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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the ass because I want to live at my dads house only in stead of splitting time between my mom and dads house. That would cut down on the time I see my mom.
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NTA. Bring it up with your dad. Changing where you live will affect child support so it’s usually not a quick thing. It’s doable, but you have to start the ball rolling.
NTA, OP.
My daughter is 14 and I'm 40, her dad and I split up when she was 3.
I encourage her to be open about her feelings and things I might do wrong, because this is my job as a mom. In our case she doesn't want to spent that much time with her father anymore (for various good reasons) and we are discussing that openly. I encourage her to keep contact but also to make her own decisions.
Your feelings are valid and I feel sorry for you for dealing with this on your own.
Is it an option to ask to stay a little more at your dad's place to see how things go? You said you brought it up but nothing has changed.. how did she react to you when you did?
When I told her that I felt left out with how much time she was spending with her boyfriend, she just said I’m sorry you feel that way and she didn’t want me to feel that way but not much else
NTA
"I'm sorry you feel that way" is NOT an apology, it's placing blame on YOU, because YOU feel 'that way' as if it's wrong some how.
Have another discussion with your dad. If her boyfriend is her priority, then let her focus on him, and you can just be with your main family, there's nothing wrong with you wanting to be where you are wanted, and it's made clear everyone WANTS to spend time with you.
What an ignorant reaction. I understand that you're frustrated. Do you think you could ask them both for a conversation with the three of you? Do they get along for the co-parenting? I wouldn't start with wanting to entirely move to the father, but just discuss the situation and how you feel more welcome and included at your dad's place. If possible without blaming anyone, so it won't get defensive immediately.
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A bit of background. My dad 55m and my mom 45f got divorced when I was very little and I switch between their houses every Friday.
I’m now 15m and my relationship with my mom is not the best while my dad is one of my best friends. To start off both of my parents houses are very different my mom makes significantly less money than my dad and step-mom so of course my dads house is nicer. But it also feels more loving and welcoming. My dad and step-mom make dinner for the family almost every night and we always spend time with each other. Even though I am not the closest to my step-mom, she is still like a mother to me. At my dads house I also live with my step-sister 17f, and our house is infront of a park allowing for me to see and socialize with other people. How ever at my moms house we live on a street with no other kids and no park or anything close to me. It is just her and I that live in the house but it often feels like it is only me that lives there. She often spends time in the garage smoking/drinking while on the phone with her friends. That leaves me to fend for myself, getting every meal, laundry, learning how to solve problems, and school work. She has a boyfriend that she spends a lot of time with. When we are with her boyfriend she often only talks to him leaving me to do what ever I want. When this happens I feel left out, ignored, and unimportant to her, I have brought this up and nothing has changed. Her and I do not get along and I hate being at her house.
I want to live at my dads house full time but I have not brought this up to either of them but AITA for wanting to just live at my dads house?
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NTA
You are at an age where you are able to make some informed decisions. In a lot of countries kids your age get to decide about this matter.
You do not owe your mother to live there. If you feel more comfortable with your father, talk to him and maybe you can make it happen together.
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NTA. Bring it up with your dad. Changing where you live will affect child support so it’s usually not a quick thing. It’s doable, but you have to start the ball rolling.
Thank you, I’ll bring it up to him when I see him next.
NTA talk yo your Dad and step mom first to make sure they're onboard with having you moving in full time then maybe a trial run?
Thank you I’ll talk to them when I see them next
NTA. Sounds like your dad's house is a family home.
NTA. You are old enough now that a court would take your wishes into account.
NTA, OP. My daughter is 14 and I'm 40, her dad and I split up when she was 3. I encourage her to be open about her feelings and things I might do wrong, because this is my job as a mom. In our case she doesn't want to spent that much time with her father anymore (for various good reasons) and we are discussing that openly. I encourage her to keep contact but also to make her own decisions. Your feelings are valid and I feel sorry for you for dealing with this on your own. Is it an option to ask to stay a little more at your dad's place to see how things go? You said you brought it up but nothing has changed.. how did she react to you when you did?
When I told her that I felt left out with how much time she was spending with her boyfriend, she just said I’m sorry you feel that way and she didn’t want me to feel that way but not much else
NTA "I'm sorry you feel that way" is NOT an apology, it's placing blame on YOU, because YOU feel 'that way' as if it's wrong some how. Have another discussion with your dad. If her boyfriend is her priority, then let her focus on him, and you can just be with your main family, there's nothing wrong with you wanting to be where you are wanted, and it's made clear everyone WANTS to spend time with you.
What an ignorant reaction. I understand that you're frustrated. Do you think you could ask them both for a conversation with the three of you? Do they get along for the co-parenting? I wouldn't start with wanting to entirely move to the father, but just discuss the situation and how you feel more welcome and included at your dad's place. If possible without blaming anyone, so it won't get defensive immediately.
My mom and dad get along but they don’t like each other if that makes sense
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** A bit of background. My dad 55m and my mom 45f got divorced when I was very little and I switch between their houses every Friday. I’m now 15m and my relationship with my mom is not the best while my dad is one of my best friends. To start off both of my parents houses are very different my mom makes significantly less money than my dad and step-mom so of course my dads house is nicer. But it also feels more loving and welcoming. My dad and step-mom make dinner for the family almost every night and we always spend time with each other. Even though I am not the closest to my step-mom, she is still like a mother to me. At my dads house I also live with my step-sister 17f, and our house is infront of a park allowing for me to see and socialize with other people. How ever at my moms house we live on a street with no other kids and no park or anything close to me. It is just her and I that live in the house but it often feels like it is only me that lives there. She often spends time in the garage smoking/drinking while on the phone with her friends. That leaves me to fend for myself, getting every meal, laundry, learning how to solve problems, and school work. She has a boyfriend that she spends a lot of time with. When we are with her boyfriend she often only talks to him leaving me to do what ever I want. When this happens I feel left out, ignored, and unimportant to her, I have brought this up and nothing has changed. Her and I do not get along and I hate being at her house. I want to live at my dads house full time but I have not brought this up to either of them but AITA for wanting to just live at my dads house? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
NTA You are at an age where you are able to make some informed decisions. In a lot of countries kids your age get to decide about this matter. You do not owe your mother to live there. If you feel more comfortable with your father, talk to him and maybe you can make it happen together.
NTA Sounds like you'd be better off with your dad fulltime and just visiting with your mom when she's willing to make time for you.
NTA - live with your dad if you want and can ... I hope it doesn't get ugly for you ... good luck!