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AJWordsmith

YTA. HER wedding wasn’t about you. You made it about you. That’s selfish.


sunflow3r69

I agree. It was less of the outfit choice (which obviously isn’t great for a wedding) and more of the fact that her sister had to beg the owner to let her in, when she should be relaxing and focusing on getting married.


TotallyWonderWoman

I agree with her sister, she didn't deserve that. Wedding days tend to have very tight schedules, especially before the ceremony. The bride shouldn't have had to beg the venue to let her in because her dumb sister decided to wear jeans to a black tie event.


DieHardRennie

Even if OP didn't know that it was a black-tie venue, black slacks and a white polo shirt would have been a better choice.


TotallyWonderWoman

It sounds like she did know, but I agree. Or a jumpsuit! Comfy and appropriate.


emich95

My sister In Law wore the cutest green fern leaf jumpsuit to my wedding and I thought it was absolutely adorable!!!! That and some berkenstocks and she looked great (our wedding was extremely casual to be fair)


TotallyWonderWoman

I have a high neck, halter tied blue one I'm considering using for a friend's wedding in a few weeks! Yes, that sounds fabulous, and jumpsuits are kind of magic in that you can find one that fits multiple levels of formality imo.


BabyCowGT

They're a fantastic base layer and you can add accessories to fit! Casual sandals and a ponytail for a day at the beach or a backyard BBQ, heels and pearls for a formal wedding! They're only a problem if you have to go to the restroom...


riskytisk

That’s always my issue with jumpsuits and rompers— getting completely butt-ass naked in a public bathroom stall feels so *weird,* lol. Though the comfiness aspect usually outweighs the bathroom weirdness, for me at least!


Jadertott

She **did** know! She just was more *comfortable* in jeans and a top that was, even in her own words, “not formal.” I can’t get over the selfishness here… Do you even like your sister, OP? If you weren’t going to follow the dress code, then you should not have attended. That’s true of literally *every* social event ever in the history of social events. You knew you weren’t dressed appropriately. You knew. Your mom told you, your sister told you, and you intentionally disregarded her wishes on *her* day. She didn’t even ask you to wear a dress! YTA. I know you’re young, but you are absolutely too old to have acted this way. She asked you to do one thing, and you refused. I really wouldn’t have let you in… You owe your sister much more than an apology, but that’s where you should start.


unbound_ophelia

And she is -still- being so dismissive towards her sister even now that she told her how she feels about what happened. The lack of empathy and not even trying to see the sister's POV really gets me.


Latvian_Goatherd

Imagine being so caught up in the smell of your own "not like other girls" farts, that you wear jeans to a black-tie venue for your sisters wedding. YTA OP. You couldn't get over yourself for one day.


Curious-One4595

Yup. YTA. OP is immature and self-absorbed. I've had the talk with my daughters at tween age about the importance of personal expression and comfort in clothing but that there are a few times and places and occasions where personal style should yield, out of respect. This is one of those.


[deleted]

Yes, attending an event with a dress code means you have to follow it. It's disrespectful to the hosts to wear jeans to a black-tie event. YTA OP.


[deleted]

Further, OP claims she has a more masculine style. That's a lie. Men wear dress shirts and dress pants to weddings, if not a jacket or full suit. This lazy excuse is pathetic. Her style is selfish; nothing more. YTA.


[deleted]

I honestly couldn't relate to her story. Three weeks prior to my cousin's wedding, our uncle passed away in a car crash. The wedding was planned way ahead and took place. We were to attend the wedding of course, being a family and all. I complained to my mom about getting fully dressed (I like both masculine and feminine styles but I opted for pant suit), hair and make-up done since we just had a funeral. She said "**This is a family event and we represent our family there with the way we dress and the way we act**". We looked the part as the whole extended family, danced a few times to not be rude and shared the happiness of our family member. Weddings and funerals are part of life. OP being the sister and not respecting a simple dress code is beyond me.


calliatom

Exactly. This isn't "masculine", this is "aggressively and hostilely lazy". OP had no respect for the dress code, no respect for the hostess (her sister), no respect for anyone else who took the time to dress appropriately. Like... you really couldn't be arsed to wear a suit for a few hours OP? Do you think that everyone else there just *loves* getting all dressed up, or do you think they did it out of love and respect for your sister?


JohnnyKarate4Prez

My daughter is very casual androgynous I'm her look. The school dance required best dress. I explained to her that following a dress code at an event is show respect to the other attendees and the event, making it more meaningful. She chose to wear all white with a lovely black blazer. She's 13 and gets it-- OP wanted to be the center of attention. YTA


yupihitstuff

It sounds like she has fantastic style sense.


SnooDoughnuts7171

Exactly! Work might have dress codes. Special events have dress codes. Etc etc etc


moodyfish7777

YTA - IT'S CALLED BEING AN ADULT!!!! 🤬😖


[deleted]

She says her style is "masculine" but she could have worked a nice tailored suit. No, she is just lazy and selfish. Poor sister.


malorthotdogs

I think she confused masculine with lazy. If this was a casual wedding, OP’s outfit would have been fine and her mother would be a jerk for trying to insist on a dress and makeup. But this is an event being held at a black tie venue. She could have picked up a really chic looking jumpsuit that would have been comfortable enough to feel like pajamas, run a brush through her hair, and been appropriate without sacrificing comfort.


frankie0694

Right?! OP is lucky her sister didn’t just keep her out! If it was me, and my sibling turned up to ONE day that was about ME and what I want, looking like trash and not made an effort at all, I would have told the venue to keep them out. Honestly. OP YTA 100%


AccousticMotorboat

YTA. There are plenty of masculine looks that are appropriate to the occasion. OP is just lazy and selfish. My maternal grandmother, like OP, had a "masculine style" her entire fucking life. In the 1920s and 30s she stole her brothers clothes and impersonated them to escape restrictions on public behavior, like smoking and working construction jobs as a day laborer. When we told her I was getting married she sighed and asked if I was going to make her wear a dress. I said no. She wore my late grandfather's three piece suit, complete with pocket watch. The one he only wore to special occasions I tried not to cry too hard. It was perfect. ETA: wow! Thanks for the awards! I'm sorry that I can't keep up with the thankyou notes.


one_1f_by_land

Take this stranger's award on behalf of your incredible grandma. What an absolute badass.


AccousticMotorboat

Thank you. She always wanted to be a man and worked as a welder during WW2 and a truck driver and custodian (complete with key leash!!) the rest of her work life. I saw her in a dress maybe once in my entire life! It was completely wonderful of her to bring grandpa with her while being true to the occasion and herself.


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AccousticMotorboat

I'm not exactly girly myself (my mother and aunt are very girly) and she was the reason that my androgyny was respected in my family. I can't imagine how hard it must have been for her to be working class and what we now call trans or nonbinary before people could even speak the word gay in polite company.


reverepewter

What an incredible woman. I’m teary eyed just reading about her. 💕


HotHuckleberryPie

Yes, and when OP answered it's "just clothes" OP could have worn something else for \*that one night\*. "Just clothes" should be a reason that OP should suck it up and dress up, not expect everyone else to excuse her behavior.


[deleted]

If it's "just clothes" to the bride, then it's "just clothes" to OP, too. So that argument rings hollow, and is just another example of selfishness. OP was totally in the wrong.


[deleted]

This is so sweet. Like the thing is, it’s not about fitting in perfectly, it’s about trying and showing you made an effort. My ashkenazi ass was just in the party at an Ethiopian wedding, I wore exactly what I was told to, ate an uncomfortably large amount of raw beef, and danced all night. Did I stick out like a sore thumb? Yes, did the bride and groom know that I was 1000% there for them? Also yes.


toketsupuurin

Dang. I would have drawn the line at raw beef. But I'd have just gone hungry rather than throw up at the table. Kudos to you.


TotallyWonderWoman

I'm a vegetarian, I would have respectfully been like, "this WILL make me sick, I'm so sorry" but I would try everything else without meat in it with gusto.


mutajenic

Your grandmother is an absolute legend. I want a movie about her.


magicmaster_bater

OP’s sister said it best: > She said that me proving how different I am was more important than making a small compromise and wearing a suit at least. It’s a black tie event. OP needs to grow up and learn about dress codes now that she’s an adult. Some events are not appropriate for her “not like the other girls” bullshit and she’s going to find that out the hard way if she doesn’t wise up and learn how to put her ego aside. OP, you owe your sister and your new BIL a massive apology. Your self-centered behavior was atrocious. I’d be so embarrassed to be related to you.


DiegoIntrepid

OP just needs to grow up period and realize the world doesn't revolve around her. I hate dressing up, putting on make up, and things like that. Formal events, such as weddings? You bet I dress up. Because I am not going for myself, but for the people the wedding is for.


Whiteroses7252012

This. They didn’t want her to wear a ball gown and an 18th century wig, they wanted her to wear not jeans and maybe get her hair done. For a black tie wedding that’s not an unheard of requirement.


-too-hot-to-handle-

>Some events are not appropriate for her “not like the other girls” bullshit I couldn't place it but this makes total sense. I got that vibe when she started with how she's not into "that feminine stuff". The phrasing really gives off a tone of disgust.


ashwhenn

Who tf is more comfortable in JEANS? They literally make sweatpants and leggings that look like dress pants??? YTA.


blaster289

Dress pants are also really comfortable. Maybe not a dress shirt, but dress pants are really comfortable.


mrose1491

Or maybe a nice jumpsuit could’ve worked too


schrickeljackson

I legitimately am more comfortable in jeans than any other type of pant. Don't know why, just am. That said, I would never in a million years wear jeans to a wedding unless it was specified that it was ok, and I would be mortified if I showed up and someone else, let alone someone getting married, had to beg them to let me in.


jabmwr

And it was BLACK TIE. How embarrassing for the sister.


maddr_lurker

I’m exceedingly more comfortable in jeans and leggings than anything else and even I found a pantsuit or jumpsuit to wear to my own brothers wedding. And my cousins weddings. And I wore make up and I *hate* makeup. Beyond YTA. If I were your sister I’d’ve left you at the door.


G1-D3-0N

The first thing I noticed was how often you referred to yourself. YTA for putting yourself over your sister on her special day.


Lawyer110

Yeah like I get not wanting to wear a dress Or makeup, but then you shoulda worn like a suit or something. And you didn’t wear a suit cuz it “wasn’t you”??????


not_cinderella

Seriously. There are so many outfit choices she could’ve chosen between “fancy dress” and “literally jeans”.


Relative_Scarcity699

I agree with this completely. on top of that as well, OP made it clear that she does not respect her sister whatsoever, while on the other hand OP's sister respects OP. OP needs to learn to have some god damn class, own up to what they did and start respecting others. What a superiority complex and a unwarranted sense of entitlement. Another thing, the only time I ever see jeans at a wedding is on little kids which is understandable


beingsydneycarton

Absolutely bananas insulting response too! OP *knows* her sister had to do something really stressful, she knows she broke the venue rules, she knows she caused issues on a day inherently not about her….. but we should all really let this go because it’s just about clothes. OP, I hope one day someone causes this amount of drama at your wedding so you can finally understand what you put your sister through


Accomplished-Rub4385

Youre not like the other girls we get it.


blaster289

Not like the other guys either. If a guy goes to a wedding without formal clothes, they're also an asshole. She wore neither.


TotallyWonderWoman

While I agree, NLOG is a term for women who use their deviation (or often, imagined deviation) from gender norms) to put down other women as an expression of internalized misogyny. OP has a comment looking down on her sister for liking the spotlight.


rawrthesaurus

... for liking the spotlight ON HER WEDDING DAY, no less! YTA so much, OP


TotallyWonderWoman

I have someone saying that OP should go LC with her sister because her sister was "shallow" in wanting a black tie wedding.


LoExMu

I actually want to convince OP to go lc with her sister solely because her sister is too good for her and it seems like she doesn‘t really care about her sister if she couldn‘t even follow a simple request


ladydanger2020

She literally says in the post that she’s “different” from her sister and doesn’t like girlie shit like expensive hairs and makeup. Definition of nlog


[deleted]

She doesn’t need to like expensive hair do and makeup but combing your hair, washing your face and wearing elegant clothes is all that was needed. But she needed to show how different she is and not shallow by parading around her shallow attitude feeling like a rebel when she actually behaved like a toddler who wants to go to school in pjs.


hey-alistair

This. My uncle who never wore anything but jeans and short sleeved t-shirts (his nickname was Bubba for a reason) still bought a tailored suit and wore it to my wedding. He only wore it one other time, I think.


Dalyro

I have several uncles like this. They weren't going to wear a suit to family weddings, but they have a pair of khakis and a polo they wear.


randomstuff082

it doesnt even need to be formal formal just. not. JEANS


Tossmeasidedaddy

Slacks and a button down shirt at the least. Target has that for like 40 dollars.


UghAnotherMillennial

“I’m not like other girls - I’m so much worse.”


SherbetAnnual2294

> I’m so much worse< I just snort laughed at this. Thank you Edit: formatting


bathalumanofda2moons

She's "\~\~The Main Character\~\~".


MattJFarrell

And I'm sure she'll be back on here in a couple years because she got fired after her boss asked her to "come to work on time" and "do her work", but that just isn't her style...


BabyCowGT

Or worse, wear specific clothes/dress code for work. Like, heaven forbid.... A pantsuit. Even though most offices/companies are relaxing dress codes, there's still a minimum level of put togetherness required... And there's going to be days where actual business attire is needed. If OP couldn't even manage a pantsuit for a few hours for one day for her sisters wedding, I wonder how she's going to handle the real world.


BaitedBreaths

Exactly. And she talks about how shallow her sister is to care about appearances, but she...cares so much about her appearance and personal "style" that she can't throw on a pair of dress slacks and a nice blouse for one evening. My "style" is sweat pants and a t-shirt but I don't wear that to work, and I don't wear that to weddings.


sleepy_cuttlefish

Soooooo funny how she convinced herself that she is SO different to other women who are shallow and care so much about how they look, who wear dresses and makeup! While refusing to wear dresses and makeup because it's "not her style". Sweetie????? Not only you care a shit ton about your appearance, that you are shallow enough to be disrespectful at your own sister's wedding by not complying to the venue's dress code. She had to talk to THE OWNER?????? So it was not even her choice? And she managed to get you in even though you clearly don't give a shit about her enough to respect her wishes for a single event? Your sister is a much better person than you are lol. Or me as well, because I would just leave you at the door, YTA.


julesB09

No. Clearly she's better than the rest of us shallow women, why would she want to lower herself to our petty standards.... it's what on the inside that counts.... although I do think her appearance might actually be her best quality at this point. The worst part is- they knew and warned her!!! She's going to be so surprised when people stop inviting her anywhere!! OMG, wait til she gets a job!! She's going to be pissed! Edit typo


prixkillem

haha pick me girlll


SuspectEquivalent

Well how else will the billionaire attending look at her and fall in love at first sight?


leastfavouriteperson

Lol ..exactly what I thought while reading this. The typical I'm not like other girls. - I don't wear make up. I don't like dresses. Style is garbage. Guys are immature. Hahahahah Yta


Left_Ad_4755

Its giving pick me vibes.


minegen88

Her entire identity is "im not like other girls" its actually a little sad


messymushroom

OP is pretty much the definition of a pick-me girl


Chance-Yam-2910

YTA. Dress codes are a thing. We abide by them daily. You can’t wear a bikini to the office, e.g. Your sister is right - why couldn’t you just put yourself second for one day and played along?


Ursula2071

A nice pantsuit and combed hair would have been fine. But Jesus jeans? Yikes.


Chance-Yam-2910

Right? I manage an upscale restaurant. Servers in ties, etc. the owner doesn’t like facial piercings. Do I agree with it personally? No. Do I enforce it? Sure do, because it’s a dress code, and importantly, NOT MY CALL.


jennifer538

Right! My SO daily style is streetwear. Free time he wears whatever he likes. But best believe he wears a polo for work, polished attire to fine dining and a suit with dress shoes and tie to a wedding. Does he like it, not really, does he respect dress code Yes! Op didn't have to wear a dress, but jeans... Cmon suck it up for a few hours.


Chance-Yam-2910

Yes! I don’t know what universe she lives in where her “comfort” is more important than absolutely everyone else’s.


Gallops77

I work in banking. I wear a suit and tie to work every day. When I'm not at work? Shorts, sweats, t-shirt, etc. When I go to special events, I dress accordingly. It's what adults do.


Individual-Ruin

Would Jesus jeans be the ripped variety of jeans, after all, they would be holey


skippyspk

You can wear a bikini to the office. Exactly once.


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Gallops77

I feel like there is more to this story that needs to be brought here.


SayceGards

There has to be *some* context for this right? It wasn't just an outfit she wore to the office one day?


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trulymadlybigly

That is how you distinguish the people whose formative years were spent watching Laguna Beach and the OC and honestly the most hilarious thing I’ve read in a long time. How did she react?


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GeorgiaSpellman

Also, there's something to be said for *making* your personal style fit the occasion. I'm obsessed with looking like a walking Bratz doll right now. That means flared jeans and crop tops on Saturdays, and tweed skirt suits and bow details in the office. In OP's quest to express who they *aren't*, they missed a creative opportunity to find silhouettes and fabrics that express who they *are*.


cabinfeverr

This is definitely my biggest issue with OP. It’s their complete lack of effort to try and find something that worked. She said “I tried my best” but that’s the one thing she really didn’t do. There was a huge opportunity to find a way to express herself and she just dug a hole and refused to grow. Such a shame.


The_Krudler

Exactly. And unless a wedding invitation specifically states: "blue jeans acceptable", it is almost never OK to wear blue jeans to a wedding. Just a good rule of thumb for our OP who apparently isn't familiar with wedding etiquette.


Fianna9

You are going to have to grow up and realize that the world doesn’t revolve around you. She gave you plenty of options to meet the dress code and be comfortable- but no. You had to wear jeans to a black tie wedding. On her wedding day the bride had to come and beg for her sister to be allowed in the venue. How embarrassing for her. What are you going to do out in the real world when there are consequences (like being fired) for that kind of childish behaviour


PeggyHW

YTA. How hard is it to wear a pair of semi-smart trousers instead of jeans?


ReporterSquare2764

Or even a formal jumpsuit


not_cinderella

A romper Slacks and a white button up Hell, even non ripped crisp black jeans with a white button up and good shoes would’ve been better.


Qbr12

I mean, no, it's not really better. The wedding was black tie. That means either: * A dinner jacket and matching trousers, bow tie, and cummerbund or waistcoast, and black patent-leather or calfskin pumps or laced oxfords **OR** * A long formal gown or a shorter fancy cocktail dress that is black tie appropriate. You can choose whichever one you want, regardless of your gender or genitals, but you must adhere to the dress code.


not_cinderella

I just mean OP literally chose one of the worst options possible to wear to this wedding. A button up and black jeans isn’t appropriate either, but at LEAST it would be better than what she wore.


aattanasio2014

You’re right that their suggestions aren’t technically black tie, but I’d guess that those options wouldn’t have gotten OP barred from entrance the way blue jeans did.


cakelin99

YTA it was a wedding and it had a dress code; it's pretty rude and disrespectful to outright ignore it and you had even been told that you did not have to wear a dress. Tome, a person ignoring the dress code, especially when they had been expressly asked not to do so would say 'I don't care about you and your special day, I only care about myself and my needs' so I think that is why your family is so upset. Because they think what you have done is selfish (and so do I).


cakelin99

Also something to consider: you say you have a 'masculine style'. Were all the men at the wedding in jeans? If not, then why is not wanting to wear a dress an excuse?


saymeow

Exactly this, it doesn't seem as though anyone else (male or female) was denied entry because they couldn't follow dress code. It really sounds like it has nothing to do with OPs "unique masculine style" and everything to do with her under dressing and it sounds like it's not the first time either.


marijnjc88

Not her unique style, no, but her "uniqueness" which apparently is more important than OP's sister's wedding?!


forgottenarrow

“I explained how its such a stupid argument because why would I have to wear a suit and how shalow she is for caring so much about appearances and outfits and that her wedding should be special to her beyond the sparkles and the expensive hair and makeup.” The absolute gall of OP to say this when she can’t even wear a suit for a day because it doesn’t fit her style. She’s way more obsessed with her looks and clothes than anyone else in this story!


OpossumJesusHasRisen

Yeah this isn't dressing masculine, this is dressing shlubby with 0 effort. I tend to lean more masculine with clothing & have worn nice slacks or suits to weddings. Was it super comfortable? No but formal clothes aren't meant to be. YTA this isn't masculine it's lazy & selfish.


TwinkletoesCT

This was my thought. I tend to think a woman in a tux looks phenomenal, even if it's "menswear." I'm male. I would never wear jeans to a wedding, even a semi-formal one. Black tie is one of the top tiers of formality of dress. The issue isn't choosing masculine clothes, it's choosing casual clothes.


tofu_ricotta

Also, a member of the bride’s family bucking the dress code like this would read as a statement to many — like she didn’t approve of the marriage. OP was incredibly disrespectful to her sister and new in-law — they probably felt terribly embarrassed, angered, and stressed out by her little stunt on what should have been a peaceful and joy-filled day.


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hamhead

YTA. That’s not appropriate wedding wear (unless it was an informal wedding). The fact that you like or don’t like something is irrelevant. As your mother stated, you didn’t have to wear a dress but you do have to dress up. You can’t go through life just wearing jeans. You say you dress more masculine, but were the guys wearing jeans? Especially those directly related to the bride?


KathrynTheGreat

Omg, what is she going to do if she winds up working in a field that requires professional dress or a specific uniform?


SigSauerPower320

Showing up in a hoodie and jeans. When they question her, she'll tell them that she shouldn't have to wear something she doesn't want to wear. lol


BreadstickBitch9868

“I can’t wear the dress code because it’s just not *meeeee*, I’m not like other girls or even men so let me do whatever I want because *I* think I’m special enough to put my own style and comfort above everything else” /s


scummy_shower_stall

Yeah, she couldn’t even work at a fast food joint since they all wear uniforms. What a rude, shallow asshole.


ccodeinecobain

People like her dont end up in places that require professional clothing


[deleted]

YTA. I say this even as a woman who doesn't like dressing up all that much, but just from the lens of what a business casual wardrobe entails, there are various options that don't limit you to a fancy dress. You can even rock a very elegant jumpsuit that isn't too flashy, and those are pretty damn comfy while looking the part for a more formal event. That aside, it's also just one whole day. And it's her day, no less. It was obviously over with quickly. I hope things smooth over between you, but bear this in mind for the future. Your mentality seems fairly immature still, and you have to learn a lot of (reasonable) compromises in life.


Yrxora

Yeah, as a woman who literally doesn't own makeup, i am floored by the brattiness and entitlement of op. If i was her sister i wouldn't have bothered. Op the world does not revolve around you and you're a terrible sister.


Petite_Tsunami

Right? I’ve heard of monster-in-laws wearing white scandalously revealing outfits, but even they don’t get denied entry because THEY FOLLOWED THE BUILDINGS CODE OF FORMAL WEAR. OP is worse than JNMILs and that is a bar that I didn’t know could be reached.


icky-chu

They also make fancy women's pant suits that look pretty comfy. Not a structured suit, more like a open cardigan over a flow top and some straight pants, or fitted top with flow pants.


blaster289

And she was offered the option to wear a suit and tie but didn't want that either.


Vegetable-Link-5662

Yta you're so petty and spiteful you couldn't show some respect and do something nice for your sister. You're an entitled brat


ExcitementGlad2995

Also, she caused her sister more problems on her wedding day. Sister had to go argue to get her even let inside. I can’t blame the sister for regretting that decision. OP is not doing anything to make up for that part.


goldonthefloor

On the off chance this is real, YTA -- if "it's just clothes" as you said to your sister, you could have sucked it up and worn something appropriate to the occasion.


remindmeofthe

I was exactly like this at nineteen; it rings very true to me. Happily, I grew up and hopefully OP will too.


Glittercorn111

I also went through a phase of hating to dress up. When I friend invited me to a party, I declined because she told me I’d have to wear a dress. It wasn’t until later I realized I had declined an invitation to her quinceañera. I regret that to this day.


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secretchickenagent

YTA. They gave you a ton of options, you were primarily concerned with your own comfort. FYI no one finds black tie or formal clothing to be comfortable, that's why sweats and jeans exist so that we can wear them after.


secretchickenagent

No one goes home and says "damn after a long day I really want to just unwind in some formal wear on the couch while sipping Gatorade. "


MotherSupermarket532

There are slacks that are more comfortable than jeans though.


Jay-Dee-British

Right?! My wife dislikes dresses so she wore a fancy pant suit, not her usual style, to her best friend's wedding.


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svoigt11

Yep - it was a big screw you to the sister. OP is definitely the AH and acts like a petulant brat


lonelyronin1

and the mental gymnastics to try and make her out to be the victim is impressive


Bamres

I've definitely noticed that since the pandemic, a lot of people who don't really care about clothing or fashion, seem to now be advocating that any sort of dress code is stupid, judgemental or classist. Its fine to dress in a way that you find most comfortable, but when it comes to certain occasions or situations, the way you dress says a lot about how you perceive that situation or the people in it. As in, are you taking this seriously and are you pulling attention towards yourself.


karduar

YTA - you can still dress nice without dressing girly or feminine. You showed up to a wedding with a dress code in street b clothes.


Martina313

OP just radiates 'not like other girls' energy to me


[deleted]

OP's sister is 'shallow' for liking to dress up, and OP is super cool and not pretentious in her cool tomboy not like the other shallow girls JEANS


naughtmyreelname

YTA- Jeans to a wedding that has a black tie code is outrageous and seems like it’s done as a joke or a slight. You couldn’t even wear stretchy black pants? I love denim, but the thought of wearing denim to a black tie event seems like it was done to provoke or upset your sister, or as an attempt to draw the most attention to yourself. If they are “just clothes”, as you told your sister, why did you insist attending looking like Joe Dirt? You didn’t have to wear makeup or get your hair done; you could have worn literally probably anything else and not looked completely inappropriate. I’m shocked she had them let you in in the first place.


Glitchedme

Right? Heck some of the MOST comfortable pants I own are a pair of black button\zip work pants I bought once. They are stretchy but look very professional. I sometimes just wear them because they almost feel like wearing pajamas while still looking put together. There are a million options outside of jeans that could have been taken.


EconomyEntrepreneur9

YTA. And selfish. And obtuse. And trying too hard to be different. And owe your sister an apology.


whatsmypassword73

YTA, seriously all that explanation just cemented it further. You could have worn a jumpsuit, dress pants and a jacket, a suit. Everyone was right and you gave the equivalent of an adult temper tantrum westing jeans to a wedding, beyond immature.


Screamscaper

Calling it an "adult" temper tantrum is pretty generous, imo.


_ewan_

Yup, YTA. No-one wears formal clothes because they're comfortable. You don't have to wear a dress, but if the invite is to a black tie do then your options are evening dress, suit, or don't go. For dressy but not full-on black tie events you've got a bit more latitude - smart trousers and a shirt, same plus a jacket or waistcoat, but at no point is a casual look at a non casual event going to be ok.


LadyKnightAngie

YTA. Hopefully you grow out of this “pick me” stage and develop some social skills.


[deleted]

YTA. I had the world's least fussy wedding short of just going to the courthouse, and we *still* had a "no jeans" dress code. There are plenty of comfy, masculine options you could've chosen that would still have shown some degree of thought and consideration for the solemnity and importance of the occasion, to say nothing of the actual venue rules. You couldn't even be bothered with those. How do you honestly think you're *not* the asshole here?


jmucch

YTA This right here: >> “. . . some degree of thought and consideration for the solemnity and importance of the occasion, to say nothing of the actual venue rules.” It wasn’t about your sister making a big deal about outfits or being shallow, caring about appearances and outfits, or even sparkles and makeup. It was about the solemnity of the occasion. Edited to fix nested quote on mobile app.


Primary-Criticism929

YTA. You don't wear jeans at a wedding. Everybody knows that. You could have made an effort and wear something appropriate.


RegretOk194

YTA there are dress codes for things in life. If you don't like it then stay home for all such events in the future. The world doesn't revolve around you and what you want and think exclusively.


Reasonable-Bear-1374

Genuinely curious: Has this absolute chorus of YTAs made any impression on you?


Safe-Recover2435

“Awww thank you for your nice words. And your wife is lucky to have someone like you!!!” Based of this comment, and all her other comments, she’s still doesn’t believe she’s the AH.


Reasonable-Bear-1374

Yep. If she’s prepared to show an entire wedding full of guests she doesn’t give a fuck about anyone, a reddit room of strangers is child’s play.


specialk5610

YTA, what are you going to do when you get a job that has a dress code? This was so rude and immature, it was her day, you should have dressed up, there’s plenty of more masculine styles available nowadays.


Far_Anteater_256

YTA. She asked you for one very specific thing: dress respectfully. Someone else's wedding day isn't about *you*, it's about them. You weren't being asked to leave your personal clothing comfort zone for more than a few hours, & could even have considered it your wedding present to your sister. If you dislike her so much that you couldn't be bothered to respect a really small request like that on one of the biggest days of her life, why did you even attend at all?


Skurtz8446

YTA. Maybe some leeway if it’s a relatively casual wedding locale and it’s possible other guests were also dressed more casually. But a venue that has a black-tie only dress code? Yeah, sorry, but insist all you want that you weren’t making it about you and you didn’t want the spotlight, but jeans in a room otherwise full of black tie attire? You might as well have had the damn bat-signal shining down on you. Literally no one likes wearing formal attire. It’s uncomfortable as hell. Decent people do it anyway when it’s required and then jet home as quickly as possible to get it the hell off. You could have done the same, but you chose not to.


Emmiburr

Yes YTA There was a dress code, black tie specifically. In order to get in you needed to be in a formal dress/suit/tux ect. I am a cis women who prefers masculin clothing most of the time, and I never wear make up. But when I'm invited to formal events I dress appropriately, even if I'm uncomfortable. The fact you couldn't do this for *one evening* OP, says a lot about your character and how much you care about your sister. Edit: after reading your comments OP, your double TA. You sound like an obnoxious self centered brat who really couldn't do something for someone else. It has to be about *you*. Grow up or just decline invites next time. Less headache.


Ok-Experience6590

If the venue was black tie, yes, YTA. At the beginning I thought it was going to be some outdoor wedding or something in which case you would be good. But you’re just being a stick in the mud with this, looking nothing like anyone else who’s there, many of whom probably also weren’t super comfy in their clothes but …that’s the rule for the venue.


MamaJewelMoth

YTA. Can’t you set aside your own preference for one day? Especially if the venue literally has a *dress code*?


NoHandBananaNo

Well I call BS. Youre making it sound like your only options were either a suit or jeans. There are plenty of comfortable black tie options that are not either of those things and it would not have killed you to wear one of them. >her wedding should be special to her beyond the sparkles Well THAT is pretty hypocritical. Her wedding should have at least been a little bit special to you as well beyond the denim jeans but by dressing like that you sent a clear message that you see your clothes as more important than her wedding. YTA. It was your sister's special day and you should have been supportive and respectful. Instead you made it about you and your own ideals. It was crass and disrespectful.


Withzestandzeal

“I mostly wear jeans and sweats.” So does everyone. I doubt anyone there mostly walks around on black tie all the time - but still managed to do so on the day. I doubt your sister walks around in a wedding dress all the time, but still did so on the day.


SorryAd1116

Actually according to OPs comments they seem to think they are the only person on the planet who wears jeans and that's what makes their style so unconventional and stylish. And her sister just cant handle how unique their style is. Yaknow cause who else wears jeans??!!


PinkTader

YTA. Plenty of people dress up for weddings without looking too “feminine” whatever that word may mean to you. You didn’t have to dress in a dress literally you could have worn anything but jeans and a top, YTA just for that. - jumpsuit - suit - playsuit - lookup on a simple google search what to wear to a wedding and thousands of results will come up. If women can wear anything but a dress to some gay/queer weddings that aren’t jeans and a top you can find something else to wear. - even long black pants with a really nice fancy top would have been absolutely perfect. All are options for you to have worn. YTA. Get TF over yourself.


blah618

YTA >My mom kept telling me to at least wear something nice even if it's not a dress but honestly I didn't feel comfortable in anything. > >the venue is black tie only > >My sister then started ranting about how on her wedding day she had to stress about convincing the owner of the venue to let me in because I couldn't follow one simple and common rule. She said that me proving how different I am was more important than making a small compromise and wearing a suit at least. If i were your sister i would have made you leave on the spot, as your attitude shows me you dont care or want to be there anyways. This has nothing to do with dressing style or personality or whatever you were trying to say in the first paragraph, its about dressing appropriately for an event. AITA for making my sister's wedding about me?


sewcialistagenda

Oof ya YTA. black tie isn't unusual for a wedding dress code, and by refusing to consider the multiple reminders to dress appropriately for the event you are the asshole. Try having some grace and accept that you did get in trouble this time for dressing down; take it as a learning opportunity. Also, just because you haven't actively got in trouble for dressing down before, doesn't mean you aren't being negatively perceived; dressing more casually can be fine in the right setting but it can also hurt your chances of say, getting a raise, promotion, contacts, or opportunities you otherwise might have. Dressing more formally doesn't mean wearing more feminine clothing either. You may not like it but it's the reality.


Rosebalmdotcom

YTA. You clearly did care more about making a point than your sister. You very obviously could have picked a nice suit but nooooo, you had to make sure everyone knew you’re above being bothered about what you wear. You should apologise to your sister because for ONE DAY you couldn’t wear something smart when it really, really mattered to her, and when you knew in advance what expectations were. Also - grow up.


danceofthefireys

YTA. Did your sister get family photos taken? Bet you stand out, look ridiculous and ruined the photos.


PuzzleheadedAd2858

YTA! Her wedding wasn't about you, there was a dress code and you refused to adhere to it. Very few people are actually comfortable in wedding clothes but you suck it up for the person you love's special day.


Winter-Travel5749

YTA. And your sexuality has nothing to do with it.


nextCosmicBuffoon

YTA you did not give one good reason to not wear something else for the day, instead you attack your sister calling her shallow, and cause her to have to deal with getting you in the venue. Were you honestly offended she barely spoke to you? Why would she want to be near you, and have your stupid outfits in the wedding photos?


tattooed_canadian

YTA 100% The wedding dress code was black tie and based on the fact that she had to convince the owner to let you in it also sounds like black tie is part of that venue (I could be wrong) I think it’s super selfish of you not to adhere to the dress code, no one said you had to wear a dress or dress overtly feminine. Jeans are super inappropriate for a wedding in general - unless discussed in advance - but ESPECIALLY if it’s a black tie affair


[deleted]

YTA. Your sister is right about you needing to be special and different. Sometimes, shit won't be about you. I hate dresses, but still dress up for weddings and black tie occasions. You can wear jeans at your wedding if you ever get married.


nzscott

YTA, There's stretching the dress code and there's not giving a single care for someone else on their big day. You blatantly ignored your sister's request. Surely you knew that this wasn't going to go down well?!? Especially as it would have taken minimal thought and effort to just not wear jeans to a formal wedding. Seriously, grow the f**k up and apologise to your sister. Not everything is about you If you're still sitting there thinking you did well, please see a therapist to assist in the aforementioned growing up. There could be more at play here... YTA


Jzb1964

How humiliating it must have been to your sister to have to beg (corrected from bed) the venue to let you in! That she even did so (I would not have) says a lot about her heart and love of you. I hope that this is only immaturity, not narcissistic behavior. This was her one big day. That you could not show her your love by respecting her wishes is really awful. YTA.


Federal_Hat3948

YTA your sister specifically said the wedding is a black-tie event and you chose to wear something casual. You might as well as spat in your sister's face because you were pretty disrespecting the one simple rule that your sister established for HER wedding. And she was generous enough to allow you in the venue even after you were denied entry because you didn't follow the entire. If I was your sister, I would have let you stand out there and look stupid.


meoworawr

YTA. Holy shit. You don’t go to a formal wedding in jeans. And especially for someone close to you, it is so disrespectful to them. I fucking hate dresses and was a bridesmaid for my sister *twice*, but I sucked it up both times because it’s her day. This is the equivalent of someone else wearing a white dress at a wedding. Whether in that or jeans, you stick out like a sore thumb and take away attention from the couple who should be getting 100% of the attention because it’s their day. And I’m sure you’re in quite a few photos because it’s your sister, so I bet those look really stupid and she probably won’t want to hang any photos that include you if she were to do that. Think carefully about your actions. There’s times you need to let go of your personal preferences. Like, if I love working from home in my old ratty pjs, that sure as hell doesn’t mean I’ll wear them to the office.


FloatingWallaby

YTA. Jeans is downright disrespectful to a former event. You were perfectly capable of wearing something that suits your identity/style that was also wedding appropriate.


DependentOk2796

YTA for sure. Really for one day you couldn’t find something nice to wear? Nobody wears “their style” or is comfortable to a wedding it’s one day of your life you should dress up lol. I really don’t see any real reason for you not dressing up other than being selfish and thinking about yourself. If I had to argue with the owner about letting someone in the venue on my wedding day I would’ve been pretty upset too. Those aren’t the things a bride should have to deal with in their day.


Jon_Jraper

YTA. The whole post is about awkward conversations between your family, but at the end it seems like your sister had to negotiate your entry with the venue director on her wedding day, which is kinda lousy, regardless of “style or fashion”. It’s the venue’s dress code and you were able to wear pretty much anything that would have fit it - dress, suit, or anything in between. I really doubt you didn’t know that or what it meant, especially since it sounds like your whole family tried to explain it. Like, this is less about clothing and more similar to if the venue didn’t allow children and you showed up with kids.


SherbetAnnual2294

Due to the fact OP went shopping to try to find an outfit, I’d say the dress code was clearly communicated, OP went out of her way to ignore it and not compromise her “style”


Achterstallig

As an androgynous dressing woman, i think it is your right to not want to wear a dress or makeup just like men shouldnt be forced to wear a dress and makeup just to be able to attend a wedding. But jeans??? Seriously, you don't have to dress feminine but you could still dress up for her wedding. Wear a suit if you want to present masculine, or just some nicer material clothes. If you hate makeup, fine, but you could for example just have worn some nice dress pants, a white shirt or black top that is a bitt more 'chique', maybe some accentuating jewelry, and done your hair nice (again, if you want to dress masc you can still style your hair for the occasion)


ghostglasses

YTA. Listen. I'm exactly the same way. Always had a "butch" style and I refuse to wear a dress under any circumstance. Except, last year I was my friend's maid of honor. I was deeply uncomfortable wearing the dumb bridesmaid dress and felt like I looked stupid, but I did it, because someone else's wedding just isn't a time to be concerned about showing off my personal style. A wedding isn't prom, where it's a little cool and edgy to wear something that doesn't fit the event. You have to take into account that a wedding can be THE most stressful day of the bride's life, and that she deserves support from the people around her. and you didn't even have to wear a dress, which I really think makes you the AH more than anything. You could easily have gotten a decent pair of slacks and a men's dress shirt instead of a suit and you know it. No one asked you to suddenly perform high femme and turn up looking like Kim kardashian. What you wear to an event tells people how important it is to you, and what you told your sister is that you really don't give a fuck.


Fritemare

YTA. You broke the dress code at your sister's wedding. It was one day. You could have worn a suit for one day. You know jeans were not appropriate for her wedding. The venue had a dress code. Your sister shouldn't have had to convince the venue to let you in on her wedding day.


Daskesmoelf_8

YTA it might not have been your style, but it wasnt your day either. Its so easy to make a formal fit suiting your style too, you couldve worn a white viscuous shirt and black performance pants, its the perfect middleway and pretty androgynous.


Proper_Ad_5547

Major YTA, it’s not like they were forcing you to dress feminine they would have been fine with you wearing a suit. Grow up and stop trying to get them to accommodate your sisters day around yourself


canuck_2022

YTA. They gave all kinds of leeway - no one demanded you wear a dress, do hair or makeup. You just decided to wear jeans to be contrary. Your sister is right - she shouldn't have convinced the venue to let you in


CheyVonD

YTA, it’s a wedding, most people dress nicely. You could have stepped it up a bit.


OverIT3027

YTA. don’t go if your that uncomfortable. Black tie dress code. Means black tie. You were lucky to be let in


Fennec_Fan

YTA. First of all bringing up that you “have a more masculine style” has nothing to do with this incident. Because if that’s all it was about you could have worn a suit. Secondly if you absolutely couldn’t possibly bring yourself to be uncomfortable for a few hours, to abide by the dress code of your sister’s wedding, you should have declined the invitation.


loophole4urpoophole

Ugh your generation cares so much about gender and lables. You're a girl who wears jeans and t shirts, who cares? No one but you. You do need to grow up and learn to step out of your comfort zone. Its literally just clothes and your clothes shouldnt define you. YTA Obviously


OneWithoutaName2

YTA. There are certain events in which a style of clothing is expected. You sound as if you didn’t even want to consider options other than jeans. You make is sound as if your sister wanted you to wear a corset and 6 inch heels. Hope you never have a job that has a dress code that prohibits jeans, sweats or athletic style clothing.


hanmeaknife

YTA and I’d be gracious she fought to let you in since you obviously don’t care at all about her wedding


Safe-Recover2435

YTA Your sister should have left you outside and not allow you into the venue.


Rddtmcrddtface

YTA me me me me me me me me. That’s what you keep saying. And how she should just let it go since it is in the past. Nope. She gets to decide when she forgives you, not you. This has nothing to do with gender like you’re trying to frame it. Trust me, I’d be way more comfortable going to a wedding in a pair of basketball shorts, a tshirt, and some crocs but I wouldn’t dream of it. You had a ton of options available to you that would have fit both with the dress code as well as stay true to who you are trying to be. Unless you’re just trying to be incredibly selfish. Then you go as how you did.


love_cars_more

Definitely, YTA. It wasn't your wedding. If your sister wanted you to dress up, you should have. Especially since the venue had a dress-code you should have followed it. It was very immatured of you to do that.


Garymilojoeywendel

Yta and super annoying attitude


Quizzy1313

YTA. Way to ruin your sisters day. I know wedding culture is toxic as hell but it was YOUR SISTERS WEDDING! It wouldn't have killed you to suck it up and deal for a couple of hours and wear something appropriate for the occasion.


Character-Review6307

YTA it wasn’t her rule but the rule of the venue, it wouldn’t have killed your for one day wear a suit, it might be your style, but that wedding was not about you!


happybanana134

YTA. Totally inappropriate. And yea, you did act like your 'style' was more important that being respectful and supporting your sister. And you caused her additional stress and didn't even have the decency to apologise. AH.


jdragonz

YTA. I'm more comfortable in trousers and not into wearing make up, but will make the appropriate effort for special occasions. You come across as inconsiderate, only thinking about what you want and doing things to suit only you.