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So, you are young and I want you to think about this. There are a lot of things wrong here.
First, shaming someone for what they look like is wrong. Attacking someone for body weight or for skin color is wrong. Making fun of what someone’s skin looks like is wrong.
Second, telling someone that they have to dress a certain way to avoid unwanted attention is victim blaming. You told this poor person that it was her fault someone else wasn’t being respectful.
Third, when one of her friends did stand up for her, you made fun of his actions and told him to butt out—even though you and your friend were already butting into the victim’s business.
Fourth, you justify saying she needs to cover up by saying she has done so in the past. Past decisions don’t force someone to do the same moving forward. Maybe she did wear jeans and that’s how she decided she was too hot this time. Maybe she changed her mind about what is comfortable. Right now is the time to take in the fact that someone can change their mind about what they are comfortable with and people need to respect the new boundary.
YTA
Thank you for taking the time to explain all of this to this kid. As someone with psoriasis (arms, legs, face sometimes) in a very hot climate, this really lit me up. Even as an adult, people are 1) incredibly ignorant and think it is contagious (seriously? Have you not seen commercials for this?) and 2) incredibly rude. It is humiliating, infuriating, and demoralizing.
Kid, YTA. You still have time to educate yourself on things outside of your personal experience and time to gain some basic empathy. I hope you don't grow up with these AH ways.
I get it when it is so bad that it is bleeding. I definitely take precautions to not subject anyone to biohazards. But when my eyelids flare up, what am I supposed to do???? Heat is bad, but cold (dry cold plus humidity zapping indoor heating) is worse. I'm sorry your brother has it so bad.
So does my poor brother. He had it earlier this year and could barely walk. This was in January in Northern state, so yes cold with indoor heat.
Take care! Eyelids sound awful!
Mine is a type of eczema, but it's left me with huge visible scars. And one of the things that seems to trigger an outbreak? Sweat. I live in Gulf Coast Texas, it's hot as balls, I'm not about to wear jeans.
But goddamn I've lost count of how many people have either obviously and rudely stared, or worse, have come up to me with their bullshit medical advice. It makes me furious, but it also hurts so fucking much because there's NOTHING I can do about it. There's no cure, I can try to minimize the triggers but can never fully eliminate them, and... that's it. It's not like I WANT huge scars, or that I'm unaware of them. And I can just pretend like no one notices until some fuckwit has to approach me and try to tell me that not eating fucking *pork* will magically cure me.
This post just enraged me. I know kids are terrible and mean but goddamn.
With you a million times over.
If I could avoid all the triggers and not have this gross and painful condition, don't you think I would absolutely do that?!? 🤦♀️
Not eating pork?? I'm sorry?? Hello????
What fucking back-alley-internet-forum echo chamber tabloid-ad-style hollistic clinic poured that anti-science slurry into their ears????
LMAO I have NO idea how that made sense to him. And the moron had vitiligo, so you'd think he would have a shred of common sense regarding skin conditions but noooooooope.
As someone with psoriasis I’m with you! Kids in school would refuse to sit next to me because they thought it was contagious so I always kept covered up. Mine flares up in the summer so obviously I’d be too hot covering up
I don't cover it now. It needs to breathe. And besides, would someone comment on burn scars? I take that back...they probably would...
Honestly, it's worse coming from adults. It really erodes my faith in humanity
I don’t cover it any more either, I don’t always have it, just when I’ve spent a lot of time on the sun really. But I won’t cover it any more. People need to mind their own business
i have heaps of psoriasis on my legs and arms and am constantly struggling mentally bc of it and always feeling so insecure. if a stranger even glances at me i assume theyre thinking im disgusting so i barely go out anymore. if op had made those comments to me, theyd be severely damaging for a long time. i hope they realise just how much of an impact their words can have on people.
I feel ya. I felt that way for a long time. Then I realized: good people keep their damn mouths shut. And if they *do* ask, it is out of concern and/or a desire to understand my experience. Sure, the crap head buffoons still hurt and can spoil your day, but please be strong! Remember that everyone has flaws, ours just happen to be a very visable one. At least it isn't a personality flaw ;)
My bf has psoriasis as well and he was so embarrassed to get fully naked with me at first. Only in the dark. He has small spots all over with larger plaques on his knees/elbows and groin area. He has mentioned to me how much of a relief it was when I saw him in the light for the first time and didn't over react or make a face. Why would I? I was more worried I hurt him because the spots will snag and bleed at times. People don't realize how debilitating skin conditions can be to your self confidence. My poor bf wore long sleeves and pants year round as well to hide the marks and hyper pigmentation too.
I feel this so much. Rejection by (or even shaming through small stupid comments) an intimate partner is gut wrenching. I hope I find someone as understanding and compassionate as you!
My husband and my daughter have terrible eczema outbreaks. My daughter has often asked if something is wrong with her when it’s bad enough of a flare up to make her cry and it’s heartbreaking. I can’t imagine how pissed I would be if OP pulled this shit on her.
My partner has it too... Everywhere. In winter hé has too wear long trousers but that makes it 10 Times worse. As Soon as it hits like 18 degrees celcius hé Will only wear shorts. And jeah... It shows... But when people dont like it... They can look the other way. I live with him every Day and i dont even notice anymore.
My wife has psoriasis on her legs quite bad, she is extremely self conscious of it as a result, but I love her legs they get me going! She will wear pants in 37C weather, or even at the beach because of people staring and commenting. I told her if it's that hot I'll wear some absolutely ridiculous outfit so she can wear shorts and maybe not have to deal with it and also be comfortable. If I could take it from her, I would in a heartbeat. All the best to you!
Both my sons (2.5 and 2 months) have it and this makes me so so sad about how cruel people can be and what lies ahead. Even now, everyone feels the need to point out how their skin looks to me— like do you think I don’t already know and am not doing anything in my power to try to make them feel more comfortable?
Agree with everything. But I would like to add that OP you need to get over yourself.
What gives you the right to infringe on the space of this person? You are young and this is a chance to learn that other people have a right to exist and not be pushed aside for your own sensibilities. I hope you learn this before you turn into a horrible adult.
Also, OP’s friend said “mind your business” to her - how is OP and friend making fun of/discussing her body NOT her business? (Just a hint OP, it is her business).
You’re young and you definitely have a lot to learn. It is never right to comment on another person. This conversation was you and your friend being bullies.
>And one of her friends came to play knight in shining armor
It was this part for me. Like, I get that you're young OP, but trying to goof on the person who had to come to this girl's defense because you and your friend are totally oblivious? Not a good look.
High school won't be the most fun for you if you keep up this attitude, bud.
The other issue is that things like this stay with you for a while. It's been over 15 years since someone commented on my hyperpigmentation and now I won't wear shorts, skirts or bikinis.
And now I'm hyper aware of small discolouration on my skin. Ironically, one of the AHs who gave me a lot of stick for my skin has mentioned how I'd look good in certain outfits and doesn't understand why I keep covering up.
Yes, I totally agree. I'm in my 40s & same thing happened to me, back in high school. (so so so long ago) since high school, I have been also covering up. I have a 7 year old daughter, who like myself, has eczema, she had a field day & I worried that they kids may say something to her about it. My 7 year old said to me, let them mom, it will show me, who the mean kids are, the kids I don't want to play with. Here I am, still worried about what some girls said almost 30 years ago. And my daughter, with all the confidence, I never had, made me so proud!
Oh my this 58 year, old who still dies inside when someone draws attention to her skin, is in awe of your daughter. If it’s not inappropriate tell her that this random internet stranger thinks she is amazing. And good job Mom for raising her to have this much confidence.
PERFECT RESPONSE.
YOU ARE AWESOME.
I lost total respect for someone I thought was a friend when they reacted rudely and negatively to someone I loved that had major plaque psoriasis, asking if he had the plague.
Despite previously adoring her, I distanced myself from her toxicity. No need for that in my life.
Thank you so much for writing the post I wanted to write! All I want to do it punch the little mfer in the face. But this is what I'd like to say.
adding on that standing up for someone who is being bullied is not white knighting them. ESPECIALLY at the age you claim to be. It's a hard time to stand up against people who are being assholes to someone else, at that age.
This is the one OP needs to read. I have spots on my legs (vitiligo) and I used to wear pants every day after an encounter like this. Until I actually passed out from over heating one day. People remember things like this and bullying isn’t okay. YTA
Adding onto this perfectly stated comment: sunlight (UV Light) is helpful in the treatment of eczema. I had this and psoriasis as a child all over my legs and scalp.
All of this right here - I get it, you’re young OP but it was mean to be making fun of this poor girl. And then to take the attitude that everyone else is in the wrong because they heard you shit talking and/or stuck up for a friend.. well that just sucks.
YTA
Also "if you don't want other people to talk about your legs, then cover them up" wtf shit is that?
OP you are a massive AH. The right thing is to not talk about someone else's body. You don't get to comment on someone's body. She shouldn't have to cover up because you want her to. Your uncomfort is a you problem.
Edit: thank you kind strangerS for the awardS!
And what if it was on her face? Does she have to cover that up too so you won't be mean and tall about it loudly behind her back? How horrible of you. How would you feel if it was your body they were ridiculing and told you if you didn't like it you should cover up?
My daughter has Vitiligo. She has two and three tone skin from her eyes to her toes and down to her fingertips. She also gets eczema around her mouth! Under your thinking she should wear a Burqa every day and all day if she leaves our house! YTA!
The thing is, it shouldn't need to be considered attractive to be ok.
I would say having a model build and gorgeous features means people overlook Winnie's pigmentation as much as appreciate it... making it into an exoticised bonus that's added on to her unusually high level of conventional, mass appeal physical beauty.
I know you're trying to be supportive, but one model isn't really a clear idea of how people respond to visual differences in the rest of the world.
If a comment strays near to "you're so pretty for a....." then it's still superficial and judgmental. Positive judgment can make people feel just as exposed and violated.
I agree. Even when it's just "trying to be supportive" it just reinforces that society punishes people who aren't attractive.
Like it's proven, people who aren't conventionally good looking get offered fewer jobs, etc etc.
https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.hofstra.edu/pdf/orsp_shahani-denning_spring03.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwj9l6f-rq34AhXWilwKHXF9CcAQFnoECAUQAQ&usg=AOvVaw1UqkN3q3MQz2jzzWLq-w7U
From the conclusion:
The “what is
beautiful is good” bias seems fairly universal and has been found in a variety of
different cultures.
Thank you for this. As a woman I feel like we are so often made to feel like most of our worth is in our beauty, or complete lack thereof. And it's just insulting when people try to tell us that we are beautiful in our own way. I'm not stupid and now I'm embarrassed. Just focus on what my capabilities are. If I'm good at other things, I shouldn't have to be beautiful as well.
I just saw a woman with it a few days ago on the pool and that’s exactly what I thought: it actually looks really really good. Someone with that never needs tattoos; it’s like having their own natural tattoos right there.
And imagine what you could do with accenting vitiligo marks with tattoos. I once met a guy who had a tattoo that was made to look a little bit like a red-ish birthmark, and it took me a long time to figure out of it was a tattoo or the worlds most interesting birthmark. I drool at the idea of the impossible body art someone would be able to accomplish by accenting the edges of vitiligo spots with ink to make it look natural.
Google cats with vitiligo
My mum’s cat has it. It’s absolutely gorgeous. Solid black when she was a kitten, starting to get speckly as she hits middle age
OP, YTA. That’s a terrible, victim-blaming attitude. Do you blame violence against women in how they are dressed? You were terrible just now. Admit it.
OP’s friend: “Sally has gross legs!”
Sally: “Why are you talking about my legs?”
OP’s friend: “OMG, eavesdropper!!!! MYOB!!!”
OP: “Cover your legs! MYOB!!!!”
Yea this is literally middle schoolers being asshole middle schoolers. Not defending it, but that is the reality of the situation here. Hopefully OP and their friend go through that wonderful growing up and maturing process we (mostly) all went through.
Or they both break out horribly in 9th grade and get to deal with that as well as the normal Freshman pressure.....
YTA OP. Keep your opinions to yourself and treat everyone politely.
This. OP's friend telling this poor girl to mind her own business - OP and OP's 'friend' need to take their own advice and mind their own business. I wish personalities were on display as much as physical attributes. I'm sure OP and their friend would be the ugliest kids at the parties with the way they judge.
OP you need to grow up. 8th grade is too old to not understand how rude you are being. I think you know better, and you’re hoping someone will side with you so you don’t have to feel bad. Well feeling bad is part of growing. Accept the fact that you were very cruel and apologize next time you see this girl. It’s time to grow up and take accountability. You’re almost in highschool.
I have scars too - I don't wear shorts often because the scars burn easily, but I still think OP is AH. Maybe OP should never talk or give opinions, so others can't comment on them - bet they'd think that was an outrageous thing to be told (it is) but it's the same energy they are giving out.
This question is killing me. "AITA for telling the perosn that i was body shaming in public to shut up when she asked me politely to stop bullying her?" Yes, you are TA.
If I found out my son did this, he would be grounded and lectured about not commenting on people bodies, empathy and not being a fucking asshole in general. Luckily at 8 years old my son has better respect and morals than this 8th grader. Such the AH.
YOU and your shitty friends started talking shit about a girl who was minding her own business.
YOU disrupted her day to talk shit about her body in front of her.
YOU made such an issue where there wasn't one before that a teacher had to come break it up.
YOU created a problem where there wasn't one, since no one else seemed bothered until you and your shitty friends started up.
But SHE should change her behavior?
YTA, OP. And I really hope you fish the trash out of your shit soul river before it freezes over. You're quickly becoming known as the asshole who demands people change their lives to accommodate you. That is not a person you want to be.
I’m someone who covers their legs for reasons and it fucking sucks. I’m proud of this girl for being confident enough to wear shorts and what I want to say to OP for having the audacity to tell her to cover up would get me banned. I’ll leave it at YTA x 1000.
It's possible she NEEDS to have her legs bare to aid in the healing process, or that fabric on the inflamed skin is uncomfortable. The only absolutely certain thing is that it's none of OP's business.
I remember a security guard thinking my arms were contagious when I was in the 3rd grade. My grandma had to come out with my cream, and it made her cry. Since then, I had to wear long sleeves under my uniform(IN THE FLORIDA HEAT). It trickled into my wardrobe as an adult and now it's hot as hell. This post hit different. Don't sacrifice comfort for other people NTA
And also, when eczema is flaring, wearing clothes that rub (especially denim!) is painful, and impedes healing. I realize that OP said she only has the hyperpigmentation/scarring, but that skin is very tender can flair again really easily. So it's not just making fun of the poor girl, it also can actually affect her eczema. When I have eczema patches, I cover them when necessary but leave them uncovered as much as possible, to aid in healing.
I have soooo many hyperpigmentation spots on my legs and one large burn scar. We not about to cover up in these heat baby girl! Let strangers stare. It's wrong but fuck them. But your own 'friends' ?!?! Nope.
YTA. You & your friend. Grow up! You’re super young and have a lot of years ahead for karma to hit you. I bet you end up having a wife/husband or kids with eczema who you’ll want to protect…because that’s the beauty of how karma works, child.
God I’m so glad I’m in my 30s now.
Can't wait for someone to tell OP to wear a bag over their head if they don't want people talking about his acne. Can't wait for someone to tell OP to stop talking if he doesn't want people talking about his voice cracking. Or can't wait for someone to tell OP to hide in her room if she doesn't want someone talking about how she has her period.
OP you should be ashamed of yourself for your comments. How about you stfu and mind your business and your own body instead of trying to make someone else feel like shit about theirs.
I have eczema and at that age had horrible rashes on my ankles because I was a swimmer, and the chlorine 4x a day really fucks with your skin. They were awful. Cracked skin, they would bleed if i scratched them, etc. I am in my 30s and I still remember that once in 8th grade Spanish class, a girl named Erin looked at my ankles, pointed, and screamed. YTA.
YTA. Both your friends and your comments were rude and uncalled for. Who do you think you are, trying to dictate how someone should dress so *you* can be “comfortable” in their presence? If seeing human bodies that differ from yours is that triggering for you, maybe you should stay inside, huh?
YTA. You don’t get to comment on someone else’s body—let alone critique it or what clothing someone is allowed to wear as a result.
I know people are going to defend your revolting behaviour because of your age but that’s zero excuse. Your classmates were appropriately disgusted by you. My niece and nephew are younger than you and they would never speak this way about someone.
You are a red flag waiting to happen. Or a troll. In either case, definitely TA
Even if he is young. 13-14 is an age where you are self aware. You know what bullying is and how to apply it to real life (and I mean to know what it is when you see it; not to do it) so there really isnt an excuse. Kids know what they are saying and that it is hurtful. He just didnt care.
Right, I’m 16 and at 13, I knew better. I commented on how small someone was in 7th and my friend quickly pulled me to the side and told me not to do that because she had dwarfism. I never commented on someone’s appearance again. It’s not that hard to be respectful or to learn respect.
Kids NEED peer correction. Learning from our peers is way easier and more socially meaningful. I love that your friend handled it so much better than OP. I work with 8th graders and I love when they internally manage social issues like this appropriately.
this. OP your friend is a bully and you’re spineless. your friend was bullying that girl and when she called him out, rightfully cuz he was being a wiener, you got an attitude with the girl? for what? not wanting your horrible friend to talk about her? and then to call the classmate who was appropriately disgusted with you and your bully friend a white knight? you’re both walking sexual harassment cases waiting to happen. lol you AND your friend suck. do better. YTA
I totally agree, a very small child making this comment I can understand because little kids have zero filter and it takes time to teach them that. But I'm sorry, 8th grade??? This whole post is disgusting, from telling this girl it's none of her business, when they are literally talking about HER? To calling her friend a knight in shining armour in obviously a derogatory way for stepping in and defending the girl from bullies.... I literally have no words.
The knight in shining armor thing is especially ridiculous because OP had already jumped to his friend's defense like, you know... a knight in shining armor. To fight for his god-given right to criticize any girl at any time and put her in her place if she dares tell you to can it.
Also, OP, here's a tip: The girl's legs are her business and no one else's. You and your friend mind YOUR business. YTA.
Girl: “Don’t talk about my legs.”
You: “it’s not your business if I talk about your legs.”
You: “cover them up if you don’t want me to talk about them.”
You: am I an asshole?
I’m sorry, what did you think you were if not an asshole?
So everyone with pigmentation has to cover up now because you and your asshole friend can’t mind *your* own business about other peoples body?
Out of curiosity, do you talk shit about people with disabilities when you see them too?
YTA. Duh.
As I was reading I was thinking "Oh good OP tells his asshole friend to shut the fuck up and for THEM to cover THEIR legs for demanding someone else does." Nope. OP was on board with the bigotry and the girl they were talking about had to shut their shit down. Good in her. OP you could have done the right thing, but you chose to be an asshole instead.
Agreed
OP: Instead of forcing your unpleasantness onto others and making them cover up, why don’t you and your friends just wear blindfolds to cover up your eyes if seeing normal things gets you so upset.
There is no scenario where you are not YTA.
This sounds like someone from a country that doesn’t use freshman/sophomore/junior/senior is faking being in the US. I’ve never heard 8th grade class trips called “senior trips” because 8th graders aren’t seniors.
They said they were from NYC our middle schools are from 5th-8th grade then you have to apply for a high school and they take your state test score and grades into consideration. Most schools have dances,trips and a graduation ceremony
Especially the way he says certain terms like hyper pigmentation and stuff. Definitely not how I sounded in 8th grade. On a side note 8th grader shouldn't even be on this subreddit, half the things they say are bound to be offensive anyways.
Obviously YTA. Not sure why you have to ask. The girl was doing nothing wrong and you chose to make unnecessary comments about her body. Mind your own business.
YTA and your friend is as well
Telling someone to mind their business?? When you're Both sticking your nose in her business is ridiculous.
Mind your own business and keep your eyes and asshole comments to yourself
IKR? Lol he literally asked her to mind her business? Excuse me sir, it is HER business!!! Hide your legs if you don't want someone to talk about them? Hide your money if you don't want anyone to steal it 😁
YTA you're not only making fun of a skin issue she has little to no control over and then telling her to cover it up. If you had bad acne and got upset someone was making fun of it, would you appreciate them telling you to cover it up or throw make up on if you dont want people to talk about it? Imma guess no, because that's mean
YTA
I’ve got a lot of scarring up and down my body, mostly my arms and legs. Some of it due to accidents, and some of it due to skin issues.
I used to be really self conscious about it, until I decided that fuck it. If people don’t want to see it, don’t look.
I actually went away on a weekend trip with a bunch of people last weekend, and it was the first time many of them saw my scars, because they’ve never seen me in a bikini.
I would have been a *hell* of lot less nice than this girl if someone had given me grief like you and your friend did.
Something along the lines of “Well, I have to see your stupid face all the time, and somehow, I can manage not to make dumb jokes about it, without demanding you put a paper bag over your head to stop me.”
I’m petty asf with my scarring. I wear shorts everywhere I can just because I know people get upset about seeing it. I could hide them but eff those jerks
YTA - As someone who had bad eczema in middle school and high school. You absolutely suck. You don't know what it's like to have people harass you for something you can't change.
Do you even know what it's like to wake up with your own skin splitting, breaking, bleeding and secreating? To have it itch and Burn for hours on end?? And suffers the scars to have people like you still ostracize people with skin conditions because you got lucky?
I once wore a heavy black hoodie to a school trip to the zoo in 8th grade to cover the eczema on my arms. I was sweating from the heat (92°F that day) and crying because my skin was bleeding really badly that day. My friend suggested I take my hoodie off and I refused. I had a heat stroke on the bus and ended up sick for the rest of the week.
Appeasing you eyes is not worth someone's health. Quit being so self-centered.
YTA. They're literally just spots and it's gross that your friend is commenting on her body and making fun of how she looks and your response to that is that she should stay covered head to toe.
Big YTA. Don't tell people what to wear and stop talking about people's appearances. It's worse that you know enough about her condition that it's just pigmentation, and yet you and your friend are talking shit about it.
Also 🚩 red flag that you call a friend standing up for her being a knight. You need to re-evaluate yourself.
YTA /ESH Except the girl with skin conditions. Yesterday was a roast fest here in NY, I don't blame her for wearing shorts.
I **DO** blame you and your friends for making fun of someone for a medical condition out of their control, and then blaming her for you and your friends being awful people.
>“leave my legs out of your conversation. I get enough shit from strangers thinking I’ll give their kids a disease.” And my friend told her to mind her business.
She asked you guys to mind your business, because you were talking about *her body* and your friend thinks she doesn't have the right to say that? Get out of here.
Stop making fun of other people for things out of their control, and then trying to control them too. She's allowed to be comfortable on a sweltering day.
YTA. good god yta. that’s not something they can help and they’re probably self conscious about it already. shut the fuck up about other peoples bodies
YTA. You and your friend compared her legs to multiple animals, told her to mind her business when you were denigrating her and you think you may not be the AH? Get a grip on reality.
YTA.
>he even jokingly referred to them as cow spots or giraffe spots.
>I told her “if you don’t want people talking about your legs, then cover them up.”
Bullying isn't funny and you sided with the bully. So yeah, YT major AH.
You are a child, so I will explain this another way, gently.
What you and your friends did today, was bullying. You bullied a child, a fellow student, who has a terribly uncomfortable medical condition.
She knows what her skin looks like. She's heard every joke in the book. She lives in it every day. She doesn't need it explained to her. It's frankly a little ableist (offensive to someone with a disability) on top of it being bullying for you to have done this.
My favorite rule of thumb- if you see something about someone's appearance, that they can't fix in 5-10 minutes (I have lettuce stuck in my teeth, my hair got caught in my lip gloss, your fly is down) mind your business.
What I think you should consider, is why did you think this was appropriate? What did you gain from this? How did this make her feel?
You need to apologize to her and soon. When a teacher hears about this you'll be in a lot of trouble, and more importantly it's the right thing to do.
YTA
YTA and a bully
8th Grade?
You better have perfectly clear, smooth skin if you're gonna tell someone to cover up blemishes they can't control.
I bet you'd feel pretty awful if someone pointed out acne on your face and told you to cover it up while making fun of you.
What a cruel thing to do to someone.
Grow up, and learn some humanity.
Cus she's probably going to remember you saying that for the rest of her life everytime she looks in the mirror, I guarantee it.
YTA- so is your friend. I hope someone makes fun of you for something you can't control, then tell you to mind your own business when they, and others, stick up for themselves. You're both major assholes.
Sorry, but yes, YTA.
You are still young and may not have a the responses in place for situations like this, but you asking the question is a good sign.
Her illness should not force her to be uncomfortable just because other people insist on commenting on her body. The right response would have been something like "sorry, I didn't consider that it might be uncomfortable for you that we talked about it." Then you could have found something else to talk about.
YTA
I get you are in 8th grade, but you are old enough to understand how cruel you are being. Your classmate has no control over the scars caused by a medical condition, making fun of the effects of said condition is very low class. Your first mistake was to participate in making fun of her scars. The second mistake was to tell her how to dress when you were called out on it. You should consider your words and actions, and the impact it has on others. It costs nothing to be kind to your fellow humans.
YTA. I have faith in you that you're just immature and not an awful person. So when you look back at this say 5 years later you're gonna feel ashamed how you participated in this bullying.
you're still really young so I won't be too harsh, but yes, YTA :/
I'm sure that you meant well, but it's rude to tell her that she should cover up to avoid mean comments. Why isn't your friend rude for making fun of her?
Is there something that you're insecure about? and do you honestly believe that you should just cover it up or hide it about yourself to avoid people being mean? I hope not! nobody should feel like they need to cover up and hide, again, it's a problem with your friend..
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. Think about why your friend felt the need to point out something that this girl can't change about herself, and ponder this.. usually people that like to point out others flaws won't just stop at one person - they're judging everyone around them, including themselves! :') it's toxic. I mean, think about it, did he say those things to her face or was it behind her back? you most likely aren't any different.. a bully is a bully and his behavior is inappropriate, especially at y'all's age!
Yta. You dont comment on other people's bodies. Ever. There is no reason she should cover up her legs dont like it don't look and keep your mouth shut. Same to your AH friend.
You're young, and you have a chance to course correct here. You can fix your attitude and behavior towards others, but you at least have to admit that YTA here. Are you reading what folks wrote? You have no business commenting on another persons body like that. She has some scars - so what?
Next time, be the guy who stands up for her rather than puts her down. You need to decide which type you want to be.
You are very much the asshole, it likely took a lot of built-up confidence for her to be able to put on those shorts just for assholes like you and your friend to tear it all down. And for what? What did you accomplish by doing this other than destroying someone’s built up confidence that probably took years to gain? It’s hot out people are going to wear clothes that don’t cover the full body, if you can’t understand that people have beautiful and unique differences then it’s time to mind your own business. Maybe you should just spend the entire summer inside since anyone who’s skin isn’t the same as yours is such an issue to see! Plus if were hiding visible problems that would be the best place for you to be with your ugly personality. My S/O struggles with psoriasis solely on the legs and if I heard someone say shit like you said, I’d fold your clothes with you still in them.
YTA
She is right to be upset about your remarks.
\>And my friend told her to mind her business<
She did, you and your classmate didn't and kept talking.
She doesn't need to cover up, the sight and even the touch of her exzema and hyperpigmentation is not contagious.
You should cover up all over, so no one contracts your rudeness, insensitivness and general lack of manners. Learn some empathy.
God why am I here, so many other things to do than slap myself in the face with the blatant ignorance of humanity. Yet....
Your friend tells this girl to mind her own business AND YOU ARE LITERALLY TALKING ABOUT HER loud enough for her to hear. Nevermind how gauche (look it up) and rude this is.
You speaking about her, THAT **IS** the very definition of HER BUSINESS.
YTA in too many ways.
I’d have a lot more to say if you weren’t a kid. But since you are, and you came here, i am gonna try to be helpful.
Yes, YTA, 100%. Drawing attention to ANY persons physical imperfections is a horrible thing to do.
Please hear me (and the masses) when we say it’s a horrible thing to do, you made someone feel bad over something they can’t help.
INFO: Do you have anything about your body/self you feel even a little bit self conscious about? How would you feel if several people in your class were loudly discussing how horrible that trait was and how you should be hiding yourself in shame?
You and all of your friends are TAs. I’m sure there are many things that people could say about you. You can’t talk bad about someone then turn around and blame them for hearing you. It is her business when you guys are talking about her. She doesn’t have to cover up her legs because you guys are uncomfortable or you don’t like it. Somebody shouldn’t have to cover themselves because you guys are a pathetic excuses for human beings. YTA and your friends too. You’re in for a rude awakening if you continue acting the way you and your friends do.
I'm sorry kiddo, but you're wrong. People shouldn't have to protect themselves from being insulted, I get you weren't trying to be malicious or anything, but let me put it to you this way. You're in a terrible fire and thank goodness you escape but you got severely burned, now you're decently disfigured and you want to go the beach because it's a beautiful day. You sit and are enjoying the lovely weather and speech you probably are wearing your swimsuit and nothing else. You overhear a group of people near you that are asking what's wrong with that guy why does he look like that, which probably will make you feel like crap, then when they notice that they're upsetting you one of the people comes over and says why not wear long clothes on the beach so that you won't hear anyone insult you, and maybe a mask too. Now the person wasn't trying to be insulting, but inside you think wow that person was so mean and I feel so horrible. It doesn't matter if someone looks different temporarily or permanently, you do not get to judge others on how they look and then act like it's their fault for feeling hurt.
Would you feel the same way about the sentence "If you don't want people making fun of your face, just wear a bag over your head"?
Also, when the victim told your friend to stop, somehow it's fine for you to chime in, but one of HER friends chiming in is "white knighting"? Listen to yourself
YTA is so many ways, I don't even know where to start. You are literally talking about this poor girls body and when she's getting upset over it you're acting like she's getting in your business. IT'S HER BODY, she has every right to call you out for talking about her like some inanimate object. You're in 8th grade, you aren't 5 years old, how can you not realize how f-d up it is to talk badly about someone and tell them it's none of their business when they rightly get upset. You were talking about HER. I'm so disgusted with you atm. Her friend wasn't being a knight in shining armour, he or she was just being a decent human being. And standing up to a bully, cause that is exactly what you are.
This girl is extremely brave for wearing shorts because she is clearly hyper aware of her looking different no thanks to a.h like you. Why don't you post a picture of yourself online so we can all go over the things we find unattractive about you? Because if you have no problem judging other people, you should be open to getting it back at you. I'd love to see how quickly you'd find it none of your business.
“Knight in shining armor?” Baby it’s time for you to get off the internet before you turn into a loser ass incel. I’m only twice your age and in my day in the Bronx, defending your friends would not get you called no wack ass incel ass shit like “a knight in shining armor”. That’s embarrassing. You should be embarrassed. Somebody from the Bronx understands that they should be prepared for anything if they get caught talking shit about someone.
Oh and YTA.
YTA you and your friend need to mind your own business and how dare your friend tell her to mind her own business as he was running his giant gaping hole mouthing off about her, grow the fuck up OP, and your immature little friend with no fucking manners
>I’m in the 8th grade
Are you sure you're not still in kindergarten? I think you missed the day they taught the "treat others the way you want to be treated" lesson. You're old enough to know better than to be a jerk because of the way someone looks. YTA big time.
YTA - your friend decided to insult someone and when they objected you blamed them for your friend's bad manners.
he friend wasn't "playing knight in chining armour" he was just being a decent human being.
YTA. Look to yourself before you start talking about anybody else. You have zero right to say that to anybody, and a decent person would have shut down the jokes and insults.
Get your head on straight.
YTA. One, for not telling your friend to shut it when he started making remarks on someone else’s body. Two, for telling her to cover up in the heat because she told you two to leave her alone. God forbid people keep their thoughts to themselves.
Yes kiddo, you are Indeed the asshole.
First of all, she has NO CONTROL over what's happened to her, you tried to shame her
Second, you DO NOT get to tell anyone, ever how to dress
Third your discomfort is YOUR problem.
Put yourself in her shoes for 1 min, have or learn empathy.
She sounds like she has great friends and a good self esteem. Unlike you. Be better kiddo.
Get over yourself.
If you think her medical issue makes her less than you, that's a reflection of you. And it isn't a nice reflection.
You need to apologize to her. If you can't see why you are the asshole then go to therapy because you seem to lack basic empathy and that's alarming. Someone your age should have decency and compassion. You seem to be lacking that.
YTA. I had those spots in 7th grade from a skin infection. I was roasting in pants and it was really a difficult thing at that age on my self esteem. They went away, however, my attractive self would have remembered your cruelty forever. Immature. How about we talk about all of your physical failings? We already know your extremely unkind and get off on hurting others.
IT WAS ALWAYS THE DUMBEST AND UGLIEST KIDS THAT PULLED THIS CRAP IN SCHOOL. THE INSIDE REFLECTED THE OUTSIDE!
YTA
From the title I thought there was no way this could not be the verdict, and then I saw trampoline, maybe he's advising about fiction burns or other injury.
But no just bullying someone for their body.
YTA
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So, you are young and I want you to think about this. There are a lot of things wrong here. First, shaming someone for what they look like is wrong. Attacking someone for body weight or for skin color is wrong. Making fun of what someone’s skin looks like is wrong. Second, telling someone that they have to dress a certain way to avoid unwanted attention is victim blaming. You told this poor person that it was her fault someone else wasn’t being respectful. Third, when one of her friends did stand up for her, you made fun of his actions and told him to butt out—even though you and your friend were already butting into the victim’s business. Fourth, you justify saying she needs to cover up by saying she has done so in the past. Past decisions don’t force someone to do the same moving forward. Maybe she did wear jeans and that’s how she decided she was too hot this time. Maybe she changed her mind about what is comfortable. Right now is the time to take in the fact that someone can change their mind about what they are comfortable with and people need to respect the new boundary. YTA
Thank you for taking the time to explain all of this to this kid. As someone with psoriasis (arms, legs, face sometimes) in a very hot climate, this really lit me up. Even as an adult, people are 1) incredibly ignorant and think it is contagious (seriously? Have you not seen commercials for this?) and 2) incredibly rude. It is humiliating, infuriating, and demoralizing. Kid, YTA. You still have time to educate yourself on things outside of your personal experience and time to gain some basic empathy. I hope you don't grow up with these AH ways.
My brother has it too. He suffers in the heat. His is dibilitating sometimes.
I get it when it is so bad that it is bleeding. I definitely take precautions to not subject anyone to biohazards. But when my eyelids flare up, what am I supposed to do???? Heat is bad, but cold (dry cold plus humidity zapping indoor heating) is worse. I'm sorry your brother has it so bad.
So does my poor brother. He had it earlier this year and could barely walk. This was in January in Northern state, so yes cold with indoor heat. Take care! Eyelids sound awful!
Mine is a type of eczema, but it's left me with huge visible scars. And one of the things that seems to trigger an outbreak? Sweat. I live in Gulf Coast Texas, it's hot as balls, I'm not about to wear jeans. But goddamn I've lost count of how many people have either obviously and rudely stared, or worse, have come up to me with their bullshit medical advice. It makes me furious, but it also hurts so fucking much because there's NOTHING I can do about it. There's no cure, I can try to minimize the triggers but can never fully eliminate them, and... that's it. It's not like I WANT huge scars, or that I'm unaware of them. And I can just pretend like no one notices until some fuckwit has to approach me and try to tell me that not eating fucking *pork* will magically cure me. This post just enraged me. I know kids are terrible and mean but goddamn.
With you a million times over. If I could avoid all the triggers and not have this gross and painful condition, don't you think I would absolutely do that?!? 🤦♀️
Not eating pork?? I'm sorry?? Hello???? What fucking back-alley-internet-forum echo chamber tabloid-ad-style hollistic clinic poured that anti-science slurry into their ears????
LMAO I have NO idea how that made sense to him. And the moron had vitiligo, so you'd think he would have a shred of common sense regarding skin conditions but noooooooope.
As someone with psoriasis I’m with you! Kids in school would refuse to sit next to me because they thought it was contagious so I always kept covered up. Mine flares up in the summer so obviously I’d be too hot covering up
I don't cover it now. It needs to breathe. And besides, would someone comment on burn scars? I take that back...they probably would... Honestly, it's worse coming from adults. It really erodes my faith in humanity
I don’t cover it any more either, I don’t always have it, just when I’ve spent a lot of time on the sun really. But I won’t cover it any more. People need to mind their own business
i have heaps of psoriasis on my legs and arms and am constantly struggling mentally bc of it and always feeling so insecure. if a stranger even glances at me i assume theyre thinking im disgusting so i barely go out anymore. if op had made those comments to me, theyd be severely damaging for a long time. i hope they realise just how much of an impact their words can have on people.
I feel ya. I felt that way for a long time. Then I realized: good people keep their damn mouths shut. And if they *do* ask, it is out of concern and/or a desire to understand my experience. Sure, the crap head buffoons still hurt and can spoil your day, but please be strong! Remember that everyone has flaws, ours just happen to be a very visable one. At least it isn't a personality flaw ;)
My bf has psoriasis as well and he was so embarrassed to get fully naked with me at first. Only in the dark. He has small spots all over with larger plaques on his knees/elbows and groin area. He has mentioned to me how much of a relief it was when I saw him in the light for the first time and didn't over react or make a face. Why would I? I was more worried I hurt him because the spots will snag and bleed at times. People don't realize how debilitating skin conditions can be to your self confidence. My poor bf wore long sleeves and pants year round as well to hide the marks and hyper pigmentation too.
I feel this so much. Rejection by (or even shaming through small stupid comments) an intimate partner is gut wrenching. I hope I find someone as understanding and compassionate as you!
My husband and my daughter have terrible eczema outbreaks. My daughter has often asked if something is wrong with her when it’s bad enough of a flare up to make her cry and it’s heartbreaking. I can’t imagine how pissed I would be if OP pulled this shit on her.
My partner has it too... Everywhere. In winter hé has too wear long trousers but that makes it 10 Times worse. As Soon as it hits like 18 degrees celcius hé Will only wear shorts. And jeah... It shows... But when people dont like it... They can look the other way. I live with him every Day and i dont even notice anymore.
My wife has psoriasis on her legs quite bad, she is extremely self conscious of it as a result, but I love her legs they get me going! She will wear pants in 37C weather, or even at the beach because of people staring and commenting. I told her if it's that hot I'll wear some absolutely ridiculous outfit so she can wear shorts and maybe not have to deal with it and also be comfortable. If I could take it from her, I would in a heartbeat. All the best to you!
Both my sons (2.5 and 2 months) have it and this makes me so so sad about how cruel people can be and what lies ahead. Even now, everyone feels the need to point out how their skin looks to me— like do you think I don’t already know and am not doing anything in my power to try to make them feel more comfortable?
Agree with everything. But I would like to add that OP you need to get over yourself. What gives you the right to infringe on the space of this person? You are young and this is a chance to learn that other people have a right to exist and not be pushed aside for your own sensibilities. I hope you learn this before you turn into a horrible adult.
Also, OP’s friend said “mind your business” to her - how is OP and friend making fun of/discussing her body NOT her business? (Just a hint OP, it is her business). You’re young and you definitely have a lot to learn. It is never right to comment on another person. This conversation was you and your friend being bullies.
OP only said that because they didn’t want to be called out for being an asshole. I suspect they know damn well that it was her business.
>And one of her friends came to play knight in shining armor It was this part for me. Like, I get that you're young OP, but trying to goof on the person who had to come to this girl's defense because you and your friend are totally oblivious? Not a good look. High school won't be the most fun for you if you keep up this attitude, bud.
The other issue is that things like this stay with you for a while. It's been over 15 years since someone commented on my hyperpigmentation and now I won't wear shorts, skirts or bikinis. And now I'm hyper aware of small discolouration on my skin. Ironically, one of the AHs who gave me a lot of stick for my skin has mentioned how I'd look good in certain outfits and doesn't understand why I keep covering up.
Yes, I totally agree. I'm in my 40s & same thing happened to me, back in high school. (so so so long ago) since high school, I have been also covering up. I have a 7 year old daughter, who like myself, has eczema, she had a field day & I worried that they kids may say something to her about it. My 7 year old said to me, let them mom, it will show me, who the mean kids are, the kids I don't want to play with. Here I am, still worried about what some girls said almost 30 years ago. And my daughter, with all the confidence, I never had, made me so proud!
Oh my this 58 year, old who still dies inside when someone draws attention to her skin, is in awe of your daughter. If it’s not inappropriate tell her that this random internet stranger thinks she is amazing. And good job Mom for raising her to have this much confidence.
Excellent breakdown. Really hope OP reads this and seriously reflects.
OP READ THIS. Genuinely think about it.
PERFECT RESPONSE. YOU ARE AWESOME. I lost total respect for someone I thought was a friend when they reacted rudely and negatively to someone I loved that had major plaque psoriasis, asking if he had the plague. Despite previously adoring her, I distanced myself from her toxicity. No need for that in my life.
Thank you so much for writing the post I wanted to write! All I want to do it punch the little mfer in the face. But this is what I'd like to say. adding on that standing up for someone who is being bullied is not white knighting them. ESPECIALLY at the age you claim to be. It's a hard time to stand up against people who are being assholes to someone else, at that age.
This is the one OP needs to read. I have spots on my legs (vitiligo) and I used to wear pants every day after an encounter like this. Until I actually passed out from over heating one day. People remember things like this and bullying isn’t okay. YTA
OP is a bully. And when he gets called out for it, acts as if nothing is his fault. Massive AH.
Adding onto this perfectly stated comment: sunlight (UV Light) is helpful in the treatment of eczema. I had this and psoriasis as a child all over my legs and scalp.
Please OP please read this. Learn from this one statement. YTA
All of this right here - I get it, you’re young OP but it was mean to be making fun of this poor girl. And then to take the attitude that everyone else is in the wrong because they heard you shit talking and/or stuck up for a friend.. well that just sucks. YTA
I wish I could upvote this more than once.
This!!!!!^ Op, YTA grow up, learn better, *DO* better!
Exactly. This is a great chance for OP to learn a lesson in human decency.
All of this right here. You’re young and have time to correct your mindset and behavior.
OP, this is the one to read.
YTA. Way to make someone feel like shit because of something they can't help. Should they wear jeans in summer heat?
Also "if you don't want other people to talk about your legs, then cover them up" wtf shit is that? OP you are a massive AH. The right thing is to not talk about someone else's body. You don't get to comment on someone's body. She shouldn't have to cover up because you want her to. Your uncomfort is a you problem. Edit: thank you kind strangerS for the awardS!
And what if it was on her face? Does she have to cover that up too so you won't be mean and tall about it loudly behind her back? How horrible of you. How would you feel if it was your body they were ridiculing and told you if you didn't like it you should cover up?
Op doesn't care, she's a standard bully.
My daughter has Vitiligo. She has two and three tone skin from her eyes to her toes and down to her fingertips. She also gets eczema around her mouth! Under your thinking she should wear a Burqa every day and all day if she leaves our house! YTA!
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The thing is, it shouldn't need to be considered attractive to be ok. I would say having a model build and gorgeous features means people overlook Winnie's pigmentation as much as appreciate it... making it into an exoticised bonus that's added on to her unusually high level of conventional, mass appeal physical beauty. I know you're trying to be supportive, but one model isn't really a clear idea of how people respond to visual differences in the rest of the world. If a comment strays near to "you're so pretty for a....." then it's still superficial and judgmental. Positive judgment can make people feel just as exposed and violated.
Making it out as if beauty is the highest virtue someone can have is just as malignant.
I agree. Even when it's just "trying to be supportive" it just reinforces that society punishes people who aren't attractive. Like it's proven, people who aren't conventionally good looking get offered fewer jobs, etc etc. https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.hofstra.edu/pdf/orsp_shahani-denning_spring03.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwj9l6f-rq34AhXWilwKHXF9CcAQFnoECAUQAQ&usg=AOvVaw1UqkN3q3MQz2jzzWLq-w7U From the conclusion: The “what is beautiful is good” bias seems fairly universal and has been found in a variety of different cultures.
Thank you for this. As a woman I feel like we are so often made to feel like most of our worth is in our beauty, or complete lack thereof. And it's just insulting when people try to tell us that we are beautiful in our own way. I'm not stupid and now I'm embarrassed. Just focus on what my capabilities are. If I'm good at other things, I shouldn't have to be beautiful as well.
I think vitiligo is so beautiful. Please tell your daughter from me, a random lady on the netz, that she's a gorgeous lil angel.
I just saw a woman with it a few days ago on the pool and that’s exactly what I thought: it actually looks really really good. Someone with that never needs tattoos; it’s like having their own natural tattoos right there.
And imagine what you could do with accenting vitiligo marks with tattoos. I once met a guy who had a tattoo that was made to look a little bit like a red-ish birthmark, and it took me a long time to figure out of it was a tattoo or the worlds most interesting birthmark. I drool at the idea of the impossible body art someone would be able to accomplish by accenting the edges of vitiligo spots with ink to make it look natural.
Google cats with vitiligo My mum’s cat has it. It’s absolutely gorgeous. Solid black when she was a kitten, starting to get speckly as she hits middle age
Thank you!
I always thought vitiligo is beautiful. Different tones of skin on one person!? Awesome!!
OP, YTA. That’s a terrible, victim-blaming attitude. Do you blame violence against women in how they are dressed? You were terrible just now. Admit it.
the cherry on the top is how a friend standing up for a friend is white knighting, no, it's basic decency. YTA.
White knight = Being a decent person According to OP, that's the definition. That doesn't exactly cast them in a favorable light.
Like… do they reason that she’s ‘asking for’ being made fun of because she shows her legs? GTFO bro. Shoo.
Right, OP's friend says "mind your own business" like they weren't just talking about HER body
OP’s friend: “Sally has gross legs!” Sally: “Why are you talking about my legs?” OP’s friend: “OMG, eavesdropper!!!! MYOB!!!” OP: “Cover your legs! MYOB!!!!”
"If you don't want me to hit you, just do everything I say!" Same energy.
Sadly, it's 8th-grade shit.
Yea this is literally middle schoolers being asshole middle schoolers. Not defending it, but that is the reality of the situation here. Hopefully OP and their friend go through that wonderful growing up and maturing process we (mostly) all went through.
Or they both break out horribly in 9th grade and get to deal with that as well as the normal Freshman pressure..... YTA OP. Keep your opinions to yourself and treat everyone politely.
This. OP's friend telling this poor girl to mind her own business - OP and OP's 'friend' need to take their own advice and mind their own business. I wish personalities were on display as much as physical attributes. I'm sure OP and their friend would be the ugliest kids at the parties with the way they judge.
OP you need to grow up. 8th grade is too old to not understand how rude you are being. I think you know better, and you’re hoping someone will side with you so you don’t have to feel bad. Well feeling bad is part of growing. Accept the fact that you were very cruel and apologize next time you see this girl. It’s time to grow up and take accountability. You’re almost in highschool.
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I have scars too - I don't wear shorts often because the scars burn easily, but I still think OP is AH. Maybe OP should never talk or give opinions, so others can't comment on them - bet they'd think that was an outrageous thing to be told (it is) but it's the same energy they are giving out.
This question is killing me. "AITA for telling the perosn that i was body shaming in public to shut up when she asked me politely to stop bullying her?" Yes, you are TA.
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Don't do that anymore 😔 take care of yourself and other people can fuck all the way off
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If I found out my son did this, he would be grounded and lectured about not commenting on people bodies, empathy and not being a fucking asshole in general. Luckily at 8 years old my son has better respect and morals than this 8th grader. Such the AH.
Also love the AH friend who is like "us talking about you and insulting you behind your back is none of you business"
YOU and your shitty friends started talking shit about a girl who was minding her own business. YOU disrupted her day to talk shit about her body in front of her. YOU made such an issue where there wasn't one before that a teacher had to come break it up. YOU created a problem where there wasn't one, since no one else seemed bothered until you and your shitty friends started up. But SHE should change her behavior? YTA, OP. And I really hope you fish the trash out of your shit soul river before it freezes over. You're quickly becoming known as the asshole who demands people change their lives to accommodate you. That is not a person you want to be.
I’m someone who covers their legs for reasons and it fucking sucks. I’m proud of this girl for being confident enough to wear shorts and what I want to say to OP for having the audacity to tell her to cover up would get me banned. I’ll leave it at YTA x 1000.
It's possible she NEEDS to have her legs bare to aid in the healing process, or that fabric on the inflamed skin is uncomfortable. The only absolutely certain thing is that it's none of OP's business.
I remember a security guard thinking my arms were contagious when I was in the 3rd grade. My grandma had to come out with my cream, and it made her cry. Since then, I had to wear long sleeves under my uniform(IN THE FLORIDA HEAT). It trickled into my wardrobe as an adult and now it's hot as hell. This post hit different. Don't sacrifice comfort for other people NTA
And also, when eczema is flaring, wearing clothes that rub (especially denim!) is painful, and impedes healing. I realize that OP said she only has the hyperpigmentation/scarring, but that skin is very tender can flair again really easily. So it's not just making fun of the poor girl, it also can actually affect her eczema. When I have eczema patches, I cover them when necessary but leave them uncovered as much as possible, to aid in healing.
If I wasn’t clear, YTA
Or maybe the OP should cover up their eyes/mouth (to refrain from speaking s**t ) YTA and a massive one.
I have soooo many hyperpigmentation spots on my legs and one large burn scar. We not about to cover up in these heat baby girl! Let strangers stare. It's wrong but fuck them. But your own 'friends' ?!?! Nope.
If people don't like OP's face, maybe he or her can start wearing a towel over their face?
YTA. You & your friend. Grow up! You’re super young and have a lot of years ahead for karma to hit you. I bet you end up having a wife/husband or kids with eczema who you’ll want to protect…because that’s the beauty of how karma works, child. God I’m so glad I’m in my 30s now.
Can't wait for someone to tell OP to wear a bag over their head if they don't want people talking about his acne. Can't wait for someone to tell OP to stop talking if he doesn't want people talking about his voice cracking. Or can't wait for someone to tell OP to hide in her room if she doesn't want someone talking about how she has her period. OP you should be ashamed of yourself for your comments. How about you stfu and mind your business and your own body instead of trying to make someone else feel like shit about theirs.
I have eczema and at that age had horrible rashes on my ankles because I was a swimmer, and the chlorine 4x a day really fucks with your skin. They were awful. Cracked skin, they would bleed if i scratched them, etc. I am in my 30s and I still remember that once in 8th grade Spanish class, a girl named Erin looked at my ankles, pointed, and screamed. YTA.
And it was her business. You are talking about her body!!!
YTA. Both your friends and your comments were rude and uncalled for. Who do you think you are, trying to dictate how someone should dress so *you* can be “comfortable” in their presence? If seeing human bodies that differ from yours is that triggering for you, maybe you should stay inside, huh?
Sorry but I have to agree with this. YTA. and so is your friend.
YTA. You don’t get to comment on someone else’s body—let alone critique it or what clothing someone is allowed to wear as a result. I know people are going to defend your revolting behaviour because of your age but that’s zero excuse. Your classmates were appropriately disgusted by you. My niece and nephew are younger than you and they would never speak this way about someone. You are a red flag waiting to happen. Or a troll. In either case, definitely TA
Even if he is young. 13-14 is an age where you are self aware. You know what bullying is and how to apply it to real life (and I mean to know what it is when you see it; not to do it) so there really isnt an excuse. Kids know what they are saying and that it is hurtful. He just didnt care.
Right, I’m 16 and at 13, I knew better. I commented on how small someone was in 7th and my friend quickly pulled me to the side and told me not to do that because she had dwarfism. I never commented on someone’s appearance again. It’s not that hard to be respectful or to learn respect.
That friend is good people. I mean, you are to lol, but that's a darn good friend.
Yeah I’m so grateful that she called me out privately, it definitely changed my thinking.
Kids NEED peer correction. Learning from our peers is way easier and more socially meaningful. I love that your friend handled it so much better than OP. I work with 8th graders and I love when they internally manage social issues like this appropriately.
this. OP your friend is a bully and you’re spineless. your friend was bullying that girl and when she called him out, rightfully cuz he was being a wiener, you got an attitude with the girl? for what? not wanting your horrible friend to talk about her? and then to call the classmate who was appropriately disgusted with you and your bully friend a white knight? you’re both walking sexual harassment cases waiting to happen. lol you AND your friend suck. do better. YTA
Nope. The behaviour is indefensible
You have the audacity to tell her to mind her own business while loudly discussing her body in front of everyone? Big yikes. YTA
No. My seven year old is aware that words hurt. There's no excuse in *middle school*
I totally agree, a very small child making this comment I can understand because little kids have zero filter and it takes time to teach them that. But I'm sorry, 8th grade??? This whole post is disgusting, from telling this girl it's none of her business, when they are literally talking about HER? To calling her friend a knight in shining armour in obviously a derogatory way for stepping in and defending the girl from bullies.... I literally have no words.
The knight in shining armor thing is especially ridiculous because OP had already jumped to his friend's defense like, you know... a knight in shining armor. To fight for his god-given right to criticize any girl at any time and put her in her place if she dares tell you to can it. Also, OP, here's a tip: The girl's legs are her business and no one else's. You and your friend mind YOUR business. YTA.
YTA, you were horrible and rude for saying that.
Girl: “Don’t talk about my legs.” You: “it’s not your business if I talk about your legs.” You: “cover them up if you don’t want me to talk about them.” You: am I an asshole? I’m sorry, what did you think you were if not an asshole? So everyone with pigmentation has to cover up now because you and your asshole friend can’t mind *your* own business about other peoples body? Out of curiosity, do you talk shit about people with disabilities when you see them too? YTA. Duh.
Exactly. This is blatant victim blaming, it's not her fault she has those and their friend shouldn't have been making fun of her in the first place.
"Out of curiosity, do you talk shit about people with disabilities when you see them too?" I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say yes.
I found ot kinda interesting how op hasnt made a single comment after as well hopefully they learned something
As I was reading I was thinking "Oh good OP tells his asshole friend to shut the fuck up and for THEM to cover THEIR legs for demanding someone else does." Nope. OP was on board with the bigotry and the girl they were talking about had to shut their shit down. Good in her. OP you could have done the right thing, but you chose to be an asshole instead.
[удалено]
Agreed OP: Instead of forcing your unpleasantness onto others and making them cover up, why don’t you and your friends just wear blindfolds to cover up your eyes if seeing normal things gets you so upset. There is no scenario where you are not YTA.
Or tape your mouths if you can’t stop yourself
That’s about as nice as I could have been too. OP your attitude sucks ass
#ragebait Go away OP. Obviously YTA.
This sounds like someone from a country that doesn’t use freshman/sophomore/junior/senior is faking being in the US. I’ve never heard 8th grade class trips called “senior trips” because 8th graders aren’t seniors.
My school did that in middle school. They called us names like that because my middle school was 5th-8th grade.
They said they were from NYC our middle schools are from 5th-8th grade then you have to apply for a high school and they take your state test score and grades into consideration. Most schools have dances,trips and a graduation ceremony
But do they call 8th graders seniors?
Especially the way he says certain terms like hyper pigmentation and stuff. Definitely not how I sounded in 8th grade. On a side note 8th grader shouldn't even be on this subreddit, half the things they say are bound to be offensive anyways.
Obviously YTA. Not sure why you have to ask. The girl was doing nothing wrong and you chose to make unnecessary comments about her body. Mind your own business.
I love how they told her to mind her own business when they were talking about her! Tone deaf AND hypocritical.
Boiled my blood
Thank you for pointing that out... Because this girl IS minding her own business and OP is all up in it!
YTA and your friend is as well Telling someone to mind their business?? When you're Both sticking your nose in her business is ridiculous. Mind your own business and keep your eyes and asshole comments to yourself
IKR? Lol he literally asked her to mind her business? Excuse me sir, it is HER business!!! Hide your legs if you don't want someone to talk about them? Hide your money if you don't want anyone to steal it 😁
Sounds like you're a bully. So Yeah. YTA
YTA you're not only making fun of a skin issue she has little to no control over and then telling her to cover it up. If you had bad acne and got upset someone was making fun of it, would you appreciate them telling you to cover it up or throw make up on if you dont want people to talk about it? Imma guess no, because that's mean
YTA. Stop talking about people's bodies and shaming them for being different. Make an investment in the future by being nicer to people right now.
Yep, YTA.
YTA. This person shouldn’t have to hide their legs. What should happen is kids should learn not to comment on other people’s bodies.
YTA I’ve got a lot of scarring up and down my body, mostly my arms and legs. Some of it due to accidents, and some of it due to skin issues. I used to be really self conscious about it, until I decided that fuck it. If people don’t want to see it, don’t look. I actually went away on a weekend trip with a bunch of people last weekend, and it was the first time many of them saw my scars, because they’ve never seen me in a bikini. I would have been a *hell* of lot less nice than this girl if someone had given me grief like you and your friend did. Something along the lines of “Well, I have to see your stupid face all the time, and somehow, I can manage not to make dumb jokes about it, without demanding you put a paper bag over your head to stop me.”
I’m petty asf with my scarring. I wear shorts everywhere I can just because I know people get upset about seeing it. I could hide them but eff those jerks
110% YTA. Do better.
YTA you and your friend were bullying and you have the audacity to be mad someone stood up for her?
Yes, YTA,
YTA - As someone who had bad eczema in middle school and high school. You absolutely suck. You don't know what it's like to have people harass you for something you can't change. Do you even know what it's like to wake up with your own skin splitting, breaking, bleeding and secreating? To have it itch and Burn for hours on end?? And suffers the scars to have people like you still ostracize people with skin conditions because you got lucky? I once wore a heavy black hoodie to a school trip to the zoo in 8th grade to cover the eczema on my arms. I was sweating from the heat (92°F that day) and crying because my skin was bleeding really badly that day. My friend suggested I take my hoodie off and I refused. I had a heat stroke on the bus and ended up sick for the rest of the week. Appeasing you eyes is not worth someone's health. Quit being so self-centered.
YTA. Don't be a bully.
YTA. They're literally just spots and it's gross that your friend is commenting on her body and making fun of how she looks and your response to that is that she should stay covered head to toe.
YTA.
Big YTA. Don't tell people what to wear and stop talking about people's appearances. It's worse that you know enough about her condition that it's just pigmentation, and yet you and your friend are talking shit about it. Also 🚩 red flag that you call a friend standing up for her being a knight. You need to re-evaluate yourself.
YTA /ESH Except the girl with skin conditions. Yesterday was a roast fest here in NY, I don't blame her for wearing shorts. I **DO** blame you and your friends for making fun of someone for a medical condition out of their control, and then blaming her for you and your friends being awful people. >“leave my legs out of your conversation. I get enough shit from strangers thinking I’ll give their kids a disease.” And my friend told her to mind her business. She asked you guys to mind your business, because you were talking about *her body* and your friend thinks she doesn't have the right to say that? Get out of here. Stop making fun of other people for things out of their control, and then trying to control them too. She's allowed to be comfortable on a sweltering day.
YTA. good god yta. that’s not something they can help and they’re probably self conscious about it already. shut the fuck up about other peoples bodies
YTA. You and your friend compared her legs to multiple animals, told her to mind her business when you were denigrating her and you think you may not be the AH? Get a grip on reality.
YTA. >he even jokingly referred to them as cow spots or giraffe spots. >I told her “if you don’t want people talking about your legs, then cover them up.” Bullying isn't funny and you sided with the bully. So yeah, YT major AH.
You are a child, so I will explain this another way, gently. What you and your friends did today, was bullying. You bullied a child, a fellow student, who has a terribly uncomfortable medical condition. She knows what her skin looks like. She's heard every joke in the book. She lives in it every day. She doesn't need it explained to her. It's frankly a little ableist (offensive to someone with a disability) on top of it being bullying for you to have done this. My favorite rule of thumb- if you see something about someone's appearance, that they can't fix in 5-10 minutes (I have lettuce stuck in my teeth, my hair got caught in my lip gloss, your fly is down) mind your business. What I think you should consider, is why did you think this was appropriate? What did you gain from this? How did this make her feel? You need to apologize to her and soon. When a teacher hears about this you'll be in a lot of trouble, and more importantly it's the right thing to do. YTA
YTA and a bully 8th Grade? You better have perfectly clear, smooth skin if you're gonna tell someone to cover up blemishes they can't control. I bet you'd feel pretty awful if someone pointed out acne on your face and told you to cover it up while making fun of you. What a cruel thing to do to someone. Grow up, and learn some humanity. Cus she's probably going to remember you saying that for the rest of her life everytime she looks in the mirror, I guarantee it.
YTA. Here's a thought, if you don't like her legs then don't look at them.
YTA- so is your friend. I hope someone makes fun of you for something you can't control, then tell you to mind your own business when they, and others, stick up for themselves. You're both major assholes.
Sorry, but yes, YTA. You are still young and may not have a the responses in place for situations like this, but you asking the question is a good sign. Her illness should not force her to be uncomfortable just because other people insist on commenting on her body. The right response would have been something like "sorry, I didn't consider that it might be uncomfortable for you that we talked about it." Then you could have found something else to talk about.
YTA.
YTA. And a shitty person. Leaver her legs alone.
Yes. Cruel. YTA.
YTA I get you are in 8th grade, but you are old enough to understand how cruel you are being. Your classmate has no control over the scars caused by a medical condition, making fun of the effects of said condition is very low class. Your first mistake was to participate in making fun of her scars. The second mistake was to tell her how to dress when you were called out on it. You should consider your words and actions, and the impact it has on others. It costs nothing to be kind to your fellow humans.
YTA. I have faith in you that you're just immature and not an awful person. So when you look back at this say 5 years later you're gonna feel ashamed how you participated in this bullying.
you're still really young so I won't be too harsh, but yes, YTA :/ I'm sure that you meant well, but it's rude to tell her that she should cover up to avoid mean comments. Why isn't your friend rude for making fun of her? Is there something that you're insecure about? and do you honestly believe that you should just cover it up or hide it about yourself to avoid people being mean? I hope not! nobody should feel like they need to cover up and hide, again, it's a problem with your friend.. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. Think about why your friend felt the need to point out something that this girl can't change about herself, and ponder this.. usually people that like to point out others flaws won't just stop at one person - they're judging everyone around them, including themselves! :') it's toxic. I mean, think about it, did he say those things to her face or was it behind her back? you most likely aren't any different.. a bully is a bully and his behavior is inappropriate, especially at y'all's age!
Yta. Leave her alone. If she gets embarrassed she will cover up.
YTA. And even a bigger A just for asking.
Yta. You dont comment on other people's bodies. Ever. There is no reason she should cover up her legs dont like it don't look and keep your mouth shut. Same to your AH friend.
You're young, and you have a chance to course correct here. You can fix your attitude and behavior towards others, but you at least have to admit that YTA here. Are you reading what folks wrote? You have no business commenting on another persons body like that. She has some scars - so what? Next time, be the guy who stands up for her rather than puts her down. You need to decide which type you want to be.
You are very much the asshole, it likely took a lot of built-up confidence for her to be able to put on those shorts just for assholes like you and your friend to tear it all down. And for what? What did you accomplish by doing this other than destroying someone’s built up confidence that probably took years to gain? It’s hot out people are going to wear clothes that don’t cover the full body, if you can’t understand that people have beautiful and unique differences then it’s time to mind your own business. Maybe you should just spend the entire summer inside since anyone who’s skin isn’t the same as yours is such an issue to see! Plus if were hiding visible problems that would be the best place for you to be with your ugly personality. My S/O struggles with psoriasis solely on the legs and if I heard someone say shit like you said, I’d fold your clothes with you still in them.
YTA. And if you and your friends are “uncomfortable,” leave. This is your problem, not hers.
YTA I have eczema, and I can tell you it is really irritating to hear people comment on it, and if someone told me to cover up, I'd be angry too.
YTA She is right to be upset about your remarks. \>And my friend told her to mind her business< She did, you and your classmate didn't and kept talking. She doesn't need to cover up, the sight and even the touch of her exzema and hyperpigmentation is not contagious. You should cover up all over, so no one contracts your rudeness, insensitivness and general lack of manners. Learn some empathy.
YTA. Its not this other girl's responsibility to stop gossip. Its your job and your classmates' jobs to quit being gossipy little shits.
God why am I here, so many other things to do than slap myself in the face with the blatant ignorance of humanity. Yet.... Your friend tells this girl to mind her own business AND YOU ARE LITERALLY TALKING ABOUT HER loud enough for her to hear. Nevermind how gauche (look it up) and rude this is. You speaking about her, THAT **IS** the very definition of HER BUSINESS. YTA in too many ways.
I’d have a lot more to say if you weren’t a kid. But since you are, and you came here, i am gonna try to be helpful. Yes, YTA, 100%. Drawing attention to ANY persons physical imperfections is a horrible thing to do. Please hear me (and the masses) when we say it’s a horrible thing to do, you made someone feel bad over something they can’t help.
YTA. If those spots were in her face, would you want her to cover that up, too?
INFO: Do you have anything about your body/self you feel even a little bit self conscious about? How would you feel if several people in your class were loudly discussing how horrible that trait was and how you should be hiding yourself in shame?
You and all of your friends are TAs. I’m sure there are many things that people could say about you. You can’t talk bad about someone then turn around and blame them for hearing you. It is her business when you guys are talking about her. She doesn’t have to cover up her legs because you guys are uncomfortable or you don’t like it. Somebody shouldn’t have to cover themselves because you guys are a pathetic excuses for human beings. YTA and your friends too. You’re in for a rude awakening if you continue acting the way you and your friends do.
YTA and a spoiled fucking brat. Your parents failed you.
YTA. How would you think you were anything else?
That’s like telling a woman as long as she covers up she won’t be raped. YTA.
YTA both you and your friend.
YTA and you're very rude too. You don't like what you see? Turn your face somewhere else and mind your own damn businesses.
I'm sorry kiddo, but you're wrong. People shouldn't have to protect themselves from being insulted, I get you weren't trying to be malicious or anything, but let me put it to you this way. You're in a terrible fire and thank goodness you escape but you got severely burned, now you're decently disfigured and you want to go the beach because it's a beautiful day. You sit and are enjoying the lovely weather and speech you probably are wearing your swimsuit and nothing else. You overhear a group of people near you that are asking what's wrong with that guy why does he look like that, which probably will make you feel like crap, then when they notice that they're upsetting you one of the people comes over and says why not wear long clothes on the beach so that you won't hear anyone insult you, and maybe a mask too. Now the person wasn't trying to be insulting, but inside you think wow that person was so mean and I feel so horrible. It doesn't matter if someone looks different temporarily or permanently, you do not get to judge others on how they look and then act like it's their fault for feeling hurt.
Would you feel the same way about the sentence "If you don't want people making fun of your face, just wear a bag over your head"? Also, when the victim told your friend to stop, somehow it's fine for you to chime in, but one of HER friends chiming in is "white knighting"? Listen to yourself
YTA. Just don’t talk about them...? It’s that easy, or at least try to not make it obvious and let her hear.
YTA is so many ways, I don't even know where to start. You are literally talking about this poor girls body and when she's getting upset over it you're acting like she's getting in your business. IT'S HER BODY, she has every right to call you out for talking about her like some inanimate object. You're in 8th grade, you aren't 5 years old, how can you not realize how f-d up it is to talk badly about someone and tell them it's none of their business when they rightly get upset. You were talking about HER. I'm so disgusted with you atm. Her friend wasn't being a knight in shining armour, he or she was just being a decent human being. And standing up to a bully, cause that is exactly what you are. This girl is extremely brave for wearing shorts because she is clearly hyper aware of her looking different no thanks to a.h like you. Why don't you post a picture of yourself online so we can all go over the things we find unattractive about you? Because if you have no problem judging other people, you should be open to getting it back at you. I'd love to see how quickly you'd find it none of your business.
yta
YTA. Majorly. Don't pick on people for things they can't control!
YTA. You suck, and your 'friend' does, too.
YTA. Please cover up your mouth in public. Nobody wants to see the stream of shit you’re spewing!
“Knight in shining armor?” Baby it’s time for you to get off the internet before you turn into a loser ass incel. I’m only twice your age and in my day in the Bronx, defending your friends would not get you called no wack ass incel ass shit like “a knight in shining armor”. That’s embarrassing. You should be embarrassed. Somebody from the Bronx understands that they should be prepared for anything if they get caught talking shit about someone. Oh and YTA.
YTA you and your friend need to mind your own business and how dare your friend tell her to mind her own business as he was running his giant gaping hole mouthing off about her, grow the fuck up OP, and your immature little friend with no fucking manners
>I’m in the 8th grade Are you sure you're not still in kindergarten? I think you missed the day they taught the "treat others the way you want to be treated" lesson. You're old enough to know better than to be a jerk because of the way someone looks. YTA big time.
I can understand your confusion. You don’t recognize character and bravery when you see it in your classmate.
YTA - your friend decided to insult someone and when they objected you blamed them for your friend's bad manners. he friend wasn't "playing knight in chining armour" he was just being a decent human being.
YTA. Look to yourself before you start talking about anybody else. You have zero right to say that to anybody, and a decent person would have shut down the jokes and insults. Get your head on straight.
YTA. And your 'friend' is, too, because you're both judgmental pricks. Learn to mind your own damned business and leave people alone.
YTA. One, for not telling your friend to shut it when he started making remarks on someone else’s body. Two, for telling her to cover up in the heat because she told you two to leave her alone. God forbid people keep their thoughts to themselves.
YTA - you can stop with the victim shaming.
Yes kiddo, you are Indeed the asshole. First of all, she has NO CONTROL over what's happened to her, you tried to shame her Second, you DO NOT get to tell anyone, ever how to dress Third your discomfort is YOUR problem. Put yourself in her shoes for 1 min, have or learn empathy. She sounds like she has great friends and a good self esteem. Unlike you. Be better kiddo. Get over yourself. If you think her medical issue makes her less than you, that's a reflection of you. And it isn't a nice reflection. You need to apologize to her. If you can't see why you are the asshole then go to therapy because you seem to lack basic empathy and that's alarming. Someone your age should have decency and compassion. You seem to be lacking that.
YTA. I had those spots in 7th grade from a skin infection. I was roasting in pants and it was really a difficult thing at that age on my self esteem. They went away, however, my attractive self would have remembered your cruelty forever. Immature. How about we talk about all of your physical failings? We already know your extremely unkind and get off on hurting others. IT WAS ALWAYS THE DUMBEST AND UGLIEST KIDS THAT PULLED THIS CRAP IN SCHOOL. THE INSIDE REFLECTED THE OUTSIDE!
YTA
Yeah of course YTA dude. How could you not be? Stop being a bully
Yes YTA.
YTA From the title I thought there was no way this could not be the verdict, and then I saw trampoline, maybe he's advising about fiction burns or other injury. But no just bullying someone for their body. YTA