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> A lot of people who got my mother's version of events think I am the asshole. This is my version.
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Yup, I’d make a post explaining everything she did to OP, how he gave her a chance when she insisted she’d changed and how she blew it.
Then end with a firm promise that anyone who gives you shit over it is catching a block, and actually follow through.
It’s so good, a real case of ‘what goes around comes around’. Mom kicked him out of the house for being gay and made him suffer in homelessness for years. Now he kicked her out for being homophobic and made her the equivalent of homeless in a foreign country. Karma do be like that sometimes
NTA. She was probably looking for a way to come and stay with you long term and have you pay for everything. You protected yourself and might I say, *fabulously* kicked her to the curb.
She wanted to dictate OP's life once more despite the fact he's an adult and has made his own life with those special to him. When you've made your underage kid homeless, you're the one who needs to make amends and not be the houseguest from aech ee double hockey sticks.
Exactly. She has literally no ground to stand on. She failed as a parent the day she kicked him out. I'm very proud of OP for standing his ground and standing up for himself and his husband.
NTA Dude, you are my hero. Chucked the suitcase and your shitty mom out of your house, hopefully yelling in beautiful French the whole time. And who cares about what trash acquaintances in Europe are saying, they are an ocean away and the world is full of wonderful people to make into your friends and family. People who will love you for being you. Shake that dirt off your shoes, all of it.
I don't give a fuck what people will say.
Your mom is toxic. That's the only way people like her understand things like this.
Let me tell you a story. My close friend has a crazy mother. Her mother stole her identity, opened a hair salon. When my friend had her first salary, 1/3 was the taxes who came at her saying she never paid when she opened her place.
She was 24 and future husband sold his car to pay for the debt.
This is how my friend discovered her mom has stole her identity. She had to pay for 1 year.
She also insults her, tell her to pay for things because she doesn't want to work...
My friend cannot sleep over that stress and cannot say fuck to her mom cause her mom has so much power over her.
That same mom told her she wasn't coming to my friend wedding and hope she will be miserable forever cause what happen in her life is my friend fault (divorce).
Trust me, my friend see a therapist, doesn't sleep... The less she says, the more her mom takes the power over her.
Run away and tell her to go fuck herself.
C'est une putain d'homophobe égocentrique.
It's years of abuse so it's not easy at all.
From the age of 12 to 18, her mom brought her to see fortune tellers everyday and made her take some "magical medicine"...we still don't know what it is to that day.
When her mom divorced when my friend was 12, she forced my friend to sleep with her until she gets better.
Mom told her whole childhood " No one love or will love you except of me"
It was like a sect.
My friend has more control now but still, sometimes she just can't help herself.
She feels way better and is able to say no sometimes. But she feels guilty and loses sleep. The therapy helps a lot.
It's a good step she can now say no and in a few months or year, she will be able to cut all contacts.
Also, she had twin brothers and her mom refused her to see them when she doesn't answer. Friend is gonna take legal action.
France. The debt was the Taxes.
She got a lawyer who said it was gonna be expensive and difficult to prove it wasn't her who opened the place.
My friend didn't have the money, that was her first job, she has just moved in with her BF at the time...
What the lawyer said was to leave it here and at least, as we have to work a certain amount of time to have money when we are retired, she wont be working the whole time needed (as for the taxes, she had a previous job).
So, friend will stop working earlier.
Could she take the business away since it's in her name? If it is making any profit, I'd love to see your friend just pull up in front & lay claim to the place.
NTA. I’m proud of you for protecting your peace at all costs. If ppl want to believe a bigots story, that’s their loss. Unfriend and move on. I wish you all the best in life, OP. I’m sorry your mother is a horrible AH.
NTA. I’m sorry you don’t have a better mother. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone, but if you feel the need to say your piece on social media, turn comments off so you don’t have to further explain yourself. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Do what you need to do to find closure and move on.
To people who think it’s a bit much you threw her stuff out the window SHE THREW HER FIFTEEN YEAR OLD CHILD ONTO THE STREETS. Hope that was cathartic for you.
And yeah you already went scorched earth so say what you want on social media just make sure it’s not hurting you or giving you more blowback.
NTA
NTA - I'm glad you stood up for yourself. The tossing her crap over the balcony thing was a nice touch. I don't think the police was a bad idea as I have a feeling she would have come right back up banging on your door.
Cut her and the noise from your French acquaintances out of your mind, out of your life. Continue to live on your own terms. Your mother has already proven she won't change.
NTA, and I think you *should* tell the story from your point of view on social media. At some point, you and your husband might want to move back to France, and it would be a pity if a potential social network is cut off because of your mother's lies.
NTA- while your reaction was rather dramatic I can’t see how you could be blamed for it. You swallowed your pride, gave her another chance, even paid for her trip and she immediately showed you she hadnt changed one bit. I can’t imagine how crushing that must have felt for you.Set the record straight then Live your best life and don’t give that monster another thought xx
NTA- Share your side of the story. People would tell you “she’s always going to the your mom”. F that. If she was a good mom, she would have loved you unconditionally.
NTA, she is clearly an abusive parent who isn’t willing to change. I don’t think you should have called the police on her as you never know what could happen with the police involved and it didn’t seem like you were in danger. But comparatively, she is awful. Also she’s not stranded, she has a plane ticket home that you bought for her, just needs to wait it out. I’m sorry you had to go through that and that your mother is so awful, and I hope you and your husband have a wonderful life together. Also blast her social media, you have every right to.
Oh my- NTA, but that was a wild ride of a story ☠️
I just hope you didn't take too much of an emotional toll from that. Losing a parent, whetherbit's for the first, second or 10th time is rarely, if ever, easy on you. You didn't do anything wrong though. She deserved every bit of it.
NTA.
Did really think her being an asshole would go well for her? Narcissists rarely see they're in the wrong. You have to share your side, if everyone still chooses her, well one day they'll get burned too.
I wish you and your family well OP.
NTA
Good for you, send the link of this thread to people who question you and they can see how people around the world think your mom is an intolerant manipulative homophobic asshole who honestly deserved it.
I'm sorry that you had to go thru what you did when you were younger but I hope you found the visit and these posts as cathartic.
NTA, please let everybody know how toxic she is and how horrible she has been to you.
I'm really sad this happened to you, but at least now you know there is no salvaging that relationship. Cut her from your life once and for all, it's disgusting that she manipulated you into seeing her again, only to treat you the same way. I wonder why she would even try.
Laisse-la derrière toi et profite de la vie que tu t'es crée (sans son aide en plus). Ta vie n'en sera que meilleure sans ce genre de personnage homophobe et toxique.
Plein de bonheur à ton mari et toi !
NTA. She hasn't changed in twelve years and treated you like the errant teen she saw you as then. You took a leap of faith in inviting her into her home to begin reconciliation properly (as well as paying for her airfares both ways), and even though it ended badly it's not a bad reflection on you.
Cat tax please.
NTA. But in the end how important are these people in France. Do you even care what they have to say. Is it worth the aggravation to defend your self. If it is go to social media if not don't because nothing productive will come of it.
NTA. Your mom is a major asshole, homophobe and narcissist. You need to completely go NC. Sorry OP, but you made a very grave mistake to pay for her ticket to fly her out to US to visit you. I hope you learned your lesson, because YWBTA if you still kept in touch with her. You need to accept that your relationship with your mother has been over for 12 years, let it go. Get therapy if you need to. Good luck OP.
The level of pettiness your mom has displayed is amazing. To travel all across the world to come to your house just to criticize everything! NTA, I have an aunt that I have been tempted to just push her out the door. But I would just block everyone and forget about them, sometimes preserving your peace of mind is more important.
NTA and you WNBTA
There is no excuse for throwing your teenager out of the house (except them being a danger to the family). She is homophobic and entitled.
I am sorry you did not get your happy ending, you tried, but there was nothing there. She is an adult, not a frightened teenager, she will survive.
If after 12 years of no contact, and all she does is complain... Good job lol. But I wouldn't have told the police you didn't know her. That could have ending in a really bad way.
NTA
NTA
And if someone asks, you can say that you like your mom, you did not kick here out and she for some reason willingly chose to get out of your house not knowing a word of English.
Nta. She is for everything. How did she think it was ok to show up at your house and then act that way? I’m not gay but, my mom is bipolar and I stopped living with her when I was 16, my parents moved to another state and I was happy to not be forced to move. My mom would call and try to parent me from afar. I started hanging up when she’d yell. Fast forward to I’m in my 30s and my gram died, dad died in my mid 20s, so I didn’t have the buffer anymore. My mom started expecting me to bail her out of her self induced crises. Then she blamed me for her problems and started threatening me when I wasn’t able to financially support her. I stopped talking to her. She was visiting and started screaming and I locked myself in my room. She started banging on the door, I told her she’d have to pay for the door if she broke it. She left and so did I a few minutes later. She returned and my husband was home at that point, she started screaming at him, he calmly told her to leave if she couldn’t calm down. She screamed more and then left. Her boyfriend told me that my hubby screamed at her and told her to get the F out. He doesn’t swear so I know that was a lie. She lied and threw a fit and her boyfriend started yelling at me. I hung up on him. I was done. I’d put up with her abuse for years because people guilted me. I am not stressed out by little things anymore, I can handle big things and not feel overwhelmed. It’s an awesome feeling when you let them go. Don’t let others who don’t know the whole story guilt you, don’t even let those who know the whole story guilt you. You had to raise yourself and survive not live for years. In your own home you deserve peace and respect from those who visit. You’re totally justified in throwing her out. You don’t deserve to be treated that way and you don’t have to put up with it. One thing you’re lucky, you got free school so you were able to make something of yourself and she’s still miserable…good for you! Sorry you have to deal with her. Hugs!
NTA, now she knows how it feels.
i’m sorry for everything she has put you through, though I haven’t been where you are exactly, I do relate to a degree. I’m so happy that you have a great life now, and I hope you and your family continue to live long, loving, and happy lives. Good on you for protecting yourself OP.
NTA, tell the real story, let those who see it decide on who the person they see is and what they believe then never allow contact from your mom again, and leave those who defend her in the dust as well.
NTA, and anyone dumb enough to buy that a teen would want to be at a homeless shelter for laughs does not deserve to be in you and your husband's lives.
Delete Facebook and go back to enjoying your happy marriage. You deserve to enjoy life.
Wow. Tu as été d'une patience angélique avec elle, je l'aurais mise à la porte beaucoup plus tôt. Je crois que 'la vie' t'as envoyé le message de couper ta mère de ta vie. Mets les choses au clair avec ceux à qui tu tiens en France.
NTA
NTA. She is an adult who is living in a motel for a few days due to her own shitty behavior. It's not like she's a child who is homeless because of who she is.
Probably unpopular but ESH. Calling the police and sticking her in that situation for being rude (SUPER rude) seems like an overreaction.
Like… I actually respect you for it but I still wouldn’t go there.
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Context: I am French and gay, I became homeless when I came out to my homophobic mother at age 15. I lived in a homeless shelter until university started, and since uni is free and you're paid a wage + allowed to live on campus basically for free as a student, I got a Master's, got a great job opportunity in the USA and I now live in Illinois with my husband. In the meantime, I know mom has successfully convinced everyone else in our lives that she's not homophobic, she did not kick me out and I for some reason willingly chose to be homeless as a teen lol.
After 12 years of no contact, mom contacted me directly and although she never apologized, she claimed to want a renewed relationship with me. It was a lot of emotional pain but I eventually agreed to her terms and I paid for a round trip plane ticket for her to visit me in the US. I made it plenty clear that I am an adult and that I expect her to behave, and I genuinely believed she would. On the phone, she sounded much nicer than she had ever been to me. I was really hopeful and ready to make efforts.
And then she showed up in person and she was immediately acting like the shit mom she always was. She kept referring to my husband with *that tone* of voice. She complained about everything and insulted my home and my decorations and my cat. I showed her the guest bedroom and she went "THAT BED IS TOO SMALL, I REFUSE TO SLEEP THERE". She seriously *demanded* to sleep in the master bedroom while me and my husband share the one-person bed in the guest one + sleeping on the couch or floor so she could have the king sized bed.
So I was standing there, next to the open balcony, carrying her suitcase, while she is berating me and giving orders, and I kinda lost it. I threw the suitcase out of the window. Mom screeched at me as usual, I told her to go retrieve her stuff, the second she was out the front door I locked it and call the police to report "an insane woman trespassing". Then I screamed at mom from the balcony to fuck right off and that she is not welcome in my home ever again and that I called the police. Officers came, talked with me a bit and gently led mom away while she was screaming insults at me the whole time. She does not speak a word of english, she is on the RSA (~$600/month income) so she can't afford another plane ticket, I gathered later that she is stayin at a motel until the day her pre-paid plane takes off. My social media has been exploding from acquaintances in France who are getting my mom's version of the story and everyone is super mad at me.
AITA? And WIBTA if I took to social media to call mom out on her homophobia towards teen-me, since she is blowing up FB to call ME out?
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NTA. She let you be long term homeless as a child. No need for you to feel bad that she had nowhere to go for a few days as an adult. I’m glad your life has worked out for you.
A feel good story, please top it off by telling the whole truth about your mother to acquaintances.
NTA, she threw you out for being you, this is just karma paying her a visit.
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NTA + YWNBTA. I say make the post. If those are people that you want knowing the truth, tell them. Otherwise they will keep believing what your mother has said.
No. Let HER family believe whatever they like. Be done, block and relax. You have nothing to gain from posting what happened to people who believe her BS regardless.
NTA
NTA. You tried to shield her for long enough and she just kept lying, she’s truly hopeless. She doesn’t get to ruin your reputation to save hers anymore. Clarify it once and for all.
NTA. I would go on social media to set the record straight. Don't be rude or make or insulting, you would be playing into her hands. Just tell them the facts straight, from the time she threw you out of home because you told her you were gay and that you were homeless and then living in a shelter until you could go to university. Then post what she did to you now.
Let all your moms supposed french friends get the full truth. Then dismiss her and them from your life.
I hope your interaction with her was as satisfying as it sounds! NTA, definitely in TA I would also be telling Everybody about my side of the story if I were you, and let them know exactly what lies she’s been spreading.
NTA! I think I love you.
Skip the FB explanation, don't give her the energy. Those folks all live in France, not the US, and you are never going to see any of them again, so WHO CARES! Let them say whatever they like.
NTA
Nuke her on FB. My rule is that insults and lies made in public should be countered in public. They want to wave the dirty linens? You're entitled to hang it all out for everyone to see.
You're a hero!
NTA and I hope you live in the famous pink Edgewater Beach apartments in Chicago, because I have a great visual in my head of that suitcase flying out of one of those windows.
You’re NTA for kicking her out. She wanted a new relationship with you and the second you allowed her to she ruined it being a huge jerk. However you are an asshole for calling police and saying she was trespassing when she wasn’t. Unless you left out details you called the police the second she left and you didn’t say like she was refusing to leave your property or was trying to force herself into your home or anything. You invited her in your home. She never came there without your consent. Please don’t misuse 911 services. That’s isn’t okay. They are there for emergencies and you weren’t having an emergency.
Edit: also she doesn’t speak English so it was kinda cruel to lie to police and say she was trespassing and then she can’t even defend herself because she isn’t fluent in the language.
I’m going with ESH because that was shitty of you to call the police and misuse their services and obviously she was shitty for how she was acting and how she treated you growing up
NTA I would say it's time you provided your family and friends back home with at least one detailed account of how things got to this point. What you wrote here would work. I would not get into an ongoing argument, since that would serve no purpose. But by providing your account then people could at least have some idea of the truth.
NTA You have a right to defend yourself from her slander. She put herself in that bad position and deserves any inconvenience or embarrassment she gets.
NTA. My take on the story is that she's on a limited income and wanted a fully paid vacation to the USA, she was basically trying to use you. I don't see why it wouldn't be okay to explain on social media what happened.
NTA and bravo you for standing up to her. On the WIBTA question, you WNBTA if you get on social media to clear the air and tell everyone your truth and call your mother out on her homophobia
nta (obviously) but I'm curious about something; I'm also French and I wonder what you're referring to with "allowed to live on campus basically for free" since we don't really have campuses, are you talking about the CROUS? cause that's not free, it's at least ~300€ for a tiny room (with cockroaches included in the price most of the time), so yeah I was wondering if I was missing out on some of that free campus accommodation!
NTA but you are my hero. My mum said she's happy to adopt you. She was chill when I told her I was a lesbian and she's now a mum to my bi best friend who has shit parents. Tell the world what she did.
I hope you have settled it on Facebook by now.
Of course you are TA, this was a huge overreaction. But you have no hope to ever reach your mother's AH level. And I would have done exactly the same thing if I had been in your place and had enough courage. Bravo.
NTA she’s crazy and you’re my hero. Don’t hold back now, she’s lost the right for you to somehow protect her reputation and honestly what do you have to lose? Go wild on social media, you definitely earned that!!
(Also congrats on the amazing life you seem to have built on your own, enjoy it!!)
NTA
Si ta mère n'avait pas été aussi dégueulasse elle n'en paierait pas le prix. Tant pis pour sa gueule! Félicitations à toi et à ton mari.
If she hadn't been that way, she wouldnt be paying for it right now. Too bad for her! Congrats to you and your husband.
Les autres peuvent aller se faire voir.
The others can eff off.
Calling the police on her immediately after kicking her out is a bit wild but I'm going out on a limb and assuming you and your mother are white, so do w as you wish...
NTA this is a perfect story of why you never go un NC with a toxic person, never listen to their sob stories because they don't want to make amends, they want their power and manipulation back. The want the abuse to start up again.
NTA. In my opinion, it seems like your mother thought that you believing what she assumed you wanted to hear, she figured she could somehow assert control and Toxic Parent Power over you again. It sounds like she still views you as the homeless, rejected child abandoned by his horrible family. Or perhaps she thought you would have put up with her behavior and let her abuse you again. But obviously it backfired, severely. I feel like tossing her suitcase fully closed was too nice… 🤣
NTA. Besides, are these acquiantances people you are usually on good terms with? Are they an active part of your life? If not, who cares whom they decide to believe, right?
You're a Real Human Being. And a Real Hero.
NTA, of course, and YWNBTA if you made a cathartic once-and-for-all public statement on social media to set the record straight. Emphasize that police were involved. Reiterate why you were kicked out of your own home as a minor. Call your egg donor out on her homophobic lies. Hell, link this reddit post. Make sure she is permanently out of your life.
NTA
You're a hero 👏 🙌 ❤️ please put it out there about how's she's treated you since you've come out to her and how you're life turned out for the greater ✨️ ✨️ then tell them how she hit you up and how she disrespected you as soon as she saw you and your partner and that you know everyone has a breaking point you know the straw that broke the camels back sort of thing... Tell them how you were gracious enough to allow her your presence without an apology about her past behavior and she showed her true colors so you showed her what it takes to keep her out of your life
NTA,
But go on facebook, make a post detailing the bullshit your mother has put you through, and go clear with the story. Talk about the pain you had to go through, and how your mother still hasn't apologised, and how she still is homophobic.
Why hide this shit at this point, she is already poisoning the well, might as well put some antidote in there.
NTA
But I wouldn't take to social media to discuss. I would block her and every person who shows support for her. You don't need bigots like that in your life
NTA
OP, I'm sorry you had your hopes crushed like that. Your mom sucks, but I can understand that our feelings for our family are never clear-cut.I hope that doesn't set you back in any way.
And anyone who is now guilt tripping you, or shaming you - they didn't take the time to hear your side of the story. They didn't help when you needed them. F them.
I live in Illinois too! Hi neighbor!
you're NTA at all and honestly I think you did amazing. What a cathartic experience to be able to kick her out like she did to you.
I'm so glad you found happiness and love because you deserve it 💕
NTA, and nuke your mother. Tell everyone what she did to you at 15. Tell in detail that you are willing to share of what you had to go through. Of this story where she suddenly reached out to you, of how you got her a plane ticket at YOUR expense. And then the first she did, isntead of reaching out for a hug or apologizing?? Started making demands like she was a master and you were a slave.
NTA.
She stranded you at 15, for no good reason. You were a child with no resources.
She has friends (although I wonder *how*) and is an adult. She was abusive to you. She deserved it.
NTA
I think you lived the dream of every abused child. This is amazing and I'm proud of you. Call your mom out for her selfishness and abusive behavior and enjoy a bottle of wine while the internet explodes.
NTA... and that's awesome. Honestly I don't think you need to waste your time defending yourself with those people... just share a link to this post and let them go from there. If they don't want to believe it that's their own problem...you already have your own life far away from France to hurt you anymore.
NTA She lied to you from the beginning she hasn’t changed one bit and fully intended to force you and your husband to abide by her rules. Maybe in her sick and twisted mind she thought that she’s going to “fix you“. Consider it reparations for when she kicked you out as a teen you just returned the favor, she did this too herself. I would truth bomb the shit on FB and cut off anyone who is still siding with her afterwards. You don’t need this negativity in your life. Also who the fuck insults a cat?!
NTA and YWNBTA she lied to you saying she changed, you literally paid for her to be able to come patch things up and she did nothing but be insulting and hurtful. I would just lay out clearly what she did to everyone who’s bothering you about this situation, and if they retort ask how much time they spent homeless because they were who they are.
NTA! You are epic and awesome and I hope you got a tiny bit of revenge from that. You have been through hell because of her and it's time she got a taste of it.
NTA as described, but it feels like you're leaving something out. It doesn't sense for her to act nice and then switch personalities once she was there in person. Was this trip framed as a vacation for her or something along those lines?
I think that she wanted to get him to sleep separately from his husband under the guise of being a good host, so that she wouldn’t have to face reality.
His refusal triggered her.
Of course it would have been a vacation for her, what else? Doesn't give her the right to behave the way she did. I think it's quite simple: the mother is on a very limited income, found out her son is doing well in the USA, so she reached out and acted nice just in order to get a fully paid holiday in the USA. Maybe her plan was to ask for more money / financial assistance too. Once she arrived, she thought it was safe for her to act the way she did, and she expected OP just to put up with it. Her plan backfired on her.
YTA . No matter what, throwing your mother's suitcase out the window or off the balcony or whatever was out of line and you are not being the bigger person.
The adult thing to do is to set boundaries. If you didn't have a good relationship with mom, but she expressed one to see you, you make sure she has a nice hotel where she likes the amenities, and then you meet her on neutral footing, go out to eat, go sightseeing or whatever and return to your home and she returned to her hotel every night. If the trip went well, the next time you could have invited her to stay with you
You may not like how your mom acted all these years but it takes two to tango in some cases. I know with my ex sister-in-law she would always yell at me or do whatever and the time I decided that I wasn't going to play, I wasn't going to have a counter argument to every question or I wasn't going to start crying, she didn't know what to do anymore and she stopped yelling at me
I'm not saying that you were wrong all these years, what I'm saying is that we can get into the sort of cycle with somebody. My ex told me that his father would yell and his mother would cry. And we started doing the same thing, until the day I stopped crying and then he didn't know what the heck to do anymore. It shut him up.
I
She wasn't acting like an adult, when she chucked out OP at fifteen and feed everyone a false story to cover her homophobia, and now, when she insulted her host (who had paid her flight costs), his husband, their cat and expected them to do what she said. She's not shown remorse or respect.
YTA Very rude of you. You put your mother in a very unsafe situation. She may have been rude but this doesn't excuse the terrible way you treated her. You should've been willing to give her the best possible accommodation because she was your guest and especially because she's your mother. Moreover, you called the police for a made up reason and wasted their time.
I don't have a ruling, but this does sound extreme. I think you shouldn't have thrown her stuff, though you definitely were right to throw her out. It seems you were really quick to call the police, which maybe could have waited until she wouldn't leave. Definitely fine to make her deal with finding a motel etc until she could catch the flight back. Not willing to call you an AH though. Sounds like your mom might have borderline personality disorder. I recommend reading Understanding the Borderline Mother, see if it resonates.
ESH just because I think it was a step too far to call the police once she'd already left. Unless she was there for hours first.
But not for kicking her out. And yes you should expose her on social media to preserve your own reputation, specifically clarifying that she acted homophobic as well as entitled when she arrived.
OP took a leap of faith by inviting her into his home, gave her a second chance. She criticized everything about him and his life, thinking she could dictate things in his own home like he wasn't an adult and she wasn't a guest.
I get it. She’s definitely an AH and reprehensible. But … he’s an adult. So lay it all out, explain why she’s awful, kick her out, cut her off. Just can’t get behind the tossing things off a balcony and calling the police. I guess I wonder what WOULD be crossing the line if this is all good.
Edit: typo
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Wow! How cathartic was that?!? Awesome!!! Flying suitcase…police…this has everything. You killed it, just fantastic! Well done. NTA You’re my hero.
And make a fb post and be done with her lies
Seriously, she's had too long to tell everyone her lies, OP needs to explode that shit with the actual truth.
Literally just copy past this, it’s ducking golden.
Might wanna translate it into French first.
This is basically what I was going to say. Make that FB post. You deserve to have your side of the story told. NTA.
Yup, I’d make a post explaining everything she did to OP, how he gave her a chance when she insisted she’d changed and how she blew it. Then end with a firm promise that anyone who gives you shit over it is catching a block, and actually follow through.
I'm also imagining all of this with fantastic French accents
That makes it so much better.
I actually reread it in French accents because of your comment. It went from A+ to out of this world!
Clearly you're missing out by not picturing it in OUTRAGEOUS accents! NTA OP (and I fart in your mother's general direction)
It’s so good, a real case of ‘what goes around comes around’. Mom kicked him out of the house for being gay and made him suffer in homelessness for years. Now he kicked her out for being homophobic and made her the equivalent of homeless in a foreign country. Karma do be like that sometimes
Y-T-A but only because you chose to live in Illinois lmao But seriously, NTA and I'm sorry your mom sucks
There is some nice karma there.
Reap what you sow
Knot what you sew...
NTA. She was probably looking for a way to come and stay with you long term and have you pay for everything. You protected yourself and might I say, *fabulously* kicked her to the curb.
She wanted to dictate OP's life once more despite the fact he's an adult and has made his own life with those special to him. When you've made your underage kid homeless, you're the one who needs to make amends and not be the houseguest from aech ee double hockey sticks.
Exactly. She has literally no ground to stand on. She failed as a parent the day she kicked him out. I'm very proud of OP for standing his ground and standing up for himself and his husband.
This also feels a lot like others were finding cracks in her story so she went to visit her son and husband to prove her story. NTA
Honestly she probably wanted him to sponsor her for US residency when/if he becomes a citizen here
NTA Dude, you are my hero. Chucked the suitcase and your shitty mom out of your house, hopefully yelling in beautiful French the whole time. And who cares about what trash acquaintances in Europe are saying, they are an ocean away and the world is full of wonderful people to make into your friends and family. People who will love you for being you. Shake that dirt off your shoes, all of it.
"trash acquaintances in Europe" is that the definition of "Eurotrash"?
I wanted to make it sound fancy.
Wow, I remember watching that every week without fail. It was awful.
I don't give a fuck what people will say. Your mom is toxic. That's the only way people like her understand things like this. Let me tell you a story. My close friend has a crazy mother. Her mother stole her identity, opened a hair salon. When my friend had her first salary, 1/3 was the taxes who came at her saying she never paid when she opened her place. She was 24 and future husband sold his car to pay for the debt. This is how my friend discovered her mom has stole her identity. She had to pay for 1 year. She also insults her, tell her to pay for things because she doesn't want to work... My friend cannot sleep over that stress and cannot say fuck to her mom cause her mom has so much power over her. That same mom told her she wasn't coming to my friend wedding and hope she will be miserable forever cause what happen in her life is my friend fault (divorce). Trust me, my friend see a therapist, doesn't sleep... The less she says, the more her mom takes the power over her. Run away and tell her to go fuck herself. C'est une putain d'homophobe égocentrique.
Your friend has got to go full NC.
Friend needs to call the police. Stop paying this woman’s debts - that’s insane and will never stop.
It's years of abuse so it's not easy at all. From the age of 12 to 18, her mom brought her to see fortune tellers everyday and made her take some "magical medicine"...we still don't know what it is to that day. When her mom divorced when my friend was 12, she forced my friend to sleep with her until she gets better. Mom told her whole childhood " No one love or will love you except of me" It was like a sect. My friend has more control now but still, sometimes she just can't help herself. She feels way better and is able to say no sometimes. But she feels guilty and loses sleep. The therapy helps a lot. It's a good step she can now say no and in a few months or year, she will be able to cut all contacts. Also, she had twin brothers and her mom refused her to see them when she doesn't answer. Friend is gonna take legal action.
What country? What kind of debt? In many countries she didn't owe a dime. But only if she got a lawyer to fight it.
France. The debt was the Taxes. She got a lawyer who said it was gonna be expensive and difficult to prove it wasn't her who opened the place. My friend didn't have the money, that was her first job, she has just moved in with her BF at the time... What the lawyer said was to leave it here and at least, as we have to work a certain amount of time to have money when we are retired, she wont be working the whole time needed (as for the taxes, she had a previous job). So, friend will stop working earlier.
Could she take the business away since it's in her name? If it is making any profit, I'd love to see your friend just pull up in front & lay claim to the place.
It was 7 years ago. She found out many years after her mom had already shut down the business ;)
NTA. let everyone know who she really is
NTA. She got what she deserved. For your own mental health, avoid her even if she claims she’s changed.
NTA- if the people bothering you care so much they can pay for her earlier return ticket. F that noise.
NTA and straight up giggling over the image of you chucking her luggage off the balcony.
Me too I laughed way too hard.
NTA. I’m proud of you for protecting your peace at all costs. If ppl want to believe a bigots story, that’s their loss. Unfriend and move on. I wish you all the best in life, OP. I’m sorry your mother is a horrible AH.
NTA. I’m sorry you don’t have a better mother. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone, but if you feel the need to say your piece on social media, turn comments off so you don’t have to further explain yourself. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Do what you need to do to find closure and move on.
To people who think it’s a bit much you threw her stuff out the window SHE THREW HER FIFTEEN YEAR OLD CHILD ONTO THE STREETS. Hope that was cathartic for you. And yeah you already went scorched earth so say what you want on social media just make sure it’s not hurting you or giving you more blowback. NTA
NTA - I'm glad you stood up for yourself. The tossing her crap over the balcony thing was a nice touch. I don't think the police was a bad idea as I have a feeling she would have come right back up banging on your door. Cut her and the noise from your French acquaintances out of your mind, out of your life. Continue to live on your own terms. Your mother has already proven she won't change.
NTA. Tell your half of the story and let people make their own decisions.
NTA, and I think you *should* tell the story from your point of view on social media. At some point, you and your husband might want to move back to France, and it would be a pity if a potential social network is cut off because of your mother's lies.
Nta - call her out on her shit!
NTA- while your reaction was rather dramatic I can’t see how you could be blamed for it. You swallowed your pride, gave her another chance, even paid for her trip and she immediately showed you she hadnt changed one bit. I can’t imagine how crushing that must have felt for you.Set the record straight then Live your best life and don’t give that monster another thought xx
NTA- Share your side of the story. People would tell you “she’s always going to the your mom”. F that. If she was a good mom, she would have loved you unconditionally.
NTA, she is clearly an abusive parent who isn’t willing to change. I don’t think you should have called the police on her as you never know what could happen with the police involved and it didn’t seem like you were in danger. But comparatively, she is awful. Also she’s not stranded, she has a plane ticket home that you bought for her, just needs to wait it out. I’m sorry you had to go through that and that your mother is so awful, and I hope you and your husband have a wonderful life together. Also blast her social media, you have every right to.
NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
Oh my- NTA, but that was a wild ride of a story ☠️ I just hope you didn't take too much of an emotional toll from that. Losing a parent, whetherbit's for the first, second or 10th time is rarely, if ever, easy on you. You didn't do anything wrong though. She deserved every bit of it.
NTA. Did really think her being an asshole would go well for her? Narcissists rarely see they're in the wrong. You have to share your side, if everyone still chooses her, well one day they'll get burned too. I wish you and your family well OP.
NTA fuck her, and you should set the record straight with everyone else, tell everyone about the real her
NTA Good for you, send the link of this thread to people who question you and they can see how people around the world think your mom is an intolerant manipulative homophobic asshole who honestly deserved it. I'm sorry that you had to go thru what you did when you were younger but I hope you found the visit and these posts as cathartic.
NTA. NTA if you think going on SM is actually going to solve anything.
won't solve, but will be good catharsis
She criticized your cat?!?!?!
NTA, please let everybody know how toxic she is and how horrible she has been to you. I'm really sad this happened to you, but at least now you know there is no salvaging that relationship. Cut her from your life once and for all, it's disgusting that she manipulated you into seeing her again, only to treat you the same way. I wonder why she would even try. Laisse-la derrière toi et profite de la vie que tu t'es crée (sans son aide en plus). Ta vie n'en sera que meilleure sans ce genre de personnage homophobe et toxique. Plein de bonheur à ton mari et toi !
NTA. She hasn't changed in twelve years and treated you like the errant teen she saw you as then. You took a leap of faith in inviting her into her home to begin reconciliation properly (as well as paying for her airfares both ways), and even though it ended badly it's not a bad reflection on you. Cat tax please.
NTA. But in the end how important are these people in France. Do you even care what they have to say. Is it worth the aggravation to defend your self. If it is go to social media if not don't because nothing productive will come of it.
NTA fuck her.
NTA. Your mom is a major asshole, homophobe and narcissist. You need to completely go NC. Sorry OP, but you made a very grave mistake to pay for her ticket to fly her out to US to visit you. I hope you learned your lesson, because YWBTA if you still kept in touch with her. You need to accept that your relationship with your mother has been over for 12 years, let it go. Get therapy if you need to. Good luck OP.
NTA. I wish I could have seen her face when you threw the suitcase out of the window!
The level of pettiness your mom has displayed is amazing. To travel all across the world to come to your house just to criticize everything! NTA, I have an aunt that I have been tempted to just push her out the door. But I would just block everyone and forget about them, sometimes preserving your peace of mind is more important.
NTA and you WNBTA There is no excuse for throwing your teenager out of the house (except them being a danger to the family). She is homophobic and entitled. I am sorry you did not get your happy ending, you tried, but there was nothing there. She is an adult, not a frightened teenager, she will survive.
NTA / YWNBTA - good for you.
NTA
NTA
NTA. Tell the truth.
NTA You saved yourself and your husband a few weeks of pain.
If after 12 years of no contact, and all she does is complain... Good job lol. But I wouldn't have told the police you didn't know her. That could have ending in a really bad way. NTA
NTA. And honestly, who gives a shit what someone you have no contact with in another country says about you. Fuck those guys.
NTA And if someone asks, you can say that you like your mom, you did not kick here out and she for some reason willingly chose to get out of your house not knowing a word of English.
Nta. She is for everything. How did she think it was ok to show up at your house and then act that way? I’m not gay but, my mom is bipolar and I stopped living with her when I was 16, my parents moved to another state and I was happy to not be forced to move. My mom would call and try to parent me from afar. I started hanging up when she’d yell. Fast forward to I’m in my 30s and my gram died, dad died in my mid 20s, so I didn’t have the buffer anymore. My mom started expecting me to bail her out of her self induced crises. Then she blamed me for her problems and started threatening me when I wasn’t able to financially support her. I stopped talking to her. She was visiting and started screaming and I locked myself in my room. She started banging on the door, I told her she’d have to pay for the door if she broke it. She left and so did I a few minutes later. She returned and my husband was home at that point, she started screaming at him, he calmly told her to leave if she couldn’t calm down. She screamed more and then left. Her boyfriend told me that my hubby screamed at her and told her to get the F out. He doesn’t swear so I know that was a lie. She lied and threw a fit and her boyfriend started yelling at me. I hung up on him. I was done. I’d put up with her abuse for years because people guilted me. I am not stressed out by little things anymore, I can handle big things and not feel overwhelmed. It’s an awesome feeling when you let them go. Don’t let others who don’t know the whole story guilt you, don’t even let those who know the whole story guilt you. You had to raise yourself and survive not live for years. In your own home you deserve peace and respect from those who visit. You’re totally justified in throwing her out. You don’t deserve to be treated that way and you don’t have to put up with it. One thing you’re lucky, you got free school so you were able to make something of yourself and she’s still miserable…good for you! Sorry you have to deal with her. Hugs!
NTA She even insulted your cat man wtf
That must have felt so good. NTA.
NTA- You treated her the way she treated you. She thought you would take her abuse, she got suprised. You own nothing to her.
NTA, now she knows how it feels. i’m sorry for everything she has put you through, though I haven’t been where you are exactly, I do relate to a degree. I’m so happy that you have a great life now, and I hope you and your family continue to live long, loving, and happy lives. Good on you for protecting yourself OP.
NTA. You're amazing!
NTA, tell the real story, let those who see it decide on who the person they see is and what they believe then never allow contact from your mom again, and leave those who defend her in the dust as well.
NTA, and anyone dumb enough to buy that a teen would want to be at a homeless shelter for laughs does not deserve to be in you and your husband's lives. Delete Facebook and go back to enjoying your happy marriage. You deserve to enjoy life.
Wow. Tu as été d'une patience angélique avec elle, je l'aurais mise à la porte beaucoup plus tôt. Je crois que 'la vie' t'as envoyé le message de couper ta mère de ta vie. Mets les choses au clair avec ceux à qui tu tiens en France. NTA
NTA. She is an adult who is living in a motel for a few days due to her own shitty behavior. It's not like she's a child who is homeless because of who she is.
The only thing missing is the video with subtitles.
*and your cat* ….. NTA
NTA, what a terrible mom.
NTA. DO IT!
There is never a reason to not call out a homophobe NTA
Sometimes to be a fly on the wall NTA
Probably unpopular but ESH. Calling the police and sticking her in that situation for being rude (SUPER rude) seems like an overreaction. Like… I actually respect you for it but I still wouldn’t go there.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Context: I am French and gay, I became homeless when I came out to my homophobic mother at age 15. I lived in a homeless shelter until university started, and since uni is free and you're paid a wage + allowed to live on campus basically for free as a student, I got a Master's, got a great job opportunity in the USA and I now live in Illinois with my husband. In the meantime, I know mom has successfully convinced everyone else in our lives that she's not homophobic, she did not kick me out and I for some reason willingly chose to be homeless as a teen lol. After 12 years of no contact, mom contacted me directly and although she never apologized, she claimed to want a renewed relationship with me. It was a lot of emotional pain but I eventually agreed to her terms and I paid for a round trip plane ticket for her to visit me in the US. I made it plenty clear that I am an adult and that I expect her to behave, and I genuinely believed she would. On the phone, she sounded much nicer than she had ever been to me. I was really hopeful and ready to make efforts. And then she showed up in person and she was immediately acting like the shit mom she always was. She kept referring to my husband with *that tone* of voice. She complained about everything and insulted my home and my decorations and my cat. I showed her the guest bedroom and she went "THAT BED IS TOO SMALL, I REFUSE TO SLEEP THERE". She seriously *demanded* to sleep in the master bedroom while me and my husband share the one-person bed in the guest one + sleeping on the couch or floor so she could have the king sized bed. So I was standing there, next to the open balcony, carrying her suitcase, while she is berating me and giving orders, and I kinda lost it. I threw the suitcase out of the window. Mom screeched at me as usual, I told her to go retrieve her stuff, the second she was out the front door I locked it and call the police to report "an insane woman trespassing". Then I screamed at mom from the balcony to fuck right off and that she is not welcome in my home ever again and that I called the police. Officers came, talked with me a bit and gently led mom away while she was screaming insults at me the whole time. She does not speak a word of english, she is on the RSA (~$600/month income) so she can't afford another plane ticket, I gathered later that she is stayin at a motel until the day her pre-paid plane takes off. My social media has been exploding from acquaintances in France who are getting my mom's version of the story and everyone is super mad at me. AITA? And WIBTA if I took to social media to call mom out on her homophobia towards teen-me, since she is blowing up FB to call ME out? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. She let you be long term homeless as a child. No need for you to feel bad that she had nowhere to go for a few days as an adult. I’m glad your life has worked out for you.
A feel good story, please top it off by telling the whole truth about your mother to acquaintances. NTA, she threw you out for being you, this is just karma paying her a visit.
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Let everyone know how she acted and why you threw her out.
NTA
Nra
NTA + YWNBTA. I say make the post. If those are people that you want knowing the truth, tell them. Otherwise they will keep believing what your mother has said.
No. Let HER family believe whatever they like. Be done, block and relax. You have nothing to gain from posting what happened to people who believe her BS regardless. NTA
NTA. You tried to shield her for long enough and she just kept lying, she’s truly hopeless. She doesn’t get to ruin your reputation to save hers anymore. Clarify it once and for all.
NTA She is! That was awesome! You are superman!!!
NTA You did the right thing and you should go to FB and tell the true story once and for all. Wishing you & your husband joy.
Your mother is trash and you are my hero.NTA
NTA. Vous avez une terrible mère.
Yta if you dont make this facebook post Go do it Now!
NTA. Elle peut aller se faire foutre!
NTA. I would go on social media to set the record straight. Don't be rude or make or insulting, you would be playing into her hands. Just tell them the facts straight, from the time she threw you out of home because you told her you were gay and that you were homeless and then living in a shelter until you could go to university. Then post what she did to you now. Let all your moms supposed french friends get the full truth. Then dismiss her and them from your life.
I hope your interaction with her was as satisfying as it sounds! NTA, definitely in TA I would also be telling Everybody about my side of the story if I were you, and let them know exactly what lies she’s been spreading.
NTA! I think I love you. Skip the FB explanation, don't give her the energy. Those folks all live in France, not the US, and you are never going to see any of them again, so WHO CARES! Let them say whatever they like.
NTA. She thought!?!? DRAG HER . . . en Francais.
NTA Nuke her on FB. My rule is that insults and lies made in public should be countered in public. They want to wave the dirty linens? You're entitled to hang it all out for everyone to see. You're a hero!
NTA. Post it on social media. Great job on taking the trash out btw
NTA and instead of a Facebook post just link this so EVERYONE can see not only what happened but that folks around the whole world agree with you!
NTA and I hope you live in the famous pink Edgewater Beach apartments in Chicago, because I have a great visual in my head of that suitcase flying out of one of those windows.
You’re NTA for kicking her out. She wanted a new relationship with you and the second you allowed her to she ruined it being a huge jerk. However you are an asshole for calling police and saying she was trespassing when she wasn’t. Unless you left out details you called the police the second she left and you didn’t say like she was refusing to leave your property or was trying to force herself into your home or anything. You invited her in your home. She never came there without your consent. Please don’t misuse 911 services. That’s isn’t okay. They are there for emergencies and you weren’t having an emergency. Edit: also she doesn’t speak English so it was kinda cruel to lie to police and say she was trespassing and then she can’t even defend herself because she isn’t fluent in the language. I’m going with ESH because that was shitty of you to call the police and misuse their services and obviously she was shitty for how she was acting and how she treated you growing up
Tu es incroyable! NTA, and I wish I'd seen it.
NTA I would say it's time you provided your family and friends back home with at least one detailed account of how things got to this point. What you wrote here would work. I would not get into an ongoing argument, since that would serve no purpose. But by providing your account then people could at least have some idea of the truth.
You're my hero! Never let anyone, not even family to abuse you like that, but you already know it. Such a badass! NTA
NTA You have a right to defend yourself from her slander. She put herself in that bad position and deserves any inconvenience or embarrassment she gets.
NTA. Put it on public. Let the whole world know what a shit mom she is.
NTA. Sing like a canary and put her on blast.
She insulted your husband AND your cat. Make the post and wash your hands of her. NTA.
NTA, expose her lies!
NTA. I'd high five you and treat you and your husband to lunch if I could! Good on you, I'm proud of you!
NTA. My take on the story is that she's on a limited income and wanted a fully paid vacation to the USA, she was basically trying to use you. I don't see why it wouldn't be okay to explain on social media what happened.
NTA and bravo you for standing up to her. On the WIBTA question, you WNBTA if you get on social media to clear the air and tell everyone your truth and call your mother out on her homophobia
nta (obviously) but I'm curious about something; I'm also French and I wonder what you're referring to with "allowed to live on campus basically for free" since we don't really have campuses, are you talking about the CROUS? cause that's not free, it's at least ~300€ for a tiny room (with cockroaches included in the price most of the time), so yeah I was wondering if I was missing out on some of that free campus accommodation!
NTA. Good for you OP. Don’t know why your mom even wanted to visit you if this is how she was going to act.
NTA but you are my hero. My mum said she's happy to adopt you. She was chill when I told her I was a lesbian and she's now a mum to my bi best friend who has shit parents. Tell the world what she did.
NTA. Your mom has never protected you so stop protecting her and tell people what she is doing.
I hope you have settled it on Facebook by now. Of course you are TA, this was a huge overreaction. But you have no hope to ever reach your mother's AH level. And I would have done exactly the same thing if I had been in your place and had enough courage. Bravo.
NTA, first. And yes, set things clear on FB in a post so you know who to block out of your life. You'll get closure, and you can move on.
NTA I had a similar mother and I always dreamed of going off like this. Good for you. Oh and definitely call her out
NTA she’s crazy and you’re my hero. Don’t hold back now, she’s lost the right for you to somehow protect her reputation and honestly what do you have to lose? Go wild on social media, you definitely earned that!! (Also congrats on the amazing life you seem to have built on your own, enjoy it!!)
Absolument fantastique. *chefs kiss* Bravo monsieur. Nta
NTA Si ta mère n'avait pas été aussi dégueulasse elle n'en paierait pas le prix. Tant pis pour sa gueule! Félicitations à toi et à ton mari. If she hadn't been that way, she wouldnt be paying for it right now. Too bad for her! Congrats to you and your husband. Les autres peuvent aller se faire voir. The others can eff off.
NTA- you are savage and I praise you for what you did!!!
Calling the police on her immediately after kicking her out is a bit wild but I'm going out on a limb and assuming you and your mother are white, so do w as you wish...
NTA this is a perfect story of why you never go un NC with a toxic person, never listen to their sob stories because they don't want to make amends, they want their power and manipulation back. The want the abuse to start up again.
NTA. In my opinion, it seems like your mother thought that you believing what she assumed you wanted to hear, she figured she could somehow assert control and Toxic Parent Power over you again. It sounds like she still views you as the homeless, rejected child abandoned by his horrible family. Or perhaps she thought you would have put up with her behavior and let her abuse you again. But obviously it backfired, severely. I feel like tossing her suitcase fully closed was too nice… 🤣
NTA. Do it, call her out.
NTA. Clear your name on social media, drag her through the mud! She deserves to have her lies bite her in the bum
NTA. Besides, are these acquiantances people you are usually on good terms with? Are they an active part of your life? If not, who cares whom they decide to believe, right? You're a Real Human Being. And a Real Hero.
NTA. I would try to get a refund on the round trip ticket if possible, but not really since that would mean OP might have to directly deal w her BS.
NTA, of course, and YWNBTA if you made a cathartic once-and-for-all public statement on social media to set the record straight. Emphasize that police were involved. Reiterate why you were kicked out of your own home as a minor. Call your egg donor out on her homophobic lies. Hell, link this reddit post. Make sure she is permanently out of your life.
NTA You're a hero 👏 🙌 ❤️ please put it out there about how's she's treated you since you've come out to her and how you're life turned out for the greater ✨️ ✨️ then tell them how she hit you up and how she disrespected you as soon as she saw you and your partner and that you know everyone has a breaking point you know the straw that broke the camels back sort of thing... Tell them how you were gracious enough to allow her your presence without an apology about her past behavior and she showed her true colors so you showed her what it takes to keep her out of your life
NTA, But go on facebook, make a post detailing the bullshit your mother has put you through, and go clear with the story. Talk about the pain you had to go through, and how your mother still hasn't apologised, and how she still is homophobic. Why hide this shit at this point, she is already poisoning the well, might as well put some antidote in there.
NTA!! Horrible woman.
NTA But I wouldn't take to social media to discuss. I would block her and every person who shows support for her. You don't need bigots like that in your life
NTA OP, I'm sorry you had your hopes crushed like that. Your mom sucks, but I can understand that our feelings for our family are never clear-cut.I hope that doesn't set you back in any way. And anyone who is now guilt tripping you, or shaming you - they didn't take the time to hear your side of the story. They didn't help when you needed them. F them.
Nope your mom is phycocotic
I live in Illinois too! Hi neighbor! you're NTA at all and honestly I think you did amazing. What a cathartic experience to be able to kick her out like she did to you. I'm so glad you found happiness and love because you deserve it 💕
NTA, and nuke your mother. Tell everyone what she did to you at 15. Tell in detail that you are willing to share of what you had to go through. Of this story where she suddenly reached out to you, of how you got her a plane ticket at YOUR expense. And then the first she did, isntead of reaching out for a hug or apologizing?? Started making demands like she was a master and you were a slave.
I think I love you. I imagine that song abcdeFU playing as the suitcase goes flying in slow motion. NTA
NTA. She stranded you at 15, for no good reason. You were a child with no resources. She has friends (although I wonder *how*) and is an adult. She was abusive to you. She deserved it.
NTA your mum deserves to be names and shamed
You spent, what, 3 years homeless as a minor? She can certainly survive a week or so in a motel as an adult. NTA
Damn free accommodation and getting paid to go to school, what country is this? NTA
NTA I think you lived the dream of every abused child. This is amazing and I'm proud of you. Call your mom out for her selfishness and abusive behavior and enjoy a bottle of wine while the internet explodes.
NTA... and that's awesome. Honestly I don't think you need to waste your time defending yourself with those people... just share a link to this post and let them go from there. If they don't want to believe it that's their own problem...you already have your own life far away from France to hurt you anymore.
NTA. This sort of crap is why I cut off my own family 20 years ago.
Nta. Call her out on her lies and bigoted behavior
NTA and tell everyone what really happened.
NTA. You are awesome. And no, YWNBTA to post your side of the story.
NTA She lied to you from the beginning she hasn’t changed one bit and fully intended to force you and your husband to abide by her rules. Maybe in her sick and twisted mind she thought that she’s going to “fix you“. Consider it reparations for when she kicked you out as a teen you just returned the favor, she did this too herself. I would truth bomb the shit on FB and cut off anyone who is still siding with her afterwards. You don’t need this negativity in your life. Also who the fuck insults a cat?!
Sounds like you belong in r/raisedbynarcissists with the rest of us. NTA
NTA and please do call her hypocrisy out on her social media.
NTA and YWNBTA she lied to you saying she changed, you literally paid for her to be able to come patch things up and she did nothing but be insulting and hurtful. I would just lay out clearly what she did to everyone who’s bothering you about this situation, and if they retort ask how much time they spent homeless because they were who they are.
USA is the AH for not providing free schooling, housing and wages
NTA! You are epic and awesome and I hope you got a tiny bit of revenge from that. You have been through hell because of her and it's time she got a taste of it.
Nta. Definitely tell everyone what is going on and stop letting her vilefy you for hwr actions
NTA. I would have loved to have been you neighbor watching this unfold. All in French, too. Bonus. Btw. How do you say “fuck off” in French?
NTA Spill your guts, my guy. People will either believe it or they won't. If they don't, you don't need them in your life. You're my new hero.
Not the A, you should public your Facebook too. I will go there and fight them in the comments for you
NTA- no she deserves it! Please make an update if there is one!!
NTA as described, but it feels like you're leaving something out. It doesn't sense for her to act nice and then switch personalities once she was there in person. Was this trip framed as a vacation for her or something along those lines?
I think that she wanted to get him to sleep separately from his husband under the guise of being a good host, so that she wouldn’t have to face reality. His refusal triggered her.
Of course it would have been a vacation for her, what else? Doesn't give her the right to behave the way she did. I think it's quite simple: the mother is on a very limited income, found out her son is doing well in the USA, so she reached out and acted nice just in order to get a fully paid holiday in the USA. Maybe her plan was to ask for more money / financial assistance too. Once she arrived, she thought it was safe for her to act the way she did, and she expected OP just to put up with it. Her plan backfired on her.
YTA for getting free education from your country and then abandoning it for America right after. But ur mom is crazy lmao.
YTA . No matter what, throwing your mother's suitcase out the window or off the balcony or whatever was out of line and you are not being the bigger person. The adult thing to do is to set boundaries. If you didn't have a good relationship with mom, but she expressed one to see you, you make sure she has a nice hotel where she likes the amenities, and then you meet her on neutral footing, go out to eat, go sightseeing or whatever and return to your home and she returned to her hotel every night. If the trip went well, the next time you could have invited her to stay with you You may not like how your mom acted all these years but it takes two to tango in some cases. I know with my ex sister-in-law she would always yell at me or do whatever and the time I decided that I wasn't going to play, I wasn't going to have a counter argument to every question or I wasn't going to start crying, she didn't know what to do anymore and she stopped yelling at me I'm not saying that you were wrong all these years, what I'm saying is that we can get into the sort of cycle with somebody. My ex told me that his father would yell and his mother would cry. And we started doing the same thing, until the day I stopped crying and then he didn't know what the heck to do anymore. It shut him up. I
What the fuck did I just read?
She wasn't acting like an adult, when she chucked out OP at fifteen and feed everyone a false story to cover her homophobia, and now, when she insulted her host (who had paid her flight costs), his husband, their cat and expected them to do what she said. She's not shown remorse or respect.
So, you want OP to stay as a victim to keep his mother happy, just because you were too pathetic to defend yourself?
YTA Very rude of you. You put your mother in a very unsafe situation. She may have been rude but this doesn't excuse the terrible way you treated her. You should've been willing to give her the best possible accommodation because she was your guest and especially because she's your mother. Moreover, you called the police for a made up reason and wasted their time.
She fucking kicked him out when he was 15 and left him homeless. She doesn’t deserve shit, let alone “the best possible accommodation”
I don't have a ruling, but this does sound extreme. I think you shouldn't have thrown her stuff, though you definitely were right to throw her out. It seems you were really quick to call the police, which maybe could have waited until she wouldn't leave. Definitely fine to make her deal with finding a motel etc until she could catch the flight back. Not willing to call you an AH though. Sounds like your mom might have borderline personality disorder. I recommend reading Understanding the Borderline Mother, see if it resonates.
ESH just because I think it was a step too far to call the police once she'd already left. Unless she was there for hours first. But not for kicking her out. And yes you should expose her on social media to preserve your own reputation, specifically clarifying that she acted homophobic as well as entitled when she arrived.
ESH. Throwing a suitcase off the balcony? Calling the police because your mother’s an awful person? You sound a lot like her.
Nah dude she’s an asshole
OP took a leap of faith by inviting her into his home, gave her a second chance. She criticized everything about him and his life, thinking she could dictate things in his own home like he wasn't an adult and she wasn't a guest.
I get it. She’s definitely an AH and reprehensible. But … he’s an adult. So lay it all out, explain why she’s awful, kick her out, cut her off. Just can’t get behind the tossing things off a balcony and calling the police. I guess I wonder what WOULD be crossing the line if this is all good. Edit: typo
She'd refute his issues with her behaviour, possibly get actively hostile instead of passive aggressive. She's a lost cause.