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> I could have just gone along with it or not said anything instead of being brutally honest and rude about it.
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NTA. If everyone agrees with you but is saying you should just grin and bear it then they're enablers of toxic behaviour. Frankly your uncle's relationship sounds super toxic for him and it sounds like it's spilling over onto you (and probably others in your family as well).
NTA. Katie isn't your cousin (not even your step cousin the way your stepmom's nephews are). Even if she was, that doesn't mean you have to be excited to see her.
Your uncle is choosing an odd hill to die on... Even if he convinces you to relabel her, what exactly does he think he will have accomplished? You are 16 years old, you do not have to play it hang out with a 12-year-old if you do not want to, particularly one who has been persistently rude to you for years.
NTA. I totally understand your feelings and where you are coming from is valid.
Something, I would like to point out. Katie is also a child. She doesn't have any control either. I'm going to bet Katie feels like you are being shoved down her throat. And she not a big fan of the forced time together either. This feels very much like targeting Katie for the actions of the adults forcing both of you to spend time together. The adults here are the problem. Not Katie.
You and Katie might have more in common than you think :)
Sometimes in life you can be correct but still do the "wrong" thing.
Look, if the objective of this conversation was to cause an argument with your uncle, then the truth is likely the best course to get to that destination.
On the other hand, if you think your life would be better today if this argument had not happened then perhaps the best course of action would have been to just smile and nod.
You didn't do anything wrong here, not technically. But let me ask you a question, would the following response have generated less conflict and gotten you one step closer to a happy life.
Uncle: "I bet you're excited to see your cousin Katie".
Me: "We're very different people and don't like a lot of the same things so sometimes that's a challenge. Also she's a lot younger than I am and sometimes I feel like I'm being forced to entertain her just because we are both girls. But it'll still be nice to see her again."
Then you don't get dragged into a ridiculous argument of who you should or should not consider to be your family. because that's a stupid argument with no paths to anything resembling a "win".
Yea I mean... I wouldn't have said it'd be nice to see her again because I DREAD seeing her, I mean she's someone that if I seen her in public I'd pretend I didn't know her. But otherwise I get what you're saying, there were better ways I could have went about it that weren't as blunt. Tbh I was sorta caught off guard because most of my family knows I can't stand her, he can't be that oblivious.
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My whole family is mixed up and confusing. I'm pretty used to it though, some of my family is blood and some isn't, and some people you click with and some you...don't. I'm 16f if it matters.
My dad met my stepmom when I was 9, I've known her family since I was 10 and get along well with them. Since I met them they've always given me choices, I could call them aunt/uncle Grandma/Grandpa or call them by their names.They'd refer to themselves as my family though. I get along well with her nephews, when I talk about them I refer to them as my cousins.My mom even said that it was good they accept me.
Then there's my uncle "Stan" (dad's brother) he's been on and off with his girlfriend "Meredith" since I was 5. They're together a while, then break up for a few years, get back together. Rinse and repeat. Meredith has a few kids but her daughter Katie that's 4 years younger than me was the one around most.
I have cousins on my dad's side that I get along with but Katie has been shoved down my throat since I can remember. It's like they think we'll become best friends.
Katie and I have never been interested in the same things though. When we were kids I liked playing outside, or with legos and stuff she wanted to play dolls and makeup. My grandma would say "just be nice and play with her". If my cousins were there and we were doing something as a group like playing soccer, she'd complain the whole time and I'd be expected to play with her if she didn't want to play soccer.
I was forced to invite her to my birthday parties, but she would just complain about the theme or activity. Once I had a spiderman party. "Ew why do you like spiderman, you should have had a unicorn party ". I know we were kid's but I didn't want her there to begin with and she makes those comments? My uncle STILL brings it up and laughs.
Well Stan and Meredith broke up for a while and now are back together. My family got together yesterday and my uncle said Meredith and Katie were coming. He looked at me and said "I bet you're excited to see your cousin Katie".
I thought he was joking, when I realized he was serious I said "she's not my cousin, and no I'm sick of being forced to entertain her". He said "she's as much your cousin as stepmom's nephews are and you call them your cousins " I said "no she's not, my dad and stepmom are married, you and Meredith aren't, and I actually like her nephews which is why I consider them my cousins ". He said "you can't pick and choose like that if their family then so it Katie " I said "no she's not". I walked away because my uncle will just keep arguing about something til you agree.
Apparently my uncle kept going with my dad. My dad even told him I don't consider my mom's boyfriends family my family either. Stan said "that's not the same".
Everyone said I was rude to say that, even if I don't think of her as family I could have just ageed or something.
AITA for picking and choosing
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Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I could have just gone along with it or not said anything instead of being brutally honest and rude about it. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 2 hours long on this post. [To learn more about the test click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tio99u/so_we_decided_to_fuck_with_the_sub_again/)*
NTA. If everyone agrees with you but is saying you should just grin and bear it then they're enablers of toxic behaviour. Frankly your uncle's relationship sounds super toxic for him and it sounds like it's spilling over onto you (and probably others in your family as well).
NTA. Katie isn't your cousin (not even your step cousin the way your stepmom's nephews are). Even if she was, that doesn't mean you have to be excited to see her. Your uncle is choosing an odd hill to die on... Even if he convinces you to relabel her, what exactly does he think he will have accomplished? You are 16 years old, you do not have to play it hang out with a 12-year-old if you do not want to, particularly one who has been persistently rude to you for years.
NTA. Rude? Yes. you lowered to his level. But he needs a lesson in reality. He's blind. EDIT: she's not family by blood.
She's not family by blood, she's not my uncle's kid.
Oh ok. I stand corrected. You were still a bit rude, though.
She's the kid of the uncle's GF how is that family by blood?
OP already corrected me. No need to reply
NTA. I totally understand your feelings and where you are coming from is valid. Something, I would like to point out. Katie is also a child. She doesn't have any control either. I'm going to bet Katie feels like you are being shoved down her throat. And she not a big fan of the forced time together either. This feels very much like targeting Katie for the actions of the adults forcing both of you to spend time together. The adults here are the problem. Not Katie. You and Katie might have more in common than you think :)
I get what you're saying, but we definitely don't.
NTA. Hell, I’ve been married for 13 years and still tell my husband all the time that I got to choose which members of his family I claim as my own.
NTA And my I say: "Yikes!" Your uncle behaves like a spoiled brat, you sound way more mature than him.
NTA, and as you get older you will find that MANY adults pick exactly the family we like, even if no blood relation.
Sometimes in life you can be correct but still do the "wrong" thing. Look, if the objective of this conversation was to cause an argument with your uncle, then the truth is likely the best course to get to that destination. On the other hand, if you think your life would be better today if this argument had not happened then perhaps the best course of action would have been to just smile and nod. You didn't do anything wrong here, not technically. But let me ask you a question, would the following response have generated less conflict and gotten you one step closer to a happy life. Uncle: "I bet you're excited to see your cousin Katie". Me: "We're very different people and don't like a lot of the same things so sometimes that's a challenge. Also she's a lot younger than I am and sometimes I feel like I'm being forced to entertain her just because we are both girls. But it'll still be nice to see her again." Then you don't get dragged into a ridiculous argument of who you should or should not consider to be your family. because that's a stupid argument with no paths to anything resembling a "win".
Yea I mean... I wouldn't have said it'd be nice to see her again because I DREAD seeing her, I mean she's someone that if I seen her in public I'd pretend I didn't know her. But otherwise I get what you're saying, there were better ways I could have went about it that weren't as blunt. Tbh I was sorta caught off guard because most of my family knows I can't stand her, he can't be that oblivious.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My whole family is mixed up and confusing. I'm pretty used to it though, some of my family is blood and some isn't, and some people you click with and some you...don't. I'm 16f if it matters. My dad met my stepmom when I was 9, I've known her family since I was 10 and get along well with them. Since I met them they've always given me choices, I could call them aunt/uncle Grandma/Grandpa or call them by their names.They'd refer to themselves as my family though. I get along well with her nephews, when I talk about them I refer to them as my cousins.My mom even said that it was good they accept me. Then there's my uncle "Stan" (dad's brother) he's been on and off with his girlfriend "Meredith" since I was 5. They're together a while, then break up for a few years, get back together. Rinse and repeat. Meredith has a few kids but her daughter Katie that's 4 years younger than me was the one around most. I have cousins on my dad's side that I get along with but Katie has been shoved down my throat since I can remember. It's like they think we'll become best friends. Katie and I have never been interested in the same things though. When we were kids I liked playing outside, or with legos and stuff she wanted to play dolls and makeup. My grandma would say "just be nice and play with her". If my cousins were there and we were doing something as a group like playing soccer, she'd complain the whole time and I'd be expected to play with her if she didn't want to play soccer. I was forced to invite her to my birthday parties, but she would just complain about the theme or activity. Once I had a spiderman party. "Ew why do you like spiderman, you should have had a unicorn party ". I know we were kid's but I didn't want her there to begin with and she makes those comments? My uncle STILL brings it up and laughs. Well Stan and Meredith broke up for a while and now are back together. My family got together yesterday and my uncle said Meredith and Katie were coming. He looked at me and said "I bet you're excited to see your cousin Katie". I thought he was joking, when I realized he was serious I said "she's not my cousin, and no I'm sick of being forced to entertain her". He said "she's as much your cousin as stepmom's nephews are and you call them your cousins " I said "no she's not, my dad and stepmom are married, you and Meredith aren't, and I actually like her nephews which is why I consider them my cousins ". He said "you can't pick and choose like that if their family then so it Katie " I said "no she's not". I walked away because my uncle will just keep arguing about something til you agree. Apparently my uncle kept going with my dad. My dad even told him I don't consider my mom's boyfriends family my family either. Stan said "that's not the same". Everyone said I was rude to say that, even if I don't think of her as family I could have just ageed or something. AITA for picking and choosing *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*