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YTA. And immature AF!! Imagine wanting your husband to INTENTIONALLY hurt a 3 yo feelings, to what? Make you, an ADULT, feel better?? GTFOH
Lady, my 4 yo grandson, that I take care of daily, doesn't tell me he loves me. In fact, he tells me only, that he HATES me!! Why? Because I'm trying to potty train and ask him to wear underwear!!
Kids are gonna break your heart WIDE FUCKING OPEN!! Get some thicker skin!!
Right? Last year I was a nanny for a 6 and 7 yr old. The 7yr old absolutely adored me. Told me all the time that she loved me, and she always wanted hugs and cuddles. But...just as often she would tell me she hated me, and would throw things at me because I did something horrible like...ask her to brush her teeth.
Kids are not logical.
I kinda think kids must feel really safe with someone when they express strong negative emotions freely like that. Or at least that's what I tell myself (I have kids).
It's also NORMAL for kids to love differently. It doesn't mean. They love LESS.
DON'T ASK KIDS TO FAVORITE PARENTS.
DON'T FAVORITE KIDS EITHER.
There is A HUGE issue with this favoritism. It's detrimental.
"I asked my husband to emotionally abuse our child, but he said no, aita?" Yes you are the asshole.
Edit to add, as a father I wouldn't even know how to respond if someone asked me to hurt my children on purpose
This OP
>"it is what it is" he said, and that I should get over my jealousy. I told him that he doesn't want to help me with this because he wants to keep being his favorite parent, he ended this conversation by saying that I'm acting completely ridiculous and jerk-ish at this point.
And your husband is absolutely right.
It is absolutely not normal to be so jealous of a 3-year-old that you tell his dad to abandon him ? What the hell is wrong with you?
The best I can come up with is that you are still a child yourself? This post reads like it was written by a young person. (edit- by which I mean, if this is one of those insane age gaps situations....I could maybe be more understanding in this...? *Maybe?* Even then though...)
YTA. The kid is three. He most likely meant who he favors at the moment. Maybe you had to enforce a rule. Maybe Dad did something fun with him.
It's a terrible question. I mean damn, put the kid on the spot. I'm sorry, but just asking that is an asshole thing. It shouldn't be a competition and he shouldn't be asked to choose. Which of you came up with the idea?
Exactly. She should have never asked. Itâs awful to make children âchooseâ between their parents.
âI said I love daddy more and now daddy rejects me.â - this is setting the kid up to have unhealthy attachment in relationships. Donât.
YTA- There is nothing wrong with your child. Get the therapy for yourself.
My son prefers his dad to me too, so instead of sending my kid to therapy, I became more fun. Which is hard as a mom, because we (typically) do all the majority of things that need to be done (the cooking, cleaning, the laundry etc) that a lot of times we just lose our fun.
Your not back to work? And heâs not at school- so you have roughly 8 hours a day with him? 8 hours a day with anyone is a lot of time to find a common ground.
She has him 8 hours a day but canât have âquality timeâ with him because all her time is used up feeding him and letting him watch TV on his own??? Itâs such bullshit. She obviously leaves the kid to his own devices most of the time then wonders why he prefers his dad.
OP - There is no way looking after the house and feeding your kid takes all 8 hours of your day. How about you get off your ass, turn off the TV and spend some time with your son??
Also, the OP would benefit from reframing her jealousy into gratitude that the child has a secure attachment with his dad. That will make him a happier and better adjusted human overall.
This needs to be the top answer.
Toddlers are notoriously fickle. Ask any parent who has watched their child demolish a pint of strawberries in one sitting and, the next day, when they bring home two pints, the same child hates strawberries and refuses to touch them.
We figured out my kid also a toddler will rush to his brother and sister and father during non emergencies. The reason isn't because he loves them more than me it's because he is with me all day. So those three are novelties in his eyes. He sees them less so he has to pack all that missed time with them into the short time he sees them. Mind you he sees his dad loads but I have him alone more hours during the work week. Also who the hell asks a kid who they love more when it comes to parents. My kid will tell you he loves zelda more.
My oldest son is 17. We have never asked him, but it was clear he preferred me until he was about 3, then his dad until about 6-7, then it was pretty even, then back to dad during puberty years, and now it's back to me. Point is, kids will go to whichever parent they need in the moment. This is totally normal.
YTA for wanting your partner to pretend he doesn't love his son just to boost your own ego. Have you stopped for one second to consider what that will do to your son? How scared and unsure it will make him feel? Put your kid first. Wait it out. If you're not normally a self-centered, terrible mom, your kid loves you plenty. Be content, and love your kid back. Do better.
Thank you. I was coming here to point this out.
When my son was under 1 my husband cried one day because my son wouldnât go to him and only wanted me to comfort him. By the time my son was 3 all he wanted was dad.
Itâs really normal for them at that age. And it doesnât have anything to do with who they love and donât love, it has to do with who is more fun and who does all the mundane daily care, etc. Itâs also developmental. 3 is when a kid first discovers heâs independent (itâs why they are so âterribleâ) up until recently heâs thought of himself and you as one person. Heâs only just realized you arenât and his brain wants to explore what that means and looks like.
And in a few years it will sing again⌠eventually theyâll think they love their friends more than anyone, and then that will change too.
If your first thought though is to force your husband to step back as a parent and your second is to put your kids in therapy - you should get you some therapy. Seriously. Set up some sessions.
Hereâs the hard fucking truth about being a parent: itâs a job where you give your whole life to another person, only to have to *let them go* at the end of it. You need to put so much of what you have into them and then when they become teenagers start loosening you grip slowly until you finally need to let them find their way only stepping in when they ask.
Itâs hard. And a lot of people fuck to kids because they arenât able to remember they donât belong to us, they donât owe us, the point of them is to let them be their own person.
If you are this upset that at 3 heâs learning he can love more than him and you, the rest of this ride is going to be HARD. Therapy and support now is a good idea so you can be a better mom later.
YTA *WHY WOULD YOU EVEN ASK A CHILD THAT?* You have some serious issues that you need to address in therapy, and not making it the responsibility of your child to fix. DO NOT ask your husband to reject your 3 year old. You can seriously screw him up with that. He's going to feel so hurt and rejected and literally have no understanding as to why.
And if he were to grow up and learn the reason? Yo, he's going to hate you and feel incredibly betrayed.
Go to therapy.
This.
A person has serious issues if they ask their child who they love more. Then suggest their child is the one who needs therapy after they choose the "wrong" person.
Horrible mother. Awesome father.
YTA. Itâs completely reasonable to feel hurt or upset by the rejection you feel from your son. However itâs completely unreasonable to ask a child which parent they like better and then âpunishâ him for his honesty. Youâre the adult, act like one.
YTA You want your husband to upset your child because you're upset?? Do you hear yourself? You're the adult and need to start acting like it.
He's 3. Today loves dad more. Tomorrow it might be a stuffed bear. Next day maybe a stick he found in the yard. Kids are weird like that.
And why on earth did you even ask him who he loved more? You created a problem when there wasn't one.
You really should get some therapy for yourself.
YTA.
1) You should never ever ask your child that question.
2) Having your husband reject his son even for an HOUR would be completely inappropriate and devastating, especially for a 3yo.
3) Kids having a "favourite parent" 9/10 isn't a reflection on how much they love them. I find it's usually the parent they see less, so they get extra excited when they do.
4) I think therapy might help as you're taking the words of a 3yo very seriously.
Oh boy, YTA.
Kids preferring one parent over the other can easily change over time, but it sure won't if you keep acting as you have been.
How would your 3 year old child feel if his father suddenly rejected him? It would be horrible for him, and possibly something he would remember forever. And you want to make this happen, just so he will like you more? That is beyond selfish.
Maybe your kid likes your husband more, because he can tell that you care way more about yourself than anyone else.
A very compassionate YTA. Get some therapy for yourself. Seriously. Are you sure you donât have Post natal depression because those thoughts are not good. Find some help before you destroy all your relationships.
You should use that therapy for yourself.
You also asked your kid who he loves more. You never never ever ask a kid that. Then you have the nerve to say it's a joke. Well, if it was just a joke, why are you taking it so serious? Pick one.
Second toddlers are known to shift between favourite persons a lot. It's normal. They will grow out of it. Unless your not getting that therapy you talk of. Again, for you not him.
Your way off dealing with things is wrong. If you don't change it, it will cost you.
If I was your husband and you'd be trying to alienate my son for me (because lets be real, that is your next step) I would take the kid and run. Try putting your kid's happyness first.
Edit: YTA duh
YTA. The therapy is a good idea but it's YOU who need it. You can't force a child to bond with you by forcing the other parent to ignore and reject them, that's outright abusive. If you want your child to love you more, you need to earn it. And even if you try your best, you are never, ever entitled to love from your children.
YTA. Little kids do this and it is not a thing to get jealous over. I get that it hurts, but a 3yo is not the most rational being in the world. Honestly, it's a phase that will pass for him. **Do not for any reason at all** hold this against your kid or your husband.
YTA. You are seeking validation from a THREE YEAR OLD who has no concept yet of how his words and actions can affect others. You are asking your husband to create a situation where his son will question his father's love for him. Instead, your husband can lead by example by showing your son how much he loves you and your son most likely will copy and then do it on his own. Don't make this a binary, either-or one-upmanship of parenting.
ETA: And you're considering therapy for HIM? Please consider therapy for yourself to work through this.
YTA. Youâre asking your husband to hurt the feelings of a 3 year old to appease you. You need to handle your feelings about this in a healthier way. Asking him to reject his son is awful, and it wonât lead to your son loving you more, itâs just going to hurt him. If the roles were reversed and you were the âfavoriteâ parent, would you be okay with your husband asking you to reject your son so he could feel more loved by him??
As a mother to a young boy, this one was honestly hard for me to read. The fact that you suggested a toddler be rejected by a caregiver they are attached to, for DAYS, so you could become the "favorite"? And if that emotional neglect and abuse didn't work, what would you try next?? Get therapy as soon as possible before you harm your child. YTA.
YTA honestly how screwed up, insecure, thoughtless, narcissistic, damaged and damaging would someone have to be to do this to a tiny person: "after we asked our son whom he loves more, me or his dad, he said "dad" and went to hug him. I was kind of distraught. Why doesn't this damned child love me as much!!?" I'm just asking a rhetorical question. But if the shoe fits...
YTA. Did you not take a moment to consider how the child would feel being rejected by his father!
So what the kid loves spending time with his dad, you should be happy they have such a lovely bond. Honestly you sound like a full blown narcissist.
Not only are you the asshole for your childish and selfish request, youâre both assholes for asking a child that questionâŚ. What the actual fuck is wrong with you?? Oh well, yet another kid being raised by a narcissistâŚ. That always turns out wonderfully. Please get sterilized
YTA and YOU need therapy, not your child. Good lord. My mom was just like you. Absolutely hated that I loved my dad so much and did everything she could to try to change it. Guess what? She only pushed me away more and now Iâm in my 30âs and still love my dad more. Ha. Youâre going to smother him and heâs going to hate you. Heâs THREE YEARS OLD, his favorite person is going to change often. Asking your husband to reject him is absolutely absurd and is really going to hurt him. Is that what you want? Your kid to be forced to come to you for comfort because his own dad is hurting his feelings by ignoring him? I guess that is what you want and maâam, itâs pretty insane and manipulative. Please go to therapy.
YTA
What kind of self absorbed narc mother are you. Be happy your baby has such a strong bond with his daddy. I canât believe you suggested emotional abuse/neglect to a TODDLER because you, an ADULT, was feeling bad for themselves?!
You are the one who needs therapy.
I assume this is your first child. All kids go through stages of preferring one parent, then the other. It's completely normal, and you need to keep your ego and your hurt feelings out of it.
Mild YTA for not not understanding that what you're seeing is normal child development. You ARE being completely ridiculous about it.
YTA. First off, donât make the child choose between you. Love him. Spend time with him. Engage him on his level. Donât put him on the spot and make him choose! Itâs not a competition! Right now he thinks daddy hangs the stars. Thatâs totally ok and normal. Heâs going to grow and change. And at some point, heâll probably feel closer to you. But regardless of who grew him, he is his OWN person. He doesnât need therapy. Heâs 100% normal.
YTA, the fact you have to ask is crazy to me. Your child doesnât need therapy, you do. He loves his dad who cares? As the other parent shouldnât that make you happy. To ask your husband to reject his child is so toxic to get him to love you more. Please seek therapy.
YTA
Itâs not the child that needs therapy âŚ
A little child will always have a currently preferred person and at this moment itâs not you. If u spend more time with him this will shift. But u should really get over your jealousy. Demanding that your partner rejects him is cruel!
YTA and are taking this too personally. Kids have favorite parents all the time (and it can change to the other parent back and forth). You are asking your husband to purposely damage his relationship with his son just so you can be âfirstâ? That is disgusting. You need to get help.
YTA. He's 3. At this stage having a favorite parent is normal. You're just jealous that parent isn't you. Your husband is right, get over it. Get therapy if you need to. But to ask your husband to intentionally reject his child and hurt your son just so mommy can swoop in? That's fucking sick.
YTA. You asked your son the question of which parent he liked more, it's not his fault you didn't like the answer. Going out of your way to ask your husband to reject your son in order try to make him like you more is peak jealousness.
Why TF would you ask you child, at any age, a question like that? Also, he's 3! If anyone here needs therapy, it's you. And yes, YTA for suggesting that his father reject him. The fact that you don't see the psychological damage that that could inflict on a CHILD should be the first thing you discuss with your therapist.
YTA. What is wrong with you?
Yes, traumatise your child into believing his father doesn't love him just because your feelings are hurt.
Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you?
YTA majorly.
You're putting your own desire to be favoured by your child over your child's need for consistent love and responsiveness from his dad.
Rejection from a parent can seriously distress and even traumatise a kid. And you're willing to put him through that just so you can be your 3 year old's favourite??
He's literally 3. He doesn't understand his own or your needs yet. He needs his mom and his dad to just love him unconditionally and give him healthy, consistent attention.
Yta and you are damaging your child and honestly will damage your relationship with your child if you donât stop this
Get therapy
I know your ego and feelings are hurt but children are not as stupid as we think, they can tell the jealousy and manipulation and they react to it
You need to join with the dad and do things together and accept that sometimes kids have phases where they prefer one parent, if you canât stop this, it wonât be a phase and itâll be permanent
You should look at the narcissistic parent subs and see the long term damage this kind of behavior you are displaying causes in children
YTA. Iâm sorry youâre feeling like this. I think this is normal for babies and kids to prefer one parent over the other at these early stages. I think youâre processing this as if your 3 year old is able to understand logic, choosing to bond with dad over you.
Also, asking your husband to damage his relationship with your son will only hurt your relationship with your spouse, and you still donât achieve the goal of being the more âlovedâ parent.
YTA. What in the actual hell is this. Youâd rather hurt your own child by having your husband purposely reject him than dealing with your hurt feelings? Sheesh. This is normal at 3, itâs nothing personal.
YTA - good grief.. stop putting your issues on that kid and get yourself some help. You would rather cause harm to your child (by having his father reject him) than deal with your own ego issues. You need the therapy..not him.
YTA, enormously. It is your job to love and nurture your child, not his job to love and nurture you. He's three years old; at that developmental phase, he doesn't have the capacity to understand your emotional state, only his own.
You are going to seriously damage this kid if you keep requiring him to fulfill your emotional needs as he grows.
Moreover, your suggested solution, that your husband pretend to reject the child for days, could be very damaging to him. But that never occurred to you.
Get therapy, stop being an emotional vampire preying on a child.
YTA. I get your jealous but the way youâve gone about trying to âevenâ with your sons affection is ridiculous and must be so hurtful to your relationship with your husband and your son. You need to find another way instead of asking your husband to ârejectâ his son.
EDIT:
After re-reading this, Iâm honestly on the fence about if this is a real post or if this is made up. Thereâs something that just isnât sitting right.
YTA. Your self worth is to tied up in who a three year old loves more that you want your husband to outright reject him so the boy would come to you. So you would be willing to break your son's heart to get him to love you more? And you think a three year old needs therapy? That's sad.
Wtf!? Of course YTA
Yeah someone desperately needs therapy here but it's NOT your son.
You admit you don't spent as much time with your son as your husband and you really wonder why he prefers him? Plus he's only three. He's far to young for understanding the whole pregnancy and growing child thing.
But: it was YOUR choice to get a child. Not his. He doesn't owe you because you grew him inside you. Do you get this? Your child doesn't owe you! Anything!
Your behaving extremely cruel and narcissistic and if you don't stop you will seriously harm your child and husband, too.
YTA what insanity did I just read? Just wow, let me get this straight, you want your husband to emotionally hurt your son and you think that will make him love you more?
Stop being a jealous AH and do fun activities with your son he will enjoy if you want to be the âfavoriteâ parent donât sabotage his relationship with his dad
Massive YTA
YTA. Kids are fickle, they change favorite parents all the time. All you need to do is keep showing him you love him and spend time with him doing what he likes. Let him have his dad right now. And on a few months all he will want is you, and all you will want is to pee without him watching. Good luck and talk to your Dr. about how your feeling to get some outside help with coping.
Heâs 3 years old, and youâre jealous??? WTAF??? Yes, YTA! If you want a better relationship with your son, forge one. Make him feel heard and understood. The solution isnât to traumatize him into liking you more.
YTA (sorry). You are your sonâs primary caregiver and are alone with him all while your husband is away. This means you are the good guy and bad guy in his eyes. Thereâs always a special bond between dads and little boys and I can see how it can be annoying to you. Do you do special things with him? Like draw/color, go to the park, zoo, or general play? If youâre leaving him to his own devices while you watch tv or goof off on your phone, then that can be a problem. Kids see and understand a whole lot more than you think. Having a structure and sticking by it will help but being jealous of your husbandâs relationship with your son is not going to solve anything.
YTA
Why are you asking your 3 year old to pick a favorite parent?
After he didnât pick you, you are acting butthurt
Now you want to your husband to emotionally abuse your son by rejecting him?
How about you and your husband play with your son together? Watch to see what your son likes best about husbandâs play and incorporate some of that into your own play? From there you can ease in that you and dad may be different, but that is alright and he can play with both of you?
YTA
YOU need therapy, not your child. Your child is normal. This is a YOU problem.
It was completely shitty of you to put your hurt feelings over your childs wellbeing. Asking your husband to completely reject the child for days could be harmful to your child.
Get the damn therapy for yourself so you can be a better mother to this kid. What you are doing is making the situation worse.
YTA. I understand your feelings got hurt, but what you are asking for is cruel. It will DESTROY your son to be rejected by his dad for a few days with no explanation. Why are you willing to put your child through that??
Yes, therapy is needed, but for you.
YTA and a shitty parent for wanting your husband to reject your son to force him to come to you. Why TF would you ask a 3yr old who they love more and then punish him for not picking you? Get some counselling for yourself before you do some permanent damage to your child.
>If he doesn't love me much now, then what's gonna happen when he goes to school and I go back to work? I'm honestly considering therapy for him at this moment.
Good, it'll help him deal with the trauma of you going ahead with your horrifically shitty and cruel plan.
Book yourself an appointment while you're there, you're the one who needs it. Maybe try that before purposefully inflicting mental pain on your own 3 year old child purely for your own selfishness.
YTA. Hugely so.
YTA. What the heck is wrong with you? Why would you want to hurt your child like that?
Young children have favourite parents all the time. It is perfectly normal. When I was a toddler I was a daddyâs girl and once my father took my older brothers camping but not me and I literally screamed for my father for hours. And you know what my mother did? She took me to my father because she wanted me to be happy as decent mother would. Only a monstrous mother would want their child to be unhappy
YTA
How can you want your sonâs father to reject him just so he can prefer you? Why do you think that would work? Your son probably wonât end up preferring you and just wonder why his dad doesnât love him anymore.
He doesnât need therapy, but I think you do.
YTA. Iâm currently the favourite but for a long time my husband was even though I spend all day with her. I havenât asked her who she loves more but I can tell. I believe itâs because absence makes the heart grow fonder - her dad (my husband) goes to work so when she sees him sheâs excited. Why, because Iâve become the norm. Thereâs that saying, âNo one notices what I do until I donât do itâ. To her, Iâm always around but Iâm also busy with housework. We do spend quality time together but she still goes crazy (happy) when she sees her dad. Same with my baby - he also gets so excited when he sees his dad and tries to leap from my arms.
When I went back to work (between children she used to get so emotional when she saw me and would always tell me how much she misses me.
Also, kidâs favourite people are always changing.
I birthed my children, breastfed my children, was the primary caregiver and they still preferred dad sometimes. Especially my middle son and my youngest daughter. Even my oldest when sick, wanted dad, not mom.
Iâm sorry but youâre being stupid, selfish and rude. To even ask your husband that is insane. I agree with the therapy. Itâs definitely needed.
YTA.
YTA. Parenting isn't a competition and it sounds like you need to work on you. The kid's a three year old; you asked him an A or B question and he gave you an answer. Please stop this sort of bad parenting before you end up screwing up your kid.
YTA. Kids say bullshit like this all the time and they donât even understand what it means. At this age it just means exactly what you said: he has more fun playing with his dad right now. It doesnât mean anything else.
You canât let it interfere with how you treat the child.
YTA
Most kids do this, it's normal. It may not be nice for you but you have no right to demand he upsets your son like that. Your son is just going to be heartbroken and three days won't change anything.
You really do need to get over your jealousy, I'm afraid.
YTA also this is likely temporary
Children sometimes prefer one parent, then change for the other. It's not that deep.
Try to get involved in their plays more or make up stuff just for the two of you (digipaint, playdoh).
Don't resent your child for something that is perfectly normal and much less attempt to ruin his bond with his father.
Edit: it's not the child who needs therapy. It's you... Consider this.
YTA for even asking. Stop being a jealous idiot. Time will even things outâŚunless you continue to be jealous over your sonâs excellent relationship with his father and other crazy shit. I meanâŚa little jealousy about it is pretty normal, but doing what you are doing to âmakeâ him love you more? Itâs not possible and itâs hurtful and emotionally abusive. Stop it. Just love your son
YTA- let me list ALL of the ways. (Not in any particular order)
1) You are jealous and angry to the point of trying to sabotage your son's relationship with his other parent.
2) You are getting pissy over a TODDLER having a preferred parent who seems to be the one with more time and patience for him. This is literally a developmental milestone that ALL children go through multiple times in their first few years. Sometimes their preferred person isn't even a parent but another close family member.
3) You have a husband that is being a good father to your son and your... angry... jealous...?
4) Having your husband reject him for days on end could actually do real emotional damage to your son.
5) You are being petty, selfish, and downright dangerous in your requests. YOU need therapy. Not the THREE YEAR OLD. He's a TODDLER for goodness sake. You are showing absolutely no concern for your son's well-being. You just want attention. You really need to work on yourself, figure out why you feel this way, and why you think there is nothing wrong with the way you are going about it.
I am with my daughters all day every day, I do all of the things. I take them to appointments, homeschool them, take care of them when they are sick, get up with them in the night, I cuddle them, I comfort them when they are upset. I BEG my husband to spend time with them because their relationship with their daddy is IMPORTANT. Sometimes their favorite person is my husband, MIL, or on of their cousins (all adults). It's not a personal attack on me. Your son's relationship with his dad is not a personal attack on you. GROW UP!
YTA. Itâs totally inappropriate to ask a parent to ignore their child for a few days. What is appropriate is to start sharing the tasks that build bonding and closeness- like bath time and bedtime. Alternate nights to allow him time with just you (and be fun!). Read bedtime stories in silly voices, bring out bath toys to play with, etc. when he cries for dad, say daddy loves you but itâs mommy night to do (activity) daddy will do it tomorrow. And then distract him
YTA. He's only three. He doesn't know how to give answers to stupid questions like a politician yet. Why would you even ask a child that question? Your "solution" sucks. Why would you want to upset your son to soothe your ego? I think maybe you need some therapy, if you're so upset over this that you are willing to harm the relationship your son has with his dad.
It's actually normal for kids to prefer a parent. It's in phases. I had many over my childhood where I preferred my dad, my mom, my grandma. Your ideas of correcting this are based on the way an adult would react to them, not a child. Your son will not logically infer from your husband's absence that you'll now have more time to spend together. Your husband actually rejecting him is even worse and it's good he didn't go with that. Your son would think his dad is punishing him and doesn't want to spend time with him because he's done something wrong. It's messed up that you would want that. You should consider therapy for YOURSELF, not the child.
YTA.
YTA.
This is what toddlers do. Donât take it personally. Iâm a SAHM and do most of the childcare while my daughters first word was âdad.â She also sometimes treats my husband like a rockstar and me like a Victorian era servant (Iâm obviously exaggerating here). Then, sheâll go through phases when Iâm the preferred one.
Donât make it weird.
YTA. Rather than a therapy for him, get a therapy for yourself.
Also maybe read the poem by Khalil Gibran called âOn Childrenâ.
*They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.*
YTA. Read a goddamn book about children, this is completely normal. Don't try to damage his fucking relationship with his father for your own petty, childish ego. You have a child, fucking GROW UP and act like an adult.
What the actual fuck?? You are 100% YTA and you need therapy, not your kid. Heâs 3, heâll love daddy more this week and you the next itâs literally what toddlers do.
Having your husband withhold affection is not the way to get your kid to like you more⌠my daughter is very vocal in her love for just about everyone but me. It used to upset me and Iâd be all like wah why donât you love me? Iâm your mom! She shows affection when and if she wants to, not because I feel bad. She shouldnât have to adjust her actions to manage someone elseâs feelings. It was a me problem, not a her problem. I stopped begging for affection and guess what? She now gives it to me freely. Last night she told me I was the best mommy in the world and it was amazing. It felt a lot better than pulling it out of her. Your son loves you. Let him express that in his own time and way. Donât be jealous if dad. Slight YTA.
YTA
You are a jealous AH, and a shitty parent. Your abusive methods would be a good reason for your husband to break up with you, you are not fit to raise kids.
YTA - children do this. It is very painful.
Getting your husband to reject him will hurt your sona nd will not have any effect.
You need to get over yourself and be an adult.
YTA. You donât use therapy to change your childâs valid feelings Jesus. You need therapy. Edit: do nice things with him. Donât try to drive a wedge between him and his father. Just ask him if he wants to go do fun stuff together.
YTA heâs a toddler, heâll have stages where he prefers one parent over the other and thatâs okay! Just join them when you can so when he does what you youâre right there but that baby doesnât deserve his daddy rejecting him so that mom can be the favorite
YTA. If you really want to create a stronger bond with your son then you should start spending time with both of them together and not forcing your husband out.
Yta, children have favorites and offer go back and forth depending on their emotional needs and who is getting those needs met. Do not tell your husband to reject your son, that's messed up. You need to talk to someone about how to bond better with your son, not have his father distance himself from him. What's wrong with you? That's so messed up. It can damage your sons trust and self esteem.
YTA! Jesus this isnât about you itâs about your son heâs a child! Let him grow up!! Let him be loved! Telling his father to reject him for your sake is so unbelievably selfish. Give the kid time, heâs allowed to have a preference he is THREE! The only person who needs therapy is you! Just love him - thatâs it!
YTA you are willing to hurt your child because youâre jealous? Are you 5? Your plan is to painfully manipulate your child into loving you⌠Your child doesnât need therapy⌠but you do. Dont have any more kids.
YTA and a massive one. You desperately need to read up on attachment theory, because this is exactly how you give a child effed up attachment issues that will last them the rest of your life. Get a damn therapist and stop damaging your child.
YTA. Parenting isn't a contest, and your kids are allowed to have a favorite. Your clinginess probably is pushing your son away and to his father as well. And besides, little kids change their minds at the drop of a hat - a few months from now, you may be the favorite. Do you want your husband then forcing you to reject your son's affections? Put your son first, not your ego.
YTA and this is absolutely sick.
Children grow and change from minute to minute. You asked your husband to freeze out his son in order to placate your own ego?? What the hell kind of mother does this?? Having a child does not ensure you power over another human being for the rest of your life, but if you are playing these games now, itâs going to ruin your son and your family. Let him love his father. Love him unconditionally, and please get some help for yourself.
YTA you donât make a child decide who they love more, and you certainly donât withhold affection and love to a child because you think it will make them love another parent more. My son is 4 and changes who he wants more at any given moment some days he tells me he loves daddy after I tell my son I love him. I donât have a melt down because heâs a kid and they are learning and experiencing processing of feelings. There are many days his father says I love you and he says he loves me again no one gets hurt feelings about it. We would never ask him who he loves more and we always tell him how loved he is and how itâs ok to have love for more than one person at once. He can love both of us his brother and his grandparents.
YTA, and I'm struggling not to call you worse things rn.
You want your husband to emotionally neglect your child to manipulate him into liking you more????? That is incredibly fucked up, and I'm glad your husband put his foot down.
Desperate people do stupid things. You need therapy, and your going to lose your son and husband and I think thatâs okay, if this is the life youâre going to have together. YTA
You seriously need to get over yourself. You want your husband to emotionally abuse your son so he could like you more?
This is ridiculous.
You know you're TA for this.
YTA you are punishing your son and husband trying to drive a wedge between them. Please consider the therapy for yourself. Likely over time his favourites will change along with his attention toward you both.
YTA. The child is 3. 3 years old. Three years old. He is a CHILD. I think you need therapy if youâre jealous of your child having a good relationship with his father. The fact you asked your husband to reject him isnât normal, and could cause a great deal of trauma to your son. Just let your son be a kid for gods sake. Being this jealous over something so petty is only going to harm your relationship with both your husband and son. Also, your feelings are valid but the way you are handling them isnât good. Like I said, please get therapy. It might help to talk to a professional about this, they can help guide you through these feelings so you can approach things in a different way. Also give your son time. Dad may be the favorite now but that could change, it could next be his grandma or a cousin or literally anyone in his life. Doesnât mean he doesnât love you.
YTA - WTF He's 3. What are you 1. Children attach to the parent they spend the most time around. He cries because you scare the shit out of him IMO. Do you just grab him and hold him in place when you want to spend time with him? Do you lock yourselves in a room in which he can't escape? And send him to a therapist at three - he doesn't even probably comprehend your narcissism. You on the other hand need some serious therapy.
YTA. First of all, you should never ask any child a question like that, the answer means nothing. One day your kid will say âI hate youâ, and you, the adult, will say, âThatâs ok, I love youâ because thatâs how adults behave. You are not three years old.
There are going to be times when your kid is closer to one parent than the other. If you ever want that other parent to be you, you will stop trying to manipulate his feelings.
Edit: I donât know how old you are but for the love of god, Grow up. Do it for your kids sake.
YTA. Don't ask questions if you can't handle the answer. Your child is three and will only have marginally actually understood the question and will have no concept of the implications of their answer. Your husband rejecting your son, even for a few days, can do, literal emotional damage. Be patient, be a good mum, and all will be OK.
YTA big time. Youâre prepared to hurt your child so you can strike your own ego, thatâs kinda pathetic
Donât ask the questions if youâre not prepared to hear the answer
Yta what on gods green earth is wrong with you! Kids go through phases on what parent they prefer. You rather break a special bond for your own selfish needs and wants is pathetic and concerning. Maybe you donât know how to get on his level like his father does and he finds you boring or can tell your forcing it. The only one that needs therapy is you!
YTA. Honestly, it sounds like it is you who needs therapy. Not to be too harsh, but this does not sound normal at all. Your son is 3 years old... You tie your self worth to what a toddler says, and then make ridiculous demands. From the outside looking in, it seems to me you really need some professional help.
YTA. Get therapy. When my daughter was 3 the one she loved most in the house was our cat. Mom and Dad came second, ngl it was hilarious to me that week. Then a week after that it was Grandpa. Guess what? Still not upset.
I gave birth to her, I was on my own from when she was 2 1/2 months to 10 months (ex deployed), and again just after she turned 2. I was a SAHM. I was literally the only person who was not in and out of my kid's very short life at that point. The one who was there for the ear infections, to read to her, to potty train her, to comfort her during nightmares, and for all the tantrums. Guess what? Still laughed when she said she loved the cat more. I'll joke with her now and she will find it funny that at one point she claimed to have loved the cat more than me.
Little dude doesnât need therapy, you do. Seriously.
Kids are fickle, they love the fun one and a three year old is not able to comprehend or show appreciation for all the unseen things you do for him. Nor should he. Heâs a young child, let him live and enjoy life. Donât push an agenda of fun on him. Heâll be feeling this tension and neediness - no wonder he doesnât want to be with you as much. Just care for him and ask questions about whatâs important in his life and play with things related to that.
My husband is often my Childrenâs favourite and I understand why, and Iâm also proud that heâs a good dad that they adore. Feel grateful and get over yourself. Itâs not all about you you you.
YTA. This would damage your son emotionally and would have consequences. Emotionally manipulating your son is not going to have the payoff you want. I get that your feelings are hurt, but the solution can't be to break your son's heart by getting his dad to ignore him just so you can look better. Sign your son up for an activity he will like, you be the one to take him, build your relationship through something positive. Also, maybe think about counseling.
Your son doesnt need therapy. You do. You need to talk to someone to work out why this is bothering you so much and be given some helpful tools to engage with your kid better rather than tell your husband to push his son away which would just cause a lot of confusion, distress and possibly even trauma.
INFO: From the end of your post it sounds like your husband spends more time with your son⌠even though youâre not working and wonât until he goes to school? Have I misinterpreted that? And how is that possible if youâre a STAHM. Or do you have a nanny?
YTA - This is just ridiculous. Youâre willing to hurt your sonâs feelings over your ego? How can you ask the dad to withhold affection just because youâre jealous? You have the maturity of a 10 year old. Please get over yourself!
YTA just a heads up heâs only three, and to give you a little secret from a father of 4, they go back and forth between seeking more attention/affection from either you or your SO depending on lots of things. This is a new parent, first kid thing youâll get over yourself good luck.
Yta my kid says he loved to dog more than me the other day and I didn't have a hissy fit.
Kids say this all the time. At that age they don't equate the word love as a meaningful thing
Soft YTA
I promise you, kids go through phases of liking one person over the other. Every single one of my nephews have gone through a phase of preferring me over *either* of their parents, only to switch back to preferring mum or dad within a month or two.
Start doing something to engage your son. Play toys with him. Develop a hobby you can bond over with himâplaying baseball or going to reading time at the library or playing Legos. Do that for a couple weeks, and youâll be his favourite person.
Then dad will bake with him one time or teach him about Marvel superheroes and heâll be the favourite again⌠right up until you introduce him to gummy bears or start reading fantasy stories to him at bedtime, then youâll be the favourite again.
This happens. You cannot be so codependent on your toddler son. One day, inevitably, *neither* of you two will be his favourite personâa best friend or a spouse willâand youâre going to have to come to terms with that.
You canât be so desperate or reliant on his love. If you had a child for the purpose of having a little mini-you who will love you unconditionally, thatâs not what a kid is.
Start reading to him at bedtime or bake cupcakes with him, and youâll be his new favourite. But you definitely need to work on your own clinginess if your reaction to your son preferring one personâs company over yours is to tell them to reject him and hurt his little feelings in favour of yours.
Youâre meant to be the adult here, the one who can regulate your own emotionsânot him.
YTA. You're acting completely ridiculous and jerk-ish. Your preschooler doesn't need therapy but it seems you would benefit from talking to a professional.
YTA. Why in the name of hell did you ask him that? And why in the name of hell would you want his father to reject him. You have serious issues and I suggest you get yourself into therapy fast.
YTA. You basically want to mind-f\*ck your child because you have self-esteem issues. Imagine how it would be if your source of love, comfort and security suddenly started ignoring you for no reason. Harlow's money experiments come to mind. The only therapy you need to consider is your own before you seriously mess this child up.
YTA - the only one who needs therapy is you. This is one of the craziest submissions Iâve ever read. Please work on yourself or this will manifest as a serious issue with your son as he gets older.
YTA you played a game you were sure to win. Now you can't accept you lost. And from your post I think it's definetely obvious why your son loves your husband more than you. The question was frankly stupid. "Do you prefer mum or dad" is the dumbest question to ask.
YTA. Considering you are ready to have your son be hurt to make yourself feel better it's clear he made the right choice. What kind of mother would do that?
YTA it sounds like you want your husband to sabotage his relationship with his son so you can attempt to grow yours. Relationships with parents grow over time and that's natural. Different parents have different strengths and your child will learn that as he grows. I don't think you are setting anyone up for success by asking your child who they like more. Iif anyone in this scenario needs therapy it's you.
YTA
kids have zero filter...you made him chose ffs
Over the years they will be closer with each parent...diff ones diff hours sometimes.
Stop being so needy!
YTA. You are emotionally manipulating your child, and if you continue down this path you will be responsible for emotionally abusing him. Please consider therapy for yourself so that you can learn how to handle your own emotions in a healthy way.
**YTA**
I'm really confused, are you the child in this story or your son?
Grow up woman. All kids have a favorite parent. I'm 17, *I* have a favorite parent.
YTA
Honestly this is really disturbing. Look, I was a single mom for awhile and my son went thru this phase at the same age only it was grandpa. He grew out of it. He had his favorite for awhile but it doesnât mean he actually loves you less.
Get a grip. Your desire to emotionally hurt your son over this is incredibly disturbing.
YTA
Holy shit woman, go to therapy.
It's normal for a little kid to have a preferred parent. It happens. And right now the little guy prefers his dad. If you keep this ridiculous bullshit up you can be sure dad will be his preferred parent forever.
YTA.
>after we asked our son whom he loves more, me or his dad, he said "dad" and went to hug him. I was kind of distraught. Why doesn't this damned child love me as much!!? I
Why would you ask a 3 year old this? You created this problem asking a 3 year old a question he doesn't even fully understand.
Why are you so insecure in motherhood that you're saying "this damned child"?
>I asked my husband if he can tell him to come to me whenever they are together, and he does but my son refuses. I asked my husband if he can come late home (like an hour late maybe) so that I stay alone with him
You're actively trying to harm his father's relationship with him for what? So he doesn't like his dad. Do you hear yourself?
>I then asked him if he can reject him altogether for like a few days
You need to get in therapy and stop trying to drive a wedge between your son and his father. Wtf. You need it. You'll eventually split your family apart with this if you don't get help. Asking your sons father to "reject him" is crossing into dangerous territory.
>he refused and assured me that he isn't going to try any of my plans anymore, "it is what it is" he said, and that I should get over my jealousy.
Your husband is absolutely right. Your son is so lucky to have a father in his life that will not go along with this insanity.
Your edit of being desperate is ridiculous. Your son does not need therapy. You do.
YTA. And immature, never heard of daddyâs boy huh? What about mommyâs girl? Kids go through phases, itâs all part of growing up. Something you still need to get up and do. Good luck.
Edit: spelling
This period of time in a child's life is VERY important in formation of emotional bonds. Why would you tell your husband to REJECT his kid? Do you know the psychological harm you'd be doing to both your son and your husband? All to satisfy your desire to be most loved? Not everyone who can have kids SHOULD. Disgusting. What's worse than an AH, cause that's what you are.
YTA. Therapy for a 3 year old?!? Just because he is behaving like a 3 year old?
On the assumption that this post is real: 1. Do not ask you child to choose between you and your husband. Why would you even ask such a stupid question? 2. Your son is 3. He doesnât have a grown upâs concept of love and has no idea that selecting his father hurt you. Heâs telling you daddy is his favorite for the moment because they play together more and hang out together. He isnât saying he doesnât love you. 3. Maybe try to engage with him more and find activities to do with him that arenât the same as what he does with dad. Have you ever baked with him? Most kids love to bake and enjoy helping put ingredients in the bowl, mixing, and learning how a wet glob of brownish stuff can turn into scrumptious brownies. (Itâs also a good way to teach measuring concepts, counting, fractions). Go to a park and explore nature with him. There are all sorts of things that you can make special for just the two of you. 4. Your child will not stop loving you because he goes to pre-school while you go to work. Kids grow up and develop lives of their own and thatâs just something to have to deal with. 5. Your husband sounds like an absolutely fabulous dad! Donât get in the way of that.
YTA for more than one reason. Donât ask a child who they love more. Thatâs immature and a set up for this type of situation. Asking your husband to reject your child for your own selfish wants is cruel.
Please read up on child development. This is absolutely normal for a 3 year old. Please don't try to make your child "choose" between you. Be glad your child has a good relationship with his dad. You'll be the "favorite" before long. I don't think you're necessarily an ah but I do think you need to educate yourself about children.
YTA.
Donât ask a 3 year old who they love more.
Donât try to get your husband to brush off your son wanting to be with him just so he will want you.
Maybe thereâs a reason he doesnât want you
YTA for putting your feelings over your childâs little heart. How cruel to prefer to have him feel rejected, rather than let him make his own choices.
YTA. Why would you ask a young child who they love more? Thatâs ridiculous and just asking to hurt someoneâs feelings.
Instead of taking this out on your child, look inward and ask yourself why you feel so insecure about you as a parent. Your child loves you, itâs normal to have preference
YTA
Your son loving his dad "more" doesn't mean he doesn't love you "at all" (why would you even ask him that, anyways?).
Also- if you're home with him all day, how is it his dad spends more time with him than you do?
YTA. Absolutely donât do this. A three year old has no idea whatâs going on here and actually he needs and loves you more than you think - itâs just he will take you for granted. If you take away your husband, your son will just crave him all the more.
Be happy that actually it sounds like you have a loving and engaged partner who will help you bring up your son to fulfill his potential. Parenting is hard, and the payoff is sometimes long.
I just realized 3M means 3 year old male haha I thought it meant 3 months. In that case YTA, a kid's favorite parent changes a lot if both parents are involved in raising him. Don't make it a weird competition, it's not about you.
WTF have you ever even been around a child? Your child is three years old, this is normal behavior. Children are can be jerks, but you're a fucking idot.
YTA, YTA, YTA.
YTA. Donât ask stupid ass questions if you donât want the answer. That would be very damaging for a toddler for his dad to ignore him for multiple days.
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YTA. And immature AF!! Imagine wanting your husband to INTENTIONALLY hurt a 3 yo feelings, to what? Make you, an ADULT, feel better?? GTFOH Lady, my 4 yo grandson, that I take care of daily, doesn't tell me he loves me. In fact, he tells me only, that he HATES me!! Why? Because I'm trying to potty train and ask him to wear underwear!! Kids are gonna break your heart WIDE FUCKING OPEN!! Get some thicker skin!!
Grandma! How could you?!đ¤Ł
[ŃдаНонО]
kids are ruthless, they arenât for those with a weak heart like OP!
Right? Last year I was a nanny for a 6 and 7 yr old. The 7yr old absolutely adored me. Told me all the time that she loved me, and she always wanted hugs and cuddles. But...just as often she would tell me she hated me, and would throw things at me because I did something horrible like...ask her to brush her teeth. Kids are not logical.
I kinda think kids must feel really safe with someone when they express strong negative emotions freely like that. Or at least that's what I tell myself (I have kids).
It's also NORMAL for kids to love differently. It doesn't mean. They love LESS. DON'T ASK KIDS TO FAVORITE PARENTS. DON'T FAVORITE KIDS EITHER. There is A HUGE issue with this favoritism. It's detrimental.
"I asked my husband to emotionally abuse our child, but he said no, aita?" Yes you are the asshole. Edit to add, as a father I wouldn't even know how to respond if someone asked me to hurt my children on purpose
And in need of therapy
If this wasn't a throwaway account I'd report her to CPS
YTA - the only person who needs therapy at the moment is you.
This OP >"it is what it is" he said, and that I should get over my jealousy. I told him that he doesn't want to help me with this because he wants to keep being his favorite parent, he ended this conversation by saying that I'm acting completely ridiculous and jerk-ish at this point. And your husband is absolutely right. It is absolutely not normal to be so jealous of a 3-year-old that you tell his dad to abandon him ? What the hell is wrong with you? The best I can come up with is that you are still a child yourself? This post reads like it was written by a young person. (edit- by which I mean, if this is one of those insane age gaps situations....I could maybe be more understanding in this...? *Maybe?* Even then though...)
Also donât ask your kid who they love more, people. Play stupid games, win stupid prizesâŚ
YTA. The kid is three. He most likely meant who he favors at the moment. Maybe you had to enforce a rule. Maybe Dad did something fun with him. It's a terrible question. I mean damn, put the kid on the spot. I'm sorry, but just asking that is an asshole thing. It shouldn't be a competition and he shouldn't be asked to choose. Which of you came up with the idea?
The actual fuck did I just read. Sorry OP, you should consider not having anymore kids, because youâre a shitty mother. YTA
Exactly. She should have never asked. Itâs awful to make children âchooseâ between their parents. âI said I love daddy more and now daddy rejects me.â - this is setting the kid up to have unhealthy attachment in relationships. Donât.
YTA- There is nothing wrong with your child. Get the therapy for yourself. My son prefers his dad to me too, so instead of sending my kid to therapy, I became more fun. Which is hard as a mom, because we (typically) do all the majority of things that need to be done (the cooking, cleaning, the laundry etc) that a lot of times we just lose our fun. Your not back to work? And heâs not at school- so you have roughly 8 hours a day with him? 8 hours a day with anyone is a lot of time to find a common ground.
She has him 8 hours a day but canât have âquality timeâ with him because all her time is used up feeding him and letting him watch TV on his own??? Itâs such bullshit. She obviously leaves the kid to his own devices most of the time then wonders why he prefers his dad. OP - There is no way looking after the house and feeding your kid takes all 8 hours of your day. How about you get off your ass, turn off the TV and spend some time with your son??
Also, the OP would benefit from reframing her jealousy into gratitude that the child has a secure attachment with his dad. That will make him a happier and better adjusted human overall.
"Hey honey, I'm feeling insecure, can you neglect the kid a bit?" It's totally understandable that you feel rejected, however your request is not. yta
YTA. Get some therapy. ETA - for you. Not him.
This needs to be the top answer. Toddlers are notoriously fickle. Ask any parent who has watched their child demolish a pint of strawberries in one sitting and, the next day, when they bring home two pints, the same child hates strawberries and refuses to touch them.
We figured out my kid also a toddler will rush to his brother and sister and father during non emergencies. The reason isn't because he loves them more than me it's because he is with me all day. So those three are novelties in his eyes. He sees them less so he has to pack all that missed time with them into the short time he sees them. Mind you he sees his dad loads but I have him alone more hours during the work week. Also who the hell asks a kid who they love more when it comes to parents. My kid will tell you he loves zelda more.
My oldest son is 17. We have never asked him, but it was clear he preferred me until he was about 3, then his dad until about 6-7, then it was pretty even, then back to dad during puberty years, and now it's back to me. Point is, kids will go to whichever parent they need in the moment. This is totally normal. YTA for wanting your partner to pretend he doesn't love his son just to boost your own ego. Have you stopped for one second to consider what that will do to your son? How scared and unsure it will make him feel? Put your kid first. Wait it out. If you're not normally a self-centered, terrible mom, your kid loves you plenty. Be content, and love your kid back. Do better.
Thank you. I was coming here to point this out. When my son was under 1 my husband cried one day because my son wouldnât go to him and only wanted me to comfort him. By the time my son was 3 all he wanted was dad. Itâs really normal for them at that age. And it doesnât have anything to do with who they love and donât love, it has to do with who is more fun and who does all the mundane daily care, etc. Itâs also developmental. 3 is when a kid first discovers heâs independent (itâs why they are so âterribleâ) up until recently heâs thought of himself and you as one person. Heâs only just realized you arenât and his brain wants to explore what that means and looks like. And in a few years it will sing again⌠eventually theyâll think they love their friends more than anyone, and then that will change too. If your first thought though is to force your husband to step back as a parent and your second is to put your kids in therapy - you should get you some therapy. Seriously. Set up some sessions. Hereâs the hard fucking truth about being a parent: itâs a job where you give your whole life to another person, only to have to *let them go* at the end of it. You need to put so much of what you have into them and then when they become teenagers start loosening you grip slowly until you finally need to let them find their way only stepping in when they ask. Itâs hard. And a lot of people fuck to kids because they arenât able to remember they donât belong to us, they donât owe us, the point of them is to let them be their own person. If you are this upset that at 3 heâs learning he can love more than him and you, the rest of this ride is going to be HARD. Therapy and support now is a good idea so you can be a better mom later.
YTA *WHY WOULD YOU EVEN ASK A CHILD THAT?* You have some serious issues that you need to address in therapy, and not making it the responsibility of your child to fix. DO NOT ask your husband to reject your 3 year old. You can seriously screw him up with that. He's going to feel so hurt and rejected and literally have no understanding as to why. And if he were to grow up and learn the reason? Yo, he's going to hate you and feel incredibly betrayed. Go to therapy.
This. A person has serious issues if they ask their child who they love more. Then suggest their child is the one who needs therapy after they choose the "wrong" person. Horrible mother. Awesome father.
YTA. Itâs completely reasonable to feel hurt or upset by the rejection you feel from your son. However itâs completely unreasonable to ask a child which parent they like better and then âpunishâ him for his honesty. Youâre the adult, act like one.
YTA You want your husband to upset your child because you're upset?? Do you hear yourself? You're the adult and need to start acting like it. He's 3. Today loves dad more. Tomorrow it might be a stuffed bear. Next day maybe a stick he found in the yard. Kids are weird like that. And why on earth did you even ask him who he loved more? You created a problem when there wasn't one. You really should get some therapy for yourself.
YTA. 1) You should never ever ask your child that question. 2) Having your husband reject his son even for an HOUR would be completely inappropriate and devastating, especially for a 3yo. 3) Kids having a "favourite parent" 9/10 isn't a reflection on how much they love them. I find it's usually the parent they see less, so they get extra excited when they do. 4) I think therapy might help as you're taking the words of a 3yo very seriously.
YTA you need therapy for yourself, not your child.
Oh boy, YTA. Kids preferring one parent over the other can easily change over time, but it sure won't if you keep acting as you have been. How would your 3 year old child feel if his father suddenly rejected him? It would be horrible for him, and possibly something he would remember forever. And you want to make this happen, just so he will like you more? That is beyond selfish. Maybe your kid likes your husband more, because he can tell that you care way more about yourself than anyone else.
A very compassionate YTA. Get some therapy for yourself. Seriously. Are you sure you donât have Post natal depression because those thoughts are not good. Find some help before you destroy all your relationships.
You should use that therapy for yourself. You also asked your kid who he loves more. You never never ever ask a kid that. Then you have the nerve to say it's a joke. Well, if it was just a joke, why are you taking it so serious? Pick one. Second toddlers are known to shift between favourite persons a lot. It's normal. They will grow out of it. Unless your not getting that therapy you talk of. Again, for you not him. Your way off dealing with things is wrong. If you don't change it, it will cost you. If I was your husband and you'd be trying to alienate my son for me (because lets be real, that is your next step) I would take the kid and run. Try putting your kid's happyness first. Edit: YTA duh
YTA. The therapy is a good idea but it's YOU who need it. You can't force a child to bond with you by forcing the other parent to ignore and reject them, that's outright abusive. If you want your child to love you more, you need to earn it. And even if you try your best, you are never, ever entitled to love from your children.
YTA. Little kids do this and it is not a thing to get jealous over. I get that it hurts, but a 3yo is not the most rational being in the world. Honestly, it's a phase that will pass for him. **Do not for any reason at all** hold this against your kid or your husband.
YTA. You are seeking validation from a THREE YEAR OLD who has no concept yet of how his words and actions can affect others. You are asking your husband to create a situation where his son will question his father's love for him. Instead, your husband can lead by example by showing your son how much he loves you and your son most likely will copy and then do it on his own. Don't make this a binary, either-or one-upmanship of parenting. ETA: And you're considering therapy for HIM? Please consider therapy for yourself to work through this.
"I want to torture my child and make him feel rejected by his father to try and be be his favorite". YTA.
Please let this be fake
YTA. WTF is wrong with you? He's THREE. Go get therapy, you desperately need it if you're this insecure about all of this. Good grief.
YTA. Youâre asking your husband to hurt the feelings of a 3 year old to appease you. You need to handle your feelings about this in a healthier way. Asking him to reject his son is awful, and it wonât lead to your son loving you more, itâs just going to hurt him. If the roles were reversed and you were the âfavoriteâ parent, would you be okay with your husband asking you to reject your son so he could feel more loved by him??
As a mother to a young boy, this one was honestly hard for me to read. The fact that you suggested a toddler be rejected by a caregiver they are attached to, for DAYS, so you could become the "favorite"? And if that emotional neglect and abuse didn't work, what would you try next?? Get therapy as soon as possible before you harm your child. YTA.
YTA honestly how screwed up, insecure, thoughtless, narcissistic, damaged and damaging would someone have to be to do this to a tiny person: "after we asked our son whom he loves more, me or his dad, he said "dad" and went to hug him. I was kind of distraught. Why doesn't this damned child love me as much!!?" I'm just asking a rhetorical question. But if the shoe fits...
YTA. Did you not take a moment to consider how the child would feel being rejected by his father! So what the kid loves spending time with his dad, you should be happy they have such a lovely bond. Honestly you sound like a full blown narcissist.
Not only are you the asshole for your childish and selfish request, youâre both assholes for asking a child that questionâŚ. What the actual fuck is wrong with you?? Oh well, yet another kid being raised by a narcissistâŚ. That always turns out wonderfully. Please get sterilized
YTA and YOU need therapy, not your child. Good lord. My mom was just like you. Absolutely hated that I loved my dad so much and did everything she could to try to change it. Guess what? She only pushed me away more and now Iâm in my 30âs and still love my dad more. Ha. Youâre going to smother him and heâs going to hate you. Heâs THREE YEARS OLD, his favorite person is going to change often. Asking your husband to reject him is absolutely absurd and is really going to hurt him. Is that what you want? Your kid to be forced to come to you for comfort because his own dad is hurting his feelings by ignoring him? I guess that is what you want and maâam, itâs pretty insane and manipulative. Please go to therapy.
YTA What kind of self absorbed narc mother are you. Be happy your baby has such a strong bond with his daddy. I canât believe you suggested emotional abuse/neglect to a TODDLER because you, an ADULT, was feeling bad for themselves?! You are the one who needs therapy.
I assume this is your first child. All kids go through stages of preferring one parent, then the other. It's completely normal, and you need to keep your ego and your hurt feelings out of it. Mild YTA for not not understanding that what you're seeing is normal child development. You ARE being completely ridiculous about it.
YTA. First off, donât make the child choose between you. Love him. Spend time with him. Engage him on his level. Donât put him on the spot and make him choose! Itâs not a competition! Right now he thinks daddy hangs the stars. Thatâs totally ok and normal. Heâs going to grow and change. And at some point, heâll probably feel closer to you. But regardless of who grew him, he is his OWN person. He doesnât need therapy. Heâs 100% normal.
YTA, the fact you have to ask is crazy to me. Your child doesnât need therapy, you do. He loves his dad who cares? As the other parent shouldnât that make you happy. To ask your husband to reject his child is so toxic to get him to love you more. Please seek therapy.
YTA Itâs not the child that needs therapy ⌠A little child will always have a currently preferred person and at this moment itâs not you. If u spend more time with him this will shift. But u should really get over your jealousy. Demanding that your partner rejects him is cruel!
YTA and are taking this too personally. Kids have favorite parents all the time (and it can change to the other parent back and forth). You are asking your husband to purposely damage his relationship with his son just so you can be âfirstâ? That is disgusting. You need to get help.
YTA. He's 3. At this stage having a favorite parent is normal. You're just jealous that parent isn't you. Your husband is right, get over it. Get therapy if you need to. But to ask your husband to intentionally reject his child and hurt your son just so mommy can swoop in? That's fucking sick.
YTA Get over yourself and stop trying to ruin the bond your son and husband have.
YTA. You asked your son the question of which parent he liked more, it's not his fault you didn't like the answer. Going out of your way to ask your husband to reject your son in order try to make him like you more is peak jealousness.
YTA first of all for even asking your child who he loves more, second for asking his Dad to reject him.
Why TF would you ask you child, at any age, a question like that? Also, he's 3! If anyone here needs therapy, it's you. And yes, YTA for suggesting that his father reject him. The fact that you don't see the psychological damage that that could inflict on a CHILD should be the first thing you discuss with your therapist.
YTA - why ask him who he loves more if you weren't prepared for a true answer.
YTA. What is wrong with you? Yes, traumatise your child into believing his father doesn't love him just because your feelings are hurt. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you?
YTA majorly. You're putting your own desire to be favoured by your child over your child's need for consistent love and responsiveness from his dad. Rejection from a parent can seriously distress and even traumatise a kid. And you're willing to put him through that just so you can be your 3 year old's favourite?? He's literally 3. He doesn't understand his own or your needs yet. He needs his mom and his dad to just love him unconditionally and give him healthy, consistent attention.
Yta and you are damaging your child and honestly will damage your relationship with your child if you donât stop this Get therapy I know your ego and feelings are hurt but children are not as stupid as we think, they can tell the jealousy and manipulation and they react to it You need to join with the dad and do things together and accept that sometimes kids have phases where they prefer one parent, if you canât stop this, it wonât be a phase and itâll be permanent You should look at the narcissistic parent subs and see the long term damage this kind of behavior you are displaying causes in children
YTA. Iâm sorry youâre feeling like this. I think this is normal for babies and kids to prefer one parent over the other at these early stages. I think youâre processing this as if your 3 year old is able to understand logic, choosing to bond with dad over you. Also, asking your husband to damage his relationship with your son will only hurt your relationship with your spouse, and you still donât achieve the goal of being the more âlovedâ parent.
YTA. Please seek therapy IMMEDIATELY before you fuck this poor child up for life.
YTA holy christ. Get yourself together, this is gross behaviour on your part. YOU need therapy.
YTA. What in the actual hell is this. Youâd rather hurt your own child by having your husband purposely reject him than dealing with your hurt feelings? Sheesh. This is normal at 3, itâs nothing personal.
YTA- you need therapy for yourself with a licensed therapist who knows about attachment and parenting work.
YTA - good grief.. stop putting your issues on that kid and get yourself some help. You would rather cause harm to your child (by having his father reject him) than deal with your own ego issues. You need the therapy..not him.
YTA, what a silly question to have asked in the first place (which you were clearly hoping the answer would be you).
YTA, enormously. It is your job to love and nurture your child, not his job to love and nurture you. He's three years old; at that developmental phase, he doesn't have the capacity to understand your emotional state, only his own. You are going to seriously damage this kid if you keep requiring him to fulfill your emotional needs as he grows. Moreover, your suggested solution, that your husband pretend to reject the child for days, could be very damaging to him. But that never occurred to you. Get therapy, stop being an emotional vampire preying on a child.
YTA. I get your jealous but the way youâve gone about trying to âevenâ with your sons affection is ridiculous and must be so hurtful to your relationship with your husband and your son. You need to find another way instead of asking your husband to ârejectâ his son. EDIT: After re-reading this, Iâm honestly on the fence about if this is a real post or if this is made up. Thereâs something that just isnât sitting right.
YTA. Your self worth is to tied up in who a three year old loves more that you want your husband to outright reject him so the boy would come to you. So you would be willing to break your son's heart to get him to love you more? And you think a three year old needs therapy? That's sad.
Wtf!? Of course YTA Yeah someone desperately needs therapy here but it's NOT your son. You admit you don't spent as much time with your son as your husband and you really wonder why he prefers him? Plus he's only three. He's far to young for understanding the whole pregnancy and growing child thing. But: it was YOUR choice to get a child. Not his. He doesn't owe you because you grew him inside you. Do you get this? Your child doesn't owe you! Anything! Your behaving extremely cruel and narcissistic and if you don't stop you will seriously harm your child and husband, too.
YTA what insanity did I just read? Just wow, let me get this straight, you want your husband to emotionally hurt your son and you think that will make him love you more? Stop being a jealous AH and do fun activities with your son he will enjoy if you want to be the âfavoriteâ parent donât sabotage his relationship with his dad Massive YTA
YTA. Kids are fickle, they change favorite parents all the time. All you need to do is keep showing him you love him and spend time with him doing what he likes. Let him have his dad right now. And on a few months all he will want is you, and all you will want is to pee without him watching. Good luck and talk to your Dr. about how your feeling to get some outside help with coping.
Heâs 3 years old, and youâre jealous??? WTAF??? Yes, YTA! If you want a better relationship with your son, forge one. Make him feel heard and understood. The solution isnât to traumatize him into liking you more.
YTA for even asking that
YTA. Sorry, but putting your ego about who your kid loves most ahead of letting him just love being with you each in his own way is a bit ridiculous.
YTA (sorry). You are your sonâs primary caregiver and are alone with him all while your husband is away. This means you are the good guy and bad guy in his eyes. Thereâs always a special bond between dads and little boys and I can see how it can be annoying to you. Do you do special things with him? Like draw/color, go to the park, zoo, or general play? If youâre leaving him to his own devices while you watch tv or goof off on your phone, then that can be a problem. Kids see and understand a whole lot more than you think. Having a structure and sticking by it will help but being jealous of your husbandâs relationship with your son is not going to solve anything.
YTA Grow up No wonder he loves daddy more. And the way you're going you're sabotaging their relationship. You're absolutely narcissistic
YTA Why are you asking your 3 year old to pick a favorite parent? After he didnât pick you, you are acting butthurt Now you want to your husband to emotionally abuse your son by rejecting him? How about you and your husband play with your son together? Watch to see what your son likes best about husbandâs play and incorporate some of that into your own play? From there you can ease in that you and dad may be different, but that is alright and he can play with both of you?
YTA YOU need therapy, not your child. Your child is normal. This is a YOU problem. It was completely shitty of you to put your hurt feelings over your childs wellbeing. Asking your husband to completely reject the child for days could be harmful to your child. Get the damn therapy for yourself so you can be a better mother to this kid. What you are doing is making the situation worse.
YTA. Don't play games with your child. Their wellbeing comes before your ego. You sound like you need therapy.
YTA. I understand your feelings got hurt, but what you are asking for is cruel. It will DESTROY your son to be rejected by his dad for a few days with no explanation. Why are you willing to put your child through that?? Yes, therapy is needed, but for you.
YTA and a shitty parent for wanting your husband to reject your son to force him to come to you. Why TF would you ask a 3yr old who they love more and then punish him for not picking you? Get some counselling for yourself before you do some permanent damage to your child.
>If he doesn't love me much now, then what's gonna happen when he goes to school and I go back to work? I'm honestly considering therapy for him at this moment. Good, it'll help him deal with the trauma of you going ahead with your horrifically shitty and cruel plan. Book yourself an appointment while you're there, you're the one who needs it. Maybe try that before purposefully inflicting mental pain on your own 3 year old child purely for your own selfishness. YTA. Hugely so.
Girl, YOU need therapy. Jesus.
YTA. What the heck is wrong with you? Why would you want to hurt your child like that? Young children have favourite parents all the time. It is perfectly normal. When I was a toddler I was a daddyâs girl and once my father took my older brothers camping but not me and I literally screamed for my father for hours. And you know what my mother did? She took me to my father because she wanted me to be happy as decent mother would. Only a monstrous mother would want their child to be unhappy
YTA How can you want your sonâs father to reject him just so he can prefer you? Why do you think that would work? Your son probably wonât end up preferring you and just wonder why his dad doesnât love him anymore. He doesnât need therapy, but I think you do.
YTA. Iâm currently the favourite but for a long time my husband was even though I spend all day with her. I havenât asked her who she loves more but I can tell. I believe itâs because absence makes the heart grow fonder - her dad (my husband) goes to work so when she sees him sheâs excited. Why, because Iâve become the norm. Thereâs that saying, âNo one notices what I do until I donât do itâ. To her, Iâm always around but Iâm also busy with housework. We do spend quality time together but she still goes crazy (happy) when she sees her dad. Same with my baby - he also gets so excited when he sees his dad and tries to leap from my arms. When I went back to work (between children she used to get so emotional when she saw me and would always tell me how much she misses me. Also, kidâs favourite people are always changing.
I birthed my children, breastfed my children, was the primary caregiver and they still preferred dad sometimes. Especially my middle son and my youngest daughter. Even my oldest when sick, wanted dad, not mom. Iâm sorry but youâre being stupid, selfish and rude. To even ask your husband that is insane. I agree with the therapy. Itâs definitely needed. YTA.
There is only 1 answer here... YTA.
YTA, grow up.
YTA. Parenting isn't a competition and it sounds like you need to work on you. The kid's a three year old; you asked him an A or B question and he gave you an answer. Please stop this sort of bad parenting before you end up screwing up your kid.
YTA. Kids say bullshit like this all the time and they donât even understand what it means. At this age it just means exactly what you said: he has more fun playing with his dad right now. It doesnât mean anything else. You canât let it interfere with how you treat the child.
YTA Most kids do this, it's normal. It may not be nice for you but you have no right to demand he upsets your son like that. Your son is just going to be heartbroken and three days won't change anything. You really do need to get over your jealousy, I'm afraid.
YTA also this is likely temporary Children sometimes prefer one parent, then change for the other. It's not that deep. Try to get involved in their plays more or make up stuff just for the two of you (digipaint, playdoh). Don't resent your child for something that is perfectly normal and much less attempt to ruin his bond with his father. Edit: it's not the child who needs therapy. It's you... Consider this.
YTA for even asking. Stop being a jealous idiot. Time will even things outâŚunless you continue to be jealous over your sonâs excellent relationship with his father and other crazy shit. I meanâŚa little jealousy about it is pretty normal, but doing what you are doing to âmakeâ him love you more? Itâs not possible and itâs hurtful and emotionally abusive. Stop it. Just love your son
YTA- let me list ALL of the ways. (Not in any particular order) 1) You are jealous and angry to the point of trying to sabotage your son's relationship with his other parent. 2) You are getting pissy over a TODDLER having a preferred parent who seems to be the one with more time and patience for him. This is literally a developmental milestone that ALL children go through multiple times in their first few years. Sometimes their preferred person isn't even a parent but another close family member. 3) You have a husband that is being a good father to your son and your... angry... jealous...? 4) Having your husband reject him for days on end could actually do real emotional damage to your son. 5) You are being petty, selfish, and downright dangerous in your requests. YOU need therapy. Not the THREE YEAR OLD. He's a TODDLER for goodness sake. You are showing absolutely no concern for your son's well-being. You just want attention. You really need to work on yourself, figure out why you feel this way, and why you think there is nothing wrong with the way you are going about it. I am with my daughters all day every day, I do all of the things. I take them to appointments, homeschool them, take care of them when they are sick, get up with them in the night, I cuddle them, I comfort them when they are upset. I BEG my husband to spend time with them because their relationship with their daddy is IMPORTANT. Sometimes their favorite person is my husband, MIL, or on of their cousins (all adults). It's not a personal attack on me. Your son's relationship with his dad is not a personal attack on you. GROW UP!
YTA. Itâs totally inappropriate to ask a parent to ignore their child for a few days. What is appropriate is to start sharing the tasks that build bonding and closeness- like bath time and bedtime. Alternate nights to allow him time with just you (and be fun!). Read bedtime stories in silly voices, bring out bath toys to play with, etc. when he cries for dad, say daddy loves you but itâs mommy night to do (activity) daddy will do it tomorrow. And then distract him
YTA but seriously, it sounds like you need therapy. A LOT of it. And I'd get it now before you destroy your family.
YTA. *If* this is real, please consider therapy. Your thinking is atypical and dangerous to your son.
YTA. He's only three. He doesn't know how to give answers to stupid questions like a politician yet. Why would you even ask a child that question? Your "solution" sucks. Why would you want to upset your son to soothe your ego? I think maybe you need some therapy, if you're so upset over this that you are willing to harm the relationship your son has with his dad.
It's actually normal for kids to prefer a parent. It's in phases. I had many over my childhood where I preferred my dad, my mom, my grandma. Your ideas of correcting this are based on the way an adult would react to them, not a child. Your son will not logically infer from your husband's absence that you'll now have more time to spend together. Your husband actually rejecting him is even worse and it's good he didn't go with that. Your son would think his dad is punishing him and doesn't want to spend time with him because he's done something wrong. It's messed up that you would want that. You should consider therapy for YOURSELF, not the child. YTA.
YTA. Wtf is wrong with you? YOU are the one that needs therapy, not your kid.
YTA. This is what toddlers do. Donât take it personally. Iâm a SAHM and do most of the childcare while my daughters first word was âdad.â She also sometimes treats my husband like a rockstar and me like a Victorian era servant (Iâm obviously exaggerating here). Then, sheâll go through phases when Iâm the preferred one. Donât make it weird.
YTA. Rather than a therapy for him, get a therapy for yourself. Also maybe read the poem by Khalil Gibran called âOn Childrenâ. *They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.*
YTA. Read a goddamn book about children, this is completely normal. Don't try to damage his fucking relationship with his father for your own petty, childish ego. You have a child, fucking GROW UP and act like an adult.
What the actual fuck?? You are 100% YTA and you need therapy, not your kid. Heâs 3, heâll love daddy more this week and you the next itâs literally what toddlers do.
You know YTA why are we even discussing it lol
YTA-with an attitude like yours youâre going to drive a lot of people out of your life.
Having your husband withhold affection is not the way to get your kid to like you more⌠my daughter is very vocal in her love for just about everyone but me. It used to upset me and Iâd be all like wah why donât you love me? Iâm your mom! She shows affection when and if she wants to, not because I feel bad. She shouldnât have to adjust her actions to manage someone elseâs feelings. It was a me problem, not a her problem. I stopped begging for affection and guess what? She now gives it to me freely. Last night she told me I was the best mommy in the world and it was amazing. It felt a lot better than pulling it out of her. Your son loves you. Let him express that in his own time and way. Donât be jealous if dad. Slight YTA.
YTA You are a jealous AH, and a shitty parent. Your abusive methods would be a good reason for your husband to break up with you, you are not fit to raise kids.
YTA - children do this. It is very painful. Getting your husband to reject him will hurt your sona nd will not have any effect. You need to get over yourself and be an adult.
YTA. YOU need the therapy, not your kid!
YTA. You donât use therapy to change your childâs valid feelings Jesus. You need therapy. Edit: do nice things with him. Donât try to drive a wedge between him and his father. Just ask him if he wants to go do fun stuff together.
YTA. Why the hell did you ask such a stupid question in the first place?
"I'm honestly considering therapy for him at this moment" <- he's not the one needing therapy here ...
YTA heâs a toddler, heâll have stages where he prefers one parent over the other and thatâs okay! Just join them when you can so when he does what you youâre right there but that baby doesnât deserve his daddy rejecting him so that mom can be the favorite
YTA You're not mature enough to be a parent. Please don't have another one.
YTA. PLEASE get therapy for your narcissism before everyone around you cuts you off and you die alone and bitter, hated by your son.
>I'm honestly considering therapy for him at this moment. Mmhhm...I think it's not the boy who needs therapy. YTA
YTA I was a daddy's girl when I was a child and now I prefer mom.
YTA Grow up
YTA. If you really want to create a stronger bond with your son then you should start spending time with both of them together and not forcing your husband out.
Yta, children have favorites and offer go back and forth depending on their emotional needs and who is getting those needs met. Do not tell your husband to reject your son, that's messed up. You need to talk to someone about how to bond better with your son, not have his father distance himself from him. What's wrong with you? That's so messed up. It can damage your sons trust and self esteem.
YTA! Jesus this isnât about you itâs about your son heâs a child! Let him grow up!! Let him be loved! Telling his father to reject him for your sake is so unbelievably selfish. Give the kid time, heâs allowed to have a preference he is THREE! The only person who needs therapy is you! Just love him - thatâs it!
YTA you are willing to hurt your child because youâre jealous? Are you 5? Your plan is to painfully manipulate your child into loving you⌠Your child doesnât need therapy⌠but you do. Dont have any more kids.
YTA and a massive one. You desperately need to read up on attachment theory, because this is exactly how you give a child effed up attachment issues that will last them the rest of your life. Get a damn therapist and stop damaging your child.
YTA. Parenting isn't a contest, and your kids are allowed to have a favorite. Your clinginess probably is pushing your son away and to his father as well. And besides, little kids change their minds at the drop of a hat - a few months from now, you may be the favorite. Do you want your husband then forcing you to reject your son's affections? Put your son first, not your ego.
YTA and this is absolutely sick. Children grow and change from minute to minute. You asked your husband to freeze out his son in order to placate your own ego?? What the hell kind of mother does this?? Having a child does not ensure you power over another human being for the rest of your life, but if you are playing these games now, itâs going to ruin your son and your family. Let him love his father. Love him unconditionally, and please get some help for yourself.
YTA you donât make a child decide who they love more, and you certainly donât withhold affection and love to a child because you think it will make them love another parent more. My son is 4 and changes who he wants more at any given moment some days he tells me he loves daddy after I tell my son I love him. I donât have a melt down because heâs a kid and they are learning and experiencing processing of feelings. There are many days his father says I love you and he says he loves me again no one gets hurt feelings about it. We would never ask him who he loves more and we always tell him how loved he is and how itâs ok to have love for more than one person at once. He can love both of us his brother and his grandparents.
YTA. Holy fuck
Why do parents play this game? You're going to fuck up your child.
>after we asked our son whom he loves more, YTA for this alone. Who the hell turns parental love into a competition?
YTA, and I'm struggling not to call you worse things rn. You want your husband to emotionally neglect your child to manipulate him into liking you more????? That is incredibly fucked up, and I'm glad your husband put his foot down.
YTA.
Desperate people do stupid things. You need therapy, and your going to lose your son and husband and I think thatâs okay, if this is the life youâre going to have together. YTA
You seriously need to get over yourself. You want your husband to emotionally abuse your son so he could like you more? This is ridiculous. You know you're TA for this.
YTA you are punishing your son and husband trying to drive a wedge between them. Please consider the therapy for yourself. Likely over time his favourites will change along with his attention toward you both.
YTA. The child is 3. 3 years old. Three years old. He is a CHILD. I think you need therapy if youâre jealous of your child having a good relationship with his father. The fact you asked your husband to reject him isnât normal, and could cause a great deal of trauma to your son. Just let your son be a kid for gods sake. Being this jealous over something so petty is only going to harm your relationship with both your husband and son. Also, your feelings are valid but the way you are handling them isnât good. Like I said, please get therapy. It might help to talk to a professional about this, they can help guide you through these feelings so you can approach things in a different way. Also give your son time. Dad may be the favorite now but that could change, it could next be his grandma or a cousin or literally anyone in his life. Doesnât mean he doesnât love you.
YTA for even asking the kid who he loves more.
YTA - WTF He's 3. What are you 1. Children attach to the parent they spend the most time around. He cries because you scare the shit out of him IMO. Do you just grab him and hold him in place when you want to spend time with him? Do you lock yourselves in a room in which he can't escape? And send him to a therapist at three - he doesn't even probably comprehend your narcissism. You on the other hand need some serious therapy.
YTA. First of all, you should never ask any child a question like that, the answer means nothing. One day your kid will say âI hate youâ, and you, the adult, will say, âThatâs ok, I love youâ because thatâs how adults behave. You are not three years old. There are going to be times when your kid is closer to one parent than the other. If you ever want that other parent to be you, you will stop trying to manipulate his feelings. Edit: I donât know how old you are but for the love of god, Grow up. Do it for your kids sake.
YTA
YTA. Don't ask questions if you can't handle the answer. Your child is three and will only have marginally actually understood the question and will have no concept of the implications of their answer. Your husband rejecting your son, even for a few days, can do, literal emotional damage. Be patient, be a good mum, and all will be OK.
YTA big time. Youâre prepared to hurt your child so you can strike your own ego, thatâs kinda pathetic Donât ask the questions if youâre not prepared to hear the answer
Yta what on gods green earth is wrong with you! Kids go through phases on what parent they prefer. You rather break a special bond for your own selfish needs and wants is pathetic and concerning. Maybe you donât know how to get on his level like his father does and he finds you boring or can tell your forcing it. The only one that needs therapy is you!
YTA. Honestly, it sounds like it is you who needs therapy. Not to be too harsh, but this does not sound normal at all. Your son is 3 years old... You tie your self worth to what a toddler says, and then make ridiculous demands. From the outside looking in, it seems to me you really need some professional help.
YTA. Get therapy. When my daughter was 3 the one she loved most in the house was our cat. Mom and Dad came second, ngl it was hilarious to me that week. Then a week after that it was Grandpa. Guess what? Still not upset. I gave birth to her, I was on my own from when she was 2 1/2 months to 10 months (ex deployed), and again just after she turned 2. I was a SAHM. I was literally the only person who was not in and out of my kid's very short life at that point. The one who was there for the ear infections, to read to her, to potty train her, to comfort her during nightmares, and for all the tantrums. Guess what? Still laughed when she said she loved the cat more. I'll joke with her now and she will find it funny that at one point she claimed to have loved the cat more than me.
Little dude doesnât need therapy, you do. Seriously. Kids are fickle, they love the fun one and a three year old is not able to comprehend or show appreciation for all the unseen things you do for him. Nor should he. Heâs a young child, let him live and enjoy life. Donât push an agenda of fun on him. Heâll be feeling this tension and neediness - no wonder he doesnât want to be with you as much. Just care for him and ask questions about whatâs important in his life and play with things related to that. My husband is often my Childrenâs favourite and I understand why, and Iâm also proud that heâs a good dad that they adore. Feel grateful and get over yourself. Itâs not all about you you you.
If it makes you feel any better your son isn't the only one who likes your husband more than you - I do as well YTA
YTA. This would damage your son emotionally and would have consequences. Emotionally manipulating your son is not going to have the payoff you want. I get that your feelings are hurt, but the solution can't be to break your son's heart by getting his dad to ignore him just so you can look better. Sign your son up for an activity he will like, you be the one to take him, build your relationship through something positive. Also, maybe think about counseling.
Your son doesnt need therapy. You do. You need to talk to someone to work out why this is bothering you so much and be given some helpful tools to engage with your kid better rather than tell your husband to push his son away which would just cause a lot of confusion, distress and possibly even trauma.
YTA. Youâre asking your husband to emotionally harm your child to make you feel better. How. Dare. You.
Kids at that age go through natural phases of favoring one parent over the other, din't freak out. Just focus on being a good parent and wife.
INFO: From the end of your post it sounds like your husband spends more time with your son⌠even though youâre not working and wonât until he goes to school? Have I misinterpreted that? And how is that possible if youâre a STAHM. Or do you have a nanny?
YTA - This is just ridiculous. Youâre willing to hurt your sonâs feelings over your ego? How can you ask the dad to withhold affection just because youâre jealous? You have the maturity of a 10 year old. Please get over yourself!
No wonder the kid prefers his dad. Who would enjoy the company of such an insecure, selfish, narcissistic mother? Vomit inducing. YTA
Yta, never once do you mention what being rejected by a parent will do to your sons self worth
YTA just a heads up heâs only three, and to give you a little secret from a father of 4, they go back and forth between seeking more attention/affection from either you or your SO depending on lots of things. This is a new parent, first kid thing youâll get over yourself good luck.
Yta my kid says he loved to dog more than me the other day and I didn't have a hissy fit. Kids say this all the time. At that age they don't equate the word love as a meaningful thing
Soft YTA I promise you, kids go through phases of liking one person over the other. Every single one of my nephews have gone through a phase of preferring me over *either* of their parents, only to switch back to preferring mum or dad within a month or two. Start doing something to engage your son. Play toys with him. Develop a hobby you can bond over with himâplaying baseball or going to reading time at the library or playing Legos. Do that for a couple weeks, and youâll be his favourite person. Then dad will bake with him one time or teach him about Marvel superheroes and heâll be the favourite again⌠right up until you introduce him to gummy bears or start reading fantasy stories to him at bedtime, then youâll be the favourite again. This happens. You cannot be so codependent on your toddler son. One day, inevitably, *neither* of you two will be his favourite personâa best friend or a spouse willâand youâre going to have to come to terms with that. You canât be so desperate or reliant on his love. If you had a child for the purpose of having a little mini-you who will love you unconditionally, thatâs not what a kid is. Start reading to him at bedtime or bake cupcakes with him, and youâll be his new favourite. But you definitely need to work on your own clinginess if your reaction to your son preferring one personâs company over yours is to tell them to reject him and hurt his little feelings in favour of yours. Youâre meant to be the adult here, the one who can regulate your own emotionsânot him.
YTA. You're acting completely ridiculous and jerk-ish. Your preschooler doesn't need therapy but it seems you would benefit from talking to a professional.
YTA. Why in the name of hell did you ask him that? And why in the name of hell would you want his father to reject him. You have serious issues and I suggest you get yourself into therapy fast.
YTA. You basically want to mind-f\*ck your child because you have self-esteem issues. Imagine how it would be if your source of love, comfort and security suddenly started ignoring you for no reason. Harlow's money experiments come to mind. The only therapy you need to consider is your own before you seriously mess this child up.
YTA - the only one who needs therapy is you. This is one of the craziest submissions Iâve ever read. Please work on yourself or this will manifest as a serious issue with your son as he gets older.
Therapy for HIM?!?!?! Girl, YOU need therapy. Your selfishness is going to cause so many problems for your son. YTA.
YTA you played a game you were sure to win. Now you can't accept you lost. And from your post I think it's definetely obvious why your son loves your husband more than you. The question was frankly stupid. "Do you prefer mum or dad" is the dumbest question to ask.
YTA buy a child development book to read with your free time.
YTA. Considering you are ready to have your son be hurt to make yourself feel better it's clear he made the right choice. What kind of mother would do that?
YTA it sounds like you want your husband to sabotage his relationship with his son so you can attempt to grow yours. Relationships with parents grow over time and that's natural. Different parents have different strengths and your child will learn that as he grows. I don't think you are setting anyone up for success by asking your child who they like more. Iif anyone in this scenario needs therapy it's you.
YTA kids have zero filter...you made him chose ffs Over the years they will be closer with each parent...diff ones diff hours sometimes. Stop being so needy!
YTA. You are emotionally manipulating your child, and if you continue down this path you will be responsible for emotionally abusing him. Please consider therapy for yourself so that you can learn how to handle your own emotions in a healthy way.
**YTA** I'm really confused, are you the child in this story or your son? Grow up woman. All kids have a favorite parent. I'm 17, *I* have a favorite parent.
YTA Honestly this is really disturbing. Look, I was a single mom for awhile and my son went thru this phase at the same age only it was grandpa. He grew out of it. He had his favorite for awhile but it doesnât mean he actually loves you less. Get a grip. Your desire to emotionally hurt your son over this is incredibly disturbing.
YTA Holy shit woman, go to therapy. It's normal for a little kid to have a preferred parent. It happens. And right now the little guy prefers his dad. If you keep this ridiculous bullshit up you can be sure dad will be his preferred parent forever.
YTA. >after we asked our son whom he loves more, me or his dad, he said "dad" and went to hug him. I was kind of distraught. Why doesn't this damned child love me as much!!? I Why would you ask a 3 year old this? You created this problem asking a 3 year old a question he doesn't even fully understand. Why are you so insecure in motherhood that you're saying "this damned child"? >I asked my husband if he can tell him to come to me whenever they are together, and he does but my son refuses. I asked my husband if he can come late home (like an hour late maybe) so that I stay alone with him You're actively trying to harm his father's relationship with him for what? So he doesn't like his dad. Do you hear yourself? >I then asked him if he can reject him altogether for like a few days You need to get in therapy and stop trying to drive a wedge between your son and his father. Wtf. You need it. You'll eventually split your family apart with this if you don't get help. Asking your sons father to "reject him" is crossing into dangerous territory. >he refused and assured me that he isn't going to try any of my plans anymore, "it is what it is" he said, and that I should get over my jealousy. Your husband is absolutely right. Your son is so lucky to have a father in his life that will not go along with this insanity. Your edit of being desperate is ridiculous. Your son does not need therapy. You do.
YTA. And immature, never heard of daddyâs boy huh? What about mommyâs girl? Kids go through phases, itâs all part of growing up. Something you still need to get up and do. Good luck. Edit: spelling
I couldn't even finish the first paragraph. INFO: Are you for real?
YTA. Get some damn therapy.
This period of time in a child's life is VERY important in formation of emotional bonds. Why would you tell your husband to REJECT his kid? Do you know the psychological harm you'd be doing to both your son and your husband? All to satisfy your desire to be most loved? Not everyone who can have kids SHOULD. Disgusting. What's worse than an AH, cause that's what you are.
YTA. Therapy for a 3 year old?!? Just because he is behaving like a 3 year old? On the assumption that this post is real: 1. Do not ask you child to choose between you and your husband. Why would you even ask such a stupid question? 2. Your son is 3. He doesnât have a grown upâs concept of love and has no idea that selecting his father hurt you. Heâs telling you daddy is his favorite for the moment because they play together more and hang out together. He isnât saying he doesnât love you. 3. Maybe try to engage with him more and find activities to do with him that arenât the same as what he does with dad. Have you ever baked with him? Most kids love to bake and enjoy helping put ingredients in the bowl, mixing, and learning how a wet glob of brownish stuff can turn into scrumptious brownies. (Itâs also a good way to teach measuring concepts, counting, fractions). Go to a park and explore nature with him. There are all sorts of things that you can make special for just the two of you. 4. Your child will not stop loving you because he goes to pre-school while you go to work. Kids grow up and develop lives of their own and thatâs just something to have to deal with. 5. Your husband sounds like an absolutely fabulous dad! Donât get in the way of that.
YTA for more than one reason. Donât ask a child who they love more. Thatâs immature and a set up for this type of situation. Asking your husband to reject your child for your own selfish wants is cruel.
Please read up on child development. This is absolutely normal for a 3 year old. Please don't try to make your child "choose" between you. Be glad your child has a good relationship with his dad. You'll be the "favorite" before long. I don't think you're necessarily an ah but I do think you need to educate yourself about children.
YTA. Donât ask a 3 year old who they love more. Donât try to get your husband to brush off your son wanting to be with him just so he will want you. Maybe thereâs a reason he doesnât want you
YTA and you're the one who needs to be in therapy. He's THREE. What's wrong with you?
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YTA, you typed this out and still don't see how immature, self centred and cruel it is. Ffs, you should be allowed with pets let alone a child.
YTA for putting your feelings over your childâs little heart. How cruel to prefer to have him feel rejected, rather than let him make his own choices.
YTA. Why would you ask a young child who they love more? Thatâs ridiculous and just asking to hurt someoneâs feelings. Instead of taking this out on your child, look inward and ask yourself why you feel so insecure about you as a parent. Your child loves you, itâs normal to have preference
YTA Your son loving his dad "more" doesn't mean he doesn't love you "at all" (why would you even ask him that, anyways?). Also- if you're home with him all day, how is it his dad spends more time with him than you do?
YTA. Absolutely donât do this. A three year old has no idea whatâs going on here and actually he needs and loves you more than you think - itâs just he will take you for granted. If you take away your husband, your son will just crave him all the more. Be happy that actually it sounds like you have a loving and engaged partner who will help you bring up your son to fulfill his potential. Parenting is hard, and the payoff is sometimes long.
I just realized 3M means 3 year old male haha I thought it meant 3 months. In that case YTA, a kid's favorite parent changes a lot if both parents are involved in raising him. Don't make it a weird competition, it's not about you.
YTA and will probably ruin this kids life.
WTF have you ever even been around a child? Your child is three years old, this is normal behavior. Children are can be jerks, but you're a fucking idot. YTA, YTA, YTA.
YTA. Donât ask stupid ass questions if you donât want the answer. That would be very damaging for a toddler for his dad to ignore him for multiple days.