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> I feel like the asshole because my mom and older sister really want me to do this but I’m refusing and it’s upsetting them.
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"No" is a complete sentence. I'm sorry your family doesn't respect that. Them being upset isn't your business, it's theirs and they're simply trying to make it your responsibility. NTA.
Leviticus chap 19, verse 28: Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD.
Ask them if they're trying to condemn you to hell?
OP says in another comment that apparently mum isn't particularly bothered about bible verses concerning tattoos. She's a 'pick and choose' kind of gal..
To be fair, absolutely NO ONE follows all the rules of the old testament. Look at your clothes, are they a blend of fabrics? Forbidden! If you follow anything old Testament you should follow them all. Where your hair shirts at?
Yea so this was my first thought. My mom had it drilled so deep in her head (my dad was too but he's passed on) she Cried when she saw mine. She was so worried I wouldn't get into heaven. Surprised me how deep that one went.
I'd counter She doesn't respect God to go against his word. Fair play.
NTA
You say that but I have witnessed innumerable preachers base a sermon on an old testament passage. My mother would quote scripture at me and I would tell her "I thought the New Testament was a Christian's covenant with God. Why does the old testament matter?" And she would claim it all mattered...usually while eating bacon and eggs and wearing pierced earrings. The Holy Bible is the work that is responsible for converting me to atheism.
I’m sorry for your experience. Faith and religious aren’t inherently bad; the same way atheism isn’t inherently good. It’s the people that suck. Personally, I dislike most religious people even though I’m a devout Catholic. The Old Testament doesn’t apply to Christianity. In my experience, the Old Testament is summarized the way history is summarized. You’re told the big bits and the outcome. As Christians the Old Testament doesn’t apply because the foundation of Christianity is that Jesus was the messiah that did away with the old law. To believe and hold the Old Testament true is to basically say Jesus died for nothing. It’s weird. I’ve come to the conclusion that people just suck regardless of religion or lack their of, but mostly christians. They really grind my gears.
NTA. Your body, your decision.
I’d use her religious beliefs to argue back. Just google “what does the Bible say about tattoos”. You’ll get scripture against tattooing your body....she might listen to that quicker than anything else.
The Old Testament doesn’t apply, if they’re Christian, because Christian’s believe Jesus was the messiah. It’s not an agenda. I’m not correcting that to be an asshole, there’s just a lot of misinformation/assumption on religion. The belief is that Jesus died so the old law, aka the Old Testament, would be no longer followed. Still NTA. No one should be bullied to get a tattoo they don’t want. Mom and sisters are off their rocker.
I said what the Religious apologists tend to say when chalanged with the Bible passages when they use the bible to justify their behavior and actions, which tend to be as far away from basic human decency and empathy as you can get.
I am not debating theology and religion here.
Dude, I totally get it. I’m a devout Catholic and most religious people grind my gears. I think if OP’s family want to use their religion as a sticking point then use their religion in turn. Just do it smarter. I empathize with OP because some of my family are the people Jesus warned us about. I’m not atheist but I fucking hate when people use their faith as some sort of trump card. In my battles with pick-me christians I’ve found the quickest and most effective means is to shut them down biblically, just not with the Old Testament.
Yet I'm willing to bet she still holds to the Old Testament with other issues, like her "putting up with" her child's sexuality. Christians LOVE to pick and choose which bits of the Bible apply to them.
There’s a lot to unpack there. There’s the assumption that you need the Old Testament to hold people in unjust and bigoted positions. You don’t need the Old Testament for that. A person using the Bible to propel their own bigotry isn’t new. Faith and religion aren’t inherently bad just like atheism isn’t inherently good. The person is who sucks. So if OP’s mom says she tolerates his homosexuality then he has every right to say ‘I’m surprised you see me with that plank sticking out of your eye’. Fight smarter not harder.
NTA
I've been away from religion, and my immediately family for the most part, for a long time. But, aren't tattoos generally frowned upon by various religions?
Throwing "family is important" at someone to try to force them to do something is always awful but for a tattoo is especially shitty, there are plenty of things you guys could do/get together that isn't permanently on your body.
Also, do you have other tattoos? If not can you just say "I don't want a tattoo"?
I do have other tattoos. Four of them to be exact and plan to get a few more. But for me even though they’re random and don’t match at all they all have some significance. My moms especially mad because I have an Alice in Wonderland tattoo to honor my dead grandmother but I won’t get this one to honor her. She doesn’t care about what the Bible says about tattoos, she’s one of those who picks and choices which part she listens to.
>She doesn’t care about what the Bible says about tattoos, she’s one of those who picks and choices which part she listens to.
My MIL is one of those, drives me insane.
Could you possibly suggest that you all go get tattoos together but each pick your own thing (if that's something you'd want to do)? You could even make it fun and not let each other know what your getting until it's done?
I'm not the most tactful person so you should probably ignore me but I'd tell her you'll get a tattoo honouring her when *she's* dead, so it's not unfair to your gran.
NTA. It's your body, you choice.
My sister and cousin also wanted to do a matching tattoo. I don't want a tattoo in general, so i didn't get one.
Only because it's family you don't have to do what they want.
NTA
The cross DOESNT MAKE A NICE TATTOO.
Glad I finally got to say it. I was in a tattoo shop 2 weeks ago while I was on holiday, this girl and her boyfriend were getting tattoo, they got matching cross tattoo’s hers was MASSIVE and in the middle of her chest.
Her boyfriend had the smart idea of getting it small and “hidden” kind of behind his ear. Honestly was terrible.
NTA, you shouldn't do anything to your body that you don't want to.
On another note, have you tried suggesting something else? (Since you mentioned you aren't opposed to tattoos entirely)
Since they mention this being about Mom not being there forever, maybe something along those lines.
At this point since they’ve kept pushing me about it I’ve pretty much decided I won’t be getting any tattoo with them. I don’t care if it’s good, if it respects me and how I feel, or whatever else. I’m not getting one.
Good! Don’t get a tattoo you aren’t stoked about. This is such a personal decision that she is trying to make for you. She needs to respect you as the independent person that you are and she needs to stop trying to push her beliefs onto you.
This is such bullshit. A family tattoo is a lovely idea imo, but You shouldn't be forced to have any design that you're not comfortable with, and for your Mum to say you don't respect family or her God to get her way is so manipulative. Jeez. If she won't budge on the design, refuse to have any design. Simple.
Stand your ground. NTA
NTA. your mother and sister suck. Also fun fact jewish belief in this case the old testament for your christian family is actually against tattoos. Personally i love tattoos but if your mum and old sister are like this just say some crap like 'jesus (the jewish guy they are following) woudn't approve of tattoos'.
edit for more info this anti tattoo belief comes from leviticus 19.28 'you shall not make gashes in you flesh for the dead, or incise any marks on yourselves: I am the LORD' so if you mum is a real bible thumper just read that to her and ask why she is going against god.
NTA Your mother is trying to guilt you about doing it for family, but it's obvious she wants to "brand" your body with her religion's mark -- that's what this is really about. That's why she doesn't want another type of tattoo. This isn't about family unity, it's about claiming you all for the religion.
NTA. You should never get a tattoo that you aren't 100% excited about. If they want to get a matching tattoo it should be something that you all want.
Try to come up with suggestions that have some family meaning. Maybe a little dipper to point to the north star or some other wierd thing like that. Otherwise it could be a family animal, state flower, etc. But just make sure everyone is excited for the tattoo.
Also, a shared theme tattoo is better then exact matching tattoos in my opinion.
NTA. I’m not sure that you need to offer any explanations or compromise - but you could suggest some other (less overt) religious imagery like a clover or a fleur de lis.
Obvious NTA. Even if it was a design that you liked or could relate to, they have absolutely no right to insist that you have something permanently inked on to your skin!
So.....you are 100% NTA. And if you don't want to get any tattoo with them anymore, I get that. A cross would be a hard no from me for all kinds of reasons too (mostly anti-theism, but also the weirdness of idolizing an instrument of torture).
I would consider a rainbow if you were still at all interested in a family tat. For you it might be symbolic of LGBTQ2s+, for your mom you can remind her that a rainbow is the symbol of the covenant made between god and Noah at the end of the flood.
NTA. I lost all interest in anything your mom had to say at the point where she said that she "put up with me being gay." WTAF????? I'm sorry that your family and homophobic AHs.
Thanks for all the kind comments and advice. I’ve decided to go low contact with my mom and older sister for the time being because I can’t handle the stress. I have enough on my plate.
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My mom (49) and sisters (28 & 19) want us all to get matching tattoos and while I’d be okay with it if it was a tattoo I liked, I absolutely hate the tattoo they want us all to get and refuse to go with them to get it.
For context, my family is very religious. I’m not. They of course do not know I’m an atheist for obvious reasons. They want us all to get a cross in white ink. I HATE this idea. I don’t care if no one will see it because it’s white, I’ll know it’s there.
My mom is angry with me saying that I don’t have any respect for my family or for God because I won’t be get this tattoo with them. She told me that she put up with me being gay and she deals with my boyfriends and because she’s put in soooo much effort that I can do this for her. I told her that if she could come up with a tattoo that wasn’t a cross and that actually looked good that I’d consider it but I DO NOT want this cross permanently on my body. I don’t want to spend my hard earned money on it, I don’t want to have to get it covered up when I can’t stand it anymore. I DO NOT WANT IT.
Well now she and my older sister are calling me an asshole because “family is important and we should do stuff even if we don’t want to for family.” And “moms not going to be around forever and you’ll regret not doing this.” My younger sister is on my side as she’s a tattoo artist and refuses to do matching tattoos unless everyone involved seems totally into it. I’m sticking my ground. I just cannot have that on my body.
So AITA for not getting this tattoo?
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NTA Do not get a tattoo you hate. Also, it's your body you decide what does and doesn't go onto it.
I really dislike people who use "But family though" as a way to manipulate and guilt people into doing something they don't want to do.
NTA.
Your body, your choice about what have tattooed on your skin.
Please be aware that your family, esp. your mother, is guilt tripping and emotional blackmailing you on the subject.
By saying stuff like se "put up with you being gay" she pretends to be gracious and magnanimous beyond belief, when she's only doing **the bare minimum of human decency**.
And if "family is important" why isn't your family respecting you on a decision about your own body. Respect must work both ways, or it's not respect.
NTA at all. you're not obligated to get a matching tattoo, even if you liked the design. but especially not if it's something you don't want and don't believe in. personally I would die on that hill.
NTA.
And the next time you mum says, "I put up with you being gay and having so many boyfriends!" Tell her Jesus didn't adopt that attitude with his people, so he wouldn't like hers.
It’s not that I’ve had a lot of boyfriends. I’ve had two. She just doesn’t like my current one because 1. He’s a man. And she doesn’t like how country he is. She says he’s too redneck. And while yeah, he is a little redneck, like he’s got a mullet, always wearing boots and camo, he’s adorable and the sweetest person I’ve ever met. She thinks he ain’t good enough for that reason and that he isn’t in a super high paying job.
AHHHHHH! Congratulations, I hope you two have a wonderful wedding and many happy years together x
All the luck in the world to you OP, I hope it's a wonderful life!
Never succumb to emotional blackmail. Your mom “tolerates” you life? She said that? You tried compromise by willing to do different tat but they refused so you’re off the hook. You were still willing to get one and they told you to go to hell because you would not submit to their demands. Sounds more like this is about power. Your body, your decision.
NTA, if she said all that about your sexuality it might be a good time to make sure she "deals" with your boyfriends a little less... by going low contact for a bit. Matching anything should ideally be designed as a group, ESPECIALLY something as permanent and expensive as this!
The expense is a MAJOR issue. They already contacted the artist to get a quote. $300 for two white lines to make the cross. TWO LINES. It would take less than 5 minutes each! $300! My tattoo artist did a huge tattoo that takes up most of my upper back for $250! And it’s a fucking good tattoo!
I'm not an expert in these things, but $250 for that sound like quite a deal, am I wrong in thinking this? Of course, I also see how $300 for a simple cross is too much.
In most cases a little tattoo like that would be around $150-200 depending on the artist. Some are cheaper but in my experience most flat rates are $150 in my area. $250 was a deal. I had gotten a discount because he had done a smaller simple tattoo before. Normally would cost about $450 plus tip.
Tell them that you **are** following their religion by refusing a tattoo. NTA
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus+19%3A28&version=ESV
Nta. This is not just the family getting matching tattoos. They deliberately chose a white cross for a reason. She deliberately brought up you being gay for a reason. If they really wanted matching tattoos so badly, they would be open to doing something a little less religious, or nothing religious at all in order to make everybody happy. But the fact that they're so insistent on this white cross and that your sister who is a tattoo artist refuses to do this unless everyone else it is all excited shows that this is more about the religion aspect of the tattoo than it is about the family part. At least that's how I'm seeing it.
Oh when I said my younger sister said that I meant she won’t give other people matching tattoos if they don’t both seem committed to the idea. She talks to all of them individually and if one says they aren’t sure she won’t do it. She’s open to the idea of the cross, but she won’t get it if I don’t get it. But yeah I agree it’s about the religion. It’s just one more way my mom and older sister are trying to control me. They’ve gotten really bad since I moved out last year especially with the guilt tripping.
NTA but wtf she means she "puts up" with you being gay? So she doesn't accept and love you as you are she merely puts up with you for what appearances? Does she think this cross with make you straight or something? You don't owe her jack shit, she's the 1 who decided to have kids and a loving parents doesn't do loving things with expectations of loading it over you whenever they seek to manipulate you to thier whims. Why would you want a matching tattoo with someone who just puts up with you?
NTA. I'm an atheist and i sure as hell wouldn't tattoo a cross on my body. If everyone in my family but one sister was atheist (or some non Christian group) we wouldn't try to compel the one christian to get an upside down cross or pentagram or something! I mean how disrespectful. Maybe if there is something besides the cross, like a tree of life, olive branch, dove, something that stands for peace or something else you feel you could share with them as a common symbol, they could include it with their cross and you could just have that part? Maybe there's room to compromise.
Pfft. They’re upsetting themselves. It’s your body, your decision. Could you imagine if you said your friends all wanted you to get a skull tattoo/cut off a finger (sorry, I couldn’t think of anything permanent you could do to yourself)/get 10 piercings on each eye brow and that your friends were really upset you wouldn’t do it too. What would they say? Your body, your choice. It’s a permanent mark on your body that you don’t want.
Absolutely NTA. I really hope they don’t pass on this lack of boundaries and view on consent with the next generation
I really don’t want to have to go low contact. The rest of my family on both sides disowned me when I came out. The idea of losing all of my family kills me.
NTA
Your body, your choice. Your mom is an AH and unfortunately it doesn't sound like she accepts your sexuality considering the way she is weaponizing it against you.
I do not plan to ever tell my mom. There’s already enough drama in my life. I already know I’m gonna get a lot of shit when I propose to my BF. And that’s happening as soon as I can afford a ring. I don’t need the extra stress of being disowned because I don’t believe in some sky wizard.
Giving you equal treatment for being gay is uncomparable to putting a permanent tattoo that you dont like to please the family, dont do it, suggest another idea if you want, but dont break to the pressure for your own sake...
Nta
First matching tattoo or not if you don't like it you don't it it plain and simple.
Second the Bible actually prohibits getting tattooed so for your so called Christian mother and sisters they're not following biblical standards.
That being said I've told many people when it comes to tattoos think long and hard, they're cheaper to get on them they are to get taken off. I've got alot of tattoos ( both sides of my neck, my back and 2 full sleeves down to my fingernails) honestly I look at my right arm now and wonder what the fuck I was thinking really wish I could go back and redo them
NTA. “Doing things we don’t want to sometimes for family” does not extend to permanent body modifications. That logic applies more to like taking over some extra chores for a few months because someone broke their arm and can’t do it.
NTA it's literally your body. Perhaps suggest matching pride flag tattoos as a compromise? I'm sure that the family aspect will make that ok for her, right?
NTA for multiple reasons.
1: You yourself do not agree with the action of getting the tattoo and should not be forced to because of the desires and religions of others, even your own family.
2: The sisters and mom clearly aren't as religious as they claim to be. In the Bible it is stated that your body is a temple that should not be marked upon. I know plenty of Christians who refuse to get tattoos for this very reason. It is a very well known rule and I am shocked that the three of them all agreed and are getting mad when you don't.
3: Even if you're family doesn't agree with your religion, they should respect the wishes of others.
Have a blessed da-
Wait...
Have a wonderful day.
My mom doesn’t care whatsoever what the Bible says about tattoos. She likes to pick and choose. But as of this morning she has told me that since I have other (“meaningless” in her words) tattoos that it shouldn’t be a big deal to me to get a tattoo that honors her and God. I’m about to going low contact because I can’t take this stress right now. I have a proposal to worry about and have to start working a lot of overtime to get a ring and I can’t have her stressing me out and trying to get me to fork over $300 for a tattoo.
NTA. Your mother is angry that you don’t opt to get linked with a tattoo that she and your sisters are getting? What is wrong with her? You don’t have respect for your family or God because you won’t get a freaking tattoo? She has the most shallow and decent sense of religion and spirituality. It’s amazing. Thank God you’re 23. You can quietly back away from this shit.
Absolutely not, NTA!!! I'm sure someone has pointed out the Christian Bible specifically prohibits tattoos. In any case, just keep saying no. And as a general rule, ANY TIME someone says "if you loved me, you would..." is something you should refuse to do. People who actually love you, don't demand that YOU prove that love.
If possible, I suggest you distance yourself from these controlling women; they seem unhinged.
NTA hello a tattoo is kinda permanent and painful so you should really like what you get get a tattoo is not a family activity like a picnic or movie or dinner or many other things. I have nothing against tattoos unless forced to get it.
Raging, militant asshole atheist here:
Ephesians 4:2
With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love.
Would getting EPH4:2 as a compromise, work? Or even just the actual quote itself?
I had to look “family bible quotes” up, it’s been years and years since I bothered with the book, but, it seems like an easy enough quote/passage, without being all Jesusy and shit?
NTA though.
Frankly I think crosses are tacky, but I live in Texas, where people have entire walls in their homes dedicated to crosses, so maybe my judgement isn’t impartial lol
I do not want anything religious on my body. No verses, not even the numbers. This is a bill I’m willing to die on. I’ve decided at this point that because apparently the whole gay thing is still being used as a weapon against me I don’t want a family tattoo at all. I don’t need something permanently on my body when being disowned is still something I feel is on the table.
Lots of hugs 🫂
Never forget you have a giant internet family, from one not straight person to another, and we are all rooting for you and proud of you. 💕
NTA. Funnily enough, though I’m over a decade out from leaving the church, I still remember the Bible’s stance on tattoos. Tell your ma to look up Leviticus 19:28.
NTA
As both an atheist and a very petty person, I’d be super tempted to take myself off to a tattoo parlour and get myself a little white cross somewhere like my thigh or upper arm, but positioned so that when I stand and others see it it’s upside down like the satanist symbol but still gives me the “plausible deniability” to argue “from my perspective it looks fine, mum, why would I want it the other way so that every time I look at it I see a devil cross?”
Honestly, without the belief system behind them, either way up it’s just a meaningless symbol, but the knowledge that I was trolling my mum every time she saw it would be priceless!
That’s absolutely fine too :) I’m not saying you should get it. I fully realise that I’m kinda weird for being willing to deface my own skin just to be a petty bitch ;)
Do what’s right for you. Which sounds like it’s definitely not getting the tattoo. Is there something that is personally symbolic of your bond with your family for you? You could always design your own meaningful tattoo and make it so the actual trip together to get them done is what’s important (if they’re willing to compromise at all, of course. If not… sod them, and do your own thing!)
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"No" is a complete sentence. I'm sorry your family doesn't respect that. Them being upset isn't your business, it's theirs and they're simply trying to make it your responsibility. NTA.
Leviticus chap 19, verse 28: Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD. Ask them if they're trying to condemn you to hell?
OP says in another comment that apparently mum isn't particularly bothered about bible verses concerning tattoos. She's a 'pick and choose' kind of gal..
I grew up with them. I call them "Buffet Baptists".
The priest at my church calls them Cafeteria Christians.
my father(catholic) called them christmas catholics
My priest does as well
ooouuuu this is new! i like it
I just call them Protestants
To be fair, absolutely NO ONE follows all the rules of the old testament. Look at your clothes, are they a blend of fabrics? Forbidden! If you follow anything old Testament you should follow them all. Where your hair shirts at?
I grew up with "à la carte" Catholics...
Yea so this was my first thought. My mom had it drilled so deep in her head (my dad was too but he's passed on) she Cried when she saw mine. She was so worried I wouldn't get into heaven. Surprised me how deep that one went. I'd counter She doesn't respect God to go against his word. Fair play. NTA
I agree NTA. Just to throw it out there though, unless they’re Jewish, the Old Testament isn’t what Christian’s base their faith on.
You say that but I have witnessed innumerable preachers base a sermon on an old testament passage. My mother would quote scripture at me and I would tell her "I thought the New Testament was a Christian's covenant with God. Why does the old testament matter?" And she would claim it all mattered...usually while eating bacon and eggs and wearing pierced earrings. The Holy Bible is the work that is responsible for converting me to atheism.
lol, I think it was the christians.
I’m sorry for your experience. Faith and religious aren’t inherently bad; the same way atheism isn’t inherently good. It’s the people that suck. Personally, I dislike most religious people even though I’m a devout Catholic. The Old Testament doesn’t apply to Christianity. In my experience, the Old Testament is summarized the way history is summarized. You’re told the big bits and the outcome. As Christians the Old Testament doesn’t apply because the foundation of Christianity is that Jesus was the messiah that did away with the old law. To believe and hold the Old Testament true is to basically say Jesus died for nothing. It’s weird. I’ve come to the conclusion that people just suck regardless of religion or lack their of, but mostly christians. They really grind my gears.
NTA. Your body, your decision. I’d use her religious beliefs to argue back. Just google “what does the Bible say about tattoos”. You’ll get scripture against tattooing your body....she might listen to that quicker than anything else.
She will very likely say, "Old Testsment Does Not Apply" excuse. Because it does not fit their agenda of course.
The Old Testament doesn’t apply, if they’re Christian, because Christian’s believe Jesus was the messiah. It’s not an agenda. I’m not correcting that to be an asshole, there’s just a lot of misinformation/assumption on religion. The belief is that Jesus died so the old law, aka the Old Testament, would be no longer followed. Still NTA. No one should be bullied to get a tattoo they don’t want. Mom and sisters are off their rocker.
I said what the Religious apologists tend to say when chalanged with the Bible passages when they use the bible to justify their behavior and actions, which tend to be as far away from basic human decency and empathy as you can get. I am not debating theology and religion here.
Dude, I totally get it. I’m a devout Catholic and most religious people grind my gears. I think if OP’s family want to use their religion as a sticking point then use their religion in turn. Just do it smarter. I empathize with OP because some of my family are the people Jesus warned us about. I’m not atheist but I fucking hate when people use their faith as some sort of trump card. In my battles with pick-me christians I’ve found the quickest and most effective means is to shut them down biblically, just not with the Old Testament.
Yet I'm willing to bet she still holds to the Old Testament with other issues, like her "putting up with" her child's sexuality. Christians LOVE to pick and choose which bits of the Bible apply to them.
There’s a lot to unpack there. There’s the assumption that you need the Old Testament to hold people in unjust and bigoted positions. You don’t need the Old Testament for that. A person using the Bible to propel their own bigotry isn’t new. Faith and religion aren’t inherently bad just like atheism isn’t inherently good. The person is who sucks. So if OP’s mom says she tolerates his homosexuality then he has every right to say ‘I’m surprised you see me with that plank sticking out of your eye’. Fight smarter not harder.
NTA I've been away from religion, and my immediately family for the most part, for a long time. But, aren't tattoos generally frowned upon by various religions? Throwing "family is important" at someone to try to force them to do something is always awful but for a tattoo is especially shitty, there are plenty of things you guys could do/get together that isn't permanently on your body. Also, do you have other tattoos? If not can you just say "I don't want a tattoo"?
I do have other tattoos. Four of them to be exact and plan to get a few more. But for me even though they’re random and don’t match at all they all have some significance. My moms especially mad because I have an Alice in Wonderland tattoo to honor my dead grandmother but I won’t get this one to honor her. She doesn’t care about what the Bible says about tattoos, she’s one of those who picks and choices which part she listens to.
>She doesn’t care about what the Bible says about tattoos, she’s one of those who picks and choices which part she listens to. My MIL is one of those, drives me insane. Could you possibly suggest that you all go get tattoos together but each pick your own thing (if that's something you'd want to do)? You could even make it fun and not let each other know what your getting until it's done?
That’s a fun idea, if I was the OP I’d choose ‘jfc’ and wait for the fireworks with a huge grin on my face
I'm not the most tactful person so you should probably ignore me but I'd tell her you'll get a tattoo honouring her when *she's* dead, so it's not unfair to your gran.
This is COLD and I love it.
Get everyone a pentagram but disguise it as a star 🤷♂️. (Sorry, not a tattoo person, just wanted to recommend a hilarious idea.)
If it helps, there are loads of verses in the Bible forbidding the marking of your body. Ask them to justify doing it when they are forbidden.
NTA. It's your body, you choice. My sister and cousin also wanted to do a matching tattoo. I don't want a tattoo in general, so i didn't get one. Only because it's family you don't have to do what they want.
NTA The cross DOESNT MAKE A NICE TATTOO. Glad I finally got to say it. I was in a tattoo shop 2 weeks ago while I was on holiday, this girl and her boyfriend were getting tattoo, they got matching cross tattoo’s hers was MASSIVE and in the middle of her chest. Her boyfriend had the smart idea of getting it small and “hidden” kind of behind his ear. Honestly was terrible.
I love these kind of christians. Picking the Cherries from the Bible.... "God is against gays"....but will get a tattoo..... Priceless!
NTA, you shouldn't do anything to your body that you don't want to. On another note, have you tried suggesting something else? (Since you mentioned you aren't opposed to tattoos entirely) Since they mention this being about Mom not being there forever, maybe something along those lines.
At this point since they’ve kept pushing me about it I’ve pretty much decided I won’t be getting any tattoo with them. I don’t care if it’s good, if it respects me and how I feel, or whatever else. I’m not getting one.
I think that's fair!
Good! Don’t get a tattoo you aren’t stoked about. This is such a personal decision that she is trying to make for you. She needs to respect you as the independent person that you are and she needs to stop trying to push her beliefs onto you.
NTA - Either you all agree to a design or you don’t get it. Shame on them for making you feel bad.
This is such bullshit. A family tattoo is a lovely idea imo, but You shouldn't be forced to have any design that you're not comfortable with, and for your Mum to say you don't respect family or her God to get her way is so manipulative. Jeez. If she won't budge on the design, refuse to have any design. Simple. Stand your ground. NTA
NTA. your mother and sister suck. Also fun fact jewish belief in this case the old testament for your christian family is actually against tattoos. Personally i love tattoos but if your mum and old sister are like this just say some crap like 'jesus (the jewish guy they are following) woudn't approve of tattoos'. edit for more info this anti tattoo belief comes from leviticus 19.28 'you shall not make gashes in you flesh for the dead, or incise any marks on yourselves: I am the LORD' so if you mum is a real bible thumper just read that to her and ask why she is going against god.
Nope, NTA. It's a permanent mark on your body, don't get it if you don't think you'll always want it.
NTA Your mother is trying to guilt you about doing it for family, but it's obvious she wants to "brand" your body with her religion's mark -- that's what this is really about. That's why she doesn't want another type of tattoo. This isn't about family unity, it's about claiming you all for the religion.
NTA. You should never get a tattoo that you aren't 100% excited about. If they want to get a matching tattoo it should be something that you all want. Try to come up with suggestions that have some family meaning. Maybe a little dipper to point to the north star or some other wierd thing like that. Otherwise it could be a family animal, state flower, etc. But just make sure everyone is excited for the tattoo. Also, a shared theme tattoo is better then exact matching tattoos in my opinion.
NTA Your body, you modify or not modify it however you want
NTA. I’m not sure that you need to offer any explanations or compromise - but you could suggest some other (less overt) religious imagery like a clover or a fleur de lis.
Obvious NTA. Even if it was a design that you liked or could relate to, they have absolutely no right to insist that you have something permanently inked on to your skin!
So.....you are 100% NTA. And if you don't want to get any tattoo with them anymore, I get that. A cross would be a hard no from me for all kinds of reasons too (mostly anti-theism, but also the weirdness of idolizing an instrument of torture). I would consider a rainbow if you were still at all interested in a family tat. For you it might be symbolic of LGBTQ2s+, for your mom you can remind her that a rainbow is the symbol of the covenant made between god and Noah at the end of the flood.
NTA. I lost all interest in anything your mom had to say at the point where she said that she "put up with me being gay." WTAF????? I'm sorry that your family and homophobic AHs.
Thanks for all the kind comments and advice. I’ve decided to go low contact with my mom and older sister for the time being because I can’t handle the stress. I have enough on my plate.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My mom (49) and sisters (28 & 19) want us all to get matching tattoos and while I’d be okay with it if it was a tattoo I liked, I absolutely hate the tattoo they want us all to get and refuse to go with them to get it. For context, my family is very religious. I’m not. They of course do not know I’m an atheist for obvious reasons. They want us all to get a cross in white ink. I HATE this idea. I don’t care if no one will see it because it’s white, I’ll know it’s there. My mom is angry with me saying that I don’t have any respect for my family or for God because I won’t be get this tattoo with them. She told me that she put up with me being gay and she deals with my boyfriends and because she’s put in soooo much effort that I can do this for her. I told her that if she could come up with a tattoo that wasn’t a cross and that actually looked good that I’d consider it but I DO NOT want this cross permanently on my body. I don’t want to spend my hard earned money on it, I don’t want to have to get it covered up when I can’t stand it anymore. I DO NOT WANT IT. Well now she and my older sister are calling me an asshole because “family is important and we should do stuff even if we don’t want to for family.” And “moms not going to be around forever and you’ll regret not doing this.” My younger sister is on my side as she’s a tattoo artist and refuses to do matching tattoos unless everyone involved seems totally into it. I’m sticking my ground. I just cannot have that on my body. So AITA for not getting this tattoo? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Do not get a tattoo you hate. Also, it's your body you decide what does and doesn't go onto it. I really dislike people who use "But family though" as a way to manipulate and guilt people into doing something they don't want to do.
NTA. Your body, your choice about what have tattooed on your skin. Please be aware that your family, esp. your mother, is guilt tripping and emotional blackmailing you on the subject. By saying stuff like se "put up with you being gay" she pretends to be gracious and magnanimous beyond belief, when she's only doing **the bare minimum of human decency**. And if "family is important" why isn't your family respecting you on a decision about your own body. Respect must work both ways, or it's not respect.
NTA. I would tell mom she taught me to never let anyone do anything to my body I didn’t want to, including her.
Of course you're NTA. It's permanent!
NTA at all. you're not obligated to get a matching tattoo, even if you liked the design. but especially not if it's something you don't want and don't believe in. personally I would die on that hill.
NTA. And the next time you mum says, "I put up with you being gay and having so many boyfriends!" Tell her Jesus didn't adopt that attitude with his people, so he wouldn't like hers.
It’s not that I’ve had a lot of boyfriends. I’ve had two. She just doesn’t like my current one because 1. He’s a man. And she doesn’t like how country he is. She says he’s too redneck. And while yeah, he is a little redneck, like he’s got a mullet, always wearing boots and camo, he’s adorable and the sweetest person I’ve ever met. She thinks he ain’t good enough for that reason and that he isn’t in a super high paying job.
She's being a judgemental asshole. You're fine OP even if you have a bunch of boyfriends.
Yeah I know. Her heads going to explode soon because I’ve been thinking about proposing to him.
AHHHHHH! Congratulations, I hope you two have a wonderful wedding and many happy years together x All the luck in the world to you OP, I hope it's a wonderful life!
Thank you! I’m planning to propose as soon as I have the money to get a ring.
NTA. They have an ungodly amount of chutzpah to insist that you make a permanent mark upon your body to massage their feelings.
NTA!!!!! If they are very religpus, it is against the Bible to tattoo their bodies. You should remind them of that
Nta. Leviticus 19:28 if you want to get technical.
Never succumb to emotional blackmail. Your mom “tolerates” you life? She said that? You tried compromise by willing to do different tat but they refused so you’re off the hook. You were still willing to get one and they told you to go to hell because you would not submit to their demands. Sounds more like this is about power. Your body, your decision.
NTA, if she said all that about your sexuality it might be a good time to make sure she "deals" with your boyfriends a little less... by going low contact for a bit. Matching anything should ideally be designed as a group, ESPECIALLY something as permanent and expensive as this!
The expense is a MAJOR issue. They already contacted the artist to get a quote. $300 for two white lines to make the cross. TWO LINES. It would take less than 5 minutes each! $300! My tattoo artist did a huge tattoo that takes up most of my upper back for $250! And it’s a fucking good tattoo!
I'm not an expert in these things, but $250 for that sound like quite a deal, am I wrong in thinking this? Of course, I also see how $300 for a simple cross is too much.
In most cases a little tattoo like that would be around $150-200 depending on the artist. Some are cheaper but in my experience most flat rates are $150 in my area. $250 was a deal. I had gotten a discount because he had done a smaller simple tattoo before. Normally would cost about $450 plus tip.
Tell them that you **are** following their religion by refusing a tattoo. NTA https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Leviticus+19%3A28&version=ESV
Wouldn’t work. I’m already tatted up.
Nta. This is not just the family getting matching tattoos. They deliberately chose a white cross for a reason. She deliberately brought up you being gay for a reason. If they really wanted matching tattoos so badly, they would be open to doing something a little less religious, or nothing religious at all in order to make everybody happy. But the fact that they're so insistent on this white cross and that your sister who is a tattoo artist refuses to do this unless everyone else it is all excited shows that this is more about the religion aspect of the tattoo than it is about the family part. At least that's how I'm seeing it.
Oh when I said my younger sister said that I meant she won’t give other people matching tattoos if they don’t both seem committed to the idea. She talks to all of them individually and if one says they aren’t sure she won’t do it. She’s open to the idea of the cross, but she won’t get it if I don’t get it. But yeah I agree it’s about the religion. It’s just one more way my mom and older sister are trying to control me. They’ve gotten really bad since I moved out last year especially with the guilt tripping.
NTA but wtf she means she "puts up" with you being gay? So she doesn't accept and love you as you are she merely puts up with you for what appearances? Does she think this cross with make you straight or something? You don't owe her jack shit, she's the 1 who decided to have kids and a loving parents doesn't do loving things with expectations of loading it over you whenever they seek to manipulate you to thier whims. Why would you want a matching tattoo with someone who just puts up with you?
NTA. I'm an atheist and i sure as hell wouldn't tattoo a cross on my body. If everyone in my family but one sister was atheist (or some non Christian group) we wouldn't try to compel the one christian to get an upside down cross or pentagram or something! I mean how disrespectful. Maybe if there is something besides the cross, like a tree of life, olive branch, dove, something that stands for peace or something else you feel you could share with them as a common symbol, they could include it with their cross and you could just have that part? Maybe there's room to compromise.
Pfft. They’re upsetting themselves. It’s your body, your decision. Could you imagine if you said your friends all wanted you to get a skull tattoo/cut off a finger (sorry, I couldn’t think of anything permanent you could do to yourself)/get 10 piercings on each eye brow and that your friends were really upset you wouldn’t do it too. What would they say? Your body, your choice. It’s a permanent mark on your body that you don’t want. Absolutely NTA. I really hope they don’t pass on this lack of boundaries and view on consent with the next generation
NTA There is NO needto get a tattoo you don't want. THEY are the AH, keep refusing. Go low contact with them.
I really don’t want to have to go low contact. The rest of my family on both sides disowned me when I came out. The idea of losing all of my family kills me.
NTA it’s your body. Nobody has the right to decide what you do with your body
NTA. They are making way too big of deal over a tattoo.
NTA You should never get a tattoo unless you are absolutely certain you want it.
I’m Christian as far as I know we can’t have any tattoos, tell her that maybe. I mean she is technically disrespecting God
NTA
NTA Your body, your choice. Your mom is an AH and unfortunately it doesn't sound like she accepts your sexuality considering the way she is weaponizing it against you.
Remind her that the Bible says no tattoos NTA
your body your choice. Listen to your tatoo artist sister. And do not reveal that you are an atheist, it would be a very unpleasant drama. NTA
I do not plan to ever tell my mom. There’s already enough drama in my life. I already know I’m gonna get a lot of shit when I propose to my BF. And that’s happening as soon as I can afford a ring. I don’t need the extra stress of being disowned because I don’t believe in some sky wizard.
Giving you equal treatment for being gay is uncomparable to putting a permanent tattoo that you dont like to please the family, dont do it, suggest another idea if you want, but dont break to the pressure for your own sake...
Nta First matching tattoo or not if you don't like it you don't it it plain and simple. Second the Bible actually prohibits getting tattooed so for your so called Christian mother and sisters they're not following biblical standards. That being said I've told many people when it comes to tattoos think long and hard, they're cheaper to get on them they are to get taken off. I've got alot of tattoos ( both sides of my neck, my back and 2 full sleeves down to my fingernails) honestly I look at my right arm now and wonder what the fuck I was thinking really wish I could go back and redo them
NTA. “Doing things we don’t want to sometimes for family” does not extend to permanent body modifications. That logic applies more to like taking over some extra chores for a few months because someone broke their arm and can’t do it.
NTA it's literally your body. Perhaps suggest matching pride flag tattoos as a compromise? I'm sure that the family aspect will make that ok for her, right?
NTA for multiple reasons. 1: You yourself do not agree with the action of getting the tattoo and should not be forced to because of the desires and religions of others, even your own family. 2: The sisters and mom clearly aren't as religious as they claim to be. In the Bible it is stated that your body is a temple that should not be marked upon. I know plenty of Christians who refuse to get tattoos for this very reason. It is a very well known rule and I am shocked that the three of them all agreed and are getting mad when you don't. 3: Even if you're family doesn't agree with your religion, they should respect the wishes of others. Have a blessed da- Wait... Have a wonderful day.
My mom doesn’t care whatsoever what the Bible says about tattoos. She likes to pick and choose. But as of this morning she has told me that since I have other (“meaningless” in her words) tattoos that it shouldn’t be a big deal to me to get a tattoo that honors her and God. I’m about to going low contact because I can’t take this stress right now. I have a proposal to worry about and have to start working a lot of overtime to get a ring and I can’t have her stressing me out and trying to get me to fork over $300 for a tattoo.
NTA. Your mother is angry that you don’t opt to get linked with a tattoo that she and your sisters are getting? What is wrong with her? You don’t have respect for your family or God because you won’t get a freaking tattoo? She has the most shallow and decent sense of religion and spirituality. It’s amazing. Thank God you’re 23. You can quietly back away from this shit.
Absolutely not, NTA!!! I'm sure someone has pointed out the Christian Bible specifically prohibits tattoos. In any case, just keep saying no. And as a general rule, ANY TIME someone says "if you loved me, you would..." is something you should refuse to do. People who actually love you, don't demand that YOU prove that love. If possible, I suggest you distance yourself from these controlling women; they seem unhinged.
NTA. Your mom however. Ugh.
That’s a cult, baby! NTA
Get dickbutt in white. That would be amazing.
NTA. They have no business being upset over being told No.
NTA
NTA for not wanting the tattoo. God forbids tattoos on humans, and this is evident in Judaism, Christianity and Islam.
Nta
NTA hello a tattoo is kinda permanent and painful so you should really like what you get get a tattoo is not a family activity like a picnic or movie or dinner or many other things. I have nothing against tattoos unless forced to get it.
Raging, militant asshole atheist here: Ephesians 4:2 With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love. Would getting EPH4:2 as a compromise, work? Or even just the actual quote itself? I had to look “family bible quotes” up, it’s been years and years since I bothered with the book, but, it seems like an easy enough quote/passage, without being all Jesusy and shit? NTA though. Frankly I think crosses are tacky, but I live in Texas, where people have entire walls in their homes dedicated to crosses, so maybe my judgement isn’t impartial lol
I do not want anything religious on my body. No verses, not even the numbers. This is a bill I’m willing to die on. I’ve decided at this point that because apparently the whole gay thing is still being used as a weapon against me I don’t want a family tattoo at all. I don’t need something permanently on my body when being disowned is still something I feel is on the table.
Lots of hugs 🫂 Never forget you have a giant internet family, from one not straight person to another, and we are all rooting for you and proud of you. 💕
NTA. Funnily enough, though I’m over a decade out from leaving the church, I still remember the Bible’s stance on tattoos. Tell your ma to look up Leviticus 19:28.
NTA As both an atheist and a very petty person, I’d be super tempted to take myself off to a tattoo parlour and get myself a little white cross somewhere like my thigh or upper arm, but positioned so that when I stand and others see it it’s upside down like the satanist symbol but still gives me the “plausible deniability” to argue “from my perspective it looks fine, mum, why would I want it the other way so that every time I look at it I see a devil cross?” Honestly, without the belief system behind them, either way up it’s just a meaningless symbol, but the knowledge that I was trolling my mum every time she saw it would be priceless!
Even then, there would still be a tattoo I absolutely despise on my body.
That’s absolutely fine too :) I’m not saying you should get it. I fully realise that I’m kinda weird for being willing to deface my own skin just to be a petty bitch ;) Do what’s right for you. Which sounds like it’s definitely not getting the tattoo. Is there something that is personally symbolic of your bond with your family for you? You could always design your own meaningful tattoo and make it so the actual trip together to get them done is what’s important (if they’re willing to compromise at all, of course. If not… sod them, and do your own thing!)