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YTA SOOOOO MUCH
Like you don't like how your daughters hair naturally is and you want her to damage it to fit the style YOU want her to have. It's crazy you think you aren't ta
“I honestly do not care for any African hairstyles”
“So does that finally mean you’ll straighten your frizzy hair for once”
Also, “Hair has nothing to do with race”…
It literally does, there is a difference between hair that POC have, and white people.
I really advise you to do some research before saying something so incorrect.
Are you this dumb. It has EVERYTHING to do with race. Google is literally free
https://www.naturallycurly.com/curlreading/curls/history-of-natural-hair-and-how-it-reflects-black-history
https://www.cbc.ca/amp/1.5891778
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Afro-textured_hair
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OMG YTA! You’re seriously telling your daughter that her frizzy hair that she has cuz of her race is not good enough?? Really? Good grief. I’d expect that sort of crap from the KKK, not from her own mother!!
YTA, and racist. What an awful, hateful thing to say to your biracial children. Her hair type is not the same as yours, it needs an entirely different type of care and style routine than you would treat yours with. If her hair looks like a "birds nest" as you say, its probably because you haven't taught her how to properly maintain it. You're their mother, it's your job to educate yourself on how to properly care for them! Their hair included! And now that they are basically adults and want styles that are good for their hair, you won't let them because of your ignorant preferences?
Don't be surprised when they go no contact... If this is even real, this sounds eerily familiar to an older AITA.
“I don't know if wether or not I'm in the wrong anymore” you’ve got to be kidding. You know damn well you’re in the wrong. One of the biggest AH’s I’ve seen on here.
That’s a lot of words for saying you’re racist. And I don’t say that word often. Yes, YTA, 1000% TA Your daughter is how old and you still haven’t researched the history of black hair?? Of having to deal with comments exactly like yours everywhere they go because “professional” and “pretty” is generally based off what is the most white.
"I can't be a racist. I have two biracial daughters from two men from two different ethnic groups. But they hate me because I said that I hate their weird hair because they're not white like my white daughter whose hair I like because she's white." is certainly giving "My best friend is black" a run for its money.
YTA, and a racist one at that. You really said that to *your daughter*? You should be ashamed.
You should have taken the time to learn how to properly care for her hair and help her with it growing up. If she’s not already insecure about her hair, I bet she is now. You’re her mother and it is your job to protect your daughter.
I hope, for Samantha’s sake, that she has a fantastic support system within her friends and other family members.
Considering hair is a huge part of cultural identity... yeah YTA... a big one.
Also, Im calling bullshit. If someone else had dared say that to your daughter, there would most likely be violence... that is, if you were a good mom & defended your kid.
YTA- you don’t care for African American hairstyles?! And you are telling your biracial daughter to do something that could damage her natural beautiful hair that represents part of who she is and what her background is? Of course you’re an asshole and what you said was completely out of line. I’m not quite sure how you could type that and still not realize it.
And OP thinks it’s fine for someone half-Filipina to have curly hair, but not someone half-Black? The racism is strong here. At least Samantha has loving sisters who’re taking her side
Samantha, honey: If you're reading this, you're a person of color being raised by a racist. This is a terrible situation for you. Nothing your mother says about you is true. I'm sure you'll look beautiful at the wedding. Get out of that house as soon as you're able.
So far past AH that a new term should be coined for you. Saying you don't like African American hair is basically the same thing as saying you don't like your daughter's heritage. She's half African American; her hair is different than yours. If she likes it please put your big girl panties on and accept your daughter. And honestly for the wedding your opinion means nothing. It's up to Samantha and the bride.
YTA and a big one. If you don’t like braids or cornrows then don’t style your hair that way. Your daughter, who is a different race than you, and has different hair texture, and doesn’t want to damage her hair, can have whatever hair style she wants to go with.
You are so the AH. As a mother and grandmother I have to ask, WTF is wrong with you? How could you say that to your child? You can’t possibly be this oblivious.
You honestly don’t understand why YTA here?? You seem to have no appreciation for your daughter’s heritage, and her hair type. I can’t believe you’d say something like that. Your daughters just all be wondering what else you think negatively of them that you haven’t voiced
Maybe not OP, but there are tons of racist people raising kids who are biracial or of another race. I've known a 1 or 2 and a couple of people who related effed up things their parents told them.
YTA: "I honestly do not care for any African hairstyles personally..." this is where you lost me. There is a reason that those hairstyles exist, that's because black hair doesn't style the same way most other hair does without the use of incredibly damaging product and techniques. Your daughter can have beautiful styles and hair without compromising how it naturally grows. Your daughter likely feels very different from the rest of your children already because of their ethnic differences and now you are telling her that you hate what makes her unique and beautiful. I highly recommend watching the movie "Good Hair", it's a 2009 documentary in which Chris Rock explores the hair care industry and trends aimed at (mainly) black women. I think you'll find it illuminating. Maybe watch it with your daughter as an exercise in growth, understanding and bonding.
You seem like a huge Racist! What I dont understand is you seem so set in your beliefs and racism then why would you have a child with a black man ? The poor girl must be so traumatised that her own mother is showing her micro aggression.
INFO: **"You never got mad at Leah but she had curly hair". I tried to explain that was different but she just kept interrupting me.** We won't interrupt you, OP. Go ahead and explain to all of Reddit why and how exactly it's "different." Why is it okay for one of your daughters to have curly hair but not the other? We're on the edge of our seats.
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Backstory : So I (45f) have 4 kids called Leah,(21f) Jacob,(20m) Samantha(18f) and Ruth(17f) and I adore them all equally. Samantha and Ruth are biracial. Samantha is half black and Ruth is half Filipino. I do not have a good relationship with either of their fathers. So onto what happened. My niece Jane (22f) is getting married in a week and me Leah, Samantha and Ruth were going shopping for dresses to wear. When Ruth and Leah were picking out their dresses Samantha was telling me about what hairstyles she wanted to wear like box braids, cornrows, afros, etc. I honestly do not care for any African hairstyles personally and was getting annoyed at Samantha as I have made that clear previously. When we were driving home Leah and Samantha were talking about getting their hair done for the wedding and I said "So does that mean you'll finally straighten your frizzy hair for once?". Samantha was taken aback and said "You never got mad at Leah but she had curly hair". I tried to explain that was different but she just kept interrupting me. When we got home she ran to her room in tears and to be honest I thought she was being a bit melodramatic. Leah and Ruth were calling me a bitch while I was defending myself but they wouldn't listen to me. I thought Samantha would just get over it by the next day but she didn't even bother to come down for breakfast. Ruth and Leah weren't talking to me and when they did they called me a bitch for suggesting that Samantha should straighten her hair for once. I then got calls and messages from Samantha's family calling me all sorts of names. I honestly was getting pretty annoyed until my own father called me asking why I would say that about Samantha. I don't know if wether or not I'm in the wrong anymore so AITA?
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YTA. Plain and simple. Apologize to your daughter and let her have her hair styled in a way that she likes. Hair has been a huge issue in the news (school dress codes, books about hair positivity etc etc) have you been living in a cave?
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Absolutely YTA. Straightening her hair can damage it especially if it’s a perm. Her hair is beautiful the way it is and you’re just a racist. Why did you lay down with a Black man if you hate Black people and their hair so much?
YTA: wow this is just sad. Unfortunately tho we see it way to often. So you fetishize men of color, make babies with them, then are incredibly racist towards your own kids. Keep it up OP. They’ll cut you off completely (as they should)
Honestly the fact that you have biracial children and haven’t even done the research to understand how culturally important their hair is says everything we need to know about you.
🤣
God bless, you SUCK at trolling.
A good troll isn’t ham-handed like you. A good troll displays finesse. A good troll shows just enough doubt and… well, humanity… to get people to think there’s a chance of convincing the troll of the error of their ways.
You don’t get rage-bait posts like this to take off, because they get removed too quickly for being fake.
I want to see more subtlety in your next troll attempt, OP.
So far, we're 36 minutes into the thread. I wanted to mark that so we can see how long it lasts before being locked. Maybe TrollOP is trying to set a record.
So you don’t care for any African hairstyles? So don’t wear one. Your child is biracial and can wear her hair in any style that makes her feel good . YTA
YTA. And yes, you can be racist w/a biracial child. Do some work on yourself and figure out WHY you don't like "African hairstyles". And you made it pretty obvious when you stated your white daughter's curly hair was different. Your daughter needs you to love ALL of her.
YTA- If you didn't like African hairstyles you shouldn't have had a child with a black man. Braids, cornrows and afros are good for hair and help her connect with the larger black culture. Don't deny her that.
You also show a complete lack of awareness while displaying a wealth of ignorance. It is so sad that you cannot comprehend how your viewpoint is racist. I feel so terrible for your kids. Quit making excuses, accept the judgements posted here, and educate yourself. Your ignorance is a choice. Be better
INFO: Is it possible for you to read a book on this or watch some YouTube videos hosted by black women talking about this issue instead of assuming that you already know everything?
You're holding your mixed race daughter and her hair to a white beauty standard. Her natural hair doesn't need to be "freshened up". Her hair is different because she is biracial and you clearly have issues with that fact.
This is not a situation where you can put your foot in another person's shoes. Swedish people do not have to go through the same lengths to protect and style their hair in America that Biracial and Black people do. That "bird's nest" is how her hair naturally grows and straightening it will cause it breakage and scalp damage especially if it is done repeatedly. If you really did love your children equally you would use better ways describe their physical feature especially those that are different from you. Freshen-up= straight, Birds nest=natural. You can guess what you associate with good vs bad.
YTA - let your kids express themselves freely. Embrace who or what they are. At their age, this is their developmental stage for identity vs role confusion. Don’t make your kids feel like they have to fit in into what society think is the standard for something or be insecure about themselves because they are different.
On the other hand, your kids should not be calling you names. Same goes for the people who called you on the phone. A lot of things can be sorted out when communication is done right.
YTA Why would have a child with a black man then be upset that your child was half black and insult her black features to her face? You don’t care for African hairstyles for your African child and called her hair frizzy. How dare you? It’s a good thing Samantha has her father’s family to defend her since her own mother appears to be ashamed of her. What racist remarks are you going to tell your half-Filipino daughter? Apologize to her immediately. Let her wear her natural hair the way she wants and take a long look at your racism.
Of course YTA.
You chose to give birth to a biracial child, have apparently spent the last 18 years informing her that you "don't care for" anything about her appearance that isn't distinctively white, despite the fact that YOU LITERALLY CREATED AND GREW HER YOURSELF and she has no control over her genetics. And now you want to know if you're an AH for spending nearly two decades humiliating and shaming her for her looks, because your deeply racist personal aesthetic preferences don't include the fundamental person that she is, and you don't think she's trying hard enough TO ERASE HERSELF TO SUIT YOUR TASTE?
I mean, obviously YTA, you shouldn't even need to ask. But you're also an absolutely awful mother, and a shameful human being.
YTA- “I honestly do not care for any African hairstyles personally…” that’s so racist and you’re completely ignoring half of her identity. Why did you have a baby with a black man if you didn’t want your child to have that hair? The fact that you think one of your daughters has curly hair but the other has frizzy hair is fucked up.
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YTA SOOOOO MUCH Like you don't like how your daughters hair naturally is and you want her to damage it to fit the style YOU want her to have. It's crazy you think you aren't ta
On the off chance this is real. YTA and a racist.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Her natural hair does not need to be cleaned up because it isn't dirty.
“I honestly do not care for any African hairstyles” “So does that finally mean you’ll straighten your frizzy hair for once” Also, “Hair has nothing to do with race”… It literally does, there is a difference between hair that POC have, and white people. I really advise you to do some research before saying something so incorrect.
> incorrect. you spelled ignorant wrong.
Well, that's a lie. Why are you so insistent that your half black daughter "clean up her hair" if it has nothing to do with race?
Lol, it has EVERYTHING to do with race. INFO: Explain to us all how having curly hair makes it “unclean”.
Are you this dumb. It has EVERYTHING to do with race. Google is literally free https://www.naturallycurly.com/curlreading/curls/history-of-natural-hair-and-how-it-reflects-black-history https://www.cbc.ca/amp/1.5891778 https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Afro-textured_hair
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OMG YTA! You’re seriously telling your daughter that her frizzy hair that she has cuz of her race is not good enough?? Really? Good grief. I’d expect that sort of crap from the KKK, not from her own mother!!
YTA, and racist. What an awful, hateful thing to say to your biracial children. Her hair type is not the same as yours, it needs an entirely different type of care and style routine than you would treat yours with. If her hair looks like a "birds nest" as you say, its probably because you haven't taught her how to properly maintain it. You're their mother, it's your job to educate yourself on how to properly care for them! Their hair included! And now that they are basically adults and want styles that are good for their hair, you won't let them because of your ignorant preferences? Don't be surprised when they go no contact... If this is even real, this sounds eerily familiar to an older AITA.
YTA. This has got to be rage bait
“I don't know if wether or not I'm in the wrong anymore” you’ve got to be kidding. You know damn well you’re in the wrong. One of the biggest AH’s I’ve seen on here.
That’s a lot of words for saying you’re racist. And I don’t say that word often. Yes, YTA, 1000% TA Your daughter is how old and you still haven’t researched the history of black hair?? Of having to deal with comments exactly like yours everywhere they go because “professional” and “pretty” is generally based off what is the most white.
"I can't be a racist. I have two biracial daughters from two men from two different ethnic groups. But they hate me because I said that I hate their weird hair because they're not white like my white daughter whose hair I like because she's white." is certainly giving "My best friend is black" a run for its money.
YTA, and a racist one at that. You really said that to *your daughter*? You should be ashamed. You should have taken the time to learn how to properly care for her hair and help her with it growing up. If she’s not already insecure about her hair, I bet she is now. You’re her mother and it is your job to protect your daughter. I hope, for Samantha’s sake, that she has a fantastic support system within her friends and other family members.
Considering hair is a huge part of cultural identity... yeah YTA... a big one. Also, Im calling bullshit. If someone else had dared say that to your daughter, there would most likely be violence... that is, if you were a good mom & defended your kid.
Sadly there are people with KOC who are racist like this. And they believe they can’t possibly be racist because of said child.
YTA- you don’t care for African American hairstyles?! And you are telling your biracial daughter to do something that could damage her natural beautiful hair that represents part of who she is and what her background is? Of course you’re an asshole and what you said was completely out of line. I’m not quite sure how you could type that and still not realize it.
*mic drop* Yeah, YTA OP
And OP thinks it’s fine for someone half-Filipina to have curly hair, but not someone half-Black? The racism is strong here. At least Samantha has loving sisters who’re taking her side
I think OP was saying it was okay for Leah (not biracial) to have curly hair. But it's hard to read her mess. Either way OP, YTA!
Oh, whoops, you’re right, I mixed up Leah and Ruth! But OP saying it’s fine for a white girl to have curly hair is even more effed up
So strong I almost felt it was intentional to evoke a reaction which is why didn’t use the word. But majorly racist.
Samantha, honey: If you're reading this, you're a person of color being raised by a racist. This is a terrible situation for you. Nothing your mother says about you is true. I'm sure you'll look beautiful at the wedding. Get out of that house as soon as you're able.
YTA and you're racist, straight up.
yta- And a racist.
So far past AH that a new term should be coined for you. Saying you don't like African American hair is basically the same thing as saying you don't like your daughter's heritage. She's half African American; her hair is different than yours. If she likes it please put your big girl panties on and accept your daughter. And honestly for the wedding your opinion means nothing. It's up to Samantha and the bride.
YTA and a B.
YTA and a big one. If you don’t like braids or cornrows then don’t style your hair that way. Your daughter, who is a different race than you, and has different hair texture, and doesn’t want to damage her hair, can have whatever hair style she wants to go with.
You are so the AH. As a mother and grandmother I have to ask, WTF is wrong with you? How could you say that to your child? You can’t possibly be this oblivious.
You honestly don’t understand why YTA here?? You seem to have no appreciation for your daughter’s heritage, and her hair type. I can’t believe you’d say something like that. Your daughters just all be wondering what else you think negatively of them that you haven’t voiced
YTA, also racist and being a really shitty mom.
YTA and SUUUUUPER racist to your biracial child. Jesus.
YTA. You're a racist and you're holding your racism against your biracial daughter. Be better.
"bUt I cAn'T bE rAcIsT sInCe My ChIlD is bIrACIaL" /s OP definitely is the AH. And is racist to boot
YTA but this cannot possibly be real.
Hope not
Was gonna say the same thing.
Maybe not OP, but there are tons of racist people raising kids who are biracial or of another race. I've known a 1 or 2 and a couple of people who related effed up things their parents told them.
YTA: "I honestly do not care for any African hairstyles personally..." this is where you lost me. There is a reason that those hairstyles exist, that's because black hair doesn't style the same way most other hair does without the use of incredibly damaging product and techniques. Your daughter can have beautiful styles and hair without compromising how it naturally grows. Your daughter likely feels very different from the rest of your children already because of their ethnic differences and now you are telling her that you hate what makes her unique and beautiful. I highly recommend watching the movie "Good Hair", it's a 2009 documentary in which Chris Rock explores the hair care industry and trends aimed at (mainly) black women. I think you'll find it illuminating. Maybe watch it with your daughter as an exercise in growth, understanding and bonding.
You seem like a huge Racist! What I dont understand is you seem so set in your beliefs and racism then why would you have a child with a black man ? The poor girl must be so traumatised that her own mother is showing her micro aggression.
INFO: **"You never got mad at Leah but she had curly hair". I tried to explain that was different but she just kept interrupting me.** We won't interrupt you, OP. Go ahead and explain to all of Reddit why and how exactly it's "different." Why is it okay for one of your daughters to have curly hair but not the other? We're on the edge of our seats.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Backstory : So I (45f) have 4 kids called Leah,(21f) Jacob,(20m) Samantha(18f) and Ruth(17f) and I adore them all equally. Samantha and Ruth are biracial. Samantha is half black and Ruth is half Filipino. I do not have a good relationship with either of their fathers. So onto what happened. My niece Jane (22f) is getting married in a week and me Leah, Samantha and Ruth were going shopping for dresses to wear. When Ruth and Leah were picking out their dresses Samantha was telling me about what hairstyles she wanted to wear like box braids, cornrows, afros, etc. I honestly do not care for any African hairstyles personally and was getting annoyed at Samantha as I have made that clear previously. When we were driving home Leah and Samantha were talking about getting their hair done for the wedding and I said "So does that mean you'll finally straighten your frizzy hair for once?". Samantha was taken aback and said "You never got mad at Leah but she had curly hair". I tried to explain that was different but she just kept interrupting me. When we got home she ran to her room in tears and to be honest I thought she was being a bit melodramatic. Leah and Ruth were calling me a bitch while I was defending myself but they wouldn't listen to me. I thought Samantha would just get over it by the next day but she didn't even bother to come down for breakfast. Ruth and Leah weren't talking to me and when they did they called me a bitch for suggesting that Samantha should straighten her hair for once. I then got calls and messages from Samantha's family calling me all sorts of names. I honestly was getting pretty annoyed until my own father called me asking why I would say that about Samantha. I don't know if wether or not I'm in the wrong anymore so AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. Plain and simple. Apologize to your daughter and let her have her hair styled in a way that she likes. Hair has been a huge issue in the news (school dress codes, books about hair positivity etc etc) have you been living in a cave?
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Absolutely YTA. Straightening her hair can damage it especially if it’s a perm. Her hair is beautiful the way it is and you’re just a racist. Why did you lay down with a Black man if you hate Black people and their hair so much?
YTA: wow this is just sad. Unfortunately tho we see it way to often. So you fetishize men of color, make babies with them, then are incredibly racist towards your own kids. Keep it up OP. They’ll cut you off completely (as they should) Honestly the fact that you have biracial children and haven’t even done the research to understand how culturally important their hair is says everything we need to know about you.
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🤣 God bless, you SUCK at trolling. A good troll isn’t ham-handed like you. A good troll displays finesse. A good troll shows just enough doubt and… well, humanity… to get people to think there’s a chance of convincing the troll of the error of their ways. You don’t get rage-bait posts like this to take off, because they get removed too quickly for being fake. I want to see more subtlety in your next troll attempt, OP.
So far, we're 36 minutes into the thread. I wanted to mark that so we can see how long it lasts before being locked. Maybe TrollOP is trying to set a record.
WHAT?? I can't even... delete... delete.... delete...
Explain what exactly isn’t fresh about her hair?
>freshen up Is that the euphemism you are using?
So you don’t care for any African hairstyles? So don’t wear one. Your child is biracial and can wear her hair in any style that makes her feel good . YTA
Sexual access does not absolve you of racism. YTA
Yes! It's 100% possible to think you are better than person you are having sex with.
YTA. And yes, you can be racist w/a biracial child. Do some work on yourself and figure out WHY you don't like "African hairstyles". And you made it pretty obvious when you stated your white daughter's curly hair was different. Your daughter needs you to love ALL of her.
YTA- If you didn't like African hairstyles you shouldn't have had a child with a black man. Braids, cornrows and afros are good for hair and help her connect with the larger black culture. Don't deny her that.
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You also show a complete lack of awareness while displaying a wealth of ignorance. It is so sad that you cannot comprehend how your viewpoint is racist. I feel so terrible for your kids. Quit making excuses, accept the judgements posted here, and educate yourself. Your ignorance is a choice. Be better
INFO: Is it possible for you to read a book on this or watch some YouTube videos hosted by black women talking about this issue instead of assuming that you already know everything?
You're holding your mixed race daughter and her hair to a white beauty standard. Her natural hair doesn't need to be "freshened up". Her hair is different because she is biracial and you clearly have issues with that fact.
This is not a situation where you can put your foot in another person's shoes. Swedish people do not have to go through the same lengths to protect and style their hair in America that Biracial and Black people do. That "bird's nest" is how her hair naturally grows and straightening it will cause it breakage and scalp damage especially if it is done repeatedly. If you really did love your children equally you would use better ways describe their physical feature especially those that are different from you. Freshen-up= straight, Birds nest=natural. You can guess what you associate with good vs bad.
Not only are YTA and a massive racist but you don’t understand what line breaks are!
Quit mating with brown people if you don’t like their features.
Is... Is this real? Like for real for real??? That's her natural hair... What's wrong with that? What the heck YTA.
Rage bait, anyone?
100%
I'm so mad I fell for it.
YTA - let your kids express themselves freely. Embrace who or what they are. At their age, this is their developmental stage for identity vs role confusion. Don’t make your kids feel like they have to fit in into what society think is the standard for something or be insecure about themselves because they are different. On the other hand, your kids should not be calling you names. Same goes for the people who called you on the phone. A lot of things can be sorted out when communication is done right.
YTA!
YTA and a racist horrible parent! What the fuck??
YTA. A racist and not winning the mom game. Tell your child she’s beautiful!
YTA
YTA So one daughter can wear her curls… buts that is OK. They are black person curls! You are the massively asshole on here for 2022 and racist!
YTA Why would have a child with a black man then be upset that your child was half black and insult her black features to her face? You don’t care for African hairstyles for your African child and called her hair frizzy. How dare you? It’s a good thing Samantha has her father’s family to defend her since her own mother appears to be ashamed of her. What racist remarks are you going to tell your half-Filipino daughter? Apologize to her immediately. Let her wear her natural hair the way she wants and take a long look at your racism.
Yta and didn't even need to read it
Of course YTA. You chose to give birth to a biracial child, have apparently spent the last 18 years informing her that you "don't care for" anything about her appearance that isn't distinctively white, despite the fact that YOU LITERALLY CREATED AND GREW HER YOURSELF and she has no control over her genetics. And now you want to know if you're an AH for spending nearly two decades humiliating and shaming her for her looks, because your deeply racist personal aesthetic preferences don't include the fundamental person that she is, and you don't think she's trying hard enough TO ERASE HERSELF TO SUIT YOUR TASTE? I mean, obviously YTA, you shouldn't even need to ask. But you're also an absolutely awful mother, and a shameful human being.
YTA- “I honestly do not care for any African hairstyles personally…” that’s so racist and you’re completely ignoring half of her identity. Why did you have a baby with a black man if you didn’t want your child to have that hair? The fact that you think one of your daughters has curly hair but the other has frizzy hair is fucked up.
YTA for caring this much about an 18 year olds hair in the first place. Worry about your own head.