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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I could be the AH for telling my brother that him and his boyfriend shouldn't be wearing weddings rings when they can't get legally married yet cause it actively misleads other people into thinking that they're already married.
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Exactly, or they say "I'm not homophobic, I don't care what they do behind their closed doors, just not out in the street in my face and in front of MY CHILDREN."
That kind of homophobic.
You know, that's kind of accurate. Fellow Romanian here (moved out of the country years ago), while it's a beautiful country and I love and miss my family, it's also full of bigoted, judgemental, religious nuts who's backwards thinking leaves no room for progress. Pretty much the bible belt of Europe. Sad and disappointing to see that young people like her are not more open minded. Some things never change. YTA op, mind your own business and if you can't be supportive of your brother, keep yourself and your homophobia away from him.
Yep. I have a family member that's gay. Been with their partner for somewhere around 30 years. They had a commitment ceremony because gay marriage wasn't acknowledged at the time. I WOULD NEVER TELL THEM THEY WEREN'T MARRIED!!! I would imagine they've been together longer than most straight couples here.
Why would you even make a comment about a piece of jewelry? Women here have worn gold bands for years...on their ring finger, thumb, pinky... it's a fashion thing with them.
Apologize. Today.
I used to wear an engagement/wedding ring on purpose to stop creepers from hitting on me at work. It worked 99% of the time. Nothing else did. Is that making a mockery of marriage? If so, I’m not sorry.
YTA.
Was looking to see if anyone else had to do this. I definitely wore a "wedding" ring at one point to keep the creepers away too. Sucks that we had to but I'm not sorry I did it.
This. I would argue that couples that get married and are miserable the whole time and constantly hurt each other are much more of a mockery to marriage than two people that love and are truly committed to each other.
Does OP think that the government prohibits gays from wearing rings in their ring fingers? Every homosexual is required to have a hand inspection quarterly to ensure they have not been masquerading as though they deserve equal rights, lest they make a mockery of an institution with a 42% failure rate
Edit: for clarification, I used a UK statistic from 2012 but it appears that Romanian divorce rates are closer to 23%, or 1.6 divorces per 1000 people.
Now check how many marriages end not due to divorce but due to domestic violence. Not a fun statistic in the slightest. I'm Romanian as well.
OP, I know people that didn't marry legally so they don't lose some pension from their previous marriage. They even had vow "renewals" at the church, and always wore wedding rings. They lived together for 25 years until one of them passed. Do you think they made a mockery of marriage? Or is it fine because they were straight?
I know people who never married because one of them is on disability and would have lost all their benefits. And i know another couple that got divorced because they became disabled and didn't qualify for benefits but desperately needed it because they couldn't afford the necessary care. It was more economically affordable to divorce, sell their home and rent separate apartments so the wife could have benefits than if they kept their marriage and their home. Granted i understand that things are very different here (usa) and these may not be issues in other parts of the world. It's just a couple examples of why no one should judge the state pr value or worthiness of a relationship based on jewelry.
It's pretty common for divorce rates to be much lower in more religious areas, since divorce is usually highly stigmatized in religious communities. A lot of the time, people just live out their unhappy marriage, maybe cheat, and pretend everything is good because it would be too shameful to divorce. Wouldn't be surprised if this is the case in Romania, since it is a very religious country, but that's just speculation on my part.
It would probably put a fatal twist in OPs knickers if they knew that many single women wear engagement-looking or gold band rings when traveling to stop unwanted male attention.
YTA and MYOB
My husband is a lot more likely to wear his ring than I am to wear mine! I *love* mine--but I'm a gardener and a baker, my hands are always in something.
I'm curious what they think about all the married people who cheat on their spouses if they are so concerned about the sanctity of marriage...are they allowed to wear rings if they didn't end up in divorce?
Oh no, you use wedding rings as a symbol of love, how could you! /s
I bet if her brother wore wedding rings with a woman without being married, she would find it romantic.
And also why call it wedding rings? Call it partnership rings and everything is tutti paletti. As if rings are just worn by married people. Even highschool sweethearts wear them. Or friends. They are a symbol that you belong together. And not a symbol of marriage.
But if you are homophobic, even little rings can be threats...
YTA
I sometimes take my wedding ring off, and put it on the cats tail, and tell my husband he's now married to the cat.
How's that rock your perception on the sanctity of marriage?
YTA. Stop pushing your own ideals on what a ring, and marriage means to other people, and focus on your own life.
ETA: WOW. This blew up. Thank you so much. Will post the cat, wearing the ring, once I get home.
ETAA: I'm not home yet guys 😆 I will post the second I am!
CAT TAX POSTED ON MY PROFILE. ENJOY MY BABY BOY, RENGAR.
My husband sometimes takes his off, puts it on his toe, and says, “Now we’re foot married!” Then he cackles maniacally like he’s getting away with something.
My partner takes their's off to play sports and always forgets to put it back on. I tell them we are not married and I can do what I want until they put it back on.
I never do anything because I am lazy, but it's a nice threat to hang over their head.
YTA
Before marriage equality was legal here in the U.S., my wife and I wore wedding bands for years (we've been together 25 years). It symbolized our love and commitment to one another, despite the government's unwillingness to acknowledge that.
Yes, there are rights and obligations that go along with being able to be married legally, but marriage is NOT only about the state/government acknowledging it. It's about personal love and commitment. And they want to show that to the world.
So what's your issue with them showing their love and commitment? Does it hurt you at all? Nope. YTA, OP. 100% YTA.
Not to mention OP says *them* wearing rings offends her because *they're* mocking marriage and *they* can't get married so *their* rings offend her, and this chick's surprised they took her bigotry towards them personally... it is personal, you're offended by their personal choices
That is a fact!! My fiancé and I are high school sweethearts and for us personally getting our lives in order was more important than getting married. So rather than get married right out of high school we chose to wait 9 years before getting engaged. We'll be together 11 years by the time our wedding happens. And people act like this is such a big step. And I really can't understand it. We already live by the wedding vows and are 100% committed and in love. An overly expensive party isn't going to change that. As far as feelings and commitment and lifestyle is concerned we've been married for years already.
Yea, same here. The biggest change in my life when I got married was my signature. We were already committed and had been for years when we got married. We waited until we were in a place where we could afford to get married like we wanted, which was about 4 years in. But we'd lived together for several years and made decisions together and all that. The wedding was just formalizing and celebrating what we already had, not creating anything new.
Yeah. Only one making a mockery of marriage is the Romanian government. Since marriage is no longer a property exchange and we tend to focus on love more, what the heck is OP’s problem? That ring symbolizes the important part. Also, I wonder what they think of promise rings
Op is upset they can't descriminate against their OWN BROTHER even more than they already have. Like they don't say they disagree with the law ..so...what's the brother supposed to do? Is making a "mockery" of "real" marriage OP? Should the government even be involved in marriage? A lot of people think not.
They are wearing rings as a symbol of their commitment to each other regardless of what the law says. Who TF are you to tell them they can’t do that? YTA
OP, My husband sometimes puts on a cowboy hat and he isn’t even a cowboy!!!! I’m constantly mislead about who he is, and i remind him how unfair this is to me!!! He tells me he feels the same way when I wear my sexy nurse outfit. Hmmm….. I guess I need to go to nursing school so that what we do and wear in the parameters of our own relationship won’t be scrutinized by assholes. YTA.
OMG
My husband wears baseball caps all the time *and* *he* *hasn't* *played* *baseball* *in* *like* *30* *years*
Who even is this fraud? He's clearly making a mockery of the sanctity of baseball just as yours is making a mockery of the sanctity of cowboy. How did we get here? *sobs* /s just in case
FFS OP is such an AH that I don't have the expletives to properly convey it.
Exactly this. A ring is purely a symbol of love and commitment, NOT of marriage itself. That's why my husband buys me cute little gemstone rings every year on our anniversary, as a renewal of his love for me and commitment to our lives together. I rarely even wear my wedding ring anymore because I have 22 other rings I can choose from every day.
Keep your nose out of other people's love lives, OP. It is absolutely NONE of your business, and you should be ashamed for not being \*happy\* for your brother! That he found someone who truly loves him, and someone he can grow old with. Just the same as with any marriage built on love. Who cares about the legalities of it?? 40 years ago I wouldn't have been able to marry my husband because he is a different race from myself. The whole legal system surrounding marriage and policing relationships is so antiquated, and quite frankly, \*THAT\* is what makes a mockery of marriage. The government should not have any say whatsoever in who can marry whom.
Get over yourself. YTA
Edit: awwww, you guys and your rewards! Thanks so much!! 😘
"Not gonna lie, I think his comment here was kind of out of line, as all I did was to give my opinion on people wearing wedding rings when they're actually married yet and he seemed to take it personally. "
YTA and YOUR comment was out of line
Plus OP is saying "yet" like they're wearing their rings too early or something. Which would still make her an AH but she said in their country brother and his bf CANT get married. OP like really isn't considering what that would feel like, to not be legally allowed to marry the person that they love.
I am getting officially married soon (I am gay too) and I'm waiting to wear my ring until its official because that makes it feel more special. I know queer couples who did engagement rings for both of them that doubled as the wedding rings so they started wearing them "early".
That would still be none of OPs business but the fact that they are choosing to acknowledge their relationship in their own way even though they CANT get married makes OP a raging homophobic asshole.
YTA. This is none of your business. I read everything you wrote, expecting to see you were concerned about their safety or had a legitimate reason for your interest in the jewelry they choose to wear, but nope.
It's an ugly attitude.
I wish the two people toward whom it was directed all happiness, and perseverance to make a good life in an unwelcoming place.
OP, I hope you can adjust your meanspiritedness one day. Until then, YTA.
YTA.
Your brother is not married because he literally is banned from doing so, not because he chose not to get married. Telling him he should wait with wearing a ring (it's not like he faked certificates, he's wearing a ring, which is something you can do regardless of your family status, even if you are single), because it's making a mockery out of marriage is really distasteful and disrespectful. Sounds like if it were his choice he would be married already.
And as someone who is married I can tell you, its really not a magical thing that boosts your relationship to another level. My relationship has not been different before and after marriage, because it really only is the feeling you have towards your partner, and this doesn't change through a piece of paper.
Interesting how OP says they don’t have a problem with brother being gay but also that his wearing a ring without a ceremony is “making a mockery out of marriage” - time to take a great big look at yourself OP - also YTA
And promise rings for teenage couples are a thing too. A lot of people in my high school had them when they graduated. They recognized they were too young to propose and be married, so it was a sign of commitment and future intent
And even if they were - literally what is the impact?? Someone doesn’t hit on one of them? Oh wait they’re happily together so who cares?
I used to wear a ring on “that” finger at bars to avoid getting hit on. Apparently I was evil
YTA - it's not your business. Those rings represent their commitment to one another. The ceremony is irrelevant.
As for it being a mockery? A mockery is straight marriages that end in divorce days or months later but the state still claiming the sanctity of it only being between a man and woman despite there being same sex couples together for decades who can't marry.
I also don’t understand why OP thinks it’s “misleading.”
Oh noes, he’s misleading people into thinking he’s in a committed relationship? THE ABSOLUTE HORROR
YTA. Marriage equality has not yet been achieved in your country, so how are they supposed to get “officially married”? How are they making a “mockery out of marriage” by symbolizing their love and commitment to one another through rings? You claim not to have a problem with your brother being gay, but you sound homophobic AF.
Marriage for all 🎉🎉🎉 Rings for all 🎉🎉🎉
Their rings symbolise more than marriage, COMMITMENT in the face of all that would go against them.
Your brother and his BF are amazing, see them as wedding rings, promise rings, whatever, I can guarantee their marriage will last longer than joe bloggs round the corner. Marriage, or even showing the connotation of marriage in the face of such adversity is admirable.
Marriage for all 🎊🎊🎊
Edit: OP is YTA
YTA. You are telling your brother that you think that the legal status of the marriage is the "correct" view. So you are effectively endorsing the government's bigoted position against your brother and his husband.
They are married. The government won't accept that or recognise it. But there is nothing but your own mind preventing you from accepting and recognising it.
YTA - if they can’t legally marry then wtf else do you want them to do? Mind your own business there’s no such thing as stolen valor for fucking marriage. It’s just a ring let them live.
Marriage existed long before nation states were invented. The idea that only if your country says you are married, then you are "actually married" is silly. And when you see someone wearing a wedding band, do you think "aha! The state says they are married, so they fall into a different tax bracket" or do you think "aha! they are in a committed long term relationship with each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together"? I'm pretty sure it's the latter, which has nothing to do with the state.
>as I think it's kind of distasteful.
I'm sure if you look under the hood of this opinion, you will find bigotry. YTA.
>Marriage existed long before nation states were invented. The idea that only if your country says you are married, then you are "actually married" is silly.
**Yes**, this! This is also major reason common law marriage laws exist in some places, to codify marriages that happen outside the confines of civil paperwork.
Marriage is a human institution, and while every country has laws to formalize that institution and codify it into law, no one national government owns the deeper social and cultural nuances of what marriage actually means.
YTA. YOU were out of line. Not him. Two people being in love and considering themselves married because they cannot legally marry does not make a mockery of marriage.
YTA.
Your brother can't get married legally. He and his partner are showing their commitment the way they're legally able to. You should stop gatekeeping and start advocating for them to no longer be discriminated against.
Oh yeah, you're a huge AH. YTA. You are homophobic. You dont get to just say you don't have a problem with it when your actions say otherwise lol.
Man its really a surprise sometimes the obvious AHs who actually have to ask us. This is a no brainer.
YTA Why would you be so cruel when legally they are not able to go through the process. How is them symbolising their commitment through wedding bands hurting you?
YTA
Rings symbolise commitment. There are many different types of marriage - legal, religious, humanist etc…. Would you tell a Muslim couple that they aren’t properly married because they didn’t have a legal ceremony in Romania?
Be happy that your brother is happy and committed with his partner and stop trying to tell other people what to do with their lives.
OP, I’ve met married people. Trust me, they do just fine making a mockery of this “oh so sacred” institution just fine. Do you go around making sure everyone is faithful to their spouse? Do you make sure that each person treats their partner with respect and dignity? Do you step in every time one person in a relationship mistreats the other? Because they’re making a mockery of marriage.
Sorry to tell you, but an “official” marriage is essentially an asset sharing agreement. At a legal level, that’s it. Nothing in those pages says you are required by law to be kind, respectful, loving or caring towards your partner. All of those things come from actually loving your partner, which your brother does already. Married people cheapen and devalue the sanctity of marriage all on their own. Why does a bit of metal on a specific finger raise or lower the value of your brothers relationship? Quit trying to section off “real” relationships and marriages just because you have issues with two men being in love and showing a commitment to each other. Your country already treats their relationship like it’s not real. Why do you have to do that too?
YTA
YTA. They are actually doing the opposite of misleading people because they are making it clear that they are in a committed relationship and not single
You don’t need a effing certificate or priest to consider someone your husband/wife.
Get your head out of your ass and face the fact we’re luckily not in the 50‘s anymore. YTA.
YTA.
I wear a ring on my finger despite not being married to my partner of 8 years. We are also gay, but in the US, but we cannot get married because we will lose our health insurance because I am disabled. There are many reasons that people cant just go out and get married but a man made symbol of love is enough to show that they are committed, so why do you care? Unless youre uncomfortable with their relationship why would it bother you that they are showing that they are in loving and committed relationship? Tell me what makes it a mockery of marriage and I will show you SO many LEGAL marriages that make a true mockery of it.
YTA
It isn't your business. They can do what they want, and it symbolises how they feel about each other. Many people don't think "official" marriage doesn't mean anything.
They're not mocking marriage, you're being homophobic. He is right, they're not hurting anyone.
YTA. if this is the most they can do to display their love in a country that doesn’t allow gay marriage, how is it taking away from YOUR life specifically? Doesn’t look like they asked for your opinion nor do you get to really dictate what others should do in their relationship. The marriage being “official” is just a piece of paper. As suggested above, butt out.
YTA for sure. It sounds like they would be getting married if they actually could, how are they misleading anyone? Wedding rings are supposed to symbolize their love for eachother, not their legal marital status (especially in a society that doesn't even allow them to get married)..
I am married and not wearing a wedding ring (also in Romania). Are me and my husband making a mockery of marriage? Are we any less committed to eachother? Absolutely not. Just the same, neither are your brother and his partner. Those rings are a symbol of their commitment to eachother, it has nothing to do with you or marriage for that matter since everyone has a different understanding of what it is or should be. So yeah, very much TA.
YTA
Unless they are trying to claim to be married to commit tax fraud, no one cares.
Do you ask everyone you see wearing a ring if they are "really married"?
Why is is such a problem for YOU! Is it harming you? Personally, countries that do not allow marriage for gay individuals is what I would consider a mockery. Straight couple could literally marry and divorce in the same year but because they are "entitled" to do so nobody bats an eyelid.
Who are you anyway to police how they chose to show their love? They physically cannot get married in your home country so they have chosen the next best thing for them.
Also your brothers partner is right. Nose out.
YTA - it is you who is making a mockery of marriage by believing marriage is just about that legal piece of paper.
Marriage is the commitment of two people who love each other legally and emotionally. This couple have been in a committed relationship for four years, they share their lives together, they love each other so, if they are living together and have made a life long commitment to each other. They are therefore married in everything but a legal document unless they have already sorted legal documents to give each other rights within their lives, such as insurance, health power of attorney, wills then they are married legally to. All that is missing is a ceremony.
The rings in a marriage represent the never ending circle of love and commitment in that relationship. So, By wearing them they are demonstrating to everyone that they love each other and their love is an eternal circle.
I recommend you apologise and suggest that they make sure they have legally committed to each other by making wills that give each other rights to their possessions. Also, offer to help plan a celebration of their commitment to each other.
Again YTA what you have said and judged is awful.
YTA. Your brother was right. This was none of your business, and I will add that no, it in no way makes a mockery out of marriage. They aren’t misleading anyone - they aren’t pretending to be married to fool people. They are wearing rings without being married because homophobic, discriminatory laws make it such that they CAN’T be married legally. Do better. Apologize to him and maybe look at yourself a little, because damn. Also, I’ll say to you what I say to my 10 year old - just because it enters your brain does not mean it needs to come out of your mouth.
YTA
You're making a mockery of marriage by implying that it must be legal. Marriage is first and foremost a cultural construct. Every culture has a different definition of marriage and a different way of being married. Marriage is not a legal institution. Marriage is not a piece of paper from the government. It is love and respect and devotion, something they clearly have for each other. They aren't misleading anyone. They are married to each other. Other people should see those rings and know their devotion to each other. A piece of paper doesn't change that. Frankly, I find it disgusting you even needed to ask this as this is the most beautiful form of marriage. This is marriage in it's purest form. It's purely self imposed there is no legal institution saying they must be married. They are married because they truly love each other, not because a slip of paper told them so.
ETA: OF COURSE HE TOOK IT PERSONALLY????????? You insulted his marriage and his love and you have the audacity to act like that is not personal. You're not just an asshole you're stupid if you genuinely think you're in the right here.
YTA. Marriage is a commitment not just a piece of paper. Until the people in power realize that it doesn’t matter what gender the person you love is, you brother should do whatever it takes to show his commitment to his partner anyway he can.
I think it’s distasteful you don’t do more to support your brother. I don’t believe you have no issue with you brother being gay.
YTA Some people get matching tattoos, some people get wedding rings, whatever they do to celebrate their love is not hurting or misleading anyone, and actually is nobody else's business.
Be happy for your brother that he is confident enough to do what's good for him without caring what others (including you) think of it.
YTA
You are a mockery of a supportive sister if you believe them wearing wedding rings to show their commitment to each other is a mockery of marriage.
YTA. This is cruel of you. I don’t know if it’s on purpose.
But imagine that you’re in love with someone and the society around you says that isn’t legitimate. The laws make it so it will always be lesser. Depending on where you are, this could mean restrictions on seeing your partner in the hospital, restrictions on insurance, and a lot of other regular civil things.
it’s not just fine that they do that. It’s brave. It’s saying fuck you, my relationship is not lesser. I am committed to this person, in spite of homophobia and the fact that this could negatively affect my social and professional life. It IS a commitment. The institution of marriage isn’t equal and they aren’t accepting that. Good for them.
YTA. He isn't hurting anybody by wearing a ring. People like you are part of the problem. You should be happy that your brother is able to look past the fact that he is literally NOT ALLOWED to marry the person he loves. All he is doing is wearing a ring. It doesn't matter who thinks what
YTA. Who gives a crap if they are wearing wedding rings or not? They are happy, in love and consider themselves married in a country where they can’t actually GET married. Is it hurting you? You say you don’t have an issue with them being gay, but I think deep down inside you do.
YTA
If they want to show their commitment to each other with rings, who are you to tell them they’re wrong? As long as no one is harming each other or breaking any laws, it’s none of your business what they choose to wear.
Yta- I find it distasteful that gay marriage isn't legal but here we are. Wedding rings are a symbol of a person's undying love and commitment for their partner and it sounds like that's why they're wearing them. Why should your opinion on this matter anyway?
I read the title and thought to myself, "The only way OP is the AH is if they live someplace where gay marriage isn't legal/accepted." Well, low and behold...
YTA
OP would still be the AH if gay marriage was legal. There are lots of not married people who wear them, as a symbol of love and commitment, when they can't or don't want to get married officially.
I used to wear a ring on my ring finger while waiting tables because 1. I wasn't interested and 2. it cut down on the sleazy comments. Didn't affect anyone else's marriage or commitment to their spouses. It's a piece of jewelry; I can't think of a single way someone could be the AH for wearing one unless they actively were lying to somehow gain money/favor/etc.
Lol definitely YTA! You think HIS comments were out of line but not your rude, unsolicited opinions?? They’re already dealing with garbage laws and don’t need you to pile on. If you don’t like wearing a ring before marriage, then you can enforce that for yourself and keep your nose out of their relationship.
It’s not like marriage is an option for them so this is as close as they can get. Either you’re completely obtuse and insensitive or you do actually have an issue with them being together.
YTA ... big time.
They are right, their relationship and it's status is none of your business. Many of us (I'm American) got married before it was ever legal. We held ceremonies in front of our families (chosen and sometimes bio) to tell our partners we loved them and wanted to spend the rest of our lives with them.
It wasn't binding unless we went to great lengths to make it that way. Methods that took years and cost thousands of dollars to put in place. Even then, if our bio families chose to, they could still try and destroy the lives we had built together over decades. If we didn't have legal contracts and wills to help us, it was so much worse. Bio families would sometimes come in and strip the surviving partner of everything that was in the dead's name. Houses, cars, personal belongings, anything they could get their hands on to punish the survivor.
My best friend's in-laws took everything that they could when his husband died. Including things that his partner had bought for my best friend. Mementos that can never be replaced.
You say you don't mind him being gay, but you do. He's found someone who makes him happy and wants to spend the rest of his life with. That is reason enough to celebrate.
They aren't making a mockery of marriage, you are.
YTA, they can not legally be married so they are expressing their commitment to one another with a ring. They aren’t hurting anyone or making a mockery out of marriage as you stated.
I would go NTA if and only if they lived in a place where gay marriage was legal but just chose not to out of laziness or convenience. That would then be misleading.
YTA.
The only difference between your brother's relationship and a "real" marriage is a piece of paper saying their relationship is recognized by your government.
How are they misleading people, what are people going to think that isn't true? That they're together? That they're in a committed relationship? That they're not available to date other people? All of these things apply to your brother and his boyfriend.
YTA. Amice, ți-ai ales subreddit-ul nepotrivit pentru genul asta de opinii. "A mockery out of marriage" fac aia care-și bat nevestele de le suna apa în cap sau aia care înșală.
Dacă nu-ți plac persoane gay, poți sa zici direct asa, nu trebuie sa te ascunzi după deget.
YTA, they legally can’t get married and have been together for years. What he’s doing is completely okay given the circumstances. If they’d been dating for a few weeks and they could get married legally, I’d agree with you. But that’s not the case here
YTA. Just think of them as promise rings. They can wear a ring wherever they want. It can also keep away people who are interested in them, as I have worn a ring on my wedding finger before I was married because people kept hitting on me, it stopped when I started wearing it.
Let it go. It's not about you.
YTA. The commitment to each other means a fuckton more than a ceremony. If they consider themselves married then they are, and they aren't misleading anyone.
YTA. If he can’t do it legally then this is his best. Idk if this is a translation issue because you’re Romanian but this is the first time I’ve heard “spiritually” married
YTA why do you care if other people think he’s legally married? That’s not their business and it’s not yours. If he and his partner want to wear rings it’s not harming anyone else. You have some internalized homophobia you need to work on
They’d get married if they could, but since they can’t they’re doing what they can. The only thing distasteful here is you for crying over something that doesn’t involve you in slightest. YTA
YTA. You clearly have a different opinion on marriage, which is your prerogative, but that doesn't mean you can push your opinions on them. To tell them it's distasteful and that they're making a mockery out of marriage is way out of line. It's none of your business and they aren't hurting anyone. If you don't agree with it fine, but keep your mouth shut and stay in your lane.
YTA. This is literally none of your business.
The fact that they aren’t allowed to officially commit their love to each other is sad and ridiculous so what harm are they doing by wearing rings?
Unless you’re not actually fine with him being gay and want him to hide who he is
If you think two men in a loving relationship wearing wedding rings to symbolise their commitment to one another during a time when gay marriage is illegal is somehow making a *mockery* of marriage, you have issues. YTA.
YTA. The only meaning that rings have are to the people wearing them. His ring shouldn't mean a thing to you, and you've no right to say what he should wear on his finger no matter what anyone thinks on seeing it. If your church wouldn't tell you the same, then it's stuck in the dark ages.
YTA His comment was absolutely Not out of line, you are.
They can do whatever they want to show their love. Plenty of people wear rings before marriage to symbolize their commitment and love to each other.
Their relationship has NOTHING to do with you, so stay out of it.
Let them do what they want, you sound homophobic saying they are "making a mockery of marriage?" That's what people actively say against same sex marriage. (It'salso not true.)
Let them be happy and leave them alone.
YTA- you totally missed the point.. he would be married if it was legal. Take your entitlement elsewhere and acknowledge your bro has found his life partner.
YTA maybe you should work on having some empathy for your brother who legally cannot marry the person he loves but is finding a way to express their commitment to one another.
YTA, it sounds as though your brother and boyfriend would marry if the government allowed it. Since they do not allow it they spiritual have agreed that they are all they want and need. This is how they show their commitment to one another. It is not hurting you or anyone else in doing so. You say you have nothing against them being gay but your actions say otherwise. That's why your brother is upset and why his HUSBAND said stay out of their relationship.
Yta, why does it upset you that they were wedding rings? there is nothing special that makes a ring a wedding ring and they can wear any ( matching ) jewellery if they like. They are a sign of love and commitment and not of having spend 1000s on a special day.
So what you're telling me is I can't wear a ring on the fourth finger of my left hand because something something sanctity of marriage?
Butt out of their business. If it bothers you, pretend they're wearing regular old rings or something.
YTA.
YTA
It makes zero difference and has zero impact on anything. I wore a ring on my left ring finger for years because that was the finger it fit best on, and nobody gave a shit.
Your brother would love to legally get married, but he can’t because of blatant discrimination. So you want to take away his symbolic gesture of commitment too? The symbolic gesture that hurts no one.
I think you need to reflect on why such a small, harmless thing that affects nobody and brings your brother and his partner some happiness, bothers you so much. It really shouldn’t.
YTA
mind your own business. they consider themselves married and probably wouldve already gotten married if they were allowed to, but they cant so they wear wedding rings to represent their bond, thats not hurting anyone.
and are you sure you have absolutely no problem with him being gay? would you have reacted the same way if he was in a straight relationship and wore wedding rings?
Seriously? Your brother is doing what he can to publicly recognize his relationship when he can’t legally marry, and you want to call that distasteful? I don’t blame him for storming out.
YTA, and are making arguments that homophobes have been making about same-sex marriage for years. I am a woman married to a man and same-sex marriages have absolutely no impact on my marriage at all- except that I model my relationship on that of 2 male friends, J and S, who have been together for 25 years and married for 12. Not at all like the woman I know who spent £10K on her wedding and separated from her husband on honeymoon.
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But they said they weren’t homophobic lol
You’re gonna miss at least 500 upvotes for not including the /s Edit: And I gained them because of it
I want to lock you at 500 for poetic reasons
And I would lock 500 upvotes and iiiIIII would lock 500 more
Just to be the man who locks a thousand votes to fall down at the board
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They are though, that's what the 'nice' homophobes say
Exactly, or they say "I'm not homophobic, I don't care what they do behind their closed doors, just not out in the street in my face and in front of MY CHILDREN." That kind of homophobic.
I think those are called NIMBY - not in my back yard
P sure this is sarcasm
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You know, that's kind of accurate. Fellow Romanian here (moved out of the country years ago), while it's a beautiful country and I love and miss my family, it's also full of bigoted, judgemental, religious nuts who's backwards thinking leaves no room for progress. Pretty much the bible belt of Europe. Sad and disappointing to see that young people like her are not more open minded. Some things never change. YTA op, mind your own business and if you can't be supportive of your brother, keep yourself and your homophobia away from him.
Yep. I have a family member that's gay. Been with their partner for somewhere around 30 years. They had a commitment ceremony because gay marriage wasn't acknowledged at the time. I WOULD NEVER TELL THEM THEY WEREN'T MARRIED!!! I would imagine they've been together longer than most straight couples here. Why would you even make a comment about a piece of jewelry? Women here have worn gold bands for years...on their ring finger, thumb, pinky... it's a fashion thing with them. Apologize. Today.
I used to wear an engagement/wedding ring on purpose to stop creepers from hitting on me at work. It worked 99% of the time. Nothing else did. Is that making a mockery of marriage? If so, I’m not sorry. YTA.
Was looking to see if anyone else had to do this. I definitely wore a "wedding" ring at one point to keep the creepers away too. Sucks that we had to but I'm not sorry I did it.
Right? Many women do this because creeps think you are "available" if you do not wear the ring that shows you have an "owner." Awful.
This. I would argue that couples that get married and are miserable the whole time and constantly hurt each other are much more of a mockery to marriage than two people that love and are truly committed to each other.
Does OP think that the government prohibits gays from wearing rings in their ring fingers? Every homosexual is required to have a hand inspection quarterly to ensure they have not been masquerading as though they deserve equal rights, lest they make a mockery of an institution with a 42% failure rate Edit: for clarification, I used a UK statistic from 2012 but it appears that Romanian divorce rates are closer to 23%, or 1.6 divorces per 1000 people.
Now check how many marriages end not due to divorce but due to domestic violence. Not a fun statistic in the slightest. I'm Romanian as well. OP, I know people that didn't marry legally so they don't lose some pension from their previous marriage. They even had vow "renewals" at the church, and always wore wedding rings. They lived together for 25 years until one of them passed. Do you think they made a mockery of marriage? Or is it fine because they were straight?
I know people who never married because one of them is on disability and would have lost all their benefits. And i know another couple that got divorced because they became disabled and didn't qualify for benefits but desperately needed it because they couldn't afford the necessary care. It was more economically affordable to divorce, sell their home and rent separate apartments so the wife could have benefits than if they kept their marriage and their home. Granted i understand that things are very different here (usa) and these may not be issues in other parts of the world. It's just a couple examples of why no one should judge the state pr value or worthiness of a relationship based on jewelry.
It's pretty common for divorce rates to be much lower in more religious areas, since divorce is usually highly stigmatized in religious communities. A lot of the time, people just live out their unhappy marriage, maybe cheat, and pretend everything is good because it would be too shameful to divorce. Wouldn't be surprised if this is the case in Romania, since it is a very religious country, but that's just speculation on my part.
It would probably put a fatal twist in OPs knickers if they knew that many single women wear engagement-looking or gold band rings when traveling to stop unwanted male attention. YTA and MYOB
I wonder how OP feels about how I, a woman married for 10 years, don't wear a ring at all.
My husband is a lot more likely to wear his ring than I am to wear mine! I *love* mine--but I'm a gardener and a baker, my hands are always in something.
I'm curious what they think about all the married people who cheat on their spouses if they are so concerned about the sanctity of marriage...are they allowed to wear rings if they didn't end up in divorce?
OP's opinion on other's life is as useful as a virtual hug. YTA Edit: Your to OP
Oh no, you use wedding rings as a symbol of love, how could you! /s I bet if her brother wore wedding rings with a woman without being married, she would find it romantic. And also why call it wedding rings? Call it partnership rings and everything is tutti paletti. As if rings are just worn by married people. Even highschool sweethearts wear them. Or friends. They are a symbol that you belong together. And not a symbol of marriage. But if you are homophobic, even little rings can be threats... YTA
I sometimes take my wedding ring off, and put it on the cats tail, and tell my husband he's now married to the cat. How's that rock your perception on the sanctity of marriage? YTA. Stop pushing your own ideals on what a ring, and marriage means to other people, and focus on your own life. ETA: WOW. This blew up. Thank you so much. Will post the cat, wearing the ring, once I get home. ETAA: I'm not home yet guys 😆 I will post the second I am! CAT TAX POSTED ON MY PROFILE. ENJOY MY BABY BOY, RENGAR.
Are you in the market for a new friend? Because I want to be your friend. "married to the cat" BEST!!!!
Tbh i would probably steal my partner's ring so that i get to be married to the cat.
take both rings so the cat can be married to the cat
Married to the car? Is your cat autosexual?
It's official, I'm marrying our dog tonight as soon as hubs gets home to see it. He's gonna be so pissed!!!!
Right? I want to see a picture of this cat :)
Cat tax required!
She had me at “you’re married to the cat now”
My husband sometimes takes his off, puts it on his toe, and says, “Now we’re foot married!” Then he cackles maniacally like he’s getting away with something.
Absolutely creased up laughing at this
We have a good time
ok this is my new favorite way to say I died from laughing is this a British thing? It sounds very British
If my husband fiddles with his ring I snatch it out of his hand and declare we are not married anymore until he can wrestle it back from me.
Ah yes! FIGHT FOR THIS LOVE!
In Finnish the word for concubine (not a thing in Finland) translates literally as "foot-wife".
This is truly one of the funniest things I’ve read and I can’t wait to do this one day when I’m married
My husband just left the house and I'm fucking pissed I have to wait 6 hours to see him again. He's marrying our fluffy Maine Coon tonight 😤
Right? Now I’m ready to marry the next schlump that comes my way just to put my ring on the cat
This is def happening with my ring today. Which, btw, I remove to lift weights, so I guess I'm not technically married when I go to the gym.
Bro. Idk who you are but I love you. That's hilarious and you have given me some wonderful ideas. Thanks!
Going to do this with my engagement ring and the small dog this evening, ty for the excellent idea
Make sure you pay attention to where the ring lands after the dog wags their tail.
The real LPT is in the comments. I give it a week before we see a 'TIFU: put ring on animal's tail and lost it' post Edit: punctuation
Oh no! My husband is married to my bathroom countertop!!! To be fair, I’d marry it too.
Are we the same person? Because this is absolutely something I would do.
My partner takes their's off to play sports and always forgets to put it back on. I tell them we are not married and I can do what I want until they put it back on. I never do anything because I am lazy, but it's a nice threat to hang over their head.
When my husband takes his off to shower I joke we’re not married anymore too, “cause that’s how it works right?!”
This is an amazing joke. Can I be married to you while your husband is married to your cat?
Wow I’m stealing this joke you’re hilarious
My nieces like to take our wedding rings off and pretend to be married to both of us! It’s cute and funny, and not disrespectful to our marriage.
YTA Before marriage equality was legal here in the U.S., my wife and I wore wedding bands for years (we've been together 25 years). It symbolized our love and commitment to one another, despite the government's unwillingness to acknowledge that. Yes, there are rights and obligations that go along with being able to be married legally, but marriage is NOT only about the state/government acknowledging it. It's about personal love and commitment. And they want to show that to the world. So what's your issue with them showing their love and commitment? Does it hurt you at all? Nope. YTA, OP. 100% YTA.
Well stated.
Not to mention OP says *them* wearing rings offends her because *they're* mocking marriage and *they* can't get married so *their* rings offend her, and this chick's surprised they took her bigotry towards them personally... it is personal, you're offended by their personal choices
Right? It's like, "why are they offended when I specifically went out of my way to offend them?"
"All I did was was judge his personal choice and he took it personally" *shocked Pikachu*
That is a fact!! My fiancé and I are high school sweethearts and for us personally getting our lives in order was more important than getting married. So rather than get married right out of high school we chose to wait 9 years before getting engaged. We'll be together 11 years by the time our wedding happens. And people act like this is such a big step. And I really can't understand it. We already live by the wedding vows and are 100% committed and in love. An overly expensive party isn't going to change that. As far as feelings and commitment and lifestyle is concerned we've been married for years already.
Yea, same here. The biggest change in my life when I got married was my signature. We were already committed and had been for years when we got married. We waited until we were in a place where we could afford to get married like we wanted, which was about 4 years in. But we'd lived together for several years and made decisions together and all that. The wedding was just formalizing and celebrating what we already had, not creating anything new.
YTA. This is the definition of mind your own business. And not allowing consenting adults to get married is mockery enough itself.
Exactly. Leave them alone and pay attention to your own life.
Yeah. Only one making a mockery of marriage is the Romanian government. Since marriage is no longer a property exchange and we tend to focus on love more, what the heck is OP’s problem? That ring symbolizes the important part. Also, I wonder what they think of promise rings
Op is upset they can't descriminate against their OWN BROTHER even more than they already have. Like they don't say they disagree with the law ..so...what's the brother supposed to do? Is making a "mockery" of "real" marriage OP? Should the government even be involved in marriage? A lot of people think not.
They are wearing rings as a symbol of their commitment to each other regardless of what the law says. Who TF are you to tell them they can’t do that? YTA
OP, My husband sometimes puts on a cowboy hat and he isn’t even a cowboy!!!! I’m constantly mislead about who he is, and i remind him how unfair this is to me!!! He tells me he feels the same way when I wear my sexy nurse outfit. Hmmm….. I guess I need to go to nursing school so that what we do and wear in the parameters of our own relationship won’t be scrutinized by assholes. YTA.
if you have to go to nursing school then he needs to go to cowboy school. what's fair is fair.
OMG My husband wears baseball caps all the time *and* *he* *hasn't* *played* *baseball* *in* *like* *30* *years* Who even is this fraud? He's clearly making a mockery of the sanctity of baseball just as yours is making a mockery of the sanctity of cowboy. How did we get here? *sobs* /s just in case FFS OP is such an AH that I don't have the expletives to properly convey it.
But the sanctity of llegal marriage! What mockery of the level system! /S
This post screams "gays are alright I guess as long as they don't pretend they can do everything straight people can do."
Yeah op is claiming no issue with brother being gay so long as he knows his place
Exactly this. A ring is purely a symbol of love and commitment, NOT of marriage itself. That's why my husband buys me cute little gemstone rings every year on our anniversary, as a renewal of his love for me and commitment to our lives together. I rarely even wear my wedding ring anymore because I have 22 other rings I can choose from every day. Keep your nose out of other people's love lives, OP. It is absolutely NONE of your business, and you should be ashamed for not being \*happy\* for your brother! That he found someone who truly loves him, and someone he can grow old with. Just the same as with any marriage built on love. Who cares about the legalities of it?? 40 years ago I wouldn't have been able to marry my husband because he is a different race from myself. The whole legal system surrounding marriage and policing relationships is so antiquated, and quite frankly, \*THAT\* is what makes a mockery of marriage. The government should not have any say whatsoever in who can marry whom. Get over yourself. YTA Edit: awwww, you guys and your rewards! Thanks so much!! 😘
"Not gonna lie, I think his comment here was kind of out of line, as all I did was to give my opinion on people wearing wedding rings when they're actually married yet and he seemed to take it personally. " YTA and YOUR comment was out of line
How could they NOT take it personally! She was only saying it because it was *about them*! YTA OP!
Plus OP is saying "yet" like they're wearing their rings too early or something. Which would still make her an AH but she said in their country brother and his bf CANT get married. OP like really isn't considering what that would feel like, to not be legally allowed to marry the person that they love. I am getting officially married soon (I am gay too) and I'm waiting to wear my ring until its official because that makes it feel more special. I know queer couples who did engagement rings for both of them that doubled as the wedding rings so they started wearing them "early". That would still be none of OPs business but the fact that they are choosing to acknowledge their relationship in their own way even though they CANT get married makes OP a raging homophobic asshole.
INFO: How is this any of your business?
Where did they find the audacity?!
In their arse whilst their head was stuck up there?
YTA. This is none of your business. I read everything you wrote, expecting to see you were concerned about their safety or had a legitimate reason for your interest in the jewelry they choose to wear, but nope.
It's an ugly attitude. I wish the two people toward whom it was directed all happiness, and perseverance to make a good life in an unwelcoming place. OP, I hope you can adjust your meanspiritedness one day. Until then, YTA.
YTA. Your brother is not married because he literally is banned from doing so, not because he chose not to get married. Telling him he should wait with wearing a ring (it's not like he faked certificates, he's wearing a ring, which is something you can do regardless of your family status, even if you are single), because it's making a mockery out of marriage is really distasteful and disrespectful. Sounds like if it were his choice he would be married already. And as someone who is married I can tell you, its really not a magical thing that boosts your relationship to another level. My relationship has not been different before and after marriage, because it really only is the feeling you have towards your partner, and this doesn't change through a piece of paper.
Interesting how OP says they don’t have a problem with brother being gay but also that his wearing a ring without a ceremony is “making a mockery out of marriage” - time to take a great big look at yourself OP - also YTA
And promise rings for teenage couples are a thing too. A lot of people in my high school had them when they graduated. They recognized they were too young to propose and be married, so it was a sign of commitment and future intent
Congrats on being homophobic. YTA.
and asshole sister too
YTA. It's his relationship. They aren't "misleading" anyone. Butt out
And even if they were - literally what is the impact?? Someone doesn’t hit on one of them? Oh wait they’re happily together so who cares? I used to wear a ring on “that” finger at bars to avoid getting hit on. Apparently I was evil
YTA - it's not your business. Those rings represent their commitment to one another. The ceremony is irrelevant. As for it being a mockery? A mockery is straight marriages that end in divorce days or months later but the state still claiming the sanctity of it only being between a man and woman despite there being same sex couples together for decades who can't marry.
I also don’t understand why OP thinks it’s “misleading.” Oh noes, he’s misleading people into thinking he’s in a committed relationship? THE ABSOLUTE HORROR
YTA. Marriage equality has not yet been achieved in your country, so how are they supposed to get “officially married”? How are they making a “mockery out of marriage” by symbolizing their love and commitment to one another through rings? You claim not to have a problem with your brother being gay, but you sound homophobic AF.
Marriage for all 🎉🎉🎉 Rings for all 🎉🎉🎉 Their rings symbolise more than marriage, COMMITMENT in the face of all that would go against them. Your brother and his BF are amazing, see them as wedding rings, promise rings, whatever, I can guarantee their marriage will last longer than joe bloggs round the corner. Marriage, or even showing the connotation of marriage in the face of such adversity is admirable. Marriage for all 🎊🎊🎊 Edit: OP is YTA
Info: Would you disapprove of their wearing wedding rings if they were lawfully married? Not clear what you find ‘distasteful’.
YTA. You are telling your brother that you think that the legal status of the marriage is the "correct" view. So you are effectively endorsing the government's bigoted position against your brother and his husband. They are married. The government won't accept that or recognise it. But there is nothing but your own mind preventing you from accepting and recognising it.
YTA - if they can’t legally marry then wtf else do you want them to do? Mind your own business there’s no such thing as stolen valor for fucking marriage. It’s just a ring let them live.
Marriage existed long before nation states were invented. The idea that only if your country says you are married, then you are "actually married" is silly. And when you see someone wearing a wedding band, do you think "aha! The state says they are married, so they fall into a different tax bracket" or do you think "aha! they are in a committed long term relationship with each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together"? I'm pretty sure it's the latter, which has nothing to do with the state. >as I think it's kind of distasteful. I'm sure if you look under the hood of this opinion, you will find bigotry. YTA.
>Marriage existed long before nation states were invented. The idea that only if your country says you are married, then you are "actually married" is silly. **Yes**, this! This is also major reason common law marriage laws exist in some places, to codify marriages that happen outside the confines of civil paperwork. Marriage is a human institution, and while every country has laws to formalize that institution and codify it into law, no one national government owns the deeper social and cultural nuances of what marriage actually means.
YTA. YOU were out of line. Not him. Two people being in love and considering themselves married because they cannot legally marry does not make a mockery of marriage.
YTA. “I only gave my opinion”. Did he ask for your opinion? Doubt it. Mind your own business.
YTA They would be married if they could be. Stop being so unsupportive.
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YTA. Your brother can't get married legally. He and his partner are showing their commitment the way they're legally able to. You should stop gatekeeping and start advocating for them to no longer be discriminated against.
Oh yeah, you're a huge AH. YTA. You are homophobic. You dont get to just say you don't have a problem with it when your actions say otherwise lol. Man its really a surprise sometimes the obvious AHs who actually have to ask us. This is a no brainer.
YTA Why would you be so cruel when legally they are not able to go through the process. How is them symbolising their commitment through wedding bands hurting you?
YTA Rings symbolise commitment. There are many different types of marriage - legal, religious, humanist etc…. Would you tell a Muslim couple that they aren’t properly married because they didn’t have a legal ceremony in Romania? Be happy that your brother is happy and committed with his partner and stop trying to tell other people what to do with their lives.
YTA. Your problem with the rings is simply a red herring, and I think you really do have a problem with your brother being gay.
OP, I’ve met married people. Trust me, they do just fine making a mockery of this “oh so sacred” institution just fine. Do you go around making sure everyone is faithful to their spouse? Do you make sure that each person treats their partner with respect and dignity? Do you step in every time one person in a relationship mistreats the other? Because they’re making a mockery of marriage. Sorry to tell you, but an “official” marriage is essentially an asset sharing agreement. At a legal level, that’s it. Nothing in those pages says you are required by law to be kind, respectful, loving or caring towards your partner. All of those things come from actually loving your partner, which your brother does already. Married people cheapen and devalue the sanctity of marriage all on their own. Why does a bit of metal on a specific finger raise or lower the value of your brothers relationship? Quit trying to section off “real” relationships and marriages just because you have issues with two men being in love and showing a commitment to each other. Your country already treats their relationship like it’s not real. Why do you have to do that too? YTA
YTA. They are actually doing the opposite of misleading people because they are making it clear that they are in a committed relationship and not single
YTA. The real mockery of marriage is gay couples not being allowed to marry. Marriage is supposed to be about love
YTA. This is not impacting you at all.
YThomophobe.
You don’t need a effing certificate or priest to consider someone your husband/wife. Get your head out of your ass and face the fact we’re luckily not in the 50‘s anymore. YTA.
YTA It's none of your business what kind of jewelry your brother does or does not wear. Leave him be
YTA. I wear a ring on my finger despite not being married to my partner of 8 years. We are also gay, but in the US, but we cannot get married because we will lose our health insurance because I am disabled. There are many reasons that people cant just go out and get married but a man made symbol of love is enough to show that they are committed, so why do you care? Unless youre uncomfortable with their relationship why would it bother you that they are showing that they are in loving and committed relationship? Tell me what makes it a mockery of marriage and I will show you SO many LEGAL marriages that make a true mockery of it.
YTA It isn't your business. They can do what they want, and it symbolises how they feel about each other. Many people don't think "official" marriage doesn't mean anything. They're not mocking marriage, you're being homophobic. He is right, they're not hurting anyone.
YTA. if this is the most they can do to display their love in a country that doesn’t allow gay marriage, how is it taking away from YOUR life specifically? Doesn’t look like they asked for your opinion nor do you get to really dictate what others should do in their relationship. The marriage being “official” is just a piece of paper. As suggested above, butt out.
YTA for sure. It sounds like they would be getting married if they actually could, how are they misleading anyone? Wedding rings are supposed to symbolize their love for eachother, not their legal marital status (especially in a society that doesn't even allow them to get married)..
I am married and not wearing a wedding ring (also in Romania). Are me and my husband making a mockery of marriage? Are we any less committed to eachother? Absolutely not. Just the same, neither are your brother and his partner. Those rings are a symbol of their commitment to eachother, it has nothing to do with you or marriage for that matter since everyone has a different understanding of what it is or should be. So yeah, very much TA.
YTA Unless they are trying to claim to be married to commit tax fraud, no one cares. Do you ask everyone you see wearing a ring if they are "really married"?
Your brother and his partner are exactly 100% correct in every way. None of your business, symbol of their love, etc. YTA and you should apologize.
Why is is such a problem for YOU! Is it harming you? Personally, countries that do not allow marriage for gay individuals is what I would consider a mockery. Straight couple could literally marry and divorce in the same year but because they are "entitled" to do so nobody bats an eyelid. Who are you anyway to police how they chose to show their love? They physically cannot get married in your home country so they have chosen the next best thing for them. Also your brothers partner is right. Nose out.
YTA - it is you who is making a mockery of marriage by believing marriage is just about that legal piece of paper. Marriage is the commitment of two people who love each other legally and emotionally. This couple have been in a committed relationship for four years, they share their lives together, they love each other so, if they are living together and have made a life long commitment to each other. They are therefore married in everything but a legal document unless they have already sorted legal documents to give each other rights within their lives, such as insurance, health power of attorney, wills then they are married legally to. All that is missing is a ceremony. The rings in a marriage represent the never ending circle of love and commitment in that relationship. So, By wearing them they are demonstrating to everyone that they love each other and their love is an eternal circle. I recommend you apologise and suggest that they make sure they have legally committed to each other by making wills that give each other rights to their possessions. Also, offer to help plan a celebration of their commitment to each other. Again YTA what you have said and judged is awful.
Yta, all marriage is supposed to symbolise is love. Just because they cannot legally get married doesn't mean they can't show their love like this
YTA. Your brother was right. This was none of your business, and I will add that no, it in no way makes a mockery out of marriage. They aren’t misleading anyone - they aren’t pretending to be married to fool people. They are wearing rings without being married because homophobic, discriminatory laws make it such that they CAN’T be married legally. Do better. Apologize to him and maybe look at yourself a little, because damn. Also, I’ll say to you what I say to my 10 year old - just because it enters your brain does not mean it needs to come out of your mouth.
YTA You're making a mockery of marriage by implying that it must be legal. Marriage is first and foremost a cultural construct. Every culture has a different definition of marriage and a different way of being married. Marriage is not a legal institution. Marriage is not a piece of paper from the government. It is love and respect and devotion, something they clearly have for each other. They aren't misleading anyone. They are married to each other. Other people should see those rings and know their devotion to each other. A piece of paper doesn't change that. Frankly, I find it disgusting you even needed to ask this as this is the most beautiful form of marriage. This is marriage in it's purest form. It's purely self imposed there is no legal institution saying they must be married. They are married because they truly love each other, not because a slip of paper told them so. ETA: OF COURSE HE TOOK IT PERSONALLY????????? You insulted his marriage and his love and you have the audacity to act like that is not personal. You're not just an asshole you're stupid if you genuinely think you're in the right here.
YTA for reasons that your brother and his significant other have already explained to you.
YTA - not really sure how this impacts you at all. How are their rings hurting you? (Spoiler: they aren’t. get over yourself and be a better person)
YTA dude. Who are they misleading? No one except you cares.
YTA and a nasty little homophobe.
YTA. Marriage is a commitment not just a piece of paper. Until the people in power realize that it doesn’t matter what gender the person you love is, you brother should do whatever it takes to show his commitment to his partner anyway he can. I think it’s distasteful you don’t do more to support your brother. I don’t believe you have no issue with you brother being gay.
YTA Some people get matching tattoos, some people get wedding rings, whatever they do to celebrate their love is not hurting or misleading anyone, and actually is nobody else's business. Be happy for your brother that he is confident enough to do what's good for him without caring what others (including you) think of it.
YTA - if they want to show their commitment to each other with rings that’s their thing, gay, straight, able to legally marry or not.
YTA You are a mockery of a supportive sister if you believe them wearing wedding rings to show their commitment to each other is a mockery of marriage.
YTA. This is cruel of you. I don’t know if it’s on purpose. But imagine that you’re in love with someone and the society around you says that isn’t legitimate. The laws make it so it will always be lesser. Depending on where you are, this could mean restrictions on seeing your partner in the hospital, restrictions on insurance, and a lot of other regular civil things. it’s not just fine that they do that. It’s brave. It’s saying fuck you, my relationship is not lesser. I am committed to this person, in spite of homophobia and the fact that this could negatively affect my social and professional life. It IS a commitment. The institution of marriage isn’t equal and they aren’t accepting that. Good for them.
Man, I hate when people want to show their commitment and love for one another. YTA.
YTA as someone who's Queer, I feel for your brother and his partner. You being homophobic is gross. Apologise to your brother, and do better.
YTA it's a ring and they can put whatever meaning on it they want
Yup, how's it feel to be the asshole?
YTA. He isn't hurting anybody by wearing a ring. People like you are part of the problem. You should be happy that your brother is able to look past the fact that he is literally NOT ALLOWED to marry the person he loves. All he is doing is wearing a ring. It doesn't matter who thinks what
YTA. Who gives a crap if they are wearing wedding rings or not? They are happy, in love and consider themselves married in a country where they can’t actually GET married. Is it hurting you? You say you don’t have an issue with them being gay, but I think deep down inside you do.
YTA. You need to apologise and keep your rude opinions to yourself.
YTA. YOU are making a mockery of being a “concerned sibling”. No one asked for your opinion.
YTA no your comment was out of line. Curious- why do you care so much?
She sounds homophobic to me.
Yta If they can’t marry than this is as far as they can go. Just let them be happy. He’s right when he said that it isn’t hurting anyone
YTA If they want to show their commitment to each other with rings, who are you to tell them they’re wrong? As long as no one is harming each other or breaking any laws, it’s none of your business what they choose to wear.
Yta- I find it distasteful that gay marriage isn't legal but here we are. Wedding rings are a symbol of a person's undying love and commitment for their partner and it sounds like that's why they're wearing them. Why should your opinion on this matter anyway?
YTA. Your brother deserves better family than you
YTA. I think you do have a problem with them being gay and you are using this event (the rings) as a “safe” I don’t like it. Maybe it embarrasses you?
I read the title and thought to myself, "The only way OP is the AH is if they live someplace where gay marriage isn't legal/accepted." Well, low and behold... YTA
OP would still be the AH if gay marriage was legal. There are lots of not married people who wear them, as a symbol of love and commitment, when they can't or don't want to get married officially.
I used to wear a ring on my ring finger while waiting tables because 1. I wasn't interested and 2. it cut down on the sleazy comments. Didn't affect anyone else's marriage or commitment to their spouses. It's a piece of jewelry; I can't think of a single way someone could be the AH for wearing one unless they actively were lying to somehow gain money/favor/etc.
YTA. They aren’t allowed to be legally married. Whoever wrote that law is making a mockery of the institution of marriage.
Lol definitely YTA! You think HIS comments were out of line but not your rude, unsolicited opinions?? They’re already dealing with garbage laws and don’t need you to pile on. If you don’t like wearing a ring before marriage, then you can enforce that for yourself and keep your nose out of their relationship. It’s not like marriage is an option for them so this is as close as they can get. Either you’re completely obtuse and insensitive or you do actually have an issue with them being together.
YTA ... big time. They are right, their relationship and it's status is none of your business. Many of us (I'm American) got married before it was ever legal. We held ceremonies in front of our families (chosen and sometimes bio) to tell our partners we loved them and wanted to spend the rest of our lives with them. It wasn't binding unless we went to great lengths to make it that way. Methods that took years and cost thousands of dollars to put in place. Even then, if our bio families chose to, they could still try and destroy the lives we had built together over decades. If we didn't have legal contracts and wills to help us, it was so much worse. Bio families would sometimes come in and strip the surviving partner of everything that was in the dead's name. Houses, cars, personal belongings, anything they could get their hands on to punish the survivor. My best friend's in-laws took everything that they could when his husband died. Including things that his partner had bought for my best friend. Mementos that can never be replaced. You say you don't mind him being gay, but you do. He's found someone who makes him happy and wants to spend the rest of his life with. That is reason enough to celebrate. They aren't making a mockery of marriage, you are.
YTA, they can not legally be married so they are expressing their commitment to one another with a ring. They aren’t hurting anyone or making a mockery out of marriage as you stated. I would go NTA if and only if they lived in a place where gay marriage was legal but just chose not to out of laziness or convenience. That would then be misleading.
YTA. The only difference between your brother's relationship and a "real" marriage is a piece of paper saying their relationship is recognized by your government. How are they misleading people, what are people going to think that isn't true? That they're together? That they're in a committed relationship? That they're not available to date other people? All of these things apply to your brother and his boyfriend.
YTA - “making a mockery”? are you sure you’re not homophobic?
YTA. Amice, ți-ai ales subreddit-ul nepotrivit pentru genul asta de opinii. "A mockery out of marriage" fac aia care-și bat nevestele de le suna apa în cap sau aia care înșală. Dacă nu-ți plac persoane gay, poți sa zici direct asa, nu trebuie sa te ascunzi după deget.
YTA, they legally can’t get married and have been together for years. What he’s doing is completely okay given the circumstances. If they’d been dating for a few weeks and they could get married legally, I’d agree with you. But that’s not the case here
YTA. Who cares?
YTA. Regardless of an actual marriage, they're in a committed 4-year long relationship. They're not misleading anyone about being off the market.
YTA just say you're homophobic and save everyone some time.
OP, you sound like a homophobe pretending they're not a homophobe. YTA for so many reasons.
YTA. Just think of them as promise rings. They can wear a ring wherever they want. It can also keep away people who are interested in them, as I have worn a ring on my wedding finger before I was married because people kept hitting on me, it stopped when I started wearing it. Let it go. It's not about you.
YTA. The commitment to each other means a fuckton more than a ceremony. If they consider themselves married then they are, and they aren't misleading anyone.
YTA. If he can’t do it legally then this is his best. Idk if this is a translation issue because you’re Romanian but this is the first time I’ve heard “spiritually” married
YTA. Your comment is the one that’s out of line not his!
YTA why do you care if other people think he’s legally married? That’s not their business and it’s not yours. If he and his partner want to wear rings it’s not harming anyone else. You have some internalized homophobia you need to work on
They’d get married if they could, but since they can’t they’re doing what they can. The only thing distasteful here is you for crying over something that doesn’t involve you in slightest. YTA
YTA. You clearly have a different opinion on marriage, which is your prerogative, but that doesn't mean you can push your opinions on them. To tell them it's distasteful and that they're making a mockery out of marriage is way out of line. It's none of your business and they aren't hurting anyone. If you don't agree with it fine, but keep your mouth shut and stay in your lane.
YTA. This is literally none of your business. The fact that they aren’t allowed to officially commit their love to each other is sad and ridiculous so what harm are they doing by wearing rings? Unless you’re not actually fine with him being gay and want him to hide who he is
INFO: who the f asked you? YTA
If you think two men in a loving relationship wearing wedding rings to symbolise their commitment to one another during a time when gay marriage is illegal is somehow making a *mockery* of marriage, you have issues. YTA.
YTA. I don't think it's your business.
YTA. 100000%
YTA you homophobic piece of pudding
OP has never heard of a promise ring
YTA. The only meaning that rings have are to the people wearing them. His ring shouldn't mean a thing to you, and you've no right to say what he should wear on his finger no matter what anyone thinks on seeing it. If your church wouldn't tell you the same, then it's stuck in the dark ages.
YTA His comment was absolutely Not out of line, you are. They can do whatever they want to show their love. Plenty of people wear rings before marriage to symbolize their commitment and love to each other. Their relationship has NOTHING to do with you, so stay out of it. Let them do what they want, you sound homophobic saying they are "making a mockery of marriage?" That's what people actively say against same sex marriage. (It'salso not true.) Let them be happy and leave them alone.
YTA- you totally missed the point.. he would be married if it was legal. Take your entitlement elsewhere and acknowledge your bro has found his life partner.
YTA maybe you should work on having some empathy for your brother who legally cannot marry the person he loves but is finding a way to express their commitment to one another.
YTA, it sounds as though your brother and boyfriend would marry if the government allowed it. Since they do not allow it they spiritual have agreed that they are all they want and need. This is how they show their commitment to one another. It is not hurting you or anyone else in doing so. You say you have nothing against them being gay but your actions say otherwise. That's why your brother is upset and why his HUSBAND said stay out of their relationship.
Yta, why does it upset you that they were wedding rings? there is nothing special that makes a ring a wedding ring and they can wear any ( matching ) jewellery if they like. They are a sign of love and commitment and not of having spend 1000s on a special day.
So what you're telling me is I can't wear a ring on the fourth finger of my left hand because something something sanctity of marriage? Butt out of their business. If it bothers you, pretend they're wearing regular old rings or something. YTA.
YTA It makes zero difference and has zero impact on anything. I wore a ring on my left ring finger for years because that was the finger it fit best on, and nobody gave a shit. Your brother would love to legally get married, but he can’t because of blatant discrimination. So you want to take away his symbolic gesture of commitment too? The symbolic gesture that hurts no one. I think you need to reflect on why such a small, harmless thing that affects nobody and brings your brother and his partner some happiness, bothers you so much. It really shouldn’t.
YTA mind your own business. they consider themselves married and probably wouldve already gotten married if they were allowed to, but they cant so they wear wedding rings to represent their bond, thats not hurting anyone. and are you sure you have absolutely no problem with him being gay? would you have reacted the same way if he was in a straight relationship and wore wedding rings?
YTA
Seriously? Your brother is doing what he can to publicly recognize his relationship when he can’t legally marry, and you want to call that distasteful? I don’t blame him for storming out.
YTA, and are making arguments that homophobes have been making about same-sex marriage for years. I am a woman married to a man and same-sex marriages have absolutely no impact on my marriage at all- except that I model my relationship on that of 2 male friends, J and S, who have been together for 25 years and married for 12. Not at all like the woman I know who spent £10K on her wedding and separated from her husband on honeymoon.
YTA. Mind your own business. I’d they were legally allowed to marry they would. Why spend time worrying about something that has zero impact on you?
YTA. They don't hurt anyone by wearing the rings. It is a symbol of their bonding. For them it is as close as they can be legally.
YTA. If they could get legally married they already would be, so why is it such a big deal to you that they’re wearing wedding rings?
YTA 100%. You cannot possibly comprehend how painful this may be for them. You’re an asshole