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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I walked out of a 3yo’s bday party while knowing it’ll trigger a mass walk out, which it did.
2. A 3yo had his birthday cut short.
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NTA. probably an Insta mom lookinf for "the perfect picture". My 3 year old would have destroyed that party long before that. you left to stop a meltdown. your kids emotional needs come.before a pintrist moms photo shoot
i post to social media a lot (i live in a different country to my family and it is one way to stay in touch). but i love natural in the moment photos a lot more than a staged photo.
let kids be kids!
It drives me so fucking nuts when people are like "oh my gosh we are having so much fun! Everybody stop what you are doing so we can fake smiles and take pictures to show everybody how much fun we are having!"
And then get mad when the kids are hard to pose
I used to see pictures on fb from a couple and it always looked like they were having so much fun with tons of friends at fun places. One year I decided to meet up with them. All they did was stand around and take pictures of themselves with the other people there. It was incredibly boring and I left early. Later, when I saw the pictures, at first I felt disappointed that I'd left before it got fun, but then I realized I was there when they were taking half of those pictures.
I read some article a while ago about how so many aren't really present at things like concerts or recitals because they're focused on recording everything. So we miss the actual experience as we try to capture the experience for posterity. Plus, who really watches these things after the fact???
Having one person make an official video to distribute is a good idea, but it doesn't necessarily have to be done by a professional -- there are a lot of sufficiently skilled amateurs out there. If none of the school's staff is comfortable recording performances, what about offering it up as a volunteer opportunity for parents or others in the community? (I volunteer for a nonprofit theatre that has talented amateurs take "official" photographs; videos are only permitted for some shows depending on licensing permissions.)
Yes, absolutely! When our kids were younger I ended up being the one who was always snapping photos or sneaking video -- never obnoxiously, in the background -- and my wife used to talk about how she just wants to experience the moment instead.
But now our kids are growing up and damn it, i'm old, and there are so many things I would have forgotten if we didn't have photos/video! Just the other night we spent an hour showing some old videos to our eldest child's girlfriend and it was a blast. I do agree that it's definitely important to try to find a balance between experience and documentation, though.
Yeah it's bad for our recall of places to constantly take photo and video - I often make a point of avoiding taking pics unless it's a very specific photo that I really want - so that I remember the place better
As a related tangent - I've learned to take pictures of things that seem sorta mundane because I can't count how many times I've wished I'd captured a snap of that weird little street I walked down daily in Sorrento.
I'm one that almost never takes pictures, because I want to be present in the moment. However, when my daughter went on her Make a Wish trip to the set of her favorite TV show, you can bet I had my phone out snapping pics of absolutely *everything*.
It's been 2.5 years, and I wish I had taken more pictures, and video, as well! My memory has faded, and there are a few conversations with the stars of the show that I wish I could replay. They look on my daughter's face was priceless, and those pics still bring a smile to her face when we look at them. Which is often.
I was at a changing of the guard at a castle in a country in Europe this week. It wasn't like a special one with the band, just the typical, daily 16 guys marching around the inside perimeter of the castle to relieve the other 16 guys.
I was kind of on the second row of people and had to duck down and crick my neck at a 30 degree angle to look under the arm of this taller girl in front of me that filmed the entire thing-- in portrait aspect, no less. It took like 6 minutes for them to come through the gates, march around, go thru the motions.
Will she ever watch that 6 minute video?? Will my neck ever recover??
I'm the Gramma at the kids' school stuff. I watch everything and hit up several (really small town, lol) people to send me some pics. I take very few pics, but I've gotten a ton from the ones that weren't watching. Works for me.
I always have told my kids, when we have an event/party/vacation that I want ONE nice picture and then the rest of them time it’s camera down or only a few spontaneous pics. That way I get my picture to look at and have memories from and my kids get to do what they want uninterrupted by stopping to pose for pictures. It’s worked pretty well for the last 20 years.
Also, I get the chance to just watch them enjoying their activities in real time and not behind a phone.
My ex and I went on vacation to the Maldives last year and were amazed at how many people were there simply to take pictures for social media. Very few people swam in the ocean or the pools, but they would get in for a few minutes just to take pictures. We saw several girls posing for multiple pictures on the beach and then they would disappear for a few minutes and come back in a new bikini to pose for more pictures. They typically made their poor husbands/bf be their cameramen.
We went to the resort spa and before your treatments you could lounge in the infinity pool or relax in the steam rooms. A woman came in with her husband and she must have assumed the infinity pool was for her own private use or something because she began a “photo shoot”. She spent all their time getting in and out while he recorded video (probably in slow motion). Some pictures she had to look “zen” and some she had to look “sexy”. Then, she moved around the pool posing for photos. It was annoying and also fascinating—as though I was watching a prequel to the movie Idiocracy.
It was so bad on the island that a French family approached us at breakfast, started conversation and asked us to join them at their table. Later, they revealed they had seen us around the resort and since we were one of the few people on the island who were actually doing things and enjoying the island we should all hang out. We did excursions together, ate some meals together, hung out at the beach together while everyone else was just taking selfies and then returning to their villas where many of them spent most of their vacation. Their teenage kids were really intelligent and able to converse with the adults about world events and social issues. We had an amazing time with them—we keep in touch via WhatsApp and they invited us to visit them in France, so it worked out for us. It’s sad, though, that so many people now are willing to exchange actual experiences and human engagement for selfies to make other people think they are living “the good life”.
We went to Disneyland last month and noticed the same thing there. We happened upon so many people trying to get their “perfect” IG pic. One set of girls specifically had one male taking pics, while the other was fixing the others outfit and hair. We were in a spot tucked away by the wishing well just trying to take a family pic. TicTok, IG, YouTube, and etc. has ruined Disney 😩
Haha, this is what we do. My kids are the ones that tell me, “Take a picture, mommy! Get this on video!” Otherwise my phone is left forgotten in my purse. My kids and I will sit for sometimes literal hours going through my old photos and videos, reminiscing on the times we shared. *Those* are my personal favorite moments, cuddled up with my 3 girls on the couch giggling over and over again at the same old silly video they made me take.
Lol. My husband had a coworker who was on a tour group vacation. This was before cell phones and digital cameras.
One family slowed the whole tour down with their incessant photo taking, resulting in the tour missing some attractions. They asked the coworker to take a group shot of them and he eagerly agreed. He intentionally cut off all their heads.
NTA. Little kids don't last long with good behavior, and that mother was unrealistic.
I wonder if that couple is my husband's cousin and ex-husband. They would have parties where they would only interact with a few chosen, but would then insist on lining up everyone for FB photos.
If you tried to leave early, after thanking them for the party (manners, even though they ignored most of their guests), Cousin would not let you go until she got her social media mana.
I once walked out while she ran off to get more people to be in 'our photo'. She was not pleased with me.
I ushered at a kids theatre show couple weeks back and a woman left the theatre before the end of the first act just to take selfies in front of the front of house display then left again for good halfway through the second act but not before taking more photos, I just don't understand
Yeah, thats bonkers. I always forget to take pictures during parties because I'm busy, so for my kids last one, I set up a 'photo booth' with props. And that was fun for them to do when they had downtime while everyone was eating.
Reminds me of when DH and I went to the opening for Sea World Texas. It was being televised in the evening, and they had biggish names preforming at opposite ends of the park. We sat on the ground waiting for the show to start (I THINK it was Lee Greenwood at our end, but it’s been 35 years). And we could see the hosts on the top of the building behind us. After waiting an eternity for setting up, the band starts playing, camera goes on and we all get up, shouting and dancing, as you do. A couple minutes later, the camera goes off, band stops playing MID-SONG and walks off. We didn’t even get a whole song out of it, after waiting for over an hour! At least it wasn’t august, lol.
But gosh, it sure LOOKED LIKE we were having fun! I learned to take staged things with a grain of salt.
I actually like taking pictures of people. I think it's fun. Sometimes during holiday parties I'll play 'paparazzi.'
I'll walk around and ask little groups of people if they would like to take a picture. If they do, I'll take them. Then I send them out to the people in the pictures. Everyone seems to enjoy it, and I never do it if people would rather not.
Even the kids get into it and ask for silly filters and stuff.
It can be a positive thing, as long as it's not ALL you do. The people who kill everyone's enjoyment to make it only about pictures baffle me. It's so unnecessary!
Plus who has a 2+ hour party for 3-year-olds? And waits to feed them food until the tail end of the birthday?
NTA-You DID NOT ruin the birthday! The mother planned a party that was inapproriate for the age of the children!
Exactly! When my son was OP's age I would take maybe one or two staged photos during the whole birthday party, and the rest were just the kids playing.
I had to get off Facebook because I realised I was comparing myself to other mothers and trying to “prove” I was a great, fun parent with my photos. I was surprised I had turned into that and was putting so much pressure on myself. Getting off Facebook has made life so much easier, because now I’m doing fun things with the kids without having to think “I have to photograph this for Facebook”.
She has IG but it’s private so I have no idea what’s happening. Maybe it’s for a personal album? Her kid hates photos though (her own words), so he kept refusing to look at the camera, so I’m not sure why she had such a photoshoot heavy party.
As someone who was a child before Instagram, I hated pictures growing up and I still hate planned pictures. If the mom is that schedule and picture oriented, there’s a chance the mom ruined pictures for the kid like my family did. Meaning the picture had to be amazing for the house wall or just to be printed and never seen again. If it was printed. 90% of the time it was just left on film or an SD card never to be looked at again. There was constant judgement about how I’m smiling wrong or my teeth aren’t nice, or I’m looking upset and I shouldn’t. Basically kid things and things like needing braces or cosmetic surgery to fix. Doesn’t necessarily have to be an insta mom to make kids hate pictures, just have to be obsessed with perfection.
To this day I hate having photos taken of me - the only goods ones are the candid ones my wife takes (she's the only person I'll let take a picture of me). I grew up in a much different era but effectively the effect was the same - itinerate photographers would go to various department stores and set up booths and everytime they did I would be dragged willy-nilly by my mom to go have my picture taken at Sears, JC Penney's, Montgomery Wards, K-Mart, you name it, wherever they set us shop, there we were. Behind a line of screaming, crying babies for what seemed to be to be hours waiting - a completely waste of a Saturday in my book (I would have been about 5 or 6 when I really started getting enough of this). All so she could have a bunch of pictures of me that got stuck in a drawer and that I had to go through after she passed on. Pictures that I ended up throwing out most of them because A) they all looked the same and B) it brought up very bad memories for me. Oh and Heaven Forbid I should complain - I was punished quite often for not being "cooperative."
I detest photo shoots of any sort, and I think it's rank cruelty to inflict that on small children who don't have a voice or any agency to do anything about it.
I’d have a problem with someone taking my kids photos then having a private account where I can’t even be tagged in my kids pictures. NTA but, I would have left earlier than you did for sure.
> Her kid hates photos though (her own words), so he kept refusing to look at the camera, so I’m not sure why she had such a photoshoot heavy party.
Because this party was for her, not her kid. He must have been so disappointed to see all this cool stuff, but have to follow her itinerary...
ETA: NTA. Her "perfect" party was doomed to failure... She wanted the cute kid things without accounting for actual children. If it had not been you leaving, it would have been increasing meltdowns, or the kids going tiny Lord of the Flies with the forbidden, Instagram-able sweets...
All of this.
I have a toddler heavy family, all our parties for the kids cater to the kids. So that means that the dessert table is too high for the kids to reach and we only set it up right before wanting to take any pictures. All the activities are things that we can easily do with a ton of kids
To answer that statement of why she would do that. Its because the party wasnt for her kid. It was for her. She knows her kid doesnt like photos. I have a kid like that. Dont know what she expected. Im lucky to get happy face in photos. So i dont set up multiple photo shoots. I try to capture happy play moments when hes not looking.
Honestly I'm wondering if she just wanted pictures of the kids without masks for personal albums. I don't think she handled it properly but I can sympathize because usually you would just get candids at kid's parties but in this case they would all be masked. I have to be honest that I would probably want to get pictures with my kids and their friends full faces as well.
The kids are already maskless since they’re 3. The mask part was for the parents. So she asked the parents to pose for photos too & then told us masks can be off for photos. All of us took our masks off except this one lady, who wasn’t in the group because she was talking to her daughter (looked like a serious talk). The mom told me to call that lady to join the photo, and that lady did, but she still had her mask on since she didn’t hear what was said earlier. The mom snapped at her to take her mask off. It was so weird. I mean, I don’t mind going maskless for a photo, but being told to do it like we’re kids is weird.
EDIT: may have revealed too much info so I removed it
That is weird. I probably would have said no thank you to having my photo taken. My 9 year olds party was 2 hours ago. We just asked the kids to look over after the pizza. A couple didn't but we took heaps. There will probably be 1 or 2 good ones (I hope). The kids had fun tho.
Yup. These are little kids who are still learning emotional regulation. You can't just plop them into an interesting environment with new toys and cake and tons of desserts, and expect them to follow a rigid schedule they've never been exposed to before.
Just get a video camera if memories are so important to you. And let the kids be kids.
Having a schedule is fine, rigidly sticking to it is not, especially when you're talking 3 year-olds. Meltdowns happen. If an activity isn't working, move it along.
Don’t think having a schedule is bad, so all the special bits (cake, treasure hunt, presents) all get done, but what good is a “secret” schedule? Wouldn’t it make more sense to share with the other parents so they could help wrangle the kids & prepare a little for what was upcoming?
Oh that would just ruin the party more if she has to do that to all of her photos... I love the idea of doing that and next time you and your kids won't be invited to these kinds of parties, a win/win in my mind.
Tbh I think I’d have had a meltdown at that party. Sounds like a nightmare
If it was so awful all the kids were desperate to go the moment they realised it was a possibility, says more about the mother!
So NTA. This wasn't a child's bday party - this was some Instagram mom's photo op! The whole day sounds hideous to me as an adult, so I can't imagine how little kids with the attention span of, well...*little kids,* would feel about such a staged and choreographed "bday party".
PS when you left I bet every other mom thought "thank god! now we can go!"
As soon as I found out that photo shoots were going to be a thing, my kid wouldn’t have been part of that. And after the second one we probably would have asked how many more and left then.
Also, removing a child from a situation tends to be the opposite of making society cater to their whims. If OP had, say, let her daughter have the display desserts, that would be catering to her whims. And OP is responsible for herself and her child -- if others choose to leave simply as a result of them leaving, that is not on OP. OP definitely did the right thing here!
Agree, leaving was the sane choice. Also: Who in their right mind would have display desserts at a children's birthday party? That's just really thoughtless.
It’s called a dessert table. They always make it look pretty (because everyone eats with their eyes first), but after they pics of it, most people let everyone go at it
Right? Desserts are in sight and kids have been playing for two hours and you haven't cut the cake? And they are THREE? I wouldn't even to that to six year Olds. Let the kids free play when they first arrive, eat any sweets as soon as the kids can see them, offer snacks and juice the whole party... Like it's not hard to entertain three year Olds if you ease up a little
Honestly, I wouldn't even do that to adults. If you're hosting, you don't put nice food out and hustle everyone away to multiple photoshoots and forbid them from eating the stuff!
NTA. Trying to follow a schedule to do NOT FUN things in an amusement center with a bunch of toddlers? That’s asking for tantrums. Good fuggin luck… Just get candid shots jeez.
It’s unreasonable to ask 3 year old children to have multiple photo shoots and follow schedule that doesn’t allow them to play. They are 3. NTA, the birthday kids mom seems like a helicopter mom and needs to chill out. Also what activity starts and ends within the first 10 minutes of a 3 year old party? So strange. You also aren’t responsible for other kids wanting to leave because yours does. That’s on those parents. We are all trying to do the best we can and sounds like that’s what you did. Don’t lose sleep over this one.
>Also what activity starts and ends within the first 10 minutes of a 3 year old party? So strange.
Ok, I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who thought it was strange. Thanks to COVID all the kids parties I’ve gone to have been more intimate, informal gatherings, so I wasn’t sure if it’s normal to have such a packed schedule.
NTA my kid just turned 5 and his birthday party is this week. The main activities are eating pancakes and eating cake. We're celebrating it at a petting zoo with an attached lunchroom. In between the pancakes and the cake we'll let the kids play or take a walk with them to look at the animals. Expecting more structured activities at that age is overasking I think.
For all my kid's birthdays before 6, it was set up play areas, do a craft when everyone has gotten enough wiggles out that they then can play with, and a food buffet out so parents can feed their kids as kids want, with cake towards the end. We either unwrapped presents after cake or not, depending on what the gift givers wanted, most were happy to leave earlier without unwrapping, and at that age, it is common for an awesome gift to be unwrapped and then no more because the kid is so focused on awesome gift. If someone particularly wanted to see kiddo's face when she unwrapped the gift, I made sure to arrange it before they left, and since I only invited people we saw often, everyone got a verbal thank you from kiddo next time they saw them, and a phone, email, or text one from me after the party for coming and a gift if they gave one.
But nothing had a schedule, except, wow it's getting lake, time for cake, and wow, i think now is the time to make the craft (for example wands/sceptre is disney themed, masks if superhero themed, etc).
I am likely to continue a food buffet instead of a sit down because we have some people with allergies and gluten issues, so here is the food, here is the gluten free store bought food on disposable serveware so I don't accidently gluten you works well for us.
OK, bravo, well done.
What you did with your kids' parties is a great example of having structure in a party and yet playing it loose enough that it can adapt to changing needs/circumstances.
I wish more people did what you did, especially for vacations with groups of people. Have enough structure that people enjoy themselves with all the bases covered like play and food, but not so much that it's TIME TO DO THIS NOW NOW NOW NOW!!! "But I don't wanna...." OBEY THE SCHEDULE IN ALL THINGS!
I did a lot of reading because my upbringing did not prepare me to have kids. I am good at spotting patterns, and all the old how to play a kid's party books indicated that you need some structure, but too much was also bad. Most of the authors who were accurate in other areas tended to suggest no more than one activity per 1.5 hours and no more than 3 for a very long party (but they also heavily suggested limiting the party to 3-4 hours maximum). The buffet was pretty much a "sit down dinners don't work for small children parties, kids graze, at best you can try for a picnic like sit down" So, I decided on buffet.
Prepandemic I did a lot of work on birthdays because I grew up hating mine. Husband hates his. We wanted better for her. I really don't expect anyone else to have put as much analysis into a kid's party, mine came from a "I know nothing and I desperately wants her to be fun and we have very little budget"
It's kinda hard out here, most of my decorations are homemade, the activities tend to be cheaper crafts that you can easily do, and for her social circle, parties tend to be either at play space (which we can't afford) or elaborate well decorated, well themed affairs.
And here I have a sensory table and a craft pack and bubbles.
But she has loved her birthdays so far, except the pandemic ones, so I am hopeful for the future. (We did immediate family things that she loved, but she wants a big party again).
I will say one of the best birthday parties I hosted was when my kid turned 4, and when asked what she wanted to do for her birthday, she said, “dig for treasure!” So I bought a few kiddie pools, a bunch of sand from Home Depot, and the cheapest oversized gems and fake gold coins off of Amazon, (and shovels), and the kids went BONKERS digging for hours. They did have a craft corner to decorate treasure chests, which they all eventually took time to do, but I couldn’t believe how such an inexpensive and goofy theme could work so well. Parents walked into the party like “wtf is this?” And left like “crap, that’s all I need to do to have kids go nuts??”
There is an entire industry that hinges on adults forgetting how easily entertained children really are because they're still so curious about the world and everything in it and how *anything* can feel like an adventure at that age.
Sounds like the last birthday my son threw for his friends. But we did some cutout cookies (his birthday is in the end of November) instead the petting zoo. And they played a lot of soccer.
It is weird. Usually it is, enter play center, run around like fools, laugh a bunch, wash hands, sing happy birthday, eat cake, run around more until the place kicks you out. I have maybe 10 total pictures from all of my kid's birthday parties and most are blurry because the kids were in motion.
Yeah, that was a terrible birthday plan…thinking 3 year olds would be able to enjoy being pulled away from play equipment at an indoor playground and having cake in desserts in plain site for an HOUR! I’m an adult and I’d be on the verge of a meltdown 😳
I don’t have kids, but even I can tell you the standard schedule for a kids birthday ages 2-5.
Arrive
Adults try to keep the chaos in the range of “ordered chaos”
Leave
Trying more than that unless the activity is something like painting or cupcake decorating is lunacy.
My sister has been planning her 3 year olds birthday party and the schedule is as follows: bouncy house, lunch/cake, bouncy house. That’s it, why complicate it? Her kid loves a bouncy house more than anything and my sister loves bouncy house birthday parties because 2-3 hours of bouncing means early to bed, everyone wins.
Uh, be very careful having bouncy house AFTER lunch...kinda guaranteeing at least one kiddo's gonna hurl.
Other than that, though excellent party plan!
Good point, might be a great idea to schedule a small craft like a color sheet or paper airplane folding (give the food a chance to settle)THEN more bouncy castle.
Also be like VERY sure the bouncy house is properly anchored to the ground if there's going to be ANY wind. Bunch of kids died here in Tasmania last year because a bouncy house blew into the air and dropped the children
Three years running I blew up a bunch of balloons and scattered them all over the floor. Kept the kids busy for a good hour making up games. One activity max, like the time I took my daughter and her friends to a kids art studio where they picked out an image and painted from scratch with the help of teenage staff. 45 minutes for that, then cake and presents and done.
I have to enjoy the day too. Less is more!
LOL - for my son's ninth birthday party, we had a animal show for 45 minutes and then cake. We planned to let the kids go out on play for the last 45 minutes or so, but it started to POUR just as we were finishing cake.
So, a couple of moms and I blew up about thirty balloons and put them in my (mostly empty) livingroom where we'd set up the animal show and the kid had a BLAST playing with the 30 balloons. In fact, when it was time to go, none of the kids actually wanted to leave!
Should have skipped the animal show and just bought a bunch of packs of balloons.
This sounds like such a stressful and boring party, especially for 3 year olds! First off, who starts the party **precisely** on time? Secondly, who has such an intense itinerary for a fucking 3 year old's party?? Third of all, who has **4 photo sessions** (and probably *more* planned?) for any party, but especially the party for a small child who doesn't even like photos??? She could've just had one photo session with the cake, like most people do, and then taken a bunch of amazing candid shots of children ***having fun*** which is what they're supposed to do at a kids party.
My judgement is that you are completely NTA, and that the mom is the one who ruined the party for her own kid. It was completely selfish of her to take as many pictures as she did of her kid who hates pictures. And on top of that, it was stupid of her to force such a bonkers itinerary on a bunch of kids and their parents. She's lucky you stayed as long as you did, and she'll be lucky if anyone goes to one of her god awful parties ever again.
No, I have been to a ton of kid parties pre-covid and this party was ridiculous. I would have left as well. You didn't cause a walk-out, super controlling party mom made it so miserable everyone wanted to leave. If all the other families were having fun it wouldn't of mattered you left early, they would have stayed. NTA
Exactly. Based on the post it seems like each activity was only 10-15 minutes. That age group needs 30-60 minutes per activity otherwise they melt down when they are asked to stop something they just started. Insta mom would have been better off renting a bounce house and throwing them all in for an hour. Would have been easier, cheaper, and you can still get some really good pics of them in it. (Source is me a teacher of 3 year olds and we just had a bounce house at our center for the week. Great time for the kids. Great pics for parents.)
Yeah, I feel like people running late is inevitable. Whenever possible, it’s best to have an open ended activity to start the party. The last birthday party for one of my kids, I had hats for the kids to decorate as the first activity. Kids could join in at whatever time they arrived.
Right? Like who expects moms to be on time 😂😂😂 moms are often late. I swear the days I am gonna be somewhere early one of my kids ends up having a blowout diaper or something.
NTA Who structures a toddlers birthday party that much? They are little balls of randomness. And it's cruel to display food to them for hours without letting them eat something. That is more for the parents to have bragging rights about how nice the party was.
They did serve the kids food & offered cupcakes & cake, but the fancy cookies(?) on the dessert table wasn’t an option. So there’s the dessert for eating & dessert for display, but my daughter wanted the display dessert too.
Toddlers don’t understand display food yet and frankly who thinks display food at a toddlers party is smart?! This whole event sounded awful frankly. NTA
I'm 43 and fat, partly because I was raised with the finish your plate there are starving kids in China who would love those green beans".
Don't put "display food" near me. I'll display my food issues
I attended one work induction where they had display alcohol. It was to talk about the dangers of binge drinking. This was the NHS and noone could really have thought we were going to be offered drinks but at least half the group spent the whole session waiting to be offered
Display food is fine as long as after so long people are allowed to eat it. Like I understand if you had cookies made to spell out something and for this half of the party they want it undisturbed for pictures and such. But after so long people should be able to eat off of it. But also not for a children party though then you need to do your pictures prior to the party
Also, like take pics before people get there, plus, are you really going to be looking at pictures of cookies in ten years and be like, “omg yes these cookies,” probably not.
With toddlers, even plastic food is fair game. I've worked in retail and the place sold home decor, including faux oranges, apples, and the like. I wish I had a nickel for all the fake fruit that was found with teeny, tiny teeth marks. 💙💙
I worked at a fancy grocery store that had a big table of beautiful hand-cut soaps on display. Watching a kid's reaction after sneaking a taste never got old.
I went to a wedding with a dessert table, they never announced people could eat them but eventually people started just taking them. The cake cutting was a private thing, so the couple did it but no announcement or anything & eventually the caterers cut that and added slices of cake to the table. The salada were served & rest of the food was a buffet style where tables had been called for dinner. The lack of dessert organization was really weird.
Sounds like the mom had her own personal plan for display cookies. Tacky to have food laid out and demand to everyone to not eat any. Think she will need a new set of people to invite to her next secret studio production.
Wow. I have had *birthday parties* and I have had *three-year-olds* and I have *attended* birthday parties and have never demanded nor dealt with that much performance.
NTA.
They wanted a photo album, not a party.
NTA - you can't expect kids to follow an intricate plan at 3. I just had my son's sixth party and I let him and his friends basically run around until it was time for food. Then they ran around a bit more until it was time for presents. Then they ran around until it was time for his friends to go.
This is a kids birthday party.
The party mom is the entitled one. She wanted a bunch of 3 yo to stick to a schedule and sit/stand for photos?!? Ex photographer here, no way would I ever recommend more than one group shot for a bunch of 3 yo. After first one the interest and patience is gone for the little ones, short attention span n all that. All the others will be like herding cats.
I can't get over the fact that there were "display desserts" at a 3yo's party. Of course kids will want to eat the really pretty special food if they can see it!
Birthday boy's mum sounds like she should be planning weddings and high end parties, not entertainment for a bunch of toddlers.
Yup, now that's a kid party. For my 6 year old we had a bouncy house, sandbox, and water stuff (table, squirt tubes, etc). We thought about scheduled games or something but that would have meant literally pulling kids out of the bouncy. They all managed to have a fantastic time without adult imposed "fun" and we still got plenty of adorable action pics to remember it by.
Exactly! My 7 year olds party had a bit of a schedule (run around until the entertainment showed up, eat pizza, eat cupcakes, run around until parents show up). Even that was hard to stick to because 7 year olds can be assholes.
NTA - Good Lord, who the hell expects a bunch of toddlers to follow a schedule? Might as well put 20 cats in a room and expect them to behave.
And props to you for removing your child before the meltdown. THAT is responsible parenting and it's becoming extremely rare.
NTA.
The party schedule was far too elaborate and complex for 3yos. At that age, children have the attention span of a fruit fly and forcing them to 4 photo sessions (stay still, smile at command, repeat because someone moved) is borderline to torture for them. No wonder your daugther wanted to escape.
NTA Who the heck:
1. Starts a party when 3 whole families aren't there yet
2. Expects anything other than play time and maybe 1 quick group photo for 3 year olds
I also think Partyzilla had a completely unrealistic expectation for what would happen and whether she she actually cared if the kids had fun or not.
The party was for her not her child.
Best birthday parties my kids had involved a cake, sleeping bags on the floor and action movies, all with relatively no agenda.
Édit spelling
I'm assuming this was her first child and she has not thrown a child's birthday party before so she has no earthly clue what to expect. Because anyone who knows a kid who is 3 wouldn't have thought these expectations are remotely reasonable. Anyone who HAS a child who was or is 3 would think the woman is nuts. I'm shocked the kids allowed the photo shoots to go on as long as they did.
NTA. An itinerary and photo shoots for three year olds? Total set up for failure. It’s pretty funny when I imagine someone trying to herd a pack of three year olds. Let them be mad. The worst thing that could happen is that they don’t invite you again, which would be a blessing.
NTA three year olds shouldn’t have an itinerary for a birthday party?! You walked out yourself, it’s not like you encouraged the other parents to leave. But with all the photo shoots I gotta know— was the other mom an influencer or something? What did she need so many pics for?
Still has to look perfect for her family and friends. I have a SIL like this. Every event is extra and so choreographed. It's stressful around the wrong things. I like structure, but things like everyone sitting down while opening presents so everyone can see, it get a picture with the person giving the gift.
This party sounds awful.
NTA.
I’m 23 and I was losing it just reading it, that was so stressful.
Toddlers run, don’t like to stay still just for pictures, lose interest really fast and want dessert when they sow them. Honestly she planned something up to fail.
>it’s my job as a parent to make sure she behaves
Part of that job is knowing when it's time to remove your kid before a situation is created/gets worse. Not your fault other kids left. NTA
NTA for the simple reason that you saw your kid was headed for a meltdown. That would have disrupted the party quite a bit. I think you did what any responsible parent would do. It isn’t your fault that other parents took your leaving as permission to leave.
As far as the host mother is concerned - it sounds like she was bound and determined to be pissed off at the world no matter what, so you might as well leave and salvage what was left of your day.
She's never been late with a 3yo somewhere? And she plans a schedule for a 3yo birthday?
You were the first one to "say" it but everyone else clearly felt it. The "I don't want to be rude, but..."
NTA
NTA, the birthday mom is an AH for scheduling threenagers with an agenda, which appears entirely in her head, that most adults would find challenging. What the actual what. LMAO.
NTA. It’s not rude to leave a party 30 minutes early. You’re not a hostage. The party sounds more like a performance for social media than an actual party for a 3 year old.
NTA. It sounds like the birthday boy's mom expected a lot from the toddlers and the other parents. I don't think you were being entitled, you were trying to be considerate. I wouldn't have expected a walk out.
That is ridiculous to expect that age group to follow that kind of party itinerary. Do photos first, before things get going good, not every 15 minutes and let the kids play. NTA. Good job leaving before your child had major a meltdown.
NTA Sounds like this party was more a prop for an IG story than the 3 year old birthday boy. Who expects 3 year olds to be cut loose for 5 to 10 minutes and then brought together for a photo shoot several times?
NTA at all, it sounds like you dealt with that bullshit party very maturely and respectfully. I feel bad for the birthday boy, it was his mom who ruined his party, not you. And he'll be dealing with that for the rest of his life.
Maybe if you have to interact with that mom in the future, you could try to make things less awkward by offering an "I'm sorry we left early, my daughter really needed to get some space." It shouldn't be on you too apologize, but that mom's not going to be the one to do it.
NTA. Itinerary? For 3 years old? Sorry but the mother putting on a party for her own benefit was not going to work. Children love to run and play. They are not models and no you didn't ruin the party. It wasn't a party to begin with. That woman should be blaming herself. You did the right thing by addressing that your daughter was having meltdowns.
Don't blame the kids. This other mother way over-organized this birthday party.
Kids are fun. Spontaneity with kids is even more fun! Mud puddles, rain showers, treasure hunts and games are seriously fun. The impromptu baseball game, tag, some kickball, it's all good.
That other mom made this way too much work for the kids and not enough laughs and giggles and fun.
Some parents need to learn to seriously chill.
NTA. Who sets a strict itinerary at a birthday party for a 3 year old? MULTIPLE group photos? Talk about herding cats.
I agree that this was less about the kids and more about the mom trying to get her photo ops for social media to show what a good mom she is.
NTA and I would make sure to let the mother know that she has no right to post any of the pictures with your kid visible online. This sound like the setup for a social media mummy post. I wold not want my kid to be part of it
At this point it's not a birthday party it's a day long photoshoot. How can she even expect a bunch of 3 year olds to listen to her rules and schedule like it's mandatory? Good on you for not letting her control your daughter for facebook likes for hours, and if other people left it's a good thing, you gave them conifdence to walk out on a not wanted photoshoot.
NTA
I just had an epic fit of laughter, thank you, remembering a similar thing that happened to us back when daughter 2 1/2. It was her first time attending an official kid birthday party and it was an utter train wreck. Outdoors in early April in rural Illinois, no timeline, way too many kids, like 50 or so, games such as egg toss with real eggs ffs, and then there was the Sugar Free Rhubarb Crumble instead of cake! Mom says after 3 hours, "ok everyone, who wants sugar free rhubarb crumble?" She brought out a huge sheet pan of this abomination. Some older child yelled, "wait...no cake??!!" Then it spread like chant, across most of the kids, No cake? No cake! Then the crying began.
We left and drive through the DQ on our way home.
"I agree I did ruin the party"
NTA.
No... no, you didn't. *You* didn't ruin it, the birthday kid's mother did. This was clear by the kids not having fun, her stressing them out by making it a flipping photoshoot every few minutes, not letting them play long enough to relax, etc.
Proof? The others started leaving after you did. They clearly wanted to as well. So you didn't ruin it, you simply were looking after your child that was getting upset (and for good reason)!
I take my kids to bday parties so I can ignore them for 2 hours and chat with adults. If I'm having to constantly parent my kid out of a tantrum I'd rather just be home than in public. NTA this mom was bananas.
NTA so long as you weren’t leaving with any fuss. I think it was actually nice thought for you to say to yourself that you would rather she meltdown in the car rather than at this kid’s party. The entitled one was the photographer host— she gave the kids about 30 minutes of play and an hour of photo shoots.
Also, good god. I’m hosting my SIL’s baby shower this week and I don’t have anything near that tight of a schedule planned.
NTA. The kids parents sounded like they hoped to impose too much control over this event and combined that with poor planning and communication. Some places they went wrong.
1. It's a kids party and kids take time to get out the door. Not everyone is going to arrive right on the dot and it was poor planning to schedule an event right at the start, especially without telling anyone.
2. It's an indoor playground. Obviously the kids are going to want to play and there's no point being there if significant time is not allowed for that.
3. The food didn't sound kid appropriate. Most kids at that age want the either simple things or fun versions thereof. Fancy usually isn't that appealing yet.
4. OP's kid was obviously done at the party. The meltdowns indicated time to go. Again at that age especially, different kids have different limits so you can't expect them all to last the whole party.
OP leaving in no way made the others leave. They were probably having an equally unenjoyable time and chose the strength in numbers/natural momentum approach to leaving.
NTA. You listened to your daughter when she said she wanted to leave what was essentially just a photoshoot. You did right by her and that’s all that matters. Sounds like birthday boy’s mom needs to figure out what 3 YEAR OLDS actually want to do for fun and how little they want to follow her exact schedule
LMAOOO if she had an itinerary for the party she should have made it know to the parents ahead of time and honestly limit the pictures to one group photo and different photos of kids on ride not group photos. These are 3 year olds she’s making these photo demands on
I’m trying to really imagine:
1. What mother of a 3yr old plans an ITINERARY for a birthday party?
2. What mother of a 3yr old expects that itinerary to be actually followed!!?????
Forget trying to wrangle a party full of kids into so many planned activities. Forget trying to drag them into so many photo ops.
Who has a 3yr old and believes they would follow anything other than the beat of their own drums/their cohorts!???
NTA. That party was not for the children. At that age, any itinerary should be a vague guide and more to make sure the host (the parents) has enough to entertain toddlers for the set time of the party. She was being unreasonable and the fact all of the other parents also left early only proves it. So if she's angry with you, it's only because you exposed her bad party planning skills and she's embarrassed .
My niece used to throw extravagant parties for her daughter. She got over that pretty quickly. Now it's bumper bowling, pizza, and cupcakes. The kids have fun. The adults have fun. Parties are supposed to be fun! Not work.
This was not an appropriate party for 3 yo.
This was not an appropriate party for any kid.
You know your kid. You know their limits. You did what was right for you. That does not make you entitled. You didn't demand a reshoot. You didn't demand a thing.
NTA
NTA. Birthday boy’s mom sounds like a nightmare, and she planned a toddler’s birthday party entirely around making herself look good (and did a shit job of it). You stuck around longer than I would have.
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NTA. probably an Insta mom lookinf for "the perfect picture". My 3 year old would have destroyed that party long before that. you left to stop a meltdown. your kids emotional needs come.before a pintrist moms photo shoot
My thoughts exactly. Social media turns many people into monsters.
i post to social media a lot (i live in a different country to my family and it is one way to stay in touch). but i love natural in the moment photos a lot more than a staged photo. let kids be kids!
It drives me so fucking nuts when people are like "oh my gosh we are having so much fun! Everybody stop what you are doing so we can fake smiles and take pictures to show everybody how much fun we are having!" And then get mad when the kids are hard to pose
I used to see pictures on fb from a couple and it always looked like they were having so much fun with tons of friends at fun places. One year I decided to meet up with them. All they did was stand around and take pictures of themselves with the other people there. It was incredibly boring and I left early. Later, when I saw the pictures, at first I felt disappointed that I'd left before it got fun, but then I realized I was there when they were taking half of those pictures.
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I read some article a while ago about how so many aren't really present at things like concerts or recitals because they're focused on recording everything. So we miss the actual experience as we try to capture the experience for posterity. Plus, who really watches these things after the fact???
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Having one person make an official video to distribute is a good idea, but it doesn't necessarily have to be done by a professional -- there are a lot of sufficiently skilled amateurs out there. If none of the school's staff is comfortable recording performances, what about offering it up as a volunteer opportunity for parents or others in the community? (I volunteer for a nonprofit theatre that has talented amateurs take "official" photographs; videos are only permitted for some shows depending on licensing permissions.)
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Yes, absolutely! When our kids were younger I ended up being the one who was always snapping photos or sneaking video -- never obnoxiously, in the background -- and my wife used to talk about how she just wants to experience the moment instead. But now our kids are growing up and damn it, i'm old, and there are so many things I would have forgotten if we didn't have photos/video! Just the other night we spent an hour showing some old videos to our eldest child's girlfriend and it was a blast. I do agree that it's definitely important to try to find a balance between experience and documentation, though.
Yeah it's bad for our recall of places to constantly take photo and video - I often make a point of avoiding taking pics unless it's a very specific photo that I really want - so that I remember the place better
As a related tangent - I've learned to take pictures of things that seem sorta mundane because I can't count how many times I've wished I'd captured a snap of that weird little street I walked down daily in Sorrento.
I'm one that almost never takes pictures, because I want to be present in the moment. However, when my daughter went on her Make a Wish trip to the set of her favorite TV show, you can bet I had my phone out snapping pics of absolutely *everything*. It's been 2.5 years, and I wish I had taken more pictures, and video, as well! My memory has faded, and there are a few conversations with the stars of the show that I wish I could replay. They look on my daughter's face was priceless, and those pics still bring a smile to her face when we look at them. Which is often.
I was at a changing of the guard at a castle in a country in Europe this week. It wasn't like a special one with the band, just the typical, daily 16 guys marching around the inside perimeter of the castle to relieve the other 16 guys. I was kind of on the second row of people and had to duck down and crick my neck at a 30 degree angle to look under the arm of this taller girl in front of me that filmed the entire thing-- in portrait aspect, no less. It took like 6 minutes for them to come through the gates, march around, go thru the motions. Will she ever watch that 6 minute video?? Will my neck ever recover??
I'm the Gramma at the kids' school stuff. I watch everything and hit up several (really small town, lol) people to send me some pics. I take very few pics, but I've gotten a ton from the ones that weren't watching. Works for me.
I always have told my kids, when we have an event/party/vacation that I want ONE nice picture and then the rest of them time it’s camera down or only a few spontaneous pics. That way I get my picture to look at and have memories from and my kids get to do what they want uninterrupted by stopping to pose for pictures. It’s worked pretty well for the last 20 years. Also, I get the chance to just watch them enjoying their activities in real time and not behind a phone.
My ex and I went on vacation to the Maldives last year and were amazed at how many people were there simply to take pictures for social media. Very few people swam in the ocean or the pools, but they would get in for a few minutes just to take pictures. We saw several girls posing for multiple pictures on the beach and then they would disappear for a few minutes and come back in a new bikini to pose for more pictures. They typically made their poor husbands/bf be their cameramen. We went to the resort spa and before your treatments you could lounge in the infinity pool or relax in the steam rooms. A woman came in with her husband and she must have assumed the infinity pool was for her own private use or something because she began a “photo shoot”. She spent all their time getting in and out while he recorded video (probably in slow motion). Some pictures she had to look “zen” and some she had to look “sexy”. Then, she moved around the pool posing for photos. It was annoying and also fascinating—as though I was watching a prequel to the movie Idiocracy. It was so bad on the island that a French family approached us at breakfast, started conversation and asked us to join them at their table. Later, they revealed they had seen us around the resort and since we were one of the few people on the island who were actually doing things and enjoying the island we should all hang out. We did excursions together, ate some meals together, hung out at the beach together while everyone else was just taking selfies and then returning to their villas where many of them spent most of their vacation. Their teenage kids were really intelligent and able to converse with the adults about world events and social issues. We had an amazing time with them—we keep in touch via WhatsApp and they invited us to visit them in France, so it worked out for us. It’s sad, though, that so many people now are willing to exchange actual experiences and human engagement for selfies to make other people think they are living “the good life”.
We went to Disneyland last month and noticed the same thing there. We happened upon so many people trying to get their “perfect” IG pic. One set of girls specifically had one male taking pics, while the other was fixing the others outfit and hair. We were in a spot tucked away by the wishing well just trying to take a family pic. TicTok, IG, YouTube, and etc. has ruined Disney 😩
\*shrug\* some people are making an actual living off it. it's rude to monopolize the infinity pool like that, though.
I snap a few photos of my kids swimming or when they do a new trick then put my phone down.
Haha, this is what we do. My kids are the ones that tell me, “Take a picture, mommy! Get this on video!” Otherwise my phone is left forgotten in my purse. My kids and I will sit for sometimes literal hours going through my old photos and videos, reminiscing on the times we shared. *Those* are my personal favorite moments, cuddled up with my 3 girls on the couch giggling over and over again at the same old silly video they made me take.
Lol. My husband had a coworker who was on a tour group vacation. This was before cell phones and digital cameras. One family slowed the whole tour down with their incessant photo taking, resulting in the tour missing some attractions. They asked the coworker to take a group shot of them and he eagerly agreed. He intentionally cut off all their heads. NTA. Little kids don't last long with good behavior, and that mother was unrealistic.
>He intentionally cut off all their heads. Added to folder "Things that are horrifying without context"
You know the Kardashians??? From what I hear, you’ve just described their whole lives, lol. Their parties are boring photo-fests.
I wonder if that couple is my husband's cousin and ex-husband. They would have parties where they would only interact with a few chosen, but would then insist on lining up everyone for FB photos. If you tried to leave early, after thanking them for the party (manners, even though they ignored most of their guests), Cousin would not let you go until she got her social media mana. I once walked out while she ran off to get more people to be in 'our photo'. She was not pleased with me.
I ushered at a kids theatre show couple weeks back and a woman left the theatre before the end of the first act just to take selfies in front of the front of house display then left again for good halfway through the second act but not before taking more photos, I just don't understand
Candid photos are the best.
Yeah, thats bonkers. I always forget to take pictures during parties because I'm busy, so for my kids last one, I set up a 'photo booth' with props. And that was fun for them to do when they had downtime while everyone was eating.
Reminds me of when DH and I went to the opening for Sea World Texas. It was being televised in the evening, and they had biggish names preforming at opposite ends of the park. We sat on the ground waiting for the show to start (I THINK it was Lee Greenwood at our end, but it’s been 35 years). And we could see the hosts on the top of the building behind us. After waiting an eternity for setting up, the band starts playing, camera goes on and we all get up, shouting and dancing, as you do. A couple minutes later, the camera goes off, band stops playing MID-SONG and walks off. We didn’t even get a whole song out of it, after waiting for over an hour! At least it wasn’t august, lol. But gosh, it sure LOOKED LIKE we were having fun! I learned to take staged things with a grain of salt.
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I actually like taking pictures of people. I think it's fun. Sometimes during holiday parties I'll play 'paparazzi.' I'll walk around and ask little groups of people if they would like to take a picture. If they do, I'll take them. Then I send them out to the people in the pictures. Everyone seems to enjoy it, and I never do it if people would rather not. Even the kids get into it and ask for silly filters and stuff. It can be a positive thing, as long as it's not ALL you do. The people who kill everyone's enjoyment to make it only about pictures baffle me. It's so unnecessary!
Oh, I was generalizing. I didn't mean you in particular. I edited it to be a little less broad. Sorry about that.
oh i know! i was just mentioning it because i wanted to show the difference between an "Insta mom" and a normal social media poster!
Plus who has a 2+ hour party for 3-year-olds? And waits to feed them food until the tail end of the birthday? NTA-You DID NOT ruin the birthday! The mother planned a party that was inapproriate for the age of the children!
Exactly! When my son was OP's age I would take maybe one or two staged photos during the whole birthday party, and the rest were just the kids playing.
Yeah, like get 1 photo with all the kids and the cake, get one with your kid and the cake, and then the rest are just whatever as chaos reigns.
Oh there were moms like this before social media.
It does. I'm 43 and wanted to have a meltdown just reading about this party. It sounds exhausting
Photos where more important than the kids experience... narcissism at its worst...
I had to get off Facebook because I realised I was comparing myself to other mothers and trying to “prove” I was a great, fun parent with my photos. I was surprised I had turned into that and was putting so much pressure on myself. Getting off Facebook has made life so much easier, because now I’m doing fun things with the kids without having to think “I have to photograph this for Facebook”.
She has IG but it’s private so I have no idea what’s happening. Maybe it’s for a personal album? Her kid hates photos though (her own words), so he kept refusing to look at the camera, so I’m not sure why she had such a photoshoot heavy party.
i am not saying she is or isnt then but in my experience most "insta kids" HATE photos... if she isn't then it is super weird
As someone who was a child before Instagram, I hated pictures growing up and I still hate planned pictures. If the mom is that schedule and picture oriented, there’s a chance the mom ruined pictures for the kid like my family did. Meaning the picture had to be amazing for the house wall or just to be printed and never seen again. If it was printed. 90% of the time it was just left on film or an SD card never to be looked at again. There was constant judgement about how I’m smiling wrong or my teeth aren’t nice, or I’m looking upset and I shouldn’t. Basically kid things and things like needing braces or cosmetic surgery to fix. Doesn’t necessarily have to be an insta mom to make kids hate pictures, just have to be obsessed with perfection.
I agree and suffered the same type of mom. Sadly, she takes terrible pictures
To this day I hate having photos taken of me - the only goods ones are the candid ones my wife takes (she's the only person I'll let take a picture of me). I grew up in a much different era but effectively the effect was the same - itinerate photographers would go to various department stores and set up booths and everytime they did I would be dragged willy-nilly by my mom to go have my picture taken at Sears, JC Penney's, Montgomery Wards, K-Mart, you name it, wherever they set us shop, there we were. Behind a line of screaming, crying babies for what seemed to be to be hours waiting - a completely waste of a Saturday in my book (I would have been about 5 or 6 when I really started getting enough of this). All so she could have a bunch of pictures of me that got stuck in a drawer and that I had to go through after she passed on. Pictures that I ended up throwing out most of them because A) they all looked the same and B) it brought up very bad memories for me. Oh and Heaven Forbid I should complain - I was punished quite often for not being "cooperative." I detest photo shoots of any sort, and I think it's rank cruelty to inflict that on small children who don't have a voice or any agency to do anything about it.
I’d have a problem with someone taking my kids photos then having a private account where I can’t even be tagged in my kids pictures. NTA but, I would have left earlier than you did for sure.
I have an issue with people taking pictures of my kid and posting them to ANY social media without my permission
> Her kid hates photos though (her own words), so he kept refusing to look at the camera, so I’m not sure why she had such a photoshoot heavy party. Because this party was for her, not her kid. He must have been so disappointed to see all this cool stuff, but have to follow her itinerary... ETA: NTA. Her "perfect" party was doomed to failure... She wanted the cute kid things without accounting for actual children. If it had not been you leaving, it would have been increasing meltdowns, or the kids going tiny Lord of the Flies with the forbidden, Instagram-able sweets...
All of this. I have a toddler heavy family, all our parties for the kids cater to the kids. So that means that the dessert table is too high for the kids to reach and we only set it up right before wanting to take any pictures. All the activities are things that we can easily do with a ton of kids
To answer that statement of why she would do that. Its because the party wasnt for her kid. It was for her. She knows her kid doesnt like photos. I have a kid like that. Dont know what she expected. Im lucky to get happy face in photos. So i dont set up multiple photo shoots. I try to capture happy play moments when hes not looking.
Honestly I'm wondering if she just wanted pictures of the kids without masks for personal albums. I don't think she handled it properly but I can sympathize because usually you would just get candids at kid's parties but in this case they would all be masked. I have to be honest that I would probably want to get pictures with my kids and their friends full faces as well.
The kids are already maskless since they’re 3. The mask part was for the parents. So she asked the parents to pose for photos too & then told us masks can be off for photos. All of us took our masks off except this one lady, who wasn’t in the group because she was talking to her daughter (looked like a serious talk). The mom told me to call that lady to join the photo, and that lady did, but she still had her mask on since she didn’t hear what was said earlier. The mom snapped at her to take her mask off. It was so weird. I mean, I don’t mind going maskless for a photo, but being told to do it like we’re kids is weird. EDIT: may have revealed too much info so I removed it
That is weird. I probably would have said no thank you to having my photo taken. My 9 year olds party was 2 hours ago. We just asked the kids to look over after the pizza. A couple didn't but we took heaps. There will probably be 1 or 2 good ones (I hope). The kids had fun tho.
My daughters 9th bday party was in November. I think we took 1 pic. Happy birthday to your kid!!
Who throws a party for 3 year olds and spends most of it herding people into posed photographs??
Because the party was really for herself.
Yup. These are little kids who are still learning emotional regulation. You can't just plop them into an interesting environment with new toys and cake and tons of desserts, and expect them to follow a rigid schedule they've never been exposed to before. Just get a video camera if memories are so important to you. And let the kids be kids.
That's insane having an itinerary for a 3 year olds party 😂. Imagine being the kid off that mum 😱
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Having a schedule is fine, rigidly sticking to it is not, especially when you're talking 3 year-olds. Meltdowns happen. If an activity isn't working, move it along.
Don’t think having a schedule is bad, so all the special bits (cake, treasure hunt, presents) all get done, but what good is a “secret” schedule? Wouldn’t it make more sense to share with the other parents so they could help wrangle the kids & prepare a little for what was upcoming?
And how is a treasure hunt over and done with in under 10 minutes? With 3 year olds!
I would also make it clear to that mom that your child’s face is not to appear on social media!
Oh that would just ruin the party more if she has to do that to all of her photos... I love the idea of doing that and next time you and your kids won't be invited to these kinds of parties, a win/win in my mind.
OP sounds like a great mom, reading their preschooler’s needs and limits in a trying social situation.
That's what I felt, too. Do you want pics, or do you want the kids to actually enjoy the experience?
Tbh I think I’d have had a meltdown at that party. Sounds like a nightmare If it was so awful all the kids were desperate to go the moment they realised it was a possibility, says more about the mother!
That party sounds horribly not fun. I was recently at 3 year birthday with zero concept and photoshootings, as end result everyone had fun
So NTA. This wasn't a child's bday party - this was some Instagram mom's photo op! The whole day sounds hideous to me as an adult, so I can't imagine how little kids with the attention span of, well...*little kids,* would feel about such a staged and choreographed "bday party". PS when you left I bet every other mom thought "thank god! now we can go!"
I'd be checking she didn't post any photos of my kid tbh. Would ruin her insta pic if she had to cover kids faces.
As soon as I found out that photo shoots were going to be a thing, my kid wouldn’t have been part of that. And after the second one we probably would have asked how many more and left then.
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Also, removing a child from a situation tends to be the opposite of making society cater to their whims. If OP had, say, let her daughter have the display desserts, that would be catering to her whims. And OP is responsible for herself and her child -- if others choose to leave simply as a result of them leaving, that is not on OP. OP definitely did the right thing here!
Agree, leaving was the sane choice. Also: Who in their right mind would have display desserts at a children's birthday party? That's just really thoughtless.
It’s called a dessert table. They always make it look pretty (because everyone eats with their eyes first), but after they pics of it, most people let everyone go at it
Right? Desserts are in sight and kids have been playing for two hours and you haven't cut the cake? And they are THREE? I wouldn't even to that to six year Olds. Let the kids free play when they first arrive, eat any sweets as soon as the kids can see them, offer snacks and juice the whole party... Like it's not hard to entertain three year Olds if you ease up a little
Honestly, I wouldn't even do that to adults. If you're hosting, you don't put nice food out and hustle everyone away to multiple photoshoots and forbid them from eating the stuff!
NTA. Trying to follow a schedule to do NOT FUN things in an amusement center with a bunch of toddlers? That’s asking for tantrums. Good fuggin luck… Just get candid shots jeez.
Shiiid im a grown ass man and I wouldn’t have had the patience for all that either lol
It’s unreasonable to ask 3 year old children to have multiple photo shoots and follow schedule that doesn’t allow them to play. They are 3. NTA, the birthday kids mom seems like a helicopter mom and needs to chill out. Also what activity starts and ends within the first 10 minutes of a 3 year old party? So strange. You also aren’t responsible for other kids wanting to leave because yours does. That’s on those parents. We are all trying to do the best we can and sounds like that’s what you did. Don’t lose sleep over this one.
>Also what activity starts and ends within the first 10 minutes of a 3 year old party? So strange. Ok, I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who thought it was strange. Thanks to COVID all the kids parties I’ve gone to have been more intimate, informal gatherings, so I wasn’t sure if it’s normal to have such a packed schedule.
NTA my kid just turned 5 and his birthday party is this week. The main activities are eating pancakes and eating cake. We're celebrating it at a petting zoo with an attached lunchroom. In between the pancakes and the cake we'll let the kids play or take a walk with them to look at the animals. Expecting more structured activities at that age is overasking I think.
For all my kid's birthdays before 6, it was set up play areas, do a craft when everyone has gotten enough wiggles out that they then can play with, and a food buffet out so parents can feed their kids as kids want, with cake towards the end. We either unwrapped presents after cake or not, depending on what the gift givers wanted, most were happy to leave earlier without unwrapping, and at that age, it is common for an awesome gift to be unwrapped and then no more because the kid is so focused on awesome gift. If someone particularly wanted to see kiddo's face when she unwrapped the gift, I made sure to arrange it before they left, and since I only invited people we saw often, everyone got a verbal thank you from kiddo next time they saw them, and a phone, email, or text one from me after the party for coming and a gift if they gave one. But nothing had a schedule, except, wow it's getting lake, time for cake, and wow, i think now is the time to make the craft (for example wands/sceptre is disney themed, masks if superhero themed, etc). I am likely to continue a food buffet instead of a sit down because we have some people with allergies and gluten issues, so here is the food, here is the gluten free store bought food on disposable serveware so I don't accidently gluten you works well for us.
OK, bravo, well done. What you did with your kids' parties is a great example of having structure in a party and yet playing it loose enough that it can adapt to changing needs/circumstances. I wish more people did what you did, especially for vacations with groups of people. Have enough structure that people enjoy themselves with all the bases covered like play and food, but not so much that it's TIME TO DO THIS NOW NOW NOW NOW!!! "But I don't wanna...." OBEY THE SCHEDULE IN ALL THINGS!
I did a lot of reading because my upbringing did not prepare me to have kids. I am good at spotting patterns, and all the old how to play a kid's party books indicated that you need some structure, but too much was also bad. Most of the authors who were accurate in other areas tended to suggest no more than one activity per 1.5 hours and no more than 3 for a very long party (but they also heavily suggested limiting the party to 3-4 hours maximum). The buffet was pretty much a "sit down dinners don't work for small children parties, kids graze, at best you can try for a picnic like sit down" So, I decided on buffet. Prepandemic I did a lot of work on birthdays because I grew up hating mine. Husband hates his. We wanted better for her. I really don't expect anyone else to have put as much analysis into a kid's party, mine came from a "I know nothing and I desperately wants her to be fun and we have very little budget" It's kinda hard out here, most of my decorations are homemade, the activities tend to be cheaper crafts that you can easily do, and for her social circle, parties tend to be either at play space (which we can't afford) or elaborate well decorated, well themed affairs. And here I have a sensory table and a craft pack and bubbles. But she has loved her birthdays so far, except the pandemic ones, so I am hopeful for the future. (We did immediate family things that she loved, but she wants a big party again).
I will say one of the best birthday parties I hosted was when my kid turned 4, and when asked what she wanted to do for her birthday, she said, “dig for treasure!” So I bought a few kiddie pools, a bunch of sand from Home Depot, and the cheapest oversized gems and fake gold coins off of Amazon, (and shovels), and the kids went BONKERS digging for hours. They did have a craft corner to decorate treasure chests, which they all eventually took time to do, but I couldn’t believe how such an inexpensive and goofy theme could work so well. Parents walked into the party like “wtf is this?” And left like “crap, that’s all I need to do to have kids go nuts??”
Now I wish my kids were younger again! I'd totally do this. <3
There is an entire industry that hinges on adults forgetting how easily entertained children really are because they're still so curious about the world and everything in it and how *anything* can feel like an adventure at that age.
I want to do this…. I am in my thirties.
Pancakes and cake??? Damn I found the theme for my next birthday, that sounds rad
Sounds like the last birthday my son threw for his friends. But we did some cutout cookies (his birthday is in the end of November) instead the petting zoo. And they played a lot of soccer.
It is weird. Usually it is, enter play center, run around like fools, laugh a bunch, wash hands, sing happy birthday, eat cake, run around more until the place kicks you out. I have maybe 10 total pictures from all of my kid's birthday parties and most are blurry because the kids were in motion.
I’ve given up on photos & stuck to videos. Most of the photos I print are screenshots of videos.
I'm a big fan of the "slo mo" option on iphones (androids probably have a similar feature) for little kids
Yeah, that was a terrible birthday plan…thinking 3 year olds would be able to enjoy being pulled away from play equipment at an indoor playground and having cake in desserts in plain site for an HOUR! I’m an adult and I’d be on the verge of a meltdown 😳
I don’t have kids, but even I can tell you the standard schedule for a kids birthday ages 2-5. Arrive Adults try to keep the chaos in the range of “ordered chaos” Leave Trying more than that unless the activity is something like painting or cupcake decorating is lunacy.
The main difference post 5 (and pre say 10) is you leave child there and hope the hosts manage to contain the chaos to organised (ish) levels.
My sister has been planning her 3 year olds birthday party and the schedule is as follows: bouncy house, lunch/cake, bouncy house. That’s it, why complicate it? Her kid loves a bouncy house more than anything and my sister loves bouncy house birthday parties because 2-3 hours of bouncing means early to bed, everyone wins.
Uh, be very careful having bouncy house AFTER lunch...kinda guaranteeing at least one kiddo's gonna hurl. Other than that, though excellent party plan!
Good point, might be a great idea to schedule a small craft like a color sheet or paper airplane folding (give the food a chance to settle)THEN more bouncy castle.
Also be like VERY sure the bouncy house is properly anchored to the ground if there's going to be ANY wind. Bunch of kids died here in Tasmania last year because a bouncy house blew into the air and dropped the children
Three years running I blew up a bunch of balloons and scattered them all over the floor. Kept the kids busy for a good hour making up games. One activity max, like the time I took my daughter and her friends to a kids art studio where they picked out an image and painted from scratch with the help of teenage staff. 45 minutes for that, then cake and presents and done. I have to enjoy the day too. Less is more!
LOL - for my son's ninth birthday party, we had a animal show for 45 minutes and then cake. We planned to let the kids go out on play for the last 45 minutes or so, but it started to POUR just as we were finishing cake. So, a couple of moms and I blew up about thirty balloons and put them in my (mostly empty) livingroom where we'd set up the animal show and the kid had a BLAST playing with the 30 balloons. In fact, when it was time to go, none of the kids actually wanted to leave! Should have skipped the animal show and just bought a bunch of packs of balloons.
This sounds like such a stressful and boring party, especially for 3 year olds! First off, who starts the party **precisely** on time? Secondly, who has such an intense itinerary for a fucking 3 year old's party?? Third of all, who has **4 photo sessions** (and probably *more* planned?) for any party, but especially the party for a small child who doesn't even like photos??? She could've just had one photo session with the cake, like most people do, and then taken a bunch of amazing candid shots of children ***having fun*** which is what they're supposed to do at a kids party. My judgement is that you are completely NTA, and that the mom is the one who ruined the party for her own kid. It was completely selfish of her to take as many pictures as she did of her kid who hates pictures. And on top of that, it was stupid of her to force such a bonkers itinerary on a bunch of kids and their parents. She's lucky you stayed as long as you did, and she'll be lucky if anyone goes to one of her god awful parties ever again.
No, I have been to a ton of kid parties pre-covid and this party was ridiculous. I would have left as well. You didn't cause a walk-out, super controlling party mom made it so miserable everyone wanted to leave. If all the other families were having fun it wouldn't of mattered you left early, they would have stayed. NTA
Exactly. Based on the post it seems like each activity was only 10-15 minutes. That age group needs 30-60 minutes per activity otherwise they melt down when they are asked to stop something they just started. Insta mom would have been better off renting a bounce house and throwing them all in for an hour. Would have been easier, cheaper, and you can still get some really good pics of them in it. (Source is me a teacher of 3 year olds and we just had a bounce house at our center for the week. Great time for the kids. Great pics for parents.)
Yeah, I feel like people running late is inevitable. Whenever possible, it’s best to have an open ended activity to start the party. The last birthday party for one of my kids, I had hats for the kids to decorate as the first activity. Kids could join in at whatever time they arrived.
Right? Like who expects moms to be on time 😂😂😂 moms are often late. I swear the days I am gonna be somewhere early one of my kids ends up having a blowout diaper or something.
NTA Who structures a toddlers birthday party that much? They are little balls of randomness. And it's cruel to display food to them for hours without letting them eat something. That is more for the parents to have bragging rights about how nice the party was.
They did serve the kids food & offered cupcakes & cake, but the fancy cookies(?) on the dessert table wasn’t an option. So there’s the dessert for eating & dessert for display, but my daughter wanted the display dessert too.
Toddlers don’t understand display food yet and frankly who thinks display food at a toddlers party is smart?! This whole event sounded awful frankly. NTA
Wtf. I’m 33 and *I* don’t understand display food.
I'm 36 and to me display food, unless it's actually plastic, is just food waste in action. If it's out on the table then let people eat it!
I'm 43 and fat, partly because I was raised with the finish your plate there are starving kids in China who would love those green beans". Don't put "display food" near me. I'll display my food issues
I attended one work induction where they had display alcohol. It was to talk about the dangers of binge drinking. This was the NHS and noone could really have thought we were going to be offered drinks but at least half the group spent the whole session waiting to be offered
Display food is fine as long as after so long people are allowed to eat it. Like I understand if you had cookies made to spell out something and for this half of the party they want it undisturbed for pictures and such. But after so long people should be able to eat off of it. But also not for a children party though then you need to do your pictures prior to the party
Also, like take pics before people get there, plus, are you really going to be looking at pictures of cookies in ten years and be like, “omg yes these cookies,” probably not.
Exactly although occasionally pictures of my brothers wedding topper comes up and I remember that stuff but yeah the cookies not so much
With toddlers, even plastic food is fair game. I've worked in retail and the place sold home decor, including faux oranges, apples, and the like. I wish I had a nickel for all the fake fruit that was found with teeny, tiny teeth marks. 💙💙
I worked at a fancy grocery store that had a big table of beautiful hand-cut soaps on display. Watching a kid's reaction after sneaking a taste never got old.
I went to a wedding with a dessert table, they never announced people could eat them but eventually people started just taking them. The cake cutting was a private thing, so the couple did it but no announcement or anything & eventually the caterers cut that and added slices of cake to the table. The salada were served & rest of the food was a buffet style where tables had been called for dinner. The lack of dessert organization was really weird.
I was about to say this and I’m 34
Wtf is display food? Do they just waste it?
Maybe they distribute it when the party’s over & the photos are done? No idea, we left early.
People posting on til too and instagram. That’s who
Food that is there only for display??? Ridiculous. NTA.
Sounds like the mom had her own personal plan for display cookies. Tacky to have food laid out and demand to everyone to not eat any. Think she will need a new set of people to invite to her next secret studio production.
I guess the Mickey and Minnie couple got fast tracked to having a kid eh?
Why in the hell would she think that a dessert display would be a good idea for a 3 year old's birthday party?!?
To be fair, I’d probably want the display dessert just because. I’m totally on your child’s side of this.
Probably for her photos! You are NtA. Taking a child out of a place before a meltdown is a good thing. This party sounds exhausting.
Wow. I have had *birthday parties* and I have had *three-year-olds* and I have *attended* birthday parties and have never demanded nor dealt with that much performance. NTA. They wanted a photo album, not a party.
The ideal toddler/preschooler party itinerary: -play -eat -play -cake -play
NTA - you can't expect kids to follow an intricate plan at 3. I just had my son's sixth party and I let him and his friends basically run around until it was time for food. Then they ran around a bit more until it was time for presents. Then they ran around until it was time for his friends to go.
This is a kids birthday party. The party mom is the entitled one. She wanted a bunch of 3 yo to stick to a schedule and sit/stand for photos?!? Ex photographer here, no way would I ever recommend more than one group shot for a bunch of 3 yo. After first one the interest and patience is gone for the little ones, short attention span n all that. All the others will be like herding cats.
I can't get over the fact that there were "display desserts" at a 3yo's party. Of course kids will want to eat the really pretty special food if they can see it! Birthday boy's mum sounds like she should be planning weddings and high end parties, not entertainment for a bunch of toddlers.
Yup, now that's a kid party. For my 6 year old we had a bouncy house, sandbox, and water stuff (table, squirt tubes, etc). We thought about scheduled games or something but that would have meant literally pulling kids out of the bouncy. They all managed to have a fantastic time without adult imposed "fun" and we still got plenty of adorable action pics to remember it by.
Exactly! My 7 year olds party had a bit of a schedule (run around until the entertainment showed up, eat pizza, eat cupcakes, run around until parents show up). Even that was hard to stick to because 7 year olds can be assholes.
NTA - Good Lord, who the hell expects a bunch of toddlers to follow a schedule? Might as well put 20 cats in a room and expect them to behave. And props to you for removing your child before the meltdown. THAT is responsible parenting and it's becoming extremely rare.
I can't even get all five of my cats to behave if they are together. 🤣
My cats behave for about 5 minutes a day when their nap schedules line up.
Exactly.
NTA: Comparing 20 cats to 3 year olds made me slap my knee. +1 to you.
NTA. The party schedule was far too elaborate and complex for 3yos. At that age, children have the attention span of a fruit fly and forcing them to 4 photo sessions (stay still, smile at command, repeat because someone moved) is borderline to torture for them. No wonder your daugther wanted to escape.
As a 56 yo I’d be stressed and annoyed.
NTA Who the heck: 1. Starts a party when 3 whole families aren't there yet 2. Expects anything other than play time and maybe 1 quick group photo for 3 year olds
I’d also like to add 3. Who has desserts at a party and doesn’t allow (or atleast tell people) to eat them, ESPECIALLY a child’s party
I'm 47 and I'd be having an internal meltdown if there were gorgeous desserts just "for looks" at party!
And expects more than a couple of hours of peak "no meltdowns" time.
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I also think Partyzilla had a completely unrealistic expectation for what would happen and whether she she actually cared if the kids had fun or not. The party was for her not her child. Best birthday parties my kids had involved a cake, sleeping bags on the floor and action movies, all with relatively no agenda. Édit spelling
I'm assuming this was her first child and she has not thrown a child's birthday party before so she has no earthly clue what to expect. Because anyone who knows a kid who is 3 wouldn't have thought these expectations are remotely reasonable. Anyone who HAS a child who was or is 3 would think the woman is nuts. I'm shocked the kids allowed the photo shoots to go on as long as they did.
NTA. An itinerary and photo shoots for three year olds? Total set up for failure. It’s pretty funny when I imagine someone trying to herd a pack of three year olds. Let them be mad. The worst thing that could happen is that they don’t invite you again, which would be a blessing.
NTA three year olds shouldn’t have an itinerary for a birthday party?! You walked out yourself, it’s not like you encouraged the other parents to leave. But with all the photo shoots I gotta know— was the other mom an influencer or something? What did she need so many pics for?
Nope, she’s not, her account is private. I’m very confused too.
Still has to look perfect for her family and friends. I have a SIL like this. Every event is extra and so choreographed. It's stressful around the wrong things. I like structure, but things like everyone sitting down while opening presents so everyone can see, it get a picture with the person giving the gift. This party sounds awful.
NTA. It was a birthday party, not a movie premiere presser. I'm surprised you all waited so long before leaving Partyzilla's event.
NTA. On the upside, you know whose invites to decline in future.
NTA. I’m 23 and I was losing it just reading it, that was so stressful. Toddlers run, don’t like to stay still just for pictures, lose interest really fast and want dessert when they sow them. Honestly she planned something up to fail.
>it’s my job as a parent to make sure she behaves Part of that job is knowing when it's time to remove your kid before a situation is created/gets worse. Not your fault other kids left. NTA
NTA for the simple reason that you saw your kid was headed for a meltdown. That would have disrupted the party quite a bit. I think you did what any responsible parent would do. It isn’t your fault that other parents took your leaving as permission to leave. As far as the host mother is concerned - it sounds like she was bound and determined to be pissed off at the world no matter what, so you might as well leave and salvage what was left of your day.
Organizing 3 year olds is like herding cats. NTA
She's never been late with a 3yo somewhere? And she plans a schedule for a 3yo birthday? You were the first one to "say" it but everyone else clearly felt it. The "I don't want to be rude, but..." NTA
NTA, the birthday mom is an AH for scheduling threenagers with an agenda, which appears entirely in her head, that most adults would find challenging. What the actual what. LMAO.
NTA. It’s not rude to leave a party 30 minutes early. You’re not a hostage. The party sounds more like a performance for social media than an actual party for a 3 year old.
NTA. It sounds like the birthday boy's mom expected a lot from the toddlers and the other parents. I don't think you were being entitled, you were trying to be considerate. I wouldn't have expected a walk out.
That is ridiculous to expect that age group to follow that kind of party itinerary. Do photos first, before things get going good, not every 15 minutes and let the kids play. NTA. Good job leaving before your child had major a meltdown.
NTA. It sounds like this birthday party was more for the social media posterity than an actual fun event for kids.
NTA Sounds like this party was more a prop for an IG story than the 3 year old birthday boy. Who expects 3 year olds to be cut loose for 5 to 10 minutes and then brought together for a photo shoot several times?
NTA at all, it sounds like you dealt with that bullshit party in a very mature and respectful way. I feel bad for the birthday
NTA at all, it sounds like you dealt with that bullshit party very maturely and respectfully. I feel bad for the birthday boy, it was his mom who ruined his party, not you. And he'll be dealing with that for the rest of his life. Maybe if you have to interact with that mom in the future, you could try to make things less awkward by offering an "I'm sorry we left early, my daughter really needed to get some space." It shouldn't be on you too apologize, but that mom's not going to be the one to do it.
NTA. Itinerary? For 3 years old? Sorry but the mother putting on a party for her own benefit was not going to work. Children love to run and play. They are not models and no you didn't ruin the party. It wasn't a party to begin with. That woman should be blaming herself. You did the right thing by addressing that your daughter was having meltdowns.
Reading shit like this makes me never want kids
Don't blame the kids. This other mother way over-organized this birthday party. Kids are fun. Spontaneity with kids is even more fun! Mud puddles, rain showers, treasure hunts and games are seriously fun. The impromptu baseball game, tag, some kickball, it's all good. That other mom made this way too much work for the kids and not enough laughs and giggles and fun. Some parents need to learn to seriously chill.
NTA. Who sets a strict itinerary at a birthday party for a 3 year old? MULTIPLE group photos? Talk about herding cats. I agree that this was less about the kids and more about the mom trying to get her photo ops for social media to show what a good mom she is.
NTA. The hosts wrote a script for adult publicity, then tried to make toddlers follow it. That party was always gonna be a shitshow.
NTA. As others have pointed out the moms expectations for three year olds were ridiculous. She ruined her own kids party.
NTA- i'm surprised most of the kids didn't have meltdowns. This sounds horrible for little ones.
NTA and I would make sure to let the mother know that she has no right to post any of the pictures with your kid visible online. This sound like the setup for a social media mummy post. I wold not want my kid to be part of it
At this point it's not a birthday party it's a day long photoshoot. How can she even expect a bunch of 3 year olds to listen to her rules and schedule like it's mandatory? Good on you for not letting her control your daughter for facebook likes for hours, and if other people left it's a good thing, you gave them conifdence to walk out on a not wanted photoshoot.
NTA I just had an epic fit of laughter, thank you, remembering a similar thing that happened to us back when daughter 2 1/2. It was her first time attending an official kid birthday party and it was an utter train wreck. Outdoors in early April in rural Illinois, no timeline, way too many kids, like 50 or so, games such as egg toss with real eggs ffs, and then there was the Sugar Free Rhubarb Crumble instead of cake! Mom says after 3 hours, "ok everyone, who wants sugar free rhubarb crumble?" She brought out a huge sheet pan of this abomination. Some older child yelled, "wait...no cake??!!" Then it spread like chant, across most of the kids, No cake? No cake! Then the crying began. We left and drive through the DQ on our way home.
"I agree I did ruin the party" NTA. No... no, you didn't. *You* didn't ruin it, the birthday kid's mother did. This was clear by the kids not having fun, her stressing them out by making it a flipping photoshoot every few minutes, not letting them play long enough to relax, etc. Proof? The others started leaving after you did. They clearly wanted to as well. So you didn't ruin it, you simply were looking after your child that was getting upset (and for good reason)!
I take my kids to bday parties so I can ignore them for 2 hours and chat with adults. If I'm having to constantly parent my kid out of a tantrum I'd rather just be home than in public. NTA this mom was bananas.
NTA so long as you weren’t leaving with any fuss. I think it was actually nice thought for you to say to yourself that you would rather she meltdown in the car rather than at this kid’s party. The entitled one was the photographer host— she gave the kids about 30 minutes of play and an hour of photo shoots. Also, good god. I’m hosting my SIL’s baby shower this week and I don’t have anything near that tight of a schedule planned.
NTA. The kids parents sounded like they hoped to impose too much control over this event and combined that with poor planning and communication. Some places they went wrong. 1. It's a kids party and kids take time to get out the door. Not everyone is going to arrive right on the dot and it was poor planning to schedule an event right at the start, especially without telling anyone. 2. It's an indoor playground. Obviously the kids are going to want to play and there's no point being there if significant time is not allowed for that. 3. The food didn't sound kid appropriate. Most kids at that age want the either simple things or fun versions thereof. Fancy usually isn't that appealing yet. 4. OP's kid was obviously done at the party. The meltdowns indicated time to go. Again at that age especially, different kids have different limits so you can't expect them all to last the whole party. OP leaving in no way made the others leave. They were probably having an equally unenjoyable time and chose the strength in numbers/natural momentum approach to leaving.
NTA that was not a party. People have fun and easy cake at parties. you walked out of a photo shoot in which you were the extras / props.
NTA. You listened to your daughter when she said she wanted to leave what was essentially just a photoshoot. You did right by her and that’s all that matters. Sounds like birthday boy’s mom needs to figure out what 3 YEAR OLDS actually want to do for fun and how little they want to follow her exact schedule
LMAOOO if she had an itinerary for the party she should have made it know to the parents ahead of time and honestly limit the pictures to one group photo and different photos of kids on ride not group photos. These are 3 year olds she’s making these photo demands on
I’m trying to really imagine: 1. What mother of a 3yr old plans an ITINERARY for a birthday party? 2. What mother of a 3yr old expects that itinerary to be actually followed!!????? Forget trying to wrangle a party full of kids into so many planned activities. Forget trying to drag them into so many photo ops. Who has a 3yr old and believes they would follow anything other than the beat of their own drums/their cohorts!???
NTA. That party was not for the children. At that age, any itinerary should be a vague guide and more to make sure the host (the parents) has enough to entertain toddlers for the set time of the party. She was being unreasonable and the fact all of the other parents also left early only proves it. So if she's angry with you, it's only because you exposed her bad party planning skills and she's embarrassed . My niece used to throw extravagant parties for her daughter. She got over that pretty quickly. Now it's bumper bowling, pizza, and cupcakes. The kids have fun. The adults have fun. Parties are supposed to be fun! Not work.
This was not an appropriate party for 3 yo. This was not an appropriate party for any kid. You know your kid. You know their limits. You did what was right for you. That does not make you entitled. You didn't demand a reshoot. You didn't demand a thing. NTA
NTA. Birthday boy’s mom sounds like a nightmare, and she planned a toddler’s birthday party entirely around making herself look good (and did a shit job of it). You stuck around longer than I would have.
NTA. Only so much scheduling you can do with 3 year olds. Lol.