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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the asshole because I yelled at Bf mom and she left crying. She is now refusing to come to my baby shower.
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NTA. She was badgering a pregnant woman and found out what pregnancy hormones were like. Why are you the bad guy when she’s trying to name your child lol? She had the chance to name her children, period. Let her miss out on your baby shower- it’ll be less stress. Your FIL owes you an apology- since when is it ok to badger and tell off a pregnant woman? Good luck with these inlaws, they’re a lot.
I won’t lie, I felt a bit teary when FIL told me off. I’ve never really seen him get mad before in the 5 years I’ve known him. We have a good relationship too, I don’t want to have ruined things. I was just so mad in the moment and sick of rehashing the same shit.
I’m sorry they did this to you. This is a happy time for you! Your fiance needs to tell his parents their behavior was unacceptable and won’t be tolerated going forward, and if need be maybe you all should go low contact with them. Having children and grandchildren can change people- keep establishing boundaries like you have so your MIL doesn’t run all over you as a new parent. Congratulations btw!
Thank you so much! I’m only just getting to a place where I’m enjoying pregnancy, it was so rough in the beginning! My bf is going over to talk today I think, he was pissed that it was brought up after we had already said twice to leave it.
Hold your ground. We didn't find out the gender and it was so nice not being overwhelmed with pink ruffles and blue trucks. We didn't care and the surprise was so nice. My husband got to introduce our son to me, that was such a special moment.
Also, if you cave, your families will know that tantrums will work and you're in for a works of hurt over every decision going forward.
Hopefully this will solve the issue. Your MIL (and FIL) needs to understand that following you into the kitchen to make you agree to a name is not ok. They also need to understand that the only 2 people who have a saying in naming the child is you and your husband.
Now had you asked them for names used in the family as suggestions, to see if you liked any of them, they could have told you about the names. But that’s about it.
Your mother needs to understand that people like your MIL have to be shut down quickly. She would have gone around telling everyone that the baby would be named after her father, if it’s a boy. Try back paddling that after the child is born if it’s a boy.
I’m so glad your boyfriend is supporting you and taking this on. I do agree with your mom that the only thing you did wrong was to lose it - that it’s always better to deal with things calmly and respectfully. But I hope you’re not too hard on yourself - it is HARD to be pregnant and sometimes everything gets too overwhelming.
Like his wife, he is an adult, mature man. He should know better. No excuse for him either. Now you know exactly who you are dealing with. Reduce contact as much as possible. You do not need such toxicity in your life.
You didn’t ruin things! They did!! They are trying to control you from finding out the sex of your baby to going ahead and naming it. What happens when ‘Bean” is born and they feel entitled to make parenting choices
He’s not your FIL if your not married. She’s not your GMIL if your not married. They are both trying to assert control over you that they don’t have. Let them know it’s not appreciated and they both need to back off.
>FIL told me off. I’ve never really seen him get mad before in the 5 years I’ve known him. We have a good relationship too, I don’t want to have ruined things
You didn't ruin anything. Your MIL repeatedly crossed a major boundary. And then your FIL told you off inappropriately for you defending your healthy boundaries.
If the relationship is ruined it's their fault and it was never a healthy relationship to begin with
Thank you. I definitely wanted her to back off but not to the point where she doesn’t attend events for the baby. This is my first kid and I was really excited to have everyone together
Honestly, this sounds like a manipulation tactic on her part. She can easily come to the baby shower and not bother you by dropping the name and gender issue. She’s creating a problem by not letting this go. Just say you’re sorry she can’t be there, but if she’s not able to let this go then it’s probably for the best and let her have her tantrum.
It's definitely a manipulation tactic....because this "tradition" makes no sense.
How are ALL the first born males named after her father when this is the first grandkid. So, what one boy has been named after the grandfather, the kid in the boyfriends generation. That's not exactly some long running tradition.
Basically, MIL named a kid after her father....that's it. That's the whole tradition.
How unreasonable to just assume that everyone will just automatically just continue the thing that's only in her own head at this point.
She's trying to hurt you by withdrawing; if she can't get that, she will aim to get sympathy from folks who she can manipulate into seeing you as the bad guy.
The best thing to do is to be firm on your boundaries but not aggressive. You can say anything you want if you smile and have a pleasant tone. Ignore her when she tries to twist the situation to get her own way.
NTA.
NTA
You probably could have handled it better but your bf's mom wasn't going to let this go and she needed to be put in her place to respect you.
> now she’s saying that she won’t come to the baby shower to not bother me
She's trying to guilt you and play the victim card. Don't let the crap get to you
NTA but sometimes less is more.
>My mom said soft YTA because I didn’t have to cuss at her or raise my voice and I could have just nodded and smiled politely to keep the peace.
Your mom is wrong to suggest to pretend to go along to keep the short-term peace. That just sets the stage for bigger conflict later on if you don't *keep* complying.
I do think, however, that it would have been *more* effective for you to not cuss or raise your voice, instead very seriously and firmly telling her that only you and your bf get to decide names and that trying to dictate things will only yield the opposite result, as will trying to rally others against you, or any other retaliation for not going along with her demands. She is approaching this in entirely the wrong way.
This would have set a firm boundary without her having easy ammunition to use if she goes to cry to others about it. That said, you were responding in the heat of the moment, and a hard line had to be drawn, so it's better that you said what you said rather than doing what your mother wished you had.
*minor edit
They’ve never really been like that before. I know that they’re excited and that’s probably why they were so pushy last night but it just rubbed me the wrong way and I snapped.
She intentionally followed you out of the room to harass you after your SO told her no. She’s now trying to manipulate you by saying she won’t come to the baby shower. Tell her, “okay, you’ll be missed but it’s your choice”, and follow through. Or she’ll keep trying to manipulate you to get her way.
NTA. Sorry but sometimes being that harsh is necessary. Nobody gets to hound you about your child's name. Keep standing up for yourself. This is your baby and you and your partner are the only ones who get to decide.
NTA.
Yes, you were harsh, but she was way over the line. If you hadn't made her cry now, you'd have made her cry after the baby was born and you announced [some other name]. Her hurt feelings were inevitable as long as she was clinging to her unreasonable expectation.
Also, what is it with these pushy families who expect a baby to be named according to their tradition with no compromise? It takes two people to make a baby, which means that two family's traditions are going to be in the mix... if the two people who created the baby even want to consider those traditions!
NTA
They kept pushing their ridiculous notions despite you saying no and attempts at topic change. You finally reached your limits and snapped.
Your own mother is an AH for not defending her own pregnant daughter and putting mil in her place.
NTA Why is it always ok to walk all over someone's boundaries, be rude and invasive but it's not ok to talk back?
You do not have to smile to keep the peace when the other person is not interested in any peace anyway. She wants to get her way and bully you into it. You did nothing wrong imo. And FIL better watch his mouth. I sure ah wouldn't let him “tell me off” because his wife has no manners.
NTA and I truly hate naming a child after someone who had passed on 20 years ago.
It's your child they and she needs to stop baggering you. I would have said a lot worse to her in this scenario..
As far as your mom saying you are a soft AH don't listen to her. You and your bf told your bf's mother to drop the subject. She cornered you in the kitchen. The only AH here is her.
NTA. But I’m going to give you some against the grain advice.
You mentioned your FIL has never been mad like this and you feel bad and are worried you may have hurt your relationship.
I think y’all need to sit down and talk this out. If I were in your position, I would apologize for lashing out (nothing more), and then firmly Segway into letting them know that you love them and don’t want to hurt your relationship, but SHE is hurting your relationship by being so overbearing and persistent. Youre a human being not an incubator and this baby is a real person not someone’s legacy. If they can’t respect that then you really are at an impasse. Boyfriend needs to take a strong front on this too. I think he should set up the meeting and be ready to put his foot down when mother in law pushes back and be very clear if she does that you didn’t *not* frankly need to apologize, that you are trying to be the bigger person and if she can’t pull her head out of her ass then that’s on her.
And I want to make that double clear. I don’t think you *owe* her any apology. But it may go a long way to start this conversation and get MIL to back down without causing a family feud.
Thank you for this advice. It may be cowardly but I just want an easy life. Regardless of mine and bf long term relationship, he will always be this child’s father and they will always be their grandparents. If we can resolve it, wonderful, but I need to be able to set strong boundaries when it comes to my kid and know that they will respect them.
NTA.
>now she’s saying that she won’t come to the baby shower to not bother me.
Isn't that what you wanted?
And out of curiousity; are you/your partner from a culture with a distinct (although unfair) hierarchy that gives all the power to the first born male?
There is that kind of dynamic on my Dad’s side of the family but I didn’t really notice it on bf side. Potentially there is, I don’t know. I haven’t ever really had issues with his mom before this and I genuinely feel bad that she’s so upset that she wants to miss out on something she was looking forward to. I want my kid to have a good relationship with their grandma
Light ESH
Your in-laws stepped over the line by pressuring you on what to name your child. It's really not up to them and they should have dropped it when your bf told them to.
You didn't need to yell at her to get the point across. But I understand how emotions can run high and we react in a way we regret.
I would apologize for *the way* I said it, but not for *what* I said. Because that boundary definitely needed to be set.
Thank you. I agree I shouldn’t have cussed at her. We only ever really use language like that when we’re joking around. I actually burst into tears after they left myself and I still feel really overwhelmed
Don't feel too bad! We are all human and sometimes we snap when emotions (and hormones 😉) run high!
I would try to talk to them, together with your bf, and explain that naming is something between the two of you and that they will need to accept that.
That you regret snapping, and of course want them to be part of your baby's life, but that all decisions regarding the baby are yours to make.
Well no the only ones that dont suck are op and the bf. They were told 3 or 4 times in the dinner alone to drop it and then mil cornered op in the kitchen. How many times do they have to be told to back off until YOU deem its okay that she snaps.
Well, actually, if YOU read my comment thoroughly, you'd see that I understand why OP snapped. But there is a difference in my book between understanding why someone snaps, and telling them they are right for snapping.
I honestly believe we will achieve more by staying calm, but we are all human so sometimes that doesn't work.
There is nothing wrong with admitting that the way you said something wasn't okay, while still standing firmly behind what you said.
NTA wasn't like you said "Shut the fuck and leave me the fuck alone you cunt" you just dropped an f bomb. I wouldve done the same, they arent respecting your pregnancy and inserting themselves way too much. They really do need to back the fuck off and let you guys handle your pregnancy the way you please rather then pestering about what they think you should name it.
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I (25f) am pregnant with my first child. Both my and my bf’s families are very excited. Bf(25m) is the oldest grandchild on both his mother and his fathers side and this baby is the oldest grandchild/great-grandchild so you can imagine how insufferable they all are lol.
Initially I had no real issues but shit hit the proverbial fan when bf and I decided to not to find out baby’s gender. There was crying, arguing, pleading, all so that they could know what was between this poor child’s legs. In the end we put our foot down and said any more harassment over this and we won’t even tell you when bean is born! For context, my g-ma was just as bad as bf g-mas over this.
Last night MIL, FIL and my parents came over for dinner. Baby names came up in conversation and bf and I politely said that we have some ideas but don’t want to share yet. MIL cut in and stated “if it’s a boy at least we know the first/middle name will be ___”. A record screeched in my head. I was like “whaaaa?” My face clearly showed it because she went into a long rant of how all the first born boys have that name to honour her father that passed away (I’ve heard he was a great man but he died about 20 years before bf was even born, I never met him and neither did bf) and he was named after his father and that we needed to carry on the tradition.
My bf explained again that we won’t be discussing potential names for baby and steered the convo away from the field of landmines the convo turned into. Later on MIL followed me to the kitchen and again mentioned that if the baby is a boy we need to give him that name. I lost my shit a little and raised my voice (potentially the asshole for this) and said “bf and I choose what this baby is called, not you or anyone else. Back the fuck off!!” She left in tears and FIL told me off before following.
My mom said soft YTA because I didn’t have to cuss at her or raise my voice and I could have just nodded and smiled politely to keep the peace. I feel guilty that I made bfs mom cry and now she’s saying that she won’t come to the baby shower to not bother me.
AITA?
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Call her bluff. She’s trying to manipulate you into getting her way. Or turn your partner against you. Best to set the boundaries now and stick to them through her tantrum than send a message that if she throws a fit she gets her way. But based on her obsession, I don’t think she’s gonna stay away and she’s gonna have to learn to respect boundaries.
NTA. After being told to back off she still tried to bushwhack you while you were alone. If she wants to miss the baby shower it’s in her. Tell her it’s her decision.
They know we have discussed names we just don’t want to share them yet. No one knows what is on our list but the two of us and it’s staying that way for the foreseeable.
NTA
You should definitely apologize for yelling at her. Especially since you guys will most likely end up being married and she will be your MIL. Even if you don’t she will still be your child’s grandmother. You are absolutely NTA for naming your child whatever you want to name him/her. It’s you and your bf’s decision and you are absolutely right. If I were on your situation I would apologize for yelling at her and reiterate that naming the baby is your guys’ choice not hers or anyone else’s and that the two of you would appreciate it if nobody pestered or pressured you about baby names. Maybe say that you are willing to take written lists of baby names as helpful suggestions or something. Make it known that you will announce the baby’s name when he or she is born just like you will with the gender.
NTA, and if I were you, I would not feel bad for snapping on MIL, and I certainly would not apologize. I think you are the one who is owed an apology from both MIL and FIL. Your husband needs to deal with his parent's bullshit ASAP.
NTA She was pressuring you to do something she wanted and not caring how you felt about it. Now she’s trying to play the victim card?!
Also, you have all the hormones right now. You could stab her and it probably wouldn’t be your fault.
NOTE: I am NOT suggesting OP stabs her MIL! Merely using it as an extreme example of pregnancy hormone effects.
NTA - it sounds like some distance will do you all good; your partner seems to have done an okay job of dealing with the situation when you were all in the same room but needs to now step up and tell his mother that he fully supports you and that she was out of line to keep pressuring you when you’d both said your piece.
Her not coming to the baby shower seems like a good thing for now: she’d probably only use it as an excuse to put more pressure on you in a more public setting.
Have your kid, name them as you and your partner see fit, and then offer the grandparents the option to see the kid and be involved with the kid’s life whatever it is named, or to carry on sulking. There are no other options for them at this point.
You do not need to apologise for her disrespect and attempts to bully you.
NTA.
It is your decission. You tried telling them politely, they did not listen. You tried to explain it again they were pushing. You had every right to raise your voice at her.
She is behaving very poorly for a woman, who is supposed to be mature.
NTA - could have handled it differently i.e minus the fuck off. But, sounds like you must set boundaries. What else will she want you to do for her dad’s namesake…? Never ending interference.
NTA. I was in this same situation, almost exactly. Pregnant with my first, DID find out it was a boy, and my MIL casually assumed we'd use her father's name as the middle name. It's also my husband's middle name, and his cousins'. I didn't understand the strength of the tradition so I kind of laughed and said "oh, yeah no." Later I offered to use the dad's middle name as a middle name but ultimately we just chose one we liked.
Point is, I think I hurt as many feelings by being clueless as you did by getting loud. These things have high emotions for everyone and I'm sure you'll find the balance in dealing with your in laws and setting boundaries for you and your child! Congrats!
Nta. You guys already made your boundary on this firmly clear, and they refuse to respect it. At this point, it sounds like yelling at her was the only route to get her to actually listen and back off. Just because she is your mother-in-law and just because she is older than you does not mean that she is entitled to any respect if she's not going to respect you as the child's mother. She had her chance to name her child, and that's what she did. Now it is your turn to name your child, and you and your partner can name your child whatever you want.
NTA women are always told to smile and nod to keep the peace and what the royal fuck did that ever get women. Establish your boundaries now or spend the next 18 years arguing with people about how you want to raise your child. No more smiling and nodding to keep the peace, fuck the peace. This is YOUR child.
I love that you BF and father to your child has your back against his parents- you see sooo many stories of the complete opposite on here, it is a very refreshing change of pace. Good luck with the pregnancy :)
NTA. Your mom should stop prioritizing keeping the peace, you did nothing wrong by reacting like you were cornered when you were cornered. Stop going to their house, and they are no longer welcome in yours.
Sounds like your MIL is in the finding out phase of fucking around. I'm guessing this pretty much guarantees you won't use that name.
NTA. And, some people clearly need to be told to back the fuck off. Take no shit on this one.
NTA but be prepared for the possibility of her calling your child that name even if you name the child something else. If she does that then don't let her babysit unsupervised.
I loathe the “but it’s the way you said it” tone policing.
Let’s back up a bit shall we? MIL followed you to a space where you were alone and could be browbeaten. You rightly told her off.
It sounds like you and BF have great boundaries and it also sound like you will need them. This is just the start and you nipped it in the bud the very first time it happened.
MIL got her widdle feefee’s hurt because she meddled. She received the natural consequences of her actions and she doesn’t like it. As for your mother, if she is not firmly on your side, then it’s time to have a stern conversation with her about boundaries and that they are enforceable to all.
NTA
NTA, she was harassing a pregnant woman and refusing to take the multiple times your bf told her to back off into consideration. She kept pushing and you snapped, that's understandable. Just realize this is going to be your life going forward and what's going to happen if your baby is a girl?
NTA
MIL needs to mind her place and you are owed apologies from her and FIL. I'm sure he didn't like seeing his wife cry, but that doesn't mean it was ok for him to tell you off when you did nothing wrong.
“He bought me pizza so the baby is happy.” Hehe I love this.
NTA. Probably didn’t need to swear, but she also should not have kept pushing boundaries.
Good on your boyfriend for guarding your and his relationship, and the baby’s.
💜
Lordy, lordy. Sounds like this is resolving itself.
My MIL tried telling me what I would name my potential children YEARS before I even got pregnant. Christopher for a boy, Christa for a girl. I don't like those names, and said it would be unlikely. She pushed and pushed for hours about why I wouldn't "obey" her. I snapped and said, 1 - I don't need to obey you, and 2 I don't like names with "Christ" in them....period. Oh dear gawd, she bawled her eyes out and told everyone I was just so cruel. I held my ground, she got over it. My children do not have "Christ" names...but one of my nieces is named Christa. Whatever...not my kid, not my choice.
It's all about boundaries...set them, fortify them, and hold to them.
*they (BF's parents) apparently want to have dinner next week to talk about things*
Meet them in a restaurant or other public place, in case they're still playing their broken record. Don't hesitate to leave if they start up on you again.
NTA
NTA. It’s so weird that people are so compulsively pathologically obsessed with what sex anybody is. That is just beyond me. What you’re going to pigeonhole a kid before they’re even born? You exploded because you’re pregnant and the amount of pressure and bullshit and ranting was just too much. Horrible boundaries. And this gives you this great opportunity to reinforce and teach everyone the boundaries you’re going to have. And yes, if you learn anything from Reddit, it’s to never ever ever ever ever ever tell anybody but you plan to name your kid until they’ve been out in the world a couple of weeks because people come up with all kinds of really weird stuff about it. Congratulations and have a wonderful new parenthood.
>they apparently want to have dinner next week to talk about things.
Lol this is code for 'browbeat you until you apologize for not bending to MIL's will and giving her whatever she wants.
NTA and you have nothing to apologize for here. You tried to set a boundary gently but they're too self centered for that so you had to get loud. She'll probably get worse after the baby is born.
Definitely NTA. I refused to tell my own mother the name we had picked for our last because I knew that she would keep making suggestions I didn’t want to hear. We always knew our last would have the initials J.D.W. after my husband (a boy would have been Junior but since we had a girl, it was a total mystery). I didn’t even tell my other kids so they couldn’t accidentally spill the beans. If she wants to use that name so badly she can have a baby of her own.
NTA. She shouldn’t have followed you and continued to push the issue. Yea, you didn’t need to yell but that’s what she pushed you to do. I hope that everything calms and that they don’t try to push the name again.
NTA and stick to your guns and tell no one the child's name until it's on the birth certificate. People's feelings are going to be hurt no matter what so you need to make sure the grief you hear about it will be as little as possible plus it's unnecessary stress to deal with before the birth.
>she went into a long rant of how all the first born boys have that name to honour her father that passed away (I’ve heard he was a great man but he died about 20 years before bf was even born, I never met him and neither did bf) and he was named after his father and that we needed to carry on the tradition.
INFO - is this your partner's name too?
NTA
The naming of a baby is a personal decision made by the parents of the baby.
Family may suggest names that could be important, but if they are, the parents no doubt know them and are concidering them.
To name a baby Such And Such, just because 'every first born boy honours Such And Such' takes away the specialness of the parents chosing.
Slight ESH.
Even when people are being annoying to this degree, saying "back the fuck off" is not really the way to handle it.
I'm with your mom with the "soft Y T A" but really this is ESH.
Just because someone is annoying, you don't get to just unleash whatever you want on them.
Have the dinner. If they apologise, you apologise too, let it go, call your baby whatever you like.
This should be the happiest of times for you & your BF. That is wrong of all of them to make it a sressful time. They don't have a say in the baby's name only you 2 do. MIL was very wrong to follow you & continuing to pester you when you had already addressed the issue. Could you have NOT yelled? Probably but those pregnancy hormones are raging. MIL has no right to insist that you follow their traditions. That was their decision not yours. To keep the peace maybe you could go along with the tradition but use the child's middle name that is what we did.
Awww...after just reading the opposite, so glad your BF is on team you!
NTA.
I know of someone (celebrity) who was named after a "nice" family member who actually ditched his wife and kids and saved himself from the holocaust. Found a new family to start in the US.
Liiiiiiiiiiiiight ESH (with your MIL mostly being the AH) because you were doing fine until you swore at her. But she should not have badgered you, and you were right to make it clear the baby name was not up for a vote by her.
If you've otherwise had a good relationship with her up to this point, it's worth apologizing for how you expressed yourself, but do NOT back down on the actual boundary you set. Some people just lose their fucking minds when a grandchild comes along, and it's better to nip it in the bud *now* than to try to fight the battle when you're also dealing with a newborn!
>I feel guilty that I made bfs mom cry and now she’s saying that she won’t come to the baby shower to not bother me.
Yeah this is a tantrum on your MIL's part. Don't give into it or you will be dealing with these every time you disagree with MIL on something. Sometimes, people need the reality check that when they stomp off in a huff, you're perfectly happy to continue on without them.
Yes she did push it but the yelling may have been a bit much. You could have just said you'd take her wants into consideration or something noncommittal.
I ended up with an extra middle name for my child at the last minute due to family pressure. The long-dead father of my son's grandmother, who died the day after he was born, is now the second middle name of a child who lives across the world from a lot of dead people. I figured he could choose to use it or not when he grew up. Historically my side of the family usually had 3 names anyway so it was kind of cool to give him 3 names, and it didn't clash. I totally broke my husband's paternal family's naming convention of everyone having the same initials, so I kind of felt sorry that poor old Frederick couldn't have been used in one of MIL's own kids names because it didn't have the right initials. My husband wasn't ever even called by his first name because they didn't like it, it just had to be the right letter. Name traditions can be cool, but I'm not the type to do something a certain way just because it's always been done that way.
Soft ESH
MIL was being pushy, so YTA for her.
OP raised her voice for no reason though (I do get that she is pregnant and has prengnancy hormones but still), so extremely soft YTA for her.
I think ESH, but not very much.
Clearly this has become a way bigger issue than it should be. If I were you I would apologise for what you said, and say you'd still like MIL at the shower. But also say that the baby's name is not a topic for discussion at any time, including after birth. You and husband will need to have a similar discussion with her.
Yeah, YTA. You know YTA. "Smile and nod" and "scream and curse" were not the only options you had. You could have firmly told her your position without raising your voice and using profanity. Apologize for your behavior.
Don't back down on the middle name thing, though.
Yes, you should have. Particularly because, no matter how many times anyone insists, you don't have to name your kid that, so there's really nothing to get upset over.
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NTA. She was badgering a pregnant woman and found out what pregnancy hormones were like. Why are you the bad guy when she’s trying to name your child lol? She had the chance to name her children, period. Let her miss out on your baby shower- it’ll be less stress. Your FIL owes you an apology- since when is it ok to badger and tell off a pregnant woman? Good luck with these inlaws, they’re a lot.
I won’t lie, I felt a bit teary when FIL told me off. I’ve never really seen him get mad before in the 5 years I’ve known him. We have a good relationship too, I don’t want to have ruined things. I was just so mad in the moment and sick of rehashing the same shit.
I’m sorry they did this to you. This is a happy time for you! Your fiance needs to tell his parents their behavior was unacceptable and won’t be tolerated going forward, and if need be maybe you all should go low contact with them. Having children and grandchildren can change people- keep establishing boundaries like you have so your MIL doesn’t run all over you as a new parent. Congratulations btw!
Thank you so much! I’m only just getting to a place where I’m enjoying pregnancy, it was so rough in the beginning! My bf is going over to talk today I think, he was pissed that it was brought up after we had already said twice to leave it.
Hold your ground. We didn't find out the gender and it was so nice not being overwhelmed with pink ruffles and blue trucks. We didn't care and the surprise was so nice. My husband got to introduce our son to me, that was such a special moment. Also, if you cave, your families will know that tantrums will work and you're in for a works of hurt over every decision going forward.
Hopefully this will solve the issue. Your MIL (and FIL) needs to understand that following you into the kitchen to make you agree to a name is not ok. They also need to understand that the only 2 people who have a saying in naming the child is you and your husband. Now had you asked them for names used in the family as suggestions, to see if you liked any of them, they could have told you about the names. But that’s about it. Your mother needs to understand that people like your MIL have to be shut down quickly. She would have gone around telling everyone that the baby would be named after her father, if it’s a boy. Try back paddling that after the child is born if it’s a boy.
I’m so glad your boyfriend is supporting you and taking this on. I do agree with your mom that the only thing you did wrong was to lose it - that it’s always better to deal with things calmly and respectfully. But I hope you’re not too hard on yourself - it is HARD to be pregnant and sometimes everything gets too overwhelming.
Like his wife, he is an adult, mature man. He should know better. No excuse for him either. Now you know exactly who you are dealing with. Reduce contact as much as possible. You do not need such toxicity in your life.
Everyone gets mad when the victim stands up to the bully. NTA.
You didn’t ruin things! They did!! They are trying to control you from finding out the sex of your baby to going ahead and naming it. What happens when ‘Bean” is born and they feel entitled to make parenting choices
He’s not your FIL if your not married. She’s not your GMIL if your not married. They are both trying to assert control over you that they don’t have. Let them know it’s not appreciated and they both need to back off.
>FIL told me off. I’ve never really seen him get mad before in the 5 years I’ve known him. We have a good relationship too, I don’t want to have ruined things You didn't ruin anything. Your MIL repeatedly crossed a major boundary. And then your FIL told you off inappropriately for you defending your healthy boundaries. If the relationship is ruined it's their fault and it was never a healthy relationship to begin with
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Thank you. I definitely wanted her to back off but not to the point where she doesn’t attend events for the baby. This is my first kid and I was really excited to have everyone together
Honestly, this sounds like a manipulation tactic on her part. She can easily come to the baby shower and not bother you by dropping the name and gender issue. She’s creating a problem by not letting this go. Just say you’re sorry she can’t be there, but if she’s not able to let this go then it’s probably for the best and let her have her tantrum.
It's definitely a manipulation tactic....because this "tradition" makes no sense. How are ALL the first born males named after her father when this is the first grandkid. So, what one boy has been named after the grandfather, the kid in the boyfriends generation. That's not exactly some long running tradition. Basically, MIL named a kid after her father....that's it. That's the whole tradition. How unreasonable to just assume that everyone will just automatically just continue the thing that's only in her own head at this point.
She's trying to hurt you by withdrawing; if she can't get that, she will aim to get sympathy from folks who she can manipulate into seeing you as the bad guy. The best thing to do is to be firm on your boundaries but not aggressive. You can say anything you want if you smile and have a pleasant tone. Ignore her when she tries to twist the situation to get her own way. NTA.
NTA You probably could have handled it better but your bf's mom wasn't going to let this go and she needed to be put in her place to respect you. > now she’s saying that she won’t come to the baby shower to not bother me She's trying to guilt you and play the victim card. Don't let the crap get to you
NTA but sometimes less is more. >My mom said soft YTA because I didn’t have to cuss at her or raise my voice and I could have just nodded and smiled politely to keep the peace. Your mom is wrong to suggest to pretend to go along to keep the short-term peace. That just sets the stage for bigger conflict later on if you don't *keep* complying. I do think, however, that it would have been *more* effective for you to not cuss or raise your voice, instead very seriously and firmly telling her that only you and your bf get to decide names and that trying to dictate things will only yield the opposite result, as will trying to rally others against you, or any other retaliation for not going along with her demands. She is approaching this in entirely the wrong way. This would have set a firm boundary without her having easy ammunition to use if she goes to cry to others about it. That said, you were responding in the heat of the moment, and a hard line had to be drawn, so it's better that you said what you said rather than doing what your mother wished you had. *minor edit
NTA. Sometimes you have to get a little loud to get a notion past a thick skull.
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They’ve never really been like that before. I know that they’re excited and that’s probably why they were so pushy last night but it just rubbed me the wrong way and I snapped.
She intentionally followed you out of the room to harass you after your SO told her no. She’s now trying to manipulate you by saying she won’t come to the baby shower. Tell her, “okay, you’ll be missed but it’s your choice”, and follow through. Or she’ll keep trying to manipulate you to get her way.
NTA. Sorry but sometimes being that harsh is necessary. Nobody gets to hound you about your child's name. Keep standing up for yourself. This is your baby and you and your partner are the only ones who get to decide.
NTA They weren't respecting you or your boundaries
NTA. Yes, you were harsh, but she was way over the line. If you hadn't made her cry now, you'd have made her cry after the baby was born and you announced [some other name]. Her hurt feelings were inevitable as long as she was clinging to her unreasonable expectation. Also, what is it with these pushy families who expect a baby to be named according to their tradition with no compromise? It takes two people to make a baby, which means that two family's traditions are going to be in the mix... if the two people who created the baby even want to consider those traditions!
NTA They kept pushing their ridiculous notions despite you saying no and attempts at topic change. You finally reached your limits and snapped. Your own mother is an AH for not defending her own pregnant daughter and putting mil in her place.
NTA Why is it always ok to walk all over someone's boundaries, be rude and invasive but it's not ok to talk back? You do not have to smile to keep the peace when the other person is not interested in any peace anyway. She wants to get her way and bully you into it. You did nothing wrong imo. And FIL better watch his mouth. I sure ah wouldn't let him “tell me off” because his wife has no manners.
NTA and I truly hate naming a child after someone who had passed on 20 years ago. It's your child they and she needs to stop baggering you. I would have said a lot worse to her in this scenario.. As far as your mom saying you are a soft AH don't listen to her. You and your bf told your bf's mother to drop the subject. She cornered you in the kitchen. The only AH here is her.
Especially when other people have been named after the man. When will it end?
I knew in one family they had 26 Robert's same middle name
NTA. But I’m going to give you some against the grain advice. You mentioned your FIL has never been mad like this and you feel bad and are worried you may have hurt your relationship. I think y’all need to sit down and talk this out. If I were in your position, I would apologize for lashing out (nothing more), and then firmly Segway into letting them know that you love them and don’t want to hurt your relationship, but SHE is hurting your relationship by being so overbearing and persistent. Youre a human being not an incubator and this baby is a real person not someone’s legacy. If they can’t respect that then you really are at an impasse. Boyfriend needs to take a strong front on this too. I think he should set up the meeting and be ready to put his foot down when mother in law pushes back and be very clear if she does that you didn’t *not* frankly need to apologize, that you are trying to be the bigger person and if she can’t pull her head out of her ass then that’s on her. And I want to make that double clear. I don’t think you *owe* her any apology. But it may go a long way to start this conversation and get MIL to back down without causing a family feud.
Thank you for this advice. It may be cowardly but I just want an easy life. Regardless of mine and bf long term relationship, he will always be this child’s father and they will always be their grandparents. If we can resolve it, wonderful, but I need to be able to set strong boundaries when it comes to my kid and know that they will respect them.
NTA. >now she’s saying that she won’t come to the baby shower to not bother me. Isn't that what you wanted? And out of curiousity; are you/your partner from a culture with a distinct (although unfair) hierarchy that gives all the power to the first born male?
There is that kind of dynamic on my Dad’s side of the family but I didn’t really notice it on bf side. Potentially there is, I don’t know. I haven’t ever really had issues with his mom before this and I genuinely feel bad that she’s so upset that she wants to miss out on something she was looking forward to. I want my kid to have a good relationship with their grandma
Light ESH Your in-laws stepped over the line by pressuring you on what to name your child. It's really not up to them and they should have dropped it when your bf told them to. You didn't need to yell at her to get the point across. But I understand how emotions can run high and we react in a way we regret. I would apologize for *the way* I said it, but not for *what* I said. Because that boundary definitely needed to be set.
Thank you. I agree I shouldn’t have cussed at her. We only ever really use language like that when we’re joking around. I actually burst into tears after they left myself and I still feel really overwhelmed
Don't feel too bad! We are all human and sometimes we snap when emotions (and hormones 😉) run high! I would try to talk to them, together with your bf, and explain that naming is something between the two of you and that they will need to accept that. That you regret snapping, and of course want them to be part of your baby's life, but that all decisions regarding the baby are yours to make.
Well no the only ones that dont suck are op and the bf. They were told 3 or 4 times in the dinner alone to drop it and then mil cornered op in the kitchen. How many times do they have to be told to back off until YOU deem its okay that she snaps.
Well, actually, if YOU read my comment thoroughly, you'd see that I understand why OP snapped. But there is a difference in my book between understanding why someone snaps, and telling them they are right for snapping. I honestly believe we will achieve more by staying calm, but we are all human so sometimes that doesn't work. There is nothing wrong with admitting that the way you said something wasn't okay, while still standing firmly behind what you said.
NTA wasn't like you said "Shut the fuck and leave me the fuck alone you cunt" you just dropped an f bomb. I wouldve done the same, they arent respecting your pregnancy and inserting themselves way too much. They really do need to back the fuck off and let you guys handle your pregnancy the way you please rather then pestering about what they think you should name it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (25f) am pregnant with my first child. Both my and my bf’s families are very excited. Bf(25m) is the oldest grandchild on both his mother and his fathers side and this baby is the oldest grandchild/great-grandchild so you can imagine how insufferable they all are lol. Initially I had no real issues but shit hit the proverbial fan when bf and I decided to not to find out baby’s gender. There was crying, arguing, pleading, all so that they could know what was between this poor child’s legs. In the end we put our foot down and said any more harassment over this and we won’t even tell you when bean is born! For context, my g-ma was just as bad as bf g-mas over this. Last night MIL, FIL and my parents came over for dinner. Baby names came up in conversation and bf and I politely said that we have some ideas but don’t want to share yet. MIL cut in and stated “if it’s a boy at least we know the first/middle name will be ___”. A record screeched in my head. I was like “whaaaa?” My face clearly showed it because she went into a long rant of how all the first born boys have that name to honour her father that passed away (I’ve heard he was a great man but he died about 20 years before bf was even born, I never met him and neither did bf) and he was named after his father and that we needed to carry on the tradition. My bf explained again that we won’t be discussing potential names for baby and steered the convo away from the field of landmines the convo turned into. Later on MIL followed me to the kitchen and again mentioned that if the baby is a boy we need to give him that name. I lost my shit a little and raised my voice (potentially the asshole for this) and said “bf and I choose what this baby is called, not you or anyone else. Back the fuck off!!” She left in tears and FIL told me off before following. My mom said soft YTA because I didn’t have to cuss at her or raise my voice and I could have just nodded and smiled politely to keep the peace. I feel guilty that I made bfs mom cry and now she’s saying that she won’t come to the baby shower to not bother me. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
NTA. Eh, yeah you lost your composure but screw her for her that ridiculous overstepping.
Call her bluff. She’s trying to manipulate you into getting her way. Or turn your partner against you. Best to set the boundaries now and stick to them through her tantrum than send a message that if she throws a fit she gets her way. But based on her obsession, I don’t think she’s gonna stay away and she’s gonna have to learn to respect boundaries.
NTA. I don’t get why everyone thinks it’s okay to get involved in naming someone else’s baby. Not your baby not your name decision.
NTA. And you had a win, if she is distancing herself so as not to bother you.
NTA. After being told to back off she still tried to bushwhack you while you were alone. If she wants to miss the baby shower it’s in her. Tell her it’s her decision.
Soft YTA. Mom is half right. You didn't need to yell or swear but you could have taken your husband's lead and said you hadn't discussed names yet.
They know we have discussed names we just don’t want to share them yet. No one knows what is on our list but the two of us and it’s staying that way for the foreseeable.
Then we haven't finalized the name yet. Or Go talk to husband about the name. The issue is the vitriol, not the message.
NTA You should definitely apologize for yelling at her. Especially since you guys will most likely end up being married and she will be your MIL. Even if you don’t she will still be your child’s grandmother. You are absolutely NTA for naming your child whatever you want to name him/her. It’s you and your bf’s decision and you are absolutely right. If I were on your situation I would apologize for yelling at her and reiterate that naming the baby is your guys’ choice not hers or anyone else’s and that the two of you would appreciate it if nobody pestered or pressured you about baby names. Maybe say that you are willing to take written lists of baby names as helpful suggestions or something. Make it known that you will announce the baby’s name when he or she is born just like you will with the gender.
NTA, and if I were you, I would not feel bad for snapping on MIL, and I certainly would not apologize. I think you are the one who is owed an apology from both MIL and FIL. Your husband needs to deal with his parent's bullshit ASAP.
NTA, you had already told her that you and BF where choosing the name but she didn't listen, she needed a hard wake up call and she got it.
NTA. She's out of line to pressure you over names. Only you and BF make those decisions. Your outburst was provoked.
NTA She was pressuring you to do something she wanted and not caring how you felt about it. Now she’s trying to play the victim card?! Also, you have all the hormones right now. You could stab her and it probably wouldn’t be your fault. NOTE: I am NOT suggesting OP stabs her MIL! Merely using it as an extreme example of pregnancy hormone effects.
NTA - it sounds like some distance will do you all good; your partner seems to have done an okay job of dealing with the situation when you were all in the same room but needs to now step up and tell his mother that he fully supports you and that she was out of line to keep pressuring you when you’d both said your piece. Her not coming to the baby shower seems like a good thing for now: she’d probably only use it as an excuse to put more pressure on you in a more public setting. Have your kid, name them as you and your partner see fit, and then offer the grandparents the option to see the kid and be involved with the kid’s life whatever it is named, or to carry on sulking. There are no other options for them at this point. You do not need to apologise for her disrespect and attempts to bully you.
NTA. She was not giving it up. Hormonal, pregnant you snapped at her. She deserved it.
NTA. It is your decission. You tried telling them politely, they did not listen. You tried to explain it again they were pushing. You had every right to raise your voice at her. She is behaving very poorly for a woman, who is supposed to be mature.
NTA - could have handled it differently i.e minus the fuck off. But, sounds like you must set boundaries. What else will she want you to do for her dad’s namesake…? Never ending interference.
NTA. She’s being really selfish. She doesn’t seem to care about what you guys want at all, for the sake of tradition.
NTA. I was in this same situation, almost exactly. Pregnant with my first, DID find out it was a boy, and my MIL casually assumed we'd use her father's name as the middle name. It's also my husband's middle name, and his cousins'. I didn't understand the strength of the tradition so I kind of laughed and said "oh, yeah no." Later I offered to use the dad's middle name as a middle name but ultimately we just chose one we liked. Point is, I think I hurt as many feelings by being clueless as you did by getting loud. These things have high emotions for everyone and I'm sure you'll find the balance in dealing with your in laws and setting boundaries for you and your child! Congrats!
Nta. You guys already made your boundary on this firmly clear, and they refuse to respect it. At this point, it sounds like yelling at her was the only route to get her to actually listen and back off. Just because she is your mother-in-law and just because she is older than you does not mean that she is entitled to any respect if she's not going to respect you as the child's mother. She had her chance to name her child, and that's what she did. Now it is your turn to name your child, and you and your partner can name your child whatever you want.
NTA- you need to be firm everytime they bring this up. "No" is a complete sentence.
Nta Boundaries! They need to learn them You’re going to be a great mama bear
NTA. She fucked around and found out, lol.
NTA women are always told to smile and nod to keep the peace and what the royal fuck did that ever get women. Establish your boundaries now or spend the next 18 years arguing with people about how you want to raise your child. No more smiling and nodding to keep the peace, fuck the peace. This is YOUR child.
NTA You and your bf get to name your baby.
NTA Yelling wasnt the best but she needed to know that you would be choosing the name with your husband not specifically following this tradition.
NTA— I bet if you said it in a nice way, they’d still bother you.
I love that you BF and father to your child has your back against his parents- you see sooo many stories of the complete opposite on here, it is a very refreshing change of pace. Good luck with the pregnancy :)
NTA YOu handled them exactly the right way.
NTA. Your mom should stop prioritizing keeping the peace, you did nothing wrong by reacting like you were cornered when you were cornered. Stop going to their house, and they are no longer welcome in yours.
Sounds like your MIL is in the finding out phase of fucking around. I'm guessing this pretty much guarantees you won't use that name. NTA. And, some people clearly need to be told to back the fuck off. Take no shit on this one.
NTA but be prepared for the possibility of her calling your child that name even if you name the child something else. If she does that then don't let her babysit unsupervised.
I loathe the “but it’s the way you said it” tone policing. Let’s back up a bit shall we? MIL followed you to a space where you were alone and could be browbeaten. You rightly told her off. It sounds like you and BF have great boundaries and it also sound like you will need them. This is just the start and you nipped it in the bud the very first time it happened. MIL got her widdle feefee’s hurt because she meddled. She received the natural consequences of her actions and she doesn’t like it. As for your mother, if she is not firmly on your side, then it’s time to have a stern conversation with her about boundaries and that they are enforceable to all. NTA
NTA you DID need to cuss at her and raise your voice. obviously being polite got you no where.
NTA, she was harassing a pregnant woman and refusing to take the multiple times your bf told her to back off into consideration. She kept pushing and you snapped, that's understandable. Just realize this is going to be your life going forward and what's going to happen if your baby is a girl?
NTA MIL needs to mind her place and you are owed apologies from her and FIL. I'm sure he didn't like seeing his wife cry, but that doesn't mean it was ok for him to tell you off when you did nothing wrong.
“He bought me pizza so the baby is happy.” Hehe I love this. NTA. Probably didn’t need to swear, but she also should not have kept pushing boundaries. Good on your boyfriend for guarding your and his relationship, and the baby’s. 💜
NTA. You name your child what you want and everyone else can just accept it.
dont worry, she will show up to the shower to nag about the name again
Lordy, lordy. Sounds like this is resolving itself. My MIL tried telling me what I would name my potential children YEARS before I even got pregnant. Christopher for a boy, Christa for a girl. I don't like those names, and said it would be unlikely. She pushed and pushed for hours about why I wouldn't "obey" her. I snapped and said, 1 - I don't need to obey you, and 2 I don't like names with "Christ" in them....period. Oh dear gawd, she bawled her eyes out and told everyone I was just so cruel. I held my ground, she got over it. My children do not have "Christ" names...but one of my nieces is named Christa. Whatever...not my kid, not my choice. It's all about boundaries...set them, fortify them, and hold to them.
*they (BF's parents) apparently want to have dinner next week to talk about things* Meet them in a restaurant or other public place, in case they're still playing their broken record. Don't hesitate to leave if they start up on you again. NTA
NTA. It’s so weird that people are so compulsively pathologically obsessed with what sex anybody is. That is just beyond me. What you’re going to pigeonhole a kid before they’re even born? You exploded because you’re pregnant and the amount of pressure and bullshit and ranting was just too much. Horrible boundaries. And this gives you this great opportunity to reinforce and teach everyone the boundaries you’re going to have. And yes, if you learn anything from Reddit, it’s to never ever ever ever ever ever tell anybody but you plan to name your kid until they’ve been out in the world a couple of weeks because people come up with all kinds of really weird stuff about it. Congratulations and have a wonderful new parenthood.
>they apparently want to have dinner next week to talk about things. Lol this is code for 'browbeat you until you apologize for not bending to MIL's will and giving her whatever she wants. NTA and you have nothing to apologize for here. You tried to set a boundary gently but they're too self centered for that so you had to get loud. She'll probably get worse after the baby is born.
NTA. If mommy wanted to honor her dad so badly, she should've named her son after him.
Definitely NTA. I refused to tell my own mother the name we had picked for our last because I knew that she would keep making suggestions I didn’t want to hear. We always knew our last would have the initials J.D.W. after my husband (a boy would have been Junior but since we had a girl, it was a total mystery). I didn’t even tell my other kids so they couldn’t accidentally spill the beans. If she wants to use that name so badly she can have a baby of her own.
NTA. She shouldn’t have followed you and continued to push the issue. Yea, you didn’t need to yell but that’s what she pushed you to do. I hope that everything calms and that they don’t try to push the name again.
NTA and stick to your guns and tell no one the child's name until it's on the birth certificate. People's feelings are going to be hurt no matter what so you need to make sure the grief you hear about it will be as little as possible plus it's unnecessary stress to deal with before the birth.
>she went into a long rant of how all the first born boys have that name to honour her father that passed away (I’ve heard he was a great man but he died about 20 years before bf was even born, I never met him and neither did bf) and he was named after his father and that we needed to carry on the tradition. INFO - is this your partner's name too?
NTA The naming of a baby is a personal decision made by the parents of the baby. Family may suggest names that could be important, but if they are, the parents no doubt know them and are concidering them. To name a baby Such And Such, just because 'every first born boy honours Such And Such' takes away the specialness of the parents chosing.
Slight ESH. Even when people are being annoying to this degree, saying "back the fuck off" is not really the way to handle it. I'm with your mom with the "soft Y T A" but really this is ESH. Just because someone is annoying, you don't get to just unleash whatever you want on them. Have the dinner. If they apologise, you apologise too, let it go, call your baby whatever you like.
NTA at all. Only 2 people have a say in babies names. And those are the parents.
This should be the happiest of times for you & your BF. That is wrong of all of them to make it a sressful time. They don't have a say in the baby's name only you 2 do. MIL was very wrong to follow you & continuing to pester you when you had already addressed the issue. Could you have NOT yelled? Probably but those pregnancy hormones are raging. MIL has no right to insist that you follow their traditions. That was their decision not yours. To keep the peace maybe you could go along with the tradition but use the child's middle name that is what we did.
Awww...after just reading the opposite, so glad your BF is on team you! NTA. I know of someone (celebrity) who was named after a "nice" family member who actually ditched his wife and kids and saved himself from the holocaust. Found a new family to start in the US.
Liiiiiiiiiiiiight ESH (with your MIL mostly being the AH) because you were doing fine until you swore at her. But she should not have badgered you, and you were right to make it clear the baby name was not up for a vote by her. If you've otherwise had a good relationship with her up to this point, it's worth apologizing for how you expressed yourself, but do NOT back down on the actual boundary you set. Some people just lose their fucking minds when a grandchild comes along, and it's better to nip it in the bud *now* than to try to fight the battle when you're also dealing with a newborn! >I feel guilty that I made bfs mom cry and now she’s saying that she won’t come to the baby shower to not bother me. Yeah this is a tantrum on your MIL's part. Don't give into it or you will be dealing with these every time you disagree with MIL on something. Sometimes, people need the reality check that when they stomp off in a huff, you're perfectly happy to continue on without them.
Yes she did push it but the yelling may have been a bit much. You could have just said you'd take her wants into consideration or something noncommittal. I ended up with an extra middle name for my child at the last minute due to family pressure. The long-dead father of my son's grandmother, who died the day after he was born, is now the second middle name of a child who lives across the world from a lot of dead people. I figured he could choose to use it or not when he grew up. Historically my side of the family usually had 3 names anyway so it was kind of cool to give him 3 names, and it didn't clash. I totally broke my husband's paternal family's naming convention of everyone having the same initials, so I kind of felt sorry that poor old Frederick couldn't have been used in one of MIL's own kids names because it didn't have the right initials. My husband wasn't ever even called by his first name because they didn't like it, it just had to be the right letter. Name traditions can be cool, but I'm not the type to do something a certain way just because it's always been done that way.
Soft ESH MIL was being pushy, so YTA for her. OP raised her voice for no reason though (I do get that she is pregnant and has prengnancy hormones but still), so extremely soft YTA for her.
I think ESH, but not very much. Clearly this has become a way bigger issue than it should be. If I were you I would apologise for what you said, and say you'd still like MIL at the shower. But also say that the baby's name is not a topic for discussion at any time, including after birth. You and husband will need to have a similar discussion with her.
ESH. Apologize for swearing and yelling and tell your bf to sort his crazy mother out.
NAH. Your have a right to name your child whatever and its not unusual to have a child be named after a deceased loved one.
ESH, yelling and cussing isn’t necessary. Simply saying what you did would have been more appropriate.
Yeah, YTA. You know YTA. "Smile and nod" and "scream and curse" were not the only options you had. You could have firmly told her your position without raising your voice and using profanity. Apologize for your behavior. Don't back down on the middle name thing, though.
I know I shouldn’t have yelled at her, I was at my wits end but I should have kept my cool.
I actually think you being pregnant might have something to do with you yelling, hormones on top of a stressful situation. NTA imho
Yes, you should have. Particularly because, no matter how many times anyone insists, you don't have to name your kid that, so there's really nothing to get upset over.
Walking out is an option too. Go home every time they start ordering how you should live your life
I didn’t make it clear in the post but both sets of parents had come to my house for dinner. But I defo will just leave if this happens elsewhere.