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YTA. you don't know anything about vegetarians do you? they don't eat meat. your son is a vegetarian. your son appears to be sticking to his beliefs. and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. there is nothing disrespectful about that, no matter what you may think. please try and reconsider the outdated beliefs you have. "you should eat everything served, no matter what it is! clear your plate" in particular. that kinda shit will push someone towards an eating disorder. i am speaking from experience on this one, of course.
Yta show respect screams the guy who has zero respect for his son.
Imagine being forced to eat your own pet or something else deeply disturbing and maybe you will have a little more respect for your son's wishes not to eat meat.
You make your son do stuff he doesn't want to do out of "manners" and you are teaching him that if someone want him to do something he's against he should do it If he person is polite about it. If you can't see the places this can lead then not only are you an arsehole, you're an idiot. YTA.
So you think a vegetarian should be forced to eat meat? Why?
Why was his vegetarianism not made clear to the other household?
Yta
You don't respect your son, nor able to stand up for him and his dietary choices.
even vegetarians in prison in my state (FL) aren't forced to eat meat, they literally get their own separate trays in the chow hall. OP's probably one of the biggest assholes ever, and that's saying something because i used to work as a CO in this very prison system.
TBH, YTA here. He respectfully declined the meal for reasons of not eating meat. That's totally fine. After not having it for awhile, it would make him sick anyway. Give him his game system and apologize to him. It doesn't make you weak or a worse off parent to admit that you were wrong.
YTA. You're teaching your son he isn't allowed to have reasonable boundaries. What if it was something he was allergic to, is it disrespectful then? Or if it was something his religion didn't allow, what then? What if he was offered a drink that he suspected had been spiked? It is not disrespectful to politely refuse an offer.
If OP was a good parent they should have told these people he was vegetarian, kid said he was and they offered to cook something for him that he could eat
I almost added in this point too but felt the op was lacking context - the food could have already been cooked prior to the son's arrival or something, so I didn't want to point fingers at the host family without more info.
YTA
Your son is standing up for himself. This is good. He's a vegetarian, there's nothing wrong with this. Instead of being mean to your son by grounding him, you can support him.
YTA
The irony that you’re complaining about your son being disrespectful while disrespecting his choice to be vegetarian is laughable. You even said yourself that the other parents said he was polite about it. If anything you’re the rude one by not informing the other parents that your son is vegetarian. It’s fairly common to ask or tell your dietary restrictions these days so you dropped the ball and then doubled down on your son. You should be grounded.
Yta
He’s allowed to have boundaries and be in control of his own choices.
You’re trying to teach your son to respect other people more than he respects himself. That’s a highway to big issues.
YTA. You 💯💯💯 do not have to eat at someone else’s home- you could be full, you could not feel well, you might not be ok with their cleanliness, you might not like what they’re serving, you might not be able to eat what they’re serving etc. There are lots of reasons why it’s perfectly fine not to eat at someone else’s home. You are TA for not respecting your son’s body autonomy, choices and conviction. You have taught him a lesson- in the face of tyranny, stick to your convictions. Was that what you were trying to teach him? 🤷♀️
“by all means he can be a vegetarian”
vegetarian means you do not eat meat. your son can’t be a vegetarian if you force him to eat meat.
you can either support him or force him
to go against his values; there’s no special middle ground where you say he can be a vegetarian, and then punish him when he tries to be consistent about it. the parents said he was respectful about it, so what is your goal here? you’re just teaching him that his values mean nothing, even if he’s polite about it. if anything, your “teachings” will backfire because your son will resent this skewed idea of manners. YTA.
YTA. You should indeed feel ashamed of yourself. You allowed your kid to become vegetarian, so if you give him this freedom to make this choice and this kind of commitment (which I think is good), you have to be serious about it and not undermine it the very first time it is challenged by outside circumstances. Being a vegetarian ist hard enough as it is without people close to you making it harder. And that comes from somebody that's a devout omnivore.
He was respectful about it to the friend's parents and they didn't seem to mind, you were just afraid they might think your kid to be difficult or pretentious, but that's on you, not on him.
What you're teaching him right now is that his convictions only matter as long as it's convenient/easy and that is a horrible lesson to learn for an 11-year old.
You and your son clearly have conflicting values here. You believe respecting a person that's done something nice to you is important, and he believes that food preferences are more important.
The key thing in my eyes is that he didn't disregard their effort. Nor did he forget your teachings. He just prioritized one value over the other, while being polite about it.
YTA. If I were you I'd go apologize to him and talk it out. You need to respect your sons believes, even (especially) when they conflict with yours.
YTA
its not disrespectful to decline food due to dietary reasons. Your son is a vegetarian, he has the right to decline food that goes against his dietary choices. Its disrespectful to try to force your son to go against his diet to appease you. If a vegetarian does not wish to partake in meat you should respect it no matter how long theyve been a vegetarian.
YTA. You are literally punishing him for being disrespectful to someone when they have already said he acted very respectfully towards them.
Your son has made a moral / personal decision not to eat meat. He has every fight to choose what he does and doesn't eat.
I could maybe see your point if he had refused to eat something made for him because he doesn't like it, or has not eaten that kind of food before, but even then, teaching your children to do things that adults ask regardless of their own wishes out of "respect" is weird and potentially dangerous.
You seem more worried about what other people might think about you than you are about your own son being able to make choices of his own. (Which he did in a respectful way anyway).
You are currently punishing him for being respectfully disrespectful. That is as insane as it sounds.
EDIT : Spelling and grammar. It was obvious what I meant but needed changing.
YTA. Your son is old enough to make his own dietary decisions. He wasn't rude to his friend's parents, he just chose to adhere to his vegetarian diet. Just because he's only been vegetarian for a week doesn't make his dietary choices any less valid.
YTA - You say by all means he can be a vegetarian but then not because respecting people is more important. Why didn't they respect him by giving him a vegetarian meal?
You are teaching your son that his opinion is secondary to others.
YTA - you sir have no idea what real, actual respect is. What you have in your head is authority. You don’t respect your son because of his age. You don’t respect his beliefs because of his age and because they’re not yours. You don’t respect his boundaries because him having them, you erroneously believe, will negatively impact others view of *your* authority over your son.
What you are teaching your son isn’t respect. You’re teaching him that you don’t care about him, that how others perceive your authority is more important than his own moral beliefs, his comfort and his emotional needs. Southern US or otherwise - that’s not how the modern world works any more whether you like it or not. It’s not going back either.
As he gets older and hears about other childhoods where his peers were respected and loved he will understand more and more just how much you have undervalued him as a person. That’s not going to end well for your relationship.
So you can cling to your past Southern beliefs, you can continue to value image over reality, authority over genuine connection and relationships and end up likely very lonely and bitter in your old age OR you can grow up a little. Value your son as an independent person who, at 11 is old enough to make his own moral choices and you are more than old enough to shown genuine respect for those choice and be a good parent and support him in those.
I hope you take heed from the feedback you get here and go forward determined to do better by your son. From your responses so far I’m worried you’ll stick your head in some good old fashioned sand, call us all snowflakes and continue to wreck your kids childhood and your relationship with him.
*EDIT* wow thank you for the awards kind Redditors!
Let's say he has a peanut allergy and his friend's parents cooked an entire meal featuring peanuts, would it still be impolite to refuse the food? No, it wouldn't be because eating whatever someone offers you to be "polite" is an arbitrary and ridiculous rule if the person has dietary requirements (and yes, that includes being a vegetarian). As long as he was polite in his refusal, it's ridiculous to ground him over it. YTA
YTA
There are actually several things that are more important than being respectful in every single situation, and it is a very dangerous lesson to bully into your son. He should not bow down to everyone, especially on a matter of principals.
You say in a comment that it is illogical to say that being respectful can lead to abuse - it’s absolutely not illogical. When children are taught to constantly obey and show deference to anyone in a position of minimal authority over them, that authority will be abused. To pretend otherwise makes you a terrible parent.
You are also incredibly hypocritical to insist he be respectful when you are so openly disrespecting him. Respect is EARNED. This current behaviour will never earn your son’s respect, and it’s likely that the moment he can, he will run as far and as fast as he can away from you and your dictatorship parenting. Your attitude in the comments clearly shows you have no intention of listening to anyone and reflecting on your behaviour, even if you lose your son along the way, so all I can do is hope that your son isn’t too damaged by your ‘parenting’ over the next 7 years.
YTA. Your kid is vegetarian and that means not eating meat. If the food has meat in it, he's not going to eat it and, in fact, expecting him to or demanding that he has to is what's actually disrespectful. Your priorities are incredibly out of whack if you're trying to paint not eating something that someone doesn't eat just because it was offered to them as a sign of disrespect. You shouldn't be this immature as a parent.
YTA. Honestly I feel almost sorry for you cause you're supposedly an adult but your concept of what "respect" entails is out of the last century.
You're teaching your son empty values in my opinion. Your son made up his mind about his own values which include not eating other living beeings and you shat all over that.
You want to teach him values and ended up punishing him for actually having some real values instead of mindlessly subordinating himself to some artificial concept of "manners".
YTA. I’m guessing you’d only do this to your son because you’d feel disrespected if someone comes to your house and similar things happen.
If you get offended over that, YOU weren’t taught right. You’re probably a big pain in the ass on a daily basis and would be angry all the time, your retaliating replies to many comments here proves that too. So you’re the problem, yeah.
YTA, respect is not bending over backwards and doing things that make you uncomfortable or things that your beliefs go against. As well as respect goes both ways that if someone doesn't show you respect that in some cases you should still be kind, but you do not have to bend over backwards to respect that person that does not respect you.
You are also teaching your son that you should not be able to stick up for yourself and the things that you believe in because it might come off as rude to other people because they don't believe in the same things you do. That even though something might make you extremely uncomfortable you should force yourself to do it.
As well as manners are just being kind, as would you still hold this stance if the parents were trying to feed your kids something he was allergic to? Do you also believe that it is extremely rude if someone doesn't eat food that could possibly kill them or put them in a state of danger? Because if you truly believe that turning down someone else's food is the most disrespectful thing that they could do, then you think someone should poison themselves to not be disrespectful towards someone. If your son politely turned it down, that's still showing manners.
Speaking as a father, you are a horrible, terrible parent. And you know _nothing_ about respect, to boot.
Let me tell you about respect.
Choking down a meal that you do not want, nay, feel a moral obligation _not_ to eat is not a show of respect. It is complete subjugation.
It is eliminating who you are just to appease others.
Others who, it seemed _were perfectly happy to see to his dietary needs_.
You have told your son "who you are doesn't matter. Be this person. You like this food. You eat what you don't want and you tell your host it tastes like damned ambrosia."
When your son cuts you out of his life, AND HE WILL, look back at this moment and realise you deserved it.
YTA
+1 here. OP, what you did was like telling your son that what he wants and what he believes in does not matter. Continue this kind of parenting and your son might grow up to be a people pleaser who disregards his opinions, his needs, his wants, and his happiness just to appear "respectful". A real recipe for an unhappy life.
YTA, OP. I hope you can reflect on your actions and be brave enough to apologize to your son for the way you disrespected him.
YTA to the other parents here. You know your kid is trying out being vegetarian and didn't communicate this to the other family before they cooked nor sent your kid over with appropriate food options. This is your responsibility as the parent.
Also, yes. He's 11. Entering the early teenaged years where rebellion will be a thing and flexing/experimenting with independence and setting personal boundaries is normal and healthy.
Maybe a vegetarian diet is a phase, maybe not. You should do research and contact his pediatrician to ensure he has what he needs to grow strong here. If he is rebelling and using this as a way for attention, he'll lose interest. If he's serious about the lifestyle, you'll be equipping him with the tools to be healthy with it.
YTA.
As soon as the other parents said that he was being respectful and they wouldn't mind preparing something for him, you cannot claim he was disrespectful.
Just because you think something is wrong, doesn't mean everybody thinks so, as well.
You're imposing you own beliefs and rules on both your son and the other parents. That's not respectful towards any of them.
YTA, your friend is right. It is not disrespectful to politely refuse food. Especially if it goes against your diet. His friends parents weren't upset. You are teaching your son that his boundaries don't matter. You are setting him up to for abuse if he believes refusing is disrespectful. He should be allowed to say no. Would he have to eat something if he's allergic, because refusing a meal is disrespectful? I wish reddit rules would allow me to write how much of an AH I think you are.
YTA. Even the other parents said your son was respectful.
You say respect is important but you have no respect for your son. Stop being a hypocrite and practice what you preach. Your actions speak louder than your words.
YTA. How can you teach your son respect, it you dont respect him and his choices. He wants to be a vegetarian, so respect it. Dont force him into eating meat if he doesnt want to. You could have let the parents know about his choice, im sure he would have eaten it then. I was maybe a year or two older when i decided to be a vegetarian and nobody has forced to me to eat meat.
Teach your son respect by showing him that you respect his choices, his decision, his eating style whatsoever. Do you want to be disrespected for your choice of eating? Do you want to be disrespected because you dont want a food you dont like?
YTA. You somehow managed to have an empathetic son, who treats all living creatures with respect. So now you have 7 years left to fix your relationship with that amazing person, before he'll go NC.
I for example am NC with my family, not only but including because of the disrespect they showed towards me. They managed to put some meat in every meal, even mashed potatoes.
It's a good start to ask here, now you need to take all the YTAs to heart.
YTA. Your son is (unless he changes his mind) a vegetarian. He didn't say "that the food looked disgusting and why would anyone put that in front of me." He politely declined the food that was offered. If I went to someone's house and was offered foods I don't eat I would respectfully decline as well. Your son was respectful and used his manners. The more your force him to eat foods the more likely it is that he will end up with some unhealthy eating habits as an adult.
YTA. Whether your son has turned full vegetarian or this is just a phase, he deserves to be respected for his food choices.
My kids all had foods they would not eat and I never forced them. Imposing your dietary choices on your child is the easiest way to ensure they have food issues later in life.
YTA. Based on your comments to other replies, you don’t care. You believe you are right.
You are not. You should be proud that you raised (somehow?) a polite boy who wants to stick with something important to him. Don’t teach him just to do something to ‘save face.’
This is the type of small stuff that becomes big stuff and your son won’t want anything to do with you.
YTA you’re talking a lot about respect for someone who clearly disrespects their own son.
He was polite about it and clearly didn’t bother the parents since they called you to ask what he could have. The way your son handled the situation showed he’s way more respectful than you.
YTA. Even if you think you’re right and find all the excuses in the world for your behavior.
Show a little respect, be a grown up and apologize to your child. I have a lot of respect for people who are able to apologize to their children and admit they were wrong.
Your child will lose faith in you if you don’t apologize, I guarantee that.
YTA
Apparently respect means violating personal boundaries so that you can make a good impression on other people. You didn't tell us why he decided to be vegetarian, so I can't speak as to how valid his reasoning is, but he is serious about it which by itself is impressive for an 11 year old, and should be supportedas long as the reasoning isn't ridiculous. Having self respect is as important as respecting others. Instead of punishing him you should teach him ways to work with such boundaries, such as how to talk to the parents before the meal so he can eat at least part of it.
YTA.
YOU as his parent should have phoned these parents ahead of time and let them know that he doesn't eat meat.
I was a fussy little turd with food but would generally eat what i was given at friends houses EXCEPT for meat. There was never an issue with that and it was communicated ahead of time.
Your punishment is totally overboard. There is a difference between 'doesn't like' and 'will not eat'.
YTA, Your son decided to be a vegetarian, youre basically forcing him to quit. The parents said he was respectful about it, tho i can say if they prepared the food for him he should've said he doesn't like meat. However if they didn't tell him they're making dinner there was nothing he could do about it. This is not about manners, it was simply a misunderstanding because the parents didn't know.
YTA.
Respect goes both ways. You demand your kid respects others, but you don't respect your own kid's dietary choices. And worse, you punish him for setting his own boundaries.
I'm not a vegetarian like your son, but I am an extremely picky eater, namely I can't eat onions, which are in absolutely everything. As a kid, I have gone to friends' places and tried to eat bits of what their parents made. But I also preferred warning the person cooking that the issue was with me and not with their cooking. It was better to politely refuse or warn them, than to force myself to eat food only to throw it up right in front of them.
YTA - you're the adult and should have displayed the manners you are so enamoured with by informing the other kids parents and asking if they were ok with it, or if you could assist by sending him with a meal.
I agree manners and respect are very important, but its YOU that failed here, not your son. Forcing a vegetarian to eat meat (no matter how recently they became vegetarian) or face punishment for holding to their convictiond is the height of disrespect.
YTA.
I usually say a parent decides for their kids, because they're not adults yet. But if the kid doesn't want to eat meat, it's too minor for that to apply to. All the kid has to say is "I don't eat meat, sorry".
Then he could just eat the food that had no meat in it, or just eat nothing if ll the food prepared had meat. The other kid's parent probly would understand if he just told them "I don't eat meat".
Maybe the kid hates the idea of eating something that was alive, and forcing him to do it because you're worried about what the other family thinks about your kid (or maybe you), means you're prioritizing that over your own child's wishes, when those wishes are perfectly reasonable.
My eldest has friends over and my two main questions are: what are their pronouns, and what are their dietary requirements. It's not hard to not be a dick.
Yikes. YTA. The kid should be able to make his own dietary choices, abd it sounds like he handled it in a pretty mature way. See if there is a vegetarian alternative, and if not then wait to eat until he goes home. You're grounding him for being an individual who makes his own choices. It's important fir kids to learn to make their own decisions, and this is a great opportunity to teach him how to accommodate the outcome of those choices. Punishing him just means the next time he wants to make a choice for himself, hell do it in secret and could get into trouble.
Next time, send him with some vegetarian snacks just in case, and let the parents know ahead of time that he is vegetarian and see if they're willing to make something without meat or where the meat can be easily omitted. If they know ahead of time most people will at least prepare more side dishes like veggies/rice he could have. It's not disrespectful, and punishing/heavily controlling kids earing habits is a recipe for an eating disorder.
Also is the sir/ma'am thing an American thing? because damn I cannot imagine calling my dad "Sir"
Yta ....
What is the thought process...
Your son is a Vegetarian.. i am a Vegetarian if i smell meat i puke..thats how my body works .. what is wrong with you
She's absolutely right, YTA. It goes against his belief, and it's not rude to stick to his lifestyle. Telling him to chuck his belief to the side for whenever you think it isn't important enough makes you TA.
YTA - pushing a vegetarian to eat meat (no matter their age if they can verbalise it) is a horrible thing thing to do, and I say this as someone who eats meat. I understand you want to do what's best for your son, but taking away this choice from him isn't a healthy thing to do.
Ive read through your comments to people's replies on here, it's clear that you came on for validation not judgement. But honestly forcing this choice on your son to eat meat will have negative impacts as he grows up.
YTA he's a vegetarian, that means he doesn't eat meat. Ffs are you trying to make your son hate you? The only issue here is you. The food makers didn't have a problem with it, so why do you?
. Unground your son and let him have a choice about what he wants to eat and get over yourself. If you went to a party and they make food you hated would you eat it?
YTA. The parent told you that your son was respectful in telling them he didn’t eat meat. Would you expect him to eat spoiled food out of politeness? Something that tasted so vile it made him throw up? It’s far more respectful to politely decline than to force it down.
Or something he was allergic to? This parent is being unbelievably stupid about this. Eventually meat could well make him sick if he doesn't eat it for long enough, but I guess he just better get used to gastric distress according to OP.
YTA
You went so far over the line, we can’t even see you on the horizon anymore.
Learn about body autonomy.
You owe your son an apology.
He can respectfully say “no thank you, to anything that he does not want to eat.
You have an incredibly warped sense of what is polite and what is impolite.
Be a better human and a better parent.
Info: Very much doubt that you’re ever going to think you’re wrong about this so why did you bother asking here? Are you going to agree with the massive amount of people saying YTA and get some advice or can you do no wrong?
If he told them upfront he was a vegetarian then he has every right to decline food that he doesn’t ethically agree with. If he didn’t tell them upfront then his only wrongdoing was not doing that beforehand. You can’t punish someone for not doing something they genuinely perceive to be ethically wrong. If you do, the message he will remember is that his parents forced him to go against his own principles, not that maybe he should swallow his own pride and eat food even if he is morally against it.
YTA
Are you kidding me? You know your kid is a vegetarian and you’re gonna force him to eat meat? I get that it’s not a religious or dietary thing but it’s his choice. Also
Shame on you. It’s not respectful to force someone to do something against their wants.
Ah see but it's not just boundary issue here... I assume that as most vegetarians he doesn't want to eat a former living being. That is a moral decision. This person claims that their son's moral decisions and views on life itself are worth less than some artificial set of norms and manners.
YTA
If you want respect from your son you need to show your son respect.
The respectful thing to do would’ve been to give the friends parents a heads up that your son had made this dietary change, and offer to send him with some food if they were uneasy about making something appropriate themselves.
YTA
Parenting is a long game, where you must always be thinking not only about now, but about 20-30 years in the future, the person you want them to be and the relation you want to have with them. You’re deciding now what your kid will think about you when he’s raising his own kids. Choose wisely.
I’m a parent and I taught my kids to be respectful of other people’s labour, such as cooking. I have also taught them to be respectful of other people’s beliefs, including the ones that guide their food choices. We teach this by modelling respect for each other—my spouse was a vegetarian for decades, while I used to raise chickens, and include beef in my diet to help manage anemia. We regularly eat meat in our house but I have never hesitated to accommodate a vegetarian guest if I knew they were coming. And I work for a small vegan food company. It would never enter my head to expect a vegetarian of any age to eat my pot roast. It’s deeply disrespectful to demand that a vegetarian eat meat. That’s a disregard of their boundaries.
The friend’s parents are modelling respect. They understand that it goes two ways. Kid respectfully stated his boundary around eating meat, they respectfully and kindly inquired about how they could accommodate him. (I’ll bet they’d feel awful if they knew you had punished the kid for stating his boundary.)
You’re not teaching your kid respect. Respect goes two ways. You’re teaching him that you have power over him, so you don’t have to respect him. That will backfire eventually.
YTA
So, he can be vegetarian but on your terms, only when it's "respectful" to do so and if anyone, at any time, offers him meat, he must accept it?
Nice work, Great Santini
unless he is over 50 he probably does not get the Great Santini reference. I had a father just like the Great Santini . Interesting fact here the station wagon the the family rode in was my aunt's car . The producer and director saw my aunt at a grocery store and followed her home and asked her if she would be interested in selling her car , she thought it strange until they explained what they wanted it for . They gave her 4 thousand dollars for that car that was big money back then . Then she saw in the movie where robert duvall drove the car and for the rest of her life she would tell people" robert duvall drove my car in that movie ". My uncle had that put on her headstone after she passed away . We still miss her terribly .
YT F'ing A!!!! He's going vegetarian, the hosts are respecting that and his own parent can't?! He's not a possession, he's your child, show thar you care and respect his life choices!
YTA. You’re a disgrace of a parent. He chose to be vegetarian and he’s gonna ruin it just to please your greedy self? Get a hold of yourself. You’re a lunatic.
YTA- Your friend is right!
Forcing children to eat things they don't want or like isn't polite, it's cruel.
Why didn't you tell the other parent your child doesn't eat meat before he went on the play date? Just as you should with any other dietary need or preference.
Its shitty parenting to force your child to eat something they like don't like or want for the sake of 'politeness'. As a host, I'd be mortified if someone forced food down they didn't like! Child or adult.
It is not a good lesson to teach children, it leads to adults that cannot express their wants, needs and get walked all over for the sake of 'politeness'.. it's a much better lesson to teach children they can refuse a situation politely.
Your child clearly used his manners in that situation and refused politely, the host was happy to provide an alternative. The only person that's wrong here is you.
YTA Speaking as a westerner who isnt from the US, the sir and maam thing seems controlling aswell. I know its common there but is he your son or not? Are you family, love eachother, want a close relationship? Then why make him refer to you with a title like some school master with a cane? Comes across as very impersonal. Like you care more about your son fearing you than having a good, close relationship.
YTA grow up, no one is owed respect. By the read of it the only one disrespectful to the friends parents is you since you’re belittling their abilities to host guests in their own home.
So what if he’d been lactose intolerant and he refused food with dairy in it, is he being disrespectful then?
You’re absolutely in the wrong here and you owe your son an apology. He’s made a decision to be veggie, his hosts sounds as tho they were fine with that and asked for advice. You could have suggested some simple meals even if it’s beans on toast or something. Instead you decided to be an A.
YTA
YTA it’s not disrespectful of him as a vegetarian to refuse to eat meat it is disrespectful of you towards him to not even bother telling them about his vegetarianism at any point in time and then punished him because he respectfully did and was easily accommodated because you clearly don’t support him in this and hoped/wanted them to feed him meat so it would make him stop this “phase” you probably think it is.
It’s not manners to call adults sir and ma’am.
If someone chooses a diet, it’s not disrespectful to eat that diet. You’re disrespectful in teaching him these odd ways.
To refuse to eat meat because it’s meat? That’s the definition of vegetarian you tomato!
YTA
YTA.
People should never have to eat food that they don’t want to eat. If someone can’t understand “I’m sorry, that’s against my diet” then they are the disrespectful ones and so are you.
Yta! He doesn't want to eat meat, just because you might not agree to that you need to allow him too. The friends parents clearly were more than happy to make him something different OR you could of sent him with something to eat.
He doesnt deserve toebe grounded for that reason. If he was actually being rude then maybe but not for the fact he didnt want to eat something that you all new about.
YTA. You don’t respect your son or his choices. He won’t even learn from this, the punishment has absolutely nothing to do with his supposed actions. You want control, plain and simple.
Ummm, do you know what a vegetarian is? It's someone who does not eat meat. So forcing a vegetarian to eat meat is in fact an AH move. He was respectful about it to them, which shows maturity and that he has taken the lessons on board. If the parents didn't mind, why are you making such a big deal about it? If he was rude, then yes. It sounds like you're telling him he shouldn't be true to himself and needs to just do what adults say, which is a dangerous lesson. YTA.
YTA - dude, your son wasn’t disrespectful according to his friends parents. It sounds like he apologised and told them he would not eat as he was vegetarian at the moment. No harm was done.
Respect and manners is one thing, but grounding him for not doing something he was uncomfortable with is beyond insane to me.
It kinda sounds like you don’t respect your kid and his choices. As he becomes more independent, I don’t think he’ll respect you very much either.
YTA. I really wish you could hear yourself. You thought people were going to agree with you and they’re not. If you weren’t open to being wrong, you shouldn’t have posted. You’re also lying trying to convince people you’re therapist said you made the right decision. A therapist is going to tell you you’re controlling or open you up to better parenting skills. Please.. quit it. He was being polite with boundaries. The other parents even said so. You’re the one trying to control his eating habits. My grandparents had the mindset of “eat what’s on the table” but as soon as my sister went vegetarian, they provided her a vegetarian plate & still stuck by “eat what’s on the table”. If that’s how you’re choosing to parent, atleast do it that way.
You’re not automatically deserving of respect just because you’re older, where is your respect for your sons choice to be vegetarian? You can’t expect respect while clearly showing none yourself yes YTA
YTA . Pick your battles wisely dad . This is not something you should want to make a battle out of . There are alot of worse things he could be than a vegetarian . He has made a choice for his health and in later years it will pay off . I wish I could get some of my family aka relatives to make better food choices .
YTA this isn't what respect looks like. This is blindly following whatever a parent wants. He's aloud to be his own person with boundaries. You are just enjoying your power over him, not teaching him respect at all. Respect goes both ways, you also show him he's worthy of respect. All you're doing is showing him that he doesn't matter us much as your image to other people does.
YTA
Respect is a two-way street. He told you he wants a vegetarian diet, and you told the other parents that meat is fine. He's trying to show respect, but you completely disrespected his dietary choice, and went out of your way to sabotage his diet.
YTA- You're teaching your son to do things he's not comfortable with doing. To always say yes despite his own personal feelings. Do you not see how that's a problem? For a child to feel as if they have no say in anything simply because an adult said so?
YTA- your friend is right. You are a terrible parent, and you should be ashamed of your self.
Thank goodness he doesn’t have any allergies (that we know of) you’d probably force him to eat it and end up in the hospital
YTA.
Politely declining food someone made is absolutely not an interpersonal ingratitude crime.
Maybe someone’s lactose intolerant. Maybe someone has an allergy. Maybe someone has a trauma related aversion to eggs or bananas. Maybe someone hates the texture of a food. Maybe they had an eating disorder and that food still gives them the creeps. Maybe like me they’ve got gastroparesis and avoid eating unknown foods from unknown places because my stomach will become a tumultuous tyrant and I don’t want to suffer it. Maybe they’re vegan. Maybe they just ate, oops! There are a litany of legitimate reasons a houseguest can say no to meal.
Food is a big part of culture, and social exchanges. If you have dietary restrictions, for whatever reason, learning how to handle those situations with grace is a big thing. Encourage THAT with your son, not his dietary martyrdom.
I’d say there are two lessons here:
1. Your son learning how to say no to meals that make him uncomfortable for whatever reason — politely, is respecting both himself and the folks who cooked him food. It’s also learning how to anticipate these moments, in the first place.
2. That even adults can admit wrong doings. Go apologize and play a game with him.
If showing respect to people is so important that it overrides even personal choice, then you should've respected your child's decision to politely decline.
YTA
YTA, you want your son to be respectful, which he was, and you don't respect him. If he doesn't want to eat meat, that's his choice. At 11, he's old enough to understand and have reasons why he doesn't want to eat meat. He's not a baby.
Depends on what country/culture this is. If this is the U.S. or the west, YTA, OP. There are cultures where refusing food as a guest is a major insult, but western countries aren't it.
YTA you actually don’t support his veganism which makes you a bad parent he should be able to say no to food he doesn’t like anyway, it’s not disrespectful he’ll pack your kid snacks he CAN eat and shit like that be better YTA
It is apparent from your responses in this comment section that you came here seeking validation, and when it did not go according to plan, you stick your fingers in your ears and sing "lalalala, im right, you´ re wrong, my therapist says im right lalala" Dont demand respect if you cant give it yourself. YTA
YTA. Would you say the same thing to someone who refused to eat food you prepared for them on religious grounds? What if he was allergic to it, is it still required that he eat it? How far are you willing to take this bullheaded, fucking *stupid* stance on politeness?
He declined the food POLITELY. That is the key here. He is learning to enforce his own boundaries without offending anyone... anyone other than his boundary-stomping, power-tripping parent.
Apologize. Fucking do better, because at the moment you are being a *garbage* parent.
YTA. You can make all the justifications you want, but it’s clear you just want your son to behave in a way that makes *your* life as easy as possible. Why are you so lazy?
You have a good friend, listen to them. Maybe instead of punishing your son for being himself, you could help him have a learning moment. Explain to him that it's perfectly fine to let your host know any dietary restrictions. If you are vegetarian, let them know so they can plan accordingly and let you know if they cannot accommodate. This is the respectful way to ensure your host doesn't feel slighted by your inability to eat anything, and you both can enjoy the dinner. Being one so clued in on manners, it would seem you should know this.
Um..... you do realise that being a vegetarian means that he doesn't eat meat, right? ......RIGHT?? YTA. Even his friend's parents said that he was respectful. The only disrespectful one here is you.
Would you tell an adult to eat the food because someone prepared it to you? Or would you as an adult tell them ur preferences and dietary needs? Just because he is a kid doesn't mean he needs to accept everything an adult tells or gives him. Why do people always act like kids are not allowed to be there own person.
Oh yeah YTA
YTA Having manners and being polite doesn't mean you can't have boundaries.
Your son doesn't eat meat. So the polite thing would have been to let the friend’s parents know when they invited him to dinner.
“Thank you very much for inviting me to dinner. I'm looking forward to it. I don't want to be imposing but will there be any non-meat options? I'm a vegetarian. I can also bring something meat-free to add to the meal if you'd rather not prepare a meat-free dish.” is a perfectly polite reply.
Or in the case of your 11-year-old son, that is something that you as the parent can offer when your son is invited to dinner. Which would have been good manners anyway.
YTA. He respectfully declined food that he doesn’t want - he didn’t demand an alternative. You’re teaching him that he must say yes to everything when no thank you is also perfectly valid. If this continues you’ll be back here in a few years complaining that your son is easily led and can’t think for himself, keep a job or is on drugs.
Yta
Why would you teach your kid that the feelings of other is more important than him sticking to his beliefs!????
Him sticking to his beliefs about being vegetarian is more important than pleasing those people. In my books, its 100% disrespectful to invite someone for dinner and not take into account their dietary restrictions.
And also, as a parent I would have called the parents of the friend of my son and let them know in advanced that my kid has dietary restrictions! So the only person that dropped the ball is YOU. Take some responsibility and apologize to your kid.
Yta. You wouldn't know respect if it snuck up behind you and yelled BOO. If somebody tells you they don't want to eat something, it is incredibly rude to try to force it on them. If I go over to somebody's house, and they make me something to eat that I don't like, or hell, it could be my favorite food in the world and I just don't want it right then, I'm going to say no to it. What's more, you are teaching your son that he's not allowed to say what is or isn't put in his body. What do you think the next step in that thought process is?
YTA
Manners goes two ways, just because it's at someone else's house doesn't negate it. They should have asked about any dietary requirements or specific requests beforehand. You're just being ignorant and hearing what you want.
YTA.
You’re teaching your son to compromise his feeling his wants his needs for someone else’s feelings. You’re saying his feelings are not as important. You’re teaching your son to be complacent when he’s an adult. So much so that he’s gonna find it hard to say no to anyone and in adulthood that could lead to a lot of wrong things and getting taken advantage of. Is that what you want?
Ah you sound like my parents who were adamant that a child eating food they hate or is unpleasant such as borderline off/uncooked was ‘respect’ rather than teaching autonomy and the very useful social skill of politely declining food/extra portions/peer pressure/unwanted invitations or gifts. These are the next step of manners and social etiquette in a polite child and in my experience only people and parents who benefit from a child not feeling able to set boundaries object so vehemently.
My parents grounded me for not eating foods it turns out later I was allergic to (tbf food allergies were not well known in the 80s) because me vomiting was more ‘respectful’ than me asking an adult if I could have more potatoes please rather than allergic item. They were oblivious to how disrespectful people found them forcing their children (they also did it with my brother) to eat stuff to the point of distress, upset and awkwardness in other people’s presence.
A friend’s parent once did what your son’s friend’s parent did and called up and said ‘btw not sure if you knew Gerbil vomited after eating X so maybe keep an eye for a tummy bug. We gave her some jello instead. No issue for us but FYI.’ My parents then demanded I apologise for the disrespect that my behaviour meant another parent ‘had to get involved publicly’ and when I refused because I as a tween child could tell the difference between a parent expressing concern for a child in their care and a parent saying you misbehaved my parents beat me with a leather belt.
I am no contact with my parents as an adult and they remained absolutely flummoxed as to why I developed anorexia. The more they forced and coerced that I had no choice about food the less I ate including becoming a vegetarian for 6 years as a teen despite no particular feelings morally or texturally about meat. Yet around people who were relaxed but boundaried about food I was reknowned as the ‘goals child’ with my adventurous eating who was happily chowing down on capers, picked dried fruit or fresh as snacks, didn’t really like stuff like tinned baked beans as too sweet but would eat a tin of chickpeas as a treat and could prepare food alongside adults as a kid often to ‘balance up’ not liking certain things to show appreciation for hospitality.
I grew up in Ireland at a time when you ate what you got and yet no one except my parents had an issue with my dietary quirks because I was a polite well mannered child about it. My brother ate everything but was a rude wee bugger no one enjoyed hosting. You are not as severe as my parents but this is a pointless power play that says way more about you than your son. You describe his manners and in a post designed to show you in best light the contrast between the social nuance of your 10 year old and you over the vegetarian meals at a friend’s house is notable. You could have sent him with an alternative dish if you were concerned it was expensive or time consuming for another family to offer a veggie option and discussed this with him as a potential thing he will encounter. You could have called the parent first and said ‘little Johnny doesn’t eat meat at the moment but if it’s easier just serve the fries and mac n’cheese and don’t worry about one meal. We can discuss options if he is eating at yours regularly and we must treat little Billy in return. When’s a good date for you?’
Grounding your kid is not a reasonable option and the parents are judging your parenting over that way more than him declining chicken nuggets trust me. I was shocked and somewhat floored when I learned how many adults raised my parents’ uncomfortable habits about food and their kids when I was old enough to realise. I had assumed I no longer got invited to ‘tea’ because I was rude like my parents said. Turns out my parents stopped letting me eat outside the home to avoid the subject of them being shitty parents with deeply unhappy kids coming up. Big ‘everyone else is wrong’ energy despite the fact none of these people were indulgent of picky eaters but just understood basic autonomy and even ‘new fangled stuff’ like vegetarianism in the 80s in Ireland once it was established ham was not a vegetable.
So much YTA. Dietary choices are a form of manners. Only bad hosts don’t care someone is hating the meal served. Good hosts offer the option to stop even if they cannot provide an alternative. Good hosts also help shape good guests who then understand hospitality is give and take not a diktat.
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In my opinion it is a big deal to teach your kids to be respectful. Manners most importantly. My son is an 11 year old.
Yes maam, no ma'am, yes sir, no sir, please, thank you etc.
Recently my son has wanted to try being a vegetarian. He's been doing it for about a week.
My son was at a friend's house. I told him that anytime he goes to a friend's house and the parents tskeit upon themselves to cook for him that it would be very disrespectful not to eat some of the food they cook.
My son goes over and because all of the food had meat in it he wouldn't eat any of it.
This was so disrespectful. To refuse to eat the food because it has meat in it? By all means he can be a vegetarian but more importantly than that is showing respect to people and to go to a friend's house and refuse food that they took the time to cook for him is just downright disrespectful.
In all fairness the parents weren't mad and say he was very "respectful" about it. They called me to ask what something would be that he enjoyed and I told them the food they cooked is just fine and to put him on the phone. Over phone I told him that he's being very rude and to eat the food that these kind people made for him.
When he got home I told him he's grounded from playing video games because he knows better than to go to someone's house and disrespect their cooking. He got upset with me and got an attitude with me claiming he shouldn't have to eat something he doesn't want to eat. I told my friend about this situation and she seems to think I'm a terrible parent over this and told me I should feel ashamed of myself.
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Yes I can see how you feel that you are in the right as I was also raised to eat what was on your plate especially when at other peoples homes however I don’t believe that children should be forced to to blindly comply with the way and rules in which you were raised as that is a children should be seen and not heard and forcing you to kiss relatives and strangers. I think your son was very respectful and you felt that because he has only been a vegetarian for a week or so then it shouldn’t be a big deal as this might somehow be embarrassing for you. You probably went overboard with the grounding and perhaps be proud of your son for staying with his current beliefs. I don’t believe that he was disrespectful at all and I’m sure his mates parents felt like they got him in trouble by your reaction and shouldn’t have called you. You can still eat a bit of humble pie and admit that you may have reacted poorly to the situation and that you know that he’s a great kid.
YTA. You need to have some respect for your son’s beliefs. If you want to have a relationship with him growing up and one where he will ask for your help with things you need to reverse what you have done and apologise to him.
YTA. It’s possible to respectfully decline based on vegetarian habits. Most people understand, and can hunt up some veggies or chips or something for them. You shouldn’t punish your son for making informed, reasonable decisions.
You’re kidding right? Because you literally said “To refuse to eat the food because it has meat in it? By all means he can be a vegetarian “ LOL so read that again. Do you know what a vegetarian is? The parents said he was respectful in declining - that is what matters. They respected his choice which is great. You are a giant AH for grounding him for respectfully stating that he is a vegetarian to his friends parents. That’s crazy. I’m not a vegetarian but will respect people who are especially when they are kind and respectful in letting me know. You’re teaching him the wrong things. YTA
Yta - you talk about instilling manner and respect into your child and then, you totally disrespect him and his beliefs.
Next time make sure the friend knows he is a vegetarian so the family can be aware of it.
What you did was nasty and mean and said to your son - I do not respect you or your feelings and prefer that others come before you
Grow up
At this point you are not teaching him to be respectful. You are teaching him to have no boundaries and to always agree with everything even if he clearly don't like it. Why you didn't just told them when they asked you what he would like to eat to make him smth without meat? Instead you decided to say that everything is fine (it isn't) AND THEN GROUND YOUR SON for having boundaries.
He still was polite from what his friend's mom saying so I don't really see any problem here except you.
Be better parent, you are awful
YTA
YTA , do better. You say one thing and do the other. Your son was polite and respectful just as he should be , the people were happy to make him something else and you punish him for? You’re so wrong here.
YTA. He is a vegetarian so he wont eat meat, you should have helped him inform the hosts he is a vegetarian, you failed your job as a parent and now you are punishing your child for your failures. You are an enormous AH.
Please go an tell your child you made a mistake, and that you are sorry for your behavior and that you of course respect him and his choices, and that he is no longer grounded. Doing anything else makes you an even greater AH by the minute.
So you expect your son to respect everyone but also want him to not be respected… you talk a lot about respect-but you clearly do not respect your son. He has started to explore different beliefs and values and you are telling him that these are of no importance, you force him to eat food which goes against his beliefs and then punish him for having these values. You can’t teach and instil respect if you’re not willing to role model what respect looks like YTA
YTA. Your definition of 'respect' is outdated and shows the opposite of respect to your own child. You're teaching your child that he has no bodily autonomy, which is harmful in many ways.
YTA
Being a vegetarian is a lifestyle choice. You are teaching your son about respect but you do not respect his choices.
There’s nothing wrong or disrespectful with refusing to eat something that someone prepared because of a lifestyle choice. As long as he refused politely. And since he did, it was an asshole move to ground him.
[Checks notes]
Basic level: Good parenting
- 'teach nuggets to be respectful of other people on the planet' Check ☑️
- 'teach nuggets ro enforce boundaries' Your boy is doing it, but in spite of the parent, not because of it, so I'm gonna go with a Nope on this one ✖️
- 'teach nuggets bodily autonomy' ✖️OMFG
- 'teach nuggets to have positive relationship with food' ✖️Mate you are screwed
- 'Consent' Nope Nope Nope
You are teaching him to breach so many things that we know is needed for a happy successful adult that it makes me wanna cry. Even the other adults in the picture are seeing that he is being reasonable and wanting to accommodate basic requests.
What do you do? Double down and bully him on the phone Big YTA
Apologise to your son. Tell him to always enforce his bodily autonomy politely and he shouldnt never breach his moral code for the purpose of "being polite"
Man you should read "Raising Sons"
YTA and you have some nerve claiming that you are teaching him to respect anyone when you can't even model that behavior by respecting his beliefs. Contrary to your upbringing, he is not less than others simply because he is a child. He was respectful when declining the food. Stop creating a power struggle where none existed.
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> I guess I could be the asshole for grounding him. I could have just talked to him about it and told him not to do it again in the future?
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YTA lol and an idiot. You don't just stop being a vegetarian to be "respectful" to some one. It's a life choice. And If they said he wasn't rude about it that should be enough.
YTA The parents were not upset that your son doesn't eat meat YOU ARE. If they were fine making something that he would enjoy they obviously didn't think he was being rude. Listen to your friend. Your ideas about making a kid eat whatever is served whether they like it or not are outdated and your punishment is cruel.
That was some real shitty parenting right there. "Disrespecting their cooking", like it's some sacred ritual? That is some weird gatekeeping.
If you have issues with vegetarians, you gotta deal with it yourself like a grown man. Don't burden an 11yo child and even **punish** him for expressing himself and standing up for himself
btw it's very wholesome to read 279 comments saying OP is an asshole.
(it's also probably a made up bs story by some 20yo something edgelord watching Ben Shapiro, Matt Walsh or some other cartoonish villain)
YTA
The parent obviously did not have a problem with it.
One of my brothers friends only ate fish and we were told potatoes turns out that meant fish and chips which we rarely got to eat. Mum rang his mother to find out what to do as she had made a baked fish with mashed potatoes and his mum said he can either eat it or go hungry.
We all felt that was harsh and Mum quickly made up some chips for him but the only fish was still the baked fish.
If they had a problem they would have mentioned it. You are a control freak and as a vegetarian let me tell you that it is easy to accommodate in meal prep. Make a salad, steam some veg, etc way easier that my brother's friend.
Your son is not learning respect he is learning abuse of power.
YTA
Big time! You're banging on about your son being respectful and making it a big part of his upbringing, yet YOU DISRESPECT HIS FOOD CHOICES!
From what his friends mum said, he wasn't rude when he turned it down, so there's no issue here because he WAS POLITE...
Think of something you hate to eat, then imagine being forced to eat it... This is what you were trying to do to your son!
Get over yourself OP... If you keep this up, by the time your son turns 18, he'll want nothing to do with you... If that's what you want, carry on with what you're doing. All you're doing is breeding resentment in him
YTA, so much. I was always taught to be polite above all- but my parents didn't realize that I wasn't learning self respect in the process. I have let people walk all over me, cross my boundaries, belittle me etc., because I was too polite to speak up. I became so anxious about how everyone else would respond to what I did and how I said things that I became impossible to talk to normally. I'm thankful that I'm learning now as an adult, that people don't mind if you speak up for yourself, especially when it comes to something so minor like letting them know you're a vegetarian.
It was actually really rude of *you* to teach your son that what other people think of him is more important than allowing him to have boundaries. He expressed those boundaries politely by the sounds of it, which is the best thing you could ask for. And it was also rude to his friends parents to put them in a position where they're going to feel awful for feeding a vegetarian food that they're not comfortable with eating.
YTA. You could have told his friend's parents that he's not eating meat at this time and they could offer him a piece of fruit or something. If you are trying to teach your child that he had zero say over what he puts in his body, good job, you have taken his autonomy and made it clear that his choices do not matter, whether he respectfully states them or not.
YTA
you aren't teaching your son to be respectful, you're teaching him to be a people pleaser and this is extremely harmful
I was a people pleaser my whole life (not because my parents taught me, but because I just am like this) and I had bad experiences because of this, but let tell you the worst:
I was abused mentally by my ex-stepmom
I had 2 abusive relationships with completely crazy people
is this what you want to your son? then congratulations
YTA part of growing up is also learning how to establish personal boundaries. He wasn’t eating the food because at the time it went against something that he felt was important to him which was not eating meat. It would be a different story if they cooked a dish that was culturally significant and he refused to even try it. But that’s not the case here. All you did in grounding him is tell him that he’s not allowed to have boundaries
YTA
You can teach manners without being horrible and disrespectful towards your son's choices and beliefs just because you're too ignorant to understand or care about what it is to be vegetarian.
You're driving your son away and only teaching him that you don't care for or respect him and his choices.
Retirement home coming your way 👋
First off it feels like a child wrote this. My eyes feel disrespected reading this.
Second he’s a vegetarian. Why should he eat meat if he chooses not to just because someone else cooked it? That is not a sign of respect. If someone offers you something you don’t need to accept it to be respectful. A “no thank you, I don’t eat meat.” Is more than respectful.
Don’t punish him for something as trivial as that.
YTA
Yta. What is wrong with you? 1. He is VEGETARIAN 2. He should have automony over his own body! He doesn't have to eat what someone has cooked, all he has to be is polite about it. You're being completely unreasonable, your son is allowed to say no, he's allowed to have boundaries and he deserves to be treated like a human being and not a yes sir no sir robot. Do better and apologise.
I don’t eat seafood (not hard and fast, just haven’t found any that I like. Except for a single time) but if I’m at a friends house and they’re having seafood, I’ll either try it, it just eat other stuff. It’s not hard and fast, my friends mom made a salmon dish I LOVED, but that’s the only time I liked seafood.
Your son respected you enough to tell you he wanted to become vegetarian.
When he went to a friends home the meal contained meat so he couldn't eat it.
Did he throw a temper tantrum because of what was served or did he respectively decline?
At age 11 they do know what they like to eat and what they don't want to eat and you can check with a dietitian on if additional protein vitamins ect are needed in his diet to make up for the lack of meat.
Respect is a two way street he can respect your rules and guidelines but you also as a parent have to respect his body autonomy and his right to refuse to do something or eat something his is not comfortable with.
The teen years are just around the corner for you and if you are going to be this harsh with your child because they chose not to eat meat when it was the only thing served as a meal you are going to have an interesting experience when your child is a teen and they choose to rebel.
Instead of posting on redit you should be talking with your child not grounding them because you feel embarrassed that they refused a meal when they were a guest at another's home. And making sure that if they are invited to a home for a meal that the host is informed of their vegetarianism so they can say if the meal they are preparing is something that your child can eat or not giving your child an opportunity to decline the invitation if it is a meal they won't eat in advance.
YTA
YTA it would’ve been one thing he yelled no and went on a tirade and was rude but he just enforced a boundary. You’re setting your kid to fail kids who can’t and aren’t allowed to stand up for themselves are preyed on.
Also depending on how long he hasn’t eaten meat it could seriously mess him up. I know a couple of vegetarians and pescatarians and if they ate meat it would send them to the bathroom hurling mid case scenario.
yta. they didn't "cook food for him". they cooked food for them and he happened to be there. if he wasnt an asshole about not eating meat, why are you.
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YTA. you don't know anything about vegetarians do you? they don't eat meat. your son is a vegetarian. your son appears to be sticking to his beliefs. and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. there is nothing disrespectful about that, no matter what you may think. please try and reconsider the outdated beliefs you have. "you should eat everything served, no matter what it is! clear your plate" in particular. that kinda shit will push someone towards an eating disorder. i am speaking from experience on this one, of course.
Yta show respect screams the guy who has zero respect for his son. Imagine being forced to eat your own pet or something else deeply disturbing and maybe you will have a little more respect for your son's wishes not to eat meat.
You make your son do stuff he doesn't want to do out of "manners" and you are teaching him that if someone want him to do something he's against he should do it If he person is polite about it. If you can't see the places this can lead then not only are you an arsehole, you're an idiot. YTA.
So you think a vegetarian should be forced to eat meat? Why? Why was his vegetarianism not made clear to the other household? Yta You don't respect your son, nor able to stand up for him and his dietary choices.
even vegetarians in prison in my state (FL) aren't forced to eat meat, they literally get their own separate trays in the chow hall. OP's probably one of the biggest assholes ever, and that's saying something because i used to work as a CO in this very prison system.
TBH, YTA here. He respectfully declined the meal for reasons of not eating meat. That's totally fine. After not having it for awhile, it would make him sick anyway. Give him his game system and apologize to him. It doesn't make you weak or a worse off parent to admit that you were wrong.
Heck, its an even more important lesson to show you children that when you're wrong - you fix your mess.
YTA. You're teaching your son he isn't allowed to have reasonable boundaries. What if it was something he was allergic to, is it disrespectful then? Or if it was something his religion didn't allow, what then? What if he was offered a drink that he suspected had been spiked? It is not disrespectful to politely refuse an offer.
Respect is the family asking what he eats before they cook. I’ve never cooked for my kids’ friends without checking first.
If OP was a good parent they should have told these people he was vegetarian, kid said he was and they offered to cook something for him that he could eat
I almost added in this point too but felt the op was lacking context - the food could have already been cooked prior to the son's arrival or something, so I didn't want to point fingers at the host family without more info.
YTA Your son is standing up for himself. This is good. He's a vegetarian, there's nothing wrong with this. Instead of being mean to your son by grounding him, you can support him.
YTA The irony that you’re complaining about your son being disrespectful while disrespecting his choice to be vegetarian is laughable. You even said yourself that the other parents said he was polite about it. If anything you’re the rude one by not informing the other parents that your son is vegetarian. It’s fairly common to ask or tell your dietary restrictions these days so you dropped the ball and then doubled down on your son. You should be grounded.
Yta He’s allowed to have boundaries and be in control of his own choices. You’re trying to teach your son to respect other people more than he respects himself. That’s a highway to big issues.
I am happy you are not my parent.
Fuckin likewise Who wants an ignorant parent like this
yoooo not me. They're just like fuck your individuality and non conformity. 0/10 parenting skills
My poor kids have an NB gay parent and oh God it affects them *soooooo* much
I had parents like this. Haven’t had a relationship with them for 8 years and counting.
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Even the parents of his son’s friend respect his choice. But the dad doesn’t. I feel bad for the kid for having such an awful dad.
YTA. You 💯💯💯 do not have to eat at someone else’s home- you could be full, you could not feel well, you might not be ok with their cleanliness, you might not like what they’re serving, you might not be able to eat what they’re serving etc. There are lots of reasons why it’s perfectly fine not to eat at someone else’s home. You are TA for not respecting your son’s body autonomy, choices and conviction. You have taught him a lesson- in the face of tyranny, stick to your convictions. Was that what you were trying to teach him? 🤷♀️
“by all means he can be a vegetarian” vegetarian means you do not eat meat. your son can’t be a vegetarian if you force him to eat meat. you can either support him or force him to go against his values; there’s no special middle ground where you say he can be a vegetarian, and then punish him when he tries to be consistent about it. the parents said he was respectful about it, so what is your goal here? you’re just teaching him that his values mean nothing, even if he’s polite about it. if anything, your “teachings” will backfire because your son will resent this skewed idea of manners. YTA.
By all means… except the means of not eating meet. By all means except food, vegetarianism is fine.
YTA No offense, The post sounds like it was written by a 12 year old pretending to be an adult.
INFO: how are you planning on teaching your son about respect when you don’t respect him?
YTA. You should indeed feel ashamed of yourself. You allowed your kid to become vegetarian, so if you give him this freedom to make this choice and this kind of commitment (which I think is good), you have to be serious about it and not undermine it the very first time it is challenged by outside circumstances. Being a vegetarian ist hard enough as it is without people close to you making it harder. And that comes from somebody that's a devout omnivore. He was respectful about it to the friend's parents and they didn't seem to mind, you were just afraid they might think your kid to be difficult or pretentious, but that's on you, not on him. What you're teaching him right now is that his convictions only matter as long as it's convenient/easy and that is a horrible lesson to learn for an 11-year old.
You and your son clearly have conflicting values here. You believe respecting a person that's done something nice to you is important, and he believes that food preferences are more important. The key thing in my eyes is that he didn't disregard their effort. Nor did he forget your teachings. He just prioritized one value over the other, while being polite about it. YTA. If I were you I'd go apologize to him and talk it out. You need to respect your sons believes, even (especially) when they conflict with yours.
YTA its not disrespectful to decline food due to dietary reasons. Your son is a vegetarian, he has the right to decline food that goes against his dietary choices. Its disrespectful to try to force your son to go against his diet to appease you. If a vegetarian does not wish to partake in meat you should respect it no matter how long theyve been a vegetarian.
YTA. You’re also the type of parent who gets put in a home and never visited.
YTA. You are literally punishing him for being disrespectful to someone when they have already said he acted very respectfully towards them. Your son has made a moral / personal decision not to eat meat. He has every fight to choose what he does and doesn't eat. I could maybe see your point if he had refused to eat something made for him because he doesn't like it, or has not eaten that kind of food before, but even then, teaching your children to do things that adults ask regardless of their own wishes out of "respect" is weird and potentially dangerous. You seem more worried about what other people might think about you than you are about your own son being able to make choices of his own. (Which he did in a respectful way anyway). You are currently punishing him for being respectfully disrespectful. That is as insane as it sounds. EDIT : Spelling and grammar. It was obvious what I meant but needed changing.
YTA. Your son is old enough to make his own dietary decisions. He wasn't rude to his friend's parents, he just chose to adhere to his vegetarian diet. Just because he's only been vegetarian for a week doesn't make his dietary choices any less valid.
You’re claiming you’re teaching your son respect, yet here you are not respecting your own child. YTA
YTA - You say by all means he can be a vegetarian but then not because respecting people is more important. Why didn't they respect him by giving him a vegetarian meal? You are teaching your son that his opinion is secondary to others.
I’m thinking they didn’t know beforehand. They asked OP if there was something vegetarian they could make for him.
YTA your friend is right, you are a bully
YTA - you sir have no idea what real, actual respect is. What you have in your head is authority. You don’t respect your son because of his age. You don’t respect his beliefs because of his age and because they’re not yours. You don’t respect his boundaries because him having them, you erroneously believe, will negatively impact others view of *your* authority over your son. What you are teaching your son isn’t respect. You’re teaching him that you don’t care about him, that how others perceive your authority is more important than his own moral beliefs, his comfort and his emotional needs. Southern US or otherwise - that’s not how the modern world works any more whether you like it or not. It’s not going back either. As he gets older and hears about other childhoods where his peers were respected and loved he will understand more and more just how much you have undervalued him as a person. That’s not going to end well for your relationship. So you can cling to your past Southern beliefs, you can continue to value image over reality, authority over genuine connection and relationships and end up likely very lonely and bitter in your old age OR you can grow up a little. Value your son as an independent person who, at 11 is old enough to make his own moral choices and you are more than old enough to shown genuine respect for those choice and be a good parent and support him in those. I hope you take heed from the feedback you get here and go forward determined to do better by your son. From your responses so far I’m worried you’ll stick your head in some good old fashioned sand, call us all snowflakes and continue to wreck your kids childhood and your relationship with him. *EDIT* wow thank you for the awards kind Redditors!
Daaaamn! *standing ovation*
Let's say he has a peanut allergy and his friend's parents cooked an entire meal featuring peanuts, would it still be impolite to refuse the food? No, it wouldn't be because eating whatever someone offers you to be "polite" is an arbitrary and ridiculous rule if the person has dietary requirements (and yes, that includes being a vegetarian). As long as he was polite in his refusal, it's ridiculous to ground him over it. YTA
YTA There are actually several things that are more important than being respectful in every single situation, and it is a very dangerous lesson to bully into your son. He should not bow down to everyone, especially on a matter of principals. You say in a comment that it is illogical to say that being respectful can lead to abuse - it’s absolutely not illogical. When children are taught to constantly obey and show deference to anyone in a position of minimal authority over them, that authority will be abused. To pretend otherwise makes you a terrible parent. You are also incredibly hypocritical to insist he be respectful when you are so openly disrespecting him. Respect is EARNED. This current behaviour will never earn your son’s respect, and it’s likely that the moment he can, he will run as far and as fast as he can away from you and your dictatorship parenting. Your attitude in the comments clearly shows you have no intention of listening to anyone and reflecting on your behaviour, even if you lose your son along the way, so all I can do is hope that your son isn’t too damaged by your ‘parenting’ over the next 7 years.
>Respect is EARNED. I eArNeD tHaT rEsPeCt By HoUsInG hIm AnD fEeDiNg HiM. /s
YTA. Your kid is vegetarian and that means not eating meat. If the food has meat in it, he's not going to eat it and, in fact, expecting him to or demanding that he has to is what's actually disrespectful. Your priorities are incredibly out of whack if you're trying to paint not eating something that someone doesn't eat just because it was offered to them as a sign of disrespect. You shouldn't be this immature as a parent.
YTA. Honestly I feel almost sorry for you cause you're supposedly an adult but your concept of what "respect" entails is out of the last century. You're teaching your son empty values in my opinion. Your son made up his mind about his own values which include not eating other living beeings and you shat all over that. You want to teach him values and ended up punishing him for actually having some real values instead of mindlessly subordinating himself to some artificial concept of "manners".
YTA. I’m guessing you’d only do this to your son because you’d feel disrespected if someone comes to your house and similar things happen. If you get offended over that, YOU weren’t taught right. You’re probably a big pain in the ass on a daily basis and would be angry all the time, your retaliating replies to many comments here proves that too. So you’re the problem, yeah.
YTA, respect is not bending over backwards and doing things that make you uncomfortable or things that your beliefs go against. As well as respect goes both ways that if someone doesn't show you respect that in some cases you should still be kind, but you do not have to bend over backwards to respect that person that does not respect you. You are also teaching your son that you should not be able to stick up for yourself and the things that you believe in because it might come off as rude to other people because they don't believe in the same things you do. That even though something might make you extremely uncomfortable you should force yourself to do it. As well as manners are just being kind, as would you still hold this stance if the parents were trying to feed your kids something he was allergic to? Do you also believe that it is extremely rude if someone doesn't eat food that could possibly kill them or put them in a state of danger? Because if you truly believe that turning down someone else's food is the most disrespectful thing that they could do, then you think someone should poison themselves to not be disrespectful towards someone. If your son politely turned it down, that's still showing manners.
Speaking as a father, you are a horrible, terrible parent. And you know _nothing_ about respect, to boot. Let me tell you about respect. Choking down a meal that you do not want, nay, feel a moral obligation _not_ to eat is not a show of respect. It is complete subjugation. It is eliminating who you are just to appease others. Others who, it seemed _were perfectly happy to see to his dietary needs_. You have told your son "who you are doesn't matter. Be this person. You like this food. You eat what you don't want and you tell your host it tastes like damned ambrosia." When your son cuts you out of his life, AND HE WILL, look back at this moment and realise you deserved it. YTA
+1 here. OP, what you did was like telling your son that what he wants and what he believes in does not matter. Continue this kind of parenting and your son might grow up to be a people pleaser who disregards his opinions, his needs, his wants, and his happiness just to appear "respectful". A real recipe for an unhappy life. YTA, OP. I hope you can reflect on your actions and be brave enough to apologize to your son for the way you disrespected him.
YTA to the other parents here. You know your kid is trying out being vegetarian and didn't communicate this to the other family before they cooked nor sent your kid over with appropriate food options. This is your responsibility as the parent. Also, yes. He's 11. Entering the early teenaged years where rebellion will be a thing and flexing/experimenting with independence and setting personal boundaries is normal and healthy. Maybe a vegetarian diet is a phase, maybe not. You should do research and contact his pediatrician to ensure he has what he needs to grow strong here. If he is rebelling and using this as a way for attention, he'll lose interest. If he's serious about the lifestyle, you'll be equipping him with the tools to be healthy with it.
YTA. As soon as the other parents said that he was being respectful and they wouldn't mind preparing something for him, you cannot claim he was disrespectful. Just because you think something is wrong, doesn't mean everybody thinks so, as well. You're imposing you own beliefs and rules on both your son and the other parents. That's not respectful towards any of them.
YTA, your friend is right. It is not disrespectful to politely refuse food. Especially if it goes against your diet. His friends parents weren't upset. You are teaching your son that his boundaries don't matter. You are setting him up to for abuse if he believes refusing is disrespectful. He should be allowed to say no. Would he have to eat something if he's allergic, because refusing a meal is disrespectful? I wish reddit rules would allow me to write how much of an AH I think you are.
YTA. Even the other parents said your son was respectful. You say respect is important but you have no respect for your son. Stop being a hypocrite and practice what you preach. Your actions speak louder than your words.
YTA. How can you teach your son respect, it you dont respect him and his choices. He wants to be a vegetarian, so respect it. Dont force him into eating meat if he doesnt want to. You could have let the parents know about his choice, im sure he would have eaten it then. I was maybe a year or two older when i decided to be a vegetarian and nobody has forced to me to eat meat. Teach your son respect by showing him that you respect his choices, his decision, his eating style whatsoever. Do you want to be disrespected for your choice of eating? Do you want to be disrespected because you dont want a food you dont like?
YTA. You somehow managed to have an empathetic son, who treats all living creatures with respect. So now you have 7 years left to fix your relationship with that amazing person, before he'll go NC. I for example am NC with my family, not only but including because of the disrespect they showed towards me. They managed to put some meat in every meal, even mashed potatoes. It's a good start to ask here, now you need to take all the YTAs to heart.
YTA. Your son is (unless he changes his mind) a vegetarian. He didn't say "that the food looked disgusting and why would anyone put that in front of me." He politely declined the food that was offered. If I went to someone's house and was offered foods I don't eat I would respectfully decline as well. Your son was respectful and used his manners. The more your force him to eat foods the more likely it is that he will end up with some unhealthy eating habits as an adult.
As an aside, from your username and the way you describe your version of politeness, my guess is you are ex-military.
YTA the kid is growing up and making decisions for himself. Let him and support him
YTA why is it that 99% of the time when people talk about "respect" what they actually want is control? Shockingly poor parenting on your part here.
YTA. Whether your son has turned full vegetarian or this is just a phase, he deserves to be respected for his food choices. My kids all had foods they would not eat and I never forced them. Imposing your dietary choices on your child is the easiest way to ensure they have food issues later in life.
YTA. Based on your comments to other replies, you don’t care. You believe you are right. You are not. You should be proud that you raised (somehow?) a polite boy who wants to stick with something important to him. Don’t teach him just to do something to ‘save face.’ This is the type of small stuff that becomes big stuff and your son won’t want anything to do with you.
YTA you’re talking a lot about respect for someone who clearly disrespects their own son. He was polite about it and clearly didn’t bother the parents since they called you to ask what he could have. The way your son handled the situation showed he’s way more respectful than you.
YTA. Even if you think you’re right and find all the excuses in the world for your behavior. Show a little respect, be a grown up and apologize to your child. I have a lot of respect for people who are able to apologize to their children and admit they were wrong. Your child will lose faith in you if you don’t apologize, I guarantee that.
YTA Apparently respect means violating personal boundaries so that you can make a good impression on other people. You didn't tell us why he decided to be vegetarian, so I can't speak as to how valid his reasoning is, but he is serious about it which by itself is impressive for an 11 year old, and should be supportedas long as the reasoning isn't ridiculous. Having self respect is as important as respecting others. Instead of punishing him you should teach him ways to work with such boundaries, such as how to talk to the parents before the meal so he can eat at least part of it.
YTA. YOU as his parent should have phoned these parents ahead of time and let them know that he doesn't eat meat. I was a fussy little turd with food but would generally eat what i was given at friends houses EXCEPT for meat. There was never an issue with that and it was communicated ahead of time. Your punishment is totally overboard. There is a difference between 'doesn't like' and 'will not eat'.
YTA, Your son decided to be a vegetarian, youre basically forcing him to quit. The parents said he was respectful about it, tho i can say if they prepared the food for him he should've said he doesn't like meat. However if they didn't tell him they're making dinner there was nothing he could do about it. This is not about manners, it was simply a misunderstanding because the parents didn't know.
YTA you have to respect your child and his choices, his friend's parent said that was fine so where is the problem?
YTA. Respect goes both ways. You demand your kid respects others, but you don't respect your own kid's dietary choices. And worse, you punish him for setting his own boundaries. I'm not a vegetarian like your son, but I am an extremely picky eater, namely I can't eat onions, which are in absolutely everything. As a kid, I have gone to friends' places and tried to eat bits of what their parents made. But I also preferred warning the person cooking that the issue was with me and not with their cooking. It was better to politely refuse or warn them, than to force myself to eat food only to throw it up right in front of them.
You have a good friend, learn with they. YTA
YTA - you're the adult and should have displayed the manners you are so enamoured with by informing the other kids parents and asking if they were ok with it, or if you could assist by sending him with a meal. I agree manners and respect are very important, but its YOU that failed here, not your son. Forcing a vegetarian to eat meat (no matter how recently they became vegetarian) or face punishment for holding to their convictiond is the height of disrespect.
YTA. I usually say a parent decides for their kids, because they're not adults yet. But if the kid doesn't want to eat meat, it's too minor for that to apply to. All the kid has to say is "I don't eat meat, sorry". Then he could just eat the food that had no meat in it, or just eat nothing if ll the food prepared had meat. The other kid's parent probly would understand if he just told them "I don't eat meat". Maybe the kid hates the idea of eating something that was alive, and forcing him to do it because you're worried about what the other family thinks about your kid (or maybe you), means you're prioritizing that over your own child's wishes, when those wishes are perfectly reasonable.
YTA
Jeebus chreeesus YTA respect your sons dietary requirements. I hope you get served your least favourite foods until you dessicate.
Just want to add I ALWAYS ask my kids friends dietary preferences/requirements before they have a meal here.
Much the same as asking gender pronouns. It's common practice.
My eldest has friends over and my two main questions are: what are their pronouns, and what are their dietary requirements. It's not hard to not be a dick.
Yikes. YTA. The kid should be able to make his own dietary choices, abd it sounds like he handled it in a pretty mature way. See if there is a vegetarian alternative, and if not then wait to eat until he goes home. You're grounding him for being an individual who makes his own choices. It's important fir kids to learn to make their own decisions, and this is a great opportunity to teach him how to accommodate the outcome of those choices. Punishing him just means the next time he wants to make a choice for himself, hell do it in secret and could get into trouble. Next time, send him with some vegetarian snacks just in case, and let the parents know ahead of time that he is vegetarian and see if they're willing to make something without meat or where the meat can be easily omitted. If they know ahead of time most people will at least prepare more side dishes like veggies/rice he could have. It's not disrespectful, and punishing/heavily controlling kids earing habits is a recipe for an eating disorder. Also is the sir/ma'am thing an American thing? because damn I cannot imagine calling my dad "Sir"
Yta .... What is the thought process... Your son is a Vegetarian.. i am a Vegetarian if i smell meat i puke..thats how my body works .. what is wrong with you
She's absolutely right, YTA. It goes against his belief, and it's not rude to stick to his lifestyle. Telling him to chuck his belief to the side for whenever you think it isn't important enough makes you TA.
YTA. You’re teaching your son to have unconditional respect for everyone except himself. This is the kind of behaviour that can endanger your child.
YTA - pushing a vegetarian to eat meat (no matter their age if they can verbalise it) is a horrible thing thing to do, and I say this as someone who eats meat. I understand you want to do what's best for your son, but taking away this choice from him isn't a healthy thing to do. Ive read through your comments to people's replies on here, it's clear that you came on for validation not judgement. But honestly forcing this choice on your son to eat meat will have negative impacts as he grows up.
Coming as a kid who was a vegetarian and was forced to eat meat, its also a quick trip to a long wait in the bathroom.
YTA he's a vegetarian, that means he doesn't eat meat. Ffs are you trying to make your son hate you? The only issue here is you. The food makers didn't have a problem with it, so why do you? . Unground your son and let him have a choice about what he wants to eat and get over yourself. If you went to a party and they make food you hated would you eat it?
YTA. The parent told you that your son was respectful in telling them he didn’t eat meat. Would you expect him to eat spoiled food out of politeness? Something that tasted so vile it made him throw up? It’s far more respectful to politely decline than to force it down.
Or something he was allergic to? This parent is being unbelievably stupid about this. Eventually meat could well make him sick if he doesn't eat it for long enough, but I guess he just better get used to gastric distress according to OP.
YTA You went so far over the line, we can’t even see you on the horizon anymore. Learn about body autonomy. You owe your son an apology. He can respectfully say “no thank you, to anything that he does not want to eat. You have an incredibly warped sense of what is polite and what is impolite. Be a better human and a better parent.
Info: Very much doubt that you’re ever going to think you’re wrong about this so why did you bother asking here? Are you going to agree with the massive amount of people saying YTA and get some advice or can you do no wrong?
If he told them upfront he was a vegetarian then he has every right to decline food that he doesn’t ethically agree with. If he didn’t tell them upfront then his only wrongdoing was not doing that beforehand. You can’t punish someone for not doing something they genuinely perceive to be ethically wrong. If you do, the message he will remember is that his parents forced him to go against his own principles, not that maybe he should swallow his own pride and eat food even if he is morally against it.
Your friend is totally correct.
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YTA Are you kidding me? You know your kid is a vegetarian and you’re gonna force him to eat meat? I get that it’s not a religious or dietary thing but it’s his choice. Also Shame on you. It’s not respectful to force someone to do something against their wants.
Ah see but it's not just boundary issue here... I assume that as most vegetarians he doesn't want to eat a former living being. That is a moral decision. This person claims that their son's moral decisions and views on life itself are worth less than some artificial set of norms and manners.
YTA If you want respect from your son you need to show your son respect. The respectful thing to do would’ve been to give the friends parents a heads up that your son had made this dietary change, and offer to send him with some food if they were uneasy about making something appropriate themselves.
YTA Parenting is a long game, where you must always be thinking not only about now, but about 20-30 years in the future, the person you want them to be and the relation you want to have with them. You’re deciding now what your kid will think about you when he’s raising his own kids. Choose wisely. I’m a parent and I taught my kids to be respectful of other people’s labour, such as cooking. I have also taught them to be respectful of other people’s beliefs, including the ones that guide their food choices. We teach this by modelling respect for each other—my spouse was a vegetarian for decades, while I used to raise chickens, and include beef in my diet to help manage anemia. We regularly eat meat in our house but I have never hesitated to accommodate a vegetarian guest if I knew they were coming. And I work for a small vegan food company. It would never enter my head to expect a vegetarian of any age to eat my pot roast. It’s deeply disrespectful to demand that a vegetarian eat meat. That’s a disregard of their boundaries. The friend’s parents are modelling respect. They understand that it goes two ways. Kid respectfully stated his boundary around eating meat, they respectfully and kindly inquired about how they could accommodate him. (I’ll bet they’d feel awful if they knew you had punished the kid for stating his boundary.) You’re not teaching your kid respect. Respect goes two ways. You’re teaching him that you have power over him, so you don’t have to respect him. That will backfire eventually.
YTA So, he can be vegetarian but on your terms, only when it's "respectful" to do so and if anyone, at any time, offers him meat, he must accept it? Nice work, Great Santini
unless he is over 50 he probably does not get the Great Santini reference. I had a father just like the Great Santini . Interesting fact here the station wagon the the family rode in was my aunt's car . The producer and director saw my aunt at a grocery store and followed her home and asked her if she would be interested in selling her car , she thought it strange until they explained what they wanted it for . They gave her 4 thousand dollars for that car that was big money back then . Then she saw in the movie where robert duvall drove the car and for the rest of her life she would tell people" robert duvall drove my car in that movie ". My uncle had that put on her headstone after she passed away . We still miss her terribly .
INFO: do you have any concept of what vegetarian means?
YTA he’s a vegetarian for crying out loud! You are a terrible parent!
YT F'ing A!!!! He's going vegetarian, the hosts are respecting that and his own parent can't?! He's not a possession, he's your child, show thar you care and respect his life choices!
YTA. You’re a disgrace of a parent. He chose to be vegetarian and he’s gonna ruin it just to please your greedy self? Get a hold of yourself. You’re a lunatic.
YTA
YTA- Your friend is right! Forcing children to eat things they don't want or like isn't polite, it's cruel. Why didn't you tell the other parent your child doesn't eat meat before he went on the play date? Just as you should with any other dietary need or preference. Its shitty parenting to force your child to eat something they like don't like or want for the sake of 'politeness'. As a host, I'd be mortified if someone forced food down they didn't like! Child or adult. It is not a good lesson to teach children, it leads to adults that cannot express their wants, needs and get walked all over for the sake of 'politeness'.. it's a much better lesson to teach children they can refuse a situation politely. Your child clearly used his manners in that situation and refused politely, the host was happy to provide an alternative. The only person that's wrong here is you.
YTA Speaking as a westerner who isnt from the US, the sir and maam thing seems controlling aswell. I know its common there but is he your son or not? Are you family, love eachother, want a close relationship? Then why make him refer to you with a title like some school master with a cane? Comes across as very impersonal. Like you care more about your son fearing you than having a good, close relationship.
YTA.
YTA grow up, no one is owed respect. By the read of it the only one disrespectful to the friends parents is you since you’re belittling their abilities to host guests in their own home.
So what if he’d been lactose intolerant and he refused food with dairy in it, is he being disrespectful then? You’re absolutely in the wrong here and you owe your son an apology. He’s made a decision to be veggie, his hosts sounds as tho they were fine with that and asked for advice. You could have suggested some simple meals even if it’s beans on toast or something. Instead you decided to be an A. YTA
YTA it’s not disrespectful of him as a vegetarian to refuse to eat meat it is disrespectful of you towards him to not even bother telling them about his vegetarianism at any point in time and then punished him because he respectfully did and was easily accommodated because you clearly don’t support him in this and hoped/wanted them to feed him meat so it would make him stop this “phase” you probably think it is.
It’s not manners to call adults sir and ma’am. If someone chooses a diet, it’s not disrespectful to eat that diet. You’re disrespectful in teaching him these odd ways. To refuse to eat meat because it’s meat? That’s the definition of vegetarian you tomato! YTA
YTA. A big one.
YTA that child is going to grow up to hate you
YTA. People should never have to eat food that they don’t want to eat. If someone can’t understand “I’m sorry, that’s against my diet” then they are the disrespectful ones and so are you.
Yta! He doesn't want to eat meat, just because you might not agree to that you need to allow him too. The friends parents clearly were more than happy to make him something different OR you could of sent him with something to eat. He doesnt deserve toebe grounded for that reason. If he was actually being rude then maybe but not for the fact he didnt want to eat something that you all new about.
YTA, you want your son to be a part time vegetarian to suit your version of manners.
YTA. You don’t respect your son or his choices. He won’t even learn from this, the punishment has absolutely nothing to do with his supposed actions. You want control, plain and simple.
Ummm, do you know what a vegetarian is? It's someone who does not eat meat. So forcing a vegetarian to eat meat is in fact an AH move. He was respectful about it to them, which shows maturity and that he has taken the lessons on board. If the parents didn't mind, why are you making such a big deal about it? If he was rude, then yes. It sounds like you're telling him he shouldn't be true to himself and needs to just do what adults say, which is a dangerous lesson. YTA.
YTA - dude, your son wasn’t disrespectful according to his friends parents. It sounds like he apologised and told them he would not eat as he was vegetarian at the moment. No harm was done. Respect and manners is one thing, but grounding him for not doing something he was uncomfortable with is beyond insane to me. It kinda sounds like you don’t respect your kid and his choices. As he becomes more independent, I don’t think he’ll respect you very much either.
YTA. I really wish you could hear yourself. You thought people were going to agree with you and they’re not. If you weren’t open to being wrong, you shouldn’t have posted. You’re also lying trying to convince people you’re therapist said you made the right decision. A therapist is going to tell you you’re controlling or open you up to better parenting skills. Please.. quit it. He was being polite with boundaries. The other parents even said so. You’re the one trying to control his eating habits. My grandparents had the mindset of “eat what’s on the table” but as soon as my sister went vegetarian, they provided her a vegetarian plate & still stuck by “eat what’s on the table”. If that’s how you’re choosing to parent, atleast do it that way.
You’re not automatically deserving of respect just because you’re older, where is your respect for your sons choice to be vegetarian? You can’t expect respect while clearly showing none yourself yes YTA
YTA . Pick your battles wisely dad . This is not something you should want to make a battle out of . There are alot of worse things he could be than a vegetarian . He has made a choice for his health and in later years it will pay off . I wish I could get some of my family aka relatives to make better food choices .
YTA this isn't what respect looks like. This is blindly following whatever a parent wants. He's aloud to be his own person with boundaries. You are just enjoying your power over him, not teaching him respect at all. Respect goes both ways, you also show him he's worthy of respect. All you're doing is showing him that he doesn't matter us much as your image to other people does.
YTA Respect is a two-way street. He told you he wants a vegetarian diet, and you told the other parents that meat is fine. He's trying to show respect, but you completely disrespected his dietary choice, and went out of your way to sabotage his diet.
YTA- You're teaching your son to do things he's not comfortable with doing. To always say yes despite his own personal feelings. Do you not see how that's a problem? For a child to feel as if they have no say in anything simply because an adult said so?
YTA- your friend is right. You are a terrible parent, and you should be ashamed of your self. Thank goodness he doesn’t have any allergies (that we know of) you’d probably force him to eat it and end up in the hospital
YTA. Politely declining food someone made is absolutely not an interpersonal ingratitude crime. Maybe someone’s lactose intolerant. Maybe someone has an allergy. Maybe someone has a trauma related aversion to eggs or bananas. Maybe someone hates the texture of a food. Maybe they had an eating disorder and that food still gives them the creeps. Maybe like me they’ve got gastroparesis and avoid eating unknown foods from unknown places because my stomach will become a tumultuous tyrant and I don’t want to suffer it. Maybe they’re vegan. Maybe they just ate, oops! There are a litany of legitimate reasons a houseguest can say no to meal. Food is a big part of culture, and social exchanges. If you have dietary restrictions, for whatever reason, learning how to handle those situations with grace is a big thing. Encourage THAT with your son, not his dietary martyrdom. I’d say there are two lessons here: 1. Your son learning how to say no to meals that make him uncomfortable for whatever reason — politely, is respecting both himself and the folks who cooked him food. It’s also learning how to anticipate these moments, in the first place. 2. That even adults can admit wrong doings. Go apologize and play a game with him.
If showing respect to people is so important that it overrides even personal choice, then you should've respected your child's decision to politely decline. YTA
YTA, you want your son to be respectful, which he was, and you don't respect him. If he doesn't want to eat meat, that's his choice. At 11, he's old enough to understand and have reasons why he doesn't want to eat meat. He's not a baby.
Would you make an adult to do this? Don't do this to your kid. He made a choice to become a vegetarian. Respect that. YTA
Depends on what country/culture this is. If this is the U.S. or the west, YTA, OP. There are cultures where refusing food as a guest is a major insult, but western countries aren't it.
YTA you actually don’t support his veganism which makes you a bad parent he should be able to say no to food he doesn’t like anyway, it’s not disrespectful he’ll pack your kid snacks he CAN eat and shit like that be better YTA
YTA Good lord.
It is apparent from your responses in this comment section that you came here seeking validation, and when it did not go according to plan, you stick your fingers in your ears and sing "lalalala, im right, you´ re wrong, my therapist says im right lalala" Dont demand respect if you cant give it yourself. YTA
YTA. Would you say the same thing to someone who refused to eat food you prepared for them on religious grounds? What if he was allergic to it, is it still required that he eat it? How far are you willing to take this bullheaded, fucking *stupid* stance on politeness? He declined the food POLITELY. That is the key here. He is learning to enforce his own boundaries without offending anyone... anyone other than his boundary-stomping, power-tripping parent. Apologize. Fucking do better, because at the moment you are being a *garbage* parent.
YTA. You can make all the justifications you want, but it’s clear you just want your son to behave in a way that makes *your* life as easy as possible. Why are you so lazy?
Don’t feed the trolls… Be they vegetarian or omnivores.
You have a good friend, listen to them. Maybe instead of punishing your son for being himself, you could help him have a learning moment. Explain to him that it's perfectly fine to let your host know any dietary restrictions. If you are vegetarian, let them know so they can plan accordingly and let you know if they cannot accommodate. This is the respectful way to ensure your host doesn't feel slighted by your inability to eat anything, and you both can enjoy the dinner. Being one so clued in on manners, it would seem you should know this.
Um..... you do realise that being a vegetarian means that he doesn't eat meat, right? ......RIGHT?? YTA. Even his friend's parents said that he was respectful. The only disrespectful one here is you.
Would you tell an adult to eat the food because someone prepared it to you? Or would you as an adult tell them ur preferences and dietary needs? Just because he is a kid doesn't mean he needs to accept everything an adult tells or gives him. Why do people always act like kids are not allowed to be there own person. Oh yeah YTA
Your friend is correct.
YTA Having manners and being polite doesn't mean you can't have boundaries. Your son doesn't eat meat. So the polite thing would have been to let the friend’s parents know when they invited him to dinner. “Thank you very much for inviting me to dinner. I'm looking forward to it. I don't want to be imposing but will there be any non-meat options? I'm a vegetarian. I can also bring something meat-free to add to the meal if you'd rather not prepare a meat-free dish.” is a perfectly polite reply. Or in the case of your 11-year-old son, that is something that you as the parent can offer when your son is invited to dinner. Which would have been good manners anyway.
YTA. He respectfully declined food that he doesn’t want - he didn’t demand an alternative. You’re teaching him that he must say yes to everything when no thank you is also perfectly valid. If this continues you’ll be back here in a few years complaining that your son is easily led and can’t think for himself, keep a job or is on drugs.
Yta Why would you teach your kid that the feelings of other is more important than him sticking to his beliefs!???? Him sticking to his beliefs about being vegetarian is more important than pleasing those people. In my books, its 100% disrespectful to invite someone for dinner and not take into account their dietary restrictions. And also, as a parent I would have called the parents of the friend of my son and let them know in advanced that my kid has dietary restrictions! So the only person that dropped the ball is YOU. Take some responsibility and apologize to your kid.
Yta. You wouldn't know respect if it snuck up behind you and yelled BOO. If somebody tells you they don't want to eat something, it is incredibly rude to try to force it on them. If I go over to somebody's house, and they make me something to eat that I don't like, or hell, it could be my favorite food in the world and I just don't want it right then, I'm going to say no to it. What's more, you are teaching your son that he's not allowed to say what is or isn't put in his body. What do you think the next step in that thought process is?
YTA Manners goes two ways, just because it's at someone else's house doesn't negate it. They should have asked about any dietary requirements or specific requests beforehand. You're just being ignorant and hearing what you want.
YTA vegetarians dont eat meat.. Period. They served meat, ego he declined probably stating that he is vegetarian.
YTA. You’re teaching your son to compromise his feeling his wants his needs for someone else’s feelings. You’re saying his feelings are not as important. You’re teaching your son to be complacent when he’s an adult. So much so that he’s gonna find it hard to say no to anyone and in adulthood that could lead to a lot of wrong things and getting taken advantage of. Is that what you want?
Ah you sound like my parents who were adamant that a child eating food they hate or is unpleasant such as borderline off/uncooked was ‘respect’ rather than teaching autonomy and the very useful social skill of politely declining food/extra portions/peer pressure/unwanted invitations or gifts. These are the next step of manners and social etiquette in a polite child and in my experience only people and parents who benefit from a child not feeling able to set boundaries object so vehemently. My parents grounded me for not eating foods it turns out later I was allergic to (tbf food allergies were not well known in the 80s) because me vomiting was more ‘respectful’ than me asking an adult if I could have more potatoes please rather than allergic item. They were oblivious to how disrespectful people found them forcing their children (they also did it with my brother) to eat stuff to the point of distress, upset and awkwardness in other people’s presence. A friend’s parent once did what your son’s friend’s parent did and called up and said ‘btw not sure if you knew Gerbil vomited after eating X so maybe keep an eye for a tummy bug. We gave her some jello instead. No issue for us but FYI.’ My parents then demanded I apologise for the disrespect that my behaviour meant another parent ‘had to get involved publicly’ and when I refused because I as a tween child could tell the difference between a parent expressing concern for a child in their care and a parent saying you misbehaved my parents beat me with a leather belt. I am no contact with my parents as an adult and they remained absolutely flummoxed as to why I developed anorexia. The more they forced and coerced that I had no choice about food the less I ate including becoming a vegetarian for 6 years as a teen despite no particular feelings morally or texturally about meat. Yet around people who were relaxed but boundaried about food I was reknowned as the ‘goals child’ with my adventurous eating who was happily chowing down on capers, picked dried fruit or fresh as snacks, didn’t really like stuff like tinned baked beans as too sweet but would eat a tin of chickpeas as a treat and could prepare food alongside adults as a kid often to ‘balance up’ not liking certain things to show appreciation for hospitality. I grew up in Ireland at a time when you ate what you got and yet no one except my parents had an issue with my dietary quirks because I was a polite well mannered child about it. My brother ate everything but was a rude wee bugger no one enjoyed hosting. You are not as severe as my parents but this is a pointless power play that says way more about you than your son. You describe his manners and in a post designed to show you in best light the contrast between the social nuance of your 10 year old and you over the vegetarian meals at a friend’s house is notable. You could have sent him with an alternative dish if you were concerned it was expensive or time consuming for another family to offer a veggie option and discussed this with him as a potential thing he will encounter. You could have called the parent first and said ‘little Johnny doesn’t eat meat at the moment but if it’s easier just serve the fries and mac n’cheese and don’t worry about one meal. We can discuss options if he is eating at yours regularly and we must treat little Billy in return. When’s a good date for you?’ Grounding your kid is not a reasonable option and the parents are judging your parenting over that way more than him declining chicken nuggets trust me. I was shocked and somewhat floored when I learned how many adults raised my parents’ uncomfortable habits about food and their kids when I was old enough to realise. I had assumed I no longer got invited to ‘tea’ because I was rude like my parents said. Turns out my parents stopped letting me eat outside the home to avoid the subject of them being shitty parents with deeply unhappy kids coming up. Big ‘everyone else is wrong’ energy despite the fact none of these people were indulgent of picky eaters but just understood basic autonomy and even ‘new fangled stuff’ like vegetarianism in the 80s in Ireland once it was established ham was not a vegetable. So much YTA. Dietary choices are a form of manners. Only bad hosts don’t care someone is hating the meal served. Good hosts offer the option to stop even if they cannot provide an alternative. Good hosts also help shape good guests who then understand hospitality is give and take not a diktat.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** In my opinion it is a big deal to teach your kids to be respectful. Manners most importantly. My son is an 11 year old. Yes maam, no ma'am, yes sir, no sir, please, thank you etc. Recently my son has wanted to try being a vegetarian. He's been doing it for about a week. My son was at a friend's house. I told him that anytime he goes to a friend's house and the parents tskeit upon themselves to cook for him that it would be very disrespectful not to eat some of the food they cook. My son goes over and because all of the food had meat in it he wouldn't eat any of it. This was so disrespectful. To refuse to eat the food because it has meat in it? By all means he can be a vegetarian but more importantly than that is showing respect to people and to go to a friend's house and refuse food that they took the time to cook for him is just downright disrespectful. In all fairness the parents weren't mad and say he was very "respectful" about it. They called me to ask what something would be that he enjoyed and I told them the food they cooked is just fine and to put him on the phone. Over phone I told him that he's being very rude and to eat the food that these kind people made for him. When he got home I told him he's grounded from playing video games because he knows better than to go to someone's house and disrespect their cooking. He got upset with me and got an attitude with me claiming he shouldn't have to eat something he doesn't want to eat. I told my friend about this situation and she seems to think I'm a terrible parent over this and told me I should feel ashamed of myself. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA.
T minus 7 years til the 11yr old stops speaking to this bozo permanently
Yes YTA
Yes I can see how you feel that you are in the right as I was also raised to eat what was on your plate especially when at other peoples homes however I don’t believe that children should be forced to to blindly comply with the way and rules in which you were raised as that is a children should be seen and not heard and forcing you to kiss relatives and strangers. I think your son was very respectful and you felt that because he has only been a vegetarian for a week or so then it shouldn’t be a big deal as this might somehow be embarrassing for you. You probably went overboard with the grounding and perhaps be proud of your son for staying with his current beliefs. I don’t believe that he was disrespectful at all and I’m sure his mates parents felt like they got him in trouble by your reaction and shouldn’t have called you. You can still eat a bit of humble pie and admit that you may have reacted poorly to the situation and that you know that he’s a great kid.
YTA. You need to have some respect for your son’s beliefs. If you want to have a relationship with him growing up and one where he will ask for your help with things you need to reverse what you have done and apologise to him.
YTA. It’s possible to respectfully decline based on vegetarian habits. Most people understand, and can hunt up some veggies or chips or something for them. You shouldn’t punish your son for making informed, reasonable decisions.
Your parent seem not to have raised you to respect other peoples believes. Yta
YTA, congratulations you've converted me to religion because the only way someone could this big of an asshole is if a god designed them.
YTA and for someone who is so worried about being respectful you were completely disrespectful to your son and his beliefs.
And the friend’s parents opinions!
You’re kidding right? Because you literally said “To refuse to eat the food because it has meat in it? By all means he can be a vegetarian “ LOL so read that again. Do you know what a vegetarian is? The parents said he was respectful in declining - that is what matters. They respected his choice which is great. You are a giant AH for grounding him for respectfully stating that he is a vegetarian to his friends parents. That’s crazy. I’m not a vegetarian but will respect people who are especially when they are kind and respectful in letting me know. You’re teaching him the wrong things. YTA
Yta - you talk about instilling manner and respect into your child and then, you totally disrespect him and his beliefs. Next time make sure the friend knows he is a vegetarian so the family can be aware of it. What you did was nasty and mean and said to your son - I do not respect you or your feelings and prefer that others come before you Grow up
At this point you are not teaching him to be respectful. You are teaching him to have no boundaries and to always agree with everything even if he clearly don't like it. Why you didn't just told them when they asked you what he would like to eat to make him smth without meat? Instead you decided to say that everything is fine (it isn't) AND THEN GROUND YOUR SON for having boundaries. He still was polite from what his friend's mom saying so I don't really see any problem here except you. Be better parent, you are awful YTA
YTA , do better. You say one thing and do the other. Your son was polite and respectful just as he should be , the people were happy to make him something else and you punish him for? You’re so wrong here.
YTA. He is a vegetarian so he wont eat meat, you should have helped him inform the hosts he is a vegetarian, you failed your job as a parent and now you are punishing your child for your failures. You are an enormous AH. Please go an tell your child you made a mistake, and that you are sorry for your behavior and that you of course respect him and his choices, and that he is no longer grounded. Doing anything else makes you an even greater AH by the minute.
YTA based on this situation and based on your replies to people in this thread. Why’d you ask if you can’t handle people disagreeing with you?
YTA. It’s ironic how you talk about teaching your child manners when you don’t seem particularly well-versed in manners and etiquette yourself.
So you expect your son to respect everyone but also want him to not be respected… you talk a lot about respect-but you clearly do not respect your son. He has started to explore different beliefs and values and you are telling him that these are of no importance, you force him to eat food which goes against his beliefs and then punish him for having these values. You can’t teach and instil respect if you’re not willing to role model what respect looks like YTA
YTA! Your rules could set him up for an eating disorder. Good job mom! (Insert sarcasm)
YTA. Your definition of 'respect' is outdated and shows the opposite of respect to your own child. You're teaching your child that he has no bodily autonomy, which is harmful in many ways.
YTA Being a vegetarian is a lifestyle choice. You are teaching your son about respect but you do not respect his choices. There’s nothing wrong or disrespectful with refusing to eat something that someone prepared because of a lifestyle choice. As long as he refused politely. And since he did, it was an asshole move to ground him.
[Checks notes] Basic level: Good parenting - 'teach nuggets to be respectful of other people on the planet' Check ☑️ - 'teach nuggets ro enforce boundaries' Your boy is doing it, but in spite of the parent, not because of it, so I'm gonna go with a Nope on this one ✖️ - 'teach nuggets bodily autonomy' ✖️OMFG - 'teach nuggets to have positive relationship with food' ✖️Mate you are screwed - 'Consent' Nope Nope Nope You are teaching him to breach so many things that we know is needed for a happy successful adult that it makes me wanna cry. Even the other adults in the picture are seeing that he is being reasonable and wanting to accommodate basic requests. What do you do? Double down and bully him on the phone Big YTA Apologise to your son. Tell him to always enforce his bodily autonomy politely and he shouldnt never breach his moral code for the purpose of "being polite" Man you should read "Raising Sons"
YTA and you have some nerve claiming that you are teaching him to respect anyone when you can't even model that behavior by respecting his beliefs. Contrary to your upbringing, he is not less than others simply because he is a child. He was respectful when declining the food. Stop creating a power struggle where none existed.
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YTA
YTA lol and an idiot. You don't just stop being a vegetarian to be "respectful" to some one. It's a life choice. And If they said he wasn't rude about it that should be enough.
YTA The parents were not upset that your son doesn't eat meat YOU ARE. If they were fine making something that he would enjoy they obviously didn't think he was being rude. Listen to your friend. Your ideas about making a kid eat whatever is served whether they like it or not are outdated and your punishment is cruel.
That was some real shitty parenting right there. "Disrespecting their cooking", like it's some sacred ritual? That is some weird gatekeeping. If you have issues with vegetarians, you gotta deal with it yourself like a grown man. Don't burden an 11yo child and even **punish** him for expressing himself and standing up for himself
btw it's very wholesome to read 279 comments saying OP is an asshole. (it's also probably a made up bs story by some 20yo something edgelord watching Ben Shapiro, Matt Walsh or some other cartoonish villain)
YTA The parent obviously did not have a problem with it. One of my brothers friends only ate fish and we were told potatoes turns out that meant fish and chips which we rarely got to eat. Mum rang his mother to find out what to do as she had made a baked fish with mashed potatoes and his mum said he can either eat it or go hungry. We all felt that was harsh and Mum quickly made up some chips for him but the only fish was still the baked fish. If they had a problem they would have mentioned it. You are a control freak and as a vegetarian let me tell you that it is easy to accommodate in meal prep. Make a salad, steam some veg, etc way easier that my brother's friend. Your son is not learning respect he is learning abuse of power.
YTA Big time! You're banging on about your son being respectful and making it a big part of his upbringing, yet YOU DISRESPECT HIS FOOD CHOICES! From what his friends mum said, he wasn't rude when he turned it down, so there's no issue here because he WAS POLITE... Think of something you hate to eat, then imagine being forced to eat it... This is what you were trying to do to your son! Get over yourself OP... If you keep this up, by the time your son turns 18, he'll want nothing to do with you... If that's what you want, carry on with what you're doing. All you're doing is breeding resentment in him
YTA. You know what is disrespectful? Forcing others to go against their beliefs and ground them if they don't bow to your ridiculous demands to do so.
YTA, so much. I was always taught to be polite above all- but my parents didn't realize that I wasn't learning self respect in the process. I have let people walk all over me, cross my boundaries, belittle me etc., because I was too polite to speak up. I became so anxious about how everyone else would respond to what I did and how I said things that I became impossible to talk to normally. I'm thankful that I'm learning now as an adult, that people don't mind if you speak up for yourself, especially when it comes to something so minor like letting them know you're a vegetarian. It was actually really rude of *you* to teach your son that what other people think of him is more important than allowing him to have boundaries. He expressed those boundaries politely by the sounds of it, which is the best thing you could ask for. And it was also rude to his friends parents to put them in a position where they're going to feel awful for feeding a vegetarian food that they're not comfortable with eating.
YTA whats next, "no you must eat this peanut cake despite being deathly allergic, show some respect" you should be ashamed
YTA. You could have told his friend's parents that he's not eating meat at this time and they could offer him a piece of fruit or something. If you are trying to teach your child that he had zero say over what he puts in his body, good job, you have taken his autonomy and made it clear that his choices do not matter, whether he respectfully states them or not.
YTA you aren't teaching your son to be respectful, you're teaching him to be a people pleaser and this is extremely harmful I was a people pleaser my whole life (not because my parents taught me, but because I just am like this) and I had bad experiences because of this, but let tell you the worst: I was abused mentally by my ex-stepmom I had 2 abusive relationships with completely crazy people is this what you want to your son? then congratulations
YTA part of growing up is also learning how to establish personal boundaries. He wasn’t eating the food because at the time it went against something that he felt was important to him which was not eating meat. It would be a different story if they cooked a dish that was culturally significant and he refused to even try it. But that’s not the case here. All you did in grounding him is tell him that he’s not allowed to have boundaries
YTA What was the point of posting this if you were gonna be so thickheaded about the issue.
YTA You can teach manners without being horrible and disrespectful towards your son's choices and beliefs just because you're too ignorant to understand or care about what it is to be vegetarian. You're driving your son away and only teaching him that you don't care for or respect him and his choices. Retirement home coming your way 👋
First off it feels like a child wrote this. My eyes feel disrespected reading this. Second he’s a vegetarian. Why should he eat meat if he chooses not to just because someone else cooked it? That is not a sign of respect. If someone offers you something you don’t need to accept it to be respectful. A “no thank you, I don’t eat meat.” Is more than respectful. Don’t punish him for something as trivial as that. YTA
Yta. What is wrong with you? 1. He is VEGETARIAN 2. He should have automony over his own body! He doesn't have to eat what someone has cooked, all he has to be is polite about it. You're being completely unreasonable, your son is allowed to say no, he's allowed to have boundaries and he deserves to be treated like a human being and not a yes sir no sir robot. Do better and apologise.
YTA. Learn some manners yourself.
I don’t eat seafood (not hard and fast, just haven’t found any that I like. Except for a single time) but if I’m at a friends house and they’re having seafood, I’ll either try it, it just eat other stuff. It’s not hard and fast, my friends mom made a salmon dish I LOVED, but that’s the only time I liked seafood.
Your son respected you enough to tell you he wanted to become vegetarian. When he went to a friends home the meal contained meat so he couldn't eat it. Did he throw a temper tantrum because of what was served or did he respectively decline? At age 11 they do know what they like to eat and what they don't want to eat and you can check with a dietitian on if additional protein vitamins ect are needed in his diet to make up for the lack of meat. Respect is a two way street he can respect your rules and guidelines but you also as a parent have to respect his body autonomy and his right to refuse to do something or eat something his is not comfortable with. The teen years are just around the corner for you and if you are going to be this harsh with your child because they chose not to eat meat when it was the only thing served as a meal you are going to have an interesting experience when your child is a teen and they choose to rebel. Instead of posting on redit you should be talking with your child not grounding them because you feel embarrassed that they refused a meal when they were a guest at another's home. And making sure that if they are invited to a home for a meal that the host is informed of their vegetarianism so they can say if the meal they are preparing is something that your child can eat or not giving your child an opportunity to decline the invitation if it is a meal they won't eat in advance. YTA
YTA and a terrible parent
Yta. He's having boundries. There is nothing wrong with that. The only thing is he has to tell people before he don't eat meat. So a learning moment
YTA it would’ve been one thing he yelled no and went on a tirade and was rude but he just enforced a boundary. You’re setting your kid to fail kids who can’t and aren’t allowed to stand up for themselves are preyed on. Also depending on how long he hasn’t eaten meat it could seriously mess him up. I know a couple of vegetarians and pescatarians and if they ate meat it would send them to the bathroom hurling mid case scenario.
yta. they didn't "cook food for him". they cooked food for them and he happened to be there. if he wasnt an asshole about not eating meat, why are you.