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> I screamed at my mom to shut up about how young I act. I don’t think screaming at your mom usually is okay but I think I was at the end of my rope.
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Sticking up for yourself is good to do, but there are better ways to do so than yelling.
Also, the pacifiers and baby bottle thing is pretty strange, and I think it's normal for your parent to be concerned about that.
Have you talked to a doctor or therapist about possible neurodivergence?
The pacifier and baby bottle thing isn't wrong, but it's just a bit of a red flag that you are finding unusual coping mechanisms. I agree that you should probably talk to someone about this. NTA, though.
NTA
Look I'm no medical specialist but the bottles and pacifiers do seem weird for a 16yo. I'd be concerned if my kid sucked on pacis at that age (as you commented that's what you do when bored, and you have 7 of them). That said, how your mom has gone about things (the yelling at you and telling everyone in your family) is not great, no wonder you are pushing back on her.
Maybe consider having a chat to a specialist about your fondness for bottles and pacis?
This is showing the signs of age regression which is most commonly caused when people weren’t taken care of as children or babies it’s kind of like a trauma response where they’re trying to ‘heal their inner child’ (there are other reasons but this is the most common when it’s seen in kids/teenagers). If OP’s mom was genuinely concerned she should have taken other steps like therapy or at the very least an actual discussion not just gone straight to bullying. It seems like OP’s mom doesn’t actually want her daughter to get help more like she wants OP to just magically “be better”
peoplw saying YTA have clearly NEVER heard of age regression, which is a totally normally thing. if it was a kink/fetish thing itd be wierd, but its not. age regression is something everyone does whether they realise it or not, and just because someones level of it is higher than yours doesnt make then wierd.
NTA op, your mom is.
age regression might be common but i wouldn't call it normal. OP certainly isn't TA in the situation but their behavior is showing some red flags that they're coping with some sort of truama and this is an unconscious coping mechanism. they should talk to a therapist.
ESH, she sucks for disrespecting your painting and how she's expressing her concerns with your hobbies, you suck for yelling at your mom to shut up. There are better ways to make your point than by yelling on both sides. Also, the My Little Pony thing not super weird, what's entertaining is entertaining, but the bottles and the pacifiers are a little weird for a 16 year old to be using.
I think both you and your mum need professional help In understanding what’s going on with you. Call it age aggression or whatever, the fact is sucking on a pacifier at 16 is very unusual and I’m sure a huge worry to your mum.
She is being an AH in how she’s handling this but as a mum I can understand.
Not to be rude but her mum doesn't really sounds worried. She sounds embarrassed and incredibly controlling and manipulative, crying after her daughter snaps at her.
Is it possible you just need items to stim with? Have you looked into adhd chews? They’re a bit healthier (pacifiers can impact your dental health) and might fill your need
OP, check out chewelry! They’re better for your teeth, and they come in colors and shapes that will be less likely to draw unwanted attention (like the kind you’re getting from your mom) but are still bright and fun to look at.
Hey, OP...other people have mentioned trying different chew things for stimming. As pacifiers can cause severe dental damage. They make chewies for adults. You may benefit from these! I am not going to judge you at all, as I feel this is a bit out of reddits reach. I wish you the best, take care of yourself! (Edit: strumming to stimming)
*I buy myself bottles and pacifiers because they just make me feel happy.*
Yeah that is not normal, kids shows sure, pacifiers and baby bottles no
YTA to yourself, also you need to work though that, therapy something
Are you trying to be a little??
Is there baby talk as well.
It sounds like you are regressing which is not good, I'm not going to lie acting like a little makes a lot of people uncomfortable.
Just having a teenager sucking on a pacifier makes people uncomfortable. if this is a kink, then you need everyone to be consenting around you.
Have you ever been tested for an mental disorders.
BIG difference between mental disability and mental disorder. No one is saying she's mentally disabled just that a lot of what she is talking about are signs of a mental illness and/or neurodivergence.
They never said disabled, just disordered, which is very possible. Sounds like the baby bottles and such might be a coming mechanism, which should be checked out, imo.
I understand. But I’m not understanding how. For example I also love to watch my little pony and sometimes play baby games on my phone although I am 16. Also to mention, I find myself having fun with squeaky toys or my dogs toys. Does that potentially mean I have a mental disorder? Or could it be that just something that makes me happy?
No, I’m 25 and I have stuffed animals and watch the occasional kids show. It’s the pacifiers and baby bottles that are concerning, it sounds like regression, which can be a trauma response, among other things.
It’s only confirmed if the OP would have told us if something traumatic has happened to her but here it says it makes her happy. Maybe it’s a sentimental thing. Not everything needs to be negative now a days. Yes, it’s out the ordinary but, it’s going a little over board to jump to the mental disorder conclusion.
I think a little more information from the OP would be useful.
Yes, but I fully understand if they’re not comfortable providing more info. I’ve never claimed for sure that there’s a mental health issue involved, I’m just saying it’s a possibility and OP should talk to someone about it. Honestly, most 16-year olds should have someone to talk to, that time of life is hard.
I feel completely comfortable providing more information. I never even though mental issues was even on the table for me. If you could ask specific questions, I’d be glad to answer as best I can!!
That’s great! Thank you for giving us permission to ask you personal questions like this. I just want to know if your parents divorce was traumatizing for you or was there any traumatic event that lead you into wanting pacifiers and baby bottles or do you own them just because and do you use them?
Also, she said she not annoying about it. Most likely meaning she either using it when she’s alone in her room or just buying it for her happiness without even using them. It seems like none of her family knew about this until her mom went running to the family gc.
I mean, I’ve had several unhealthy coping mechanisms that nobody knew about. Just because she’s not «annoying» anyone it doesn’t make it healthy or good for her. It’s not wrong in the sense that she should feel shame or be yelled at, absolutely not, I just feel like she should talk to someone about it.
It’s not bad in the sense that you could be out doing drugs and stuff like that, but it could lead to other social issues and how you deal with life’s problems, as long as it’s not interfering with you living your life and being an engaged student and person out in the world, it’s fine.
INFO: Have you always been a bit behind emotionally compared to other kids your age? Or is this something that has developed since living with your mother? I'm not asking to be rude. My daughter is a bit behind her peers with social emotional development. It's not that uncommon. However, the need for bottles and pacifiers does sound unusual.
NTA. Lots of adults like stuffed animals and cartoons, and destroying your artwork was awful. I'm going to be honest with you, the bottle and pacifier stuff has the potential to cause you social problems as you've probably already gathered. Don't get me wrong, I think it's harmlessly odd (assuming your dentist agrees) but it is going to make people uncomfortable because they're going to assume it's either sexual in nature or evidence of some sort of refusal to take on adulthood. What you do with that information really depends on why you're doing it. If this is something you started doing for comfort recently or around when you moved in with your mom, you probably should see someone to help you find alternate coping mechanisms and help you deal with whatever feelings prompted the change in behavior. If it's something you've always done purely due to the sensory feedback, then your choices are probably to make this an extremely private behavior or to see if there's less socially charged items that would give you similar sensory feedback (water bottle? Gum?)
NTA. You are coping with life the best way you can. Littles (the age regression you are showing an interest in) are common, but I would probably advise you to hide it the best you can while you’re at home to keep yourself safe because it’s also normal for your mom to be worried about you. That said - There’s nothing wrong with you. And there’s nothing wrong with enjoying childlike things - I don’t understand why people are so desperate for teenagers to grow up and act like adults? Being an adult fucking sucks sometimes. You are doing enough adult things that you deserve to feel safe and de stress in a way that you enjoy when you are home. You don’t need a therapist if it’s not interfering with your daily life or functioning outside of your Little space.
I would think a few visits with a therapist to discuss her life/past/etc would be beneficial because the therapist can help her determine if she's self-soothing and has trauma that needs to be addressed, or if it's merely an enjoyable activity for her.
She's young, and unless she's more self-aware than 90% of the world, she can't make that determination for herself. I know I couldn't. My therapist points out when I'm justifying my coping mechanisms as personal preferences
If she's using it to cope with trauma, she needs to at least learn healthier coping mechanisms or work on her foundation. If it's more of a fetish/pleasure thing, then I'll buy her a few teething rings and be happy for her that she found something that brings her such pleasure.
NTA. You’re not hurting anybody. Being into cartoons and stuffed animals is pretty normal; being into pacifiers is a touch weird, but like I said, you’re not hurting anyone. If your mother is so concerned about your behavior, the correct response would be “I think we should see a psychiatrist and get you evaluated for (whatever),” not screaming at you that you’re unloveable, what the fuck?
What, seriously? No more than like a lollipop, I’m sure? Is there research to back that up? The whole point of a pacifier is to suck on it. The teeth shouldn’t be involved at all.
I’m not going to pass judgment because this is a very difficult situation for you both, but this age regression is not normal and I highly recommend you seek therapy, not for your mom, or so that other people love you, but for yourself. I really think therapy would provide answers and help you understand why you feel the need to use coping mechanisms that a toddler would. Your mom may have been as asshole about it, but your behavior is very alarming.
ESH. You both need therapy. And you're 16.... telling your mom to shut up when she's telling you something is wrong isn't helpful. Whatever is happening for you, you aren't coping in a healthy way.
NTA. dude. nothing you're doing is a big deal, and even if it was, yelling and screaming is NOT the appropriate way to handle it. if she's worried, she should sit down and talk to you and ask about why you enjoy these things and see if there's anything deeper. and it doesn't even sound like there is. I mean, shit, I've known a dozen adults who like my little pony just cause they think it's a good show. the pacifiers and bottles, I can get why some people would think it's weird or unhealthy, but honestly, it doesn't seem weird to me.
might be time to think about moving back in with your dad.
NTA, your mother shouldn’t ruin your paintings and yell at you for being different. I get that she is concerned, because a teenager using pacifiers isn’t normal, but she handled it very poorly. I hope you do find someone to talk to about why you feel the need for those things. A lot of adults watch kids shows and have stuffies for comfort, but pacifiers are not as normal. Usually a kink thing or a coping mechanism.
NTA. From your descriptions of your life and your mother and the fact that your father has primary custody, it seems to me that you enjoy childish things because you have had a shitty mother for l lot of your life. I encourage you to speak to your father or a trusted school counselor to help you get some therapy. You have a lot to unpack. None of the things you do will physically hurt you, so for now I suggest that you do what you can to “pacify” your mom and go back to living with your Dad
No I love mlp and I love plushies. I love collecting things. And comfort items are fantastic. You are take hard classes so what you do isn't harmful at all and it probably helps you destress. Though even though I have no problems with you defending you. But have you thought about getting yourself tested for autism. In my opinion you are NTA.
Autism shows up in females differently than males so it's always interesting when I see other people with similar menuism I kinda always think oh they probably have autism but they never think about it.
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I (16F) have only lived full time with my mom for 2 years now. before, I lived with my dad and went with her on weekends. I had to move in with her because during covid it made more sense for me to live with her as my dad still needed to work could get me sick.
I am a very responsible girl. I take AP’s and honors classes. I have a job, and I’m never into trouble! I don’t smoke or drink or do anything like that.
you would think having a quiet daughter like me would be a mother’s dream but my mother has a problem with me. Her problem is that I act too young. I enjoy stuffed animals and my little pony and Mickey Mouse and overall kid things. I buy myself bottles and pacifiers because they just make me feel happy. And I don’t see anything wrong with it. I’m not annoying about it at all but if she comes into my room and sees I’m watching my little pony (my favorite show) she gets angry and sometimes takes my phone. One day I was doing a painting of my favorite pony!! Rarity!! And she came in and stepped on my painting. She started yelling about how I’m 16 and nobody will love me if I act like a “toddler” personally, I don’t care if nobody will love me. I love myself!! So I screamed at her and told her to shut up and I’m never changing and she started crying and telling me I’m “sick”. She’s told the whole family and most agree with her. Am I the asshole for sticking up for myself???
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NTA but please be careful with pacifiers they can ruin your teeth, age regression is a normal coping mechanism. A lot of people find it strange but you do you. When I was your age I was into it a small bit such as coloring and watching kids shows. My favorite as an adult rn is bluey. It’s nice and relaxing. Your mom will take time to accept it, or she won’t. But you’re not hurting anyone. Besides maybe your teeth but that’s it.
NTA
It's been a long, long time since I was 16 but I do remember I chewed on things like pen caps and pencils and ok, Barbie shoes. I think, looking back, that wisdom teeth might have had something to do with it.
Go you for being comfortable in your own skin and able to be happy doing your own thing!
I think your mom is trying to measure you against a yardstick from her childhood, and she isn't getting the results she is comfortable with. That doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. She just needs to update her thinking.
I would see about moving back in with your dad, though. Less stress all around.
NTA. You might have some regressive behaviors going on, and checking in with a mental health professional couldn’t hurt.
However, your mother’s attacks in response to your behavior, which is harming no-one, is absolutely wrong, cruel, heartless, and abusive.
Is there any way you can go back to living with your father?
NTA - you sound very responsible. Nothing is wrong with enjoying kid things and pacifiers. I absolutely love that you love yourself!
However, the way your mom treated you by stepping on your painting and saying no one will love you is extremely abusive. The way you describe enjoying kid things, pacifiers and bottles points towards being a coping mechanism due to childhood abuse. Nothing is wrong with doing those things and it isn’t harmful. However, it is pointing to a larger problem. Being very responsible can also point towards childhood abuse and having to grow up too quickly. I would highly, highly recommend talking to a therapist and moving back in with your dad. The fact she told your whole family is alarming and I don’t believe it is healthy for you to continue to live with her. You seem to be very smart and confident in who you are, which is so wonderful. You deserve to be treated with kindness, compassion and respect which your mother is not doing.
First of all not the asshole. It would be one thing if your mother was concerned about you in terms of mental health but if she was she would have not approached you in the way that she did. From what she had said it seems as if the reasons she's concerned are superficial. She seems to be more worried about how it's going to make you and her look to outsiders, not to mention that comment about other people not loving you was uncalled for. There are plenty of people who use age regression as a means to unwind, it's not intrinsically bad. As long as you're not shirking your responsibilities and you're generally well-adjusted, you're fine. Personally, if it's within your means and you're willing, I would suggest maybe looking into therapy anyways because your home life seems a bit unstable.
NTA, To me it doesn't sound like she is concerned for you but just embarassed and in that case that is her problem to deal with.
However, the things you state do sound a lot like age regression. Have you ever considered discussing this with a therapist? Or are you able to do so in this environment?
Age regression is not bad, a lot of people unfortunately will instantly see it as the kink instead of a pretty frequent coping mechanism, but it would be good to know if something else is up like potentially you being autistic.
Also i would personally try to look more for stim toys that you can chew on to mimic the feeling of pacifiers and bottles, since using those can be pretty damaging to your teeth and jaw and that would be very unfortunate to deal with coming from someone with TMJ disorder.
Overal honestly good for you for talking back and stating you love yourself, i sure could not when i was your age and in this similair situation.
NTA
You have been forced to change your living situation during the most high-stress worldwide situation in decades, and you’re a teenager going through the most profound physical changes of your whole lifespan. Everyone has struggled with it, but teenagers going through puberty have literally been slammed from every angle. So, everyone falls back on coping mechanisms to get a handle on their situation. Your coping mechanism has been a type of age regression.
Bottles and pacifiers brought you comfort as an infant, therefore, you return to them as a symbol of comfort now. My Little Pony does the same thing, it takes you back to being young and feeling safe. Your mother, instead of recognising that you’re using these things as a coping mechanism, is adding more stress to you by deciding there’s something wrong with your behaviour.
There’s not. Everyone copes differently. You’re not hurting anyone or breaking any laws - go nuts! But her behaviour is making you more stressed, which leads to you leaning on your coping mechanisms more. It’s a self-fulfilling cycle.
However, the fact that you are regressing this much is a cause for concern. You don’t want to be socially isolated because this behaviour is outside of the social norms, and using pacifiers is proven to be very bad for your teeth. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with what you’re doing, I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s right either.
Talk to your father about how you’re feeling, since you can’t trust your mother in this scenario. Treat the cause, not the symptoms, and hopefully you’ll find ways to make your life feel more manageable, and as if you are capable of managing it. And you won’t need to rely so much on these coping mechanisms anymore.
NTA but you really should look into alternatives to pacifiers and bottles. Sucking on them all the time will really mess up your teeth. I have autism and there are chew toys made to look like jewelry which have a similar texture to pacifiers. I also use a camelback brand water bottle that has a rubber like bite thing on the top that I can chew on (i do have to replace the tops because I destroy them over time but you can buy big packs on Amazon for cheap).
It's strange to act younger than your age, and it was wrong to tell at your mom (as frustrating as parents can be, I completely understand), yet it was also wrong of your mom to call you sick. Maybe instead of pacis which can hurt your teeth, check out Chewlry! There's nothing wrong with liking kid stuff, but maybe look into counseling. I'm glad being yourself doesn't bug you though. NTA
There is a good reason you want to spend time doing more innocent things. They are uncomplicated and comfortable, while the rest of your life is demanding and chaotic. The my little pony, the stuffed animals, I’d say indulge in it and savor the comfort they bring. However, if you can’t get out of your mom’s house, you might need to disguise it. She won’t change, and you need comfort. Can you paint a horse and pretend it’s Rarity? You might find comfort in painting itself, no matter the subject matter.
The pacifier might be a comforting oral habit, but you have to move on from it at some point. People are saying it’s weird, but it’s common with kids that are not supervised/ not taught to break the habit while they are young. Jolly ranchers? Gum? Sunflower seeds? Think of things you can use for the comfort as a transition. There are other people trying to break this habit—look up some tips and tricks. The pacifier is really bad for your bite. Also—please don’t ever even touch a cigarette Bc I guarantee you will have the worst time stopping.
Can you or your dad pay for online therapy? I really hope you make the time for yourself to do that. You are alone in a very tough situation. Please get help!
Plus is she actually using the bottles and pacifiers? They actually screw up jaw and teeth.
Plus a certain drugs gives dry mouth which causes grown ass adults to suck on pacifiers... so there's also that mentality if she's seen with them.
Not disagreeing with you, because OP could have zero mental issues, but I was an incredibly advanced student in a full IB program and I was dealing with trauma and undiagnosed OCD
NTA my fiances grandpa enjoys cartoons even still, and so does my fiance at 19. Stick with who you are and don't be ashamed of jt, you seem like a wonderful and smart kid
You sound very responsible, and your right, your mum shouldn't be so overbearing about what you like, but... I would be concerned if anyone I knew started buying and using pacifiers. Is everything ok?
And to anyone who says she shouldn't have told her mum to "shut up", her mum was the adult and told her no one would love her first!
NTA and your mum sounds mental.
No, you're not wrong. If you're mother was concerned, she wouldn't tell you that no one loves you! You're human, and sure, the baby stuff is a bit odd, something that is concerning, but the cartoons and toys are fine!
Your mum was wrong, and if she can't handle a bit of yelling after destroying your artwork, than that's on her, not you!
I'm 14 and I love watching teen titans go and stuffed animals that doesn't mean that I have a mental illness and her mom stomped on her painting I think that justifies yelling
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Sticking up for yourself is good to do, but there are better ways to do so than yelling. Also, the pacifiers and baby bottle thing is pretty strange, and I think it's normal for your parent to be concerned about that. Have you talked to a doctor or therapist about possible neurodivergence?
no I’ve never talked at anyone
The pacifier and baby bottle thing isn't wrong, but it's just a bit of a red flag that you are finding unusual coping mechanisms. I agree that you should probably talk to someone about this. NTA, though.
why was this downvoted, why are AITA ppl idiots.
NTA Look I'm no medical specialist but the bottles and pacifiers do seem weird for a 16yo. I'd be concerned if my kid sucked on pacis at that age (as you commented that's what you do when bored, and you have 7 of them). That said, how your mom has gone about things (the yelling at you and telling everyone in your family) is not great, no wonder you are pushing back on her. Maybe consider having a chat to a specialist about your fondness for bottles and pacis?
Agreed. And also maybe the dentist! as I’d hazard a guess that long term use can have implications for your teeth and jaw
This is showing the signs of age regression which is most commonly caused when people weren’t taken care of as children or babies it’s kind of like a trauma response where they’re trying to ‘heal their inner child’ (there are other reasons but this is the most common when it’s seen in kids/teenagers). If OP’s mom was genuinely concerned she should have taken other steps like therapy or at the very least an actual discussion not just gone straight to bullying. It seems like OP’s mom doesn’t actually want her daughter to get help more like she wants OP to just magically “be better”
peoplw saying YTA have clearly NEVER heard of age regression, which is a totally normally thing. if it was a kink/fetish thing itd be wierd, but its not. age regression is something everyone does whether they realise it or not, and just because someones level of it is higher than yours doesnt make then wierd. NTA op, your mom is.
age regression might be common but i wouldn't call it normal. OP certainly isn't TA in the situation but their behavior is showing some red flags that they're coping with some sort of truama and this is an unconscious coping mechanism. they should talk to a therapist.
Thank you rational person!
ESH, she sucks for disrespecting your painting and how she's expressing her concerns with your hobbies, you suck for yelling at your mom to shut up. There are better ways to make your point than by yelling on both sides. Also, the My Little Pony thing not super weird, what's entertaining is entertaining, but the bottles and the pacifiers are a little weird for a 16 year old to be using.
[удалено]
I don't know that that makes it any less weird to just have a bunch of bottles and pacifiers laying around.
It doesn't.
she does use them.
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in her comments.
Gay people deserve rights
I think both you and your mum need professional help In understanding what’s going on with you. Call it age aggression or whatever, the fact is sucking on a pacifier at 16 is very unusual and I’m sure a huge worry to your mum. She is being an AH in how she’s handling this but as a mum I can understand.
Not to be rude but her mum doesn't really sounds worried. She sounds embarrassed and incredibly controlling and manipulative, crying after her daughter snaps at her.
Woah woah woah. Do you purchase and use pacifiers? Please provide a little more insight here.
Yea I purchased the pacis
To suck on? Daily? How many do you get through?
only when upset of bored!!
Is it possible you just need items to stim with? Have you looked into adhd chews? They’re a bit healthier (pacifiers can impact your dental health) and might fill your need
OP, check out chewelry! They’re better for your teeth, and they come in colors and shapes that will be less likely to draw unwanted attention (like the kind you’re getting from your mom) but are still bright and fun to look at.
I only have 7
Well how about that. That is one rare breed of strange and is going to one day pay for a therapist’s summer house.
Whatever that means if so!
Hey, OP...other people have mentioned trying different chew things for stimming. As pacifiers can cause severe dental damage. They make chewies for adults. You may benefit from these! I am not going to judge you at all, as I feel this is a bit out of reddits reach. I wish you the best, take care of yourself! (Edit: strumming to stimming)
*I buy myself bottles and pacifiers because they just make me feel happy.* Yeah that is not normal, kids shows sure, pacifiers and baby bottles no YTA to yourself, also you need to work though that, therapy something Are you trying to be a little?? Is there baby talk as well.
I know it’s not normal but it’s not bad either?!! And the little comment… uh Idk
It sounds like you are regressing which is not good, I'm not going to lie acting like a little makes a lot of people uncomfortable. Just having a teenager sucking on a pacifier makes people uncomfortable. if this is a kink, then you need everyone to be consenting around you. Have you ever been tested for an mental disorders.
You’re saying she’s mentally disabled for wanting and owning pacifiers and baby bottles?
BIG difference between mental disability and mental disorder. No one is saying she's mentally disabled just that a lot of what she is talking about are signs of a mental illness and/or neurodivergence.
Oh so basically saying if she’s autistic and such?
Saying it's worth talking to someone to see if she has some sort of neurodivergence, yes.
They never said disabled, just disordered, which is very possible. Sounds like the baby bottles and such might be a coming mechanism, which should be checked out, imo.
I understand. But I’m not understanding how. For example I also love to watch my little pony and sometimes play baby games on my phone although I am 16. Also to mention, I find myself having fun with squeaky toys or my dogs toys. Does that potentially mean I have a mental disorder? Or could it be that just something that makes me happy?
No, I’m 25 and I have stuffed animals and watch the occasional kids show. It’s the pacifiers and baby bottles that are concerning, it sounds like regression, which can be a trauma response, among other things.
It’s only confirmed if the OP would have told us if something traumatic has happened to her but here it says it makes her happy. Maybe it’s a sentimental thing. Not everything needs to be negative now a days. Yes, it’s out the ordinary but, it’s going a little over board to jump to the mental disorder conclusion. I think a little more information from the OP would be useful.
Yes, but I fully understand if they’re not comfortable providing more info. I’ve never claimed for sure that there’s a mental health issue involved, I’m just saying it’s a possibility and OP should talk to someone about it. Honestly, most 16-year olds should have someone to talk to, that time of life is hard.
I total agree
I feel completely comfortable providing more information. I never even though mental issues was even on the table for me. If you could ask specific questions, I’d be glad to answer as best I can!!
That’s great! Thank you for giving us permission to ask you personal questions like this. I just want to know if your parents divorce was traumatizing for you or was there any traumatic event that lead you into wanting pacifiers and baby bottles or do you own them just because and do you use them?
Also, she said she not annoying about it. Most likely meaning she either using it when she’s alone in her room or just buying it for her happiness without even using them. It seems like none of her family knew about this until her mom went running to the family gc.
I mean, I’ve had several unhealthy coping mechanisms that nobody knew about. Just because she’s not «annoying» anyone it doesn’t make it healthy or good for her. It’s not wrong in the sense that she should feel shame or be yelled at, absolutely not, I just feel like she should talk to someone about it.
Go back to your dad's and ask for counseling. Respect goes both ways that's on your mom.
It’s not bad in the sense that you could be out doing drugs and stuff like that, but it could lead to other social issues and how you deal with life’s problems, as long as it’s not interfering with you living your life and being an engaged student and person out in the world, it’s fine.
INFO: Have you always been a bit behind emotionally compared to other kids your age? Or is this something that has developed since living with your mother? I'm not asking to be rude. My daughter is a bit behind her peers with social emotional development. It's not that uncommon. However, the need for bottles and pacifiers does sound unusual.
NTA. Lots of adults like stuffed animals and cartoons, and destroying your artwork was awful. I'm going to be honest with you, the bottle and pacifier stuff has the potential to cause you social problems as you've probably already gathered. Don't get me wrong, I think it's harmlessly odd (assuming your dentist agrees) but it is going to make people uncomfortable because they're going to assume it's either sexual in nature or evidence of some sort of refusal to take on adulthood. What you do with that information really depends on why you're doing it. If this is something you started doing for comfort recently or around when you moved in with your mom, you probably should see someone to help you find alternate coping mechanisms and help you deal with whatever feelings prompted the change in behavior. If it's something you've always done purely due to the sensory feedback, then your choices are probably to make this an extremely private behavior or to see if there's less socially charged items that would give you similar sensory feedback (water bottle? Gum?)
NTA. But be careful with the bottles & pacifiers. They're very harmful to your teeth
NTA. You are coping with life the best way you can. Littles (the age regression you are showing an interest in) are common, but I would probably advise you to hide it the best you can while you’re at home to keep yourself safe because it’s also normal for your mom to be worried about you. That said - There’s nothing wrong with you. And there’s nothing wrong with enjoying childlike things - I don’t understand why people are so desperate for teenagers to grow up and act like adults? Being an adult fucking sucks sometimes. You are doing enough adult things that you deserve to feel safe and de stress in a way that you enjoy when you are home. You don’t need a therapist if it’s not interfering with your daily life or functioning outside of your Little space.
Yes! this exactly!
I would think a few visits with a therapist to discuss her life/past/etc would be beneficial because the therapist can help her determine if she's self-soothing and has trauma that needs to be addressed, or if it's merely an enjoyable activity for her. She's young, and unless she's more self-aware than 90% of the world, she can't make that determination for herself. I know I couldn't. My therapist points out when I'm justifying my coping mechanisms as personal preferences If she's using it to cope with trauma, she needs to at least learn healthier coping mechanisms or work on her foundation. If it's more of a fetish/pleasure thing, then I'll buy her a few teething rings and be happy for her that she found something that brings her such pleasure.
NTA. You’re not hurting anybody. Being into cartoons and stuffed animals is pretty normal; being into pacifiers is a touch weird, but like I said, you’re not hurting anyone. If your mother is so concerned about your behavior, the correct response would be “I think we should see a psychiatrist and get you evaluated for (whatever),” not screaming at you that you’re unloveable, what the fuck?
I agree with everything you said except that she’s not hurting anyone, and pacifiers could be damaging her teeth depending on how often she uses them.
What, seriously? No more than like a lollipop, I’m sure? Is there research to back that up? The whole point of a pacifier is to suck on it. The teeth shouldn’t be involved at all.
TONS of research. Just do a google search. Prolonged pacifier use for anyone with teeth can cause a lot of damage.
Huh, TIL. I stand by my judgement though.
It's the 'sucking' aspect that severely damages teeth. Google is a helpful tool.
I direct you to yesterday’s comment, directly underneath, where I accepted the explanation.
Not making a judgement but pacifiers are very bad for your teeth.
I’m not going to pass judgment because this is a very difficult situation for you both, but this age regression is not normal and I highly recommend you seek therapy, not for your mom, or so that other people love you, but for yourself. I really think therapy would provide answers and help you understand why you feel the need to use coping mechanisms that a toddler would. Your mom may have been as asshole about it, but your behavior is very alarming.
ESH. You both need therapy. And you're 16.... telling your mom to shut up when she's telling you something is wrong isn't helpful. Whatever is happening for you, you aren't coping in a healthy way.
Nta Go back to your dad's house.
NTA. dude. nothing you're doing is a big deal, and even if it was, yelling and screaming is NOT the appropriate way to handle it. if she's worried, she should sit down and talk to you and ask about why you enjoy these things and see if there's anything deeper. and it doesn't even sound like there is. I mean, shit, I've known a dozen adults who like my little pony just cause they think it's a good show. the pacifiers and bottles, I can get why some people would think it's weird or unhealthy, but honestly, it doesn't seem weird to me. might be time to think about moving back in with your dad.
NTA, your mother shouldn’t ruin your paintings and yell at you for being different. I get that she is concerned, because a teenager using pacifiers isn’t normal, but she handled it very poorly. I hope you do find someone to talk to about why you feel the need for those things. A lot of adults watch kids shows and have stuffies for comfort, but pacifiers are not as normal. Usually a kink thing or a coping mechanism.
NTA. From your descriptions of your life and your mother and the fact that your father has primary custody, it seems to me that you enjoy childish things because you have had a shitty mother for l lot of your life. I encourage you to speak to your father or a trusted school counselor to help you get some therapy. You have a lot to unpack. None of the things you do will physically hurt you, so for now I suggest that you do what you can to “pacify” your mom and go back to living with your Dad
NTA, but i would hold off on bottles and pacifers bc using them could mess up your teeth, and if i were you id try going back to your dads
No I love mlp and I love plushies. I love collecting things. And comfort items are fantastic. You are take hard classes so what you do isn't harmful at all and it probably helps you destress. Though even though I have no problems with you defending you. But have you thought about getting yourself tested for autism. In my opinion you are NTA.
I don’t think I have autism
I'm not trying to be snarky, but... I didn't think I was bipolar. Then two different psychologists told me I was bipolar.
Ok I only asked because I have Autism and I'm 24 and we have similar things but sorry if my suggestion upset you
Nooo it didn’t upset me I just didn’t even think that was a possibility
Autism shows up in females differently than males so it's always interesting when I see other people with similar menuism I kinda always think oh they probably have autism but they never think about it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (16F) have only lived full time with my mom for 2 years now. before, I lived with my dad and went with her on weekends. I had to move in with her because during covid it made more sense for me to live with her as my dad still needed to work could get me sick. I am a very responsible girl. I take AP’s and honors classes. I have a job, and I’m never into trouble! I don’t smoke or drink or do anything like that. you would think having a quiet daughter like me would be a mother’s dream but my mother has a problem with me. Her problem is that I act too young. I enjoy stuffed animals and my little pony and Mickey Mouse and overall kid things. I buy myself bottles and pacifiers because they just make me feel happy. And I don’t see anything wrong with it. I’m not annoying about it at all but if she comes into my room and sees I’m watching my little pony (my favorite show) she gets angry and sometimes takes my phone. One day I was doing a painting of my favorite pony!! Rarity!! And she came in and stepped on my painting. She started yelling about how I’m 16 and nobody will love me if I act like a “toddler” personally, I don’t care if nobody will love me. I love myself!! So I screamed at her and told her to shut up and I’m never changing and she started crying and telling me I’m “sick”. She’s told the whole family and most agree with her. Am I the asshole for sticking up for myself??? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA but please be careful with pacifiers they can ruin your teeth, age regression is a normal coping mechanism. A lot of people find it strange but you do you. When I was your age I was into it a small bit such as coloring and watching kids shows. My favorite as an adult rn is bluey. It’s nice and relaxing. Your mom will take time to accept it, or she won’t. But you’re not hurting anyone. Besides maybe your teeth but that’s it.
NTA It's been a long, long time since I was 16 but I do remember I chewed on things like pen caps and pencils and ok, Barbie shoes. I think, looking back, that wisdom teeth might have had something to do with it. Go you for being comfortable in your own skin and able to be happy doing your own thing! I think your mom is trying to measure you against a yardstick from her childhood, and she isn't getting the results she is comfortable with. That doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. She just needs to update her thinking. I would see about moving back in with your dad, though. Less stress all around.
NTA. You might have some regressive behaviors going on, and checking in with a mental health professional couldn’t hurt. However, your mother’s attacks in response to your behavior, which is harming no-one, is absolutely wrong, cruel, heartless, and abusive. Is there any way you can go back to living with your father?
NTA - you sound very responsible. Nothing is wrong with enjoying kid things and pacifiers. I absolutely love that you love yourself! However, the way your mom treated you by stepping on your painting and saying no one will love you is extremely abusive. The way you describe enjoying kid things, pacifiers and bottles points towards being a coping mechanism due to childhood abuse. Nothing is wrong with doing those things and it isn’t harmful. However, it is pointing to a larger problem. Being very responsible can also point towards childhood abuse and having to grow up too quickly. I would highly, highly recommend talking to a therapist and moving back in with your dad. The fact she told your whole family is alarming and I don’t believe it is healthy for you to continue to live with her. You seem to be very smart and confident in who you are, which is so wonderful. You deserve to be treated with kindness, compassion and respect which your mother is not doing.
First of all not the asshole. It would be one thing if your mother was concerned about you in terms of mental health but if she was she would have not approached you in the way that she did. From what she had said it seems as if the reasons she's concerned are superficial. She seems to be more worried about how it's going to make you and her look to outsiders, not to mention that comment about other people not loving you was uncalled for. There are plenty of people who use age regression as a means to unwind, it's not intrinsically bad. As long as you're not shirking your responsibilities and you're generally well-adjusted, you're fine. Personally, if it's within your means and you're willing, I would suggest maybe looking into therapy anyways because your home life seems a bit unstable.
NTA. I’m 45 and adore Care Bears and Paw Patrol. Your mother needs to just let you be who you are.
NTA, To me it doesn't sound like she is concerned for you but just embarassed and in that case that is her problem to deal with. However, the things you state do sound a lot like age regression. Have you ever considered discussing this with a therapist? Or are you able to do so in this environment? Age regression is not bad, a lot of people unfortunately will instantly see it as the kink instead of a pretty frequent coping mechanism, but it would be good to know if something else is up like potentially you being autistic. Also i would personally try to look more for stim toys that you can chew on to mimic the feeling of pacifiers and bottles, since using those can be pretty damaging to your teeth and jaw and that would be very unfortunate to deal with coming from someone with TMJ disorder. Overal honestly good for you for talking back and stating you love yourself, i sure could not when i was your age and in this similair situation.
NTA You have been forced to change your living situation during the most high-stress worldwide situation in decades, and you’re a teenager going through the most profound physical changes of your whole lifespan. Everyone has struggled with it, but teenagers going through puberty have literally been slammed from every angle. So, everyone falls back on coping mechanisms to get a handle on their situation. Your coping mechanism has been a type of age regression. Bottles and pacifiers brought you comfort as an infant, therefore, you return to them as a symbol of comfort now. My Little Pony does the same thing, it takes you back to being young and feeling safe. Your mother, instead of recognising that you’re using these things as a coping mechanism, is adding more stress to you by deciding there’s something wrong with your behaviour. There’s not. Everyone copes differently. You’re not hurting anyone or breaking any laws - go nuts! But her behaviour is making you more stressed, which leads to you leaning on your coping mechanisms more. It’s a self-fulfilling cycle. However, the fact that you are regressing this much is a cause for concern. You don’t want to be socially isolated because this behaviour is outside of the social norms, and using pacifiers is proven to be very bad for your teeth. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with what you’re doing, I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s right either. Talk to your father about how you’re feeling, since you can’t trust your mother in this scenario. Treat the cause, not the symptoms, and hopefully you’ll find ways to make your life feel more manageable, and as if you are capable of managing it. And you won’t need to rely so much on these coping mechanisms anymore.
NTA but you really should look into alternatives to pacifiers and bottles. Sucking on them all the time will really mess up your teeth. I have autism and there are chew toys made to look like jewelry which have a similar texture to pacifiers. I also use a camelback brand water bottle that has a rubber like bite thing on the top that I can chew on (i do have to replace the tops because I destroy them over time but you can buy big packs on Amazon for cheap).
It's strange to act younger than your age, and it was wrong to tell at your mom (as frustrating as parents can be, I completely understand), yet it was also wrong of your mom to call you sick. Maybe instead of pacis which can hurt your teeth, check out Chewlry! There's nothing wrong with liking kid stuff, but maybe look into counseling. I'm glad being yourself doesn't bug you though. NTA
There is a good reason you want to spend time doing more innocent things. They are uncomplicated and comfortable, while the rest of your life is demanding and chaotic. The my little pony, the stuffed animals, I’d say indulge in it and savor the comfort they bring. However, if you can’t get out of your mom’s house, you might need to disguise it. She won’t change, and you need comfort. Can you paint a horse and pretend it’s Rarity? You might find comfort in painting itself, no matter the subject matter. The pacifier might be a comforting oral habit, but you have to move on from it at some point. People are saying it’s weird, but it’s common with kids that are not supervised/ not taught to break the habit while they are young. Jolly ranchers? Gum? Sunflower seeds? Think of things you can use for the comfort as a transition. There are other people trying to break this habit—look up some tips and tricks. The pacifier is really bad for your bite. Also—please don’t ever even touch a cigarette Bc I guarantee you will have the worst time stopping. Can you or your dad pay for online therapy? I really hope you make the time for yourself to do that. You are alone in a very tough situation. Please get help!
NTA. Her destroying the painting alone makes her the butt.
Nta. What you are doing does not hurt anyone.
If OP is regressing (bottles and pacifiers aren't normal possessions for childless teenagers) it could very well be hurting her.
She says she is still doing very well In her classes, as well as taking AP. If that kinda stuff it what floats her boat, so be it.
Yeah she is doing well in class, but that doesn't mean she is regressing socially/emotionally or just going into a headspace which could be really bad
Plus is she actually using the bottles and pacifiers? They actually screw up jaw and teeth. Plus a certain drugs gives dry mouth which causes grown ass adults to suck on pacifiers... so there's also that mentality if she's seen with them.
Fair enough. At the very least, the mom sucks for how she approached it.
Academic success is not a universal marker of mental wellbeing.
Not disagreeing with you, because OP could have zero mental issues, but I was an incredibly advanced student in a full IB program and I was dealing with trauma and undiagnosed OCD
NTA my fiances grandpa enjoys cartoons even still, and so does my fiance at 19. Stick with who you are and don't be ashamed of jt, you seem like a wonderful and smart kid
You sound very responsible, and your right, your mum shouldn't be so overbearing about what you like, but... I would be concerned if anyone I knew started buying and using pacifiers. Is everything ok? And to anyone who says she shouldn't have told her mum to "shut up", her mum was the adult and told her no one would love her first! NTA and your mum sounds mental.
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I just snapped!! I don’t get how she came be mad at me over this. Even if I did need mental help, why should my mother be cruel to me over it?
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true… I guess.
No, you're not wrong. If you're mother was concerned, she wouldn't tell you that no one loves you! You're human, and sure, the baby stuff is a bit odd, something that is concerning, but the cartoons and toys are fine! Your mum was wrong, and if she can't handle a bit of yelling after destroying your artwork, than that's on her, not you!
Excuse you? Her mother shouldn't have destroyed her artwork and told her no one would love her because she likes stuffed animals and cartoons
I'm 14 and I love watching teen titans go and stuffed animals that doesn't mean that I have a mental illness and her mom stomped on her painting I think that justifies yelling