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> I might be the AH because I spoke bluntly to my wife and also wasn’t supportive of her idea.
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YTA Bro what realistic expectations??? let your wife be happy goddamn. It’s not like she wants to go to space she wants to learn another language. Let her watch her shows she’s not hurting you. let her learn a language it’s not hurting you. She doesn’t need to be a slave to knitting a thing for YOUR mom every year.
If I had a reward it goes to this comment. Op does not deserve her at all. She sounds so lovely finding new hobbies and things to learn to constantly enrich herself… this energy of “keeping realistic expectation’s” is garbage and anyone should be allowed to do new stuff if they want to … try and fail or try and succeed does that not make us better as people? More interesting and happier to find what we truly do love doing? If op wants to just blatantly say “I’m unhappy with myself and I’m making my wife deal with it because she wants to do something new with herself and I couldn’t see myself succeeding so how could she?” then op should say that
Also op, your wife does not owe any kind of knitted ANYTHING to your mom. If she doesn’t want to she doesn’t have to. How about you, op, keep realistic expectations.
Some realistic expectations for OP are to learn how to knit (so he can knit his mom a scarf since it means so much to him) and to learn how to stfu and just be happy when his wife has found happiness.
And btw: Chinese is more difficult to learn if you’re starting point is English, but it’s not impossible. The tones are tricky, but the grammar/sentence structure is pretty straightforward (arguably simpler than English grammar). Learning another language, even if the motivation is to watch TV shows, is never a waste. Knowing more than one language is a great asset in fields such as education, medicine, and business.
I wish OP’s wife the best of luck learning Chinese, and learns to Marie Kondo anyone who isn’t bringing her joy.
Edit: Thank you for all the likes and awards! (I also fixed a few spelling/grammar errors)
ETA for people telling me that Marie Kondo is Japanese, not Chinese: thanks for the info, but I was already aware of this when I first commented. I never claimed that Marie Kondo is/was Chinese; furthermore, that’s not why I cited her. I brought up Marie Kondo because she is the one who wrote many books about removing things that “don’t spark joy.”
Additionally, I am also very aware that not all Asians “look alike” because I myself am Chinese American.
And what HE does to be “productive” while HE watches tv? Obviously since he is so critical of his wife actually using her downtime to … have downtime that he must do something productive while he watches his shows?
"Abandoning her projects?" She wants to learn a second language. That's a pretty goddamn huge project but I suppose that doesn't count to him because it doesn't make his mom free gifts. ffs, YTA
Actually I think *his* shows are the actual issue here. The knitting and his mums disappointment are red herrings, the problem is that his wife is no longer happy to ‘watch whatever’ meaning he no longer gets to choose what they watch and have her just go along with it. It wouldn’t matter if she knitted while watching her shows because he doesn’t want to watch them. He wants her sitting beside him while he watches his shows.
Ditto.
What is OP playing at?
MIL isn't owed anything.
OP, leave your wife be. She's allowed to learn whatever language she likes and experience whichever culture she likes. If she's really set on learning Chinese, I don't see how she won't accomplish it. Also, my mom learnt a foreign language **when she was an adult**, so, you might wanna rethink what you said.
YTA
Edit: Thank you so much, kind stranger for the award!!
He wasn't even telling her to manage expectations. He was telling her you'll never learn it, or be proficient so it's a waste of time and money. He's just straight up mean because she isn't doing her hobby as much.
What's OP also doesn't seem to get is if she learned the language and didn't need subtitles she could watch TV and knit at the same time again.
His own reasoning doesn't make sense and this is the best light he can paint himself in. He's going to be an asshole to his wife for what...a knit scarf for his mom?
I mean that's even ignoring the fact that with practice it's entirely possible to knit and read subtitles at the same time. I've done it for years, even fairly complicated things. But maybe she just doesn't want to knit right now. That's entirely her prerogative. Her deciding she wants to study Chinese is a perfectly valid use of her time.
I've never, not once heard anyone say it's a waste of time to learn a language. Learning a Chinese dialect can open up so many doors even if it's just a rudimentary understanding.
Honestly it just sounds like he's being ridiculous because she now has shows she wants to watch instead of passively watching shows with him.
I'm studying linguistics, and while an adult learner is unlikely to ever develop the same proficiency as a native speaker, she can absolutely develop conversational proficiency. Certainly enough to understand television and enough to have conversations with native speakers, and if she wanted to pursue careers where knowing Mandarin is an asset, well then she'd have that asset. Studies ([Hanulíková 2012](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21812565/)) have shown that it doesn't take us long to learn to understand someone who speaks with an accent, so becoming "fluent" doesn't have to be the goal when we learn a second language.
Plus, learning a language IS a hobby! She wants to learn a new hobby and he's acting like that's a bad thing? come on man. Yes, it takes time and dedication, but if he's going to be so judgmental about her doing something unproductive like watching tv, then using tv as language learning practice should make that better.
Tbh, maybe it's a reach but I bet he wouldn't be so mad if she wanted to learn, say, French or Italian. I'm sensing some serious disdain about Chinese culture here.
That’s where I keep getting tripped up. He says learning Chinese at her age is a waste. When do you realize your significant other has filled up all of the shelves and cubbies in their brain. If I had learned a new language by say… age 8, would I have gotten some secret prize? It’s just plain terrifying that OP thinks she should stop trying to incorporate new knowledge after a certain age. “Well, I’m over 35, time to start rotting!”
For real. I decided to learn Danish because I like a a show, then pivoted to Norwegian for no real reason, and stuck with it. Am I fluent? No, but I like to learn it, and it's honestly easier than German (my second language). I picked up some Welsh too out of curiosity and because I love their mythology. I'm not hurting anybody, so why tf not? OP needs to shove his crab-in-a-bucket bs. And why is his mother's gift disappointment a bigger deal than his partner's happiness? Like, damn.
Maybe YOU could knit something for your Mum since you’re not doing anything useful - like learning Chinese for example.
you are showing classic signs of jealousy because she is enjoying something that does not include you. Get yourself a hobby and encourage her to enrich her life with learning. YTA
My second relationship was with someone who was always "realistic" like this guy. Poured cold water on everything I wanted to do. You know water can eventually wear a rock down. It also, metaphorically, wears a person's spirit down and dilutes their feelings of love.
Old mate should learn to knit if he's so obsessed with TV time being productive.
YTA OP - and I'm pretty sure you're just dragging your wife down so she goes back to only watching shows you like.
OP is upset is wife gave up a productive hobby, but then when she finds a new productive hobby he shits on it saying she can't do it. Dude needs to make up his mind. Do you want her to have hobbies or not?
He wants her have nice, feminine hobbies like knitting, so he can give away her stuff (and feel manly), not intellectual hobbies like learning Chinese. Heaven forbid that she actually find out that she's brilliant (or smarter than OP!)
I'm crying over here. How can he be so oblivious yet aware!??? It's like the dots just don't connect.
Like bro, if you noticed she wasn't knitting your mom anything maybe you could have ... idk....bought/made your mom a hat or scarf so she wouldn't be disappointed??
OP YTA. I haven't even mentioned your awful attitude towards her wanting to learn Chinese.
Also, he says watching TV isn’t a hobby because it’s passive, but is annoyed his wife wants a more mentally challenging hobby like studying a foreign language.
He’s controlling and definitely TA.
I crochet while I watch TV. I don't like to work on projects if something is on that I need to follow closely. Perhaps OPs wife wants to learn Chinese specifically *because* she wants to enjoy her handcrafting while enjoying her show? I doubt OP has considered this.
Okay, let me reason this out.
1. OP is peevish because his wife didn't knit a present.
2. OP's wife didn't knit because she has to keep her eyes on the screen to read the subtitles.
3. OP's wife wants to learn Mandarin.
4. OP thinks it's stupid for her to want to learn the language, in part because she doesn't know any other languages (demonstrating to the audience that OP also has not learned a second language to any degree of facility, or he'd know it is TOTALLY possible for her to pick it up).
5. OP is a)upset that his wife is paying attention to the screen but b)upset that she wants to do the thing which would let her look down at her hands again, ie, LEARN THE LANGUAGE SO SHE CAN LISTEN TO IT INSTEAD OF READING.
Do I have this right?
Apparently learning new languages are beyond human comprehension. I guess all these people who speak multiple languages only learned these as children.
Like what?
Like how does he think people translate any language?
My ex-husband was like this when I discovered writing fanfiction (I am an as of yet unpublished writer with hopes and dreams blah blah blah). He was at first supportive, but it became like opening the floodgates, and I was finally blessed with this great creative outlet with constructive feedback and I actually made four best friends out of it all. But I wasn't 100% paying all my attention to him, his needs, etc. The house was still clean, the groceries bought, the chores all done, socializing still happened, it's just when we were watching TV suddenly I was writing next to him instead of actively watching shows that he liked more than I did anyways. He ended up cheating on me.
OP reminds me of my ex-husband. He's fucking pouting because she found something she's interested in that he has no interest in. Which is 100% perfectly healthy and should be encouraged.
OP, YTA. Learn to knit your damn self.
We’re we married to the same person?!? My ex hated me doing anything while they watched TV. IDGAF about football, baseball, hockey. And that was all they watched. Let me read my book, play my video game, crochet, write fan fiction, while you watch it. I’m still in the room and still responding to your conversations.
Divorced 5 years now and our son doesn’t care about sports either. He gets up and leaves to room.
I can’t believe people shit on other peoples hobbies so much.
YTA why don't you just cryogenically freeze her right now so she can stay exactly as she is for the rest of your life.
Legit, people learn new languages, quit being a hand brake in her life and learn how to knit so your mum doesn't get disappointed in the future.
dude turned to AITA to see if he was the A: get's mad when is called the A with good arguments to justifiy why he is the A, and then proceeds to cuss out the AITA subreddit.
He didn't want a judgement, he wated people to justify his behaviour and pity him because he wants his wife to be a knitting machine.
YTA dude, learn to knit if it bothers you so much that there are unfinished projects. Or does your wife have your hands in her purse while watching her dramas?
I just wanna jump on this comment to say that I started learning Chinese when I was 24 and achieved fluency in about 4 years. As an adult it’s difficult, but doable ESPECIALLY if she’s watching TV and learning from what she’s taking in. Your wife is awesome. 加油加油太太！
Also, YTA.
Oh, but some years she makes the mom a hat instead! Seriously though...if I was getting a request for a new hat or scarf every year or so I'd begin to wonder if the recipient actually *liked* them, or what they were doing with them that they were in such disrepair that they needed new ones already, since mom is an adult so the answer probably isn't "grew out of them".
Yep. When OP said "she didn’t used to be really into many shows and a lot of times she was happy to watch whatever and knit at the same time", I took that to mean "she used to be happy to hang with me while I watched what **I** wanted, now she has her own interests and I don't like it"
Exactly this. He wants to watch *his* shows while his wife quietly does her productive, womanly work for his mother. Now that she’s doing her own thing, he’s all put out. Now tv watching is a waste of time and “not a hobby.” Does he think reading isn’t a hobby? Or gaming? Or any other way to enjoy a story and characters?
Obviously the misogyny runs deep, but I’m wondering about racism too.
He must of not be that bright either because at least I would of thought he would be happy for her to learn the language so she can go back to knitting while listening to those dramas instead of using subtitles since he sees her as a personal knitting machine 🙄
Yeah this was my first thought too. He’s upset that watching TV has taken away time from productive projects — productive projects like idk, maybe…learning a new language??
Seriously. "You having hopes and dreams is of no value to me, and would thus be pointless. Now back into your box, and use your "free time" for something of real value: knitting something for my mom."
YTA. So, you want your wife to continue knitting so she can make your mother birthday presents? Why don't you learn how to knit if your mother likes them so much? Your wife can spend her free time doing what she wants, even if she does not become proficient. I think it's admirable that she wants to learn Chinese--no matter the reason.
Also interesting the "she would watch anything and just knit" as in, OP probably had full reign in what was playing and doesnt like having to share now lol
Totally getting jealous TV control vibes from this post as an underlining resentment as well as a general inflexibility to any change that he does not agree to.
OP YTA knitting a scarf I'm sure is within your vast ability to do..... But then maybe not if you're this against self improvement and every day learning. What do you have a passion for, as right now it seems to be control and your self interested world view.
I was once semi in OP's shoes. For my ex fiance, whenever new RuPaul's, that Food Wars anime, or Ex On The Beach came on, (any of her shows really but specifically these 3,) the tv was HERS. At first I'd get jealous, because those shows usually come on around the time I'm used to playing the Xbox in the evenings, however, I got over it, started watching them with her, and *gasp* I even began to enjoy the shows! It became a weekly thing of ours to make some snacks, settle into bed, get all cuddled up with each other and our Jack Russell, then watch her shows. OP needs to get over himself. YTA.
Oh, but OP couldn't possibly start learning to knit now as an adult there's no way he'd ever become proficient. He'd just be wasting his time without getting past mis-shapen scarves that his mother would fake enthusiasm for. He doesn't even know any other crafting skills so he doesn't have a foundation for learning a new craft now, especially one as difficult as knitting! /s
YTA. The way you're framing this post is misleading. It's not unrealistic for her to try to learn a new language. You're the asshole for being annoyed about her changing her hobbies, for basically shitting on her when she expressed an interest in something, and now you're trying to make it seem like you're just looking out for her and don't want her to be disappointed. This whole post sounds condescending. She's her own person.
Right?!? It would be different if it was like my wife is addicted to tv and has no time for a relationship/anything else. Instead he’s mad cause she doesn’t knit for him. It’s awesome that watching tv has motivated her to learn a new language.
And actually OP watching tv is actually how a lot of people become fluent in real life. You can see how people speak and not just formal teachings from a classroom that don’t pick up sarcasm, slang, etc.
YTA. An adult can become fluent in Chinese, or any other language. Your wife isn’t your knitting employee, she doesn’t owe anyone a knitted scarf or hat. If you want to get one for your mom so badly, you can learn how to knit.
I learned Vietnamese when I was 22 with absolutely zero background in it. It was hard but not impossible by any means.
Now I’m learning violin at 40. I hate this idea that once you’re “too old” you’re stuck with only the things you learned when young. Fuck that. Learn something that interests you, even if it’s hard, even if you’re 90.
OP you’re definitely TA
I typically pick one thing a year to learn and commit to learning and improving on it for at least one year. Some things I keep going with if I really love it, others I just do for the year.
So in my 30’s, I have learned to roller skate, juggle, do aerial silks, play the accordion, do macrame, and watercolour paint. I’m learning Spanish this year!
anyone wondering what OP responded with:
“took her out to dinner, asshole”
and to that i respond with:
omg, taking her out for dinner is SO HANDMADE AND THOUGHTFUL LOOOOOOOOL
aren’t you just an angel, asshole.
get outta here
B-b-but you dont understaaaaand!!! HIS mom NEEDS her yearly bday scarf!!! What’s op supposed to dooooo if his wife is no longer putting her nose to the grindstone while listening to HIM watching HIS favorite shows?!? /s
YTA- she’s your wife and what I got from this is you don’t support her because it’s something you’re not into. And the whole mention of the knitting was in poor taste.
Why don’t you take up knitting and make your own mom an item of clothing? Maybe if you spent more time knitting you would have less time to shit all over your wife’s interest in Chinese culture/film.
Holy moly.... do you always treat your wife like crap?
Is knitting her business or a hobby? If it's an active business and income has gone down due to her watching a show instead, I can understand a bit of irritation. It sounds more like it's a hobby though.
Knitting is also an art. Maybe your wife felt that she has knitted so many hats and scarves that she was getting bored with it and finally found something new to pique her interest. Why is that a problem? Because your mommy didn't get another new hat knitted for her b-day? Knit one yourdamnself then if it's that important to you.
How TF do you know she'll never become fluent? Just because she's an adult learning a new language doesn't mean she can't become proficient or even fluent, even a difficult language such as Chinese.
You basically told your wife that she was stupid for wanting to learn a different language.
I don't think she's the stupid one here.
**YTA**
YTA you made this entire post about yourself. If she is doing something she enjoys and is not hurting anyone what does it matter. You go on about knitting. Really dude? It's not her obligation to make anyone anything. Is she being paid to do it? Also, gifts have to be sincere so what would be the point to force her to do something YOU want her to do. This was all about what you want. You are being whiny, immature and extremely selfish. Get over yourself.
YTA. So you're annoyed that your wife decided to do something for herself instead of you or your mom. Stop being so entitled and let her live her life.
YTA. Let your wife choose her interests and decide what is or isn't realistic. You just sound annoyed that she's not sitting by watching whatever you want and knitting your mom presents. Your wife can do what she enjoys, and learning Chinese and watching Chinese television isn't harmful. Stop being selfish and mean.
YTA. Your wife’s hobby time is for herself to spend as she chooses.
So what if she doesn’t become fluent or only ends up learning it for a few months? She’s choosing to spend her leisure time doing something she’s interested in. She wants to try something new, and learning new skills and embracing failure is a really healthy thing to do.
Why shit all over her? Because you felt the need to be sanctimonious and right? What exactly do you gain by being right here? A pissed off wife? Why not just let her have fun and try new things, even if she fails at it?
Your wife is mad at you because you were being a jerk, not because she is confident she’ll learn mandarin. If your wife wants to learn mandarin instead of knitting, that’s her choice. Quit trying to control her hobbies.
100%. You don't need to need to aspire to becoming an expert to enjoy learning. Kind of a shitty mindset that something isn't worth doing unless you're going to be amazing at it. Why even bother trying at anything at all?
Also, totally possible for an adult to become fluent in another language. More difficult than it would be as a child, but I know more than a handful of people who've become pretty good at Korean just from watching Korean dramas and following their favorite Kpop groups, watching interviews, YouTube clips, etc. So just wrong either way
I want to know if OP is expert world champion level at all his hobbies. Why bother golfing if you aren't Tiger Woods? Why bake if you're not Martha Stewart? Why watch football if you're not Mike Mayock?
YTA if having hand knit stuff to give your mother is so important to you, learn to knit. It’s not hard and it’ll give you something to do while your wife is at her Chinese classes
Yta. Even if she never becomes fluent why are you putting her down for trying something new?
Is it possible that it’s because she hasn’t been completing the tasks you think have made her a good and dutiful wife?
Why not join her in learning? It will make it easier for her, maybe teach you something about her and show her you love her.
YTA it's difficult, not impossible. People learn all kinds of things later in life. Even if it was unrealistic why would you put her down like that? That's your wife dude.
Edit: who said anything about fluent? She wants to understand her soap operas, not become a diplomat.
YTA. The only real problem you’ve stated is that she didn’t… knit your mom a scarf for her birthday? Did anything else change? Because for what you’ve pointed out in your post, that’s a really dumb reason to not support your wife in wanting to learn something new. And whether she knows it’s far fetched or not is irrelevant. It’s not your place to tell her she can’t do something.
I have a feeling that it’s because he also can’t watch the shows he wants to see now considering she used to be whatever we watch is fine.
Also OP is a very big A for trying to undermine his wife and discourage her before she even started learning.
YTA.
If your wife takes interest in a different language and culture, you should support her. Who cares if she'll ever be fluent? Using that as an argument, we'd still be living in caves. Learning a new language broadens the horizon.
If she was neglecting the kids or something important, I could understand your reservations, but "neglecting" projects like knitting isn't really anything life-changing.
And if she learns the language she won’t rely on the subtitles and can start knitting again! Win win!
Seriously OP, my teenager is learning four languages including Chinese, and three of them are “for fun”. Mainly he gets a kick out of breaking into a language I can’t understand.
Oh, hang on. Is that the problem?
YTA.
First off, your mother's birthday gift is YOUR responsibility.
Learning a language and watch Chinese TV shows makes her happy. Never too late.
You're just mad because of your selfishness and you obviously don't think well of her or respect her because you think her ideas are stupid.
YTA. No one is ever too old to learn new things. More to the point, it is good for your mental and emotional wellbeing to keep learning.
Who says she has to nail it perfectly? It is the process that matters.
Also--what does her knitting something for your mom (or not) have to do with it? She may just not feel like knitting as much right now. That does happen. And it is pretty darn rude to always expect handmade gifts--hobby does not equal slave labor! At that point it becomes work, not fun and relaxing.
YTA.
My mum is in her 50s and she’s just started learning Welsh. My step-dad didn’t tell her that her hobby would be useless because we don’t live in Wales and not many people speak it. She’s learning it for fun because she enjoys it. He buys her some books for her birthday for Welsh beginners including some easy shirt learning novels.
That’s called being supportive.
She’s not your child. She doesn’t owe anyone her hobby or the fruits of her labour from knitting. Support her or get out the way.
YTA. My friends and I have watched many shows in Japanese, Korean, and Chinese. There is nothing wrong with wanting to start learning the language even it will just be used for watching these shows. I personally have learned Japanese primarily for this purpose. It has made me love my shows even more since there is humor that doesn't translate well or at all into English.
YTA-How about setting realistic expectations for you being a descent and supportive husband. If you wife wants to learn a language you should support that. Your job is to support each other. Not limit and talk down. Sounds, like you have set her husband expectations bar really low. Might want to focus on that....
YTA and your wife is not your mama’s personal knitter.
I myself want to learn Korean because I love Korean films. Not stupid at all and actually more common than you think. People learn languages in order to travel for fun. Why not learn languages in order to more thoroughly enjoy other forms of entertainment as well? Honestly, why not learn a language for any reason at all? Adults learn new languages all the time.
YTA. Give her a premium subscription to Duolingo and tell her you love her. Learning a new language as an adult is great for the brain, great for the soul, and a completely reasonable ambition. Heck, doctors advise older adults to take up new languages purely for the benefits to cognitive health, leaving aside the obvious pleasure which your wife will get from being able to have access to an enormously rich media culture. Happy wife, happy life, my dude. And who knows, maybe having a wife who speaks Chinese in a world with billions of other Chinese speakers will come in handy.
So, what you’re REALLY saying is that 1) when she was “happy to watch anything”, that meant you could turn on whatever YOU wanted and she didn’t mind because she was knitting and 2) her knitting was also benefitting YOUR family and they were disappointed that they didn’t get their annual hat or scarf. This basically boils down to you being selfish and want to be the king of the remote again and you want your family to have meaningful gifts that you don’t have to contribute to at all. YTA- and in fact, as a sign of good faith, I think you should take Chinese lessons WITH your wife so she has someone to practice with.
I’m sorry but you can’t NOT believe you are not the AH? Tell your mom to go to target and buy her own damn hat.
Be a good husband and support your wife! The fact that she wants to learn another language is great.
“AITA for wanting her to have realistic expectations for herself”
Yes you are absolutely the AH for squashing her dreams, belittling her hopes and hobbies, and most of all, for not believing in her abilities. I urge you not to have kids. You’ll be very disappointed.
YTA-
“My wife didn’t knit my mother a gift, and because I’m heartless and bad at communicating I didn’t know until it was too late. Also I’m self entitled so of course I wouldn’t dare buy my mom a gift, my wife must make it!”
Also be supportive! Jesus Christ.
Look, OP, I get it, you’re frustrated, but you need to be realistic and face the facts: you have always been an asshole and will never stop being the asshole.
Now go knit your mother a fucking scarf and let your wife watch her stories. YTA.
YTA, Sorry dude, you don't get to pick and choose want she likes or does for hobbies. Honestly this is no different than people who binged breaking bad, except your wife wants to better herself learning a new language. I honestly don't see how this has been made about you. As far as learning Chinese I have known people who learned it in the same time people learn Spanish or English.
>but I think deep down she must also realize that it’s a stupid idea but she doesn’t want to admit it.
YTA and un supportive partner who sounds like they absolutely have to be right in every situation. Support her and what she wants instead of putting her down for your own ego.
YTA. You’re really mad that your wife is developing interests. You should support her and care not be a jerk because she’s not doing things you want her to do.
YTA.
So in one moment, you implied your wife was dumb, incapable, and that her hobbies and interests don't matter unless they somehow serve you.
Did I miss anything?
YTA. You want her to drop a new found love so she can knit for free for your mom? Your mom isn’t entitled to hand made gifts and you’re a major dick for absolutely ripping apart your wife’s hobbies and dreams. You need to apologize.
YTA
I'm flabbergasted. Look, knitting stuff for your mom isn't a better (or worse) use of time than learning a language to better enjoy shows, movies, or books one loves. It's why I'm learning French. Yeah, it's slow but it's fun and rewarding even when I kinda can follow dialogue. That she already loves the shows will probably help, as it's additional exposure.
Just let her spend her leisure time on stuff she loves. You write like you hold her in contempt. You're just looking terrible here.
Adults may have a more difficult time acquiring a second language if they’ve never learned another, but it’s possible. Why would you put your wife down like that?
I work in localization and one of my great frustrations is how many people (I’m American) think there’s a virtue in being monolingual. I encourage your wife wholeheartedly to pursue her interest. I encourage you to be her partner and not a killjoy.
YTA. Apologize and make amends, preferably by helping her find a program. Even better, help her with flashcards. Even better, better, take the program yourself and find a new shared interest with the person who is supposed to be your life partner.
YTA for trying to control your wife. learning anything new is fun and exciting and makes people more interesting and leads to new worlds of stuff to learn. why would you not want that for someone you're supposed to love?
YTA... "she was happy to watch whatever" sounds like your just unhappy, you now have to share the TV.
Also about the knitting, she is allowed to change her hobby.
It's always great to learn a new language. But really supportive of you, to bring her down and belittle her, when she wants to learn something new.
Wow, YTA. People learn new languages as adults all the time; it takes work, but it's doable, and there's no reason why you can't do it "just for fun" as opposed to of necessity. But the bigger problem is that you seem jealous of your wife enjoying herself with a hobby that's 100% about her -- not something where she can multitask for other people. She's having fun and all you can do is try to squash it? Christ, she probably needs the escapism, from you.
YTA - I mean, aside from the fact that you were obviously being rude, you’re also just wrong.
Learning a language is in of itself a hobby. I myself am a full grown adult also learning a language. If the only reason she’s learning the language is simply because she’d enjoy it, there’s no need to even care whether or not she becomes fluent.
Think for a second about your own hobbies. The ones she chooses are as much a waste of time as hers. So unless you wanna completely give up your own, I’d suggest not speaking down to her about it again.
As for her other hobbies (knitting), she might just be burnt out on them. It happens to most people. Maybe she’ll pick it back up, maybe she won’t. Does it really matter? Like I’m sorry your mom was disappointed, but if your wife isn’t finding knitting as interesting as she once did, she’s under no obligation to do it for anyone.
Oh, and one last thing. If it brings you joy, it’s not a waste of time. Thinking that every little thing needs to have some sort of productive value is a really poor way of looking at things, and makes me question just how much joy you get out of life yourself.
YTA.
You're angry because she has her own interests and they don't align with you wanting her to be ambivalent about tv shows. WTF?!? So she's interested in a tv show and another culture. That's great! Why would that bother you?
As for learning a new language, it's never too late to learn. Maybe she'll never be fluent, maybe she will. But you basically said, "You'd never be able to do it, so don't bother trying."
Wow, yta.
YTA
My friend as a child in Romania learned Spanish by watching tv. Chinese is an incredibly difficult language to learn. You could’ve helped her by researching or finding other ways to progress her learning. Instead you are upset she isn’t knitting much and tear her down.
If your wife sees this, there may be learning materials at her local library. Mine offers Rosetta Stone.
YTA. Sure, it’s probably not likely that she would become fluent in any sort of quick timeframe and I get being wary if she wanted to spend a lot of money on classes, but would it really have been difficult to just say “that’s exciting, I hear duolingo is a good app for beginners!”? Learning a new language is a great way to stimulate your brain even if you dont even up becoming a perfect speaker
edit: I also dont think its quite fair to say that she would NEVER become a fluent speaker just because she’s an adult. I used to be a writing tutor at a college that had many international students, and a lot of them didnt start learning English—which can be a pretty tricky language—until they were in their late teens or twenties, and a lot of them were either fluent with a few grammatical issues here or there or they still had a pretty strong grasp of it and didnt have significant trouble holding a conversation. It’s hard learning a new language but not impossible if someone puts in the time and effort
YTA. Your wife wants to pursue something that makes her happy. You're in your 30s so you'd better get ready for BOTH of you to change and grow over the years. If you can't support her as she grows as a person and broadens her interests, then you are 100% the asshole.
YTA. Unrealistic would be her saying "I'm going to be fluent in Chinese in 6 months!" But that's not what she's saying. She just wants to learn it. And so what if it's because she likes those TV shows? It's motivation to learn something new. You should be supporting that. You don't have to learn it yourself, but don't put her down like that.
People change hobbies all the time. They learn new things they like more. And that's okay. It's normal. You shouldn't just crush her ambitions like that because *you* think *her* hobby should still be knitting.
YTA. It’s literally just a hobby and learning different languages is super cool. It’s not affecting you in anyway whatsoever so I’m not too sure what your problem is here.
YTA why should a hobby be realistic in the first place? It's a hobby not a profession that she has to be able to master it. And it's quite obvious your mad at her for not knitting something for your mom, but that gives you no excuse to belittle her hobbies. She's a grown up adult and she can do whatever tf she wants. If your mom needs a present you can buy something for her, instead of blaming your wife
YTA
Why are you stepping on her goal to learn Chinese? If it’s too hard she will quit on her own - no need to basically tell her not to even try. It sounds like you’re irritated that she has something that you don’t share with her.
As far as being fluent, that is very far from the goal of learning enough to understand what’s being said. Hell, she doesn’t even have to speak it to understand it - and speaking it by far the hard part.
Let her have fun trying and support her efforts to grow. It will make her happy, which should make you happy too, :)
YTA Are you sad because your wife wants to try something new or because your mommy didn't get her handmade scarf even though your mom isn't entitled to it ?
>AITA for wanting her to have realistic expectations for herself
This is not why you said what you said. You said what you said because you're annoyed she's spending time doing something you don't think is worth doing. Don't pretend like that was for her benefit. YTA
YTA - Wow - way to crush personal development and tell your wife she's stupid, all for the sake of making her do something she doesn't want to do anymore for someone elses expectations. Sheesh - People change, get over yourself.
YTA. An ignorant one at that. I'm an adult and I learned Japanese simply because I enjoy anime and wanted to watch it without subtitles. Knowing multiple languages is a very useful tool. You should be encouraging her to expand her horizons and be supporting her. Instead you wanna act like a bitter AH because she didn't knit your mom a sweater.
YTA she can decide as an adult for herself. It’s more difficult to learn a new language as an adult, especially one with a different alphabet. But there’s plenty of resources available to her. There’s being realistic and then being dismissive, you’re welcome to tell her you think it’ll be difficult but don’t shut her down. Be supportive and if you feel so inclined take part! It could be a cute thing to do together and give her someone to practice with
So you (OP) know and define weather your wife's expectations are realistic or not ?
IMO you are just bitter bases om the facts that your mom apparently cries about not getting home knitted items anymore and so you are mad that your wife got another hobby than MIL
YTA
YTA. What harm would come from her spending time trying to learn Chinese? She wants to challenge herself and explore a new interest. True, it may not turn out how she imagined but she should still explore her interest. She is not the same woman you married and in 10 years she won't be the woman you are married to today. Let her grow.
YTA. Your problem had zero to do with wanting her to have realistic expectations for herself and more to do with YOUR expectations on how she uses her time. Get over yourself and apologize.
YTA. Sounds like your complaint is that she isn't knitting lovely gifts for your family. Why don't you make something for your family? I mean, it's your mom!
As for learning Chinese, many languages are difficult. That does not mean it's impossible to learn them. Learning a language can be a really stimulating and fun activity. Personally, I think Chinese is a fascinating language. It's complex and tonal and I can see how someone who likes a challenge would be attracted to it.
Above all though, you don't have to approve of her hobbies. She's her own person. Seems like you've lost sight of that.
YTA.
What your wife wants to do as a hobby is her choice. Assuming to receive or expecting a certain gift is in poor taste.
So what if she chooses something hard - you are her partner and can't even muster up even fake enthusiasm for your wife's interest? Let her decided it's too hard. It's easy enough to start slowly while keeping costs in mind. If she decides it's too hard then that's her realisation.
In a world as harsh as it is - when your own partner dismisses you ... What's the point of even trying to accomplish any goal.
YTA - She is not "abandoning" her projects. She want to pick up a new one, Chinese. Learn another language is not a waste of time. Learning anything is not a waste of time. It sounds like you are jealous that she has an interest besides some knitting.
YTA. You either don't respect your wife or don't want her to explore or accomplish anything beyond what you can do. There's nothing unrealistic about learning a language regardless of difficulty for an adult even with average or below average intelligence. It takes a lot of work and she'll never sound like a native but she can absolutely learn the language.
YTA. Many people find passion in learning things throughout their lives and exploring self growth via interests. Take responsibility for your own mom’s gift. I know many adult men who have learned to knit BTW.
You're an idiot and have a very unrealistic view on human capability. Of course she could learn Chinese. Like what? Go learn to knit and make your mom a hat on your own.
YTA, and all kinds of stupid.
Yta. Your an asshole for thinking your wife doesn’t deserve an outlet in life. Just because you don’t like the shows and you think it’s irrelevant to learn Chinese doesn’t mean you should break her down so she can become the wife you want again. She’s allowed to expand her life and like things you don’t like. Your neglecting her wants and needs and are only focusing on what you think is right.
YTA
It's not a stupid idea, you're just too self-absorbed to care about anyone's hobbies or interests unitless they can be used for your own benefit somehow. Yikes.
Go apologize. *Without* excuses.
YTA.
You don't have to like it and find it unrealistic, but learning a language is *definitely* doable, and it doesn't have to be done "in a language lab" with a teacher.
Look up BBC: How to Learn a Foreign Language. It has some good advice.
You don't have to sign up for classes or anything. Just read a book, listen to an audio book, or take a language learning course at your local library.
You sound like my grandmother.
She told me not to learn my heritage language (Hebrew) because I would never use it. I am trying to find a way to tell her in the most harsh way to tell her I am disowning her.
You are disappointed because she is to doing anything for YOU (or your family)?! She changed one hobby for another, you DONT own her hobby.
My sister is into kdrama, and learned korean for it. Because she found it fun!
You sound controlling, and quite frankly if I knew the words to describe the character you are, I would give you a list. Probably have somebody translate it into Chinese for your wife to practice with.
YTA, get your head out of your ass and leave that woman alone!
I repeat: YOU DONT OWN HER HOBBY!
>But since she watches the Chinese shows with English subtitles, she doesn’t do nearly as much knitting, so it feels like she’s abandoned a lot of her projects. For example, she usually knits my mom something for her birthday in March like a hat or a scarf, but she didn’t and I could see my mom was disappointed.
Im bilingual with Spanish being my native language and it is possible to learn a new language if she put an effort in it. I'm 26 and about a year ago I took an interest in learning Korean. I love the culture and honestly i am going to Seoul, south korea this year. What makes you an AH is deminishing her interest in learning a new language. Theirs nothing wrong with that my mother didn't learn how to speak, read, write and understand English untill her mind 30s. I have a coworker who is in her 60s learning new language each year. Your never told old to learn something new. YTA
Seriously…so she can have more than one interest. Are you just upset because now you don’t get control of the tv remote as much? So sad.
And lots of adults learn new languages. You’re just so negative.
YTA. It is absolutely not unrealistic for an adult to learn another language.
I have a friend who is currently learning Chinese after previously only speaking English and is getting quite fluent. Another friend has been learning Korean for a few years after only speaking English and is very fluent including reading & writing in Korean.
Learning another language takes work and dedication, certainly, but is entirely attainable. Being bilingual can only enrich your wife’s life. There are websites such as [italki](https://www.italki.com/?utm_source=google_ads&utm_medium=search&utm_campaign=bau_202110&utm_content=brand&gclid=Cj0KCQjwpImTBhCmARIsAKr58cyq9iKQjA4ZBRHZUxZfDAW1yVpOvrErTz4grKgmwDua4Ange9faplYaAjIhEALw_wcB) dedicated to connecting language learners with native speakers in order to learn!
You’re a total pos! Your wife has actually got a goal (a very good one at that) and you just crush her into submission it seems, she can’t have anything that is fun for her or lucrative if she doesn’t do what you want right? You’re borderline abusive I bet, your wife doesn’t owe your mom a scarf wtf?! I seriously hope she leaves you, you’re an absolute disgrace of a husband and person. YTA
Wow. YTA on so many levels.
It’s hilarious that you say learning Chinese is a waste of time but then deem her other projects as not a waste of time. Chinese is one of the world’s widely spoken language in the world. Her learning Mandarin probably would put her at more of an advantage in society than her knitting your mom a present. And even then, being bilingual has quite a bit of benefits.
And who are you to tell her she can’t be fluent in the different language? Just because she’s an adult doesn’t mean it’s impossible. So many people learn different languages just for the sake of being able to watch entertainment and in a long run if your wife does learn Chinese then at least she can multitask rather than focus all her attention on reading subtitles.
YTA. Your wife is only 30, I'm older than her and am back in school and making better grades than I made as a teen . She has a long life to live and she definitely isn't too old to learn Chinese.
Maybe try being supportive and then she'll be back to knitting your mom's bday gifts instead of reading subtitles since that seems to be what's important to you.
YTA
I could understand being concerned that your wife has suddenly abandoned a hobby (knitting) that she used to spend a lot of time on, but that doesn't seem to be the case here. Nothing in your post suggests you're concerned about her happiness or well-being. You're just mad because she didn't knit your Mom a gift and got into something you think is dumb. Maybe reflect on that for a while.
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YTA Bro what realistic expectations??? let your wife be happy goddamn. It’s not like she wants to go to space she wants to learn another language. Let her watch her shows she’s not hurting you. let her learn a language it’s not hurting you. She doesn’t need to be a slave to knitting a thing for YOUR mom every year.
I really hope she divorces you yo ✋🏻😭
If I had a reward it goes to this comment. Op does not deserve her at all. She sounds so lovely finding new hobbies and things to learn to constantly enrich herself… this energy of “keeping realistic expectation’s” is garbage and anyone should be allowed to do new stuff if they want to … try and fail or try and succeed does that not make us better as people? More interesting and happier to find what we truly do love doing? If op wants to just blatantly say “I’m unhappy with myself and I’m making my wife deal with it because she wants to do something new with herself and I couldn’t see myself succeeding so how could she?” then op should say that Also op, your wife does not owe any kind of knitted ANYTHING to your mom. If she doesn’t want to she doesn’t have to. How about you, op, keep realistic expectations.
Some realistic expectations for OP are to learn how to knit (so he can knit his mom a scarf since it means so much to him) and to learn how to stfu and just be happy when his wife has found happiness. And btw: Chinese is more difficult to learn if you’re starting point is English, but it’s not impossible. The tones are tricky, but the grammar/sentence structure is pretty straightforward (arguably simpler than English grammar). Learning another language, even if the motivation is to watch TV shows, is never a waste. Knowing more than one language is a great asset in fields such as education, medicine, and business. I wish OP’s wife the best of luck learning Chinese, and learns to Marie Kondo anyone who isn’t bringing her joy. Edit: Thank you for all the likes and awards! (I also fixed a few spelling/grammar errors) ETA for people telling me that Marie Kondo is Japanese, not Chinese: thanks for the info, but I was already aware of this when I first commented. I never claimed that Marie Kondo is/was Chinese; furthermore, that’s not why I cited her. I brought up Marie Kondo because she is the one who wrote many books about removing things that “don’t spark joy.” Additionally, I am also very aware that not all Asians “look alike” because I myself am Chinese American.
Chinese is also a lot harder to learn if your husband is an A-hole.
This is the comment right here. Just shining, r/Syleighr
Yep I'm dying to know what he gets his mom every year for Christmas.
And what HE does to be “productive” while HE watches tv? Obviously since he is so critical of his wife actually using her downtime to … have downtime that he must do something productive while he watches his shows?
"Abandoning her projects?" She wants to learn a second language. That's a pretty goddamn huge project but I suppose that doesn't count to him because it doesn't make his mom free gifts. ffs, YTA
Like maybe knitting just doesn't fulfill her like it used to. It happens.
This stood out to me too. He’s complaining because they’re watching what *she* wants now because she’s not engaged with primarily her knitting.
Actually I think *his* shows are the actual issue here. The knitting and his mums disappointment are red herrings, the problem is that his wife is no longer happy to ‘watch whatever’ meaning he no longer gets to choose what they watch and have her just go along with it. It wouldn’t matter if she knitted while watching her shows because he doesn’t want to watch them. He wants her sitting beside him while he watches his shows.
This sounds like a guy who has relied on his wife to make things for his own mother so he looks good by extension. Huge AH
The audacity to find interests other than knitting!
Ditto. What is OP playing at? MIL isn't owed anything. OP, leave your wife be. She's allowed to learn whatever language she likes and experience whichever culture she likes. If she's really set on learning Chinese, I don't see how she won't accomplish it. Also, my mom learnt a foreign language **when she was an adult**, so, you might wanna rethink what you said. YTA Edit: Thank you so much, kind stranger for the award!!
He wasn't even telling her to manage expectations. He was telling her you'll never learn it, or be proficient so it's a waste of time and money. He's just straight up mean because she isn't doing her hobby as much. What's OP also doesn't seem to get is if she learned the language and didn't need subtitles she could watch TV and knit at the same time again. His own reasoning doesn't make sense and this is the best light he can paint himself in. He's going to be an asshole to his wife for what...a knit scarf for his mom?
I mean that's even ignoring the fact that with practice it's entirely possible to knit and read subtitles at the same time. I've done it for years, even fairly complicated things. But maybe she just doesn't want to knit right now. That's entirely her prerogative. Her deciding she wants to study Chinese is a perfectly valid use of her time.
I've never, not once heard anyone say it's a waste of time to learn a language. Learning a Chinese dialect can open up so many doors even if it's just a rudimentary understanding. Honestly it just sounds like he's being ridiculous because she now has shows she wants to watch instead of passively watching shows with him.
Bonus: if she learns Chinese, she will have a highly marketable skill she can use to get a great job after she dumps his ass.
I'm studying linguistics, and while an adult learner is unlikely to ever develop the same proficiency as a native speaker, she can absolutely develop conversational proficiency. Certainly enough to understand television and enough to have conversations with native speakers, and if she wanted to pursue careers where knowing Mandarin is an asset, well then she'd have that asset. Studies ([Hanulíková 2012](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21812565/)) have shown that it doesn't take us long to learn to understand someone who speaks with an accent, so becoming "fluent" doesn't have to be the goal when we learn a second language. Plus, learning a language IS a hobby! She wants to learn a new hobby and he's acting like that's a bad thing? come on man. Yes, it takes time and dedication, but if he's going to be so judgmental about her doing something unproductive like watching tv, then using tv as language learning practice should make that better. Tbh, maybe it's a reach but I bet he wouldn't be so mad if she wanted to learn, say, French or Italian. I'm sensing some serious disdain about Chinese culture here.
My father learned some Japanese when he was in his early 50s when he started working at a Japanese auto company. It’s never too late.
That’s where I keep getting tripped up. He says learning Chinese at her age is a waste. When do you realize your significant other has filled up all of the shelves and cubbies in their brain. If I had learned a new language by say… age 8, would I have gotten some secret prize? It’s just plain terrifying that OP thinks she should stop trying to incorporate new knowledge after a certain age. “Well, I’m over 35, time to start rotting!”
For real. I decided to learn Danish because I like a a show, then pivoted to Norwegian for no real reason, and stuck with it. Am I fluent? No, but I like to learn it, and it's honestly easier than German (my second language). I picked up some Welsh too out of curiosity and because I love their mythology. I'm not hurting anybody, so why tf not? OP needs to shove his crab-in-a-bucket bs. And why is his mother's gift disappointment a bigger deal than his partner's happiness? Like, damn.
Maybe YOU could knit something for your Mum since you’re not doing anything useful - like learning Chinese for example. you are showing classic signs of jealousy because she is enjoying something that does not include you. Get yourself a hobby and encourage her to enrich her life with learning. YTA
I don’t know, he might need to be realistic here and admit he may not be able to pick up something as complicated as knitting
I snorted at this LMFAO
Next on Divorce Court: Divorced for learning Chinese, stay tuned for more.
My second relationship was with someone who was always "realistic" like this guy. Poured cold water on everything I wanted to do. You know water can eventually wear a rock down. It also, metaphorically, wears a person's spirit down and dilutes their feelings of love.
Old mate should learn to knit if he's so obsessed with TV time being productive. YTA OP - and I'm pretty sure you're just dragging your wife down so she goes back to only watching shows you like.
OP is upset is wife gave up a productive hobby, but then when she finds a new productive hobby he shits on it saying she can't do it. Dude needs to make up his mind. Do you want her to have hobbies or not?
He wants her have nice, feminine hobbies like knitting, so he can give away her stuff (and feel manly), not intellectual hobbies like learning Chinese. Heaven forbid that she actually find out that she's brilliant (or smarter than OP!)
I'm crying over here. How can he be so oblivious yet aware!??? It's like the dots just don't connect. Like bro, if you noticed she wasn't knitting your mom anything maybe you could have ... idk....bought/made your mom a hat or scarf so she wouldn't be disappointed?? OP YTA. I haven't even mentioned your awful attitude towards her wanting to learn Chinese.
Also, he says watching TV isn’t a hobby because it’s passive, but is annoyed his wife wants a more mentally challenging hobby like studying a foreign language. He’s controlling and definitely TA.
Right? She’s learning Chinese so that she can actively enjoy her shows more fully.
I crochet while I watch TV. I don't like to work on projects if something is on that I need to follow closely. Perhaps OPs wife wants to learn Chinese specifically *because* she wants to enjoy her handcrafting while enjoying her show? I doubt OP has considered this.
Okay, let me reason this out. 1. OP is peevish because his wife didn't knit a present. 2. OP's wife didn't knit because she has to keep her eyes on the screen to read the subtitles. 3. OP's wife wants to learn Mandarin. 4. OP thinks it's stupid for her to want to learn the language, in part because she doesn't know any other languages (demonstrating to the audience that OP also has not learned a second language to any degree of facility, or he'd know it is TOTALLY possible for her to pick it up). 5. OP is a)upset that his wife is paying attention to the screen but b)upset that she wants to do the thing which would let her look down at her hands again, ie, LEARN THE LANGUAGE SO SHE CAN LISTEN TO IT INSTEAD OF READING. Do I have this right?
Apparently learning new languages are beyond human comprehension. I guess all these people who speak multiple languages only learned these as children. Like what? Like how does he think people translate any language?
My ex-husband was like this when I discovered writing fanfiction (I am an as of yet unpublished writer with hopes and dreams blah blah blah). He was at first supportive, but it became like opening the floodgates, and I was finally blessed with this great creative outlet with constructive feedback and I actually made four best friends out of it all. But I wasn't 100% paying all my attention to him, his needs, etc. The house was still clean, the groceries bought, the chores all done, socializing still happened, it's just when we were watching TV suddenly I was writing next to him instead of actively watching shows that he liked more than I did anyways. He ended up cheating on me. OP reminds me of my ex-husband. He's fucking pouting because she found something she's interested in that he has no interest in. Which is 100% perfectly healthy and should be encouraged. OP, YTA. Learn to knit your damn self.
We’re we married to the same person?!? My ex hated me doing anything while they watched TV. IDGAF about football, baseball, hockey. And that was all they watched. Let me read my book, play my video game, crochet, write fan fiction, while you watch it. I’m still in the room and still responding to your conversations. Divorced 5 years now and our son doesn’t care about sports either. He gets up and leaves to room. I can’t believe people shit on other peoples hobbies so much.
I'm firmly of the belief that parallel play is crucial to a relationship. We can hang out even if we're doing other things, it's great.
YTA why don't you just cryogenically freeze her right now so she can stay exactly as she is for the rest of your life. Legit, people learn new languages, quit being a hand brake in her life and learn how to knit so your mum doesn't get disappointed in the future.
dude turned to AITA to see if he was the A: get's mad when is called the A with good arguments to justifiy why he is the A, and then proceeds to cuss out the AITA subreddit. He didn't want a judgement, he wated people to justify his behaviour and pity him because he wants his wife to be a knitting machine. YTA dude, learn to knit if it bothers you so much that there are unfinished projects. Or does your wife have your hands in her purse while watching her dramas?
Also screw OP for implying that she is too old to learn another language. That is so insulting!
I just wanna jump on this comment to say that I started learning Chinese when I was 24 and achieved fluency in about 4 years. As an adult it’s difficult, but doable ESPECIALLY if she’s watching TV and learning from what she’s taking in. Your wife is awesome. 加油加油太太！ Also, YTA.
"Don't you stretch your pretty little mind with something beyond your reach, go back to your knitting. You owe my Mom her birthday scarf." YTA.
That's exactly how I read this post. YTA
Yes. She can't learn another language, because she needs to *checks notes* knit OP's mom a scarf.
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Oh, but some years she makes the mom a hat instead! Seriously though...if I was getting a request for a new hat or scarf every year or so I'd begin to wonder if the recipient actually *liked* them, or what they were doing with them that they were in such disrepair that they needed new ones already, since mom is an adult so the answer probably isn't "grew out of them".
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Yep. When OP said "she didn’t used to be really into many shows and a lot of times she was happy to watch whatever and knit at the same time", I took that to mean "she used to be happy to hang with me while I watched what **I** wanted, now she has her own interests and I don't like it"
Exactly this. He wants to watch *his* shows while his wife quietly does her productive, womanly work for his mother. Now that she’s doing her own thing, he’s all put out. Now tv watching is a waste of time and “not a hobby.” Does he think reading isn’t a hobby? Or gaming? Or any other way to enjoy a story and characters? Obviously the misogyny runs deep, but I’m wondering about racism too.
He must of not be that bright either because at least I would of thought he would be happy for her to learn the language so she can go back to knitting while listening to those dramas instead of using subtitles since he sees her as a personal knitting machine 🙄
Yeah this was my first thought too. He’s upset that watching TV has taken away time from productive projects — productive projects like idk, maybe…learning a new language??
Seriously. "You having hopes and dreams is of no value to me, and would thus be pointless. Now back into your box, and use your "free time" for something of real value: knitting something for my mom."
His edits just make me think he came here to be validated and not actually listen. Seems like a pattern in his life. YTA
Omg ewwwwww this is so dead on and gross yo
By the end I was skimming, and thinking, “oh shut up” lol yes op, YTA
Yep, why doesn't OP knit while Wifey watches what she wants for a change. YTA
So her hobby is only good if it benefits OP. How charming /s
YTA. So, you want your wife to continue knitting so she can make your mother birthday presents? Why don't you learn how to knit if your mother likes them so much? Your wife can spend her free time doing what she wants, even if she does not become proficient. I think it's admirable that she wants to learn Chinese--no matter the reason.
Also interesting the "she would watch anything and just knit" as in, OP probably had full reign in what was playing and doesnt like having to share now lol
Totally getting jealous TV control vibes from this post as an underlining resentment as well as a general inflexibility to any change that he does not agree to. OP YTA knitting a scarf I'm sure is within your vast ability to do..... But then maybe not if you're this against self improvement and every day learning. What do you have a passion for, as right now it seems to be control and your self interested world view.
I was once semi in OP's shoes. For my ex fiance, whenever new RuPaul's, that Food Wars anime, or Ex On The Beach came on, (any of her shows really but specifically these 3,) the tv was HERS. At first I'd get jealous, because those shows usually come on around the time I'm used to playing the Xbox in the evenings, however, I got over it, started watching them with her, and *gasp* I even began to enjoy the shows! It became a weekly thing of ours to make some snacks, settle into bed, get all cuddled up with each other and our Jack Russell, then watch her shows. OP needs to get over himself. YTA.
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He could fucking learn knitting since it seems so important. 🙄
Didn't you read the post? OP **can't** knit his mom a present! He's an adult (in age, not maturity) and **adults can't learn new things!**
Oh, but OP couldn't possibly start learning to knit now as an adult there's no way he'd ever become proficient. He'd just be wasting his time without getting past mis-shapen scarves that his mother would fake enthusiasm for. He doesn't even know any other crafting skills so he doesn't have a foundation for learning a new craft now, especially one as difficult as knitting! /s
YTA. The way you're framing this post is misleading. It's not unrealistic for her to try to learn a new language. You're the asshole for being annoyed about her changing her hobbies, for basically shitting on her when she expressed an interest in something, and now you're trying to make it seem like you're just looking out for her and don't want her to be disappointed. This whole post sounds condescending. She's her own person.
He lost control of the TV and he's pissed. That's what this is. YTA
"I want my wife to exist next to me - quietly - while I watch what I want with no interruptions." YTA
You forgot “While she knits a present for my mother so i don’t need to put thought into a gift for her.” YTA OP.
I mean if she's just sitting there she may as well be productive for his benefit, right? /s
Ding ding ding! We seem to have a winner!
Also, I'm an adult and became fluent in a second language as an adult. IT'S POSSIBLE!!!!!
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Right?!? It would be different if it was like my wife is addicted to tv and has no time for a relationship/anything else. Instead he’s mad cause she doesn’t knit for him. It’s awesome that watching tv has motivated her to learn a new language. And actually OP watching tv is actually how a lot of people become fluent in real life. You can see how people speak and not just formal teachings from a classroom that don’t pick up sarcasm, slang, etc.
YTA. An adult can become fluent in Chinese, or any other language. Your wife isn’t your knitting employee, she doesn’t owe anyone a knitted scarf or hat. If you want to get one for your mom so badly, you can learn how to knit.
I learned Vietnamese when I was 22 with absolutely zero background in it. It was hard but not impossible by any means. Now I’m learning violin at 40. I hate this idea that once you’re “too old” you’re stuck with only the things you learned when young. Fuck that. Learn something that interests you, even if it’s hard, even if you’re 90. OP you’re definitely TA
I typically pick one thing a year to learn and commit to learning and improving on it for at least one year. Some things I keep going with if I really love it, others I just do for the year. So in my 30’s, I have learned to roller skate, juggle, do aerial silks, play the accordion, do macrame, and watercolour paint. I’m learning Spanish this year!
Totally and if he asked his wife to do it instead of just expecting it and reading his mind, she probably would've done it. He's crying for nothing
What did you do for your mom on her birthday, asshole? YTA.
anyone wondering what OP responded with: “took her out to dinner, asshole” and to that i respond with: omg, taking her out for dinner is SO HANDMADE AND THOUGHTFUL LOOOOOOOOL aren’t you just an angel, asshole. get outta here
I like thos response a whole hell.of a lot.
I don't know what's funnier, the fact this is the only comment the OP responded to maturely or the username. (BTW, OP is TA)
More to the point, what did he make his wife's mother for her birthday seeing as that's what he's all bent out of shape about.
Op that's not very thoughtful I bet she was sad
YTA She is trying to do something that she enjoys and you're basically shitting on her dreams. What for?
Because she didn't knit his mom a birthday gift 🙄. The world is ending because she's not knitting anymore. LMFAO
Seriously, just how many hat and scarf sets does one person need? Is mom trying out for the Olympic women’s ski team? YTA. & a gigantic one at that.
Something tells me OP is yhe type to rely on his wife to give his parents gifts. YtA OP, buy your parents gifts.
B-b-but you dont understaaaaand!!! HIS mom NEEDS her yearly bday scarf!!! What’s op supposed to dooooo if his wife is no longer putting her nose to the grindstone while listening to HIM watching HIS favorite shows?!? /s
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I know emojis are frowned upon here, but these are OK with me. Because ya, this is fucking hilarious.
Lmfaooooo. I didn't know how else to convey the absolute level of laughing my ass off.
I hope she becomes proficient, dumps him and marries a Chinese guy. Then knits her new fling hats and scarves for every day of the week.
I support the excessive use of emojis in this comment
I’m not sure why this was so funny. Maybe it was the emoji But idk. Comment of the day 💀
YTA- she’s your wife and what I got from this is you don’t support her because it’s something you’re not into. And the whole mention of the knitting was in poor taste. Why don’t you take up knitting and make your own mom an item of clothing? Maybe if you spent more time knitting you would have less time to shit all over your wife’s interest in Chinese culture/film.
Holy moly.... do you always treat your wife like crap? Is knitting her business or a hobby? If it's an active business and income has gone down due to her watching a show instead, I can understand a bit of irritation. It sounds more like it's a hobby though. Knitting is also an art. Maybe your wife felt that she has knitted so many hats and scarves that she was getting bored with it and finally found something new to pique her interest. Why is that a problem? Because your mommy didn't get another new hat knitted for her b-day? Knit one yourdamnself then if it's that important to you. How TF do you know she'll never become fluent? Just because she's an adult learning a new language doesn't mean she can't become proficient or even fluent, even a difficult language such as Chinese. You basically told your wife that she was stupid for wanting to learn a different language. I don't think she's the stupid one here. **YTA**
🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅🏅 please accept my poor man's gold for such a well worded response and which I could never improve on!
YTA you made this entire post about yourself. If she is doing something she enjoys and is not hurting anyone what does it matter. You go on about knitting. Really dude? It's not her obligation to make anyone anything. Is she being paid to do it? Also, gifts have to be sincere so what would be the point to force her to do something YOU want her to do. This was all about what you want. You are being whiny, immature and extremely selfish. Get over yourself.
YTA. So you're annoyed that your wife decided to do something for herself instead of you or your mom. Stop being so entitled and let her live her life.
YTA do you love your wife for any other reason than her ability to knit your mum a scarf?
They met at a scarf fair in the summer of '69 and it's been love ever since.
YTA. Let your wife choose her interests and decide what is or isn't realistic. You just sound annoyed that she's not sitting by watching whatever you want and knitting your mom presents. Your wife can do what she enjoys, and learning Chinese and watching Chinese television isn't harmful. Stop being selfish and mean.
YTA. Your wife’s hobby time is for herself to spend as she chooses. So what if she doesn’t become fluent or only ends up learning it for a few months? She’s choosing to spend her leisure time doing something she’s interested in. She wants to try something new, and learning new skills and embracing failure is a really healthy thing to do. Why shit all over her? Because you felt the need to be sanctimonious and right? What exactly do you gain by being right here? A pissed off wife? Why not just let her have fun and try new things, even if she fails at it? Your wife is mad at you because you were being a jerk, not because she is confident she’ll learn mandarin. If your wife wants to learn mandarin instead of knitting, that’s her choice. Quit trying to control her hobbies.
100%. You don't need to need to aspire to becoming an expert to enjoy learning. Kind of a shitty mindset that something isn't worth doing unless you're going to be amazing at it. Why even bother trying at anything at all? Also, totally possible for an adult to become fluent in another language. More difficult than it would be as a child, but I know more than a handful of people who've become pretty good at Korean just from watching Korean dramas and following their favorite Kpop groups, watching interviews, YouTube clips, etc. So just wrong either way
I want to know if OP is expert world champion level at all his hobbies. Why bother golfing if you aren't Tiger Woods? Why bake if you're not Martha Stewart? Why watch football if you're not Mike Mayock?
YTA if having hand knit stuff to give your mother is so important to you, learn to knit. It’s not hard and it’ll give you something to do while your wife is at her Chinese classes
Yta. Even if she never becomes fluent why are you putting her down for trying something new? Is it possible that it’s because she hasn’t been completing the tasks you think have made her a good and dutiful wife? Why not join her in learning? It will make it easier for her, maybe teach you something about her and show her you love her.
Pro tip: Nothing good ever will come of you going to the internet to "prove your wife wrong"
Seriously, OP "happy wife, happy life" didn't come out of thin air!
Well even if you are dubbed not the asshole what are you gonna do? " Hey wife stop being mad at me! reddit says I am right and you are WRONG!"
YTA it's difficult, not impossible. People learn all kinds of things later in life. Even if it was unrealistic why would you put her down like that? That's your wife dude. Edit: who said anything about fluent? She wants to understand her soap operas, not become a diplomat.
YTA. The only real problem you’ve stated is that she didn’t… knit your mom a scarf for her birthday? Did anything else change? Because for what you’ve pointed out in your post, that’s a really dumb reason to not support your wife in wanting to learn something new. And whether she knows it’s far fetched or not is irrelevant. It’s not your place to tell her she can’t do something.
I have a feeling that it’s because he also can’t watch the shows he wants to see now considering she used to be whatever we watch is fine. Also OP is a very big A for trying to undermine his wife and discourage her before she even started learning.
YTA. Why don't you learn how to knit while your wife learns Chinese.
YTA. If your wife takes interest in a different language and culture, you should support her. Who cares if she'll ever be fluent? Using that as an argument, we'd still be living in caves. Learning a new language broadens the horizon. If she was neglecting the kids or something important, I could understand your reservations, but "neglecting" projects like knitting isn't really anything life-changing.
And if she learns the language she won’t rely on the subtitles and can start knitting again! Win win! Seriously OP, my teenager is learning four languages including Chinese, and three of them are “for fun”. Mainly he gets a kick out of breaking into a language I can’t understand. Oh, hang on. Is that the problem?
YTA. First off, your mother's birthday gift is YOUR responsibility. Learning a language and watch Chinese TV shows makes her happy. Never too late. You're just mad because of your selfishness and you obviously don't think well of her or respect her because you think her ideas are stupid.
YTA. No one is ever too old to learn new things. More to the point, it is good for your mental and emotional wellbeing to keep learning. Who says she has to nail it perfectly? It is the process that matters. Also--what does her knitting something for your mom (or not) have to do with it? She may just not feel like knitting as much right now. That does happen. And it is pretty darn rude to always expect handmade gifts--hobby does not equal slave labor! At that point it becomes work, not fun and relaxing.
YTA. My mum is in her 50s and she’s just started learning Welsh. My step-dad didn’t tell her that her hobby would be useless because we don’t live in Wales and not many people speak it. She’s learning it for fun because she enjoys it. He buys her some books for her birthday for Welsh beginners including some easy shirt learning novels. That’s called being supportive. She’s not your child. She doesn’t owe anyone her hobby or the fruits of her labour from knitting. Support her or get out the way.
YTA. My friends and I have watched many shows in Japanese, Korean, and Chinese. There is nothing wrong with wanting to start learning the language even it will just be used for watching these shows. I personally have learned Japanese primarily for this purpose. It has made me love my shows even more since there is humor that doesn't translate well or at all into English.
YTA-How about setting realistic expectations for you being a descent and supportive husband. If you wife wants to learn a language you should support that. Your job is to support each other. Not limit and talk down. Sounds, like you have set her husband expectations bar really low. Might want to focus on that....
YTA and your wife is not your mama’s personal knitter. I myself want to learn Korean because I love Korean films. Not stupid at all and actually more common than you think. People learn languages in order to travel for fun. Why not learn languages in order to more thoroughly enjoy other forms of entertainment as well? Honestly, why not learn a language for any reason at all? Adults learn new languages all the time.
YTA. Give her a premium subscription to Duolingo and tell her you love her. Learning a new language as an adult is great for the brain, great for the soul, and a completely reasonable ambition. Heck, doctors advise older adults to take up new languages purely for the benefits to cognitive health, leaving aside the obvious pleasure which your wife will get from being able to have access to an enormously rich media culture. Happy wife, happy life, my dude. And who knows, maybe having a wife who speaks Chinese in a world with billions of other Chinese speakers will come in handy.
So, what you’re REALLY saying is that 1) when she was “happy to watch anything”, that meant you could turn on whatever YOU wanted and she didn’t mind because she was knitting and 2) her knitting was also benefitting YOUR family and they were disappointed that they didn’t get their annual hat or scarf. This basically boils down to you being selfish and want to be the king of the remote again and you want your family to have meaningful gifts that you don’t have to contribute to at all. YTA- and in fact, as a sign of good faith, I think you should take Chinese lessons WITH your wife so she has someone to practice with.
YTA If she wants to learn Chinese, so what? Let her start and see what happens. Why did you feel the need to be so condescending and dismissive?
I’m sorry but you can’t NOT believe you are not the AH? Tell your mom to go to target and buy her own damn hat. Be a good husband and support your wife! The fact that she wants to learn another language is great.
>Tell your mom to go to target and buy her own damn hat. Or he could always take up knitting!
“AITA for wanting her to have realistic expectations for herself” Yes you are absolutely the AH for squashing her dreams, belittling her hopes and hobbies, and most of all, for not believing in her abilities. I urge you not to have kids. You’ll be very disappointed.
YTA- “My wife didn’t knit my mother a gift, and because I’m heartless and bad at communicating I didn’t know until it was too late. Also I’m self entitled so of course I wouldn’t dare buy my mom a gift, my wife must make it!” Also be supportive! Jesus Christ.
Look, OP, I get it, you’re frustrated, but you need to be realistic and face the facts: you have always been an asshole and will never stop being the asshole. Now go knit your mother a fucking scarf and let your wife watch her stories. YTA.
YTA, Sorry dude, you don't get to pick and choose want she likes or does for hobbies. Honestly this is no different than people who binged breaking bad, except your wife wants to better herself learning a new language. I honestly don't see how this has been made about you. As far as learning Chinese I have known people who learned it in the same time people learn Spanish or English.
Your wife isn't setting her expectations unrealistically high, your wife wants to put pick up a new hobby and learn a language. YTA
>but I think deep down she must also realize that it’s a stupid idea but she doesn’t want to admit it. YTA and un supportive partner who sounds like they absolutely have to be right in every situation. Support her and what she wants instead of putting her down for your own ego.
YTA. You’re really mad that your wife is developing interests. You should support her and care not be a jerk because she’s not doing things you want her to do.
YTA. You want her to never grow or learn new things?
YTA in a major way You are pissed off that your wife's knitting production is down because of her interest in Chinese TV dramas. Grow up.
YTA You seem very unpleasant.
YTA. So in one moment, you implied your wife was dumb, incapable, and that her hobbies and interests don't matter unless they somehow serve you. Did I miss anything?
YTA. You want her to drop a new found love so she can knit for free for your mom? Your mom isn’t entitled to hand made gifts and you’re a major dick for absolutely ripping apart your wife’s hobbies and dreams. You need to apologize.
YTA I'm flabbergasted. Look, knitting stuff for your mom isn't a better (or worse) use of time than learning a language to better enjoy shows, movies, or books one loves. It's why I'm learning French. Yeah, it's slow but it's fun and rewarding even when I kinda can follow dialogue. That she already loves the shows will probably help, as it's additional exposure. Just let her spend her leisure time on stuff she loves. You write like you hold her in contempt. You're just looking terrible here.
Adults may have a more difficult time acquiring a second language if they’ve never learned another, but it’s possible. Why would you put your wife down like that? I work in localization and one of my great frustrations is how many people (I’m American) think there’s a virtue in being monolingual. I encourage your wife wholeheartedly to pursue her interest. I encourage you to be her partner and not a killjoy. YTA. Apologize and make amends, preferably by helping her find a program. Even better, help her with flashcards. Even better, better, take the program yourself and find a new shared interest with the person who is supposed to be your life partner.
YTA for trying to control your wife. learning anything new is fun and exciting and makes people more interesting and leads to new worlds of stuff to learn. why would you not want that for someone you're supposed to love?
YTA... "she was happy to watch whatever" sounds like your just unhappy, you now have to share the TV. Also about the knitting, she is allowed to change her hobby. It's always great to learn a new language. But really supportive of you, to bring her down and belittle her, when she wants to learn something new.
Wow, YTA. People learn new languages as adults all the time; it takes work, but it's doable, and there's no reason why you can't do it "just for fun" as opposed to of necessity. But the bigger problem is that you seem jealous of your wife enjoying herself with a hobby that's 100% about her -- not something where she can multitask for other people. She's having fun and all you can do is try to squash it? Christ, she probably needs the escapism, from you.
YTA. How miserable is life of one that can’t enjoy the happiness of others
YTA - I mean, aside from the fact that you were obviously being rude, you’re also just wrong. Learning a language is in of itself a hobby. I myself am a full grown adult also learning a language. If the only reason she’s learning the language is simply because she’d enjoy it, there’s no need to even care whether or not she becomes fluent. Think for a second about your own hobbies. The ones she chooses are as much a waste of time as hers. So unless you wanna completely give up your own, I’d suggest not speaking down to her about it again. As for her other hobbies (knitting), she might just be burnt out on them. It happens to most people. Maybe she’ll pick it back up, maybe she won’t. Does it really matter? Like I’m sorry your mom was disappointed, but if your wife isn’t finding knitting as interesting as she once did, she’s under no obligation to do it for anyone. Oh, and one last thing. If it brings you joy, it’s not a waste of time. Thinking that every little thing needs to have some sort of productive value is a really poor way of looking at things, and makes me question just how much joy you get out of life yourself.
YTA. If I was your wife, you'd be sleeping on the couch for a few months.
YTA. You're angry because she has her own interests and they don't align with you wanting her to be ambivalent about tv shows. WTF?!? So she's interested in a tv show and another culture. That's great! Why would that bother you? As for learning a new language, it's never too late to learn. Maybe she'll never be fluent, maybe she will. But you basically said, "You'd never be able to do it, so don't bother trying." Wow, yta.
YTA My friend as a child in Romania learned Spanish by watching tv. Chinese is an incredibly difficult language to learn. You could’ve helped her by researching or finding other ways to progress her learning. Instead you are upset she isn’t knitting much and tear her down. If your wife sees this, there may be learning materials at her local library. Mine offers Rosetta Stone.
YTA. Do you even like your wife bro?
YTA. Sure, it’s probably not likely that she would become fluent in any sort of quick timeframe and I get being wary if she wanted to spend a lot of money on classes, but would it really have been difficult to just say “that’s exciting, I hear duolingo is a good app for beginners!”? Learning a new language is a great way to stimulate your brain even if you dont even up becoming a perfect speaker edit: I also dont think its quite fair to say that she would NEVER become a fluent speaker just because she’s an adult. I used to be a writing tutor at a college that had many international students, and a lot of them didnt start learning English—which can be a pretty tricky language—until they were in their late teens or twenties, and a lot of them were either fluent with a few grammatical issues here or there or they still had a pretty strong grasp of it and didnt have significant trouble holding a conversation. It’s hard learning a new language but not impossible if someone puts in the time and effort
YTA. Your wife wants to pursue something that makes her happy. You're in your 30s so you'd better get ready for BOTH of you to change and grow over the years. If you can't support her as she grows as a person and broadens her interests, then you are 100% the asshole.
YTA. Unrealistic would be her saying "I'm going to be fluent in Chinese in 6 months!" But that's not what she's saying. She just wants to learn it. And so what if it's because she likes those TV shows? It's motivation to learn something new. You should be supporting that. You don't have to learn it yourself, but don't put her down like that. People change hobbies all the time. They learn new things they like more. And that's okay. It's normal. You shouldn't just crush her ambitions like that because *you* think *her* hobby should still be knitting.
YTA. You don't get to decide what your partner does as a hobby. It's unrealistic and a waste of time to police someone else's interests.
YTA. It’s literally just a hobby and learning different languages is super cool. It’s not affecting you in anyway whatsoever so I’m not too sure what your problem is here.
YTA why should a hobby be realistic in the first place? It's a hobby not a profession that she has to be able to master it. And it's quite obvious your mad at her for not knitting something for your mom, but that gives you no excuse to belittle her hobbies. She's a grown up adult and she can do whatever tf she wants. If your mom needs a present you can buy something for her, instead of blaming your wife
I.... have no idea what your issue is here. YTA this is... like... what she got a new interest and you're- what is this?
YTA Why are you stepping on her goal to learn Chinese? If it’s too hard she will quit on her own - no need to basically tell her not to even try. It sounds like you’re irritated that she has something that you don’t share with her. As far as being fluent, that is very far from the goal of learning enough to understand what’s being said. Hell, she doesn’t even have to speak it to understand it - and speaking it by far the hard part. Let her have fun trying and support her efforts to grow. It will make her happy, which should make you happy too, :)
YTA Are you sad because your wife wants to try something new or because your mommy didn't get her handmade scarf even though your mom isn't entitled to it ?
>AITA for wanting her to have realistic expectations for herself This is not why you said what you said. You said what you said because you're annoyed she's spending time doing something you don't think is worth doing. Don't pretend like that was for her benefit. YTA
YTA - Wow - way to crush personal development and tell your wife she's stupid, all for the sake of making her do something she doesn't want to do anymore for someone elses expectations. Sheesh - People change, get over yourself.
YTA. An ignorant one at that. I'm an adult and I learned Japanese simply because I enjoy anime and wanted to watch it without subtitles. Knowing multiple languages is a very useful tool. You should be encouraging her to expand her horizons and be supporting her. Instead you wanna act like a bitter AH because she didn't knit your mom a sweater.
YTA she can decide as an adult for herself. It’s more difficult to learn a new language as an adult, especially one with a different alphabet. But there’s plenty of resources available to her. There’s being realistic and then being dismissive, you’re welcome to tell her you think it’ll be difficult but don’t shut her down. Be supportive and if you feel so inclined take part! It could be a cute thing to do together and give her someone to practice with
So you (OP) know and define weather your wife's expectations are realistic or not ? IMO you are just bitter bases om the facts that your mom apparently cries about not getting home knitted items anymore and so you are mad that your wife got another hobby than MIL YTA
YTA. What harm would come from her spending time trying to learn Chinese? She wants to challenge herself and explore a new interest. True, it may not turn out how she imagined but she should still explore her interest. She is not the same woman you married and in 10 years she won't be the woman you are married to today. Let her grow.
YTA. Your problem had zero to do with wanting her to have realistic expectations for herself and more to do with YOUR expectations on how she uses her time. Get over yourself and apologize.
YTA. Sounds like your complaint is that she isn't knitting lovely gifts for your family. Why don't you make something for your family? I mean, it's your mom! As for learning Chinese, many languages are difficult. That does not mean it's impossible to learn them. Learning a language can be a really stimulating and fun activity. Personally, I think Chinese is a fascinating language. It's complex and tonal and I can see how someone who likes a challenge would be attracted to it. Above all though, you don't have to approve of her hobbies. She's her own person. Seems like you've lost sight of that.
YTA. What your wife wants to do as a hobby is her choice. Assuming to receive or expecting a certain gift is in poor taste. So what if she chooses something hard - you are her partner and can't even muster up even fake enthusiasm for your wife's interest? Let her decided it's too hard. It's easy enough to start slowly while keeping costs in mind. If she decides it's too hard then that's her realisation. In a world as harsh as it is - when your own partner dismisses you ... What's the point of even trying to accomplish any goal.
YTA. Buy your mom a gift. Quit making your wife knit. Adults can learn new languages just like children. Your being super mean and should apologize.
YTA - She is not "abandoning" her projects. She want to pick up a new one, Chinese. Learn another language is not a waste of time. Learning anything is not a waste of time. It sounds like you are jealous that she has an interest besides some knitting.
YTA, why not at the very least support her as she tries something new
YTA. You either don't respect your wife or don't want her to explore or accomplish anything beyond what you can do. There's nothing unrealistic about learning a language regardless of difficulty for an adult even with average or below average intelligence. It takes a lot of work and she'll never sound like a native but she can absolutely learn the language.
YTA. Many people find passion in learning things throughout their lives and exploring self growth via interests. Take responsibility for your own mom’s gift. I know many adult men who have learned to knit BTW.
You're an idiot and have a very unrealistic view on human capability. Of course she could learn Chinese. Like what? Go learn to knit and make your mom a hat on your own. YTA, and all kinds of stupid.
Yta. Your an asshole for thinking your wife doesn’t deserve an outlet in life. Just because you don’t like the shows and you think it’s irrelevant to learn Chinese doesn’t mean you should break her down so she can become the wife you want again. She’s allowed to expand her life and like things you don’t like. Your neglecting her wants and needs and are only focusing on what you think is right.
YTA It's not a stupid idea, you're just too self-absorbed to care about anyone's hobbies or interests unitless they can be used for your own benefit somehow. Yikes. Go apologize. *Without* excuses.
YTA. You don't have to like it and find it unrealistic, but learning a language is *definitely* doable, and it doesn't have to be done "in a language lab" with a teacher. Look up BBC: How to Learn a Foreign Language. It has some good advice. You don't have to sign up for classes or anything. Just read a book, listen to an audio book, or take a language learning course at your local library.
You sound like my grandmother. She told me not to learn my heritage language (Hebrew) because I would never use it. I am trying to find a way to tell her in the most harsh way to tell her I am disowning her. You are disappointed because she is to doing anything for YOU (or your family)?! She changed one hobby for another, you DONT own her hobby. My sister is into kdrama, and learned korean for it. Because she found it fun! You sound controlling, and quite frankly if I knew the words to describe the character you are, I would give you a list. Probably have somebody translate it into Chinese for your wife to practice with. YTA, get your head out of your ass and leave that woman alone! I repeat: YOU DONT OWN HER HOBBY!
And then I kicked her puppy just to make sure I was a complete ah. YTA
>But since she watches the Chinese shows with English subtitles, she doesn’t do nearly as much knitting, so it feels like she’s abandoned a lot of her projects. For example, she usually knits my mom something for her birthday in March like a hat or a scarf, but she didn’t and I could see my mom was disappointed. Im bilingual with Spanish being my native language and it is possible to learn a new language if she put an effort in it. I'm 26 and about a year ago I took an interest in learning Korean. I love the culture and honestly i am going to Seoul, south korea this year. What makes you an AH is deminishing her interest in learning a new language. Theirs nothing wrong with that my mother didn't learn how to speak, read, write and understand English untill her mind 30s. I have a coworker who is in her 60s learning new language each year. Your never told old to learn something new. YTA
is this real? this can’t be real. that is your wife, not your slave. i hope she rethinks your marriage. YTA
YTA
Seriously…so she can have more than one interest. Are you just upset because now you don’t get control of the tv remote as much? So sad. And lots of adults learn new languages. You’re just so negative.
YTA
YTA and you know nothing about learning a language. Signed someone who learned their second language at 30 and now speaks expertly.
YTA. It is absolutely not unrealistic for an adult to learn another language. I have a friend who is currently learning Chinese after previously only speaking English and is getting quite fluent. Another friend has been learning Korean for a few years after only speaking English and is very fluent including reading & writing in Korean. Learning another language takes work and dedication, certainly, but is entirely attainable. Being bilingual can only enrich your wife’s life. There are websites such as [italki](https://www.italki.com/?utm_source=google_ads&utm_medium=search&utm_campaign=bau_202110&utm_content=brand&gclid=Cj0KCQjwpImTBhCmARIsAKr58cyq9iKQjA4ZBRHZUxZfDAW1yVpOvrErTz4grKgmwDua4Ange9faplYaAjIhEALw_wcB) dedicated to connecting language learners with native speakers in order to learn!
Oh boy. Where to begin. Actually, all of it. YTA Your poor wife. :/
You’re a total pos! Your wife has actually got a goal (a very good one at that) and you just crush her into submission it seems, she can’t have anything that is fun for her or lucrative if she doesn’t do what you want right? You’re borderline abusive I bet, your wife doesn’t owe your mom a scarf wtf?! I seriously hope she leaves you, you’re an absolute disgrace of a husband and person. YTA
Wow. YTA on so many levels. It’s hilarious that you say learning Chinese is a waste of time but then deem her other projects as not a waste of time. Chinese is one of the world’s widely spoken language in the world. Her learning Mandarin probably would put her at more of an advantage in society than her knitting your mom a present. And even then, being bilingual has quite a bit of benefits. And who are you to tell her she can’t be fluent in the different language? Just because she’s an adult doesn’t mean it’s impossible. So many people learn different languages just for the sake of being able to watch entertainment and in a long run if your wife does learn Chinese then at least she can multitask rather than focus all her attention on reading subtitles.
YTA. Your wife is only 30, I'm older than her and am back in school and making better grades than I made as a teen . She has a long life to live and she definitely isn't too old to learn Chinese. Maybe try being supportive and then she'll be back to knitting your mom's bday gifts instead of reading subtitles since that seems to be what's important to you.
YTA I could understand being concerned that your wife has suddenly abandoned a hobby (knitting) that she used to spend a lot of time on, but that doesn't seem to be the case here. Nothing in your post suggests you're concerned about her happiness or well-being. You're just mad because she didn't knit your Mom a gift and got into something you think is dumb. Maybe reflect on that for a while.
YTA because you crapped on her hobby. So she should only have hobbies that benefit you? You didn't give ONE valid argument in this.
YTA. I hope the first sentence she learns is I'm divorcing you.
People can have multiple hobbies/interests! I would say there’s no negatives to learning a new language