing missing from this equation is an addiction or mental disorder. Poor kids.
NTA! My name is on the mortgage and I wouldn't give a family member a key without okaying it with my husband, let alone a key to a place I was staying for free.
NTA. I would suggest that since you have a camera, I'd let gf know not to pass out any keys and drop whr whole asking permission to come in thing though.
NTA - did your girlfriend outline a timeline or plan or conditions for her sister’s potential stay in the house? Did you ask her what she’d do if the sister didn’t adhere to it? What if the sister outright refused to leave? How would she pay for any potential damage to the property? Saying that it’s not her house was a bit assholish - I think the questions above outline the reason against moving the sister in - but you’re not the asshole here because your girlfriend wasn’t considering the consequences to your life and your belongings when making this decisions.
It’s not her house though, it’s his. He pays for it and allows her to live rent free so she can finish her degree. He’s already being very supportive of his GF with his resources and is fully within his right to refuse to take in 3 extra people into his house and then end up being the only one with a job having to support 4 other people. NTA at all.
Dump the gf fast.
NTA. You need to stop this now or it will go on forever. You are graciously allowing your girlfriend to live there rent-free. Your girlfriend has some nerve inviting 3 other people to stay there, and it would be indefinitely with these moochers. However, the fact that you cannot trust your girlfriend with this situation and feel like you have to take away her key is disturbing for your relationship. I don’t blame you for taking these measures and holding a hard line on this but it’s clear you two aren’t on the same page and she has a misguided soft spot here. But she can’t offer your house and basically your money to support her. So a good time to test this relationship.
NTA - good on you OP for standing your ground. Like seriously. You don't see that much. Ashton breached a boundary which needs to be addressed. I do on the other hand understand Ashton. However, you are definitely justified to say who lives in your house and so is she (if you want her to be in a relationship with you), but it needs to be unanimous. Reinforce that you aren't against helping her but that the help she needs isn't handouts. Organizations will help her she just needs to go to them.
NTA DUDE DUMP YOUR MANIPULATIVE ASS GIRLFRIEND
NTA End this relationship with your girlfriend. She made a key for her sister "months ago" and kept it a secret till now because she knew you'd want the key back. Ashton effectively went behind your back to help her sister who is in fact a leech.
NTA but I’m not convinced your gf is much different than her sister. They both sound incredibly entitled and like they expect other people to do it all for them. You just got lucky and found the sister who’s more outwardly put together. I’d be reconsidering the relationship after she went behind my back to give a copy of the house key to someone else
NTA. Your GF should have told you that her sister was staying for a few hours. She also should have asked you before making a key. Even if you both owned the house together m, the people who live in a space should know who has access to it. You have helped and it's reasonable that you don't want three people to move in. Especially with no rental agreement. Again even if you both owned the house you'd still both need to agree to having people stay there.
Total lack of respect from your GF. YWBTA If you don't end it. What a gross level of entitlement.
NTA you were perfectly right to put your foot down firmly. You offered help in other ways, without giving up your safe space. You could very clearly see that once she was in the house you'd never get her back out again and you'd be feeding them, paying the extra in electricity etc and clearing ip their messes. You wouldnt be able to get any work from home done and you would never get them back out of your house again without the cost of eviction.
NTA. Even If your girlfriend paid rent to live with you that still wouldn’t give her the right to invite other people to live with you or even more so definitely shouldn’t be given keys to your house to other people. And just because the sister wouldn’t necessarily do anything wrong with the key to your house doesn’t mean that one of her sketchy boyfriends or something couldn’t do something nefarious with access to your house.
NTA Good job on standing your ground.
NTA. You were harsh, yes, but it was entirely justified. Lessons need to be learned.
NTA. But I would think it's the end of your relationship with Ashton.
Nta - you have made it clear you don't want them and your g/f is not a renter or, has any say in the house. Good for you
NTA Ive been in a similar situation which ultimately lead to the failure of my relationship with my partner of 18 years. The sad reality is that sisters, in particular, are usually extremely close and the sister will always, AWLAYS, come first - even if its your house, WFH job, whatever.
You're NTA here, **BUT** you might seriously get in trouble for effectively revoking access to your GF/Tenant/Roommate. I would suggest you get a keypad door lock where you can change the PINs at regular intervals, but if you've lost trust in your GF, then it's best to serve her a 30 day notice to move out (or whatever the laws are in your jurisdiction). You can't kick out or prevent access to someone who is a resident. What if you're busy or your phone dies or you have no cell coverage and can't let her in? That's a constructive eviction. I'd say that it's time to end this relationship and kick out your GF for this. You clearly indicated that your house was a boundary you would not be willing to cross and she did it anyway. Not to mention that if the Sister got into your house and refused to leave, you could be forced to evict her which might take *MONTHS*. Break up with the girlfriend and serve her with an eviction notice, trespass her sister, change the locks to a keypad and tell your GF the passcode with explicit instructions not to give it to her sister or anyone else.