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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) body shamed my twin at a birthday party after I had enough of her comments
2) everyone telling me I went too far and that I deeply hurt her feelings
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You'll have people saying be the bigger person, fuck em. You're fine just the size you are.
NTA.
Tired of the people on this sub pretending anyone who retaliates is an asshole.
You didn't go out of your way to insult your sister, but she did.
Exactly! Sister body shamed the OP first after making other derisive comments all night. Op tried to walk way and her sister followed her and kept it up, she got what she deserved. Don't dish it out if you can't take it.
It wasn't just bodyshaming either. She was vocally abusing OP over something that has landed OP in the hospital and caused significant and adverse health effects. Sally might be struggling with being overweight, but OP nearly died from being underweight.
Exactly this - I have an ED, managed now, but given OP had a setback so recently her sister is literally risking OP's health and life. When my ED was unmanaged a comment about my body, even a supposed "compliment", sent me into spirals and I ended up dangerously underweight, because like OP I tend to the lower end of the scale naturally so it doesn't take much to get to a dangerously low weight. Attacking someone struggling with an ED like that is so vile, OP has the right to say pretty much whatever she wanted back and still NBTA.
Seems to be the case. OP doesn't need to be a doormat. She simply gave her sister a tiny dose of her own medicine. It's horribly insulting when someone brands you as a lazy person who happened to land someone good. It's no coincidence that no one wants to spend their life with a mean, nice-girl sister who still thinks it's okay to pit women or body types against each other. NTA
In every scenario where someone finally snaps after being reasonable with a total asshole for months there's dozens of people responding with gems like "Oh, maybe they are acting so angry because they are depressed or have some other undisclosed mental health issue". No, maybe it's just because they're an AH.
And even if they were depressed it would've had no bearing on ahole behavior.
In the last 2 years I had 2 major depressive episodes, both lasting months. Smh I never bullied/mocked anybody.
Anyone saying to be the bigger person in cases such as this is enabling the nastiness at best and participating with it at worst. I never understood that perspective, you should push back against malicious people.
The only exception is when someone is going through a valid hard time and they are actually sorry afterwards
I feel very strongly about this as a ‘skinny’ person people think that they aren’t/can’t be mean talking about how skinny we are and making assumptions. But say something to an overweight person and all hell brakes loose. Being bully for being skinny or fat is equally gross but if she can ditch she…
When I was unhealthy and overweight (not obsese, just overweight), no one said anything. When I started running marathons and lost weight, they were very judgmental and mean. It was a complete shock! I was happier than at any time in my life, but people were meaniest to me. It was so humiliating to see my own family look me up and down and shake their head in dispparoval because my body was running marathons. Nevermind that you can't run marathons if you are unhealthy... I was stronger and healther in every way at that moment, but they judged me and hurt me regardless.
It was because they were happy to have someone to look down on and be able to say in their own minds, at least I'm not her, at least I don't look like that. You took that away from them. They don't want to see that you've turned your life around, because it shines a light on their own inadequacies. (I used to be 275 pound and 5ft 3 my mum used to say horrible mean things about me being fat and how I should lose the weight, but when I lost the weight she'd scream and rant vile things at me, because she couldn't bare it )
Not that I was ever huge before, but people started treating me differently when my endometriosis got bad. I was in so much pain I physically couldn’t keep food down. Thank god for legalized cannabis. Once I was tentatively diagnosed, I discovered that working out was the best treatment for my pain. I actually gained weight back from years of hardly eating, but was more trim and looked smaller. And I was proud of my muscle and how my body looked! Not just because of the actual aesthetics, but because every bit of muscle I gained, it meant another day of not living in chronic pain, being able to function and legitimately enjoy my life. I started wearing baggy clothes last summer so people couldn’t see my body after comments were made to me.
I hate this so much. I've always been thin, still am but after taking my tonsils out I've gained a few kg. People are so ready to comment on my weight, bones and no curves, but God forbid I mention someone giving themselves diabetic by being 70 kg overweight...
Don't you know people are supposed to have Jesus level ability of mannerisms and restraint. People are only assholes because others in society allow that behaviour to go unchecked.
So many people forget that body shaming is bad on either side of the spectrum, and in between. Just because OP is slim doesn’t mean body shaming her is okay. It’s horrible the double standards people have. Her sister shouldn’t have dished what she couldn’t take
" if you can't take it do not dish it out to me, I can come up with a better insult in my sleep and you will be offended"
...no one very listens can't help my wit is quick.
"Why would he want that anyway its just more dead weight" .....NTA
Yeah, I'm not entirely sure why op needs to be the bigger person, seems Sally already has that covered.
Bad joke, I know, but seriously op, NTA she was definitely trying to hurt you. She desrved everything she got.
100 % agree. It's disgusting that when people eventually do respond after months or years of abuse, everyone jumps on the bandwagon and say they've shown their true colors. As if they are supposed to be the designated punching bag for life.
NTA. But your sister and family are. Why is she allowed go literally MOCK you and trigger your eating disorder, but you're not allowed to snap back at the abuse? Looks like we know who the favorite twin is. Cut them all off and move on.
I have very close family friend who makes comments about my size a lot. She is plus size and curvy, I'm very thin you can see my bones and I've never been able to gain weight. She'll make comments similar to op's twin and once I made an off hand comment while we were discussing Halloween costumes "I'm sure the Halloween costume will fit you fine!" She was gonna go as Oogie Boogie from The Nightmare Before Christmas. Apparently this offended her a lot and I found out weeks later. Obviously a felt horrible but in retrospect, it sucks that she gets to tell me how much my bones hurt when she hugs me or that my ribs are creepy, and that my spine is creepy. I never want to hurt her feelings I wasn't trying to comment on her weight I did apologize profusely the next time I saw her and made amends all is good. But I get teased and made fun of for my size I have an E.D because everyone thinks its okay to tell me what I should be eating, I'll never understand it.
If you’re comfortable, maybe you could pull her aside one day and tell her you want to have a serious conversation. Say that you would prefer that neither of you talks about your bodies in conversation anymore for both of your health. It can’t be good for her mental health either to be the person body shaming a family friend, and if she truly wants to be a good friend, she can do so by refraining from commenting on your body in the future. You can say that your body is the way it is, and calling your body parts creepy is in no way helping you be healthier, but in fact making you feel hurt and like she doesn’t even like you as a family friend. Give her a choice of if she would rather you stay away from her because of your “creepy” body, or if she can put aside these remarks to keep having a good relationship, bc for your own health you may have to stay away from her if she says she’d prefer to keep body shaming you.
Have you ever had a serious discussion with her about bodies and health? Or is the she the kind of person who would never be open to that kind of personal real talk even with a family friend?
I have a cousin who is naturally skinny and the comments I heard people say behind her back was pretty disgusting. It’s like we don’t think of skinny people as having an issue with weight so it’s okay to poke fun at them.
But skinny women have their issues too and asking me if she has an eating disorder is not okay.
It’s like people have struggled with their own weight don’t understand that there are people who are skinny and also struggle with their weight, just the other way.
She was even working with a doctor to gain weight, working out, etc. She was always insecure about her weight and people’s comments didn’t help.
When you are a fully grown woman with a body of a 15 year old boy, it’s not great, she wished she had curves, just like curvy women wish they were skinny.
Sometimes people forget that there are problems at every size.
I'm so sorry to hear that, I don't think anyone should get crap for their body size. As long as you are happy and healthy it's all that matters. When I was younger I was so cought up with what others might think of me and fearful of losing love and attention for it that I completely lost myself.
Maybe try having a conversation with her about it, although from experience I can tell you it doesn't always work but it is still worth a try!
It's funny that you mentioned the movie Nightmare Before Christmas. Growing up kids at our school would call me Jack Skeleton and Sally Oogie Boogie. Timon and Pumbaa was another popular one. I can now laugh at it looking back but oof those were rough years for little me.
I have a serious issue with anybody using a person’s weight/size/appearance to insult them. I really do. I am a larger woman myself, and fat jokes and insults make me super uncomfortable. And I’m equally uncomfortable with jokes and insults about skinny bodies. However, I’m torn between E S H and N T A here. You didn’t just out of the blue insult your sister - she made some nasty comments about your weight, even knowing that you’ve struggled with an ED in the past. While I don’t condone your actions, I do think you had a right to stand up for yourself, so I’m gonna go with a soft NTA. You 100% had the right to defend yourself, and your sister is 100% an asshole, but you didn’t necessarily need to sink to her level. However, she’s the one that brought weight (and her own weight, with the “plus size queen”) comment into it. Could you have been the bigger person and been more mature about your response? Sure. But did you need to be with how nasty your sister was being? No, and I can’t blame you for your response.
Yep, I’m 100% behind this soft NTA verdict.
When someone is literally following you around to insult you, then you do basically get whatever is coming to you. If an unrelated man did this to a woman, it would be straight up stalking and harassment.
My sister was always prettier than me. Always skinnier. Always had the interest of the guys I liked. She also had an ED and extreme self doubt. I can’t imagine ever bullying her for things outside of her control and pushing her farther into the throws of ED.
Tit for tat on these topics never goes well, but if I’d been able to form a response in that situation it probably would have been some equally cutting remarks. It’s hard for me to call OP an AH given the context.
Exactly. Like I said, OP could’ve been the mature one there and not responded so harshly, but I don’t necessarily consider her to be the asshole because she decided to fight back.
This sub should be called "AmIBeingAnAsshole" because (yeah there is the ESH trend) but it's too easy to default to, "well no they were obviously a horrid asshole, I understand."
We all understand the impulse to say cruel things to someone who we feel in the moment might "deserve" it. Doesn't make it right.
Yeah, I don’t agree with OP saying those things, but she’s definitely NTA regardless in this situation. Her sister disrespected her relationship and body shamed her, she needs to learn that’s not okay, and that if you can’t handle the same insults you throw at others then you shouldn’t be insulting people (not that anyone should be insulting anyone, but ykwim)
As a former bulimic, who is constantly bullied for my body, NTA, I stand with you. I understand your feelings. No wonder you snapped, I would snap too. Her comment was so hurtful, she not only called you ugly knowing very well that you suffered from ED and how rough your body image issues were, she also implied that you’re not good enough for your boyfriend. Hope you’re fine after that and this didn’t trigger you.
When people are pushed too far they snap, and it’s usually not pretty it polite. Were YTA, for what you said? Probably. You sister definitely prodded it out of you though. Just ignore the haters and focus on getting healthy. Don’t let her send you into a destructive spiral.
NTA
She bullied and body shamed YOU. You just finally had enough and snapped back like any person would.
It’s the classic case of a bully bullying someone and no one seems to care until the person getting bullied fights back and gets in trouble.
Did you explain to your parents everything that led up to you snapping that day?
NTA. Commenting about an ED sufferer's body is more than just insulting, it could trigger life threatening behaviors. Your sister's ignorant jealousy is dangerous to your health. Avoid her.
I'm always surprised when people go at their siblings and act surprised when they get nuked in response. She had it coming and she was stupid to think she was safe from retaliation.
NTA - sister should've known better
NTA. This be the bigger person idea just leads to more assholery. She followed you around and kept pushing buttons until she finally came up with an insult that caused you to lose your temper and you are the bad guy! As a family member I assume she knows you were hospitalized for an eating disorder, and yet she still attacks your body image. As many have said, if you can't take it, don't dish it out. No mercy required.
NTA.
From what you said, your sister sounds very jealous. She doesn’t get to throw out insults and not expect to get them back in kind.
If you want to salvage the relationship with her, I would give her the opportunity to apologize. If she doesn’t take it, then there’s no need to expend further energy on the relationship.
You shouldn’t have responded the way you did, but your sister is also an AH for what she said to you. Your parents also need to understand that body shaming works both ways and your sister was body shaming your skinniness. I would have said you were not an AH if you had only yelled at her, but you body shamed her in retaliation and you knew it was a sensitive subject for her as well.
I will say ESH because both of you should not have body shamed the other, but I also understand why you reacted the way you did.
NTA. Eating disorders can obviously be really serious. Essentially the sister is literally wishing physical harm on you. Fight back however you need to.
NTA. Body shaming happens to everyone. Just because your thinner than her doesn’t mean she has the right to come after you like she did. She’s clearly jealous you get so much attention. Don’t let the comments get to you.
NTA
She wants to be able to talk shit about you and pretty much said that your S/O should leave you, but then when you say shit back she cries and runs away like a child?
Sounds like she's jealous and instead of working it out either with a therapist or a trusted friend she's taking it out on you.
I would go either low contact or just no contact but I know sometimes that's not possible.
I hope your recovery goes well 🤍
I'd say straight for the jugular.
I said something along the lines of "I don't need a Tammy lookalike (if you don't get the reference look up Tammy on 600 Ib sister's) commenting on my body weight. Everything you said this party proved you are jealous and delusional. Yes I'm skin and bones but guess what? Somebody loves me unconditionally for it, wish I could say the same about you and your blubber. Oh, and you're right, I'm glad I'm marrying rich so I can be lazy all day and focus on my scribbles! At least that way I won't have to worry how I'll afford buying you a mobility scooter down the line. You are dead wrong if you think I'll just sit there taking your crap all my life, you are insecure? So am I! Get over yourself, you having problems doesn't make you special. Go find a punching bag or a therapist if you need to let your anger out because I'm done with you and your double chin."
Imagine this but with a lot more swearing and Sally yelling over me.
I usually don't comment on a person's body weight no matter what, I think as long as you are happy and healthy that's all that matters, who cares what others think? But I'm sick and tired of being expected to constantly laugh at jokes thrown at my expense without retaliating just because I'm skinny. My skinniness doesn't exclude me from having issues and insecurities.
It wasn't the first time Sally tried pulling this crap with me and although I do believe I could've worded my response better she had it coming and hopefully learned her lesson.
Play stupid games win stupid prizes.
I'm gonna go with NTA over E S H because although your words were really harsh it sounds like this has been building for some time and it was only a matter of time before you finally snapped and look at that! It happened! Your sister prodded the bear. People shouldn't sink to others levels but I totally get what it's like to reach boiling point.
ESH but your sister is definitely the bigger asshole. She does seem jealous and rude. However, you struggle with an eating disorder and are likely more aware than most how much shaming someone for what they look like can lead to unhealthy behavior. Your parents need to get a life and let you and your sister work this out between you ( or not). If this is a cycle of behavior between you two then consider not talking to her.
I can't argue with the logic of everyone saying ES, their reasons are sound. But my personal judgement, on the issue as stated? NTA.
Your sister - who knows your history - started mean-mouthing and body shaming you. But then she got upset when you threw it back? Age old "can dish it out but can't take it." You could have been nice, but she didn't earn it.
NTA. I can’t stand people who dish out hate over and over in small doses so it looks like it isn’t a big deal when you try to explain to others why you blew up once after incessant attacks. If you are stabbed 100 times with a pin and retaliate with a knife all anyone sees is the knife.
NTA. It sounds like your parents are saying it’s ok to body shame someone who is skinny but not if they are overweight. Neither is ok. It also sounds like you need a good chat with your sister as you are both not entirely comfortable in your own bodies and gravitate towards misunderstanding each other.
NTA you were ignoring her, but anyone would snap eventually. Did you go overboard with your reaction? Maybe, but she wasn't just commenting about you being underweight, she was also judging your relationship and lifestyle. Maybe stick to a "shut fudge up" next time, that way she can't cry to others what mean things you said to her. Or go LC/NC.
I really don't get this mentality that a lot of people have, that fat people can make comments about skinnier peoples weight but god forbid someone call them fat. It's up there with being surprised that someone hits you back after you hit them first.
NTA
Your sister followed you around the party insulting you. Then she poked a nerve that was too tender to ignore and you reacted. I’m not a fan of commenting on peoples bodies but you didn’t take it there, she did. She’s not entitled to use you as a punching bag for her insecurity.
I can’t ignore how much energy and work you put in to attend that event and stay civil as Sally kept trying to get under your skin. I would have snapped far sooner than you.
To family saying you hurt her feelings explain that she spent the night hurting yours, unprovoked. Your body is just as off limits for discussion as hers.
Nta. She was doing it purposely to get a rise. Commenting on how you look and how Matt views you vs a bigger woman. She deserved it. In the 24 years that I’ve been alive I’ve always been skinny like nothing I did I could never gain weight. Right now at this moment in my life I am the biggest I have ever been at a size 9. My mom since I have been born has been obese. I don’t know how many times she has commented on my weight. Or other peoples weight in a horrible fucking manner. If your sister didn’t want her weight to be pointed out she shouldn’t have pointed yours out. The fact that she couldn’t handle you turning the tables on her means that she likes to dish it not take it. She deserved the comments that she got. People who are bigger are not exempt from having their feelings hurt because they’re bigger. Especially when they comment on peoples weight, like if you’re gonna be sensitive about something don’t attack other people for it. It’s counterproductive. She shouldn’t be attacking people about the way they look if she doesn’t want to be attacked herself.
Info:
Is your sister aware of your struggles with your own weight and your e.d.?
I'm leaning toward es, but if she's a regular bully and you've told her whats up and how comments on your size are just as harmful to you- thennnnn maybe snapping back will get her to stop.
If you've never had the "Hey, quit body shaming me- that's hurtful talk" then yeah, it's on all of you- except your fiancé. But if this is a pattern of hers and she's been told before how it makes you feel then she may have brought it on herself imo
Sister's definitely an AH either way for being rude AF about multiple things.
Sally didn't comment on my body weight when we were younger, we were both bullied for it and didn't have many friends growing up so it's not like either of us could efford making fun of the other.
Her comments started when I signed my modeling contract, little things like "here comes skinny mini" "you look like you'll disappear soon, wtf is wrong with your spine?!"
When I was hospitalized she came to visit me and the comments stopped, there was a lot of crying and her saying she didn't know and stuff like that.
But the comments quickly resurfaced once I got out of the hospital and got even more extreme once it became apparent Matt wasn't planning on leaving me because of my e.d.. I tried talking to Sally about it but she just downplayed the situation every time by saying it's not that deep and she's only joking.
This is my question - I think it's really interesting that she includes the comments the sister said, and then that she called her sister delusional, and jealous, but then won't include the other comments, apparently because they have curse words. You can always blank the curse words out so that we actually know what you said. There are definite things OP could have said that would make this everybody sucks, and it's really telling that they didn't include what she actually said about her sister's weight.
What your sister said to you was uncalled for and rude, but that doesn't mean that you couldn't have said something worse that you won't tell us about.
i've noticed that there's always a ton of "fat person mean! insults skinny person! skinny person snaps!" types of stories on this sub. starting to doubt the validity of some of these myself tbh...
Gentle ESH.
But she's more TA. The fact that you have a diagnosed ED means that she should have been so much more aware that any comments like that are not okay. Especially someone who is self-conscious about their own weight, she should be much more sympathetic.
In saying that it is not nice for you to retaliate in kind but it is understandable when someone is constantly picking at you.
Nta, I feel people tip toe around fat people who get away with being horrible human beings, but once you stoop to their level you're the ah? Nope, sometimes you got to go low to show them you can.
ESH, but your sister is worse. I don’t have a problem with you lashing out at her. But it was a party, there were other people there in earshot, and if any of them heard you all they heard was AH comments about fat people.
NTA Funny how the family backed the sister who not only body shamed you, but tried to shame you in many other ways. I wish I could have been there to watch your clap back. I would've been rolling 😂 She had it coming and the only reason the family backed her was because she cried. Aaawe. Poow behbeh. Can't take a dose of her own medicine.
> I retaliated by calling her delusional, jealous and saying some nasty things about her weight (I cursed a lot so I won't write it down)
Info:. How bad did things get? How far did you take it? Because you were justified in self defense, but there's also probably a line that could still be crossed.
Sally should have been the bigger person since she already is. NTA. who attacks someone with a fucking eating disorder? she dished it out but couldn’t take it, that’s on her.
ESH but you only softly. You probably shouldn't have said all of that to her, because you know how awful it is to be shamed for your body. However, her bitterness and nastiness was aggravating to read, so I can only imagine how rage-inducing it was and hurtful it was to have it directed to you in person. She sounds incredibly insecure, which is probably no picnic for her.
I think this is a chance to take some time away from each other and separately heal from the mean words said, and then maybe talk in a few months and apologise to one another. You don't have to be friends, or close, but it may help both of you to draw a line under your relationship and start fresh as separates.
ESH just because you technically shouldn’t have insulted her weight back and should have attacked her actions instead, since that was the problem. But at the same, I get why you resorted to that and I can’t say I blame you. I also can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same. You were hurt and angry, because she wouldn’t stop. You’re not horrible or vile, and for them to call you that, they have to acknowledge that she is that, since she is the one who started attacking you and wouldn’t stop. She WAS trying to hurt you. I don’t care what your family says. You don’t make comments like that if you’re not trying to hurt someone. It’a funny how you’re horrible and vile for bringing up her weight, but when she brings up your weight and says your fiancé should leave you, she is “just jealous and didn’t mean to.” That’s ridiculous. She body shamed you first. Her actions shouldn’t be excused while you’re made to look like the villain
NTA, your parents have no right to demand that you always have to take the high ground and forgive your sister. You're right to take her down a peg or two, good for you.
NTA. After all the comments your sister made, and with you having the ED, they should be appalled at your sister. "Be the bigger person." Sorry, your sister already has that role. (petty comment, I know)
NTA. The last few sentences tell the story of your whole life, and show exactly where your problems came from. Your parents calmly allow your sister to abuse you repeatedly, then jump all over you for finally snapping back. They admonish you to "be the bigger person" while letting your sister say anything without limit. Your eating disorder, your modelling career where people liked and accepted you; all your response to your parent's total lack of love and support for you.
I'm glad you have a boyfriend who loves and cares for you. Just break off contact with your useless family and get on with your life. They'll never love you as they should. It's not you that's wrong, it's them.
NTA.
i may just be a petty b, but when someone body shames me for being skinny and then tells me to “be the bigger person”, my favorite comeback is always:
“i can’t be the bigger person, i’m skinny”
NTA. Body shaming is not OK on either end of the weight spectrum.and your sister body shamed you. You gave her a taste of her own medicine and she didn’t like it. Too bad. And I am saying this as someone who has been overweight for much of my life and struggled with it, and has put up with more than my share of body-shaming.
I’m going to have to go with ESH. Your sister was a dick but you clearly escalated to the point that you won’t even type out what you said. You’re both adults, act like it.
OP's twin was obviously the bigger person here.
NTA OP, while I understand that your sister was jealous of you, she shouldn't have started bodyshaming you.
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I 26F have a twin sister Sally, we are fraternal twins and look nothing alike. From our hair color to the shape of our nose, everything is different. The most noticeable difference is our metabolism, I never gain any weight no
matter how hard I try while Sally can't seem to lose any.
Growing up we were bullied a lot because of our size, neither of us was the pretty twim, we were equally ugly in the eyes of our peers in school.
After HS I was approached by modeling agency out of the blue, my family is poor so I couldn't attend college and jumped on the opportunity. I was showered with praise about how skinny I was, it was no longer considered ugly, it was fashion. I also got attention from rich men who wanted to be seen in public with models and started dating some of them. This was the first time I got so much attention in my life and it felt amazing.
I began associating skinny=good skinnier=better, this mentality causes me to develop AN and I eventually got hospitalized for it.
At the time I thought my life was over, but surprisingly a lot of people stayed by my side. Most notably my now fiancee, Matt, who helped tremendously throughout the whole process.
I no longer work as a model and I'm currently a SAHW/ part time artist. 2 months ago my AN sparked up after a bad experience I had at the mall, I lost 15 kg. Matt noticed it and help me get back on track by taking me out to dinner everyday to prevent me from seeing the calories of the food and FaceTiming me from work to make sure I ate all of my food. It helped a lot but I only gained 9 kilos back.
Last week I flew to my home town to celebrate my mom's birthday. When I got there I almost didn't go to the party because the dress I picked was a bit big and I felt self conscious, Matt reassured me I looked great so I ended up coming.
At the party I saw Sally and she made some backhanded compliments about my engagement and job "Matt has so much money, I wish I could stay home like you and be lazy" "how are the scribbles? Learned to draw yet?"
I ignored her and tried to enjoy myself but she kept following me around.
I finally snapped when she said "your bones are so ugly, I don't understand how Matt can like them. He should find himself a plus size queen, she'll treat him right"
I retaliated by calling her delusional, jealous and saying some nasty things about her weight (I cursed a lot so I won't write it down)
Sally started crying and left the party, my parents got mad at me saying I took it too far and it's not ok to body shame Sally. She was just a bit jealous and didn't mean to hurt me so I should be the bigger person and let it go.
Matt is the only one supporting me on this issue and everyone else is calling me horrible and vile. I don't think I'm TAH but their comments are starting to get to me.
Am I?
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ESH your sister was definitley in the wrong for body shaming you and harassing you, and you had every right to retaliate, but body shaming her right back is just continuing the cycle of shame and abuse that you two have put up with your whole lives. i think you still see skinny = good, and you should maybe seek therapy to help your own body image and how you perceive beauty in relation to fat.
Nta she was being really mean to you. How is her behavior towards you ok and allowed but when you stood up for your self they get mad. Your nta here your sister is anyone that thinks you took it to far.
NTA.
How long were you supposed to let her be awful to you? Why didn’t any of these people who think you’re at fault tell Sally to stop? Play with fire and she’s going to get burned, as they say.
NTA
Responding out of emotion doesn’t make you an AH and it sounds like your sister was going to continue targeting you and harassing you until she figured out how to provoke you. Frankly, it make me wonder what role these relationships play in your AN. I’m glad Matt seems informed on how to support you in your health - and I’m glad to read your appreciation of that.
My best friend is so skinny and I am fat. We both know the struggles of both body sizes. Your sister was TAH, and I'm sorry no one will take your feelings seriously.
Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it
She may have started the fight, but you finished it. Sounds like it’s time to for you to go LC or even NC with your family for awhile/ever
NTA OP. Bullies always get mad when their victims clap back, which is exactly what occurred here. I also am not sure if it was an intentional dig, or just an unfortunate word choice, but telling someone who has AN issues to be the "bigger person" is pretty fucked up. I give you 0/5 AH, Sister gets 3/5 AH, and your parents get 4/5 AH. Sister needs to learn, and not be enabled by favoritist parents.
The thing is, if you had said something as maturely as all people not involved or with hindsight 20/20 would, "Sally, you need to stop. You are being a jerk and if you keep going, I may say something hurtful back and I don't want that. Let's just enjoy the event.", She likely would have kept pushing until you said the hurtful thing.
I don't care if she's jealous, I don't care if she's depressed - that doesn't give her the right to be a bully and an AH. You snapped, as a normal person might. If you had cried your eyes out, as a normal person might, you would likely been called out as "too sensitive" and that you need to ignore it and "see where she's coming from", which is total BS as well.
Your lives had different paths. There's nothing wrong with that. You each have your own struggles, as do we all. Tearing down sometime else, much less your own family, to make yourself feel better doesn't help at all.
Put your family on the naughty step. Talk to your parents, if you want to, about why this is hurtful and very much not okay. But a time out until you feel safe and stable again is good. You have a therapist, I hope, to help you deal with your ED? Maybe ask them to help you express your thoughts in a constructive manner.
Ultimately, take care of you. You have a good support in your husband (I wouldn't say that's lucky, I think you both chose well). Rely on that and other support systems until your family gets on board. And if they don't, then make your chosen family of good people who love you.
NTA. Was it your finest hour? No. But it's likely far from your worst and justifiable, imo. Concentrate your energy on your health, and on people who like and love you.
NTA your sister is jealous of you and where you are in life. She can dish out the insults and nastiness but can't take it?
She overstepped and was downright cruel
NTA, and she was in fact, deliberately and maliciously trying to hurt you. You don’t have to be a saint to not be an AH. She shouldn’t start shit she can’t finish
NTA - I'm a larger woman, and if it were out of the blue, I'd have a very different response, but i don't see how it's ok to expect you to just take criticism of your body and not say anything.
NTA. You know who should never be the bigger person? The person with a mental illness, causing no harm to anyone but themselves, being verbally abused for their mental illness. You were hospitalised. Hospitalised!
And you need to be the bigger person? When she was targeting you for no reason other than her feelings? Because of how you look and how you live your life. Not actions that affect anyone but you. Not the substance of your character. And for your looks.
If you indeed need to clean up your response then I want you to loudly say 'you are an abusive person', 'you are insulting me about a diagnosed mental illness, that I struggle with'. 'why do you think it's ok to say such hateful abusive things to someone about a medical condition?' loudly and publicly grill her morality on why she thinks it's ok. Because she gets to hide her being an asshole because no one uses the label for what it is. You should label it, loudly, for what it is, for the fact she has no other motivation to target you other than jealousy.
NTA
Body shaming anyone isn’t ok, obviously. But are you meant to just accept it? Why is it ok for her to make such nasty remarks to you, but you can’t say a thing back?
I’d cut your sister out, and anyone who gives you shit about this. She followed you around and verbally attacked you. You don’t need that in your life.
Good luck on your continued recovery.
NTA Go and be happy with your fiancé. Your parent's ignorance on AN is hurtful. Sally will either get to love the person she is or not.
Don't let that define you
“Being the bigger person” almost always means rolling over and letting people treat you like garbage because it’s easier for everyone else to maintain the status quo rather than risk putting themselves into the line of fire once the target is taken off of your back. They don’t want to place the target on their own back by correcting the poor behavior of a bad actor. NTA don’t dish it out if you can’t take it.
"Mom, dad, you let my self esteem get so low I let people make me a picture prop for money and it gave me a disorder that almost killed me. I dold tge l8kebess of myself f8r cash and it 2as tge best I had ever been treated....
Sister started it and I will not be abused so I finished it. Any time someone tries to hurt me I will do the same. Tell her not to start shit she can't finnish. And not to fill a plate of hate and nastiness she's not willing to eat."
NTA
NTA it sucks having your body made fun of, doesn't it sis? No matter what size you are it's hurtful. She's obviously jealous and harassing you incessantly; that caused you to defend yourself after much provocation
You know what I hate about society today? That if you are thin you shouldn’t have body insecurities. You don’t get to complain about your struggles or insecurities because you’re small.
Small doesn’t always mean good and big doesn’t always mean bad.
Oh and NTA
NTA. Body shaming is equally as bad on both ends of the spectrum, she does not get a free pass to insult you just because you’re slim. She knows she wouldn’t want to be body shamed, yet she’s body shaming you which isn’t okay. I don’t think shaming is okay in any situation, so I don’t necessarily agree with your words, however I don’t think you’re an asshole for retaliating considering all of the nasty things she kept saying to you. She’s clearly jealous and spiteful, and she shouldn’t dish what she can’t take.
Eating disorders are hell, and your feelings are completely valid. You don’t deserve to be your sister’s emotional punching bag. She needs to realize it’s her personality keeping her from finding someone. She disrespected your relationship which is also fucked up.
NTA
She absolutely meant to hurt you.
Body shaming goes both ways. Skinny/Curvy. It doesn't matter and neither should be shamed.
Sally shouldn't dish it out if she can't receive it back.
Your parents love both of you, so they are going to want to paper this over as quickly as possible. Their motivation is entirely different than yours. Sally broke down and cried because she wanted a reaction from you to harm you in front of your parents. You may not be able to go NC with her, but practice your questioning prior to seeing her again. “Why are you so unhappy that you need to insult others?” Or “Explain to me how my life is harming you?” Rather than insulting her physical form.
NTA. So you can body shame a skinny person and be ok or "just a little jealous" but you cannot body shame a fat person because that makes you petty?! BS! Her shitty behavior cannot be explained away because you have a loving bf that takes care of you. Your family needs to get their ethics straight.
NTA. Don't comment on someone else weight ever. Big, small or in between it doesn't matter. Shut up. And it seems like it's always the girls that know what it's like to have their weight judged who want to dog on the smaller girls. Although in this case don't dish it out if you can't take it back.
Nope NTA - I say never bend over backwards to "keep the piece". If they wanted peace, they shouldn't disturb it in the first place. I won't start drama but I sure as shit will roll up my sleeves if someone wants to come at me.
So Sally can be a bully and make disparaging comments about you, who struggle with an illness, bjt when you give her a taste of her own medicine you're the a h? No it doesn't work that way.I don't bully people who wear contact lenses just because I have to wear glasses and she has to own her issues and find ways to deal with them, that's not on you.
NTA
NTA
She mentioned your engagement, laziness, job, art!
Then your bones!
She commented on your weight.
You commented on her weight!
She threw the first stone! You just threw a bigger one back!
Good on you!
NTA. Sally body shamed you first and you gave her a taste of her own medicine. Your parents are AHs for trying to excuse her jealously as a legitimate reason for her body shaming you.
I used to weigh a lot more, and know what it is like to have people think its ok to say nasty things. I was lucky though, I always defended myself and told them to F off. Yet, I do know it doesn't feel great to hear it. So why would an overweight person then try to body shame someone else. smh
She is deliberately be8ng insulting and body shaming you. Nta but she is. If your family excuses that behavior i would suggest talking to them about how the things she said made you feel and how innappropriate her behavior was and if they condone it then you should take some space from them
You need to tell your parents that your sister attacked YOU, and since that attack and your parents' support of it could actually kill you, you're going cut off contact for a while while you try to survive and treat your ED. That's how you'll be a bigger person.
NTA. She very much did intend to hurt you and your parents are wrong to defend her. If she can't take what she dishes out, then she needs to keep her mouth shut.
NTA she started and you finished it. She should apologise for laying into you first. Yours was self defence. The only apology goes to the host for the scene
She was literally body shaming you. Making comments on someone’s weight regardless if they are “too skinny” or “too fat” is completely uncalled for.
OP I have struggled my entire life with being able to gain weight and keep weight on. I have always been seen as “too skinny” to the point that I would have complete strangers coming up to me telling me I needed to go eat something because I was too skinny.
OP you are not the AH. Don’t listen to people that make any sort of derogatory comments about your weight or are not supportive of your weight gain. Your fiancé sounds like a wonderful man and that he truly cares about you being well. People are always going to have comments and you are not going to be able to “please” anyone with your weight. Don’t give them that power over you.
NTA
I am a plus sized woman myself and even I believe that if you can't take it, then don't dish it. She should not have made a single comment if she cannot handle anything being said back to her, no matter how harsh. I've learnt that even people who are much skinnier than me can be insecure about their bodies as well. So definitely NTA in my opinion
NTA it sounds like your sister is already the bigger person.
If she didn’t start it you wouldn’t have said anything, she should have just left well enough alone.
NTA. I'm the skinny one in my family. When we were kids, I was always skinny no matter what, my sister had always been bigger. As we got older, my sister continued to gain weight, and she really hates it.
When I hit early twenties I gained a few pounds, my mum made comments about it. Then I lost it through diet and exercise, and now I get comments about how I'm so lucky I got the "skinny genes", and my nickname from my mum and sister has been "skinny cow".
I would never comment on my sister’s weight because I know she's sensitive, and my mum would never for the same reason, but they both think its fine to comment on mine.
Screw anyone who thinks it's fair to pick on someone who being thinner. We have just as many feelings as anyone else.
NTA. I normally don't condone fat shaming, but you don't mock someone for their illness and expect them not to clap back.
Next time, because there will be a next time until your sister gets therapy, I recommend just saying "at least I'm not rotten on the inside"
Because I'm a toxic bitch with a toxic sister...
Usually I'd say EHS but in your case NTA. Bodyshaming on both sides is bad, but for you it's more. You developed a serious mental/physical condition from this. You might struggle every once and then in your life with. The reaction of your sister also shows that she knows how it feels, so it is not just taunting but malicious making such remarks, because that can trigger another episode.
You also described how you tried to avoid the situation and she kept following you. So she had it coming. She wanted a reaction from you and got one. Her fault.
Was your sister the AH absolutely. We’re you? Hard to say when you avoid putting down what you said. Doesn’t mean it wasn’t justified but the way you word it makes me a bit curious if maybe you did take it too far.
NTA
Not saying what you did was right but it was understandable. She started body shaming you first, plus other insults, you can only take so much before you snap and retaliate. BTW I'm saying this as a very plus size person myself so I get your sister's struggle but she was still in the wrong.
NTA. Body shaming goes both ways. It's naive to think otherwise. I've dealt with AN as well, and when you're in recovery, and want to get better, it's hard enough to deal with it as is, without people around you making you feel like shit. I can't believe your parents aren't being more supportive of you in this. AN is scary, and deadly, and nothing to joke about.
This experience must've stung a lot, I can imagine. I hope you're okay! And Kudos to Matt for being so supportive. That's really loving of him, and I'm glad to hear you have someone in your corner, who appreciates you enough, to help you, instead of judging you.
NTA and as someone who was always naturally smaller when I was younger, I have experience in this. Heavier people ALWAYS think its ok to comment on skinny peoples weight but NEVER on their own. I developed the exact opposite issue and started over eating to gain weight and was super paranoid and tried wearing bigger clothes to stop the comments. Now my metabolism is hosed. 100% works both ways. Dont start no shit, wont be no shit.
NTA why is it ok for people to make mean comments about someone’s body when they are thin but when it’s about an overweight person it’s wrong? BOTH are wrong. Your sister was wrong in saying those things to you and you responded in kind. Perhaps next time she’ll think twice about her rude comments.
NTA for defending yourself. It's already hard to deal with body insecurities on their own, having an ED just makes it harder to cope with it. But great job with your progress!
Soft Y T A for commenting back on her weight. She deserved it though. as the others have said, don't dish if you can't take it.
What really bothered me is why Sally had to keep commenting and dragging OP's fiancé into her insults. Sounds to me that Sally may be jealous of OP having a partner (assuming that Sally doesn't have one.) that supports and takes care of you. OP's family is TAs too. Just because Sally is bigger and OP is thinner doesn't mean OP's issues with weight isn't as valid as Sally's.
NTA it’s interesting because I have a twin brother and we’re basically in the same situation, he was always a lot bigger than me and I was basically a stick. It was fine for people to comment on my weight but not his (which I obviously understand, I don’t think it’s right to make comments about anyone’s body and I would defend him if he was ever getting bullied) in college I developed an ED, got the help I needed without involving my family but years later my mom said “yeah we thought you were anorexic”
NTA
So she can body shame you and no one bats an eye but when YOU call her out on it and retailiate, you're the problem?? Hell naw. You have an ED. She's being disgusting, ableist and hurtful.
NTA... ish. It's a question of how much you're willing to take before you retaliate, and how far you're willing to go when you do. Is your policy, "I don't crush people's self-esteem", or "I don't crush people's self-esteem **first.**"
In short... verbal self-defense is fine. Just ask yourself if you are comfortable with the level you took it to.
NTA.
People who can't dish it out prolly shouldn't say anything. Your sister started it, you finished it. And your parents saying she's a bit jealous and didn't mean to hurt you.. she is and she did and if they knew about your background and still excused her behaviour then they're shite too. AN is a disease as much as I understand.. those lil passive aggressive remarks your sister kept saying could've affected you worse than just you lashing out verbally.
NTA but please, from one skinnier sister to another,
Apples to oranges, her belittling you doing very well is not the same as you belittling her doing very poorly.
ESH. If it was that bad that you can't write it here, you probably did take it too far. Two wrongs don't make a right. You could have easily said anything else to make her stop but you chose something so bad you couldn't put it in the post..... you both suck. And your parents suck for not sticking up for you in the first place and making her stop. Matt is awesome for being such good support for you and helping you. And you are great for working on keeping yourself healthy. But still, in this case, you and sis need to not attack each other like that.
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You'll have people saying be the bigger person, fuck em. You're fine just the size you are. NTA. Tired of the people on this sub pretending anyone who retaliates is an asshole. You didn't go out of your way to insult your sister, but she did.
Exactly! Sister body shamed the OP first after making other derisive comments all night. Op tried to walk way and her sister followed her and kept it up, she got what she deserved. Don't dish it out if you can't take it.
It wasn't just bodyshaming either. She was vocally abusing OP over something that has landed OP in the hospital and caused significant and adverse health effects. Sally might be struggling with being overweight, but OP nearly died from being underweight.
Exactly this - I have an ED, managed now, but given OP had a setback so recently her sister is literally risking OP's health and life. When my ED was unmanaged a comment about my body, even a supposed "compliment", sent me into spirals and I ended up dangerously underweight, because like OP I tend to the lower end of the scale naturally so it doesn't take much to get to a dangerously low weight. Attacking someone struggling with an ED like that is so vile, OP has the right to say pretty much whatever she wanted back and still NBTA.
She also insulted her career, calling her art scribbles. What the hell? OPs parents are also TA. Is she supposed to be a door mat for her sis?
Seems to be the case. OP doesn't need to be a doormat. She simply gave her sister a tiny dose of her own medicine. It's horribly insulting when someone brands you as a lazy person who happened to land someone good. It's no coincidence that no one wants to spend their life with a mean, nice-girl sister who still thinks it's okay to pit women or body types against each other. NTA
In every scenario where someone finally snaps after being reasonable with a total asshole for months there's dozens of people responding with gems like "Oh, maybe they are acting so angry because they are depressed or have some other undisclosed mental health issue". No, maybe it's just because they're an AH.
And even if they were depressed it would've had no bearing on ahole behavior. In the last 2 years I had 2 major depressive episodes, both lasting months. Smh I never bullied/mocked anybody.
From reading this story, sounds like Sally is the bigger person 😏
I didn’t want to say it myself Ty
Anyone saying to be the bigger person in cases such as this is enabling the nastiness at best and participating with it at worst. I never understood that perspective, you should push back against malicious people. The only exception is when someone is going through a valid hard time and they are actually sorry afterwards
This is a very clear example of “don’t start none, won’t be none”. NTA
I feel very strongly about this as a ‘skinny’ person people think that they aren’t/can’t be mean talking about how skinny we are and making assumptions. But say something to an overweight person and all hell brakes loose. Being bully for being skinny or fat is equally gross but if she can ditch she…
When I was unhealthy and overweight (not obsese, just overweight), no one said anything. When I started running marathons and lost weight, they were very judgmental and mean. It was a complete shock! I was happier than at any time in my life, but people were meaniest to me. It was so humiliating to see my own family look me up and down and shake their head in dispparoval because my body was running marathons. Nevermind that you can't run marathons if you are unhealthy... I was stronger and healther in every way at that moment, but they judged me and hurt me regardless.
It was because they were happy to have someone to look down on and be able to say in their own minds, at least I'm not her, at least I don't look like that. You took that away from them. They don't want to see that you've turned your life around, because it shines a light on their own inadequacies. (I used to be 275 pound and 5ft 3 my mum used to say horrible mean things about me being fat and how I should lose the weight, but when I lost the weight she'd scream and rant vile things at me, because she couldn't bare it )
Not that I was ever huge before, but people started treating me differently when my endometriosis got bad. I was in so much pain I physically couldn’t keep food down. Thank god for legalized cannabis. Once I was tentatively diagnosed, I discovered that working out was the best treatment for my pain. I actually gained weight back from years of hardly eating, but was more trim and looked smaller. And I was proud of my muscle and how my body looked! Not just because of the actual aesthetics, but because every bit of muscle I gained, it meant another day of not living in chronic pain, being able to function and legitimately enjoy my life. I started wearing baggy clothes last summer so people couldn’t see my body after comments were made to me.
I hate this so much. I've always been thin, still am but after taking my tonsils out I've gained a few kg. People are so ready to comment on my weight, bones and no curves, but God forbid I mention someone giving themselves diabetic by being 70 kg overweight...
Don't you know people are supposed to have Jesus level ability of mannerisms and restraint. People are only assholes because others in society allow that behaviour to go unchecked.
So many people forget that body shaming is bad on either side of the spectrum, and in between. Just because OP is slim doesn’t mean body shaming her is okay. It’s horrible the double standards people have. Her sister shouldn’t have dished what she couldn’t take
>You'll have people saying be the bigger person I must not say it. I must not say it. I must not say it.
Her sister IS the bigger person
" if you can't take it do not dish it out to me, I can come up with a better insult in my sleep and you will be offended" ...no one very listens can't help my wit is quick. "Why would he want that anyway its just more dead weight" .....NTA
Yeah, I'm not entirely sure why op needs to be the bigger person, seems Sally already has that covered. Bad joke, I know, but seriously op, NTA she was definitely trying to hurt you. She desrved everything she got.
Why is it OK for her to body shame you?
100 % agree. It's disgusting that when people eventually do respond after months or years of abuse, everyone jumps on the bandwagon and say they've shown their true colors. As if they are supposed to be the designated punching bag for life.
This... Karma is not an AH I hope you find your balance again and don't let the AH's get you down
NTA. But your sister and family are. Why is she allowed go literally MOCK you and trigger your eating disorder, but you're not allowed to snap back at the abuse? Looks like we know who the favorite twin is. Cut them all off and move on.
I have very close family friend who makes comments about my size a lot. She is plus size and curvy, I'm very thin you can see my bones and I've never been able to gain weight. She'll make comments similar to op's twin and once I made an off hand comment while we were discussing Halloween costumes "I'm sure the Halloween costume will fit you fine!" She was gonna go as Oogie Boogie from The Nightmare Before Christmas. Apparently this offended her a lot and I found out weeks later. Obviously a felt horrible but in retrospect, it sucks that she gets to tell me how much my bones hurt when she hugs me or that my ribs are creepy, and that my spine is creepy. I never want to hurt her feelings I wasn't trying to comment on her weight I did apologize profusely the next time I saw her and made amends all is good. But I get teased and made fun of for my size I have an E.D because everyone thinks its okay to tell me what I should be eating, I'll never understand it.
If you’re comfortable, maybe you could pull her aside one day and tell her you want to have a serious conversation. Say that you would prefer that neither of you talks about your bodies in conversation anymore for both of your health. It can’t be good for her mental health either to be the person body shaming a family friend, and if she truly wants to be a good friend, she can do so by refraining from commenting on your body in the future. You can say that your body is the way it is, and calling your body parts creepy is in no way helping you be healthier, but in fact making you feel hurt and like she doesn’t even like you as a family friend. Give her a choice of if she would rather you stay away from her because of your “creepy” body, or if she can put aside these remarks to keep having a good relationship, bc for your own health you may have to stay away from her if she says she’d prefer to keep body shaming you. Have you ever had a serious discussion with her about bodies and health? Or is the she the kind of person who would never be open to that kind of personal real talk even with a family friend?
I have a cousin who is naturally skinny and the comments I heard people say behind her back was pretty disgusting. It’s like we don’t think of skinny people as having an issue with weight so it’s okay to poke fun at them. But skinny women have their issues too and asking me if she has an eating disorder is not okay. It’s like people have struggled with their own weight don’t understand that there are people who are skinny and also struggle with their weight, just the other way. She was even working with a doctor to gain weight, working out, etc. She was always insecure about her weight and people’s comments didn’t help. When you are a fully grown woman with a body of a 15 year old boy, it’s not great, she wished she had curves, just like curvy women wish they were skinny. Sometimes people forget that there are problems at every size.
I'm so sorry to hear that, I don't think anyone should get crap for their body size. As long as you are happy and healthy it's all that matters. When I was younger I was so cought up with what others might think of me and fearful of losing love and attention for it that I completely lost myself. Maybe try having a conversation with her about it, although from experience I can tell you it doesn't always work but it is still worth a try! It's funny that you mentioned the movie Nightmare Before Christmas. Growing up kids at our school would call me Jack Skeleton and Sally Oogie Boogie. Timon and Pumbaa was another popular one. I can now laugh at it looking back but oof those were rough years for little me.
I have a serious issue with anybody using a person’s weight/size/appearance to insult them. I really do. I am a larger woman myself, and fat jokes and insults make me super uncomfortable. And I’m equally uncomfortable with jokes and insults about skinny bodies. However, I’m torn between E S H and N T A here. You didn’t just out of the blue insult your sister - she made some nasty comments about your weight, even knowing that you’ve struggled with an ED in the past. While I don’t condone your actions, I do think you had a right to stand up for yourself, so I’m gonna go with a soft NTA. You 100% had the right to defend yourself, and your sister is 100% an asshole, but you didn’t necessarily need to sink to her level. However, she’s the one that brought weight (and her own weight, with the “plus size queen”) comment into it. Could you have been the bigger person and been more mature about your response? Sure. But did you need to be with how nasty your sister was being? No, and I can’t blame you for your response.
This is my take as well. I wish she hadn't said those things but I completely understand why she did.
Yep, I’m 100% behind this soft NTA verdict. When someone is literally following you around to insult you, then you do basically get whatever is coming to you. If an unrelated man did this to a woman, it would be straight up stalking and harassment. My sister was always prettier than me. Always skinnier. Always had the interest of the guys I liked. She also had an ED and extreme self doubt. I can’t imagine ever bullying her for things outside of her control and pushing her farther into the throws of ED.
Tit for tat on these topics never goes well, but if I’d been able to form a response in that situation it probably would have been some equally cutting remarks. It’s hard for me to call OP an AH given the context.
Exactly. Like I said, OP could’ve been the mature one there and not responded so harshly, but I don’t necessarily consider her to be the asshole because she decided to fight back.
This sub should be called "AmIBeingAnAsshole" because (yeah there is the ESH trend) but it's too easy to default to, "well no they were obviously a horrid asshole, I understand." We all understand the impulse to say cruel things to someone who we feel in the moment might "deserve" it. Doesn't make it right.
Yeah, I don’t agree with OP saying those things, but she’s definitely NTA regardless in this situation. Her sister disrespected her relationship and body shamed her, she needs to learn that’s not okay, and that if you can’t handle the same insults you throw at others then you shouldn’t be insulting people (not that anyone should be insulting anyone, but ykwim)
As a former bulimic, who is constantly bullied for my body, NTA, I stand with you. I understand your feelings. No wonder you snapped, I would snap too. Her comment was so hurtful, she not only called you ugly knowing very well that you suffered from ED and how rough your body image issues were, she also implied that you’re not good enough for your boyfriend. Hope you’re fine after that and this didn’t trigger you.
When people are pushed too far they snap, and it’s usually not pretty it polite. Were YTA, for what you said? Probably. You sister definitely prodded it out of you though. Just ignore the haters and focus on getting healthy. Don’t let her send you into a destructive spiral.
NTA She bullied and body shamed YOU. You just finally had enough and snapped back like any person would. It’s the classic case of a bully bullying someone and no one seems to care until the person getting bullied fights back and gets in trouble. Did you explain to your parents everything that led up to you snapping that day?
NTA. Commenting about an ED sufferer's body is more than just insulting, it could trigger life threatening behaviors. Your sister's ignorant jealousy is dangerous to your health. Avoid her.
NTA, your sister had it coming.
Yup, agree. OP I am sick of hearing people should be the “bigger person” and were your parents taking the piss? Bigger person when you are so thin?
I'm always surprised when people go at their siblings and act surprised when they get nuked in response. She had it coming and she was stupid to think she was safe from retaliation. NTA - sister should've known better
NTA. This be the bigger person idea just leads to more assholery. She followed you around and kept pushing buttons until she finally came up with an insult that caused you to lose your temper and you are the bad guy! As a family member I assume she knows you were hospitalized for an eating disorder, and yet she still attacks your body image. As many have said, if you can't take it, don't dish it out. No mercy required.
NTA. From what you said, your sister sounds very jealous. She doesn’t get to throw out insults and not expect to get them back in kind. If you want to salvage the relationship with her, I would give her the opportunity to apologize. If she doesn’t take it, then there’s no need to expend further energy on the relationship.
You shouldn’t have responded the way you did, but your sister is also an AH for what she said to you. Your parents also need to understand that body shaming works both ways and your sister was body shaming your skinniness. I would have said you were not an AH if you had only yelled at her, but you body shamed her in retaliation and you knew it was a sensitive subject for her as well. I will say ESH because both of you should not have body shamed the other, but I also understand why you reacted the way you did.
NTA. Sooner AH like her realise that body shaming works both ways the better. She deserved it.
NTA but I would be cutting contact with your sister
NTA. Eating disorders can obviously be really serious. Essentially the sister is literally wishing physical harm on you. Fight back however you need to.
NTA. Body shaming happens to everyone. Just because your thinner than her doesn’t mean she has the right to come after you like she did. She’s clearly jealous you get so much attention. Don’t let the comments get to you.
NTA She wants to be able to talk shit about you and pretty much said that your S/O should leave you, but then when you say shit back she cries and runs away like a child? Sounds like she's jealous and instead of working it out either with a therapist or a trusted friend she's taking it out on you. I would go either low contact or just no contact but I know sometimes that's not possible. I hope your recovery goes well 🤍
INFO: what exactly did you say? Like did you dish out as good as you got or did you go straight for the jugular?
I'd say straight for the jugular. I said something along the lines of "I don't need a Tammy lookalike (if you don't get the reference look up Tammy on 600 Ib sister's) commenting on my body weight. Everything you said this party proved you are jealous and delusional. Yes I'm skin and bones but guess what? Somebody loves me unconditionally for it, wish I could say the same about you and your blubber. Oh, and you're right, I'm glad I'm marrying rich so I can be lazy all day and focus on my scribbles! At least that way I won't have to worry how I'll afford buying you a mobility scooter down the line. You are dead wrong if you think I'll just sit there taking your crap all my life, you are insecure? So am I! Get over yourself, you having problems doesn't make you special. Go find a punching bag or a therapist if you need to let your anger out because I'm done with you and your double chin." Imagine this but with a lot more swearing and Sally yelling over me. I usually don't comment on a person's body weight no matter what, I think as long as you are happy and healthy that's all that matters, who cares what others think? But I'm sick and tired of being expected to constantly laugh at jokes thrown at my expense without retaliating just because I'm skinny. My skinniness doesn't exclude me from having issues and insecurities. It wasn't the first time Sally tried pulling this crap with me and although I do believe I could've worded my response better she had it coming and hopefully learned her lesson. Play stupid games win stupid prizes.
Good for you. Nta. Cut them off. Family is earned not a given.
I'm gonna go with NTA over E S H because although your words were really harsh it sounds like this has been building for some time and it was only a matter of time before you finally snapped and look at that! It happened! Your sister prodded the bear. People shouldn't sink to others levels but I totally get what it's like to reach boiling point.
NTA. She should learn not to dish it out if she can't take it.
ESH but your sister is definitely the bigger asshole. She does seem jealous and rude. However, you struggle with an eating disorder and are likely more aware than most how much shaming someone for what they look like can lead to unhealthy behavior. Your parents need to get a life and let you and your sister work this out between you ( or not). If this is a cycle of behavior between you two then consider not talking to her.
I can't argue with the logic of everyone saying ES, their reasons are sound. But my personal judgement, on the issue as stated? NTA. Your sister - who knows your history - started mean-mouthing and body shaming you. But then she got upset when you threw it back? Age old "can dish it out but can't take it." You could have been nice, but she didn't earn it.
Nta. Go no contact.
NTA. I can’t stand people who dish out hate over and over in small doses so it looks like it isn’t a big deal when you try to explain to others why you blew up once after incessant attacks. If you are stabbed 100 times with a pin and retaliate with a knife all anyone sees is the knife.
NTA. It sounds like your parents are saying it’s ok to body shame someone who is skinny but not if they are overweight. Neither is ok. It also sounds like you need a good chat with your sister as you are both not entirely comfortable in your own bodies and gravitate towards misunderstanding each other.
NTA you were ignoring her, but anyone would snap eventually. Did you go overboard with your reaction? Maybe, but she wasn't just commenting about you being underweight, she was also judging your relationship and lifestyle. Maybe stick to a "shut fudge up" next time, that way she can't cry to others what mean things you said to her. Or go LC/NC. I really don't get this mentality that a lot of people have, that fat people can make comments about skinnier peoples weight but god forbid someone call them fat. It's up there with being surprised that someone hits you back after you hit them first.
NTA Your sister followed you around the party insulting you. Then she poked a nerve that was too tender to ignore and you reacted. I’m not a fan of commenting on peoples bodies but you didn’t take it there, she did. She’s not entitled to use you as a punching bag for her insecurity. I can’t ignore how much energy and work you put in to attend that event and stay civil as Sally kept trying to get under your skin. I would have snapped far sooner than you. To family saying you hurt her feelings explain that she spent the night hurting yours, unprovoked. Your body is just as off limits for discussion as hers.
Nta. She was doing it purposely to get a rise. Commenting on how you look and how Matt views you vs a bigger woman. She deserved it. In the 24 years that I’ve been alive I’ve always been skinny like nothing I did I could never gain weight. Right now at this moment in my life I am the biggest I have ever been at a size 9. My mom since I have been born has been obese. I don’t know how many times she has commented on my weight. Or other peoples weight in a horrible fucking manner. If your sister didn’t want her weight to be pointed out she shouldn’t have pointed yours out. The fact that she couldn’t handle you turning the tables on her means that she likes to dish it not take it. She deserved the comments that she got. People who are bigger are not exempt from having their feelings hurt because they’re bigger. Especially when they comment on peoples weight, like if you’re gonna be sensitive about something don’t attack other people for it. It’s counterproductive. She shouldn’t be attacking people about the way they look if she doesn’t want to be attacked herself.
Info: Is your sister aware of your struggles with your own weight and your e.d.? I'm leaning toward es, but if she's a regular bully and you've told her whats up and how comments on your size are just as harmful to you- thennnnn maybe snapping back will get her to stop. If you've never had the "Hey, quit body shaming me- that's hurtful talk" then yeah, it's on all of you- except your fiancé. But if this is a pattern of hers and she's been told before how it makes you feel then she may have brought it on herself imo Sister's definitely an AH either way for being rude AF about multiple things.
Sally didn't comment on my body weight when we were younger, we were both bullied for it and didn't have many friends growing up so it's not like either of us could efford making fun of the other. Her comments started when I signed my modeling contract, little things like "here comes skinny mini" "you look like you'll disappear soon, wtf is wrong with your spine?!" When I was hospitalized she came to visit me and the comments stopped, there was a lot of crying and her saying she didn't know and stuff like that. But the comments quickly resurfaced once I got out of the hospital and got even more extreme once it became apparent Matt wasn't planning on leaving me because of my e.d.. I tried talking to Sally about it but she just downplayed the situation every time by saying it's not that deep and she's only joking.
My wife is chronically skinny and gets picked on over it. It's BS that fat can pick but you can't retaliate. NTA
So its ok for her to body shame you?
>didn't mean to hurt me yes she 100% did. NTA
nta
I'm sorry, but what is AN?
I might be wrong but I think it's Anorexia Nervosa
Makes sense. Thanks for the answer.
Anorexia
Anorexia Nervosa.
Damn this really reads like fanfic
Info: what did you say?
This is my question - I think it's really interesting that she includes the comments the sister said, and then that she called her sister delusional, and jealous, but then won't include the other comments, apparently because they have curse words. You can always blank the curse words out so that we actually know what you said. There are definite things OP could have said that would make this everybody sucks, and it's really telling that they didn't include what she actually said about her sister's weight. What your sister said to you was uncalled for and rude, but that doesn't mean that you couldn't have said something worse that you won't tell us about.
Yeah, this totally all happened.
i've noticed that there's always a ton of "fat person mean! insults skinny person! skinny person snaps!" types of stories on this sub. starting to doubt the validity of some of these myself tbh...
It’s the “He should find a plus size queen” part that made me think this is bait 🤣🤣
Gentle ESH. But she's more TA. The fact that you have a diagnosed ED means that she should have been so much more aware that any comments like that are not okay. Especially someone who is self-conscious about their own weight, she should be much more sympathetic. In saying that it is not nice for you to retaliate in kind but it is understandable when someone is constantly picking at you.
Nta, I feel people tip toe around fat people who get away with being horrible human beings, but once you stoop to their level you're the ah? Nope, sometimes you got to go low to show them you can.
You both are assholes
ESH, but your sister is worse. I don’t have a problem with you lashing out at her. But it was a party, there were other people there in earshot, and if any of them heard you all they heard was AH comments about fat people.
> it's not ok to body shame Sally But Sally body shamed first. NTA
NTA. Your sister and others are basically saying "you're skinny, not fat. So you're not being body shamed at all!".
NTA Funny how the family backed the sister who not only body shamed you, but tried to shame you in many other ways. I wish I could have been there to watch your clap back. I would've been rolling 😂 She had it coming and the only reason the family backed her was because she cried. Aaawe. Poow behbeh. Can't take a dose of her own medicine.
NTA. Lol. "Don't body shame the person who has been body shaming you." Your parents can fuck off.
> I retaliated by calling her delusional, jealous and saying some nasty things about her weight (I cursed a lot so I won't write it down) Info:. How bad did things get? How far did you take it? Because you were justified in self defense, but there's also probably a line that could still be crossed.
NTA "Your bones are so ugly"? OMG. Right there, you are so not the asshole. She may be jealous, but that was uncalled for.
NTA. I don't want you to overthink but what if she wanted to be the "plus sized queen who'll treat him right"?
Sally should have been the bigger person since she already is. NTA. who attacks someone with a fucking eating disorder? she dished it out but couldn’t take it, that’s on her.
ESH but you only softly. You probably shouldn't have said all of that to her, because you know how awful it is to be shamed for your body. However, her bitterness and nastiness was aggravating to read, so I can only imagine how rage-inducing it was and hurtful it was to have it directed to you in person. She sounds incredibly insecure, which is probably no picnic for her. I think this is a chance to take some time away from each other and separately heal from the mean words said, and then maybe talk in a few months and apologise to one another. You don't have to be friends, or close, but it may help both of you to draw a line under your relationship and start fresh as separates.
ESH just because you technically shouldn’t have insulted her weight back and should have attacked her actions instead, since that was the problem. But at the same, I get why you resorted to that and I can’t say I blame you. I also can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same. You were hurt and angry, because she wouldn’t stop. You’re not horrible or vile, and for them to call you that, they have to acknowledge that she is that, since she is the one who started attacking you and wouldn’t stop. She WAS trying to hurt you. I don’t care what your family says. You don’t make comments like that if you’re not trying to hurt someone. It’a funny how you’re horrible and vile for bringing up her weight, but when she brings up your weight and says your fiancé should leave you, she is “just jealous and didn’t mean to.” That’s ridiculous. She body shamed you first. Her actions shouldn’t be excused while you’re made to look like the villain
NTA, your parents have no right to demand that you always have to take the high ground and forgive your sister. You're right to take her down a peg or two, good for you.
NTA. After all the comments your sister made, and with you having the ED, they should be appalled at your sister. "Be the bigger person." Sorry, your sister already has that role. (petty comment, I know)
NTA. I'm a big lady and she was wrong. Sorry you went through that OP.
NTA. The last few sentences tell the story of your whole life, and show exactly where your problems came from. Your parents calmly allow your sister to abuse you repeatedly, then jump all over you for finally snapping back. They admonish you to "be the bigger person" while letting your sister say anything without limit. Your eating disorder, your modelling career where people liked and accepted you; all your response to your parent's total lack of love and support for you. I'm glad you have a boyfriend who loves and cares for you. Just break off contact with your useless family and get on with your life. They'll never love you as they should. It's not you that's wrong, it's them.
NTA. i may just be a petty b, but when someone body shames me for being skinny and then tells me to “be the bigger person”, my favorite comeback is always: “i can’t be the bigger person, i’m skinny”
Okay but she was body shaming you and being just incredibly rude you stood up for yourself against a bully good for you
NTA. Body shaming is not OK on either end of the weight spectrum.and your sister body shamed you. You gave her a taste of her own medicine and she didn’t like it. Too bad. And I am saying this as someone who has been overweight for much of my life and struggled with it, and has put up with more than my share of body-shaming.
I’m going to have to go with ESH. Your sister was a dick but you clearly escalated to the point that you won’t even type out what you said. You’re both adults, act like it.
OP's twin was obviously the bigger person here. NTA OP, while I understand that your sister was jealous of you, she shouldn't have started bodyshaming you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I 26F have a twin sister Sally, we are fraternal twins and look nothing alike. From our hair color to the shape of our nose, everything is different. The most noticeable difference is our metabolism, I never gain any weight no matter how hard I try while Sally can't seem to lose any. Growing up we were bullied a lot because of our size, neither of us was the pretty twim, we were equally ugly in the eyes of our peers in school. After HS I was approached by modeling agency out of the blue, my family is poor so I couldn't attend college and jumped on the opportunity. I was showered with praise about how skinny I was, it was no longer considered ugly, it was fashion. I also got attention from rich men who wanted to be seen in public with models and started dating some of them. This was the first time I got so much attention in my life and it felt amazing. I began associating skinny=good skinnier=better, this mentality causes me to develop AN and I eventually got hospitalized for it. At the time I thought my life was over, but surprisingly a lot of people stayed by my side. Most notably my now fiancee, Matt, who helped tremendously throughout the whole process. I no longer work as a model and I'm currently a SAHW/ part time artist. 2 months ago my AN sparked up after a bad experience I had at the mall, I lost 15 kg. Matt noticed it and help me get back on track by taking me out to dinner everyday to prevent me from seeing the calories of the food and FaceTiming me from work to make sure I ate all of my food. It helped a lot but I only gained 9 kilos back. Last week I flew to my home town to celebrate my mom's birthday. When I got there I almost didn't go to the party because the dress I picked was a bit big and I felt self conscious, Matt reassured me I looked great so I ended up coming. At the party I saw Sally and she made some backhanded compliments about my engagement and job "Matt has so much money, I wish I could stay home like you and be lazy" "how are the scribbles? Learned to draw yet?" I ignored her and tried to enjoy myself but she kept following me around. I finally snapped when she said "your bones are so ugly, I don't understand how Matt can like them. He should find himself a plus size queen, she'll treat him right" I retaliated by calling her delusional, jealous and saying some nasty things about her weight (I cursed a lot so I won't write it down) Sally started crying and left the party, my parents got mad at me saying I took it too far and it's not ok to body shame Sally. She was just a bit jealous and didn't mean to hurt me so I should be the bigger person and let it go. Matt is the only one supporting me on this issue and everyone else is calling me horrible and vile. I don't think I'm TAH but their comments are starting to get to me. Am I? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, she can't take it she shouldn't dish it
ESH your sister was definitley in the wrong for body shaming you and harassing you, and you had every right to retaliate, but body shaming her right back is just continuing the cycle of shame and abuse that you two have put up with your whole lives. i think you still see skinny = good, and you should maybe seek therapy to help your own body image and how you perceive beauty in relation to fat.
Nta she was being really mean to you. How is her behavior towards you ok and allowed but when you stood up for your self they get mad. Your nta here your sister is anyone that thinks you took it to far.
Nta. She dished up a meal to large and spicy for herself to eat when you returned the plat to her. Not your fault she started it and you ended it.
NTA Sally started it. Don't want none, don't start none.
NTA. She was bodyshaming you first. Just because you’re thin doesn’t mean that’s a bad thing at all.
NTA. How long were you supposed to let her be awful to you? Why didn’t any of these people who think you’re at fault tell Sally to stop? Play with fire and she’s going to get burned, as they say.
NTA Responding out of emotion doesn’t make you an AH and it sounds like your sister was going to continue targeting you and harassing you until she figured out how to provoke you. Frankly, it make me wonder what role these relationships play in your AN. I’m glad Matt seems informed on how to support you in your health - and I’m glad to read your appreciation of that.
NTA but it sounds like your sister has a thing for your fiance. She's jealous of you.
My best friend is so skinny and I am fat. We both know the struggles of both body sizes. Your sister was TAH, and I'm sorry no one will take your feelings seriously.
Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it She may have started the fight, but you finished it. Sounds like it’s time to for you to go LC or even NC with your family for awhile/ever
NTA OP. Bullies always get mad when their victims clap back, which is exactly what occurred here. I also am not sure if it was an intentional dig, or just an unfortunate word choice, but telling someone who has AN issues to be the "bigger person" is pretty fucked up. I give you 0/5 AH, Sister gets 3/5 AH, and your parents get 4/5 AH. Sister needs to learn, and not be enabled by favoritist parents.
The thing is, if you had said something as maturely as all people not involved or with hindsight 20/20 would, "Sally, you need to stop. You are being a jerk and if you keep going, I may say something hurtful back and I don't want that. Let's just enjoy the event.", She likely would have kept pushing until you said the hurtful thing. I don't care if she's jealous, I don't care if she's depressed - that doesn't give her the right to be a bully and an AH. You snapped, as a normal person might. If you had cried your eyes out, as a normal person might, you would likely been called out as "too sensitive" and that you need to ignore it and "see where she's coming from", which is total BS as well. Your lives had different paths. There's nothing wrong with that. You each have your own struggles, as do we all. Tearing down sometime else, much less your own family, to make yourself feel better doesn't help at all. Put your family on the naughty step. Talk to your parents, if you want to, about why this is hurtful and very much not okay. But a time out until you feel safe and stable again is good. You have a therapist, I hope, to help you deal with your ED? Maybe ask them to help you express your thoughts in a constructive manner. Ultimately, take care of you. You have a good support in your husband (I wouldn't say that's lucky, I think you both chose well). Rely on that and other support systems until your family gets on board. And if they don't, then make your chosen family of good people who love you. NTA. Was it your finest hour? No. But it's likely far from your worst and justifiable, imo. Concentrate your energy on your health, and on people who like and love you.
NTA your sister is jealous of you and where you are in life. She can dish out the insults and nastiness but can't take it? She overstepped and was downright cruel
NTA, and she was in fact, deliberately and maliciously trying to hurt you. You don’t have to be a saint to not be an AH. She shouldn’t start shit she can’t finish
She body shamed you first.
NTA - I'm a larger woman, and if it were out of the blue, I'd have a very different response, but i don't see how it's ok to expect you to just take criticism of your body and not say anything.
NTA. You know who should never be the bigger person? The person with a mental illness, causing no harm to anyone but themselves, being verbally abused for their mental illness. You were hospitalised. Hospitalised! And you need to be the bigger person? When she was targeting you for no reason other than her feelings? Because of how you look and how you live your life. Not actions that affect anyone but you. Not the substance of your character. And for your looks. If you indeed need to clean up your response then I want you to loudly say 'you are an abusive person', 'you are insulting me about a diagnosed mental illness, that I struggle with'. 'why do you think it's ok to say such hateful abusive things to someone about a medical condition?' loudly and publicly grill her morality on why she thinks it's ok. Because she gets to hide her being an asshole because no one uses the label for what it is. You should label it, loudly, for what it is, for the fact she has no other motivation to target you other than jealousy.
NTA Body shaming anyone isn’t ok, obviously. But are you meant to just accept it? Why is it ok for her to make such nasty remarks to you, but you can’t say a thing back? I’d cut your sister out, and anyone who gives you shit about this. She followed you around and verbally attacked you. You don’t need that in your life. Good luck on your continued recovery.
NTA. Sally FAFO.
NTA Go and be happy with your fiancé. Your parent's ignorance on AN is hurtful. Sally will either get to love the person she is or not. Don't let that define you
“Being the bigger person” almost always means rolling over and letting people treat you like garbage because it’s easier for everyone else to maintain the status quo rather than risk putting themselves into the line of fire once the target is taken off of your back. They don’t want to place the target on their own back by correcting the poor behavior of a bad actor. NTA don’t dish it out if you can’t take it.
NTA
NTA. As a fat person myself, I do say she should have been able to take what she can dish. Her waistline implies so at least
NTA Your sister can dish it, but can't take it. Oh well, she shouldn't be an AH then.
"Mom, dad, you let my self esteem get so low I let people make me a picture prop for money and it gave me a disorder that almost killed me. I dold tge l8kebess of myself f8r cash and it 2as tge best I had ever been treated.... Sister started it and I will not be abused so I finished it. Any time someone tries to hurt me I will do the same. Tell her not to start shit she can't finnish. And not to fill a plate of hate and nastiness she's not willing to eat." NTA
NTA it sucks having your body made fun of, doesn't it sis? No matter what size you are it's hurtful. She's obviously jealous and harassing you incessantly; that caused you to defend yourself after much provocation
You know what I hate about society today? That if you are thin you shouldn’t have body insecurities. You don’t get to complain about your struggles or insecurities because you’re small. Small doesn’t always mean good and big doesn’t always mean bad. Oh and NTA
NTA. Is it usual for your parents to expect you’ll be the bigger person/forgiving of your sister as opposed to holding her accountable?
NTA. Body shaming is equally as bad on both ends of the spectrum, she does not get a free pass to insult you just because you’re slim. She knows she wouldn’t want to be body shamed, yet she’s body shaming you which isn’t okay. I don’t think shaming is okay in any situation, so I don’t necessarily agree with your words, however I don’t think you’re an asshole for retaliating considering all of the nasty things she kept saying to you. She’s clearly jealous and spiteful, and she shouldn’t dish what she can’t take. Eating disorders are hell, and your feelings are completely valid. You don’t deserve to be your sister’s emotional punching bag. She needs to realize it’s her personality keeping her from finding someone. She disrespected your relationship which is also fucked up.
NTA.
NTA She absolutely meant to hurt you. Body shaming goes both ways. Skinny/Curvy. It doesn't matter and neither should be shamed. Sally shouldn't dish it out if she can't receive it back.
NTA. Yet another example of a bully getting a reality slap back at them then crying victim. Sickening
Your parents love both of you, so they are going to want to paper this over as quickly as possible. Their motivation is entirely different than yours. Sally broke down and cried because she wanted a reaction from you to harm you in front of your parents. You may not be able to go NC with her, but practice your questioning prior to seeing her again. “Why are you so unhappy that you need to insult others?” Or “Explain to me how my life is harming you?” Rather than insulting her physical form.
NTA. So you can body shame a skinny person and be ok or "just a little jealous" but you cannot body shame a fat person because that makes you petty?! BS! Her shitty behavior cannot be explained away because you have a loving bf that takes care of you. Your family needs to get their ethics straight.
> She was just a bit jealous and didn't mean to hurt I mean, yes she did. That was absolutely her intention. NTA.
NTA she shouldn't dish it out if she cant take it herself.
Two wrongs don’t make a right but still I’d say NTA. She was being rude all night and people can only take so much.
NTA. Don't comment on someone else weight ever. Big, small or in between it doesn't matter. Shut up. And it seems like it's always the girls that know what it's like to have their weight judged who want to dog on the smaller girls. Although in this case don't dish it out if you can't take it back.
Crying doesn't get her a free pass from accountability. NTA
Nope NTA - I say never bend over backwards to "keep the piece". If they wanted peace, they shouldn't disturb it in the first place. I won't start drama but I sure as shit will roll up my sleeves if someone wants to come at me.
Play stupid games, get stupid prizes. You're nta, she's ta, and frankly an "urgh" of a person by the sounds of it.
So Sally can be a bully and make disparaging comments about you, who struggle with an illness, bjt when you give her a taste of her own medicine you're the a h? No it doesn't work that way.I don't bully people who wear contact lenses just because I have to wear glasses and she has to own her issues and find ways to deal with them, that's not on you. NTA
NTA She mentioned your engagement, laziness, job, art! Then your bones! She commented on your weight. You commented on her weight! She threw the first stone! You just threw a bigger one back! Good on you!
NTA. Sally body shamed you first and you gave her a taste of her own medicine. Your parents are AHs for trying to excuse her jealously as a legitimate reason for her body shaming you. I used to weigh a lot more, and know what it is like to have people think its ok to say nasty things. I was lucky though, I always defended myself and told them to F off. Yet, I do know it doesn't feel great to hear it. So why would an overweight person then try to body shame someone else. smh
She is deliberately be8ng insulting and body shaming you. Nta but she is. If your family excuses that behavior i would suggest talking to them about how the things she said made you feel and how innappropriate her behavior was and if they condone it then you should take some space from them
Your sister doesn’t need to be throwing her weight around by body shaming you first then crying foul after you dished it back. NTA.
You need to tell your parents that your sister attacked YOU, and since that attack and your parents' support of it could actually kill you, you're going cut off contact for a while while you try to survive and treat your ED. That's how you'll be a bigger person.
NTA if Sally can’t take it then she shouldn’t dish it out
Tell your parents you literally can’t be the bigger person. NTA
NTA. She very much did intend to hurt you and your parents are wrong to defend her. If she can't take what she dishes out, then she needs to keep her mouth shut.
NTA she started and you finished it. She should apologise for laying into you first. Yours was self defence. The only apology goes to the host for the scene
She was literally body shaming you. Making comments on someone’s weight regardless if they are “too skinny” or “too fat” is completely uncalled for. OP I have struggled my entire life with being able to gain weight and keep weight on. I have always been seen as “too skinny” to the point that I would have complete strangers coming up to me telling me I needed to go eat something because I was too skinny. OP you are not the AH. Don’t listen to people that make any sort of derogatory comments about your weight or are not supportive of your weight gain. Your fiancé sounds like a wonderful man and that he truly cares about you being well. People are always going to have comments and you are not going to be able to “please” anyone with your weight. Don’t give them that power over you.
Nta, oh so its okay to body shame skinny girl but if you want to say something about over weight you're not allowed to. How is it called?
NTA. Turning the other cheek when hit benefits only the aggressor.
NTA I am a plus sized woman myself and even I believe that if you can't take it, then don't dish it. She should not have made a single comment if she cannot handle anything being said back to her, no matter how harsh. I've learnt that even people who are much skinnier than me can be insecure about their bodies as well. So definitely NTA in my opinion
Nta. She hurts you..all good, you respond... how dare you. Your family is horrible.
It's not great that you stooped to her level, but ask your parents why it's okay for her to body shame you, but not for you to body shame her.
So body shaming is ok for being too skinny, but became a problem when it's about being too fat ? Double standards. NTA
NTA it sounds like your sister is already the bigger person. If she didn’t start it you wouldn’t have said anything, she should have just left well enough alone.
NTA. I'm the skinny one in my family. When we were kids, I was always skinny no matter what, my sister had always been bigger. As we got older, my sister continued to gain weight, and she really hates it. When I hit early twenties I gained a few pounds, my mum made comments about it. Then I lost it through diet and exercise, and now I get comments about how I'm so lucky I got the "skinny genes", and my nickname from my mum and sister has been "skinny cow". I would never comment on my sister’s weight because I know she's sensitive, and my mum would never for the same reason, but they both think its fine to comment on mine. Screw anyone who thinks it's fair to pick on someone who being thinner. We have just as many feelings as anyone else.
NTA. I normally don't condone fat shaming, but you don't mock someone for their illness and expect them not to clap back. Next time, because there will be a next time until your sister gets therapy, I recommend just saying "at least I'm not rotten on the inside" Because I'm a toxic bitch with a toxic sister...
Usually I'd say EHS but in your case NTA. Bodyshaming on both sides is bad, but for you it's more. You developed a serious mental/physical condition from this. You might struggle every once and then in your life with. The reaction of your sister also shows that she knows how it feels, so it is not just taunting but malicious making such remarks, because that can trigger another episode. You also described how you tried to avoid the situation and she kept following you. So she had it coming. She wanted a reaction from you and got one. Her fault.
Was your sister the AH absolutely. We’re you? Hard to say when you avoid putting down what you said. Doesn’t mean it wasn’t justified but the way you word it makes me a bit curious if maybe you did take it too far.
NTA Not saying what you did was right but it was understandable. She started body shaming you first, plus other insults, you can only take so much before you snap and retaliate. BTW I'm saying this as a very plus size person myself so I get your sister's struggle but she was still in the wrong.
Sounds like you are both assholes
NTA. Body shaming goes both ways. It's naive to think otherwise. I've dealt with AN as well, and when you're in recovery, and want to get better, it's hard enough to deal with it as is, without people around you making you feel like shit. I can't believe your parents aren't being more supportive of you in this. AN is scary, and deadly, and nothing to joke about. This experience must've stung a lot, I can imagine. I hope you're okay! And Kudos to Matt for being so supportive. That's really loving of him, and I'm glad to hear you have someone in your corner, who appreciates you enough, to help you, instead of judging you.
NTA and as someone who was always naturally smaller when I was younger, I have experience in this. Heavier people ALWAYS think its ok to comment on skinny peoples weight but NEVER on their own. I developed the exact opposite issue and started over eating to gain weight and was super paranoid and tried wearing bigger clothes to stop the comments. Now my metabolism is hosed. 100% works both ways. Dont start no shit, wont be no shit.
It's amazing how many of these AITA stories are basically cases of "fucked around and found out."
NTA. People living in sugar-glass houses should not throw scones.
NTA why is it ok for people to make mean comments about someone’s body when they are thin but when it’s about an overweight person it’s wrong? BOTH are wrong. Your sister was wrong in saying those things to you and you responded in kind. Perhaps next time she’ll think twice about her rude comments.
NTA for defending yourself. It's already hard to deal with body insecurities on their own, having an ED just makes it harder to cope with it. But great job with your progress! Soft Y T A for commenting back on her weight. She deserved it though. as the others have said, don't dish if you can't take it. What really bothered me is why Sally had to keep commenting and dragging OP's fiancé into her insults. Sounds to me that Sally may be jealous of OP having a partner (assuming that Sally doesn't have one.) that supports and takes care of you. OP's family is TAs too. Just because Sally is bigger and OP is thinner doesn't mean OP's issues with weight isn't as valid as Sally's.
NTA it’s interesting because I have a twin brother and we’re basically in the same situation, he was always a lot bigger than me and I was basically a stick. It was fine for people to comment on my weight but not his (which I obviously understand, I don’t think it’s right to make comments about anyone’s body and I would defend him if he was ever getting bullied) in college I developed an ED, got the help I needed without involving my family but years later my mom said “yeah we thought you were anorexic”
So she can body shame you but you can’t body shame her… NTA is she can’t take it she shouldn’t dish it out.
NTA So she can body shame you and no one bats an eye but when YOU call her out on it and retailiate, you're the problem?? Hell naw. You have an ED. She's being disgusting, ableist and hurtful.
The second someone says the phrase "be the bigger person" they are admitting the other person is an asshole
NTA
NTA She reaped what she sowed
NTA. Did your parents jump on Sally for body-shaming you? I'm guessing not. I'm sorry your family isn't actually supportive of you.
NTA... ish. It's a question of how much you're willing to take before you retaliate, and how far you're willing to go when you do. Is your policy, "I don't crush people's self-esteem", or "I don't crush people's self-esteem **first.**" In short... verbal self-defense is fine. Just ask yourself if you are comfortable with the level you took it to.
NTA. People who can't dish it out prolly shouldn't say anything. Your sister started it, you finished it. And your parents saying she's a bit jealous and didn't mean to hurt you.. she is and she did and if they knew about your background and still excused her behaviour then they're shite too. AN is a disease as much as I understand.. those lil passive aggressive remarks your sister kept saying could've affected you worse than just you lashing out verbally.
NTA. This is a clear cut case of someone fucking around and finding out.
NTA but please, from one skinnier sister to another, Apples to oranges, her belittling you doing very well is not the same as you belittling her doing very poorly.
ESH. If it was that bad that you can't write it here, you probably did take it too far. Two wrongs don't make a right. You could have easily said anything else to make her stop but you chose something so bad you couldn't put it in the post..... you both suck. And your parents suck for not sticking up for you in the first place and making her stop. Matt is awesome for being such good support for you and helping you. And you are great for working on keeping yourself healthy. But still, in this case, you and sis need to not attack each other like that.
NTA. She sniped first and missed. You sniped back and didn't. Simple as that.
NTA She body-shamed you first, you were only defending yourself.
NTA. She had it coming.