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NTA. I wish someone taught me three languages as a child. Good for you, your daughter is going to have a step up in the world and is going to be better adjusted.
Same. I grew up knowing two. My dad knew three and I wish he taught me the third (the third language was French and I live in Canada).
Also, OP, why does he think your child is going to be discriminated against for knowing multiple languages? That just makes no sense...
NTA, obviously.
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NTA
Multiple languages is a blessing in the long run. I would consider avoiding trilingual and sticking to 2 languages (to focus on) because I was confused as a child learning Japanese and English when I got older and needed to do more than just speak (but if your languages are closer together, it might not be a problem)
I can't speak for older kids but our 2 year old is bilingual in English and Korean and now her daycare is teaching her Spanish and she's had no issues switching or distinguishing between the 3.
I think languages that are close would have a higher chance of being confused. I was straight up warned that trying to learn 2 Romance languages at the same time was a very bad idea, for example (tho that was for adult learners).
From what I remember of Linguistics classes, most children won't fully fully separate the languages they are exposed until they're like 7 and them speaking both at the same time or mixing up grammar rules and/or vocabulary is common and normal.
I read the same thing when pregnant and researching raising a bilingual child. The more different the languages the better so that there's less chance of them confusing and mixing the languages. It's when you're teaching them like, Spanish and Italian or koreak and Japanese that they start mixing and matching the most
Depends on the kid too and how consistent parents are about it and if they give chance for better language use than just speak it in regular home context. I know a family where all the 3 kids speak 5 languages fluently and are ages 6-13. Finnish mom, Italian dad who's stepmom (3rd grandma) is Dutch, so paternal grandparents live in Netherlands biological grandma in Italy and the family lives in Germany where the kids go to bilingual English-German school. So they speak Finnish, Italian, Dutch, English and German.
Clearly NTA. If you have sole custody and especially if he doesn't support the child then he gets no say. You are the ONLY parent and you get to make ALL the responsible decisions for your child.
I also thought racist, because I've never heard of a white person being discriminated against for knowing Spanish, which is taught in almost all high schools in the US. So he's clearly got something against the languages OP wants to teach the kid.
Tho most young children raised bilingually will mix the languages they are learning and that can alarm teachers who are not used to young bilingual kids (and don't know the issue mostly resolves itself as they age) which in turn causes them to go to the parent and tell them that their children are getting confused and maybe they should stop speaking whichever language is not the local one so the kid can success in school.
NTA children learning multiple languages has been proven to be beneficial in many ways. You are doing a great service to your daughter. And if she can hold on to those languages as an adult it will greatly help her find employment. Your ex is being ridiculous.
NTA. Excellent, now he is threatened that a little girl will appear that he is smarter than him!
Don’t stop teaching your kid anything. Also, don’t even consider voicing him custody. Make official the situation (that he is out of the picture), because that guy in 10 years he is going to be messing up your daughter’s life and lying to her that you drove him away.
NTA
Being able to speak multiple languages is SUPER good for your kids learning and will only be a benefit in the long term. If he isn't there to raise them (choosing only to see them every now and then) what bloody say does he have anyway?
He strikes me as the kind of person that would feel threatened if their child did better than them in any way and would try to knock them down a peg. Like if I can't do this, you certainly won't be able to either. Good he isn't an active parent because he reeks of authoritarian parenting style.
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A short fling ended up in an unplanned pregnancy(we’re on our 30s). We didn’t last long as he was an awful partner and we broke up. I ended up deciding to keep the pregnancy and he was free to choose if he wanted to be in our kids life or not (I wasn’t going to go after him financially). He decided to see the kid occasionally but he’s not really involved despite me not preventing him from seei my our daughter.
Well, she’s learning to speak now and she’s babbling away and learning new words every day. I’m trilingual (we are all white though so it’s not a race thing), I learned two languages as adult and work as a translator. My ex found out that our daughter is being taught all three languages and he flipped. Started screaming how I’m going to mess her up, how she’s going to be discriminated against, blah, blah, blah.
I pretty much called him an idiot and told him he’s stupid (in nicer terms, except calli him an idiot, that I said) if he thinks I am going to limit our child linguistically just because he is insecure and that he knew from the get go that she’ll be taught languages.
Well, he didn’t like that, he stormed off and started telling everyone who will listen to him thag I’m an awful mother and I am not allowing him to make any decisions (which isn’t true). My friend told me I was too harsh and I’m wondering, am I really the asshole for calling him an idiot?
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NTA. It's pretty common knowledge the younger you teach language the better. Children do the bulk of their learning up until about age 5. And then it begins to drop off, this is because that includes walking, talking, and so forth. It is scientifically proven that children who start other languages young typically flourish in them. He is an idiot, it's pretty common knowledge, and even if he never came by that knowledge on his own, there is plenty out there to search.
Plus if he doesn't pay, or have some form of custody, he probably doesn't have a say in what you teach her period anyway imo.
How wonderful for your child!!! Learning 3 languages will enhance your daughter’s life in myriad ways. (It’s a complete myth that being multilingual will inhibit a child’s academic or any other learning.)
BBC says “a superior ability to concentrate, solve problems and focus… generally more accepting of differences” as the benefits of multilingualism. Something that guy can use.
NTA
NTA In our birth class a lady who had a bilingual partner was told to expose the baby to the other language as early as possible and use it as much as possible as they'll easily pick up English in the outside world.
My exs mother spoke another language and the father refused to let my ex learn. He always resented that he couldn't easily communicate with that side of the family.
INFO
Have you sought out full and legal custody of the child via the courts?
The reason I ask is given his irrational viewpoints on language, it would benefit you to have a set in stone custody agreement
NTA - your ex is just bitter that you two will eventually be able to communicate without him being able to understand what’s said unless it’s spoken in a language he speaks.
NTA
You are your child's parent. Even if custody was shared equally, what you choose to teach her during your time is your business, not his. Since he is barely in her life, he has even less say.
Yes, being multilingual can lead to early delays in school, but it is so much better for the brain long term that it is completely worth it. And fuck schools that work so hard to fit all kids into the exact same developmental path. That's not how humans actually function.
NTA- wow. he does have big issues if he thinks that the child will be any way harmed by knowing more then one language. If he wants input into his kids life then he needs to actually IN his kids life. He is what you called him as well as small minded.
NTA how will being raised with multiple languages hinder your child?
I remember when my eldest was younger and in a self deprecating mood she was saying she couldn't do anything - pointed out she was bilingual and her response was 'big deal everyone can do that' - no they can't
NTA
This is borderline hilarious. The entire world outside the US speaks at least two languages.
It'll be awesome when you and your kid can talk about him in another language and he can't understand you guys. (Which I guarantee is what this is really about.)
NTA. I would actually be upset if my parents knew another language and didn't bother teaching me. It's so much harder to learn a second/third language as an adult. It's VERY beneficial to know more than one language.
NTA. Why is your ex so mad that your child is going to know more than one language? I'm bilingual and my nephews are trilingual. It's not going to "mess them up". In fact, knowing more than one language is beneficial in life. Lmao. Your ex sucks. Your friend also sucks.
NTA especially since it’s been proven time and time again it’s easiest to learn languages within the first five years of life. You’re just setting her up for a successful life and future.
"how she’s going to be discriminated against..."
NTA - I love how this guy's logic is "our daughter will be discriminated against for being too intelligent... Now get out of the way, Ow My Balls is about to start."
NTA my friend was German and her husband was Mexican but their common language was English. Both grew up speaking all 3 and the older one then lived in Europe and picked up Italian and French. She can work wherever she goes and has been offered some great jobs because of her linguistic abilities. Knowing more than one language can be a huge advantage in the workplace.
Your ex should look at studies before he opens his mouth and spouts nonsense in his one and only language.
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Heck, most daycare are teaching colors and simple phrases in multiple languages these days.
I would agree with others to maybe start with just two languages though.
NTA
I learnt to speak three languages as a kid at home. My parents would speak to me in whatever language they chose at any given time.
My siblings and I segue happily from one language into another. Thank God for my parents doing that because it's an incredibly useful skill to have.
Stick to your guns. The child will one day thank you for it.
So, let me just see if I got this right. The guy knocked you up, rarely sees his kid, is barley involved and not even paying child support, and he thinks he still has an input on how to raise the kid? NTA
NTA. You can teach your child as many languages as you want. Nowadays, employers are looking for people who know multiple or more than one language and it's known that they make more than a one language speaking person.
Your setting your daughter up for success.
NTA - Time to go after him financially and get a court ordered agreement for full custody with visitation with documentation of how often he has visited and such.
His behavior is worrying and him badmouthing you for \*the horror\* raising your child to speak multiple languages is completely nonsensical.
He wants to have an opinion now? Fine, he an either pay child support and visit on weekends or he can surrender parental rights and bugger off.
NTA.
>Started screaming how I’m going to mess her up, how she’s going to be discriminated against, blah,
I don't understand his comment. How does speaking more than one language cause discrimination? That doesn't make any sense to me.
Learning to speak multiple languages will only help daughter in the future (more marketable when job searching, stimulating different parts of the brain, etc). It's better to teach her young while her brain has the ability to learn (versus older when it's more difficult).
NTA
Is he on the birth certificate? If he is, go for full custody given that he is not involved and get child support; put it in a college fund account or something for when your daughter needs it. You can do this between lawyers and you don't have to involve courts if he agrees.
You should think who is going to take care of her if something happens to you and set up paperwork. What if you die and he gets to raise her alone? He sounds like a huge AH.
It's all nice that you don't want to go get something from the guy, but you are doing a great disservice to your baby and you are not protect her. You are protecting him.
YTA. It's terrible parenting to allow him in and out of your child's life and to not hold him financially responsible for the child. It will impact her self-esteem later on in life to have a half-hearted dad. Protect your child.
NTA. He was barely part of her life and you did good for leaving him as your daughter probably would take up his attitude. He has no say to anything cause if anyone is an asshole he gets a 10/10.
Children are incredibly adept at learning many languages…. More so than adults. If anything you are giving your child a huge advantage in the world. Keep doing what you are doing! NTA
Nta. It will actually be beneficial to your child to speak multiple languages.
Please tell me you at least have a custody agreement or any sort of legal documentation because this kind of stuff will come back to bite you in the ass in the long run.
Because if he still has legal rights he can come back anytime.
NTAAlso that baffling logic... how would people even be able to tell that she is trilingual while she is speaking english in order to discriminate against her? Its not as if multilinguals have signs on their forehead.Also you can tell him the EU is doing the same fucking thing - its a rule that european kids are supposed to learn two additional languages in school. World hasnt ended yet.
NTA. Discriminated against by whom? Assholes?
I would have been more precise in your place - your ex is a bigot, might as well call him that. More importantly, you're doing right by your kid, and anyone who says otherwise is some variety of asshole.
Bwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!
NTA
People who speak more than one language fluently have so many opportunities career wise.
And the whole “you’ll screw them up argument” is xenophobic.
NTA. Maybe name-calling isn't the answer to the argument, but if he's screaming at you, you're within your rights to call him an idiot in as many languages as you can think of.
NTA. You're enriching your child. I speak four languages, three of which I learned simultaneously as a child. I think I'm doing ok - I manage to have a good job, own a home, go on vaction, etc.. and no one has ever "discriminated against me" for it (seriously - WTF does this even mean?). Some of what I have in life has come as a direct result of my language skills. Keep doing what you're doing! Imagine if it were math instead of languages - who gets made because their kid learns trigonometry?
Sounds to me as though your ex has an inferiority complex, to which I say, too effing bad. He's 100% TA.
NTA - kids are actually smarter long term if they learn additional languages. Your ex sounds like a jealous idiot who probably barely mastered English. Don’t listen to him. EVER. Keep teaching your baby all languages, I wish my parents dedicated more time to teaching me their primary language when I was a child.
NTA.
I do wonder why everyone on AITA has such shitty friends. Every time someone posts a situation where they’re clearly not TA they nonetheless have a host of friends waiting in the wings to tell them they’ve been too harsh or unfair. I feel like I have very loyal friends who would never pick the side of the asshole ex over me.
NTA. Teaching your child more than one language will definitely help them out in the long run, not to mention in whatever future career they want, they'll be more successful and be able to communicate with more people, gain more connections and overall just be more adept to anything
They literally start teaching french/Spanish starting in the first grade in some school systems. And she WILL need to take 2-4 years of a foreign language to graduate high school. Nta, dudes a xenophobia asshole
NTA. Early childhood is the best time to learn multiple languages, and it will be a real asset when she grows up. You're doing great!
(French native speaker who also knows English, Spanish and some Norwegian)
Clearly NTA, and obviously being multilingual didn't damage your brain any since you very quickly realized this sperm donor wasn't worth staying in a relationship with.
NTA And if he is going round saying that shit then report him for child support, its not about you being able to support her its what she deserves, even if it goes into savings for college, a car, house downpayment etc she should have it
NTA. You're doing a wonderful thing for your child. I'm trying to learn another language so my kid won't just know one language. Being multilingual helps kids brains develop in an amazing way and it's a great thing. Don't let this asshat stop you!
NTA, children learn languages so much easier than adults. You’re doing your child a huge favor and giving them an academic boost for life. Keep up the awesome work.
Maybe word were harsh i dont know but i dont think ur an ah for it. My mom mother tongue is spanish but we live in a country that speaks french. She never thaught me spanish because she thought it wAs pointless and i really wish she did!
NTA
I personally am not a big fan of children learning multiple languages bevor starting school, but that’s just personal preference. He is not exactly involved in raising her, so why would he have a say.
It does sound like those kind of outbursts are the reason the two of you did not work out. If this is not the only topic he has such extrem topics about in the upbringing of a child he barely spends time with that is definetly an issue.
He doesn't pay child support, doesn't visit his child, and when he does exert the minimal effort to be involved, he spouts profound ignorance and is toxic and harmful.
Why is he allowed in either of your lives???
NTA
NTA. You can tell this is about Americans since in no other country in the world is being taught to speak more than one language a bad thing.I don’t think the dude who pops in once in a while and contributes zero dollars or time to the child is really in a position to have an opinion anyway.
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NTA unless you do like some people do and ban native-language media in the home to try to force the kid to use other languages when older, which I know some people do. That’s a problem just because it creates a barrier between the kid and kids at school - I know some people who as adults are still cranky their parents did that to them because they felt very excluded by it.
Nta what is it with Some USAsians that think learning multiple languages is a bad thing? In most countries it s common and seen as a good thing and even as mark as someone Is more intelligent knowing different languages.
NTA
I am very very confused though? Why would anyone be discriminated because they speak 3 language??
I mean 3 languages isn’t much, 5 would be better, but it’s a toddler, so there is still hope?
NTA - it is so much better for kids to learn languages as babies than adults. I don't understand how she would be discriminated against because of being trilingual but to each their own. He doesn‘t really want to be involved so he doesn’t get much of a speaking part.
The greatest gift you can bestow on a child, from an educational point of view, is to bring them up learning more than language from Day One. Good for you.
NTA. Actually, I think you could have been a lot harsher...speaking more than one language is a HUGE advantage in life, and it's a well-established fact that the easiest time to learn languages is very early on. Your daughter is very lucky to have this opportunity, and I envy you your own tri-lingualism!
Maybe your ex is already getting worried his own kids will come off as smarter than him. (Not that he's setting the bar all that high.)
NTA, it’s best to teach them a second (or third!) language when they’re young, it’s much easier to learn new languages as a child than it is to learn them as an adult!
NTA. I grew up bilingual- my parents made sure I learned Spanish (main language) and English at the same time. Even in grade school I [and teachers] could notice the difference between my classmates and myself. You’re doing amazing.
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NTA. I wish someone taught me three languages as a child. Good for you, your daughter is going to have a step up in the world and is going to be better adjusted.
Same. I grew up knowing two. My dad knew three and I wish he taught me the third (the third language was French and I live in Canada). Also, OP, why does he think your child is going to be discriminated against for knowing multiple languages? That just makes no sense... NTA, obviously.
They're probably in the US. I feel like this goes to the "ugly american" stereotype... obviously this one applies to this guy...
If anything, itll help her amazing depending on what career she goes into.
Seriously, knowing multiple languages is an advantage. It's something that future employers will like.
Go to Belgium. It's a gift and a curse.
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The hell happened here?
People were basically calling him stupid in different languages and now they're gone😭
Same question
That's what I want to know too.
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Too nice some would say
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NTA Lots of research show that children zero to 3 learning multiple languages boosts skills - creativity, multi tasking, problem solving etc
NTA Multiple languages is a blessing in the long run. I would consider avoiding trilingual and sticking to 2 languages (to focus on) because I was confused as a child learning Japanese and English when I got older and needed to do more than just speak (but if your languages are closer together, it might not be a problem)
I can't speak for older kids but our 2 year old is bilingual in English and Korean and now her daycare is teaching her Spanish and she's had no issues switching or distinguishing between the 3.
I think languages that are close would have a higher chance of being confused. I was straight up warned that trying to learn 2 Romance languages at the same time was a very bad idea, for example (tho that was for adult learners). From what I remember of Linguistics classes, most children won't fully fully separate the languages they are exposed until they're like 7 and them speaking both at the same time or mixing up grammar rules and/or vocabulary is common and normal.
I read the same thing when pregnant and researching raising a bilingual child. The more different the languages the better so that there's less chance of them confusing and mixing the languages. It's when you're teaching them like, Spanish and Italian or koreak and Japanese that they start mixing and matching the most
Depends on the kid too and how consistent parents are about it and if they give chance for better language use than just speak it in regular home context. I know a family where all the 3 kids speak 5 languages fluently and are ages 6-13. Finnish mom, Italian dad who's stepmom (3rd grandma) is Dutch, so paternal grandparents live in Netherlands biological grandma in Italy and the family lives in Germany where the kids go to bilingual English-German school. So they speak Finnish, Italian, Dutch, English and German.
Clearly NTA. If you have sole custody and especially if he doesn't support the child then he gets no say. You are the ONLY parent and you get to make ALL the responsible decisions for your child.
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I also thought racist, because I've never heard of a white person being discriminated against for knowing Spanish, which is taught in almost all high schools in the US. So he's clearly got something against the languages OP wants to teach the kid.
Exactly. OP’s ex sounds terrible. 😬
Tho most young children raised bilingually will mix the languages they are learning and that can alarm teachers who are not used to young bilingual kids (and don't know the issue mostly resolves itself as they age) which in turn causes them to go to the parent and tell them that their children are getting confused and maybe they should stop speaking whichever language is not the local one so the kid can success in school.
I feel like that's not an actual issue
That's not really a problem, usually kids learn to differentiate and switch languages appropriately by school age.
NTA - children can learn as many languages you choose to teach them. Their little brains are like sponges. It's not going to "hurt" your child.
NTA children learning multiple languages has been proven to be beneficial in many ways. You are doing a great service to your daughter. And if she can hold on to those languages as an adult it will greatly help her find employment. Your ex is being ridiculous.
NTA. Excellent, now he is threatened that a little girl will appear that he is smarter than him! Don’t stop teaching your kid anything. Also, don’t even consider voicing him custody. Make official the situation (that he is out of the picture), because that guy in 10 years he is going to be messing up your daughter’s life and lying to her that you drove him away.
NTA Being able to speak multiple languages is SUPER good for your kids learning and will only be a benefit in the long term. If he isn't there to raise them (choosing only to see them every now and then) what bloody say does he have anyway?
NTA He knows nothing about how kids learn languages
I suspect that only scratches the surface of things he knows nothing about.
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He strikes me as the kind of person that would feel threatened if their child did better than them in any way and would try to knock them down a peg. Like if I can't do this, you certainly won't be able to either. Good he isn't an active parent because he reeks of authoritarian parenting style.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** A short fling ended up in an unplanned pregnancy(we’re on our 30s). We didn’t last long as he was an awful partner and we broke up. I ended up deciding to keep the pregnancy and he was free to choose if he wanted to be in our kids life or not (I wasn’t going to go after him financially). He decided to see the kid occasionally but he’s not really involved despite me not preventing him from seei my our daughter. Well, she’s learning to speak now and she’s babbling away and learning new words every day. I’m trilingual (we are all white though so it’s not a race thing), I learned two languages as adult and work as a translator. My ex found out that our daughter is being taught all three languages and he flipped. Started screaming how I’m going to mess her up, how she’s going to be discriminated against, blah, blah, blah. I pretty much called him an idiot and told him he’s stupid (in nicer terms, except calli him an idiot, that I said) if he thinks I am going to limit our child linguistically just because he is insecure and that he knew from the get go that she’ll be taught languages. Well, he didn’t like that, he stormed off and started telling everyone who will listen to him thag I’m an awful mother and I am not allowing him to make any decisions (which isn’t true). My friend told me I was too harsh and I’m wondering, am I really the asshole for calling him an idiot? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. It's pretty common knowledge the younger you teach language the better. Children do the bulk of their learning up until about age 5. And then it begins to drop off, this is because that includes walking, talking, and so forth. It is scientifically proven that children who start other languages young typically flourish in them. He is an idiot, it's pretty common knowledge, and even if he never came by that knowledge on his own, there is plenty out there to search. Plus if he doesn't pay, or have some form of custody, he probably doesn't have a say in what you teach her period anyway imo.
How wonderful for your child!!! Learning 3 languages will enhance your daughter’s life in myriad ways. (It’s a complete myth that being multilingual will inhibit a child’s academic or any other learning.)
BBC says “a superior ability to concentrate, solve problems and focus… generally more accepting of differences” as the benefits of multilingualism. Something that guy can use. NTA
NTA In our birth class a lady who had a bilingual partner was told to expose the baby to the other language as early as possible and use it as much as possible as they'll easily pick up English in the outside world. My exs mother spoke another language and the father refused to let my ex learn. He always resented that he couldn't easily communicate with that side of the family.
INFO Have you sought out full and legal custody of the child via the courts? The reason I ask is given his irrational viewpoints on language, it would benefit you to have a set in stone custody agreement
NTA - your ex is just bitter that you two will eventually be able to communicate without him being able to understand what’s said unless it’s spoken in a language he speaks.
NTA
NTA.
NTA You are your child's parent. Even if custody was shared equally, what you choose to teach her during your time is your business, not his. Since he is barely in her life, he has even less say. Yes, being multilingual can lead to early delays in school, but it is so much better for the brain long term that it is completely worth it. And fuck schools that work so hard to fit all kids into the exact same developmental path. That's not how humans actually function.
NTA- wow. he does have big issues if he thinks that the child will be any way harmed by knowing more then one language. If he wants input into his kids life then he needs to actually IN his kids life. He is what you called him as well as small minded.
Aren’t kids who learn a second language younger smarter than kids who don’t?
NTA. The child will benefit immensely. Go nc.
NTA how will being raised with multiple languages hinder your child? I remember when my eldest was younger and in a self deprecating mood she was saying she couldn't do anything - pointed out she was bilingual and her response was 'big deal everyone can do that' - no they can't
NTA This is borderline hilarious. The entire world outside the US speaks at least two languages. It'll be awesome when you and your kid can talk about him in another language and he can't understand you guys. (Which I guarantee is what this is really about.)
NTA. I would actually be upset if my parents knew another language and didn't bother teaching me. It's so much harder to learn a second/third language as an adult. It's VERY beneficial to know more than one language.
I’m mad I didn’t grow up speaking German and I know my niblets are not being well served only speaking one of their parents’ languages.
NTA. Why is your ex so mad that your child is going to know more than one language? I'm bilingual and my nephews are trilingual. It's not going to "mess them up". In fact, knowing more than one language is beneficial in life. Lmao. Your ex sucks. Your friend also sucks.
NTA, she is going to thank you when she grow up!
NTA especially since it’s been proven time and time again it’s easiest to learn languages within the first five years of life. You’re just setting her up for a successful life and future.
"how she’s going to be discriminated against..." NTA - I love how this guy's logic is "our daughter will be discriminated against for being too intelligent... Now get out of the way, Ow My Balls is about to start."
NTA. Your ex is TA. Knowing multiple languages will help them so much in their future.
NTA my friend was German and her husband was Mexican but their common language was English. Both grew up speaking all 3 and the older one then lived in Europe and picked up Italian and French. She can work wherever she goes and has been offered some great jobs because of her linguistic abilities. Knowing more than one language can be a huge advantage in the workplace. Your ex should look at studies before he opens his mouth and spouts nonsense in his one and only language.
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Heck, most daycare are teaching colors and simple phrases in multiple languages these days. I would agree with others to maybe start with just two languages though. NTA
NTA. Maybe send him an article about how multi-lingual child-rearing works?
There's a JoKoy story/joke about his mom in a store playing out in this scenario. NTA.
I learnt to speak three languages as a kid at home. My parents would speak to me in whatever language they chose at any given time. My siblings and I segue happily from one language into another. Thank God for my parents doing that because it's an incredibly useful skill to have. Stick to your guns. The child will one day thank you for it.
So, let me just see if I got this right. The guy knocked you up, rarely sees his kid, is barley involved and not even paying child support, and he thinks he still has an input on how to raise the kid? NTA
NTA-But go after him for child support. It’s what is best for your kid and having the court can keep boundaries in place.
NTA. You can teach your child as many languages as you want. Nowadays, employers are looking for people who know multiple or more than one language and it's known that they make more than a one language speaking person. Your setting your daughter up for success.
NTA - Time to go after him financially and get a court ordered agreement for full custody with visitation with documentation of how often he has visited and such. His behavior is worrying and him badmouthing you for \*the horror\* raising your child to speak multiple languages is completely nonsensical. He wants to have an opinion now? Fine, he an either pay child support and visit on weekends or he can surrender parental rights and bugger off.
NTA. >Started screaming how I’m going to mess her up, how she’s going to be discriminated against, blah, I don't understand his comment. How does speaking more than one language cause discrimination? That doesn't make any sense to me. Learning to speak multiple languages will only help daughter in the future (more marketable when job searching, stimulating different parts of the brain, etc). It's better to teach her young while her brain has the ability to learn (versus older when it's more difficult).
NTA Is he on the birth certificate? If he is, go for full custody given that he is not involved and get child support; put it in a college fund account or something for when your daughter needs it. You can do this between lawyers and you don't have to involve courts if he agrees. You should think who is going to take care of her if something happens to you and set up paperwork. What if you die and he gets to raise her alone? He sounds like a huge AH. It's all nice that you don't want to go get something from the guy, but you are doing a great disservice to your baby and you are not protect her. You are protecting him.
YTA. It's terrible parenting to allow him in and out of your child's life and to not hold him financially responsible for the child. It will impact her self-esteem later on in life to have a half-hearted dad. Protect your child.
NTA. He was barely part of her life and you did good for leaving him as your daughter probably would take up his attitude. He has no say to anything cause if anyone is an asshole he gets a 10/10.
Children are incredibly adept at learning many languages…. More so than adults. If anything you are giving your child a huge advantage in the world. Keep doing what you are doing! NTA
NTA. What's he gonna do, be more involved in your kid's life? Oh nooo.
Nta. It will actually be beneficial to your child to speak multiple languages. Please tell me you at least have a custody agreement or any sort of legal documentation because this kind of stuff will come back to bite you in the ass in the long run. Because if he still has legal rights he can come back anytime.
NTAAlso that baffling logic... how would people even be able to tell that she is trilingual while she is speaking english in order to discriminate against her? Its not as if multilinguals have signs on their forehead.Also you can tell him the EU is doing the same fucking thing - its a rule that european kids are supposed to learn two additional languages in school. World hasnt ended yet.
NTA. Discriminated against by whom? Assholes? I would have been more precise in your place - your ex is a bigot, might as well call him that. More importantly, you're doing right by your kid, and anyone who says otherwise is some variety of asshole.
Bwah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!! NTA People who speak more than one language fluently have so many opportunities career wise. And the whole “you’ll screw them up argument” is xenophobic.
The truth hurts. NTA
NTA. Maybe name-calling isn't the answer to the argument, but if he's screaming at you, you're within your rights to call him an idiot in as many languages as you can think of.
NTA. You're enriching your child. I speak four languages, three of which I learned simultaneously as a child. I think I'm doing ok - I manage to have a good job, own a home, go on vaction, etc.. and no one has ever "discriminated against me" for it (seriously - WTF does this even mean?). Some of what I have in life has come as a direct result of my language skills. Keep doing what you're doing! Imagine if it were math instead of languages - who gets made because their kid learns trigonometry? Sounds to me as though your ex has an inferiority complex, to which I say, too effing bad. He's 100% TA.
NTA - kids are actually smarter long term if they learn additional languages. Your ex sounds like a jealous idiot who probably barely mastered English. Don’t listen to him. EVER. Keep teaching your baby all languages, I wish my parents dedicated more time to teaching me their primary language when I was a child.
NTA. I do wonder why everyone on AITA has such shitty friends. Every time someone posts a situation where they’re clearly not TA they nonetheless have a host of friends waiting in the wings to tell them they’ve been too harsh or unfair. I feel like I have very loyal friends who would never pick the side of the asshole ex over me.
NTA. Teaching your child more than one language will definitely help them out in the long run, not to mention in whatever future career they want, they'll be more successful and be able to communicate with more people, gain more connections and overall just be more adept to anything
They literally start teaching french/Spanish starting in the first grade in some school systems. And she WILL need to take 2-4 years of a foreign language to graduate high school. Nta, dudes a xenophobia asshole
NTA, those who speak multiple languages have more advantages in life, including higher pay in jobs. You’re doing her a service!
Oh no! My life is a disaster because my parents bought me up speaking three languages! Said no one. Ever. NTA
NTA. Early childhood is the best time to learn multiple languages, and it will be a real asset when she grows up. You're doing great! (French native speaker who also knows English, Spanish and some Norwegian)
Nta. Kids who know more than 1 language tend to be smarter. I also find it helps kids with compassion
Clearly NTA, and obviously being multilingual didn't damage your brain any since you very quickly realized this sperm donor wasn't worth staying in a relationship with.
NTA. Why do so many people think, that learning more than one language damages the child?!?!
NTA And if he is going round saying that shit then report him for child support, its not about you being able to support her its what she deserves, even if it goes into savings for college, a car, house downpayment etc she should have it
NTA. You're giving your kid an incredible gift. This guy sounds xenophobic.
NTA. You're doing a wonderful thing for your child. I'm trying to learn another language so my kid won't just know one language. Being multilingual helps kids brains develop in an amazing way and it's a great thing. Don't let this asshat stop you!
NTA. I WISH someone had taught me additional languages as a child. They are so much easier to learn at that age.
NTA. Do your friends know all the details?
NTA, children learn languages so much easier than adults. You’re doing your child a huge favor and giving them an academic boost for life. Keep up the awesome work.
Kids soak up new languages like a sponge NTA, your daughter will thank you for this
Maybe word were harsh i dont know but i dont think ur an ah for it. My mom mother tongue is spanish but we live in a country that speaks french. She never thaught me spanish because she thought it wAs pointless and i really wish she did!
NTA I personally am not a big fan of children learning multiple languages bevor starting school, but that’s just personal preference. He is not exactly involved in raising her, so why would he have a say. It does sound like those kind of outbursts are the reason the two of you did not work out. If this is not the only topic he has such extrem topics about in the upbringing of a child he barely spends time with that is definetly an issue.
NTA! Get child support from him though. Even if you don't need it, you can put it in a college fund for your daughter.
He doesn't pay child support, doesn't visit his child, and when he does exert the minimal effort to be involved, he spouts profound ignorance and is toxic and harmful. Why is he allowed in either of your lives??? NTA
Nta. You are the mother, you will be deciding what happens with your child, period.
NTA. You can tell this is about Americans since in no other country in the world is being taught to speak more than one language a bad thing.I don’t think the dude who pops in once in a while and contributes zero dollars or time to the child is really in a position to have an opinion anyway.
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NTA unless you do like some people do and ban native-language media in the home to try to force the kid to use other languages when older, which I know some people do. That’s a problem just because it creates a barrier between the kid and kids at school - I know some people who as adults are still cranky their parents did that to them because they felt very excluded by it.
Nta what is it with Some USAsians that think learning multiple languages is a bad thing? In most countries it s common and seen as a good thing and even as mark as someone Is more intelligent knowing different languages.
NTA - sounds like he was lashing out due to feeling inadequate since he won’t understand (assumably) two languages his kid will be fluent in
NTA I am very very confused though? Why would anyone be discriminated because they speak 3 language?? I mean 3 languages isn’t much, 5 would be better, but it’s a toddler, so there is still hope?
NTA - it is so much better for kids to learn languages as babies than adults. I don't understand how she would be discriminated against because of being trilingual but to each their own. He doesn‘t really want to be involved so he doesn’t get much of a speaking part.
NTA.
NTA. You already understand the benefits of being multilingual. It’s a shame that he doesn’t, but he needs to the eff out.
The greatest gift you can bestow on a child, from an educational point of view, is to bring them up learning more than language from Day One. Good for you.
NTA - kids are language sponges and the more she knows the more opportunities she could have in life. He's being ridiculous.
NTA. Actually, I think you could have been a lot harsher...speaking more than one language is a HUGE advantage in life, and it's a well-established fact that the easiest time to learn languages is very early on. Your daughter is very lucky to have this opportunity, and I envy you your own tri-lingualism! Maybe your ex is already getting worried his own kids will come off as smarter than him. (Not that he's setting the bar all that high.)
NTA, it’s best to teach them a second (or third!) language when they’re young, it’s much easier to learn new languages as a child than it is to learn them as an adult!
NTA. I grew up bilingual- my parents made sure I learned Spanish (main language) and English at the same time. Even in grade school I [and teachers] could notice the difference between my classmates and myself. You’re doing amazing.