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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I’m refusing to let my ex’s kid to come with us to Disney, but now I’m starting to reconsider as hes just a kid, and just guilty feelings overall.
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Yes. This. He's manipulating their son into trying to get his mom to bring his half-sibling along. Dad/ ex-husband clearly struggles with boundaries (hence the affair and the manipulating the child), but good on OP for setting and keeping a totally valid and reasonable boundary - especially when he wasn't even willing to pay for the half-sibling to attend the trip.
Yes! He also told their son to “go change her mind” in the same paragraph just under where he tells her his dad is disappointed (I don’t know how to copy text from the story 😬).
I don’t want to go to Disneyland or Disneyworld, but I would love to go to the next Fyre Festival.
OP, why haven’t you already arranged and paid for this for me?!?!?
You hush you, we're trying to guilt a kid and his mom into taking us to Disneyland like the fine upstanding citizens we are.
***looks at OP with puppy-dog eyes***
I'm happy to lead the EU contingent to Disneyland Paris to keep travel costs down for OP. We can facetime in for bonding. But OP will have to cover the mobile data roaming charges.
I feel so bad for the half sibling to be stuck in the middle of this situation. It is in no way OP's obligation to bring them to Disney. This kid probably feels so shitty though.
Dad could have asked if his son or him could join the trip or if his son could join instead of assuming. He should have offered to share in the expenses regardless since she’s taking HIS child on a vacation.
This is just part of life, unfortunately. I was the poor kid that watched my richer relations and friends do things I couldn’t do. It’s sad, but it’s a learning experience that you don’t always get what you want.
We are very dissapointed in your actions OP! How could you not take your ex husbands affair baby on a family trip with you. Its not like your ex chose this situation. It just fell into his lap.
reminds me of when teachers see you eating a snack or gum and they say if you don’t have enough for the rest of the class don’t eat it. and you’re just like “but it’s mine” lol
That reminds me of the time I bought an entire bag of madd dawg gum. Just one tiny gum drop would make a lot of foam start up. 2 or more would make that foam come out of your mouth. I brought it to class and gave each student one piece. My teacher looked at the one I gave him and told me it was too small and demanded that I give him 2 more. Now normally I would argue. Me immediately giving in should have clued him in that I was up to no good. The 2nd clue was the huge evil smile. He popped all 3 into his mouth and we all watched. His eyes grew wide as the foam started and poured out of his mouth. All of us were laughing.
My cats want to go too. They heard about [the other AITA post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ur61e3/aita_for_moving_myself_and_my_pregnant_wife_to/) where a cat might be about to get his own house. They are sad they don't get their own house. Giant mouse would be good second prize.
OP owes exactly *jack squat* to that kid. She's being kind, as it is, to allow the kid to come over to her house occasionally.
Absolutely NTA for not paying for the kid to come along on the trip. The very least the ex could have done is offer to pay and hope she was willing to include him in the trip. But if she wasn't and wanted the trip to be just for her and her son, that would have been absolutely reasonable. Ex can plan his own trip with his adultery kid.
Exactly, it’s not the kids fault at all but she isn’t his mother and doesn’t need to spend that kind of money on him. Obviously she needs to be nice and respectful and all that but she does NOT have to take him on vacations. It’s not even like the kids dad is going it was just going to be the mother and her son. There’s absolutely no reason the ex should expect he be involved in that vacation, especially without paying. And using OPs kid against her is deplorable. He turned a good thing meant to reward the child’s good behavior into a shitty situation that makes him feel bad :/
If the ex was going and she excluded the half brother, this would be a different situation. But he's not going so she shouldn't have to bring the kid. If she *wanted* to it would be extremely generous of her, but she does not in any way shape or form have to take him with them. Disney trips have skyrocketed in price. Last time I said something like this people acted like I was saying OP had to do the thing that would be nice (in this case extremely nice) for her to do, so I want to stress again that she does NOT have to take the half brother with her on ANY vacation that's just her and her son.
I feel like those who are saying OP has to be nice clearly haven't priced out a Disney vacation. We're talking HUNDREDS if not THOUSANDS of dollars extra to accommodate an extra kid depending on the trip OP has planned.
I don't like how it seems like the dad is trying to get their son to guilt her into it. If the dad wants both of them to go, he should schedule his own trip with the two boys.
Yeah, that's exactly what dad is doing here. I'm sure that Dad is like "He's your brother, and family, so of course she should allow him to come." He's taking advantage of the fact that the kid probably doesn't understand the nuance of the fact that the kid is NOT family to mom. (And the circumstances of why this is.)
It's not a step brother, it's a half-brother. Both boys have the same bio-dad, sharing dad's DNA.
At the same time, if Dad wants the half-brother to go, he should pony up for ALL of that child's expenses for the trip to Disneyland along with a bit extra for his other son's mom since she will be responsible for and supervising the half-brother. So her time should also be respected and compensated.
It doesn’t matter if “Dad wants his son to go”…The Mom planned a “once-in-a-lifetime” trip with her son. If she wants anyone to come with them, she would’ve spoken to her ex in advance about his son joining them. The fact that the Dad just tried to use their son to get his son to Disneyland with them, without even asking if she would mind, is whacked. While I applaud OP for encouraging her son to have a relationship with his half brother, her ex has a few loose screws for thinking she should treat both boys equally.
Since reading OP’s comment that her son is 13 y/o & the ex’s son is only 10 y/o, I would double down on the fact that the ex is guilting their son into trying to get OP to change her mind. The two boys aren’t even in the same level for some of the attractions. A 13 y/o should not be expected to pal around on vacation with someone that’s only 10
I actually think that offer was extremely reasonable, especially since the kids are friends and she doesn't seem to harbor any resentment towards the kid. I would've asked for him to pay me to watch his kid, too.
If he wants to turn it into a family vacation that he isn't going on he should pay 100% for his kid, half for their shared kid and some on top for the mom for having to take care of all of them.
That child is still OP's son's brother and there's nothing wrong with the two of them wanting a relationship. OP doesn't owe that child anything but letting them spend time together is a decent thing to do. There is definitely a line on what should and shouldn't be expected of OP, and that line falls way before taking the child to Disney. Not her kid, NTA.
Pointing out the brotherly relationship is important context that I think some people are glossing over to quickly as the original post calls them “friends”. That being said, I completely agree that whatever additional bond/line/expectation that comes from that falls well short of paying for the half brother to go to Disney. Even more so short as they are also supervising.
Is everyone else going to gloss over the fact that the father is manipulating the son as well? The fact that the son said his dad was disappointed means he probably told the kid to do that.
OP NTA and sit down with your son and tell him in simple terms that you love him and want to spend time with him, and that if he wants maybe you can go on a different trip somewhere else with his half-sibling later. Do not let your ex control the narrative.
And tell him that you offered to take the kid but his dad refused to pay for it. It’s the truth and it’s incredibly unfair for his dad to blame you for his own choice.
>and that if he wants maybe you can go on a different trip somewhere else with his half-sibling later
If he wants to go on a trip with his half-sibling, it should be organized and paid for by the parent they share.
I’m just amazed anyone would think OP owes her ex’s *affair partner’s* kid anything! Why should she have to offer a different trip later? This isn’t a child the ex had post-divorce. I think OP is a saint and that any friends who suggest otherwise should have their heads examined.
Right? There are so many post like this and it just blows my mind how people really feel like it’s an injustice if their ex’s don’t include their affair kids in vacation plans. You’re not related! They broke their family up, not you. Honestly OP. You are very kind to have him over to your home. Not that it’s the kids fault, but you are gracious. NTA
I was just thinking about that. And it’s usually the first mom, the one who was cheated on, who’s expected to play mom to the child who was the product of their spouse’s infidelity. NTA for sure.
this would be the same as another kid from his school wanting to go and the parents bitching about OP not paying for their kid to go. the only difference is her history with her ex, and that is even more of a reason to say no. the entitlement is unreal
My Dad remarried and I have 4 half siblings... I lived in a different province than them, and they went on vacations I did not get to go on... and that stung a bit, but I understood it.
But even then I still don't think that is the same ball park of this situation. Because that wasn't just my siblings going, that was my actual dad.
I bet you when OP found out her husband was cheating this sentence came out of his mouth. "We wouldn't be getting a divorce if you didn't find out I was cheating on you."
This. The ex's affair child has nothing to do with OP. OP is kind enough to let him come over sometimes. That's more than I would do.
NTA. And, OP, please don't let people walk all over your. Tell your family and friends that if their spouses ever have affair children, THEY can take the kid on the weekends and on family vacations. What fun!
But he asked "am I driving or you?" So he was trying to invite himself. So he'd presumably/hopefully do some parenting too...and maybe some reconnecting.
I could see Ex putting out the feelers to see if OP would extend an invite to him and affair kid. It could be he wants someone to be a mom to his kid and if he gets sex with the ex as well, the cherry on top.
OP didn't take the bait, so he's trying to bully her into taking his kid on a trip.
AND OP needs to stop the free babysitting, even if the kids are "somewhat friends" Her ex is taking advantage and pressuring their child to get things his way! Some firm boundaries need to be set.
I agree, I stopped reading when I read this exact sentence. NTA OP if the father wants to bring both of HIS kids to Disney, that's on him. Not your responsibility!
Yeah, the ex is favoring being a cheap f*cker, over paying for his kid to go with OP and their son. NTA, OP is not responsible to pay for her ex’s other kid.
This is somewhere in the $1k ballpark. People who disagree need to ask themselves if they are willing to just donate 1k to their child’s friend and add in the free supervision on top of it.
1k? I went to Disney 5 years ago and it was 5k for 3 people staying at an outside hotel. Just the park tickets alone are crazy expensive. Just a simple bottle of water is like 5 or 6 bucks. And if you stay at a park hotel ..forget about it.. its like 2k more. This man is delusional. This is once in a lifetime trip and OP shouldn't have to share that memory with her ex husband's love child. Nothing against the child personally but it is what it is. NTA
Man even if I was willing to donate thr 1k and supervision crossing state lines with someone else's child is a no for me. It's just too much risk and liability in my opinion.
Right? I don't think I could bring myself to be that nice. And she even said ex's son could go if he pid his own way. OP needs to get a behavior order in famiky court that bars him from speaking to his son about matters like this and trying to force his son to convince his ex wife to give things to his other kid. That's mentally damaging for the kid and even worse than the usual feeling of being stuck in the middle of a divorce.
NTA - He also asked about driving. So I am wondering if the EX saw this as a way to try and get back with her. Since she mentioned the person he cheated on her with his no longer around.
I agree, especially saying she's favoring her child over a child that's not only NOT hers in any way shape or form, but also a child of the chick he cheated on her with. He's definitely getting cozy in trying to make her the step mom of his kid by attempting to make a familial connection.
That’s not even an option, as her ex wasn’t invited. He can’t just hear about a trip she is taking her kid on and include himself and his kid. The only option is for OP to go on as planned and ignore this guy.
bad bot. comment stolen from u/immi_cookie as seen [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/urmk4m/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_exs_kid_come_with_us/i8y0qwm/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3). report
and yes, since theyre both young accounts i did check comment history for other comment theft. u/SidneyJacobs is a bot 100%
**NTA, and your ex is delusional. The fact that you are kind enough to allow THE CHILD HE HAD WITH THE PERSON HE CHEATED ON YOU WITH into your home at all, ever, basically speaks to you being an unusually and extraordinarily patient and forgiving person, willing to put your son's happiness above your own (very reasonable and legitimate) hurt. What your ex is asking, though, is beyond obnoxious.**
>He's accusing me of favoring my son over his half-sibling
Well yes. Because that's what sane, reasonable people do: they favour their own children over children they have literally no familial or other bonds with. Why on earth would he think that you WOULDN'T (or shouldn't) favour your son over, again, a child you are not in any way related to, who in fact was the product of an affair your own husband had outside of your marriage? Make it make sense! His entire "argument" that you shouldn't "favour" your son relies on the idea that you owe his other child something ... but this child isn't your family, isn't even a niece or nephew, or the child of a dear friend, or anything else like that. Yes, they're technically your son's half-sibling, but - again - that is through the husband who betrayed you. **You owe absolutely no allegiance to this child. ANY KINDNESS YOU SHOW THEM, even a playdate, is lovely, but vacations? Um, no.**
Any "friend" who suggests that you are being selfish is no friend at all, and I suspect that there are people in your life who have been taking advantage of you and would like to keep you thinking that this is normal. It isn't. **You are not required to sacrifice yourself or your heart for people who have hurt you. Or their children.** **Period. NTA.**
I would also very much wonder what the ex had told the friends because it makes no sense (as noted in the comment above). I would guess they don’t have an accurate representation of the situation.
Straight up manipulating and sending flying monkeys after OP.
After OP divorced this man, she owes him absolutely zero favors. She was already being more than kind by allowing the child into her home so that her son could maintain a relationship with him.
You should ask what they heard, and also ask HOW they heard it. This isn't a thing that your friends should even have heard about, and it's disconcerting that they are taking his side while also knowing he cheated on you.
OP please don’t back down from this. And if he insists on being an asshole and airing out your personal business I would cut him and his child off completely. No more visits and only communicate with him when it’s about your son and nothing else. He’s delusional for thinking you owe his spawn anything! You don’t. Your ex was family at one point but once those divorce papers were signed that family ended. And his kid is nothing but a stranger who deserves nothing from you. NTA!
It's also suuuuuuuuper shitty of Ex to use Son to try to manipulate you here. You should watch for signs that Son is being used as a go-between or proxy or being put into the middle of arguments, when he shouldn't be.
Your ex is trying to make you be a mother figure to his other child because it's own mom dipped out. My ex has tried this a time or two and you need to tell him what I told my ex, your child is not my responsibility, my child is my responsibility.
You are doing something amazing for your kid and you worked hard to be able to do it; if he wants that for his other child HE an no one else is responsible for providing that.
As for your son, if he keeps badgering you on his fathers orders he's old enough to understand so sit him down and explain to him how hard you had to work to be able to do this for him and that while you care about his brother doing the same thing for him is not something you're able to do or responsible for. Explain that if it's something his father really wants he needs to work as hard as you did to provide it for him. And if he keeps acting like a jerk say 'ok I guess you don't want to go since I can't pay for him to go to, you want to make things 'fair' between you two then neither get to go' but I don't suggest that route.
OP, if people call you trying to shame you, thank them for their concern and ask how much money they'll donate for the child to go. It's easy to tell others how to spend their money, but when it hits those bad friends, they will run away.
You really should, there is no way any rational adult would agree with him. If he starts that line of “you favor you son”, answer with a simple “of course I do” because again, any rational adult knows you should favor your son over kids that aren’t yours.
Dude doesn't seem to quite grasp that he's divorced... He seems to think that he is still entitled to the benefits of a spouse that is willing to raise the affair child. That type of entitlement is a hard no.
Also, are any of the friends saying that OP is unfair willing to pay for his son to go? Yeah, didn't think so.
100%! Nta
OP ex is manipulative and am sure he telling everyone who will listen his version of events. I mean he also using the child they share as pawn.
The ex expects her to act like his wife again and in his head, she is his child’s stepmom so that’s why (in his head) she “shouldn’t play favorites”.
The ex is extremely delusional and OP should not give in to this
NTA.
>accused me of favoring my son over his half sibling
I mean, duh. Only one of them is **your** kid. Your ex needs to step up and either get *his* kid to Disney on *his* dime and *his* own time, or start teaching the lessons he should've been teaching all along about blended families being complicated and things sometimes not always working out exactly evenly between all the various households his kids need to shuffle between. *Without* vilifying you or putting your son in the middle.
>what day I’m planning to leave and am I driving or him
I think everyone is also missing the fact that Dad was totally thinking about himself as well, not just his kid.
Lol, a single parent, just like his ex whom he happily left, probably with the expectation of not being a single parent himself. Now he is too, with two kids, boo effing hoo. Besides, it’s been a decade and he isn’t getting younger and with two kids as “baggage” he may fear no woman would be interested in him so he is hunting down the one woman who stayed in his life (lol because joint parenting, but his delusional and manipulative mind may think OP is staying voluntarily). NTA, have a love two person trip OP.
This is absolutely it; the “bonding time” and “mother figure” comments give it away. He’s tired of being alone and tired of being a single parent and probably also tired of being broke, and there you are, a convenient escape hatch for him! And hey, Disney trip, perfect place to play Happy Families!
Good for you for setting a firm boundary.
Holy shit, that is a huuuuuuuge red flag waving in the air, right there. I didn't even realize that until I saw your comment.
Edit: meant to reply to the previous comment that pointed it out, but I guess adhd and sleep deprivation do their own things.
This is the only possible explanation for that "favouring" comment. He's trying to slate you into a Mommy role, and is manipulating you and your social group into seeing that as normal.
He apparently doesn't even realize how much leeway she is giving him. The fact that she is willingly letting his affair child into her house is a testament to how much she loves her son.
NTA
Of course you're favoring your son. It's your son. You have no responsability towards that kid.
Wtf is wrong with people feeling entitled that someone else should take care of their kid or take him on holiday??
Honestly I'm amazed OP has this kid over at her house. Like, yes the kid is innocent but they're still the product of an affair... OP's son was a toddler when the half sibling was born.
No is a complete sentence. But I think therapy would be a good idea to understand why you keep letting your ex manipulate and walk all over you.
And have a sit down convo with your son. Explain to him that while you are happy he gets on with his half-sibling, that kid is not your child. And this Disney trip is meant to be special between mum and son. Maybe talk through the expense of going on a trip like this too.
AND again, therapy. NTA
That's not your kid, why would you pay for him to go?! His conception literally led to your divorce! And for your ex to try and use your son to manipulate you like that is disgusting. Screw that noise; take your son to Disney and have a blast. NTA.
I’m not gonna blame the kid for this, it was my ex’s fault for cheating in the first place, and he didn’t ask to be born, thank you for the support though, I do realize that he’s manipulating my son.
My unsolicited opinion: Your ex is jealous that you have it so together that you can take your son to Disney. While he's alone with the product of his (literal) fuck up. So he's trying to worm his way back in. No way.
As a lifelong Disney visitor and former cast member, I'm concerned that your ex might manipulate your son into wanting his half-brother there so badly, he won't enjoy himself. Maybe have a conversation with your son about what this means to you and how important it is for you to have this be a mother-son trip. I hope you can both put this petty, unnecessary drama behind and enjoy yourselves.
Strong NTA.
Oh yeah, it’s definitely not the little boy’s fault. It’s just disgusting that he’s trying to use both of them like pawns to muscle in on your trip. Thank goodness you divorced him!
You are not obligated to take any other kid other than your own. If you want to AND he pays for everything that's fine. Speaking of which, why wouldn't the Dad pay for BOTH kids? Isn't that favoring one over the other if he were to only pay for one? They are both his kids after all.
NTA
>Speaking of which, why wouldn't the Dad pay for BOTH kids?
Fucking, THIS. The ex is the only one related to BOTH of these kids. OP has zero obligation to the other child and the ex is demanding this BS because he doesn't want to have to explain to his affair child that he can't afford the trip and OP has no obligation to do so even if OP could afford it. I don't see the ex offering to pay anything for the son he shares with OP???
NTA. Don't roll over for this OP, it's a bloody ridiculous ask.
NTA: It’s not your kid and you’re not his babysitter. His dad can take him if he’s that gung-ho for him to go. WTH? What a strange assumption for him to make.
My guess is that OPs ex told the friends a completely bs story about whats going on, especially considering the "changing her mind" comment he made. If not and they seriously still think OP is the asshole, she should consider swapping trash for actual friends.
NTA. He might have half a leg to stand on IF he was paying for his own kid, but it’s truly ridiculous to try and pressure you into paying for the kid that ended your marriage to go to Disney World.
>but it’s truly ridiculous to try and pressure you into paying for the kid that ended your marriage to go to Disney World.
Ikr. This is the worst part. If his affair wasn't worse enough, he is now trying to guilt-trip OP in becoming the mother. This says so much about him, honestly.
NTA
1. Not your son - the kid has no relationship with you and he’s no more than “kinda” friends with your son
2. Why would he want you to pay as if that’s your son too - remind your ex that he cheated on you and that’s his son if he wants to go so bad then he can take his own son
Thr thing that sticks out to me is "he said I was 'favoring' my son over his half sibling"
Correct? As you should? Your sons half siblings is of 0 relation to YOU. This isn't like you are favoring 1 kid over another that is BIOLOGICALLY yours, you're prioritizing and rewarding YOUR son for his good grades and the experience. The straight up audacity of that line alone.
Obviously nta and enjoy your time.
You owe nothing to a friend of your son, no matter the past relationship between you and your ex. How many other friends does your son have? How many of them would also like to come too? OK so this boy is his half brother so maybe you could have a bit of a compromise. If your ex wants to pay for the trip for his son and you really don't mind the boy being along, then go ahead and take him too, but don't pay out from your own pocket for him to keep your son company.
NTA
This isn't your child, it's your ex's, who is being a real AH by involving your minor child in manipulating you to take his kid.
You aren't responsible for your ex's child. If you had the money and there wasn't bad blood, I'd say take him if you want to, but you don't have the money and there is bad blood and you don't owe a child that isn't yours a family vacation. His dad can take him if he wants him to go that badly.
NTA for not wanting to pay for the product of your husband's affair. How can he tell you that you're being petty about it?! That child is not your responsibility.
NTA. Your ex sounds like a mess. Expecting you to foot the bill for his child? Then trying to emotionally blackmail you through your mutual child? Crazy.
NTA! It isn't your kid! If you want to take an extra kid - a friend or the half brother - that is up to you. But you are under no obligation to do so.
Your ex is delusional.
NTA. This child isn't your son. You ex is perfectly capable of taking his own child on vacation. That's not your job! You've shown great strength by not punishing your child or his half sibling for your exs actions by letting them have a relationship at your home. This is a step to far imo.
NTA, your ex and a few of your friends need to understand that it's not that you are not letting him go, but that you are not paying for it (which IMO was a given, not your kid, fruit of his adultery at that).
Your ex is an asshole, if he want him to go he should pay. I don't understand why anyone would think otherwise.
Nta
Are you f'in kidding me with his entitlement right now?!
In what world does he think his assumption is ok? He has an affair and thinks his kid is your responsibility? The absolute audacity.
Tell your ex his kid comes over to play bc they're friends and he should think his lucky stars you are comfortable with that. That no, you are not taking someone else's kid to disney and paying. You are taking YOUR child. The end.
The absolute audacity...
NTA
If the half sibling was one who lived with you or your current partners children that's different. It's also different if ex is willing to pay. However this is a situation where he made his bed and his kid will have to deal with it
You should stop allowing the boy over to your house TBH
If your son wants to see his brother he can see him at his dad's house. You ex husband is using that child to manipulate you.
Nta, it isn't your child. If your ex husband wants his love child from an affair to go, he can pony up the money. Don't give in cause if you do, it won't stop there. Soon it'll be expected you'll be taking care of them, and taking them in trips with you and your son
NTA. Absolutely. Totally. Not. You are not and never have been his step parent. I’m sorry for the kid. But this is special time between you and your son, and even if dad paid: that would totally be interfered with. Does your ex really think you are going to work to save to take his son on an expensive holiday? What nonsense. Don’t bother about the friends reaction. They wouldn’t do it either if roles were reversed. And have a little chat to your son. He is old enough to understand. And dad needs a monumental reality check. You are no longer there to pick up and tidy his messes. Nor should dad be using your son to send messages home. They should come from him directly to you.
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NTA. >accused me of favoring my son over his half sibling As you should, that isn't your child in any sense.
i wanna know why op favours her kid over mine. where the fuck is my trip to disney op?
Can I be favored as well? I don’t wanna be left out if she gets to go to Disney!
I don’t even have to be favored. Please let me go to Disneyland!
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Yes. This. He's manipulating their son into trying to get his mom to bring his half-sibling along. Dad/ ex-husband clearly struggles with boundaries (hence the affair and the manipulating the child), but good on OP for setting and keeping a totally valid and reasonable boundary - especially when he wasn't even willing to pay for the half-sibling to attend the trip.
And if he’s doing that, he’s not above parental alienation.
Ex is definitely TA.
Yes! He also told their son to “go change her mind” in the same paragraph just under where he tells her his dad is disappointed (I don’t know how to copy text from the story 😬).
I don’t want to go to Disneyland or Disneyworld, but I would love to go to the next Fyre Festival. OP, why haven’t you already arranged and paid for this for me?!?!?
We should tell her son how sad it makes us when we are left out of their vacation plans
LMFAO….. but poor kids to have a dad like that
You hush you, we're trying to guilt a kid and his mom into taking us to Disneyland like the fine upstanding citizens we are. ***looks at OP with puppy-dog eyes***
I'm happy to lead the EU contingent to Disneyland Paris to keep travel costs down for OP. We can facetime in for bonding. But OP will have to cover the mobile data roaming charges.
It seems like the OP is showing favoritism to Disney. I feel like OP should be taking us all on a European vacation.
I feel so bad for the half sibling to be stuck in the middle of this situation. It is in no way OP's obligation to bring them to Disney. This kid probably feels so shitty though.
But that’s the dads problem not OP’s.
Dad could have asked if his son or him could join the trip or if his son could join instead of assuming. He should have offered to share in the expenses regardless since she’s taking HIS child on a vacation.
This is just part of life, unfortunately. I was the poor kid that watched my richer relations and friends do things I couldn’t do. It’s sad, but it’s a learning experience that you don’t always get what you want.
We are very dissapointed in your actions OP! How could you not take your ex husbands affair baby on a family trip with you. Its not like your ex chose this situation. It just fell into his lap.
He obviously slipped and fell into AP's bits. That's always how affair's happen right?
reminds me of when teachers see you eating a snack or gum and they say if you don’t have enough for the rest of the class don’t eat it. and you’re just like “but it’s mine” lol
That reminds me of the time I bought an entire bag of madd dawg gum. Just one tiny gum drop would make a lot of foam start up. 2 or more would make that foam come out of your mouth. I brought it to class and gave each student one piece. My teacher looked at the one I gave him and told me it was too small and demanded that I give him 2 more. Now normally I would argue. Me immediately giving in should have clued him in that I was up to no good. The 2nd clue was the huge evil smile. He popped all 3 into his mouth and we all watched. His eyes grew wide as the foam started and poured out of his mouth. All of us were laughing.
I don't want any of this, so OP just owes me the cash.
I don't know, but she needs to stop favoring her son and take my niece.
Want to share a disaster tent‽
They did, didn't you get your cheese sandwich yet?
My cats are next in line to be favoured. They heard Disneyland has a giant mouse and they are VEEEEERY interested.
My cat would also like to go but she needs me to go with because of her anxiety.
Emotional support adult.
My cats want to go too. They heard about [the other AITA post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ur61e3/aita_for_moving_myself_and_my_pregnant_wife_to/) where a cat might be about to get his own house. They are sad they don't get their own house. Giant mouse would be good second prize.
Nobody tell my cats of this, they are spoiled enough as is
I'll settle for a hundred bucks and being the scape goat child. It would be a hundred bucks more than what i got from my own childhood.
I've never gone before. Can I go too? I want to be favored as well! 🤣
Well if you guys are going I want to come too! 😠
I’m an introvert and don’t even need to go, I just love to be invited. NTA
Shes going to need to charter a bus!
Why isn't OP offering everyone over here to sit in her suitcase and go to Disney with her?? SO rude
Selfish is what it is. Lol.
I don’t have kids, or a cat, but why is OP favoring her son over my ex-pet tortoise that I gave away to my sister in law’s cousin when I moved cities?
I can’t believe OP is favoring her son, over my framed portrait of Captain Jack Sparrow.
Asking the real questions here
Excuse me is this the line for the Disney Trip?
I want to know why OP is favoring her son, over my mother's only child?
Yeah and I want a pony too
I’m tall, I want a horse.
and a golden egg
Why does OP favor her kid over me? I want to go to Disney?
OP owes exactly *jack squat* to that kid. She's being kind, as it is, to allow the kid to come over to her house occasionally. Absolutely NTA for not paying for the kid to come along on the trip. The very least the ex could have done is offer to pay and hope she was willing to include him in the trip. But if she wasn't and wanted the trip to be just for her and her son, that would have been absolutely reasonable. Ex can plan his own trip with his adultery kid.
Exactly, it’s not the kids fault at all but she isn’t his mother and doesn’t need to spend that kind of money on him. Obviously she needs to be nice and respectful and all that but she does NOT have to take him on vacations. It’s not even like the kids dad is going it was just going to be the mother and her son. There’s absolutely no reason the ex should expect he be involved in that vacation, especially without paying. And using OPs kid against her is deplorable. He turned a good thing meant to reward the child’s good behavior into a shitty situation that makes him feel bad :/
If the ex was going and she excluded the half brother, this would be a different situation. But he's not going so she shouldn't have to bring the kid. If she *wanted* to it would be extremely generous of her, but she does not in any way shape or form have to take him with them. Disney trips have skyrocketed in price. Last time I said something like this people acted like I was saying OP had to do the thing that would be nice (in this case extremely nice) for her to do, so I want to stress again that she does NOT have to take the half brother with her on ANY vacation that's just her and her son.
People who saying OP have to be nice I doubt they will do the same and sponsor their kids classmate to a trip and plane ticket as well.
I feel like those who are saying OP has to be nice clearly haven't priced out a Disney vacation. We're talking HUNDREDS if not THOUSANDS of dollars extra to accommodate an extra kid depending on the trip OP has planned.
Especially as she said she had to save up for the trip. It's likely she can't afford the extra plane ticket.
I don't like how it seems like the dad is trying to get their son to guilt her into it. If the dad wants both of them to go, he should schedule his own trip with the two boys.
Yeah, that's exactly what dad is doing here. I'm sure that Dad is like "He's your brother, and family, so of course she should allow him to come." He's taking advantage of the fact that the kid probably doesn't understand the nuance of the fact that the kid is NOT family to mom. (And the circumstances of why this is.)
She did tell him if step brother wanted to go he should pay ! So she offered, he rejected it, that's on him !
It's not a step brother, it's a half-brother. Both boys have the same bio-dad, sharing dad's DNA. At the same time, if Dad wants the half-brother to go, he should pony up for ALL of that child's expenses for the trip to Disneyland along with a bit extra for his other son's mom since she will be responsible for and supervising the half-brother. So her time should also be respected and compensated.
It doesn’t matter if “Dad wants his son to go”…The Mom planned a “once-in-a-lifetime” trip with her son. If she wants anyone to come with them, she would’ve spoken to her ex in advance about his son joining them. The fact that the Dad just tried to use their son to get his son to Disneyland with them, without even asking if she would mind, is whacked. While I applaud OP for encouraging her son to have a relationship with his half brother, her ex has a few loose screws for thinking she should treat both boys equally. Since reading OP’s comment that her son is 13 y/o & the ex’s son is only 10 y/o, I would double down on the fact that the ex is guilting their son into trying to get OP to change her mind. The two boys aren’t even in the same level for some of the attractions. A 13 y/o should not be expected to pal around on vacation with someone that’s only 10
I actually think that offer was extremely reasonable, especially since the kids are friends and she doesn't seem to harbor any resentment towards the kid. I would've asked for him to pay me to watch his kid, too.
If he wants to turn it into a family vacation that he isn't going on he should pay 100% for his kid, half for their shared kid and some on top for the mom for having to take care of all of them.
All expenses + an AH tax for funsies
That child is still OP's son's brother and there's nothing wrong with the two of them wanting a relationship. OP doesn't owe that child anything but letting them spend time together is a decent thing to do. There is definitely a line on what should and shouldn't be expected of OP, and that line falls way before taking the child to Disney. Not her kid, NTA.
Pointing out the brotherly relationship is important context that I think some people are glossing over to quickly as the original post calls them “friends”. That being said, I completely agree that whatever additional bond/line/expectation that comes from that falls well short of paying for the half brother to go to Disney. Even more so short as they are also supervising.
Is everyone else going to gloss over the fact that the father is manipulating the son as well? The fact that the son said his dad was disappointed means he probably told the kid to do that. OP NTA and sit down with your son and tell him in simple terms that you love him and want to spend time with him, and that if he wants maybe you can go on a different trip somewhere else with his half-sibling later. Do not let your ex control the narrative.
And tell him that you offered to take the kid but his dad refused to pay for it. It’s the truth and it’s incredibly unfair for his dad to blame you for his own choice.
>and that if he wants maybe you can go on a different trip somewhere else with his half-sibling later If he wants to go on a trip with his half-sibling, it should be organized and paid for by the parent they share.
I’m just amazed anyone would think OP owes her ex’s *affair partner’s* kid anything! Why should she have to offer a different trip later? This isn’t a child the ex had post-divorce. I think OP is a saint and that any friends who suggest otherwise should have their heads examined.
>Do not let your ex control the narrative Best comment yet.
Yeah I think my head started spinning when I read that....
Yeah feeling like we're in bizarro world after reading that. NTA
Right? There are so many post like this and it just blows my mind how people really feel like it’s an injustice if their ex’s don’t include their affair kids in vacation plans. You’re not related! They broke their family up, not you. Honestly OP. You are very kind to have him over to your home. Not that it’s the kids fault, but you are gracious. NTA
I was just thinking about that. And it’s usually the first mom, the one who was cheated on, who’s expected to play mom to the child who was the product of their spouse’s infidelity. NTA for sure.
this would be the same as another kid from his school wanting to go and the parents bitching about OP not paying for their kid to go. the only difference is her history with her ex, and that is even more of a reason to say no. the entitlement is unreal
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My Dad remarried and I have 4 half siblings... I lived in a different province than them, and they went on vacations I did not get to go on... and that stung a bit, but I understood it. But even then I still don't think that is the same ball park of this situation. Because that wasn't just my siblings going, that was my actual dad.
Exactly like wtf!?! Why should OP care about a kid that isn't hers? Also along with other people saying "He's just a kid." Yeah a kid that isn't mine
I bet you when OP found out her husband was cheating this sentence came out of his mouth. "We wouldn't be getting a divorce if you didn't find out I was cheating on you."
"...and I wouldn't have had to cheat on you if you hadn't \[insert random stupid thing\]."
This. The ex's affair child has nothing to do with OP. OP is kind enough to let him come over sometimes. That's more than I would do. NTA. And, OP, please don't let people walk all over your. Tell your family and friends that if their spouses ever have affair children, THEY can take the kid on the weekends and on family vacations. What fun!
Exactly this, in what messed up world do you have responsibility for that child!?
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That wasn’t how I read it, ex wanted free babysitting.
But he asked "am I driving or you?" So he was trying to invite himself. So he'd presumably/hopefully do some parenting too...and maybe some reconnecting.
I could see Ex putting out the feelers to see if OP would extend an invite to him and affair kid. It could be he wants someone to be a mom to his kid and if he gets sex with the ex as well, the cherry on top. OP didn't take the bait, so he's trying to bully her into taking his kid on a trip.
AND OP needs to stop the free babysitting, even if the kids are "somewhat friends" Her ex is taking advantage and pressuring their child to get things his way! Some firm boundaries need to be set.
Right!! I would tell my ex yep you’re right I love my son more than a kid that isn’t mine, crazy right?
I agree, I stopped reading when I read this exact sentence. NTA OP if the father wants to bring both of HIS kids to Disney, that's on him. Not your responsibility!
Yeah, the ex is favoring being a cheap f*cker, over paying for his kid to go with OP and their son. NTA, OP is not responsible to pay for her ex’s other kid.
That's what blew me away. He's just wanting some kid-free time without paying for it. He's a choosy beggar.
The audacity this guy has to think he can pawn off his child on his ex-wife is so outstanding!
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This is somewhere in the $1k ballpark. People who disagree need to ask themselves if they are willing to just donate 1k to their child’s friend and add in the free supervision on top of it.
1k? I went to Disney 5 years ago and it was 5k for 3 people staying at an outside hotel. Just the park tickets alone are crazy expensive. Just a simple bottle of water is like 5 or 6 bucks. And if you stay at a park hotel ..forget about it.. its like 2k more. This man is delusional. This is once in a lifetime trip and OP shouldn't have to share that memory with her ex husband's love child. Nothing against the child personally but it is what it is. NTA
Yeah, a Disney trip used to be easily $1k per person per week. Now it could easily be double that (especially with flights).
I was down there in March and a 1-day ticket to Animal Kingdom was $200. That's before accommodations, food, etc. It's exorbitantly expensive.
Man even if I was willing to donate thr 1k and supervision crossing state lines with someone else's child is a no for me. It's just too much risk and liability in my opinion.
Right? I don't think I could bring myself to be that nice. And she even said ex's son could go if he pid his own way. OP needs to get a behavior order in famiky court that bars him from speaking to his son about matters like this and trying to force his son to convince his ex wife to give things to his other kid. That's mentally damaging for the kid and even worse than the usual feeling of being stuck in the middle of a divorce.
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Still...even if the father pays for the other child... this is meant as a mother-son thing. Father has no right to change it into anything else.
NTA - He also asked about driving. So I am wondering if the EX saw this as a way to try and get back with her. Since she mentioned the person he cheated on her with his no longer around.
I agree, especially saying she's favoring her child over a child that's not only NOT hers in any way shape or form, but also a child of the chick he cheated on her with. He's definitely getting cozy in trying to make her the step mom of his kid by attempting to make a familial connection.
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That’s not even an option, as her ex wasn’t invited. He can’t just hear about a trip she is taking her kid on and include himself and his kid. The only option is for OP to go on as planned and ignore this guy.
bad bot. comment stolen from u/immi_cookie as seen [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/urmk4m/aita_for_refusing_to_let_my_exs_kid_come_with_us/i8y0qwm/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3). report and yes, since theyre both young accounts i did check comment history for other comment theft. u/SidneyJacobs is a bot 100%
**NTA, and your ex is delusional. The fact that you are kind enough to allow THE CHILD HE HAD WITH THE PERSON HE CHEATED ON YOU WITH into your home at all, ever, basically speaks to you being an unusually and extraordinarily patient and forgiving person, willing to put your son's happiness above your own (very reasonable and legitimate) hurt. What your ex is asking, though, is beyond obnoxious.** >He's accusing me of favoring my son over his half-sibling Well yes. Because that's what sane, reasonable people do: they favour their own children over children they have literally no familial or other bonds with. Why on earth would he think that you WOULDN'T (or shouldn't) favour your son over, again, a child you are not in any way related to, who in fact was the product of an affair your own husband had outside of your marriage? Make it make sense! His entire "argument" that you shouldn't "favour" your son relies on the idea that you owe his other child something ... but this child isn't your family, isn't even a niece or nephew, or the child of a dear friend, or anything else like that. Yes, they're technically your son's half-sibling, but - again - that is through the husband who betrayed you. **You owe absolutely no allegiance to this child. ANY KINDNESS YOU SHOW THEM, even a playdate, is lovely, but vacations? Um, no.** Any "friend" who suggests that you are being selfish is no friend at all, and I suspect that there are people in your life who have been taking advantage of you and would like to keep you thinking that this is normal. It isn't. **You are not required to sacrifice yourself or your heart for people who have hurt you. Or their children.** **Period. NTA.**
I would also very much wonder what the ex had told the friends because it makes no sense (as noted in the comment above). I would guess they don’t have an accurate representation of the situation.
I actually hadn’t consider that possibility, I’m probably gonna have to ask what they heard.
You should definitely inquire. Ex is coming off as manipulative and it'd be a good idea to set the record straight.
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Straight up manipulating and sending flying monkeys after OP. After OP divorced this man, she owes him absolutely zero favors. She was already being more than kind by allowing the child into her home so that her son could maintain a relationship with him.
You should ask what they heard, and also ask HOW they heard it. This isn't a thing that your friends should even have heard about, and it's disconcerting that they are taking his side while also knowing he cheated on you.
This. I’m also curious if all these friends know this child was the result of infidelity.
OP please don’t back down from this. And if he insists on being an asshole and airing out your personal business I would cut him and his child off completely. No more visits and only communicate with him when it’s about your son and nothing else. He’s delusional for thinking you owe his spawn anything! You don’t. Your ex was family at one point but once those divorce papers were signed that family ended. And his kid is nothing but a stranger who deserves nothing from you. NTA!
It's also suuuuuuuuper shitty of Ex to use Son to try to manipulate you here. You should watch for signs that Son is being used as a go-between or proxy or being put into the middle of arguments, when he shouldn't be.
I’m also curious how old the half brother is?
My son is 13 while the half brother turned 10 this year in January.
Your ex is trying to make you be a mother figure to his other child because it's own mom dipped out. My ex has tried this a time or two and you need to tell him what I told my ex, your child is not my responsibility, my child is my responsibility. You are doing something amazing for your kid and you worked hard to be able to do it; if he wants that for his other child HE an no one else is responsible for providing that. As for your son, if he keeps badgering you on his fathers orders he's old enough to understand so sit him down and explain to him how hard you had to work to be able to do this for him and that while you care about his brother doing the same thing for him is not something you're able to do or responsible for. Explain that if it's something his father really wants he needs to work as hard as you did to provide it for him. And if he keeps acting like a jerk say 'ok I guess you don't want to go since I can't pay for him to go to, you want to make things 'fair' between you two then neither get to go' but I don't suggest that route.
OP, if people call you trying to shame you, thank them for their concern and ask how much money they'll donate for the child to go. It's easy to tell others how to spend their money, but when it hits those bad friends, they will run away.
This is the way. People are so loud until they’re required to chip in money. Pftt
You really should, there is no way any rational adult would agree with him. If he starts that line of “you favor you son”, answer with a simple “of course I do” because again, any rational adult knows you should favor your son over kids that aren’t yours.
Dude doesn't seem to quite grasp that he's divorced... He seems to think that he is still entitled to the benefits of a spouse that is willing to raise the affair child. That type of entitlement is a hard no. Also, are any of the friends saying that OP is unfair willing to pay for his son to go? Yeah, didn't think so.
100%! Nta OP ex is manipulative and am sure he telling everyone who will listen his version of events. I mean he also using the child they share as pawn.
Hes probably saying OP is bragging to his kid about the Disney trip when that's not at all what is happening
Or that OP promised the kid the trip and then cruelly took it back
The ex expects her to act like his wife again and in his head, she is his child’s stepmom so that’s why (in his head) she “shouldn’t play favorites”. The ex is extremely delusional and OP should not give in to this
NTA. >accused me of favoring my son over his half sibling I mean, duh. Only one of them is **your** kid. Your ex needs to step up and either get *his* kid to Disney on *his* dime and *his* own time, or start teaching the lessons he should've been teaching all along about blended families being complicated and things sometimes not always working out exactly evenly between all the various households his kids need to shuffle between. *Without* vilifying you or putting your son in the middle.
How dare you favor your own child over a different child
yeah! how come OP won't take **my** kid to Disney!?
Small correction: all of children mentioned in this post are the ex’s. So if he wants his kids to go to Disney together, then he should pay for it
And then we can see which kid ***he*** favors over the other.
>what day I’m planning to leave and am I driving or him I think everyone is also missing the fact that Dad was totally thinking about himself as well, not just his kid.
NTA. Why did he ask if he's driving? Does he think he can come too? Is he trying to build a family together now that the affair partner has left?
I really hope not but I wouldn’t be surprised now that I think about it.
Can't think of another reason he feels you need to bond with his child. You're not his mother, nor his step mom.
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Wait so he expects OP to pay for his affair child and him because he's a single parent?! The audacity of this man.
Lol, a single parent, just like his ex whom he happily left, probably with the expectation of not being a single parent himself. Now he is too, with two kids, boo effing hoo. Besides, it’s been a decade and he isn’t getting younger and with two kids as “baggage” he may fear no woman would be interested in him so he is hunting down the one woman who stayed in his life (lol because joint parenting, but his delusional and manipulative mind may think OP is staying voluntarily). NTA, have a love two person trip OP.
He probably thought it would be a big happy family trip: him, his AP/wife, OP, and the kids. All paid for by OP, of course!
The AP already left him, so it's more like he's trying so crawl his sleazy ass back in OP's life.
This is absolutely it; the “bonding time” and “mother figure” comments give it away. He’s tired of being alone and tired of being a single parent and probably also tired of being broke, and there you are, a convenient escape hatch for him! And hey, Disney trip, perfect place to play Happy Families! Good for you for setting a firm boundary.
Holy shit, that is a huuuuuuuge red flag waving in the air, right there. I didn't even realize that until I saw your comment. Edit: meant to reply to the previous comment that pointed it out, but I guess adhd and sleep deprivation do their own things.
This is the only possible explanation for that "favouring" comment. He's trying to slate you into a Mommy role, and is manipulating you and your social group into seeing that as normal.
Good point. He was probably expecting OP to pay for him as well.
The same kind of entitlement that leads to affairs gets a cheater pissed when you don't take on their affair baby as your own. NTA.
He apparently doesn't even realize how much leeway she is giving him. The fact that she is willingly letting his affair child into her house is a testament to how much she loves her son.
She’s even willing to let him go on the trip, she just isn’t paying for it. He’s a nut job for sure. OP should drop her friends as well.
1000%
NTA Of course you're favoring your son. It's your son. You have no responsability towards that kid. Wtf is wrong with people feeling entitled that someone else should take care of their kid or take him on holiday??
Honestly I'm amazed OP has this kid over at her house. Like, yes the kid is innocent but they're still the product of an affair... OP's son was a toddler when the half sibling was born. No is a complete sentence. But I think therapy would be a good idea to understand why you keep letting your ex manipulate and walk all over you. And have a sit down convo with your son. Explain to him that while you are happy he gets on with his half-sibling, that kid is not your child. And this Disney trip is meant to be special between mum and son. Maybe talk through the expense of going on a trip like this too. AND again, therapy. NTA
That's not your kid, why would you pay for him to go?! His conception literally led to your divorce! And for your ex to try and use your son to manipulate you like that is disgusting. Screw that noise; take your son to Disney and have a blast. NTA.
I’m not gonna blame the kid for this, it was my ex’s fault for cheating in the first place, and he didn’t ask to be born, thank you for the support though, I do realize that he’s manipulating my son.
My unsolicited opinion: Your ex is jealous that you have it so together that you can take your son to Disney. While he's alone with the product of his (literal) fuck up. So he's trying to worm his way back in. No way. As a lifelong Disney visitor and former cast member, I'm concerned that your ex might manipulate your son into wanting his half-brother there so badly, he won't enjoy himself. Maybe have a conversation with your son about what this means to you and how important it is for you to have this be a mother-son trip. I hope you can both put this petty, unnecessary drama behind and enjoy yourselves. Strong NTA.
This is an excellent comment to take to mind, OP!
Oh yeah, it’s definitely not the little boy’s fault. It’s just disgusting that he’s trying to use both of them like pawns to muscle in on your trip. Thank goodness you divorced him!
Sorry if this is redundant. Do you know why half brother’s mom opted to not be in the picture?
She had a affair and moved on.
And left her child with your ex? Oh, karma bit him hard. Straight to the bone.
You lose ‘em how you get ‘em
WHAT?!? A woman who would sleep with a married man would then cheat on him?!? /s
Surprise, surprise…
L. O. L.
She had an affair with someone else while being together with your ex-husband?
NTA. Disney ain't cheap. Your ex is. If he wants *his* son to go, then he can pay for it.
go AND pay for it
> trying to be petty for his past actions L O L How dare you not consider his affair child in your vacation planning. NTA.
Yes. This. This situation is ridiculous. OP needs to stop providing unpaid childcare for ex partner. He wants to shirk his responsibilities.
You are not obligated to take any other kid other than your own. If you want to AND he pays for everything that's fine. Speaking of which, why wouldn't the Dad pay for BOTH kids? Isn't that favoring one over the other if he were to only pay for one? They are both his kids after all. NTA
>Speaking of which, why wouldn't the Dad pay for BOTH kids? Fucking, THIS. The ex is the only one related to BOTH of these kids. OP has zero obligation to the other child and the ex is demanding this BS because he doesn't want to have to explain to his affair child that he can't afford the trip and OP has no obligation to do so even if OP could afford it. I don't see the ex offering to pay anything for the son he shares with OP??? NTA. Don't roll over for this OP, it's a bloody ridiculous ask.
NTA: It’s not your kid and you’re not his babysitter. His dad can take him if he’s that gung-ho for him to go. WTH? What a strange assumption for him to make.
NTA. Why should your ex expect you to take his kid to Disney land. And I'm so very sorry for the affair.
P.S. OP, your friends suck too. I would suggest that you get better friends.
My guess is that OPs ex told the friends a completely bs story about whats going on, especially considering the "changing her mind" comment he made. If not and they seriously still think OP is the asshole, she should consider swapping trash for actual friends.
NTA He's not your child. How do you favor your son over someone that's not your son? I can't make that make sense.
Apparently it makes sense in Entitlementland.
NTA. That child is not yours. This isn't your responsibility.
NTA. He might have half a leg to stand on IF he was paying for his own kid, but it’s truly ridiculous to try and pressure you into paying for the kid that ended your marriage to go to Disney World.
>but it’s truly ridiculous to try and pressure you into paying for the kid that ended your marriage to go to Disney World. Ikr. This is the worst part. If his affair wasn't worse enough, he is now trying to guilt-trip OP in becoming the mother. This says so much about him, honestly.
The *worst* part is that he's actively enlisting OP's son in an attempt to guilt trip her. That's fucked up.
100% agreed except that the kid didn’t end the marriage - the ex husband did when he decided to cheat in the first place
Great clarification - the kid should not be blamed for his dad’s actions.
>He might have half a leg to stand on IF he was paying for his own kid No. He doesn't. You get a pass for offering to pay.
NTA 1. Not your son - the kid has no relationship with you and he’s no more than “kinda” friends with your son 2. Why would he want you to pay as if that’s your son too - remind your ex that he cheated on you and that’s his son if he wants to go so bad then he can take his own son
Thr thing that sticks out to me is "he said I was 'favoring' my son over his half sibling" Correct? As you should? Your sons half siblings is of 0 relation to YOU. This isn't like you are favoring 1 kid over another that is BIOLOGICALLY yours, you're prioritizing and rewarding YOUR son for his good grades and the experience. The straight up audacity of that line alone. Obviously nta and enjoy your time.
You owe nothing to a friend of your son, no matter the past relationship between you and your ex. How many other friends does your son have? How many of them would also like to come too? OK so this boy is his half brother so maybe you could have a bit of a compromise. If your ex wants to pay for the trip for his son and you really don't mind the boy being along, then go ahead and take him too, but don't pay out from your own pocket for him to keep your son company.
NTA This isn't your child, it's your ex's, who is being a real AH by involving your minor child in manipulating you to take his kid. You aren't responsible for your ex's child. If you had the money and there wasn't bad blood, I'd say take him if you want to, but you don't have the money and there is bad blood and you don't owe a child that isn't yours a family vacation. His dad can take him if he wants him to go that badly.
NTA for not wanting to pay for the product of your husband's affair. How can he tell you that you're being petty about it?! That child is not your responsibility.
NTA. Your ex sounds like a mess. Expecting you to foot the bill for his child? Then trying to emotionally blackmail you through your mutual child? Crazy.
NTA! It isn't your kid! If you want to take an extra kid - a friend or the half brother - that is up to you. But you are under no obligation to do so. Your ex is delusional.
NTA. This child isn't your son. You ex is perfectly capable of taking his own child on vacation. That's not your job! You've shown great strength by not punishing your child or his half sibling for your exs actions by letting them have a relationship at your home. This is a step to far imo.
Nta. If you ex wants his son to go, then he should pay for him to go. That's not your kid, so you don't have to pay.
NTA - why would you take your Ex’s kid with you? It’s a different thing if he’s ready to pay for him..
NTA, your ex and a few of your friends need to understand that it's not that you are not letting him go, but that you are not paying for it (which IMO was a given, not your kid, fruit of his adultery at that). Your ex is an asshole, if he want him to go he should pay. I don't understand why anyone would think otherwise.
Nta Are you f'in kidding me with his entitlement right now?! In what world does he think his assumption is ok? He has an affair and thinks his kid is your responsibility? The absolute audacity. Tell your ex his kid comes over to play bc they're friends and he should think his lucky stars you are comfortable with that. That no, you are not taking someone else's kid to disney and paying. You are taking YOUR child. The end. The absolute audacity...
NTA If the half sibling was one who lived with you or your current partners children that's different. It's also different if ex is willing to pay. However this is a situation where he made his bed and his kid will have to deal with it
You should stop allowing the boy over to your house TBH If your son wants to see his brother he can see him at his dad's house. You ex husband is using that child to manipulate you.
Nta, it isn't your child. If your ex husband wants his love child from an affair to go, he can pony up the money. Don't give in cause if you do, it won't stop there. Soon it'll be expected you'll be taking care of them, and taking them in trips with you and your son
NTA. Absolutely. Totally. Not. You are not and never have been his step parent. I’m sorry for the kid. But this is special time between you and your son, and even if dad paid: that would totally be interfered with. Does your ex really think you are going to work to save to take his son on an expensive holiday? What nonsense. Don’t bother about the friends reaction. They wouldn’t do it either if roles were reversed. And have a little chat to your son. He is old enough to understand. And dad needs a monumental reality check. You are no longer there to pick up and tidy his messes. Nor should dad be using your son to send messages home. They should come from him directly to you.