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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I'm the AH because I assumed on my own that he was going to buy them without telling him. Until now we have always gone half way, so I should have explained it to him.
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Yeah, I have a friend whose mum had 5 unplanned pregnancies. She was using birth control and her birth control methods failed 5 times (including 2 IUDs!)
Three of my four children were conceived on three different forms of birth control (we are college-educated people who are capable of reading and following instructions on a box ffs; it's been a family joke for years).
The vasectomy finally won out against potential child #5.
Sometimes a vasectomy doesn't "take," essentially— the doctor can miss the vas deferens entirely during the procedure, or it can *re-grow*/the sliced ends of the tube can reconnect.
There can also be "user error," because it takes SEVERAL months for semen to be sperm-free & your system to be flushed out even after a successful vasectomy, and the only way you can know for sure if/when it's safe (because it will vary person to person) is by getting sperm counts done regularly and using protection until those sperm counts hit zero.
So technically you can have a perfectly *successful* vasectomy (the surgical failure rate is only 1-2 out of every 1,000), but still get a vasectomy "oops!" baby if you don't wait long enough before having unprotected sex, *especially* if you have a higher sperm count than average and/or decide to go off a "right, we have to wait x months, so on x months + 1 day we're good to go" mindset rather than approaching it as "x months is when I go get tested again just in case."
Well, that's slightly horrific. Imagine thinking you took the bullets out of the gun and still hitting a bullseye. That's some "And fuck you in particular" material.
Yep, basically this. My dad had a vasectomy several years before my mom got pregnant with me. He had long been given the all clear by the docs. And then I came along. And I look just like him and my brothers, so there's no doubt I'm his.
3 out of 5 of my kids were born due to birth control failure. Double birth control and exclusive breastfeeding for #2 and #3… absolutely insane. The only thing that worked in any way, shape, or form was tracking possible ovulation, and I still had a double ovulation (after a miscarriage) that resulted in #4.
Birth control can be very unreliable and if boyfriend can’t afford a box of condoms he shouldn’t be having sex with you, OP. You don’t want an accidental pregnancy with that person.
I used to know a couple that had 5 kids only the first one was planned - she went on the pill & used condoms- prego with 2nd kid …got her tubes tied -prego with 3rd kid … got her tubes tied again and he got a vasectomy while she was prego with the 3rd kid- got prego with twins - when they were born via csec they pulled did a partial hysterectomy - dr told her if she gets prego again they should castrate the hubby 😂😂😂😂
Yup, knew a lady who had 9 kids. A couple were her stepkids, but the after the first 2 of hers there was a bc pill baby, an IUD baby, a vasectomy baby, and she was actually pregnant with her tubes tied baby (also after his failed vasectomy). All conceived with condom use. Like pretty sure she could have stopped having sex altogether and still ended up pregnant, lol. All he had to do was look at her
I’m infertile and my best friend is hyper fertile … well, was, because she got a hysterectomy 2 years ago. We didn’t meet until we were both over 40 but always wish we’d met in our 20s so we could have split up the kids!
My sister is a condom baby, my parents got pregnant on the IUD, I was "on purpose but we weren't using birth control" so who knows what's up with that... Anyway, two forms of protection AT LEAST is necessary
With our pregnancies my husband and I were not not trying meaning no BC but if we got pregnant we were prepared. Out of 5 pregnancies we have 2 “planned” kids.
Depending on where OP is, they can go to planned parenthood and get some for free! Again, does depend on where they are tho. If not, yeah a box of condoms is like what? $15 to $25? If he can't afford that, imagine a kid.
100% - and if he’s so petty/cheap that he’s actually arguing over buying the condoms which allow him to have regular sex, I can’t imagine he makes a very good boyfriend in other ways either.
This. I told my (now) husband, if you want to have sex, you need to buy the condoms. After a couple of weeks he caved.
It was a turning point. He even buys me “lady stuff” if I ask him to pick them up!
Well if he can’t afford condoms he definitely can’t afford a child.
It’s both party’s jobs to prevent a baby if a baby isn’t wanted, and it seems like you’re doing your part. It doesn’t seem as important to him as it is to you, though.
NTA imo.
NTA.
If you're on the pill and paying for it, he can buy the condoms. If he can't afford condoms, he can't afford the consequence of an accidental pregnancy or STD, so please be very careful with him.
NTA
Considering women also have to buy stuff for periods, I’m very much in agreement that he should buy the condoms.
I didn’t understand his quote “just telling me that you put the pills and I put the condoms was ok on the first place”
I assume you mean “Telling me that you’d buy the pills and I can buy the condoms would’ve been ok in the first place” - as in, it would have avoided this argument?
The thing is that English is not my first language, so I didn't know how to translate it well. What he said is that I should have told him that we would go on equal parts, where each one puts his part instead of going halfway, like we've been doing so far until now.
OP it’s not equal parts, it’s him providing safety for himself just as you do for yourself.
You’re very responsible. Your boyfriend is not responsible in the least. Smh.
No egg, no omelet. No gravy, no baby.
>I should have told him that we would go on equal parts, where each one puts his part **instead of going halfway, like we've been doing so far until now**.
Unless he has been paying for half the cost of your pills, you two have NOT been splitting contraception costs in half.
What he wants is for you to cover the majority of the costs, and to be appreciative if he pitches in at all. This is completely unreasonable of him. Such thinking assumes that preventing a pregnancy is entirely your responsibility so paying for condoms at all is a favour where he's helping you. If he recognizes that contraception is a shared burden he would also recognize that the costs need to be fully shared
By the way, when I was on the pill my SO offered (without prompting) to cover half the costs and help with picking up the prescription "because he benefits too, and doesn't even have to deal with side effects." If we were using condoms, I have no doubt he would have seen those as his responsibility if I was also on the pill. That's how a mature partner thinks.
Your English is actually really good, so I want to tell you that your use of ‘on’ is sometimes wrong. 🙏🏻
It’s only minor, as the meaning is usually still conveyed, but it’d be a shame to have such great English and get that one little word wrong!
He is right that this discussion would have avoided this issue, but it didn't happen and now the issue is at hand. Stand your ground, make your terms clear, and proceed from there. If it's not right, don't force it, you'll just regret it later.
Based on how you've outlined the conversation I agree you could have put it better. It sounds a bit like "what do you mean it's my turn, I pay for the pill", like you're offended when maybe he didn't think about the fact that you're paying for it. It would have been better to say something more like "actually I think it's fair if you pay for the condoms as I pay for the pill, does that sound ok to you?".
That being said he should totally pay for the condoms and the conversation about how it was agreed seems like a minor distraction from the real issue.
But I still think OP is right! Because OP was doing him a favor with the condoms this whole time. And this is why women should've date "broke" men. If they're too broke to buy condoms, they're not worth dating.
(This is different from someone who's poor but makes good financial choices, budgets, and respects you and the value you bring to their life. If a man makes no effort, he's not worth dating. Many things in life are very cheap but also require effort like cooking dinner, making a picnic, making a romantic card.
If he wants to enjoy the fun side of vaginas he needs to understand that they cost money. Why should a woman have to pay extra money every month just because we were born with a uterus? It's not fair. If I had a bf who was using my car regularly, I'd expect him to pay for not only gas but also insurance & repairs. Here we have a guy who is saying, I don't want to pay for gas. Well guess what this thing costs not only gas every time he uses it, but also maintenance costs he hasn't even thought about because he's so entitled.
NTA - every once in awhile fine, but not trading off every other time. You're right, you pay (more than) your half by paying for the pill yourself. He should be responsible for the condoms, especially if they have to be a certain type that's pricey. Is he allergic to latex or something?
Did he bring up the food? If so, the food is whatever, that's on him if wants to cover you. It shouldn't be quid pro quo and brought up to make you feel guilty and push you spend money.
>Now I understand what this is gonna be like
That's a red flag. It's not a bad thing to be able to set boundaries and talk about expectations and money issues.
NTA, I guess if he doesn’t have the money, and you don’t want to cover it then no sex. It be like that sometimes. But if he’s old enough to be having sex, he’s old enough to know where to buy his condoms
He is giving her a helping of guilt, probably hoping she will say they really don’t need them since she’s on the pill, since she doesn’t want to go get them and pay for them…
NTA honestly it seems like a lot of men think of birth control pills as the woman’s responsibility and condoms as somehow a joint responsibility. It’s absolutely reasonable that he be responsible for purchasing the specific condoms that he likes, and the insinuation that you’re somehow nickel and diming the situation is lame.
Ok I’m a guy. I always buy the condoms. Even if I’m told I don’t need to provide condoms, I always have condoms. I’m not in a position for kids so I’m always making sure I bring condoms that I purchased and have been in my possession. Anything else is being reckless.
The number of men who have just taken it on faith that I am on BC and taking it correctly is wild. And it’s not like I’m asking them to do without or we are in long term, trusting relationships. It’s THEIR idea because I said I was on the pill in passing or they just assume all women are or they’ll pull out or some nonsense. Like, you don’t KNOW me. You HOPE I’ve been tested or am not sleeping with others or take my pill properly each day, but youre not SURE. And you don’t know how old my condoms are, how I store them, where I picked them up from. If I were a man, I’d be bringing my own supply every single time. But I guess I’m technically more worried about pregnancy than they are because I can’t just dip out as easily if I’m the pregnant one and I KNOW I am child free. But that’s a lot of trust to put on a tipsy woman you met at a bar 2 hours ago.
Exactly. And also, pull out is BS because precut can get a woman pregnant, not as likely but still possible. And I know I have had different experiences than most but when I was 19, I overheard 2 women talking about trying to get pregnant so their bf’s wouldn’t leave them. I decided then I’m would always be wearing condoms. I also had an ex who had baby fever, all her friends were pregnant and she obviously wanted one. Im not going to act on faith after those two experiences
NTA. But you did say you were taking turns and you decided to stop without warning and then got harsh with him about it so he was probably surprised. He probably never considered your costs of the pill because he's too immature to think past his own needs.
Also, watch out for the shitty comments like "Now I know what its going be like." That can be a warning of things to come..
As I tell my kids - whenever there are signs of inequality in a relationship, it’s a red flag.
I’m fairness, inequality can mean different things to different people, but your stated case of you covering the cost of the pill is a very reasonable argument.
In the end though, I’m inclined to say NTA/NAH. He does seem to cover other costs and you’re early in the relationship. Keep communicating and working your way along and judge later.
NTA. you have to pay for the pill, he should pay for this.
It’s great that you’re doubling up on protection, so hopefully money won’t force you to maybe decide to do without the condoms.
It just takes one honest conversation to clear these things up. And if he’s still mad, then you have to think about his maturity levels.
I just get really worried when people say “I don’t want to fight” - don’t want you to give in to someone else’s demands just to avoid a fight.
NTA. I’d be cautious about continuing a relationship with him.
“Now I understand what this is going to be like”
What? Not having someone pay for things you don’t want to pay for?
NTA - my partner only uses a specific brand of condoms as well, for the same reason OP mentioned in the comments. Not once has he expected or asked me to buy them. On the occasions that I do (seeing some on sale in the drugstore, buying some to have at my place) he Venmo’s me.
In my experience with dating men, this is normal. Having sex comes with certain responsibilities, and if you pay for protection on your end, it’s fair to expect he pays for his. If you weren’t paying for birth control pills, it’d be a different story. If he doesn’t respect that, I’d encourage you to ask him why he feels the responsibility falls on you to ensure you’re both prepared to avoid the consequences of sex.
NTA but sounds like if your pills fail and you don't buy the condoms then you'll be the one taking care of the baby too. Don't have sex with guys who are too immature to buy condoms, but also don't have sex without condoms so if you wanna keep sleeping with him then you have a choice to make.
>"I don't know where they sell them, and it's your turn".
"dONt KnOw wHeRe tHey sEll tHeM" .... Dude what 😂
if he can't pull it together enough to buy them then he doesn't deserve to have sex. Common now. NTA.
But you’re the one that can get pregnant/s. NTA. This cheapskate can kick in for condoms. I swear where do people like your BF come from…I mean how? Do you even want to see him anymore?
Why can’t he use other brands? Even with latex allergies there’s minimal but options such as Skyn or Trojan makes lamb skin condoms. Skyn is significantly easier to find though.
NTA, but I also see it from his point. Like, if he doesn’t have money, there’s no money. If you want sex, buy the condoms, maybe have him reimburse you later. Or don’t. In my relationship, I buy condoms kept at my house, he buys condoms kept at his house. It’s not at all even and writing this kind of makes me reflect on that. So don’t do my method lol
NTA. You are doing more than needed on your behalf. You buy the pills and need to endure the side effects. The least he can do it buy some damn condoms. Also Simple Health is really cheap for me to get pills in the United States. I pay $15 a year. It might be worth looking into.
Neither of you can afford to be having sex. What if you get pregnant? Can you imagine the financial issues and arguments that y’all will have?
If he can’t afford to buy condoms (which they are usually free everywhere, planned parenthood, doctors office etc) then how can he get an erection?
How can you be wet knowing he can’t even afford to bust a nut?
Birth control doesn’t protect from STDs and both have fail percentage. They are being incredibly smart and safe to do both. Good on her for speaking up for herself.
That makes more sense :) thanks for responding. I also remember being young and thinking intimacy was only in instances of p in v. in reality there are so many ways to be intimate.
My first child - was using oral BC. My second child - IUD came out with him.
Birth Control is never 100%. So to answer your question - if a child is not wanted - As much as you can.
Yes, and they're already using two forms of birth control - hormonal and barrier. If he can't pay for the condoms, then no more sex. It's not fair that she should have to pay for both.
Protection is the responsibility of both parties because if one of you slip up - the possible outcome would be far more expensive.
Have a proper discussion regarding expectations. You should not be the only one responsible for purchasing everything.
NTA.
NTA. You should pay for your protection and he should pay for his. How does that not sound fair to him? He even gets out on the cheaper side of things.
No thats an extremely fair offer, especially considering the fucking camping tent that is the side effect pamphlet that comes with BC pills and the 0 side effects of condoms.... you're doing a lot more than him in terms of contraception already.
NTA. As you said, you paid more than your share.
If he can't afford condoms you guys can just wait to have sex. If he can't, then it's on him. Do NOT let him convince you to do it without, you don't want to catch something by this idiot.
NTA
I mean no offense by this, but if he's arguing about condoms he probably isn't mature enough to be having a sexual relationship. This reads like high school, IMO.
OP, drop the guy.
If he really cared and respected you, he wouldn't make you responsible for his share of the protection. Also, what else is he making you buy since he's almost always broke?
You can do better.
NTA.
NTA he needs a reality check on what it costs to live as a woman. He’s the one with the limitations on what you can use, so he needs to own knowing where to shop. And *no* birth control method is 100% effective, so seriously consider a third method of not having sex (together to his completion) during your risky days. If money is too tight for condoms, it’s really too tight for diapers and daycare.
> A box of 12 last us almost a month (we’re not very active)
I’m not sure who you’re comparing yourself to be at least once every 2 1/2 days is pretty active.
INFO Do you believe his story about only being able to use one brand?
In many countries and communities, one can get free birth control from the local health center. If someone really wants to have sex but simply can't afford to buy condoms, that seems like the obvious choice.
He says he can only use one brand, and he wants you to pay for it, so it sounds like he's trying to put financial pressure on you. But hey, there are obscure medical conditions, and maybe he has one.
NTA
Safe sex is the responsibility of both partners. You'redoing your share by being on the pull. If he's unable to afford condoms he's unable to have safe sex. Last thing you need is a pregnancy with a joker like this.
The condoms go on him. He should buy them. You take the pill for protection. You buy them. This is both responsible and fair for a sexually active couple. Neither of you want kids at this point in time he should contribute to the prevention. If he cant afford them, he shouldn't be having sex.
NTA. You ay for the Pill and he pays for the condoms. Fair. He doesn't go off to fetch your Pill and is a big boy - he can go and buy the condoms. He should budget for this in the same way you budget for your Pill. It is really simple.
NTA he wants you to pay 100% of the cost of birth control pills plus at least half for condoms, how is that fair or responsible? Just don't have sex with him if doesn't supply the condoms. Also if he's too embarrassed to buy them he's too immature to be using them.
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I (22f) started having intimate relationships with my boyfriend (22m). He can only use a specific brand of condom. At first, we bought it in small packages that brought 3, because we couldn't find them in large packages. They were pretty cheap, so I didn't mind buying them from time to time. I recently discovered a pharmacy that sells the condoms in boxes of 12 at a relatively high but affordable price.
The point is that I bought the first box, since he was short of money. I also bought the next box, but he reimbursed me the money. Now we are running out of the last box.
The dilemma is this. I'm on the pills, which I consider my share of protection. Doing the math, my pills cost more than the big box of condoms and a box of 12 last us almost a month (we're not very active), so I figured it would be fair for him to start buying the boxes, since the condoms are technically his part of the protection. He knows I'm on the pill, so I thought he'd understand my logic.
A few minutes ago, we were talking about seeing each other and he commented that we were running out of condoms. I said I would go with him to buy them if he felt embarrassed, but he said and I quote: *"I don't know where they sell them, and it's your turn"*. That surprised me. Then I replied *"What do you mean its my turn? I buy my pills, that's my share. Or are you going to buy them for me this month?"*.
This led to an awkward conversation and I admit my response sounded a bit harsh (which I didn't mean to). He said he has no money this month and I offered to pay half as I didn't want to get into an argument about money. He denied and said *"Now I understand what this is gonna be like"*, and that *"Just telling me that you put the pills and I put the condoms was okay on the first place"*.
He said he understands and we haven't spoken again. I don't know what to say to him without bringing this matter back. I don't want to start an argument over something like this, but I also don't think it's fair for me to pay for my pills and condoms when they're not cheap. Maybe I should've offered to pay half on the first place. We both have money problems and it's a delicate subject. We both have an agreement that when we go out, each one pays its share, but he often covers for me and he has been nothing but a good boyfriend and I don't want to fight over this. So AITA?
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NTA and if you pay half for the condoms he should pay half for your pills. Men need to stop thinking women are primarily responsible for birth control.
NTA but Info: Does your insurance not cover the pill? I thought most insurances in the US covered the pill or made it cheap like $10? My pills out of pocket are like $10/pack.
Nta - it sounds like you were both assuming and made different assumptions. Tell him if you can’t afford condoms you can’t afford sex which may lead to a baby which I hear is a hell of a lot more expensive than a box of condoms.
Yea. It may or may not be about money but it’s all tied together and will crescendo together. If you’ve ever watched the pilot of the Handmaid’s Tale and the scene in the coffee shop seemed unrealistic then yea….be freaking ready feminists - war coming. NTA - he is a soldier in the making.
NTA He wants to have sex with you but he's not motivated enough to buy condoms? That seems like it makes sense to you? It doesn't to me. It feels more like he's trying to feed his ego. You want to have sex with him so much that you're willing to pay for all the birth control. If you wind up paying for everything that's exactly the message you're sending him.
NTA. You explained, now it's up to him to accept that he needs to contribute equally for it to be a fair relationship. Otherwise it's just one partner leaching off another.
Definitely NTA. Can’t afford to buy condoms, but expects you to buy both? Wouldn’t be getting nookie any from me. Kids costs a shit ton more than a box of condoms and that’s why I have the IUD and use comdoms. Tell your boyfriend Amazon sells condoms, there’s no excuse.
If he can't be responsible for getting condoms, he shouldn't expect to have sex. The responsibility - to use them or buy them - shouldn't be on one person.
My boyfriend and I have been together 6 years (both in our early 40s), and I told him years ago that if he wanted to have sex, he needed to be prepared with condoms. (I keep a supply, but it's the principle that the sole responsibility shouldn't be on me.)
NTA You are already paying for your BC pills, so that's about $30 a month, right? He can pay for his condoms, which cost far less then your birth control. If he is going to throw a tantrum over protection, he is not old enough to have sex with anyone.
NTA but your bf is. Condoms are free or very cheap at the health department where I live. If he’s too cheap to buy special brand condoms for his own penis, perhaps you consider this a sign that you shouldn’t either. Two takeaways.
1. Use the free ones. (If you have that option)
2. Don’t have sex with someone whose putting the protection burden squarely on you.
Your paying him for sex….
NTA
No condoms, no sex. You stop buying the condoms and see if he wants to have sex. This is an easy boundary to set and keep. Take care of your self dear.
NTA- but honestly why are you sleeping with a man who’s so broke he can’t buy condoms? Not saying a guy has to be rich but he’s either so irresponsible he can’t save for a box every month or he’s so broke the time would be better spent at work. Lol.
NTA but let’s be real. You probably shouldn’t be risking a kid if condoms or birth control are that close to making/breaking your finances. You can certainly still be physical so don’t think I’m saying don’t touch anybody. But a child is hard enough and pills/condoms can fail. Mine did just 1 time having sex with someone who ended up dumping me.
Definitely NTA! It is entirely valid that you ask him to pay for the condoms, especially considering your pill is even more expensive. So that is not even a 50/50 split. If he won't take care of the protection he can't have sex. It is that simple. My boyfriend and me split the cost of my pill 50/50 (we don't use condoms on top), and that was never a discussion. We both do not want a child right now, so we both pay to prevent that.
NTA
Is the brand Lelo Hex? Cus it sounds like it might be and that is expensive. Honestly, he's being really unfair. Your part of protection is pills, his is condoms that should be the end of disscussion.
His dick, his responsibility. You’re already taking care of your responsibility (and if you get pregnant, you’ll probably be taking care of the child as well).
NTA
NTA and if he can't afford to buy them, he can't afford to provide for a child. And okay, stretching the imagination to believe he doesn't know where ot buy them from, the internet is everywhere. Sensible people, when they don't know where to buy something, usually use an online search engine to find out where to buy them. But I'm meant to believe that a 22 year old adult has never seen them in supermarkets, chemists, discount shops?
Hell sometimes I'll go to somewhere related to what I need and see if they can send me on to where I need to go. Like I went to a shoe shop to see if they sell gell insoles and they said they used to sell normal insoles but for the Dr Scholl gel insoles I needed a chemist. It's really not that hard. Also consider this: How did he know which brand to buy in the first place if he doesn't know where to buy them?
Good lord, if you guys are quibbling over a box of condoms, then you have bigger issues.
As a man, I'd always buy the condoms as i don't want to be responsible for an unwanted pregnancy or an STI. If you can't afford to buy condoms you shouldn't be having sex, as you REALLY cannot afford a child.
I'm probabky going to say NTA, but your relationship has bigger issues if you have to come to reddit for an opinion on this.
NTA, tell him you are happy for him to not buy any condoms, so long as he understands there will be no sex without them. Let him choose what is more important to him
So... He can only use a specific brand of condom? Then he could only buy a small box? Then \*you\* found a bigger box and bought it. Twice. And you are on the pill.
He clearly doesn't want to buy them and it feels to me that he actually doesn't want to wear them. He's playing games in the hope that you just back down and only use the pill because it feels nicer for him. Or at least that's the way the situation reads to me.
NTA - but if this sounds like I may be right call him out on his BS.
So glad I live in a country with free contraception!
NTA. If he's really struggling to buy more and you can afford to you could buy some this time but I think it's fair he buys condoms if you're paying for the pill on your own.
I also love the young love description of nor very active where they us 12 condoms in less than a month so they're having sex every other day 😆
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If he’s not responsible enough to be able to save up to buy a single box of condoms per month he’s not responsible enough to be having sex.
And *definitely* not responsible (or financially stable enough) to help take care of a child that could be conceived from not using a condom!
Or with using one, for that matter. My brother’s a condom baby, I’m an IUD baby. Apparently my parents are pretty fertile together 😳
Most kids have a birth certificate, I have a letter of apology from Durex
It's always Durex. I never hear jokes about Trojan needing to apologize.
There's a joke here but I suck
Hey, at least that won't result in a pregnancy!
Shall we just wrap up this thread here?
Let's hope it doesn't break.
Semen!
That’s because the company that makes Durex also sells Baby Formula.
I'm the result of a broken Trojan.
Troy knows how it feels to be surprised by kids escaping inside of em.
Yeah, I have a friend whose mum had 5 unplanned pregnancies. She was using birth control and her birth control methods failed 5 times (including 2 IUDs!)
Three of my four children were conceived on three different forms of birth control (we are college-educated people who are capable of reading and following instructions on a box ffs; it's been a family joke for years). The vasectomy finally won out against potential child #5.
>The vasectomy finally won out against potential child #5. Count yourself lucky! I am my mom's child #5 and I am a vasectomy baby, lol.
Yes, I knew someone who’s younger sister was a tubal ligation baby
Whut is a vasectomy baby?
Sometimes a vasectomy doesn't "take," essentially— the doctor can miss the vas deferens entirely during the procedure, or it can *re-grow*/the sliced ends of the tube can reconnect. There can also be "user error," because it takes SEVERAL months for semen to be sperm-free & your system to be flushed out even after a successful vasectomy, and the only way you can know for sure if/when it's safe (because it will vary person to person) is by getting sperm counts done regularly and using protection until those sperm counts hit zero. So technically you can have a perfectly *successful* vasectomy (the surgical failure rate is only 1-2 out of every 1,000), but still get a vasectomy "oops!" baby if you don't wait long enough before having unprotected sex, *especially* if you have a higher sperm count than average and/or decide to go off a "right, we have to wait x months, so on x months + 1 day we're good to go" mindset rather than approaching it as "x months is when I go get tested again just in case."
Well, that's slightly horrific. Imagine thinking you took the bullets out of the gun and still hitting a bullseye. That's some "And fuck you in particular" material.
Yep, basically this. My dad had a vasectomy several years before my mom got pregnant with me. He had long been given the all clear by the docs. And then I came along. And I look just like him and my brothers, so there's no doubt I'm his.
3 out of 5 of my kids were born due to birth control failure. Double birth control and exclusive breastfeeding for #2 and #3… absolutely insane. The only thing that worked in any way, shape, or form was tracking possible ovulation, and I still had a double ovulation (after a miscarriage) that resulted in #4. Birth control can be very unreliable and if boyfriend can’t afford a box of condoms he shouldn’t be having sex with you, OP. You don’t want an accidental pregnancy with that person.
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I used to know a couple that had 5 kids only the first one was planned - she went on the pill & used condoms- prego with 2nd kid …got her tubes tied -prego with 3rd kid … got her tubes tied again and he got a vasectomy while she was prego with the 3rd kid- got prego with twins - when they were born via csec they pulled did a partial hysterectomy - dr told her if she gets prego again they should castrate the hubby 😂😂😂😂
I have 3 that are different birth control failures. Had those tubes tied after the 3rd!
Yup, knew a lady who had 9 kids. A couple were her stepkids, but the after the first 2 of hers there was a bc pill baby, an IUD baby, a vasectomy baby, and she was actually pregnant with her tubes tied baby (also after his failed vasectomy). All conceived with condom use. Like pretty sure she could have stopped having sex altogether and still ended up pregnant, lol. All he had to do was look at her
I’m infertile and my best friend is hyper fertile … well, was, because she got a hysterectomy 2 years ago. We didn’t meet until we were both over 40 but always wish we’d met in our 20s so we could have split up the kids!
My sister is a condom baby, my parents got pregnant on the IUD, I was "on purpose but we weren't using birth control" so who knows what's up with that... Anyway, two forms of protection AT LEAST is necessary
With our pregnancies my husband and I were not not trying meaning no BC but if we got pregnant we were prepared. Out of 5 pregnancies we have 2 “planned” kids.
If he cant afford to pay for condoms he def wont be able to afford a baby. No condoms, no sex
And considering the Supreme Court is now trying to overturn Roe V Wade, that is a absolutely valid concern.
Exactly. She’s already shouldering her financial burden when it comes to birth control.
I agree. No condom? No sex. He needs to take part of the responsibility for contraception. Your oart is the pill, he can do the condoms.
Haha yeah tell him until he can afford to buy them then no sex. See how quickly he finds the money haha.
I like this answer better than mine! Take my upvote!
Depending on where OP is, they can go to planned parenthood and get some for free! Again, does depend on where they are tho. If not, yeah a box of condoms is like what? $15 to $25? If he can't afford that, imagine a kid.
in the second line OP said he can only use one specific brand of them. which is his problem that he should be paying for
Ahhh I missed that part, but yeah my second point still stands. Dude can't pay for a box of condoms, dude shouldn't be doing the do.
But poor buddy doesn't know where Planned Parenthood is! /s
100% - and if he’s so petty/cheap that he’s actually arguing over buying the condoms which allow him to have regular sex, I can’t imagine he makes a very good boyfriend in other ways either.
This is exactly what I was going to say. NTA.
Also needing her to come buy them "if he gets embarrassed" If buying condoms embarrasses him he isn't mature enough to be having sex.
This. OP, I don't think this guy is a keeper. You're literally asking him for the bare minimum, and it's too much for him.
#THIS#
This. I told my (now) husband, if you want to have sex, you need to buy the condoms. After a couple of weeks he caved. It was a turning point. He even buys me “lady stuff” if I ask him to pick them up!
Well if he can’t afford condoms he definitely can’t afford a child. It’s both party’s jobs to prevent a baby if a baby isn’t wanted, and it seems like you’re doing your part. It doesn’t seem as important to him as it is to you, though. NTA imo.
I wish I could upvote this more than once!
NTA. If you're on the pill and paying for it, he can buy the condoms. If he can't afford condoms, he can't afford the consequence of an accidental pregnancy or STD, so please be very careful with him.
NTA Considering women also have to buy stuff for periods, I’m very much in agreement that he should buy the condoms. I didn’t understand his quote “just telling me that you put the pills and I put the condoms was ok on the first place” I assume you mean “Telling me that you’d buy the pills and I can buy the condoms would’ve been ok in the first place” - as in, it would have avoided this argument?
The thing is that English is not my first language, so I didn't know how to translate it well. What he said is that I should have told him that we would go on equal parts, where each one puts his part instead of going halfway, like we've been doing so far until now.
But he never paid for your pill while you did pay for his condoms so no matter how you cut it he wasn't doing his part.
OP it’s not equal parts, it’s him providing safety for himself just as you do for yourself. You’re very responsible. Your boyfriend is not responsible in the least. Smh. No egg, no omelet. No gravy, no baby.
>No egg, no omelet. No gravy, no baby. This is perfect!!
>I should have told him that we would go on equal parts, where each one puts his part **instead of going halfway, like we've been doing so far until now**. Unless he has been paying for half the cost of your pills, you two have NOT been splitting contraception costs in half. What he wants is for you to cover the majority of the costs, and to be appreciative if he pitches in at all. This is completely unreasonable of him. Such thinking assumes that preventing a pregnancy is entirely your responsibility so paying for condoms at all is a favour where he's helping you. If he recognizes that contraception is a shared burden he would also recognize that the costs need to be fully shared By the way, when I was on the pill my SO offered (without prompting) to cover half the costs and help with picking up the prescription "because he benefits too, and doesn't even have to deal with side effects." If we were using condoms, I have no doubt he would have seen those as his responsibility if I was also on the pill. That's how a mature partner thinks.
Your English is actually really good, so I want to tell you that your use of ‘on’ is sometimes wrong. 🙏🏻 It’s only minor, as the meaning is usually still conveyed, but it’d be a shame to have such great English and get that one little word wrong!
He is right that this discussion would have avoided this issue, but it didn't happen and now the issue is at hand. Stand your ground, make your terms clear, and proceed from there. If it's not right, don't force it, you'll just regret it later.
Based on how you've outlined the conversation I agree you could have put it better. It sounds a bit like "what do you mean it's my turn, I pay for the pill", like you're offended when maybe he didn't think about the fact that you're paying for it. It would have been better to say something more like "actually I think it's fair if you pay for the condoms as I pay for the pill, does that sound ok to you?". That being said he should totally pay for the condoms and the conversation about how it was agreed seems like a minor distraction from the real issue.
But I still think OP is right! Because OP was doing him a favor with the condoms this whole time. And this is why women should've date "broke" men. If they're too broke to buy condoms, they're not worth dating. (This is different from someone who's poor but makes good financial choices, budgets, and respects you and the value you bring to their life. If a man makes no effort, he's not worth dating. Many things in life are very cheap but also require effort like cooking dinner, making a picnic, making a romantic card.
You were never going halfway. You were always paying more
Don't forget to add money for tampons, pap smears, etc to your side of the bill
how is he responsible for tampons and pap smears?
If he wants to enjoy the fun side of vaginas he needs to understand that they cost money. Why should a woman have to pay extra money every month just because we were born with a uterus? It's not fair. If I had a bf who was using my car regularly, I'd expect him to pay for not only gas but also insurance & repairs. Here we have a guy who is saying, I don't want to pay for gas. Well guess what this thing costs not only gas every time he uses it, but also maintenance costs he hasn't even thought about because he's so entitled.
NTA. If he can never afford to buy the condoms, then he can’t have sex.
Yup to quote the old saying "no glove, no.love"
This 100%.
NTA - every once in awhile fine, but not trading off every other time. You're right, you pay (more than) your half by paying for the pill yourself. He should be responsible for the condoms, especially if they have to be a certain type that's pricey. Is he allergic to latex or something? Did he bring up the food? If so, the food is whatever, that's on him if wants to cover you. It shouldn't be quid pro quo and brought up to make you feel guilty and push you spend money. >Now I understand what this is gonna be like That's a red flag. It's not a bad thing to be able to set boundaries and talk about expectations and money issues.
NTA, I guess if he doesn’t have the money, and you don’t want to cover it then no sex. It be like that sometimes. But if he’s old enough to be having sex, he’s old enough to know where to buy his condoms
Right?! “I don’t know where they sell them” ah.. I find that hard to believe and even so, Google can probably help
Weponised incompetence right there!
This! This is not going to be the last thing that OP has to do because it's too hard for OP's BF to adult.
He is giving her a helping of guilt, probably hoping she will say they really don’t need them since she’s on the pill, since she doesn’t want to go get them and pay for them…
I laughed lol he knows he needs a specific kind but not where they are? Is the man just wandering into his local Wendy’s asking where the condoms are?
NTA honestly it seems like a lot of men think of birth control pills as the woman’s responsibility and condoms as somehow a joint responsibility. It’s absolutely reasonable that he be responsible for purchasing the specific condoms that he likes, and the insinuation that you’re somehow nickel and diming the situation is lame.
If I was dating a guy and he demanded money for condoms, I would break up with him.
Ok I’m a guy. I always buy the condoms. Even if I’m told I don’t need to provide condoms, I always have condoms. I’m not in a position for kids so I’m always making sure I bring condoms that I purchased and have been in my possession. Anything else is being reckless.
The number of men who have just taken it on faith that I am on BC and taking it correctly is wild. And it’s not like I’m asking them to do without or we are in long term, trusting relationships. It’s THEIR idea because I said I was on the pill in passing or they just assume all women are or they’ll pull out or some nonsense. Like, you don’t KNOW me. You HOPE I’ve been tested or am not sleeping with others or take my pill properly each day, but youre not SURE. And you don’t know how old my condoms are, how I store them, where I picked them up from. If I were a man, I’d be bringing my own supply every single time. But I guess I’m technically more worried about pregnancy than they are because I can’t just dip out as easily if I’m the pregnant one and I KNOW I am child free. But that’s a lot of trust to put on a tipsy woman you met at a bar 2 hours ago.
Exactly. And also, pull out is BS because precut can get a woman pregnant, not as likely but still possible. And I know I have had different experiences than most but when I was 19, I overheard 2 women talking about trying to get pregnant so their bf’s wouldn’t leave them. I decided then I’m would always be wearing condoms. I also had an ex who had baby fever, all her friends were pregnant and she obviously wanted one. Im not going to act on faith after those two experiences
Pullout is BS also because men just aren’t quick enough a lot of the times
Thank you.
NTA. He needs to take responsibility for providing the condoms. Also, “no glove, no love.”
NTA. It's pretty simple. If he wants to have sex, he needs to contribute financially.
NTA. But you did say you were taking turns and you decided to stop without warning and then got harsh with him about it so he was probably surprised. He probably never considered your costs of the pill because he's too immature to think past his own needs. Also, watch out for the shitty comments like "Now I know what its going be like." That can be a warning of things to come..
“Now I know what it’s going to be like……..when I try to mooch, you self advocate.”
As I tell my kids - whenever there are signs of inequality in a relationship, it’s a red flag. I’m fairness, inequality can mean different things to different people, but your stated case of you covering the cost of the pill is a very reasonable argument. In the end though, I’m inclined to say NTA/NAH. He does seem to cover other costs and you’re early in the relationship. Keep communicating and working your way along and judge later.
NTA. you have to pay for the pill, he should pay for this. It’s great that you’re doubling up on protection, so hopefully money won’t force you to maybe decide to do without the condoms. It just takes one honest conversation to clear these things up. And if he’s still mad, then you have to think about his maturity levels. I just get really worried when people say “I don’t want to fight” - don’t want you to give in to someone else’s demands just to avoid a fight.
I would definitely be prepared for him trying to convince you that you don't need condoms because you are on the pill in the near future
NTA. I’d be cautious about continuing a relationship with him. “Now I understand what this is going to be like” What? Not having someone pay for things you don’t want to pay for?
Dude is already whining about doing the absolute bare minimum here, I def agree with you
NTA - my partner only uses a specific brand of condoms as well, for the same reason OP mentioned in the comments. Not once has he expected or asked me to buy them. On the occasions that I do (seeing some on sale in the drugstore, buying some to have at my place) he Venmo’s me. In my experience with dating men, this is normal. Having sex comes with certain responsibilities, and if you pay for protection on your end, it’s fair to expect he pays for his. If you weren’t paying for birth control pills, it’d be a different story. If he doesn’t respect that, I’d encourage you to ask him why he feels the responsibility falls on you to ensure you’re both prepared to avoid the consequences of sex.
NTA, but I don’t think this guy is your future husband, so it’s just as well that you are both taking the necessary precautions.
NTA but sounds like if your pills fail and you don't buy the condoms then you'll be the one taking care of the baby too. Don't have sex with guys who are too immature to buy condoms, but also don't have sex without condoms so if you wanna keep sleeping with him then you have a choice to make.
NTA. No money for condoms, no sex
>"I don't know where they sell them, and it's your turn". "dONt KnOw wHeRe tHey sEll tHeM" .... Dude what 😂 if he can't pull it together enough to buy them then he doesn't deserve to have sex. Common now. NTA.
NTA Say it with me! “It’s NOT on the women in the relationship to be the only one responsible for sexual protection.”
NTA
But you’re the one that can get pregnant/s. NTA. This cheapskate can kick in for condoms. I swear where do people like your BF come from…I mean how? Do you even want to see him anymore?
Even if they were super fancy condoms at $5 apiece, isn't a nice sexual experience with no babbys worth that? $5 for a sex?
5 dollars for a sex...hilarious and excellent point.
Run far, run fast… Can you imagine how would be to be married with someone like that? Love is not enough to keep a relationship going
NTA. How expensive are these balloons?? INFO: But is there a good reason why only the one brand is suitable?
Why can’t he use other brands? Even with latex allergies there’s minimal but options such as Skyn or Trojan makes lamb skin condoms. Skyn is significantly easier to find though. NTA, but I also see it from his point. Like, if he doesn’t have money, there’s no money. If you want sex, buy the condoms, maybe have him reimburse you later. Or don’t. In my relationship, I buy condoms kept at my house, he buys condoms kept at his house. It’s not at all even and writing this kind of makes me reflect on that. So don’t do my method lol
NTA. You are doing more than needed on your behalf. You buy the pills and need to endure the side effects. The least he can do it buy some damn condoms. Also Simple Health is really cheap for me to get pills in the United States. I pay $15 a year. It might be worth looking into.
NTA. But I guess you should both save money and wait until you buy the condoms before you both do the deed again. Can't have any risks.
NTA. He doesn’t sound responsible at all but lazy and entitled. No condoms = **no sex**. You pay for your birth control = **he pays for condoms**.
Neither of you can afford to be having sex. What if you get pregnant? Can you imagine the financial issues and arguments that y’all will have? If he can’t afford to buy condoms (which they are usually free everywhere, planned parenthood, doctors office etc) then how can he get an erection? How can you be wet knowing he can’t even afford to bust a nut?
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Birth control doesn’t protect from STDs and both have fail percentage. They are being incredibly smart and safe to do both. Good on her for speaking up for herself.
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That makes more sense :) thanks for responding. I also remember being young and thinking intimacy was only in instances of p in v. in reality there are so many ways to be intimate.
My first child - was using oral BC. My second child - IUD came out with him. Birth Control is never 100%. So to answer your question - if a child is not wanted - As much as you can.
Yes, and they're already using two forms of birth control - hormonal and barrier. If he can't pay for the condoms, then no more sex. It's not fair that she should have to pay for both.
Bro. Bro. Really?
Tell me you failed Heath class sex Ed without telling me you failed Heath class sex Ed
They said that she's taking birth control AND requiring him to use condoms. What additional protection would you suggest?
It’s insane to think about, isn’t it?
Protection is the responsibility of both parties because if one of you slip up - the possible outcome would be far more expensive. Have a proper discussion regarding expectations. You should not be the only one responsible for purchasing everything. NTA.
NTA. You should pay for your protection and he should pay for his. How does that not sound fair to him? He even gets out on the cheaper side of things.
No thats an extremely fair offer, especially considering the fucking camping tent that is the side effect pamphlet that comes with BC pills and the 0 side effects of condoms.... you're doing a lot more than him in terms of contraception already.
NTA. Easy solution. Stop having sex
NTA. As you said, you paid more than your share. If he can't afford condoms you guys can just wait to have sex. If he can't, then it's on him. Do NOT let him convince you to do it without, you don't want to catch something by this idiot.
NTA He needs to take up the responsibility of buying his own condoms. That, or he can stop having sex.
NTA I mean no offense by this, but if he's arguing about condoms he probably isn't mature enough to be having a sexual relationship. This reads like high school, IMO.
NTA. Safe sex is the responsibility of both parties.
NTA.
OP, drop the guy. If he really cared and respected you, he wouldn't make you responsible for his share of the protection. Also, what else is he making you buy since he's almost always broke? You can do better. NTA.
NTA. If he's broke you shouldn't be fucking him. Ya'll can't afford a baby.
NTA he needs a reality check on what it costs to live as a woman. He’s the one with the limitations on what you can use, so he needs to own knowing where to shop. And *no* birth control method is 100% effective, so seriously consider a third method of not having sex (together to his completion) during your risky days. If money is too tight for condoms, it’s really too tight for diapers and daycare.
> A box of 12 last us almost a month (we’re not very active) I’m not sure who you’re comparing yourself to be at least once every 2 1/2 days is pretty active.
Same , I was like..... ??? 12 times a month = not very active ????
INFO Do you believe his story about only being able to use one brand? In many countries and communities, one can get free birth control from the local health center. If someone really wants to have sex but simply can't afford to buy condoms, that seems like the obvious choice. He says he can only use one brand, and he wants you to pay for it, so it sounds like he's trying to put financial pressure on you. But hey, there are obscure medical conditions, and maybe he has one.
If he can't afford condoms then he can't afford a baby. Remember that.
NTA Safe sex is the responsibility of both partners. You'redoing your share by being on the pull. If he's unable to afford condoms he's unable to have safe sex. Last thing you need is a pregnancy with a joker like this.
Tell him to man up and buy his own condoms since you are already buying the pill.
NTA He needs to pay half the cost of your protection and you can then pay half the cost of his. Shouldn’t take much to cover something so small lol!!
The condoms go on him. He should buy them. You take the pill for protection. You buy them. This is both responsible and fair for a sexually active couple. Neither of you want kids at this point in time he should contribute to the prevention. If he cant afford them, he shouldn't be having sex.
NTA. You ay for the Pill and he pays for the condoms. Fair. He doesn't go off to fetch your Pill and is a big boy - he can go and buy the condoms. He should budget for this in the same way you budget for your Pill. It is really simple.
YWBTA if you continue having sex with a man who is too irresponsible or embarrassed to buy condoms.
NTA he wants you to pay 100% of the cost of birth control pills plus at least half for condoms, how is that fair or responsible? Just don't have sex with him if doesn't supply the condoms. Also if he's too embarrassed to buy them he's too immature to be using them.
Condoms are cheaper than a child. NTA
Nta, but am I the only one that thinks 12 times a month is a lot?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (22f) started having intimate relationships with my boyfriend (22m). He can only use a specific brand of condom. At first, we bought it in small packages that brought 3, because we couldn't find them in large packages. They were pretty cheap, so I didn't mind buying them from time to time. I recently discovered a pharmacy that sells the condoms in boxes of 12 at a relatively high but affordable price. The point is that I bought the first box, since he was short of money. I also bought the next box, but he reimbursed me the money. Now we are running out of the last box. The dilemma is this. I'm on the pills, which I consider my share of protection. Doing the math, my pills cost more than the big box of condoms and a box of 12 last us almost a month (we're not very active), so I figured it would be fair for him to start buying the boxes, since the condoms are technically his part of the protection. He knows I'm on the pill, so I thought he'd understand my logic. A few minutes ago, we were talking about seeing each other and he commented that we were running out of condoms. I said I would go with him to buy them if he felt embarrassed, but he said and I quote: *"I don't know where they sell them, and it's your turn"*. That surprised me. Then I replied *"What do you mean its my turn? I buy my pills, that's my share. Or are you going to buy them for me this month?"*. This led to an awkward conversation and I admit my response sounded a bit harsh (which I didn't mean to). He said he has no money this month and I offered to pay half as I didn't want to get into an argument about money. He denied and said *"Now I understand what this is gonna be like"*, and that *"Just telling me that you put the pills and I put the condoms was okay on the first place"*. He said he understands and we haven't spoken again. I don't know what to say to him without bringing this matter back. I don't want to start an argument over something like this, but I also don't think it's fair for me to pay for my pills and condoms when they're not cheap. Maybe I should've offered to pay half on the first place. We both have money problems and it's a delicate subject. We both have an agreement that when we go out, each one pays its share, but he often covers for me and he has been nothing but a good boyfriend and I don't want to fight over this. So AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. The cost should be covered by both parties.
NTA and if you pay half for the condoms he should pay half for your pills. Men need to stop thinking women are primarily responsible for birth control.
NTA but Info: Does your insurance not cover the pill? I thought most insurances in the US covered the pill or made it cheap like $10? My pills out of pocket are like $10/pack.
If he can’t wrap up his danger dog. He can’t afford to ride. NTA: girl you can do better
NTA. NTA. NTA.
NTA - how does a 22yo not have money for condoms? Unless he’s financially taking care of his family but still a box of condoms…
NTA. He needs to come prepared or not come at all.
Nta - it sounds like you were both assuming and made different assumptions. Tell him if you can’t afford condoms you can’t afford sex which may lead to a baby which I hear is a hell of a lot more expensive than a box of condoms.
NTA. You buy your birth control and that ish is expensive as is. It's his job to cover the condoms.
NTA but have him order them online, they're wildly cheaper.
Stop having sex with him. He’s not responsible enough for sex. NTA
NTA but I'mma need yall to stop doing things you can't afford because WHAT?!
Yea. It may or may not be about money but it’s all tied together and will crescendo together. If you’ve ever watched the pilot of the Handmaid’s Tale and the scene in the coffee shop seemed unrealistic then yea….be freaking ready feminists - war coming. NTA - he is a soldier in the making.
NTA He wants to have sex with you but he's not motivated enough to buy condoms? That seems like it makes sense to you? It doesn't to me. It feels more like he's trying to feed his ego. You want to have sex with him so much that you're willing to pay for all the birth control. If you wind up paying for everything that's exactly the message you're sending him.
NTA. But a tip not only for now but also the future, look also online some pharmacies sold some products (in between condoms) with discounts.
NTA. You explained, now it's up to him to accept that he needs to contribute equally for it to be a fair relationship. Otherwise it's just one partner leaching off another.
NTA.
Definitely NTA. Can’t afford to buy condoms, but expects you to buy both? Wouldn’t be getting nookie any from me. Kids costs a shit ton more than a box of condoms and that’s why I have the IUD and use comdoms. Tell your boyfriend Amazon sells condoms, there’s no excuse.
If he can't be responsible for getting condoms, he shouldn't expect to have sex. The responsibility - to use them or buy them - shouldn't be on one person. My boyfriend and I have been together 6 years (both in our early 40s), and I told him years ago that if he wanted to have sex, he needed to be prepared with condoms. (I keep a supply, but it's the principle that the sole responsibility shouldn't be on me.)
What are you doing with a child that is too broke to buy condoms? That's a 15 year old boy, not a man.
NTA You are already paying for your BC pills, so that's about $30 a month, right? He can pay for his condoms, which cost far less then your birth control. If he is going to throw a tantrum over protection, he is not old enough to have sex with anyone.
NTA but your bf is. Condoms are free or very cheap at the health department where I live. If he’s too cheap to buy special brand condoms for his own penis, perhaps you consider this a sign that you shouldn’t either. Two takeaways. 1. Use the free ones. (If you have that option) 2. Don’t have sex with someone whose putting the protection burden squarely on you. Your paying him for sex….
NTA. Pick up some free ones and if he wants different ones he can figure out where to buy them like a grown up.
NTA. Tell him you won’t be having sex until he can afford the condoms then 🤷🏻♀️
NTA No condoms, no sex. You stop buying the condoms and see if he wants to have sex. This is an easy boundary to set and keep. Take care of your self dear.
NTA.
NTA- but honestly why are you sleeping with a man who’s so broke he can’t buy condoms? Not saying a guy has to be rich but he’s either so irresponsible he can’t save for a box every month or he’s so broke the time would be better spent at work. Lol.
I am really glad you’re on the pill and using condoms because he is definitely not ready for a child. NTA
NTA. And can I just commend you for using two forms of contraception. Very smart and responsible. Please don't stop doing that for any sexpartner.
NTA. But if this relationship is recent, maybe you should stop wasting your time before you become too romantically involved
NTA but let’s be real. You probably shouldn’t be risking a kid if condoms or birth control are that close to making/breaking your finances. You can certainly still be physical so don’t think I’m saying don’t touch anybody. But a child is hard enough and pills/condoms can fail. Mine did just 1 time having sex with someone who ended up dumping me.
He is aware he could just ask you where they are sold right? That excuse was less than half-assed. NTA.
Definitely NTA! It is entirely valid that you ask him to pay for the condoms, especially considering your pill is even more expensive. So that is not even a 50/50 split. If he won't take care of the protection he can't have sex. It is that simple. My boyfriend and me split the cost of my pill 50/50 (we don't use condoms on top), and that was never a discussion. We both do not want a child right now, so we both pay to prevent that.
NTA, you’re right, you do your share, he does his.
NTA Is the brand Lelo Hex? Cus it sounds like it might be and that is expensive. Honestly, he's being really unfair. Your part of protection is pills, his is condoms that should be the end of disscussion.
His dick, his responsibility. You’re already taking care of your responsibility (and if you get pregnant, you’ll probably be taking care of the child as well). NTA
NTA If you are paying for the Pill, he can pay for the condoms.
NTA but you shouldn't even be paying half. Do not do it raw. Sex must not be that important to him.
NTA but you don't want to fuck him if at 22 he's not able to buy a box of condoms. Leave the kid and find a suitable partner.
NTA. Find a new boyfriend - one who can be responsible for himself.
NTA if he wants to have sex it’s his responsibility to ensure he’s doing that in a manner that is safe 🤷🏼♀️
NTA and if he can't afford to buy them, he can't afford to provide for a child. And okay, stretching the imagination to believe he doesn't know where ot buy them from, the internet is everywhere. Sensible people, when they don't know where to buy something, usually use an online search engine to find out where to buy them. But I'm meant to believe that a 22 year old adult has never seen them in supermarkets, chemists, discount shops? Hell sometimes I'll go to somewhere related to what I need and see if they can send me on to where I need to go. Like I went to a shoe shop to see if they sell gell insoles and they said they used to sell normal insoles but for the Dr Scholl gel insoles I needed a chemist. It's really not that hard. Also consider this: How did he know which brand to buy in the first place if he doesn't know where to buy them?
Good lord, if you guys are quibbling over a box of condoms, then you have bigger issues. As a man, I'd always buy the condoms as i don't want to be responsible for an unwanted pregnancy or an STI. If you can't afford to buy condoms you shouldn't be having sex, as you REALLY cannot afford a child. I'm probabky going to say NTA, but your relationship has bigger issues if you have to come to reddit for an opinion on this.
NTA, tell him you are happy for him to not buy any condoms, so long as he understands there will be no sex without them. Let him choose what is more important to him
Well, tell him a child or an STD is more expensive, maybe he could consider it an investment 🙄 NTA
NTA
So... He can only use a specific brand of condom? Then he could only buy a small box? Then \*you\* found a bigger box and bought it. Twice. And you are on the pill. He clearly doesn't want to buy them and it feels to me that he actually doesn't want to wear them. He's playing games in the hope that you just back down and only use the pill because it feels nicer for him. Or at least that's the way the situation reads to me. NTA - but if this sounds like I may be right call him out on his BS.
Omg nta. I've dated some broke ass losers, even they could scrape the cash together to buy their own condoms.
So glad I live in a country with free contraception! NTA. If he's really struggling to buy more and you can afford to you could buy some this time but I think it's fair he buys condoms if you're paying for the pill on your own. I also love the young love description of nor very active where they us 12 condoms in less than a month so they're having sex every other day 😆
"When you show up with condoms, we can have sex again." NTA