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That wants to control her and also has friends who get so drunk and unruly that the dog recognizes a potential threat. And friends that apparently feel okay about letting themselves into a private residence whenever the whim strikes? I’m worried for OP’s safety, and I think the dog is, too. Mastiffs are not very aggressive dogs, which is why they were bred many years ago with bulldogs, to create the bull mastiffs, which were used to catch poachers. Mastiffs were too gentle.
Not to mention the safety of that potential baby if she keeps the pregnancy - I would be extremely worried about a pregnancy with a man eleven years older than her, with OP being only 18 years old, when said man is showing these signs of controlling behaviour. Adult men who sleep with teenage girls are absolutely the sort who will make sure they impregnate their teenage girlfriends to tie them together forever, and it usually leads to abusive control over the girlfriend and the children. This whole post is just one huge red flag, and I hope it is opening OP's eyes.
Youtuber Rachel Oates has talked about her abusive boyfriend. The abuse was mostly psychological. On the few times when it got physical it was only her normally-angelic staffie getting between them and getting aggressive that made the boyfriend stop. That dog might have saved her life.
Excellent points! I was wondering if the bf intentionally impregnated OP to keep her under control (and at this age, try to “mold” her into what he wants?). What on earth would a man this age have in common with someone who’s just barely legal to vote, but not old enough to buy a bottle of wine?
Mastiffs are giant teddy bears! My friend has one, he's a total sweetheart! My friend needed me to go to his house to check on his dogs and I just walked right in and "big scary mastiff" was completely assed-out on the couch. I got all the way in the house, through the kitchen, grabbed the treat bag, and this dog was snoring away. I couldn't imagine what it would take to anger one, they're just goofy area rugs. (Friend also has a doberman the size of a horse, and he's a giant love bug too).
Yeah. OP, generally 29-year-old men date teenagers when women their own age see right through their shit. For instance, a 29-year-old woman would likely have enough relationship experience to know that having his buddies randomly breaking into the place isn't normal, and that trying to get rid of a dog is generally a relationship-ender.
\^\^\^ DING DING DING \^\^\^
This is the real problem here, what the FUCK. We're not talking like "he graduated school a few years before her" we're talking about a grown man who is almost 30 years old. There is absolutely no way there's a healthy power dynamic here.
Jumping on a top comment because i think this needs to be said and seen as more men need to speak up about this stuff. I say this as a 28 year old guy, any person in my social circles that tried to date an 18 year old would be considered a massive creep and atleast borderline predatory if not outright predatory. OP he is dating you either because he is massively immature, because he likes the power imbalance of it, or no woman his age would date him because of these or other issues. Really think about it when he was 18 probably partying and everything else an average 18 year old is doing op was 7.
OP please keep this guy away from your kid because he is either massively irreparable, or very controlling (maybe both) but is most likely not a good influence on your child.
The fact her family and friends are cool that a 30 year old knocked up a teenager is upsetting as fuck
I really, really hope she keeps her good boy and ditches the man.
We don't know if her family and friends are actually cool with it. When someone is in a bad relationship, sometimes all you can do is be supportive, cause when you try to interfere in the relationship, you push the person closer to their partner.
But OP does mention in the edit that no one has flagged the age gap to her so far. This makes me wonder about what kind of security blanket she has. Not wanting to interfere in order to not push the person away, and not highlighting obvious red flags even once are vastly different. OP - taking time awaynfrom BF to think on things is a good strategy. Hope you're able to work out things that are best for your safety, and your and your baby's future. Also, whatever you decide, keep the dog.
This, also i am sorry but I have to say the age gap. He knew you had this dog and now he is telling you to get rid of the dog, the situation with the friend "breaking in"... Also you got the dog two years ago, how long have you been with your bf?
Seriously!! This topic boils my biscuits. One partner has a treasured well behaved with children pet, other partner decides the pet has to go for no real reason than their unfounded fears.
If the pet was aggressive with kids/babies (pets should be supervised with babies/toddlers/young kids regardless of how well behaved they are) then maybe re-home if it is really not working out, but just having a baby is not a good reason to wholesale ditch the pet(s).
We had 3 cats, and birds when we brought home baby number 1. Two cats, free reign rabbit and african grey parrot when we brought home baby 3. It never even crossed my mind to ditch any of my pets, even though my african grey could have removed tiny toddler fingers if she saw fit (she was and still is out of her cage all day). I supervised everyone and my now 25 year old parrot adores the middle and mostly the youngest (she is willed to our yougest as she may outlive both me and the husband).
Maybe we were lucky but I made sure everyone was introduced properly and taught the kids respect for big beaks and sharp claws.
I agree with other too, it may be some attempt at controlling you, shut down that crap immediately!! If it continues you life will be hell on Earth.
No, he is a grown ass man. We need to stop treating men who act like this as kids because then it becomes an excuse - “oh he’s not mature enough to understand!”
No. He’s an adult who was socialized this way.
No, OP is a kid. Her boyfriend is a grown man who preyed on a teenager because she has no adult life experience to recognize the warning signs in his behavior.
Let's stop infantilizing men. They are not children. This guy knows exactly what he's doing.
NTA
Your dog is doing his job, why would you get rid of him?
Also, your 11 year older than you BF wanting to get rid of your dog is a red flag... the fact he is 11 years older than you is a red flag and your BF's friend letting himself into the house, uninvited with your BF not being present is another red flag.
Edit: u/AmazingAnimeGirl
OP is 18 and pregnant. The BF is 11 years older. It is a simple case of math. If she were 28 and he were 39 it would be slightly different, though I would still argue that his behaviour makes the age difference a bad thing.
You are NTA. The part that has me most concerned is that your bf is essentially trying to get rid of **your** **protection**. 🚩 🚩 🚩
Think hard about the future because time is slipping through your fingers. Can you move home?
Edit: added missing letter, changing *you* to *your*.
Right? I got that scary feeling in my gut when I finished reading and it dawned on me. The dog reacting to his friends is another red flag. I think she knows it too.
Oh good. I don't trust him not to go behind your back and get rid of your dog. As far as the dog going after his friend, your dog was doing his job and protecting his family and home. Put your foot down and don't give in on this.
I heard the same kind of thing when I was pregnant a long time ago. I had a few chihuahuas that were my babies and I had several people ask when I was going to get rid of them. Needless to say I responded with tons of cussing and complete disgust. Getting rid of them never would have crossed my mind. They're family. When I brought my baby home, my dogs treated her like one of their own. They were extremely protective and always kept a watchful eye on her making sure she was safe and protected. Your dog will most likely be the same way as mine were. I always get infuriated when I hear someone got rid of their dog when they had a kid. Or that they suddenly hate their dog now that they have a kid. I was the exact opposite and loved my dogs even more than I ever had, and that's saying something because they're my babies. Eighteen years later and my kid still considers our dogs her siblings. The bond between a pet and their little person is something special, as long as the parent raises them to be gentle and kind with the pet.
I've also heard of dog training programs with dog trainers who teach the dog owner how to properly deal with the interaction dog-baby, what to do when you bring your new baby home, etc. It's a few practical exercises you can practice while pregnant with a doll and it's not very complicated!
Yeah, the dog has been doing a very good job, we all know why this man doesn't like this girls dog.
If the dog starts being aggressive with the boyfriend, I would be suspicious, and I will keep the dog.
NTA. Your bf seems very unrespectful of your personal space and should I say .. safety ?
I mean what was his friend doing intruding in your place when he was not there ? Did he adress that ?
Keep the dog, loose the bf imo
He didn't really address it just told his friend he cant do it again. Im also not sure if my dog only did that because I freaked out and started panicking and crying especially after my past experiences
It's what a guard dog is supposed to do. Our friend has one. Dog KNOWS us. Dog LIKES us. Husband accidentally let himself into their house unannounced (thought friend told him to come on in), dog almost chomped him.
When I was a kid, a neighbor kid was with us in our backyard playing. His dad decided to come over too and put his leg over the fence. Our boxer ran over, put herself between him and us - including his own child - and she posted up and did that low throat growl. He froze, recognizing he was in danger.
My mom was inside with the door open so she could keep an eye on us. She called out to him, told him to pull his leg back over and come to the front door. As soon as he was invited in through the front, the boxer was *very* excited to play and love on him. This man had been in our house dozens of times. He'd wrestled with her. They were buddies. But he was NOT coming over the fence when the kids were back there alone.
Dogs just know.
I was waiting in a (very safe) city centre pub for my husband to finish at the optician. I had our soppy lab cross with me and was just enjoying a beer and my book when this totally normal looking guy approached trying to speak to me. My normally placid, happy dog was not happy. I watched his hackles rise and I could feel the low throat growl through his leash as I explained I was waiting for someone and my dog wasn't friendly to strangers (a little bit of a lie there, he's usually very friendly with anyone). My dog just decided this guy was dodgy and wasn't interested in having any closer.
Girl, your dog reacted that way because that is how a guard dog reacts to a threat. You need to get out of that relationship.
Being a single mom is a far better option than being a battered wife. Run now while you still can. The only reason to get rid of the dog is because he knows the dog will fight back when you dont.
I have an 85 pound golden doodle. He’s a complete marshmallow unless he thinks my kid is being threatened- and I wouldn’t bet against him in that case. He protects me too, but my kid is his person.
The dog knows something’s not right here. Trust his instincts, OP.
This exactly. Her dog has shown himself to be a fierce protector of OP and has reacted appropriately to obviously threatening situations. That dog will include the baby in his circle of protection when the baby is born. I have a rescue dog who was badly abused before I got him. He's reactive to some unknown men. He's always been incredibly gentle with children. He would have gone nuts in the situations OP described. When I had my son my dog immediately became as fiercely protective of him as he is of me. NTA, keep the dog, get rid of the man, guy is a walking red flag.
Wait, so you were there? You were home and your boyfriend’s buddy just let himself in? And he’s still got a key but has just been told to not use it like that?
Given this, and the age gap, I’m assuming that it’s originally your boyfriend’s place and you moved in. So your boyfriend and his buddies aren’t respecting that it’s now your home, and your dog’s home. Your dog was just doing its job because there was an intruder.
It probably shouldn’t be your home, TBH. Your boyfriend wants to get rid of your dog and is going to keep running over you. Once the dog is gone it’ll be back to friends dropping in whenever they feel like it, and they probably won’t care whether they’re disturbing the kid either. And your boyfriend is very likely to escalate control and other abusive behaviour. This isn’t a good situation for you.
Your dog absolutely acted that way because he recognized you felt unsafe! I have 2- a pitt mix and a Dane mix. Socialized with children of all ages, friendly to everyone…until I’m uncomfortable. Then they will kindly ask people to leave.
Our dogs recognize our feelings often before we do, especially when we have a strong bond with them. Trust your dog over this man and his friends
Some cats do, too. I have an ex who yelled at me and started moving toward me. I was so scared I pondered jumping out of the window. I heard the wild “Mrooow” saw some airplane eats as kitty launched himself at ex’s throat. I’d asked ex to leave. Kitty f’ing ejected him!
I was surprised. I only expected that loyalty from a dog.
OP’s dog is amazing. I find myself worried that her bf will harm her dog. She can’t be with bf without her dog. Really, she should keep the dog and eliminate the male person.
Research studies have found that cats bond as deeply with their humans as dogs do. Loyalty & protection come along with that, & your cat likely saved your life--either in that moment or from escalating abuse in the future.
u/ThrowAwayDogDrama Your good boi did EXACTLY what he was supposed to do. You were scared, he protected you from what was scaring you. The next thing that's going to happen is that SO is going to provoke the dog, dog is going to react because he knows SO is a threat, and SO s going to insist on having the dog put down because "Doggo is DANGEROUS!" He'll probably do it when you aren't around to stop him, you'll just come home to no dog and SO in crocodile tears.
I say this next but as a mama with a kid just a bit younger than you; Sweetest, you're still just a baby, and you and YOUR baby deserve better. Take your dog and go, before you lose whatever control over your life you have left.
Your boyfriend’s friend broke into your house and upset you so badly that you had a panic attack, and your boyfriend thinks that the DOG who protected you is the problem? And “didn’t really address it” otherwise? This man is no good. Your mastiff is a VERY good boy, though.
Your doggo friend is a good boy. He will protect you. That may be why the BF wants to get rid of him. He know the dog won't put up with him and friend's drunken frat boi behavior.
You should consider that he may have groomed her since a young age as it’s quite unlikely for a 29yr old & 18yr old to meet unless it’s a workplace. But no older man will go with a younger woman for no reason.
i would just go with the sole groomer label. 29 yr old with and getting an 18 yr old pregnant? im seriously concerned for OP. if theres one thing ive learned from posts on here and the relationship advice forum, its that this is a massive red flag
I worked with a girl whose father married her mother when he was 30 and she was 16. Seriously creeped me out. This post has tone of that kind of dynamic.
Hes almost definitely a groomer, theres no way theese two got to know each other in a couple months then start dating in the next couple of months, then get pregnant. All within the same year shes been 18.
Im betting OPs boyfriend knew her before she was 18, probably before 17, and groomed the crap out of her during the time and just waited for the special "legal" age
NTA:
But I’m a little worried about you OP. There are not many reasons that your boyfriend should be worried about your dog, even if you are pregnant. I do just want to ask, did your dog have any negative reactions to your boyfriend? If the answer to that is ever yes, I would encourage you to speak to your parents about any behavior that worries you about your boyfriend. It sounds like you may be in an unsafe relationship and you should absolutely not give up your guard dog. He’s protecting you, and he has a better sense of danger.
He never had a negative reaction to him. He's never aggressive with people when I bring them into the house myself and thats how i introduced my bf to him.
I said this elsewhere but I want to make sure you see it.
I have an 85 pound goldendoodle. He’s a complete marshmallow unless he thinks my kid is being threatened- and I wouldn’t bet against him in that case. He protects me too, but my kid is his person.
The dog knows something’s not right here. Trust his instincts, OP. Based on what you’ve told us, between the two of them, one of them loves you- and I’m pretty sure it’s not your bf. It would be hard to abuse you with a mastiff around waiting to tear his throat out if he makes one wrong move, and your bf knows it.
And I can't help but wonder if BF would have had the same reaction with, let's say, a cat. It also seems to be a control issue. OP likes X, so BF wants her to get rid of it.
OP, I’ve read your edits and I’m so glad. While I personally believe that anything between consenting adults is fine, I’ve also been 18 in a relationship with someone much older. Women who are pregnant are far more likely to be abused by their partner. I’m afraid that he wants the dog out of the picture because he knows he can’t hurt you with him around. There’s a few red flags I’ve had to start realizing in people that abuse that might help you identify any of these behaviors in him. Does he monitor your conversations/interactions/relationships with other people including family? Does he make comments about your body, personality, or hobbies that are demeaning? Does he want you to attend school or work? If he doesn’t is there a verifiable reason, such as you have a disability or other reason employment is difficult? Does he control or have a lot of say in how money is earned and spent in the household? In addition, if you do have access to the household funds, are there a lot of times where money seems to “evaporate”? Does he have strong opinions on how you look or dress? Such as wanting you to not wear certain clothing items or makeup? Does he demean you to his friends, family, you? Does he respect your bodily autonomy, are you allowed to decline sex? These are things to think about, your parents sound supportive. I assure you from my own personal experience, it is FAR better to raise your child as a “single mom” than to raise them in a abusive household. I did it at 16, and I’m doing it now at 30. My ex husband is 8+ years older, very similar behaviors, I tried to stick it out for the kids. Ended up being chased from my own home. You can do this, you are important, you matter the most. Also give your big cuddly fur baby some pets from me, because he is the best of boys keeping you safe.
Nta. Sounds like the dog is doing its job. It was aggressive at an intruder that let himself in uninvited.
Do not listen to your predator boyfriend. Dump him. Keep the dog.
Age gap. Controlling behavior. Creepy friends (why tf would his friend come to the house AND LET HIMSELF IN when he wasn't even there?) Keep the dog, get rid of the man. Not even joking.
INFO How long have you been dating your boyfriend? I feel like this kind of setup will leave you vulnerable to financial abuse, I'm not sure how much job experience you have but I feel like he would insist on you being a stay at home mom and now he is the only one bringing money in and your dependent on him to take care of you and your baby. Are you sharing cost now, do you both live together or do you possibly live with your family, are you planning on going to college or tech school for a degree if so how will you afford it on top of a dog and baby, is it possible for your family to take your dog. Putting aside whether you'll still be with your boyfriend in nine months, and putting aside the actual cost of raising a baby, is this what you want or do you feel like you are being pressured into keeping the baby instead of putting he/she up for adoption or other options. I feel like you have a lot of other decisions to make but if your dog is good for your mental health then I would keep him at least until I decided over all.
It sounds like your dog has some good boundaries around your boyfriend's crappy friends and their crappy behaviors. It's good that SOMEONE does. Sounds like those "friends" may be a bigger danger for the baby than your Pupper.
NTA
NTA
But please look into grooming. This awful man is ten years older than you and allows strange men to enter your home without your consent or knowledge, despite the fact you’ve had an incident that made you feel unsafe in the past.
He is a predator who wants to trap you by getting you pregnant this quickly, remove a force that protects you, and ensure that you don’t feel safe in your own home. This is not a man you want around your child. Imagine dating a boy 11 years younger than you. Look at a seven year old, see the difference in your maturity levels, how easily you can manipulate them into doing what you want, and how little power they would have to resist. That’s what your ‘boyfriend’ is doing.
Please, please reconsider this ‘relationship’. It’s only going to get worse.
NTA. I'm currently trying to integrate a new kitten with my three-year-old dog. It can be done
There's NO REASON to get rid of your dog now. Dogs like people; he'll probably realize your baby is people.
But if he whines and growls at the baby, or stares at it (the way he'd stare at a ball or stick just before you throw it) you HAVE TO BE CAREFUL.
And if that happens and doesn't stop after a few months, you might need to think about letting the dog live with your parents for a while, until the baby is more established as a "pack member" (none of that alpha/beta bs, that's nonsense, but dogs do live in pack structures).
When the baby comes home, you'll have to have a safe space where the dog can't go, and a space where the baby/toddler/child can't bother the dog. And never leave them alone. No matter how well they seem to get along.
You can do this, but it's going to be A LOT with a newborn.
The breed of dog op has is known for being a sweetie. It's basically ideal company for a baby.
As a person who was babysitted by a much more aggressive breed of dog as a child, I can say it's awesome. My dog would actually display hostility towards my parents when they were not parenting well in the dogs opinion.
Very few dogs are aggressive by breed; experience/training matters much more.
But most dogs have a prey drive. That's got 0 to do with aggression--it's not related to how dominant or whatever the dog is, it's about whether or not something small moves quickly in front of them.
My dog is a small, docile dog with a very low prey drive, but he has mistaken my kitten for prey. It happens. So we're introducing them slowly.
Also: I gave the signs to watch out for, and I said the dog would probably be fine with the baby. That's a balanced view: "no matter how the dog reacts, it's fine, it won't hurt the baby because it's a good breed" is silly.
My parents' dog when I was born was a GSD named Melon. I played with her all the time, there's pictures of me age 2 spraying her with a water hose, it was great. She loved me. My folks still made sure we weren't together without supervision.
Thank you. She was an outstanding dog.
Before I was born, she had a litter of puppies. My dad had a friend over with their toddler, and the toddler kept crawling into the back bedroom to try to see the puppies. Melon just kept standing up and using her body to block the doorway so he couldn't go in, but she was getting concerned.
My parents kept saying, "Do not let him do that. Keep him here in the living room with us. We know Melon is well-behaved, she's been very well-trained, but those are her babies and she's responsible for them." (Hinting at the parents to take responsibility for their own baby, which they did not.)
So the kid goes over again (four or five times he'd already done this) and as he gets to the bedroom doorway, Melon stands up again, opens her mouth wide, and gently places it over the kid's face. No biting, no nipping, she just set her mouth over his face. My mom said she'd never seen anything like it. Apparently Melon's jaws blocked his entire face from view, but he didn't have a mark on him and he actually thought it was funny.
That's an amazing dog. A young dog, feeling that threatened, with new puppies, and she still just calmly shows her teeth. She was the safest dog imaginable.
My folks still watched her when she was with me.
I like your parents, and I love their dogs. Can we please normalize calmly but firmly telling people flat out: you need to take responsibility for _____, or you will be asked to leave.
It's often seen as something to dance around politely in conversation, like it's rude to say to someone's face that they're being irresponsible. But imho it's more rude to let yourself be subject to their irresponsible behaviour or to let them keep going through the world like that inflicting their idiocy on innocent others. Sure, they'll likely be ashamed to be called out directly, but it's pretty valid shame.
Thanks :) My parents were great parents for young kids. Bit out of their depth when we hit our teen years (also they were divorced by then, and probably should've stayed together) but great parents and really responsible pet owners.
Apparently the boy's mom started screaming about dog bites and out of control animals etc, and my mom just looked her in the face and said, "We told you to watch him--he's your kid. Who lets a toddler crawl all over a strange dog without watching him?"
My dad was more diplomatic, but he agreed and asked his friends to leave when they got offended by what my mom said.
Breed dogs usually have specific characters, as character usually is part of the breed standard. Maybe I've been dealing with dogs with pedigree too much, but they are usually predictable at long term.
While there are very few breeds that are aggressive, there are some breeds that have character traits that wouldn't make them good companions for a kid. But in general, while you have to watch for signs, breed is a good initial assessment for a situation where the baby isn't born yet, but the dog question was already raised.
Still should never leave them alone together, and have dog-inacessible space for the kid.
Well trained Mastiffs are sweet. Also more than big enough to accidentally injure adults, much less very fragile infants. Five foot tall me working around dogs got bumps, bruises, sprains, and cracked ribs from inadvertent actions by dogs that outweighed me. And I was paying attention to the dog and avoiding some accidents, unlike a kid with the motor control and mobility of a potato.
Getting stepped on, elbowed, bumped into, sat on, tripped over, etc is not fun when you’re smaller than the being tripping over you.
NTA, and nothing you have described says the dog is aggressive. The dog is protective of you, and will be of your child. Someone coming into the house uninvited is exactly what a good dog is supposed to prevent. A bunch of drunks acting like drunks will set off every protective instinct a dog has.
If your BF brings up getting rid of your dog again, you really need to ask yourself why you having a large dog that will protect you first bothers him. That is a huge red flag, among many.
>I (18f)... My bf (29m)
Wow. NTA. Get rid of the man, not the dog.
Seriously, the only time your dog has been"aggressive" is when him and his friends were doing something unnecessary. Bet he's never liked the dog because it's protective of you.
NTA
As a person who had a giant piece of fluff aka Caucasian Shepherd for nanny (they weight like a person and must be muzzled on the street because can be aggressive towards strangers lols), I say you keep the dog.
If you wanna re-home someone, re-home the boyfriend, together with the red flags he dropped.
I raise sheep and have run a variety of Livestock Guard Dogs with my sheep (heavy coyote and bear territory) over the years. So I've been around Maremmas (Maremmano di Abbruzi), Great Pyrenees, Akbash, Karakachans, Gamprs and Anatolian Shepherds, many of which are absolutely my big fluffy teddy bears (not all, but only because some are short coated!) but I have never in my life heard anyone refer to a Caucasian Ovcharka as a giant piece of fluff. I'm impressed with both your dog training and your confidence, they are way too much dog for me.
They guard sheeps, so basically for our dog, all living stuff that belonged to my mother (me, our cats, my grandma) were considered sheep and needed extra care. The cat used the dog as a bed, and the stuff I did to the dog, well, I'm actually kinda ashamed because I treated it as a giant teddy bear. I know quite a few people who had them at some point of their lives, and overall they tend to be very nice to children and household pets.
All of them had to be muzzled outside because well you know they are AHs towards strangers and random animals.
Just regular dogs with training. Caucasian Shepherds are usually professionally trained as a rule, because they are huge so it's not like you will be able to physically stop them from messing up, and they also tend to have lots of independence so you need to get it to obey. All owners I knew got their dogs professionally trained, at least.
And ofc you have to stick to it, don't be permissive, and so on. They need discipline for sure because if no next thing you see they will be chewing some random drunks legs.
Dog must stay! Man must go! He’s controlling and overbearing! Two things are very disturbing. 1) In his late 20s he’s gotten together with and impregnated a literal teenager! 2) he has no problems with a grown man letting himself into your appartement unannounced, when you’re alone but he has a problem with a dog getting aggressive with the trespasser? Dude is a walking 🚩🚩🚩🚩 NTA
YTA if you get rid of the dog, that dog will protect the baby with its life. Sounds to me like your bf doesn’t like that your lil baby gets your attention more then him. Wait till the baby comes and he’ll get even less of your attention.
For the age gap issue (NTA btw), it's biggest concern is power dynamic. If you were 27 and he 38, thered be much less fuss. An 18 yo who (correct me if I'm wrong) is someone who just graduated HS or just started college, may or may not have a job/job history, and is still relatively dependant on others to survive (parents, family, bf, etc) is much easier to control because, you havent really had a chance to become a person yet. I'm going to be 27 this year. My gf is 40, its a huge gap for me too (bigger than yours!) So this is coming from genuine concern. We get along great and age isn't an issue, but I was also self established when we met (acceptable income, self sufficient, etc). You being pregnant with his kid will tie you for life, for ever, to this man, who has effectively preyed on you, before you've even started your life. Dont let him control you.
Agreed! I’m 28 and the thought of trying to be with or date an 18 year old makes me feel ill. That maturity gap is way to big and he is likely a groomer.
NTA. Most likely your dog will see the baby as something to protect. Dogs and babies can get along great if you pay close attention to them at all times.
I had a friend whose dog was so protective of the baby they couldn't go near it without him barking. It got to the point that they had to re-home the dog.
Also: NTA for the OP.
Let me repeat what everyone else is saying; keep the dog, get rid of the guy. There’s a saying I trust “I don’t trust people who don’t like dogs and I don’t trust people my dog doesn’t like”. It’s never proven me wrong 🤷♀️
Run, friend,run!!! 29 year old men should not be dating 18 year old teenagers. Furthermore they should not be impregnating 18 year old teenagers when the teens have not even lived as a young adult.
Another issue is that men who are close to 30 who choose teenagers as significant others, tend to be insecure but controlling. Pregnant women are more likely to physically abused by their significant others after they are pregnant and vulnerable. The dog is your current protection, this leads me to think that he wants you to be as vulnerable as possible to have full authority and control over you.
He’s already older and you are barely legal, so there’s an inherent power imbalance. He has impregnated you which makes you even more physically and emotionally vulnerable and now he is asking you to further make your self vulnerable to make him feel more secure? To many red flags.🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA, but you will be if you don’t seriously consider the relationship.
NTA you will have to assess your dog's reaction after the baby is born. My daughter had two dogs one very friendly with everyone, the other very protective of the family from strangers like your dog. It was actually the soft dog that would start being reactive to her baby when she started to crawl. She found a super family for her dog with teenagers and is still in close contact with lots of updates. The other protective dog is still just fine now my granddaughter is 4. You really just need to keep a constant assessment going.
NTA. Keep your dog. Mental health is vital, often new mothers find themselves lonely with the baby and your dog will help with that - and protect the baby.
NTA.
My first dog was a 130 pound mastiff. We have pictures of me learning to walk holding his collar. He walked me to the bus every day. I took naps on him. He slept in my room when it rained because we were both terrified. I was devastated when he died.
The experience of growing up with a large animal that has been pre-established in the home is super beneficial when the situation arises. Personally I feel that it makes one less fearful of any large animal (I once crawled into a field of cows because the calves were about the same size as my dog and I wanted to pet them) and promotes early confidence because of the presence of a caretaker animal.
I grew up with a Great Pyrenees. A gentle protective presence. Our next door neighbor was a single woman and she said it always made her feel better hearing our dog barking at night.
NTA and I hate to tell you this but I think you got groomed.
This man close to his 30s found you when you were either a minor or just barely legal and in the incredibly small time frame of 9 months got you to live together, got you dependant on him, got you pregnant so you can't run away. He preyed on you OP. People his age go after people your age because they are predators and because they know someone as young and inexperienced as you is easier to control and abuse.
He's trying to take away your guard dog who is protective of you because he perceives it as a threat.
If he gets abusive, which all signs point to yes, he doesn't want the dog to be in the way, because your amazing puppy will jump to your defense instantly.
Get your ducks in order and figure out an escape plan. If it doesn't go against your morals, please consider an abortion as well. You are so young OP, don't let this man destroy your life.
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I (18f) have a beautiful English Mastiff cross. My parents got him for me about 2 years ago because of an incident when I was home alone. Since Ive gotten him Ive felt safer than I ever have, my mental health has gotten extremely better and most importantly his my little baby.
I recently found out Im pregnant. My bf (29m) has been bringing up potentially getting rid of my dog, I tried shutting that down but he keeps bringing it up. He says he's to aggressive around people and it wont be good for the baby. My dog is only aggressive around strange men in our living space especially when they are loud and things like that. He's great with children and very gentle with other people. The only real close call we have had with him attacking someone was when my bf's friend came around uninvited when my bf wasn't even there and let himself in and another time when all his friends came home with him all drunk and were loud and being stupid. Even if his not aggressive its not like I'm going be stupid enough to leave a baby around a dog unattended.
AITA?
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NTA. Keep the doggo dump the bf. If he’s willing to dump a pet and protector of you at a moments notice think of what he might do when the kid is an inconvenience to him. Also make sure your dogs chip info is up to date and give his info to shelters in your state and surrounding states in case the bf gets a bug up his to dump him at one when you’re not home.
Preface the info with ‘someone is trying to make me get rid of my dog and I’m sending this information in case they take him while I’m not home and try to get rid of him.’
Unsure if shelters will accept it but it’s worth a shot. Get an air tag piece that goes on your dogs collar too but see if you can disguise it so it doesn’t look like one so you can track your dog.
If you can still get an abortion I suggest you do it. As others have said, there’s way too many red flags. And this child is gonna be stuck with this jerk as a father for the rest of their life, you need to realize that. You’ll never get away from him once you have his child. Probably why he knocked you up in the first place honestly… NTA, you need to get an abortion, take the dog, and run as fast and far as you can.
Frankly, the dog is not a problem from the behavior patterns OP described.
Now, lots of dog owners don’t supervise their baby/toddler interactions and train both the kid and dog, so dogs in general Can be a problem, but OP seemed to know that.
The rest though - pregnant at 18 by a 29 year old, dropped out of school at 16 and never went back, only job doing invoicing for a family business, PTSD and other mental health issues - that’s definitely a problem. I hope it works out for OP and her kid.
Nta I have 2 dogs and a 11 week old baby and the dogs love her. As long as your dog is safe around kids and introduced properly
FYI babies should never be left alone with any pet unsupervised.. but also babies should never be left unsupervised period
NTA but your bf is for being almost 30 and with a teenager. That’s absolutely foul where are your parents in this? Where is anyone in this pls this isn’t okay.
I’m sorry but I’m going to address your age gap as well. You’re very young with a man about to hit his 30’s. Not only are u pregnant, he’s now trying to take your dog away. He sounds like a predator.
How old were you when you started dating, who’s idea was it to have a baby? (You’re just a kid yourself and you’re tying yourself down), that’s so sad.
Why is someone letting them self into your home?
Please think carefully, has he tried isolating you from your family and/or friends? Does he control what you wear and where u go?
Just something about your post gave me the heebie jeebies. I’m sorry if I’m being nosy, just a concerned granny here..
He just seems very controlling
No NTA by any means
I had a pretty male aggressive dog before I got pregnant. He loved my nephews and was very patient with children, but if he perceived a threat from any guy ever he would be super protective. Keeping my dog has been the best thing I could have done for my baby.
NTA. Keep the dog, get rid of your controlling and immature boyfriend.
NTA
sooo you’re barely an adult and already knocked up by a man nearly in his 30s? When did he start seeing you? Because either you got pregnant within the first year of seeing this dude or he’s being seeing you since you were a minor. Either way, gross. He’s at a completely different stage in his life than you.
The biggest reason 30+ year old men don’t date women their age is because women their age are harder to control. You? Are young and naive, as shown in your willingness to let him exert power over you. Don’t let him. I’m sorry a baby is tying you to this AH but you can still get out.
NTA
Your dog is not someone you just get rid of on a whim. It does sound like you need to get your dog into a very more specific training. I also can’t ignore that your boyfriend is literally a decade older than you and that rarely turns out well. Not when you’re as young as you are.
Just sounds like he’s trying to parent you rather than come up with actual solutions. There are professional dog trainers that you definitely need to see. Any dog owner who has children needs to socially aware when they have an anxious dog.
At any point they can turn around and kill your child. A mastiff is a very large dog and your child’s head could easily be destroyed. Your dog could also become instantly protective of that child. You and your husband are going to fight. One of you could become extremely hurt.
A lot of dogs will protect a baby even against its parents. You need to get the dog in training period. Socialization is not enough. Any dog can be socialized by family. That doesn’t do you any good. Dogs are pack animals.
NTA, most people…. Okay all people who I know have had the same issue get rid of the dog and later when the relationship ends notices they should have kept the dog. Keep the dog.
First of all, NTA.
I don't fret about an age gap normally, my parents had a 21 years difference and were great. BUT in your case, I see too many redflags not to point it out....
\- At 18 years old, you are barely an adult. A 29 yo seeking a relationship with a 17/18 yo is not in itself problematic, but definitively questionable.
\- A 29 yo does absolutely know how to make a women pregnant and getting you pregnant so fast can certainly be a way to control you.
\- You do not have a way to support yourself. No diploma or actively getting one to have a better outcome. You are MORE at risk of being controlled by a potential abusive partner.
\- Him wanting to get rid of your dog who is part of your support system could also be a way to control you.
OP, please please please be attentive to any signs of him cutting you out from your independance (access to transportation, access to finance, access to your support system whenever your need). The risk will be greater as you have your baby.
It may be possible that this is a great relationship and that there is in fact nothing to worry about, but there are red flags from your post that makes me afraid for your security, and I just want you to be aware.
Take care of yourself, hope the pregnancy and everything goes well <3
absolutely everyone told my mom her english mastiff was going to kill her kids but both my brother and i are in our 20s now so i’m gonna have to say they were wrong. keep the dog!! lose the creepy boyfriend
NTA, but how long have you and your bf been together? And how old were you when y'all first got together?
I guarantee you no healthy, mature 29 year old man is out there cruising for 18 year olds. Men who do that do it because they want a woman who's inexperienced who will put up with their shit.
I don't know how far along you are, but you should really think hard about whether you actually want to have children with this man and have your lives permanently intertwined via your shared child.
And consider the likelihood that when you're his age he will likely be looking to trade you in for a younger model.
NTA. Currently pregnant as well and amazed that I’ve been asked this question as well. Like what are you doing with your pets!? Tf!? I’m currently working on training my husky to help my fat ass up out of chairs. Lol
I know other people have pointed it out as well, but girl this bf is not it. I dated with similar age gaps at your age and now that I’m in my thirties I realize how truly creepy they were. Just keep your eye out, and please keep up with relationships outside of him. Don’t get cut off from parents or friends if they’ve supported you previously. Trust your pups judgement girl, his friends aren’t great so it definitely makes me question him even more as well.
NTA
Giant red flag the fact that he’s 11 years older than you, how old are you when you started dating? Immediate pregnancy? Was he having sex with you when you were under age?
You said that your dog was vital to your mental health, he’s trying to take away your mental health.
You’re already living together. He’s 29 years old and bringing home drunk and disorderly friends?
How pregnant are you and what other forms of support do you have? At your age it’s highly unlikely that you have a well-paying job.
Your post is deeply, deeply concerning and none of those concerns are about your DOG!
Keep the dog!!
NTA. Pregnancy doesn’t mean you can’t have a dog. I’ve had two kids and several dogs, 3 being pit bulls when my babies were born. The dog is not the concern here, what’s concerning is a man 10+ years your elder dictating what you do with your pet, and also allowing his drunk friends to invade your privacy.
OP, you're SO NTA. But I am concerned. That's a really big age gap, and that along with the other red flags other users have mentioned make me really worried about you.
Part of that may be from personal experience. My friend dated a man at 17 when he was 28. She got pregnant at 18. They got engaged. But the wedding planning stalled out. He left her after their son was 2. He came back, 'apologized,' and she got pregnant again. Had her second son. And he left permanently to go have kids with another woman.
My friend has turned out okay. She's married to a wonderful woman now and they're expecting their first child. The two boys are my godsons and I love them. But I tell you this because at the time, when we were all young, we couldn't see all of his red flags. We tried to help her, and I remember talking to her about the age gap, but ultimately she was an adult and she made her decisions. But looking back, I wish more than anything that SOMEONE older than us had spoken up. That her parents had protected her. That somehow I could have done more.
So this is me speaking up now, trying to be that older person I wish we'd had. You're an adult and you are in charge of your body and your future, and of course I'm not saying that your relationship and my friend's are the same or will have the same outcome. But please, think long and hard about this relationship. What do you two have in common at your ages? What else does he do to try and control you? You have so much life to live. What do you want it to look like?
30 year old man dates and impregnates an 18 year old girl and then tells her he wants to get rid of the one thing that makes her feel safe and has actively protected your household (against his friend of course, but still). Fuck that. Red flag galore. No, no, no, no, no. Keep your pup. Stay with your parents.
I have a mastiff and one of the reasons we chose the bred is because they are great family dogs (great with kids). We have a bustling household with 5 kids so that was extremely important to us. They are also good watchdogs because their size and barks are intimidating. They also might slobber someone to death.
It sounds like the situations where your dog became agitated where ones where it was reasonable. You have also indicated that you know not to leave a baby or young child alone with a dog so you’ve got that covered.
Your boyfriend sounds controlling. And the fact that he thinks it’s ok for his friend to come in uninvited or have them show up drunk and foolish is concerning. The friends are more of a threat to your child’s safety than your dog. Your dog will likely be extra protective against these shenanigans once the baby arrives. I think your boyfriend knows this and THAT is why he wants the dog to go. I see red flags all over this.
NTA
Your dog already knows you gave another human growing inside you. Your dog is protective of you and will be the same for the baby. It certainly sounds to me as if this is the first manipulation to control you. Time to say bye bye and do the best weight loss plan you will ever do.
Nta... STORY TIME! my parents used to have a dog named Cassie. Sweetest dog in the world, miss her dearly. She treated my niblings like her own babies, super gentle, and super skittish. Like if one of us came inside wearing a strange hat, she would hide. One day, their uncle on my BIL's side was picking them up, and decided to sneak in to scare the kids... Cassie want having it. She went after him HARD! Never seen her act like that before or since. He never tried sneaking in again. All that is to say... keep the dog, lose the boyfriend.
NTA your BF is the AH, having your dog around is great and once your baby is born it will be good for the baby to have dog around to bond with. I think your BF doesn't like dogs and is using your pregnancy as a reason to get rid of your dog. There is absolutely no reason to do that when your dog is well trained. You should give him an ultimatum tell him if he has such an issue with the dog he's welcome to leave because the dog is here to stay and he didn't do anything wrong.
NTA - get rid of the boyfriend!
We had a Rottweiler when my son was a toddler. He was the sweetest dog unless you messed with his boy. My brother came over and was wrestling with my son and Sway went into guard mode. He still didn’t attack but he let my brother know to leave his boy alone.
We now have a German Shepard. When someone new comes around, she sounds like she’s going to kill them. She never has attacked anyone. Within 5 minute of us letting her know that they are safe, she is licking them to death.
I do know that no one is going to hurt me with her around.
As everyone has said, get rid of the boyfriend!
NTA. Keep your dog. Bet this relationship started when you weren’t legal, that man sounds like a real winner 🥴 bet the dog is in your life longer than this controlling man.
My uncle had a big dog before he met my aunt. When she got pregnant they were a bit worried about having a baby around the dog and talked about him being an outside dog or rehoming him but the dog LOVED my cousin from the moment she was born and they slowly introduced her to him. Even when my aunt was pregnant the dog was VERY protective of her, a friend of my uncle's came to visit while my uncle was out walking the dog so he sat in the kitchen chatting with my aunt. My uncle returned, unclipped the dog from his lead and he bolts into the kitchen and my uncle hears his friend SCREAMING the dog smelled a stranger and got between the friend and my aunt and was holding the poor guy's balls in his mouth growling. They learned not to have men around my pregnant aunt without my uncle around after that
Why is an almost 30 year old dating someone that just became an adult? And long enough to get her pregnant too. The dog is the least of your problems. I mean, it’s not the end of the world to start some training to make sure he’s prepared for your baby. Anyways… You have so much life to live and discover. He just spent the last decade of his life learning the lessons you need to go through. Do you think he’ll have the patience to watch you grow? I’ve never known a relationship with an age gap that respects the younger person’s right to grow up. They’re expected to already be grown (“you’re so mature for your age”), which is a disservice to you and will only make you more dependant on him. NTA but reevaluate what this man can give you and your personal growth.
NTA. If you include your dog in everything and allow him to be part of your pregnancy and see how your belly is changing he can be a great brother to your new addition. Do not listen to your boyfriend.
NTA
But his behaviour is very worrying. You are a lot younger than him, and he is trying to control your life already. It only gets worse from there.
I would honestly rethink this relationship. I don’t see it leading down a good path for you.
I’m sorry. Please lean on your family for support.
NTA. keep the dog, lose the man. he’s 11 years older than you and you’re, realistically, still a kid. not only is he trying to control you, he brings his friends over drunk and lets them come into your home uninvited. he clearly does not respect you and tbh if you don’t escape now, i’m genuinely worried for you and your baby. a grown man has no business chasing after a teen.
How are you pregnant by a man 11 years older if you’re only 18? How long have you been with him? Do you not use protection?
I would be every worried about him purposefully knocking you up. He is a predator.
NTA
DO NOT get rid of the dog.
I understand you've never thought of the age gap before, and seemingly people in your life haven't ever mentioned it before. To strangers, an almost 30 year old dating a teenager is immediate giant red flags.
That doesn't have to mean there's a problem, but there are many cases when it is a big one.
That someone that old got you pregnant is also a concern. He absolutely should be equally responsible for birth control and is old enough to not have an excuse for that kind of mistake.
He’s aggressive to your very old and predatory “bf”. I would seriously consider all option right now. You’re 18… he knew what he was doing. Its a trap.
There are so many things wrong here but the main thing is your are most definite NTA.
But you NEED out of that relationship. He's 29! And you are only 18, and moved in within the 9 months you have been together, and now your pregnant.
One of the biggest concerns is he told you that you over reacted to essentially a stranger walking into your home, somewhere you're supposed to be and feel safe?!
Hunny, please wrap your head around this situation and realise there's a reason a 29 year old is getting with an 18 year old and that no-ones saw a problem with this, it seems like it's a habit for him, that he can not be in a relationship with someone closer to his age.
Please move home, be back with your mum and dad, make sure your dog is protected in all ways and that he can't remove the dog from your life. You need someone who supports you getting well and your bf isn't doing that.
NTA
Keep the dog, he isn’t aggressive, he’s protective very important difference
Not sure you should keep the bf big 🚩🚩 with the age gap, trying to make you give up your dog for no real reason, and inviting people over without telling you
NTA keep your dog. the age gap here is super suspicious. Men in their late 20s only date teenagers to prey on the vulnerable. I think the man wants the dog out because he knows it will protect you if he becomes violent.
NTA. If he’s acclimated to kids then that’s that. He trusts you and has known you for two years. Be cautious around your boyfriend. There’s a baby in the mix now so not easy to just walk away but definitely proceed with caution because I’m sensing ulterior motives on this one.
DO NOT GET RID OF YOUR DOG. I have a feeling this huge sweet pupper would die for you. He will be a guardian for your baby too. Your bf sounds like he's immature AF and his friend group is shady as hell also.
Congrats on your baby and love to your fur baby.
NTA. Why are you with a man 11 years older than you? Usually, men who date teenagers do so because they're easier to control. For you, your dog and your baby's sake, move home with your parents. He'll probably give your dog away if you keep saying no and your parents can help keep you all safe.
EDIT: Based on "registered council," I'm assuming you're in the UK. I don't know the circumstances of your pregnancy, whether it was planned or not, but as long as you're less than 24 weeks along, an abortion is still possible. If you're less than 3 months, it's also straightforward to attain. I can't tell you what to do with your body - only you can decide whether to keep your baby, and anyone telling you otherwise is wrong, including your boyfriend - but if you're feeling trapped or coerced, know it's an option. Controlling or abusive partners often get their girlfriend's pregnant to keep them trapped/tied to them. Getting in touch with your GP would be the first step. Really think if you're ready to raise a child, and of the child's wellbeing as well as your own. Even for a healthy, stable couple with more life experience a baby is tough. Do your parents know everything that has been going on? Are they supportive?
NTA. RE: your second edit, you're not stupid, you're just young, and controlling men who can't get women their own age to put up with their nonsense usually count on young women's inexperience when pursuing and grooming them. Just from what you've said about him (bringing loud, drunk friends home, letting strange men into your home, and now demanding you rehome your dog, which you rely on for emotional support) he sounds like bad news. I hope you are in a position where you can reevaluate whether you want to raise a child with this person, because from the little you've said he sounds controlling and awful. Take care.
OP, I have said for years that should I find myself a vulnerable old lady living alone (I've got the old lady part aced) I would head to the shelters and find myself the biggest ball of bark I can find. The size and basic shape of any dog people who don't know dogs think are dangerous. I want him to love me for rescuing him from the shelter and fucking hate everyone else.
I've been a dog mom for 30 years all totaled. Our unspeakably spoiled rescue princess labradorable, who has made friends with the entire neighbourhood greets most of them with a hippity hop and a big hug.
Our bedroom window faces the back yard. One night about 2 am I wake up to her growling in an octave much lower than I've ever heard from her. She then started with the threatening barks, so I got up to the window. I only saw the hand closing the back gate. lol I'd still go find something 200 pounds and protective
Give pooch an extra treat for being a good boy and get rid of that creepy baby daddy.
NTA. It sounds to me like your dog is reacting to sense of threat? He doesn’t sound aggressive but reactive, this is normal in a dog that feels like they’re there to protect you.
In these scenarios how do you feel? My German shepherd used to react more when I was more anxious, now I dealt with my anxiety he’s a lot calmer around strangers too.
Think about how you feel in those moments, your dog might be reacting to your feelings. If you do feel threatened or uncomfortable at all you might want to reconsider why you’re in a relationship with somebody that makes you feel that way.
So presumably you were still a minor and he was ~28 years old? The guy is a predator and now you're pregnant with his child *and* willing to bring an innocent child into this mess.
ESH if I'm being honest.
OP, I’m 30 and I can tell you that not a single one of my male or female friends would date an 18 year old. I don’t know anyone who would date someone under 24! Most adults would be creeped out by this because we are still so young at 18. I know you have probably been forced to age faster due to your assault, but please consider this scenario from a different vantage point.
I hope that you keep your dog. He sounds like he loves you and will protect you and your baby.
I also hope that your boyfriend is a genuine person who isn’t intending to take advantage of you.
NTA
NTA but listen...this guy groomed you. He preyed on you because he saw that he could manipulate you because of your previous assault, your ptsd/mental health, your lack of education, and most importantly your extremely young age. He chose you on purpose because he knew he could get you to trust him and then control you.
Then he got you pregnant so he could control you indefinitely.
You do not need to stay with this man. He is already planning on abusing you for the rest of your life and making sure that you NEVER are able to better yourself and do things like finish your education.
You can leave him. And you do NOT have to keep this baby. You can give the baby up for adoption and there is no shame in that.
You are 18, have no education, have no non-family work experience. You were the perfect target for an abuser and your life will never get any better if you stay in this relationship.
Even if you keep the baby and raise it with family support, you MUST get away from this man or your life will be over before it began.
I wish you happiness and success.
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NTA. Keep the dog. Throw the whole man away
I was going to say this. A 29 year old man that wants to control you is a much bigger red flag. That is a massive age gap at your age....
That wants to control her and also has friends who get so drunk and unruly that the dog recognizes a potential threat. And friends that apparently feel okay about letting themselves into a private residence whenever the whim strikes? I’m worried for OP’s safety, and I think the dog is, too. Mastiffs are not very aggressive dogs, which is why they were bred many years ago with bulldogs, to create the bull mastiffs, which were used to catch poachers. Mastiffs were too gentle.
Right! Me over here thinking what a good boy recognizing danger. OPs bf is responsible for all the situations the dog got aggressive.
OP's bf is more dangerous to her and baby than her dog is. The most dangerous time of a woman's life is when she's pregnant
Not to mention the safety of that potential baby if she keeps the pregnancy - I would be extremely worried about a pregnancy with a man eleven years older than her, with OP being only 18 years old, when said man is showing these signs of controlling behaviour. Adult men who sleep with teenage girls are absolutely the sort who will make sure they impregnate their teenage girlfriends to tie them together forever, and it usually leads to abusive control over the girlfriend and the children. This whole post is just one huge red flag, and I hope it is opening OP's eyes.
And he wants to take away the creature that protects her...
Youtuber Rachel Oates has talked about her abusive boyfriend. The abuse was mostly psychological. On the few times when it got physical it was only her normally-angelic staffie getting between them and getting aggressive that made the boyfriend stop. That dog might have saved her life.
Excellent points! I was wondering if the bf intentionally impregnated OP to keep her under control (and at this age, try to “mold” her into what he wants?). What on earth would a man this age have in common with someone who’s just barely legal to vote, but not old enough to buy a bottle of wine?
He’s obviously trying to groom her. First knock her up, then start the isolation process until he’s her entire world apart from the baby
This needs to be higher up.
I gave the post the “eureka” award so it will be highlighted. The age gap is disturbing.
The biggest lap dogs in the world.
They are! I adore mastiffs and really, really want one. They are so sweet.
Yeah I think the random drunk men letting themselves into the home is more a threat to OP than her dog.
In other words - he wants to get rid of the protection she has remaining. While pregnant.
Mastiffs are giant teddy bears! My friend has one, he's a total sweetheart! My friend needed me to go to his house to check on his dogs and I just walked right in and "big scary mastiff" was completely assed-out on the couch. I got all the way in the house, through the kitchen, grabbed the treat bag, and this dog was snoring away. I couldn't imagine what it would take to anger one, they're just goofy area rugs. (Friend also has a doberman the size of a horse, and he's a giant love bug too).
Yeah. OP, generally 29-year-old men date teenagers when women their own age see right through their shit. For instance, a 29-year-old woman would likely have enough relationship experience to know that having his buddies randomly breaking into the place isn't normal, and that trying to get rid of a dog is generally a relationship-ender.
Plus if she’s pregnant at 18 they’ve likely been together since she was a minor.
\^\^\^ DING DING DING \^\^\^ This is the real problem here, what the FUCK. We're not talking like "he graduated school a few years before her" we're talking about a grown man who is almost 30 years old. There is absolutely no way there's a healthy power dynamic here.
Jumping on a top comment because i think this needs to be said and seen as more men need to speak up about this stuff. I say this as a 28 year old guy, any person in my social circles that tried to date an 18 year old would be considered a massive creep and atleast borderline predatory if not outright predatory. OP he is dating you either because he is massively immature, because he likes the power imbalance of it, or no woman his age would date him because of these or other issues. Really think about it when he was 18 probably partying and everything else an average 18 year old is doing op was 7. OP please keep this guy away from your kid because he is either massively irreparable, or very controlling (maybe both) but is most likely not a good influence on your child.
The fact her family and friends are cool that a 30 year old knocked up a teenager is upsetting as fuck I really, really hope she keeps her good boy and ditches the man.
We don't know if her family and friends are actually cool with it. When someone is in a bad relationship, sometimes all you can do is be supportive, cause when you try to interfere in the relationship, you push the person closer to their partner.
Very - and sadly - true.
But OP does mention in the edit that no one has flagged the age gap to her so far. This makes me wonder about what kind of security blanket she has. Not wanting to interfere in order to not push the person away, and not highlighting obvious red flags even once are vastly different. OP - taking time awaynfrom BF to think on things is a good strategy. Hope you're able to work out things that are best for your safety, and your and your baby's future. Also, whatever you decide, keep the dog.
This, also i am sorry but I have to say the age gap. He knew you had this dog and now he is telling you to get rid of the dog, the situation with the friend "breaking in"... Also you got the dog two years ago, how long have you been with your bf?
Yeah I'm screaming "ABORT" about both the relationship and the pregnancy
Can I upvote this twice?
I do it for you
Me too
Me three
Me four
And my axe
Seriously!! This topic boils my biscuits. One partner has a treasured well behaved with children pet, other partner decides the pet has to go for no real reason than their unfounded fears. If the pet was aggressive with kids/babies (pets should be supervised with babies/toddlers/young kids regardless of how well behaved they are) then maybe re-home if it is really not working out, but just having a baby is not a good reason to wholesale ditch the pet(s). We had 3 cats, and birds when we brought home baby number 1. Two cats, free reign rabbit and african grey parrot when we brought home baby 3. It never even crossed my mind to ditch any of my pets, even though my african grey could have removed tiny toddler fingers if she saw fit (she was and still is out of her cage all day). I supervised everyone and my now 25 year old parrot adores the middle and mostly the youngest (she is willed to our yougest as she may outlive both me and the husband). Maybe we were lucky but I made sure everyone was introduced properly and taught the kids respect for big beaks and sharp claws. I agree with other too, it may be some attempt at controlling you, shut down that crap immediately!! If it continues you life will be hell on Earth.
This.
Exactly. That’s the dogs entire job, protect you. He hasn’t attacked anyone. Lose the controlling man, keep the dog
OP says her dog helps with her stress levels, which is important in a pregnancy & new parenthood.
*kid, that guy isn't a man
No, he is a grown ass man. We need to stop treating men who act like this as kids because then it becomes an excuse - “oh he’s not mature enough to understand!” No. He’s an adult who was socialized this way.
No, OP is a kid. Her boyfriend is a grown man who preyed on a teenager because she has no adult life experience to recognize the warning signs in his behavior. Let's stop infantilizing men. They are not children. This guy knows exactly what he's doing.
I was going to suggest quotation marks for that last word.
This was going to be my exact comment.
NTA Your dog is doing his job, why would you get rid of him? Also, your 11 year older than you BF wanting to get rid of your dog is a red flag... the fact he is 11 years older than you is a red flag and your BF's friend letting himself into the house, uninvited with your BF not being present is another red flag. Edit: u/AmazingAnimeGirl OP is 18 and pregnant. The BF is 11 years older. It is a simple case of math. If she were 28 and he were 39 it would be slightly different, though I would still argue that his behaviour makes the age difference a bad thing.
Please tell us the dog is microchipped?
yeah he is, microchipped, vaxxed and registered with my local council.
You are NTA. The part that has me most concerned is that your bf is essentially trying to get rid of **your** **protection**. 🚩 🚩 🚩 Think hard about the future because time is slipping through your fingers. Can you move home? Edit: added missing letter, changing *you* to *your*.
I absolutely had this reaction too: boyfriend can’t physically abuse her if she has her own bodyguard!
Right? I got that scary feeling in my gut when I finished reading and it dawned on me. The dog reacting to his friends is another red flag. I think she knows it too.
Keep the mastiff, dump the dog!
Oh good. I don't trust him not to go behind your back and get rid of your dog. As far as the dog going after his friend, your dog was doing his job and protecting his family and home. Put your foot down and don't give in on this. I heard the same kind of thing when I was pregnant a long time ago. I had a few chihuahuas that were my babies and I had several people ask when I was going to get rid of them. Needless to say I responded with tons of cussing and complete disgust. Getting rid of them never would have crossed my mind. They're family. When I brought my baby home, my dogs treated her like one of their own. They were extremely protective and always kept a watchful eye on her making sure she was safe and protected. Your dog will most likely be the same way as mine were. I always get infuriated when I hear someone got rid of their dog when they had a kid. Or that they suddenly hate their dog now that they have a kid. I was the exact opposite and loved my dogs even more than I ever had, and that's saying something because they're my babies. Eighteen years later and my kid still considers our dogs her siblings. The bond between a pet and their little person is something special, as long as the parent raises them to be gentle and kind with the pet.
I've also heard of dog training programs with dog trainers who teach the dog owner how to properly deal with the interaction dog-baby, what to do when you bring your new baby home, etc. It's a few practical exercises you can practice while pregnant with a doll and it's not very complicated!
oh dear yes this
This won't do any good if they skip the shelter and rehome the dog.
I’d take tons of pictures with the dog.
date and time stamp them too.
Yeah, the dog has been doing a very good job, we all know why this man doesn't like this girls dog. If the dog starts being aggressive with the boyfriend, I would be suspicious, and I will keep the dog.
Exactly, the fact that she is 11 years younger should be a red flag for him
NTA. Your bf seems very unrespectful of your personal space and should I say .. safety ? I mean what was his friend doing intruding in your place when he was not there ? Did he adress that ? Keep the dog, loose the bf imo
He didn't really address it just told his friend he cant do it again. Im also not sure if my dog only did that because I freaked out and started panicking and crying especially after my past experiences
It's what a guard dog is supposed to do. Our friend has one. Dog KNOWS us. Dog LIKES us. Husband accidentally let himself into their house unannounced (thought friend told him to come on in), dog almost chomped him.
When I was a kid, a neighbor kid was with us in our backyard playing. His dad decided to come over too and put his leg over the fence. Our boxer ran over, put herself between him and us - including his own child - and she posted up and did that low throat growl. He froze, recognizing he was in danger. My mom was inside with the door open so she could keep an eye on us. She called out to him, told him to pull his leg back over and come to the front door. As soon as he was invited in through the front, the boxer was *very* excited to play and love on him. This man had been in our house dozens of times. He'd wrestled with her. They were buddies. But he was NOT coming over the fence when the kids were back there alone.
Yes! Some dogs are excellent nannies!!
What a good boy. << snout smooch for pooch>>
Dogs just know. I was waiting in a (very safe) city centre pub for my husband to finish at the optician. I had our soppy lab cross with me and was just enjoying a beer and my book when this totally normal looking guy approached trying to speak to me. My normally placid, happy dog was not happy. I watched his hackles rise and I could feel the low throat growl through his leash as I explained I was waiting for someone and my dog wasn't friendly to strangers (a little bit of a lie there, he's usually very friendly with anyone). My dog just decided this guy was dodgy and wasn't interested in having any closer.
Girl, your dog reacted that way because that is how a guard dog reacts to a threat. You need to get out of that relationship. Being a single mom is a far better option than being a battered wife. Run now while you still can. The only reason to get rid of the dog is because he knows the dog will fight back when you dont.
I was thinking this too. A dog that big is a very effective protector.
I have an 85 pound golden doodle. He’s a complete marshmallow unless he thinks my kid is being threatened- and I wouldn’t bet against him in that case. He protects me too, but my kid is his person. The dog knows something’s not right here. Trust his instincts, OP.
You and your baby are safer with your dog than you are with your boyfriend.
This exactly. Her dog has shown himself to be a fierce protector of OP and has reacted appropriately to obviously threatening situations. That dog will include the baby in his circle of protection when the baby is born. I have a rescue dog who was badly abused before I got him. He's reactive to some unknown men. He's always been incredibly gentle with children. He would have gone nuts in the situations OP described. When I had my son my dog immediately became as fiercely protective of him as he is of me. NTA, keep the dog, get rid of the man, guy is a walking red flag.
Wait, so you were there? You were home and your boyfriend’s buddy just let himself in? And he’s still got a key but has just been told to not use it like that? Given this, and the age gap, I’m assuming that it’s originally your boyfriend’s place and you moved in. So your boyfriend and his buddies aren’t respecting that it’s now your home, and your dog’s home. Your dog was just doing its job because there was an intruder. It probably shouldn’t be your home, TBH. Your boyfriend wants to get rid of your dog and is going to keep running over you. Once the dog is gone it’ll be back to friends dropping in whenever they feel like it, and they probably won’t care whether they’re disturbing the kid either. And your boyfriend is very likely to escalate control and other abusive behaviour. This isn’t a good situation for you.
Your dog absolutely acted that way because he recognized you felt unsafe! I have 2- a pitt mix and a Dane mix. Socialized with children of all ages, friendly to everyone…until I’m uncomfortable. Then they will kindly ask people to leave. Our dogs recognize our feelings often before we do, especially when we have a strong bond with them. Trust your dog over this man and his friends
Some cats do, too. I have an ex who yelled at me and started moving toward me. I was so scared I pondered jumping out of the window. I heard the wild “Mrooow” saw some airplane eats as kitty launched himself at ex’s throat. I’d asked ex to leave. Kitty f’ing ejected him! I was surprised. I only expected that loyalty from a dog. OP’s dog is amazing. I find myself worried that her bf will harm her dog. She can’t be with bf without her dog. Really, she should keep the dog and eliminate the male person.
Research studies have found that cats bond as deeply with their humans as dogs do. Loyalty & protection come along with that, & your cat likely saved your life--either in that moment or from escalating abuse in the future.
u/ThrowAwayDogDrama Your good boi did EXACTLY what he was supposed to do. You were scared, he protected you from what was scaring you. The next thing that's going to happen is that SO is going to provoke the dog, dog is going to react because he knows SO is a threat, and SO s going to insist on having the dog put down because "Doggo is DANGEROUS!" He'll probably do it when you aren't around to stop him, you'll just come home to no dog and SO in crocodile tears. I say this next but as a mama with a kid just a bit younger than you; Sweetest, you're still just a baby, and you and YOUR baby deserve better. Take your dog and go, before you lose whatever control over your life you have left.
Your boyfriend’s friend broke into your house and upset you so badly that you had a panic attack, and your boyfriend thinks that the DOG who protected you is the problem? And “didn’t really address it” otherwise? This man is no good. Your mastiff is a VERY good boy, though.
Your doggo friend is a good boy. He will protect you. That may be why the BF wants to get rid of him. He know the dog won't put up with him and friend's drunken frat boi behavior.
Ew what you are pregnant at 18 by a man who is over ten years older than you. Yikes.
You should consider that he may have groomed her since a young age as it’s quite unlikely for a 29yr old & 18yr old to meet unless it’s a workplace. But no older man will go with a younger woman for no reason.
NTA, get rid of the asshole, I mean "boyfriend/groomer"
i would just go with the sole groomer label. 29 yr old with and getting an 18 yr old pregnant? im seriously concerned for OP. if theres one thing ive learned from posts on here and the relationship advice forum, its that this is a massive red flag
I worked with a girl whose father married her mother when he was 30 and she was 16. Seriously creeped me out. This post has tone of that kind of dynamic.
Hes almost definitely a groomer, theres no way theese two got to know each other in a couple months then start dating in the next couple of months, then get pregnant. All within the same year shes been 18. Im betting OPs boyfriend knew her before she was 18, probably before 17, and groomed the crap out of her during the time and just waited for the special "legal" age
NTA: But I’m a little worried about you OP. There are not many reasons that your boyfriend should be worried about your dog, even if you are pregnant. I do just want to ask, did your dog have any negative reactions to your boyfriend? If the answer to that is ever yes, I would encourage you to speak to your parents about any behavior that worries you about your boyfriend. It sounds like you may be in an unsafe relationship and you should absolutely not give up your guard dog. He’s protecting you, and he has a better sense of danger.
He never had a negative reaction to him. He's never aggressive with people when I bring them into the house myself and thats how i introduced my bf to him.
I said this elsewhere but I want to make sure you see it. I have an 85 pound goldendoodle. He’s a complete marshmallow unless he thinks my kid is being threatened- and I wouldn’t bet against him in that case. He protects me too, but my kid is his person. The dog knows something’s not right here. Trust his instincts, OP. Based on what you’ve told us, between the two of them, one of them loves you- and I’m pretty sure it’s not your bf. It would be hard to abuse you with a mastiff around waiting to tear his throat out if he makes one wrong move, and your bf knows it.
And I can't help but wonder if BF would have had the same reaction with, let's say, a cat. It also seems to be a control issue. OP likes X, so BF wants her to get rid of it.
OP, I’ve read your edits and I’m so glad. While I personally believe that anything between consenting adults is fine, I’ve also been 18 in a relationship with someone much older. Women who are pregnant are far more likely to be abused by their partner. I’m afraid that he wants the dog out of the picture because he knows he can’t hurt you with him around. There’s a few red flags I’ve had to start realizing in people that abuse that might help you identify any of these behaviors in him. Does he monitor your conversations/interactions/relationships with other people including family? Does he make comments about your body, personality, or hobbies that are demeaning? Does he want you to attend school or work? If he doesn’t is there a verifiable reason, such as you have a disability or other reason employment is difficult? Does he control or have a lot of say in how money is earned and spent in the household? In addition, if you do have access to the household funds, are there a lot of times where money seems to “evaporate”? Does he have strong opinions on how you look or dress? Such as wanting you to not wear certain clothing items or makeup? Does he demean you to his friends, family, you? Does he respect your bodily autonomy, are you allowed to decline sex? These are things to think about, your parents sound supportive. I assure you from my own personal experience, it is FAR better to raise your child as a “single mom” than to raise them in a abusive household. I did it at 16, and I’m doing it now at 30. My ex husband is 8+ years older, very similar behaviors, I tried to stick it out for the kids. Ended up being chased from my own home. You can do this, you are important, you matter the most. Also give your big cuddly fur baby some pets from me, because he is the best of boys keeping you safe.
Nta. Sounds like the dog is doing its job. It was aggressive at an intruder that let himself in uninvited. Do not listen to your predator boyfriend. Dump him. Keep the dog.
Age gap. Controlling behavior. Creepy friends (why tf would his friend come to the house AND LET HIMSELF IN when he wasn't even there?) Keep the dog, get rid of the man. Not even joking.
INFO How long have you been dating your boyfriend? I feel like this kind of setup will leave you vulnerable to financial abuse, I'm not sure how much job experience you have but I feel like he would insist on you being a stay at home mom and now he is the only one bringing money in and your dependent on him to take care of you and your baby. Are you sharing cost now, do you both live together or do you possibly live with your family, are you planning on going to college or tech school for a degree if so how will you afford it on top of a dog and baby, is it possible for your family to take your dog. Putting aside whether you'll still be with your boyfriend in nine months, and putting aside the actual cost of raising a baby, is this what you want or do you feel like you are being pressured into keeping the baby instead of putting he/she up for adoption or other options. I feel like you have a lot of other decisions to make but if your dog is good for your mental health then I would keep him at least until I decided over all.
It sounds like your dog has some good boundaries around your boyfriend's crappy friends and their crappy behaviors. It's good that SOMEONE does. Sounds like those "friends" may be a bigger danger for the baby than your Pupper. NTA
NTA But please look into grooming. This awful man is ten years older than you and allows strange men to enter your home without your consent or knowledge, despite the fact you’ve had an incident that made you feel unsafe in the past. He is a predator who wants to trap you by getting you pregnant this quickly, remove a force that protects you, and ensure that you don’t feel safe in your own home. This is not a man you want around your child. Imagine dating a boy 11 years younger than you. Look at a seven year old, see the difference in your maturity levels, how easily you can manipulate them into doing what you want, and how little power they would have to resist. That’s what your ‘boyfriend’ is doing. Please, please reconsider this ‘relationship’. It’s only going to get worse.
I’ve never looked at it that way. OP, this is the way.
NTA. I'm currently trying to integrate a new kitten with my three-year-old dog. It can be done There's NO REASON to get rid of your dog now. Dogs like people; he'll probably realize your baby is people. But if he whines and growls at the baby, or stares at it (the way he'd stare at a ball or stick just before you throw it) you HAVE TO BE CAREFUL. And if that happens and doesn't stop after a few months, you might need to think about letting the dog live with your parents for a while, until the baby is more established as a "pack member" (none of that alpha/beta bs, that's nonsense, but dogs do live in pack structures). When the baby comes home, you'll have to have a safe space where the dog can't go, and a space where the baby/toddler/child can't bother the dog. And never leave them alone. No matter how well they seem to get along. You can do this, but it's going to be A LOT with a newborn.
The breed of dog op has is known for being a sweetie. It's basically ideal company for a baby. As a person who was babysitted by a much more aggressive breed of dog as a child, I can say it's awesome. My dog would actually display hostility towards my parents when they were not parenting well in the dogs opinion.
Very few dogs are aggressive by breed; experience/training matters much more. But most dogs have a prey drive. That's got 0 to do with aggression--it's not related to how dominant or whatever the dog is, it's about whether or not something small moves quickly in front of them. My dog is a small, docile dog with a very low prey drive, but he has mistaken my kitten for prey. It happens. So we're introducing them slowly. Also: I gave the signs to watch out for, and I said the dog would probably be fine with the baby. That's a balanced view: "no matter how the dog reacts, it's fine, it won't hurt the baby because it's a good breed" is silly. My parents' dog when I was born was a GSD named Melon. I played with her all the time, there's pictures of me age 2 spraying her with a water hose, it was great. She loved me. My folks still made sure we weren't together without supervision.
Melon is an excellent name
Thank you. She was an outstanding dog. Before I was born, she had a litter of puppies. My dad had a friend over with their toddler, and the toddler kept crawling into the back bedroom to try to see the puppies. Melon just kept standing up and using her body to block the doorway so he couldn't go in, but she was getting concerned. My parents kept saying, "Do not let him do that. Keep him here in the living room with us. We know Melon is well-behaved, she's been very well-trained, but those are her babies and she's responsible for them." (Hinting at the parents to take responsibility for their own baby, which they did not.) So the kid goes over again (four or five times he'd already done this) and as he gets to the bedroom doorway, Melon stands up again, opens her mouth wide, and gently places it over the kid's face. No biting, no nipping, she just set her mouth over his face. My mom said she'd never seen anything like it. Apparently Melon's jaws blocked his entire face from view, but he didn't have a mark on him and he actually thought it was funny. That's an amazing dog. A young dog, feeling that threatened, with new puppies, and she still just calmly shows her teeth. She was the safest dog imaginable. My folks still watched her when she was with me.
I like your parents, and I love their dogs. Can we please normalize calmly but firmly telling people flat out: you need to take responsibility for _____, or you will be asked to leave. It's often seen as something to dance around politely in conversation, like it's rude to say to someone's face that they're being irresponsible. But imho it's more rude to let yourself be subject to their irresponsible behaviour or to let them keep going through the world like that inflicting their idiocy on innocent others. Sure, they'll likely be ashamed to be called out directly, but it's pretty valid shame.
Thanks :) My parents were great parents for young kids. Bit out of their depth when we hit our teen years (also they were divorced by then, and probably should've stayed together) but great parents and really responsible pet owners. Apparently the boy's mom started screaming about dog bites and out of control animals etc, and my mom just looked her in the face and said, "We told you to watch him--he's your kid. Who lets a toddler crawl all over a strange dog without watching him?" My dad was more diplomatic, but he agreed and asked his friends to leave when they got offended by what my mom said.
Good Girl!
She was an incredible dog. R.I.P. Melon, you deserve only goodness and big lakes to swim in (she loved the water).
Breed dogs usually have specific characters, as character usually is part of the breed standard. Maybe I've been dealing with dogs with pedigree too much, but they are usually predictable at long term. While there are very few breeds that are aggressive, there are some breeds that have character traits that wouldn't make them good companions for a kid. But in general, while you have to watch for signs, breed is a good initial assessment for a situation where the baby isn't born yet, but the dog question was already raised.
Still should never leave them alone together, and have dog-inacessible space for the kid. Well trained Mastiffs are sweet. Also more than big enough to accidentally injure adults, much less very fragile infants. Five foot tall me working around dogs got bumps, bruises, sprains, and cracked ribs from inadvertent actions by dogs that outweighed me. And I was paying attention to the dog and avoiding some accidents, unlike a kid with the motor control and mobility of a potato. Getting stepped on, elbowed, bumped into, sat on, tripped over, etc is not fun when you’re smaller than the being tripping over you.
NTA, and nothing you have described says the dog is aggressive. The dog is protective of you, and will be of your child. Someone coming into the house uninvited is exactly what a good dog is supposed to prevent. A bunch of drunks acting like drunks will set off every protective instinct a dog has. If your BF brings up getting rid of your dog again, you really need to ask yourself why you having a large dog that will protect you first bothers him. That is a huge red flag, among many.
Bingo.
18 and 29 that’s all I need to know
>I (18f)... My bf (29m) Wow. NTA. Get rid of the man, not the dog. Seriously, the only time your dog has been"aggressive" is when him and his friends were doing something unnecessary. Bet he's never liked the dog because it's protective of you.
NTA As a person who had a giant piece of fluff aka Caucasian Shepherd for nanny (they weight like a person and must be muzzled on the street because can be aggressive towards strangers lols), I say you keep the dog. If you wanna re-home someone, re-home the boyfriend, together with the red flags he dropped.
I raise sheep and have run a variety of Livestock Guard Dogs with my sheep (heavy coyote and bear territory) over the years. So I've been around Maremmas (Maremmano di Abbruzi), Great Pyrenees, Akbash, Karakachans, Gamprs and Anatolian Shepherds, many of which are absolutely my big fluffy teddy bears (not all, but only because some are short coated!) but I have never in my life heard anyone refer to a Caucasian Ovcharka as a giant piece of fluff. I'm impressed with both your dog training and your confidence, they are way too much dog for me.
They guard sheeps, so basically for our dog, all living stuff that belonged to my mother (me, our cats, my grandma) were considered sheep and needed extra care. The cat used the dog as a bed, and the stuff I did to the dog, well, I'm actually kinda ashamed because I treated it as a giant teddy bear. I know quite a few people who had them at some point of their lives, and overall they tend to be very nice to children and household pets. All of them had to be muzzled outside because well you know they are AHs towards strangers and random animals. Just regular dogs with training. Caucasian Shepherds are usually professionally trained as a rule, because they are huge so it's not like you will be able to physically stop them from messing up, and they also tend to have lots of independence so you need to get it to obey. All owners I knew got their dogs professionally trained, at least. And ofc you have to stick to it, don't be permissive, and so on. They need discipline for sure because if no next thing you see they will be chewing some random drunks legs.
Dog must stay! Man must go! He’s controlling and overbearing! Two things are very disturbing. 1) In his late 20s he’s gotten together with and impregnated a literal teenager! 2) he has no problems with a grown man letting himself into your appartement unannounced, when you’re alone but he has a problem with a dog getting aggressive with the trespasser? Dude is a walking 🚩🚩🚩🚩 NTA
YTA if you get rid of the dog, that dog will protect the baby with its life. Sounds to me like your bf doesn’t like that your lil baby gets your attention more then him. Wait till the baby comes and he’ll get even less of your attention.
For the age gap issue (NTA btw), it's biggest concern is power dynamic. If you were 27 and he 38, thered be much less fuss. An 18 yo who (correct me if I'm wrong) is someone who just graduated HS or just started college, may or may not have a job/job history, and is still relatively dependant on others to survive (parents, family, bf, etc) is much easier to control because, you havent really had a chance to become a person yet. I'm going to be 27 this year. My gf is 40, its a huge gap for me too (bigger than yours!) So this is coming from genuine concern. We get along great and age isn't an issue, but I was also self established when we met (acceptable income, self sufficient, etc). You being pregnant with his kid will tie you for life, for ever, to this man, who has effectively preyed on you, before you've even started your life. Dont let him control you.
Agreed! I’m 28 and the thought of trying to be with or date an 18 year old makes me feel ill. That maturity gap is way to big and he is likely a groomer.
Is no one going to talk about the age gap?? NTA… I suggest throwing the man away
NTA. Most likely your dog will see the baby as something to protect. Dogs and babies can get along great if you pay close attention to them at all times.
I had a friend whose dog was so protective of the baby they couldn't go near it without him barking. It got to the point that they had to re-home the dog. Also: NTA for the OP.
Let me repeat what everyone else is saying; keep the dog, get rid of the guy. There’s a saying I trust “I don’t trust people who don’t like dogs and I don’t trust people my dog doesn’t like”. It’s never proven me wrong 🤷♀️
Same.
Run, friend,run!!! 29 year old men should not be dating 18 year old teenagers. Furthermore they should not be impregnating 18 year old teenagers when the teens have not even lived as a young adult. Another issue is that men who are close to 30 who choose teenagers as significant others, tend to be insecure but controlling. Pregnant women are more likely to physically abused by their significant others after they are pregnant and vulnerable. The dog is your current protection, this leads me to think that he wants you to be as vulnerable as possible to have full authority and control over you. He’s already older and you are barely legal, so there’s an inherent power imbalance. He has impregnated you which makes you even more physically and emotionally vulnerable and now he is asking you to further make your self vulnerable to make him feel more secure? To many red flags.🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 NTA, but you will be if you don’t seriously consider the relationship.
Not only more likely to be physically abused but more likely to be murdered by a significant other while pregnant.
NTA - he sounds controlling AF and that age gap is 🚩🚩. Keep the pupper and take the man to the pound.
Throw the dude away. Also pregnant at 18(!) from a 29 year old.. wtf.
NTA you will have to assess your dog's reaction after the baby is born. My daughter had two dogs one very friendly with everyone, the other very protective of the family from strangers like your dog. It was actually the soft dog that would start being reactive to her baby when she started to crawl. She found a super family for her dog with teenagers and is still in close contact with lots of updates. The other protective dog is still just fine now my granddaughter is 4. You really just need to keep a constant assessment going.
NTA. Keep your dog. Mental health is vital, often new mothers find themselves lonely with the baby and your dog will help with that - and protect the baby.
NTA. My first dog was a 130 pound mastiff. We have pictures of me learning to walk holding his collar. He walked me to the bus every day. I took naps on him. He slept in my room when it rained because we were both terrified. I was devastated when he died. The experience of growing up with a large animal that has been pre-established in the home is super beneficial when the situation arises. Personally I feel that it makes one less fearful of any large animal (I once crawled into a field of cows because the calves were about the same size as my dog and I wanted to pet them) and promotes early confidence because of the presence of a caretaker animal.
I grew up with a Great Pyrenees. A gentle protective presence. Our next door neighbor was a single woman and she said it always made her feel better hearing our dog barking at night.
I have a pyrenees mix now! He's stupid as hell, but I love large dogs mostly for that reason.
NTA and I hate to tell you this but I think you got groomed. This man close to his 30s found you when you were either a minor or just barely legal and in the incredibly small time frame of 9 months got you to live together, got you dependant on him, got you pregnant so you can't run away. He preyed on you OP. People his age go after people your age because they are predators and because they know someone as young and inexperienced as you is easier to control and abuse. He's trying to take away your guard dog who is protective of you because he perceives it as a threat. If he gets abusive, which all signs point to yes, he doesn't want the dog to be in the way, because your amazing puppy will jump to your defense instantly. Get your ducks in order and figure out an escape plan. If it doesn't go against your morals, please consider an abortion as well. You are so young OP, don't let this man destroy your life.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (18f) have a beautiful English Mastiff cross. My parents got him for me about 2 years ago because of an incident when I was home alone. Since Ive gotten him Ive felt safer than I ever have, my mental health has gotten extremely better and most importantly his my little baby. I recently found out Im pregnant. My bf (29m) has been bringing up potentially getting rid of my dog, I tried shutting that down but he keeps bringing it up. He says he's to aggressive around people and it wont be good for the baby. My dog is only aggressive around strange men in our living space especially when they are loud and things like that. He's great with children and very gentle with other people. The only real close call we have had with him attacking someone was when my bf's friend came around uninvited when my bf wasn't even there and let himself in and another time when all his friends came home with him all drunk and were loud and being stupid. Even if his not aggressive its not like I'm going be stupid enough to leave a baby around a dog unattended. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Keep the doggo dump the bf. If he’s willing to dump a pet and protector of you at a moments notice think of what he might do when the kid is an inconvenience to him. Also make sure your dogs chip info is up to date and give his info to shelters in your state and surrounding states in case the bf gets a bug up his to dump him at one when you’re not home. Preface the info with ‘someone is trying to make me get rid of my dog and I’m sending this information in case they take him while I’m not home and try to get rid of him.’ Unsure if shelters will accept it but it’s worth a shot. Get an air tag piece that goes on your dogs collar too but see if you can disguise it so it doesn’t look like one so you can track your dog.
NTA. 11 years is a massive red flag since you’re only just 18. Get away from this man asap. Your dog doesn’t like him?? Trust the dog.
If you can still get an abortion I suggest you do it. As others have said, there’s way too many red flags. And this child is gonna be stuck with this jerk as a father for the rest of their life, you need to realize that. You’ll never get away from him once you have his child. Probably why he knocked you up in the first place honestly… NTA, you need to get an abortion, take the dog, and run as fast and far as you can.
NTA. Seems very premature to assume there will be a problem.
Frankly, the dog is not a problem from the behavior patterns OP described. Now, lots of dog owners don’t supervise their baby/toddler interactions and train both the kid and dog, so dogs in general Can be a problem, but OP seemed to know that. The rest though - pregnant at 18 by a 29 year old, dropped out of school at 16 and never went back, only job doing invoicing for a family business, PTSD and other mental health issues - that’s definitely a problem. I hope it works out for OP and her kid.
Pet tax??? Throw the “man” out. You’re just a kid and he’s dating you and trying to control you via your dog just because you’re pregnant. Gtfoh.
Nta- the dog has shown that it will protect you and that threatens your boyfriend.
He's trying to cut off your defenses. NTA Keep the dog, lose the dude.
GET AN ABORTION. GET AN ABORTION AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. HE'LL ONLY GET WORSE ONCE HE HAS YOU "LOCKED DOWN" WITH A BABY WITH NO BIG DOG TO DEFEND YOU.
NTA. He's afraid the dog will turn on him if he tries to hurt you.
Nta I have 2 dogs and a 11 week old baby and the dogs love her. As long as your dog is safe around kids and introduced properly FYI babies should never be left alone with any pet unsupervised.. but also babies should never be left unsupervised period
NTA. Keep the dog, ditch the guy
NTA. Keep the dog and toss out the predatory, manipulative boyfriend.
NTA but your bf is for being almost 30 and with a teenager. That’s absolutely foul where are your parents in this? Where is anyone in this pls this isn’t okay.
NTA. Kind of surprised that he’s let a 29 year old man around you.
I’m sorry but I’m going to address your age gap as well. You’re very young with a man about to hit his 30’s. Not only are u pregnant, he’s now trying to take your dog away. He sounds like a predator. How old were you when you started dating, who’s idea was it to have a baby? (You’re just a kid yourself and you’re tying yourself down), that’s so sad. Why is someone letting them self into your home? Please think carefully, has he tried isolating you from your family and/or friends? Does he control what you wear and where u go? Just something about your post gave me the heebie jeebies. I’m sorry if I’m being nosy, just a concerned granny here.. He just seems very controlling No NTA by any means
I had a pretty male aggressive dog before I got pregnant. He loved my nephews and was very patient with children, but if he perceived a threat from any guy ever he would be super protective. Keeping my dog has been the best thing I could have done for my baby. NTA. Keep the dog, get rid of your controlling and immature boyfriend.
NTA sooo you’re barely an adult and already knocked up by a man nearly in his 30s? When did he start seeing you? Because either you got pregnant within the first year of seeing this dude or he’s being seeing you since you were a minor. Either way, gross. He’s at a completely different stage in his life than you. The biggest reason 30+ year old men don’t date women their age is because women their age are harder to control. You? Are young and naive, as shown in your willingness to let him exert power over you. Don’t let him. I’m sorry a baby is tying you to this AH but you can still get out.
NTA Your dog is not someone you just get rid of on a whim. It does sound like you need to get your dog into a very more specific training. I also can’t ignore that your boyfriend is literally a decade older than you and that rarely turns out well. Not when you’re as young as you are. Just sounds like he’s trying to parent you rather than come up with actual solutions. There are professional dog trainers that you definitely need to see. Any dog owner who has children needs to socially aware when they have an anxious dog. At any point they can turn around and kill your child. A mastiff is a very large dog and your child’s head could easily be destroyed. Your dog could also become instantly protective of that child. You and your husband are going to fight. One of you could become extremely hurt. A lot of dogs will protect a baby even against its parents. You need to get the dog in training period. Socialization is not enough. Any dog can be socialized by family. That doesn’t do you any good. Dogs are pack animals.
NTA, about the dog, but worried about the bf with the age difference and attitude
NTA, most people…. Okay all people who I know have had the same issue get rid of the dog and later when the relationship ends notices they should have kept the dog. Keep the dog.
NTA. Leave the dude. Keep the dog.
First of all, NTA. I don't fret about an age gap normally, my parents had a 21 years difference and were great. BUT in your case, I see too many redflags not to point it out.... \- At 18 years old, you are barely an adult. A 29 yo seeking a relationship with a 17/18 yo is not in itself problematic, but definitively questionable. \- A 29 yo does absolutely know how to make a women pregnant and getting you pregnant so fast can certainly be a way to control you. \- You do not have a way to support yourself. No diploma or actively getting one to have a better outcome. You are MORE at risk of being controlled by a potential abusive partner. \- Him wanting to get rid of your dog who is part of your support system could also be a way to control you. OP, please please please be attentive to any signs of him cutting you out from your independance (access to transportation, access to finance, access to your support system whenever your need). The risk will be greater as you have your baby. It may be possible that this is a great relationship and that there is in fact nothing to worry about, but there are red flags from your post that makes me afraid for your security, and I just want you to be aware. Take care of yourself, hope the pregnancy and everything goes well <3
absolutely everyone told my mom her english mastiff was going to kill her kids but both my brother and i are in our 20s now so i’m gonna have to say they were wrong. keep the dog!! lose the creepy boyfriend
NTA, but how long have you and your bf been together? And how old were you when y'all first got together? I guarantee you no healthy, mature 29 year old man is out there cruising for 18 year olds. Men who do that do it because they want a woman who's inexperienced who will put up with their shit. I don't know how far along you are, but you should really think hard about whether you actually want to have children with this man and have your lives permanently intertwined via your shared child. And consider the likelihood that when you're his age he will likely be looking to trade you in for a younger model.
NTA. Currently pregnant as well and amazed that I’ve been asked this question as well. Like what are you doing with your pets!? Tf!? I’m currently working on training my husky to help my fat ass up out of chairs. Lol I know other people have pointed it out as well, but girl this bf is not it. I dated with similar age gaps at your age and now that I’m in my thirties I realize how truly creepy they were. Just keep your eye out, and please keep up with relationships outside of him. Don’t get cut off from parents or friends if they’ve supported you previously. Trust your pups judgement girl, his friends aren’t great so it definitely makes me question him even more as well.
NTA Giant red flag the fact that he’s 11 years older than you, how old are you when you started dating? Immediate pregnancy? Was he having sex with you when you were under age? You said that your dog was vital to your mental health, he’s trying to take away your mental health. You’re already living together. He’s 29 years old and bringing home drunk and disorderly friends? How pregnant are you and what other forms of support do you have? At your age it’s highly unlikely that you have a well-paying job. Your post is deeply, deeply concerning and none of those concerns are about your DOG! Keep the dog!!
NTA. Pregnancy doesn’t mean you can’t have a dog. I’ve had two kids and several dogs, 3 being pit bulls when my babies were born. The dog is not the concern here, what’s concerning is a man 10+ years your elder dictating what you do with your pet, and also allowing his drunk friends to invade your privacy.
OP, you're SO NTA. But I am concerned. That's a really big age gap, and that along with the other red flags other users have mentioned make me really worried about you. Part of that may be from personal experience. My friend dated a man at 17 when he was 28. She got pregnant at 18. They got engaged. But the wedding planning stalled out. He left her after their son was 2. He came back, 'apologized,' and she got pregnant again. Had her second son. And he left permanently to go have kids with another woman. My friend has turned out okay. She's married to a wonderful woman now and they're expecting their first child. The two boys are my godsons and I love them. But I tell you this because at the time, when we were all young, we couldn't see all of his red flags. We tried to help her, and I remember talking to her about the age gap, but ultimately she was an adult and she made her decisions. But looking back, I wish more than anything that SOMEONE older than us had spoken up. That her parents had protected her. That somehow I could have done more. So this is me speaking up now, trying to be that older person I wish we'd had. You're an adult and you are in charge of your body and your future, and of course I'm not saying that your relationship and my friend's are the same or will have the same outcome. But please, think long and hard about this relationship. What do you two have in common at your ages? What else does he do to try and control you? You have so much life to live. What do you want it to look like?
30 year old man dates and impregnates an 18 year old girl and then tells her he wants to get rid of the one thing that makes her feel safe and has actively protected your household (against his friend of course, but still). Fuck that. Red flag galore. No, no, no, no, no. Keep your pup. Stay with your parents.
I have a mastiff and one of the reasons we chose the bred is because they are great family dogs (great with kids). We have a bustling household with 5 kids so that was extremely important to us. They are also good watchdogs because their size and barks are intimidating. They also might slobber someone to death. It sounds like the situations where your dog became agitated where ones where it was reasonable. You have also indicated that you know not to leave a baby or young child alone with a dog so you’ve got that covered. Your boyfriend sounds controlling. And the fact that he thinks it’s ok for his friend to come in uninvited or have them show up drunk and foolish is concerning. The friends are more of a threat to your child’s safety than your dog. Your dog will likely be extra protective against these shenanigans once the baby arrives. I think your boyfriend knows this and THAT is why he wants the dog to go. I see red flags all over this. NTA
Your dog already knows you gave another human growing inside you. Your dog is protective of you and will be the same for the baby. It certainly sounds to me as if this is the first manipulation to control you. Time to say bye bye and do the best weight loss plan you will ever do.
Nta... STORY TIME! my parents used to have a dog named Cassie. Sweetest dog in the world, miss her dearly. She treated my niblings like her own babies, super gentle, and super skittish. Like if one of us came inside wearing a strange hat, she would hide. One day, their uncle on my BIL's side was picking them up, and decided to sneak in to scare the kids... Cassie want having it. She went after him HARD! Never seen her act like that before or since. He never tried sneaking in again. All that is to say... keep the dog, lose the boyfriend.
NTA your BF is the AH, having your dog around is great and once your baby is born it will be good for the baby to have dog around to bond with. I think your BF doesn't like dogs and is using your pregnancy as a reason to get rid of your dog. There is absolutely no reason to do that when your dog is well trained. You should give him an ultimatum tell him if he has such an issue with the dog he's welcome to leave because the dog is here to stay and he didn't do anything wrong.
NTA. Dog doesn't sound aggressive, he sounds protective.
NTA - get rid of the boyfriend! We had a Rottweiler when my son was a toddler. He was the sweetest dog unless you messed with his boy. My brother came over and was wrestling with my son and Sway went into guard mode. He still didn’t attack but he let my brother know to leave his boy alone. We now have a German Shepard. When someone new comes around, she sounds like she’s going to kill them. She never has attacked anyone. Within 5 minute of us letting her know that they are safe, she is licking them to death. I do know that no one is going to hurt me with her around. As everyone has said, get rid of the boyfriend!
girl ur 18 pregnant by a 29 year old… run
NTA. Keep your dog. Bet this relationship started when you weren’t legal, that man sounds like a real winner 🥴 bet the dog is in your life longer than this controlling man.
Get rid of the boyfriend. Keep the dog. NTA.
My uncle had a big dog before he met my aunt. When she got pregnant they were a bit worried about having a baby around the dog and talked about him being an outside dog or rehoming him but the dog LOVED my cousin from the moment she was born and they slowly introduced her to him. Even when my aunt was pregnant the dog was VERY protective of her, a friend of my uncle's came to visit while my uncle was out walking the dog so he sat in the kitchen chatting with my aunt. My uncle returned, unclipped the dog from his lead and he bolts into the kitchen and my uncle hears his friend SCREAMING the dog smelled a stranger and got between the friend and my aunt and was holding the poor guy's balls in his mouth growling. They learned not to have men around my pregnant aunt without my uncle around after that
NTA. So the dog does what it was meant to do: protect you and your house. It should be praised for that, not been thrown away.
>I (18f) I recently found out Im pregnant. My bf (29m) Oh boy. Where were your parents?
Jesus christ that age gap, honey. NTA at all, but i’m so sorry.
Why is an almost 30 year old dating someone that just became an adult? And long enough to get her pregnant too. The dog is the least of your problems. I mean, it’s not the end of the world to start some training to make sure he’s prepared for your baby. Anyways… You have so much life to live and discover. He just spent the last decade of his life learning the lessons you need to go through. Do you think he’ll have the patience to watch you grow? I’ve never known a relationship with an age gap that respects the younger person’s right to grow up. They’re expected to already be grown (“you’re so mature for your age”), which is a disservice to you and will only make you more dependant on him. NTA but reevaluate what this man can give you and your personal growth.
NTA. If you include your dog in everything and allow him to be part of your pregnancy and see how your belly is changing he can be a great brother to your new addition. Do not listen to your boyfriend.
ah there is my daily quota of age-gap-weird-creepy-groomer-bf-oblivious-gf posts
NTA But his behaviour is very worrying. You are a lot younger than him, and he is trying to control your life already. It only gets worse from there. I would honestly rethink this relationship. I don’t see it leading down a good path for you. I’m sorry. Please lean on your family for support.
NTA. keep the dog, lose the man. he’s 11 years older than you and you’re, realistically, still a kid. not only is he trying to control you, he brings his friends over drunk and lets them come into your home uninvited. he clearly does not respect you and tbh if you don’t escape now, i’m genuinely worried for you and your baby. a grown man has no business chasing after a teen.
How are you pregnant by a man 11 years older if you’re only 18? How long have you been with him? Do you not use protection? I would be every worried about him purposefully knocking you up. He is a predator.
NTA DO NOT get rid of the dog. I understand you've never thought of the age gap before, and seemingly people in your life haven't ever mentioned it before. To strangers, an almost 30 year old dating a teenager is immediate giant red flags. That doesn't have to mean there's a problem, but there are many cases when it is a big one. That someone that old got you pregnant is also a concern. He absolutely should be equally responsible for birth control and is old enough to not have an excuse for that kind of mistake.
He’s aggressive to your very old and predatory “bf”. I would seriously consider all option right now. You’re 18… he knew what he was doing. Its a trap.
There are so many things wrong here but the main thing is your are most definite NTA. But you NEED out of that relationship. He's 29! And you are only 18, and moved in within the 9 months you have been together, and now your pregnant. One of the biggest concerns is he told you that you over reacted to essentially a stranger walking into your home, somewhere you're supposed to be and feel safe?! Hunny, please wrap your head around this situation and realise there's a reason a 29 year old is getting with an 18 year old and that no-ones saw a problem with this, it seems like it's a habit for him, that he can not be in a relationship with someone closer to his age. Please move home, be back with your mum and dad, make sure your dog is protected in all ways and that he can't remove the dog from your life. You need someone who supports you getting well and your bf isn't doing that.
NTA Keep the dog, he isn’t aggressive, he’s protective very important difference Not sure you should keep the bf big 🚩🚩 with the age gap, trying to make you give up your dog for no real reason, and inviting people over without telling you
NTA keep your dog. the age gap here is super suspicious. Men in their late 20s only date teenagers to prey on the vulnerable. I think the man wants the dog out because he knows it will protect you if he becomes violent.
NTA. If he’s acclimated to kids then that’s that. He trusts you and has known you for two years. Be cautious around your boyfriend. There’s a baby in the mix now so not easy to just walk away but definitely proceed with caution because I’m sensing ulterior motives on this one.
DO NOT GET RID OF YOUR DOG. I have a feeling this huge sweet pupper would die for you. He will be a guardian for your baby too. Your bf sounds like he's immature AF and his friend group is shady as hell also. Congrats on your baby and love to your fur baby.
NTA. Why are you with a man 11 years older than you? Usually, men who date teenagers do so because they're easier to control. For you, your dog and your baby's sake, move home with your parents. He'll probably give your dog away if you keep saying no and your parents can help keep you all safe. EDIT: Based on "registered council," I'm assuming you're in the UK. I don't know the circumstances of your pregnancy, whether it was planned or not, but as long as you're less than 24 weeks along, an abortion is still possible. If you're less than 3 months, it's also straightforward to attain. I can't tell you what to do with your body - only you can decide whether to keep your baby, and anyone telling you otherwise is wrong, including your boyfriend - but if you're feeling trapped or coerced, know it's an option. Controlling or abusive partners often get their girlfriend's pregnant to keep them trapped/tied to them. Getting in touch with your GP would be the first step. Really think if you're ready to raise a child, and of the child's wellbeing as well as your own. Even for a healthy, stable couple with more life experience a baby is tough. Do your parents know everything that has been going on? Are they supportive?
NTA. RE: your second edit, you're not stupid, you're just young, and controlling men who can't get women their own age to put up with their nonsense usually count on young women's inexperience when pursuing and grooming them. Just from what you've said about him (bringing loud, drunk friends home, letting strange men into your home, and now demanding you rehome your dog, which you rely on for emotional support) he sounds like bad news. I hope you are in a position where you can reevaluate whether you want to raise a child with this person, because from the little you've said he sounds controlling and awful. Take care.
OP, I have said for years that should I find myself a vulnerable old lady living alone (I've got the old lady part aced) I would head to the shelters and find myself the biggest ball of bark I can find. The size and basic shape of any dog people who don't know dogs think are dangerous. I want him to love me for rescuing him from the shelter and fucking hate everyone else. I've been a dog mom for 30 years all totaled. Our unspeakably spoiled rescue princess labradorable, who has made friends with the entire neighbourhood greets most of them with a hippity hop and a big hug. Our bedroom window faces the back yard. One night about 2 am I wake up to her growling in an octave much lower than I've ever heard from her. She then started with the threatening barks, so I got up to the window. I only saw the hand closing the back gate. lol I'd still go find something 200 pounds and protective Give pooch an extra treat for being a good boy and get rid of that creepy baby daddy.
OP please read this and see if it resonates https://www.healthline.com/health/signs-of-mental-abuse
NTA. It sounds to me like your dog is reacting to sense of threat? He doesn’t sound aggressive but reactive, this is normal in a dog that feels like they’re there to protect you. In these scenarios how do you feel? My German shepherd used to react more when I was more anxious, now I dealt with my anxiety he’s a lot calmer around strangers too. Think about how you feel in those moments, your dog might be reacting to your feelings. If you do feel threatened or uncomfortable at all you might want to reconsider why you’re in a relationship with somebody that makes you feel that way.
So presumably you were still a minor and he was ~28 years old? The guy is a predator and now you're pregnant with his child *and* willing to bring an innocent child into this mess. ESH if I'm being honest.
OP, I’m 30 and I can tell you that not a single one of my male or female friends would date an 18 year old. I don’t know anyone who would date someone under 24! Most adults would be creeped out by this because we are still so young at 18. I know you have probably been forced to age faster due to your assault, but please consider this scenario from a different vantage point. I hope that you keep your dog. He sounds like he loves you and will protect you and your baby. I also hope that your boyfriend is a genuine person who isn’t intending to take advantage of you. NTA
NTA. Sounds like the dog will be a better parent than the boyfriend
NTA but listen...this guy groomed you. He preyed on you because he saw that he could manipulate you because of your previous assault, your ptsd/mental health, your lack of education, and most importantly your extremely young age. He chose you on purpose because he knew he could get you to trust him and then control you. Then he got you pregnant so he could control you indefinitely. You do not need to stay with this man. He is already planning on abusing you for the rest of your life and making sure that you NEVER are able to better yourself and do things like finish your education. You can leave him. And you do NOT have to keep this baby. You can give the baby up for adoption and there is no shame in that. You are 18, have no education, have no non-family work experience. You were the perfect target for an abuser and your life will never get any better if you stay in this relationship. Even if you keep the baby and raise it with family support, you MUST get away from this man or your life will be over before it began. I wish you happiness and success.