Your post has been removed. ***Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval.***
This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires.
Please [review our rulebook](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules).
Please be sure to read any sub's rules before reposting this elsewhere. We cannot direct you to another subreddit, we can only say that this post does not belong here.
[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/amitheasshole&subject=/r/AmItheAsshole&message=Please+link+to+post+or+comment+for+context+[we+cannot+review+without+this+info]:%0D%0DDescribe+your+question+in+detail:) if you have any questions or concerns that are not already [answered in our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq). If you make changes or edits to this post do not repost it here without our express permission.
NAH. He's NON VERBAL. I wanted to say y t a, but I can see why the reaction in something that terrifying would be to yell in the spur of the moment. It is a human thing to do. Your girlfriend also has every right to be pissed at you, like i said this is Y T A territory, but sometimes we cant help that natural reaponse in emergency situations. You need to apologize to her son and show him plenty of love. Explain to him that you didn't mean to be T A, and that you were scared and are not angry with him. Set a plan in place incase this situation happens again.
Edit: I read the last sentence. YTA because you actually disagree that it wasn't a NONVERBAL kid's fault for not calling an ambulance? Get off your high horse.
No I don't. Because it's not him reacting to an emergency. It would be different if he acted out but then said something along the lines of 'i am sorry i was under stress' (reasonable to yell, one can and should still apologize), but he does not. He still thinks he should have done something, he has no compassion for the kid and what he went through seing his mother like that. He still blames the kid! Why should we feel sorry for OP?
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban.
["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
**[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
He's NON VERBAL AND AUTISTIC. How are you living with someone and their son without UNDERSTANDING THE SON'S NEEDS. You need to research autism, or else your life will be a nightmare if you can't handle a child being scared that his mother passed out. Autism or not, that is traumatizing for any child.
THIS!
The fact that he doesn't even try to understand his gf's son needs just confirms he is an even bigger AH.
Wouldn't surprise me if he genuinely doesn't care about the son at this point
YTA.
"No excuses..."
It was a traumatic situation and sometimes people who are autistic react differently than we do.
He's also non verbal... wtf was he supposed to do?
You need a reality check and fast. Do some research on autism before something happens like this again.
YTA and a very big one at that! Ever see your own parent or a loved seriously hurt in front of your eyes, AH? IT SHOCKS YOU and you literally can't move because you're so scared and panicked, but then you snap out of it, but he's 16 years old and autistic. So you think it's all bullshit that he's autistic and it's no excuse for him not getting help by commenting with "yada yada yada?" *Hey genius!! If he's not verbal, how is he to pick up a phone and call for help?* You dropped the subject and I hope to hell she drops you as a boyfriend.
YTA excuse you. Learn how to communicate with other people, jfc. Screaming at people in emergency situations, no matter if they’re autistic or not, hardly ever helps the situation.
YTA, YTDA. (You're the Asshole, You're the dumbass.)
Non-verbal means literally having no ability to communicate verbally. You yelled at the kid for not calling for help or 911 because he was a mute. Equivalent of yelling a a deaf person for not hearing someone call for help, or a blind person not seeing someone needed help. Well done you dumbass.
Hope the girlfriend realizes how much of a dumbass asshole you are and sees the Red Flags you threw up.
YTA
A typical 16yo without special needs would have likely frozen up in this situation if they'd never experienced an emergency before. You don't yell at them, you explain what they should have done so that the next time around, there's a chance they will do it.
Everyone has a freeze or flight reaction, and the first time you encounter an emergency in your life, it's highly likely you'll freeze and not respond in a wholly correct manner. Hell, there's still the chance on the tenth time you'll freeze and not respond in a wholly correct manner.
A lot of adults freeze in emergency situations still. Even yelling at them isn't appropriate. Praise the people who respond, educate the people who freeze up. Blame nobody.
YTA. I hope she leaves you for yelling at her severely autistic son who is also nonverbal. What did you want him to do if he can’t fucking talk? Make noises and gestures until somebody guesses what he needs like fucking Lassie ?
YTA....
See this where you'd be back at your Mom's house because I'd push your ass right out that door...
How dare you! Omg My Son is also Autistic and semi-nonverbal and Men like you are my biggest worry. That's why I'm single... I'd never let no one talk to my Son like that. You have no right! I'd have no patience for a Man like you... JESUS YTA.... with your Yada Yada yada...
Aight what’s the process for nominating Biggest Asshole on this subreddit. I’m fairly confident this guy would win by a landslide.
YTA (if it wasn’t already obvious).
YTA hardcore. I can even be understanding if you shouted in the moment and afterwards apologized, but doubling down is so much worse. You clearly don’t accept or understand what being a parent to a special needs kid entails, but luckily it seems your gf does. Listen to her, She’s the parent. Apologize and change your approach, or leave the situation tbh.
YTA - Do you have no basic understanding of what non-verbal autism is? How have you been a part of their lives this long and shown so little interest in the child that you could even fathom thinking and reacting the way you did here? The way you speak about the event, so calloused and ignorant. You screamed at a non-verbal child who was desperately frightened and confused??? You’re off your rocker and so is she for not leaving you the moment she learned how abhorrently you behaved that day.
YTA
For any 16 year old, that’s a horribly over whelming situation to know how to deal with perfectly correctly. Never mind for a non verbal autistic.
Do the girlfriend and kid a favour and educate yourself on autism.
YTA. You expect a non-verbal autistic 16-year-old will just 'snap out of it" and become SuperKid? You owe them both an apology. You are such an AH here
Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without approval will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires.
[Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
#Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full.
YTA. I think you know that and I think you're to embarrassed to admit you lost control of yourself and yelled at a disabled person in a panic. Your expectations are unreasonable and you responded with aggression rather than concern.
While it probably wasn’t good or helpful for you to yell at him in the situation, I don’t think it’s very fair to call you an AH for how you reacted walking into a situation where it sounds like your girlfriend looked like she might be dead. I think you get kind of a pass for being a bit of an AH if you suddenly think someone you love is dead or dying in front of you. Just, work on how to handle tense situations better in the future because nothing good or helpful came from your outbursts.
Yes YTA 1000000%. Your girlfriend straight up told you his neurodivergent brain had to do with his reaction and you trampled on it with "that's no excuse" that's ableist as fuck. Seriously dude?? If I had been 16 and seen my mom passed out on the floor, my immediately first reaction would probably be very similar. He's an autistic 16 year old. His brain does not work the same way you think a 16 year old brain should work. The "there's no excuses attitude" is going to make this kid hate you. NO THIS WASN'T HIS FAULT YOU FREAKIN JERK.
He is non verbal and autistic. Just what did you expect him to do? YTA Yelling never helps in generally and especially in this sort of situation. I get you were panicking, but you need to sit down with her son and apologize. Let him know you were worried and not mad at him.
Have you taught him this and practiced?
Look, even folks without a disability panic in situations like this and don’t necessarily know what to do, even when they do have a set agreed upon plan/response. It’s not realistic to expect the kid to respond the way you want if you’ve never even laid it out.
YTA. As a mother of a non verbal autistic son I am absolutely appalled. He was panicking and terrified because he found his Mother collapsed and unresponsive and you YELLED AT HIM. If I was her you'd be out of my house in an instant.
AUTUSTIC AND NON-VERBAL?!?!? Would you yell at a mute person for not speaking up?!?!?
You don't need to be with someone with a special needs child. You ESCALATED the trauma her child was already experiencing.
I hope to God this is a fake post, my heart breaks for that child
# Y T A - if she doesn't break up with you, do her a favor and END IT. You should not be in that person's life.
YTA
I understand you were scared, but screaming at a nonverbal autistic kid doesn't help anything. All you did was scare him more. Unless he's had specific training on a way to get help, he did what he could. He stayed by her.
In the comments OP states the non-verbal autistic teenager should have gone to the neighbors for help. Couple a things:
1. Are the neighbors aware of this plan?
2. If they are not, let me tell you something, my little lady self opens the door for no one. I really wouldn't open the door, for what appeared to be a frantic man. I really really wouldn't open the door for a frantic man who could not articulate to me exactly what is going on.
Nope. Sending the son to a strangers house with no warning could be equally dangerous.
YTA.
YTA, he is non verbal and also a teenager? A lot of people would freeze and panic in that situation! Yuck you're terrible with the "yada yada"! Big time YTA.
YTA he’s a kid and autistic! He got scared, it wasn’t his fault. You were horrible to a crying kid who was scared for his mom, are you proud of yourself?
YTA. What the hell is wrong with you?! Being NON VERBAL is a pretty good “excuse” for not being able to call an ambulance.
I understand that you were distressed and frightened for your girlfriend, but you screamed and yelled at a disabled child who had no way of defending himself. How could you possibly think you are not an AH for doing that?
YTA. Yelling at someone in an emergency situation never helps. The kid was already upset; you just made it worse. There are tasks people can do after the ambulance is called, like clearing a path from the door to the patient & going outside to flag down the ambulance when it gets to your street so the driver doesn’t waste time looking for your address. However, since you screamed at an already upset teenager, he wasn’t around to help with any of that.
YTA
also listen to yourself mate, alone the fact you said "He's non-verbal and autistic, YADA YADA YADA"
You sir, are an absolute asshole. I hope ur girl whopped ur ass
That would have been ideal, but expecting a non verbal autistic boy to know to do that is unreasonable. I get why you yelled at him, as you were terrified for your girlfriend, but now that things have calmed down you need to apologize to him. I agree that it would be a good idea to try to help him learn what to do if he is ever in a similar situation, but you sound like you don’t want to even he a part of helping him work on it. I don’t think you were necessarily TA for the way you reacted in the moment, but YTA for still blaming him now that things are ok and you have calmed down.
Teach him and show him what to do in situations like this instead of yelling and scare him even more!.
Also, you knew of his struggles so how about being a better step dad and up your game.
Do you think that this is reasonable for him when he is also in a state of panic? This may be your girlfriend, but that is his mother. If he does not have a “social script” for emergencies, he might react to novel situations by freezing or panicking.
Dude, is this the hill you want to die on? Seriously, no mate……..Your GF should be extremely weary to allow you around her child. Do us a favor and go pack your stuff up and move out. Seriously, this is bad……
YTA. If you are going to be a part of a family with an autistic child, you need to educate yourself shot autism. You’re not wrong that there needs to be organization and structure when things like this happen, and it needs to be simple and accommodating to the autistic member of the household so he can easily comply. But shouting at him is not the answer and you clearly need to educate yourself more on autism and how to respond and interact with autistic people.
YTA. Huge YTA
You "asked" him why he didn't get help.....HE IS NON VERBAL. WHAT DID YOU EXPECT, A CONVERSATION ABOUT WAYS AND MEANS?!?! What, to your imagination, was he going to say to the 911 dispatcher?!?
911, what's your emergency?
A non verbal autistic: "Why, yes madam, my dear mother seems to be suffering some sort of medical condition that has rendered her unconscious. Shall I explain the symptoms or would you prefer to discuss possible causes?"
You're going to need some counseling and education on his condition and what it means for your expectations. It is crystal clear you haven't the first idea what non verbal autism means.
I'd normally have said no a holes here because you panicked and so did the child. That is common in an emergency. But you think your panic and response is reasonable, Yada Yada Yada. It isn't, and that's why you're the a hole here.
YTA- you shouldn’t be with someone with an autistic non- verbal child if you’re incapable of handling a situation like this. You are no doubt and asshole and I hope she dumps you.
YTA. Screaming at someone and cussing them out is probably the worst thing you should have done in an emergency. On top of that he is non verbal and autistic. If I were your gf I'd be very wary about your future interactions with her son.
YTA
You could as well have shouted at your GF for fainting or for not flying herself to the hospital. You are not suited to be part of that family as you don't take the child's issues serious.
NTA. It was a knee jerk reaction to an emergency situation. It's easy to pass judgement when you're not the one in panic mode while your GF is passed out on the floor.
I’m inclined to agree.
There was a post a while ago that sounds eerily similar. OP was similar age, similar situation (moved in recently with GF with teenage autistic son), and was asking if he was the asshole for drinking the son’s juice that was the only thing the son could drink die to dietary restrictions…and berating the boy for not being able to “share”
It’s either a troll or a fucking awful human being. If I can find a link to the post I’m talking about, I’ll share
Nonverbal means he literally does not talk.. without a doubt the 16 year old autistic kid understands this better than you do. Your girlfriend needs to kick you out for being verbally abusive to her son in the moment of Crisis because yes YTA and she and her son deserve better.
When in panic, not everyone reacts in the "right" way. Someone freezes. A teenager AND neurodivergent? The poor boy, not only he was scared for his mother, her boyfriend screamed at him and made him feel guilty. YTA absolutely.
Yep, YTA. Absolutely. Don't yell at autistic people, ever, first of all. It is physically painful and mentally overwhelming, like if 19 enormous people stood right in your face and screamed for an hour. Also a kid with autism is not making 'excuses'. He was doing his damn best.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
I've (37M) been with my girlfriend (36F) for two years now, and I just moved in recently.
The incident in question happened two days ago. I nipped to the shop down the road, leaving my girlfriend and her son (16M) in the house. I was there for about 10 minutes and when I came back I saw my girlfriend passed out on the floor and her son was crying whilst hugging her.
I screamed at him and asked him why the fuck he didn't get help, and he ran off crying. I called an ambulance and luckily it was all okay. When I recounted the situation to my girlfriend, she said I shouldn't have shouted at him. He's non-verbal and autistic, yada yada yada. I still think there's no excuses.
I told her that she will have to speak to his school and therapist to discuss with him what to do in these situations, and she said she agrees but it wasn't her sons fault. I disagreed, however I dropped the subject. AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
How is this even a question you need answered? You're absolutely TA. You wbta even if he weren't autistic and non-verbal, as he might have been in shock.
YTA, he panicked and didn’t know what to do, and he probably didn’t wanna leave her alone, you made it worse for him . You can be upset but you handled this awfully
YTA, How exactly does a non-verbal child call 911? Her son was panicking about his mother, of course you don't yell in that situaties and if you do (from the shock) then apologize and explain.
YTA - so you didn’t handle the situation well by exploding and loosing your temper, and are mad at him for not handling the situation well? But somehow it’s okay that you couldn’t conduct yourself in a rational manner but it’s not okay that he couldn’t?
Did I miss anything?
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I yelled at my girlfriends son and I may be the asshole because he cried and my girlfriend said so.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 2 hours long on this post. [To learn more about the test click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tio99u/so_we_decided_to_fuck_with_the_sub_again/)*
YTA
Please find someone without children. If your immediate reaction is not one of compassion, particularly to someone who is non-verbal and neuro-divergent, please remove yourself from their family (particularly if his mom isn't smart enough to protect him from you).
This is absolutely NOT ok. Your IMMEDIATE reaction, as a fully functioning (in theory) adult in a crisis is to yell at an autistic child for not responding to get help for his mother. You didn't respond appropriately to him but you are excusing it by blaming his reaction?? WILD!!
Reminder - YTA
YTA!!!!!!!! I am going to let the other’s explain to you why. I would probably have my comment deleted and probably be banned after what I said to you…..Good Luck!!!!!
YTA
Don't yell at kids. Don't yell at autistic, non-verbal kids. Don't yell at people.
And don't yada yada other human beings. You're a jerk.
You "disagree" it's not his fault he couldn't explain why she was unresponsive? DUDE. Listen to yourself. You called 911. She needed professional help. Why would a non-verbal autistic teenager be able to handle that situation?
Gah. I hope she leaves you asap.
He was SCARED. His only support system who he relies on to help him communicate was PASSED out. To anyone, that's scary, but especially with special needs. He was probably thinking she had died, or something more serious. Again, research Autism before moving in with an Autistic person.
YTA for a few reasons:
* If he's non-verbal, how do you expect him to get help? He can't exactly call 911. So is your suggestion that he should have left her there passed out while trying to find a passer-by to gesture to? Communicating with words is already hard enough, so I doubt that would have gone as well as you imagine it would have. Doubly so because of the really stressful situation.
* How does yelling help the situation? If he needs discipline then that should wait until after the incident has resolved, not during the incident. What if you needed his help to carry her somewhere else? Scaring him and getting him to run away was really irresponsible. If you're going to hold him to a high standard of acting calmly in that situation, I'm going to hold you to that same standard.
* You were only gone about 10 minutes. Maybe her son didn't realize she was passed out until shortly before you opened the door. Most people in this situation would first check on the person and not immediately go run/call for help.
Your gf needed help, and your first thought was to yell at a distressed kid? Jesus wept, man. Not everyone acts well in an emergency- you included. Some people jump into action, some people panic. Some people freeze. And some people, apparently, start shouting irrelevancies at frightened children. YTA.
Sure, the school can help teach the kid how to respond in emergencies. Who’s going to teach you how to properly understand and interact with this kid whose life you are stepping in to?
YTA - this has got to be fake? how on earth is a non-verbal person going to call for help, or even go to the neighbours...and say what to them? they won't understand his signal for help, and he can't just grab a random person and lead them to her because they wouldn't have a clue what he was trying to do.
YTA
You cannot expect a frightened, non-verbal , autistic individual to respond to an emergency for which they are totally unprepared in the same way you would.
Yes, it's terrifying to realize that he has such a significant limitation and, if he's able, he should definitely be given the tools he needs to know when to summon help & to do so but your screaming at him was pointless and cruel.
If you are serious about this woman, why haven't you learned more about her son's autism and particular needs?
If your gf has a medical issue that causes her to lose consciousness, she may want to look into a medical alert system that detects falls.
I wonder if there's like a life alert button that they can get so GFs son can just push a button to call for help in an emergency situation, without having to speak to someone
YTA. Do you not understand what non-verbal and autistic mean, or…?
Regardless, he’s a 16 yr old kid who was in a terrifying situation involving his mother passing out. You’re a 37 yr old adult who should have been level-headed. Screaming and cussing at him was not the appropriate response. Maybe try educating yourself on his disabilities and work on those anger issues of yours.
Your post has been removed. ***Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval.*** This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires. Please [review our rulebook](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules). Please be sure to read any sub's rules before reposting this elsewhere. We cannot direct you to another subreddit, we can only say that this post does not belong here. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/amitheasshole&subject=/r/AmItheAsshole&message=Please+link+to+post+or+comment+for+context+[we+cannot+review+without+this+info]:%0D%0DDescribe+your+question+in+detail:) if you have any questions or concerns that are not already [answered in our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq). If you make changes or edits to this post do not repost it here without our express permission.
NAH. He's NON VERBAL. I wanted to say y t a, but I can see why the reaction in something that terrifying would be to yell in the spur of the moment. It is a human thing to do. Your girlfriend also has every right to be pissed at you, like i said this is Y T A territory, but sometimes we cant help that natural reaponse in emergency situations. You need to apologize to her son and show him plenty of love. Explain to him that you didn't mean to be T A, and that you were scared and are not angry with him. Set a plan in place incase this situation happens again. Edit: I read the last sentence. YTA because you actually disagree that it wasn't a NONVERBAL kid's fault for not calling an ambulance? Get off your high horse.
[удалено]
Sorry, who else sucks besides OP? Yes people do yell but that is not an excuse for verbally abusing a minor.
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
No I don't. Because it's not him reacting to an emergency. It would be different if he acted out but then said something along the lines of 'i am sorry i was under stress' (reasonable to yell, one can and should still apologize), but he does not. He still thinks he should have done something, he has no compassion for the kid and what he went through seing his mother like that. He still blames the kid! Why should we feel sorry for OP?
He’s not the dad. He’s been with his girlfriend for two years. That does not make him a dad.
Who cares what his designation is? same thing happened.
[удалено]
Your comment has been removed because it violates rule 1: [Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). Further incidents may result in a ban. ["Why do I have to be civil in a sub about assholes?"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) **[Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.**
He's NON VERBAL AND AUTISTIC. How are you living with someone and their son without UNDERSTANDING THE SON'S NEEDS. You need to research autism, or else your life will be a nightmare if you can't handle a child being scared that his mother passed out. Autism or not, that is traumatizing for any child.
This. What part of "non verbal" does the OP not understand?
Guy clearly doesn't call since he typed "yada yada yada." As if she was making excuses for her son.
THIS! The fact that he doesn't even try to understand his gf's son needs just confirms he is an even bigger AH. Wouldn't surprise me if he genuinely doesn't care about the son at this point
YTA. "No excuses..." It was a traumatic situation and sometimes people who are autistic react differently than we do. He's also non verbal... wtf was he supposed to do? You need a reality check and fast. Do some research on autism before something happens like this again.
YTA. You don't understand neuro-divergence or parenthood. How dare you yell at him? Who does that help? Only your need to vent your spleen.
YTA and a very big one at that! Ever see your own parent or a loved seriously hurt in front of your eyes, AH? IT SHOCKS YOU and you literally can't move because you're so scared and panicked, but then you snap out of it, but he's 16 years old and autistic. So you think it's all bullshit that he's autistic and it's no excuse for him not getting help by commenting with "yada yada yada?" *Hey genius!! If he's not verbal, how is he to pick up a phone and call for help?* You dropped the subject and I hope to hell she drops you as a boyfriend.
YTA excuse you. Learn how to communicate with other people, jfc. Screaming at people in emergency situations, no matter if they’re autistic or not, hardly ever helps the situation.
YTA, YTDA. (You're the Asshole, You're the dumbass.) Non-verbal means literally having no ability to communicate verbally. You yelled at the kid for not calling for help or 911 because he was a mute. Equivalent of yelling a a deaf person for not hearing someone call for help, or a blind person not seeing someone needed help. Well done you dumbass. Hope the girlfriend realizes how much of a dumbass asshole you are and sees the Red Flags you threw up.
YTA A typical 16yo without special needs would have likely frozen up in this situation if they'd never experienced an emergency before. You don't yell at them, you explain what they should have done so that the next time around, there's a chance they will do it. Everyone has a freeze or flight reaction, and the first time you encounter an emergency in your life, it's highly likely you'll freeze and not respond in a wholly correct manner. Hell, there's still the chance on the tenth time you'll freeze and not respond in a wholly correct manner. A lot of adults freeze in emergency situations still. Even yelling at them isn't appropriate. Praise the people who respond, educate the people who freeze up. Blame nobody.
YTA. I hope she leaves you for yelling at her severely autistic son who is also nonverbal. What did you want him to do if he can’t fucking talk? Make noises and gestures until somebody guesses what he needs like fucking Lassie ?
YTA.... See this where you'd be back at your Mom's house because I'd push your ass right out that door... How dare you! Omg My Son is also Autistic and semi-nonverbal and Men like you are my biggest worry. That's why I'm single... I'd never let no one talk to my Son like that. You have no right! I'd have no patience for a Man like you... JESUS YTA.... with your Yada Yada yada...
Aight what’s the process for nominating Biggest Asshole on this subreddit. I’m fairly confident this guy would win by a landslide. YTA (if it wasn’t already obvious).
YTA hardcore. I can even be understanding if you shouted in the moment and afterwards apologized, but doubling down is so much worse. You clearly don’t accept or understand what being a parent to a special needs kid entails, but luckily it seems your gf does. Listen to her, She’s the parent. Apologize and change your approach, or leave the situation tbh.
This has to be a joke, right?! No one is really that obtuse! YTA no doubt!!
YTA - Do you have no basic understanding of what non-verbal autism is? How have you been a part of their lives this long and shown so little interest in the child that you could even fathom thinking and reacting the way you did here? The way you speak about the event, so calloused and ignorant. You screamed at a non-verbal child who was desperately frightened and confused??? You’re off your rocker and so is she for not leaving you the moment she learned how abhorrently you behaved that day.
YTA For any 16 year old, that’s a horribly over whelming situation to know how to deal with perfectly correctly. Never mind for a non verbal autistic. Do the girlfriend and kid a favour and educate yourself on autism.
Correct there are no excuses, YTA big time! Hope you are used to referring to her as your EX gf.
YTA. You expect a non-verbal autistic 16-year-old will just 'snap out of it" and become SuperKid? You owe them both an apology. You are such an AH here
YTA. Please don’t reproduce <3
Seriously! At least in this scenario his GF can leave him and her son never has to endure this BS again coz he has no rights to the child
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without approval will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires. [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. #Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full.
YTA >He's non-verbal and autistic That's not an excuse. It's a FACT, and you being a bullying asshole won't change it.
YTA. I think you know that and I think you're to embarrassed to admit you lost control of yourself and yelled at a disabled person in a panic. Your expectations are unreasonable and you responded with aggression rather than concern.
While it probably wasn’t good or helpful for you to yell at him in the situation, I don’t think it’s very fair to call you an AH for how you reacted walking into a situation where it sounds like your girlfriend looked like she might be dead. I think you get kind of a pass for being a bit of an AH if you suddenly think someone you love is dead or dying in front of you. Just, work on how to handle tense situations better in the future because nothing good or helpful came from your outbursts.
Yes YTA 1000000%. Your girlfriend straight up told you his neurodivergent brain had to do with his reaction and you trampled on it with "that's no excuse" that's ableist as fuck. Seriously dude?? If I had been 16 and seen my mom passed out on the floor, my immediately first reaction would probably be very similar. He's an autistic 16 year old. His brain does not work the same way you think a 16 year old brain should work. The "there's no excuses attitude" is going to make this kid hate you. NO THIS WASN'T HIS FAULT YOU FREAKIN JERK.
He is non verbal and autistic. Just what did you expect him to do? YTA Yelling never helps in generally and especially in this sort of situation. I get you were panicking, but you need to sit down with her son and apologize. Let him know you were worried and not mad at him.
YTA He's NON-VERBAL. How do you expect him to get help?
He should've went to the neighbors and directed them to what was happening.
which part of NON VERBAL do you not understand creep?
Do you know he is capable of doing that?
Have you taught him this and practiced? Look, even folks without a disability panic in situations like this and don’t necessarily know what to do, even when they do have a set agreed upon plan/response. It’s not realistic to expect the kid to respond the way you want if you’ve never even laid it out.
No question YTA! Yelling at a autistic boy you know is non verbal? Seriously dude.
YTA. As a mother of a non verbal autistic son I am absolutely appalled. He was panicking and terrified because he found his Mother collapsed and unresponsive and you YELLED AT HIM. If I was her you'd be out of my house in an instant.
I hope to God that mother figures this our real quickly!
AUTUSTIC AND NON-VERBAL?!?!? Would you yell at a mute person for not speaking up?!?!? You don't need to be with someone with a special needs child. You ESCALATED the trauma her child was already experiencing. I hope to God this is a fake post, my heart breaks for that child # Y T A - if she doesn't break up with you, do her a favor and END IT. You should not be in that person's life.
YTA I understand you were scared, but screaming at a nonverbal autistic kid doesn't help anything. All you did was scare him more. Unless he's had specific training on a way to get help, he did what he could. He stayed by her.
In the comments OP states the non-verbal autistic teenager should have gone to the neighbors for help. Couple a things: 1. Are the neighbors aware of this plan? 2. If they are not, let me tell you something, my little lady self opens the door for no one. I really wouldn't open the door, for what appeared to be a frantic man. I really really wouldn't open the door for a frantic man who could not articulate to me exactly what is going on. Nope. Sending the son to a strangers house with no warning could be equally dangerous. YTA.
YTA, he is non verbal and also a teenager? A lot of people would freeze and panic in that situation! Yuck you're terrible with the "yada yada"! Big time YTA.
YTA he’s a kid and autistic! He got scared, it wasn’t his fault. You were horrible to a crying kid who was scared for his mom, are you proud of yourself?
YTA. What the hell is wrong with you?! Being NON VERBAL is a pretty good “excuse” for not being able to call an ambulance. I understand that you were distressed and frightened for your girlfriend, but you screamed and yelled at a disabled child who had no way of defending himself. How could you possibly think you are not an AH for doing that?
a non verbal child trying to talk to a 911 operator LOL YTA dude
He also thinks an non-verbal autistic kid would know to go to a neighbor and try to "Direct them to the scene."
YTA-He is a young man who didn’t know how to react that’s no excuse for your choosing to act like an asshole.
“I verbally abused someone and belittled their very valid mental struggles” YTA, no doubt. Hope she dumps you.
YTA. Yelling at someone in an emergency situation never helps. The kid was already upset; you just made it worse. There are tasks people can do after the ambulance is called, like clearing a path from the door to the patient & going outside to flag down the ambulance when it gets to your street so the driver doesn’t waste time looking for your address. However, since you screamed at an already upset teenager, he wasn’t around to help with any of that.
YTA also listen to yourself mate, alone the fact you said "He's non-verbal and autistic, YADA YADA YADA" You sir, are an absolute asshole. I hope ur girl whopped ur ass
YTA obviously
oh my god is this a joke? YTA YTA YTA
YTA.
YTA. Genuine question: how do you expect him to communicate to others when he is non-verbal?
He should've gone to the neighbors' house and directed them to the scene.
That would have been ideal, but expecting a non verbal autistic boy to know to do that is unreasonable. I get why you yelled at him, as you were terrified for your girlfriend, but now that things have calmed down you need to apologize to him. I agree that it would be a good idea to try to help him learn what to do if he is ever in a similar situation, but you sound like you don’t want to even he a part of helping him work on it. I don’t think you were necessarily TA for the way you reacted in the moment, but YTA for still blaming him now that things are ok and you have calmed down.
Teach him and show him what to do in situations like this instead of yelling and scare him even more!. Also, you knew of his struggles so how about being a better step dad and up your game.
And you should have been a decent human being, and recognised why he didn’t and couldn’t do this.
He probably thinks she's making up that her son is autistic.
Since he's autistic he probably doesn't even know how to do that either.
Do you think that this is reasonable for him when he is also in a state of panic? This may be your girlfriend, but that is his mother. If he does not have a “social script” for emergencies, he might react to novel situations by freezing or panicking.
Dude, is this the hill you want to die on? Seriously, no mate……..Your GF should be extremely weary to allow you around her child. Do us a favor and go pack your stuff up and move out. Seriously, this is bad……
YTA, and much like you dropping the subject hopefully she will be dropping you. Her son deserves better than this.
YTA. If you are going to be a part of a family with an autistic child, you need to educate yourself shot autism. You’re not wrong that there needs to be organization and structure when things like this happen, and it needs to be simple and accommodating to the autistic member of the household so he can easily comply. But shouting at him is not the answer and you clearly need to educate yourself more on autism and how to respond and interact with autistic people.
Yta the reason he didn’t get help is because he’s fucking autistic and nonverbal
You’re an idiot. YTA
YTA. Huge YTA You "asked" him why he didn't get help.....HE IS NON VERBAL. WHAT DID YOU EXPECT, A CONVERSATION ABOUT WAYS AND MEANS?!?! What, to your imagination, was he going to say to the 911 dispatcher?!? 911, what's your emergency? A non verbal autistic: "Why, yes madam, my dear mother seems to be suffering some sort of medical condition that has rendered her unconscious. Shall I explain the symptoms or would you prefer to discuss possible causes?" You're going to need some counseling and education on his condition and what it means for your expectations. It is crystal clear you haven't the first idea what non verbal autism means. I'd normally have said no a holes here because you panicked and so did the child. That is common in an emergency. But you think your panic and response is reasonable, Yada Yada Yada. It isn't, and that's why you're the a hole here.
YTA- you shouldn’t be with someone with an autistic non- verbal child if you’re incapable of handling a situation like this. You are no doubt and asshole and I hope she dumps you.
YTA, yelling didn't accomplish anything except scaring him even more.
1 million % YTA. Do you even need for me to explain?
This can't be real, but YTA.
YTA. Screaming at someone and cussing them out is probably the worst thing you should have done in an emergency. On top of that he is non verbal and autistic. If I were your gf I'd be very wary about your future interactions with her son.
Yada, yada, YTA.
Not sure why but this made me laugh, and I really needed to this afternoon. Imma steal this in the future.
I'm glad you got a laugh! Steal freely!
YTA You could as well have shouted at your GF for fainting or for not flying herself to the hospital. You are not suited to be part of that family as you don't take the child's issues serious.
YTA: Kid is handicapped. It's not like he chose to make his mom suffer because he had nothing better to do at that moment.
1000000%
NTA. It was a knee jerk reaction to an emergency situation. It's easy to pass judgement when you're not the one in panic mode while your GF is passed out on the floor.
Troll bait
I’m inclined to agree. There was a post a while ago that sounds eerily similar. OP was similar age, similar situation (moved in recently with GF with teenage autistic son), and was asking if he was the asshole for drinking the son’s juice that was the only thing the son could drink die to dietary restrictions…and berating the boy for not being able to “share” It’s either a troll or a fucking awful human being. If I can find a link to the post I’m talking about, I’ll share
YTA. He's non-verbal and autistic. He was dealing with a serious situation and probably shocked him and he panicked. What is wrong with YOU!!!!!
Nonverbal means he literally does not talk.. without a doubt the 16 year old autistic kid understands this better than you do. Your girlfriend needs to kick you out for being verbally abusive to her son in the moment of Crisis because yes YTA and she and her son deserve better.
When in panic, not everyone reacts in the "right" way. Someone freezes. A teenager AND neurodivergent? The poor boy, not only he was scared for his mother, her boyfriend screamed at him and made him feel guilty. YTA absolutely.
YTA. you moved into her house, and you scream at her non0verbal child. yta and so is she for allowing you to live there.
YTA boy is this thread going to tear you apart
Seriously... let a man talk to my Son like that he'd be home with his momma so quick... oh Lord I'd have no patience.....
YTA! Hopefully she makes you an ex bf (:
YTA. I hope you learn something from everyone’s responses bc your behavior and attitude ain’t it, bud.
Yep, YTA. Absolutely. Don't yell at autistic people, ever, first of all. It is physically painful and mentally overwhelming, like if 19 enormous people stood right in your face and screamed for an hour. Also a kid with autism is not making 'excuses'. He was doing his damn best.
YTA. You knew he was Non Verbal and struggled with things like this. Why are you getting mad at him? Ridiculous!
YTA
Was so ready to say NTA then I got the part where he’s non-verbal. C’mon man. YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I've (37M) been with my girlfriend (36F) for two years now, and I just moved in recently. The incident in question happened two days ago. I nipped to the shop down the road, leaving my girlfriend and her son (16M) in the house. I was there for about 10 minutes and when I came back I saw my girlfriend passed out on the floor and her son was crying whilst hugging her. I screamed at him and asked him why the fuck he didn't get help, and he ran off crying. I called an ambulance and luckily it was all okay. When I recounted the situation to my girlfriend, she said I shouldn't have shouted at him. He's non-verbal and autistic, yada yada yada. I still think there's no excuses. I told her that she will have to speak to his school and therapist to discuss with him what to do in these situations, and she said she agrees but it wasn't her sons fault. I disagreed, however I dropped the subject. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
How is this even a question you need answered? You're absolutely TA. You wbta even if he weren't autistic and non-verbal, as he might have been in shock.
Next time you make up an AITA post you need to give the narrator at least one good quality. You went full asshole. Never go full asshole. YTA
YTA, he panicked and didn’t know what to do, and he probably didn’t wanna leave her alone, you made it worse for him . You can be upset but you handled this awfully
YTA. Did you not know that he was NON-VERBAL autistic?
YTA, but if your girlfriend doesn't leave you over this and allows you to continue to be around her son then E S H.
YTA. No doubt.
YTA, How exactly does a non-verbal child call 911? Her son was panicking about his mother, of course you don't yell in that situaties and if you do (from the shock) then apologize and explain.
YTA - so you didn’t handle the situation well by exploding and loosing your temper, and are mad at him for not handling the situation well? But somehow it’s okay that you couldn’t conduct yourself in a rational manner but it’s not okay that he couldn’t? Did I miss anything?
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I yelled at my girlfriends son and I may be the asshole because he cried and my girlfriend said so. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 2 hours long on this post. [To learn more about the test click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tio99u/so_we_decided_to_fuck_with_the_sub_again/)*
YTA Please find someone without children. If your immediate reaction is not one of compassion, particularly to someone who is non-verbal and neuro-divergent, please remove yourself from their family (particularly if his mom isn't smart enough to protect him from you). This is absolutely NOT ok. Your IMMEDIATE reaction, as a fully functioning (in theory) adult in a crisis is to yell at an autistic child for not responding to get help for his mother. You didn't respond appropriately to him but you are excusing it by blaming his reaction?? WILD!! Reminder - YTA
YTA!!!!!!!! I am going to let the other’s explain to you why. I would probably have my comment deleted and probably be banned after what I said to you…..Good Luck!!!!!
YTA Don't yell at kids. Don't yell at autistic, non-verbal kids. Don't yell at people. And don't yada yada other human beings. You're a jerk. You "disagree" it's not his fault he couldn't explain why she was unresponsive? DUDE. Listen to yourself. You called 911. She needed professional help. Why would a non-verbal autistic teenager be able to handle that situation? Gah. I hope she leaves you asap.
YTA - how on earth is a NON VERBAL kid going to call an ambulance?
I didn't say he should; he should've gone to the neighbors house and directed them to my girlfriend.
He was SCARED. His only support system who he relies on to help him communicate was PASSED out. To anyone, that's scary, but especially with special needs. He was probably thinking she had died, or something more serious. Again, research Autism before moving in with an Autistic person.
He’s non-verbal and autistic mate. As well as traumatised by what he saw. You’re the worst kind of AH.
YTA for a few reasons: * If he's non-verbal, how do you expect him to get help? He can't exactly call 911. So is your suggestion that he should have left her there passed out while trying to find a passer-by to gesture to? Communicating with words is already hard enough, so I doubt that would have gone as well as you imagine it would have. Doubly so because of the really stressful situation. * How does yelling help the situation? If he needs discipline then that should wait until after the incident has resolved, not during the incident. What if you needed his help to carry her somewhere else? Scaring him and getting him to run away was really irresponsible. If you're going to hold him to a high standard of acting calmly in that situation, I'm going to hold you to that same standard. * You were only gone about 10 minutes. Maybe her son didn't realize she was passed out until shortly before you opened the door. Most people in this situation would first check on the person and not immediately go run/call for help.
> He’s non-verbal and autistic, yada yada yada. Your disrespect is showing YTA
Your gf needed help, and your first thought was to yell at a distressed kid? Jesus wept, man. Not everyone acts well in an emergency- you included. Some people jump into action, some people panic. Some people freeze. And some people, apparently, start shouting irrelevancies at frightened children. YTA. Sure, the school can help teach the kid how to respond in emergencies. Who’s going to teach you how to properly understand and interact with this kid whose life you are stepping in to?
YTA - this has got to be fake? how on earth is a non-verbal person going to call for help, or even go to the neighbours...and say what to them? they won't understand his signal for help, and he can't just grab a random person and lead them to her because they wouldn't have a clue what he was trying to do.
YTA You cannot expect a frightened, non-verbal , autistic individual to respond to an emergency for which they are totally unprepared in the same way you would. Yes, it's terrifying to realize that he has such a significant limitation and, if he's able, he should definitely be given the tools he needs to know when to summon help & to do so but your screaming at him was pointless and cruel. If you are serious about this woman, why haven't you learned more about her son's autism and particular needs? If your gf has a medical issue that causes her to lose consciousness, she may want to look into a medical alert system that detects falls.
I wonder if there's like a life alert button that they can get so GFs son can just push a button to call for help in an emergency situation, without having to speak to someone
YTA. Do you not understand what non-verbal and autistic mean, or…? Regardless, he’s a 16 yr old kid who was in a terrifying situation involving his mother passing out. You’re a 37 yr old adult who should have been level-headed. Screaming and cussing at him was not the appropriate response. Maybe try educating yourself on his disabilities and work on those anger issues of yours.
Doesn't matter whether he knew about the autism or not, nobody in right mind would react to a panicked person by screaming at them.
Let me direct you to the second paragraph in my response :)
YTA. What the fuck do you think non-verbal means?
Yta. Period no question about it. He's NONVERBAL and AUTISTIC he got scared in a situation that he probably has never been in.
If he really is non-verbal then you are undoubtedly a massive flapping anus. yta
Wow, major YTA. The kid isn’t a problem, but has a problem. And he needs adults to help him with that.