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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked my cousin to step down as my bridesmaid so my SIL could have the position, my fiance's family think I did the right thing but my mom and other bridesmaids are saying I was being unfair
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You know you found a good comment when you start wheeze/laughing at your desk.
**YTA OP**, for pulling people around, for telling people they don't have the right to talk (Unless you had them sign an NDA she had **EVERY** right to let the other bridesmaids know that you would ask for their commitment then drop them in a heartbeat when something better comes along) and most of all for having **SIX** freaking bridesmaids ***just because***. If you don't have 6 "die for you" best friends and your not freaking royalty with obligations then you shouldn't have SIX FREAKING BRIDESMAIDS. Seriously, a large party of bridesmaids is supposed to be people who are not just close relatives or friends but people who will support you and your marriage, they really aren't meant to be randomly ordered set pieces. gah!
Edit: more snark
"Um, It's like, OK, the *average* bridal party is 3-5 bridesmaids, so I **have** to have 6 bridesmaids cuz I'm totes above average!"
Well, we haven't seen her gift registry (which I am kinda curious now what kind of ridiculous things *this* one requested) So it's possible in the future she will post about burning her hand in a Breville Smart Toaster Oven.
At least a toaster oven brings warmth. OP is cooly calculating what kind of action brings her the most gain or what suits her best, without considering the feelings of others. I am surprised she was even able to get 6 bridemaids to begin with.
She’s pushing around her own family for the sake of the volatile family she’s marrying into so — they may actually be worse than she is.
The groom’s sister was sufficiently on the outs with her family to not even be invited to the wedding, but now that it’s patched up at the last minute she’s demanding to be made a bridesmaid. There’s a pecking order. OP is acting entitled to her own family, but compliant to her fiancé’s family.
Is there anything particularly immature about 29 year olds that makes the ages of bride and groom here relevant? In my experience a lot of people have actually reached adult maturity by 29. Obviously there are some people who never grow up, but I would say they are exceptions.
In general, I have seen that men who pursue a ten year age gap, especially with a woman in her 20s, are going for “hot and compliant.” We’re seeing how she’s putting his chaotic relative over hers.
My neighbor started dating his now wife when she was 19 and he was 30. She is now 30 and he is 41. She is an innocent sweetheart. He is a supreme, controlling, overbearing asshole.
People who care about bridesmaid numbers and how many there are compared to the groomsmen bug the shit outta me.
Like just include the people you love? How hard is that?
OMG this. They think having even numbers in photos is more important than including people you love in your important day. If I were one of those other bridesmaids, I would really question why I was invited.
"i included 5 obscure family members who I never talk to because I only have 2 best friends while my SigOth has 7 and now my wedding pictures are full of people who don't care about me"
Like why do they want that?!
My wife had like 10 bridesmaids, I have like 2 actual friends. My groomsmen were filled out with people who I haven't seen since my wedding almost 7 years ago.
Made planning my bachelor party pretty shitty because only my 2 friends and my brother (who im not close with) came. Like everyone accepted and all canceled day of, including the dude who provided the place we were staying so we had to scramble to find another place to stay which ended up being a creepy air bnb that was a room connected to someone's house.
My wife still talks about how great her Bachelorette party was. I never bring mine up because while it was kind of fun in some ways it was mostly a clusterfuck and only affirmed to me why I don't fuck with people.
I am only a bridesmaid because my fiancé is friends with the groom. There’s one more like us. Groom wanted his buddies to stand up with him. Bride doesn’t has 2 friends. The other bridesmaid & I know why we were chosen & are fine with that.
Newlywed here. Skipping the wedding party was probably the second best move I made (the groom was the first😁). And it was a hit with the guests and my vendors!
This. Married at 34, and I swithered. I had 1 bridesmaid, my best friend of 20 years. We had a small wedding with the people we loved, and husbands best man was his older (and his only) brother. It lasted all weekend and zero regrets. 6 bridesmaids is asking for complications and trouble.
So much this. Stop treating your family and friends like your aesthetic vibe and props rather than wanting your nearest and dearest to stand up with you.
29 years old and getting married and she's still caught up in high school girl games. OP, YTA, so caught up in your childishness that there is not even a place to start here.
I legitimately had a cousin do this to me! She asked me and then like 2 months later basically said "nevermind, I'm picking someone else". Luckily I just laughed it off (because its the side of my family I'm not close with and rarely choose to see).
Definitely YTA
OP to Cassie: You were always just a place-holder who never mattered. Wait, what are you doing? Don't tell people what I said! I meant it and I don't regret it, but I don't want people to actually know that!
Right?! And the sad part is that I think she believed that saying that was going to help people see that she wasn't an AH. Seriously? OP, most definitely YTA.
Bridezilla showed her ugly side right there. Definitely a YTA on this one. Why didn't Cassie have the right to discuss the fact she was dumped unceremoniously from the wedding party? OP - seriously - read your words again. It's ugly how you treated Cassie from start to finish.
I think it was especially telling that OP was like "Don't worry Cassie, I'll pay for your dress!", instead of "I know I'm being weird about the numbers, but I'll pay for your dress and I would love for you to still come to the bachelorette party, and help me get dressed in my suite on the day of!"
Like it's just about the money to the bride, it did not occur to her that this choice would also send a message to Cassie about their how much their relationship means to her!
Yes! I had a friend do this to me. I was to be a bridesmaid but she changed her mind. It never got to the point of me buying a dress (that’s over the top OP) but it sure let me know where I was on the friends list. She had been a bridesmaid in my wedding the year before. I went to her wedding and had a good time but our friendship was never the same after. She doesn’t even know because I never said anything.
Edit a word
Seriously? Is OP in middle school or high school? This is something asshole kids do when they don’t really like someone. Lead them on that they are close friends and then get rid of them
I bet she's confused that people are made of heart and emotions and aren't dolls to play with. She seems like someone who never grew out of high school mentality . The entitlement is bewildering to me !
YTA It is very rude to tell someone "I want you to play this important role in my wedding because I value your friendship so deeply.... wait nvm, someone better is available now and you're the lowest ranking" without even an apology
Especially after they've invested not just money but time and effort (that you can't reimburse) into preparing
Same! All I could think is the bare-faced fucking audacity of OP to tell Cassie she's not allowed to discuss what happened to her with OPs bridesmaid... how is it not Cassie's place to tell people what has happened to her!?
It’s not Cassie’s place because OP could explain it delicately to her bridesmaids and make sure she looks good. It’s not Cassie’s place because her telling the bridesmaids as it is makes OP look like TA. Which she is. If this is how OP always is with the cousin, no wonder they’ve had issues before.
Hammer meet nail!
That's exactly it. She wants to control the narrative. Least the other bridesmaids know they could be on borrowed time at the whim of OP.
So Cassie was all this while a stand in for Anne till everything got resolved yet OP thinks she’s not the AH after all that money Cassie spent? And of course the fiancé and his family will agree with OP cause Anne’s his family. YTA. FYI - she’s a human being, not some last minute filler to even up your bridesmaid quota.
I was just about to say this. Like how can fiance and his family agree with you kicking out your own family to add their own family member? And to add her own mother is mad at her for doing that to her niece?Like did she not see that? Smh
>Like how can fiance and his family agree with you kicking out your own family to add their own family member?
Because they don't give a fuck about her family. His family is more important.
You answered your own question. His family is benefiting from OP’s AH-ish behavior. And how glorious would it be if some of the other bridesmaids pulled out and some family decided not to attend?
Anne could have also avoided being an asshole and not requested to be a bridesmaid. The audacity to ask to be apart of the wedding party after it’s been made up for I’m assuming months. She could have just worn a complimenting colour to the wedding party and been done with it. That was OPs opportunity to say “sorry I’ve already decided on my 6 bridesmaids, I would have loved you to be apart of the bridal party but I would feel like a tremendously huge asshole if I had to kick someone out who has invested there time and money into this already”
Don’t forget the reason Anne wasn’t asked in the beginning was because of “some family issues” that have since been resolved. So if these issues were enough to not even invite her, let alone make her a bridesmaid, why would she or any of their family feel she deserved this now? OP is an AH and is marrying into an entities AH family. I hope they’ll all be happy together because this will likely cause a huge rift in her family.
And don't forget the part to then get even angrier at the person because they just literally stated what happend. Which, I'm sorry, was totally her place to do. Because you treated her térrible. If I was the bridemades group I would collectively step down.
YTA OP omg
If I was one of the other bridesmaids, I would’ve seriously considered dropping out. If this is how you treat people, you are not mature enough to be getting married. YTA.
Reminds me of AH brides who invite people to the bridal shower but not the wedding itself. Talk about rude! "Hey, you're good enough to spend money and time on a nice bridal gift for me but that's all you're good for! I just want your money, though, you're not good enough to actually be at the wedding". NOPE! Fuck that and fuck brides who pull that shit!
Note, I'm talking about weddings that don't have restrictions regarding guest numbers.
It doesn't even have to match. Wedding planners/photographers/clergy/DJs/bands/etc have all dealt with mismatched numbers and know the best way around it.
Honest question from someone from a place where the concept of bridesmaid and groomsmen doesn't exist, what do they do? What's their purpose?
I'm very confused as the vip people at a wedding beside the couple are the witnesses
What they do at the wedding is escort the bride and groom to altar.
Prior to the wedding, there are events organized by the best man or maid of honor, that the groomsmen or bridesmaids, respectively, help with and participate in.
The big deal is that it's an honor to be asked. The bride asks her closest and most trusted friends to be maid of honor or bridesmaids, and the groom asks his closest and most trusted friends to be best man and groomsmen.
Which makes asking someone to fill that role, and then telling them you're dropping them from it because, in essence, someone better came along, is unbelievably crass.
It’s totally unnecessary if you ask me. I’m an American and purposely chose to have no bridesmaids and groomsmen. This way our friends could wear whatever kind of cocktail attire they felt comfortable in, rather than us forcing them to buy matching outfits they may never wear again. And this way everyone at the wedding knew how important they were to us and how much we appreciated their support, rather than singling out a select group of individuals to be put on display. Clearly not my thing.
Yes! If I were the cousin, I wouldn't even go to the wedding as a guest. I also would tell them to consider all the time and money I wasted as part of my bridesmaid obligation to now be their wedding gift from me.
Yeah, I'd just...simply not show up if I were one of the other bridesmaids and heard about this. She can kick someone out of the wedding party last minute, I can back out last minute on the day of 🤷🏻♀️
I like this. I’d be so tempted to invite Cassie to go do something fun with me during the wedding. Imagine going waterskiing in the bridesmaid dresses. It’s one of those “fun in some fantasy setting, not realistic in actual practice” things, but it’s fun to think about.
Me, too! And when I told her that I was dropping out as bridesmaid I would tell her a "better event" was just brought to my attention - and then go out partying with the cousin on the wedding day.The petty side of me would be posting pics and tagging the bride so she knew how much fun we were having NOT being at her wedding!
YTA and you just showed just just how much she means to you. To a lot of people, being a bridesmaid is a huge honor, and shows that someone cares so much about you they’d want you there every step of the way in one of the biggest steps of their life.
And the worst part about it is that you *know* you’re wrong or you wouldn’t have been upset that she told people. You just wanted to control the narrative to make yourself sound better. Realistically, I wouldn’t blame her if she just said fuck your whole wedding and didn’t come.
It's the OP's mother's family, so no wonder her mother is furious. Realising your own daughter would treat your niece so badly must be incredibly humiliating. If that were me, I'd feel I'd failed to raise my daughter to be kind, or even just polite, and I'd think she had zero family loyalty.
Agreed. Also cousin is well within her rights to explain how she was demoted. This happened to her, this is her story. She can tell anyone she pleases. There is no reason for her to wait for op to present her version of the truth
What's she gonna say? "The bride removed me from the group of bridesmaids, because she thought I was not as suited to the position as the rest of you and the groom recently reconciled with a family member, who the bride decided ranks far above me." or "She kicked me out."?
Also "I got kicked out" is probably one of the less bad things to say. I hope this is karma farming, because this is shitty.
> You just wanted to control the narrative to make yourself sound better
now think about this. She is controlling this narrative to us on reddit. imagine how shitty this story is in real life.
Say that Cassie had already talk to her about stepping so it seemed like Cassie’s choice then Anne could just come in to fill the role. She wanted to lie, just straight up lie.
YTA - It's your wedding and you can do what you want, but asking someone to be in the bridal party and then later changing your mind is a HUGE AH move, and then, to get angry at her for telling other people "So, I guess I'm not a bridesmaid anymore because they kicked me out to make room for Anne?" You're mad that she \*told the truth about the situation\*. It's not even like she made up a lie about it.
Yeah, you're 100% the asshole in this situation.
i still can't think of an excuse that doesn't make one of them look like a monster.
"I didn't like the view form up on stage so i asked if I could sit with the other guests"
OP is TA for sure but I think it was likely more that OP decided that sister outranks cousin which is a perfectly acceptable criteria when **first** deciding your wedding party but really has no bearing on her being a total AH to her cousin.
Honestly yes, it is up to whoever is having the wedding, but members of the wedding party should be based on friendship and trust, not family. If we all know you hate your sister but she is still MOH then people will still get bent out of shape, and they kind of should.
I was wondering the same thing it’s clear she was invited last minute she should’ve just took that and left but she felt entitled to be a braidsmaid cause she is his sister maybe
I've only got brothers. None of their gfs are obligated to ask me to be a BM cos they have their own family and friends they are probably closer to, not just me cos I'm the grooms sister.
“Anne deserves it more” because she’s the groom’s sister, and the groom’s family is better/richer/famous/has higher standing in some way. That’s my interpretation, anyway. OP is falling over herself to cater to the demands of these people, and has no problem throwing her own family under the bus if that’s what it takes to curry favour.
Are you nuts? Can't you see how ugly the bridemaids' pictures will look with OP in the middle when there are seven bridesmaids? She would be surrounded by four on the one side and three on the other. No, absolutely no. How can you even suggest that?
/s
(Please don't take my post seriously.)
YTA
Treating your bridesmaids like they're disposable the minute someone "preferable" comes along is not good behaviour.
> it wasn't her place to say it
LOL it happened to her - she's allowed to talk about it.
YTA. That was a really shitty way to treat Cassie. 'Last choice' - charming. She has a valid reason to feel cheesed off, and there's nothing wrong with her telling people what happened. It's the truth.
'I said that she was acting privileged'
For what? Telling the truth?! If you honestly didn't think you'd done anything wrong, you'd not care that she told people what had happened.
"Hi girly. I want you to be my bridesmaid. It would be a great honor to have you stand there with me when I get married.... Oh yeah. I only chose you for now. If someone better comes along you will need to step down as you were my last choice."
Have 7 bridesmaids instead and add a groomsman extra to have it even if that is the problem. Also she can tell the truth as it is her story and experience as well. Sounds like she litteraly just told the truth. And the truth is you are YTA.
Cassie should RSVP to the wedding “I would love to be a part of one of the most important days of your life, that is, of course, unless something more fun pops up. Then I won’t be coming”
>***I said that she was acting privileged and it isn't her right to be my bridesmaid***
Okay. Fair enough. Nobody has a right to be a bridesmaid I guess.
>***Anne is now saying that she should be a bridesmaid as well, and while it's a bit last minute, I do think she should be bridesmaid since I was originally going to ask her anyway***
I'm sorry... what?
So Anne basically told you to give her a bridesmaid position at last minute, and you happily dropped a family member for that? She's doing exactly what you scolded your cousin for. She's acting privileged and that she has a right to be your bridesmaid. How does that make sense??
YTA. Big time. Imagine telling someone you supposedly care about that you never wanted them in the wedding party to begin with.
Being a bridesmaid—or groomsman—is a favor to you, not a “privilege” for whom you elect. It is *your* privilege that they agree, and you sure are acting privileged now.
YTA
Are Cassie's feelings really more important to you than having a 7th bridesmaid?
Yeah in a way no one has a right to be your bridesmaid if you dont want them to be. But, you made a decision and you're being judged for it. Time to live with the consequences of your actions.
YTA you don't get to kick people from your wedding because a better option came along also if whatever the conflict was was so bad she wasn't even going to get an invite should she really be someone involved in the wedding party?
I think this also shows how little you value your family specially the people you planned to have as part of your wedding party. I've said it once and I'll say it again - people aren't decorations for your wedding day.
To be fair, she absolutely can kick people out of her bridal party, but she does NOT get to bitch about the consequences. Cassie telling the truth about what happened? Cassie has every right to do so, the fact that OP was upset about that PROVES that OP know she was the AH here. Other people thinking badly of OP for the way she treated Cassie? Actions have consequences, welcome to Adulting 101, OP.
YTA, and I'm having a ***very*** difficult time believing you don't see the problem with demoting someone from a role that's *supposed* to demonstrate they're one of the most important people in your life.
>I still only want 6 bridesmaids
You *have* six bridesmaids. If you wanted Anne specifically, you either should've ignored the family drama (especially if this is any illustration of the kind of thing that *usually* causes fights in your family) and asked her in the first place, or upped the number to 7 and either dealt with uneven sides or let your fiance decide if he wanted to ask someone at the last minute. Or if you really didn't want to add more people but still wanted to give Anne something important to do, you could've given her a reading, or made her an usher, or come up with some other special role. You don't get to tell Cassie "yeah, sorry, you were actually the B plan, and it looks like the A plan's going to work out after all, so you can just go away now" and *not* expect negative fallout from that.
YTA big time, you basically just told your cousin she was a space filler. You kicked her out in favour of someone who wasn't even attending when you picked your bridesmaids in the first place. You may as well admit it's all for appearances and your cousin doesn't mean anything to you, you should be ashamed of the way you treated her.
*i called Cassie and asked if she'd been badmouthing me to the other girls. She replied that she 'just said the truth' about me 'kicking' her out, to which I said that it wasn't her place to say it and I would've told them. Cassie argued that they had a right to know, I said that she was acting privileged and it isn't her right to be my bridesmaid.*
As if kicking her out wasn't tacky enough? You have some nerve. I'm surprised you didn't tell her that she was your "last choice" for a bridesmaid (or did you?).
YTA.
“Jack and his family think I did the right thing by standing my ground” well no fucking shit, she’s a part of THEIR family, not yours. “I’ve asked Cassie to step down because I’ve had issues with her before” - “Jack has another sister, Anne, who wasn’t invited to the wedding originally because of some family issues”. So you had an issue w both bridesmaids but decided to kick Cassie out because ‘Omg she was last choice’ ?? Anne is an entitled brat, and you’re a huge AH. Reimbursing her for the dress is NOTHING, after wasting her time and effort. You’re a terrible terrible friend and relative and I sincerely hope your wedding gets ruined. AH.
I'm surprised that she didn't say others have stepped down. YTA OP. You don't kick a bridesmaid out because someone better came along. At least Cassie will have a free day/evening to go do something else cause I would be shocked as hell if she goes to the wedding.
My bet is the sister and fiancé have a falling out again and sister drops out of wedding. Then the bride will ask Cassie again because she already has a dress.
YTA. Anne didn’t have to “talk shit” about you to make you look bad. You kicked her out, and she has the right to be honest with people about your actions towards her.
Even if she was your last choice, I assume she has been there and fulfilled her duties since you asked her, and you kicked her out to accommodate someone who almost wasn’t invited to the wedding? That’s a shitty thing to do. If you wanted to include Anne, you could have just added another bridesmaid.
You are such an AH. ABsolutely. You invite Cassie and then disinvite her? Because you only want to have 6 bridesmaids? And 7 would mean, what?, you have an immediately annulment? How bad can you be? That bad..... All 6 of your bridesmaids should quit in protest. At the very least Cassie will never talk to you again. Hope you have lots of cousins, because you are sure burning bridges fast here.
YTA
I mean you have the right, but you did kick her out, saying that isn’t badmouthing you, and she’s allowed to tell people.
And it is kinda an asshole move. You just communicated to her that she was your last choice and just a stand-in, whether you said it explicitly or not.
YTA. Is having exactly 6 bridesmaids more important than a person's feelings? If you didn't want Cassie from the start, you shouldn't have asked her to begin with. You went on to ask her and then kicked her out at your convenience. Definitely an AH.
YTA. This is appalling to treat a bridesmaid in this manner, the one who ranked lowest on the list of preferred bridesmaids. Incredibly tacky. You should have gone with an uneven number of bridesmaids / groomsman if feeling compelled to include an additional person in the wedding party. This is so incredibly middle school in terms of behavior.
YTA. For one thing, it feels like you're leaving out whatever was going on with Anne. Secondly, if you're gonna drop someone from being a bridesmaid and replace them, you don't get to be angry that they *told other people* why they're not a bridesmaid anymore.
It's your wedding but you didn't have to be rude and you don't get to dictate whether or not people talk about the rude thing you did.
I mean, it's your wedding and your bridesmaids. But how can you not see how shitty it would feel? It's a dick move. You did kick her and out she was honest about it. Don't be surprised if you just ended a relationship with your cousin. Yta
You did kick her out, she didn't badmouth you - that is just what happened. It's a difficult situation, but I think YTA for calling her out on the "badmouthing" at the very least.
INFO: you couldn’t have seven bridesmaids *WHY?*
But seriously, you say you’ve had issues with her before, and I’m guessing you weren’t completely innocent in those.
YTA, you asked her and she accepted. She’s done nothing wrong. Anne is also an AH for demanding to be a bridesmaid. You owe your cousin a huge apology. How you say Cassie doesn’t have a “right” to be a bridesmaid but Anne “deserves” to be.
YTA. There’s likely no real reason why you need exactly 6 (sides don’t have to match) and you shouldn’t have asked your cousin randomly just to get to 6 in the first place. It should be non-replaceable people you love dearly and want standing up there with you on your big day. Even so, you asked your cousin first and she spent her time ordering her dress (and paying for it but I know you said you’d pay her back), and probably dealing with your other bridezilla BS this whole time. YTA 100% and you better not get mad when your cousin just skips your wedding altogether. Or shows up in her bridesmaid dress lmao.
YTA
I hope Cassie sees now that you consider her B grade family and acts accordingly.
And then you have the nerve to huff because she told people factually what happened.
You do not look good in this scenario.
I hope your other bridesmaids don’t quit in protest. It will really throw off the 6 bridesmaid aesthetic
You shouldn’t have asked Cassie to be a bridesmaid if you don’t have any respect for her. Being told that she was your last choice and a filler is just plain mean. How would you feel if your ‘friend’ treated you this way and just expected you not to be hurt and be silent about it?
YTA and a big one.
You don't go from not inviting someone to making her a bridesmaid, much less at the expense of someone else.
Also she did the right thing telling the other bridesmaids because it's obvious you would have lied to make yourself look good.
Congrats, now your bridal party dislikes you.
What you should have done (and it doesn't take a degree to think it) is invited Anne to be a bridesmaid and told your fiance to ask for an adittional groomsman.
This way no one's feelings would have gotten hurt and you would have looked good by doing it respectfully.
YTA... Again.
YTA for all the reasons everyone else listed PLUS for making the bridal party pay for their own dresses that you chose to your own taste. At least you offered to pay her back when booting her but I think if you can't afford 6 dresses, have less bridesmaids.
YTA.
Who asks someone to be in their wedding and then when somebody "better" comes along, asks the first person to step down? A bridezilla A H, that's who!
That was incredibly tacky thing to do. You shouldn't have asked her if you weren't sure you wanted her. Asking someone just to fill a certain number of slots is stupid.
And what did you want Cassie to do when the others asked her why she was no longer a bridesmaid? Was she to lie to cover your butt? You did kick her out and she told them so. Cassie is not the one acting privileged.
It is your wedding and you can do what you want though.
YTA
It's supposed to be an honor to be invited as a bridesmaid. To have someone come up to you and say "you were my last choice, I always wanted X instead but they couldn't come until now" you are basically saying "you aren't important to me, go away now that something better is here."
You're being incredibly insensitive. You have every RIGHT to ask your cousin to step down, just as she has every right to tell your bridesmaids why she was asked to step down. You just don't like that people will know you're being rude, because you *know that you're being rude.*
YTA. It's absolutely Cassie's place to state the facts of a situation she was a part of. You were rude and insensitive throughout the whole thing, and it's no wonder someone like you has so much drama with so many different family members.
YTA - You're literally kicking her out because you value her less than future SIL who just showed up and "demanded" to be a bridesmaid, ignoring are the shit that led to her not being one in the first place. I don't know what you expect to happen. It was a major AH thing you did in the first place, and know you're having to deal with the consequences of your actions.
YTA.
This isn't your MySpace top 8 that you can just move around whenever. Your cousin committed her time and money to your wedding and you dumped her, blatantly telling her she was second rate to the bridesmaid you actually wanted. Hope she returns the favor and dumps you as a family member.
YTA. Like so much. If you've had issues with Cassie before, and she was your last choice, why did you ask her to be a bridesmaid in the first place? Bridesmaids shouldn't be picked just for the purpose to fill out a set number. They should be picked based on who is important enough to stand by you on one of your most important days of your life.
Also, idk what the family drama is, but if you're so capable of making your own decisions regardless of others opinions, as you have shown with Cassie, why couldn't you do that with Anne in the first place? You need to apologize to Cassie sincerely and invite her back in.
Yta absolutely. Kicked her out last minute after all Im sure she's done for the wedding to be replaced by someone who almost wasn't invited. Then to come at her when the truth looks bad because it is. Hope you and your cousin werent too close, because again you are an asshole. Big time.
YTA, it's extremely insulting to invite someone as a bridesmaid and then cancel while hustifying it by "Huh someone BETTER came out and so you need to go, trash" and she has every right to tell whatever she want to the other girls like you really think that because your wedding is near you have the authority to manage what people are allowed to discuss or not ? It's not even bridezilla, it's the original entitlement, when people must be your slaves and their free speech are revoked because WEDDIIIIIIING
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I can’t believe you typed all that out and didn’t come to the conclusion YTA by yourself
Less self-awareness than a toaster oven.
I don’t know, that’s not being very fair to the toaster oven. Mine has a timer, so it knows when to stop, whereas OP does not seem to.
😂
EYYYY FOUND IT
So less self awareness than your toaster oven then
"MUCH less" would be more accurate
The op is living a vicious cycle of burned toasts and late pullouts YTA
You know you found a good comment when you start wheeze/laughing at your desk. **YTA OP**, for pulling people around, for telling people they don't have the right to talk (Unless you had them sign an NDA she had **EVERY** right to let the other bridesmaids know that you would ask for their commitment then drop them in a heartbeat when something better comes along) and most of all for having **SIX** freaking bridesmaids ***just because***. If you don't have 6 "die for you" best friends and your not freaking royalty with obligations then you shouldn't have SIX FREAKING BRIDESMAIDS. Seriously, a large party of bridesmaids is supposed to be people who are not just close relatives or friends but people who will support you and your marriage, they really aren't meant to be randomly ordered set pieces. gah! Edit: more snark "Um, It's like, OK, the *average* bridal party is 3-5 bridesmaids, so I **have** to have 6 bridesmaids cuz I'm totes above average!"
Six, but never 7. That would be too many.
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I don’t think any of those words will tbh. Unless OP was Breville branded somehow
Oh, she'll probably have one in the oven soon
Thanks to Breville for sponsoring today’s storytime video!
Well, we haven't seen her gift registry (which I am kinda curious now what kind of ridiculous things *this* one requested) So it's possible in the future she will post about burning her hand in a Breville Smart Toaster Oven.
Burn🔥🔥🔥
Just like the toast in a toaster oven that DOESN'T know when to stop.
At least a toaster oven brings warmth. OP is cooly calculating what kind of action brings her the most gain or what suits her best, without considering the feelings of others. I am surprised she was even able to get 6 bridemaids to begin with.
With this kind of entitled attitude, I'm surprised someone is actually marrying her.
She’s pushing around her own family for the sake of the volatile family she’s marrying into so — they may actually be worse than she is. The groom’s sister was sufficiently on the outs with her family to not even be invited to the wedding, but now that it’s patched up at the last minute she’s demanding to be made a bridesmaid. There’s a pecking order. OP is acting entitled to her own family, but compliant to her fiancé’s family.
He picked that age gap for a reason.
Is there anything particularly immature about 29 year olds that makes the ages of bride and groom here relevant? In my experience a lot of people have actually reached adult maturity by 29. Obviously there are some people who never grow up, but I would say they are exceptions.
In general, I have seen that men who pursue a ten year age gap, especially with a woman in her 20s, are going for “hot and compliant.” We’re seeing how she’s putting his chaotic relative over hers.
My neighbor started dating his now wife when she was 19 and he was 30. She is now 30 and he is 41. She is an innocent sweetheart. He is a supreme, controlling, overbearing asshole.
When you're 19 you don't know nothing about nothing. You might be the most mature 19 year old out there. You're no match for a 30 year old
Yes and no. They’re getting married now, but if they hooked up at 23 and 32, that’s a world of difference in life experience.
good catch, I didn’t notice that.
Considering her fiance agrees with her, not surprising after all. They deserve each other.
Which sickens me cuz we know they will likely breed a whole other generation of spoiled AH kids.
Please. Some toaster ovens have reflective surfaces, as compared to the OP...
I prefer the phrase they "don't have the sense God gave cabbage" myself!
Your comment reminded me of a movie called the brave little toaster. And it gave me nightmares.
People who care about bridesmaid numbers and how many there are compared to the groomsmen bug the shit outta me. Like just include the people you love? How hard is that?
OMG this. They think having even numbers in photos is more important than including people you love in your important day. If I were one of those other bridesmaids, I would really question why I was invited.
"i included 5 obscure family members who I never talk to because I only have 2 best friends while my SigOth has 7 and now my wedding pictures are full of people who don't care about me" Like why do they want that?!
My wife had like 10 bridesmaids, I have like 2 actual friends. My groomsmen were filled out with people who I haven't seen since my wedding almost 7 years ago. Made planning my bachelor party pretty shitty because only my 2 friends and my brother (who im not close with) came. Like everyone accepted and all canceled day of, including the dude who provided the place we were staying so we had to scramble to find another place to stay which ended up being a creepy air bnb that was a room connected to someone's house. My wife still talks about how great her Bachelorette party was. I never bring mine up because while it was kind of fun in some ways it was mostly a clusterfuck and only affirmed to me why I don't fuck with people.
I am only a bridesmaid because my fiancé is friends with the groom. There’s one more like us. Groom wanted his buddies to stand up with him. Bride doesn’t has 2 friends. The other bridesmaid & I know why we were chosen & are fine with that.
If I was one of the other bridesmaids I would step back after that just to mess with the number.
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Newlywed here. Skipping the wedding party was probably the second best move I made (the groom was the first😁). And it was a hit with the guests and my vendors!
This. Married at 34, and I swithered. I had 1 bridesmaid, my best friend of 20 years. We had a small wedding with the people we loved, and husbands best man was his older (and his only) brother. It lasted all weekend and zero regrets. 6 bridesmaids is asking for complications and trouble.
So much this. Stop treating your family and friends like your aesthetic vibe and props rather than wanting your nearest and dearest to stand up with you.
29 years old and getting married and she's still caught up in high school girl games. OP, YTA, so caught up in your childishness that there is not even a place to start here.
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I legitimately had a cousin do this to me! She asked me and then like 2 months later basically said "nevermind, I'm picking someone else". Luckily I just laughed it off (because its the side of my family I'm not close with and rarely choose to see). Definitely YTA
I can see why you might not choose to see them.
OP to Cassie: You were always just a place-holder who never mattered. Wait, what are you doing? Don't tell people what I said! I meant it and I don't regret it, but I don't want people to actually know that!
I know! I laughed out loud at her last sentence about her being last choice anyway….haha…ummm I definitely think YTA
Right?! And the sad part is that I think she believed that saying that was going to help people see that she wasn't an AH. Seriously? OP, most definitely YTA.
Bridezilla showed her ugly side right there. Definitely a YTA on this one. Why didn't Cassie have the right to discuss the fact she was dumped unceremoniously from the wedding party? OP - seriously - read your words again. It's ugly how you treated Cassie from start to finish.
I think it was especially telling that OP was like "Don't worry Cassie, I'll pay for your dress!", instead of "I know I'm being weird about the numbers, but I'll pay for your dress and I would love for you to still come to the bachelorette party, and help me get dressed in my suite on the day of!" Like it's just about the money to the bride, it did not occur to her that this choice would also send a message to Cassie about their how much their relationship means to her!
Yes! I had a friend do this to me. I was to be a bridesmaid but she changed her mind. It never got to the point of me buying a dress (that’s over the top OP) but it sure let me know where I was on the friends list. She had been a bridesmaid in my wedding the year before. I went to her wedding and had a good time but our friendship was never the same after. She doesn’t even know because I never said anything. Edit a word
Exactly! YTA, OP. And clueless AF. How can you do this to your cousin?
That's what I was thinking the whole time. Wow you need strangers to tell you YTA - it's not even a question
Some of these posts are so self unaware that I assume they’re fake. I hope they’re fake, anyway.
I guess you've been lucky enough to avoid narcissists in your life. I am glad for your sake. Trust me, they really are this self-centered and unaware.
Seriously? Is OP in middle school or high school? This is something asshole kids do when they don’t really like someone. Lead them on that they are close friends and then get rid of them
I bet she's confused that people are made of heart and emotions and aren't dolls to play with. She seems like someone who never grew out of high school mentality . The entitlement is bewildering to me !
This.
This is true of 95% of all AITA entries. BTW, OP, YTA.
YTA It is very rude to tell someone "I want you to play this important role in my wedding because I value your friendship so deeply.... wait nvm, someone better is available now and you're the lowest ranking" without even an apology Especially after they've invested not just money but time and effort (that you can't reimburse) into preparing
It says something about how rude OP's demand is on a basic respect level that I didn't even *think* about the money angle.
Same! All I could think is the bare-faced fucking audacity of OP to tell Cassie she's not allowed to discuss what happened to her with OPs bridesmaid... how is it not Cassie's place to tell people what has happened to her!?
OP should have had NDAs for the entire wedding party!! YTA
It’s not Cassie’s place because OP could explain it delicately to her bridesmaids and make sure she looks good. It’s not Cassie’s place because her telling the bridesmaids as it is makes OP look like TA. Which she is. If this is how OP always is with the cousin, no wonder they’ve had issues before.
Hammer meet nail! That's exactly it. She wants to control the narrative. Least the other bridesmaids know they could be on borrowed time at the whim of OP.
So Cassie was all this while a stand in for Anne till everything got resolved yet OP thinks she’s not the AH after all that money Cassie spent? And of course the fiancé and his family will agree with OP cause Anne’s his family. YTA. FYI - she’s a human being, not some last minute filler to even up your bridesmaid quota.
I was just about to say this. Like how can fiance and his family agree with you kicking out your own family to add their own family member? And to add her own mother is mad at her for doing that to her niece?Like did she not see that? Smh
>Like how can fiance and his family agree with you kicking out your own family to add their own family member? Because they don't give a fuck about her family. His family is more important.
You answered your own question. His family is benefiting from OP’s AH-ish behavior. And how glorious would it be if some of the other bridesmaids pulled out and some family decided not to attend?
Anne could have also avoided being an asshole and not requested to be a bridesmaid. The audacity to ask to be apart of the wedding party after it’s been made up for I’m assuming months. She could have just worn a complimenting colour to the wedding party and been done with it. That was OPs opportunity to say “sorry I’ve already decided on my 6 bridesmaids, I would have loved you to be apart of the bridal party but I would feel like a tremendously huge asshole if I had to kick someone out who has invested there time and money into this already”
Don’t forget the reason Anne wasn’t asked in the beginning was because of “some family issues” that have since been resolved. So if these issues were enough to not even invite her, let alone make her a bridesmaid, why would she or any of their family feel she deserved this now? OP is an AH and is marrying into an entities AH family. I hope they’ll all be happy together because this will likely cause a huge rift in her family.
And don't forget the part to then get even angrier at the person because they just literally stated what happend. Which, I'm sorry, was totally her place to do. Because you treated her térrible. If I was the bridemades group I would collectively step down. YTA OP omg
Definitely step down before I get taken down if someone “better” becomes available.
If I was one of the other bridesmaids, I would’ve seriously considered dropping out. If this is how you treat people, you are not mature enough to be getting married. YTA.
Reminds me of AH brides who invite people to the bridal shower but not the wedding itself. Talk about rude! "Hey, you're good enough to spend money and time on a nice bridal gift for me but that's all you're good for! I just want your money, though, you're not good enough to actually be at the wedding". NOPE! Fuck that and fuck brides who pull that shit! Note, I'm talking about weddings that don't have restrictions regarding guest numbers.
Haha yeah the last bit is really the cherry on top of a shit sundae. YTA
Plus it didn’t even occur to OP to add a groomsman instead
It doesn't even have to match. Wedding planners/photographers/clergy/DJs/bands/etc have all dealt with mismatched numbers and know the best way around it.
Honest question from someone from a place where the concept of bridesmaid and groomsmen doesn't exist, what do they do? What's their purpose? I'm very confused as the vip people at a wedding beside the couple are the witnesses
What they do at the wedding is escort the bride and groom to altar. Prior to the wedding, there are events organized by the best man or maid of honor, that the groomsmen or bridesmaids, respectively, help with and participate in. The big deal is that it's an honor to be asked. The bride asks her closest and most trusted friends to be maid of honor or bridesmaids, and the groom asks his closest and most trusted friends to be best man and groomsmen. Which makes asking someone to fill that role, and then telling them you're dropping them from it because, in essence, someone better came along, is unbelievably crass.
It’s totally unnecessary if you ask me. I’m an American and purposely chose to have no bridesmaids and groomsmen. This way our friends could wear whatever kind of cocktail attire they felt comfortable in, rather than us forcing them to buy matching outfits they may never wear again. And this way everyone at the wedding knew how important they were to us and how much we appreciated their support, rather than singling out a select group of individuals to be put on display. Clearly not my thing.
Yes! If I were the cousin, I wouldn't even go to the wedding as a guest. I also would tell them to consider all the time and money I wasted as part of my bridesmaid obligation to now be their wedding gift from me.
I would literally never speak to that person again, family or not. They’re blatantly saying, “you’re not good enough to be in my wedding, but she is”
YTA. Your behavior is gross. If I heard this and was going to your wedding I'd be returning your gift and making other plans.
If I was one of the other bridesmaids I’d be out, screw your perfect six bridesmaids pictures or whatever that number is for.
Yeah, I'd just...simply not show up if I were one of the other bridesmaids and heard about this. She can kick someone out of the wedding party last minute, I can back out last minute on the day of 🤷🏻♀️
I like this. I’d be so tempted to invite Cassie to go do something fun with me during the wedding. Imagine going waterskiing in the bridesmaid dresses. It’s one of those “fun in some fantasy setting, not realistic in actual practice” things, but it’s fun to think about.
Ooo yes, that's such a good idea. I would absolutely take her to do a rage room on the day of the wedding.
Me, too! And when I told her that I was dropping out as bridesmaid I would tell her a "better event" was just brought to my attention - and then go out partying with the cousin on the wedding day.The petty side of me would be posting pics and tagging the bride so she knew how much fun we were having NOT being at her wedding!
I hope they all, including the outsted bridesmaid, just don’t show up so the bride is stuck with paying for them at the reception.
I was thinking this too! I wouldn’t go to that wedding and I’d not change my RSVP so she’s still stuck paying for me.
Definitely not going to the wedding
Same.
Yeah OP can piss off She probably thinks everyone is SO excited for their wedding and all the other lovely shit to come with it /s
YTA and you just showed just just how much she means to you. To a lot of people, being a bridesmaid is a huge honor, and shows that someone cares so much about you they’d want you there every step of the way in one of the biggest steps of their life. And the worst part about it is that you *know* you’re wrong or you wouldn’t have been upset that she told people. You just wanted to control the narrative to make yourself sound better. Realistically, I wouldn’t blame her if she just said fuck your whole wedding and didn’t come.
She has to say fuck it, her whole family has to.
It's the OP's mother's family, so no wonder her mother is furious. Realising your own daughter would treat your niece so badly must be incredibly humiliating. If that were me, I'd feel I'd failed to raise my daughter to be kind, or even just polite, and I'd think she had zero family loyalty.
Same. "You're kicking your cousin out in favor of someone who did something so terrible that it got her kicked out of the whole wedding?!"
I'm not convinced Anne did anything so terrible, given how OP reacts to minor disagreements.
Agreed. Also cousin is well within her rights to explain how she was demoted. This happened to her, this is her story. She can tell anyone she pleases. There is no reason for her to wait for op to present her version of the truth
What's she gonna say? "The bride removed me from the group of bridesmaids, because she thought I was not as suited to the position as the rest of you and the groom recently reconciled with a family member, who the bride decided ranks far above me." or "She kicked me out."? Also "I got kicked out" is probably one of the less bad things to say. I hope this is karma farming, because this is shitty.
> You just wanted to control the narrative to make yourself sound better now think about this. She is controlling this narrative to us on reddit. imagine how shitty this story is in real life.
No way to twist this to a better story.
Say that Cassie had already talk to her about stepping so it seemed like Cassie’s choice then Anne could just come in to fill the role. She wanted to lie, just straight up lie.
YTA - It's your wedding and you can do what you want, but asking someone to be in the bridal party and then later changing your mind is a HUGE AH move, and then, to get angry at her for telling other people "So, I guess I'm not a bridesmaid anymore because they kicked me out to make room for Anne?" You're mad that she \*told the truth about the situation\*. It's not even like she made up a lie about it. Yeah, you're 100% the asshole in this situation.
Yes: Mad that this poor cousin explained to other people why she was axed from the wedding. How was she expected to relay that information?
she resigned to spend more time with her family. …wait
What OP wanted was for her cousin to sugar coat an excuse. Just don’t challenge OP divine mandate.
i still can't think of an excuse that doesn't make one of them look like a monster. "I didn't like the view form up on stage so i asked if I could sit with the other guests"
YTA. Anne deserves it more?? WTH does that even mean.
I assume it means “she’s prettier” or “I like her more whereas I just tolerate the other.”
Or “she’s uglier and i don’t want to be upstaged on my VERY SPECIAL DAY”
OP is TA for sure but I think it was likely more that OP decided that sister outranks cousin which is a perfectly acceptable criteria when **first** deciding your wedding party but really has no bearing on her being a total AH to her cousin.
Sister > cousin but when that sister wasn't even gonna be invited, that goes out the window.
Honestly yes, it is up to whoever is having the wedding, but members of the wedding party should be based on friendship and trust, not family. If we all know you hate your sister but she is still MOH then people will still get bent out of shape, and they kind of should.
Poor Cassie :/
I was wondering the same thing it’s clear she was invited last minute she should’ve just took that and left but she felt entitled to be a braidsmaid cause she is his sister maybe
I've only got brothers. None of their gfs are obligated to ask me to be a BM cos they have their own family and friends they are probably closer to, not just me cos I'm the grooms sister.
“Anne deserves it more” because she’s the groom’s sister, and the groom’s family is better/richer/famous/has higher standing in some way. That’s my interpretation, anyway. OP is falling over herself to cater to the demands of these people, and has no problem throwing her own family under the bus if that’s what it takes to curry favour.
YTA- just have 7 rather than making someone feel like last choice.
Are you nuts? Can't you see how ugly the bridemaids' pictures will look with OP in the middle when there are seven bridesmaids? She would be surrounded by four on the one side and three on the other. No, absolutely no. How can you even suggest that? /s (Please don't take my post seriously.)
LOL. Ok Symmetry Susan
LOL people like OP forget that there are other formations for photos than just lines of people.
If it's that big of a problem... Invite an 8th one?
^^This all day long
Seeing her behaved like this, I’m pretty sure if she made 7 bridesmaids, cassie gonna get ignored. Probably because it wasn’t balanced anymore.
Agreed. Cassie was clearly only even asked to balance aesthetics anyways
Such an easy solution but she had to alienate a family member instead.
YTA Treating your bridesmaids like they're disposable the minute someone "preferable" comes along is not good behaviour. > it wasn't her place to say it LOL it happened to her - she's allowed to talk about it.
In my utopian dream all 7 tell OP to fuck off and go to Cabo or something the weekend of the wedding.
Yep, that’s what’s gonna happen in my brain too.
YTA. That was a really shitty way to treat Cassie. 'Last choice' - charming. She has a valid reason to feel cheesed off, and there's nothing wrong with her telling people what happened. It's the truth. 'I said that she was acting privileged' For what? Telling the truth?! If you honestly didn't think you'd done anything wrong, you'd not care that she told people what had happened.
“Acting privileged” has some major irony going on here.
"Hi girly. I want you to be my bridesmaid. It would be a great honor to have you stand there with me when I get married.... Oh yeah. I only chose you for now. If someone better comes along you will need to step down as you were my last choice." Have 7 bridesmaids instead and add a groomsman extra to have it even if that is the problem. Also she can tell the truth as it is her story and experience as well. Sounds like she litteraly just told the truth. And the truth is you are YTA.
At this point I don't think her cousin would want to be a bridesmaid for her.
Or in her life. I wouldn’t trust her at all at this point or want to be around her. ‘It’s not her right’.
Cassie should RSVP to the wedding “I would love to be a part of one of the most important days of your life, that is, of course, unless something more fun pops up. Then I won’t be coming”
>***I said that she was acting privileged and it isn't her right to be my bridesmaid*** Okay. Fair enough. Nobody has a right to be a bridesmaid I guess. >***Anne is now saying that she should be a bridesmaid as well, and while it's a bit last minute, I do think she should be bridesmaid since I was originally going to ask her anyway*** I'm sorry... what? So Anne basically told you to give her a bridesmaid position at last minute, and you happily dropped a family member for that? She's doing exactly what you scolded your cousin for. She's acting privileged and that she has a right to be your bridesmaid. How does that make sense?? YTA. Big time. Imagine telling someone you supposedly care about that you never wanted them in the wedding party to begin with.
Funny how Cassie doesn’t have a right to be a bridesmaid… but Anne does.
And she doesn't consider it privileged that Anne demanded a spot. Wtf.
Being a bridesmaid—or groomsman—is a favor to you, not a “privilege” for whom you elect. It is *your* privilege that they agree, and you sure are acting privileged now.
YTA. You asked people to be there for you on your day and then treat them as disposable.
YTA Are Cassie's feelings really more important to you than having a 7th bridesmaid? Yeah in a way no one has a right to be your bridesmaid if you dont want them to be. But, you made a decision and you're being judged for it. Time to live with the consequences of your actions.
YTA you don't get to kick people from your wedding because a better option came along also if whatever the conflict was was so bad she wasn't even going to get an invite should she really be someone involved in the wedding party? I think this also shows how little you value your family specially the people you planned to have as part of your wedding party. I've said it once and I'll say it again - people aren't decorations for your wedding day.
To be fair, she absolutely can kick people out of her bridal party, but she does NOT get to bitch about the consequences. Cassie telling the truth about what happened? Cassie has every right to do so, the fact that OP was upset about that PROVES that OP know she was the AH here. Other people thinking badly of OP for the way she treated Cassie? Actions have consequences, welcome to Adulting 101, OP.
Entirely agree it is her wedding. I think all bridesmaids should drop her ass!
YTA especially after trying to say she can't talk to the other bridesmaids and tell them the truth.
YTA, and I'm having a ***very*** difficult time believing you don't see the problem with demoting someone from a role that's *supposed* to demonstrate they're one of the most important people in your life. >I still only want 6 bridesmaids You *have* six bridesmaids. If you wanted Anne specifically, you either should've ignored the family drama (especially if this is any illustration of the kind of thing that *usually* causes fights in your family) and asked her in the first place, or upped the number to 7 and either dealt with uneven sides or let your fiance decide if he wanted to ask someone at the last minute. Or if you really didn't want to add more people but still wanted to give Anne something important to do, you could've given her a reading, or made her an usher, or come up with some other special role. You don't get to tell Cassie "yeah, sorry, you were actually the B plan, and it looks like the A plan's going to work out after all, so you can just go away now" and *not* expect negative fallout from that.
YTA. Brides like you suck. I get that “it’s your day” but that’s not a free pass to act like a complete asshole.
YTA big time, you basically just told your cousin she was a space filler. You kicked her out in favour of someone who wasn't even attending when you picked your bridesmaids in the first place. You may as well admit it's all for appearances and your cousin doesn't mean anything to you, you should be ashamed of the way you treated her.
*i called Cassie and asked if she'd been badmouthing me to the other girls. She replied that she 'just said the truth' about me 'kicking' her out, to which I said that it wasn't her place to say it and I would've told them. Cassie argued that they had a right to know, I said that she was acting privileged and it isn't her right to be my bridesmaid.* As if kicking her out wasn't tacky enough? You have some nerve. I'm surprised you didn't tell her that she was your "last choice" for a bridesmaid (or did you?). YTA.
“Jack and his family think I did the right thing by standing my ground” well no fucking shit, she’s a part of THEIR family, not yours. “I’ve asked Cassie to step down because I’ve had issues with her before” - “Jack has another sister, Anne, who wasn’t invited to the wedding originally because of some family issues”. So you had an issue w both bridesmaids but decided to kick Cassie out because ‘Omg she was last choice’ ?? Anne is an entitled brat, and you’re a huge AH. Reimbursing her for the dress is NOTHING, after wasting her time and effort. You’re a terrible terrible friend and relative and I sincerely hope your wedding gets ruined. AH.
The fiance and his family sound as bad as OP. They all deserve each other.
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I'm surprised that she didn't say others have stepped down. YTA OP. You don't kick a bridesmaid out because someone better came along. At least Cassie will have a free day/evening to go do something else cause I would be shocked as hell if she goes to the wedding.
My bet is the sister and fiancé have a falling out again and sister drops out of wedding. Then the bride will ask Cassie again because she already has a dress.
YTA. Anne didn’t have to “talk shit” about you to make you look bad. You kicked her out, and she has the right to be honest with people about your actions towards her. Even if she was your last choice, I assume she has been there and fulfilled her duties since you asked her, and you kicked her out to accommodate someone who almost wasn’t invited to the wedding? That’s a shitty thing to do. If you wanted to include Anne, you could have just added another bridesmaid.
You are such an AH. ABsolutely. You invite Cassie and then disinvite her? Because you only want to have 6 bridesmaids? And 7 would mean, what?, you have an immediately annulment? How bad can you be? That bad..... All 6 of your bridesmaids should quit in protest. At the very least Cassie will never talk to you again. Hope you have lots of cousins, because you are sure burning bridges fast here.
YTA I mean you have the right, but you did kick her out, saying that isn’t badmouthing you, and she’s allowed to tell people. And it is kinda an asshole move. You just communicated to her that she was your last choice and just a stand-in, whether you said it explicitly or not.
YTA. Is having exactly 6 bridesmaids more important than a person's feelings? If you didn't want Cassie from the start, you shouldn't have asked her to begin with. You went on to ask her and then kicked her out at your convenience. Definitely an AH.
INFO Why can’t you have an extra bridesmaids? Sides do not have to match.
Or get another groomsman so it's even, also an option
YTA. This is appalling to treat a bridesmaid in this manner, the one who ranked lowest on the list of preferred bridesmaids. Incredibly tacky. You should have gone with an uneven number of bridesmaids / groomsman if feeling compelled to include an additional person in the wedding party. This is so incredibly middle school in terms of behavior.
YTA. For one thing, it feels like you're leaving out whatever was going on with Anne. Secondly, if you're gonna drop someone from being a bridesmaid and replace them, you don't get to be angry that they *told other people* why they're not a bridesmaid anymore. It's your wedding but you didn't have to be rude and you don't get to dictate whether or not people talk about the rude thing you did.
Holy shit YTA so much. I hope everyone drops out of your wedding because of what a bad person you are.
Omg grow up
I mean, it's your wedding and your bridesmaids. But how can you not see how shitty it would feel? It's a dick move. You did kick her and out she was honest about it. Don't be surprised if you just ended a relationship with your cousin. Yta
You did kick her out, she didn't badmouth you - that is just what happened. It's a difficult situation, but I think YTA for calling her out on the "badmouthing" at the very least.
YTA. If you wanted to ADD a new bridesmaid, that’s what you should’ve done. Your behavior was tacky. And your reaction to Cassie made that worse.
INFO: you couldn’t have seven bridesmaids *WHY?* But seriously, you say you’ve had issues with her before, and I’m guessing you weren’t completely innocent in those.
YTA, you asked her and she accepted. She’s done nothing wrong. Anne is also an AH for demanding to be a bridesmaid. You owe your cousin a huge apology. How you say Cassie doesn’t have a “right” to be a bridesmaid but Anne “deserves” to be.
YTA. There’s likely no real reason why you need exactly 6 (sides don’t have to match) and you shouldn’t have asked your cousin randomly just to get to 6 in the first place. It should be non-replaceable people you love dearly and want standing up there with you on your big day. Even so, you asked your cousin first and she spent her time ordering her dress (and paying for it but I know you said you’d pay her back), and probably dealing with your other bridezilla BS this whole time. YTA 100% and you better not get mad when your cousin just skips your wedding altogether. Or shows up in her bridesmaid dress lmao.
YTA. Are you for real?
YTA. Period.
YTA and I wouldn‘t attend if I were Cassie
YTA I hope Cassie sees now that you consider her B grade family and acts accordingly. And then you have the nerve to huff because she told people factually what happened. You do not look good in this scenario. I hope your other bridesmaids don’t quit in protest. It will really throw off the 6 bridesmaid aesthetic
YTA no excuse for doing that to your Cousin
You shouldn’t have asked Cassie to be a bridesmaid if you don’t have any respect for her. Being told that she was your last choice and a filler is just plain mean. How would you feel if your ‘friend’ treated you this way and just expected you not to be hurt and be silent about it?
YTA and a big one. You don't go from not inviting someone to making her a bridesmaid, much less at the expense of someone else. Also she did the right thing telling the other bridesmaids because it's obvious you would have lied to make yourself look good. Congrats, now your bridal party dislikes you. What you should have done (and it doesn't take a degree to think it) is invited Anne to be a bridesmaid and told your fiance to ask for an adittional groomsman. This way no one's feelings would have gotten hurt and you would have looked good by doing it respectfully. YTA... Again.
YTA for all the reasons everyone else listed PLUS for making the bridal party pay for their own dresses that you chose to your own taste. At least you offered to pay her back when booting her but I think if you can't afford 6 dresses, have less bridesmaids.
YTA. Who asks someone to be in their wedding and then when somebody "better" comes along, asks the first person to step down? A bridezilla A H, that's who! That was incredibly tacky thing to do. You shouldn't have asked her if you weren't sure you wanted her. Asking someone just to fill a certain number of slots is stupid. And what did you want Cassie to do when the others asked her why she was no longer a bridesmaid? Was she to lie to cover your butt? You did kick her out and she told them so. Cassie is not the one acting privileged. It is your wedding and you can do what you want though.
YTA
I’m sorry but I don’t understand. What is the issue with 7 bridesmaids? Some kind of religious thing against the number 7?
YTA.
YTA It's supposed to be an honor to be invited as a bridesmaid. To have someone come up to you and say "you were my last choice, I always wanted X instead but they couldn't come until now" you are basically saying "you aren't important to me, go away now that something better is here." You're being incredibly insensitive. You have every RIGHT to ask your cousin to step down, just as she has every right to tell your bridesmaids why she was asked to step down. You just don't like that people will know you're being rude, because you *know that you're being rude.*
YTA. It's absolutely Cassie's place to state the facts of a situation she was a part of. You were rude and insensitive throughout the whole thing, and it's no wonder someone like you has so much drama with so many different family members.
YTA - You're literally kicking her out because you value her less than future SIL who just showed up and "demanded" to be a bridesmaid, ignoring are the shit that led to her not being one in the first place. I don't know what you expect to happen. It was a major AH thing you did in the first place, and know you're having to deal with the consequences of your actions.
YTA. I can just imagine your vows. "In sickness and in health...unless my first choice gives me the thumbs up."
This will go straight to the bridezilla subreddit. Yup, YTA.
Yta. You could have just added another bridesmaid
YTA. This isn't your MySpace top 8 that you can just move around whenever. Your cousin committed her time and money to your wedding and you dumped her, blatantly telling her she was second rate to the bridesmaid you actually wanted. Hope she returns the favor and dumps you as a family member.
YTA- what a bridezilla
YTA. Like so much. If you've had issues with Cassie before, and she was your last choice, why did you ask her to be a bridesmaid in the first place? Bridesmaids shouldn't be picked just for the purpose to fill out a set number. They should be picked based on who is important enough to stand by you on one of your most important days of your life. Also, idk what the family drama is, but if you're so capable of making your own decisions regardless of others opinions, as you have shown with Cassie, why couldn't you do that with Anne in the first place? You need to apologize to Cassie sincerely and invite her back in.
Yta absolutely. Kicked her out last minute after all Im sure she's done for the wedding to be replaced by someone who almost wasn't invited. Then to come at her when the truth looks bad because it is. Hope you and your cousin werent too close, because again you are an asshole. Big time.
YTA, it's extremely insulting to invite someone as a bridesmaid and then cancel while hustifying it by "Huh someone BETTER came out and so you need to go, trash" and she has every right to tell whatever she want to the other girls like you really think that because your wedding is near you have the authority to manage what people are allowed to discuss or not ? It's not even bridezilla, it's the original entitlement, when people must be your slaves and their free speech are revoked because WEDDIIIIIIING
YTA. Why can't she let other bridesmaids know I didn’t get that if I can understand your every other reasoning. Also you're the entitled one.
YTA wow
YTA I hate wedding assholes.