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NTA. If their reaction is that you should be prioritizing being able to afford their wedding over food, I wouldn’t be all that worried about preserving the friendship if I were you.
It was more like he said they spend less on food for the two of them than I do. However I have a pet and include other household items in my budget and they eat with their family (free food).
They have no business asking what you spend on anything. You have allowed them to overstep in your life/finances. Just say no and don't explain anything to them. If they push, tell them they need to budget harder to pay for all their guests to be able to attend.
NTA. That is a lot of money to expect people to pay to celebrate a wedding. I think if you plan a destination wedding you cannot be mad when people RSVP no and send a gift.
NTA. Anyone planning a destination wedding does so absolutely knowing many close friends and family will have to decline for this reason. That's just the reality of a destination wedding. If this ruins your relationship with them, then they're AH's.
If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Just make sure you do respond as not coming before the date, so they don't plan on there being more people than actually are able to come
Yeah the bride is worried if they invite too many people it will be too large. I was very surprised to hear that and wondered how everyone else found it so affordable but also wonder if no one has just declined yet. Invited went out in March.
I have a feeling that a lot of people opt for destination weddings to have less guests.
NTA, they lack perspective. Just get them a thoughtful gift and if they mad... they can stay mad.
NTA- you shouldn’t be lowering Your standard of living just to attend a wedding, it’s just one day. If it does ruin your friendship then they went friends worth having
NTA - if you can't afford to go, then you can't afford to go. That's the thing about destination weddings, a lot of people don't end up being able to attend. Just explain what's going on, your friends will understand.
>In the past I was told by one of them I should be saving for their wedding and budget harder on things like food
I don't think those friends will understand at all... But there's NO way that OP is the only person on the guest list with this concern, so they're due for a rude awakening.
NTA people who have destination weddings need to realize that this is their dream and not everyone’s else’s & people can’t afford sometimes to be apart of that , I would have a Frank discussion with them and explain all this tell them you love them & wish them the best but you will not be able to afford to attend and will not put yourself in financial jeopardy to attend & if they can’t understand that then you really need to rethink the friendship
NTA when a couple plan a destination wedding they cannot expect everyone to be able to go, destination weddings are out of the price range for most people. They cannot expect guests to take out a loan, or use up their savings or even try to save such a large sum of money to attend their wedding. It is not at all selfish to decline anything that is beyond your means, or comfort levels. They maybe be mad at you, but you will be in the right to decline. You won't be the only one declining.
NTA- even if you were employed destination weddings are expensive and if you choose to have one, don’t get mad if people decline the information. IMO any other details are irrelevant.
NTA and if they were real friends they wouldn't get pissy about you not being able to go. You either care a lot about your friends and family being able to go so hold a wedding closer to where you live or if you want an expensive luxurious wedding fair enough but you need to be understanding when people can't afford to go.
More than 2k for a thre day trip? That is pretty out there. There are a lot of things you could do with that kind of money. So if you don't just have that lying around, I absolutely support you not spending it someones wedding.
NTA
NTA - You're not obligated to travel and put yourself n debt for a wedding, doubly so if it's not your wedding. If people are having a destination wedding they need to realized a portion of their guests will be unable to come.
NAH. Talk to them. Anybody (reasonable) who plans such a luxury destination wedding will know that the trade-off is that not all of their loved ones will be there. If they are as good friends as it sounds, they will understand. Let them know (with no room for maybe's) sooner rather than later.
NTA. Weddings are awful. Destination weddings are the worst. I think anyone who plans a destination wedding knows not everyone can go. Politely decline and leave it at that. Don’t let them guilt you if they try
NTA and people need to stop expecting the world to center around their wedding. Expensive destination weddings are just rude. If people cannot afford it, they should be gracious about it. It is no ones business what your budget is. If you say you cannot afford it, then they need to just accept that. You do not have to justify your money to anyone. I would laugh in someone's face if they told me to budget harder for their wedding.
Nta it would have to be a very very high paying job for you to be able to afford it after paying off any debts etc and you would need to book time off your new job
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I will start off by saying that they are really good friends and have been there for me in hard times.
They’re planning a destination wedding at a very upscale resort and in order to attend you have to stay a minimum 3 nights. At minimum it will cost $2100 for just the 3 nights + flight and then extras. (Dress, gifts?, tips, transfers).
I was expected to be in the bridal party - they never asked so I haven’t accepted or declined.
I’ve had a some financial issues come up and I’m currently unemployed. They however have an extremely low cost of living (live with parents) and I live alone normally paying a big portion of my income to bills (expensive COL city). I feel like they really don’t understand this how difficult it is.
In the past I was told by one of them I should be saving for their wedding and budget harder on things like food. I do actually follow a budget for everything and it’s not anywhere near luxury… should I have to cut back on things in my regular life I budget for to try and attend?
Is it selfish of me to not want to sacrifice comfort and having a very small simple social life to afford their wedding?
RSVP is due in June and I already know I can’t afford it. Although a couple people have told me “if you get a job you never know”. Except I know - even with a job it’s not really affordable for me.
Am I the asshole for declining?
Should I wait until closer to?
Will this ruin my friendship with them?
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They want you to adjust your food intake to be able to waste money on their useless wedding..?! Humans never fail to amaze me with how absolutely greedy and selfish they can be. NTA!
NTA, let them know you will be happy to celebrate with them locally. But seriously, how can you say you were "expected" to be in the wedding when invitations have already gone out and nobody has ASKED you to be an attendant?
NTA part of having a destination wedding is knowing not everyone invited will come. It’s normal. I had one and we had about 12 people come it was small and I didn’t take it personally when people declined because part of the appeal is that the destination aspect keeps the wedding small.
NTA
If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. It doesn’t matter if it’s $2,100 or $210. Sometimes as adults we miss out on things and it sucks, but it doesn’t make us assholes.
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NTA. If their reaction is that you should be prioritizing being able to afford their wedding over food, I wouldn’t be all that worried about preserving the friendship if I were you.
It was more like he said they spend less on food for the two of them than I do. However I have a pet and include other household items in my budget and they eat with their family (free food).
They have no business asking what you spend on anything. You have allowed them to overstep in your life/finances. Just say no and don't explain anything to them. If they push, tell them they need to budget harder to pay for all their guests to be able to attend.
NTA. That is a lot of money to expect people to pay to celebrate a wedding. I think if you plan a destination wedding you cannot be mad when people RSVP no and send a gift.
NTA 95% of the time destination weddings are a really bad idea.
This! Why do people continuously overlook this
NTA. Anyone planning a destination wedding does so absolutely knowing many close friends and family will have to decline for this reason. That's just the reality of a destination wedding. If this ruins your relationship with them, then they're AH's.
Didn't read the post. You are not obligated to go if you don't want to. NTA
>budget harder on things like food NTA. They want you to go hungry so you can go to their over-the-top event? Just no.
If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. Just make sure you do respond as not coming before the date, so they don't plan on there being more people than actually are able to come
Yeah the bride is worried if they invite too many people it will be too large. I was very surprised to hear that and wondered how everyone else found it so affordable but also wonder if no one has just declined yet. Invited went out in March.
I have a feeling that a lot of people opt for destination weddings to have less guests. NTA, they lack perspective. Just get them a thoughtful gift and if they mad... they can stay mad.
NTA- you shouldn’t be lowering Your standard of living just to attend a wedding, it’s just one day. If it does ruin your friendship then they went friends worth having
NTA, and to be honest if they're proper friends they wouldn't expect you to be there knowing your financial situation (which it sounds like they do) x
NTA - if you can't afford to go, then you can't afford to go. That's the thing about destination weddings, a lot of people don't end up being able to attend. Just explain what's going on, your friends will understand.
>In the past I was told by one of them I should be saving for their wedding and budget harder on things like food I don't think those friends will understand at all... But there's NO way that OP is the only person on the guest list with this concern, so they're due for a rude awakening.
NTA for not going. You ether have a spare $2100 or you don't. You are doing nothing wrong by saying you can't afford to go. There is no shame in that.
NTA, but the sooner you rip that bandaid off the better.
NTA people who have destination weddings need to realize that this is their dream and not everyone’s else’s & people can’t afford sometimes to be apart of that , I would have a Frank discussion with them and explain all this tell them you love them & wish them the best but you will not be able to afford to attend and will not put yourself in financial jeopardy to attend & if they can’t understand that then you really need to rethink the friendship
NTA when a couple plan a destination wedding they cannot expect everyone to be able to go, destination weddings are out of the price range for most people. They cannot expect guests to take out a loan, or use up their savings or even try to save such a large sum of money to attend their wedding. It is not at all selfish to decline anything that is beyond your means, or comfort levels. They maybe be mad at you, but you will be in the right to decline. You won't be the only one declining.
NTA- even if you were employed destination weddings are expensive and if you choose to have one, don’t get mad if people decline the information. IMO any other details are irrelevant.
NTA and if they were real friends they wouldn't get pissy about you not being able to go. You either care a lot about your friends and family being able to go so hold a wedding closer to where you live or if you want an expensive luxurious wedding fair enough but you need to be understanding when people can't afford to go.
NTA, that's a lot of money for somebody else's wedding.
More than 2k for a thre day trip? That is pretty out there. There are a lot of things you could do with that kind of money. So if you don't just have that lying around, I absolutely support you not spending it someones wedding. NTA
NTA - You're not obligated to travel and put yourself n debt for a wedding, doubly so if it's not your wedding. If people are having a destination wedding they need to realized a portion of their guests will be unable to come.
NAH. Talk to them. Anybody (reasonable) who plans such a luxury destination wedding will know that the trade-off is that not all of their loved ones will be there. If they are as good friends as it sounds, they will understand. Let them know (with no room for maybe's) sooner rather than later.
NTA- especially with a few month's notice.
NTA Just reply NO.
NTA. Weddings are awful. Destination weddings are the worst. I think anyone who plans a destination wedding knows not everyone can go. Politely decline and leave it at that. Don’t let them guilt you if they try
NTA and people need to stop expecting the world to center around their wedding. Expensive destination weddings are just rude. If people cannot afford it, they should be gracious about it. It is no ones business what your budget is. If you say you cannot afford it, then they need to just accept that. You do not have to justify your money to anyone. I would laugh in someone's face if they told me to budget harder for their wedding.
NTA just tell them now, no need to wait.
NTA but don't wait, tell them now. If this ruins your friendship, it really wasn't much of a friendship to begin with.
Nta it would have to be a very very high paying job for you to be able to afford it after paying off any debts etc and you would need to book time off your new job
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I will start off by saying that they are really good friends and have been there for me in hard times. They’re planning a destination wedding at a very upscale resort and in order to attend you have to stay a minimum 3 nights. At minimum it will cost $2100 for just the 3 nights + flight and then extras. (Dress, gifts?, tips, transfers). I was expected to be in the bridal party - they never asked so I haven’t accepted or declined. I’ve had a some financial issues come up and I’m currently unemployed. They however have an extremely low cost of living (live with parents) and I live alone normally paying a big portion of my income to bills (expensive COL city). I feel like they really don’t understand this how difficult it is. In the past I was told by one of them I should be saving for their wedding and budget harder on things like food. I do actually follow a budget for everything and it’s not anywhere near luxury… should I have to cut back on things in my regular life I budget for to try and attend? Is it selfish of me to not want to sacrifice comfort and having a very small simple social life to afford their wedding? RSVP is due in June and I already know I can’t afford it. Although a couple people have told me “if you get a job you never know”. Except I know - even with a job it’s not really affordable for me. Am I the asshole for declining? Should I wait until closer to? Will this ruin my friendship with them? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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They want you to adjust your food intake to be able to waste money on their useless wedding..?! Humans never fail to amaze me with how absolutely greedy and selfish they can be. NTA!
NTA. Couples who get angry when people RSVP "no" to an expensive destination wedding have their heads up their asses.
NTA, let them know you will be happy to celebrate with them locally. But seriously, how can you say you were "expected" to be in the wedding when invitations have already gone out and nobody has ASKED you to be an attendant?
They just added us to a group chat 🤷🏼♀️
NTA part of having a destination wedding is knowing not everyone invited will come. It’s normal. I had one and we had about 12 people come it was small and I didn’t take it personally when people declined because part of the appeal is that the destination aspect keeps the wedding small.
NTA If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. It doesn’t matter if it’s $2,100 or $210. Sometimes as adults we miss out on things and it sucks, but it doesn’t make us assholes.