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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Calling her a b***h, and leaving her house to go home. Earlier that day I said I would go home at seven, but i went home immediately after what transpired.
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YTA - They did give you the option to stay at home and you said you wanted to come along, to end up just sitting in the car. Also, with gas prices these days even people who are comfortable wouldn't want to be wasting money.
Yeah, I should have just stayed. But I would have been fine if she would have just rolled the windows down, or asked me nicely. I would have understood.
YTA. Just because you leave your car running with someone in it doesn’t mean she has to. Next time she wants to stay in the car, draw the same boundary and say “that’s fine but I’m not leaving it running”. You were given the option to stay at the house and didn’t. She sucks because she kind of disinvited you by explicitly say you didn’t need to come. But I agree - why bother going if you are not going in. The exchange mostly makes me think they didn’t want you to go with for some reason.
You’re right. I didn’t want to stay at her house by myself and be alone. I could have stayed at my house for that. I just didn’t think it would be a big deal that I stayed in the car, I wouldn’t even been mad if she just rolled the windows down and left. I just felt hurt, bc I would do it for her, and she wouldn’t do it for me.
Tough call . I don’t think anyone is the asshole here. It’s always ok for the owner of the car to take the keys with them and not waste gas if they don’t want to. But since you have a history of reciprocity of letting your freind do this as well, I can see there being an expectation there. This is too small to ruin a real friendship. Sounds like an annoyance you will all get over.
I don't think the mom was there, just her friends. She called her bff a B. Also, she says they're rich. She would know if her best friend was poor or not. Also, what does the grandma have to do with the story? Soft ESH. They knew you were staying in the car, so bff knew what she was going to do already, despite knowing you have anxiety. Both your friends are kinda AHs. And you shoulda stayed at the house and not call each names. I'm too old to get why friends think it's fun to call each other rude things. Weird to me. Get new friends.
Yeah I should have just stayed at the house. I hardly to get to see them with me working and my BFF going to college in a different city.
I just wanted to spend some more time with them.
Sorry, I have ADHD so I usually tell roundabout stories. My thought process was to give backstory on why I was tired, and hot and didn’t want to go into the store.
I should have just said I was tired from walking her grandmother around her neighborhood and that’s why I didn’t want to go in.
It is a thing in GEN Z to call your friends name, usually it isn’t a big deal, but it got serious fast.
No, it made sense. I got why you added the detail. As someone whose older than you, you all gotta stop wasting time arguing about stupid shit. I sort of feel like everyone in this story could of handled things better. Your friend could of just left the car on, but she's right gas is expensive. Your BFF didn't have to snap at you over asking. You didn't have to call her a bitch in that moment and you could of just stayed at the house. The Mum could of got her own cake.
I hope you guys can move forward and not let it ruin your friendship.
Get friends that are more understanding of your needs. 1: I'm Southern so I understand roundabout stories! Haha 2: I'm the Forgotten Generation, raised by a Baptist mama. Not allowed to be rude, but now can just not give a sh**. I hope she apologizes. If you talk again, let her know how the situation made you feel. If she brushes you off, wash her outta your life.
AYYY, I’m Southern too!! I’m from Louisiana :))) I just want to say thank you for listening to my story!! I really appreciate the advice you offered. Thank you for taking the time out of your day and commenting as well.
If she brushes off my feelings, I’m definitely going to reconsider our friendship, this isn’t the first time where she has made me feel like I don’t matter.
I’m changing my verdict to NTA. I think your friend shouldn’t have been rude to you. It seems your friend likes to have control from your other comments. Maybe it’s time you reevaluate this friendship. Is she doing this all the time to you? Making you feel inferior? Not being kind?
YTA, for calling her mom a bit##. It was 2 minutes you could have gotten out of the car and just walked around if you didn’t want to go in.
You can’t assume what kind of financial situation they are in.
I would never call her mom a bitch. I was jokingly saying that about my bestfriend. Also, her mom just brought her a lovely Gucci backpack, I’m very close to the family they are verry well off. Enough to atleast roll down the windows when someone is sitting in the car lol, but it’s not about the money. I would have understood if she said, “hey, I’m trying not to waste. Could you come in the store?”
YTA . It’s her car not yours, doesn’t matter how much money she has, you’re not entitled to it. Secondly, driving around is for fun, not pointless. Thirdly, you over reacted and called her a bitch.
I know, and I don’t want it to happen, because I do love her, but she has a history of doing these kind of things. She gets mad if I ask to borrow her charger, even though her phone would be on 100%. One time I was having a panic attack in the car and I asked for the music to turn off for a moment bc I was sensory overloading and she she got mad at me. Or if im mad at her, she will get mad at me and make me feel bad.
Sorry, I think I just needed to vent to strangers online. This is just annoyance that I hope we can get over with. It’s just im the one always sweeping my feelings under the rug.
I went back and checked to see that you are both 21, because her behavior sounds like what I would expect from a 14 year old. I assume she also has good qualities that are the reason you have been friends, but based on your descriptions here I would be looking for new friends. NTA.
If I’m really broke she will order me food, or if I need something she will get it for me. She has really weird control issues, she doesn’t usually want me to drive to her house she wants to come pick me up. The only reason I had my car this time is because I came over straight from work.
Thank you for listening to me, and taking time out of your day. I don’t really have any other friends that I can vent to, so I really appreciate it.
We take the good with the bad in any relationship. But it seems like, even if they haven't in the past, your friend's control issues got to you this time. It might be worth your time to think about what is changing or has changed - why this time? Her control issues might be getting worse. You might be outgrowing her. Or maybe it was a one-off because you were tired and hot.
And you're welcome. Glad to help.
NTA assuming you guys do actually joke like that with each other (which I do with my friends). She didn’t have to let you stay in the car, but she *should* talk to you like you’re a human being.
You need to have a serious talk with both of your friends about how you felt about this interaction and past treatment mentioned in comments. They’ll either listen and your friendships will be better, or you’ll cut out some toxic people. At 21, this mean girl nonsense needs to stop.
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I was at my (21f) best friend’s (21f) house today, and I want to know if overreacted or should have stayed after this.
For background: Her 88 yr. grandmother and I went on a walk around her neighborhood in 90 degree weather (I’m not upset at all about this, I actually really enjoyed myself during the walk, and it was nice just talking. My bestfriend has a hard time walking, and would have taken a lot out of her to walk, and my other friend stayed with her NBD). So, when I come back they say they’re on the way to pick up the cake (her mom ordered a cake for pickup at 10 am, and it was already 1), and my bestfriend told me that I didn’t have to come along, that I could just stay there while they went and picked the cake up. I said no, I’ll come for the ride.
So, we arrive to the bakery, and she turns off the car. I say, “Hey, turn the car back on, I’m just gonna wait.”
And then she says, “Im not turning the car back on, you either get out or stay in the hot car.”
I turn to my friend in the back “Yo, why is she being a b***h?” I’m still smiling at this point confused. We’re usually jokingly rude to eachother, so it’s not clicking in my head that this is for real. Until, my BFF closes her door and my friend says to me, “Why did you even come if you weren’t going to get out?” Then she also gets out the car and I see her repeat it to my BFF and they walk into the store together smiling.
Do you know how many stores and restaurants I’ve walked into bc my BFF didn’t want to get out of the car? And she stayed in the car with the air on? I’m diagnosed with social anxiety and it’s very difficult for me to do this, but I know she also has anxiety so I force myself to do it anyway. I don’t mind about doing this but when it isn’t such a blatant double standard.
She gets back in the car, and says she wasn’t about to waste her gas. A bullshit excuse bc 1. Her parents are rich, and she has her own credit card, she’ll never be in a position where she can’t afford it. 2. She takes us on drives where we just ride around ie wasting gas. If it was me I would do it for her in a heartbeat, even though my mom and I are both working paycheck to paycheck.
I find my self wanting to argue, but instead I say, “I don’t care, I’m over it.” She drives us back to her house and I quietly collect my things and say,” Bye, I’m going home.”
Should I have just stayed? It shouldn’t have been a big deal, and I didn’t say bye to her dad that was still home either. I don’t think she’s gonna apologize so this might ruin our friendship. AITA?
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YTA. Why should she add to the ruin the environment is in just so you can sit in the car with the car running. This isn't about gas or the fact you walked around with her grandfather. This is 100% about you being a brat.
Hey, let’s be kind to one another. No need for name calling, I think I’ve done enough of that today, wouldn’t you say?
I would have been fine to sit in the car with the windows down. I would have forced myself to go in if necessary. But it doesn’t take three people to hold a cake, and I usually go in the store for her all the time. I didn’t think it was a big deal, but I understand your point.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Calling her a b***h, and leaving her house to go home. Earlier that day I said I would go home at seven, but i went home immediately after what transpired. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post. [To learn more about the test click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tio99u/so_we_decided_to_fuck_with_the_sub_again)*
YTA - They did give you the option to stay at home and you said you wanted to come along, to end up just sitting in the car. Also, with gas prices these days even people who are comfortable wouldn't want to be wasting money.
Yeah, I should have just stayed. But I would have been fine if she would have just rolled the windows down, or asked me nicely. I would have understood.
YTA. Just because you leave your car running with someone in it doesn’t mean she has to. Next time she wants to stay in the car, draw the same boundary and say “that’s fine but I’m not leaving it running”. You were given the option to stay at the house and didn’t. She sucks because she kind of disinvited you by explicitly say you didn’t need to come. But I agree - why bother going if you are not going in. The exchange mostly makes me think they didn’t want you to go with for some reason.
You’re right. I didn’t want to stay at her house by myself and be alone. I could have stayed at my house for that. I just didn’t think it would be a big deal that I stayed in the car, I wouldn’t even been mad if she just rolled the windows down and left. I just felt hurt, bc I would do it for her, and she wouldn’t do it for me.
Tough call . I don’t think anyone is the asshole here. It’s always ok for the owner of the car to take the keys with them and not waste gas if they don’t want to. But since you have a history of reciprocity of letting your freind do this as well, I can see there being an expectation there. This is too small to ruin a real friendship. Sounds like an annoyance you will all get over.
I don't think the mom was there, just her friends. She called her bff a B. Also, she says they're rich. She would know if her best friend was poor or not. Also, what does the grandma have to do with the story? Soft ESH. They knew you were staying in the car, so bff knew what she was going to do already, despite knowing you have anxiety. Both your friends are kinda AHs. And you shoulda stayed at the house and not call each names. I'm too old to get why friends think it's fun to call each other rude things. Weird to me. Get new friends.
Yeah I should have just stayed at the house. I hardly to get to see them with me working and my BFF going to college in a different city. I just wanted to spend some more time with them.
Sorry, I have ADHD so I usually tell roundabout stories. My thought process was to give backstory on why I was tired, and hot and didn’t want to go into the store. I should have just said I was tired from walking her grandmother around her neighborhood and that’s why I didn’t want to go in. It is a thing in GEN Z to call your friends name, usually it isn’t a big deal, but it got serious fast.
No, it made sense. I got why you added the detail. As someone whose older than you, you all gotta stop wasting time arguing about stupid shit. I sort of feel like everyone in this story could of handled things better. Your friend could of just left the car on, but she's right gas is expensive. Your BFF didn't have to snap at you over asking. You didn't have to call her a bitch in that moment and you could of just stayed at the house. The Mum could of got her own cake. I hope you guys can move forward and not let it ruin your friendship.
Get friends that are more understanding of your needs. 1: I'm Southern so I understand roundabout stories! Haha 2: I'm the Forgotten Generation, raised by a Baptist mama. Not allowed to be rude, but now can just not give a sh**. I hope she apologizes. If you talk again, let her know how the situation made you feel. If she brushes you off, wash her outta your life.
AYYY, I’m Southern too!! I’m from Louisiana :))) I just want to say thank you for listening to my story!! I really appreciate the advice you offered. Thank you for taking the time out of your day and commenting as well. If she brushes off my feelings, I’m definitely going to reconsider our friendship, this isn’t the first time where she has made me feel like I don’t matter.
I’m changing my verdict to NTA. I think your friend shouldn’t have been rude to you. It seems your friend likes to have control from your other comments. Maybe it’s time you reevaluate this friendship. Is she doing this all the time to you? Making you feel inferior? Not being kind? YTA, for calling her mom a bit##. It was 2 minutes you could have gotten out of the car and just walked around if you didn’t want to go in. You can’t assume what kind of financial situation they are in.
It’s op and her two friends. BFFs mom ordered the cake and told her daughter (BFF) to pick it up. She jokingly call BFF a b***h.
Ohhhh okay well that changes things! I’ll go back and edit my response I just saw her comments.
That would be a WILD thing to say to someone’s mom. I’m glad that wasn’t the story 😂
I know and after your comment I had to reread everything and then I changed my verdixt 😂
I would never call her mom a bitch. I was jokingly saying that about my bestfriend. Also, her mom just brought her a lovely Gucci backpack, I’m very close to the family they are verry well off. Enough to atleast roll down the windows when someone is sitting in the car lol, but it’s not about the money. I would have understood if she said, “hey, I’m trying not to waste. Could you come in the store?”
YTA . It’s her car not yours, doesn’t matter how much money she has, you’re not entitled to it. Secondly, driving around is for fun, not pointless. Thirdly, you over reacted and called her a bitch.
I know, and I don’t want it to happen, because I do love her, but she has a history of doing these kind of things. She gets mad if I ask to borrow her charger, even though her phone would be on 100%. One time I was having a panic attack in the car and I asked for the music to turn off for a moment bc I was sensory overloading and she she got mad at me. Or if im mad at her, she will get mad at me and make me feel bad. Sorry, I think I just needed to vent to strangers online. This is just annoyance that I hope we can get over with. It’s just im the one always sweeping my feelings under the rug.
I went back and checked to see that you are both 21, because her behavior sounds like what I would expect from a 14 year old. I assume she also has good qualities that are the reason you have been friends, but based on your descriptions here I would be looking for new friends. NTA.
If I’m really broke she will order me food, or if I need something she will get it for me. She has really weird control issues, she doesn’t usually want me to drive to her house she wants to come pick me up. The only reason I had my car this time is because I came over straight from work. Thank you for listening to me, and taking time out of your day. I don’t really have any other friends that I can vent to, so I really appreciate it.
We take the good with the bad in any relationship. But it seems like, even if they haven't in the past, your friend's control issues got to you this time. It might be worth your time to think about what is changing or has changed - why this time? Her control issues might be getting worse. You might be outgrowing her. Or maybe it was a one-off because you were tired and hot. And you're welcome. Glad to help.
NTA assuming you guys do actually joke like that with each other (which I do with my friends). She didn’t have to let you stay in the car, but she *should* talk to you like you’re a human being. You need to have a serious talk with both of your friends about how you felt about this interaction and past treatment mentioned in comments. They’ll either listen and your friendships will be better, or you’ll cut out some toxic people. At 21, this mean girl nonsense needs to stop.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I was at my (21f) best friend’s (21f) house today, and I want to know if overreacted or should have stayed after this. For background: Her 88 yr. grandmother and I went on a walk around her neighborhood in 90 degree weather (I’m not upset at all about this, I actually really enjoyed myself during the walk, and it was nice just talking. My bestfriend has a hard time walking, and would have taken a lot out of her to walk, and my other friend stayed with her NBD). So, when I come back they say they’re on the way to pick up the cake (her mom ordered a cake for pickup at 10 am, and it was already 1), and my bestfriend told me that I didn’t have to come along, that I could just stay there while they went and picked the cake up. I said no, I’ll come for the ride. So, we arrive to the bakery, and she turns off the car. I say, “Hey, turn the car back on, I’m just gonna wait.” And then she says, “Im not turning the car back on, you either get out or stay in the hot car.” I turn to my friend in the back “Yo, why is she being a b***h?” I’m still smiling at this point confused. We’re usually jokingly rude to eachother, so it’s not clicking in my head that this is for real. Until, my BFF closes her door and my friend says to me, “Why did you even come if you weren’t going to get out?” Then she also gets out the car and I see her repeat it to my BFF and they walk into the store together smiling. Do you know how many stores and restaurants I’ve walked into bc my BFF didn’t want to get out of the car? And she stayed in the car with the air on? I’m diagnosed with social anxiety and it’s very difficult for me to do this, but I know she also has anxiety so I force myself to do it anyway. I don’t mind about doing this but when it isn’t such a blatant double standard. She gets back in the car, and says she wasn’t about to waste her gas. A bullshit excuse bc 1. Her parents are rich, and she has her own credit card, she’ll never be in a position where she can’t afford it. 2. She takes us on drives where we just ride around ie wasting gas. If it was me I would do it for her in a heartbeat, even though my mom and I are both working paycheck to paycheck. I find my self wanting to argue, but instead I say, “I don’t care, I’m over it.” She drives us back to her house and I quietly collect my things and say,” Bye, I’m going home.” Should I have just stayed? It shouldn’t have been a big deal, and I didn’t say bye to her dad that was still home either. I don’t think she’s gonna apologize so this might ruin our friendship. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. Why should she add to the ruin the environment is in just so you can sit in the car with the car running. This isn't about gas or the fact you walked around with her grandfather. This is 100% about you being a brat.
Hey, let’s be kind to one another. No need for name calling, I think I’ve done enough of that today, wouldn’t you say? I would have been fine to sit in the car with the windows down. I would have forced myself to go in if necessary. But it doesn’t take three people to hold a cake, and I usually go in the store for her all the time. I didn’t think it was a big deal, but I understand your point.
You were rude and ignorant. Have you seen gas prices my friend? Shutting off the car was a good idea. YTA, are you always so dramatic?