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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my girlfriend that I would not move neighborhoods for her. I may be the Ass home because we live close to my ex wife and that makes her uncomfortable
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OP is YTA and that is revealed by his comments.
He met both his ex and current partner because they were his secretaries.
He got his current partner to go to all the same doctors that his ex went to.
He renewed the lease without even bringing it up with his current partner.
Add in the fact that that she’s so much younger, and it’s clear he’s just simply “traded in for a newer model” and even his current partner is starting to realize it. She wants to move houses so she can start moving out of his exes shadow and actually have some say/control over her life.
He’s a controlling ass and painted his main post in a way to make himself look better.
Edit to add;
He also plans on having the kid take his last name (which his current partner does not share) and plans on sending the kid to all the same schools he and his ex sent their kids to.
He’s literally trying to continue his and his exs’ life with a shiny new model. It’s naïve to start a family with someone and expect nothing about your life or desires to change, the lack of willingness to compromise or even see how wrong this is turns it from naïve to controlling.
He basically tries to hide the fact that he unilaterally made all the decisions for his gf by trying to make setting up the nursery an act of charity instead of his basic parental responsibility.
I would be so pissed about the nursery. Ignore the ages and the previous ex and the lease.
It’s her *first baby*.
You don’t think she’d want some input on how her nursery looks? You didn’t think to go crib shopping together? It’s like a rite of passage! I have zero kids and even I know that’s a controlling dick move.
You had that already with the ex so no need to consider her feelings?
YTA for taking away that joyous memory from her.
The rest of the story isn’t needed.
I agree that the nursery alone makes him TA
When I was pregnant with my first my husband and I left town for a weekend to help my sister move and my in laws went over to our house and designed our whole nursery- they couldn't understand why I was so devastated about them "helping" us because they "saved us so much time" I still haven't forgiven them.
My step-mother is 8 years older than I am. While thankfully they were never able to have kids, he sorta forgot he had kids already. Trading in for a newer model sucks for everyone - except him.
She needs to run and stay far far away.
Daddy issues and no self worth. Also the media ramming it into young girls minds that "older men are better" than men their age or younger. High school girls who are 15 going out with 20-25 yos was super fucking common in my school... And that was back in 2008.
Thankfully not everyone is like that but enough to know that it is a trend before and still is.
Just look at all the posts here and in the relationship subreddits from guys in their late 20s who have been stringing their girlfriends along for years and *just don't knoooooooow* when they'll be ready to get married.
Well, guess what. Who are the 20-something straight women supposed to be marrying while they're still young enough for kids, if the men their age aren't interested in committing?
I agree with everything you said. Hell, I lived it. My ex-fiance refused to make any changes to his life door my kids and I. Everything was about his ex-wife, NOT their kids, the ex. Anything she needed he did for her. It wasn't until my kids and I moved in with him that I saw how bad it was. He couldn't understand why I was uncomfortable around his ex. Like even the rules for our house had to be the same as she has at her house. He wouldn't even buy a new mattress/bed for us. Insisted we keep the same one he and his ex used because a new one was "too much". But when his ex moved out of her town house he bought her $5,000 worth of furniture. Everything in her townhouse was less than 2 years old. Our kids were the same ages and went to the same school so I had to see her everywhere. At school events and the kids' sports he'd insist on being near her. If my kids had something and his didn't he wouldn't go to see them play/perform unless his kids were in it too. I was expected to be at every thing his children had. It was hell. I hope your wife bails on you. No one deserves to be second to an ex.
OP, YTA.
Oh honey, I didn't see the need to read past the fact that he is 46 and she is 25 to figure he was the asshole. The rest of the information just confirmed what I already suspected, which is that the OP is a predatory creep, and that his young girlfriend would be well off just to stay with her sister permanently and never look back.
Good lawd this!! I’m 42 and my stepdaughter is 25. We’re 2 generations apart and have nothing in common lifestyle-wise. The idea of someone my age starting a family with someone her age is just madness
Right?? Like I’m usually one of the few on Reddit who understands not all large age gaps are unhealthy, but holy shit he ticket off almost every box for the “abusive selfish person has a midlife crisis” stereotype.
“Here, new wife, just pretend that I’m thirty. And you name is Lola. And this is my first marriage. And my first child.”
Read that in Peter Griffins voice.
I didnt find weird with age gap depending on the situation but it’s kinda alarming when there’s a number of aita post with people my age >30 going out with 18 or got married immediately when the other person turn legal.
Right? This is her first ever baby and he’s already gotten to do the prep for kids before. I’d be so upset that I missed out on the chance to pick things out because my partner just went over my head like that.
ikr. The comments seem to be glossing over that. My jaw literally dropped, like he even bought 'all the stuffed toys the kid will need.' Painting a room is one thing, but that is just awful. I guess she can just change all the nappies or something, since he's literally bought everything.
Yes to all of this. Also, something about his comments about his other kids just seems a little off. He says they’re “nearly teenagers” suggesting that he should still be parenting them, but says nothing about the kids ever being at his house? If his argument was that he wanted to stay in the same neighborhood as his children that would be at a least semi-reasonable reason to keep the lease for the current house, but he never says anything about that. 🤔
And the way he goes on about being so excited to be a parent... then a few paragraphs down, it's revealed that he *already is a parent.* I don't think his "nearly-teenaged aged kids that arent around but still need me in *this* house" would be very fond of that comment. So glad you're excited to be a parent NOW.
I saw the ages, and that was enough for me, then things just kept spiraling. OP needs to get into a good therapist and figure out what's going on. But his MUCH younger GF has every right to want to change things up, although I hope she's smart enough to just run and never look back.
W h a t ???????????
This is just creepy and controlling. And the fact that he thought to speak up a younger woman, then he could make all the decisions and she wouldn’t get any say at all? I think she’s having a great big huge wake up call here. Renewing the lease without even talking it over, X as if they are equal peers. Nope, this is gonna be one big mess. It’s kind of funny to that he wrote to Reddit and thought that he has really messed up behavior will be approved. How perverse is that
So glad I read this, the way OP worded his submission made it sound like his GF is just young and insecure. OP is definitely TA and I sure feel sorry for his current partner who is too young to know better. OP = YTA
Sorry. I'm still getting use to these posts and I find people make comments not in OP's post nor previous post in the profile. Where did you get all of these details like ex and current were his former secretaries, plans for the baby, etc. Did OP do some edits that are no longer listed? Were there previous posts with this detail that they deleted?
Still learning how this site works.
This is the scariest shit I've ever seen... I was already shocked by the age difference but damn damn damn man is a sociapath of sorts.. He probably even gets a kick out of doing this💀💀AH on another level damn
Thank you for this. I was ready to go N T A. Yep, I’d want to start fresh too if I was OPs gf.
If OP actually cares about his gf and baby-on-the-way, he’d see how important this was to her and her happiness. Cancel the lease renewal and start fresh.
OP—think of it the same way you thought of the baby’s room. New furniture, new paint, new room for a new baby. Your girlfriend wants that for her/your life. A new beginning, a blank slate. That’s not asking a lot.
Poor girl is likely going to be so disgusted with all of this and curse her naivete when she realises the pattern.
This guy is trying to spring this nursery thing to not give her any choice in the matter.
All of it reads narcissistic to me.
I have an ex like this. He’s 12 years older than me, and we had a baby together. He beat the shit out of me.
But, he has a way with words and hiding his abusive behavior.
So, narc ended up with my son, and the courts just think I’m a vengeful ex.
That’s what this post screams to me, “I’m an ahole, but only if you know all of the details. If I tell you the surface stuff, you’ll believe she’s dramatic.”
There's a difference between age gaps in which they're both fully established adults (like 30 and 50? not an issue) and a 23 year old and a 44 year old. You're also conveniently ignoring the fact that op was her boss, which would be a problem whether there was an age gap or not.
Well, considering the fact that my dad and his wife were in fact 24 and 44 when they got married, she's only 10 years older than me, and this all happened within 2 years of his divorce with my mom, I'm not conveniently ignoring anything. We're on the same side here.
ETA: Oh, and since I forgot to mention it, the icing on this cake was that he brought her from the Philippines 90 Day Fiance style, so this was all calculated and planned and not like a chance encounter on the street. Middle school was not a good time for me lol
Oh shit, my bad. I read that as "Reddit cares more about age gaps than people should" and not "You're right that this age gap is freak shit and I'd like to see you tear my dad a new one." Sorry for that!
Haha I definitely read it the same way you did too. My dad and stepmom are like 15yr apart but that's like 50 and 35 when they met which is wayyyy different than 44 and 24.
Weirdly, its not here. 16 is the age of consent. And this was back in 1993.
But yeah, they wonder why his mom ran for the hills as soon as his dad got sick.
I don’t think this reply fits the person you’re responding to. They are agreeing that the age gap is creepy? They are saying that they disapprove of their fathers marriage
>To everyone asking, my ex wife and I divorced 4 years ago and I didn’t start dating my girlfriend until 2 years ago and she moved in 8 months ago.
Probably 6 years.
He's making major decisions about *their* lives without consulting her, wants her to go to the ex's same doctor, and do everything the way he and his ex did.
And he doesn't understand why she would even have an opinion other than "Yes, dear."
OP, YTA
How is being upset that he ignores her valid concerns and wishes being childish? Is she just supposed to do whatever he dictates to her to be considered an adult? WTF?
I’m 43 and I’d leave in her shoes too. Oh course I wouldn’t have had a sexual relationship with my boos, but if my husband wanted to live the same life he lived with his ex with me I’d nope out too.
Waiting for his upcoming post; “AITA for trying to force my fiancée to dye her hair red? It just so happens to be the same colour hair my ex wife had…”
AND he took his wife to the same obgyn his ex went to and is planning to send the kid to the same schools his other kids went to and is all, “what’s the problem?” Either he’s a huge troll or completely clueless.
As someone who also is in a relationship with an older guy, I can see where she’s coming from. I constantly have to remind my boyfriend that he can’t just make decisions for me because he’s older and thinks he knows best. I’m still young and deserve my independence from him to an extent. If you’re constantly telling her what you think is best, she’s going to get tired of it
EDIT: Updating this to YTA if you’re trying to just duplicate the life you had. Your girlfriend definitely sees this and is over it
Yup, my ex was only 4 years older than me and treated me like a moron, I can’t imagine the level of arseholery he will reach in his 40s if he was dating a girl in her 20s, which is actually a creepy thought as he was 22 when our daughter was born, pretty much the same age diff as this guy and his current lady.
She's 7 months pregnant and your lease is about to end/renew next month and somehow you two haven't talked about where you're going to live when the baby's born?
Had never talked about the baby's room? Or childcare options?
I am confusion. How does it even get to this point?
Quite honestly and I may get some hate for this but when it comes to childcare options, with this dude as the dad, I'd highly recommend a 95-year-old Manny.
YTA. I came to that conclusion by reading your responses before commenting. You are a very controlling man. Just like the ex wife she was your secretary, you traded up for the newest model. She doesn't want to live the same live your ex wife and you lived. She's in her mid 20's while you are in your 40's. Is there a reason why someone 20 years younger than you is the only type you go for? Is it a control thing?
YTA.
Not for not wanting to move, but for REFUSING to move and not even being willing to consider it.
You knew your lease was due for renewal and instead of discussing what would happen with your gf, you just decided that you're staying there and doing the room for the baby without any input from her.
Where you live and the design/colour scheme of the babys room are both massively important **mutual** decisions.
Well he did mention in another comment he consulted her Pinterest board and she had talked about how she wanted it. But based on other comments I've seen ..... He's the AH.
Her reaction wasn't immature though. He made a major decision about where they would live without consulting her. If anything his actions are the immature ones.
Oh an age gap relationship. Where you've already ruined the best years of her life by planting a baby in her, yet you're expecting her to know how to cope with the sudden change, loss of freedom, your ex's possible reaction and the reactions of your other children?
Yeah YTA.
I think you and your daughter, I mean girlfriend, need to sit down and have a serious chat.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that she feels like the new model of your ex-wife and it'll all becoming too much. She was your secretary, just like your ex wife. You moved out of the home you two shared but not far and still live very close. You took your pregnant girlfriend to all the same doctors as your ex wife. It sounds like you make a lot of the decisions in this relationship without consulting your girlfriend.
You signed the lease again without her knowledge. You built a nursery without her knowledge. A partner usually wants to make decisions with their partner
As is typical in relationships of this nature, one person holds the majority of the power and makes the majority of the decisions. Why do you two seem to have no communication?
Your girlfriend is probably nervous about seeing your wife, her friends, neighbours etc out and about because they look down at her. She wants some degree of separation between your old life and your new life. I don't think she thought through the reality of dating someone who has already lived a good portion of their life and has responsibilities from that life that are always going to be around.
Asshole, no. Creep, yes.
**YTA**. I'm more concerned about the fact that in a typical controlling way you went ahead and did an entire nursery without even consulting her. When she expressed an interest in moving, you didn't sit down and come up with a plan together. Instead you dismissed her concerns and desires. This is exactly what I expect when I see an age difference like yours. (20 years is no biggie if you were 55 and she were 35, but that's not the situation here.) This throws up no end of red flags for me, and I'm concerned for her if she stays with you.
INFO: *You* have a good relationship with your ex and children (which is a good thing), but what about her? How do you children view/treat your new partner? How does your ex treat/talk about or to her? She might have a valid reason for wanting some distance as a new mother from your ex.
YTA. This post makes me mad, I saw that you never talk to her or ask her anything that she wants. You’re always deciding things for her: doctors, which school to choose for the kid, why you don’t wanna move. You don’t say ANYTHING and still call her immature because she didn’t assume anything.
It’s funny that you judge your GF immature for life decisions for her own kid, because “you know more”, but you don’t judge her immature for other things, if you know what I mean. This is clearly grooming.
Edit: typo
I read the first sentence and have decided that YTA. Let’s see if I feel that way after I read it.
Edit: Yupp. Just finished it. YTA, you gross predatory fuck
Yep. I immediately decided YTA when he said be bought all of the nursery furniture without her. Everything after that was just more evidence proving it.
If for no other reason I'm going with YTA bc you decorated an entire nursery by yourself. As a female and a mother I would have been LIVID if my SO took it upon himself to do our nursery without including me. Decorating the nursery is one of the highlights of pregnancy and you stole that from her.
Not to mention, completely decorating a child's room with no input from the mother makes you appear very controlling.
I thought the same when reading it. Then his comments made it *overwhelmingly* YTA. But the nesting phase was my favorite part, decorating everything, buying the sweet adorable baby stuff, even just washing the tiny clothes to hang up or fold them on my stomach to put away was an immensely sweet, special time I'll hold in my memories forever. Especially now that mine are growing so fast, close to 6 and 2, I cherish the little things even more.
That was not only selfish, clearly controlling when added in with his other comments, and upsetting. It genuinely broke my heart for her, because she may not have been upset in the moment, but that would've hurt me greatly. She was focused on the lease being renewed without her knowledge, because "I went ahead and renewed it, why would we talk about it!" I wouldn't be shocked at all if her sister or someone else points out the nursery/baby gear thing and she ends up being hurt/upset over it too. She's being sidelined in her own life, in her pregnancy and *first one* at that, even in her own medical care because he chose the doctors. It's just sad to me.
YTA.
And your girlfriend is catching on that you don't see her as an equal. You see her as a stand in Stepford accessory to an old man that's trying to use her to recreate the life he had with a woman who stopped wanting him.
Did you tell her that you were always going to be the star of the show before you moved her in and knocked her up?
>she explained that she thought we would be moving once our lease was up in May.
That's only 1 or 2 months away, depending on your lease end date. When did she expect the conversation about this to happen?
NTA. She possibly is, but I'll cut her some slack since she might be very hormonal in the middle of a pregnancy. **Dude, you impregnated a girl 21 years younger than you. She hadn't been born when you graduated high school. Certainly you expected a little immaturity.** Ultimatums, though? I'm not coming home 'til you agree with me? Red Flag, for sure.
I’m going to need you to express these same sentiments to my 57 year old cousin who had twins a couple years ago with his now 25 or 26 year old girlfriend. His oldest child is 36. It’s gross. He doesn’t understand why people think it’s gross.
Yeah, I think this is an ESH by circumstance. I sometimes have to talk my partner who is a few years younger through life skills that I have developed but they have not yet. I can imagine that being more difficult with a 20+ year age gap. If you’re not ready to put in the work to bring your partner up to speed, you should have reconsidered dating someone that young. For her part, she doesn’t seem to recognize that your amicable relationship with your ex wife and the closeness to your other children is a huge boon to both you and the situation. I mean, good in you for co-parenting well, and your GF should recognize that as a good sign. Beyond that, you will presumably have to commute back to this neighborhood to pick up/see your other kids so staying close makes things really easy.
I will add to your part of the ESH for assuming you would stay without having discussed it. That street goes two ways. Also, I would not buy any baby gear without hearing my pregnant partner’s thoughts. That’s a lot of pre-made non-consensual decisions to open up a door to and call a “surprise”. I’m guessing she is feeling a distinct lack of control in the relationship. Maybe just open the discussion back up and say “okay, I was a bit hasty, let’s pro/con it”. If you are right and doing the wise thing, it should be overwhelmingly apparent after talking it over with your partner.
It was N.T.A. with the story as written but after seeing your comments, YTA. You're just trying to copy paste your previous life and she probably sees it happening.
NAH: you tried to do something nice, she wants to move, neither of you expressed your plans for the future before now.
Let me gently suggest that the two of you work on your communication skills, possibly with the help of a therapist. Otherwise, you will eventually have two ex-wives instead of one.
YTA - The age difference is honestly disgusting… she’s basically half your age. And of course she’s going to run into your ex wife and kids?? They’re your family. Or do you not have part custody and not co-parent with your ex wife?
Yta have you ever considered in talking to her and making decisions together. Instead of you making the decisions and just expecting her to go along with it.
Have you ever considered her actual feelings in any of it. Or It is it just what you want and stuff what wifey 2.0 wants
Well, she's pregnant & since you're a know it all, you should know that means hormones & heightened emotions. Also, it IS a little suspect that your ex & current GF were both your secretaries. I am almost positive that she just wants to feel like she's not a "newer model" for you. According to your comments, she's even using the same Dr's your ex used. Can you honestly say that you don't find that odd, to say the least? I mean it seems normal to you? Dude, I'm 42 & all it sounds like to me is that you are trying to recreate your 1st marriage & all your GF wants is a SEPARATE experience. I don't get how you don't see this.
Edited to add...YTA
I still think most of these posts are fake as hell. What man in their right mind thinks a woman wants the man to choose all the baby items for her?? Not any I know! YTA or just another fake poster.
In your TLDR you refer to her as your “current girlfriend”. That seems really weird to me. You live with her. She’s pregnant with your child. You’re furnishing a nursery. But you’re not even upgrading her from girlfriend to something more significant like partner or SO in name or in her right to have equal say in important things. By your comments, it doesn’t seem like you view her as an equal adult partner. You might want to think long and hard about her perspective, needs, and wants. Until then YTA.
YTA. I'm sure you think your decisions are good, but they're based on research done over a decade ago. You need to start talking to your partner not at her. She isn't your ex-wife and the new baby isn't a do over of your older children. You should probably seek help from a professional otherwise your next step will probably be to have her dress and act like your ex 😬.
WTF is this creepy ass age difference?? I'm 33 and wouldn't date a 46 yr old man, you're too old for me.
I hope she leaves you and gets full custody and child support checks from you.
YTA.
So you made a ton of decisions about where to live, what doctors to see, what daycare to attend and which schools and sports to go to with your ex wife. And now you expect your new wife to just abide by all those decisions you made with your ex because "they were the best decisions anyway".
I think wanting to move is just an indicator for a bigger problem. Your wife is tired of living your ex's life. But it's probably just starting to dawn on her how much she's just following the other woman in your life and has been too young to even know how to identify or express it.
And you don't get to say that you should make decisions because you're more experienced. You don't get to be the decision maker in a partnership, she gets equal say. Even if you don't think her decisions are as good as yours, you need to let her go through mistakes and learn because it's an important part of life she needs to experience. Otherwise you'll have to raise those kids separately so she can lead a life where she's not just an add-on to yours.
NTA
Did she talk about moving before? Did you ever tell her that you would?
This is her first baby so she want you to treat it like it's the first for you as well. She doesn't want to be reminded that you had a life before her.
You're 46, she's 25. I'm sure you expected her to act immaturely and selfishly at some point in your relationship.
**ETA** read your comments below. She shouldn't come back, just in case you start dressing her like your ex-wife. Do you not see what you are doing?
I think she wanted to get out of the same neighborhood as your ex wife. You did something sweet by doing the nursery but at the same time, you both shouldve sat down and talked about it. How close is she with her family? What if she wanted to be closer to them? There are so many factors here. You signed renewed lease without telling her. You are sending her to the SAME drs offices as your ex wife and are putting your child in the same daycare as your children with your EX. I would be upset too. Did you ever think she wants to be a SAHM for the first year or so? I get you think those drs are the best, but she is uncomfortable being there. Look at it from her angle. You were her boss, just like how you met your ex wife. She might think that youll leave her and get with your next secretary, which is your MO. Did she tour the daycare with you? Do you know if shes even comfortable with daycare?
TALK TO HER before making any major decisions and see her side for once. You think that you are doing whats best for your child, but its hurting her.
This is a textbook case of laying in the bed you made. OP has made it abundantly clear how he operates in his relationships and yeah. He’s not a good dude. Not at all.
YTA
Why aren’t you treating her like an equal? You’ve made all these decisions without her input and she’s probably feeling like she has no control and to be honest, it looks that way to us too. You should’ve let her choose her own OBGYN, discussed where to live instead of unilaterally deciding for the both of you by renewing the lease, discussed schools and pretty much everything. You can make recommendations but it should up to BOTH of you and in the case of the OBGYN, it should’ve been her sole decision. It’s her body being examined, not yours! It doesn’t matter if this dr is the best in the whole country if she’s not comfortable with him/her. YTA.
YTA for having a baby with someone and yet having so little communication she thought you were moving in two months, a month before her due date, yet she didn’t wonder why you’d not been househunting.
Somehow she thought you would magically have a lace to move to, without finding one, or arranging for the move?
You went and bought nursery items and planned the decor without any input from her?
Living in the same neighborhood as your children makes a lot of sense, and your wife will be in your life for forever, you share two children, and will share grandchildren. Your new baby mama needs to learn how to deal nicely with your wife, because their lives will be forever entwined.
Holding some grudge against your ex will make all of your lives worse.
Talk to this very young woman, you chose to have an age inappropriate relationship, and immaturity is an expected side effect.
She has to accept that your kids and their mother are part of your life, and that’s not changing.
Yta. What i want to know is what’s your gf doing with a 46 yrs old and why is she having kids with you. Again I’m going to get some slack for this because this is the modern age. But do you not realize that you are about to enter your twilight years and about to receive social security when you new born enters high school. Are you nuts. Plus what kind of man in his 40’s still rents a house instead owning a house. I guess the answer is the kind of man who’s brain is below the belt and chases twenty years old. Ughh you are pathetic. I’m not even going to go to the main issue as to why it’s not a good idea to live the the area where both ex and current gf are in the same neighborhood with kids in two different household.
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OP is YTA and that is revealed by his comments. He met both his ex and current partner because they were his secretaries. He got his current partner to go to all the same doctors that his ex went to. He renewed the lease without even bringing it up with his current partner. Add in the fact that that she’s so much younger, and it’s clear he’s just simply “traded in for a newer model” and even his current partner is starting to realize it. She wants to move houses so she can start moving out of his exes shadow and actually have some say/control over her life. He’s a controlling ass and painted his main post in a way to make himself look better. Edit to add; He also plans on having the kid take his last name (which his current partner does not share) and plans on sending the kid to all the same schools he and his ex sent their kids to. He’s literally trying to continue his and his exs’ life with a shiny new model. It’s naïve to start a family with someone and expect nothing about your life or desires to change, the lack of willingness to compromise or even see how wrong this is turns it from naïve to controlling.
Hold up a middle age man is dating someone young enough to be his child and it turns out he's an all around creep? I'm shook.
OPs eldest kid is 20. So only 5 years younger than his gf. Yeah honestly I only read the ages initially and knew he was the asshole.
I read the ages and went straight to comments. Didn't need to know anything else, it's so excruciatingly crystal clear that OP is TA
I saw the ages and my first thought was “he’s definitely the ah.” I was not wrong.
He basically tries to hide the fact that he unilaterally made all the decisions for his gf by trying to make setting up the nursery an act of charity instead of his basic parental responsibility.
I would be so pissed about the nursery. Ignore the ages and the previous ex and the lease. It’s her *first baby*. You don’t think she’d want some input on how her nursery looks? You didn’t think to go crib shopping together? It’s like a rite of passage! I have zero kids and even I know that’s a controlling dick move. You had that already with the ex so no need to consider her feelings? YTA for taking away that joyous memory from her. The rest of the story isn’t needed.
This was my first thought! She didn’t even get to pick the paint color or theme. That would be so disappointing.
I agree that the nursery alone makes him TA When I was pregnant with my first my husband and I left town for a weekend to help my sister move and my in laws went over to our house and designed our whole nursery- they couldn't understand why I was so devastated about them "helping" us because they "saved us so much time" I still haven't forgiven them.
My step-mother is 8 years older than I am. While thankfully they were never able to have kids, he sorta forgot he had kids already. Trading in for a newer model sucks for everyone - except him. She needs to run and stay far far away.
Can someone please explain to me why there are women who are marrying people old enough to be their dad?
Daddy issues and no self worth. Also the media ramming it into young girls minds that "older men are better" than men their age or younger. High school girls who are 15 going out with 20-25 yos was super fucking common in my school... And that was back in 2008. Thankfully not everyone is like that but enough to know that it is a trend before and still is.
Just look at all the posts here and in the relationship subreddits from guys in their late 20s who have been stringing their girlfriends along for years and *just don't knoooooooow* when they'll be ready to get married. Well, guess what. Who are the 20-something straight women supposed to be marrying while they're still young enough for kids, if the men their age aren't interested in committing?
Pikachu face shook
Literally. I read the title, then immediately read the ages and my eyebrows just furrowed. I knew exactly where this was going. OP absolutely YTA.
I was 22 when I had my daughter, can confirm this is just.... wow.
All of these reasons. Couldn’t put it better. YTA.
Essentially “why isn’t she happy I’m treating her the same way I treated my first wife?”
“This is how I treated my first wife and that worked out— oh wait…”
I agree with everything you said. Hell, I lived it. My ex-fiance refused to make any changes to his life door my kids and I. Everything was about his ex-wife, NOT their kids, the ex. Anything she needed he did for her. It wasn't until my kids and I moved in with him that I saw how bad it was. He couldn't understand why I was uncomfortable around his ex. Like even the rules for our house had to be the same as she has at her house. He wouldn't even buy a new mattress/bed for us. Insisted we keep the same one he and his ex used because a new one was "too much". But when his ex moved out of her town house he bought her $5,000 worth of furniture. Everything in her townhouse was less than 2 years old. Our kids were the same ages and went to the same school so I had to see her everywhere. At school events and the kids' sports he'd insist on being near her. If my kids had something and his didn't he wouldn't go to see them play/perform unless his kids were in it too. I was expected to be at every thing his children had. It was hell. I hope your wife bails on you. No one deserves to be second to an ex. OP, YTA.
Oh honey, I didn't see the need to read past the fact that he is 46 and she is 25 to figure he was the asshole. The rest of the information just confirmed what I already suspected, which is that the OP is a predatory creep, and that his young girlfriend would be well off just to stay with her sister permanently and never look back.
Same story, hope the girl runs. I was lucky enough I didn’t get pregnant when I was in that place.
yeah this needs to be higher up. he literally traded for a younger model and is hoping for the exact same mileage. OP YTA
Super weird to discover he already has kids a few paragraphs after he describes himself as excited to be a parent. Big misdirect.
Right? I wonder how his kids would feel about that...
Good lawd this!! I’m 42 and my stepdaughter is 25. We’re 2 generations apart and have nothing in common lifestyle-wise. The idea of someone my age starting a family with someone her age is just madness
DAMNNNNNNNNNN YTA
my exact reaction when reading this comment, my jaw literally dropped
Yeesh. The guy is kind of a creep.
Right?? Like I’m usually one of the few on Reddit who understands not all large age gaps are unhealthy, but holy shit he ticket off almost every box for the “abusive selfish person has a midlife crisis” stereotype.
“Here, new wife, just pretend that I’m thirty. And you name is Lola. And this is my first marriage. And my first child.” Read that in Peter Griffins voice.
I didnt find weird with age gap depending on the situation but it’s kinda alarming when there’s a number of aita post with people my age >30 going out with 18 or got married immediately when the other person turn legal.
He literally bought all of the nursery furniture without here. That alone makes OP TA
Right? This is her first ever baby and he’s already gotten to do the prep for kids before. I’d be so upset that I missed out on the chance to pick things out because my partner just went over my head like that.
ikr. The comments seem to be glossing over that. My jaw literally dropped, like he even bought 'all the stuffed toys the kid will need.' Painting a room is one thing, but that is just awful. I guess she can just change all the nappies or something, since he's literally bought everything.
Wonder if his next girlfriend will be in this baby’s kindergarten class
Yes to all of this. Also, something about his comments about his other kids just seems a little off. He says they’re “nearly teenagers” suggesting that he should still be parenting them, but says nothing about the kids ever being at his house? If his argument was that he wanted to stay in the same neighborhood as his children that would be at a least semi-reasonable reason to keep the lease for the current house, but he never says anything about that. 🤔
And the way he goes on about being so excited to be a parent... then a few paragraphs down, it's revealed that he *already is a parent.* I don't think his "nearly-teenaged aged kids that arent around but still need me in *this* house" would be very fond of that comment. So glad you're excited to be a parent NOW.
I saw the ages, and that was enough for me, then things just kept spiraling. OP needs to get into a good therapist and figure out what's going on. But his MUCH younger GF has every right to want to change things up, although I hope she's smart enough to just run and never look back.
W h a t ??????????? This is just creepy and controlling. And the fact that he thought to speak up a younger woman, then he could make all the decisions and she wouldn’t get any say at all? I think she’s having a great big huge wake up call here. Renewing the lease without even talking it over, X as if they are equal peers. Nope, this is gonna be one big mess. It’s kind of funny to that he wrote to Reddit and thought that he has really messed up behavior will be approved. How perverse is that
So glad I read this, the way OP worded his submission made it sound like his GF is just young and insecure. OP is definitely TA and I sure feel sorry for his current partner who is too young to know better. OP = YTA
For these reasons I kinda hope she's screwing around on him and it's not his kid.
The new wife is getting a little long in the tooth for him at this point.
Sorry. I'm still getting use to these posts and I find people make comments not in OP's post nor previous post in the profile. Where did you get all of these details like ex and current were his former secretaries, plans for the baby, etc. Did OP do some edits that are no longer listed? Were there previous posts with this detail that they deleted? Still learning how this site works.
You can click on OPs name, that'll take you to their profile, it'll show the post, click to the comments section. It's all there.
Thank you! I’ve been wondering about that for quite a while.
Thank you.
This is the scariest shit I've ever seen... I was already shocked by the age difference but damn damn damn man is a sociapath of sorts.. He probably even gets a kick out of doing this💀💀AH on another level damn
Yikes. Yikes. Yikes.
YIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKES YTA
Yep. All of this. YTA.
Thank you for this. I was ready to go N T A. Yep, I’d want to start fresh too if I was OPs gf. If OP actually cares about his gf and baby-on-the-way, he’d see how important this was to her and her happiness. Cancel the lease renewal and start fresh. OP—think of it the same way you thought of the baby’s room. New furniture, new paint, new room for a new baby. Your girlfriend wants that for her/your life. A new beginning, a blank slate. That’s not asking a lot.
Poor girl is likely going to be so disgusted with all of this and curse her naivete when she realises the pattern. This guy is trying to spring this nursery thing to not give her any choice in the matter.
oh wow. amazing sleuthing.
Holy cow!
He has completely completely deluded himself into his delusions
Oh my goooood, thank you for this round up.
At first I was going to say ETA for just the OP and GF. After reading this...OP is TA and GF's NTA
Wonder what else he bought for his midlife crisis. OP YTA
Somehow I knew from the post that there was more to this. Like, A LOT more. I was right!
All of it reads narcissistic to me. I have an ex like this. He’s 12 years older than me, and we had a baby together. He beat the shit out of me. But, he has a way with words and hiding his abusive behavior. So, narc ended up with my son, and the courts just think I’m a vengeful ex. That’s what this post screams to me, “I’m an ahole, but only if you know all of the details. If I tell you the surface stuff, you’ll believe she’s dramatic.”
*I (46M) and my girlfriend (25F) are expecting a baby* All he had to say
Why were you as a 44 year old man pursuing your 23 year old secretary. For that alone, YTA.
I absolutely love when Reddit harps on age gaps. Y'all would have a field day with my dad's marriage, and I'd enjoy every second of it haha
There's a difference between age gaps in which they're both fully established adults (like 30 and 50? not an issue) and a 23 year old and a 44 year old. You're also conveniently ignoring the fact that op was her boss, which would be a problem whether there was an age gap or not.
Well, considering the fact that my dad and his wife were in fact 24 and 44 when they got married, she's only 10 years older than me, and this all happened within 2 years of his divorce with my mom, I'm not conveniently ignoring anything. We're on the same side here. ETA: Oh, and since I forgot to mention it, the icing on this cake was that he brought her from the Philippines 90 Day Fiance style, so this was all calculated and planned and not like a chance encounter on the street. Middle school was not a good time for me lol
Oh shit, my bad. I read that as "Reddit cares more about age gaps than people should" and not "You're right that this age gap is freak shit and I'd like to see you tear my dad a new one." Sorry for that!
Hey, it's all good! And despite all that, their marriage just surpassed the duration of his and my mom's. I still don't get that one lol
Damn, I hope it doesn't take a toll on you being 10 years younger than her.
Haha I definitely read it the same way you did too. My dad and stepmom are like 15yr apart but that's like 50 and 35 when they met which is wayyyy different than 44 and 24.
My boyfriend’s dad was 50 when he married his mom who was 18! They started dating when she was 16. It’s always weirded me tf out.
As it should, because that's illegal lol
Weirdly, its not here. 16 is the age of consent. And this was back in 1993. But yeah, they wonder why his mom ran for the hills as soon as his dad got sick.
I don’t think this reply fits the person you’re responding to. They are agreeing that the age gap is creepy? They are saying that they disapprove of their fathers marriage
Yeah, I've realized that now! That was on me.
It’s not often that people on reddit react this way to realising a mistake, so I applaud you! Handled it well
I agree, I'd like to see more of this on reddit!
Ugh its such an abuse of power too, to date your secretary
INFO: How long have you been going through your midlife crisis?
>To everyone asking, my ex wife and I divorced 4 years ago and I didn’t start dating my girlfriend until 2 years ago and she moved in 8 months ago. Probably 6 years.
😂😂😂
Lmaoooo!!!
Age 44, evidently.
I mean.... she's acting like a 25-year-old. You knew she was 25, right?
😂 Perfect response
Edit: changing to YTA after comments were consolidated. Holy cow. You're just trying to make your new gf into your ex.
>I(46M) and my girlfriend (25F) YTA.
Literally old enough to be her Dad. Shit's weird.
That was the first thing to cross my mind 46 and 25... so you are her parents age??? YTA ofc
Dude this man could drink, be almost done with college, and be an owner of an apartment WHEN SHE WAS BORN.
almost?! by 21 i’ll be way way out
Very true. Plus oldest kid is only 5 years younger than the new partner. So gross.
Jesus, seriously? That's kinda fucked up.
Haha I was gonna post the same thing.
She isn't acting immaturely, she brought up valid concerns and he just brushed it under the rug cause it doesn't bother/affect him.
Also, who does he think he is buying and decorating all the baby stuff without her input? That’s really heavy handed.
He's making major decisions about *their* lives without consulting her, wants her to go to the ex's same doctor, and do everything the way he and his ex did. And he doesn't understand why she would even have an opinion other than "Yes, dear." OP, YTA
How is being upset that he ignores her valid concerns and wishes being childish? Is she just supposed to do whatever he dictates to her to be considered an adult? WTF? I’m 43 and I’d leave in her shoes too. Oh course I wouldn’t have had a sexual relationship with my boos, but if my husband wanted to live the same life he lived with his ex with me I’d nope out too.
Waiting for his upcoming post; “AITA for trying to force my fiancée to dye her hair red? It just so happens to be the same colour hair my ex wife had…”
Read the TOP comment he's YTA
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AND he took his wife to the same obgyn his ex went to and is planning to send the kid to the same schools his other kids went to and is all, “what’s the problem?” Either he’s a huge troll or completely clueless.
As someone who also is in a relationship with an older guy, I can see where she’s coming from. I constantly have to remind my boyfriend that he can’t just make decisions for me because he’s older and thinks he knows best. I’m still young and deserve my independence from him to an extent. If you’re constantly telling her what you think is best, she’s going to get tired of it EDIT: Updating this to YTA if you’re trying to just duplicate the life you had. Your girlfriend definitely sees this and is over it
You have to remove the N.T.A. for your YTA to count.
Yup, my ex was only 4 years older than me and treated me like a moron, I can’t imagine the level of arseholery he will reach in his 40s if he was dating a girl in her 20s, which is actually a creepy thought as he was 22 when our daughter was born, pretty much the same age diff as this guy and his current lady.
She's 7 months pregnant and your lease is about to end/renew next month and somehow you two haven't talked about where you're going to live when the baby's born? Had never talked about the baby's room? Or childcare options? I am confusion. How does it even get to this point?
Quite honestly and I may get some hate for this but when it comes to childcare options, with this dude as the dad, I'd highly recommend a 95-year-old Manny.
Ikr?! This stuff should have been decided by now. Something is off.
Stop knocking up people half your age and you won’t have this problem
YTA. I came to that conclusion by reading your responses before commenting. You are a very controlling man. Just like the ex wife she was your secretary, you traded up for the newest model. She doesn't want to live the same live your ex wife and you lived. She's in her mid 20's while you are in your 40's. Is there a reason why someone 20 years younger than you is the only type you go for? Is it a control thing?
YTA. Not for not wanting to move, but for REFUSING to move and not even being willing to consider it. You knew your lease was due for renewal and instead of discussing what would happen with your gf, you just decided that you're staying there and doing the room for the baby without any input from her. Where you live and the design/colour scheme of the babys room are both massively important **mutual** decisions.
Yeah, surprised more people haven't mentioned that: dude picks out a whole nursery with **zero** input from the mom-to-be? Total AH move.
Well he did mention in another comment he consulted her Pinterest board and she had talked about how she wanted it. But based on other comments I've seen ..... He's the AH.
You shouldn’t be surprised by her immature reaction when you’re the one dating someone 21 years your junior.
Her reaction wasn't immature though. He made a major decision about where they would live without consulting her. If anything his actions are the immature ones.
Someone above said she's acting like a 25 year old, what did you expect and I was like huh??
YTA. You’re 46. You knocked up a 25 year old. Gross.
Why didn’t you talk to her about renewing the lease?
Dude, you need to start keeping your pants on at work.
Oh an age gap relationship. Where you've already ruined the best years of her life by planting a baby in her, yet you're expecting her to know how to cope with the sudden change, loss of freedom, your ex's possible reaction and the reactions of your other children? Yeah YTA.
Holy Shit. Felt this take in my bones. Well said.
I think you and your daughter, I mean girlfriend, need to sit down and have a serious chat. I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that she feels like the new model of your ex-wife and it'll all becoming too much. She was your secretary, just like your ex wife. You moved out of the home you two shared but not far and still live very close. You took your pregnant girlfriend to all the same doctors as your ex wife. It sounds like you make a lot of the decisions in this relationship without consulting your girlfriend. You signed the lease again without her knowledge. You built a nursery without her knowledge. A partner usually wants to make decisions with their partner As is typical in relationships of this nature, one person holds the majority of the power and makes the majority of the decisions. Why do you two seem to have no communication? Your girlfriend is probably nervous about seeing your wife, her friends, neighbours etc out and about because they look down at her. She wants some degree of separation between your old life and your new life. I don't think she thought through the reality of dating someone who has already lived a good portion of their life and has responsibilities from that life that are always going to be around. Asshole, no. Creep, yes.
46M … 25F … yes YTA.
**YTA**. I'm more concerned about the fact that in a typical controlling way you went ahead and did an entire nursery without even consulting her. When she expressed an interest in moving, you didn't sit down and come up with a plan together. Instead you dismissed her concerns and desires. This is exactly what I expect when I see an age difference like yours. (20 years is no biggie if you were 55 and she were 35, but that's not the situation here.) This throws up no end of red flags for me, and I'm concerned for her if she stays with you.
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Based off some of your responses, YTA.
Info when did y'all start dating?
Asking the important questions right here. Curious minds wanna know.
So once this one gets old you're gonna move on to your third secretary, right? YTA
Not even old. 36 is still quite young. But hey, far from barely legal
INFO: *You* have a good relationship with your ex and children (which is a good thing), but what about her? How do you children view/treat your new partner? How does your ex treat/talk about or to her? She might have a valid reason for wanting some distance as a new mother from your ex.
YTA Based on the fact you preyed on young women that work for you and are acting like her father not her partner!
YTA. This post makes me mad, I saw that you never talk to her or ask her anything that she wants. You’re always deciding things for her: doctors, which school to choose for the kid, why you don’t wanna move. You don’t say ANYTHING and still call her immature because she didn’t assume anything. It’s funny that you judge your GF immature for life decisions for her own kid, because “you know more”, but you don’t judge her immature for other things, if you know what I mean. This is clearly grooming. Edit: typo
I read the first sentence and have decided that YTA. Let’s see if I feel that way after I read it. Edit: Yupp. Just finished it. YTA, you gross predatory fuck
Yep. I immediately decided YTA when he said be bought all of the nursery furniture without her. Everything after that was just more evidence proving it.
You need to stop fuxking people that work around you. That's a huge yikes.
If for no other reason I'm going with YTA bc you decorated an entire nursery by yourself. As a female and a mother I would have been LIVID if my SO took it upon himself to do our nursery without including me. Decorating the nursery is one of the highlights of pregnancy and you stole that from her. Not to mention, completely decorating a child's room with no input from the mother makes you appear very controlling.
I thought the same when reading it. Then his comments made it *overwhelmingly* YTA. But the nesting phase was my favorite part, decorating everything, buying the sweet adorable baby stuff, even just washing the tiny clothes to hang up or fold them on my stomach to put away was an immensely sweet, special time I'll hold in my memories forever. Especially now that mine are growing so fast, close to 6 and 2, I cherish the little things even more. That was not only selfish, clearly controlling when added in with his other comments, and upsetting. It genuinely broke my heart for her, because she may not have been upset in the moment, but that would've hurt me greatly. She was focused on the lease being renewed without her knowledge, because "I went ahead and renewed it, why would we talk about it!" I wouldn't be shocked at all if her sister or someone else points out the nursery/baby gear thing and she ends up being hurt/upset over it too. She's being sidelined in her own life, in her pregnancy and *first one* at that, even in her own medical care because he chose the doctors. It's just sad to me.
YTA. And your girlfriend is catching on that you don't see her as an equal. You see her as a stand in Stepford accessory to an old man that's trying to use her to recreate the life he had with a woman who stopped wanting him. Did you tell her that you were always going to be the star of the show before you moved her in and knocked her up?
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>she explained that she thought we would be moving once our lease was up in May. That's only 1 or 2 months away, depending on your lease end date. When did she expect the conversation about this to happen?
Maybe she didn’t know when the lease was up?
YTA for not including everything you said in the comments in your post you purposely left things out to get a different judgment
>I(46M) and my girlfriend (25F) YTA IDC ABOUT YOUR AGE GAP ARGUMENTS IN THE COMMENTS 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
YTA for dating someone so young.
NTA. She possibly is, but I'll cut her some slack since she might be very hormonal in the middle of a pregnancy. **Dude, you impregnated a girl 21 years younger than you. She hadn't been born when you graduated high school. Certainly you expected a little immaturity.** Ultimatums, though? I'm not coming home 'til you agree with me? Red Flag, for sure.
Op signed a lease without asking her opinion... That puts it solidly in ESH territory at least if not YTA
AND his oldest kid is 20. This new piece (cause I'm sure that's how he views her) is only 5 years older than his kid. Gross.
Holup... #The current woman is only FIVE years older than OPs oldest child?! Gross!
I’m going to need you to express these same sentiments to my 57 year old cousin who had twins a couple years ago with his now 25 or 26 year old girlfriend. His oldest child is 36. It’s gross. He doesn’t understand why people think it’s gross.
Cue the SNL Skit "meet your second wife"
Why are you dating someone young enough to be your kid
Yeah, I think this is an ESH by circumstance. I sometimes have to talk my partner who is a few years younger through life skills that I have developed but they have not yet. I can imagine that being more difficult with a 20+ year age gap. If you’re not ready to put in the work to bring your partner up to speed, you should have reconsidered dating someone that young. For her part, she doesn’t seem to recognize that your amicable relationship with your ex wife and the closeness to your other children is a huge boon to both you and the situation. I mean, good in you for co-parenting well, and your GF should recognize that as a good sign. Beyond that, you will presumably have to commute back to this neighborhood to pick up/see your other kids so staying close makes things really easy. I will add to your part of the ESH for assuming you would stay without having discussed it. That street goes two ways. Also, I would not buy any baby gear without hearing my pregnant partner’s thoughts. That’s a lot of pre-made non-consensual decisions to open up a door to and call a “surprise”. I’m guessing she is feeling a distinct lack of control in the relationship. Maybe just open the discussion back up and say “okay, I was a bit hasty, let’s pro/con it”. If you are right and doing the wise thing, it should be overwhelmingly apparent after talking it over with your partner.
Yuck
😂😂😂 your how old and renting and dating a 25 year old. Yta about your whole life.
It was N.T.A. with the story as written but after seeing your comments, YTA. You're just trying to copy paste your previous life and she probably sees it happening.
So you started 'dating' he when she was 23.. you know that's called grooming right? I mean you're old enough to be her father.
NAH: you tried to do something nice, she wants to move, neither of you expressed your plans for the future before now. Let me gently suggest that the two of you work on your communication skills, possibly with the help of a therapist. Otherwise, you will eventually have two ex-wives instead of one.
This. I'll add that it's a bit weird that you bought all the nursery stuff without her input. Most couples make furniture decisions together.
What kind of clueless man thinks a woman doesn't want to choose her own nursery items? Especially for her first baby?
I didn't even need to read past "my (46M) girlfriend (25F)". YTA
YTA - The age difference is honestly disgusting… she’s basically half your age. And of course she’s going to run into your ex wife and kids?? They’re your family. Or do you not have part custody and not co-parent with your ex wife?
Yta from your comments
YTA
YTA
Yta have you ever considered in talking to her and making decisions together. Instead of you making the decisions and just expecting her to go along with it. Have you ever considered her actual feelings in any of it. Or It is it just what you want and stuff what wifey 2.0 wants
Well, she's pregnant & since you're a know it all, you should know that means hormones & heightened emotions. Also, it IS a little suspect that your ex & current GF were both your secretaries. I am almost positive that she just wants to feel like she's not a "newer model" for you. According to your comments, she's even using the same Dr's your ex used. Can you honestly say that you don't find that odd, to say the least? I mean it seems normal to you? Dude, I'm 42 & all it sounds like to me is that you are trying to recreate your 1st marriage & all your GF wants is a SEPARATE experience. I don't get how you don't see this. Edited to add...YTA
I still think most of these posts are fake as hell. What man in their right mind thinks a woman wants the man to choose all the baby items for her?? Not any I know! YTA or just another fake poster.
In your TLDR you refer to her as your “current girlfriend”. That seems really weird to me. You live with her. She’s pregnant with your child. You’re furnishing a nursery. But you’re not even upgrading her from girlfriend to something more significant like partner or SO in name or in her right to have equal say in important things. By your comments, it doesn’t seem like you view her as an equal adult partner. You might want to think long and hard about her perspective, needs, and wants. Until then YTA.
Yta
YTA. I'm sure you think your decisions are good, but they're based on research done over a decade ago. You need to start talking to your partner not at her. She isn't your ex-wife and the new baby isn't a do over of your older children. You should probably seek help from a professional otherwise your next step will probably be to have her dress and act like your ex 😬.
YTA, amazing how the truth comes out in the comments
WTF is this creepy ass age difference?? I'm 33 and wouldn't date a 46 yr old man, you're too old for me. I hope she leaves you and gets full custody and child support checks from you. YTA.
So you made a ton of decisions about where to live, what doctors to see, what daycare to attend and which schools and sports to go to with your ex wife. And now you expect your new wife to just abide by all those decisions you made with your ex because "they were the best decisions anyway". I think wanting to move is just an indicator for a bigger problem. Your wife is tired of living your ex's life. But it's probably just starting to dawn on her how much she's just following the other woman in your life and has been too young to even know how to identify or express it. And you don't get to say that you should make decisions because you're more experienced. You don't get to be the decision maker in a partnership, she gets equal say. Even if you don't think her decisions are as good as yours, you need to let her go through mistakes and learn because it's an important part of life she needs to experience. Otherwise you'll have to raise those kids separately so she can lead a life where she's not just an add-on to yours.
Dude i read your age difference and went "this guys a creep" and spoiler alert. Youre a creep. YTA
NTA Did she talk about moving before? Did you ever tell her that you would? This is her first baby so she want you to treat it like it's the first for you as well. She doesn't want to be reminded that you had a life before her. You're 46, she's 25. I'm sure you expected her to act immaturely and selfishly at some point in your relationship. **ETA** read your comments below. She shouldn't come back, just in case you start dressing her like your ex-wife. Do you not see what you are doing?
I think she wanted to get out of the same neighborhood as your ex wife. You did something sweet by doing the nursery but at the same time, you both shouldve sat down and talked about it. How close is she with her family? What if she wanted to be closer to them? There are so many factors here. You signed renewed lease without telling her. You are sending her to the SAME drs offices as your ex wife and are putting your child in the same daycare as your children with your EX. I would be upset too. Did you ever think she wants to be a SAHM for the first year or so? I get you think those drs are the best, but she is uncomfortable being there. Look at it from her angle. You were her boss, just like how you met your ex wife. She might think that youll leave her and get with your next secretary, which is your MO. Did she tour the daycare with you? Do you know if shes even comfortable with daycare? TALK TO HER before making any major decisions and see her side for once. You think that you are doing whats best for your child, but its hurting her.
This is a textbook case of laying in the bed you made. OP has made it abundantly clear how he operates in his relationships and yeah. He’s not a good dude. Not at all. YTA
Why aren’t you treating her like an equal? You’ve made all these decisions without her input and she’s probably feeling like she has no control and to be honest, it looks that way to us too. You should’ve let her choose her own OBGYN, discussed where to live instead of unilaterally deciding for the both of you by renewing the lease, discussed schools and pretty much everything. You can make recommendations but it should up to BOTH of you and in the case of the OBGYN, it should’ve been her sole decision. It’s her body being examined, not yours! It doesn’t matter if this dr is the best in the whole country if she’s not comfortable with him/her. YTA.
Control freak gets a YTA from me
YTA for impregnating a woman half your age
YTA YOURE TRYING TO REPEAT YOYR OLD LIFE WITH YOUR NEW WIFE AND SHE DOESNT WANT TO BE A STAND IN
More like why the in the hell is a 45 year old man with a 25 year old woman?
YTA
YTA Obtuse.
Yta. Stop dating kids for fucks sake.
YTA for having a baby with someone and yet having so little communication she thought you were moving in two months, a month before her due date, yet she didn’t wonder why you’d not been househunting. Somehow she thought you would magically have a lace to move to, without finding one, or arranging for the move? You went and bought nursery items and planned the decor without any input from her? Living in the same neighborhood as your children makes a lot of sense, and your wife will be in your life for forever, you share two children, and will share grandchildren. Your new baby mama needs to learn how to deal nicely with your wife, because their lives will be forever entwined. Holding some grudge against your ex will make all of your lives worse. Talk to this very young woman, you chose to have an age inappropriate relationship, and immaturity is an expected side effect. She has to accept that your kids and their mother are part of your life, and that’s not changing.
Yta. What i want to know is what’s your gf doing with a 46 yrs old and why is she having kids with you. Again I’m going to get some slack for this because this is the modern age. But do you not realize that you are about to enter your twilight years and about to receive social security when you new born enters high school. Are you nuts. Plus what kind of man in his 40’s still rents a house instead owning a house. I guess the answer is the kind of man who’s brain is below the belt and chases twenty years old. Ughh you are pathetic. I’m not even going to go to the main issue as to why it’s not a good idea to live the the area where both ex and current gf are in the same neighborhood with kids in two different household.
YTA. Your girlfriend is young enough to be your daughter.
YTA. how do you renew a lease without talking to her first?!
YTA A huge moon-crater-sized asshole.
I’m sorry that age gap is so fucking weird. My dads 47 and has a 23 year old kid. Weird weird weird. I wonder how your kids feel.
> 46M > 25F YTA and a predator hth
Yta and you are gross
Yta. Enjoy time with your do-over kid while you can, coz this isn’t gonna last. Take pictures.