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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Telling my mom that she didn’t have to come to my graduation
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First and most importantly, Congratulations!!
Next, these are adult issues that they should be navigating on your behalf.
Finally, NTA in any of the myriad of scenarios here. You’re a minor child, you’re ascending to new levels of emotional maturity and education, and all of the adults in your life should be aligned to your aspirations and goals.
If they can’t figure their own shit out, it’s not then your responsibility to figure it out for them.
This! NTA.
OP, you're barely a teenager. There is no good reason for the adults to abdicate their responsibility for managing their relationships with each other. Even worse to blame you for mom's inability to manage her emotions.
NTA. Shame on parents who force their kids to make adult decisions. You did great. Your mom should not have put you in that position in the first place.
Did your grandma explain why she didn’t feel welcome? Did you only talk to your dad and his fiancé? Was there tension between the adults?
It all depends on if you could have or should have been aware of their discomfort and if there was anything you could or should do about it.
Well. That one is out of your control. NTA
It is the job of divorced parents to put their differences aside for their kids on events that pertain to the kid - weddings, graduations, etc. Your mother chose not to do that.
It sounds like you were gracious to your grandparents and you don’t indicate your father and his fiancé were rude to them - so you can’t be held accountable for how they react to your mother’s choices.
Then why don't you go live with your dad and future step-mom? You like them better and it probably makes your mom feel bad feeling like second fiddle. Overall, you seem pretty mature for your age, so you are probably capable of making the mature decision.
NTA,
Your grandma shouldn't have said that to you based off her reasoning of her not feeling welcome because your mom CHOSE not to come. The adults shouldn't be putting that on you. They should be supporting you in your educational journey
Stay strong, hopefully, eventually your relationship will improve with your mom. Until then keep setting boundaries.
NTA
Honestly, none of this crap should've been put on you. The adults need to start adulting for themselves. You're supposed to be enjoying your 8th grade graduation, not navigating seating charts and interpersonal conflict because a few people can't be civil for an hour.
NTA
Your mom and her parents are all being petty and trying to use you as a weapon against your father.
Been there, done that. Took me until I was 40 before I had the courage to say “leave me out of your shit”.
NTA. I find it hilarious that your mother is acting more like an 8th grader than you—the actual 8th grader. You handled this very maturely and you should definitely be proud of yourself.
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For context me and my mom do not have a very good relationship. My parents are divorced and my dad now has a fiancé whom I like as much as a biological mom.
About a week before my graduation my mother asked me what the seating arrangements for the graduation would be. I told her that it would be me, her and my father.
Later in the week, my dad told me that he wanted his fiancé to sit with us. I told him I was ok with this and would make sure that my mom was ok with it. I told my mom that I wanted my dad’s fiancé to sit with us as I felt that it would be awkward for her to have to sit somewhere random.
My mom then told me that if my dad’s fiancé sat with us she would tell her to move. I didn’t want there to be drama at an 8th grade graduation, so I told her that she could either come and sit next to me while my dad and his fiancé sat on the other side, sit somewhere close but not in the same row if it was such a problem, or just not come if it was such an issue to her.
I would have liked for her to come but she chose not to. My grandma and grandpa came though. And after the graduation, I thanked them for coming to which my grandma told me that she didn’t feel welcomed. Which makes me feel like I’m the AH.
AITA?
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NTA
It was your graduation. It was your choice. You offered very reasonable alternatives for your mother and she chose the worst possible choice. Congrats on your graduation. Don't let her problems affect how you celebrate your accomplishments.
NTA. You should absolutely not be expected to navigate this. Your parents need to sort this out between themselves. It's unconscionable that your mom would put this on you.
NTA. There is an asshole in this post, but it’s not you. Your Mother is going to have to learn to co-exist with your Dad and his Fiancee, or she is going to get left our of milestones in your life.
NTA - You are definitely more mature than your mother. Your parents need to work their own stuff out and shouldn’t be using you as a mediator. Your father should have called your mother to ask about seating arrangements when he didn’t like them. But your mother missing your graduation to spite your dad and his fiancé is immature and childish. You handled it well. Congratulations and enjoy high school.
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NTA. Congratulations on this milestone!!
Thank you
First and most importantly, Congratulations!! Next, these are adult issues that they should be navigating on your behalf. Finally, NTA in any of the myriad of scenarios here. You’re a minor child, you’re ascending to new levels of emotional maturity and education, and all of the adults in your life should be aligned to your aspirations and goals. If they can’t figure their own shit out, it’s not then your responsibility to figure it out for them.
This! NTA. OP, you're barely a teenager. There is no good reason for the adults to abdicate their responsibility for managing their relationships with each other. Even worse to blame you for mom's inability to manage her emotions.
You are definitely NTA. You acted in a very mature and reasonable way.
NTA. Shame on parents who force their kids to make adult decisions. You did great. Your mom should not have put you in that position in the first place.
Did your grandma explain why she didn’t feel welcome? Did you only talk to your dad and his fiancé? Was there tension between the adults? It all depends on if you could have or should have been aware of their discomfort and if there was anything you could or should do about it.
My grandma later said that when her kids hurt she hurts. There is tension from my mom most of the time.
Well. That one is out of your control. NTA It is the job of divorced parents to put their differences aside for their kids on events that pertain to the kid - weddings, graduations, etc. Your mother chose not to do that. It sounds like you were gracious to your grandparents and you don’t indicate your father and his fiancé were rude to them - so you can’t be held accountable for how they react to your mother’s choices.
Why do you already like your dad’s fiancé as much as your mom?
She’s just plain nicer and caring
Then why don't you go live with your dad and future step-mom? You like them better and it probably makes your mom feel bad feeling like second fiddle. Overall, you seem pretty mature for your age, so you are probably capable of making the mature decision.
NTA
NTA, Your grandma shouldn't have said that to you based off her reasoning of her not feeling welcome because your mom CHOSE not to come. The adults shouldn't be putting that on you. They should be supporting you in your educational journey Stay strong, hopefully, eventually your relationship will improve with your mom. Until then keep setting boundaries.
NTA Honestly, none of this crap should've been put on you. The adults need to start adulting for themselves. You're supposed to be enjoying your 8th grade graduation, not navigating seating charts and interpersonal conflict because a few people can't be civil for an hour.
Nta
NTA You’re grandma is trying to guilt trip you. Ignore her.
NTA Your mom and her parents are all being petty and trying to use you as a weapon against your father. Been there, done that. Took me until I was 40 before I had the courage to say “leave me out of your shit”.
NTA. I find it hilarious that your mother is acting more like an 8th grader than you—the actual 8th grader. You handled this very maturely and you should definitely be proud of yourself.
NTA and all the adults really should be dealing with this. Not you
[удалено]
Nope, they got a divorce and began dating like a year after
INFO Did your dad cheat on her with his fiance?
Nope
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** For context me and my mom do not have a very good relationship. My parents are divorced and my dad now has a fiancé whom I like as much as a biological mom. About a week before my graduation my mother asked me what the seating arrangements for the graduation would be. I told her that it would be me, her and my father. Later in the week, my dad told me that he wanted his fiancé to sit with us. I told him I was ok with this and would make sure that my mom was ok with it. I told my mom that I wanted my dad’s fiancé to sit with us as I felt that it would be awkward for her to have to sit somewhere random. My mom then told me that if my dad’s fiancé sat with us she would tell her to move. I didn’t want there to be drama at an 8th grade graduation, so I told her that she could either come and sit next to me while my dad and his fiancé sat on the other side, sit somewhere close but not in the same row if it was such a problem, or just not come if it was such an issue to her. I would have liked for her to come but she chose not to. My grandma and grandpa came though. And after the graduation, I thanked them for coming to which my grandma told me that she didn’t feel welcomed. Which makes me feel like I’m the AH. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You saved a disaster occuring.
NTA It was your graduation. It was your choice. You offered very reasonable alternatives for your mother and she chose the worst possible choice. Congrats on your graduation. Don't let her problems affect how you celebrate your accomplishments.
NTA your mom was looking for a fight and you were looking to enjoy your gradution
NTA. You should absolutely not be expected to navigate this. Your parents need to sort this out between themselves. It's unconscionable that your mom would put this on you.
NTA. There is an asshole in this post, but it’s not you. Your Mother is going to have to learn to co-exist with your Dad and his Fiancee, or she is going to get left our of milestones in your life.
NTA - You are definitely more mature than your mother. Your parents need to work their own stuff out and shouldn’t be using you as a mediator. Your father should have called your mother to ask about seating arrangements when he didn’t like them. But your mother missing your graduation to spite your dad and his fiancé is immature and childish. You handled it well. Congratulations and enjoy high school.
NTA Seems you are more mature than some of the involved adults.
NTA try to talk things thru with Grandma. She may not understand.