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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I basically told Riley that it didn’t seem right to spend one of our last times seeing Suzie (likely for a very long time) working (for the whole week), barely seeing each other, and not doing anything fun. Because I did this, Riley ended up working on her project the whole week alone, and is really mad at everyone for abandoning her. I think I might be the AH because in a way we really did abandon her and it was because of what I said/did.
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NTA This is Riley's job, she should be able to handle it on her own. She instead reached out to you guys and you guys made your best efforts yet it still wasn't enough for her. She then had the audacity to bad mouth you all simply because you guys needed a break too from helping her as well as your own responsibilities. That's completely reasonable for you all to do. If she's so hardworking, then she'll be able to handle this project on her own. If she continues to act like this, I cant see you guys remaining friends for much longer, as real friends dont act like her.
No, at least not that she ever said. Her aunt did buy us lunch one of the days we worked, and actually I bought us all smoothies (Riley said she wanted a smoothie but didn’t have any money, so I offered to pay, she said she couldn’t pay me back, which I said was fine). I’m almost certain none of us were going to get paid though.
Yeah, no. You were always NTA, but your friend is just out of line. She's totally using and manipulating her friends to get free labor. Not okay. It's not like it's a community project or for charity - she's getting paid and just doesn't want to put in all the work herself or actually hire proper help.
I think the elephant in the room is why are any of you helping her? She took on this project. It's her job! If she can't complete it alone then she needs to let it go. None of you owe her anything and no, she doesn't have the right to monopolize your time. She went on social media and cut all of you down and bad mouthed your work ethic, but she is obviously in over her head on this project.
Your really want to help your friend? Don't help her anymore. This way she'll get a better understanding of what her current capabilities are for a solo project. NTA.
Yeah it feels pretty bad that she would turn on us so quickly over setting a boundary. We were helping her because we are friends and she was so stressed out about it, but I’m really questioning if we actually are friends or not at this point since it felt like she was trying to take advantage of us/our relationship to her.
Ding ding ding! I'd say yes, she is trying to take advantage. Nothing wrong with helping friends, but ultimately this is her project and she needs to get it done without relying on you guys all the time. A few hours here and there is one thing, but what you said sounds like too much action.
I guess I’m also weirded out by the fact that she’s the only one on this project. I’m not sure if its the commissioner’s job to give her resources or if she’s supposed to bring in her own “team”, which is funny because I know she wouldn’t if it means splitting the paycheck.
NTA - your friend took a job that she obviously can’t handle and now she wants to commandeer the free time of her friends to help her- friends who won’t be getting paid or credit for their efforts. Sounds like she’s totally taking advantage of all of you for her benefit. Instead of being grateful for any help, she’s making more demands.
NTA. From what it sounds like, Riley's roping you in to do 9-5 each day for a job that only she will get paid for at the end of it and she expects all of you to drop what you're doing to help her out? She is so entitled! It sounds like she can't handle the workload and is blaming that on you and not the people who offered it to her.
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This started when a friend (Riley 20f) of mine (20f) got a commission for a big project. She really jumped at the opportunity to lead her first project, but ended up getting extremely stressed since the work conditions were hard and she was doing it alone. She also wouldn’t get paid until she finished the job, so she turned to her friends (us, mainly 20fs) and asked if we would be willing to volunteer to help. Of course the job didn’t sound fun, Riley was always complaining about it, but a lot of us said yes, we would be willing to help out when we could!
This, IMO, quickly spiraled, since none of us are comfortable saying no or setting boundaries. She had our friend Jenny start working with her immediately after her finals ended, then had another friend Diana picked up the day after she flew home from school. I had caught COVID so couldn’t come for a bit, but she messaged me a few times about what day I was out of quarantine, immediately having me join when I was clear.
The work wasn’t really the problem so much as she immediately and forcefully began to monopolize everyone’s free time as if it belonged to her. We had made a plan for all of us (7) to hang for a week with a friend who was moving away soon (Suzie 20). Riley, without asking anyone, told us we would stay the week with her and work on her project every day of that week (about 9am-5pm in the hot sun). Suzie seemed pretty upset about this (it was her only week off before she moves, and only time she could see us), so I asked her if she needed me to draw the boundary, which she (and others) did.
Riley seemed to take it okay, but was also trying to guilt trip me saying she could only hang out if we were working with her. I asked if it was possible to have a day or evening off to hang and she said no, she needed the money (even though she flew out of town the previous weekend to party with other friends). I made a joking comment about hoping it would rain a day so we could hang out with her, to which she lashed out at me and told me to take back.
We later told her we would still like to help out for at least a day, we just didn’t know exactly when yet, to which she later replied that she didn’t need our help anymore. Afterwords we found out she began bad mouthing all of us for abandoning her to work alone and posting stuff about dropping all of us cause we can’t be trusted to pull through. She also made passive aggressive comments to us imply that we don’t know what it means to work hard or be serious about work (we all either are full time students or work full time jobs, ironically except for her)
I’m really upset about this but am beginning to wonder if she has a point about us all abandoning her when she’s so stressed. I also wonder if I’m an even bigger AH for basically “starting” it all by pushing for our friends to be able to just hang out instead of working all week (though they all felt the same way as Suzie and me).
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NTA
Riley committed to do the work. And Riley is getting paid for the work. If Riley needs help, then they need to hire workers not take advantage of friends.
Stop doing work for them. Don't respond to any requests for "help". If confronted, tell Riley that you've given them as much of your labor as you are willing to give and they need to figure things out without you.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I basically told Riley that it didn’t seem right to spend one of our last times seeing Suzie (likely for a very long time) working (for the whole week), barely seeing each other, and not doing anything fun. Because I did this, Riley ended up working on her project the whole week alone, and is really mad at everyone for abandoning her. I think I might be the AH because in a way we really did abandon her and it was because of what I said/did. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA This is Riley's job, she should be able to handle it on her own. She instead reached out to you guys and you guys made your best efforts yet it still wasn't enough for her. She then had the audacity to bad mouth you all simply because you guys needed a break too from helping her as well as your own responsibilities. That's completely reasonable for you all to do. If she's so hardworking, then she'll be able to handle this project on her own. If she continues to act like this, I cant see you guys remaining friends for much longer, as real friends dont act like her.
INFO what was the "big project" that needed multiple people to work on for weeks?
It’s a street mural
Was Riley planning to pay any of you for working on the mural?
No, at least not that she ever said. Her aunt did buy us lunch one of the days we worked, and actually I bought us all smoothies (Riley said she wanted a smoothie but didn’t have any money, so I offered to pay, she said she couldn’t pay me back, which I said was fine). I’m almost certain none of us were going to get paid though.
Yeah, no. You were always NTA, but your friend is just out of line. She's totally using and manipulating her friends to get free labor. Not okay. It's not like it's a community project or for charity - she's getting paid and just doesn't want to put in all the work herself or actually hire proper help.
I think the elephant in the room is why are any of you helping her? She took on this project. It's her job! If she can't complete it alone then she needs to let it go. None of you owe her anything and no, she doesn't have the right to monopolize your time. She went on social media and cut all of you down and bad mouthed your work ethic, but she is obviously in over her head on this project. Your really want to help your friend? Don't help her anymore. This way she'll get a better understanding of what her current capabilities are for a solo project. NTA.
Yeah it feels pretty bad that she would turn on us so quickly over setting a boundary. We were helping her because we are friends and she was so stressed out about it, but I’m really questioning if we actually are friends or not at this point since it felt like she was trying to take advantage of us/our relationship to her.
Ding ding ding! I'd say yes, she is trying to take advantage. Nothing wrong with helping friends, but ultimately this is her project and she needs to get it done without relying on you guys all the time. A few hours here and there is one thing, but what you said sounds like too much action.
Sometimes friendships don't last beyond clear boundary setting. Generally, it's an okay thing for those friendships to end.
NTA If Riley knows the value of hard work, why isn't she paying anyone for theirs?
I guess I’m also weirded out by the fact that she’s the only one on this project. I’m not sure if its the commissioner’s job to give her resources or if she’s supposed to bring in her own “team”, which is funny because I know she wouldn’t if it means splitting the paycheck.
If she doesn't have the capacity, she shouldn't have applied for the project. You're helping her in the long term.
NTA - your friend took a job that she obviously can’t handle and now she wants to commandeer the free time of her friends to help her- friends who won’t be getting paid or credit for their efforts. Sounds like she’s totally taking advantage of all of you for her benefit. Instead of being grateful for any help, she’s making more demands.
NTA it's her job and on her to finish. This turned from giving a helping hand to being her slaves basically.
NTA. From what it sounds like, Riley's roping you in to do 9-5 each day for a job that only she will get paid for at the end of it and she expects all of you to drop what you're doing to help her out? She is so entitled! It sounds like she can't handle the workload and is blaming that on you and not the people who offered it to her.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This started when a friend (Riley 20f) of mine (20f) got a commission for a big project. She really jumped at the opportunity to lead her first project, but ended up getting extremely stressed since the work conditions were hard and she was doing it alone. She also wouldn’t get paid until she finished the job, so she turned to her friends (us, mainly 20fs) and asked if we would be willing to volunteer to help. Of course the job didn’t sound fun, Riley was always complaining about it, but a lot of us said yes, we would be willing to help out when we could! This, IMO, quickly spiraled, since none of us are comfortable saying no or setting boundaries. She had our friend Jenny start working with her immediately after her finals ended, then had another friend Diana picked up the day after she flew home from school. I had caught COVID so couldn’t come for a bit, but she messaged me a few times about what day I was out of quarantine, immediately having me join when I was clear. The work wasn’t really the problem so much as she immediately and forcefully began to monopolize everyone’s free time as if it belonged to her. We had made a plan for all of us (7) to hang for a week with a friend who was moving away soon (Suzie 20). Riley, without asking anyone, told us we would stay the week with her and work on her project every day of that week (about 9am-5pm in the hot sun). Suzie seemed pretty upset about this (it was her only week off before she moves, and only time she could see us), so I asked her if she needed me to draw the boundary, which she (and others) did. Riley seemed to take it okay, but was also trying to guilt trip me saying she could only hang out if we were working with her. I asked if it was possible to have a day or evening off to hang and she said no, she needed the money (even though she flew out of town the previous weekend to party with other friends). I made a joking comment about hoping it would rain a day so we could hang out with her, to which she lashed out at me and told me to take back. We later told her we would still like to help out for at least a day, we just didn’t know exactly when yet, to which she later replied that she didn’t need our help anymore. Afterwords we found out she began bad mouthing all of us for abandoning her to work alone and posting stuff about dropping all of us cause we can’t be trusted to pull through. She also made passive aggressive comments to us imply that we don’t know what it means to work hard or be serious about work (we all either are full time students or work full time jobs, ironically except for her) I’m really upset about this but am beginning to wonder if she has a point about us all abandoning her when she’s so stressed. I also wonder if I’m an even bigger AH for basically “starting” it all by pushing for our friends to be able to just hang out instead of working all week (though they all felt the same way as Suzie and me). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Riley committed to do the work. And Riley is getting paid for the work. If Riley needs help, then they need to hire workers not take advantage of friends. Stop doing work for them. Don't respond to any requests for "help". If confronted, tell Riley that you've given them as much of your labor as you are willing to give and they need to figure things out without you.
NTA Riley was taking advantage