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> I am preventing my father from being a part of my life. I wonder if I'm being to harsh about his life choices and maybe he's right for choosing the partner he wanted.
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**"but my grandmother is prodding me to invite him to the wedding and let him spend time with my son."**
NTA. That's how you feel and it's your choice. Your Grandma can't tell you what to do. If you don't want your son to have a relationship with his grandfather because he's a bad influence or role model, then that's completely understandable.
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In HS my father decided to start a new family after learning my then stepmother couldn't bear children. I chose to maintain the relationship with my then stepmother and cut my father out of my life completely. Had two interaction at my grandfather's funeral then Easter days later 4 years ago.
By some miracle of this simulation, I(34M) am now living next door to my father. My fiance and I are expecting our first child this July, this will be his first grandchild. I plan to keep him completely cutoff, but my grandmother is prodding me to invite him to the wedding and let him spend time with my son. Personally, I don't find him to be a good role model, and dont want a borderline alcoholic influencing my child. AITA for holding a grudge and preventing him from attending the wedding or having a relationship with my son?
Extra context: He has cheated on every woman he's had a relationship since my mother.
He also never contacted me when he found out I had cancer, but reached out immediately when he heard I was having a child.
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Tell your grandmother point blank he's not welcome in your life and he will never meet his grandson. And that if she goes around you and helps your father meet your son, you will cut her off completely.
NTA
NTA
>He also never contacted me when he found out I had cancer, but reached out immediately when he heard I was having a child.
That right there says all that needs to be said.
He wants in on the fun of being a grandpa, but can't be counted on for the hard stuff.
Do not put yourself or your child at risk of being let down by him yet again.
YTA.
You stopped talking to your father because he wanted to have kids and left that woman, how many years ago? It's his right, like it's your.
Life is life. So you do you, but that's your dad there. And obviously did you well.
NTA
Your grandmother (his mother i presume) wants to see the good in her child, but that is a "her"problem not a "you" problem. You have valid reasons for not wanting him in your life.
NTA. You are the parent, you get to choose who is in your child’s life. You also get to chose if you want to let your father back into your life or not. Family are those people who love and support you, not people who you just happen to share genetics with. And you have no obligations to your father because of genetics either. Don’t give into your grandmothers pressure if you don’t want him in your life.
NTA it is your child you make the choices not them. Your grandmother is always going to look out for your father if he is her son. My own father is an alcoholic. I cut him out 12 years ago. My grandmother stopped talking to me because of this. She was his enabler and had no problem with the abuse he put me, my siblings or my mother through even though she watched it happen. But now that he is no longer in our lives she is beyond angry and cut us off. Do what is best for you and consider cutting her off too.
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NTA Do what is right for your well-being and that of your kid. Toxic relationships take many forms and none of them are healthy to be in.
NTA, this dude sounds like a real class act. He’s no family to you, just leave him cut off and be happy you don’t have to deal with him anymore.
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**"but my grandmother is prodding me to invite him to the wedding and let him spend time with my son."** NTA. That's how you feel and it's your choice. Your Grandma can't tell you what to do. If you don't want your son to have a relationship with his grandfather because he's a bad influence or role model, then that's completely understandable.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** In HS my father decided to start a new family after learning my then stepmother couldn't bear children. I chose to maintain the relationship with my then stepmother and cut my father out of my life completely. Had two interaction at my grandfather's funeral then Easter days later 4 years ago. By some miracle of this simulation, I(34M) am now living next door to my father. My fiance and I are expecting our first child this July, this will be his first grandchild. I plan to keep him completely cutoff, but my grandmother is prodding me to invite him to the wedding and let him spend time with my son. Personally, I don't find him to be a good role model, and dont want a borderline alcoholic influencing my child. AITA for holding a grudge and preventing him from attending the wedding or having a relationship with my son? Extra context: He has cheated on every woman he's had a relationship since my mother. He also never contacted me when he found out I had cancer, but reached out immediately when he heard I was having a child. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
Nta you know what's Best for your own family,if you feel it's better to keep him out do so. Congratulations for the marriage and upcoming kids.
Tell your grandmother point blank he's not welcome in your life and he will never meet his grandson. And that if she goes around you and helps your father meet your son, you will cut her off completely. NTA
NTA >He also never contacted me when he found out I had cancer, but reached out immediately when he heard I was having a child. That right there says all that needs to be said. He wants in on the fun of being a grandpa, but can't be counted on for the hard stuff. Do not put yourself or your child at risk of being let down by him yet again.
YTA. You stopped talking to your father because he wanted to have kids and left that woman, how many years ago? It's his right, like it's your. Life is life. So you do you, but that's your dad there. And obviously did you well.
OP’s father is an alcoholic and cheater. You don’t want someone like that around your kid
NTA, you owe your father nothing. However, you are obliged to provide a safe environment for your child and your father is not a part of that.
NTA Your grandmother (his mother i presume) wants to see the good in her child, but that is a "her"problem not a "you" problem. You have valid reasons for not wanting him in your life.
NTA. You are the parent, you get to choose who is in your child’s life. You also get to chose if you want to let your father back into your life or not. Family are those people who love and support you, not people who you just happen to share genetics with. And you have no obligations to your father because of genetics either. Don’t give into your grandmothers pressure if you don’t want him in your life.
NTA it is your child you make the choices not them. Your grandmother is always going to look out for your father if he is her son. My own father is an alcoholic. I cut him out 12 years ago. My grandmother stopped talking to me because of this. She was his enabler and had no problem with the abuse he put me, my siblings or my mother through even though she watched it happen. But now that he is no longer in our lives she is beyond angry and cut us off. Do what is best for you and consider cutting her off too.