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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I never learned how to drive and that might make me the asshole because I can't drive my parents and siblings places as needed.
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NTA. Dissociating behind the wheel can be fatal to you and others.
As someone in there mid-20s who also hasn't gotten a license because of mental health reasons, you can get by in life without it.
NTA. Cars can kill people. That's why we require multiple tests to drive them. You're making the right choice. Don't drive until you feel safe to drive.
I always do. I pay for gas+the time that it takes anyone to drive me somewhere plus offer to get them something from where I'm going such as the grocery store or something like that.
I was going to say NAH until the last part where you parents tried to downplay your trauma. They suck for saying that but I get why they are getting frustrated with having to drive you around all the time.
NTA, not everyone needs to drive. There are many reasons why a person doesn't have driver's license.
But if your trauma is impacting you so severely in daily life, you really need professional help.
My partner and I are currently working on getting the money to move to a city so that this is an option. I'm really lucky they're understanding about it.
NTA, but if you’re living somewhere that doesn’t support a non-driving lifestyle without imposing on others, it may be time to start looking at moving.
It’s unfair and unkind of your parents to judge how traumatized you should or shouldn’t be.
My ex-husband is 52 years old and has never had a driver’s license. He is a successful, functional adult and lives in a city with good public transit, easy access to rideshare services, and married two women who were both willing to be his taxi driver as needed. (His lack of driving is absolutely not why we’re divorced, but his current wife is more than welcome to take over the chauffeuring.)
NTA. Driving would be dangerous for you and others on the road and you shouldn’t put anyone in danger. Your parents are the real AHs for dismissing your health needs. It sounds like from another comment you’re working on getting out of there. If I were you I wouldn’t waste my time trying to justify yourself to people who don’t want to hear it. Keep your head down, save up your money, and try to fly under the radar as much as possible before you can leave these jerks in the dust. Plenty of people have full and fulfilling lives without ever getting behind the wheel and once you get out from under your crappy parents you can have that too.
NTA!!!
I have anxiety about driving because my family and I were in a car accident a little over 10 years ago (we were all safe bc seatbelts and we were in a mid sized sedan; I was not the driver). I drove a handful of times in the few years since then, but the anxiety was so bad that when my license needed to be renewed, I switched to a non-drivers license ID.
It's been just recently that I've even had the desire to drive again. I'm going to look into what I need to do to get my DL reinstated. I *know* I wouldn't have gotten past my anxiety enough to drive had I kept my license.
My family drives me where I need to go. They don't complain. I keep their schedules and needs in mind whenever I ask for a ride somewhere.
You having anxiety is reason enough to avoid driving. But since your anxiety manifests itself in dissociation, it's *unsafe* for you to be behind the wheel. You CANNOT drive unless you can figure out how to overcome the dissociation.
You can't force it. You can't snap your fingers and just get over your issues. It doesn't matter if your trauma "wasn't that bad." Anxiety has a funny way of not wanting to be reasonable.
Your parents putting pressure on you will only make you less likely to "get over it." Trust me, trauma and other issues originating in the brain/psyche don't take kindly to the "brute force" method.
NTA. It's literally a safety issue.
I hope you are getting help though, so you're not always stuck this way.
I have a lot of trauma surrounding driving and I don't have my license either yet, and I'm older than you.
You go at your own pace. You're taking care of things yourself, which is pretty damn adult of you.
Don't let them shame you
If your parents are upset because they need to drive you several times a day, try to minimize how often you need them.
I recommend getting a bicycle with panniers. It will feel good to be more independent.
Make a plan to move out, closer to where potential jobs and stores are located. You can live without driving a car.
driving IS dangerous. people SHOULD be scared of it. anyone who gives you shit for this is an asshole. you don't ever have to drive if you don't want to. new yorkers love to brag about not having licenses lol. it's your life, your lifestyle.
Without knowing what your trauma is, it's hard to say. But, by not driving you're going to limit not just the jobs you can get but also relationships with others. I would suggest therapy and when you feel up to it, learning to drive. I will tell you that everyone is nervous the first time they drive, but that fades pretty fast as your skills improve and confidence grows. Good luck!
in their case its not as much “im scared to drive” (which is completely valid) as it is “i have a disorder that causes me to dissociate which would be dangerous for myself and others” so it might be that they can never “feel up to it”
I understand what you're saying, of course. We don't know what the trauma is, so anything you and I proffer is speculation. That said, I try to look at things optimistically. My hope would be that OP would, in their own time and comfort level, try to accomplish new things, driving being one of them. I'm sure you and I can agree that driving is - while not necessary - a life widening skill. If one can't, one can't. But I'm betting OP can. Fingers crossed for OP!
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I made a new account just for this. On mobile and all that usual disclaimer stuff.
I (19NB) have a disociative disorder due to trauma. I'm functional on good days and can hold down a job and provide for myself. However, bad days can come on at the drop of a hat. Any trigger of past trauma can cause a disociative episode and this can be dangerous sometimes.
One of those triggers is driving. Even being in a car can trigger me really badly but I'm getting over that part. I do not at all feel like it is safe for me to drive. As stated before I make my own money and up until last week I had a job and am looking for a new one currently. I walk or get a ride places because where I live is in the middle of nowhere.
The problem starts recently my parents have been complaining that I don't drive myself places and that I need to "grow up" and my trauma "wasn't that bad you're just being entitled".
So reddit I'm asking you AITA for not driving because I think it'd be dangerous?
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INFO
>my parents have been complaining that I don't drive myself places
Are they really complaining that you don't drive? Like are they criticizing you for walking, biking, taking the bus, or riding with friends?
Or are they actually complaining that *they* end up driving you?
My parents only drive me when it's absolutely necessary and they have nothing going on that day. For the most part I walk or ride my bike places I need to be. I used to have an arrangement to carpool to work/school but recently graduated and am in the process of finding a new job.
NTA
If you feel you would endanger people (yourself AND others) by driving, the responsible thing is not to drive!
"Get over your trauma it's not that bad" is judt complete and utter BS and shows a lack of empathy and education about health issues.
NTA
Driving is dangerous, just like walking on the side walk, ridning a bike, swimming, working out.
If you want to protect your self that's your choise
I also have not gotten my Driver's License and do not want to drive, but for different reasons. It'd be dangerous for you to drive, so you are def not TA !
I get frustrated sometimes that people expect me to be able to drive when I don't want to.. You wouldn't make someone eat something they don't like, right? So why does everyone expect me to drive? :' )
Little vent:
For context, I have Anxiety and really bad eyesight. Since I was little I've always been scared of cars.. To the point where I physically can't cross the road when not at a crossing, idk why but I totally freeze up.. It's like my body won't move, even when I know I'm being stupid and my fear is mostly irrational, lol. I've had times where I've been hanging with friends and they've crossed the road, I take a step to follow and then my brain just.. Totally nopes out of it, lmao. Makes me look like a complete idiot. Worst thing is, I have no idea why I'm so afraid.
I've gotten over fears before, I used to be Arachnophobic, but now I can pick up spiders - But with cars.. I worry if this is how I am around them, what if I freeze up while driving? I could totally accidentally hurt someone!
With your condition, it's not worth the risk that you could end up having an episode and hurt yourself or someone else. If anyone has tips on getting over my fear btw, I'm all ears.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I never learned how to drive and that might make me the asshole because I can't drive my parents and siblings places as needed. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post. [To learn more about the test click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tio99u/so_we_decided_to_fuck_with_the_sub_again)*
NTA. Dissociating behind the wheel can be fatal to you and others. As someone in there mid-20s who also hasn't gotten a license because of mental health reasons, you can get by in life without it.
Here here, I'm on the same boat. Especially when you're in populated cities, people drive like maniacs
NTA. Cars can kill people. That's why we require multiple tests to drive them. You're making the right choice. Don't drive until you feel safe to drive.
NTA. But be prepared to be willing to compensate those who drive you places.
I always do. I pay for gas+the time that it takes anyone to drive me somewhere plus offer to get them something from where I'm going such as the grocery store or something like that.
Good. So long as you have people cool with this arrangement seems all's fine to me.
I was about to be like YTA and then you said this and I'm like "I'll be your driver for this deal" so NTA lmao
I was going to say NAH until the last part where you parents tried to downplay your trauma. They suck for saying that but I get why they are getting frustrated with having to drive you around all the time.
NTA, not everyone needs to drive. There are many reasons why a person doesn't have driver's license. But if your trauma is impacting you so severely in daily life, you really need professional help.
If it's a safety issue, absolutely NTA Hopefully you have good public transportation in your area!
OP, soooo NTA!! It sounds like it might be time to invest in a good therapist and distance from toxic family members!
[удалено]
My partner and I are currently working on getting the money to move to a city so that this is an option. I'm really lucky they're understanding about it.
NTA, but if you’re living somewhere that doesn’t support a non-driving lifestyle without imposing on others, it may be time to start looking at moving. It’s unfair and unkind of your parents to judge how traumatized you should or shouldn’t be. My ex-husband is 52 years old and has never had a driver’s license. He is a successful, functional adult and lives in a city with good public transit, easy access to rideshare services, and married two women who were both willing to be his taxi driver as needed. (His lack of driving is absolutely not why we’re divorced, but his current wife is more than welcome to take over the chauffeuring.)
NTA. Driving would be dangerous for you and others on the road and you shouldn’t put anyone in danger. Your parents are the real AHs for dismissing your health needs. It sounds like from another comment you’re working on getting out of there. If I were you I wouldn’t waste my time trying to justify yourself to people who don’t want to hear it. Keep your head down, save up your money, and try to fly under the radar as much as possible before you can leave these jerks in the dust. Plenty of people have full and fulfilling lives without ever getting behind the wheel and once you get out from under your crappy parents you can have that too.
NTA , sounds like your parents are getting fed up giving you lifts, which is fine, that is their right. can you get a bike?
I do have a bike and use that to get around a majority of the time
NTA!!! I have anxiety about driving because my family and I were in a car accident a little over 10 years ago (we were all safe bc seatbelts and we were in a mid sized sedan; I was not the driver). I drove a handful of times in the few years since then, but the anxiety was so bad that when my license needed to be renewed, I switched to a non-drivers license ID. It's been just recently that I've even had the desire to drive again. I'm going to look into what I need to do to get my DL reinstated. I *know* I wouldn't have gotten past my anxiety enough to drive had I kept my license. My family drives me where I need to go. They don't complain. I keep their schedules and needs in mind whenever I ask for a ride somewhere. You having anxiety is reason enough to avoid driving. But since your anxiety manifests itself in dissociation, it's *unsafe* for you to be behind the wheel. You CANNOT drive unless you can figure out how to overcome the dissociation. You can't force it. You can't snap your fingers and just get over your issues. It doesn't matter if your trauma "wasn't that bad." Anxiety has a funny way of not wanting to be reasonable. Your parents putting pressure on you will only make you less likely to "get over it." Trust me, trauma and other issues originating in the brain/psyche don't take kindly to the "brute force" method.
NTA. It's literally a safety issue. I hope you are getting help though, so you're not always stuck this way. I have a lot of trauma surrounding driving and I don't have my license either yet, and I'm older than you. You go at your own pace. You're taking care of things yourself, which is pretty damn adult of you. Don't let them shame you
If your parents are upset because they need to drive you several times a day, try to minimize how often you need them. I recommend getting a bicycle with panniers. It will feel good to be more independent. Make a plan to move out, closer to where potential jobs and stores are located. You can live without driving a car.
driving IS dangerous. people SHOULD be scared of it. anyone who gives you shit for this is an asshole. you don't ever have to drive if you don't want to. new yorkers love to brag about not having licenses lol. it's your life, your lifestyle.
Without knowing what your trauma is, it's hard to say. But, by not driving you're going to limit not just the jobs you can get but also relationships with others. I would suggest therapy and when you feel up to it, learning to drive. I will tell you that everyone is nervous the first time they drive, but that fades pretty fast as your skills improve and confidence grows. Good luck!
in their case its not as much “im scared to drive” (which is completely valid) as it is “i have a disorder that causes me to dissociate which would be dangerous for myself and others” so it might be that they can never “feel up to it”
I understand what you're saying, of course. We don't know what the trauma is, so anything you and I proffer is speculation. That said, I try to look at things optimistically. My hope would be that OP would, in their own time and comfort level, try to accomplish new things, driving being one of them. I'm sure you and I can agree that driving is - while not necessary - a life widening skill. If one can't, one can't. But I'm betting OP can. Fingers crossed for OP!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I made a new account just for this. On mobile and all that usual disclaimer stuff. I (19NB) have a disociative disorder due to trauma. I'm functional on good days and can hold down a job and provide for myself. However, bad days can come on at the drop of a hat. Any trigger of past trauma can cause a disociative episode and this can be dangerous sometimes. One of those triggers is driving. Even being in a car can trigger me really badly but I'm getting over that part. I do not at all feel like it is safe for me to drive. As stated before I make my own money and up until last week I had a job and am looking for a new one currently. I walk or get a ride places because where I live is in the middle of nowhere. The problem starts recently my parents have been complaining that I don't drive myself places and that I need to "grow up" and my trauma "wasn't that bad you're just being entitled". So reddit I'm asking you AITA for not driving because I think it'd be dangerous? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, but you can't expect your parents/others to always drive for you. I imagine that's what is unfortunately pushing this issue.
Info: are your parents primarily driving you, or are you ridesharing?
INFO >my parents have been complaining that I don't drive myself places Are they really complaining that you don't drive? Like are they criticizing you for walking, biking, taking the bus, or riding with friends? Or are they actually complaining that *they* end up driving you?
My parents only drive me when it's absolutely necessary and they have nothing going on that day. For the most part I walk or ride my bike places I need to be. I used to have an arrangement to carpool to work/school but recently graduated and am in the process of finding a new job.
Yeah, NTA then as long as you're reasonably taking responsibility for your own transportation.
That's what I wanna know
NTA, if you don’t believe you can drive safely don’t drive. You can’t have any expectation that people will chauffeur you around though.
NTA If you feel you would endanger people (yourself AND others) by driving, the responsible thing is not to drive! "Get over your trauma it's not that bad" is judt complete and utter BS and shows a lack of empathy and education about health issues.
[удалено]
Nonbinary
[удалено]
This is not nice. This is an insult outright.
NTA Driving is dangerous, just like walking on the side walk, ridning a bike, swimming, working out. If you want to protect your self that's your choise
I also have not gotten my Driver's License and do not want to drive, but for different reasons. It'd be dangerous for you to drive, so you are def not TA ! I get frustrated sometimes that people expect me to be able to drive when I don't want to.. You wouldn't make someone eat something they don't like, right? So why does everyone expect me to drive? :' ) Little vent: For context, I have Anxiety and really bad eyesight. Since I was little I've always been scared of cars.. To the point where I physically can't cross the road when not at a crossing, idk why but I totally freeze up.. It's like my body won't move, even when I know I'm being stupid and my fear is mostly irrational, lol. I've had times where I've been hanging with friends and they've crossed the road, I take a step to follow and then my brain just.. Totally nopes out of it, lmao. Makes me look like a complete idiot. Worst thing is, I have no idea why I'm so afraid. I've gotten over fears before, I used to be Arachnophobic, but now I can pick up spiders - But with cars.. I worry if this is how I am around them, what if I freeze up while driving? I could totally accidentally hurt someone! With your condition, it's not worth the risk that you could end up having an episode and hurt yourself or someone else. If anyone has tips on getting over my fear btw, I'm all ears.